I found throughout my life I romanticised the way in which I would meet the perfect guy. He would tick all my boxes (tall, slim, funny, handsome, great smile) and he would be the one chasing me.
The reality though, was different. In all my previous relationships I always found I got caught in the fantasy of ‘love’: the idea that this love would be everlasting and ‘happily ever after’.
In truth, what I created was a feeling of neediness – that somehow I needed a guy to fulfill me; that I was never enough and eventually the guy would leave.
The way I met guys varied from school crushes, to seedy nightclub pick-ups, to even meeting one guy through advertising for a flat mate, and always the result was the same . . . me feeling less, adoring the guy, but never truly being the real me within the relationship and ultimately, feeling like who I was choosing to be was way too intense for the person I was with.
So at the age of 32, after attending Universal Medicine workshops, presentations and talks, I began to shift the way I lived.
I began to consider that perhaps I was worth loving and that primarily, love began with me.
Through the presentations I had begun to see that I was responsible for the choices in my life, and that I could make changes if I was willing to see the roles I had played to this point. I felt a change in myself as I took more time to connect to the true me. I began to make more loving choices like taking more care in the way I would dress myself, taking time to treat myself with gentleness and not rushing through my day, listening to my body and going to bed when I felt tired. I began to express who I really was – a beautiful, amazing, powerful and worthwhile woman – a woman who was already everything and not someone needing another to fulfill them.
It was around this time I attended a presentation by Serge Benhayon where we discussed the idea of Internet dating as a possible way of meeting a potential partner.
While this was not a new idea, I had previously tried this with mixed results, often finding myself connecting to men who were not truly interested in me or a true relationship but more so what they could get from me through saying the ‘right’ things. This time though, I felt something in me had shifted and I was ready to give it another go. How I felt within myself was amazing: I felt empowered as I knew that love began with me and meeting a partner was not about my becoming complete, but about connecting to another as an equal. It was from this new awareness I committed to trying Internet dating again.
This time round it felt completely different; what was different was me.
I began by choosing a service, a popular one at the time, and sat to write my profile. Unlike before, where I focused on my ideal partner and creating a profile that would attract the right guy, this time I wrote about the true me. I did not put parameters around what type of person I wanted to meet, only that I was open to meeting someone who could perhaps share my life, be it as a friend or lover. I posted my profile, at first without a photo, and the response was instantaneous. Within the day I had received several replies and it was only then that I placed a picture of myself on my profile. Adding a photo was my final commitment to putting the real me out there, and a letting go of self-doubt. It reflected the fact I knew that no matter what, I was already amazing and whatever the outcome was, this would never change. There was one reply that stood out, so I began to write. This guy felt open, and our dialogue back and forth was light, playful, and so funny, the connection was instant. Within the week we set a date to meet.
The day of our date came and anxiety was there, but what was different was my commitment to me. I felt strong within myself and complete as I am, and knowing that a partner would be an awesome addition to my life but not needed to fulfill me. I knew whatever happened I would be true to myself.
I arrived first at our designated meeting place, waiting to see if I recognised his face. When he arrived, the person I saw looked totally different to the ‘tick a box’ idea that I had created of what my ideal partner would look like. But something inside me knew that it was worth staying and finding out more. The moment he smiled I melted, and I knew my life was about to change. We sat down at a table and ordered our drinks and within no time at all the conversation flowed. Instantly I felt an ease with him and shared myself without reservation; it was as if we had known each other a lifetime. Our date flowed, going from our first meeting spot onto lunch elsewhere, and by the end of our date, I knew as did he, that this connection was different and worth pursuing further.
It has continued this way for the last 5 years, and my love and connection to this man deepens more each day. What I feel shifted was the quality in me. If I had approached our date without openness, or without the love and commitment to myself first, then I feel it may have gone the way of past relationships.
I have come to realise there is never perfection in relationships – no partner can bring that – it is more about being and loving the real you that you are. What Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have shared in their presentations has shown me another way of life, a way that is about love; this love is within us all equally and it begins with loving ourselves first. From here we can build the foundations of developing true relationships with others – not in perfection, but in truth.
The way I now approach life and my relationships has been inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and the many amazing practitioners of Universal Medicine. Through them I have learnt that love must begin with self – there is no greater love and we all hold this equally within our hearts.
By Jade Jamieson, Bachelor of Education (Primary), Graduate Diploma of Education (Childcare), Lismore Heights, NSW
Further Reading:
“The highest form of intelligence is love”
Hello, is it me I’m looking for…?
The Difference in Love
How to be safe dating online
826 Comments
I’ve changed my track of online dating from how a person looks or whats on their profile to how they feel. It’s totally different and much lighter than trying to get a person to fit in a box.
Thank you Jade, what a breath of fresh air to read about your experience of dating and the relationship that can be built when we are open and honest in our own connection and thus non imposing on another to be a certain way.
“This time round it felt completely different; what was different was me.” The first step in healing any hurt is recognising our own part in it.
They do say that like attracts like, we can also say that an open and willing heart attracts too an open and willing heart.
Hi Jade,
Thanks for sharing, what you share with us can be true in all manner of situations, how we live and how loving we are with ourselves and others now will always be shaping any future constellations.
Its amazing the difference of making more loving choices and taking more care of ourselves makes in our lives, ‘ I began to express who I really was – a beautiful, amazing, powerful and worthwhile woman – a woman who was already everything and not someone needing another to fulfill them.’
What are you bringing to a relationship if you are not bringing who you are but who you feel the other person would like you to be or what you feel they would want. What if they actually want you, but in offering a picture you are offering something so much less than that? It’s worth being totally and authentically you in a relationship.
Building a strong foundation of love for ourselves is essential as a base for any relationship, ‘I began to consider that perhaps I was worth loving and that primarily, love began with me.’
It must be the sign of the times as more and more people are choosing to meet via online dating apps and the like. There was a time when we met someone whilst out socialising or through a friend but nowadays people seem too busy.
Internet dating is a way of meeting people and the way for others to know who you are – you have to be who you are.
“I have come to realise there is never perfection in relationships – no partner can bring that – it is more about being and loving the real you that you are” I love this line Jade, we spend much too much time looking for what is perfect but our pictures can completely destroy something we have that is actually amazing simply because we try and make it different to how it is perfectly designed to be.
Loving ourselves is a prerequisite to being in love with another.
“I began to consider that perhaps I was worth loving and that primarily, love began with me.” Yay and that’s when the true love story truly begins only when we first take these steps, don’t take these steps and we will be forever grasping for something that does not exist.
It is only through our connection to the love we are that we firstly establish an honouring relationship with ourselves. As then we know what is of this love and what is not, which then sets the foundation for all other relationships to develop in the truth of the love we are, as such honouring our opportunity to evolve through our relationships.
This was awesome to read, how the small and simple changes to how you were with yourself then built a steady foundation so you stayed steady and with yourself in a new relationship, without a need for it to make you ‘more’ or fill you up.
By making new choices in our everyday livingness we change so much more, ‘I began to make more loving choices like taking more care in the way I would dress myself, taking time to treat myself with gentleness and not rushing through my day, listening to my body and going to bed when I felt tired.’