Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.
All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be; but I question, is this really the case?
Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?
What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?
Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?
A ‘Normal’ Childhood and the Lack of Connection Most of Us Face
Lately I experienced feelings I had not allowed for a while, such as abandonment, rejection, denial and neglect; a bunch of uncomfortable feelings, coming together to deliver an overall feeling of sadness.
I asked myself – why were these coming up now and where did they originate?
I had a very ‘normal’ upbringing. I grew up in suburban Perth, quite close to the city, with all the modern comforts – a swimming pool, a beach house, camping holidays, etc. I played competitive sport, was a good student and well liked by my peers and teachers. We hosted plenty of family gatherings and lived in a friendly, safe neighbourhood. My parents did all they could at the time to provide a pleasant, secure childhood.
But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.
The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.
Feeling the lack of connection with my family triggered a reaction of hurt and rejection. It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me. There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me or them just for being them.
I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.
My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts. They were brought up by parents who were equally – if not more – dismissive of their connection to love. By taking responsibility for my hurts I now understand this.
My disconnection from myself and others played out in many ways, such as:
- Feeling an emptiness inside, a deep sadness
- Craving intimacy and understanding
- Turning to numerous behaviours in an attempt to numb my feelings, such as bulimia, running and illicit drugs
- Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself
- Lacking responsibility, especially around money, where I accumulated a large debt not long after receiving an inheritance
- Experiencing self-loathing, lack of self-worth and shame; I shut down and put protective walls up, making it virtually impossible to let support in
- Taking on another’s emotional reactions and comments, making it personal and assuming that it was a reflection of something ‘bad or wrong’ I had said or done even though, in truth, their reactions or comments had nothing to do with me
- Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’
With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.
For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.
All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this.
Knowing that Light Within
Though many times I’ve wavered from my connection to love, I’ve always known that it is the ultimate truth. Love is always there. The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.
Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.
I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.
My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities, who have inspired and supported me to come to feel more of the universal love that holds us all. Thank you.
By Nicki Ferguson, BCom, DipCS, Sydney
Published with permission from my parents
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Brotherhood: What if True Love Was Taught From Day One?
The Purpose of Parenting
665 Comments
Nicki this is a very honest look at how we bring our children up, it all seems geared to making sure through education that they get a secure job and for that it seems you need a piece of official paperwork that says you are qualified in something. Which means we have placed education above everything else, so what we do is more important than who we are effectively.
If we give our kids a ‘better’ life we are leading them astray, if we offer them true connection we are setting them up for a life of unfolderment that becomes their stability and core.
When a child is connected to who they are the world is indeed there oyster.
Until we build the connection with ourselves and reflect this to our children we will continue to have the escalating rates of mental illness that our children currently endure.
Nicki, this is really interesting and makes sense as to why we want to do well at sports; ‘Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’.
Absolutely agree Nicki, ‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.’
This would support us in keeping life simple, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want’. and ‘ What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? ‘
Reconnecting to our inner love is to reconnect to the purpose of life.
More does not necessarily equate to better, yet that is what we all demand, buy into, and often think we have to prove, to varying degrees and in our various ways, from material goods to how we are at work and in our relationships. But if the quality is not there; if we’ve turned ourselves into disconnected robots because of the emphasis on more instead of quality, depth and presence, we have to ask ourselves what the point of it was, and if it was really worth it.
This is a brilliant blog because it calls to question the illusion we are in, that even though we may be championing a ‘better life’ and that this is that we are offering our younger generation, are we really? Are our young people thriving and flourishing and live empowered knowing who they are, how great they are as beings and the potential they hold within? I know when I look around I see our youth of younger and younger ages turning to drugs, alcohol, self-harming and over sexualising them selves to cope with what it seems is the lack of connection they feel in their lives. Lack of connection to who they are, not knowing how gorgeous they are and not feeling the confidence or confirmed to live who they are. We are fooling ourselves if we think this ‘better life’ we champion is an offering for our younger generation. It is time we began to take an honest look around to see the state of play in our world and bring into our conversations and our lives the realness that our children are truly craving – connection.
The thing about a better life is that it does not fulfil us and leaves us constantly wanting more from the outside whereas when we are truly connected with, we know we have everything from the inside out.
It’s interesting we have “more” technically now than ever before – more games, more technology, more iPads, better cars, better houses – better everything – yet unhappiness and illness and disease are also higher than ever before. The moral is that we can have everything, literally everything, but if we don’t live a connected, truthful, deeply loving life then we will always feel like something is missing.
How many of us can relate to ourselves, let alone others, with such deep level of unconditional love: that no matter what we might say or do, in essence, we are all amazing? Making the changes to take deeper care of ourselves, to listen more closely and pay attention to what our bodies need, is where we need to start- and the rest unfolds from there. Bit by bit, and beautifully so.
There is so much pressure to keep ‘bettering or improving” our lives and with that comes a set of pictures, standards and beliefs of how to be happy and contented. With all that striving we move away from living in the settlement of who we truly are.
I agree Jenny ‘bettering or improving’ totally misses the point and is quite the convenient distraction to indulge in our individuality and not take responsibility for living and reflecting who we already and naturally are within.
Yes, these ‘better’ lives are not really working in my observations, there is still something missing; could the missing ingredient be being connected as you talk about?
An awesome sharing on the quality of our lives and that of our children and what we are bringing them up to be .Are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are? And how much of this pushing comes from our upbringing also or from our own lack of self worth and how much do they teach us also if we are open to seeing the magic they offer unconditionally and our appreciation of this.
‘Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?’ Most parents want to give their children a ‘better life’ than they have experienced in their upbringing, they try to fill their own emptiness and bury their own hurts (and I was no different) and expect the children to do well in this ‘better life’. As we build the connection with ourselves as parents our children can be who they are and will teach us as much as we can teach them about life.
What a beautiful and inspiring sharing of the importance of connection in all our lives and the emptiness without this felt. Bringing up our children to know and be appreciated for all they are and not what they do is as magical as they are and the truth of life as we are all here to learn and appreciate the love we all are.