Have you ever had a relationship that ended badly, then another relationship comes along and it ends badly as well? This did not happen to me just once, but a number of times!
After this happened to me the seventh time I had to be honest enough with myself to see that if I wanted to have a different outcome I didn’t just need good relationship advice, I needed to approach my relationships in a completely different way.
Most of my relationships lasted a couple of months if I was lucky. It was quite a familiar pattern – a guy would be interested in me and I in him, then the game would begin. Firstly he needed to prove to me how much he liked me and cared for me. If I felt that was enough and I liked him too, then we would get together. As soon as we were together I would become a bit obsessed, I would think of him all the time, lose myself in him and become a dedicated ‘I will put up with anything’ kind of lover. As you can imagine this put quite a lot of guys off! When they did lose interest this would leave me somehow more obsessed and more ‘into them’, which was quite distressing really.
With most of these failed relationships came an intense feeling of falling in love, then not long after would come the familiar feelings of hopelessness and a desperation to not lose the relationship.
Looking back I can see I had no regard for myself, I had many beliefs and ideals, which kept me locked in an emotional prison of how a relationship should be and how I should be within that. I had set unrealistic ideals and standards of what this should look like.
I realize now I was being shown time and time again that I had to look deeper into what I was creating. I could no longer deny the fact that I must be responsible in some way for attracting the same situation to develop and be repeated again and again – just with a different person. I could no longer play the victim; I had been offered the choice to see how I (yes I, no one else) was creating these repetitive heartbreaks.
I started to be really honest with myself as it was now becoming very obvious how my lack of self-worth was infiltrating and affecting many relationships in my life. Inspired by the love in which I was held during Esoteric Healing sessions I began to make changes to the way I lived. Choosing a greater level of love and care for myself worked magic in breaking past self-sabotaging momentums.
I now am fully aware that until we deal with our hurts we can never move on: we may get a new partner or we may move to another country, but the momentum is still there hidden, waiting to manifest itself again and again.
The deep pain I experienced in all my relationships was undoubtedly caused by the lack of love I had for myself. I realize now without a foundation of loving myself, all my relationships were destined to eventually crumble.
With lack of self-worth I was ultimately setting myself up time and time again to allow heartbreak and abuse. Through developing the love I now have for myself, for the lovely lady I am, I have healed huge wounds that kept me from developing loving relationships.
Now, as I have developed my own self-love and have faced the pain that I had held onto, I find myself in my longest ever relationship (now 4 years) and engaged to a beautiful man. We are both committed to being and bringing true love into our relationship – to deal with our stuff and to evolve together. Of course there have been rocky times and I am sure there may be a few more to come, but overall our foundation is strong and built with a love and truth that pulls us back when we are off track to constantly remind us of our truth.
With the inspiration I have received from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and the women’s groups held monthly in London, I have deepened my level of self-worth and this has had a positive effect on all my relationships, whether they be with family, colleagues, friends or my partner.
I didn’t need good relationship advice – I simply realized that without self-worth and self-love I will always be looking for others to fill my need, which ultimately never truly works.
by Samantha, UK
Further Reading:
Self-Worth: Honouring the Beautiful Woman I Am
It is as Simple as Loving Myself First
