As a woman, I can feel how women look at their bodies full of expectations and beliefs around having the ‘perfect body’. Fitting a so-called ‘ideal‘ body image for me has been about my weight and becoming slim.
Becoming Slim to Feel Good about Myself
When I was a teenager, I didn’t feel I was good at many things, especially at school, and I didn’t like the way I looked. I thought that my thighs and my nose were too large and I didn’t consider myself as beautiful or good in anything, even though there were areas I was good in but didn‘t see at the time.
So when my sister lost weight through dieting and became very slim, I thought I was fat and started to go on a diet as well. For about 4 weeks I ate only yogurt and pineapple, losing 7 kilos.
At the time, I only felt good when I was slim. I wanted to fit in with what I thought was the ideal body image to get recognition and love from other people, especially from boys and men. For me, to be attractive and sexy as a woman, was to be slim.
I struggled and dieted for many years and it was horrible. I thought if I was slim or could maintain a certain weight, that I would feel good, however I was not listening to my body about what food and how much food it really needed. I was dis-connected from what I was feeling and therefore could not feel what weight was true and natural for my body. I used food as a filler and a distraction to avoid what I was truly feeling about myself and my low self-image.
I can feel how unlovingly I treated myself during that time because of wanting to be slim and attractive. At times I was overeating and then at other times I strongly controlled how much food I allowed myself to eat. I had a constant focus and struggle with food.
A few years later I stopped dieting because I had realised it did not make sense because I always ended up going back to my original weight, which I now realise as not being overweight at all.
I then shifted my focus to clothes, wearing clothes which were different that got me the desired attention. I was still looking for the recognition, but this time through the way that I dressed myself.
Starting to Feel the Effect of Food
13 years ago an illness made me stop and look for a different way to live. So I looked at all areas in my life, including food. I started to feel the effect of food in my body, what food supported me and which foods made me feel racy, agitated and unsettled.
Later, after attending some Universal Medicine events, I began to deepen my awareness of the effect certain foods had on my body. I could feel that after eating bread I felt very heavy and bloated, so I changed to gluten free bread. But at some point I could feel how racy and unsettled I became after eating that too, so I started to slowly drop carbohydrates from my diet as I could feel that they affected me and my body just like sugar did. I lost a lot of weight, and again, I noticed that I loved the idea of being slim.
I still was attached in a way to the image of a ‘perfect body’ and blind to see that I actually became too thin.
I thought it was great that I finally reached a slim body without even trying to lose weight, as I was still eating plenty of food. However I began to realise that if my body was too thin, my body may be showing me that something was not in balance.
My family had commented to me that I had lost too much weight (which I ignored). After some time, I read a quote which made me realise that I needed to take loving care for my body and what it needed. As I began, I started appreciating myself more and embracing the beauty that I bring; I found that my body naturally began to gain weight again.
Learning to Love just Being Me
My struggling with my weight and striving to be slim was because of how little I really loved and appreciated myself for just being me. The process of beginning to appreciate myself began with my listening to myself, especially with how I felt. I then began taking better care of myself in general, including:
- What and how I ate.
- Going to bed early, when I felt tired, usually before 9pm.
- Watching less TV and especially not before I go to bed, as I found this too stimulating.
- Having sessions with Esoteric Healing Practioners whenever I feel I need the extra support.
During this time what has changed in a big way for me is that I have started to love and accept myself more and more. This foundation makes it possible for me to deeply appreciate myself. This is ever expanding and there is much more to embrace and love….
What I have realised is that what is important is not looks or a certain weight, but the quality and way we live every day – and how loving and tender we are with ourselves and others.
Now I can say, not only the way I look at myself but equally the way I look at others has changed. I can look at myself in the mirror and look deep into my beautiful eyes and truly see the depth and beauty that I bring in just being me. When I do, I know that I am fully connected to myself. Often now when I look into peoples’ eyes I am amazed as I see and feel that same beauty in them too.
The way I dress has also changed. I bought myself many beauty-full dresses which support the beauty-full woman that I am. I see clothes now as a way to express my own beauty (which is in me) to the world, and to share this beauty in the way I dress and the way I take care of myself.
Everybody (including men) has their own natural weight, which is truly supportive and perfect for them, and the measure should not be dictated by a society or by outside factors – like our own ideals and beliefs about having the ‘perfect body’ – or by fitting an ideal body image, but by loving and appreciating ourselves and our bodies in whatever shape we naturally have.
Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
820 Comments
I find it crazy and completely contradictory to witness women who I can see and feel are very beautiful not only not register or think of themselves as beautiful but act in ways that completely crush or diminish that natural beauty within them in an effort to be ‘more beautiful’. Most models for example are very self-abusive in an effort to look beautiful based on a picture they think they should fit instead of simply letting their natural inner beauty out which is way more beautiful than any outer appearance on its own could ever be.
We are impacted from images when we are very young and it feels like this pressure for the perfect body is intensifying as almost all of children’s dolls and toys have extraordinarily thin bodies with large heads and big eyes. You might say the fashion worlds idea of attraction. So young girls are first bombarded with this message when they are very young and then as they grow up they see all around them imagery of what the ‘perfect woman’ looks like, all of which is outside of themselves and has nothing to do with who a woman truly is. It is only when we get to connect within to feel ourselves from our essence and value what we feel over what we are being sold from the outside that we can feel settled in our own skin and love every part of ourselves.
If we are to have any education at all it should be an education that tells us we are all beautiful – we need to have a society that reminds us we are gorgeous, and a world that accepts us for exactly how we look. This can and will happen one day.
Not utipia – just the future waiting for us to choose it.
I like the observation that you have made here about the connection between being slim in body weight and feeling accepted for who you are, which seemed to mean at the time being seen as attractive or sexy. It’s a strange mix of ideals and beliefs which personally I am very familiar with, but there is something about it in your writing which really brings out just how mis-aligned this way of thinking is.
We always first need to ask ourselves why we want to lose weight – unfortunately in our current climate we are imposed upon so much so, because we don’t claim ourselves as the true beauty we are, we end up taking on so many images of needing to be thin.
Only true self love brings us to the weight that is true for us.
The thing is when we start being our true selves our true size and weight will follow naturally.
The ideal and beliefs associated with height and weight ratios can be soul destroying. There is nothing more honouring to watch than a man or woman who stand in all shapes and sizes in their natural presence.
The way we feel about ourselves, the extent and the depth to which we love ourselves, is constantly being reflected back to us through our choices of how we take care of ourselves, in every way, from how we put ourselves to bed, how we get up and get ready for the day, to how and what and when we eat, how and what we wear, even conversations: what we allow, what we dismiss, and what we are prepared to express.
Janina, reading this makes me reflect on my own journey with dieting and wanting to look a certain way. I went on diets and lost weight but I would get very tired and at one point I was so tired I could hardly walk, at these times I was not listening to what my body needed. I was following a diet set by someone else instead. Nowadays I listen to what my body needs rather than follow someone else’s ideas and this for me work brilliantly and is much more enjoyable than the control and hardness of following diets.
Yes getting to know what our body needs is a wonderful journey and well worth the effort
Learning to Love just Being Us can be one of life’s hardest challenges – so worth the effort though as with out that self love basin we literally have no where to go but down.
Developing a loving relationship with our bodies has a very solid foundation for what is next. I know the more I pay attention to what my body is saying, the more it speaks and there is a communication that happens all the time, one I can tune into and respond too. And that is my guide. I don’t need diet plans and exercise plans and magazines on what to wear – I just need to deepen the connection that is waiting for me – and in doing so, everything my body needs is shared with me.
From a young age women are told that if they are slim they are “better”. This could not be further from the truth. When we are living with love our body naturally configures to a shape that supports us and it has nothing to do with losing weight.
I went in the opposite direction for most of my life, I wanted to avoid any attention so I put on weight and made myself very large. It was a form of protection and a way to keep people out. It has taken time and a lot of healing to start to let this go more.
The emotions and energy we consume is the most powerful thing. We need to be more honest this way – that we just sat down and had a plate of reaction, a bowl of self-doubt or a side helping of comparing ourselves. They all have a much greater effect than we imagine. Thank you Janina.
I think how we feel is actually the biggest impact on how we look, I know when I take amazing care of myself, my food, my diet, my exercise, my body and I am really loving life and the opportunity to learn I feel great and I’m SURE that I look different to when things are getting me down or I’m doubting myself or whatever. It makes sense…. that if we feel content inwards we also feel content with how we outwardly look.
Being thin most of my life (self created choice) is a gift to allow myself to truly accept myself and all my choices, to consistently feel my quality step by step and to always hold myself through it all.
I think we do all naturally come in different shapes and sizes and feeling from our body what is supportive regarding food and all areas of self-care helps us to tune in with what is true rather than get lost in ideals and beliefs we may have picked up or latched onto about how we think we should eat or look…
Yeh it’s easy to have a picture of how we’d like to look or think we should look, but who gave us that picture? And could we be discounting one of the very things that’s unique to us?
I have been going through the “I’m too thin” phase over the last couple of years. My first reaction when I lost a lot of weight was to eat more but that just made me feel sick and heavy, with no increase in my weight. I finally accepted this is the weight that is true for my body but those ‘thin’ thoughts still pop in on occasion. It is at those times that I choose to deepen the love and the care I have for myself instead of listening to the thoughts whose only purpose is to make me feel less than the beautiful woman I am, no matter what my weight.
Game changer for me as well, being a man. I can clearly feel that my body is underweight. The question is why, because I eat enough, with even overeating every now and then, so the quantity is not the issue. But as you say, Janina, my body will not gain more weight if don’t start to truly appreciate my self and really appreciate the beauty that I bring.
A beautiful article, bringing awareness to how much time we spend in criticism of our bodies and that it is not until we spend time in appreciating them that any change in how we treat them occurs.
I agree Janina, self-love and self-care is the best diet we can adhere to, as this is the best medicine and a true gift to our body and our well being.
IT is so important that we do not listen to what our head says or thinks about the choices to make but that we re/connect with our body and listen to her.
I love how you say listen to her rather than listen to it. Somehow this makes me feel more like deepening the relationship with my body as I feel her more intimate. I am reclaiming myself as a woman in this intimate connection.