My father passed over almost 6 years ago, but very rarely does he come into my thoughts. Recently in a conversation with a friend who was talking about his daughter, the subject of the relationship that I had with my father popped up. This friend asked me, “What was the relationship with your father?” My reply was that “I could not relate to him, and anyway, he has passed over” – as if it did not really matter because he was no longer here.
How Wrong Was I?
My friend persisted and asked: “But what was the relationship you had with him, for the relationship is still there?” I struggled, not wanting to go there and feel the pain, but I very quickly surrendered and much sadness came up – sadness that I had buried for a long time. The deep sadness was that when I was a child my father could not express his love to me: the love that was his most natural essence and who he was.
As a child I could feel my father’s deep buried sadness, covered with layers and layers of protection. This sadness ran so deep it felt to me it consumed him, but I could see past his hurts and see his divinity to see how deeply tender and gentle a soul he was and this is what hurt me the most:
That he was blind to how absolutely divinely beautifully he was and in his blindness he could not see how divinely beautiful I was, thus I was not seen.
Not being truly seen nor met by my father somehow I felt less, and by feeling less I chose to hide my love and lost my-self in the process. This resulted in my blaming men for not providing me the space to fully express all of me… and the kick-back was, as soon as I held back my love I could no longer just observe people and life, but absorbed everything unconsciously, for example, taking on other people’s stuff – thus I was no longer able to discern what was true and what was not true.
By absorbing everything over the years, with heaps more hurts accumulating one on top of the other, the original truth that I made myself less turned into: “I am less because I am a woman, I am less equal to men,” and then to – “the inequality between the sexes is because of men, which explains my lack of commitment in relationships.”
In having regular esoteric healing sessions with my practitioner, I have worked on my childhood issues/hurts, making it accessible to come back to the original truth and truly ‘see’ my father again – all of him – along with the acceptance and understanding of his choices. With this acceptance I had a real sense of “we saw each other” and with that our relationship felt healed, and somehow expanded. I love my father deeply… words I have not spoken in a long time.
Fathers and Daughters / Mothers and Sons
While I was still digesting the beautiful revelation and healing with my father, I heard my friend saying: “What if it was possible that your father chose you for the healing, grace and love he knew you would bring?”
If there is any truth in this possibility, then I would say to my daughter and all the daughters of this world, “Do not hold back the love you have for your father, for in doing so, you may find a deeper love for yourself.” Also I would say to my son, and all the sons of this world, “Do not hold back the love you have for your mother for you too may find a deeper acceptance and love for yourself.”
I love my father deeply… and I love that his reflection of who he truly was has supported me to see the same reflection in all men: that in each and every man on this planet – when they discard their self-made coats of armour, masks, and walls of protection – there is a gorgeous, tender, playful, cheeky, deeply sensitive, precious, and very vulnerable, innocent, divine little boy bursting with so much love. And let’s be honest, this world desperately needs the caring, exquisitely warm tender love that men can deliver.
Therefore, I would say to all the men of this world:
“Give yourself permission to be the Godliness or Son of God! Be who you truly are.”
Healing the relationship I had with my father, I can feel how equal men and women truly are. We are both equal in our divinity. When both sexes stop blaming the other gender and then come together, unite together, commit together, and truly hold each other, there is no war and there is no perfection, there is only a forever expansion and deepening of love, paving a new way for how men and women relate to each other.
The love I now feel and express for my father has provided the space to give myself permission to reflect to all; this is who I am – I am this sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, powerful, wise woman. This is me, of course it is, I always was this. I can now shine and show all of me in the knowing that it is my true reflection that truly supports/allows another to be who they truly are.
We are all reflections for one another, which is perhaps the true meaning of support.
In deep gratitude to Serge Benhayon for his amazing reflection of how to live in this world, being your true self.
By Jacqueline McFadden, Teacher, Esoteric Practitioner, The Netherlands
Further Reading:
Appreciation in Relationships
My Dad and Me – A Reconnection
Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad
705 Comments
Seeing others and ourselves for who we truly are is to connect to the natural inner essence of love within us all.
Our parents are a product of their own childhood and upbringing as were their parents before them. And it seems to me we perpetuate the cycle of not supporting a child to grow up knowing who they are and what they are here to bring. I feel if we could just support children of one generation to know who they are in truth then we could break this dark pattern or cycle that we are seemingly trapped in so that no one gets to feel the truth, that we are not from this plane of life that we are here to evolve back to the universe that we come from. This may for now seem a bit farfetched but in the future we will accept this as the truth.
Amazing Blog Jacqueline, how we hold others is a great reflection on how we hold our-selves, so open up to our parents and siblings to allow and understand the relationship we can now build as one of Truth, thus a deepening of the Love we all can be brings us such a blessing. Our early years can hold so much and when we consider what you have shared Jacqueline, it becomes empowering, as everything is part of our evolution and when seen in this light it takes all our relationships to a new deepening level. Evolution because we are all constellated to learn from each other and seeing we are all Love then life can be about our work, family and relationships deepening so we deepen our levels of Love from every angle. So no out moments or distraction as every aspect of life is uplifting to a deeper level of Loving Truth.
By holding back the love that we are, we do not allow others to see us in our true light. When we really shine, some will be magnetically pulled towards us and others may back away, but there is no true support for anyone if we only live a dimmer version of our true selves.
It is never a good idea to hold back our love for many reasons, ‘as soon as I held back my love I could no longer just observe people and life, but absorbed everything unconsciously, for example, taking on other people’s stuff – thus I was no longer able to discern what was true and what was not true.’
Beautiful blog Jacqueline, you are reminding us that in every relationship, what we crave the most is true connection. How we respond and handle a lack of connection will affect how we are in all our relationships. Bring honesty, understanding, clarity and love, and it can offer us deep healing and expansion.
We all have the opportunity to be loving reflections for each other and as you say this is how we can truly support each other.
“In deep gratitude to Serge Benhayon for his amazing reflection of how to live in this world, being your true self.” And the inspiration that we too can offer this reflection to each other.
It’s easy to go into the out of sight out of mind mentality when a close relative passes over and we no longer have to deal with the tension and energy exchange with them, that inevitably pushes our buttons. But what a shame it is that when we have that direct reflection that we do not recognise or appreciate it for what it is – an opportunity to heal ourselves and others. Thank you for your wise words, Jacqueline.
we all have a choice to not hold back love – the more we express the more we receive and in the end – what have we got to lose. Love is so natural to us all – so whilst we are still alive – we still have the option to love more and learn more about ourselves and each other.
Life is a continual growing of awareness and understanding, and we can choose to grow and expand our love as you share hm.
Thank you Jacqueline, for a beautiful and inspiring sharing, while reading your experience with your father a lot came up for me in my own relationship with my father who I saw some years ago fo only two hours in my whole life, I now feel how much I have missed his presence in my life, so much has come up for me, thank you for the healing your story has offered to me.
I can see how hurts build and get masked and then go on to be masked some more till the original hurt is nowhere to be seen. Unpacking the reactions and the masks then become far more complicated than they needed to be.
It is never too late to complete with another so when they pass nothing has been left unsaid. But as you have share Jacqueline, it is never to late to complete with a loved one.
A huge learning that I understood from this really loving and understanding account of Jacqueline’s honouring of her father and thus herself is that we are always in relationship with everyone, no matter if they are alive or have passed away, and that all our experiences with them live on and can be felt within our bodies.
One of the most important aspects of this article is the final reflection that, we are all reflections for one another… When we understand this and live this, it is like many doorways and windows opening for us to walk and see through in our lives
And it reminds us to check-in, what are we reflecting to others, is it love and responsibility or disregard and irresponsibility?
A very healing read Jacqueline McFadden was the comment about why my parents constellated me; was the possibility I had the reflection to be the ‘perfect’ son in being naturally me. And know the love I had for them no matter how angry, sad and then abusive they were, my love I held them in was the love I was within and kept shining on no matter what they did. Amazing, Beautiful, Transforming LOVE ❤️
I was not met by mother and father too and so easy can you blame them for that. As Jacqueline explains how the blame passes on to others and soon enough everybody can and does hurts you – your responsibility reduces to nothing. The truth is revealing so very healing. My father was not met for the dear, innocent, play-full child-like character boy he was, and my mother was not cherished, adored and delicately touched for the amazing powerful little girl she was. Thus it makes absolute sense why I was not too. They are both dead and I love them now like I always did to the end of the universe and back. .
I agree with you Rik we have to at some point stop the cycle of abuse that we have all perpetrated for eons with each other. This can start with us now as we accept children for the glorious children they are and support them to grow up knowing this and not to crush them with our family jealousies and to know that by deepening their essence it will support them to cope more easily with the current education system, which is also not supporting children to grow.
Underneath the armour and the skin we clothe ourselves in as men and as women, pulses the one and same love – the truth of who we are.
It is so common that our parents, who do not know the love they are, are unable to fully love the child. It is easy for reactions to occur to deal with this, such as blaming yourself for not being enough or blaming men etc. I wonder how many of us have learnt to bury this early hurt and have this affecting our relationship with ourself and other people. This blog shows just how much we miss out on when we do.
And the different choices we can make, as Jacqueline has now made, showing all of us it is how we are in each and every situation that makes a big difference.
Jacqueline, I find this article very healing, my father has also passed away and I had not considered that I still have a relationship with him, reflecting on how he was and his essence I can feel that he was like a little boy, he was very silly and playful and innocent, this is beautiful to remember and to appreciate; ‘in each and every man on this planet – when they discard their self-made coats of armour, masks, and walls of protection – there is a gorgeous, tender, playful, cheeky, deeply sensitive, precious, and very vulnerable, innocent, divine little boy bursting with so much love’.
With this memory Rebecca of his playful innocence feels like to me you are holding him deeply.
Holding back the love that we are prevents others and ourselves from knowing the Divine love of God.
I can appreciate this sentence now
“That he was blind to how absolutely divinely beautifully he was and in his blindness he could not see how divinely beautiful I was, thus I was not seen.”
When we cannot see or feel how divine and beautiful we are there is scant possibility to see it in another. We have all been tricked into believing ourselves to be Human, when in fact we are human – beings. We are beings in a human body and until we come to this understanding we will always consider each other to be less than what or who we truly are. This is a very sad situation we currently live with.
Think you nailed it there Mary, that until we gain the awareness that we are more than this physical body, and that we do not come from here, we will remain in the rat race life has become treating ourselves and all others as less.
Thank you Jacqueline, it’s always deeply healing to read your blog. There is much to understand about our parents and people in general, the big picture of how and why we all are like we are. It definitely hurts very much to not be met in our essence and cherished for who we are, and over time with the support of Universal Medicine Therapies to deal with these hurts I have been able to also see the wider picture of what was going on for the other person, that they too hadn’t been met and were encased in hurts and protections. The bigger picture of understanding another’s childhood and life can support the healing process of letting go of hurts. This is such a powerful line also “We are all reflections for one another, which is perhaps the true meaning of support.”
It is powerful Melinda, I agree. Only yesterday I got a powerful reflection from 2 others in how much I drain my kidney energy (life force) .I was ill having a whole head cold/whole body aching going on and stayed at home for 2 days, still not recovered. Anyway, here was me ill and I found myself supporting 2 others in two conversations, the first lasting around 45/50 mins and then a little later the second conversation lasting almost 90 minutes… No wonder I felt drained and irritated afterwards at myself for not on that moment saying, this will have to wait until I am feeling better. Yes it is a big ouch, and still feels very raw with me in just how much I invest in others getting it.
Time to cut this old pattern that drains my kidneys! All that said, I am thankful for the reflection for the awareness it has given me as now I can re-imprint. Reflections bring awareness.
This is so touching Jacqueline. My relationship with my father was very similar to yours. And I have realised that over the years I have tarnished every man as being the same as him. i have been re-imprinting the way that I relate to men, and have been holding myself in a way that does not expect the same behaviour from men as my dad. As a result I have been observing and experiencing beautiful qualities in the men around me, and finding this really touching. My unresolved hurts were in the way of me having a different experience from the one I was used to. It is beautiful to open to and allow the beauty, tenderness and kindness of men, and appreciate this to the core.
We must never forget that our parents are not perfect – for they too are human beings and just like us are both learning and growing.
As do we choose them to reflect to us the imperfections so that we too can come to a deeper acceptance within ourselves as to the way things are. Often what we react to most in another is something that needs great healing in us.
“That he was blind to how absolutely divinely beautifully he was and in his blindness he could not see how divinely beautiful I was, thus I was not seen”
Unfortunately at this present time this sentences relates to much of the population, we really do not claim the love we really all are and thus everyone suffers.
Jaqueline, this is very wise and makes sense to me; ‘We are all reflections for one another, which is perhaps the true meaning of support.’
It is a seminal moment when a child can realise that the parents they have are simply dealing with their own issues and so what perceived lack of connection there may between you is merely an extension of the hurt and tension that they are feeling about themselves and perhaps their own experiences of childhood. To be able to see this bigger picture gives a child the freedom to love unconditionally, because with this view we are all equal.
I am learning each and every day how we can be distracted by arguments and conflict within families rather than see what is actually going on, what the hurts are, why they are there and how they were triggered. Seeing people around us for who they are rather than what they do or say is step one to bringing understanding and healing.
A powerful testimony to the truth that we are not ever our hurts, or our behaviours, that underneath we are all love, want to feel love and long to share love. It is our natural way of being, without question, and the more we embrace this for ourselves, heal and let go of our pain, the more we will embrace this love in all others and see beyond the hurt and loveless behaviours. In living this truth, we live evolution.
This is a great example of how we can measure who we are off another’s reaction to us, instead of connecting to our essence and expressing from there. When we don’t read a situation and come to a truthful understanding of the situation we can twist it and make it personal, taking ourselves further away from the love we are.
It sure is Kim. The greatest measure of who we are is always revealed through our connection to the love we all are in essence.
Yes indeed, if we stop blaming the opposite sex for everything, what magic there would be on offer for us all. An acceptance of ourselves and then of those around us. Is it possible it’s simpler than we think? Is it possible if we let go of the reigns, that we may not fall?
The essence of everyone is love, no matter how thick the mask and how deep the protection
“That he was blind to how absolutely divinely beautifully he was and in his blindness he could not see how divinely beautiful I was, thus I was not seen.” Yes very true, this is how it works. If we do not see our own divinity and beauty, we are never really able to meet and see other people in that same quality.
I notice that too. How more I embrace my mom how more I embrace myself. My love deepens both ways.
I feel more love for all my female aspects. And you invite me Jacqueline with your blog to deepen that love for my father too even he passed over. I do love him and we had beautiful way of saying goodbye but I realize I can stay deepening with him even he is already born again in another life.
I love reading about the innocence of a child’s view towards their parents, how we can see straight through to that beautiful soul that is inside every person. Being able to maintain this view throughout life and to not get blown about by the sadness and the misery that exists and lives instead of this beauty and wonder is a fine art.
It is lovely to read how such old hurts can truly be healed, paving the way for true and decent relationships
“… in each and every man on this planet – when they discard their self-made coats of armour, masks, and walls of protection – there is a gorgeous, tender, playful, cheeky, deeply sensitive, precious, and very vulnerable, innocent, divine little boy bursting with so much love. ” So true Jacqueline. I find it helpful to remember they were all gorgeous sensitive little boys once. You can then feel this tenderness even in the toughest guy, but hidden away deep inside them.
“That he was blind to how absolutely divinely beautifully he was and in his blindness he could not see how divinely beautiful I was, thus I was not seen.” You sum it up perfectly Jacqueline and I am sure that this relates to so many of us.
Our society does not encourage us to be seen for who we are, it is up to each of us to break that mould and to instead truly claim ourselves.
And no-one can do this for us, we each have to walk our own path of return back to Soul. When we make this our way, there is so much support available because sometimes it can be challenging when the old unloving choices surface to be cleared and healed from the body.
I loved reading this blog Jacqueline. My father is still around though he is in his late 80’s. Every now and then I get a glimpse of his tenderness but he covers it up very quickly with this hardness he grew up around, its an unfamiliar territory for him.
It’s never too late to re-build that lost connection whether it is with you or whether it is with another.
“This world desperately needs the caring, exquisitely warm tender love that men can deliver.” so true for when they do it is very beautiful to experience. And as a women I am finding it is my responsibility to accept that tenderness and love being expressed towards me and claim that I am worthy of such. Expressions of love and tenderness only grow when they are nurtured and appreciated.
It’s very true Jacqueline that our parents (or other people) may not be able to meet us for who we truly are unless there is that willingness or ability to feel who they themselves are. It was also a great line about us all being equally divine regardless of our choices.
Thank you Jacqueline for a deeply beautifully sharing of being able to revisit your connection with your Father and see and hold him in the love and gorgeousness of the tender man you have felt him to be, and the power of that reflection in your life with men. ” We are all reflections for one another, which is perhaps the true meaning of support.”
It is very understandable as a gorgeous, divine little girl that we get hurt when our fathers do not treat us with the preciousness we feel inside. But as I have grown up and reflected on this, I also see the huge expectations we place on our parents and other ‘close’ people to behave in a certain way. Your father is a great example of a man who was unable to cherish himself, so just didn’t have the capacity to cherish anyone else. It is the developing of this self-cherishing so we don’t look to or impose on others to treat us as precious that feels important to me now.
‘as soon as I held back my love I could no longer just observe people and life, but absorbed everything unconsciously’, We don’t realise we are holding back love at the time because it is what we are accustomed to doing, it has been a gradual withdrawing as we have felt less and less comfortable being ourselves as we have “grown up” We also don’t realise we are absorbing energy from other people and we can blame ourselves for having been so reactive. I love the simplicity of this blog and the truth it brings.
Jacqueline, I’m sure you story is that same reflection for many women and men. We carry much in the way of hurt, and these hurts start at a very young age. It demonstrates the importance of meeting our children for all the love and divineness they are.
Wow I just love this and how we don’t have to hold back our love for anyone because it provides a healing for them and us. Wow how powerful and gorgeous is this!