About seventeen years ago I came to the end of a relationship and was divorced from my partner. I was feeling unhappy and desperate and it felt like we were stuck in our relationship.
It was like we had an arrangement but there was no love in how we lived together. We were comfortable in our life but we were not truly respectful with each other and any true intimacy and honouring of each other was missing. It was a horrible feeling to stay with him, but to leave him also did not feel true, because I still felt love for this man. I had always had the feeling this love would never stop. I never truly wanted to leave him but I did not know at this stage how I could go on living with him.
When I finally made the choice to leave my partner it was because I just could see no way to continue living with him without constantly compromising myself to fit into his life.
I now know that then I had no love for myself. I was constantly trying to please him. I did not feel that I was worthy enough and that he would stay at my side when I started doing the things I enjoyed, or living my truth or meeting the friends I felt to meet.
During the last 17 years, since the divorce, we had very little contact as I had felt to stop the contact totally.
Since then I have been developing self-love through the inspiration of Universal Medicine. I have been learning more and more to be with me and to respect myself and my body.
By being self-loving, my awareness of how to be and how to express love in the relationship I have now has grown immensely.
Some weeks ago my ex-partner contacted me because he had suffered injuries in a motorbike accident. He came to see me and received Esoteric Healing.
When we met, we immediately felt the same connection again as in earlier times. What I felt between us was flowing love, without any of the emotional attachments; the old reproaches and difficulties were not there anymore.
This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.
Then I began to wonder:
- Is it true that we only love one person (our partner, wife or husband) in our lives, and not anybody else?
- Can we truly love one person more than another, including ourselves?
- Even if it seems like we would have different intensities of love with different persons, perhaps this is not true?
- What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?
Love, to express love and to be loving, is something natural that is within us. And sometimes we seem to not feel love towards another person, but is this true?
If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?
In truth it is very easy to choose love, because we are made of love.
With my ex-partner, we now have a natural loving relationship, which inspires him to look more closely at his daily choices. He is taking more care of himself and his body and as such his loving choices have increased.
The same happens with my close family members, husband and daughter, with my friends, colleagues and relatives: our flow together and our communication is much more loving and harmonious. This brings an awesome joy into our daily lives.
Who would have thought that the end of a relationship could eventually inspire so much love?
The path I walk today, the revelations I have and the beauty I am able to live is deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Kerstin Salzer
571 Comments
How beautiful being able to open up our heart and realize that love is not something you can measure and give for a special one but a quality from we all can live and share with everyone, equally so.
It’s been a huge support to see and learn from the fact that all my relationships are a reflection of the relationship I have with myself. Because if one is off-kilter then my relationship with myself also needs reviewing. If it’s beautiful then that’s to celebrate in how I am with myself.
Great reflection Leigh. It brings me to appreciate the way I feel today in my relationship with my family, colleagues and friends. There is more ease and lightness, more joy and appreciation for each other… more honesty and transparency which is very linked in the way I’m with myself. An unfolding process far from perfect but full of new learnings everyday.
“This is a living proof for me that we are all connected, deeply so. But most of us, most of the time, choose to not be aware of this connection.” So true Kristen it is sad that we are to our core deeply connected to each other yet we choose judgement and distraction to not recognise this.
Imagine if we had to re-imprint every love-less relationship then would we not find some way to be in love with everyone?
I too have experienced what you have shared Kerstin and it is fascinating to look at the cycle of such a relationship. We come together, usually in love; the relationship ends as it appears that we have ‘fallen out of love’ and then after a period of time we come back together in a relationship of a different form, but in which there still is a foundation of love. So maybe the love that we thought had gone, had not, but we had simply overlaid it with the hurts and the issues we brought to the relationship. It’s amazing what can happen when we address the hurts we carry.
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ I love this and feel the truth in it. As I allow my love to deepen with one person, I have a deeper feeling of love within me and that is there with everyone else. It is as if we are clearing the way to be absolute love with everyone.
An inspiring read Kerstin. When we have regard, respect and love for ourselves, it sets a standard for the foundation of all relationships.
It’s interesting how we compromise ourselves for others, even when they don’t want or ask us to! We literally stop ourselves from blossoming and embracing all that we are and can be, and get in the way of deepening our relationships with all others, because of our own expectations of how we ‘ought to be’ for others – when all they really want us to be, is ourselves.
Thank you Kerstin, a powerful read about love, and this line feels like a gem of wisdom “If we do not seem to love somebody as much, could it be that we are simply reacting to an unloving behaviour from that person and not feeling our own true love inside of us in that moment?”. This very much changes the way we look at love and relationships, coming back to the truth that we are love in our essence and if we are not feeling love then we have disconnected to it inside ourselves.
Having a love for ourself first is important in any relationship.
Every situation is a chance for us to deepen our love, so those that are amazing are simply obvious and the not so amazing are an opportunity to see where we have reacted, then we are opening up to responding, in the most decent and respect-full ways.
I too have learnt that “Every situation is a chance for us to deepen our love” but do we accept the opportunity we have been offered? So often we get caught up in our own hurts and maybe even blaming others for what has gone wrong, that the love that is always there is overlooked and we miss out on that golden opportunity.
I wonder – if any situation could inspire or call out more love in us. Could it be that everything that occurs in life, whether it be a break up, or a family dispute or a problem at work – these are all things to call out the best in who we are and an opportunity to take things to the next level.
This indeed is contrary to our mind.. But oh so true in the body. Love is love and whatever is needed that is impulsed by the inner-heart will be then resulting in its love no matter how the outcome may look like.
It’s inspiring to read that relationships do not have to end in hate and discontent with each other.
Yes I agree, Julie. But it is a belief that so many carry and therefore with the ending of relationship the expectation is instantly there that it has to end acrimoniously. What a lot of energy we waste believing something when exactly the opposite is possible.
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’ …. this completely turns the idea of a special relationship or a special one on it’s head, that it’s someone with whom we build a bond so we can be more with everyone in the world, not necessarily physically so, but showing us that love is equal, it’s our playground to allow us to love all more, and then of course our relationship is not just for us but for the all.
Thank you Kersten, this is a really inspiring post. Self love is so important, but can be so difficult to achieve. I am glad you managed to and that so much love has come from the end of a relationship. I have been separated from my partner for a few years now and I still feel like I haven’t achieved what you have, in terms of learning to love myself but also my ex in a different way.
Such a beautiful confirmation that the love has no end or any exclusivity. As we are love, love comes with us to be shared with everyone everywhere, confirming the love in others and exposing what is not. An ongoing journey, worth to be lived consciously so.
Yes, I agree it is a beautiful confirmation, ‘that the love has no end or any exclusivity,’ that we are love and can naturally emanate this love to all.
Thanks Kerstin, beautiful to read how a relationship can evolve, and that it is entirely possible to let go of hurts and stuff that we put in the way of developing loving relationships, and start again – based on knowing what love is, within and from ourselves, and sharing that with another.
If we are open to it, it is a beautiful thing to know that we live in cycles, not in a linear line and that the end of something simply heralds in a new beginning, a deeper foundation of healing, awareness and loving expression.
I can see with some relationships that once we say no to the unloving dynamics between us it arrests something and many times our true feelings are then allowed to come through.
Without claiming the love we are within for ourselves first, we cannot begin to explore the love and power that is offered for us to claim and reflect through our relationships. We absolutely are all love in essence and through appreciating this in ourselves first we then reflect and meet others with this quality, of which we all equally are.
There is no true end or beginning of relationship and no limit on the depth of Love we can bring. And if we don’t go for it this time, we are sure to get another chance next life.
When we let go of expectations of ourselves and others there is space for more love and this is then reflected in all our interactions.
A very beautiful sharing of letting go of a picture. It is lovely to read that you now have a relationship once more with your ex-partner but it does not come laced with all the things you brought in before. That shows that it makes so much of a difference the way we are with ourselves and the amount of love we let in first.
I always wanted a good relationship with previous partners – after all we loved each other at one stage. Some are agreeable, others less so.
This is really a painful situation when u realize that there is no other option except being apart.. what to say..
well said by d way.
Relationships do not end. We are always in relationships whether they are true or not. When we “end” a relationship are we not ending an old way of being in relationship together? This opens doors to something much greater and grander.
you are very well correct but this is only a myth..nothing else.
I have had a tension with my family since I was very young, recently a situation occurred where someone was very ill and I could feel that I was able to get my hurts out of the way and not let them influence how I would be with my family but just be there and be open to them. It was a blessing for me and for them.
Thank you Kersten for it shows that love is not limited.
This sentence is well capturing of that, as it questions the reader to actually go beyond and feel what the purpose is of love:
‘What if our most loved ones are only reflecting our potential of love with everybody because we feel a stronger connection with them?’