Up until a few years ago, I was quite disinterested in technology, to put it mildly. When smartphones first came out, I still very much hung onto my ideal of wanting this world to connect in a way that technology is rapidly leading us away from, so I kept using old school mobile phones, which could only make calls (not even with a camera function!), only to find that they kept breaking down soon after I bought them. But in my stubbornness, I kept buying the same model until it just got ridiculous.
I continued to resist the trend of smartphones, but eventually I did buy myself a second hand phone with a camera function.
When a family member introduced a smartphone into our home, it got my attention. Within my family, during meals, the phone would be the primary point of focus.
This felt very raw as it reflected the lack of connection that had always been in my home, which was now being magnified with the use of the smartphone.
When commuting on public transport, the phone would enjoy more physical contact with my loved ones than I did; and when vacationing, the phone would be the obvious buddy the family wanted to hang out with. I started to feel the isolation that I was actually already living with, but still did not want to take responsibility for my own creation. So I decided to blame it on the phone and I became jealous of it!
As I was the only woman in my then immediate family structure, this felt embarrassing and brought up strong feelings of unworthiness for me as a woman. The men in my family seemed to be more interested in an object than in connecting with me. I didn’t express any of this back then, but was uncomfortable about where technology was taking us.
Around this time I became interested in social media. Being able to connect with the whole world now felt natural, although it remained something very much lacking in real life. And because the feelings of not being able to connect with my family felt hurtful, I threw myself into gaining connection through this newly discovered media. I had built friendships all over the world and social media made maintaining these friendships possible with relative ease.
Four years ago, I broke through my own self-imposed limitation and finally bought myself a smartphone.
I quickly became addicted to apps like free video chat calls that seemed to bring closer connection with people and the world. However, the way in which I used these apps often reinforced the disconnection I had with myself, and therefore there was no true connection with anyone. I was using such tools to escape from committing to the life that was before me.
As I did not choose to be aware that connection had to be first built within myself, I needed social media to confirm if connection existed in my life or not. Most of the connections made through social media remained virtual, as in real life I was still very much living in solitude. I did end up meeting some people from social media, but most of these connections had no true foundation (that is, no bringing of a connection I had with myself first). They were laced with attachment, expectations and a superficial understanding between people, and ultimately proved to be a very distressing experience. It was very disempowering and exhausting because these experiences of relating were needy and abusive. I ended up traveling many miles from home to a foreign country to meet someone from social media because of my neediness to connect, which was not true connection, and I opened myself up to situations of emotional abuse.
By this time, I had had enough of the devastation of looking outside of myself for connection. From a place of deep fragility, I made the choice to connect back to myself.
I had already built a foundation of social media skills by this time, so why not use my smartphone to document what it means to connect with myself? I had no idea what that meant, but I was willing to find out.
I started taking ‘selfies’.
It began with selfies of only my shadow and slowly moved onto my face. I wanted to feel myself, to go beyond my skin, because a picture shows so much beyond what the eyes can see. I saw all my choices, the wise choices, as well as the not so wise choices. I saw the part of myself that never changes, still and unwavering. I was then inspired to go deeper.
So I took more selfies.
I saw the honest, as well as the not so honest, expressions of myself.
With every selfie I took, I wanted to look deeper. I saw how I posted the images — with or without filters, what kind of filters. I felt into the reasons to post, or not post, a selfie.
One thing was absolute: I did not want to hide any longer. I was choosing to step out from my own shadows.
From selfies of feeling and expressing myself, they transformed into selfies through which I am now expressing so much more than just me.
When a selfie expresses the universal and equal qualities of our Soul, such as joy and stillness, this is felt by all, as we all hold these qualities in our essence equally. The power of a true selfie is not about me, but it is about you, me and everyone else.
Soon these photos branched into selfies with other women, other men, with groups and even strangers.
When a smartphone is used in connection with oneself, it becomes a tool to capture the connection first felt within – something that naturally expresses the relationship we have with our Soul. Technology on its own cannot bring about this connection, nor can it inhibit this connection, because it is always our choice to connect with ourselves or not. Technology alone cannot inspire; what is inspiring is us being in connection with ourselves when we use it.
Inspired in my every breath by the connection with Soul lived in Life and by the teachings of Serge Benhayon.
By Adele Leung, Creative director/fashion stylist
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
A feeling of connection
Learning to Express Myself
511 Comments
Seeing a reflection of yourself is to be aware of who you are.
Wow what a beautiful in depth understanding of smartphones and our connection and reflections with ourselves first and foremost and the sharing of our quality and essence that is very inspiring.
When we choose to step out of the shadows it liberates others to also do the same. Stay hiding and we all lose out.
I have had a period where I took a selfie every day to look more honest at myself and also see what the effects were of the choices I made. A very interesting period where I learned a lot about myself and could get more honest about where I really was at with myself.
Thank you Monika, your sharing has inspired me to embark on a daily selfie program, and am already curious to see the feedback this will afford me!.
Technology cannot mask our choice to disconnect from ourselves but it can be an amazing tool to support us with deepening our connection with ourselves and others once we make the choice to re-connect with ourselves.
Yes, connection with ourselves first is super important, ‘ connection had to be first built within myself’.
“When a selfie expresses the universal and equal qualities of our Soul, such as joy and stillness, this is felt by all, as we all hold these qualities in our essence equally.” such a gorgeous way Adele, of reflecting our divine light, the light that lives within all mankind.
It is a great revelation you share here Adele that we can never escape, seek in others, or distract ourselves from the lack of connection to love we feel and that this can only be fulfilled through our connection to our selves first. As when we share from this quality of connection we share our realness, our Soulfulness without imposition.
‘By this time, I had had enough of the devastation of looking outside of myself for connection. From a place of deep fragility, I made the choice to connect back to myself.’’ Yesterday we were talking at dinner about the words vulnerability and fragility and how they felt and what they really conveyed. We realised that fragility was akin to honesty so it is lovely to see you use the word here confirming how we felt.
Sometimes it is not so much about not buying the new phone, car, clothes etc. but more so about resisting the energetic upgrade on offer that would allow us to go deeper in the expression of the love that we are. This is not to say that we can buy a new product and instantly say yes to evolution and be loving (!) but just to say that there is often more going on below the surface of why we do what we do. We can be stubbornly holding onto old ways of behaving (refusing to buy a new phone in this instance) while our Soul is gently impulsing us to adjust our movements so more can be communicated through it, to us, and back out into the world (as symbolised by the phone).
Yes I can really relate to resisting the evolutionary upgrade in so many areas of my life and persisting in struggling through life feeling unsupported. What I am recognising more and more is my lack of responsibility in this behaviour and the impact that it has on others.
We have so much at our fingertips but do we utilise all that we have on offer?
When people pull out a phone in the presence of another I watch the person sit back or shift, there’s a disconnection and a feeling of being lost now that the other person is buried in their screen. It doesn’t feel nice experiencing this from an observer or being on the receiving end of such. But to understand it I need to learn why I choose to do such myself?
Its true you can feel the disconnection of another as soon as the attention is on the phone. You often see this happening in restaurants with couples.
Your blogs and pondering always inspire me Adele, you find divinity in the simplest things and express it out for the world to see and hear. Thank you
Wow Adele, what a brilliant and brave approach to discovering more about the quality of your expression and what you portray to the world by taking selfies and feeling into what was being expressed there. I can recall never liking to have my picture taken as a youngster and can now feel how much that was directly proportional to the low self-worth I had at that age. Taking the time to look into my own eyes in the mirror every day has been a great revelation into what state of being I am in and drawing connections to what choices I made before that to get to that quality of expression.
Another way to deepen the relationship we have with ourselves that then supports our relationship with others. Thank you Michael .
Beautiful what lessons can be learned by the way we use all the technology that surrounds us.
It’s no coincidence we usually take a selfie when we are connected to ourselves or another. In essence we are feeling our qualities.
We all know this hook that is set from the smartphone/ media industry. It wants us being addicted, because without our constant attention they could not exist. The smartphone is great in many aspects, makes procedures flow easier, connects immediately etc. But it aquires a loving discipline in us, to not get drawn into it. Us in connection with us and no distraction is the greatest connection you can have. Using the phone from this powerful place with all its advantages is a great support to truly expand.
Yes and by that way of using our phone we inspire the industry to make its new advancements about people, not money or addiction. We need to come from connection ourselves as a society first. For it only exist when there is a demand, they will supply.
What a sweetness I can feel from you, when I read this blog. The impulse starting to take selfies is absolutely adorable and an amazing empowering way to break through the hiding. Being there, without mask, for everyone to see. It is brave and inspiring for so many out there, who get lost in seemingly connection, although it is actually only feeding their lack of self worth and insecurity.
When we start to be responsible and look at the life we have created, we can see if that is what we truly want in our lives, and if it isn’t we can make new choices, ‘By this time, I had had enough of the devastation of looking outside of myself for connection. From a place of deep fragility, I made the choice to connect back to myself.’
We have access to so many wonderful technological gadgets and phones these days and I keep being blown away by the advances but I also am blown away by engagement with so many of these items and how much they can either enrich my life or distract me depending on my connection with my body and the honesty in which I choose to live and express everyday. Life can be a myriad of opportunities to deepen our relationships or keep ourselves at a distance and it all starts with us first.
The smartphone can be a great help in life but equally a huge distraction and cause much havoc from our absence in life. It’s how we use it and what we put into the phone (like Soical Media notifications- on or off?). Much like our mind in many ways it gives back what we put in.
That’s so true, we have a choice in the way we use the gadgets we have and it is so easy to use a screen to distract ourselves and yet the same gadget can also be extraordinarily supportive.
It’s great to open up a dialogue around this as many can relate. I have heard kids talk about how they feel their parents are more interested in social media than listening to them and they resent that but later on they join that too. Something for us all to look at.
If we do not meet each other in the truest sense then we will be met by the myriad of images that make up the fine tapestry of illusion we are then clothed in.
“How a Smart Phone Brought Me Back to Connection — a Story on Selfies” – Adele I totally agree with you re connection and how that if you want to start a relationship or go deeper with understanding yourself, that using selfies is a great way to do so.. because when i started to do this, i noted and saw (teeny) things in myself and not just what i looked like, but also the emotion or feeling i could see, feel, in me too notably through my eyes. The selfie captures you in a moment, and just in any one moment, or moment to moment, we can choose to chose differently.. and maybe take a selfie of that too (!)
It is so good to realise that true connection with others can only be there when we are connected with ourselves, even though it feels maybe uncomfortable for a while, making the honest change is truly worth it.
Yes, connection with others starts with connection to self, a bit like we can only truly love another when we love ourselves first.
“I started taking ‘selfies’. It began with selfies of only my shadow and slowly moved onto my face. I wanted to feel myself, to go beyond my skin, because a picture shows so much beyond what the eyes can see. I saw all my choices, the wise choices, as well as the not so wise choices” – what a fabulous initiative on self-exploration Adele.. i have often been put off from having my photo taken because of what i can see in the photo, namely the energy i’m in, tired, worn out, anxious, worried, moody and so on.. i’ve found the more my choices have been of quality, care, self-acceptance and generally on the wiser end of the scale, the easier and more natural the photo because of there being nothing to hide, and everything to see.