I spent most of my life trying to make time and space for me, to be by myself. I would work really hard to create this space and time. I felt I was only truly happy and relaxed when I was on my own. I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.
Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?
When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.
The irony was that despite this deep desire to be alone, I rarely was. I worked with people, I was nearly always in a relationship, and once I had children, I was never alone! This desire to be alone when I was always surrounded by people, created a great deal of tension in my body and in my life.
Nowadays, I rarely have a moment to myself, and yet I rarely feel the same tension. When I do, I know that something is not right with me.
So, what has changed?
I have let people in. Not through the front door, or into my bed (except my husband!), but into my heart and into my world.
I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.
I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.
I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.
What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.
Having time and space alone can be lovely – an opportunity to deeply connect with myself. But if I ever feel like I need time and space to be by myself now, I ask myself: what is going on? Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt. I have learned that this does not work! It creates a wall between me and other people, and this wall does not protect me. All it does is stop me from seeing and feeling what is true, which is the great beauty that other people are, and that I am too.
We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.
If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.
This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.
I share it with my husband, my children, my family and friends and everyone I meet. I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard – for it is a chance to be with people, whom I love. I don’t feel I need time away from my family, for I love to be with them, and share my spacious space with them!
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.
I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Anne Malatt, woman, doctor, wife, mother, grandmother, Northern NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Accepting All of You
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
A Space Just For Me
965 Comments
“When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.”
I actually felt this on a deeper level recently, I was invited to go to a venue where there were a lot of people taking part in an activity. I wasn’t taking part so was able to just watch and observe a lot of people gathered together in one space. What I felt was that we are all the same underneath the veneer that we surround ourselves with. That as you say Anne we are mainly wonderful. I really enjoyed the feeling that humanity isn’t done for, that there is a definite change which can now be felt, a positivity. There is a part of us that will not be kept down and suppressed and that was what I was feeling that people are beginning to wake up from the overarching suppression and say no to it.
“I have all the time and space in the world… just being me” Beautiful appreciation of the love that we naturally are.
I love this Elizabeth, it shares with us how to be in all of our relationships even people we meet fleetingly.
A timely read just after waking and asking myself why I felt tension in my body. I love this ‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.’
Letting people in is so much fun, life can be super dull when we keep people at a arms length.
Space is a funny thing as it is all around us but is never empty, hm! so do we go to space or does it come to us? Seeing it is all around us and we are all more space than particles could it be that space comes to us and time takes us away from us? And if True what aspect of space comes to us and is it what we have all been searching for? As Anne has shared, “If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.” So being “myself” and thus connected to our essences, inner-most, esoteric and or Soul allows the space to come to us and be with-us and reflected to others equally that the Love that is our essence comes to us when we eliminate all the ideals and beliefs we have, especially about time!
Great for me to be reminded about space right now, ‘If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.’
I love this reminder, that everyone we meet is reflecting something to us, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
Learning to care and love ourselves makes such a difference to our lives, ‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty.’
“I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” And the opposite is true that when we don’t like ourselves we are more likely to find fault in others as well.
Mary when we don’t like ourselves we are much more likely to be judgemental of ourselves and others and so find fault not just in other people but with the world we play the blame game. I know this to be true because I have done this myself and I’m sure many others have too. It’s only recently that I have come to fully understand that our thoughts are fed to us from a consciousness and that I am not those thoughts, so if I do not like myself or criticise myself to know and feel they are not my thoughts from me but are thoughts being fed to me. This is a game changer because then I can check myself to find out why I’m having those kind of thoughts and what energy have I allowed in to have those thoughts? There is a huge science that we are not taking any notice of when it comes to the type of thoughts we have and why we have them. We just assume because we are having the thought then we must own that thought, but that is a lie we have fallen for.
I did not like myself very much the other day and it was so lovely to know that in that moment, I just needed to up the love/like and love myself even more. Prior to Universal Medicine, I would have put the boot in even more but now I know it is not the answer, and it is my choice to love me more.
Sarah quite honestly where would humanity be if it wasn’t for Universal Medicine bringing back the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom so that we can once again take the steps to resurrect ourselves from the grotesqueness of life we have subjected ourselves to. Humanity is under the cosh of an energy that suppress us all and keeps everyone down and out. The Ageless Wisdom teaches the world that there is a different way to live which is free from the crushing consciousness it is then our personal choice whether we heed the teachings or not. But now we cannot say we didn’t know. The whole world knows which is why it is in such an uproar.
I love the idea of treating everyone we meet, even if it is for simply a moment in the street, as “a gift”, for if we don’t stop and take the time to be with people, I feel that we are missing out on the possibility of some magical moments in our lives. I can see so clearly that the child sitting in the trolley in front of me at the checkout last week, who I played the smile game with, was a precious gift, one to remind me that it is often in the simplest of things that we find the most joy.
Thank you Anne.
You’ve made so many astute observations here Anne, I don’t think I would have received the same understanding from multiple psychology tomes! Your blog gave me many insights about myself to ponder on having often felt like I can only be myself when I’m alone, and about what may be going on when I want my own space “Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt.” Makes so much sense, thank you Anne.
This way of being in the world, where we’re connected to ourselves all of the time, and not craving that down time, me time moment – if this was our normal, I’m pretty sure wellness, productivity, relationships, commitment to life and work would all increase. We wouldn’t be constantly trying to escape from the pressures and strains that we put on ourselves by trying to meet others’ demands of us before we’ve met our own needs first. It’s not about being selfish, but recognising and appreciating that taking the time and space to sort our own needs and priorities actually supports everyone else: we’re steadier, more consistent, more with ourselves, and clearer in our intentions and interactions with others, and better placed to support others.
It is unfortunately quite rare for someone to be living this way these days. Most live only for self with little or no consideration of others much less holding these as equally amazing beings we all truly are.
It is true that everyone reflects something to us – meaning we are always learning and developing through others as well as through ourselves. So in avoiding people, perhaps there is something we are not willing to see. This blog shows what happens when we embrace this however, and the gift that is given back in being honest and open.
When we are connected to our love within we are complete, and with this completeness we meet everyone else, with no need to find time out to be with ourselves, for when we are connected to our own love we are also connected to everyone else, feeling the joy and spaciousness that loving connection brings to our lives
Jill there is something very magical and beautiful when we are full of ourselves which is really that we have filled ourselves up with the space that is the universe. Having that connection to the universe brings the connection to all others because we are all made up of the same material as the universe so it would make sense that because of this fact we can all feel our interconnection. This is another science we have forgotten. Why are we not taught these sciences at school? Imagine if we were all full of ourselves, then there would be no harm towards another, it would be impossible because we ourselves would be harmless.
Allowing others into our lives to the point where we are not afraid to show every side of ourselves can be super confronting, but at the same time it opens up so many opportunities and allows relationships to deepen beyond measure.
The more we honour ourselves and the movements we make that are deeply loving and support we are offered the space to offer more to others. In this space there is not time for anything less.
This was a great read for me this morning as I can feel that all I want is to be away from others, to have time on my own and am waiting for those moments. This blog offers me something to ponder on more deeply and look at where I am getting hurt, why and what is feeding this desire to be on my own.
This is great what your have shared Anne, for much is to be achieved when we allow our-self to feel the space through having a true purpose so we have created spaciousness instead of pushing through with a drive until we run out of time.
Pretending to be something that you are not is a game of ill truth that is feed to the world and no amount of masking to hide the inner turmoil we all feel when we are not being who we truly are.
Currently away on holiday, spending time with family, it has highlighted how I do not make time and space for me as much as I would like to, reflecting on this I can see how this impacts all relationships.
I feel this holiday has inspired me to have a renewed sense of commitment to myself.
It is quite the illusion to think that we can be ourselves when we take time out alone which often amounts to not very often and when it happens it is in exhaustion. And what does this say about the rest of the time? Do we spend this time regretting this part of our lives? Such a trap, and one I was hooked into for years. As with you Anne I have discovered there is a way to be with ourselves in every moment of the day, through being in connection to my essence within. From here the space to be myself is everywhere I go and sharing this quality with others is liberating, joyful and inspiring with no time out needed.
This is like heading in the opposite direction to the way in which the world is heading… And yet making space, taking a moment, is reflected in nature, and in the cycles of life, all around us.
Anne, I love this; ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ I love the simplicity of what you are sharing and can feel what a beautiful, natural way this is to live.
To experience space it helps me to be true in my movements. The way I talk, how long I talk, how I move my body , to just make appointments which are truly serving. So every single moment is clear and in service. Then I feel more and more space in which can be done even more without any effort. All goes in a flow.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” – I love this sentence Anne, and when I have honoured this all of a sudden there really are no ‘issues’ or ‘problems’ in life, only opportunities to learn and grow. Your sharing really helped me understand my own tendencies to want to be alone sometimes when I am reacting to something in my life and feel hurt or misunderstood/under-appreciated, and I can see how much this protection serves no one anymore.
Yes, love this reminder that every moment is an opportunity for more love, more awareness, more joy.. what if we saw life as a series of rich blessings and opportunities, with no pictures or conditions on what they looked like – just full appreciation of the potential for learning that is always there?
I am discovering that I love to be with people and really love them. Letting people in is something I actively practice at this moment, because I can be with people without letting them in. That is very well possible.
Love how you claim the truth when you feel you need “you time” it is showing you something more. There is a great deal of responsibility in this and a deep love of yourself which is not just beneficial for you but for all.
The more I have appreciation for how beautiful I really am and to allow myself to feel it as I go about the day and not shut this off depending what is going on around, the more I realise that this is what is really needed. I totally agree about having more space to enjoy being me and that this is the key to life, expressing all of who I am no matter what. Still very much a working progress and it feels like I am back on my trainer wheels and it feels so remarkable at the same time.
I love this comment Natalie. It made me smile and reconnect to my own beauty and reminded me that having more space not’ for me’ but ‘to enjoy being me’ is the key to life ‘expressing all of who I am no matter what’
You can honour everyone when you start honouring yourself .. Then you become also aware of what great gift you are for other people as well.
We are always weak in places where we are actually genius in. How could we otherwise know and do exactly what is needed to spoil or sabotage it?! Having chosen a very unsocial life almost all of my life, I know exactly what you are sharing here. And I do say unsocial, although I knew many people and had many friends. But there was always this relief, when I could with me on my own again.There was always this border no one could cross. Living and letting people in now is a 180 degree turnaround- everything changed through that… I might write a blog about it 🙂
There is a lot to relate of great significance in this blog with simple and life changing tools. 2 things that have worked for me:
– Letting people IN and
– Observing what is offered through reflection in others.
Both are fantastic to feel what is true – my job is then to be absolutely honest in what I am feeling.
We are so worthy of space, as space offers love – love to you and love to another. Meeting others in this space is wonderful, because you offer them to be who they are with however they are feeling.. Also, we allow space to be ourselves. The deepest love is shared by this. What a wonderful choice.
Every moment is an opportunity to appreciate what is on offer whether that is the expanding or the confirming of our love. Recently I have been appreciating and confirming the love within me and this has been lovely. To call out that which is not love is super supportive and loving but to confirm the love within is also super supportive and loving too!
Anne, there is a tremendous wisdom that comes through in your writing. A wisdom that knows who we are and to where we are headed and so there is no need to rush or worry, just allow and accept the journey of returning to the soul to unfold so that we all may be together and each be a part of that journey in support for each other – whatever that journey may look like or take the shape of, the soul is always present.
When we associate being hurt with being with people, it follows that we will crave time out. If this is the case, being alone feels like the safe option, as there is no one to hurt you. However, I am finding that although this may seem to work on one level, we are designed to be in community and relationships. The safe part of us knows we are missing something deeper that we crave. The key for me is to be able to be myself and respect my feelings when I am with people, so the need to retreat isn’t there.
Beautiful to read Anne, so relate to the being hurt and closing down to letting people in, I am just starting to shift this and find myself looking for hurts and justifications for not being open and vulnerable. It is so not worth it.
It’s quite a trap working hard and being out there giving to others in order to give yourself the reward with alone time. I have had the same pattern and I can see that it is the way I was with other people; the pleasing, being nice, not being myself that was the problem and not the people. When you hold yourself and stay steady with yourself there is no need for the alone time.
I no longer feel the need to fix things for others which leaves me free to enjoy their company rather than feeling drained by it.
I used to champion the fact that I needed time alone to reconnect with myself but it never worked because I was shut down to myself as well as others and thus feeling a constant tension which was exhausting. As you say it is when we choose to open up to others that the space expands and we can be ourself whether we are alone or in a crowd.
Learning to appreciate who we are inspires us to equally appreciate others.
This has also been a behaviour of mine that is to withdraw when I felt hurt but now I am choosing to go in the opposite direction and connect to people sometimes immediately when I find myself hurt. To share and express with another brings about healing and what I am realising is that it is the absolute love I can give to myself in that moment.
I love this blog. It is so relatable – I remember how much I used to want to escape and not talk to anyone, needing solace from the world. Now the solace is within me, I simply need to come inwards back to me while the hustle and bustle exists in all its warts and ugliness around me. And that is how we inspire the inward movement back to who we are to others as well.
It really is quite simple – we create space for ourselves – we are then more present and loving with others.
The changes that you have made sound very simple and obvious but when we are nursing hurts or living protected, letting people in and allowing them to see the real you can feel daunting. What you have shared about accepting yourself and liking yourself feels key to no longer needing to hide or protect the real you.
True Anne, Pleasing everybody is exhausting and made me a woman holding a lot of frustration and resentment in my body also way to not let people and avoiding the deep love I have for others.
Anne it is so true, not being ourselves and trying to please others is exhausting – no wonder we would want time away from people to recuperate and just be. That transparency of simply being all of ourselves with everyone in our weakness and beauty is liberating in many ways.
I know the wanting time and space for myself well. For me it was only ever about shutting off from the world no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.
Sometimes I can see that there is a tension created by feeling out of control which can create an aching desire to be alone – where full control can be enjoyed. This kind of desire though is isolating as I have also observed how it actually does not support anyone to return back in to life again, able to fully embrace what may come. However, what I am coming to understand is how there can be an inner harmony being lived with at all times – a deep connection with oneself – and so you are never not alone and you are never without people, life is one continuos stream that holds you, and everyone equally with the freedom to feel loved, and for me this has become far more important than having a sense of control, which is a big turn around because I used to scramble for time and space to just be with me – which I understand now was a longing for the one life of continuous love to be felt and experienced once again.
When we hold back parts of us because we see them as less than things we are more mastered in we are forgetting that we are all human beings full of imperfections that we are here to learn to master and let go of.
I like the part about knowing that something is not quite right in yourself when you feel the tension of wanting to be away from people again, and how you can feel very much at ease when you are with people and how in fact this is actually your normal way, to be with people as much as you are with yourself.
Anne, this is interesting to read about how you used to feel when you were alone; ‘I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.’ I had some time alone recently while my family were away and enjoyed the freedom and not having demands made of me and I enjoyed putting myself and my needs first, this made me realise that I can live like this all of the time – putting myself first and honouring my natural rhythm and that I do not need to be alone to do this.
By just reading your words about space I feel myself expanding in my heart.
Thank you Anne for your great sharing.
Wow you can really feel how exhausting it is to keep people out. The space we so desire to have is actually made by creating the space within, and to do this we accept and appreciate all we are for just being us. When this is appreciated we love to share who we are, we accept that we are worth being loved.
I used to run from going deeper in my relationship, when asked I would say I wanted to but my movements did not match what I was saying, in fact my movements were often saying back off.
Over time I am learning to drop the protection and let love in, and wow is this extrodinary, we are made to love, be love and receive love, nothing in the world beats the feeling of truly connecting with another.
I love how you write Anne – always offering a greater depth of ourselves and each other to connect to. When we are our real selves that is no doubt we are a gift to the world. Imagine then if we all embraced being who we are, just how greatly enriched our lives and the world would be.
When we are accepting of ourselves, the tendency to shut people out doesn’t exist anymore because we are more accepting of others.
This is so cool that the change came from you. What an awesome sharing that it is as simple as being open and starting with yourself that has the ability to let others in.
I have found that when I have invested in the world wanting a ‘return’, I come away from that feeling exhausted. When I come to the world full of the love I am, seeking nothing in return, my level of vitality is endless and so in both these instances the term ‘Space’ has a different meaning – I loved your comment Anne – ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me’ – absolutely confirming of what is true
Spaciousness is a wonderful word… it is a wonderful feeling… a sense of lightness, and interconnectedness that is our true nature
It is a very precious thing to start to feel the loveliness that is innate within us all
I used to go quiet, like pulling myself right into a ‘shell’. I would stop talking and start walking and walking until I realised that no one was going to come looking for me so I had to walk all the back again. It was so hard once in this cone of silence to get out of it, to open my mouth and start to speaking again; no issues would have been solved and usually no one had any idea how I felt. I hadn’t felt like this for many years until a few weeks ago when I felt the pattern trying to make its way into my consciousness. It felt so horrible that I chose to pull quickly back out of the shell and back into my life and the wonderful people that I love sharing it with; no shells needed anymore.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is a beautiful realisation. Whether we cast a judgement as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – in fact what we see in others is a reflection of how we are ourselves. There is in fact no good or bad, but bringing an understanding to all, a true gift that supports with accepting life. Then we can make changes, if we choose to.
“I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.” I love this blog Anne especially this last sentence, it is so easy at times to get caught up in reaction and loose sight of this fact, that in fact we are love first and foremost before all the layers of hurt and protection are placed over it.
Ann, this is lovely, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ I have found this too, i used to be very judgmental of people, and only really want to talk to and be friends with certain people that I considered were similar to me, I no longer feel this way and I see the loveliness in everyone and enjoy connecting and talking with lots of people that I meet, not having the judgment is very lovely and means there is no barrier between us.
‘I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.’ This has been paramount to my development also. The difference in me is enormous since actually starting to like myself. This idea that I ‘hate people’, which of course was never true, but often felt like I just wanted to be away from everyone. These days, people don’t annoy me anywhere near as much as before….(occasionally yes), and I’m so much more open to being me and therefore letting others be themselves.
I went away with my family for a month not long ago and when we got back to work and our lives of school days etc I really missed being with them, it was lovely to feel how much I enjoyed just being with them, hanging out with them with no time out required for any of us. Funny enough it is like you share when things get on top of me that I want to get some space so it is just awesome to have a marker in my body that knows how much I love them and love being with them that puts to bed any thoughts that counter this.
” everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” this is gorgeous Anne and really a attribute that we all should learn whist growing up, to know and live this sets a life full of joy.
Wow Anne, this is very gorgeous to read, ‘When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.’ it is great to have this reminder, this makes me feel that if I am always aware of this fact, that we are all wonderful – including myself, then I will not go into judgment and thus seperation with others as I sometimes do, instead knowing that we are all by nature and in truth loving, wonderful human beings.
It is interesting to observe our behvaiours and to be aware of how we feel when we are alone or with people. I have found being around people can be challenging at times when we are already feeling shut off and in protection. Often being around people can bring up stuff for us look at. For example, people can do or say things that triggers an old hurt that we haven’t healed, or there can be jealousy or comparison present, etc. Being alone we don’t have these dynamics or reflections, but having these reflections and challenges is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Lately I am learning many new words and have just learnt another one here … foibles. The only thing is as soon as I have learnt them I forget them!!! It is great what you have shared here Anne and lovely to know how so much has changed for you. Putting up energetic barriers towards others never works it just keeps the hurts etc in and does not aid true healing. Also from experience the whole ‘time out’ or ‘wanting time for me’ thing is a complete illusion and many times when I have wanted ‘time for me’ have then got completely distracted with things like social media so in truth I do not have that quality time with me I wanted … BUT also as you share here the quality with which we are with ourselves can stay consistent throughout whether we are with people or on our own .. this I have experienced and its a beautiful thing.
How can love be anything else than all inclusive everything else has to be loveless and once a true understanding of love has been reached then it freely flows to everyone just like the sun cannot stop shining its radiant light we also cannot stop the love from radiating out it is just withheld because of our hurt and rejection that have disconnected us from truly shining all we are.
When we are living in disregard then the cycle of exhaustion can govern our world and to really be with others feels impossible beyond the practical demands. Observing this cycle and choosing to see that it is in how we are with ourselves is the first step in exposing the emptiness we are surviving on. By being honest and taking responsibility for what is happening is all that is needed to change the self perpetuating cycle of disregard. Your blog is exposing Anne of the roles in particular that women take on in order to be seen only to build resentment as time goes on. It is so easy to turn the cycle of disregard into a cycle of self loving once we claim how gorgeous we really are.
When I now reflect back to the way I use to live, I always could not wait to have time out and space for myself, now I can see how I was shutting everyone one out, I was truly living in an illusion as I was create a false sense of space. Now I am always with people and amongst people, the only time I am alone and even then I am not alone is when I go to bed.
I totally relate to what you have written about needing to separate to create perceived space in the past and not needing to now having found the space within.
Wanting to have ‘time out’ from people, from life, from anything is a definite warning sign that things need to shift in the way we are with them – so we don’t need an escape, but rather can hold the spaciousness continually.
When these signs come up, they are an opportunity to look at why and how we have been living to come to a point in our life where we would want ‘time out’ from people. It is not natural for us to be alone and isolate ourselves. When we choose to recoil into isolation from people it is a sign that we are simply deeply hurt.
A beautiful blog to come back to Anne as it is such a lovely reminder to accept and appreciate ones self and thus all equally so.
Recently when feeling a (what felt like) a very large, overwhelming hurt my previous go-to behaviour was to cut myself away from people. But as I have been letting people into my life, seeing more of that beauty within myself and them I am finding that antisocial behaviour simply isn’t me anymore! which is amazing to feel how uncomfortable staying away from people is in my body. And unloving behaviours that used to have me want to avoid people say at work no longer have me running for the hills, with more understanding there is more of a willingness to be with that person regardless of what they are choosing to express. This is far from perfect but I’ve never stopped to appreciate how much I have changed over the last few years.
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me. This is such a beautiful place to find yourself Anne, enjoying your own company through your body and feeling how joyful it is to be you in all that you do. I too have found this when I don’t feel this, I know I have momentarily left myself and the joy that is naturally me.
The concept of trying to find space or time is interesting – it’s like assuming that we don’t have it or are not a part of it already.
I too used to have this need to be alone because I was so much missing a true connection to myself and therefore absorbing all that was around me and getting overwhelmed. Now that I have learnt to connect to myself, I have discovered that I can remain with myself in any situation and still be connected to others. Therefore there is much less need to attempt to control the outside in an attempt to provide what I am not living and giving to myself.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” So true Anne. We can learn from everyone and everything in life – using them as opportunities to deepen our connection with our essence, with our fellow humans – and to evolve
On reading your blog this morning Anne I was struck by what you have expressed here;
“And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves”.
This is so true; our responsibility is certainly to live the love that we are.
i find I am always with myself when I am with my body.
When I am present with myself in the moment I never feel crowded by those around me or the demands that come my way but if I am caught in complications and separated from my body I can easily become overwhelmed and exhausted which means that I want to escape from others. This awareness has brought the responsibility for my life and the quality of my Livingness back to the choices I make.
It’s a very valuable awareness when we clock that to be with ourselves we don’t need to meditate for 10 hours and be alone on a silent retreat with no stimulation at all apart from the stream of thoughts that we are never really free from… It’s now a simple choice to connect to a quality of stillness within and that that can be done anywhere, anytime with anyone. Perfect!
Since I open and express myself more I realise how much I love people and how every interaction can be appreciated because we are all alike and like you say Anne we can learn so much from each other.
In a conversation with some friends only recently, we talked about ‘needing space’, work is so hectic, constantly dealing with people, exhausted and just want to ‘have space’ on the weekend and preferably have a ‘break’ from people. It was not like that for me, but i remember when i twas like that, my whole life was about planning the next moment to have ‘space and time alone’ – when will i get that moment. But now, i do not even ‘think’ about it., ‘my space’. My relationship with myself has completely changed as all that Anne described resonates. It was not space from others that i needed, it was to stop the way i interacted that i wanted a break from. I exhausted myself by giving, putting others first, and people became a demand on me…all because i was not connected to me and considered and valued myself. Now that i do, i can let me out and let people in, where connection happens and this actually deepens my relationship with me and others and actually it is energising rather than exhausting.
I just love your descriptions of what letting a person in really means for you Anne…. The transparency of oneself, warts and all, invites many others to come take a look, and in this be inspired by a person’s realness, lightness about life, their honesty and truth of the world…and who’d not want to come up close, be with, and spend time with this including ourselves – of ourselves, for the sense it makes!
Letting people in simply changes our lives, when we let in other people we understand them and ourselves better.
“I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else” so true Anne. When we drop the self judgement and appreciate the beauty of who we are then this is also how we meet others.
Great what you share, I am too finding that the more I open up to others the more I can feel the space within myself and therefore I no longer crave for that space alone. If at any point i feel I need to be alone, thats when I take moment to feel what have I let in to make me feel this way.
It’s amazing how when we open up to others then we don’t crave space away from them, when I was constantly putting on a front around others I needed time on my own to regroup ready to put my mask back on. It has been such a relief to start being more authentic and I too have found myself more accepting of others and the reflections that they offer me.
The more we create space within ourselves the more time and space we have to give others.
It’s amazing how being more accepting of oneself and allowing others in can transform how we feel about being around others. It’s really interesting to read that in you wanting to be alone now is a sign that something is off kilter. When I stop and think about it how we are designed to live, (Which is in groups and wider societies), avoiding being part of this has to say something about the way we are with ourselves and with each other to want to escape that?
I can relate with this, but it never was the answer as I found like you, ‘I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.’ What you share in this blog is what I too am embracing.