About seventeen years ago I came to the end of a relationship and was divorced from my partner. I was feeling unhappy and desperate and it felt like we were stuck in our relationship.
It was like we had an arrangement but there was no love in how we lived together. We were comfortable in our life but we were not truly respectful with each other and any true intimacy and honouring of each other was missing. It was a horrible feeling to stay with him, but to leave him also did not feel true, because I still felt love for this man. I had always had the feeling this love would never stop. I never truly wanted to leave him but I did not know at this stage how I could go on living with him.
When I finally made the choice to leave my partner it was because I just could see no way to continue living with him without constantly compromising myself to fit into his life.
I now know that then I had no love for myself. I was constantly trying to please him. I did not feel that I was worthy enough and that he would stay at my side when I started doing the things I enjoyed, or living my truth or meeting the friends I felt to meet.
During the last 17 years, since the divorce, we had very little contact as I had felt to stop the contact totally.
Since then I have been developing self-love through the inspiration of Universal Medicine. I have been learning more and more to be with me and to respect myself and my body.
By being self-loving, my awareness of how to be and how to express love in the relationship I have now has grown immensely.
Some weeks ago my ex-partner contacted me because he had suffered injuries in a motorbike accident. He came to see me and received Esoteric Healing.
When we met, we immediately felt the same connection again as in earlier times. What I felt between us was flowing love, without any of the emotional attachments; the old reproaches and difficulties were not there anymore.
This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.
Then I began to wonder:
- Is it true that we only love one person (our partner, wife or husband) in our lives, and not anybody else?
- Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?
- Even if it seems like we would have different intensities of love with different persons, perhaps this is not true?
- What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?
Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us. And sometimes we seem to not feel love towards another person, but is this true?
If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?
In truth it is very easy to choose love, because we are made of love.
With my ex-partner, we now have a natural loving relationship, which inspires him to look more closely at his daily choices. He is taking more care of himself and his body and as such his loving choices have increased.
The same happens with my close family members, husband and daughter, with my friends, colleagues and relatives: our flow together and our communication is much more loving and harmonious. This brings an awesome joy into our daily lives.
Who would have thought that the end of a relationship could eventually inspire so much love?
The path I walk today, the revelations I have and the beauty I am able to live is deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Kerstin Salzer
Kerstin thank you for such a loving blog that encourages anyone who reads it to consider the possibility that we are indeed all connected to each other as we all live on the same planet. Although for now we cannot see energy but can definitely feel it; we are saturated with energy which is passing through all of us all of the time. And we can also tell if someone is choosing to connect to negative or positive energy by their attitude to life and all others.
Love or being non-imposing on others, thus some-times it takes space to feel the depth of our connection with another and separate so our Love can deepen.
Love is constantly available to us all and yet we block it just as constantly with our own behaviours. When we feel that we are in love with just one person or a handful of people then what we are in fact doing is putting a block up to true love. Sure that’s difficult for most of us to agree with but the fact of the matter is that if we are feeling love for a select few then it ain’t love, it’s as simple as that and furthermore if it ain’t love then it’s a block to love.
How beautiful being able to open up our heart and realize that love is not something you can measure and give for a special one but a quality from we all can live and share with everyone, equally so.
Inma I agree with you to live from a quality that is equal with everyone, to not hold back because the love that comes through us is not ours to hold but to express so that everyone feels blessed by the flow of love that we naturally are, love doesn’t harm.
It’s been a huge support to see and learn from the fact that all my relationships are a reflection of the relationship I have with myself. Because if one is off-kilter then my relationship with myself also needs reviewing. If it’s beautiful then that’s to celebrate in how I am with myself.
Great reflection Leigh. It brings me to appreciate the way I feel today in my relationship with my family, colleagues and friends. There is more ease and lightness, more joy and appreciation for each other… more honesty and transparency which is very linked in the way I’m with myself. An unfolding process far from perfect but full of new learnings everyday.
“This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.” So true Kristen it is sad that we are to our core deeply connected to each other yet we choose judgement and distraction to not recognise this.
Imagine if we had to re-imprint every love-less relationship then would we not find some way to be in love with everyone?
I too have experienced what you have shared Kerstin and it is fascinating to look at the cycle of such a relationship. We come together, usually in love; the relationship ends as it appears that we have ‘fallen out of love’ and then after a period of time we come back together in a relationship of a different form, but in which there still is a foundation of love. So maybe the love that we thought had gone, had not, but we had simply overlaid it with the hurts and the issues we brought to the relationship. It’s amazing what can happen when we address the hurts we carry.
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ I love this and feel the truth in it. As I allow my love to deepen with one person, I have a deeper feeling of love within me and that is there with everyone else. It is as if we are clearing the way to be absolute love with everyone.
An inspiring read Kerstin. When we have regard, respect and love for ourselves, it sets a standard for the foundation of all relationships.
It’s interesting how we compromise ourselves for others, even when they don’t want or ask us to! We literally stop ourselves from blossoming and embracing all that we are and can be, and get in the way of deepening our relationships with all others, because of our own expectations of how we ‘ought to be’ for others – when all they really want us to be, is ourselves.
Thank you Kerstin, a powerful read about love, and this line feels like a gem of wisdom “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”. This very much changes the way we look at love and relationships, coming back to the truth that we are love in our essence and if we are not feeling love then we have disconnected to it inside ourselves.
Having a love for ourself first is important in any relationship.
Every situation is a chance for us to deepen our love, so those that are amazing are simply obvious and the not so amazing are an opportunity to see where we have reacted, then we are opening up to responding, in the most decent and respect-full ways.
I too have learnt that “Every situation is a chance for us to deepen our love” but do we accept the opportunity we have been offered? So often we get caught up in our own hurts and maybe even blaming others for what has gone wrong, that the love that is always there is overlooked and we miss out on that golden opportunity.
I wonder – if any situation could inspire or call out more love in us. Could it be that everything that occurs in life, whether it be a break up, or a family dispute or a problem at work – these are all things to call out the best in who we are and an opportunity to take things to the next level.
This indeed is contrary to our mind.. But oh so true in the body. Love is love and whatever is needed that is impulsed by the inner-heart will be then resulting in its love no matter how the outcome may look like.
It’s inspiring to read that relationships do not have to end in hate and discontent with each other.
Yes I agree, Julie. But it is a belief that so many carry and therefore with the ending of relationship the expectation is instantly there that it has to end acrimoniously. What a lot of energy we waste believing something when exactly the opposite is possible.
Thank you Kersten, this is a really inspiring post. Self love is so important, but can be so difficult to achieve. I am glad you managed to and that so much love has come from the end of a relationship. I have been separated from my partner for a few years now and I still feel like I haven’t achieved what you have, in terms of learning to love myself but also my ex in a different way.
Such a beautiful confirmation that the love has no end or any exclusivity. As we are love, love comes with us to be shared with everyone everywhere, confirming the love in others and exposing what is not. An ongoing journey, worth to be lived consciously so.
Yes, I agree it is a beautiful confirmation, ‘that the love has no end or any exclusivity,’ that we are love and can naturally emanate this love to all.
Thanks Kerstin, beautiful to read how a relationship can evolve, and that it is entirely possible to let go of hurts and stuff that we put in the way of developing loving relationships, and start again – based on knowing what love is, within and from ourselves, and sharing that with another.
If we are open to it, it is a beautiful thing to know that we live in cycles, not in a linear line and that the end of something simply heralds in a new beginning, a deeper foundation of healing, awareness and loving expression.
I can see with some relationships that once we say no to the unloving dynamics between us it arrests something and many times our true feelings are then allowed to come through.
Without claiming the love we are within for ourselves first, we cannot begin to explore the love and power that is offered for us to claim and reflect through our relationships. We absolutely are all love in essence and through appreciating this in ourselves first we then reflect and meet others with this quality, of which we all equally are.
There is no true end or beginning of relationship and no limit on the depth of Love we can bring. And if we don’t go for it this time, we are sure to get another chance next life.
When we let go of expectations of ourselves and others there is space for more love and this is then reflected in all our interactions.
A very beautiful sharing of letting go of a picture. It is lovely to read that you now have a relationship once more with your ex-partner but it does not come laced with all the things you brought in before. That shows that it makes so much of a difference the way we are with ourselves and the amount of love we let in first.
I always wanted a good relationship with previous partners – after all we loved each other at one stage. Some are agreeable, others less so.
This is really a painful situation when u realize that there is no other option except being apart.. what to say..
well said by d way.
Relationships do not end. We are always in relationships whether they are true or not. When we “end” a relationship are we not ending an old way of being in relationship together? This opens doors to something much greater and grander.
you are very well correct but this is only a myth..nothing else.
I have had a tension with my family since I was very young, recently a situation occurred where someone was very ill and I could feel that I was able to get my hurts out of the way and not let them influence how I would be with my family but just be there and be open to them. It was a blessing for me and for them.
Hardly any of us are able to fathom that we are all in actual fact in a deeply loving relationship with everyone else because this is our true nature. We are completely blind sided by our ‘for this lifetime’ issues, behaviours, reactions and emotions but in truth non of those things exist. Love is really all that truly exists in it’s blinding capacity to be all there is.
Thank you Kersten for it shows that love is not limited.
This sentence is well capturing of that, as it questions the reader to actually go beyond and feel what the purpose is of love:
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’
The more we offer true expression when ending a relationship we are often given the gift of starting a new. A marker of the choices we make to let go of the ideals and beliefs that often bind us into the roles we play rather than being who we truly are to one another.
“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”- This statement helped me to see how when I have held someone for ransom by kind of giving up on them after feeling hurt by something they said or did, in that moment I was choosing to disconnect from the love I have inside me, knowing that the same love is inside the other, despite their choice to be abusive in that moment.
“If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?” such wise words Kirstin, this is fantastic if we can remember this and stand true in our own love forever will we hold another in that love no matter their behaviour.
What I love about this is how you have both grown, that you didn’t stay in the hurts but had time to come back to yourself and deepen your own love so that this love could then be truly expressed in your relationship.
Yes, getting to love is in many ways the point of many relationships.
Love may not be activated or able to be lived by all but that is quite different to love disappearing. Love is love.
Love this comment Nikki. It is so true. In our reaction we often do not choose to see or feel the fact that underneath there is always Love there. Hence there is always a potential to deepen and change our relationships if they are not loving.
This is beautiful Kerstin. I’m quite amazed by this story but not surprised by it as I have seen that the people we have connected with in our lives can always sense the love we hold for them and will call on this when they want true love and care.
“What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?” I hadn’t considered this as a reflection but I love the consideration. I know that I love without boundaries but heavens, there is clearly even more to be connected to!
We spend so much time finding ‘the one’ only to fight, argue and struggle. It’s because we don’t appreciate the Love in us first and see the fact of the spirit in our partners and friends. When we do this we simply understand and stay connected to the beauty we are knowing this is what helps everyone else to come back to truth. Thank you Kerstin.
It is that simple; ‘If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?’ True Kerstin, when we come back to ourselves in that moment we give ourselves the opportunity to feel the essence of the other person and connect on a deeper level, saying no to the unloving behaviour.
It can get very messy and complicated when relationships break down, and we then separate, often spending a lifetime disliking, hating or resenting the ex-partner – in a sense not moving on from those emotions we have chosen. It is refreshing to read that things do not have to be like that.
When we end a relation we stop a relation with a certain energy.
We can choose love in all our relations.
Goes to show whether we like it or not we can never truly leave things unhealed and undealt with behind. Every unloving act must one day be rebalanced.
Love has found its feet again with what you have written Kerstin. As you have shared so much about Love and Love is Love and changes the way we view all our relationships, “Even if it seems like we would have different intensities of love with different persons, perhaps this is not true.” So Love can-not Love more-or-less because it is Love and comes from our essence, so Love our-self first so True Love is shared with all.
Everything can be turned around. Things that society think are a full stop, Turn out to be just a comma or even a parenthesis 🙂
This is such a beautiful story Kerstin highlighting just how much is on offer for us through our relationships, if we are willing to go there. You said this so wisely – ‘Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us.’ – and the more we open ourselves up to this, the more we can, through our relationships, support and inspire each other to explore, grow and deepen our connection to love, and be more of who we all naturally are in essence.
It’s so lovely to feel the loving relationship you have with your ex partner and how you’ve built self-love within so the relationship with him and others is one based on love not need. A true inspiration for me as I notice the need in the relationships I have (this can include inanimate things like food, work, exercise etc.) because of pockets lacking in self-worth.
The fantasy world that is promoted in films and media has nothing whatsoever to do with the true nature of a word that reflects the divinity within us all.
The end of my last relationship through a divorce also has brought a stupendous amount of more love to me and thus my life. It is similar where I have had the opportunity to appreciate who I am and love me. In the relationship I was in love with the love I felt but not in love with me.
Kerstin, this is beautiful to read, I love your reflections and the questions that you ask which allow me to ponder more deeply on how I am in relationship with myself and all others.
Coming to a place in any relationship where we are “constantly compromising” to fit into it, is a very clear sign that all is not well. I lived like this through two close relationships and in the process completely lost myself as I was not being me. Now that I am coming to know who I am in incredible depth I will no longer make the choice to compromise the beautiful me simply to have a relationship, as relationships built on a lie will eventually crumble and fall.
” When I finally made the choice to leave my partner it was because I just could see no way to continue living with him without constantly compromising myself to fit into his life. ”
This was very courageous loving choice for you Kerstin but what a consequential wise choice you made which came full circle and came back to you in love.
What a stunning story, my whole life I have loved so much and so many. Before Universal Medicine I thought there might be something wrong with me, as I just fell in love with everyone I met, not in a romantic way but in a way that I felt I had a special connection with people. I was working in hospitality and the waitresses I worked with often complained about customers. I couldn’t really relate to finding anyone a hassle. I loved helping people if they had dietary requirements, if they came in hard or angry, I found it the highlight of my day to see their smile, I often connected with the “difficult customers more deeply in the end than the ones that were putting on a happy go lucky front. The only issue was, I did all of this in a way that drained me and so I was on the road to burning out. Knowing you are love and then connecting to that in everyone else is different to loving everyone, it may sound the same but energetically one leaves you energised at the end of the day and one leaves you wanting a knock off drink if you know what I mean?
I do and I was that person too, loving everyone and like a little puppy enjoying making everyone happy! Yet that clarification about different approaches, where one drains and the other one deepens is inspiring and encourages us to keep developing our awareness so we can tell the difference.
I appreciate the amazing reflections especially with the people close to us. They always ask me and remind me if I am loving. Is this love equal with love for others? This is always growth when I am honest.
A great article and certainly touches at the heart of what we all consider or think love is. It brings everything back to our relationship with love no matter what is happening or being said or expressed outside of us. It is true that we will often look for answers everywhere but not consider that right under our noses or right in our own body is the answer to it all and that everyone and everything is a reflection for how much of this love we are tapping into or allowing ourselves to feel. This relationship is always an ongoing one and not stop start or a peaking one. This article has touched something deeper in me and grown my awareness around how I am with everything.
We’re so conditioned to think that relationships ending are a bad thing, that there’s only ‘one person’ – soul mate, the one etc. But the universe is so endlessly bounteous and generous that we are all the one – there is no ‘one’ who has more love than another, so the potential for a relationship – be it a friendship, working relationship, or more intimate relationship, is there with everyone. That’s not to say we’re totally undiscerning and date the first person we see, because it depends on the degree to which a person is living all that they are, and their true potential – and equally so, to start with, how much we are, ourselves.
There is indeed an abundance of love in the Universe and it’s a big fat lie that we have a soul mate – we have many. Some can’t step up to join us and sometimes we can’t step up or accept what is on offer. But there is always more, it is our pictures and ideals do and can get in the way of love.
Isn’t it awesome when we blow ideals and beliefs up! I love it. There’s always an air of sympathy from people when you talk about a relationship coming to it’s end…but what if it wasn’t a negative thing, what if it’s just part of the whole process of life and no big deal?
Wow Kerstin what a beautyfull Blog ????
What stands out here is how we can never lock another into a way of being, that we are all on a path to evolve and get to know ourselves, how we go about it is different for each of us, but ultimately it can bring us the most amazing experiences, if we are open to see, feel and accept them.
Absolutely when we commit to building more love within ourselves we also free others to follow their own path and we never know when these paths will cross again and the deepening love will be revealed.
This is an awesome article. A testament that living love, brings love.
Your words inspire me Kerstin to always know that the connection we have with people today and in the past never goes or fades away. In fact it’s something to appreciate and understand when you meet someone ‘new’ that you may well have collaborated together in previous times. Sometimes this can go a long way to helping explain the trouble and difficulty we encounter in simple matters. It’s not a reflection of the true connection we have underneath.
” What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them? ”
This is very possible and would explain the path of evolution of emanating love with all as in living love with all.
Without the basic foundations of respect and appreciation for anyone we have a relationship with, we will never be able to be truly loving and intimate with them.
It’s beautiful that in the ending of your relationship, by letting go of past hurts the love remained and was there to be felt.
I love this, it shows that it’s never too late at any point in any relationship to make it about love, even if it’s at the end of a relationship, if we make it about love we haven’t lost anything but more gained a whole new depth in our understanding of life.
This question is a golden moment that dearly needs to be celebrated:
“What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?”
What if the love that we feel for another is actually the potential for the love that we can feel for everyone… awesome.
A beautiful confirmation of the reflections and learning, we constantly have the opportunity to explore from the people we meet and have relationships with. Love is equal in all and we all have so much to learn from the loving connections of others too.
I love to feel that actually we cannot love someone more than the other and even though it seems the case it is actually not so. I feel inspired to love everyone like I love my close family by having the same interest in what people are doing, having the same respect for them and showing the same care. It does not mean sleeping around, hugging everyone spontaneously or kissing etc but it is about the quality.
I agree Lieke, it is about an equality in the way we care and love and that means even if we don’t speak a word to a person we can still be loving to them, just in the way we move past them in the street. We have all felt the utter disrespect when someone is unaware of their actions and movements, it’s high time we brought a different reflection for the general public to feel, one of love, respect and care in every move we make.
‘…even if we don’t speak a word to a person we can still be loving to them, just in the way we move past them in the street…’ I love what you’ve expressed here Sarah. I can be as loving with someone I pass in the street as I am with say my mum. Sure I have hurts to let go of but I’m very aware of coming back to love and how I walk is with an openness, not shutting people out or being defensive. Some people really pick up on this and smile wholeheartedly but even those who seem caught up in their inner world, their body’s register everything. How we walk on our streets is how we build communities.
One of these days we will all realise that we do love everyone equally and sure we can move on from a relationship but that doesn’t mean we have to stop loving them or even worse continuously fighting with them without moving on.
I agree with you Kev, whoever said that just because we end relationships, that we have to have hate and discontent with that person for the rest of our lives. And after all who benefits from carrying all of that baggage around – no one.
This is what we are all seeking and deeply craving, real and true love. Once I started this relationship with myself, of giving me the space to develop this relationship first, then I could see how the love that I had for one was the same for another. I didn’t really matter who it was. Sometimes I have struggled with the idea that this would be the case for strangers but in actual fact when I only make it about this connection with myself then I start to see this same beauty in everyone.
I love that life happens in cycles, once something ends something else begins, real love of course is never ending.
Being loving, respectful and caring with someone doesn’t need to be reserved for the one person you have an intimate relationship with. Those qualities are there to be shared with the world.
Heather this is something that I am really becoming aware of. I have noticed that I am able to be loving, respectful and caring with my work colleagues and yet when a contractor comes to work to do a job of any kind I tend to brush them off as being ‘just a contractor’, how incredibly limiting is that, for both of us?
It is amazing what is possible if we put love first and foremost.
Love is certainly not what the pictures we have tell us, but when those pictures begin to dismantle love can be present in ways we would never expect it to be.
Yeah so true – our pictures and what we’re taught say that love can only occur in a relationship between two people, but what if it can be there at any moment? No matter what is happening?
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’
This question is spot on. Once I wanted a partner as an insurance and assurance that I was loved by someone at least and I let all sorts of abuse prevail in order to maintain having a partner and them not leaving all because I didn’t love myself. Now I’m loving myself I don’t settle for abuse because I am not dependent on someone else to love me. What is lovely is feeling that the love I share within relationships I’m inspired to bring to all my relationships. I’ve seen so many Universal Medicine students in loving relationships and marry and it’s not been exclusive so there is no this love is just for that couple. The love is for everyone just expressed differently.
This is a beautiful blog Kirsten and an amazing sharing of the importance of choosing self love as your way and allowing everything else to unfold. Choosing to love and honour ourselves means we are choosing to love and honour all others.
I love the honesty of this blog and a true reflection of how relationships ought to be after break ups. Most people add the flavours of past hurts to the relationship and wonder why there is something missing.
Self love is very underestimated and many people feel they are unworthy or selfish for thinking of themselves. But there is a depth of truth in this, how can we love another if we have little love for ourselves first.
Universal Medicine with its extraordinary gift of practical wisdom, amazing role models, and modalities that heal from the inside out is like the ultimate place to learn how to be in relationship
Thank you Kirsten for a beautiful sharing, we are all so deeply connected as the loving sons of a one loving God, we feel this connection in the smile of a stranger, the face of a baby with its emanating love, underneath the layers of hurt and protection that humanity carry the fire of love resided just waiting to be connected to.
A beautiful reflection for all as we are love and expressing it allows more love and appreciation for the all we are part of and builds an amazing way for truly living with each other and is a real inspiration and joy to read and share.
You are so right Kirsten, we are all deeply connected and have always and will always be, and we can either choose to feel and know this or not