Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.
All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be; but I question, is this really the case?
Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?
What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?
Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?
A ‘Normal’ Childhood and the Lack of Connection Most of Us Face
Lately I experienced feelings I had not allowed for a while, such as abandonment, rejection, denial and neglect; a bunch of uncomfortable feelings, coming together to deliver an overall feeling of sadness.
I asked myself – why were these coming up now and where did they originate?
I had a very ‘normal’ upbringing. I grew up in suburban Perth, quite close to the city, with all the modern comforts – a swimming pool, a beach house, camping holidays, etc. I played competitive sport, was a good student and well liked by my peers and teachers. We hosted plenty of family gatherings and lived in a friendly, safe neighbourhood. My parents did all they could at the time to provide a pleasant, secure childhood.
But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.
The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.
Feeling the lack of connection with my family triggered a reaction of hurt and rejection. It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me. There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me or them just for being them.
I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.
My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts. They were brought up by parents who were equally – if not more – dismissive of their connection to love. By taking responsibility for my hurts I now understand this.
My disconnection from myself and others played out in many ways, such as:
- Feeling an emptiness inside, a deep sadness
- Craving intimacy and understanding
- Turning to numerous behaviours in an attempt to numb my feelings, such as bulimia, running and illicit drugs
- Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself
- Lacking responsibility, especially around money, where I accumulated a large debt not long after receiving an inheritance
- Experiencing self-loathing, lack of self-worth and shame; I shut down and put protective walls up, making it virtually impossible to let support in
- Taking on another’s emotional reactions and comments, making it personal and assuming that it was a reflection of something ‘bad or wrong’ I had said or done even though, in truth, their reactions or comments had nothing to do with me
- Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’
With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.
For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.
All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this.
Knowing that Light Within
Though many times I’ve wavered from my connection to love, I’ve always known that it is the ultimate truth. Love is always there. The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.
Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.
I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.
My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities, who have inspired and supported me to come to feel more of the universal love that holds us all. Thank you.
By Nicki Ferguson, BCom, DipCS, Sydney
Published with permission from my parents
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Brotherhood: What if True Love Was Taught From Day One?
The Purpose of Parenting
641 Comments
A ‘better’ life is in comparison to someone else but when we connect to the all-encompassing love of God we feel the equal love of and in all.
Elizabeth I can attest that a better life leaves us wanting for more nothing really satisfies even going on holiday when we get back how many of us want to go away again not wanting to cope with the drudgery of life. We plan and look forward to the next holiday and it becomes a carrot on a stick to keep us going. When we connect with ourselves there is over time a feeling of fullness so that looking outside of ourselves for stimulation seems to melt away and in its place is a contentedness that is very settling.
Nicki the answer to your question has to be no
‘Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?’
The latest information on children as young as 5-6 have emotional problems and are feeling stressed. The latest thinking from ‘authorities’ is that Children do not play as children any more and as I grew up in a world where children could just play games and run around and invent games and just have fun I would agree that children today are very constricted and the expectations on them are immense. They are growing up to be in the ‘doing’ (machine) like rather than just being themselves knowing this is enough.
I was just talking about this to a friend today, it is actually immoral the current educational model, it leaves our children short – education as it is is cold damp and heartless.
‘Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.’ Perhaps we could say this was true up until my generation, however this trend is not continuing and we can see that we are on the downward trajectory of this current cycle. Knowing that we live in cycles and that at each go around the wheel we are offered opportunities to deepen and grow – if we choose not to, then the illusion of better will keep grabbing us until it is proven that we have not nor ever will achieve it, as round we go again.
As a society we can all get behind a different way of parenting so our next generation can understand what you have shared Nikki.
Nicki this is a very honest look at how we bring our children up, it all seems geared to making sure through education that they get a secure job and for that it seems you need a piece of official paperwork that says you are qualified in something. Which means we have placed education above everything else, so what we do is more important than who we are effectively.
If we give our kids a ‘better’ life we are leading them astray, if we offer them true connection we are setting them up for a life of unfolderment that becomes their stability and core.
When a child is connected to who they are the world is indeed there oyster.
Until we build the connection with ourselves and reflect this to our children we will continue to have the escalating rates of mental illness that our children currently endure.
The model of life we currently have isn’t working it cannot be working if young children are becoming more stressed and suffering from mental conditions. We all know this is occurring as there has been plenty of research on the subject matter. While we only look for solutions without understanding the underlying issue nothing will change and we will get used to living in this dysfunctional way and accept it as a ‘normal’ way of life.
Nicki, this is really interesting and makes sense as to why we want to do well at sports; ‘Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’.
Absolutely agree Nicki, ‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.’
This would support us in keeping life simple, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want’. and ‘ What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? ‘
Reconnecting to our inner love is to reconnect to the purpose of life.
More does not necessarily equate to better, yet that is what we all demand, buy into, and often think we have to prove, to varying degrees and in our various ways, from material goods to how we are at work and in our relationships. But if the quality is not there; if we’ve turned ourselves into disconnected robots because of the emphasis on more instead of quality, depth and presence, we have to ask ourselves what the point of it was, and if it was really worth it.
This is a brilliant blog because it calls to question the illusion we are in, that even though we may be championing a ‘better life’ and that this is that we are offering our younger generation, are we really? Are our young people thriving and flourishing and live empowered knowing who they are, how great they are as beings and the potential they hold within? I know when I look around I see our youth of younger and younger ages turning to drugs, alcohol, self-harming and over sexualising them selves to cope with what it seems is the lack of connection they feel in their lives. Lack of connection to who they are, not knowing how gorgeous they are and not feeling the confidence or confirmed to live who they are. We are fooling ourselves if we think this ‘better life’ we champion is an offering for our younger generation. It is time we began to take an honest look around to see the state of play in our world and bring into our conversations and our lives the realness that our children are truly craving – connection.
It’s interesting we have “more” technically now than ever before – more games, more technology, more iPads, better cars, better houses – better everything – yet unhappiness and illness and disease are also higher than ever before. The moral is that we can have everything, literally everything, but if we don’t live a connected, truthful, deeply loving life then we will always feel like something is missing.
How many of us can relate to ourselves, let alone others, with such deep level of unconditional love: that no matter what we might say or do, in essence, we are all amazing? Making the changes to take deeper care of ourselves, to listen more closely and pay attention to what our bodies need, is where we need to start- and the rest unfolds from there. Bit by bit, and beautifully so.
There is so much pressure to keep ‘bettering or improving” our lives and with that comes a set of pictures, standards and beliefs of how to be happy and contented. With all that striving we move away from living in the settlement of who we truly are.
I agree Jenny ‘bettering or improving’ totally misses the point and is quite the convenient distraction to indulge in our individuality and not take responsibility for living and reflecting who we already and naturally are within.
Yes, these ‘better’ lives are not really working in my observations, there is still something missing; could the missing ingredient be being connected as you talk about?
An awesome sharing on the quality of our lives and that of our children and what we are bringing them up to be .Are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are? And how much of this pushing comes from our upbringing also or from our own lack of self worth and how much do they teach us also if we are open to seeing the magic they offer unconditionally and our appreciation of this.
‘Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?’ Most parents want to give their children a ‘better life’ than they have experienced in their upbringing, they try to fill their own emptiness and bury their own hurts (and I was no different) and expect the children to do well in this ‘better life’. As we build the connection with ourselves as parents our children can be who they are and will teach us as much as we can teach them about life.
What a beautiful and inspiring sharing of the importance of connection in all our lives and the emptiness without this felt. Bringing up our children to know and be appreciated for all they are and not what they do is as magical as they are and the truth of life as we are all here to learn and appreciate the love we all are.
What we have accepted as normal in life makes it so easy to forget who we are and where we are from.
It is too easy to blame parents for things that go wrong in our lives and then proceeded to repeat the process on the next generation either as a parent or a teacher, an aunty, a role model. Yet we each have the opportunity to re-connect to that space inside that offers far more than anyone else could ever offer us. A deep connection with ourselves and the Love we are made of and from.
Lucy I agree with you I was taking part in a conversation recently where we felt that it was possible that there is a consciousness around parenting that we get sucked into and once we are sucked in we lose our way and become robotic and follow each other like sheep we lose all connection to ourselves and all others. The way the world is currently set up this consciousness seems to have the upper hand so to say. I feel the only way out of the fog of this consciousness is to deeply connect with ourselves in this connection the fog melts away and we are left in the clarity of how to be with ourselves and other people.
I do know that feeling of emptiness and deep sadness inside. A feeling that was so controlling in my life and made me to forget that life can be a joy, or better said, can be enjoyed for every moment instead of to be dismissive of this fact because of that false feeling inside I held on as my truth because I was hurt in one way or another. The human psyche has many ways to control our mind and to make us blind for the magic and joy life in truth is and in any moment can connect to.
Nico thank you for sharing we can all relate to the comment you have made, for many of us we have become blind to the magic and joy of life that each day holds. Instead we focus on the negativity and there is plenty of that circulating in our society.
We are so dismissive to that connection to love that is always there and where we natural will connect to if we let go that false thoughts that the life we can see with our eyes and experience on a daily basis with all the abuse and atrocities is something we have to obey to as this is not true.
There is no trying in being. This blog has been a big stop moment for me today. If I’m ‘trying’ to be or trying to make things better for my kids, then I’m not giving me because I’m saying I’m not enough and your not enough. Take home message right here, “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.”
This is a fantastic question, we often seek security and betterment for our children and spend hardly any quality time with them, this makes no sense. It is always about the ability of our relationship and how connected we are.
The thing about a better life is that it always leaves something unfulfilled, we can have the best job, the best partner, the best clothes, even the best shampoo or body cream – we can totally set our lives up to be amazing, but without true, deep connection we have nothing.
Yes Meg, it is not about the physical life we have here on earth as that is constantly asked to be made better for it is not able to sustain itself as it is from the false light of creation we have been trapped in for already a long period of time.
It is like we all know there is more to life but we have given up on this and in doing so seek more things (faster pace of life) to relieve the tension of not living something more true.
A truth simply expressed – however hard we try, the fact is it is not possible to better or improve upon that divine essence that is forever within us.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was”.
Imagine getting angry with the toaster because it didn’t work – only to see it was not plugged in. Yet this is in effect how we treat ourselves. We champion, knowledge, muscles or wealth but actually all we need is to connect within. To me it makes perfect sense that connection to Soul, to God, to Love is what life is all about. Thank you Nicki.
I love this Joseph as people do choose to get angry with something that isn’t working like they expected it to work. It is the easy way out, we think, but it is not. When we truly want to live our lives, the only choice that will ever work is taking responsibility for what lives inside us, our connection to the divine, to God. And then a toaster that doesn’t work will make us stop and say ‘what is this telling me right now in this moment in how I live my life?’
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” – This feels so true Nicki, and I can see how constantly trying to better ourselves through our accomplishments, skills, roles, etc. is a never-ending game like a dog chasing its tail ad infinitum, only resulting in massive exhaustion. Whereas if we just surrender to who we are inside already and with honesty let go of all the layers of emotions we have placed on top to hide that light, our depth of love to be expressed is also infinite, but in the right direction!
I can relate to many of the ways your disconnection played out particularly the putting protective walls up which makes connection even more challenging. Starting to open up has been the most amazing support and I am loving the connections I am making every day with different people.
We have so many more material benefits in our daily lives but also an escalation in mental and physical health issues which shows that these can never be a substitute for the connection that we all crave.
A ‘better’ life holds or offers us no value, no evolution or no inspiration if our connection to love is absent.
When I was in my early 20s I realised that I had been feeling sad for as long as I could remember without really having a solid reason why. When I sought counselling my psychologist questioned this, needing a concrete explanation for my sadness. I offerred up some explanations but nothing felt true. I now understand the feelings I had as a child and what’s more I can see that they made perfect sense. We are so much more than human and we all know this so it makes absolute sense that we react to a world that denies our multidimensionality.
The environment around us can get as clean and well educated as we could wish – there could be no barriers to education or health care or physical needs like clothes and food but it still doesn’t provide children with the support to know who they are, to live who they are, to know truth and be loved and cherished. More than anything we crave to be truly met and loved more than we crave an expensive lifestyle because it is connection that lasts far longer than the brief elation of the next new thing.
No matter our age the one thing we all truly want is connection. When we live with it and experience it with another it satisfy us in a way material treats never will. Thank you Nicki for sharing this wisdom that applies to children and us all.
If we don’t read what energy something is being given in or said in, then we can take it as truth and believe it is who we are. For many years when I was feeling down about myself I would hear in my head the many things said to me when I was growing up that were negative. When I started building a relationship with myself these thoughts were just not around any more and even if something was said, it couldn’t even touch the sides, because I had a relationship with myself that was more loving then what was being offered outside of me.
I very much look forward to the day when our education, health and general systems of life are made first about connection before they are made about function.
The profoundness of life is to create a way of being that is natural and upright with transparency and truth. One that is asking us to see and feel beyond its dimensions and connect to the multidimensionality that is known. Choose to no longer hide that which is true and come to life in a way that holds that, so that there can be no less. You can set your own true standards, lets no longer wait.
That connection to the all is the platform to be the all and deliver the all to the all.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” How awesome is it that we all have the opportunity to inspire others including our children on the connection to our bodies and how much beauty, wisdom and love is housed within. A loving connection costs nothing and the space it holds encapsulates all.
“Love is accessible to all who walk the earth.” A simple truth that is all too often forgotten and/or abused.
Yes, lets be honest, what we are all truly seeking is love, love and connection, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.’
“With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different” A beautiful connection to truth.
Yes the whole of society is confirming to us that how we feel is not normal and that the relationships we see around us are it but we need to remember that because everyone might be doing something in a certain way, it does not mean it is the true way. The true way we only can feel in our hearts and we all deeply know we crave true love and connection way more than any other outer comfort that is offered to us.
I wonder how much of the push and the drive for our children to succeed is based on fear. And I wonder if, as their parents, we begin to learn and experience what it is like to be ourselves in the world, the passing on of this wisdom on to our children will make life seem that much simpler and hence the future of their lives a far less scary prospect…
Having no plan or any expectation how a child should end up in their adult years brings a lot of space. That space given is true love for me as it does not impose or demand anything and instead encourages the child to stay who they truly are and in that, discover the purpose of what to bring into this world. I wish I got taught, that nothing you achieve on the outside is grander than what is within you- because that is a real life-and society changer.
In connecting to who we are and then sharing that with others not only offers a reflection for others to feel and explore for themselves but it also means that we are not striving, pushing and searching outside of ourselves for answers. Connecting to who we are offers us and our children a great starting point for exploration and connection all rolled into one.
What is universal is that we all thrive on connection and not on having loads of material things.
That’s so true Elizabeth, but we lose our way at times and keep our connection to ourselves and others at bay and instead keep acquiring more stuff driven by an insatiable need to fill the space.
Absolutely- great comment. NOTHING material can even the worth we carry inside us. No matter what we buy or receive it never fills the space in the missing connection in us. Imagine how much money could be saved actually living the connection/ or working on the connection first, before we buy things e.g..
It is interesting to consider that by trying to become better there is a rejection of who you already are, because in order to improve on what is there, what is there has to be broken or flawed in some way. But what if what is inside each person is divine perfection, and what it is that we see as flawed is actually the moving away from that divinity and the behaviours that follow as a consequence? What if all any one ever has to actually do is to return to one’s essence… and by teaching this to our children are we guaranteeing a future where systems and governance will run accordingly? Are we then guaranteeing a future that is based on harmony and not harm?
Connection, connection, connection – it is what we all want. Then the question is what are we connecting to and LOVE is what we all truly want… but there are so many imposters pretending to be love such as emotions and attention which are nothing to do with love and lead us to further disconnection. We need to make life about love, true love as described here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html
I am sure there are many that will say that their childhood was normal, that they were cared for and looked after, as shared here though is the emptiness that pervades our being, an emptiness we fill with emotions and needs, is there physically in our bodies because no one knew how to teach us to fill our own bodies with our love.
There is nothing more loving we can do for another than to teach one to do just this.
If we were reminded growing up that our most important relationship is with ourselves, there would not be the emptiness in relationships with others that is so prevalent. What I saw around me and was told, was that you are selfish if you do something for yourself or look after yourself. No wonder most mothers are exhausted trying to do and be everything for their children.
” Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’? ” When I saw this title my answer for me was simple I would have preferred a connected life when I was a kid . Around me the only real level of connected way to live was connection with nature.
I can certainly relate to using nature to feel the connection I felt was lacking with other people in my childhood, but I also used to escape into nature, even into adulthood to avoid feeling the harsh reality of the world and the way people tend to interact. In that, I failed to develop that inner connection that would have supported me throughout, as Nicki has committed to doing with her daughter, which is quite beautiful.
Is it possible that kids only want the latest gadget or latest fad because they haven’t got the connection they so desperately crave?…. and we as parents want to give the so called ‘best’ to our kids because we have lost the connection we so desperately crave too?
‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was’. Beautifully said Nicki.
The title says it all on the connection that we are all receiving not only for our children. When we choose the better of life we are constantly on an up- hill pull to bring more into our lives to fill what we feel is missing. When we choose to connect and appreciate what we have and honour, there is nothing to better but to stop to take stock and adore.
To look at a child who is being parented by a screen, it is easy to see that taking away that screen would create a tension in many circumstances. This is one example, but so often parenting is about situations where the child may not appreciate the parenting in that moment, and it will take some storms to ride as part of the process, but we have to consider what is most important. To keep children connected to themselves, listened to and given attention and love is surely the greatest parenting skill we can offer. No technology can ever surpass this as our greatest parenting tool.
Nicki, this feels really important; ‘ the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.’ I have observed with parenting and schools that it is common to tell a child off in a way that the child can feel that there is something wrong with them and that they are ‘not good enough’ , for instance ‘I am disappointed in you’ or ‘you are naughty’, rather than letting the child know that they are amazing just as they are and that they chose an unloving behaviour that it is not who they are, so the child can learn that the behaviour is not acceptable but that they are still amazing.
Whilst we may be living the life that is seemingly ‘normal’, up to date with all the technologies, fashion and trends, we will never be fulfilled unless we know who we are, and live in connection to our inner-most essence. This is what our children need to learn first and foremost, and then they can from this point learn how to truly live in this world, with the confidence of knowing who they are and the freedom to be themselves.
The moment we make life about security and not connection we lose ourselves to a force that seeks to keep us away from each other instead of coming together.
Once there is no love then we are on the wrong track. If we don’t know how to connect to love or express and receive love, then there are many ways to manage the situation.
There is always love. We are made of it and we can never not be it, but we can diminish our expression of it. When this happens we are not only on the wrong track, we are completely derailed and thus as you say Christoph, we must have simple measures in place that bring us back. Therefore we must seek movements that realign us to that which we have derailed from – be that through going for a walk, taking a moment to pause and reconnect, focussing on our breath, phoning a friend etc. whatever it is that reignites the flame of love that forever burns within us all.
“Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?” Such a great question Nicki. Striving to have a better life doesn’t work – witness all the sports stars and celebrities who may have a ‘better’ life materially, but at what cost to their health and well-being? Children – and us – are naturally awesome. How come society has got it so wrong? When will we all wake up to see what is at play here.
“Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.” Yet I understand this is the first generation when the young ones of today will not live as long as their parents. There is something deeply wrong with society, when we accept length of life as an indication of better health, when this blatently isn’t the case. The current elderly population may be living longer, but with many ailments and diseases, many of which could have possibly been prevented with different lifestyle choices.
The other day I was with an elderly gentleman who had a serious health condition. He was doing no end of things to better his health and talking about how awful a place the world was. In our conversation we came to a place of true connection, his eyes shone and he came alive in a way that he had not been before. I could say he looked better and he could say he felt better but the truth was so much more and it is this that we are slow to acknowledge and celebrate.
It is amazing how we lost so much this connection within ourselves which most of us had so much as a small child.
How more far we get lost from who we are how more steps we have to take once again as all is waiting for us to return to.
The best form of parenting is that which supports children to learn about and discern energy. Without this, they are lost.
Often when we feel a dis-ease within ourselves we run a million miles and try to fix it outside of ourselves, our life, career, family everything gets looked at and or blamed but we often don’t look within. And that is how we loose our way because any dis-ease in ourselves is first caused by the uneasiness we feel with ourselves, we need to look at this and when we choose to deeply connect with ourselves then our whole life and how it feels to us will change too.
” Do Our Kids Want a ‘ Better Life ‘ or a ‘ Connected Life ‘ ?
When I saw this head line in the writing and having read the article , I said to myself, if I had to live it over and this question was asked of me as a child. My answer would be ” a Connected life ” for without connect one is alone and this will never be a better life.
In the absence of love, anything will be used to fill the vacuum, in the presence of love, nothing else is needed.
When young how much we model ourselves on the outside world either to fit in or stand out. We identify gain an identity. We are home, or so we think, until something comes along to shake those foundations and make us realise we have built our home on sand. We are lost at sea. No wonder there is so much confusion and mental illness now. Do we then allow ourselves the grace to connect to ourselves and begin to build a relationship based on connection, letting go of everything that gets in the way of that? We have to go in to come out so to speak. We have to breathe in to breathe out. The breath is a good place to start a more intimate relationship with ourselves, observing our breath and letting it become more gentle, getting ourselves out of our heads and becoming more aware of our bodies and our wholeness.
When we show children love through our own connection to our bodies and how we live life, we bring them a greater sense of responsibility. It is from our own actions that we reflect value and worth and that is a goldmine for many children today to see that simply being who and nurturing those qualities sets us up for a life filled with learning and curiosity that then has a ripple effect with how they then live life too.
That is true. Both a sense of responsibility and a sense of joy, which is really beautiful.
I remember having a huge empty void in my childhood years similar to what you describe. Nothing could fill it. I would stand with the fridge door open gazing into the fridge not really knowing what I wanted but ravenous for anything that would fill the emptiness. Later in my late teens and twenties I filled this void with sex, the same ravenous feeling that could not be satiated. What I was truly seeking was true connection, with myself and others. I was seeking the intimacy that comes from transparency and openness. It was this that was missing in my childhood, and it is this that I am now learning along with building my self-worth through appreciation. Only we can fill the void.
As children we all just want to feel outside a reflection of the connection we feel inside of us. It’s when that’s not found when we look for substitutes and distractions
Reading this I can feel how it’s easy to get busy in life and make life about working hard, earning money, the occasional holiday, about possessions, promotions etc rather than life being about connection and about people; ‘What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?’
We could ask – “do we want a ‘better life’ or a ‘connected life?’ After all, we are what our kids are looking to for what’s normal and what’s accepted in the world… and we can show them what’s possible.
I can totally relate to your story here Nicki about having it all in terms of what would be considered by the world to be a ‘great comfortable childhood’ but still feeling like something was missing, and that was the connection and knowing of myself. Now that I have begun to reconnect and rediscover me I can see more clearly why no amount of great function and things and even love from my parents would never have filled the void.
If we take a snapshot of typical family life today, what would we see? Many families form pictures of what we think love is but many also fall short of this truth. What I have begun to see is that true love starts with our connection to ourselves first and it is from here we begin to see true change occur and new foundations laid for what deep loving connections look like, changing the paradigm for the future of our families and children and what truly is a loving life.
It’s a fine line between ‘improving yourself’, and allowing yourself to be more of you. We can sometimes indulge in self development, but instead of building on what we already are and have we seek to add skills to our repertoire that are often more about how to brave the world rather than accept and appreciate who we are.
Giving our children more and more things never serves to bring them a true life, only a more distracted, separated one.
Totally spot on Nicki it is not what we do with our kids but the quality of connection that we bring to them that is what matters. We can get easily confused as parents to believe it is all about better opportunities and better holidays and better this that and the other. Rather than know that all of that is literally pointless without the divine connection to the universal love that is all around us like you share so beautifully. That is what we all want, for us to live that is true parenting.