I spent most of my life trying to make time and space for me, to be by myself. I would work really hard to create this space and time. I felt I was only truly happy and relaxed when I was on my own. I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.
Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?
When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.
The irony was that despite this deep desire to be alone, I rarely was. I worked with people, I was nearly always in a relationship, and once I had children, I was never alone! This desire to be alone when I was always surrounded by people, created a great deal of tension in my body and in my life.
Nowadays, I rarely have a moment to myself, and yet I rarely feel the same tension. When I do, I know that something is not right with me.
So, what has changed?
I have let people in. Not through the front door, or into my bed (except my husband!), but into my heart and into my world.
I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.
I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.
I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.
What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.
Having time and space alone can be lovely – an opportunity to deeply connect with myself. But if I ever feel like I need time and space to be by myself now, I ask myself: what is going on? Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt. I have learned that this does not work! It creates a wall between me and other people, and this wall does not protect me. All it does is stop me from seeing and feeling what is true, which is the great beauty that other people are, and that I am too.
We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.
If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.
This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.
I share it with my husband, my children, my family and friends and everyone I meet. I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard – for it is a chance to be with people, whom I love. I don’t feel I need time away from my family, for I love to be with them, and share my spacious space with them!
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.
I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Anne Malatt, woman, doctor, wife, mother, grandmother, Northern NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Accepting All of You
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
A Space Just For Me
1,010 Comments
When we deepen our relationship to ourselves, other things change around us too, and the knowing to make space in our lives to develop relationships to others simply grows and expands.
Learning to care and love ourselves makes such a difference to our lives, ‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty.’
“I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” And the opposite is true that when we don’t like ourselves we are more likely to find fault in others as well.
I did not like myself very much the other day and it was so lovely to know that in that moment, I just needed to up the love/like and love myself even more. Prior to Universal Medicine, I would have put the boot in even more but now I know it is not the answer, and it is my choice to love me more.
I love the idea of treating everyone we meet, even if it is for simply a moment in the street, as “a gift”, for if we don’t stop and take the time to be with people, I feel that we are missing out on the possibility of some magical moments in our lives. I can see so clearly that the child sitting in the trolley in front of me at the checkout last week, who I played the smile game with, was a precious gift, one to remind me that it is often in the simplest of things that we find the most joy.
Thank you Anne.
You’ve made so many astute observations here Anne, I don’t think I would have received the same understanding from multiple psychology tomes! Your blog gave me many insights about myself to ponder on having often felt like I can only be myself when I’m alone, and about what may be going on when I want my own space “Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt.” Makes so much sense, thank you Anne.
The more we allow others in the more reflections we receive, and when we express in our fullness the clearer the reflection we offer to those around us. So allowing others in and our true selves out is a win, win situation all around.
I love this reminder, that everyone we meet is reflecting something to us, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
This way of being in the world, where we’re connected to ourselves all of the time, and not craving that down time, me time moment – if this was our normal, I’m pretty sure wellness, productivity, relationships, commitment to life and work would all increase. We wouldn’t be constantly trying to escape from the pressures and strains that we put on ourselves by trying to meet others’ demands of us before we’ve met our own needs first. It’s not about being selfish, but recognising and appreciating that taking the time and space to sort our own needs and priorities actually supports everyone else: we’re steadier, more consistent, more with ourselves, and clearer in our intentions and interactions with others, and better placed to support others.
When we have space in us, we are so much more willing to observe and see what is happening around us without reaction and we can understand more what is there and that it’s not necessarily the person but it’s what they are allowing … life becomes much less personal and we are more willing to be open to ourselves and all others.
Great for me to be reminded about space right now, ‘If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.’
It is unfortunately quite rare for someone to be living this way these days. Most live only for self with little or no consideration of others much less holding these as equally amazing beings we all truly are.
It is true that everyone reflects something to us – meaning we are always learning and developing through others as well as through ourselves. So in avoiding people, perhaps there is something we are not willing to see. This blog shows what happens when we embrace this however, and the gift that is given back in being honest and open.
When we are connected to our love within we are complete, and with this completeness we meet everyone else, with no need to find time out to be with ourselves, for when we are connected to our own love we are also connected to everyone else, feeling the joy and spaciousness that loving connection brings to our lives
Allowing others into our lives to the point where we are not afraid to show every side of ourselves can be super confronting, but at the same time it opens up so many opportunities and allows relationships to deepen beyond measure.
The more we honour ourselves and the movements we make that are deeply loving and support we are offered the space to offer more to others. In this space there is not time for anything less.
This was a great read for me this morning as I can feel that all I want is to be away from others, to have time on my own and am waiting for those moments. This blog offers me something to ponder on more deeply and look at where I am getting hurt, why and what is feeding this desire to be on my own.
This is great what your have shared Anne, for much is to be achieved when we allow our-self to feel the space through having a true purpose so we have created spaciousness instead of pushing through with a drive until we run out of time.
Pretending to be something that you are not is a game of ill truth that is feed to the world and no amount of masking to hide the inner turmoil we all feel when we are not being who we truly are.
Currently away on holiday, spending time with family, it has highlighted how I do not make time and space for me as much as I would like to, reflecting on this I can see how this impacts all relationships.
I feel this holiday has inspired me to have a renewed sense of commitment to myself.
It is quite the illusion to think that we can be ourselves when we take time out alone which often amounts to not very often and when it happens it is in exhaustion. And what does this say about the rest of the time? Do we spend this time regretting this part of our lives? Such a trap, and one I was hooked into for years. As with you Anne I have discovered there is a way to be with ourselves in every moment of the day, through being in connection to my essence within. From here the space to be myself is everywhere I go and sharing this quality with others is liberating, joyful and inspiring with no time out needed.
This is like heading in the opposite direction to the way in which the world is heading… And yet making space, taking a moment, is reflected in nature, and in the cycles of life, all around us.
Anne, I love this; ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ I love the simplicity of what you are sharing and can feel what a beautiful, natural way this is to live.
To experience space it helps me to be true in my movements. The way I talk, how long I talk, how I move my body , to just make appointments which are truly serving. So every single moment is clear and in service. Then I feel more and more space in which can be done even more without any effort. All goes in a flow.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” – I love this sentence Anne, and when I have honoured this all of a sudden there really are no ‘issues’ or ‘problems’ in life, only opportunities to learn and grow. Your sharing really helped me understand my own tendencies to want to be alone sometimes when I am reacting to something in my life and feel hurt or misunderstood/under-appreciated, and I can see how much this protection serves no one anymore.
Yes, love this reminder that every moment is an opportunity for more love, more awareness, more joy.. what if we saw life as a series of rich blessings and opportunities, with no pictures or conditions on what they looked like – just full appreciation of the potential for learning that is always there?