As long as I can remember, rice has been something I could not give up. Well, I am born Chinese, where no-one would question this as unusual. Rice is served almost in every meal; I was so attached to my rice that I grew my own once.
Rice, being a staple in Asia, is used extensively; from the plain steamed rice that accompanies a meal, to the sweets made with glutinous rice, steamed sticky rice in a lotus leaf wrap with meats, the ever famous fried rice, rice noodles, breakfast congee (rice cooked in water until a porridge consistency), steamed rice rolls and so on – who would ever question the consumption of something so inherent to our culture and traditional identity?
I was no exception, and although petite I could probably eat more rice than someone twice my size, and not really gain weight. If there was rice, I would be content. When travelling, rice is the first word I learn in a foreign language, just so that I can ensure my ability to order it. In my opinion, eating other carbohydrates like potatoes or pasta doesn’t even come close to the feeling I have when eating rice. I would also choose rice over meat, as meat fills me up quickly; but rice, I can eat a lot of it. Being always hungry, rice has become my comfort.
Rice, unlike alcohol or drugs, is not illegal if you buy it under 18 years of age, or consume it in public. But like any addiction, it takes a lot of courage and honesty to feel and acknowledge what is really true for the body. From young, we were told that we are good children if we ate a lot of rice, since rice, being less expensive than meat, is consumed in much greater quantities. We were also taught, through a traditional saying “fan hey gung sum” (direct translation: ‘the energy of the rice invading the heart’, which is pretty spot on), that it is natural to feel drowsy after eating rice, and most would not question it. We would just feel somewhat unlike ourselves and unable to have optimal clarity after a big rice meal.
Yet the ‘comfort’ that results from eating rice is worth it, or so I told myself, even if being a bit muddle-headed was the payoff. I have long since given up alcohol, and sugar is not something that I crave (probably because all the rice I have been consuming has made that redundant), milk and chocolate were foods I had disliked since young, and when I had worked my way even into relinquishing cheese, oh boy, was I not prepared to give up rice. Whenever life felt stressful, I would make sure rice, a lot of it, would see me through. As such, this could be a situation that would go on, never to be questioned for the rest of my life.
But in 2012, I joined an Esoteric retreat organised by Universal Medicine in Vietnam; in fact, it was my first time joining anything Esoteric. Throughout the four days of the retreat, rice was not a part of the meals. I had enjoyed the retreat and its teachings, group discussions and wonderful nurturing food tremendously. Having said that, the experience also allowed me to feel how hungry I was without my rice. It was the beginning of an unmasking of the emptiness I had been covering up all my life. I felt how I had numbed myself from my own light and how I had been hiding who I truly am with this feigned comfort given to me, such as by consuming rice (I had myriad different numbing techniques, apart from rice). This emptiness was not something that was easy to swallow, and it so much fed into my arrogance and ignorance that on the last day of the retreat I went to the market and ate a plate of rice!
Throughout this past year, what has been initiated from the retreat has given me the courage as well as the support to be much more honest with myself. Who would have imagined a female Chinese, who cannot live without rice, would one day, not out of abstinence, nor because someone told her that rice is bad, but through an honest exploration and self-love, choose not to include rice in her diet anymore?
For in the stillness of my heart, overriding how my body is feeling is not okay anymore, hiding from the fullness of who I am is not okay anymore, and being led by a perception of any culture is also not okay anymore. Ultimately, when I chose to be in the livingness of who I truly am, the need to numb myself disappeared. It is truly no longer okay to perpetuate what is not true even though it has been accepted as normal. Once I realised this, my attachment with rice simply ended.
By Adele Leung, Fashion stylist/Art director, Hong Kong
297 Comments
It is so interesting that the feeling of hunger we have may not necessarily actually be hunger at all but a symptom of something else entirely; that being an emotion that wants to be suppressed or an emptiness that wants to be filled.
Eating out of habit and eating to nourish our body the difference is revealed in how we feel.
It is crazy how our cultures predispose us certain things which are not actually good for us. We are conditioned to be a certain way in whichever environment we grow up in – in China it’s rice, in Bulgaria it’s bread, in ireland – potatoes. And these are just tiny little examples of how we allow the outer world to impact the inner.
In England it was potatoes too Viktoria, potatoes when I was young was used in a similar way to how Adele mentioned in her blog
‘From young, we were told that we are good children if we ate a lot of rice, since rice, being less expensive than meat, is consumed in much greater quantities.’
Every meal had potatoes with it, as it is such a versatile food. Potatoes were and I guess still are my favorite food but like rice the after effects of eating potatoes, feeling sleepy and heavy isn’t worth it, I never thought I would give up eating potatoes but I much prefer the stillness in my body.
It is amazing how often we choose to numb ourselves with food and it is only when we are willing to explore the reasons behind this that we can start to let go of our addictions. The more I have listened to my body the more has come up to explore around my relationship with certain foods and why I go to them in times of stress and also the amounts that I choose to eat to dull myself. I try to remain open and curious rather than beating myself up when I make choices that are less than loving as I did the other day when I overate and then had to sit with the discomfort of that.
How amazing it is that when we feel the truth of something how our cravings and addictions can disappear… that there is no fight or battle to win, simply a letting go of what does not work.
Lovely to read how the need to numb yourself disappeared, when you stopped overriding yourself, ‘overriding how my body is feeling is not okay anymore, hiding from the fullness of who I am is not okay anymore, and being led by a perception of any culture is also not okay anymore’.
How beautifully written:
‘For in the stillness of my heart, overriding how my body is feeling is not okay anymore, hiding from the fullness of who I am is not okay anymore, and being led by a perception of any culture is also not okay anymore.’ There comes a point where we are willing to really look and feel our addictions and also say goodbye to them.
How beautifully written:
‘For in the stillness of my heart, overriding how my body is feeling is not okay anymore, hiding from the fullness of who I am is not okay anymore, and being led by a perception of any culture is also not okay anymore.’ There comes a point where we are willing to really look and feel our addictions and also say goodbye to them.
It’s amazing what we find out when we reconnect to our soul and begin to live soulfully. I have found many things considered “healthy” foods were not healthy for me, as I would become emotional, have disturbed sleep, poor digestion, or feel racy, heavy, or dull after certain foods and drinks. For me it was trial and error to remove and then reintroduce foods and continually observe the effects. Having a healthy body is only part of the picture, we need a nurturing and nourishing diet that supports our soulful connection as well – our being.
Same with me Monica…what am I trying to avoid by eating that particular food.
It is so liberating when we no longer feel like eating the food we used to crave and be owned by as part of our ‘normal’. There’s no push to give it up, but a simple exit as there is no designated space for it in our make-up.
What I got from this is that we can use anything really in a way to disconnect and cut off our connection to ourselves and then form a reliance or addictive behaviour. I have done this with sugar, social media, seeking of drama, creating issues etc all as a way to avoid a deeper settlement.
Whereas what Adele shared was that when she chose to live who she truly is her need to numb dissolved, ‘when I chose to be in the livingness of who I truly am, the need to numb myself disappeared.’
What we consume that is worst for us is the reactions and emotions that we let choose what kind of food we will have. Then on top of this is the intention to dull, diminish or delete what we feel. This is the part of our ‘diet’ we often don’t want to look at.
“For in the stillness of my heart, overriding how my body is feeling is not okay anymore, hiding from the fullness of who I am is not okay anymore, and being led by a perception of any culture is also not okay anymore.”
I am in Vietnam having just attended the 2018 retreat with Universal Medicine. I am Australian and have no cultural connection to rice and yet I feel every bit as addicted to it as you describe Adele. I ate a tiny portion of rice yesterday and it brought me as much comfort as a big slice of chocolate cake would and yes I could have eaten 2o times more of it too. I am in awe of the saying about the way rice invades the heart as I felt this last night after my meal. It is truly incredible that you have stopped eating rice because I can see what a cultural institution it is and what an effective and accepted drug it is. These words make it easy to see that you have chosen love over rice and yes that is actually an easy decision to make.
“We were also taught, through a traditional saying “fan hey gung sum” (direct translation: ‘the energy of the rice invading the heart’, which is pretty spot on), that it is natural to feel drowsy after eating rice, and most would not question it. ” It’s pretty staggering how we can justify anything to ourselves even when we absolutely know it’s not supporting us. This example of rice is just one of billions of justifications we use every day to continue with harming habits simply because it has become accepted as normal by the majority to suffer the consequences.
Such a powerful testimony of how an honest and loving relationship with our body offers a far greater truth of who we are than does any ideal or belief that we cling onto, as it is our connection to who we are in essence that truly defines and fulfills us like nothing else can.
Adele we often either knock down or embellish many cultures and traditions around the world, taking pride in them or trying to put an end to them. Very rarely though do we look at life fresh asking what is true today, what is needed and what will support each of us to evolve and grow.
‘ Who would have imagined a female Chinese, who cannot live without rice, would one day, not out of abstinence, nor because someone told her that rice is bad, but through an honest exploration and self-love, choose not to include rice in her diet anymore?’ Adele when I look back at my own diet it was consumed with bread, potatoes, sugar, chocolate and dairy which all had a similar effect as rice in that they numbed me from what I was feeling and that is something I simply didn’t want to do! Like you I explored myself honestly and chose not to include gluten and dairy, but for many years wasn’t able to give up sugar; that took much, much longer. Giving this up came about simply because through self-nurture my body became clear enough for me to feel the raciness that sugar induced and it got to a point where I simply couldn’t tolerate it anymore and the sugar cravings simply fell away. The same happened with carbs. One day I simply got to the point where I could feel the effects in my body enough for me to want to not to eat them anymore – my body had told me when they were simply redundant.
“Ultimately, when I chose to be in the livingness of who I truly am, the need to numb myself disappeared.” I can very much relate to this. When I have activity in purpose I feel too great to numb myself out.. The real wisdom lived is honouring this activity of purpose across all aspects of my life. Appreciation seems to be the all important way out of when purpose drops. So, when there are those moments of feeling glorious it must be appreciated and embodied so I do not slip too far away when I find that glorious feeling is not being lived in other areas of my life because, more awareness is the gift that keeps on giving if your willing to feel it.
Side note .. this is how I will spend my Xmas this year appreciating and embodying all the awareness I have found over the year .. ..
I live in an area where rice is also very important in a cultural and familiar way. The comfort it offers to the body and the latter numbness are the best ally when it comes to not feel what is really happening under the appearance of unity and celebration that rice here represents. In my case, although I used it too during most of my life to escape, I finally decided getting rid of it, and then something happened… the reaction and judgements for not following the tradition, the disappoinment and the thought of others that if I refused eating rice I was refusing them, as if rice and love were the same. By getting rid of rice from my diet I’ve been able to clearly see where love is or is not, and by exposing this, I’ve had the space to truly live what love is, instead of substituting or avoiding it. Without forgetting the clarity that has come to me in terms of awareness and lightness in my body!
It can be challenging to explore the emptiness we feel when we relinquish our comfort food but if we do this in a loving way then we can support ourselves and our increased awareness with love and realise that we no longer need to dull ourselves with comfort food.
It is interesting how the customs we grow up with can become so ingrained. I too grew up with rice being a staple part of our diet, I found it hard to consider eating some foods without it, to me, for a long time it just didn’t feel right, it always felt like something was missing.
We use food for all sorts of reasons other than true nourishment and dulling and numbing rank high on the list of escape mechanisms.
It’s interesting the polarities and contradictions that we are taught as children – on one hand Adele you were taught that you were good children if you ate alot of rice and on the other hand you were ‘taught through a traditional saying “fan hey gung sum” (direct translation: ‘the energy of the rice invading the heart’) …and that it is natural to feel drowsy after eating rice, and most would not question it’. No wonder we are all confused about what is true and what is not true in the world around us when what we are being taught all too often contradicts itself.
We hardly ever question our long standing traditions and customs and instead tend to honour them that surely they must be good otherwise why would they be kept as such. It’s very beautiful when truth finds its way in and starts to stir things up.
We get caught in ideas in the cultures we grow up in and often we do not extricate ourselves from them, even if our body tells that they do not feel great, where are many in my culture growing up, social drinking is great, Saturday night is a blow out night be it food, drink or behaviour, eating lots of food at Christmas and dairy every day as a child with a held belief that this grows your bones; all of these are cultures ideas not realities. And they are emotional ideas as well and dare to challenge and we get a back lash; however when we heed the body’s wisdom we can handle the back lash and much more. The steadiness and contentment experienced from learning to honour the body and listen to the soul is like no other.
Who would have thought that, rice being an addiction. I do recognize the emptiness I feel inside since I have dropped eating excessive amounts of food, including rice. And that there is difference between truly hungry and an emptiness.
All those filling foods like rice and bread, pasta and pastry, cake and puddings, they all make us feel nicely content and slow us down dulling our thoughts or making them racy depending on the sugar content. Whatever, we get a false idea of being ok and everything is alright just as it is, a false sense of security if you like. And in your case Adele I can see how attached this was to your identity growing up as Chinese in Asia. We could say pasta in Italy, potatoes in Ireland and would it be bread or cake in England, Germany and France? Anyway letting go of this is a big thing but I can attest to the benefits and how life becomes so much more full, rather than our bellies, without it.