As a checkout operator working in a busy supermarket, one of the issues I am faced with on a daily basis is store theft. I spend a lot of my time in the assisted checkout area where customers are able to serve themselves; this is an area where this theft is rampant. I am learning to feel through a person’s body language whether or not there is any dishonesty in the transactions they are processing. This learning is constant for me.
Last year I experienced one of my regular customers (with whom I had been developing a relationship) stealing. There was a part of me that knew this had been going on but had wanted to believe otherwise. Now I had actually seen it with my own eyes, I could no longer avoid it. I plucked up the courage and followed her out of the store, asking her to come back inside. I showed her that she hadn’t yet paid for all of her goods and she began to argue with me.
When it became obvious that I had all the evidence to back what I was saying she quickly moved to anger, then rage, and before I knew it, she was screaming right in my face. It was a peak time in the morning so the store was full of people watching this woman, twice my size, hovering straight over me calling me every name you could imagine in a high pitched scream.
The woman left the store still shouting and I was left feeling very shaken, in shock and disbelief. I wanted to burst into tears but instead I held it all in afraid of what others were thinking of me. Of all the people that witnessed this abuse, only one of my colleagues approached to see if I was okay, whilst everyone else went back to what they were doing as if the incident had not even occurred. I mention this point here as I feel this blind eye approach is something that happens all too often in our communities.
Why is it that we ignore or turn away when a fellow human being has been hurt so? Could it be to avoid feeling our own hurts?
It took me a quite some time to work through this. Her words had had a huge impact and I felt deeply hurt by the way she had spoken to me. And being completely honest, I realized that I was in quite a reaction to her dishonesty in the first place. From this awareness, I could see that I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this. It is simply for me to choose to live it or not, and to allow others also this same choice.
Over the months that followed my relationship with this woman was anything but harmonious. Some days she would come in and scowl at me, other days she would smile sweetly, yet I could feel the falseness in all of it. I too was struggling; some days I would let her in and be able to be myself with her, and other days I would feel my body tense up on her arrival, shutting down and serving her very mechanically as if I were a robot.
Letting Go and Letting Her In
In the past few months much has changed for me in how I am approaching life and people. I have started to realize that holding onto or allowing myself to be affected by the choices of others does not serve me or anyone else, and the same goes for how I approach my own choices.
The Way of The Livingness teachings speak about self-responsibility, offering key tools of acceptance and allowing. Over the past few years, and with the support of these teachings, I have been developing my own understanding of what it means to be a truly responsible human being. I have come to realize that part of this responsibility is to become aware of where I am holding judgment or needing things to be a certain way.
From this new awareness in me I have been slowly building on a new level of acceptance and allowing towards myself, knowing that what is most important are my own choices. I have come to see that I have been imposing a whole lot onto others in wanting or needing things to be ‘honest’, of ‘integrity’, ‘loving’, ‘truthful’ and ‘harmonious’. And that these things are indeed simply a choice I need to make for myself, and not something I should be demanding of others, and then judging them when they are not met.
I can now see the huge pressure I have been placing on myself (and others) to live up to an ideal or perfect way of being, and not allowing myself (and others) the space and grace to make mistakes and simply be human. This has been a huge revelation for me in going forward.
In this short time I have noticed that my relationships have changed enormously. I am sharing much more of who I am with my family, work colleagues and customers (even my dogs) and it really shows. The feedback from this has been amazing as new relationships (and old ones) begin to flourish. Much of this is owing to the fact that in letting go of the judgments I have been carrying, I am starting to let others in once again, and to let myself out. I have reconnected to my very deep love of people and of humanity and this for me is everything.
This is a beautiful awareness for me to continue to unfold, as the more I let go, accept and allow things to be as they are, without judgment, the more I connect to a richness that is within and all around me.
Just the other day, the woman I spoke of above approached me in the assisted checkout area. As she walked up to me I could see that she was nervous about something. For a brief moment, I felt nervous too. But then I felt something else, and I allowed myself to stay open to her.
The conversation followed like this.
Woman: ‘I wanted to say to you that I’m sorry for how I spoke to you that time. I was going through a really hard time with …………., and I just wanted to say I’m really sorry.’
Me: “Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that, and I understand”.
Tears welled up in her eyes (and then in mine) and she responded with,
“And thank you for having the time to let me say this to you.”
Me: “That’s okay, you are worth it.”
I could feel how powerful this short conversation was for the both of us. It reveals the power of honesty, of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and of choosing understanding over judgment. Truly these are gifts from heaven.
I wanted to share this experience as I feel so many of us hold ourselves and each other to past choices that do not come from how we truly feel and who we truly are, and also because The Way of the Livingness and Universal Medicine have shown me another way that is true.
For me it is now clear that in order for us all to return to who we truly are, we must let go of our held hurts and judgments and approach life and people with honesty, acceptance and understanding. These are what make up the true integrity that is needed to really make a change in this world.
With deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for bringing back the true teachings of the ancient wisdom for all humanity.
By Anna – dedicated and completely gorgeous woman + sassy checkout chic!
Further Reading:
The Way of The Livingness – The Light Outside Plato’s Cave
Women in Livingness
Opening up (A Can of Glorious Worms) – Returning to the Truly Tender Woman Within
779 Comments
When we see each other as only human we see faults and its easier to judge, see that person instead for the divine they are and its so much easier to see through behaviours that are not loving, as we can see in truth that it is not them just some kind of hurt playing out.
Recently I am feeling that even having the thoughts of needing to ‘accept where others are at’ comes with a tainting of judgment itself. It insinuates that where another is at is not where they should be or could be. There is a deeper level for us to go to with this judgment ‘thing’.
I really value this sharing as it shows how we keep others out based on how we need them to be and in this there is an imposition and judgement which is felt.
The magic and alchemy that can happen when we stay open, accept where others are at, and express what we can feel is huge. Even if it’s ugly, raw honesty, at least there’s a realness there that we can connect to and can start from – that supports our relationships with ourselves and one another.
To just be able to say to myself and others that I am learning and mistakes are part of that process forever, makes way to re-connect to the wisdom that lives inside me and equal in everyone.
Thank you Anna, being open — leaves space for the other to evolve themselves to, in whatever time, their space.
Thank you for sharing this transformative experience Anna which has allowed me to look at my own expectations e.g. of someone being honest and how imposing it is to sit in judgement of another’s choices. Dropping our layers of protection and allowing others in paves the way for so much healing of ourselves and our relationships with others and the more this is reflected to humanity the less we will be willing to turn a blind eye when others are being abused.
This shows how our pictures and expectations can complicate our lives and get in the way – not only do we stunt ourselves but others also. How awesome it is to have worked through this situation and had that particular customer as a reflection.
That point about having a value but not expecting other people to live to it is a great point and a challenge. Trust is a fundamental wish I think, and we spend so much time protecting ourselves from being hurt that we can get very unforgiving when people hurt us. Yet these are simply choices we can make for ourselves allowing space and grace around us.
“the more I let go, accept and allow things to be as they are, without judgement, the more I connect to a richness that is within and all around me.” Judgement leaves all so much less off, I know when I have judged another it feels really yucky because we are actually focusing on what is not true. On the other hand acceptance of another is really saying yes to the love and universality that is on offer.
A huge part of letting go is allowing ourselves to be human and make mistakes. Allowing ourselves to be imperfect, and accepting all of our imperfections. If we’re used to getting through life by being perfect, there comes a point where it all feels so fake, and we can feel the force that we’ve used to keep this lie, this wall of protection and perfection going – and that feels very draining. Letting down our guard, accepting that who we are is enough, and that we’ll never be perfect – and nor do we need to be – is liberating and a lot of fun. It connects us back to who we really are, and opens us up to others.
Beautifully written Bryony – thank you.
It is great when we get honest and understand that something we may value, another may not and us holding another in judgement on this is dishonouring for all of us. The more we can understand the more we allow the space for something different.
The more we understand life as energy the less we can judge our fellow human beings. For all it is, is an energy that’s false or one that’s true flowing through. None of this diminishes the sweet loving essence we all have inside so there’s no need to act like we have been robbed or brutally hurt. It’s just an energy playing out that’s not Love – thank you Anna.
I can feel the love that comes into our lives when we re-connect to the borderless love we are all from. The judgment makes us islands which have the potential to have guards, armies, walls, parapets, castles – really anything that can protect and keep the unwanted out! The Way of the Livingness gives us an opportunity to feel, very practically, what it is like to live borderless and to feel the love of others bringing this way of living into their own lives.
Yes judgement keeps us in separation from our fellow brothers as by erecting barriers to protect our hurts we are dictating how others should be rather than loving them as equal brothers.
How powerful it is to relate problems faced with another with new awareness and recognise the invitation offered to evolve.
This is a beautiful blog that shows the power of love to heal and bring people together.
Every interaction is as much about ourselves as another. When something like this happens, what matters most is how we respond. Do we harden, judge, become closed or do we remain open, accept what is and try to understand? The choice is ours to make.
Judgements prevent us from seeing the person in front of us.
When we let go of judgement of others we start to let go of judgement of ourselves.
Reading this blog has been huge for me. I can feel how much my natural sensitivity to people acting hurtful, dishonest, and uncaring has led to me being in constant reaction to these behaviours instead of utilising this great trait to be able to feel what is happening for others and read the situation in a way that allows me to stay the observer of it in a non-judgemental way with true understanding. I cried myself after reading the apology part of this blog. Truly inspirational Anna!
‘For a brief moment, I felt nervous too. But then I felt something else, and I allowed myself to stay open to her.’ This staying open is crucial if we are to let ourselves grow and evolve in relationships. This is a gorgeous blog, thank you for sharing all you have Anna.
I certainly agree with you Anna how we hold onto past choices that affect what we are doing now. They are so quick to intrude. How does a past choice help you with what you are feeling now. It might be a repeat of a situation that presents itself to accept and let go so why not accept it and let it go ?…
There is such a beauty in making mistakes, it is the way we learn through life and grow but although I know this fact I have not always embraced this fact but struggled with judging myself. It is getting less and like you say it is about allowing the space and grace to make mistakes and simply be human…but also divine at the same time.
Letting go of needing others to be a certain way is truly freeing – for us and for them and helps us open up to understanding more or on a deeper level.
A great awareness, yes, its a learning process accepting others as they are, and letting go of our ideals and beliefs, ‘I could see that I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this.’
I love that the woman came and apologised to you. She must have felt your integrity and did not want to jeopardise the relationship you had built with her and this in itself exposed that she had been far from loving.
That sounds like an intense situation and it is beautiful that you were able to get closure of some kind after a difficult interaction. I always get shocked that people turn a blind eye in these situations. When I am standing in the line at the bank, I often see customers abuse the teller ladies that work there. I always check how they are after, they say they are fine and that they are used to it but I still feel to check in and I can tell by the look in their eyes that they really appreciate.
When we choose understanding of one another we also choose awareness, which not only gives space to all but also the opportunity to learn and connect from honesty. It also shows us that we are not perfect – we are perfectly imperfect, and that is the beauty of allowing each and everyone of us to be just as we are, in our own time and space.
Understanding rather than judgment gives us the space to come to our senses and make amends from a truth rather than the coercion of expectations or even demands.
Everyday offers us plenty of opportunities to drop judgement and to instead open our hearts.
Understanding is simply the best antidote to judgement.
‘I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this. It is simply for me to choose to live it or not, and to allow others also this same choice.’ To deal with judgements, expectations and reactions is huge and areas we all need to work on, your example is inspiring.
This blog is an invitation to us to take a deeper look at judgement, which is rampant in our society, and to observe where it lurks in our own lives. For by even if we have a smidgen of it within us we are contributing to the overall evil of judgement that is engulfing much of mankind.
You never know what is going on for another or has gone on in their past so when we judge whatever is going on in their present life we automatically close the door to the wisdom of understanding.
Letting go of judgement is like giving permission to another to be who they are and to tap into the wisdom within for answers to their own woes.
Recently I was sworn at and threatened by a neighbour of mine it was an uncomfortable situation, I was not sure how to handle it at the time and walked away, I then over the next few weeks when I bumped into her I would be even more loving, she really got to feel my intention and no words were needed to be said to resolve it – the energy said it all.
Holding on to “our hurts and judgments” does nothing but weigh us down and casts a veil over the truth of any situation that we are faced with. How beautiful that this woman was eventually able to approach you; she obviously felt that you were open and ready to heal the situation between you two. It is a wonderful example of the fact that we can’t change another but by changing ourselves we offer them the space to consider that there may be another way to live.
“From this awareness, I could see that I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this. It is simply for me to choose to live it or not, and to allow others also this same choice.” Let go and let live is an axiom I was taught when younger – not always easy to live by!
Thank you for sharing this Anna. Realising the expectations I place on others – and the disappointment when they don’t live up to these – affects all my relationships. These include expectations I place on myself. We all make mistakes – there is no perfection. We are human.
We have all made poor choices in life, and when we are willing to be honest about those, having someone standing beside you without judgement is worth everything.
I agree Heather, none is perfect, it is how we learn. But to be held by another in our learning….that is something to appreciate.
Reading this brought tears to my eyes too! wow how gorgeous it is when we open up, drop the judgement and let others in.
So gorgeous Samantha, possibly nothing better on this earth.