If I reflect back on my parenting before I found the ancient wisdom teachings presented through Universal Medicine (UniMed), how would I describe myself as a parent back then? I was always firm as a parent, however this originally came with wanting to control everything. I had also given myself over to parenting and therefore had little or no sense of myself. This meant that I was angry, not truly happy and often sad. These feelings often came out towards my daughter.
Parenting was a mechanical motion that I had somehow found myself in, except there was no me in it. I was parenting from everything that had been fed to me via books, friends, family, every other parent I had met, maternal and child health nurses, the neighbours, TV and movies.
So as an angry, unhappy, sad parent this is what my parenting looked like:
- Fear, of getting something wrong and that I would harm or hurt the child.
- Trying to control everything, which was not realistic and therefore at times I would get frustrated at the lack of control I actually had.
- Being able to continue to do everything â I was a driven, crazy person at times.
- Being tired was a given, it came with the title of parenting. Letâs face it, I often met parents who would say things like, âI have been tired for 5 yearsâ.
- It was âgrit your teeth and bear itâ, you just got through as best you could.
- If you did not get to look after yourself on a given day that was ok, the needs of the child were first and foremost. This meant giving up on something as simple as having a shower and getting dressed each day.
- Not trusting myself and looking for answers everywhere outside of myself as to what to do.
I came across UniMed and Serge Benhayon when my daughter was four. Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon I came to understand how everything comes back to energy: the crazy way I parented came down to my being run by a quality of energy that left me ragged, feeling like I was not enough as a parent, exhausted from trying to get it right and leaving myself last, which meant everyone else got looked after first.
Today the quality of energy that feeds me and my parenting is very different: I look after myself first; there is a steadiness in my day; I am confident in my decision making and communication with my daughter; I am more than ok in accepting that I am not perfect; it is ok if things do not get completed or done; I ask for support and help when needed; I am responsible for how I am being â it is not my daughterâs fault; and there is a true, loving quality with me as I choose very consciously to be with my daughter as she grows up.
My parenting has changed, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I can now parent lovingly and know that being a parent can be an opportunity for great learning and development for both mother and child, and be a loving and joyful experience every day.
This change is because of very simple presentations made by Serge Benhayon â the core of this for me being that it is important as a woman that I know and understand my body from the inside out and so to develop a relationship with who I am and how my body works. I bring a deep honouring to myself in relation to how I feel in each moment; I learn to love myself by nurturing and caring for myself as much as I would any child. I am then myself first: a much more loved, cared for, nurtured and understanding person when it comes to parenting⌠and to life.
As I parent now, after almost 10 years of using the ancient wisdom teachings as presented by Serge as my guide, I have made some pretty cool changes:
- I have learned to look after myself first and foremost.
- I am able to love myself as much as I love my daughter.
- I am very rarely tired as I look after myself during the day.
- Parenting is so much fun and very playful.
- I am in touch with how I feel about parenting and the decisions I make. There is a lot I do know if I allow myself to feel it.
- I have let go of my control issues and therefore no longer get frustrated, angry or sad.
- There is lots of laughter and joy in our house.
- My child has a right to make choices.
- Parenting is no longer about me controlling my child.
- I see and treat my child as an equal.
- I actually put time and effort into parenting so that what is presented is all about love first.
- I am participating in raising my child and not just allowing it to happen as she grows up.
- My husband and I present that the quality of your energy, how you are being, is the most important thing when talking about topics relevant to our child and what is going on in the world. So if she makes decisions to do things, she knows how they will affect her and the quality of who she is.
- There is always a loving discipline in our house that teaches responsibility about choices made and allows us all, including my child, to be accountable.
At the Universal Medicine retreat held in Hoi An, Vietnam in March 2013, I was able to add to my unfolding about parenting. A significant part at the beginning of the retreat for me was that I did not really feel how amazing and beautiful I was as a woman. Other people saw this in me, including friends, my partner and my daughter, and they would express this to me. I got to feel the sadness within as I had not accepted or felt this truly for myself for a very long time.
In allowing myself to feel this, I could then actually claim that I am an amazing and truly beautiful woman. I can now absolutely role model this with my 14 year-old daughter.
- I can actually feel how amazing I am every time I tell my daughter how amazing she is.
- I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day. As she enters her teenage years she knows without a doubt that as women we are naturally beautiful and very amazing.
- I can inspire all children and show them that what is being lived in the world is not âitâ, that there is a different way to live, a way that is very loving and beautiful.
I have a deep appreciation and love for Serge Benhayon and his family for living a different way and sharing it with us. Parenting for me will forever more be all about love.
By Sally Scott, Manager, Perth, WA
Super wise Sally, Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Really I have found no better formula to brining up a child then to use the ancient wisdom teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon – nothing touches the sides.
“In allowing myself to feel this, I could then actually claim that I am an amazing and truly beautiful woman. I can now absolutely role model this with my 14 year-old daughter.” A beautiful reflection for your daughter and all her friends.
I have come to realise that are all ‘watching’ each other constantly. We are watching for signs of our divine origins or not and this is something that none of us need to be taught, it is something that we all inherently know. So kids are no different, they are watching for signs of our true origins and they sure as hell know when it’s not.
My parents got involved with the ancient wisdom teachings about 11 years ago. Almost half of my lifespan and having had the two to compare. These 11 years have been amazing in how we’ve built our relationship of parent and child together that nothing previously could compare to.
We have the idea that everyone, including our children, need more of our time and we expend ourselves to exhaustion to the detriment of everyone. By supporting ourselves first and making sure our needs are met we have much more in the tank for everyone else and everything else.
When we choose to take loving care of ourselves this is then reflected in our parenting.
“I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day.” This is brilliant because role modelling is such an important part of parenting, if we don’t love who we are and if we don’t cherish who we are – what are we teaching our kids?
” I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day.â Not only does beauty ‘come from within’ but it also comes ‘through’ us. We have become so tangled up in concepts, ideas and opinions about parenting but there is so much value in simply standing back and allowing Universal Intelligence’ to flow though us and to be felt by our kids. So often we get in the way and end up blocking the most incredible intelligence and beauty, an intelligence that knows what to do in every single situation imaginable. That’s not to say that there aren’t many, many times when we need to step in and be proactive, it’s just to say that most of us don’t know when to step away again.
Your story is a deeply touching one for many reasons. A sadness of the way pictures/ideals/beliefs topics can really manipulate us and stop us from being ourselves. A joy of hearing a woman re-connect to her beauty and her amazingness and to let go of control. A sadness for me of how I let pictures/ideals/beliefs get in my way and that also stop me connecting and appreciating my amazingness and beauty.
Yes, I agree some lovely changes to how Sally is parenting, like looking after, and loving ourselves primarily, ‘I have learned to look after myself first and foremost.
I am able to love myself as much as I love my daughter.’
Unfortunately this way of parenting is still the norm for many parents, no wonder exhaustion is so big in humanity at present, ‘Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon I came to understand how everything comes back to energy: the crazy way I parented came down to my being run by a quality of energy that left me ragged, feeling like I was not enough as a parent, exhausted from trying to get it right and leaving myself last, which meant everyone else got looked after first.’ How wonderful that you have made many new loving choices that support you and your daughter.
Parenting should be so natural as it is all about Loving and re-learning to Love ourselves one would wonder why we would have to do something we already are especially as being Loving is simply felt when we re-turn or re-connect to our essences. So maybe we should be teaching our school children to reconnect to their essences and then the understanding of how Love simply works miracles for our bodies.
Serge Benhayon has been teaching on many many areas in life. Including parenting by speaking from his livingness, way of living life, which made it easy to grasp and feel what he means. This is inspiring for this allows the opportunity for another to feel what other way of parenting in this case, is possible. This shows us that our greatest science is the one of and from within us lived.
There is a need to control in parenting because we do not feel equipped to deal with what is in front of us sometimes. It is a low-grade anxiety (sometimes a high grade, in-your-face anxiety!) and therefore this need to control becomes a perceived necessity. Yet as you have shared, when you make space to deal with self-care and nurturing yourself, this need to control diminishes because you feel the equality of each member of the family.
There is an old saying ‘the proof is in the pudding’ I have watched over the years Serge Benhayon inspire many people to connect back to their soul. Which to me has become the only way to live. I am only just starting to fully understand what that means as I can now feel the difference quite clearly in my body when I’m aligned to my soul and when I am not.
I recognize some of the things described here and I love how much fun and lightness parenting has become. What also made a big difference for me is that I don’t always have to have the answers or have to know everything. We are learning from each other and together.
Sally this is really beautiful, I am not a parent but I found your blog inspiring and relative to me still as a woman in life and how I relate to myself and others. Absolute gold, what a joy to read this! I was also touched about the advice you gave your daughter related to her decision making and to factor in how it could affect her and the quality of who she is â truly loving support, I’ll be taking that on board for myself also.
When we can feel the love for ourselves as we express how beautiful and gorgeous another is, it brings such joy and an equalness regardless of age. It is magical moments such as these in our day that are priceless and confirm who we are and where we are from.
Sally I love your list – this is so absolutely amazing, what a change around – what you model here has to be the future of parenting if we want our beautiful children to grow up to be responsible proud adults.
Amazing changes Sally – thank you for sharing.
It is incredible to feel how stabilising living in connection to love is, as it exposes all that is not of love allowing the space for greater love to be created as a foundation into our lives. Thank you for sharing just how this can not only be lived but sustained and deepened. Amazing and inspirational.
Yes, what is Love and what is not Love becomes apparent when we deepen the relationship of Love with ourselves as it brings a lived quality to our honesty that forms a foundation of livingness.
“I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day. As she enters her teenage years she knows without a doubt that as women we are naturally beautiful and very amazing.” What an amazing foundation to have when growing up, forget good schools, money and how to books – what you have reflected to your daughter here is fundamental to her evolution. Amazing thank you for sharing Sally.
I notice that when I don’t look after myself life becomes a struggle, it is difficult and challenges occur. The ease and flow of life is gone and in this I then seek relief from the difficult times.
I could look back and say that my style of parenting was ‘absent’ for a number of reasons: I was pretty much checked out, eating to numb feelings of tension, distracted by my own busyness and we had a live-in nanny Monday to Friday so I could be in full time work. Having said that I loved putting the children to bed and I enjoyed spending time with them at weekends. When the youngest was 7 I gave up full time work and went self employed, which gave me more time to be with them before and after school, but I was often on my computer doing emails and sometimes I was late picking up my daughter. I felt guilty at not being the ‘perfect’ parent but both of the children have grown up to be beautiful, caring adults and the love is definitely there between us and that is more important than anything.
It is many years ago since my children were little but I still can remember the challenges that I faced daily and realise now that most of them were of my own making. The trying to be the perfect mother and to have the most well-behaved children was crippling and left me in a permanent state of exhaustion. So I can totally relate to everything you have shared here Sally and I know that sharing this is sure to support lots of mothers as they face the daily challenges, and the joys, of parenting.
There is so much push, control, drive and comparison in the model of parenting the world sells. This extends to all of our relationships as everyone needs a pull up on occassion. Unimed presents a model of parenting that supports grace, love and evolution in parenting.
Blame and self-depreciation are two of our spirits favourite tricks. But how often do we let these condemning thoughts in? Itâs so crucial that we keep coming back to the fact that we are Love and not letting these stories control who we are – thank you Sally.
What I have found Joseph is that love leads to more love and yet what I also know to be true is that unloving behaviours seem to also lead to more of the same. But if we can only get a foot into the door of love, just a tiny embryonic gesture towards love then it’s right there, chomping at the bit to get involved with us, until it feels much more like a snow balling effect and then wahoo, we’re up and running with the love that we all know so well. It’s like being reacquainted with a loved one.
TO have a reflection in our lives of how to parent with love and in a way that is not all-consuming, disempowering or draining is a true gift from heaven. Blogs like yours share that wisdom a smidgen further so thank you Sally for inspiring me just as Serge Benhayon inspired you.
‘I actually put time and effort into parenting so that what is presented is all about love first.’ It is this time and effort which over time pays off as our children feel safer when they are guided with loving boundaries and consequences or given permission to take responsibility.
‘I have learned to look after myself first and foremost.’ Finding time to go for a gentle walk, eating nourishing food, moisturising our hands or taking a long soak in the bath are essential basics if we are to be able to truly support our children, but how many parents actually do this?
Not many Fiona, it is much more usual for parents to run themselves absolutely ragged trying to cram everything in. Rushing here, there and everywhere in a state of almost perpetual tension. How many hours have most of us spent driving our kids around town feeling the pressure of trying to get somewhere whilst also trying to work out what and how we’re gonna get dinner ready (not just for tonight but for the rest of the week), this pressure doesn’t abate during the day, whether we go to work or stay at home, there seems to be the same amount of pressure to ‘get things done’. And whilst we’re in the thick of it there seems to be no other way and yet there is. Odd in some ways that starting to bring more focus to ourselves leads to more space and a better quality to life, but it does, it really, really does.
Wow what a shift in the way you are parenting and the relationship you have with yourself, Sally. I loved reading about how the anger and frustrations melted away when you looked at control and let that go. I can certainly see how I still have this in me and get frustrated with my daughter when she makes a mess, but in this is my control for things to always be tidy.
In my experience, every time I have parented my daughter in a way that is controlling her actions rather than honouring and appreciating her for her natural qualities, it has backfired and been met with resistance from her. I can see now that this reflection of resistance is a good sign because she was feeling it was not right which allowed me to look deeper into why I chose that approach.
I have the same experience, whenever I do something towards another in a controlling way it backfires and gives me the opportunity to question why I want things my way instead of letting go of protection and judgements.
What a great blog to start the New Year with so thank you very much Sally. As I so relate to putting others first and not being able to Truly nurture myself. It is only when we see that light at the end of the tunnel and reading your blog has done that for me that we can make the shift for our selves, so I very much appreciate the wisdom of this blog at this time in my life. It has always been said when the student is ready the teacher will present them-self.
I feel you have nailed parenting in essence â it is about love, love for yourself. Parenting either fathering or mothering is the quality in reflection how you parent yourself. Through inspiration you have that guide another can feel and see – it is felt before you actively go through the motions of the parenting.
Could not agree more Rik, our reflection of our lived essence is felt and can only be rejected by others if they so choose.
Wow Sally! There has really been a before and after in your parenting, due to the great changes that you have introduced into your life… it’s clear that taking care of and appreciating ourselves first, always has a loving ripple effect around us
In learning how to take loving care of ourselves we can then reflect this to everyone including our children and transform so many relationships as we let go of control and imposing our will on others.
I recently became aware that although my intentions were to protect a young person in my life, it was over-bearing on them and wasn’t allowing them the space to make their choices. I realised that I needed to step back and to support them more, would actually be to be more solid in myself and to support myself more to then inspire them and offer them a true reflection.
Yes, we don’t realise that by being over-protective we actually disempower them because we give them the impression there is something wrong with them and they cannot make decisions for themselves. They might not have considered there was something to worry about but our worry plants a seed of doubt which is then confirmed and fed by the repeating patterns of behaviour.
And what’s so amazing about this is that you’ve put it into practice Sally. You haven’t just heard this concept, thought it would fix your life and then tell everyone about it. This has actually worked for you and now you’re able to share your experience of it. Incredible. I have no doubt it was a process as switching from one way of being to another doesn’t happen over night, especially as this all feels like it’s based on integrity, which we all have innately, but have sometimes buried deep deep inside.
Thank you for sharing Sally , how blessed your family and all of us are by your livingness of the ancient wisdom thank you.
When we carry out any of our responsibilities from a book we totally ignore and underestimate our wisdom and absoluteness knowingness we have within.
If a book is written from the wisdom that is available to us all then it will open us up very naturally to the wisdom that is available to us all but if a book is written from the intellect then it won’t open us up to anything at all, in fact it will ensure that we stay energetically closed.
I love how you presented it is about the energy first. So many problems people have would be solved if we would look at what energy it is coming from. Is it loving and caring of yourself and others or is it everything but that?
As parents and as mothers this is is our first responsibility, to take care of ourselves, when we choose this we are prepared and we role model the behaviour that our children will be inspired by, we spend too much time looking out and trying to get stuff done and not giving priority to our own wellbeing and health.
Thank you Sally, role modelling self-appreciation and self-love are vital in teenage years – in fact all through our lives but teenage years are pretty foundational for setting up adult patterns of behaviour. What you share here is a great support to parents young and old!
Sally, I can really relate to this, ‘Trying to control everything, which was not realistic and therefore at times I would get frustrated at the lack of control I actually had.’ I am learning that this control does not work and so am starting to let go and allow my son to make his own decisions and so when I do there is less frustration and resentment from both of us.
The Ancient Wisdom Teachings presented by Serge Benhayon has brought a completely different understanding to the word parenting. It is a joy to see how these children at workshops and courses with their parents are treated with respect and met for who they are and not what they do and succeed in. The parents are less stressed and the children joyful.
What a great share. I have observed many parents parenting from how they were parented and think they were doing their best for the children. What youâve shared here is there is another way – what a great turn around and a true reflection for your daughter.
I would say that parenting has to be one of the most flawed processes in the world, and yet…it is unavoidable.
Doing anything when we are tired is often a lot more difficult and being a parent is no different. By learning how to love and put ourselves first is often a huge obstacle to overcome but once achieved makes things so much clearer and the tiredness fades away to leave us so much more capable, and way less likely to get angry or sad.
So much is now on offer by the teachings of Serge Benhayon that allow us to know that parenting can be a joyful and evolving experience, when we make it all about love, respect, and responsibility, thereby holding our children as equal. When I look back on my parenting many years ago it was mostly about control and obedience no equality or true love whatsoever.
I do find that in the times when I am trying to be a ‘good parent’ I am actually just being overbearing and controlling.
Well said Doug, they want a connection with us first and foremost. They don’t want to be mothered, or fathered also known as suffocated by over obsessive parenting! They do want to know you see them for who they are, just as we want that from others. We have to be and live that change in our own lives before we offer that as a parent and the benefits will be evident from the first moment.
There is so much to undo when it comes to our parenting, so much we have read, and heard, yet the gems have come in the last few years from Universal Medicine and they have been about simplicity and walking my talk. The outward focus on achieving a result is such a disservice to the soul who has chosen to come and be parented by us.
You have indeed made so many very cool changes Sally; not only do you and your daughter benefit, we all do.
I love the way you and your husband parent, so honouring and loving of who we truly are.
Thank you Sally for sharing your experience in parenting. I too was very similar to you in the way I was parenting before I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It is amazing by choosing to embrace self-love, self-care and self-nurture, the quality of my parenting has changed dramatically. I used to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, grumpy and disconnected due to the way I was choosing to live but once I changed that, I was able to be more myself and parent with more love, equality, consideration and respect instead of from reactions and exhaustion. What a difference life is when we learn to truly take care of ourselves, because we are then more able to truly care for people around us.
Sally, I can feel from what you are sharing how important it is that we care about ourselves as women first; that we do not put all of our focus on our child and put ourselves last, I tried putting myself last when my son was young and made life all about him and his needs and this does not work, I now deeply care for myself and see how beautiful I am, I no longer feel tired and drained as a result. At the moment I am learning about letting go, my son is 6 and is starting to make his own decisions and I am finding that I am needing to let go and allow him to make his choices and to learn from them, I can feel how as parents this can be hard to let go and that there is a tendency to want to control the child and their choices, I am learning some important lessons at the moment about allowing my son to choose and that I can’t make his choices for him.
The responsibility of being a parent can be rather daunting, especially when we want our children to show the world what a ‘good’ parent we are. We often lose sight of the truth that a principal responsibility as a parent is to inspire, support and guide our children to take responsibility for themselves.
Great article Sally. I love how you have defined the difference between being controlling as a parent and parenting from love, listing what this means for you and your family. Some parents equate control with discipline when what is really required is love, connection, mutual respect, equality and a firmness that stands steady when the child is out of themselves allowing them to come back; this creates the boundaries that kids are looking for to feel met and seen for who they truly are. When we are being controlling we are holding expectations of how things should be . . . this is a rejection of the child who is standing before us.
There is so much in this article to inspire us in our relationship with ourselves and others. Thank you Sally. If I drop the ball in my relationship with myself I soon get tired and more easily angered and saddened, or at least those are the reactions I am choosing, so caring for and loving myself are essential to a healthy and enjoyable life.
‘I can inspire all children and show them that what is being lived in the world is not âitâ, that there is a different way to live, a way that is very loving and beautiful.’ Parenting does not stop with our own child or children, we all have a responsibility in how our children grow up and the reflection we give to them is very important as all is about energy first.
Looking after ourselves before trying to care for another supports us to parent with love rather than imposing our own hurts on our children. The ageless wisdom teachings support us to re-claim our own amazingness which we can then reflect back to all children. What better way for them to grow up being truly nurtured whilst having loving boundaries and support to express themselves.
Sally so much to say here where do I start???? Its is really lovely to hear how your relationship first and foremost has changed with yourself, this then naturally has an impact on your parenting, daughter and all others. As you have said even though we are not biologically a parent to other children we can still reflect and be those same caring and loving qualities to all children and young people. I think this is a big one for many ‘I am able to love myself as much as I love my daughter.’ In that the majority of us currently do not love ourselves the same as our children but either very much put them first or last. There is so much to be said about parenting, how parents can bring up their children with either the same ill ideals, beliefs, patterns and behaviours they were brought up with … even subconsciously or rebel against what they were taught so it comes out of reaction. We have so very much to learn here. Adoption and fostering has gone through the roof. In the United Kingdom councils advertised everywhere asking people if they will be foster parents, this was never the case so something very much needs to truly be addressed about how we are parenting and ultimately looking after ourselves (or not). Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are the only people I know of that truly (and I mean truly) address these issues and teach and reflect another way to live and be. This is not airy fairy or looking outside of ourselves, quite the contrary it is about reconnecting to who we are and making self-loving and caring choices consistently on a daily basis. From experience this has made huge changes in my life. For parents to be saying they have been tired for 5 years this is not normal! ‘Being tired was a given, it came with the title of parenting. Letâs face it, I often met parents who would say things like, âI have been tired for 5 yearsâ.’ Have you ever considered of doing parenting workshops in your area? Many could benefit from what you have learnt and how you live your life today.
What a great turnaround Sally, I love what you share here, it is so important to care for and look after ourselves first, ‘I have learned to look after myself first and foremost.’ Then we lead by example and inspire others along the way.
Love this Sally, ‘There is always a loving discipline in our house that teaches responsibility about choices made and allows us all, including my child, to be accountable.’ This is something we cannot learn early enough in life but always with the emphasis on loving.
âBeing tired was a given, it came with the title of parenting. Letâs face it, I often met parents who would say things like, âI have been tired for 5 yearsâ.â
If we are this tired I would be asking myself what is the quality of care I am giving my kids. How come it took us till we came to Universal Medicine to know the simple truth that if you do not care for yourself then you cannot in truth care for another?
Whilst I am not a parent myself, something I have learnt through Universal Medicine is just how much we rely on a controlled life. This plays out in every area of our lives. When I am with children now, I really work on not playing into the unnecessary need to have them perform, as their parents force them to hug or kiss me hello and goodbye for example or show me their latest tricks, followed by the disappointment from the parent when they don’t perform on demand. It can be difficult to watch, however it does bring understanding to why children rebel when they do.
Who needs ‘how to parent’ books when you offer us some very needed and amazing advice Sally. With the amount of literature out there – every one of them missing the point, it’s no wonder society is constantly dealing with parenting issues of all kinds. All you need is love, and whilst that might sound weak, it’s actually the most powerful thing we have but often choose to ignore it.
Very cool Sally. As the mother of an 11 week old baby i can appreciate how you now see and value parenting – that we are here to support our kids not control them. That’s pretty huge and when I see the way some people treat their kids in a moment of reaction – it makes me appreciate that there is always a choice that comes from how we are in ourselves first. If I take care of myself I will naturally know how to take care of my child.
If we do not look after ourselves and put ourselves first then we live exhausted and it is easy to snap at our children. When we create time and space for ourselves, get the rest that is needed and live in a way that supports us to be with ourselves then parenting is a whole different ball game.
‘I actually put time and effort into parenting so that what is presented is all about love first.’ What I experienced recently is how much space we create for ourselves when we put time and effort into our parenting.
Dear Sally,
I know the trap of the books and advice from family and friends. I never had the support of Universal Medicine when I was parenting my children, what I do remember clearly though is the times I went against all advice and followed my own knowing are still remembered. As they were significant in addressing an issue, and the outcome was always simple. A far cry from many other experiences I had as a parent, where complication and worry dominated my decisions. Your article highlights the one thing that I never embraced whilst my children lived with me, that being the absolute importance of self love and self care. I am eternally grateful that this is now the foundation of my life. One that my children now see and feel, and have the opportunity to observe and if they wish, take to their own lives.
I am not a parent but I certainly have learned a lot about parenting from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I have learned that even though I am not a parent I actually have a responsibility for all children and to leave our world a better place for all of us to come back to.
To read the power of true parenting and what is possible is such a gorgeous support for so many. More than anything I love that in your embodiment of your beauty and amazingness your daughter heading into the most confusing of years coupled with the pressures of external beauty, gets not only the reflection from you but a true knowing that she is just as beautiful and amazing. Something many teenagers lack.
I find that letting go of our children is one of the hardest parts about parenting. We have so much control for years that it can seem like a shock when suddenly they are making their own choices, and some of them may not seem so clever. However, I reckon that the fist mistake that we make as parents, is in thinking that we have any kind of control in the first place. Could it be that we are in fact the care-takers of people who are equal in every way? And our jobs are not to dictate that persons path, but to actually be a role model for a possible way to live. This requires us as the parents to be absolute in our own lives and to be living them in full to the best of our ability. This requires us as the parents to love ourselves most dearly.
Parenting exposes in us all the level of love we live. I loved your comment – ‘I can actually feel how amazing I am every time I tell my daughter how amazing she is’, what a beautiful and honest reflection you are now living for your daughter. Thanks Sally
Sally, I love this article, thank you for sharing your experience of parenting. This is wonderful to read, ‘I look after myself first; there is a steadiness in my day; I am confident in my decision making and communication with my daughter; I am more than ok in accepting that I am not perfect’, I can feel that this how I am as a parent most of the time and that I have not fully appreciated this, I take care of myself, go to bed early, ask for help and have a loving relationship with my son, I can feel how easy it is to take this for granted and not fully claim and appreciate this.
Hi Sally, I’m sure bringing up kids isn’t easy, however the livingness you have incorporated into your life and applying it to parenting offers the family a harmonious and loving environment
From my own personal experiences I have come to see that a lot of parenting is about the thoughts you allow to have in your head. And so what I tend to do now, is when a thought comes in that knocks my confidence, tells me I am bad or wrong, I tell it to get lost. Because thoughts like that do not support me or anyone to learn and if the thoughts were truly loving that is exactly what it would do – it would in fact help me to learn about my weaknesses from the view of confirming the strengths that I already have. In this way everyday is part of a journey in which I feel held and supported.
Thanks for sharing Sally, its cool to hear the benefits of this way of living. My parenting changed dramatically when I actually truly started to do the work offed by The Way of the Livingness. I had attended courses for years, gone for sessions, stopped drinking, smoking, eating gluten and dairy but was I actually living the work? I would have to say no. My true connection and appreciation of myself as a woman, came when I separated from the toxic relationship I had chosen. Before this point I was always judging others and victimising my own hardship. I can honestly say that I have only reaped the true benefits of Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness as a woman and now deeply felt in my parenting in the last 4 years.
Sally this is GOLD: ” I did not really feel how amazing and beautiful I was as a woman. Other people saw this in me, including friends, my partner and my daughter, and they would express this to me. I got to feel the sadness within as I had not accepted or felt this truly for myself for a very long time.” – I can say that every day is a process in letting myself feel more and more appreciation for who I am and how absolutely beautiful I am, and how it is possible to adore myself every day more and more. This is of course a huge learning, as a default mechanism seems to want to come in to sabotage things, but I persevere and so these days, often I see myself in the mirror and catch myself saying ” Who is that sexy lady?” – something I would never have thought of years ago even though I was far younger. And today I can answer that Question and say: “it’s me!”. Love it! And… I must add this is a forever deepening process, for there is always more to appreciate, always more to adore, always more beauty to feel and see…any holding back of this results in a stop, an illness, a depression even. So no time to rest when it comes to appreciation, beholding of beauty and adoration!
Sally this was a very familiar thing for me when my son was young:
“If you did not get to look after yourself on a given day that was ok, the needs of the child were first and foremost. This meant giving up on something as simple as having a shower and getting dressed each day.”
In fact with some of my girlfriends who also had young children, we would often joke about it and say: “so did you choose breakfast or a shower this morning?” knowing that it was only ever one or the other. We thought it was normal, and we saw it as being a stoic mum, ready to give everything up for their child.
Now I too can see this as the chosen self neglect, the part of us that did not see our own worth, our own beauty, the part that did not feel that we had the time nor the choice to actually care for ourselves deeply too.
Though it is only down the track that I have learned this, I am so grateful to Universal Medicine and the teachings of Serge Benhayon for helping me see more clearly that I do have a choice, a choice to care deeply for myself and hence from here bring a deep deep care for my family too.
I love the changes you have made to your parenting Sally, often people stay stuck in their way of parenting out of ideals and beliefs and never explore that there may be a true and more loving way to parent as you have come to know. Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine presentations are deeply supportive and inspiring in the areas of self-care and self-love and how this changes everything in our lives from relationships, parenting, work, exercise…. and the list goes on.
When we learn to care for and nurture ourselves we bring a deep honouring and love into all that we do which is reflected in our parenting and all aspects of our lives.
I agree Rosemary, the importance of caring for ourselves before we care for another or attend to any action any task can pretty much determine the quality of our output.
Thanks Sally your blog made me recall something that I would say to young mothers who were complaining of being tired. I would jokingly say to them ” be prepared to be tired for the next 20 years” . . . but since coming to Universal Medicine and learning the importance of self care I have change this to . . “Just make sure that you are taking care of yourself first and foremost”
Parenting has come to mean sharing life with someone as they grow and mature in their experiences as well as the physical changes that happen, which means that it is their life that evolves before my eyes and not mine to determine or control. After all, even though i am not in the same house as my parents, I am still under their watchful gaze as I mature and grow. It seems to be a never ending loop of care and admiration.
It’s very true that by looking after ourselves first and foremost, the quality of care and/or parenting we can bring to another is far superior than when we run ourselves ragged by putting everyone else’s needs in front of our own. By not practising self-care as a way of living, we can very quickly end up taking our exhaustion out on others and our role-modelling, care and support of them all become ‘infected’ as a result.
When we parent our children to conform to how we think everyone else expects us to ‘do’ the job we miss out on the joy of sharing our life with someone who can teach us so much about how to live.
There are so many aspects of parenting that Universal Medicine presentations cast light upon⌠from the way we react, to deeply understanding what is going on in our children, even if this was all that was learnt that these presentations, it would be enough to change the course of humanity.
It’s so obvious when I look back on my early years of parenting, that if I wasn’t caring for myself then I would have nothing for anyone else. Every parent that lets go of the belief that they come second or even last in some cases, and starts to put themselves first inspires others to do the same.
Parenting has always been more challenging for me than going to work, as much as I love being with the kids, when I am on my own with 5 kids, I often get tired of not being heard and of having to repeat myself. If I didn’t have the support of my Husband and the teachings of Universal Medicine in my life there is no way that our family would be where it is at today. Between us we run 4 local business raise 5 kids and have a Siberian husky.
Everyday I reflect on the quality I am in and how thats effecting my voice and movement and if I adjust those things I often find that the kids start to pay full attention and I am connected. Thanks for your blog Sally, really great to share your changes with the world and I concur, its amazing philosophy parenting and Universal Medicine.
Sally, the list of the way you parented rang so many bells – very loudly – for me even though my parenting period was a very long time ago. There were many familiar ouches and a few cringes as I read, especially knowing that I canât go back and change my parenting ways, but I can still bring so many of your âcool changesâ list into my everyday living and to parenting myself; and of course thereâs always my grandchildren who will benefit from what I too have learned from the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom presented by the amazing Serge Benhayon, a very wise man who has offered us a new and true way to parent the children of today.
I wish I had known about what you share here Sally when I was bringing up my children, as your story is so relatable for me. It was very beautiful to read the changes you were able to make in your relationship with yourself and your daughter, very inspiring for others.
There is never any perfection in parenting as there is never any perfection of us being in a human body, so the ideal of perfection that parenting can be reached through the knowledge in books and self-help material is not something ever attainable, but these books are influencing so many parents to want to become the best parent and in turn want their child to become the perfect child, which all does not make sense. There is though so much to appreciate when we truly feel each moment we are with our children, no we are never perfect and certainly we have made lots of unwise choices, but every single one of those moments is to be appreciated as nothing can take away the moments that we have shared, and in each moment we are growing in awareness and responsibility, and that is even more to appreciate.
Thank you Sally for a very beautiful article on the changes that you have made from the way you parented in the past , to the way you now parent your child. Our relationships change when we honour ourselves first and accept our own love and amazingness , and see this equally in our own children, letting go of the need to control presents us with so much joy and fun with our children.
Being able to love ourselves just as much as we love our children is a massive shift in the conventional way of thinking about parenting. Especially for women, as I have observed, we are taught or trained from young in how to mother with total self sacrifice. Which only leads to more adults who will do the same because of the role-models they have and will continue to have throughout their years. However, when Sally Scott comes along she gives us a great opportunity to stop and really look at what is going on and if what is going on is really what we would freely choose.
Sally, I loved reading how you have gone from a tired exhausted mother, to a mother who loves and looks after herself first in order to build a loving quality as a parent. Beautiful to read how your relationship with your daughter has changed, and how you are both able to appreciate how amazing you both are.
The line you write “I got to feel the sadness within as I had not accepted or felt this truly for myself for a very long time.â is a revelation to me Sally, as I can feel this too, a sadness of not being aware of the fact that I am an amazing and beautiful man and that I have been this for all my life but not allowed myself to recognise this.
There were so many gems in this blog that it’s hard not to comment on each one of them, however one that struck me today was “I am responsible for how I am being”…. This was/has been such a revelation to me in my own parenting because for decades I was used to blaming others for how I experienced the world (& parenting). Taking responsibility for my choices has been huge and has allowed me to parent in a way that is far more supportive, accepting and loving.
‘I see and treat my child as an equal.’ This is a truly different way of parenting. Our prevailing view is to regard children as undeveloped, lesser beings, over whom we believe we have rights of control, opinion and direction until they break through whatever their very own adult rite of passage happens to be and the parents step away for the now-adult to fend for themselves. But to treat a child as the mini-adult they already are, requires the type of parenting you describe, where the child is supported in learning how to consider the consequences of their actions and to take responsibility for their choices. It also means holding our children in a strong foundation of love from which to expand and flourish, which includes making ourselves equal in importance to our children, loving ourselves as much as we love them, putting ourselves first so that we can be all we are for them and not an exhausted, half-baked version.
All words, deeds and actions are empty unless they come from our own livingness. Thank you for sharing Sally how your livingness has completely turned around the way you parent and the knock on effect of that relationship. I can feel how hollow my words sound sometimes when i’m talking to my children if they are not coming from a lived way, this sort of interaction is not healthy for any of us.
Thank you Sally. This is a beautiful article that highlights just how vital it is to first nourish and take care of ourselves before we can truly take care of another. This is a principle that is not only relevant to parenting but to all our relationships at work, home or play, anywhere and with anyone.
So true about first caring for ourselves before we can truly take care of another. From parenting, it’s not such a giant leap to the world of the professional carer, where scheduling demands and terms and conditions are far from supportive of ensuring the best working arrangements for the carer, leaving many taking a ‘lesser self’ into their workplace every day, negatively impacting the patient experience and affecting the quality of service provided. What’s needed is a radical change in which ‘caring for ourselves’ is placed at the heart of any carer’s role, so their way of living and of supporting themselves can truly support another.
The greatest change in my parenting occured when it went from being about me – me making my children safe, me giving them what they need, me being a ‘good mum’ and so on, my idea of responsibility – to being about real responsibility which was to reflect to my children what love is, who they truly are and what life is actually about (our evolution). Through the reflection provided by Serge Benhayon I have remembered that there is nothing more powerful than walking your talk and a big dose of humility.
These have been the antidote to my version of the tired, sad and oh so self-centred parent I used to be.
Even if Serge Benhayon was only on the planet to counsel and guide parents, the way that he does this would be enough to change the path of humanity. And it is not just the words of wisdom that he constantly offers to parents, it is his personal example in his own life, and his constant inspiration that constantly are there to help all of us who choose to go a little bit deeper into this most essential of roles.
‘ I can now parent lovingly and know that being a parent can be an opportunity for great learning and development for both mother and child, and be a loving and joyful experience every day.’
Sally I totally agree. Parenting is such an amazing opportunity to learn and unfold and evolve as a person in so many ways. It offers us a chance to deeply heal and explore the joy of sharing life with others. The best part is children teach us to deepen our own responsibility in life, to self care, self love and self appreciate so that we may do this for them and all others. They teach us how to be with humanity.
When we parent ….
We don’t OWN our children.
Our children OWE us nothing.
We are ALL equal and in many ways ageless.
Children can inspire us to truly heal and re-awaken.
Very true Kathryn – the basis of good parenting is here.
This part about being tired, or exhausted, as a parent I can completely relate to. I spent the first three years of my parenting life severely sleep deprived because I did not know how to lay down clear boundaries with my children. With the support of Universal Medicine I have learnt how to love myself as an equal to my children. This is still a work in progress, but they are having a far more balanced experience now of me as a parent because I am now a full member of the family rather than just a shell of a person who mechanically did everything for them.
Coming back to this wonderful blog again was a reminder, and not a joyful one, that my parenting was also a âmechanical parentingâ fueled by books, TV and other peoples ideals and beliefs. It was all about control, getting it right and the biggest driving factor was – being the perfect parent! That became even more of a drive when I became a single parent and felt that I had to take everything on my shoulders and show the world how I could manage. Manage I did, but at the expense of my body, which was one big bundle of never ending exhaustion, often sick and that felt as if it was always falling apart â being held together by invisible safety pins was the way I used to describe it. My children are now in their 40âs and no longer need parenting but these days I use the amazing wisdom I have learned from the presentations of Serge Benhayon and from my lived experience to âparentâ my grandchildren and other children I come in contact with on a regular basis. Thank you Sally for sharing your deep insights and inspiring wisdom.
It’s amazing the turnaround in your life since you took responsibility for making self-loving choices that are honouring of your body. Inspirational.
Hey Sally this is an excellent article on what loving parenting is about, caring for yourself first and showing the same amount of care to your child and another big point of treating your child like an equal
Sally, what you have written is valuable reading for everyone, especially other parents. At the time my children were growing up I tried to parent largely according to the expectations of others and felt constantly worried about getting it wrong and not really enjoying life as the years rolled by. I have now realised since attending Universal Medicine that the ‘outside in’ approach was never going to work and that first and foremost is the establishment of a foundation of self love. As this deepens I am able to establish a different relationship with my children even though they are adults.
You are an amazing woman and mother Sally and what you have claimed here is inspirational. Reading your before Unimed parenting and after unimed parenting is a bit similar to my parenting my first child and now, along with the support of Universal Medicine parenting my younger children.
I am finding that now that I am more open and less reactive I am being taught many things by my children and they are my best teachers! Parenting books need to be rewritten!
It is beautiful to read about all the changes you have made Sally. I wish I had been more aware of so many things when I was bringing up children. I was often angry and frustrated believing that I was doing the right thing but feeling at odds with the ideal. It would have been great to have the confidence to trust what I was feeling.
I know that when I was growing up (and to some extent now!) if I ever felt my parents or anyone else trying to control me I would do the exact opposite of that which was expected by them which didn’t always do me any good! I’m sure we all just want to be allowed to simply be and make our own choices being guided by Love.
This is brilliant Sally and needs to be on the curriculum of every parenting class, in fact in every school. Teaching children about what true parenting is will only serve to ensure that future generations will be parented by parents who truly know how to care for themselves first, and the ripple effect will be world changing.
Dear Sally thank you for a great blog, you must have a beautiful relationship with you daughter as you both reflect that self love and self care to each other. The parents of to day are truly blessed to have the everyday livingness of the Benhayon family, and the teachings of Universal Medicine to guide them on the path of true parenting.
When we choose to have a loving relationship with ourselves, it affects all other relationships in our life. When love becomes the foundation, all the other false foundations I have invested in get exposed and it can be very uncomfortable at times, but it presents me with a choice â either to stay with love, or not. I still wobble and have a fall, but I have learnt how to get back up.
Yes Fumiyo, and when we develop the relationship with ourselves first we don’t blame those wobbles, stumbles and falls on others. We take responsibility and this in turn offers a reflection to our children of that way of being. It is responsible and accountable and means we raise independent considerate young adults.
That very first change you made Sally of looking after yourself first and foremost is so significant and can be returned to over and over again. Every time my mind runs away with me and I take my body into a momentum of doing things that my mind needs to do due to an expectation coming from life, I leave my body and stop looking after myself. Instead there is a responsibility to view expectations from my sense of presence and connection to my body and not race off into the activity. Every single time I come back to myself first, there is a always a more true and loving way to fulfil what needs to be done, with gentleness, from my body. This level of responsibility affects everyone around me and is a joy to hold.
I have spoke to so many people and seen many parents change in their relationship with their children through Universal Medicine. Unequivocally the thing I observe most is how both the parents AND children flourish more and more into beautiful loving people with them both growing in confidence and becoming their own person. It’s like watching people change from being in black and white (drained) to being in colour (full and vibrant).
More and more I find myself able to stay with my loving self whenever I am confronted with a situation or behaviour that I would love to see different and I am noticing that my children become more and more loving in their ways.
Wow Sally you have really blown the lid off what our society accepts as normal parenting. There seems to be this thing that if you are not running yourself ragged for your children you are not a good parent, so we have people who only know themselves as parents competing to deplete themselves for their families. There is no love in that, and it does not make a good role model for young girls to imitate. Children do not want to feel that their mother is less, they want to feel that they are equally deserving of love.
I can so relate to your old way of parenting Sally before Universal Medicine. Over the years I have started to see how much of me was not in my parenting and I would liken it to pressing play on a recorder when something made me angry or annoyed and this whole spiel would come out. This would leave me feeling terrible and of course my children would feel shattered as well. I still have moments but these are very minimal and I find it is when I have not been caring for myself. Beautiful to read of how much you now honour, adore and love yourself and your daughter equally.
It seems the missing link for me in my parenting these days is a consistent commitment to playfulness. My daughter craves it! We have such a loving rhythm together each day but somehow I can easily forget the time just to muck about together, to giggle and be silly. The little moments as we go about our tasks come naturally, but dedicating time to play physically is so important for her and something that I seem to resist, leave til last when I am tired. I am reminded today to put this first in our day.
Control is something I have been pondering lately. The more I allow myself to be the tender and delicate woman that I am, the less I try to control my daughter and the less she seems to resist or act up.
Thank you for sharing this with us Sally. It feels very joyful the unfolding you have experienced. I was very uncertain as a young mother and looked to books and other people to guide me with parenting choices. Gradually, as I have strengthened my relationship to myself, I now trust what I feel and parent from the love I am building within myself. I feel so much more tenderness in my relationship with my 7 year old daughter and yet the capacity to hold firm boundaries and instill responsibility. I now no longer look to books for strategies athough I do find that what other people do can still affect what I consider to be normal and hence I can guage my choices from that. It is important to see how these ideas can affect the way I do things. I can feel a deeper layer of honouring my sacredness as a woman awaits me in terms of not always putting her needs paramount.
By honouring, loving and respecting yourself as a woman and feeling your beauty, you are giving a powerful message and reflection to your daughter and to all women and girls in the world. That there is another way to be that is supportive of oneself and others and not based on ticking all the boxes of what our false ideas about being a woman and or parent is âsupposedâ to look like.
I loved the list of changes you have made to your parenting Sally, in particular the,â letting go of the need to controlâ, and therefore not becoming frustrated, angry or sad. This is a work in progress for me, and your blog has greatly supported me to look deeper into this, thank you.
It makes absolute sense as a parent to look after oneself first, building a rhythm that is supportive so that we can be present and fully there for our children. If we live in a way that disregards our selves and bodies, this will be the way we then treat our children, and also we are modelling to them that this is OK to treat oneself in this way. Thank you Sally for sharing your wealth of experience about parenting.
How true it is Toni.
I liken it to the oxygen mask on the flight. We are told that we must first place the oxygen mask on before tending to a child. Is this not true in life also? Self care is vital before child care. đ đ
Sally I love this blog. In the world we are shown and told that to be a ‘good’ parent one must be selfless and play a role. But this is simply untrue. It requires a huge amount of self love and care to be able to consistently parent a child especially without defining our worth by the role.
The more I claim myself as a woman before a mother the deeper and more true the relationship is with my daughters. And furthermore the less inclined I am to play a role as a mother. I am simply myself. Then I can also….’ actually feel how amazing I am every time I tell my daughter how amazing she is.’ also. đ đ
This is beautiful Kathryn. I grew up in a family that was taught that as a mother you always put everyone else first. This way did not support anyone and as you say the more you claim yourself as a woman before the mother the deeper and more true the relationship is with our children.
The way that children respond to the kind of parenting that has unfolded within you since attending Universal Medicine is truly extraordinary. The responsibility they choose for themselves is inspiring as is the love they have for others but most beautifully themselves. In a world today where children seem lost and looking for identity outside of themselves, it is gorgeous to see those who feel and express from the amazing beings they are because of the loving parenting of those such as yourself, who have discovered and appreciate the enormity of what true parenting can offer.
Thanks Sally. I have found that parenting is such a profound teacher for me about myself. It both pushes all the buttons and exposes anything I am hanging onto that needs to be let go of and also inspires me to continue to deepen my commitment to loving and caring for myself, for the sake of all.
I love this Helen. ‘For the Sake of ALL’ and ain’t that the truth. Not only do our children benefit from the growth and deepening of our relationship with self but the whole world around us gets it.
Dear Sally thank you for this gorgeous sharing and the turn-around you have made as a parent and in life, truly inspiring. I love your words “I bring a deep honouring to myself in relation to how I feel in each moment; I learn to love myself by nurturing and caring for myself as much as I would any child.” Awesome teaching here.
The wisdom you share Sally seems to also apply to how we parent, look after and speak to ourselves and each other – therefore can be applied by everyone even if we don’t have children. Basically it is only from truly loving, respecting and appreciating ourselves that we can offer that to others.
Such a beautiful blog Sally and such an inspiration. ‘I can now parent lovingly and know that being a parent can be an opportunity for great learning and development for both mother and child, and be a loving and joyful experience every day.’
I recall putting to my mother when she was still alive, how amazingly dedicated she was to her children and was it possible to be that way with herself? The first time I mentioned it she looked at me a little shocked and emphatically agreed that she was no where near as loving with herself. It was a point we returned back to over and over and had an effect in her older age. It was a great healing for both of us, me expressing what was frequent sadness as a child and her in reclaiming her self as a woman.
What a wonderful thing for a son to say to his mother, Simon. You gave her a beautiful awareness and gift. A great reminder for me to stay loving with myself at all times. Even or especially when I feel I made a mistake by getting way too upset or angry with my children.
I have come to understand that parenting is a journey not a destination and that this journey is about me living in a loving way that supports me so I am present for my children. My latest learning on this journey is that my children (now young adults) are my best teachers and not the other way around! In fact our relationship is now a loving partnership based on love and understanding and some animated discussions! Thank you Sally for sharing- I really relate to all you have shared.
as I re read your blog this morning Sally I am recognising that I still can get caught up in getting everything done and still need to work on caring for myself first and then my children. A lovely reminder, thank you Sally.
I agree Heidi, it reminds me of how on airplanes they always say put the oxygen on your face first and then your childâs. I was also struck by how you wrote âwork on caring for myselfâ – I suspect it is natural for us to care for ourselves and therefore in a strange way we are actually working on disregarding and abusing ourselves. So it is not even that we have to work on doing what is natural but stop doing what is not!
So true Nicola thank you for this reminder… whenever I believe I need to ‘work’ on anything, I am already exhausted before I start or thinking its another ‘job’ to do… yet simply stopping and re-connecting again to my natural way with anything is the key.
Sally I would agree with what you share on parenting, and the need for us to make time for ourselves in all of this. I took up an Art class (this had always been my hobby) when my first was about 18mths old. This was one of the best things I did for myself at the time and something I continue to have in my life in some form ever since. It would have been wonderful to have had Universal Medicine in m y Life then but I am so glad many other Parents can now reap the rewards of such sharing and Teachings of Serge Benhayon and The Ancient Wisdom.
I am extremely grateful for what Universal Medicine has presented in its ongoing courses, and the awareness that this has brought to me with regard to being a parent. There was so much to unravel, so much conditioning, so much expectation, that the process is still ongoing, but I know that there has been such deep healing that has taken place already, and for this as I have said I am eternally grateful
I completely agree Chris. The world is full of deeply harmful and controlling ideals and beliefs about how to parent. This means that harmful patterns and behaviours often done with the best of intentions are perpetuated from one generation to the next. At times one generation might react to the previous one and think they are choosing a different way, but in their reaction they are just expressing the other side of the same pendulum (energy) and so it goes on. Universal Medicine has presented an entirely different and truly loving way of parenting. As a consequence we are seeing many staggeringly amazing and gorgeous children coming into the world one of whom is the awesome daughter of Sally who I have the honour of knowing and another of which is your wonderful son.
I’m not a parent however I would imagine it would be difficult at times and I agree with you Chris, the awareness and livingness techniques offered by Universal Medicine are indeed awesome
This was great reading Sally and very inspiring. It is so easy to forget about our selves when we are parents as it ends up being so busy caring for these bundles of joy. It would surprise most parents of today if they were told to be a loving parent you need to love yourself first. This blog would be great to share with the parenting groups I facilitate.
Sally what a great sharing about true parenting, how you have made parenting about love. ‘A significant part at the beginning of the retreat for me was that I did not really feel how amazing and beautiful I was as a woman. Other people saw this in me, including friends, my partner and my daughter, and they would express this to me. I got to feel the sadness within as I had not accepted or felt this truly for myself for a very long time.’ I can feel the sadness you have expressed in myself too, more and more I accept and can I feel I am an amazing woman full of beauty and joy. This makes it easy to shine together with my awesome daughter of 24 years old and to feel how grateful I am a woman and can be a role model for every child I encounter.
This is an amazing blog, thank you for sharing your learned lessons trough raising your child, without forgetting who you are and that you are just as amazing as you daughter.
It’s an absolute joy Sally to read of the changes in your lives coming from the inspired choice you made to begin loving yourself. The difference in your parenting pre and post Universal Medicine are like chalk and cheese. A very heart-warming read.
Coming back to this blog I can totally relate to the feeling that how we treat ourselves is what is then shared with all others, as this is our base of how we know how to be with people. The more I choose to love myself the more I am able to love another, and in this I am learning what can happen as a result of choosing to disregard myself. It doesn’t feel great learning that because of my choices to not care for myself and feel great, that I then cannot share this with others. But it is good in a sense because I am learning to be responsible for my choices and I am understanding that my choices have huge impacts on myself and all those in my life. I used to see responsibility and caring for others as a huge burden and would avoid it like the plague but now I am starting to feel and discover that there is a lightness, and a joy in taking control of the quality of my choices in life and all that that can bring. And as ever there is a pretty cool feeling knowing that there is always more to discover about myself, my life, another’s and how to make these more loving changes. Thank you Sally đ
Thank you Sally. I am reading your article at a time that I am so ready to let go of my control issues as a parent accompanied by the familiar feeling of anger and sadness. I can feel how your words are a great support to me.
I do not have children but I can still let events or other peoples perceived needs get in the way of my true care and love for myself. Giving up on me inevitably means I shall be less for another. As you so clearly point out it just doesn’t work. By loving myself first I get to feel how amazing I am and so does everyone else.
So true Elaine when you say ‘Giving up on me inevitably means I shall be less for another’ Our children don’t get us in full if we give up on ourselves.
It is profound the changes that can happen in our lives when we are simply allowed to connect to ourselves, feel ourselves and then express from that. As you described you previously had a lot of doubts in your decision making with regard to parenting, and I can certainly relate to this in other parts of my life as I am not yet a parent. I’m really taking a moment now to appreciate the fact that I actually do have a solid-ness now with my decision-making, which comes directly from a solidness in me, fostered from the continual choice to connect to myself, and build that relationship.
Parenting without Love clearly does not work for both our children or ourselves as parents, and after hearing an account like yours Sally it actually makes no sense to discount the true power of bringing love to everything we do.
Thank you for your sharing Sally. What stood out to me was this point: “I am participating in raising my child and not just allowing it to happen as she grows up”. I have been having conversations with my partner recently about being active in parenting. It seems that it is quite accepted by society that parenting is some natural phenomena where we just sit back and it happens incidentally without much thought, preparation or planning. Moreover, it feels like we have just given up and are not truly connecting to what our children need. This clearly creates problems because it does not allow for reflection and growth in how we can be as parents and knowing and understanding what will serve our children. What is presented here offers another way. Parenting by way of looking after ourselves first and treating our children as equal means we can see responsibility in a completely different way. There are some great lessons here Sally, thank you.
I just got to read your article, Sally and I agree with you that parenting should be all about love first. We can so easy get lost into the doing routine and everything is more important than self. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to show a different way.
Parenting from frustration and resentment was my way before Universal Medicine; a simply reflection of how I did life. Not that I did not know, but I did not know how to live in a different way. I felt trapped and in a sense desperate with nowhere to go. Since Universal Medicine presented me with the possibility of living and parenting in a different way, I have reimprinted much my life. Parenting is one of these areas where there is little comfort and works as a beautiful reminder of the need to make wise choices in life.
I love to read about parenting with love – for me this is the way forward not just with parenting but with everything actually. Thank you for sharing your beautiful turn-around.
Sally love the way that you say you were able to love yourself with the same depth as your daughter, made possible through starting to honour and appreciate yourself – as a woman. This is the key isn’t it – focusing on oneself, living knowing that absolutely everything starts with us, and that when we lose sight of us, it’s so easy to fixate on something outside and become owned and identified by. I certainly can relate to this. Your post so well shows that the only thing to be ‘identified’ by, is the deep Love we are.
Thank you Sally,
I can so relate to your story of parenting from outside beliefs and the negative emotional and controlling style that lace us as parents. I had lost joy and me in that process. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have presented a different way. It has been a great journey back to love and my amazingness. Life feels amazing from this centered place, as does all that I do. Including parenting.
This is revolutionary Sally, and flips all the common ideals about parenting on their head.
Parents truly are role models, and this is not spoken about enough. I love how your love for yourself as a woman has inspired more love in the whole family. It’s the simplest and most loving guidance on parenting out there.
Thank you for sharing.
Me too Sally I am so deeply appreciative to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who, through the way he parented as well as his presentations showed me their was another way to parent rather then the dysfunctional one I knew. This has transformed my life ,my two daughters’ lives and our relationships with each other.
Thank you Sally for sharing your wealth of experience as a woman and parent,
I have been occasional part time parent for my partnerâs child and am about to become more full time, it will be a huge learning curve for me, so I appreciate the wisdom of your lived experience.
Super beautiful Sally. That’s a great thing to be able to help teach your daughter- that you are an amazing woman and that this is in her also.. We tend to learn a lot by observing our parents and to be able to observe our mum feeling beautiful and content would definelty confirm she’s allowed to feel this also !
Learning that everything comes down to energy, as presented By Serge Banhayon in Universal Medicine workshops and retreats, has been a pivotal part of relationships and very definitely this includes being a father. It actually allowed me to go to a palace of feeling what beliefs I was holding between myself and other people as a form of protection. It also confirmed some actions I had taken in the past that were truly loving and removed any guilt or recrimination around them. Seeing choices as energetic ones, can seem a distant, philosophical perspective, when we are holding onto beliefs and protection. But actually, it is the one truly empowering way to view life and apply in a very practical way, to heal old hurts and brings great freedom and change to life.
A beautiful lesson in true parenting. I too have been inspired by the wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon and am learning to parent myself with the same tender love that I felt for my children when they were newborn.
Its truly beautiful Sally how this way of loving and cherishing you, flows on and allows you to care for your daughter. I wonder what would the world be like if we all made understanding energy our basis for parenting? I for one would love to be a child in your family.
So inspiring to read this again Sally, I am developing much of what you share and are no where near the list you describe at the end but it is great to know that it is possible and like you are endlessly inspired by what I witness with the Benhayon family.
So beautiful Sally. I love the way you have claimed yourself more and more. It feels to me this is how a woman steps into her power, her knowingness, her love and divinity. What an amazing way to parent your child, from that sacred place deep within.
Sally, I found your blog quite inspiring. Unfortunately I hadn’t been introduced to Universal Medicine when my children were growing up so I can relate to your first list of parenting approaches. However, I now get to have a relationship with them stemming from self love and appreciation. This offers me the space to simply let them in to the real me and not go into self judgement about the past and for me to accept them for who they are.
Beautiful Helen, it is never too late to connect with anyone.
Thank you Sally for your beautiful presence and inspiration . To choose to love , appreciate and accept who we are can’t help be passed on to our children through our parenting.
Such a beautiful unfolding you have experienced and shared with us Sally, in regards to parenting your daughter.
This is beautiful Sally, thank you for sharing. Such an honest blog that is so supporting for all parents.
What a beautifully honest article. I admire how you have called out the really confronting issues that many of us can relate to.
What more incentive do we need to re-connect to us so that we can totally change the generations ahead.
I really appreciate how you describe so honestly Sally how your parenting in the past relied on trying to use control to manage your families’ life. I can feel how much lighter, playful and joyful not only your life has become but your relationships also as you have let go of this control, very inspiring.
Being a mother was as you describe a case of being tired and trying to control everything. I had a lot of ideals and beliefs about being a mother and instead seeing it as a role I was completely identified with being a mother. Now I know parenting is about love and that as parents we are laying this foundation for our children in our house and they make their own choices just like I do.
This is absolutely lovely “I can actually feel how amazing I am every time I tell my daughter how amazing she is” I can feel this in my own life and how when someone is appreciating what you bring it feels very powerful when it is lived from within.
Hi Sally, reading the blog again today and what really struck me was how amazing the journey is that you have made from control to tenderness and being an awesome reflection of a beautiful woman truly living life with everyone you meet.
To make parenting about love. That is what I read throughout the whole blog. What more is there to say? Thanks.
To drop the ideals and beliefs about motherhood and find out being a mother just means taking responsibility for me, be the natural me and from this place connect to my child feels freeing and joyful. Thank you for your amazing sharing, Sally.
I have just reread your blog Sally; it is inspirational
I feel a deep and forever love for you and equally so for myself
Sally, it makes sense that it is difficult to be a loving parent if we have not yet dealt with our own childhood anger and sadness and if we have yet to learn how to love and appreciate ourselves. The ageless wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offers us this loving way.
Sally I am very inspired what you have shared in how you have changed the way you parent.
As a mother to 7 children it’s a continual learning to just be me and trust them to take responsibility for their choices.
‘I have learned to look after myself first and foremost,’ this line is key, it is relevant in all areas of life but particularly true when it comes to parenting as we can so often get caught up in what needs to be done, what the child needs (food, sleep, warm / cool clothesâŚ.) that we forget or feel too pushed for time to care for ourselves. But when we do care for ourselves during the day with nourishing food and rest we find we can easily cater for all the childs needs.
Even those who may not have children can relate to this as I can certainly say that your first list has been often how I have treated or parented myself in the past. However two key points (which could be one big point) stood out for me in this blog: “There is a lot I do know if I allow myself to feel it.” And the fact that others can see and feel and express that they can feel how awesome we are because they know how awesome they are. It’s that allowing myself the time and space to feel that I am amazing, rather than focusing on all the nonsense, aches/pains, chores, tasks outside of me that I feel is the theme of today, something that reading this blog has further confirmed to me. Thank you Sally.
So gorgeous Sally. I can relate to a lot of what you share, and there are great areas still to be developed that you highlight here too. Super supportive blog.
Hi Sally,
I have witnessed you and Lee with your daughter and it is obvious to me that she is parented with Love!
I too am committed forevermore to bringing Love to myself and all that I do, including parenting…
Someone said to me today that it seems so much easier to appreciate others and tell them that they are amazing than it is to appreciate ourselves. But can we truly appreciate another if we are not appreciating ourselves first? Do the words not seem a bit hollow if we tell someone they are amazing but do not feel that we are equally so?
It is so important as a child and as a parent to have an equal relationship that knows no difference in the love for themselves as each other. It is beautiful that you share this.
Thank you Sally, I can so relate to your blog. Universal Medicine helped me to let go of the many similar beliefs I had about parenting that certainly didn’t support my children or myself.
Through developing a more loving and caring relationship with myself, my children as adults are finally getting to see and feel me as a woman first and a more loving one at that and the huge pressure I placed on myself and them to be a certain way no longer holds them. They are free to be them and I am loving observing their unfolding.
Sally, I can really relate to what you have presented here as have felt the changes in how I parent my children as well. As teenagers and older
now, I can feel the evolution of our relationship as I let go the control traditionally thought to be important for a parent to have. I am aware of the mothering tone in my voice when I speak to them and how patronising and controlling this can be. My teenager will gently point out to me when this tone is present which I really appreciate. My evolution as a parent runs parallel to my own personal evolution – they are closely entwined! I feel that parenting is a lifelong retreat of learning particularly focussed on self awareness and feeling beautiful reflections!
I love this point you have made Sally…”My husband and I present that the quality of your energy, how you are being, is the most important thing when talking about topics relevant to our child and what is going on in the world. So if she makes decisions to do things, she knows how they will affect her and the quality of who she is.” …This is an awesome way to present choices and responsibility to our children.
What an inspiring role model you are for your daugther Sally and all those you come into contact with especially in a world that has few true role models.
Wow Sally, what a powerful line “I am able to love myself as much as I love my daughter.” This shatters so many ideals and beliefs around parenting, so many cultures would say such a statement was a blasphemy that it is not right or proper to love yourself more than your child, yet as you clearly outline in your blog, without this love for yourself your parenting was compromised, you where exhausted, always coming 2nd and as a result compromised in your ability to be connected and present with your daughter. Thank you Sally for sharing your journey of letting go of all that is not to allow you to be the true parent you are today. Very inspirational.
Sally, this is really so beautiful, so enriching and very inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you Sally for a beautiful article that I enjoyed reading. I can relate to what you say here. Since the teachings of Universal Medicine I am learning to let go of the control and through self love I am experiencing changes in me which is making huge differences in all of my relationships.
Sally, it is gorgeous how the loving relationship you have cultivated with yourself as a beautiful woman is now your strong foundation as a parent.
Sally I love what you offer here, for it applies to all relationships not just with that of our children. I don’t have children myself but there is much that I can learn from what you have written. Thank you
Thank you Sally for this amazing blog. This is not only super supportive for parents, but also for us all (as we all have parents with no exception) to develop more understanding of our parents, not in their roles, but as a person equal to us.
So beautiful and inspiring to read Sally!
I still find myself reacting to the loveless choices of my family members, and needing to control my environment so that I feel safe. I realise that only by fully loving and accepting me can I then see and accept them for who they are- equally beautiful and tender .
What you said Sally about parenting with love is something I have recently felt. I have been trying to control my daughter with anger and frustration and tell her how to be and wanting her to change to no avail. All I was doing I realised was loading her up with my anxiousness about life – how can anyone change with this type of behaviour around them. I have come to the understanding if I keep my mouth closed (which is very hard to do at times) and just BE LOVE then this is more supportive for my daughter and allows her to be free to make changes if she so wishes. This is about loving and accepting her fully for the person she is. Thank you Sally. This was a beautiful read.
Sally my children are grown up now but it is never too late. My relationship with them has changed thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine. The anger and tiredness that were so tied up with my idea of parenting, my need to control everything so as to be a good parent are progressively disappearing. And with it comes a certain lightness and clarity that I never knew before.
What a beautiful change! Sounds like a healthy mix of lightness, playfulness and discipline.
Hi Sally, it was true joy to read your words “In allowing myself to feel this, I could then actually claim that I am an amazing and truly beautiful woman. I can now absolutely role model this with my 14 year-old daughter.” How beautiful for all of us to realise that as we ourselves deepen our self love, everyone around us has the opportunity to feel the same thing in themselves.
I think parenting is a big one for us all. It seems to bring up everything that we have loaded ourselves with from the outside world over the course of our lives as well as igniting those control issues. I love how you say that you are participating in raising your child and not just allowing it to happen as she grows up. It sounds like you are all learning and loving, equally and together … this is simply gorgeous!
What beautiful revelations about being a mother Sally. I am not a mother, and never will be, but I am a woman and I can benefit from everything you have said here because it applies to me as a friend, daughter, colleague, practitioner, student and woman.
We truly are forever students of life and of each other. So thank you for this blog Sally. It is another beautiful page in the text of life to be studied from the heart and lived.
I, as your mother Sally, am inspired by the beautifully gorgeous and divine woman you are today, and in fact have always been thus.
It is such a joy for me to hear you say that you know and feel how amazing and beautiful you are as a woman; my heart sings!
I love observing you and Lee parent and what strikes me most is the consistent quality and equality in which you both relate to, nurture and support Madeline.
So beautiful Shirl to hear you express your love and joy at knowing that your daughter knows how beautiful and amazing she is. I have no doubt this is what every parent would want for their child. Yet, this is very often not the case of what we end up with. It is heartening to know we can change this trend and to read and be inspired by so many that are.
Amazing blog Sally, I loved reading it. Great reminder for me and I know there is a lot for me to learn about parenting. I can feel my children becoming more calm and loving with each other when I am calm and loving towards them. Thank you Sally, very inspiring.
Hi Sally I think you have done an excellent job as a mother and thank you for your article
What a gorgeous blog, Sally. I can so relate to the way you were as a mother before encountering the ageless wisdom, as I know this is how I mothered. Even though both my children are in their forties I am still learning about parenting and that there can be a much simpler way to be a parent with self-love and self-care, which is so much more supportive than all the controlling.
I can relate to so much here. It is in my relationships and particularly my parenting that I have seen the greatest change in myself since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine events. I was completely lost in trying to be the good mum – dedicated, sacrificial, always ready if anyone needed anything. Added to that was a complete disregard for my own body, constantly overriding it when it told me what it needed. I have discovered to be a great parent I have to first parent myself. I need to care for myself, be responsible for how I am feeling and aware of when I am imposing on my child. At the time I had no idea that being sacrificial came with so many demands and needs – to be noticed, appreciated and relied upon. It is so freeing for me and my child to let go of these things.
Wow Sally, I can feel the deep love and care for your daughter you know hold and honour. It feels like when we put ourselves second although we can say we love and care for our children it is not really love and care because what they see is a stressed, exhausted, tired, self-less person and not the whole and true you. Love is a being not a doing.
This is so gorgeous and supportive to read Sally, ‘I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day. As she enters her teenage years she knows without a doubt that as women we are naturally beautiful and very amazing.’ Reading this brought a tear to my eye, what a very different way of parenting and how amazing that your daughter knows how beautiful and amazing she is as she comes into her teenage years, these years can often be a confusing time for children if they do not have a steady foundation and knowing of who they are.
This is beautiful Sally. Thank you for writing it.
I loved this, Sally and could very much relate to all of it. Parenting from ‘outer sources’ rather than our own inner source only leads to tears for the whole family….and as the all-knowing, in control mother I did a lot of that on the inside not wanting to expose myself as being vulnerable or ‘not coping’. Yet there was always a part of me that knew how out of whack this really was, and through constant seeking finally found Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – and it has made a world of difference to me as a parent and as a woman, too. I loved also your realisation through the ancient wisdom that you are equal with children, for this is a profound shift that serves us all to be open to wisdom within them as well. Thank you for this, Sally.
I love how you describe your parenting before and after Universal Medicine and the amazing changes you have made. I am not a parent but I have always felt that parenting seems to be the least supported aspect of our lives when there are virtually training courses on everything else. It’s one of the things we just get on and do. Sharing your blog with others I am sure will be valuable support to all parents everywhere.
I too have a deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and the ancient wisdom teachings for supporting me in my development in true parenting. I had always thought it was about what was best for my child, and while this is true in one sense, much of what I did was about giving in or making her happy even at the expense of myself or the family. I have now come to know that it is about what supports her to be responsible and loving and part of the family equally not me speaking down to her as I know better. I have also come to know that I don’t need to abandon myself, that in fact the opposite is true. When I am fully appreciating the woman I am I always know what is needed in each moment.
How inspiring Sally. From the old you and way of being to the new way and the loving choices you’ve make every day. So simple and easy for anyone to follow. Parenting 101. I love it.
How amazing Sally. I love you parenting journey: so honest and I can feel the love you have for yourself and your family. I am not sure how your dog fits into parenting….. perhaps that will be another unfolding the way your parenting has unfolded: perhaps with the grace that you already are?
Thank you Sally this is beautiful to read. I have also found that parenting actually starts with myself and is not solely reserved for children. By learning to take loving care of myself and allowing myself to learn what there is still to learn for me in this world with the loving support of myself by my side, I am able to bring that to my children, to other children and all the people I meet, equally so. This is true role modelling for me, bringing that, what you wish to bring to others, to you first and live it. And this lived love is gold and there to feel and have for everybody.
It is so true Esther that parenting begins with learning to care for and love ourselves first and then take all of us to our children. I would have loved to have been presented this wisdom before I had children, but I wasnât, and so muddled my way through my parenting years the best I could. But now with the wisdom I have acquired I have the wonderful opportunity to bring all of me and my lived experience to not only my children and grandchildren, but to everyone I connect with every day,
Being the daughter in this situation, means that I have gotten to see my mother blossom into a women that inspires me everyday. She inspires me in the way she cares for her self, how she dresses, how she is with my father, how responsible she is and how playful she is. It’s so nice to have a playful and responsible mother instead of an angry and sad one.
What a beautiful situation to be in. How you have first hand seen and been part of the shift that has given you both that amazingly loving relationship and connection.
Awesome sharing and one I can relate to a lot. My parenting has changed just like yours a lot. I am less controlling of my children and that everything had to be perfect, there is more fun, definitely equality, a lot of communication, and sharing. Parenting doesn’t feel like a heavy ‘job’ anymore, but I feel a freedom in it and a great opportunity to grow and learn from each other.
Well said Monika. “Parenting” like the word “responsibility” is one of those heavy words that feels like it presses a weight down on your shoulders. I like how you have expressed the freedom in parenting in this way, by feeling what opportunities it offers.
Thanks for an inspiring blog Sally.
Thank you Sally. You are an inspiration to all parents.
Sally your blog offers a deep insight into how parenting can be completely different when it is approached from learning to love and appreciate yourself first.
This was great, gave me more understanding of how parents are actually feeling, I see parents all the time in my work, most commonly in all the roles that they’re trying to fill “to be the good parent”. Sometimes I get to have a quick chat with them before they fly out the door but 90% of the time its about the child; parents are forgetting about themselves.
A truly inspiring read with reflections that have meaning and relevance for all types of relationships, not just confined to the realm of parenthood.
Thank you Sally for sharing your story, it gives me a lot to feel into with my parenting. Very inspiring.
Sally, your honest account of the amazing transition in your approach to parenting is so inspirational. What you now present to your daughter is priceless; you are a true role model for her and other young women.
Great blog Sally, thanks for sharing this with us. I was particularly struck by your revelation about how if we do not talk to our kids from our own livingness then the ‘advice’ simply washes over them without any effect at all. Such a common mistake in my own experience of parenting that is frustrating, while at the same time leaving the kids feeling a total lack of connection. I can try as hard as I like, but when it comes from this perspective its just tiring, unsustainable, inconsistent. Your blog presents simple steps that start with the parent (me) and then my kids benefit from a lived wisdom rather than a set of ideals.
Simon, I am reminded of the phrase I heard growing up: ‘Do as I say, not as I do’. We all have lived this adage for years, never thinking too much about what it really means. What if in saying this phrase and abiding by it, we are keeping each generation going around in the same circles, keeping the same behaviours going around and around, the behaviours that we often are trying so hard to stamp out? Could this be because telling someone to ‘do’ something different to what we do ourselves simply doesn’t work? Doesn’t it need to come from a place of experience, a place of knowing? Another more true adage, ‘A picture tells a thousand words’.
Interesting points here Simon and Suzanne. I was speaking about this with someone a few days ago – specifically, the importance of our actions and the quality of how with we live and how we are with our children. Most of what we say may not ring true for them if it is not what they see and feel. If we are aware of the quality of our energy through our movements and actions with our children to show them rather than tell them, it is more likely they will respond to this. Thank you for this timely reminder Simon and Suzanne. As it is great to have this deepening awareness so we can let go of our ideas about how things are supposed to be and allow our relationships to be more clear, honest and truly loving.
I know that one all too well Suzanne, âdo as I say, not as I doâ and even as a child I felt it an irresponsible betrayal, there is no love in it, and it teaches children it is okay to have bad habits/behaviours when you are an adult. Of course the children only read the okay and do not wait till they are adults.
I just love how you say with absolute truth Sally, “I am able to love myself as much as I love my daughter”. How many mothers can truly say that from their hearts?? A beautiful article and a joy to read.
Yes Susan, that is a good question – “How many mothers can truly say that from their hearts??” – I am much better at this now, and still learning more with regards to this …
It is crazy that we, as parents, focus so much on doing and on achieving and maintaining the ‘good parent’ status through what we do – all to the detriment of simply ‘being’, and the quality of our being and strength of our presence: all the more so because it is exactly this – the quality of presence – that our children crave from us. Yes, providing the basics (food, clothes, security etc.) is important, but our children crave love and true care from us, which we are not even able to give to ourselves, we are so caught up in the ‘doing’. Can we not ourselves remember this being the case when we were small children in relation to our parents?
Thank you Sally for a beautiful blog. It’s very easy as a parent to put the needs of the child before those of yourself. It’s lovely to read the positive outcomes that have occurred for you since making more loving choices that honor your own needs first. Well done.
Thank you Sally, I can relate to your blog very well and have been feeling the same way. Being more aware of how I am feeling affects everyone around me. Choosing to take care of myself first allows me to be more connected and loving with my family. Asking for support in a loving way and not from reaction is another huge learning for me. Everyday is a blessing to be more aware and make choices to expand and evolve.
I really enjoy reading how people have come to a new awareness which allows a depth of understanding and a transformation in how they live. This blog said this to me. I love how your home is now filled with lots of joy and laughter.
Thanks for this sharing Sally. Wanting to control my children or having them do/act a certain way has become less and I am much more aware when imposing things on them. And also still unfolding and learning every day.
Your beautiful unfolding is not only a gift to your family but to us all. Thank you for sharing your journey though parenting with us.
Dear Sally, thank you so much for sharing your journey in parenting. It is deeply inspiring to me.
What a lovely turn around from trying to control to being love. An inspiring read. Thank you.
“Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon I came to understand how everything comes back to energy: the crazy way I parented came down to my being run by a quality of energy that left me ragged, feeling like I was not enough as a parent, exhausted from trying to get it right and leaving myself last, which meant everyone else got looked after first.” This resonates very clearly with me and how I took on the duty of being a mother and wife. Our children were adults when I first heard a presentation by Serge Benhayon and attended workshops and recognized my lack of self-love and self-worth. I am discovering with delight that it is never to late and as I have learned to honour and feel my own love and beauty my relationship with my children, husband and everyone I meet is blossoming.
Parenting for me has been an amazing unfolding and learning. Watching our daughter grow up inspired by her mum, the amazing woman she is, is a subject that needs to be shared with all. Agreed no parenting books required – it all comes back to taking responsibility and truly loving as presented to us through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
What an inspiration you are Sally, especially to women like myself who have only in recent years become a parent. I can relate to so much that you have written and feel it is giving me a greater awareness of how little time and love I have truly been giving myself. I have recently been developing a more nurturing way of living and from what you have written I can feel that loving self first is an amazing gift and example to give to your child.
I truly enjoyed reading this blog on parenting and it did show me I had felt the wanting to control in my own parenting behaviour. It was so beautiful to read how you are now parenting and what a gift to your daughter to be seen as an equal. It shows us how with the true understanding we can truly parent.
Hi Sally. I loved reading your article and, although I don’t have children, I realise that it can relate to any relationship.
So well said Natalie, when we put the very practical applications of self care and self love into practice then all of our relationships change, as well as our relationship with life itself. Self care, self nurturing and self love are transformational tools, the power of which the world has yet to rediscover.
I do not have children, Sally but I have seen just how demanding it can be on parents and the relentlessness it can bring. To hear how you have embraced parenthood through the support of Universal Medicine is inspiring. I can only imagine that parents all over the world are crying out for this kind of support. I have often wondered about the fact that being a parent must be the biggest challenge of life and yet there is no course on this most important subject. We have courses on every other aspect of life and yet for this the vast majority muddle through. You have much to offer other parents through your own experience.
I agree Rachel, courses for parenting is something that would be great. How beautiful would it be if workshops for parents would be available as part of the schools. An offer for parenting with love.
what a fabulous list of choices you have chosen for your parenting that are an inspiration to all. “I know that beauty comes from within and can show this to my daughter every day” – so true.
I love the before and afters … that is some pretty awesome changes you have made. I could relate to these things “I am more than ok in accepting that I am not perfect; it is ok if things do not get completed or done; I ask for support and help when needed…” and feel this is probably the same for quite a few people, in trying to get everything perfect, get everything done or not asking for support; but like you I am able to do this now. : )
This is so beautiful to read Sally, I have tears in my eyes. I can relate to so much of what you have written, I felt very inspired by, ‘My husband and I present that the quality of your energy, how you are being, is the most important thing when talking about topics relevant to our child and what is going on in the world. So if she makes decisions to do things, she knows how they will affect her and the quality of who she is.’ What you have written about how you parent now is amazing, I love how you treat your daughter as an equal and how you have let go of control and that you are a role model to your daughter and other children because you know how amazing you are and that beauty comes from within, how lovely to reflect this to your daughter and other children, I feel very inspired reading this, thank you.
Great article Sally, looking after ourselves first is such an important thing that all parents should give a try as sadly so many of us put ourselves at the back of the cue in so many instances.
So true Kevin, I have always felt that if one factor could be magically changed in how I was parented, it would be that my parents modeled more of a focus on caring for and nurturing themselves. I have no blame and tons of understanding for how and why they struggled.
I bet “self care”, for many parents in the thick of it, can just seem like one more thing on the to do list…but now I can see that it is a key ingredient which can make everything else flow better.
I don’t have any children, but through friends that do, I have come to build relationships with many that are growing up to be amazing people. They are blessed to be born into families with parents who know the difference between trying to be a good parent and being true with their children. I do consider myself to be parental with them as I do care for them very much. It’s not about blood. It really is about love.
I agree Jinya, I have 5 children and 3 of them are not biologically mine, it honestly makes no difference in our house, as we are one family and they all call me Mum and feel like we have always been together, blood does not come into it.
Before I had kids, I helped raise my sisters daughter, I moved out of home with my sister and lived with her daughter from the time she was born until she was about 4 or 5. I stepped into parenting then, through choice and it felt no different ‘having my own kids’, as kids are their own little people, they are not ever really yours, even if you bring them through. All kids have so much to offer if you view them for who they are and not what you want them to be .
Great point made in this blog about how so often we try and parent from control rather than accepting we have no real control and just feeling and responding accordingly. I can still fall for this illusion as a parent that somehow I can orchestrate it all to come together every day with my kids and the daily routine. Some days you pull it off and feel relieved. Other days for reasons largely out of my control it doesn’t work out how I planned and I can get very frustrated and tired trying to win this unwinnable game. So thanks for the reminder to keep letting go of the control which is an illusion anyway.
The unwinnable game – such a great point Andrew.
part way through my parenting part of my life i understood that you cannot take care of your children unless you take care of yourself first. i was totally exhausted, but i thought i was taking care of myself, what is going on? Universal Medicine supported me in understanding what it truly means to take care of myself. thank you.
What an amazing revelation: “being a parent can be an opportunity for great learning and development for both mother and child”, such a difference to the often normal experience of hardship and ‘holding out’ on looking after yourself until your child has moved out – instead both the mother and daughter can develop together as you say.
Sally love this, my parenting has definitely shifted from the stressed, doubting thomas that I was, and is developing daily. It is without a doubt the most amazing relationship in showing me where I am at, there is no hiding when your shouting at a 5 year old! It’s time to take stock and come back to the love I am and take two. Fortunately we are forever evolving and the take twos become less and less. I really take on board your last points about truly appreciating the beautiful woman you are and how this means you can now be a true role model for all the women young and old in your life.
This inspiring blog shows me that we should parent ourselves before we parent our children. When I try to control myself this makes me feel frustrated, so this is how a child will feel if we impose control. Loving guidance and clear boundaries are essential but control is not. When I accept myself for who I am, a beautiful and loving woman and human being this means I meet another as an equal beautiful and loving human being.
What a beautiful article, and reflection of yourself. You are an amazing and true inspiration Sally.
What a great parenting manual your blog would make. I have for good, bad or what I thought at the time, done my parenting. There is a lot on your list of ‘having a go at it’ that I can relate to. Children don’t come with instructions and my children were all pre-google so as you said ‘grit your teeth and bear itâ, you just got through as best you could’. The best thing is, there is another way to truly be loving, caring parents that is not at the expense of self or the child.
Wow, Steve, I love your comment “The best thing is, there is another way to truly be loving, caring parents that is not at the expense of self or the child.” I can see both sides to this coin: the side that has been at the expense of the self or the child, and the side that is not at the expense of self or the child. I have lived both and I know which I prefer. Sally’s blog so beautifully brings this in to focus.
I am not a parent, but I can completely relate to many of the changes you have made and the qualities you have now accepted, as inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I love the changes you have described, they are all inspiring and anyone reading would want to live like that I’m sure. There are so many traps we fall into as parents, so many ruts we stay in and see the only way out is when the kids leave home. How refreshing to know it needn’t be that way at all.
Thanks for sharing your experiences on parenting Sally. Now that you are more self loving, what a great role model you will be for your daughter and others around you. As a parent myself I can also relate to forgetting the woman I am, and solely identifying with the role of mother. Its great to reclaim the woman that you are.
Thank you Sally for your beautiful blog. It’s very inspiring how you changed your life around so lovingly which allowed you to appreciate yourself more and also now truly able to enjoy parenting.
A beautiful role model for your daughter and her friends.
This feels very special and confirming to read. Your journey and building awareness of yourself as a woman first and as a parent is really very lovely. It felt great, clear and supportive. I have been parenting for 6 years and learning to look after myself first while doing this, I am rewarded two fold for every step I take towards being honest and responsible.
Thank you Sally for your beautiful summary of what every man or woman should be told before they become a parent. We can love our children dearly, but if we do not love ourselves equally, we are unable to be a true role model for them.
This is so true Janet. We are role models for our children and if we do not love ourselves equally to them they learn that being a parent means putting everyone else first, especially your children. So much more fun as a family to love ourselves and each other equally.
Janet you have summed it up perfectly!
Sally, from one woman/parent to another, I read your blog and feel nothing but huge appreciation for your commitment and dedication to developing the way you parent. Thank-you. I am reminded that in the early days of my first child’s life, I remember being blown away by how much he was actually teaching me, no one ever told me this, this was no doll for me to play out my mothering role, instead this tiny, tender being was showing me that we already know everything, to connect to my instincts and be led by what I felt. Indeed look into the eyes of any baby and we return to the love we are from.
How lovely Lucinda that you noticed that your young son was teaching you, that you allowed that pause and to see, particularly that he was showing you that ‘we already know everything’. I wonder how many parents are so caught up in the desperate, and very well intentioned attempt to get things right, that they miss the grace that you have written about.
So true Lucinda children are natural teachers, and can show us so much if we are willing to take the time to listen and observe. They know when we say something that is not true or is said to appease or please ….so much wisdom in such a tiny package.
Sally this is such a touching blog. While not yet a parent I can still feel the profound affect on the people around me when I take the time to really take care of myself and appreciate my own beauty. I know this is definitely the way forward when we do have kids! Thank you for sharing.
Sally, I have tears in my eyes reading this, it is so lovely and refreshing to read your experience of parenting. I can relate to so much of what you have written. When I first had my son I got caught up in ‘Not trusting myself and looking for answers everywhere outside of myself as to what to do.’ I put the needs of my son first and did not care for myself, I was confused and found parenting tiring and hard. Having been inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon I chose to change this and started to trust myself and care for myself. My son is now 4 years old and our relationship is truly beautiful, I deeply nurture myself daily which then allows me to care for and nurture my son, our relationship is playful, honest and loving.
There is so much GOLD in this beautiful article. I could throw away all the parenting books I had and just read this blog!! My favourite (of many) lines is “I can actually feel how amazing I am every time I tell my daughter how amazing she is.” That is beautiful. If it isn’t felt in me first, then it isn’t true. So, if I speak without that livingness in me, it either washes straight over my children with zero connection from them or, worse, it actually harms them because I am imposing on them. Rather than living it and thus they see it in heaps reflected back to them. Gosh, I could talk for hours on all of this but then I’d just be repeating what you have said! I agree wholeheartedly with all that you say and can too vouch for how my parenting (3 kids; 8,6,5) has changed dramatically since studying and being inspired by the works of Universal Medicine. Awesome blog. Thank you.
“if I speak without that livingness in me, it either washes straight over my children with zero connection from them or, worse, it actually harms them because I am imposing on them” Wow Otto what a revelations that’s surely something I can apply to all aspects of my life not only with children.
Thank you Sally and thank you Otto, when I doubt myself as a parent and question if I am a good mother or not – then I have already lost connection to myself. And true, there then cannot be an intimate connection to my child. This feels sad and overwhelming, that’s the point when I start to control. But the better way is to come back to me and to admit ‘ups – wrong direction’. From here start again.
Your awesome Otto, love how enthusiastic you are about this blog and parenting and your relationship with your kids in general, its very touching to read. The approach Universal Medicine has in regards parenting is exactly what you and Sally were touching on and that is your relationship with yourself is of the utmost importance.
My parenting is not perfect by any means, we have 5 kids, our oldest is 14 year old girl and then we have they boys and one more girl ranging from 6,7,8,9.
I get comments from people about how hard it must be having a teenager and how hard its going to be when they are all teenagers but my experience has been amazing so far. Our daughter knows herself and brings that to the world and so thus far she has had no major issues, in fact she is extremely settled. Thanks for the forever evolving and supportive presentations and works of Universal Medicine, we are not dreading the teenage years but actually looking forward to them as they blossom into little adults.
Totally agree Martin, to Sally and Otto and many others who are parenting from their connection to themselves first writing books to share with the world.
Thank you Sally for sharing so honestly about your before and after parenting experience. I can really relate to the anxiousness and overwhelm from all the information out there and not trusting myself to parent from a deep knowing within me.
I always felt that I was learning as much from my daughter as she was from me but it has been lovely to have her come back to live with me as an adult and to re-imprint our relationship learning to communicate as equals and be playful with this.
Yes Helen I can second that too. I had also the ‘before and after parenting’ experience, where I felt totally overwhelmed with 2 small children and being separated from their dad etc. I did have an inner knowing, however I did not truly honour or love myself in the process. Thanks to the work with Universal Medicine and especially Serge Benhayon, I have also been able to turn things around a lot, how I am now with my teenage young adults. And just like you Helen, my daughter is coming to live with me for a while now as a young woman, and I see that as an opportunity to also re-imprint our relationship too.
Thanks a lot for this article, it’s always great to read and learn how other people parent their children. I’ve never found being a parent that easy, but with the wisdom learnt from the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am far better equipped.
I am a bit the same Kevin, parenting has always been my biggest challenge but I if I didn’t have the solid gold presentations of Serge Benhayon to draw on, I would be on struggle street. The style that Serge presents with on the topic of parenting, reminds you that parenting is not the problem but simply deepening the strength of your relationship with yourself.
I have felt the same way, before Serge Benhayon’s presentations I was drowning in how I ‘should’ parent and I was frustrated to the hilt trying to live up to the ‘shoulds’ and pictures I held. I still find it my biggest lesson but now see how much we learn from each other, instead of thinking I need to have all the answers.
Sally, a beautiful sharing. It is bonkers how others can see and connect to us, yet we do not allow ourselves the honour of doing this for ourselves. I can completely appreciate the sadness you felt upon connecting to this beauty within and realising you had not done so before, hurting yourself and others. But how much more beautiful to know now who you truly are and as you say be a role model for your daughter and others whilst they search to know and find that of themselves also.
This is an inspiring blog all parents could read, Sally, I especially agree with treating our children as equals, I have always learned a great deal from my children. They were in their 20s by the time I was introduced to Universal Medicine and the presentations of Serge Benhayon, so too late for their early years, but nevertheless the way I am with them now allows them the freedom of their choices and I can appreciate them for the amazing individuals they both are.
This is a beautiful reflection on parenting. I agree Carmel, it is never too late to change how we are with children and to feel the difference in the relationship.
Yes Mary I totally agree – it is never too late to change how we are with children and the way we parent. In actual fact, it is never too late to change how we are with everyone – as we grow so too do our relationships which makes every day an evolution of the one before. It is a constant unfolding path!
I’m experiencing this too Mary that it’s never too late to experience a different type of relationship with our children, no matter how old or young they are. In fact what I’m finding is that it’s never too late to experience a different type of relationship with myself (!) and that the more I develop this, the better my relationships are with ‘everyone’!
Hi Carmel, I learn so much from my daughter and from all children I get to spend time with really. I also know that my daughter really appreciates the reflection I provide for her and she can feel how much love she is held in.
Hi Sally, thank you for sharing – whilst I am not yet a parent – I can relate to what you said. There is soo much information out there telling us how to be and what to do we lose track of ourselves, can’t keep up with it and become angry and frustrated – after all you would have had to have been super-women to keep up with it all!
That is so true James, there is so much information around telling us how to be a ‘good parent’ but not a lot of it, if any, suggest that we connect to how we truly feel about what to do. We have an inner knowing which most of the information pulls us away from and leaves us disempowered. I speak here from my own parenting experience as it was all about the books knowing better than me and therefore me not knowing and trusting myself.
Great to hear your turnaround with this Sally, a super inspiring sharing for all parents and people alike.
Hi Sally. How come you weren’t happy as a parent previous to finding this knowledge? Were you not happy with yourself or were you unprepared to have children? It must have been disappointing to have had a child with no love for it. But it’s good to hear that you have found something that makes you a better person. A life lived without thought is not a life worth living.
Hi James, thank you so much for your comment. I realise now in reflection that I was not happy with my parenting because at the time I was not happy with myself. I was doing things because I wanted to fit in, do the ârightâ thing and make others happy etc. but which werenât really focussed on caring for âmeâ. At the time I planned my pregnancy and thought I was ready to be a parent, however having a child absolutely highlighted to me how I truly felt about myself. I have always loved my daughter, the thing is I was caring, nurturing and loving her a lot more than I was taking care of myself. I have developed so much more love, joy, vitality and harmony for myself, I cannot tell you how much my relationship with myself has grown and consequently with my daughter as well. Practically this reflects in all areas of my life, including my parenting, and I am able to be more steady, consistent, less emotional and lots more fun. I love being a student of life and the learning for me is about developing all aspects of my life to be more loving.
Thank you Sally. What a complete turnaround. The repeated message in your blog and in this comment is that you had to learn to love yourself first and be content and truly happy with you, before you could offer that love to another. You can only pass on what you live, no amount of books can ever replace that.
Totally agree Shevon. It seems so simple, but taking responsibility for how we are with ourselves and the impact that has on those around us is huge. It’s inspiring to read about your journey Sally!
I totally agree here Shevon, the message loud and clear is that in order to love another, we must first and foremost love ourselves. How much in trouble is our world when we focus so much on the former, with little to no attention on the latter. . And yet how powerful is it for us to turn this around, both for ourselves and for all others we are in relationship with. This is what will change the world.
Hi Sally, I was touched by your beautiful blog. Thank you for sharing your parenting experience and how this has evolved as you have come to accept and appreciate how amazing you are.
Yes, I agree. I was touched by the way you describe yourself as a parent. It would have been wonderful if my mother had the opportunity to go through the same changes as you did.
Me too Bianca, me too. It is such a beautiful piece of writing. I wanted to move in. Can I Sally? đ No really, it is inspiring to see the love you have for yourself now and wow what a legacy to pass onto your daughter.