I really admire how some couples can be such good friends after separating! WOW! It is RARE but so beautiful to see. I’ve asked myself “How is that possible, or is it even possible, to be really true friends and hold nothing against your ex-partner after you go your own separate ways?”
“If you break up, you can’t be friends” is the belief I have held until recently and have mostly seen lived out around me in the past. It was almost a ‘taboo’ to be friends after breaking up!
In recent times, and due to my association with Universal Medicine, I have seen an amazing way of being in a FEW couples who have broken up, and have been really amazed to see how wonderful they are with each other – just like good friends (and NO, this can’t be faked!). There is no bitterness between them and they are now truly good friends after separating. In fact, there’s mutual respect and an amazing sense of care for the other person. I have seen this very rarely in couples aside from those I’ve met while attending Universal Medicine events.
It’s like these people have let go of whatever was holding them together, but more so what they were holding against each other. It’s as though they now have a best friend for life – which somehow makes more sense to me, since they did know each other very deeply when they were together. These relationships now seem to be at a new, deeper level.
What’s more, they truly are joyful and OK with themselves, whether or not they are in a new relationship. It’s amazing to see that in someone, and see what unfolds inside me because of that. It’s the beauty in who they are, and how truly wonderful they feel, that’s so inspiring.
It seems to me that maybe for some, there is a time in a relationship where you don’t need to be together, and it doesn’t have to mean that you don’t care for or love one another. Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together. It may seem strange but this different way of being and thinking feels beautiful and right to me. I’m OK with it – it’s been something to deeply ponder on!
In difficult times in my own relationship I’ve wondered, and also at the same time wished, that if my partner and I were ever to go our own separate ways – would there be a way we could still have a loving relationship (a true, deep friendship) that holds no bounds to the traditional ways of ex-relationships? Is it possible we could truly be good friends after breaking up?
In the past I would have wondered how we could do this without hurting or holding things against one another. But now I have a deeper understanding of relationships and of what love in a relationship actually is. Now, the well-known phrase ‘live and let live’ has a whole new meaning for me, and my understanding of it just keeps unfolding deeper.
As I see it now, it’s beyond being together. When you love someone, you are also able to set them free if it’s true for you both to part. It’s not at the expense of your being in pain and getting hurt, but rather it appears liberating to let go of those things that make you hold on and live in a need of being attached. How beautiful it is to not be pushy or imposing on another.
To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.
I can now breathe the freedom of what I feel love truly is 🙂 . I’m no longer scared at that thought of being together or not because I can see the living proof that being good friends after separating is possible; that there is another way and that way is so beautiful and loving.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and the true beauty of the livingness and the way of life that Universal Medicine offers!
By Pinky Pancholi, Software Engineer, Brisbane, Australia
It’s really beautiful to be in and witness a relationship between two people that isn’t based on needing to be together out of desperation to live up to an ideal picture of how life should be.
We cannot own someone in a relationship, so when we let them go we are free of attachment and the relationship can deepen with true love as a foundation.
Beng in true relationship with someone brings with it the possibility for others to be inspired by what they see including the examples of ongoing loving relationships with past partners.
If we choose to journey along the path of life together with another for however long it seems crazy to lose the friendship as well as the relationship when the latter ends.
This can also be transferred to business situations and considering our relationships this way would be far more healthy for us as we would not carry around the bitterness of past experiences.
I cannot help but consider this live and let live approach is important for all kinds of relationships. We must not let ourselves be abused and the safest way to do that is to make space between what you feel you are dealing with and what you feel is abuse. Just giving that space offers each person or party an opportunity to consider what they brought to the relationship and just because another may not, it does not mean that we should not.
Actually it is a weird consciousness that tells us we can’t be good friends with someone after the relationship has finished. You can’t stop loving the other person even if you choose to change the form that was there. It is very hard work to not love each other more every day, but this doesn’t mean that people always have to stay together. Sometimes another constellation is on offer for your evolution.
I experienced after my recent break-up how, after completing how we were together, something new could emerge. We both experience now what true love is, without any expectations, investments, pictures and impositions placed on each other. And boy, there has never been more love than we experience now. A beautiful gift that keeps deepening every day.
It sure is a rarity to find couples that have broken up that remain good friends without any resentment or bitterness towards another. I have personally experienced breaking up with a partner before and after having attended Universal Medicines presentations, workshops and courses and living in a way where I am working on practising the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom all my relationships have changed for the better including a relationship where we were a couple and now remain good friends and only have love for each other just not in a couples sense. The love stays the same just the expression is not exposed in a physical way.
Having drifted so far away from Love our nearest starting point is gentleness, which will then develop into Self-Loving-Ways, and as we deepen our relationship with-in our own essences this is then the reflection as we re-develop the Love that resides within our essence.
True love never has ownership or rights over another person, true love knows it is there for everyone equally so.
Thank you Pinky, even if the configuration of the relationship changes the love doesn’t need to – it can even keep getting deeper.
From my own lived experience, I know that it is absolutely possible to break up with someone and eventually re-build a loving friendship. It took me a while to realise I was just as much responsible for what lead to the breakup and once I had acknowledged that, the doorway to the waiting healing was opened wide. And what an amazing healing it has been, one I never imagined for one moment was possible but one which is now a very lovely reality.
The real question is how is it possible to love and live with someone and then not be great friends when you break up. In fact how do we manage to not be love and great friends with everyone, when love is our natural way?
Could it be we are so lost that Love seems like a distant memory, an old friend that has to re-acquainted by starting with being gentle?
This really comes down to bringing understanding, allowing space and not imposing your own needs onto others and in this you are both held and the harmony is there between you.
I recently observed two of my ex-partners move into new relationships. One of them chose a truly loving relationship and the other chose a needy and very capped relationship. To see an ex choose love was very beautiful and I also felt lifted up by this, I found it difficult to see what the other who did not choose love experienced- even though we are no longer together it hurt to see them choose something less than what they are.
Such wise words ‘When you love someone, you are also able to set them free if it’s true for you both to part.’ So often we cling on but if we are able to let go of a relationship when we recognise it is no longer true to be together there is no reason why the love that brought us together cannot continue.
Yes wise words, if we hold on then surely that is coming from a need – which is never about love, and means we have to deepen our love for ourselves.
Sometimes the arrangement we have with another needs to dissolve so that a true relationship can be lived in its place. Therefore nothing breaks, it simply cracks open so more truth can be lived in its place.
Could it be that our relationships are always evolving and we need space so they can deepen and thus no resolution needed only True connection to our essence?
What you share here Greg makes sense, that we are always evolving, and so our relationships will be too.
It feels totally natural to separate in a relationship and still hold each other in love. This is what I am experiencing right now in my relationship ‘break-up’, there is no blame, anger or resentment, just simply being honest, open and loving.
Love this blog Pinky. I feel like I wasn’t really ready for a relationship until I was ready to let go of it. Your blog helps me see why this makes so much sense. If we make relationships about love and evolution it’s impossible to compromise and the end of an expression in a relationship does not mean the end of a relationship.
This is beautiful and wise words you’ve shared Leonne. This is what I am experiencing that ‘the end of an expression in a relationship does not mean the end of a relationship.’ Breaking up in a relationship can feel like a new beginning and it opens the opportunity to re-imprint the relationship with love as we let go of what was not true or loving.
We can hold on to hurts, or we can choose to start to heal… The thing is we do have the choice.
A beautiful testament to the fact that when love is at the foundation of our relationships, the nature of the relationship may change but the love remains, and in fact guides us to evolve through which our connection to love deepens.
To love another in a way that allows them and you to be free of any attachements is an absolute gift, whatever the relationship.
The same can be applied in the opposite way. Not having a relationship with someone and deeply loving him without the need of being a couple. This is what I’m experiencing recently with a very dear friend. I’m free of loving him with the greatest depth and grandness, something that in the past I would have associated with the need of establishing a couple relationship. What I feel now is the freedom of not reducing this love to something that I only live with him, but the opportunity of living this quality of love with everyone, not holding back, feeling what I feel and let it expand in every interaction I have during the day. In the end love is love, free in its essence.
There are so many limitations and expectations we place on another. When they are seen for what they are, which is an imposition from one to another, then they can be released and the space for true connection is at hand.
What has stopped me from being friends with my ex partners is emotion.
It’s a good point Rik. I’ve found that hanging on to my hurts was a sure fire way to make interaction with a former partner impossible. Amazingly now I have no contact with any previous partners but I feel more love and understanding for them than ever. As I deepen my relationship with myself and my husband I can look back on my life and see the way I contributed to every hurt I had.
Great point Leonne and it is possible we are parenting ourselves? Then True parenting starts with understanding we are the responsible for all our own hurts and the relationships we have can high-light these and this is such a blessing!
After breaking up with my partner I can feel the attachments that are still there and while there is a deep love still between us at times I can feel a judgement come up or a picture of how I want them to be and I can feel that this comes from a need within me and doesn’t just allow the other to be.
We grieve the picture of what we thought we had being ‘smashed’ more so than the seeming ‘loss’ of the person. True love is beholding and never lets another go, even if they choose to walk away.
True Love is always letting everyone in so when we walk that level of Love that is felt as True Movement and as a divine reflection.
We all have so much to learn about love… Which is interesting because they do say that love makes the world go round ☺.
I guess this is what sits at the forefront of these relationships, the love and respect for each other as people regardless of what has happened. In this way we don’t hold each other for ransom over what they did here or there but more accept, understand and appreciate that they are a person first long before they do anything. I see and also I do in moments hold an image to someone that has ‘done’ something and in this moment I bring in a veil which prevents me from fully seeing the person in front of me. In this mode of behaviour you see things through the veil and it brings a misinterpretation of what you are seeing, the holding brings with it a version of what you are seeing. If we always dedicate to seeing the person first and giving them a base level care and respect they are a person first before anything is done, then this supports you to always see the full picture of what is going on. It allows you to understand and accept more.
” To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, ” This is so lovely Pinky this should be printed on a love card .
Having recently parted from a relationship what came up were many attachments and conditions from my side as well as theirs. Having seen the examples from Universal Medicine students I know it is totally possible to continue to be friends. But just like being partners, friendships require the commitment both ways, that doesn’t change I am finding.
You have shared is well Pinky – “ Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.” It is an understanding and deepening of love that transcends the images and romantic notion of what love should be, and a release of the impositions that in the absence of romantic love there is heartbreak and lovelessness, which simply isn’t true.
I have also been very inspired by the ‘broken-up’ relationships I’ve observed within the Universal Medicine community. I always thought it crazy that people would be intentionally bitter toward their X when I was growing up. I always knew it didn’t make sense. You can’t be that close with someone, share your life with them and then just live in resentment forever after. How would that then affect the next relationship and so on?
‘To love and let your love live’, beautifully said Pinky.
Relationships have always been a puzzle to me, until lately that is. I would see people ‘fall in love” get married and then down the track get divorced. I would wonder what happened to the love that appeared to be there in the beginning, could it have just disappeared or was it simply buried under issues and hurts that came to the surface during the time they were together. It seems that most feel that once a relationship is ended that’s it, put it behind you and move on, often in an acrimonious way. How amazing it is then to know couples who have separated in such a loving and respectful way and stay close friends; so refreshing and to me, so very natural.
Thank you Pinky. It is the livingness of love that really counts, that really matters in all relationships. It is in the details and in the bigger understanding that we can have for each other. It is in the deeper causes for our choices and the truth that each one of us is returning to a more loving way of life.
Love between people is love within that is openly expressed and connected to. It needs not the boundaries of a defined relationship, and needs not physical intimacy to be love.
You are talking about true love Pinky and not the twisted emotional type. For with true love we can love everyone the same even ex’s.
Sometimes we can leave a relationship with lots of loose ends. How awesome then when sometimes years later we can share those things together and complete what we were not able to earlier in our lives.
In resisting evolution, we engage in behaviours fed from a consciousness that serves to justify our avoidance in the first place. For in understanding that every relationship offers us the opportunity to grow, learn and evolve we then would realise that ending a relationship can be a beautiful step in claiming more love, honesty, and respect in our lives, for ourselves and for each other, as we are arresting, addressing or calling out a loveless momentum that serves neither person or reflect who we are in essence. True freedom in relationships exists whenever the vibration of love is at the heart of any connection.
Yes I too have observed this amongst a few people that true friendship is possible after a break-up. I am not the biggest fan of the ugliness of break ups and when there’s children involved they become casualties of the war between the couple.
An earlier comment about relationships based on emotional love is where most people are at and when there is true friendship after a break-up, it is so incredible to not only see but feel.
And this belief is , as you say Pinky, deeply embedded in our society bringing with it such anxious and fear, that people will literally put up with anything rather then respond to what they truly feel.
Pinky it was great to re-read this blog again and with what you share “live and let live”, when you love someone truly let them go, through true separation comes true friendships and relationships.
I know that in the past I have held onto my hurts, bottling them up and not expressing them, and if I did it was usually in reaction and came loaded with things that would make it difficult to discuss in an understanding, friendly and supportive way. Over the last few years I have learnt how to express if I am hurt in a way that is loving, and if there is a reaction, not to react back. This may sound simple but I was used to be deep in the reaction almost as soon as I felt the hurt, and running with a story or drama as to why I was hurt, rather than saying that was not loving and express why I felt that. This has made a huge difference to relationships and how I am within myself. So I like you Pinky now I feel it is very possible if 2 people no longer want the same things in life to break up and remain close friends.
“Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.” This is to truly know the meaning of love and it is one of the many healing reflections I have learned by the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
For me a turning point was when I accepted that I would always love my ex husband even though I could no longer live with him. Acknowledging this allowed me to let go of the hurts and appreciate the qualities that drew me to him in the first place. Although we live on different continents in recent years we have supported each other by sharing our experiences e.g. when we were both caring for our elderly parents. It has never made sense to me to dismiss the depth of bond that was there and act as if it never happened – to do so dismisses the importance of the relationship and how it has shaped our lives.
I am coming to learn how many relationships can be based on need and arrangements so when there is a tension and separation people can go into blaming one another for what they did not deliver to each other. However, when the choice in the couple is to make it about love the responsibility comes back to each person so there can be no blame or tension with the other- just understanding.
If we consider life as evolutionary, we can evolve together in a relationship or one may choose not to and move on, it doesn’t mean we discard all we had together, we can still appreciate the learning and observe what was there that did not support us.
‘Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together. It may seem strange but this different way of being and thinking feels beautiful and right to me.’ I agree Pinky as we should never impose a way of life on others and this counts for every relationship we have. It is letting go of investments and ideals we have and choose what we know inside our body, is true and loving to do.
Thank you Pinky for setting the record straight and nailing the belief we have made to be our truth, whilst it is not. Absolutely fantastic and very deeply appreciated all the way. Thank you for your living way.
This is a great lesson for any relationship. Whether that be a tension with a family member, work colleague etc. When there has been an issue- how do you both choose to move forward with it. It is possible to let it go and deepen the love between you.
‘When you love someone, you are also able to set them free if it’s true for you both to part.’ As there is a true marriage in which you evolve together there is also true divorce when evolving means to be not in this constellation any longer.
Relationships are so rarely founded on a true connection, where old hurts are not played out again and again, so it is refreshing to read of a new awareness of relationship, communication and interaction.
This is it isn’t it, “Relationships are so rarely founded on a true connection, where old hurts are not played out again and again”. We don’t give life or people a consistent fresh start and instead choose to keep bringing in old patterns or behaviours and allow them to play out again and again and think they’re real or think they are how things truly are when in fact it’s a recreation of the same thing again and again in a different time period.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine inspire a different way of living and being in every way imaginable, it is truly gorgeous.
“To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! ” Beautiful Pinky. If we truly love ourselves then what another does or how they behave will not affect us deeply – something I have yet to embody – but having witnessed amazingly friendly break-ups I know it is possible.
“If you break up, you can’t be friends”. This is certainly what the belief was when I was growing up and carried on into the early years of my adult life. It was like, when you broke up war was declared and those who you knew took the side of one or the other, property and possessions were fought over, and in the end everyone ended up exhausted and bitter from the fighting. What a waste of our precious energy and vitality when at the end of the day we have simply let go of a relationship that has no longer serves anyone; now that ought to be celebrated.
In couple relationships we can hold the other person accountable for the lack of love or joy we feel inside ourselves, as if the other person is somehow responsible. What I have learned in Universal Medicine is that all the love I truly need is actually inside of me, based on that I can understand why people within the Universal Medicine student body are able to move on and be great friends after splitting up because we know we ourselves are responsible for how we feel. I now feel it’s natural to be friends after breaking up because deep down we do want to feel harmony and connection with everyone.
Its beautiful to see the power of true love and understanding played out between people reflecting to us all what is possible.
I agree Pinky, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have inspired me to let go of so many beliefs and a big one is to know that there may be “a time in a relationship where you don’t need to be together, and it doesn’t have to mean that you don’t care for or love one another.” This brings true meaning to ‘loving all equally’.
It is definitely a real possibility to continue relating to a former partner, and is especially important when you have children together. The most important first step is to both choose this and it may at first take some time as hurts arise and are healed but it is so worth the effort for all concerned. Friends and acquaintances often found it harder to come to terms with the new situation than we did!
This is truly beautiful to read Pinky and deeply inspiring that no matter what happens in our relationships we can still continue to evolve and deepen our connection with another.
I love the sweet and powerful way you express Pinky. “Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together. ” What a powerful line this is. I have learned that I actually need to let go of the idea of being in a relationship with anyone in order to have a loving relationship with myself. When I choose to love myself I set myself free.
Yeah I grew up with this idea that if a relationship ended then the connection would need to end too and that it would be difficult and tense- however through the choices and reflections of others I have learnt that there can be another way- that we can still be connected and care deeply for another even if the relationship has ended. To do this you need to be responsible and hold yourself with love and understanding so that you can do the same for another.
How we are to be with others is a choice and it is a beautiful thing for everyone involved when the essence of a person is always honoured and connected with regardless of changes taking place. I know this to be true even though the opposite is more commonly witnessed or experienced. Just knowing it is possible allows for developing friendships from previous relationships to happen.
Responsibility plus commitment equals freedom… And this means also freedom to choose what is really going to serve everyone… Including yourself.
I also have deep admiration for couples who are able to maintain a loving relationship when apart. This seems to me to be about a deep love for oneself first so there is a deep respect for the other person from this love. If a parting happens even though there may be some hurt involved, each person is able to go back to the love that they have as their foundation.
Your blog raises the question about the impact of our own beliefs on how a relationship can be with someone once it’s over. Feels like the attitude to hold is one of ‘live and let live’, and that for it to work, it actually needs to be in place, authentically so, from the start of the relationship. That means we don’t come in bringing need, imposition or expectation, but walk alongside the other in parallel during the course of the relationship, not losing ourself in the coupledom effect.
Very beautiful Pinky; what I got from this blog is how important it is to never limit or impose on the others how to be with you.. As I know I have lived in this way, by the loving support of Universal Medicine, I am now getting out of this emptiness and live the love within myself, my own life – which is a freedom for everyone around me. And also, how important it is to truly treasure our relationships and treat them like we would do with a newborn baby. Time to put full loving attention to all our relationships and not let any relationship be less valued.
“Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.”
This is so true Pinky, your blog is very beautiful and tender to read, thank you. There is so much to ponder on here and also to be inspired by.
Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine continually offer to humanity the opportunity to have relationships that are based on solid foundations of love and respect, engendering harmony and self –love….sounds wonderful!
‘Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.’ Absolutely true Pinky…. a very personal experience for me has been being locked in an arrangement that has not been working for quite a few years, and all the shoulds and musts have been what was holding things together. In the brief time we have been apart, the growth in both of us has been incredible, and what is more, I don’t feel the animosity any more, but more of the love and care as we are no longer feel like we are in a pitched battle.
‘To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now’ Beautiful Pinky. It makes sense to me too for all true love grows and comes alive when it is nourished, appreciated and held with integrity and grace.
Beautiful Pinky. All relationships start because you feel a connection with another and they have qualities that you appreciate, love and feel you can build the foundations of a healthy and loving relationship upon. But once we get to know people particularly for a long time you can start to focus on what you consider are the faults and flaws in their character that you would like them to change. Unfortunately the only person you can ever change is yourself. If you continue to let the negative feelings you are harbouring feed and surpass the qualities that you love about that person your relationship cannot but fail. This is sad for all but working through and understanding the breakdown in any relationship helps us understand our part in its demise and how in future relationships you can be more responsible, open and accepting of others. Besides, if we don’t let go of our issues from previous relationships you just carry those hurts to any subsequent relationship anyway so effectively you will still have the same issues that caused the demise of your previous relationships still haunting you. What if at the end of all our relationships we resolved and accepted our differences so just as you shared Pinky ’It’s like these people have let go of whatever was holding them together, but more so what they were holding against each other’ which can only lay the foundations for new beginnings of a relationship that values what you shared and learned together.
It’s always inspiring to see couples who have split up still able to converse and connect in a way that retains what I now know to be true love rather than the romantic kind. Letting go, dealing with hurts and any impositions or expectations are all key to be able to achieve this but so doing enables a true clean slate to be started, from where the existing friendship can continue.
What is more, it can be an inspiration for the couple who are splitting up, that they do not have to hold onto their hurts any longer, and by shedding these, can be open to love again in all its different aspects.
I remember a peer at work telling me some years ago how her ex husband and her relationship was much healthier now that they had divorced and each moved onto another relationship. Between the lines I was aware that this would have only come about because they had worked at it and committed to resolving their issues so they could let go of any hurts to actually move on. But what I loved most this conversation was her sharing of just how grateful she was her ex husband had married a lovely woman and so when her children went there on the weekends she knew that they were being loved and cared for as she would herself. It was a stand out conversation because you rarely hear this type of appreciation post break up between couples let alone a woman appreciating another woman so openly. I remember at the time it was quite the revelation but clearly it can be done.
Thank you Pinky for sharing your loving observations, it is so beautiful to see ex partners come together after healing their hurts, having a deeply loving relationship. This is what Universal Medicine offers , a depth of love that has no bounds.
I saw my ex partner this weekend for a lovely walk and what I realized is that there no such thing as a ‘break up’. In Dutch we say the relationship is ‘OFF’ (and when you are together it is “ON”). But what I am learning is that relationships are always ‘ON”, the form changes but you are always in a relationship.
I really liked this Mariette – the ‘ON’ switch remains ‘on’ but the nature of all our relationships is constantly changing.
Its true on every level… especially the longer the relationship has gone on, and you share kids, finances, a huge amount of personal knowledge about each other. In my experience the relationship continues and that is the way to heal the hurts and re-emerge from any hurts that have been accumulated.
We have so much to learn about love, and it won’t come from films or books or sings, but it will come from healing our own hurts, developing a connection with ourselves, and letting self-love flower, for without self-love there can be no love.
So true Chris, for without self-love we are always seeking outside of ourselves to be fulfilled by another which then leads us to having arrangements instead of loving and true relationships.
“Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.” I love this statement Pinky as it says that love is not necessarily about being in the relationship with someone but allowing for someone to live true to themselves and others.
Pinky, such beautiful reflection of the possibilities of staying in relationship or choosing to part from a relationship. It feels like you have encompassed more about being in relationships by just questioning and observing how different a relationship can be either way. We can definitely draw from others experiences and examples to us. The answers to life are around us everywhere if we choose to open to those awarenesses.
When you break up it is easier to blame the other person than be honest, that is why it is rare that people do not carry resentment after a break up. There is no substitute for being honest and true to you. There are many examples of couples breaking up and taking responsibility for their part and thus their love within does not allow for any bitterness. Like you say Pinky, this is truly awesome to witness, and builds trust in humanity.
This is such a contrast to what we often see in our society – so many couples unhappily staying in their marriage/relationship. It makes me realise that love is not an emotional attachment to another individual. Love just is, no matter what shape or form it comes in.
Being in a relationship without the neediness is truly making it possible to part without resentment to one other, there is a beauty in that what you had together, but that doesn’t need a to be a romantic relationship to exist.
How liberating is it to not hold on to this old consciousness of “love – or not love”, but allowing love in different expressions.
To me it seems to be the willingness to become responsible for our own choices and every situation in life, one is in, beside a much deeper understanding of how the deals in a relationship work and further on heal the reasons why one prefers a deal over real love, that lead people associated with Universal Medicine, to stay in love and make true choices for themselves and with each other, also, when they separate from being a couple. I realized during my own process of becoming aware, that something like a separation (like I have lived it in my former life) isn’t even possible, let alone true. When the love is able to disappear – what has this “love” then been? I guess this is the reason why it is so normal to separate and having no true contact furthermore, because otherwise I have to realize, what I have lived and it it seems to be easier to have someone to accuse. I feel the truth, in what you share here, Pinky, for every relationship in life, no matter how long-lasting intimate or casually it is. How liberating and revolutionary for us people, couples, friends, family, humanity to commit to love.
This is great article as it shows that in every situation in life there can be another way if love is the intention. It is inspiring to see a couple break up but yet remain in a relationship, after all there is always a relationship but I found it is my commitment to how the relationship can be and to understand that my past hurts do not have to get in the way. Thank you Pinky for presenting another way.
Great article Pinky about relationships and separation. This shows there is a another way when separation occurs one of love and harmony. Through my experience this happens once all the hurts and issues have been dealt with on a personal level. After all both parties are responsible for their own healing and then the relationship can move forward.
This is such a beautiful sharing Pinky and one that brought my attention to the fact that outside of Universal Medicine I’ve not witnessed a separation of a couple that is stronger in Love living apart than together. Remaining in a true relationship. This would make life a lot different for the many children who are also involved in this process as often it is they who suffer at the consequence of two adults not having a relationship after a separation.
Well said Samantha. Love is love, it only loves. When we make love and truth the focus in relationship, separation becomes something of delicate beauty and deepening honour that leads to mutual evolution.
It is really gorgeous to see the depth and beauty of the relationships of those attending Universal Medicine, so it makes sense that in separation this love is not lost but honoured for what it transforms into. Love does not require a partnership to be only a commitment to being loving.
“To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you” What an inspiring and beautiful sentence this is. I read your blog with a whole new appreciation today Pinky. I can feel that this truth applies to all relationships (not just romantic ones). It is so freeing to let go of needing friends and family to behave the way I want them to and simply accept the way other people feel knowing that the way I feel about myself is the foundation for all other relationships.
I agree Leonne. It is very freeing for yourself and others when there is no attachments to relationships. I have experienced this feeling of letting go and not needing people to satisfy my own neediness. This felt like my whole body opened up letting go of the strangle hold I had on relationships. Freedom at last for all.
What I have learnt through Universal Medicine is that often these sticky, needy or uncomfortable situations and the dynamics that can occur in relationships are based around each persons need of the other. When it doesn’t get met we just part ways in what I have found to be a very callous and cold way towards the other person. But all those needs of and from ourselves towards others, that need to be with them are not actually who we are. When I choose to feel myself under a relationship, be it with a person or situation or anything 99.9% of the time the issue is not with me or the other person or the situation but with something that is not even a part of who we are. How can we take an uncomfortable situation or relationship personal when we feel that ourselves and the other person are not that issue? Only by believing that we are the issue is there an issue.
Well said Leigh. To have the understanding that we aren’t our issues or hurts is huge in a relationship but that love is our true way.
This is a great blog about true relationships. I can relate to what you have shared in all relationships not just partners. Allowing them to be free to choose and setting them free of any boundaries or limitations brings about relationship opposed to arrangement.
Pinky this is very important for us to all be talking about. I found as I moved from relationship to relationship the same issues invariably turn up. It is very inspiring to see people deal with what has come up between them and not just walk away from each other.
Very true Kate our issues keep recurring until we take responsibility for them, often it is just s shift in attitude towards an issue that allows us to feel honestly and understand ourselves more. This is so beautifully liberating.
Well said Kate. I too have found many times when I thought I had moved on from a friendship or a workplace I was going to leave behind the issues of what I didn’t like about it or them but they always followed me. So effectively wherever you go to next you have the same issues from your past coming back to your present to haunt and tease you. This is because they are my patterns, my unresolved issues and hurts that is causing the disharmony in the first place and they don’t just leave me because I move and shuffle my environment or the people in my life. They are with me and I repeat all their associated lessons presented to me until I work through them and let them go. In truth it is actually these lessons that is the true beauty of life as we are constantly and repeatedly given the opportunity to deal with our issues and hurts as they come up in our day and to continue to hold onto them or let them. It is actually this process of working through and letting go that breaks these patterns and ultimately leaves more space to allow more love into our lives.
Letting go of what you hold against each other sounds like a good recipie for health in every relationship. There is so much strength in letting go of our hurts and allowing true, loving relationships to flourish. It would be so great if the normal thing was good friendships with expartners.
Awesome Blog Pinky.
The care and love and respect we have for someone should never disappear. They are always the same person we wanted to be with i the first place! This is really beautiful. Thank you!
”Learning to let go of someone, it seems can be as loving as being together.” Healing the pain when a relationship breaks down is such a loving thing to do for everyone concerned. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend things were not good but over the years while I have attended Universal Medicine my relationship with my ex has changed enormously. It is very beautiful as we now are good friends and my husband has a good relationship with him too.
My expartner ( that even sounds strange) and I are such an example. We’ ve been 5 years together of the 11 we know each other and best friends ever after… For me it would have felt very strange, if we would not have any contact anymore- only because we split up, I don’t love her less?!… I never understood, how other couples could do that…
The way you describe us living with issues that we are constantly “holding against each other” connects with what I have experienced Pinky. It really is quite literal – being this way is physically tiring. It’s as if I am lugging round a heavy suitcase from the past wherever I am going. Your words at the end convey too how freeing letting go can be, like our body has permission again to freely breathe.
If we just contemplated one aspect of the outcome of people attending Universal Medicine presentations, and that aspect being relationships, this alone would make Universal Medicine the ‘ must go to’ courses for humanity. People are usually such a mishmash of hurts, conditioning, concepts, ideals and beliefs, all around relationships and love, that to be able to have a clear and true relationship based on this quagmire of conceptual reality is virtually impossible. Universal Medicine cut through all this miasma of dysfunction, and offers everyone the possibility to deeply heal, reconnect with their true selves, and experience the joy of love and harmony of true relationships.
You raise some great observations about what differentiates those that can migrate with ease from relationship status to a great friendship and those that can’t. For me it’s about the true meaning of the word love and the true living of it. Because if at the end of a relationship we’re at all still needing those needs met that got us into it in the first place, then we’re in trouble. Love starts with self first, not from the moment a potential suitor bids for our hand.
‘When you love someone, you are also able to set them free if it’s true for you both to part.’ I know this to be so natural and the true way of living, if you cannot evolve together anymore with living together, this is the next step to do lovingly so.
Such a wonderful perspective that you offer Pinky – to live and be in a relationship without fear, regardless of how that relationship morphs – if it does morph at all. I agree it’s wonderful for everyone around these split couples, to see a harmonious relationship be the end product of all the time had together.
Well said Oliver, I agree it is very inspiring for us all to see the harmony and mutual respect people can redevelop in their post breakup relationships. I also love how it actually honours the time they had together.
What does the belief “If you break up, you can’t be friends” tell us about the popular conception of married relationship? At least that you stay until you cannot stand the other one. But what if the breakup is precisely a loving decision? As the blog makes clear, this is totally possible.
I love your voice Pinky and I am glad you use it all the time. Thank you for pondering on this amazing subject of being friends after the break up. I too have reflected on the interactions between people after they are no longer a couple. At best they remain neutral and passive with each other. But I am amazed to have witnessed the deep level of respect and honouring at the Universal Medicine events. The ex-couples relationships continue to grow and expand with each other as beloved friends.
Pinky you have managed to convey the truth of what love is, which is really a very incredible thing to have done. When I read your article I could feel the freedom that true love allows and then so clearly I could feel what we have, as a society, come to believe love is in relationships. We have bastardized love to mean some kind of unspoken agreement about how each person will behave, what they will do, what they will not do etc and it feels so incredibly shackling. You used the word ‘freedom’ when you spoke about true love and that really sums up true love in any relationship.
“To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.” Beautifully said Pinky.
What an inspiring blog you have written- a choice to be love and come from that always no matter what relationship we are in.
It is so beautiful to read this again Pinky as I love what you have presented. With true love there is no beginning or end. If we choose and allow it, this love can evolve, deepen, and expand within ourselves and in our relationships. ‘To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.’ – I agree. As when we honor this love for ourselves we can then equally honor the love in others, reflecting a way of true love that has no end.
I love what you have written here Pinky. Thank you. I had not ever allowed myself to still love someone after a break up. Instead I had tried to stop that all together which never worked. It is only since attending Universal Medicine courses and presentations that I have now chosen to not bury or harden, and I have given myself the permission to still love people even if I am no longer with them. I don’t even need to tell them, its just for me to not close down my heart in an attempt to shut them out.
And for me it has also been an inspiration to see how some ex couples are with each other.. and another inspiration is there is no jealousy from the new partners. Something that I have not seen often in the past.
I have had moments in my relationship when I have felt jealous when my husband has seen and spoken to his ex. I would go into comparison and it felt awful. As my husband and his ex was meeting up quite often I noticed that I was becoming less jealous and more accepting. This is work in progress but I know it can be done and like Rosie, I find it incredibly inspiring when there is no jealousy from the new partners while they witness the loving relationship their partner has with their ex.
This modus operandi has played out in all my previous relationships… I would make a very clear decision that I was not going to be in relationship any more and would cut any ties and basically not see them any more. What a waste, having got to know them and not being mature enough to realise that there can be a difference between the one relationship where we choose a partner, and the fact that we are all in relationship. Its retarded me and my understanding of others, as well as hurting the other people involved. There is definitely a different way, and it has been great to read and be reminded by Pinky’s blog.
Pinky this was so perfect for me to read this am. It so incredible to feel that its possible to separate with so much love that you can hold each other as loving friends.
Thank you Pinky for sharing with such honesty. “To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.” Love is constant, evolving and it connects us all.
This is a great and interesting subject you raise Pinky, and what I got from it was that if it’s true love, then it cannot not love i.e. stop loving, and, equally, given that true love is all-encompassing, it means that love loves without distinction as to who it is, and so YES on these two counts, it is completely possible to continue to love deeply a partner even when that relationship has changed course from before. The love just flows into another part or area in which to enrich and expand the lives of those involved. This is why true love sets us free. Love evolves to an even greater love, naturally.
Hi Pinky, yes, this way of being is a testament to what true love is, it knows no bounds and doesn’t just stop when we choose not be together is a formal partnership, even after parting ways the relationship continues to evolve in other ways but always based on love and respect for each other. So beautiful.
Hello Pinky and a great subject to discuss. This part struck a cord in me, “It’s as though they now have a best friend for life – which somehow makes more sense to me, since they did know each other very deeply when they were together” especially the last part. In most cases you know the person “very deeply” but yet when you separate you are suppose to pretend you don’t know then or in some cases you become enemies and work against each other. It makes no sense and as you are saying Pinky it makes more sense in how you are saying things. I have ex partners that I still come in contact with them and from learning about the responsibility I have for myself through Universal Medicine I see them differently. There is a respect and appreciation more for who they are, it’s by no means perfect but I don’t treat them like total strangers or tick boxes if I see them. I appreciate the relationship I have with them and treat them as any other friend I see. Thank you Pinky.
Our relationships are amazing points of reflection and there is always something on offer to learn about ourselves and how we can hold all others in true Love – no matter what the nature of the relationship may be.
What you say Gemma is so true- we are constantly learning by our choices in relationships, as everything is reflected back to us. So therefore it is not about judging whether a relationship should continue or not after separating, but more about looking at the quality we bring to it, and what is there to learn from, to embrace and then build on.
Wow Pinky, that last part really struck a cord in me – how freeing is it to allow yourself to be the love that you are and allowing that other person the equal chance rather than the smothering feeling of needing to be together in the name of so-called and assumed ‘love’ in that sense. That even though their choices may be a certain way that shouldn’t change the love we present to them or to ourselves – Thank you 🙂
This is a wonderful blog, Pinky. The belief that break-ups mean the end of friendship has always bothered me, because if you’ve ever loved someone, if you’ve ever laughed with someone, if you’ve ever shared a deep communication of any kind, it doesn’t die – it can just change form. To deny that and put up a hostile wall after breaking up seems a terrible loss and a very unloving thing. I am one of the ‘raries’ in having some wonderful friendships with exes – that are now deeper, more loving, more respectful and more allowing than they ever were when we were a couple. To me this ‘oughta be normal’, not rare!
I am going through the process of separating from a long term relationship and though it is painful I can already feel a sense of freedom and space and I am more able to connect to the love within me which was covered by not wanting to feel the layers of pain that had built up over it. Pinky, I like your phrase ‘let your love live’ – the love is there within but it was being suffocated by my contraction. As I take responsibility for my choices and let go of anything I am holding against another I expand and can ‘let love live’. I know that we will always have a loving relationship even though we are not together as a couple, but more importantly we will no longer be holding each other back from expanding into more of who we are.
Relationships are a great way to learn about yourself and others. Pinky your story reminded me of my last long-term relationship breakup…I learn’t more about my ex and our relationship after we broke up as we stayed friends for about 6 years after. I was able to heal things within me by staying in communication despite some awful things that happened in the relationship. Taking responsibility was the key to this and being honest with the parts that we bring that were not loving can bring great understanding and thus acceptance.
I think it is a great point about relationships ending, that in letting someone go we can let go of the false love we may have created in the relationship that was based on some emotional or physical need being provided by another. With the possibility of true love and respect remaining for that person.
Letting go of what is false and not true in any relationship leaves far more space to true love to come into our lives and as Pinky shares, sometimes ‘Learning to let go of someone, it seems can be as loving as being together.’
I Love what you are sharing here, there is no need to be scared to part when the relationship is not about a need and a reliance upon each other but about an equal sharing of love.
There is no coincidence in me stumbling on this blog just as my relationship is in heavy weather. What I realise is that we let the hurt get in the way and that for me it is necessary to love and appreciatie myself first instead of expecting confirmation from my partner. I don’t know where we are going, it might be better to go our own separate ways, but we’ll still be together in the deep love we share. After reading your beautiful light blog that doesn’t seem so scary anymore. And taking the fear of separation away might give room to stay together. We’ll see.
Isn’t our world up side down? It is so natural to stay best friends with our ex-partners, that is our natural way of being with others. But we experience it not as normal in our lives. Only if we hold on to old hurt, needs and expectations we end up miles apart. Like you wrote, Pinky, love simply is. It is a beholding and giving another time to come to their own amazingness.
I agree with this wholeheartedly – it is natural to have a friendship with our ex-partners. Why not work through the hurt and enjoy yourself and the other person regardless of the relationship status?
I can relate to this blog, I have separated from my partner just recently. Our foundation first is love, and whatever came between us wasn’t about us, it was about what ideals and beliefs that were held, and what we were ‘trying’ to create. We gave up the trying and are left with a deep love that was there from the start and was always there but our ‘stuff’ got in the way. We now have an amazing friendship, that is evolving every day. We wont be trying to make the love something we will just love without attachments, without it needing to be anything. Thank you Pinky for bringing this blog to us.
“To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.”
Beautiful blog Pinky, love is not a prison but an open space where everyone feels free to be who they are with respect to the other.
This is great in terms of showing us how it is really possible and not a mear concept that it could or might happen but that it is actually very possible to continue to have a have relationship with another after the break up…. This to me sounds amazing
A great sharing Pinky. When we truly feel love we are able to feel the freedom this offers. No attachments and expectations. Love is love and just because we are not with someone it does not mean that we stop loving them and it does not have to have pain attached as this is from emotions (needs, expectation, hurts etc.) and not from love at all.
Thanks to Universal Medicine and blogs like yours Pinky I realise it is possible to leave behind what we hold against each other. I’m holding on to straws when there is so much love around me that makes the hurts redundant.
I have experienced divorce and throughout we remained civil, it was only when I really looked at myself and took responsibility for my actions throughout the marriage that the hurts and blame disappeared. I could then connect to my ex with truth, responsibility and love. We are free to be friends.
Having just experienced that, I could set my partner truly free and with this connect to a level of love that is beyond words and I am still humbled and deeply touched by this blessing as I now know what true love is and means – and that I am and live true love from the depth of my innermost.
If you truly love, you have let go of all expectations and plans and can let the other be truly free, free to choose their way and you will lovingly and joyfully hold and support them in everything that feels true even if that is falling in love with another person.
It suddenly does not matter if you will continue to live under the same roof or on opposite sites of the planet, there is a foundation and connection that is far beyond any bonds a partnership or family ties can reflect.
What this magical „break-up“ (I prefer to call it a rebirth) has inspired in me is a deep stillness and serene beauty. I feel the beauty of love and stillness starting to shine out from me like a gentle ball of fire. For the first time in my life I am not searching for love or a new partner anymore but have a deep innate knowing that love will come to me at the right time and at least the level which I have lived and embodied in this big-one partnership and deepened with this ‘break-up’. I will not settle for anything less and I know that life will present not less, but much more for me to go deeper and explore.
Pinky, what a great observation – yes it is true. I always wanted to stay friends with former partners even when the relationship was not so nice but that has only really happened with my very first girlfriend.
It would be nice if more of that was happening. Such role models are enormously needed.
As well as passing over can be a joyous moment of celebrating the beauty of a lifetime’s completion, the ending of expression as a couple can be celebrated in joy, if the truth of it is felt by both partners. It’s a re-imprint of this situation for all, and I feel blessed to have experienced this and hence served.
This is something I am learning. “When you love someone, you are able to set them free if it;s true for you both to part.” I can see how this can be also true in all other relationships, not just with partners. When there is a foundation of love within a relationship this offers a reciprocal freedom of choice and respect without need.
A gorgeous and also powerful blog Pinky, thank-you for writing on this subject. If we love another truly, i.e. without need or expectation for them to be a certain way, we never stop loving… I love my first husband dearly. Our marriage ended over 9 years ago, but I cherish and love the incredible person he is to this day, and I always will.
As you’ve described in your blog, we similarly had no ‘drama’ around our separation, there was no attack, no outplay of undealt with hurt, for we had lived together with a deep level of respect and honesty, it was a foundational part of who we were. Separating was the result of a point we had got to, where the opportunity arose for us each to heal what was in the way of a deeper level of relationship yet again. We did not blame the other for anything that occurred. Some deeper layers of hurt of course surfaced, but I have to say, that we were each pretty amazing in taking responsibility personally for the point we found ourselves at. Nothing whatsoever was ‘hurled’ at each other with unnecessary harmful intent.
I have no regrets for the time I lived with this beautiful man in my life. The point of completion (of one form of relationship at least, i.e. a marriage) was most definitely arrived at. Had this not been honoured, I have no doubt we would have continued on without true growth, together, and then the recriminations and bottling of hurt may have well become a problem.
I agree Victoria, the key to continuing and even deepening a friendship after separating as partners is to accept responsibility for our part in the relationship.
I love your blog Pinky, very beautiful. I am also very inspired by couples who break up and can still be friends. There is something very beautiful about this kind of relationship and you have captured that in your writing. ‘To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now’. There is no judgement, attachment or imposing in true love, you are allowed to be yourself.
Pinky – great delicate name! Your line ‘How beautiful it is to not be pushy or imposing on another.’ reminded me of a Universal Medicine event I attended on the weekend. I observed the man, he was tender and manly, an unimposing bundle of love and the female stood there and accepted this in full. Each was just allowing the other to be and I have to say it was THE most exquisite sight and feeling.
I have discovered that there is not one ounce of emotion, need or imposition in love. Therefore when people say they love each other but there is all that other stuff going on, what they are talking about is not love. I identified this imposter calling itself love when I broke up with a boyfriend about 30 years ago. Over time I learnt more and more about what is not love. It is only since I met Serge Benhayon that I have started to discover what true love really is… and that is such a freedom. Unimedpedia Love provides a great insight into the energetic meaning of love here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html
Thank You Nicola, I just downloaded the first two audios presented by Serge Benhayon about love and relationship from the link on your comment. They are amazing, I haven’t heard them before but what Serge presented is absolutely incredible. It exposes to me that I have been living in an illusion of what I thought Love is. If anyone has ever felt rejection or think that they know love, I also highly recommend that they listen to these audios presented by Serge Benhayon. ‘Why we don’t let love in’ and ‘What happens when we hold back the love that we are?’ I am going to listen to them again and again as a reminder until I live in LOVE and not hold it back.
Beautiful to read Pinky. When I was younger I would be devastated when my relationship would break up. I could in that state definitely not ‘be friends’ with the boy in question. These relationships were based on a lot of need. Now I have a more loving relationship with myself and also with men. I start to have relationships based on love, there is almost no need and in this way no attachment. I am learning it is not about being in a relationship per se, but about true love and connection. And this is beautiful.
It’s so liberating when we understand that love has nothing to do with emotional attachment or having our needs fulfilled by another.
Great blog Pinky and the topic is awesome to talk about and get it to be NORMAL. When my ex-partner and I separated there was a lot of hurt, but we realised that we did not stop loving each other, but that we just chose a different way to be in life. So we supported each other to get over the emotional hurt, but we never stopped loving each other. We also had lots of fun together, we went for example buying a new bed for him as he was moving out and we were trying it together in the shop being silly and fun with each other as we always have been. This way we still maintain till today and our sweetness never left even though we don’t see each other a lot as we really live very differently and we don’t find lots of common points to share. But when we see each other its always in a deeply loving way and my now husband and kids know him and he is always welcomed. I can only say I deeply love him but I choose not to be with him.
Universal medicine shares a way of being in relationships with no expectations, judgements and attachments, therefor nothing but openess, equality and respect. I feel these things are all key to being able to have a friendship with anyone after any event, if the willingness from both people is there to commit to these things.
I agree Danielle, there is an emphasis on staying open, or even of opening up once the relationship ‘ends’…. as we let go of our hurts and come back to being ourselves again, which is to be naturally open and loving.
Thank you Pinky Pancholi for bringing this view on relationships to me. I can feel that when couples part that this is an act of love, because keeping each other in a relation that does not work is not a loving way to be together. It feels that natural to me when love is build in a relation there could come a point where both agree to say stop to this way of relating to each other when there is no way to grow in it and, that the natural outcome of that is a relation that has indeed a deeper level of love as a basis.
Gorgeous blog, Pinky – thank you.
I too was always under the impression that if you were in a relationship with a man then you could not break up and maintain a friendship. When my marriage ended I found this very difficult although I wanted to maintain this relationship as we had two grown up children. Over the years we have both have been allowing a friendship to build which is far more real and loving than the time we spent together within the marriage. We now respect one another and the love that we have is the same love that I share with all my friends.
I love this topic. It has never made sense to me to go from loving someone to hating them with all the hurt that is caused to everyone. ‘Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together.’ This was the truth for me when I separated from my husband because I could feel how we were harming each other. For me the pain of losing the relationship was eased when I accepted that there was a part of me that would always love him and that has been the foundation of the relationship that we have since established. However reading this I can feel that there is more to let go of so you have inspired me to go deeper. Thank you Pinky for this beautifully reflective blog.
Thank you for writing on this beautiful topic Pinky and one that is far too rare – the love that does not end with the intimate relationship.
It is far more typical ( I would say normal) to see the breakup that results in hatred, contempt, animosity, battles over assets, children, court hearings…
..but hold on, only x number of years ago these people were head over heels in love! Can love truly turn into such a level of hate that the person who made your heart beat faster now makes you want to run a mile in the opposite direction.
That was certainly my relationship pattern. I would build up such a level of resentment that by the time we ended it I never wanted to see their face again.
So I am wondering now…was it ever love?
Sitting here now and looking back I can certainly say there was immense need in me that never got fulfilled. Need, fulfilled or otherwise, is certainly the breeding ground for hatred and gives you plenty to hold against the other person. It really takes it back to what was there at the very start of the relationship.
Like you I observe the couples at Universal Medicine who have broken up and I am inspired. I have learned as much about relationships from them as I have from the couples who are together. I have learned so much about myself too.
Great blog Pinky that has inspired so much reflection.
Pinky this is a really interesting subject. Why is it that we can ‘be in love’ with someone when things are going well but that love ends if we break up our partnership with them. So I ask – what sort of love was it in the first place? Was it really love . . . Or was it a need that the other filled?
“I stayed friends with a girlfriend in high school as she was in a close group of friends and I can say that I still held a lot of hurt against her and didn’t experience a loving friendship. But now I have totally let go of all attachments to that relationship and I can say I feel I know her deeper than I did when we were at school”
I now have two ex-husbands, both of whom I raise children with – and in both instances there has been no overall blocks on ongoing friendship. I have known my first ex-husband for 25 years – 11 of these post marriage, and will always know who he is and hold him with great warmth and fondness, no blame despite the circumstances of the relationship ending. In leaving the last marriage the level of love definitely went up massively as all need, attachment and wishful thinking was let go of – no more using an unsatisfactory and frankly abusive relationship to hold back from flying. My ex-partner was left with the consequences of closing off from the love that was available which has at least the potential of healing, rather than being unseen, felt or dealt with in the pretense of partnership that was in reality going nowhere. There is now a really great honest, uncompromising friendship – on the basis of a far more real respect- even through a very easeful financial settlement and soon divorce completion. It is not only possible, it can be so so much more loving in a true sense than staying stuck in a dead end, instead embracing a new way forward. I love how your observations and so many ex-couples experiences turn all sorts of commonly held beliefs on their head.
Wow Pinky, I love your blog, so many gems of wisdom. I found myself wanting pick out one line to comment on, but there are so many, your words are ALL gold!
I am still friends with my ex-husband and my ex-partner and still have great affection for them. Letting go of the neediness and imposing on them to make me feel better is so liberating. It just allows us to be ourselves.
So yes, I do believe it is possible to remain friends with our ex-partners, we just have to deal with our hurts and love ourselves.
A wonderful observation Pinky. To remain friends would require a deep love for self and humanity as the measure of love you have for yourself is what you can give to others.
I loved reading this again and I have to say I also love the photo that goes with it, it is infectious and makes me want to laugh and laugh as well, a perfect fit for your lovely article Pinky.
If you can or can’t be friends when you separate, seems like a good test of how true the love in a relationship was in the first place. I was always a bit confused by people who claimed to adore their partner, then so easily turned to hate or revenge when they separate. Loving a person for who who they are, not what they bring us is the sort of love we all need more of in this world.
And another thing… I couldn’t agree more. Through what Universal Medicine offers, it is possible to truly discard the things that have hurt us, which allows these true friendships to flourish. And yes, it makes so much more sense than to spend the rest of our lives shutting someone out that we once loved dearly…. as is the more usual way. As always, Universal Medicine is leading the way to break the trend.
Pinky this is a beautiful blog, your expression is just as delight-full as those you are observing, it made me smile all the way through, thank you.
This is so gorgeous Pinky. The relationships you have described are proof that true love is never harming, always healing, all encompassing and always provides the opportunity for evolution and expansion together or apart. Love is whole within us first before it is shared with another and with this amazing things are possible.
I love your blog Pinky as it is something that i thought about a lot in the past too. To me it never made sense that you can deeply love one person one moment and resent them the next, or ‘fall out of love’. I have come to understand that we often not truly love in the first place but play a game of needing to be accepted, recognised and not rejected that we call love or relationships. Of course when this then goes wrong all the feelings of not being accepted and being rejected causes hurt, pain and blame making it often hard or impossible to stay friends or truly connected.
From my experience, I feel that it is in the letting go of attachment that we can start to truly deepen in our relationships. Where being together is a choice and commitment to living the love we feel each and everyday with each other and with everyone
This an excellent point Joshua, attachment is a killer. My earlier relationships were based on need and not love. It is only when I started to deeply love myself and let go of the neediness that I started to deepen the way I was loving. The way I love now has no attachment, no condition and no need.
Pinky what you bring to this relationship conversation is the need in all relationships for deep honesty starting with ourselves. I see too many relationships that are just going through the motions of being in a dull, lifeless and dishonest relationship where neither person expresses how they truly feel. If both did express they’d probably find deep down they have a lot more in common then they are currently living and that expression would ignite an intimacy whether they continued to stay with each other or not.
Great sharing Alison. In all our relationships there is always more room for a deeper honesty leading us to deeper intimacy.
Lovely Pinky thank you so much for breaking this conventional thinking of: “If you break up, you can’t be friends” I love what you share about your own experiences. I made similar experiences and for me this was very healing in terms of that these couples held love first and not the hate and the blame! How inspirational is that!! Did Hollywood ever make a famous film about that????
Beautiful Pinky, It is a great observation that when there is true love, there is no need to be with each other. Because we have already what we are and it is there within ourselves, so if there is a feeling of that it is better to be apart again there is no hurt.
Yes it is deeply inspiring to see ex couples being amazing true support for each other through true friendships. Redefining what love is – taking ‘need’ out and allowing a person to be themselves without any impositions. This is true love.
Yes Donna, this is true love, for all, equally. That concept may be difficult for many to comprehend, I know it was for me, but the more I start to truly love myself, the more understanding I have of what this truly means.
Love is an energy, we all have it inside of us, it is just a matter of re-connecting to it.
Before attending Universal Medicine workshops and presentations I had largely thought that separating couples were just ‘lucky’ if they could remain on reasonably good terms. I now realise that the very fabric of learning self love underpins how we are able to hold others with similar love, dignity, respect and provides a foundation should couples decide to separate. Pinky, your comment ‘How beautiful it is to not be pushy or imposing on another.’ also struck a chord with me as a reminder to just gently keep ‘tabs’ on myself in all my relationships. Thank you.
‘To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now’ is just beautiful, Pinky. Thank you for opening this conversation, could do with some airing and cleansing because it has been considered ‘normal’ to have a vengeful/bitter/unhappy relationship with our ex’s – til now!
For me every relationship that I had, whether or not I still see them, has a special place in my heart. Especially the more I appreciate and love myself, the more I can appreciate and feel love for my ex partners. It is true, the form changed, but the love stays.
Yes, it is possible. In my experience it is about not blaming the other for our hurts and allowing ourselves to see the whole picture and with that give room to understand the other. And I find this applies to all relationships, particularly those relationships I rather find difficult and would prefer to avoid.
Esther that is a good point to not blame the others for our hurts especially those relationships we find difficult and would prefer to avoid them. This is particularly important because with my experience if I didn’t look at these hurts there will be another relationship starting to reflect me this unresolved hurt again. There is not really a way to avoid it so it is better to have a look at this hurt instead of running away.
‘To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice!’ – such a perfect blog to read and reading this part was just gold. Being reminded that loving someone is letting them be themselves and having freedom to live their life was the exact reminder that Madeline needed.
Pinky – you have challenged me a little with your feeling provoking blog! It has brought up for me the attachment I have for my husband and how I would feel if we parted. It is really beautiful to feel that relationships can grow to another level after a separation and as Kylie says they “change shape and form but never end”.
Learning and developing love beyond the society norms is really quite something! To actually truly live accepting the change in relationship while holding and honouring the other asks us to be more than the cultural ideals and beliefs that have been handed down and embedded in us for eons. We don’t have to stay trapped in emotional cycles and hurts. As you say Pinky the living truth is that we can remain and even deepen our true friendship.
There are wonderful inspirational people living this truth by living a total acceptance and a deep love for themselves which then has a natural flow on to accept and love another equally with out exception. The opportunity to release someone from a belief of how the relationship should be or could have been is an incredible deep opening to loving acceptance of ourselves, each other and then all of humanity. Releasing ourselves from the cycle of emotional attachment and hurt is a gift that is then shared back to all of humanity.
It’ s sad when a relationship breaks down, and any communication is totally lost. To come back together, and talk about the causes, is so inspiring.
You may both move on to new relationships, but to be friends still is wonderful.
And further Mike, it makes sense to me that by communicating honestly and letting go of the causes of one relationship breakdown it would undoubtedly give you a clearer sense of your own responsibilities to, and how you can nourish and support all the new relationships you both move onto too. Win win for everyone.
Love is Love, Relationships never end – great blog and great comments.
That is so true Andrew. Relationships never truly end and they constantly give us an amazing reflection of our own choices.
Thank you, Pinky, for shining a light on the attachments we carry and how there is another way if we choose it. This has brought up some interesting stuff for me.
Very inspiring blog Pinky, to experience separated couples staying in a relationship as friends this would be a power house, it says a lot about truly loving relationships. What a beautiful foundation for our children and everyone to have.
So really, relationships never end! They may change shape and form, but there is never an end.
I can feel the lightness of your blog, Pinky, it’s beautiful. It’s inspiring, how you have reached a deeper understanding about love, relationships, break-ups and true friendships. Yes, friendship after relationship is possible, there is another way and it is lovely.
Awesome blog Pinky – I too have been blessed to see couples that have separated and are able to be close and caring in a friendship with each other. It is lovely to know this as a possibility, and I love how you have presented that we can let go of those things that we so often hold against each other. After all, it makes sense to continue a friendship post separation, as in the end each and every one of us are here to reflect something to another – and each and every one of us is so valuable in this role! Together we evolve.
Pinky as I was reading this blog I could feel the depth and freedom of true love expanding within me. As it is so true that when you truly love there are no need for boundaries to exist. This was such a joy to read and to feel how this is a beautiful foundation for all relationships. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous expression of truth.
This is beautiful Pinky, as your words always are. I have come to appreciate this too – that true freedom in relationships is so beautiful to feel – each person on their own path completely supported in their own choices. It is a different way to be to the norm, but how awesome that we can talk about this and bring it through as a possibility.
A very wise and thoughtful reflection on true friendship Pinky, and how love can exist after a separation.
I agree Bernadette. Beautifully said.
Thank you Pinky, it is very inspiring to see separated couples stay or become good friends.
This is still a relationship, no longer the physical and living together but none the less a relationship. Which takes the same level of committing to honestly and sharing, to make sure things remain truthful and in integrity. As after couples separate they can still play out in ways that are needy and unclear.
Friendships with ex partners – of course this makes sense. To do it takes love and responsibility.
Totally inspiring Pinky – “To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.”
This is a beautiful article Pinky. To truly love someone we have to allow them to be free. To truly be loved by someone we have to feel we also are free. There is no true love if we exclude anyone.
I love your observation here Pinky.
Thank you for sharing Pinky. When my husband and I divorced 16 years it was with much anger, hurt, pain and emotion with neither of us ever contemplating that we would be anything but bitter enemies. But now, although we are not friends when we do come together on an occasion relating to one of our sons it feels so harmonious. What a gift that has been and is for us all.
I love what you have shared Joan, thank you.
Hi Pinky, I have remained friends with some ex partners so I can totally relate to your article
I have seen this too and it is so beautiful!
I remember as a kid I would watch movies and when there was a break up, they wanted each other out of each others lives. It confused me that they could once be so close, to now not wanting each other at all. It’s like the people that are still friends after they break up, are allowing themselves to deal with the separation, remain tender and compassionate to themselves and to the other person and in that, there is no forgetting the love they have for that person. Even though now it will be expressed in a friendship.
There is always another way to respond to anything in our lives, the more loving we are with ourselves, the more love we can respond with to our ex parners/colleagues/family…
‘To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice!’ Great that you were able to heal your anxiousness around this, Pinky. I feel touched by this sentence as it inspires me to let go of expectations concerning relationship.
Thank you Pinky for discussing this topic. I am good friends with my ex-husband, as I have always believed that as the relationship was initially based on love, the love is still there – it hasn’t disappeared, just changed the form in how it looks to the people involved and the outside world. In coming to this place of friendship, it did require feeling and working through the hurts etc and being honest with self, but ultimately, making it about love first (shared with his permission).
Hi Pinky I agree it is really inspiring to see genuine loving caring friendship between ex partners. It is also lovely for kids to know that their parents still love and respect each other.
Beautiful blog Pinky – I have remained friends with my ex’s and the children involved (although 16 years+) are very grateful for this as they enjoy being able to spend time with us both at the same time still and always comments arise as to how great it is that our home is open to them always.
It is great to hear and very inspiring that many couples after breaking up have a more deeper relationship with their ex, as they have dealt with their hurts, and based the relationship on true love.
This a a lovely sharing, Joan. Thank you.
“To Love and Let Your Love Live” is quote of the year! This is a very inspiring and confirming blog, Pinky. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful observations. I am left with much to ponder for why shouldn’t a true and lasting friendship be the norm after a break-up? We are all evolving and I feel that perhaps when we allow a relationship to complete, we can then be free of any attachments which then evolve us to truer relationship which then serves to deepen and evolve all our relationships. It’s a win-win all round!
I never would have believed that seperating could actually deepen your relationship. When my former partner and me set each other free our lives suddenly started to blossom and our true selves started to show.
We are now best of friends and care for each other more than ever before and truly support each other. It was interesting to experience that at first nearly no one seemed to understand why we separated – let alone separate and still love each other.
Setting you free instead of separating is indeed a very powerful reflection which makes people think about their choices and become more aware of that there is much more than the usual „break up and never see you again“.
Thank you for sharing your experience Michael, if we don’t let the hurts get in the way there is a natural freeing up and all the attachments that held the relationship together disolve. Gorgeous to hear that you and your former partner are best of friends and are a true support for each other, this is so different from what you normally hear when two people decide to separate.
What you have written feels so beautiful Michael. Through reading this blog and the comments, I truly feel that I have had so many expectations and ideals about relationship that it is no wonder I have struggled in this area. I can feel the truth of the importance of setting people free, and just pondering on that I feel more spacious within myself. Thank You.
thank you, Pinky for speaking up this topic. I was married for 14 years and after the divorce we became even deeper friends as we were before we break up our relationship. Today, I can say its one of my deepest friendships I ever had because we shared so much together. Because we saw each other in so many situations and because we loved and still have love for each other.
Pinky this is truly such a beautiful revelation you have expressed, thank you. The freedom felt from the letting go of attachment and returning to true love simply brings connection and intimacy back no matter what our roles are to each other, allowing what true relationship is to unfold.
I totally agree with being able to be friends after separating, I have always wanted to keep in contact with past boyfriends and stay friends. I have only recently realized that many people think it is a weird thing to do. But it is only weird if you hold something against previous partners and find it hard to let go of hurts from that relationship. I love that so many people you know are able to do that. really refreshing from the norm. It makes sense that you would want to be friends with someone you were so close to and have a connection with. Being in an intermit relationship with that person might not work, but you could have an awesome friendship and relationship regardless.
A lovely article, thank you for writing this Pinky. As Gabriele commented, both parties have to be able to work towards creating a beautiful new friendship after separations and this must take time. So whether staying together or separating and staying friends “it takes two to tango!”
Great to come back and re-read your blog Pinky. I love how with love nothing is set in stone we can rewrite the book of love if it is done with true love. Don’t ya just love it?
There really is another way of being in relationships and I too am inspired by the many relationships I have observed in the Universal Medicine Student Body and amongst Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family. I have often wondered how two people who have been very close and intimate and slept in the same bed can end up hating each other. What I really appreciate about your blog is that you bring it back to Love. When we make the Love the intention and foundation in our relationships, then transformation is possible.
Your words apply to my new friendship also. I want to bring ‘not to be pushy or imposing’ and ‘let go of the need to be attached’ into it in the early stages, as we build a foundation of love together… Thank you Pinky.
I remained friends with my ex-husband, he carried on working in the family business, and as the father of my boys it was often necessary to discuss things relating to our children. I always was aware that how we related would also have a huge impact on our children, divorce is a stressful enough event for children without it being added to unnecessarily.
Pinky, this is a great blog – I like how you have presented about the fact that if we don’t hold any fear about there not being a friendship/connection if there was a breakup, then it actually deepens the relationship – brilliant
In past long term relationships I have had, they did not end in friendships. There were too many hurts and a break down in communication. I left my family home like an emotional pinball machine and as a young adult I did not have enough consistency or self worth to support me making loving choices in relationships. I have changed a lot over the last 12 years and I can see that there is another way to finish one sort of relationship and have it evolve without emotional overload. I can feel that ‘love’ can offer another way. Thank you for sharing.
I have always found it sad that people allow love to turn to hate and distrust. It feels to me that love that turns to hate is based on emotions and needs rather than what is true for both parties/people. When two people come together in true love with no need there is a love that is not diminished if they choose to part as each takes their love for and of themselves with them.
Well said Mary, when there is true love from the start, love continues whether people remain or not in the relationship, and when they leave, love walks with them which is the love they brought to the relationship in the first place.
I agree Mary & Jacqueline…love based on emotions and need is not true love and is laced with so many expectations. The hallmark version of love so often portrayed on TV & in movies used to suck me in years ago, but thank God I have realised that true love resides within and can only be shared with another, not given or bought through chocolate and flowers.
Thanks for the blog, I can relate to this very well as I have had a couple of relationships where by I didn’t speak or stay in contact with them once we finished. I have also had a loving relationship with an ex boyfriend and it is amazing.
One of the differences is I started to look at myself and how I could have done things differently – not blaming the other person for what ever I thought they had done wrong which created the issues. Letting go of what happened and reflecting on myself has had a massive difference. Now when i am with my ex which really I don’t use that word any more – he is a dear friend and we enjoy our time just being ourselves with each other. Very special because the Love I have now for him is not laced with any emotional needs or desires, it is what it is.
Gorgeous to feel how you can deepen your love and connection with someone even through a break up. Thank you.
Pinky. A truly inspirational blog. It is lovely to see couples that have split up, and have remained firm friends, and still have respect for each other.
I now know that in the past my relationships were all based on emotional needs. I had always found it strange when ex-couples were still friends… they were just ahead of the game so to say, its where we should all be. Once you get emotions out of the way its easy. You get to see a whole new loving caring person from a different perspective.
It has never felt right to me to end a relationship and just walk away as though that person never existed; that your time together meant nothing. It seems to me that society has this unwritten rule that you should not be friends after a break up but I have met people who have ended their marital relationship, but still remain best friends and who have a lot of love and respect for each other. Great topic Pinky, thanks.
Indeed, what a lovely blog Pinky. There is a wonderment and joy imprinted here that makes me want to come and enjoy Brisbane with you. I love your choice of blog here, really interesting, and honest. Thank you for that. In my past I have often found myself desperately afraid to let someone go… who will fill that void after all. But now I take full responsibility for everything in my life I am seeing very quickly the impact of letting everyone go. For me it’s not just about immediate partners but all individuals in my life. Without imposing the burden of Me on to them, I am able to bring all of who I am without judgment and the relationship is allowed to blossom naturally. The friendships and relationships I have started to make in this way are so close, so loving and all round amazing. I am having the best time.
Taking it to the next level, Phil – getting ourselves out of the way in all relationships. Great pause for reflection here, thank you.
Thank you for so clearly expressing something that I too have experienced!
This is lovely to read Pinky. Beautiful observations.
Wow, amazing blog Pinky. ‘Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together’ – totally inspirational, thank you!
I have seen a few people I know go on to be friends when the relationship ends, and like you have said it is an amazing thing to see. I am very humbled by people who are able to do this, because I am so used to seeing the painful break ups, the heartbreak, arguments etc, that we see in movies and in life. I imagine being able to end the relationship and stay friends with no hurt or anger towards the other person takes a lot of love, respect and understanding for both parties. Being able to mutually let go of the relationship and realise maybe the love you have for each other isn’t meant of a relationship, to me is huge and very inspiring. I love the quote you use Pinky “To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.” It makes sense to me too and is a great quote to live by. Thank you for sharing Pinky.
Beautiful Pinky, thank you for opening up the subject. It is so incredible to see people being able to remain friends after they part. We usually hold so many hurts and grudges against the other person that remaining friends is impossible. When we truly take responsibility for ourselves, then we cannot hold grudges against another, for its our own expectations and beliefs that cause the pain, not them. The fact that people are willing to address their pain in order to ensure that after they part, they still have a true friendship is so incredible and offers us all a great healing. As you say, in relationships we get to know one another very well, so why can’t that be a basis for a loving friendship afterwards?
I agree Rowena, and as you say in relationships, ‘we get to know one another very well, so why can’t that be a basis for a loving friendship afterwards’.
Also as Pinky shared, ‘To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom’. This feels beautiful.
So very true Rowena, I have found that it is my own expectations and attachment to outcomes that can cause the pain and not the other person, even though I have often preferred to blame others. When I choose to take responsibility for my own issues and address them, it allows the possibility of a loving relationship with the other person regardless of the changes – and in fact the changes, when based on truth can deepen the relationship.
I agree Rowena that the healing available for all concerned and around them is immense. As we witness true love and friendship after break-ups we shift our perceptions, ideals and beliefs back to the Truth of Love which is really inspiring and brings much joy.
Well said Rowena and I agree, responsibility is the key. After any break up we are each responsible for healing our own hurts, letting go of any grudges and for accepting our contribution to the demise of the relationship. But once the intensity has settled the connection and any of the qualities that you each felt for each other originally are still there and freely available to lay the foundations for a healthy and respectful friendship.
Hi Pinky, I haven’t dated many people and I haven’t stayed friends with any of them – but reading this helped me with understanding why, which was cool. The relationships weren’t built on true love, but all on emotions and needs. Thus the undealt with hurts involved upon the breakup just made it uncomfortable to be with them, or them with me. It’s cool to know it doesn’t have to be like that in the future! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Cheryl, I can completely relate to what you have just shared here and knowing that there is indeed another way.
Well said Cheryl and as you say Marcia “there is indeed another way”, which this article beautifully explores. As it, and all the comments endorse in different ways, it is so worthwhile.
Thank you, Pinky, for sharing how liberating it is when we redefine the confines of social ‘norms’.
Thanks for sharing Pinky. It is rare to find true friendship with an ex-partner. I remained friends with a couple of ex’s for a while but eventually lost touch. I feel that a lot of relationships are built on emotional love therefore the hurt involved in a breakup is not easily overcome. Finding love as friend after a breakup is true love.
Very true Kevin, with emotional love you will always be at the mercy of all those past hurts that haven’t been dealt with.
Kevin, so true, I have a few ex relationships I am best friends with and a few who just lost contact due to the hurts held. I always left wanting to remain friends, but now understand why this sometimes has not been the case and why we might struggle to stay in touch – when we opt out for emotional love and various hurts we choose to hold onto.
Pinky, thank you for sharing, it is inspiring for others to see that there is another way. I am still best friends with a few of my ex boyfriends, as I always used to say you can still be friends, still love each other but do not need to be in the relationship. Most people around said that’s just crazy, but I always believed in it and stuck by it. My ex-boyfriends came to my wedding too. I so believe when you have shared so much, why do you need to separate on hatred, you separate because the relationship does not support you both to be together for whatever it is, but the love is still there if you allow to feel it. I have had a few relationships that allowed hurt to get in the way and chose not to be friends, but that is their choice. Having understood more about love, relationships and feelings through Universal Medicine, it so makes sense why I always was in favour of being friends no matter where a relationship went.
Absolutely! You have made such a liberating revalation. Both of my ex-long term boyfriends are two of my best friends today (and are both coming to my wedding to my new partner). I have nothing but love and appreciate for them, and I feel this from them also. There is no need. Love is love, it just takes different forms.
Great blog Pinky. Beautiful Anna that your 2 ex-boyfriends are coming to your wedding.
Anna and Pinky this is truly amazing and beautiful. Staying friend with previous partners and harbouring no resentment is actually possible and you are proof of it.
Inspired by the Way of the Livingness I have had a very loving and mutually respectful relationship with my ex-husband for a few years now. In the beginning there was sadness and quite a lot of hurt and resentment, but I would call it out and my ex-partner also found a way to point things out to me that he used to put up with and just bury while we lived together. Last year I invited him to attend the Universal Medicine relationship workshop with me and it was a great opportunity for both of us to share how much we appreciate ourselves and each other and it also allowed him to feel and express the deep sadness he had buried when we parted ways. It was as though a heavy burden lifted off his shoulders and our relationship evolved to another level of honesty and deep appreciation for one another.
Gabriele, You & others like you are my real inspiration & that is what I had seen around me that I had not before & it was truly moving in a beautiful way. It surely is liberating for you but also others who get to feel that reflection from you. So thank you for you. <3
Gabrielle. If only all relationships that end, could come back together, and talk about the hurt you both felt in your relationship and clear the air.
It was a most amazing experience, Mike and one I can only recommend. There is nothing like setting ourselves free of the burden of reservations and opinions that we can lug around with us after a relationship ends – after all, this is not something anybody does lightly, so the potential for growth and learning is immense.
And sometimes the potential for growth and learning is bigger when we are out of relationship. Still we can grow and evolve together and still be in relationship, rather friendship, and be loving. It happened to me in few occasions.
Yes that was my experience Elena with my last long-term relationship…much learning, and growth when I could bring a deeper understanding about the choices that were made. In this particular relationship it was the 6 years after & staying in contact that I could see how my lack of self worth was impacting how I was treated. So in our friendship after I had an opportunity to claim my power back…it was truly healing for all concerned & I learnt so much.
I have been witness to Gabriele’s evolving and loving relationship with her ex-partner which has been absolutely inspiring for me. It is amazing to feel the level of integrity and love that has been there all along and to know that we can nurture this with all our relationships.
Beautifully worded Marcia and the extra bonus is that we bring none of the past into any of our new relationships!
And to add, you don’t stop to love the person you have been together especially if it was a long time and you know each other so well. It is not a easy way sometimes to look at your hurts but it is worth of it. Feeling the deep love without any reservations and burdens from the former relationship as partners – is just amazing and supporting.
Wow Gabrielle, how deep your commitment to love must be – to end it , but then reconnect to clear any residual emotional hurts so that you can both go forward, evolve and be free to live more lovingly from then on. Very inspiring!
How deeply inspiring Gabriele, it would be seemingly easy to brush things of as the past but you both chose to heal the past together and come back to a true and loving relationship showing that a relationship like this is not bound to partners and can be with everyone, even the most unexpected ones like ex partners.
Gabriele, very beautiful to read. Many couples going through the emotional roller coaster ride of a break up and the aftermath could gain much from your blog.
Gabriele, this is healing for you both and for all others who are reading this as you are living the truth of love and not the often superficial relationship love in which appears to have a barometer which fluctuates depending on how each is feeling. It must be such a joy for you both to now be living in such honesty and loving connection.
That is beautiful Gabriele, thanks for sharing. We can all learn so much from each other when we are open to sharing our experiences.
Gabriele. This is truly inspiring and a way to heal the hurts that can fester after a relationship break up. Learning to love ourselves and everyone equally is a beautiful way to expand true love in the world.
Gabriele, that is amazing. I wonder what is the difference between people being in a committed relationship and being good friends – why do we sometimes choose one and sometimes the other?
Wow what a great healing for both of you Gabriele and your willingness to be love is very inspiring.
Wow Gabrielle, this is lovely.
This is so beautiful Gabriele. I know that I often avoid talking about what I really feel, especially the buried hurts. The Universal Medicine Relationship Workshops allow the space and time to get real about what is really going on.
Gabriele it is so beautiful to feel the shift you and your ex-partner were able to make by supporting each other in such a loving and truthful way. To know that we can be with an ex-partner in this way is so healing and is evident in the choices you and your ex-husband have made. Now that is true love and evolution in relationship.
Great article about relationships. It is very inspiring to see people in relationship break up, heal the hurts and let go of need, to then have a loving relationship with their ex partner.
This is so true sallyscott2012, it is inspiring. It can be painful coming out of a relationship which was based on needs, but it could be that it was not a true relationship in the first place. Being single means to me that I can work to heal my hurts therefore letting go of any need and then imposing them on another, then I can deepen my love for myself and any relationship that comes along will be based on respect, honouring and love, on both sides.
Wow! How liberating to feel the true friendship and support with deep respect and care towards the another this way of living can bring. The is TRUE love! Awesome Pinky. 🙂
Joshua, It is truly liberating & beautiful to have true friendship again!
I’ve experienced this myself in a separation, and can absolutely vouch for this first hand. The big shift for me came when I began to support myself with deep respect and care, which naturally over-flowed into my (now separated) relationship. I’ve found that while it’s not necessarily perfect, and there are still sometimes things to work on, that having a relationship that is based on love, and not resentment and regret, is definitely very freeing and expansive for both parties.