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Communication, Healthy Lifestyle, Relationships, TV / Technology 500 Comments on How a Smart Phone Brought Me Back to Connection — a Story on Selfies

How a Smart Phone Brought Me Back to Connection — a Story on Selfies

By Adele Leung · On May 17, 2016 ·Photography by Joseph Barker

Up until a few years ago, I was quite disinterested in technology, to put it mildly. When smartphones first came out, I still very much hung onto my ideal of wanting this world to connect in a way that technology is rapidly leading us away from, so I kept using old school mobile phones, which could only make calls (not even with a camera function!), only to find that they kept breaking down soon after I bought them. But in my stubbornness, I kept buying the same model until it just got ridiculous.

I continued to resist the trend of smartphones, but eventually I did buy myself a second hand phone with a camera function.

When a family member introduced a smartphone into our home, it got my attention. Within my family, during meals, the phone would be the primary point of focus.

This felt very raw as it reflected the lack of connection that had always been in my home, which was now being magnified with the use of the smartphone.

When commuting on public transport, the phone would enjoy more physical contact with my loved ones than I did; and when vacationing, the phone would be the obvious buddy the family wanted to hang out with. I started to feel the isolation that I was actually already living with, but still did not want to take responsibility for my own creation. So I decided to blame it on the phone and I became jealous of it!

As I was the only woman in my then immediate family structure, this felt embarrassing and brought up strong feelings of unworthiness for me as a woman. The men in my family seemed to be more interested in an object than in connecting with me. I didn’t express any of this back then, but was uncomfortable about where technology was taking us.

Around this time I became interested in social media. Being able to connect with the whole world now felt natural, although it remained something very much lacking in real life. And because the feelings of not being able to connect with my family felt hurtful, I threw myself into gaining connection through this newly discovered media. I had built friendships all over the world and social media made maintaining these friendships possible with relative ease.

Four years ago, I broke through my own self-imposed limitation and finally bought myself a smartphone.

I quickly became addicted to apps like free video chat calls that seemed to bring closer connection with people and the world. However, the way in which I used these apps often reinforced the disconnection I had with myself, and therefore there was no true connection with anyone. I was using such tools to escape from committing to the life that was before me.

As I did not choose to be aware that connection had to be first built within myself, I needed social media to confirm if connection existed in my life or not. Most of the connections made through social media remained virtual, as in real life I was still very much living in solitude. I did end up meeting some people from social media, but most of these connections had no true foundation (that is, no bringing of a connection I had with myself first). They were laced with attachment, expectations and a superficial understanding between people, and ultimately proved to be a very distressing experience. It was very disempowering and exhausting because these experiences of relating were needy and abusive. I ended up traveling many miles from home to a foreign country to meet someone from social media because of my neediness to connect, which was not true connection, and I opened myself up to situations of emotional abuse.

By this time, I had had enough of the devastation of looking outside of myself for connection. From a place of deep fragility, I made the choice to connect back to myself.

I had already built a foundation of social media skills by this time, so why not use my smartphone to document what it means to connect with myself? I had no idea what that meant, but I was willing to find out.

I started taking ‘selfies’.

It began with selfies of only my shadow and slowly moved onto my face. I wanted to feel myself, to go beyond my skin, because a picture shows so much beyond what the eyes can see. I saw all my choices, the wise choices, as well as the not so wise choices. I saw the part of myself that never changes, still and unwavering. I was then inspired to go deeper.

So I took more selfies.

I saw the honest, as well as the not so honest, expressions of myself.

With every selfie I took, I wanted to look deeper. I saw how I posted the images — with or without filters, what kind of filters. I felt into the reasons to post, or not post, a selfie.

One thing was absolute: I did not want to hide any longer. I was choosing to step out from my own shadows.

From selfies of feeling and expressing myself, they transformed into selfies through which I am now expressing so much more than just me.

When a selfie expresses the universal and equal qualities of our Soul, such as joy and stillness, this is felt by all, as we all hold these qualities in our essence equally. The power of a true selfie is not about me, but it is about you, me and everyone else.

Soon these photos branched into selfies with other women, other men, with groups and even strangers.

When a smartphone is used in connection with oneself, it becomes a tool to capture the connection first felt within – something that naturally expresses the relationship we have with our Soul. Technology on its own cannot bring about this connection, nor can it inhibit this connection, because it is always our choice to connect with ourselves or not. Technology alone cannot inspire; what is inspiring is us being in connection with ourselves when we use it.

Inspired in my every breath by the connection with Soul lived in Life and by the teachings of Serge Benhayon.

By Adele Leung, Creative director/fashion stylist

Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
A feeling of connection
Learning to Express Myself

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Adele Leung

Has recently re-discovered the playfulness of hanging out with her soul, and hence forth found many new discoveries such as – that she actually loves people more than mountains and that simplicity is her new black. Living in Hong Kong, and enjoying intimacy with 7 million others.

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500 Comments

  • Mary Adler says: June 27, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    There are always positives and negatives about technology it all depends how we use it.

    Reply
  • Mary says: May 30, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    I find what you are saying Adele amazing because the thought of taking a selfie seems so strange but I understand what you are saying that the picture goes beyond what the eye can see we get so caught up in the surface picture of something and so do not look any deeper at the actual quality of the person. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we live in the shallows of life.

    Reply
  • Mary says: February 1, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    I feel you have raised a great point Adele that our phones have become our best friend that we hang out with, that we find it easier to have a relationship with it and through it rather than actually having an intimate friendship face to face so to say. Is it possible we find it easier to express via the phone, text etc., than actually to say what we want to say to someone in their presence for fear of rejection?

    Reply
  • Alexis Stewart says: July 8, 2019 at 6:21 am

    I absolutely love my phone and actually feel that I am in an actively loving relationship with it. I use it to express love and truth through my text messages and also through the writing that I do on it and I feel very much that my phone holds a certain vibration as a result of the way in which I choose to use it. I also use it to support me to care for myself by setting reminders, checking the weather and using the alarm. I use Siri to read my messages whilst I’m driving and then dictate messages for her to send for me. My phone supports me immensely and it doesn’t feel like a hard piece of technology, it feels like a supportive loving friend.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: May 29, 2019 at 8:05 pm

    Thank you Adele, what you have shared about selfies and the road back to honouring our selves is inspiring and would be very wise for us as a society in general to understand and follow these self-loving ways.

    Reply
  • Alexis Stewart says: May 14, 2019 at 6:52 am

    There is so so much that is captured in a selfie, it is a very powerful reflection indeed. It offers us a deep window into ourselves, absolute gold if we’re prepared to see it.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: October 7, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    Seeing a reflection of yourself is to be aware of who you are.

    Reply
  • Tricia Nicholson says: September 22, 2018 at 12:37 am

    Wow what a beautiful in depth understanding of smartphones and our connection and reflections with ourselves first and foremost and the sharing of our quality and essence that is very inspiring.

    Reply
  • Sam says: July 6, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    When we choose to step out of the shadows it liberates others to also do the same. Stay hiding and we all lose out.

    Reply
  • Monika Rietveld says: July 3, 2018 at 3:46 am

    I have had a period where I took a selfie every day to look more honest at myself and also see what the effects were of the choices I made. A very interesting period where I learned a lot about myself and could get more honest about where I really was at with myself.

    Reply
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