Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.
All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be; but I question, is this really the case?
Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?
What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?
Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?
A ‘Normal’ Childhood and the Lack of Connection Most of Us Face
Lately I experienced feelings I had not allowed for a while, such as abandonment, rejection, denial and neglect; a bunch of uncomfortable feelings, coming together to deliver an overall feeling of sadness.
I asked myself – why were these coming up now and where did they originate?
I had a very ‘normal’ upbringing. I grew up in suburban Perth, quite close to the city, with all the modern comforts – a swimming pool, a beach house, camping holidays, etc. I played competitive sport, was a good student and well liked by my peers and teachers. We hosted plenty of family gatherings and lived in a friendly, safe neighbourhood. My parents did all they could at the time to provide a pleasant, secure childhood.
But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.
The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.
Feeling the lack of connection with my family triggered a reaction of hurt and rejection. It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me. There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me or them just for being them.
I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.
My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts. They were brought up by parents who were equally – if not more – dismissive of their connection to love. By taking responsibility for my hurts I now understand this.
My disconnection from myself and others played out in many ways, such as:
- Feeling an emptiness inside, a deep sadness
- Craving intimacy and understanding
- Turning to numerous behaviours in an attempt to numb my feelings, such as bulimia, running and illicit drugs
- Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself
- Lacking responsibility, especially around money, where I accumulated a large debt not long after receiving an inheritance
- Experiencing self-loathing, lack of self-worth and shame; I shut down and put protective walls up, making it virtually impossible to let support in
- Taking on another’s emotional reactions and comments, making it personal and assuming that it was a reflection of something ‘bad or wrong’ I had said or done even though, in truth, their reactions or comments had nothing to do with me
- Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’
With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.
For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.
All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this.
Knowing that Light Within
Though many times I’ve wavered from my connection to love, I’ve always known that it is the ultimate truth. Love is always there. The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.
Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.
I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.
My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities, who have inspired and supported me to come to feel more of the universal love that holds us all. Thank you.
By Nicki Ferguson, BCom, DipCS, Sydney
Published with permission from my parents
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Brotherhood: What if True Love Was Taught From Day One?
The Purpose of Parenting
636 Comments
It is like we all know there is more to life but we have given up on this and in doing so seek more things (faster pace of life) to relieve the tension of not living something more true.
Without that connection we constantly crave something out there, and nothing satiates that craving. It’s when we’re with ourselves that we can truly live who we are.
A truth simply expressed – however hard we try, the fact is it is not possible to better or improve upon that divine essence that is forever within us.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was”.
Imagine getting angry with the toaster because it didn’t work – only to see it was not plugged in. Yet this is in effect how we treat ourselves. We champion, knowledge, muscles or wealth but actually all we need is to connect within. To me it makes perfect sense that connection to Soul, to God, to Love is what life is all about. Thank you Nicki.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” – This feels so true Nicki, and I can see how constantly trying to better ourselves through our accomplishments, skills, roles, etc. is a never-ending game like a dog chasing its tail ad infinitum, only resulting in massive exhaustion. Whereas if we just surrender to who we are inside already and with honesty let go of all the layers of emotions we have placed on top to hide that light, our depth of love to be expressed is also infinite, but in the right direction!
I can relate to many of the ways your disconnection played out particularly the putting protective walls up which makes connection even more challenging. Starting to open up has been the most amazing support and I am loving the connections I am making every day with different people.
We have so many more material benefits in our daily lives but also an escalation in mental and physical health issues which shows that these can never be a substitute for the connection that we all crave.
A ‘better’ life holds or offers us no value, no evolution or no inspiration if our connection to love is absent.
When I was in my early 20s I realised that I had been feeling sad for as long as I could remember without really having a solid reason why. When I sought counselling my psychologist questioned this, needing a concrete explanation for my sadness. I offerred up some explanations but nothing felt true. I now understand the feelings I had as a child and what’s more I can see that they made perfect sense. We are so much more than human and we all know this so it makes absolute sense that we react to a world that denies our multidimensionality.
The environment around us can get as clean and well educated as we could wish – there could be no barriers to education or health care or physical needs like clothes and food but it still doesn’t provide children with the support to know who they are, to live who they are, to know truth and be loved and cherished. More than anything we crave to be truly met and loved more than we crave an expensive lifestyle because it is connection that lasts far longer than the brief elation of the next new thing.
No matter our age the one thing we all truly want is connection. When we live with it and experience it with another it satisfy us in a way material treats never will. Thank you Nicki for sharing this wisdom that applies to children and us all.
If we don’t read what energy something is being given in or said in, then we can take it as truth and believe it is who we are. For many years when I was feeling down about myself I would hear in my head the many things said to me when I was growing up that were negative. When I started building a relationship with myself these thoughts were just not around any more and even if something was said, it couldn’t even touch the sides, because I had a relationship with myself that was more loving then what was being offered outside of me.
I very much look forward to the day when our education, health and general systems of life are made first about connection before they are made about function.
The profoundness of life is to create a way of being that is natural and upright with transparency and truth. One that is asking us to see and feel beyond its dimensions and connect to the multidimensionality that is known. Choose to no longer hide that which is true and come to life in a way that holds that, so that there can be no less. You can set your own true standards, lets no longer wait.
That connection to the all is the platform to be the all and deliver the all to the all.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” How awesome is it that we all have the opportunity to inspire others including our children on the connection to our bodies and how much beauty, wisdom and love is housed within. A loving connection costs nothing and the space it holds encapsulates all.
“Love is accessible to all who walk the earth.” A simple truth that is all too often forgotten and/or abused.
Yes, lets be honest, what we are all truly seeking is love, love and connection, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.’
“With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different” A beautiful connection to truth.
Yes the whole of society is confirming to us that how we feel is not normal and that the relationships we see around us are it but we need to remember that because everyone might be doing something in a certain way, it does not mean it is the true way. The true way we only can feel in our hearts and we all deeply know we crave true love and connection way more than any other outer comfort that is offered to us.
I wonder how much of the push and the drive for our children to succeed is based on fear. And I wonder if, as their parents, we begin to learn and experience what it is like to be ourselves in the world, the passing on of this wisdom on to our children will make life seem that much simpler and hence the future of their lives a far less scary prospect…
Having no plan or any expectation how a child should end up in their adult years brings a lot of space. That space given is true love for me as it does not impose or demand anything and instead encourages the child to stay who they truly are and in that, discover the purpose of what to bring into this world. I wish I got taught, that nothing you achieve on the outside is grander than what is within you- because that is a real life-and society changer.
In connecting to who we are and then sharing that with others not only offers a reflection for others to feel and explore for themselves but it also means that we are not striving, pushing and searching outside of ourselves for answers. Connecting to who we are offers us and our children a great starting point for exploration and connection all rolled into one.
What is universal is that we all thrive on connection and not on having loads of material things.
That’s so true Elizabeth, but we lose our way at times and keep our connection to ourselves and others at bay and instead keep acquiring more stuff driven by an insatiable need to fill the space.
Absolutely- great comment. NOTHING material can even the worth we carry inside us. No matter what we buy or receive it never fills the space in the missing connection in us. Imagine how much money could be saved actually living the connection/ or working on the connection first, before we buy things e.g..
It is interesting to consider that by trying to become better there is a rejection of who you already are, because in order to improve on what is there, what is there has to be broken or flawed in some way. But what if what is inside each person is divine perfection, and what it is that we see as flawed is actually the moving away from that divinity and the behaviours that follow as a consequence? What if all any one ever has to actually do is to return to one’s essence… and by teaching this to our children are we guaranteeing a future where systems and governance will run accordingly? Are we then guaranteeing a future that is based on harmony and not harm?
True connection with our essence brings all the richness of the love we deserve to live with if we so choose.
Connection, connection, connection – it is what we all want. Then the question is what are we connecting to and LOVE is what we all truly want… but there are so many imposters pretending to be love such as emotions and attention which are nothing to do with love and lead us to further disconnection. We need to make life about love, true love as described here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html
I am sure there are many that will say that their childhood was normal, that they were cared for and looked after, as shared here though is the emptiness that pervades our being, an emptiness we fill with emotions and needs, is there physically in our bodies because no one knew how to teach us to fill our own bodies with our love.
There is nothing more loving we can do for another than to teach one to do just this.
If we were reminded growing up that our most important relationship is with ourselves, there would not be the emptiness in relationships with others that is so prevalent. What I saw around me and was told, was that you are selfish if you do something for yourself or look after yourself. No wonder most mothers are exhausted trying to do and be everything for their children.
” Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’? ” When I saw this title my answer for me was simple I would have preferred a connected life when I was a kid . Around me the only real level of connected way to live was connection with nature.
I can certainly relate to using nature to feel the connection I felt was lacking with other people in my childhood, but I also used to escape into nature, even into adulthood to avoid feeling the harsh reality of the world and the way people tend to interact. In that, I failed to develop that inner connection that would have supported me throughout, as Nicki has committed to doing with her daughter, which is quite beautiful.
Better is never entirely it, even when we do feel better, and we know that innately, but when we are with ourselves without need or want, just doing what we’re doing in that moment, it feels amazing. The blog reminds me to cultivate this, and catch those moments where I go into better, rather than just simply being myself, breathing my own breath in any given moment.
Is it possible that kids only want the latest gadget or latest fad because they haven’t got the connection they so desperately crave?…. and we as parents want to give the so called ‘best’ to our kids because we have lost the connection we so desperately crave too?
‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was’. Beautifully said Nicki.