As a woman, I can feel how women look at their bodies full of expectations and beliefs around having the ‘perfect body’. Fitting a so-called ‘ideal‘ body image for me has been about my weight and becoming slim.
Becoming Slim to Feel Good about Myself
When I was a teenager, I didn’t feel I was good at many things, especially at school, and I didn’t like the way I looked. I thought that my thighs and my nose were too large and I didn’t consider myself as beautiful or good in anything, even though there were areas I was good in but didn‘t see at the time.
So when my sister lost weight through dieting and became very slim, I thought I was fat and started to go on a diet as well. For about 4 weeks I ate only yogurt and pineapple, losing 7 kilos.
At the time, I only felt good when I was slim. I wanted to fit in with what I thought was the ideal body image to get recognition and love from other people, especially from boys and men. For me, to be attractive and sexy as a woman, was to be slim.
I struggled and dieted for many years and it was horrible. I thought if I was slim or could maintain a certain weight, that I would feel good, however I was not listening to my body about what food and how much food it really needed. I was dis-connected from what I was feeling and therefore could not feel what weight was true and natural for my body. I used food as a filler and a distraction to avoid what I was truly feeling about myself and my low self-image.
I can feel how unlovingly I treated myself during that time because of wanting to be slim and attractive. At times I was overeating and then at other times I strongly controlled how much food I allowed myself to eat. I had a constant focus and struggle with food.
A few years later I stopped dieting because I had realised it did not make sense because I always ended up going back to my original weight, which I now realise as not being overweight at all.
I then shifted my focus to clothes, wearing clothes which were different that got me the desired attention. I was still looking for the recognition, but this time through the way that I dressed myself.
Starting to Feel the Effect of Food
13 years ago an illness made me stop and look for a different way to live. So I looked at all areas in my life, including food. I started to feel the effect of food in my body, what food supported me and which foods made me feel racy, agitated and unsettled.
Later, after attending some Universal Medicine events, I began to deepen my awareness of the effect certain foods had on my body. I could feel that after eating bread I felt very heavy and bloated, so I changed to gluten free bread. But at some point I could feel how racy and unsettled I became after eating that too, so I started to slowly drop carbohydrates from my diet as I could feel that they affected me and my body just like sugar did. I lost a lot of weight, and again, I noticed that I loved the idea of being slim.
I still was attached in a way to the image of a ‘perfect body’ and blind to see that I actually became too thin.
I thought it was great that I finally reached a slim body without even trying to lose weight, as I was still eating plenty of food. However I began to realise that if my body was too thin, my body may be showing me that something was not in balance.
My family had commented to me that I had lost too much weight (which I ignored). After some time, I read a quote which made me realise that I needed to take loving care for my body and what it needed. As I began, I started appreciating myself more and embracing the beauty that I bring; I found that my body naturally began to gain weight again.
Learning to Love just Being Me
My struggling with my weight and striving to be slim was because of how little I really loved and appreciated myself for just being me. The process of beginning to appreciate myself began with my listening to myself, especially with how I felt. I then began taking better care of myself in general, including:
- What and how I ate.
- Going to bed early, when I felt tired, usually before 9pm.
- Watching less TV and especially not before I go to bed, as I found this too stimulating.
- Having sessions with Esoteric Healing Practioners whenever I feel I need the extra support.
During this time what has changed in a big way for me is that I have started to love and accept myself more and more. This foundation makes it possible for me to deeply appreciate myself. This is ever expanding and there is much more to embrace and love….
What I have realised is that what is important is not looks or a certain weight, but the quality and way we live every day – and how loving and tender we are with ourselves and others.
Now I can say, not only the way I look at myself but equally the way I look at others has changed. I can look at myself in the mirror and look deep into my beautiful eyes and truly see the depth and beauty that I bring in just being me. When I do, I know that I am fully connected to myself. Often now when I look into peoples’ eyes I am amazed as I see and feel that same beauty in them too.
The way I dress has also changed. I bought myself many beauty-full dresses which support the beauty-full woman that I am. I see clothes now as a way to express my own beauty (which is in me) to the world, and to share this beauty in the way I dress and the way I take care of myself.
Everybody (including men) has their own natural weight, which is truly supportive and perfect for them, and the measure should not be dictated by a society or by outside factors – like our own ideals and beliefs about having the ‘perfect body’ – or by fitting an ideal body image, but by loving and appreciating ourselves and our bodies in whatever shape we naturally have.
Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
876 Comments
Trying for perfection only takes us down the road further away from our essences or inner-hearts so simply feeling what works for our bodies allows us to walk in a way that fuels the appreciation of that connection and thus the way we eat fits our movements.
We are bombarded with images of who we should look like and behave. But have we stopped to consider the possibility that we are actually the ones who are dictating or demanding this. So my question has to be, why are we behaving in a way as a collective that is actually harming us?
Striving to be beautiful makes one ugly. Allowing the beauty to flow out confirms heaven.
Forget being fat or thin, it is the energy that really makes the difference.
“I wanted to fit in with what I thought was the ideal body image to get recognition and love from other people,” I remember feeling like that too Janina, Yet when I look back at photos of my younger self I wonder how did I think I looked fat? I never did diet, but there was always an underlying anxiousness about how I looked. Now I know that if you feel beautiful within you exude beauty – no matter if you are thin or fat.
There is nothing more attractive and beautiful then a person connected to their essence and moving from there.
“What I have realised is that what is important is not looks or a certain weight, but the quality and way we live every day – and how loving and tender we are with ourselves and others.” Yes, yes and yes. This is gold.
” For me, to be attractive and sexy as a woman, was to be slim.” I too had this belief Janina. Learning to accept myself – ourselves – just as we are – is still a work in progress for me, as I have recently been eating more than usual and thus have added an inch or two tho surprisingly not gained that much weight, but am feeling ‘less than’. Good to re-read your blog – thankyou .
Learning to love ourselves no matter what shape or size we are is about getting rid of imposed ideals, beliefs and body perfect images that we need to live up to. To love myself as I am, is a practicing art, but one that is well worth developing.
“My struggling with my weight and striving to be slim was because of how little I really loved and appreciated myself for just being me.” A profound awareness that allows the natural beauty to shine.
I can feel how this still holds true today; ‘For me, to be attractive and sexy as a woman, was to be slim.’ There is a certain picture that is held up that most of us try and live up to, for many this simply isn’t our body shape and so there is much pain, time and expense trying to become this shape. Accepting our bodies as they naturally are feels like a much truer, simpler and more joyful way to live.
True – accepting and appreciating ourselves is the way to go. The constant struggle of trying to become something we are not doesn’t support one bit.
Body image has a way of taking who we are into a forever deepening distraction but when we begin to understand how to be self-loving our bodies naturally find the most loving configuration to serve us.
As I change and re-imprint my movements to love, accept and appreciate myself and what I bring others can feel and sense it. I do not have to say anything. Some will say yes to the change and others will react however what matters is the holding and deepening of this love for self and others. How another responds comes down to the relationship they have with themselves – that is not my responsibility.
It feels very expansive in my body when I see and sense the beauty in another. There is no comparison or jealousy in my body but the absolute love I have and hold for another – a reflection of the love I hold for myself.
With so many magazines, papers and the media in general touting the. ‘Slim is beautiful ‘ meme it’s amazing how many girls are actually not on a diet. However this doesn’t necessarily mean they accept what they look like and who they truly are.
Without acceptance of ourselves as we are, everything will be not enough or too far. True acceptance starts with opening up to our relationship with God.
Rather than becoming thin to feel good about ourselves, there is feeling good in ourselves living and accepting our natural shape.
I am loving the process of embracing my body and all the curves that it holds. I have stopped looking outwardly and wishing for a slim body and really loving what my body offers and feeling the womanliness.
This is really interesting; ‘I always ended up going back to my original weight, which I now realise as not being overweight at all.’ I had this experience with dieting and it makes sense that we go back to what is our natural weight – so it can just be a mental picture we have of our weight being different to how it naturally is.
Reading this article makes me realise how hard and unsuccessful dieting has been for me. I tried many different diets and they often felt very unloving for my body and sometimes very extreme. I love now that I feel what to eat and that I notice how certain foods feel in my body and whether they have any reactions or not, this feels much more true and simple for me and my body.
In all of my years of being amongst women, in friendships, at work, or just out and about in the world, I have never seen less than beauty, no matter the shape of the person’s body, the gorgeousness inside each woman is never truly hidden.
My body looks different when I look in the mirror depending on how I feel about myself, from my eyes perspective…what I eat shows itself, not just in weight, but in energy and I can feel heavy even if I look slim….and in these moments, we need to connect with our essence and return to that, and our natural beautiful angles and curves will show themselves. The energy we choose makes the outer what it is…so honesty about what we put in our bodies on all levels really does matter, energy first.
I’ve just had a baby and I am really appreciating coming back to my natural size and shape without pushing myself but as a natural building. It feels so different to the pushing I’ve done before.
I think a lot of people’s sense of dissatisfaction with their bodies comes not just from the “ideal shape” but also from knowing that they have mistreated their body in one way or another and it’s not their natural shape. It’s when I lived in a beautifully cared for body that I feel most content – regardless of my shape or size.
So true.. when I go the extra mile to take care of myself, I enjoy being myself and being with others so much more. We can reduce how we feel to what we look like and blame that, but in my experience, that’s more the end result of a whole load of other choices based on how we’ve reacted to something.
Dieting doesn’t make sense. What I found was that all of the issues I thought I had about myself all came down to being a certain weight, or so I thought. In reality being thin would not solve the lack of self-worth I had chosen.
Your blog reminds me Janina, just how much we let our bodies fill up with thoughts and beliefs that simply are not true. When we see this is not us we can discard this stuff. Keep entertaining it and we are stuck with it wherever we go.
I love what you share here Joseph, our thoughts can be so destructive, we have a choice to let these negative thoughts and beliefs go, they are not true anyway, so why give them any space.
Every true shape of a woman or man represents an angle of heaven, said once by a very wise woman. And it is true. Our society bastardised the fact as they conformed a certain type of shape as THE shape to have, which reduces and suppresses the multidimensional purpose of our bodies. Question though is, are you living and representing that angle in and with your body or are you sabotaging it by your own (food) choices.
We always think we are attracted to shapes and looks when in fact what attracts us is the energy of the other person. Are we attracted to an energy that is lifting and pulling us up or leaves us in our comfort zone and will never ask us to be more.
Great question Stefanie and one we would be wise to ask of all our relationships and interactions.
I agree, we do have looks that appeal, but it’s not that that draws us to people….energy is what we first read, will we be challenged, inspired, stay small, stimulated, optimal fulfilled, or will I be able to play victim, bully, disgruntled and full of blame…what flavour of issue will this relationship offer me? Our body shapes share a story, a story of choices…and our movements, posture and walk, tell so much as well about who we are…no conversation needed. We can read it all and get exactly what we are looking for / need to learn more about who we are.