As a checkout operator working in a busy supermarket, one of the issues I am faced with on a daily basis is store theft. I spend a lot of my time in the assisted checkout area where customers are able to serve themselves; this is an area where this theft is rampant. I am learning to feel through a person’s body language whether or not there is any dishonesty in the transactions they are processing. This learning is constant for me.
Last year I experienced one of my regular customers (with whom I had been developing a relationship) stealing. There was a part of me that knew this had been going on but had wanted to believe otherwise. Now I had actually seen it with my own eyes, I could no longer avoid it. I plucked up the courage and followed her out of the store, asking her to come back inside. I showed her that she hadn’t yet paid for all of her goods and she began to argue with me.
When it became obvious that I had all the evidence to back what I was saying she quickly moved to anger, then rage, and before I knew it, she was screaming right in my face. It was a peak time in the morning so the store was full of people watching this woman, twice my size, hovering straight over me calling me every name you could imagine in a high pitched scream.
The woman left the store still shouting and I was left feeling very shaken, in shock and disbelief. I wanted to burst into tears but instead I held it all in afraid of what others were thinking of me. Of all the people that witnessed this abuse, only one of my colleagues approached to see if I was okay, whilst everyone else went back to what they were doing as if the incident had not even occurred. I mention this point here as I feel this blind eye approach is something that happens all too often in our communities.
Why is it that we ignore or turn away when a fellow human being has been hurt so? Could it be to avoid feeling our own hurts?
It took me a quite some time to work through this. Her words had had a huge impact and I felt deeply hurt by the way she had spoken to me. And being completely honest, I realized that I was in quite a reaction to her dishonesty in the first place. From this awareness, I could see that I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this. It is simply for me to choose to live it or not, and to allow others also this same choice.
Over the months that followed my relationship with this woman was anything but harmonious. Some days she would come in and scowl at me, other days she would smile sweetly, yet I could feel the falseness in all of it. I too was struggling; some days I would let her in and be able to be myself with her, and other days I would feel my body tense up on her arrival, shutting down and serving her very mechanically as if I were a robot.
Letting Go and Letting Her In
In the past few months much has changed for me in how I am approaching life and people. I have started to realize that holding onto or allowing myself to be affected by the choices of others does not serve me or anyone else, and the same goes for how I approach my own choices.
The Way of The Livingness teachings speak about self-responsibility, offering key tools of acceptance and allowing. Over the past few years, and with the support of these teachings, I have been developing my own understanding of what it means to be a truly responsible human being. I have come to realize that part of this responsibility is to become aware of where I am holding judgment or needing things to be a certain way.
From this new awareness in me I have been slowly building on a new level of acceptance and allowing towards myself, knowing that what is most important are my own choices. I have come to see that I have been imposing a whole lot onto others in wanting or needing things to be ‘honest’, of ‘integrity’, ‘loving’, ‘truthful’ and ‘harmonious’. And that these things are indeed simply a choice I need to make for myself, and not something I should be demanding of others, and then judging them when they are not met.
I can now see the huge pressure I have been placing on myself (and others) to live up to an ideal or perfect way of being, and not allowing myself (and others) the space and grace to make mistakes and simply be human. This has been a huge revelation for me in going forward.
In this short time I have noticed that my relationships have changed enormously. I am sharing much more of who I am with my family, work colleagues and customers (even my dogs) and it really shows. The feedback from this has been amazing as new relationships (and old ones) begin to flourish. Much of this is owing to the fact that in letting go of the judgments I have been carrying, I am starting to let others in once again, and to let myself out. I have reconnected to my very deep love of people and of humanity and this for me is everything.
This is a beautiful awareness for me to continue to unfold, as the more I let go, accept and allow things to be as they are, without judgment, the more I connect to a richness that is within and all around me.
Just the other day, the woman I spoke of above approached me in the assisted checkout area. As she walked up to me I could see that she was nervous about something. For a brief moment, I felt nervous too. But then I felt something else, and I allowed myself to stay open to her.
The conversation followed like this.
Woman: ‘I wanted to say to you that I’m sorry for how I spoke to you that time. I was going through a really hard time with …………., and I just wanted to say I’m really sorry.’
Me: “Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that, and I understand”.
Tears welled up in her eyes (and then in mine) and she responded with,
“And thank you for having the time to let me say this to you.”
Me: “That’s okay, you are worth it.”
I could feel how powerful this short conversation was for the both of us. It reveals the power of honesty, of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and of choosing understanding over judgment. Truly these are gifts from heaven.
I wanted to share this experience as I feel so many of us hold ourselves and each other to past choices that do not come from how we truly feel and who we truly are, and also because The Way of the Livingness and Universal Medicine have shown me another way that is true.
For me it is now clear that in order for us all to return to who we truly are, we must let go of our held hurts and judgments and approach life and people with honesty, acceptance and understanding. These are what make up the true integrity that is needed to really make a change in this world.
With deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for bringing back the true teachings of the ancient wisdom for all humanity.
By Anna – dedicated and completely gorgeous woman + sassy checkout chic!
Further Reading:
The Way of The Livingness – The Light Outside Plato’s Cave
Women in Livingness
Opening up (A Can of Glorious Worms) – Returning to the Truly Tender Woman Within
805 Comments
Great words about he values we hold, that they are “simply a choice I need to make for myself, and not something I should be demanding of others, and then judging them when they are not met.” This is the ultimate for me in giving people space and allowing them the grace to learn, make mistakes, and still be held as an equal. This whole blog is so relatable and supportive for me at the moment, and outlines so beautifully the steps to letting people be and loving unconditionally.
I have had numerous situations at work this week where I could have so easily gone into judgement, I have had what others would classify as ‘every right to’ but in each situation I have sought to understand why the person has behaved the way that they have and have come to feel very clearly that through understanding the situation I have been able to keep my body open and relaxed but had I gone into judgement then my body would have hardened and closed down. I can only be of true service if my body stays open and relaxed, I can say that I want to be of service but those are simply words, it’s the state of my body in each and every moment that dictates my ability to serve or not.
Anna I feel that what you have shared is a pivotal teaching. A teaching that if universally applied would have the power to fundamentally change our experience of life. We all hold each other to ransom in one way or another and as a result don’t allow ourselves to go deeper into relationships with one another. We energetically hold each other at arms length, which is why we all operate on such a superficial level and rarely grasp the deeper aspects of life.
Beautifully shared Alexis, thank you, and I agree what is written here by Anna is foundational for life, and potentially life changing … and would be whole world changing if enough of us commit to it.
Thank you for highlighting how we impose when we go into judgement and how when we let go and allow others the space to be the opportunities for healing are immense.
Yes to letting go of judgement – what a stinger that is, it bites us on the way out and bites us on the way back.
For years I’ve been learning the crippling nature of judgment. Over time revealing more layers of it deeper and deeper. If anyone ever wants to change their life, knows that there’s more than looking to letting go of judgments and allowing for mistakes is a great way to go.
When reading a blog I very rarely quote the author but in this instance a line jumped out at me and stayed with me, ‘Much of this is owing to the fact that in letting go of the judgments I have been carrying, I am starting to let others in once again, and to let myself out.’ This is an excellent example of how judgments can get in the way and have us interact with life from a lesser standpoint.
It is revealing of how judgements can be a trap that we get caught in which leave us feeling cut off from others as we sit on our righteous but lonely perch.
We are so restricted by our judgements, and so are our relationships.
This is a beautiful awareness and understanding that you came to, ‘ From this awareness, I could see that I have a need and expectation for others to be honest, and that whilst this is a trait that I value, I cannot impose that others live this. It is simply for me to choose to live it or not, and to allow others also this same choice.’
A beautiful lesson in honesty and openness for you both.
‘I can now see the huge pressure I have been placing on myself (and others) to live up to an ideal or perfect way of being, and not allowing myself (and others) the space and grace to make mistakes and simply be human. This has been a huge revelation for me in going forward.’ This is a very powerful point Anna. I know that I too have the same ideals and have been missing that ‘space and grace’ to allow for imperfections and mistakes. The ideals are like a dead weight I’m carrying around that didn’t belong to me in the first place.
This is a big one, wanting and expecting other people to behave in a certain way, and instead accepting where they are and giving them space to be where they are.
Healing and letting go of our hurts is the greatest blessing we can offer both to ourselves and those around us.
So true Elizabeth….as we continually allow old hurts to leave we allow space for more joy in our lives.
This is a wonderful example of how it is possible to heal an old hurt, regardless of when it happened. What a beautiful gift you eventually both received by allowing the space for true expression and not one that came from a place of reaction.
When we speak from true love and acceptance it gives the person the space to feel for themselves the situation and their part in it, speak with judgement and we confine them to something they are not.
This is so true Sam, remembering to always be love and have acceptance, to not let the judgement, or reaction kick in no matter the situation.
Beautifully shared Anna. It is very true that holding onto our hurts, protection and expectations only keeps us from allowing the power of love that we innately are, to be what unites us through our openness to share and express the truth.
Underneath all the facades we put on we are decent and respect-full beings we simple have to understand that our life can change at the drop of a hat especially when we reconnect through The Gentle Breath Meditation. http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/gentle-breath-meditation
Its is extraordinary what is possible when we let go of our hurts. It opens so many doors to opportunities to build beautiful relationships that would otherwise be missed. Thankyou for sharing this Anna.
This is a great point – letting go of hurts is so very powerful.
When we bring understanding to a situation things suddenly make more sense, we can understand what is being said and why better and so the impact on us is no longer the problem as judgement recedes and we are open to truly reading all of what is going on.
I loved reading what you have shared Anna, it has come at a great time as I have been sitting in judgment, by having expectations of how things should be, it all comes back to me how I hold myself in judgment not allowing me to be human so that I can learn from my mistakes with acceptance, understanding and appreciation. It is beautiful, how when we can do this more of who we naturally are comes out to be seen, and enjoyed with others.