I really admire how some couples can be such good friends after separating! WOW! It is RARE but so beautiful to see. I’ve asked myself “How is that possible, or is it even possible, to be really true friends and hold nothing against your ex-partner after you go your own separate ways?”
“If you break up, you can’t be friends” is the belief I have held until recently and have mostly seen lived out around me in the past. It was almost a ‘taboo’ to be friends after breaking up!
In recent times, and due to my association with Universal Medicine, I have seen an amazing way of being in a FEW couples who have broken up, and have been really amazed to see how wonderful they are with each other – just like good friends (and NO, this can’t be faked!). There is no bitterness between them and they are now truly good friends after separating. In fact, there’s mutual respect and an amazing sense of care for the other person. I have seen this very rarely in couples aside from those I’ve met while attending Universal Medicine events.
It’s like these people have let go of whatever was holding them together, but more so what they were holding against each other. It’s as though they now have a best friend for life – which somehow makes more sense to me, since they did know each other very deeply when they were together. These relationships now seem to be at a new, deeper level.
What’s more, they truly are joyful and OK with themselves, whether or not they are in a new relationship. It’s amazing to see that in someone, and see what unfolds inside me because of that. It’s the beauty in who they are, and how truly wonderful they feel, that’s so inspiring.
It seems to me that maybe for some, there is a time in a relationship where you don’t need to be together, and it doesn’t have to mean that you don’t care for or love one another. Learning to let go of someone, it seems, can be as loving as being together. It may seem strange but this different way of being and thinking feels beautiful and right to me. I’m OK with it – it’s been something to deeply ponder on!
In difficult times in my own relationship I’ve wondered, and also at the same time wished, that if my partner and I were ever to go our own separate ways – would there be a way we could still have a loving relationship (a true, deep friendship) that holds no bounds to the traditional ways of ex-relationships? Is it possible we could truly be good friends after breaking up?
In the past I would have wondered how we could do this without hurting or holding things against one another. But now I have a deeper understanding of relationships and of what love in a relationship actually is. Now, the well-known phrase ‘live and let live’ has a whole new meaning for me, and my understanding of it just keeps unfolding deeper.
As I see it now, it’s beyond being together. When you love someone, you are also able to set them free if it’s true for you both to part. It’s not at the expense of your being in pain and getting hurt, but rather it appears liberating to let go of those things that make you hold on and live in a need of being attached. How beautiful it is to not be pushy or imposing on another.
To love someone to me now means that you are able to set them free of any boundaries or limitations or impositions of being with you, and let them live a life of freedom, freedom of their choice! To love and let your love live is what makes sense to me now.
I can now breathe the freedom of what I feel love truly is 🙂 . I’m no longer scared at that thought of being together or not because I can see the living proof that being good friends after separating is possible; that there is another way and that way is so beautiful and loving.
By Pinky Pancholi, Software Engineer, Brisbane, Australia