When my daughter was born I could feel that the most precious gift came into my life.
I could feel her beauty and I also felt that her being my daughter was and would be an amazing support in my life. Me then, a person with no trust, started to develop trust that there must be something good about me – otherwise she, this beautiful angel, would not have been born as my daughter.
When I held her for the first time, I could feel that she is just her own being. She was and is not mine, not MY daughter in the way I thought it would be. That was a strange and kind of shocking thing to feel. Not what I was used to, and not at all what I had expected – which was to hold a baby I could bond with in and through my emotions, feeling her close in that way.
For the world we had a great relationship, we almost never fought in all the 20+ years. We had fun together. But the mother-daughter relationship I had with my daughter often became about my needs anyway and thus I did everything for her, so she would love me, stay with me and never leave me. So what I did for her was not from true love but from my need that demanded of her to fill the emptiness I was feeling inside.
Her love I used for filling the lack of love in me and I did the same with friends and partners and with everything I did for people…. just to fill my own emptiness.
Letting go of the Cords Between Mother and Daughter
Over time I started to understand that there is another way…. it was not easy, but I began to unlock from my daughter. I realised that our relationship had been largely based on need and control, and that for it to be based on true love, that I had to let her go, I had to break the cord.
I had to find my way to reconnect with my own joy and beauty.
When I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I learned the Gentle Breath Meditation: this very simple exercise was a huge tool for me and I did this meditation a few times every day. I started to feel my connection to my body instead of being always in my head. Then I deepened this new experience with Esoteric Yoga, an esoteric healing modality, and became more friends with my own body, the connection within me. I also started to meet great loving people who supported me in this re-discovery of who I am. It was the magnetic pull from deep within me that asked for more truth in my life. Those people inspired me by their reflection of truth and love so that I became more aware of my deeply ingrained patterns which were keeping me away from loving me. This enabled me to let go more and more of the old ways.
And then life made it simple for me when my daughter decided to travel overseas for a year. When she left there was no other choice than to feel more of the hidden patterns that came to the surface. I would walk outside and feel the joy that finally my life was about me again, not about caring for a child. I could also feel that I had been manipulating her with emotions to keep her close, so that she would need me. I did that by ‘taking care of her very well’ – I did everything for her. I took care much better of her than of myself, with clothes, money and everything. Not from love, but because she would then like to be with me and not leave me. I could clearly feel that holding onto her like this was so poisoning for our relationship. Deep painful feelings came to the surface.
Building a Mother-Daughter Relationship – Based on True Love
Since that time we have been building a true relationship of love. We are friends, very good friends; she is my best friend. We share, we cry, we laugh, we are true together. We don’t need each other, but we love being together. Together, we both feel blessed. It is not about my daughter filling my emptiness anymore because I started to be full in my body, feeling my own love.
My daughter and I are now very supportive of each other when confronted with the challenges of life and we keep working on the small things that are left between us, where we keep each other in comfort or dependency patterns. We know now that that is not love and we observe, nominate and let go of these cords as soon as we become aware of them.
We can now sit together and look at each other, and we enjoy so much looking in each other’s eyes, we then feel true intimacy. Sometimes there is a little shyness, but mostly there is a big smile when looking deeply in each other’s eyes, sharing the beauty we are and reflecting that to each other. And I can feel my love now in me and express that deep sweet love to her.
What I Learnt from our Mother-Daughter Relationship
I saw and learned that …
- It is all about how much I TRULY love me and that this level of love will then be there for all others equally
- There is no truth in loving one person more than another in life, so in truth I cannot love my daughter more than anyone else
- It is impossible to say, “I love my daughter” if in the same moment I don’t feel the love for my neighbour, for example
- Love is love, it is how much I let it out
- Love is there for all and it is the same, no conditions, nothing to get back or out of it
- The moment I feel more love towards one person than another, I know now the way to go is to reconnect back to the love within.
And our love is building every day and our mother-daughter relationship is deepening the more I become honest about how I truly feel in my body and take care of me in a way that supports me.
So, for example, when I feel not connected with me in my heart I sometimes go for a walk or clean or organise my house. The movement of my body, my feet and hands are then helping me to feel present again in my body. Then I deepen this feeling by doing everything very gently so that it is confirming me, my beauty within. And the more I take care of myself the more my daughter opens up like a flower, because she feels that all her beauty is welcome too.
And that is what we as parents, mothers and fathers alike, can all do … being truly open to all the beauty and true expression that come from a child when they are being met for who they are. It feels amazing.
My daughter is not a child anymore, she is now a young beautiful woman and she is for me an inspiration to be all of the woman I am.
I am truly blessed to have her so close…. my daughter… but not truly mine.
I would like to express my thanks for the inspiration to turn towards true love, which includes: My daughter, for being amazing; Chris James (Sounds Wonderful) whose heavenly music helped me to learn to surrender to my body; Serge Benhayon for being there and bringing the amazing teachings of true wisdom and the esoteric healing modalities to humanity; The Benhayon family and Universal Medicine for their never ending support to all who are ready to re-discover their own love and beauty; All people for who they are and what they reflect to me to become more aware of me.
By SB
Published with permission of my daughter.
Further Reading:
Mothering – The Essence Of True Nurturing
Self-Love & Mothering: Stopping to Take Responsibility
Being a Good Mother
Getting along 24-7 in Relationships
