Sounds cold and reptilian doesn’t it . . . ?
Well it was. That was me. I had built my life around being the perfect fit-in chameleon. It was like I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted, and I would adapt myself to fit that picture. I did it with different groups of friends and in relationships I would mould myself as the perfect girlfriend and fit to what I thought was needed.
I would use this talent in bed as well, to make sex amazing for my partners, as I instinctively knew what they liked. However, I would then be left feeling the emptiness of the lack of connection and then resent my partner and the relationship.
My relationships would only last about 3 to 6 months. I would get over playing the role and I would start to feel that something was missing here: I was missing just being me! All the “I love you’s” I had said and the care I had shown was empty, as it was never really me. I had been living with that emptiness within my relationships for so long, with partners and in friendships alike.
I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.
Through a friend I met an amazing woman, Natalie Benhayon, who has continued to be a true role model for me. I began attending healing sessions with Natalie and found working with her was supporting me to come back to re-connecting with myself after all these years. I was receiving bodywork regularly, but even just simply talking honestly about how I was feeling as a woman helped me discover more of who I really am . . . beneath the Chameleon.
As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.
Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply, not in the fluffy spiritual sense, but in a simple ways, like:
- Taking myself on lots of first dates
- Finding out what I like to eat
- Discovering what places I like to go to
- Exploring what perfumes I like to wear
- Learning what music I really like
- Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.
Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.
I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding, looking back at where I was and where I am now and where I will be. I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come. I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.
The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman I am has been hidden under that yucky self-made reptilian chameleon coat for too long. Inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example, I have realised that I can uncover the real me by simply re-connecting deeply with myself and the woman I truly am.
I have found enjoyment in the small things, like asking myself what I want to eat and cooking yummy foods, taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror. This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.
It has really been great to meet people when I am feeling so amazing and to have them light up when they spend time with me, as me . . . My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.
Over the past few years Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten. The more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through. As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.
By Nicole Wise, Student, Northern Rivers
What Happens When You Meet Natalie Benhayon?
What Defines a True Woman? – Returning to Be-You-Ty
Growing up I thought that being a Chameleon was a good thing, I kind of championed it to others and joked about it.
If I was dating a homie G I dressed gangsta, sporty guy, I was in sports gear, if I worked at a night club door, I was in dramatic fur and gowns. I even themed my outfits and behaviours to the places I visited, making it very confusing and disconnected way to live. I have also been supported by Universal Medicine and Natalie to re-discover who I am and I tell you, its actually far easier to be me than to try to be what I think everyone else wants me to be!
I too have been guilty of the Chameleon role in the past Nicole. It is not one I would like to return to because as you say we then don’t really know ourselves either. To return to our true selves and show who we are to the world, makes life more real and we get to feel like a real person in our lives!
I relate to so much of what you share in this blog in feeling like I should be or do things in a particular way as this is what is expected. Now with the role models of and inspiration from other amazing True Women like Natalie Benhayon and others I have retrieved what actually feels right for me. This feels super important as in the world today we are bombarded with so many different images it is a necessity to stay true to ourselves and I agree fully with what is written here -“As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.”
I can really relate, I used to be so many things to so many people yet like you I have rediscovered who I am and no longer feel to ‘switch’ in order to fit in.
I love this Nicole ‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ How true this is and the more we live and express who we truly are there is a ripple affect to others who feel inspired and supported by our loving choices.
How can we really know anybody if we don’t know ourselves, because if what we put out is not a reflection of our true selves and isn’t true , it is then interpreted and reflected back, so that isn’t true either and so on and so on.
‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ I love this line. It embraces the level of freedom and harmony available to us once we put aside the images and ideals of what being female – with all its associated roles – should be and instead begin a relationship of self-discovery, of getting to know ourselves for who we truly are.
Great to read this blog again Nicole Wise and to feel the truth that we are all there in full always but the real me had in the past ‘been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.’ Natalie Benhayon is a light shining for all women and men and you are correct we all have the potential to live more fully who we are, just like she does!
I can relate to what you share here Nicole as I played the chameleon role as well. Never knowing who I truly was, I became what everyone needed me to be and ended up exhausted, depressed and feeling empty. What a joy it has been to re-connect to the true me and learn to live this more each day thanks to the deeply inspiring and truly supportive Natalie Benhayon.
I love the honesty with which you write Nicole, none more so than: “I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding”. I too know that wobbly process and that these times can be very challenging, but from the moment I realised that, yes, there is a beautiful woman under the layers of self protection and lack of self worth I had hidden under, my commitment to peeling back what was actually not me has been so steady. This process of re-discovering me has been a joy, and like you, I too have the amazing Natalie Benhayon for reflecting back to me what a true woman is, and for that my appreciation is immense and endless.
what a travesty that we do not consider ourselves glorious enough to reveal all of who we are in relationship with each other, and with the world. Instead so many of us play a game of being what we think we need to be in order to please everybody else – and ironically it is not just us that suffer and miss out as a result but the whole world.
Starting to really get to know ourselves is something not on many peoples radar… and yet, if we want to get of the “hamster wheel” this is the place where we all must start.
Thank you Nicole. Having met and had esoteric healing sessions with Natalie Benhayon myself, I do concur that Natalie is someone who really knows who she is as a woman and because she lives that and is so honouring of herself she is able to support so many women to come back to who they truly are.
Your words ‘As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.’ Made me question – who does it serve for society to want women to be any other way?
Through millennia this has been the case and with the current rapid increase in women’s health problems, that conventional medicine has no answers for and are unable to detect the root causes of, it is time that we started asking what is going on and whether it is because the true tenderness, power and strength of women has been lost that these health problems in women are so prevalent?
So gorgeous Nicole that you have grown and developed into your own beautiful divine woman; and what a woman you are. There is no doubt Natalie Benhayon is a wonderful inspirational person, as you are Nicole.
Having been a chameleon for most of my life, I am finding these days that I am enjoying asking myself what do I want instead of what does everyone else want, and if I do or say something which doesn’t fit in then that’s ok also, and it is refreshing to not worry about what others think of me. This I feel is growing due to self appreciation and having the realisation that I don’t have to be anything for anyone, and that I am enough just being me – no bells or whistles, just me.
Julie I thought I was the only person that acted and felt like a chameleon, but what I am finding is there are so many people who also have lived in the same way. It is no wonder so many people feel frustrated and “fed up” with life as I know for me, it was all about morphing into who I thought I needed to be. In that situation, there was none of the true David coming out. As you share and as Nicole share the more I simply be myself the greater I enjoy life and enjoy me.
Living in disconnection to our innermost is so common, it has become the norm in so many ways. When you describe the life you were living Nicole, before starting your sessions with Natalie Benhayon – I could definitely relate and know many others would also. The thing is most people do not recognise that they are living with this disconnection because it is reflected that this is the normal way to live. Where has this got us so far as humans? What you describe here in coming back to the connection and knowing of who you are is what so many people crave. By building this reflection, others too can feel it is possible to live with this connection, and this can in fact become the ‘normal’ way to live.
“This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.”
How often do we just catch ourselves in the mirror and allow ourselves to have a playful moment enjoying who we are? So often we go to the mirror looking for flaws, or confirmation that we ‘look ok’. What if instead we were open to seeing all the awesomeness we are reflected back at us to see? We can only appreciate this awesomeness in our appearance, when we can feel it and value it from deep inside ourselves. Our lived quality is what allows us to feel amazing, and never our external appearance.
Nicole I loved the list you had about getting to know yourself deeply. I was reflecting recently on how much I would change, buy clothes or not, wear certain underwear or not, depending on whether I was in a relationship or looking for one. In this I was constantly measuring how someone else would perceive me and what I wanted that response to be. In this I was never actually being honouring of myself. It has been amazing, and really beautiful to reflect on now, in developing this solidness in relationship with myself too. Buying clothes for me and because I feel to, and wearing clothes not ‘just in case’ I might bump into someone are marked changes and definitely worth celebrating!
Great ‘Down to earth’ honesty here, Nicole. I loved your statement – ‘I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created’ – for the template you have discovered is already there and has always been there, it is up to us to maintain this space – pulling the occasional weeds, turning the soil over gently to expose what needs to be exposed and being careful to tenderly nurture what is growing and producing beautifully. What is there innately and nurtured forth feeds the heart, bringing joy, harmony, stillness and love. Thank you for sharing.
Contorting and compromising ourselves is so common. When we allow ourselves to feel the freedom of honouring precisely what it is that we feel to do, it makes it much harder to go back to this way of limiting ourselves.
How easy is it just being you
Yes, and in simply being you, it offers another to simply be themselves too, breaking that vicious circle of putting on a face or impression. It just cuts the game playing.
Thank you Nicole, I know all about being what I think everyone else wants me to be, I have lived this way for way too long. I am now on a road of self discovery, realising with loving care there is a me and asking myself what is right for me etc. In coming to understand myself as a woman, there is no greater reflection than that given by the amazing and deeply beautiful Natalie Benhayon , she is every woman’s dream come true.
All the inspiration Natalie Benhayon brings cannot be summarised in words as the magnitude of it simply exceeds the expressed word. She brings a wisdom and knowing that never ceases to amaze me, and with such love it can be disarming if you are not used to that level of tenderness. She supports many women and men all over the globe, and there is no end to those she will assist. She is a truly remarkable young woman that I am honoured to know.
Nicole, it is so true what you share here about Natalie Benhayon, she is a constant living reflection for us all with her commitment to herself for humanity. I am humbled to the core feeling the level of love that she holds for us all, and I feel that deep level of love calling me to be more of the same.
Nicole, I recognize the chameleon in me too. It’s ridiculous how we put so much energy into being what we think other people want us to be, yet what they really want is the real Me.
Nicole I love your honesty and wonderful transformation back to who you truly are as a woman.
Yes, I too can relate to having been like a chameleon to fit in, be loved, accepted, only to end up feeling exhausted from playing the game and empty within. And, likewise I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon in learning how to reconnect to the divine beauty, preciousness and sacredness within .
You have written such a brilliant blog, Nicole, and I can, like hundreds of others, relate to having lived a life like a chamelon. Boy oh boy is that exhausting. Always measuring, always feelings into what other people need, want and like just so that They would Like Me. Yuk! I have also started noticing more and more how other people are chamelons in relation to me and it just doesn’t feel right at all. I have also noted how I get more insecure around people who act like chamelons instead of being themselves. I can feel there’s no sincerity there, so I become insecure in what’s real. In the end others make their own choices, while I always have the choice to make mine and stay with me no matter what. Thank you for this beyond brilliant account. Awesome.
The chameleon analogy is such a great way of portraying what truly goes on when we choose to not be who we truly are. The coldness and dampness this comes with almost symbolises the misery and pain of what it is like when we separate from the innate warmth and joy within
It really is amazing how much effort it takes to not be ourselves… if people only new this, stress and anxiety would plummet, as would the sales of coffee
What you have shared is brilliantly awesome Nicole, thank you. To feel a woman truly cherish herself for who she is, as you are, is powerfully inspiring. As it ignites the flame in others also to appreciate their own fire burning inside.
Rediscovering yourself is such an amazing experience, it opens up a whole different you where you are no longer a stranger.
Reading this blog at such a perfect time – the ways in which I am noticing that I can make these changes away from just being me are less obvious than they used to be and can sometimes be very subtle but none the less they are there. I am inspired by reading this to get to know myself more and not to get caught in the blaming of others for the choices I have made to not just be myself.
By taking on the expectations of society and living the roles assumed to be true, women have forgotten that innately they are not what they have learnt but so much more. It is beautiful to see women being reawakened to the amazingness that innately lies within them as they are inspired by women such as Natalie, who remind them how to live connected to the truth of who they are.
Dear Nicole, I can relate to many things you have written. I changed very much in my life to not make others uncomfortable or to not cause reactions in conversations and I can still feel this energy in me when I talk to certain people. What I did not want to feel all the time is that there is a big anxiety underneath all of that. I never saw myself as an anxious person because I am quite confident on the surface, but the anxiety is there and since I deepen my connection to my body I can really feel it more and more. Now I can really face it and work on letting go of my patterns emerging from that anxiety.
This blog really makes me take a good look at myself, to see what areas that I stray away from just being me, and what circumstances still are there to allow this to happen. I can see that I am definitely not perfect and there will always be room for improvement but at least I know more of who I am than I used to. I really love how you playfully took the time to find out what you really like, I’m going to explore that more myself.
Nicole you have written a blog which a lot women can relate to, I certainly do. I am discovering the beautiful delicate joyful woman I am by living from my inside instead of listening to what others think or have to say about me. What you have shared about how you find enjoyment in small things like appreciating when you see your beautiful playful face in the mirror is such an important tool to become who we truly are. With these small things every day we build a rhythm of appreciation and this is very powerful. And I can fully agree Natalie Benhayon is an awesome inspiration for all women of all ages.
This is a great honest sharing Nicole, thank you for writing this blog. It feels such a relief in the body when you just let yourself be you. No pretences, pretending, its like calling ‘a spade’s a spade’. The work of Natalie Benhayon and Esoteric Women’s Health, has supported women globally, to return back to the essence of who they are and live this. And living THIS, is true everyday medicine for women’s health.
For so long we have disguised ourselves as seekers, pleasers, those that crave attention, those that shy away from recognition. For too long the true beautiful women you speak of has been hidden from the world ~ and no longer will that continue to be the case. With women like you and Natalie Benhayon the true beauty of women will be learnt once again.
During the first four years of high school my emptiness ran high. The tension of feeling it was very real. Being in my body and feeling this constantly was not a pleasant situation. My body was not the best place in the world to be in. Relieving the tension became paramount. Masturbation (on my own) and chameleonic relationships (with others) became my way. I knew how to play out other people’s expectations and desires. Seemingly I was there 100% but in truth I was not. It was a bit like you are there but with one eye you are looking somewhere else. The feeling of this is not good, it was very clear. I did not fool myself. But I did not know anything different. The truth is that I was not ME for most part of my life. So, pretending was a huge part of my daily life. One day, I realised I could not pretend anymore. I had to face myself and start dealing with me.
Not being our naturally amazing selves is so exhausting and I definitely feel it at the end of the day when my right kidney is feeling uncomfortable. I am now learning to lovingly call out the self judgement when I am not with myself as that then ends up being a double whammy on the kidneys.
I feel the same but it is my left kidney that lets me know – if I haven’ looked after myself by being me and have compromised myself in anyway. I usually feel the tension in my shoulders and at the top of my back and clock into that during the day and usually need to be still, take some breaths and allow the stillness to return and loosen the hold those old behaviours have on me.