During the planning of our first child, my partner and I spent about eight months developing and deepening our relationship with each other and ourselves, observing our behaviours, patterns and any expectations we had around how things should be or look in our lives, each other, and us as parents. From the conception, throughout the pregnancy and birth we both felt it important to make it all about connection; a willingness to feel what was needed rather than being outcome-driven by any expectations we may have had.
The connection and willingness to listen to and honour my body was not something that happened overnight: it was a forever unfolding and development of myself and how I was in life. This supported me more than anything I could get from Google or books.
With the birth of our child came a whole new download of ideals, beliefs and expectations of how things should be. Observing these as they came up, seeing them for what they were and not something I had felt or was impulsed by, allowed me to let them go and be more in the flow of life. Things still got done but there was a ‘being’ rather than a ‘doing,’ a connection to my body and a feeling, an impulse of what was needed next. With this connection and impulse came a shift in the quality and way I moved and lived in and with that quality the deeper connection to my body and a sense of space unfolded. Time began to stand still: space and flow entered more and more as I let go of the pictures and allowed myself to feel what was truly needed without an imposition on myself or our child.
I had heard of this quality and space spoken of before at Universal Medicine events and presentations, but it all felt so alien and out of reach for me. My body held a quality that was of hardness and tension in this quality I lived, moved and expressed, so I found it impossible to fathom how I could be any different. Moving into a quality that was more a natural state of being took me time. I soon discovered it was achievable, not out of my reach and a lot simpler than I had first thought.
Observing myself in each moment – how I moved, why I made the choices I did, what and how I ate, slept and expressed in – began to bring a quality to my day that no longer felt so out of reach. This new-found body awareness supported me to connect to a quality within that moved me, rather than being moved by pictures and ideals that come from the outside.
With every movement and expression I held a responsibility, a reflection and an opportunity to offer true love and support. If I moved in a way that was to get things done without the awareness of how I was moving, there was no true flow… time always seemed to be against me.
Our child was always more settled when I was living and moving from the awareness and connection to my body. Without the presence and awareness I struggled and so did our child. I was not able to feel what was needed and instead would go into the ‘fix it’ mode, trying to pacify our child with different solutions until I found one that worked. But they were only solutions and never did they truly offer support to our child or me: they offered peace in that moment but not a truth. It was an unsettlement I was already feeling in my own body, so when our child began to cry, it was a further unsettlement I was not prepared or willing to let myself feel. For me to be able to offer our child a truth, I had to be able to feel what was needed, and sometimes that may have been to allow our child to cry and be OK with that.
If I allowed myself to feel all that was being presented and needed from my own connection with myself first, then I could move in a way that supported us both and from those movements there was space and an opportunity for me to offer her what was needed without any attachment or need to fix it. It was from this that I could see there is no struggle, only that which I create through not allowing there to be space.
With being me – connecting to my body, feeling what was next, not having a picture of how that should look or be – came a flow, space and simplicity. I was able to observe life and all that went on around me without reacting. I was beginning to live in and from a quality that was now governed by an alignment to my Soul, letting go of the pictures my wayward spirit that loved to indulge in complication, separation and distraction, held onto. Soul called me to the simplicity, love and connection to myself and all others, which is exactly what children call for – connection and true love.
Our Spirit loves nothing more than to see us in a spin, racing against the clock, living with self-doubt, constant overwhelm and frustration. Let’s face it, for many of us this is how we live, this is how we are in relationships and for the most this is how we parent, this is classified and accepted as ‘normal.’. I made the connection and realised the reflection I was offering was one of two – either true connection or disconnection and discombobulation.
Parenting is not meant to be hard; it is not meant to be overwhelming. Yes, at times, it can be challenging. That challenge comes from our own disconnection and then a call from the child for us to be present, to live and move in and from a quality that is impulsed by our Soul and not run by our Spirit.
We now have three children and with each one, the quality of my movements has deepened, as has my awareness and discernment. From this, how I parent has changed as I am more aware and willing to see the truth of what is going on around me.
Universal Medicine has supported me to deepen my connection with myself, my Soul and God. It is from this that parenting has been a natural unfoldment and development. Without this connection and love for myself, our home, children and relationship would not have the foundation or be what they are today. The level of stillness, harmony, quality and depth in our home is a testimony to how, when we make life about love and connection, true parenting and true living occurs.
By Nicole Serafin, 46, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Building true relationships and positive parenting
The Purpose of Parenting
Learning to be in Relationship without Pictures
108 Comments
Beautiful sharing, Nicole. Thank you.
What I’m feeling about your sharing of the relationship between what is going on for you and how your child responds or is once again highlight the innate connections we all have with each other. In a parent and child relationship it is often more highlighted in the early days thanks to the deep bond and process of birth. Children react or respond more to the quality of our presence more innocently, strongly and without filter, thus making it visibly obvious how they are feeling which is amazing in helping us reflect on and be reminded of being aware and present with our state of being. But this acute sensitivity to energy is not peculiar only to young children or between parents and their offsprings and in fact is innate to each and everyone of us. How we are affect our partners, friends, work colleagues, passers-by and this list goes on. The inter connectivity of each individual to the whole that we all are means that we inherently are all capable of sensing and knowing what is all going on around us and to each other, and it’s only a matter of the choices we make to either tune in and express or tune out and depress our senses.
We are all naturally tuned in to everybody and everything it’s simply that we make a constant energetic racket which drowns out pretty much everything that we’re naturally already aware of. But the beautiful thing is, as we reverse the process life starts to be felt for what it truly is once again, it really is like an energetic breath of fresh air once we start to truly feel again.
“With being me – connecting to my body, feeling what was next, not having a picture of how that should look or be – came a flow, space and simplicity….” Having expectations and pictures doesn’t support us at all, especially when we are new parents. Being open to receive what’s next -coming from your body – feels completely different.
Raising our children in a community that offers us the Loving support you have been sharing Nicole, will always make available to the children that life is about cycles and thus developing this awareness with an evolving consciousness of our universality.
In the past children were often raised as part of a community. But in modern times as families moved away for jobs etc, new parents are often left to struggle on their own. The Universal Medicine community is so supportive – and not just for new parents. Post-op support and support for our elders and anyone who is in need is also there. I feel blessed to be a part of such a community.
‘With the birth of our child came a whole new download of ideals, beliefs and expectations of how things should be.’ It can be so easy to get swept up in ideals, beliefs, expectations, needs and attachments; giving ourselves the space to see through them is the only way to let them go and support a way of living that is far more truthful.
We cannot parent & expect our children to behave if we do not walk the authority we know. Children can smell insecurities & can play up with them, but they learn respect and integral behaviour through observing parents & people around them who behave in such a way.
“Soul called me to the simplicity, love and connection to myself and all others, which is exactly what children call for – connection and true love.” When we become a parent we learn that our children have so much to teach us.
Our children are a very honest reflection of the pace we are living our life, how connected we are to them and how connected we are to ourselves. How willing are we to see, listen and hear what they have to say?
The willingness to listen to and honour our bodies is not something that happens straight away, but oh so worth it if we do.
It can take a while to relearn what our body is communicating once we have shut this awareness down… and as you say anonymous it is so worth being willing to listen to the body, and making the effort, to re-establish a level of consistency in this.
“The connection and willingness to listen to and honour my body was not something that happened overnight:” It was for me – and still is – a ‘forever unfolding’ too, as you describe. When we commit to listening to the messages our body receives it seems never-ending. But in those messages are the key to deepening – and there is no endpoint – just a willingness to go there.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility. With all the current distraction of social media, stress from work, stress from life we are forgetting about the simple quality of connection and being present with ourselves and therefore others as well.
Yes – and connection – with ourselves and with our soul – is vital as we go about our daily life. No wonder there is so much exhaustion if we concentrate purely on the temporal.
I feel that in being present with ourselves ‘we’ are in many ways stepping back and simply being a living portal through which the Living Intelligence of Life can come through. When we aren’t connected to ourselves then we fill our portals with congestion, making it impossible for the Living Intelligence of Life to come through cleanly and be felt either by ourselves or by others.
It may be difficult to consider or accept because these beliefs are so ingrained in our lives that they govern all that we do, everything that we see and how we understand life. I was watching a woman handling her toddler girl recently, the girl was inquisitive she was looking around and trying to understand the various bits and bobs in her new environment. But her mother kept on stopping her, slapping (not harshly & aggressively, but just so the girl knows not to do it) her hands wherever they went. It’s almost as if the mother wanted her to sit still, quiet and like the rest of the adults who are so accustomed to the social norms we live in, blend in and not be seen. It was easy to see that this is the discipline her mother had received as a child and now this is what she is passing down to her daughter – generation after generation, we pass on behaviours until somebody is bold enough to stop the momentum.
Yes because it is our normal isn’t it, we don’t see there is anything wrong with it or another way to be or to parent.
To me this is an amazing way to live life, not just parent. To connect to ourselves and feel what’s needed from within, to let go of pictures and not be attached to where people are at or fixing things for them. This was also a great line “This new-found body awareness supported me to connect to a quality within that moved me, rather than being moved by pictures and ideals that come from the outside.”
These are great words of wisdom for me to hear again, as I await an impending visit from my grandchildren. Connecting to my quality – and holding that will say far more than my words do. Vibration is everything – and ‘expression is everything’ but this isn’t limited to words alone, but to our actions and our way of moving gently through life. Vibration is where its at.
Nicole this is incredible ‘During the planning of our first child, my partner and I spent about eight months developing and deepening our relationship with each other and ourselves, observing our behaviours, patterns and any expectations we had around how things should be or look in our lives, each other, and us as parents. From the conception, throughout the pregnancy and birth we both felt it important to make it all about connection; a willingness to feel what was needed rather than being outcome-driven by any expectations we may have had.’
.. I say the word incredible because if every single parent lived in this way GOSH what would the world be like? All children would feel cherished and truly loved and a family would know they all have something to learn from each other equally. This is how it should be. This should be our ‘normal’ globally. Great you have given the world this template to work from.
Our bodies are space, the most glorious and divine space. How purposefully misleading it is for us to believe that space is empty when in truth space contains everything. literally every-single-thing.
Yes, I love that reminder Alexis. We must never underestimate the divine and glorious space in our bodies.
I love this Alexis – as I head off for my day to volunteer – meeting lots of other bodies – full of space and every thing…..
We can really mess up our kids by not Truly listening to them. We don’t own our children, it is for us to live in the most responsible way possible so they too can learn to reflect love.
Bringing another person into this world amplifies the reflections and feedback you get. If you’re prepared to see truth and make changes to suit it’s an incredibly healing time. Resist and fight what is brought to light and it will come close to breaking you.
The true words of a parent! Flexibility is key in parenting. there is no one right way. We muddle through as best we can, making mistakes along the way. But having a reflection of how others parent – and grandparent – is a source of wisdom for me to learn from.
Well said, we muddle through in surrender to the reflections in front of us – we can either react to those reflections or respond.
I have loved reading this blog, Nicole, as it made me feel in my own body, the space you achieved within your own parenting. This learning you now live in your cells, touches mine’s with the integrity you distill. Thanks for sharing it. This ignites my day with more awareness, depth and responsibility in my movements and this offers to me the opportunity of bringing a quality of love in what I do and share with others. I love the endless ripple effect that comes with a simple connection that inspires us…
I am loving this endless ripple effect too, Amparo, and am finding that the more simple I can keep a connection, the more inspired I find myself to be – just like this beautifully inspiring blog coming from Nicole.
Children are picking up the whole time everything about us and how we live, these deeply sensitive beings already feel what quality of energy we are in way before we speak.
Yes – and even newborns are aware of this. Long before they can see properly they sure can feel.
Le your comment has brought back memories of the me at the park with my son using the word ‘please’ when asking him to ‘get down, finish up or stop doing something’ but the word ‘please was often strained out through my clenched teeth. Same with how we, as parents can read a book to a kid with the intention of getting through the story as quickly as possible in order to simply get the kid to bed. We can dress it up as much as we like but the one thing we can’t do is change the energetic quality of something, be that an action, a word or a thought.
I would never have believed I could feel as steady, sure, consistent and loving as I do today; thanks to the Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine along with a lifetime of experiences and many more to come. The more open I am to learning, the more honest I am about how I feel, the stronger and more alive I am.
And what I love about what you’ve shared and how you’re feeling Matilda is that there’s no end point. The magnificence of how we’re feeling and who we are keeps expanding in line with the universe. Life is utterly extraordinary when it’s lived from truth, truly it is.
Parenting has a momentum to it, that if you are not careful, will rush and drive you into extremely poor health.
I personally feel that many of us don’t even give parenting a thought although it is one of the biggest undertakings or challenges we ever take on. I know of a couple who had a child because the idea was all rosy and pink but actually having a child was completely different from the rosy picture they had built together and the reality was a huge shock to them from which they are still recovering.
“If I moved in a way that was to get things done without the awareness of how I was moving, there was no true flow… time always seemed to be against me” Forget physics or algebra this is the type of education we need to have.
When we re-connect to ourselves we then open up to connecting to others, children included, and when we allow ourselves to feel what would support them in any moment, regardless of what the current perceived knowledge tells us to do, they can feel our support and how they are being offered the opportunity to be true to themselves.
Having my son recently has made me acutely aware that we communicate huge amounts with the way we move and each step we take. We like to overlook the quality we live in, but children show us so easily that this simply can’t be done.
This is great. Thank you for sharing Joseph. It is very powerful to see the impact of the way we are, through the eyes of babies and young children.
This should be studied and studied as this would support so many if truly understood.
What an amazing blog. I’m aware of a lot of illness within myself and family and feel how I need to be care for myself far more deeply. So rather than let beliefs move me, reading how you’ve come to let quality move you really resonated.
I have a fair few fears around illness at present, my own and particular others. There are no solutions, but there is this. I’m seeing the drive to make reality an ideal we think will fulfil us give us, makes us very sick and can keep us sick.
In a few instances the ‘happy ending’ people seek is not possible and whilst it’s painful to see people grasping to keep the picture alive, I know choosing quality to move me will bring all that is needed.
Quality in movement, absolutely amazing to know we can bring it back to this, or feel the incredible support this gives us daily
When we commit to bringing quality to as many moments as possible everything else is taken care of and I do mean everything else. So rather than desperately trying to control everything in our external environment all we need to do is to keep it very, very local and hone in on the quality of the moment. What we’re then doing is we’re guaranteeing a certain energy, an energy that is blindingly intelligent and even more loving and it is that energy that’s able to sort everything out for us in the most amazing of ways. Magic, yeah kind of.
I agree Gill that “So many people parent from a place of anxiety, what is the ‘right’ thing to do, and are we doing the same as everyone else?” and would add that so many of us live our entire lives from a place of anxiousness, a constant trying to figure out what to do, how to be, who to be etc. There is a collective nervousness in people and it’s very unsettling for us all. But once we re-connect to the eternal aspect of who we all are, to the essence and truth of who we all are, then that nervous tension simply disappears, it’s replaced by a beautiful groundedness, simple, true and accessible to all.
Our bodies are space, space is what they are made of and as space is intelligence then when we don’t clutter our bodies up but simply allow them to be the space that they already are then we return to being the super form of intelligence that we already are.
What supports and nurtures one person in any given moment may be very different to that of another therefore it is paramount to connect to oneself and learn to discover the unfolding of what is needed. The joy of the path of return to oneself is far greater than reading books, listening to the advice from others without discernment or from Google.