• Home
  • Blog
    • Healthy Lifestyle
    • Relationships
    • Health Problems
    • Social Issues
  • Comments Policy
  • Links
  • Terms of Use
  • Subscribe to the Blog
Everyday Livingness
Couples, Relationships, Self-Relationship 763 Comments on Good Relationship Advice – My Relationship With Me

Good Relationship Advice – My Relationship With Me

By Samantha · On June 18, 2015

Have you ever had a relationship that ended badly, then another relationship comes along and it ends badly as well? This did not happen to me just once, but a number of times! 

After this happened to me the seventh time I had to be honest enough with myself to see that if I wanted to have a different outcome I didn’t just need good relationship advice, I needed to approach my relationships in a completely different way.

Most of my relationships lasted a couple of months if I was lucky. It was quite a familiar pattern – a guy would be interested in me and I in him, then the game would begin. Firstly he needed to prove to me how much he liked me and cared for me. If I felt that was enough and I liked him too, then we would get together. As soon as we were together I would become a bit obsessed, I would think of him all the time, lose myself in him and become a dedicated ‘I will put up with anything’ kind of lover. As you can imagine this put quite a lot of guys off! When they did lose interest this would leave me somehow more obsessed and more ‘into them’, which was quite distressing really.

With most of these failed relationships came an intense feeling of falling in love, then not long after would come the familiar feelings of hopelessness and a desperation to not lose the relationship.

Looking back I can see I had no regard for myself, I had many beliefs and ideals, which kept me locked in an emotional prison of how a relationship should be and how I should be within that. I had set unrealistic ideals and standards of what this should look like.

I realize now I was being shown time and time again that I had to look deeper into what I was creating. I could no longer deny the fact that I must be responsible in some way for attracting the same situation to develop and be repeated again and again – just with a different person. I could no longer play the victim; I had been offered the choice to see how I (yes I, no one else) was creating these repetitive heartbreaks.

I started to be really honest with myself as it was now becoming very obvious how my lack of self-worth was infiltrating and affecting many relationships in my life. Inspired by the love in which I was held during Esoteric Healing sessions I began to make changes to the way I lived. Choosing a greater level of love and care for myself worked magic in breaking past self-sabotaging momentums.

I now am fully aware that until we deal with our hurts we can never move on: we may get a new partner or we may move to another country, but the momentum is still there hidden, waiting to manifest itself again and again.

The deep pain I experienced in all my relationships was undoubtedly caused by the lack of love I had for myself. I realize now without a foundation of loving myself, all my relationships were destined to eventually crumble.

With lack of self-worth I was ultimately setting myself up time and time again to allow heartbreak and abuse. Through developing the love I now have for myself, for the lovely lady I am, I have healed huge wounds that kept me from developing loving relationships.

Now, as I have developed my own self-love and have faced the pain that I had held onto, I find myself in my longest ever relationship (now 4 years) and engaged to a beautiful man. We are both committed to being and bringing true love into our relationship – to deal with our stuff and to evolve together. Of course there have been rocky times and I am sure there may be a few more to come, but overall our foundation is strong and built with a love and truth that pulls us back when we are off track to constantly remind us of our truth.

With the inspiration I have received from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and the women’s groups held monthly in London, I have deepened my level of self-worth and this has had a positive effect on all my relationships, whether they be with family, colleagues, friends or my partner.

I didn’t need good relationship advice – I simply realized that without self-worth and self-love I will always be looking for others to fill my need, which ultimately never truly works.

by Samantha, UK

Further Reading:
Self-Worth: Honouring the Beautiful Woman I Am
It is as Simple as Loving Myself First

Share

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google
  • LinkedIn
  • More
  • Email
  • StumbleUpon
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
Share Tweet

Samantha

You Might Also Like

  • Male Relationships

    The Bulldozer, and the Butterfly

  • Communication

    Expressing the Unexpressed

  • Family

    Interparental Hatred on Separation

763 Comments

  • Mary says: January 14, 2020 at 4:32 pm

    Samantha, this makes sense to me
    “Looking back I can see I had no regard for myself, I had many beliefs and ideals, which kept me locked in an emotional prison of how a relationship should be and how I should be within that. I had set unrealistic ideals and standards of what this should look like.”
    we are so conditioned from a young age, we are given pictures, ideals, principals of what love looks like and should be like but I have discovered it is totally false and can lead us into another cycle of not claiming ourselves so that at some point in our lives we feel let down, disenchanted with life as it did not match up to the lies we were peddled, that Mr. Right will come along sweep us off our feet and we will live happily ever after.

    Reply
  • Amparo Lorente Cháfer says: September 20, 2019 at 1:19 pm

    If we don’t deal with what makes us live with lack of self-worth, we will have to deal with the reflection of it that soon or later others will bring into our life.

    Reply
  • Leigh Matson says: September 17, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    Looking at what we create from a curiosity rather than a critical eye allows us to learn more about ourselves.

    Reply
  • LE says: April 3, 2019 at 3:22 am

    How we are with ourselves will reflect in every other relationship we have wether it is with the lady on the check out til a stranger or our intimate partner, working on ourselves and healing past hurts are vital therefore for healthy relationships.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: March 4, 2019 at 5:20 pm

    “I simply realized that without self-worth and self-love I will always be looking for others to fill my need” A beautiful realisation of truth.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: March 3, 2019 at 12:26 am

    What would our social systems look like if we were all taught to be at-least self-loving from day one of school? Maybe we would all live in a harmonious state with others with joy-full interactions, which would include everyone and there-fore every relationship would be an out-standing realization of how we can live together.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: January 2, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    We live what we create and we create what we live, so when we depend on another to give us the love we crave we don’t realise that this, love, is something we already have within us but we have created the belief that it has to come from outside of us.

    Reply
  • julie says: December 4, 2018 at 5:12 pm

    The relationship with ourselves definitely plays out in our relationships.

    Reply
  • Lorraine says: November 9, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    Loving and caring for ourselves first and foremost is a prerequisite for all of our relationships.

    Reply
  • Sam says: October 2, 2018 at 5:58 am

    Without a relationship based on self- love and self-care we just do not have the foundations to possible love another.

    Reply
  • leigh matson says: September 26, 2018 at 3:11 am

    If a situation keeps repeating then there is something within ourselves that we need to look at and address.

    Reply
  • Meg says: September 17, 2018 at 2:00 pm

    I think one of our biggest downfalls in relationships is that we see each relationship as a separate entity – rather than what manifests in one relationship is going to manifest in the next relationship until we deal with it. We think by leaving someone or closing the door that’s the end to whatever happened – not realising that we take it all with us and that whatever happened in our last relationship will naturally occur in a fresh relationship.

    Reply
  • Stephanie Stevenson says: September 16, 2018 at 6:08 am

    Life has a beautiful way of repeating the same scenarios over and over again , until we get the message to change something and be willing to explore our part in the ongoing cycle and then make new choices from a foundation of loving ourselves and then bring all of us to others with no expectations of them fulfilling our needs.

    Reply
  • Vicky Cooke says: September 12, 2018 at 6:30 am

    I love your honesty here ‘I had to look deeper into what I was creating.’ not very comfortable to do but something I know from experience when we do start looking at what we are creating in our life and start to change the healing is very beautiful.

    Reply
  • Kevin says: September 4, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Without a good foundation of self-worth and self-love we cannot expect to ever have a proper functioning realationship with another for there is nothing to build it on.

    Reply
  • Bryony says: September 2, 2018 at 5:37 am

    Building our own self love, through constant choices to care more deeply for ourselves, is a fundamental part of our foundation that supports us to hold steady, to know ourselves inside and out. Without self love and self care, we leave ourselves wobbly, precarious, unsure and unsteady and at the mercy of life, instead of solid and with ourselves.

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: August 13, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    As relationships are such a wonderful reflection of the way we approach life it is no wonder that many ‘fail’ if we are still holding on to unhealed hurts from our past, Those, hurts will be triggered in many ways and will continue to be triggered even if we leave one relationship for another. It is when we acknowledge the trail of ‘failed’ relationships behind us that it’s time to stop and wonder why. And I eventually found the answer was that I didn’t have a loving and caring relationship with myself and that was the most important one of all.

    Reply
  • Meg says: July 10, 2018 at 2:43 am

    This blog renders all the relationship books, men are from mars and women are from venus type books unnecessary – what is the point in going into any relationship if we have not first secured and solidified the relationship we have with ourselves – it’s like selling a car with only two wheels – the other person doesn’t get all of us and everything they also deserve.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: July 2, 2018 at 4:16 pm

    Unless we bring all of ourselves to a relationship we will always be dependent on others to fulfil our neediness – not a recipe for success. Deepening my own self-love has impacted all my relationships as I support myself and am so much more open to what unfolds each day.

    Reply
  • Lucy Dahill says: June 27, 2018 at 5:48 am

    Coming to realise that we are everything before we are anything offers us all an opportunity to build a sense of self-worth and self-esteem that is not a delicately balanced juggle at the mercy of what happens around us or what relationship we are in. Building that sense of who we are as a solid lived foundation sows seeds that feed us back in all aspects of our relationships and we can start to recognise what takes us away from that ease and knowing in our bodies.

    Reply
    • Helen Elliott says: July 2, 2018 at 4:18 pm

      Absolutely there is nothing that we need to search for as we are already everything – so contrary to the messages that we are fed by society.

      Reply
  • Lucy Dahill says: June 27, 2018 at 5:43 am

    The divine design of our universe is its repetitive nature. I used to hate that I couldn’t just move on, it used to drive me bonkers and I blamed everyone and everything that reminded me of an issue I felt I had dealt with for reminding me that I had, perhaps, not dealt with it at all and was instead using a coping mechanism to distract myself from this fact!

    Reply
  • Elizabeth McCann says: June 11, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    Developing self-love and self-worth is a prerequisite foundation, if we want to have loving relationships in our life.

    Reply
    • Meg says: July 10, 2018 at 2:45 am

      I totally agree, self love and self worth are a prerequisite if we want amazing and deeply loving relationships, and also to be able to offer amazing relationships to others.

      Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: June 10, 2018 at 5:41 am

    Self love and self worth are the keys in developing relationships that bring true love, which allows each person to evolve. When these are lacking in our lives we become needy, always looking outside of ourselves for someone else to fill our void. It is beautiful Samantha, that you have come to the realisation that by bringing self love and self worth into your life, you are now able to have a beautiful loving evolving relationship.

    Reply
  • Lieke Campbell says: June 1, 2018 at 3:20 am

    It might be uncomfortable to feel how we create situations in life that we don’t like ourselves but, when the most intense feelings are over it gives us space to actually observe and change the pattern we were in.

    Reply
  • jennym says: May 8, 2018 at 7:08 am

    Each relationship we have can be a space to heal our hurts or/and a space to confirm what we truly bring in essence.

    Reply
  • Fiona L says: May 8, 2018 at 5:44 am

    The same undealt with hurts = the same destructive habits and patterns in relationships. It makes sense that we need to heal something in ourselves for our relationships to change. We are after all 50% of that relationship!

    Reply
    • Lorraine says: December 24, 2018 at 5:14 pm

      Yes, and that is taking responsibility, or we get the same next time, ‘The deep pain I experienced in all my relationships was undoubtedly caused by the lack of love I had for myself. I realize now without a foundation of loving myself, all my relationships were destined to eventually crumble.’

      Reply
  • MW says: May 3, 2018 at 6:17 am

    I can feel the difference between knowing my quality and holding this strongly and also the feeling of neediness. With the neediness I am prepared to accept less than my quality, when I hold my quality, I know from deep within that nothing from outside can complete me as I already am everything.

    Reply
  • Lisa Young says: April 25, 2018 at 12:36 am

    Great piece of advice plus when I read the words’With lack of self-worth I was ultimately setting myself up time and time again to allow heartbreak and abuse’.
    This sums up my life but these lines have helped me beyond your imagination. Stay blessed. Love your post.

    Reply
  • Emily Clarke says: April 23, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    This line is remarkable!
    “without self-worth and self-love I will always be looking for others to fill my need, which ultimately never truly works.”
    This is the lesson that everyone becomes familiar with in their old age but words of wisdom have always been a great gift!

    Reply
    • Lorraine says: November 9, 2018 at 4:15 pm

      Being needy like this always feels horrible, both to deliver, and those on the receiving end.

      Reply
  • Michael Goodhart says: March 28, 2018 at 11:46 pm

    Whenever we begin a relationship with a need to have the other person fill some gap we have in our lives ( such as lack of self love) there will be disharmony, as it is dishonoring for both people involved.

    Reply
  • MW says: March 25, 2018 at 9:09 am

    Oh yes I know this one, it is a hard one to cut, of not feeling full within yourself so needing someone else to fill you up or to feel complete. When we do this we are guaranteed to always bring issues into our relationships and never quite feel settled.

    Reply
  • greg Barnes says: March 18, 2018 at 12:12 am

    Self-worth and self-love along with self-nurturing are keys to forming relationships that will last with everyone we meet.

    Reply
  • Carola Woods says: March 16, 2018 at 8:36 am

    A beautiful transformation Samantha. In deepening a loving relationship with ourselves we do naturally bring love, who we are, to every relationship through which the opportunity to deepen our connection to love is offered, through openly and honestly sharing ourselves, being our selves. This is what true relationship is about; supporting each other to evolve in love.

    Reply
  • Meg says: March 8, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    This is a brilliant expose on a lack of self worth, how we feel about ourselves actually effects not only every single relationship we have but every single moment. What I am discovering is that it’s worth investing time into building an amazing relationship with yourself so that every moment is amazing and we are not relying on external sources to lift us up or make us feel great.

    Reply
  • Rik Connors says: January 11, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    It is very correct in saying and worth being honest and aware about if you have any investments in a relationship. Those investments are usually made up of what you are not bringing to yourself and thus become hurts. The best medicine is appreciation for yourself to the endless degree . . .

    Reply
  • Richard Mills says: December 11, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    ‘I realize now without a foundation of loving myself, all my relationships were destined to eventually crumble.’ Such wisdom Samantha – all our relationships are rooted in the relationship we have with ourselves and to experience one based on mutual self-love is wonderful.

    Reply
  • MW says: December 10, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    This was very timely for me to read, I can feel that I have a need coming up of wanting to be in a relationship, but when I stop and surrender I can feel that going about it in this way, through a drive and a need, that I would then allow something that I don’t truly want. When I surrender more the need actually isn’t there and I am much more content within myself and allowing of things to happen.

    Reply
  • Chan Ly says: November 30, 2017 at 9:06 am

    Thank you Samantha for sharing your inspiring story. This is a gorgeous example of taking responsibility for what happens to us in life. Often we think it is easier to blame others but you did the opposite and started looking at your relationship with yourself, started healing your hurts and recognising the cause. A massive WOW to you for your commitment to love, to yourself and to being in a loving relationship.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: November 20, 2017 at 8:11 am

    ” I simply realized that without self-worth and self-love I will always be looking for others to fill my need, which ultimately never truly works.” so true indeed Samantha it starts within us connecting to the love that is within into all aspects of our lives. Like you for a number of years I kept attracting the same type of relationships until one day I realised it was me who had to change, since after healing many hurts and taking more responsibility for my choices over time a beautiful man came into me life and we have these last 13 years grown and developed into a beautifully loving relationship.

    Reply
  • Monica Gillooly says: November 12, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    ‘I now am fully aware that until we deal with our hurts we can never move on’ … that’s it in a nutshell, it comes from us and we find ways out in the world to show us that in how we are in our relationships, so if we deal with our hurts, our patterns, our behaviours and love us, all around us has to change.

    Reply
  • « 1 … 9 10 11

    Leave a reply Cancel reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    Search

    Subscribe

    Recent Posts

    • My Evolving Relationship with Movement
    • The Bulldozer, and the Butterfly
    • How I Have Come to Not Be Owned by Social Media
    • Building a True Relationship with Food
    • What Was it Really Like to Get Tattoos?

    Categories

    • Health Problems (6)
      • Dementia (1)
      • Digestive Issues (1)
      • Eating disorders (3)
      • Fatigue/Exhaustion (1)
      • Migraines (1)
    • Healthy Lifestyle (96)
      • Drug Abuse (3)
      • Exercise & Sport (26)
      • Healthy diet (29)
      • Music (1)
      • Quitting alcohol (13)
      • Quitting coffee (2)
      • Quitting smoking (6)
      • Quitting Sugar (4)
      • Safe driving (2)
      • Sleep (5)
      • TV / Technology (12)
      • Weight Loss (2)
      • Work (2)
    • Relationships (149)
      • Colleagues (2)
      • Communication (11)
      • Couples (33)
      • Family (29)
      • Friendships (19)
      • Male Relationships (7)
      • Parenting (27)
      • Self-Relationship (40)
      • Sex & Making Love (6)
      • Workplace (12)
    • Social Issues (52)
      • Death & Dying (9)
      • Education (14)
      • Global Issues (8)
      • Greed/Corruption (1)
      • Money (3)
      • Pornography (1)
      • Sexism (14)
      • Tattoos & Removal (2)

    Archives

    • Home
    • Blog
      • Healthy Lifestyle
      • Relationships
      • Health Problems
      • Social Issues
    • Comments Policy
    • Links
    • Terms of Use
    • Subscribe to the Blog
    loading Cancel
    Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
    Email check failed, please try again
    Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.