For most of my working life I have been involved in or surrounded by abusive or disharmonious workplace relationships. I tried over and over to escape from these situations but found that they presented again and again, just with a different face.
In my current workplace it is common to hear stories from staff members about situations of harassment and bullying. These employees generally stay in their jobs as the region is one of high unemployment.
It appears, however, that my own experience and those of my work colleagues are not isolated events. The Australian Human Rights Commission refers to international research which estimates that 400,000 to 2 million Australians will be harassed at work (in 2001) while 2.5 to 5 million will experience workplace harassment at some time during their career.[i]
These statistics are alarming and certainly highlight that the way we are relating with each other in the workplace is not a true way of living and relating as human beings.
Abuse in the Workplace
For many years working in this environment impacted upon my own health and general wellbeing. It felt ‘unsafe’ to be myself and I felt powerless to call abuse when it presented.
The abuse which I experienced took many different forms and included being spoken to harshly and publicly, slamming doors, being overly-demanding, setting unachievable goals, ridiculing, starting malicious rumours, denying a voice, discriminatory comments and exclusion from information that related to my role.
I would drive to work heavy hearted and worked through the day in extreme levels of anxiety, always documenting my tasks, responses and actions for the next occasion where I would come under scrutiny.
I did all I could to override the awfulness that I felt and succumbed to ways that allowed me to be easily controlled – to be silent, to do as I was told and to work fast and relentlessly. What I didn’t realise at the time was that this way of working was hurting me deeply.
In one instance the abuse built to an intolerable level and escalated when I injured myself at work. I was no longer able to handle the emotional abuse now that my body was in physical pain; I sought support from esoteric healing sessions with a number of different Universal Medicine practitioners.
The practitioners supported me to introduce gentleness and self-nurturing into my daily life and in time, love for myself started to expand. My thoughts were noticeably more sensitive and honouring of myself and others and my body didn’t need to hold itself in constant tension and protection in readiness for the ‘next attack’. Living like this had become unhealthy, not to mention draining on my energy levels.
Saying No to the Workplace Abuse
As I became more loving and tender with myself I started to see the world and people around me a little differently. I became much more aware of what was truly going on and I found that what felt like a personal attack from another, was really them reacting to something about themselves or something about their own lives. I found it much easier to say No to the abusive behaviour and could do so in a way that was firm and to the point, yet constructive and rational.
In time I observed how people at work began to cherish a more collaborative and supportive work environment based on a new level of care and concern for individuals. Many staff chose to socialise rather than stay behind closed doors and people were able to share more about how they were truly feeling.
This experience showed me a new way forward; the days of running from workplace conflict were over.
My Part in Workplace Abuse
Within this healing process I began to feel my part in all of this and questioned the role of my responses to abuse and whether I too had been an abuser. You see I always viewed myself as a victim and never as a perpetrator in any of these situations.
In each situation of conflict it always appeared that the other person was attacking, aggressive or rude towards me. However, I was failing to see that I was approaching people with a deep wall of protection in an attempt to not be hurt.
I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.
Bringing True Connection to Workplace Relationships
I have started a new role in the same organisation and, in this role and for the first time, I have put love first.
As a result of the changes that I have made to the way I connect with myself and with others, my life and workplace relationships are now truly amazing. There is a new closeness that I feel where no words are needed because the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed. There is an honesty and willingness to engage, to genuinely support each other and to bring true connection and tenderness to the workplace.
I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.
So… no love in business?! From the chaos that I have experienced with workplace relationships, I now know without any doubt that there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.
There is a work model here that revels in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
by MAS
http://www.humanrights.gov.au/information-employers-fact-sheet-workplace-bullying
Further Reading:
Universal Medicine: Practical Applications in the Workplace
Self-Care at Work Does Make a Difference
Why Work? What Is Work About?
687 Comments
When we see ourselves as a victim, we are at the mercy of all that goes on around us. We anticipate trouble, being blamed, having to justify our work, or existence. It is an energy that runs through those who feel victims and those who are working hard not to be victims, without either party choosing to recognise the similarity of the bullying behaviour. Both are imposing but only one is blamed.
I really noticed that you didn’t start by blaming everyone else and calling them to account which is where we think we have to start. You started with you and your behaviour and seem to have been surprised at the ripple effect it had. That is inspiring.
Being loving in all our interactions with others and all that surrounds us is the true template for us living in harmony here on earth.
Thank you for sharing MAS, so inspiring to read the changes that have happened in your work place once you chose to not be a victim and start to observe what is actually going on around you, bringing self loving choices into your life opened you and others up to true loving connections.
MAS, it is awesome to read how much your workplace relationships changed from abusive to loving because you made changes to how you lived and how you were with people. I can relate to feeling like the victim and holding judgement against others. Letting go of this judgment and having understanding to what is going on feels deeply supportive. Thank you for sharing.
A toxic workplace environment is deeply harmful to everyone including those who abuse. If we had a focus on building the quality of workplace environments then we would see workplaces being more productive, have reduced sick days and increase on all levels- yet this common sense approach is thrown out the window when individual agendas come into play.
MAS, this is interesting to read; ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me’. I can feel that it is so easy to blame others and see ourselves as the victims, rather than taking responsibility for how we are. If we are open, loving and caring with others first or if we wait for others to be caring and loving with us before we let go our protection.
‘love is our way forward – and our workplace relationships need it too’ … yes they do and when you consider that we often spend more time at work than we do in our home environments it would seem odd that we would want to have less than love at work … and yet the reality for most of us is that we do have less than love at work, and what strikes me today is how much protection we can all go into at work and how this impacts on all of us … comment really struck home ‘So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me’ … something for me to consider.
Simple banter with another that is making them lesser than the true light they are is abusive and I felt this the other day with a simple comment that had no love and was actually denigrating. So ‘don’t give up your day job’ was a love-less comment that felt terrible to the person and in reflection it also felt terrible in my body. It is so easy to drop into old patterns that make us all feel lesser than so why go there why not simply appreciate and expand our awareness?
MAS, I love how you have taken responsibility for how you are in your workplace relationships. I can feel that it is easy to blame others and not look at how we ourselves are being; ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either.’
Workplace abuse takes many forms, some overt, and some covert, but nevertheless the culture of any workplace should not allow any form of abuse.
MAS this is amazing what you share is something for us all to reflect on – we have all have the ability to stand up and say no to abuse and until we do the nastiness we appose will continue to affect us and all those around us.
I do notice that when I am more open and light hearted it becomes infectious. Exactly the same if I am withdrawn and just functioning through till home time. We have an affect on people greater than we appreciate or take notice of.
I have recently discovered just how powerful it is to let go of judgement for co-workers who are being abusive and bullying others, and realise how they can react to the energy of judgement of them as much as when I reflect to them a way of living with more love. Because when we fail to see people’s true essence first and instead only see the junk that layers over that based on that person’s past hurts, it creates a back and forth struggle that can be dissolved by holding them in love and understanding, just as MAS has done in a miraculous way.
MAS, I love this, it is beautiful to read that you are putting love first, how amazing would our work places be if we all did this – putting love, support and people first and career progression and profits after this; ‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.’
A very inspiring article. Thank you MAS
What is true is that we have to to stand up at some stage, we do have to say no, enough is enough. And bullying can be subtle, or it can be overt, where ever and whenever it happens sometime we inevitably have to say no.
I have too experienced abuse and bullying. Coming to the understanding that with all the abuse I have experienced, I can see how I have contributed to them by playing the victim role and by allow abuse to take place. Once I started to stand up to abuse, it was liberating and saying no to abuse is deeply empowering and healing.
Currently the ways we are at work, how we are with each other does not work. If they did we would not have the levels of abuse that we do. We also know that this has been a problem for a very long time and that many solutions have been offered, providing little if any success. Solutions are outcome driven rather than looking at the cause of what is happening for people. We don;t often associate the words love and work together but maybe it’s worth giving love a go.
I have found observing and not absorbing situations particularly in my workplace as not only a deeper understanding of how we all work as a team but also how we each have different qualities and abilities to share too. Observing our surroundings gives us a greater scope for understanding others and also we are then able to feel what is truly going on anywhere at anytime.
When we make work about people and not just about ourselves and what we can get out of it, our entire relationship with work changes and expands. I would say our issues with how others are at work is a result of our collective attitude of making work about ourselves and not about everyone