In my teenage years when I was very active and sporty, the words ‘gentle exercise’ were like a foreign language to me. I had a black belt in karate, represented my state in basketball, won tennis championships, and I regularly went swimming and to the gym – it was an area of my life where I was considered successful. On reflection, I was not as successful as I could have been as there was always a drive to do better, achieve more or win more championships.
The way I had to push my body with karate is something I find hard to re-visit. There are memories of running barefoot on gravel and not wanting to come last because I would be made to do it again; memories of smashing my shins into those of heavy, grown men – and I was a delicate 12 year old girl in a class of adults.
My focus during exercise was always on pushing my body to do more. There was no enjoyment in the process of exercising – instead my mindset was that it was good for my body; or that by winning I was better than others.
When I used to look at my body it was almost with a cloudy vision and I would look at what I didn’t like … my thighs could be thinner, or my hips not so wide.
Recently I started doing an weekly online exercise class. These classes and their gentle way of exercising are like no other exercise I have experienced before. I have been able to break a lot of my old patterns of how I exercised as well as discover the beauty and power of my body.
Doing these classes feels amazing; to move my body and to build my strength in a way where I am listening to my body and am present with my body and what I am feeling. My body feels vibrant with a real flow through it now. There is no longer the continual heaviness in my legs that I often experienced. Over the last 6 months the way I view my body has changed so dramatically: now when I look at my body I see a beautiful, powerful, strong and sexy woman.
I have also been able to heal the damage I did to myself from my former ways of exercising. The first time we did push-ups against the wall, I cringed at the thought and I was thrown back to memories of my karate days. But this time I was able to do the push-ups in a different way and re-imprint how I now know push-ups can be – healing for the body and not harming it.
As a high school student I would wear ankle weights daily and I was constantly trying to make sure no one noticed. And they were so uncomfortable! I wanted my legs to be thinner and more toned and I thought by wearing ankle weights I could speed up achieving this goal. I recently bought myself some ankle weights to use in the class. The first time I went to put them on, I nearly couldn’t – the memories of my teenage years were almost too much for me. I went straight back to the huge lack of self-worth I felt as a seventeen year old. I did put them on, however this time I did it with love for my body and because I wanted to support my leg exercises and not to change the shape of my legs.
To re-visit that time of my life has been so incredibly healing; I could begin to let go of all the pain I carried from those years when I hated my body and was so consumed by how my body looked.
To exercise in a gentle way while being fully present with myself blows other ways of exercising out of the water.
My way of exercising in my teenage years left a bad taste in my mouth and from that I shunned traditional forms of exercise. Discovering this new way of gentle exercise has allowed me to discover a different way of being with my body. I have entered into a new relationship with my body – one that is based on love and support and I’m looking forward to further developing this new long term relationship.
Inspired by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Nikki McKee, Administration, Goonellabah, Australia
Further Reading:
Exercise – it doesn’t need to be hard work
Exercise and My Body
My Turnaround from Competitive Running to Connection with Me
