Creating an exercise plan to support me rather than to attain a goal or an image is something that I would have laughed at years ago, back when exercise used to mean something very different to me. In the last few weeks I have been implementing my own exercise plan that I tailored just for me, as a support to bring all of me to life, to confirm the unique flavor my essence offers and me as being my own woman, not one dictated to by societal images.
In creating my new plan which includes some gym work and walking each or every second day, I am appreciating that the way I used to exercise and the way I exercise now and for what reasons are completely different, and feel completely different in my body also. You could say my relationship with exercise has completely changed as a ripple effect from the relationship with myself changing.
My Old Relationship with Exercise…
Exercise for me used to be about:
- achieving or maintaining a goal weight
- having a particular look
- being able to be fit and strong if I needed to defend myself
- a relief and false release of any pent up tension, anger, fury, frustration or suppressed/unexpressed feelings
- a way to deal with issues by checking-out of life and staying in a momentum
- a way to keep my body hard so as to not feel
- a way to fill the emptiness I felt, to keep me busy and not have any quiet stop moments.
The way I used exercise here, although it may have ticked a few people’s boxes, wasn’t actually healthy because there was an addiction element to it. It was much the same feeling as when I smoked – if I didn’t get a hit, I felt irritated. If I didn’t get to do my exercise, I would feel low or furious and a very tangible tension because I had not given myself the daily drug I used to relieve my undealt with hurts and emotions.
I was dedicated, focussed and had a good working knowledge of gym exercises etc. I used it as one of the things to make me feel I was ‘sort of enough’ and I would always make sure I had a ‘work-out’ if I could – to the point that I remember turning up late to an end of year teaching staff function which was held straight after school at a pub. I had to get in at least a half hour run at the gym. I then raced home, got dressed and caught the bus to the pub so I could drink – where I got wasted on a few drinks instantly. No part of me back then put two and two together saying healthy exercise should not be addictive and if you are healthy and looking after your body, you would not be putting a poison that destroys organs and alters you into it.
The fact is I was exercising to meet images and to feel I was enough, but not in truth to be healthy. True health supports you to be all of you and I was not using exercise back then to do that – I was using it as one of the ways to cover up insecurities by doing something or looking a particular way.
Deepening my Relationship with Myself
Through being inspired in a way I had not felt before, I started to deepen the relationship with myself and make supportive life changes immediately after I met Serge Benhayon over nine years ago.
From the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the reflection Serge offers through his responsible lived choices and his caring way of being, I have been constantly inspired to be more of the true me and stand in my own unique and divine presence, letting go of the false ideals, patterns and beliefs that have contorted who I was naturally born to be; from here I then bring the natural and true me into every facet of my life, more and more each day.
Initially when I first started to reconnect with myself and develop that relationship with myself years ago, I knew the way I exercised had to go.
The first shift or learning point was to let go of the old ways and reasons for exercising. I did this by just choosing to walk, focussing on my walk, the way I walked, the reason I was walking, practising keeping my mind with my body and feeling how my body felt as I walked.
This at times was as simple as feeling my feet and at other times it was feeling the flow or tension in my body, even though my mind or old patterns would try and jump in. My mind tried to be a trickster quite a few times with bringing rules into the length of walk or the pace of walk, or calculating the aerobic aspect of the walk in relation to weight, so it took me a little while to truly let go of the ingrained exercise patterns that I had adopted to the point where I am today.
My Relationship with Exercise Today…
Exercise for me is now about:
- remaining with and building the connection with my body
- strengthening and stretching my body in a surrendered way
- being present – keeping my mind with my body and the activity at hand
- confirming who I am and not losing myself to the exercise
- listening to my body and deepening that communication
- bringing gentleness, tenderness and playfulness into movements
- feeling a fluidity and flow
- quality of movement, not quantity.
The amazing part for me to feel is that even though many of the exercises are the same as I used to do many years ago… the quality of exercising is completely different. I have noticed the effect that has had on my body – before, during and after each session. Before exercising there is no drive now, no need for an ‘accomplishment feeling’ or need to ‘let’s get this over with’ feeling or to relieve anything – but really it is engaging with the quality of movement that then happens to affect the muscles. Me remaining with my connection while exercising, supporting the powerful and amazing woman I am.
During exercise I am always aware of my breath, having a surrendered feeling in my body and being aware of how my body is feeling as it is exercising. Sometimes I am more delicate, tender or present than others and I get to feel a spaciousness or stillness feeling. If I need to lessen the repetitions or change the order – then I do so with no attachment or regimentation. After each session I have not felt exhausted or drained, or that I have pushed myself. My breathing is fairly consistent and when I walk around during or after a session it is to confirm my connection to me and not to walk off the intensity I have just put my body through, as I used to do.
So now – it’s a miracle really… the same exercise but in a different and true quality that supports the body. The gorgeous part is that every time I make time to delicately practise presence in my movement, it builds and becomes a natural way of being in my general daily activities.
With deep appreciation for all the uniqueness and dedication of the whole Universal Medicine student body… for the applied understanding that I have come to has been because of many, not just one. I would say that is brotherhood!
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
My Commitment to Exercise – My Commitment to Me
From Sport to Exercise: A Journey of Self-Acceptance
Exercise – it doesn’t need to be hard work
702 Comments
Recently I have just upped the level of exercise I do each day and I am surprised at the impact it has already had on my day, I feel so much stronger and ready for my day.
I found it astonishing how quickly my body changed once I had a gym in the house even though I only spend about 15 minutes a day on it.
Exercising this way has helped me to stay with my body and the activity I am in. I even have ear plugs in, so not to have to be distracted by the loud music ánd it helps me deepen the connection of my body and its inner music.
Exercise these days has become extreme, take cross-fit for example which just puts the body under such unnecessary stress but exercising in the manner that you describe here is both good for the body and the soul.
I also exercise differently these days. I am totally with myself, my body and my movement. It’s like an intimate relationship whilst my body is making movements. And I don’t have to be in the gym for that. Indeed it is like 24/7 – how I walk, take the stairs, open doors, make my food – it’s all movement and all possibilities to feel my body and make small corrections in my posture. It’s like mini-exercises but with a very deep effect on my body. Just love it.
It is incredible how we often ‘think’ we need to attend a gym to build the body when often the way we move and support our body through daily walking and errands around the house are another way where we are bringing this aspect to how we live where it is not seen as a chore but a way of being.
Yes I am really starting to feel the difference in my body for what you have shared here. It is not about understanding it from our mind, we can justify anything from the mind, but the body does not lie and therefore feeling what we do and how we do what we do lays much more connected seeds to feed us back that connection in other areas of our lives.
” listening to my body and deepening that communication ”
This is what gym work is all about listening to and implementing what the body needs,
Yes, and most importantly, not to overdo it.
There are things we do in life to ‘get by’ – essential tasks we tend to overlook and hope will end. Like putting out the bins for example. This is how I’ve seen exercise, instead of an opportunity to spend quality time with my body, and move in a way that loves my being to the max. Now I write this I can see this approach applies equally to everything I do, not just when I am lying on an exercise mat. Thank you Johanna for helping me realise that.
Wow, I could really realise it on a deeper level this time whilst reading this that how we exercise tells us so much about the relationship we have with ourselves. When it is one of never feeling enough the exercise is often used as a way to feel better about ourselves, like when we go we ‘at least do something good’. But when this relationship with ourselves changes and becomes more a loving one, exercise is not so much a ‘I have to because…’ but more a ‘love to go’ to nurture our body. It is how we are with ourselves that makes all the difference.
Exercising in connection with our body gets rid of the drive and need to push and achieve; it opens up new ways of doing the same thing if need be, in connection and with joy.
I wonder how many people exercise for this reason, without being consciously aware of the underlying reason, ‘a way to fill the emptiness I felt, to keep me busy and not have any quiet stop moments.’
Having never really been a ‘gym person’ but now going to use the equipment there I find it fascinating what is being revealed to me through my new relationship with the apparatus and environment. So what I get from my gym session is not the satisfaction of bettering a time or weight or stretch, but a reflection of life outside of the gym in how I am, with myself, in my regular day.
Exercise was all about moving and thinking is was healthy just because I moved my body to a certain beat and had muscle pain afterwards. I had to stop doing that because my hips would hurt so much every time I went to the gym. So the body does know and communicates quite loud what it wants.
I can relate with how I used to exercise being addictive, pushing my body hard and thinking I was being healthy, ‘The way I used exercise here, although it may have ticked a few people’s boxes, wasn’t actually healthy because there was an addiction element to it.’
I was talking with someone recently about quality and how when I don’t live a certain quality I then look for rewards as a way to get through life- do a good job and then reward myself with a certain food etc. When I do this I lose the quality of the job I have just done, however, there is a movement and way of being with myself that brings an appreciation and so care for myself in all of the movements and when I do this, there is not the seeking of rewards that follows.
I can confirm what you have shared Johanna in your words “…every time I make time to delicately practise presence in my movement, it builds and becomes a natural way of being in my general daily activities.” I too have found when I reach a new awareness in my body, this awareness naturally becomes a part of my daily being and also a tool that is a reminder to come back to myself. This is really cool as a while ago I used to use my desire to connect to my body to bring me back, but to do this I had to be in the right headspace. Where as now my body is the one calling out to me to re-connect and it does this even when/especially when I am in the wrong headspace, I find this awesome….
Exercising out of a need or outcome is always going to be driven from the head at the expense of the body. Moving from the body’s own impulses is an entirely different quality – one which supports us in every way.
Absolutely the movements itself change, just by connecting to our body and the quality is different instantly.
Re-reading your blog Johanna has inspired me to get back into exercise as I have had some time not doing it because of study but feel my body really needs this support.
I just love being with my body and honouring what it is telling me when exercising – something that I was totally oblivious to, not even realising how it felt in my body. I would push and strive and compete every single time I went into exercise, even compete within myself. Funny how I never really dedicated myself to it. Now that it is a completely different relationship and I will always make the space to have this time with myself and it feels amazing.
Subjecting our body to a Loving and gentle relationship when we exercise is a great way to stay with our essence and when connected it does not matter what the activity is. In all honesty when we exercise it is a great way to practice our conscious presence so we can stay in our essence.
Exercising with presence and in connection with the body is a whole new ball game, very different from all the pushing and heaving and slugging it out of old. Why be absent from the body when what we are doing (exercising) is meant to support it?
I grew up and was addicted to exercise, I couldn’t sit still for long as i found it too uncomfortable to be with myself. I had to keep moving so as to not feel the hurts and awarenesses I was avoiding.
This has changed considerably, though the consciousness of exercise has still lingered. I don’t feel I pound my body but there is still something ugly remaining.
I used exercise to be better than others and was very competitive. I was intent on having a trim body and feared not exercising. I was so unaccepting of my femaleness, seeing women as vulnerable and fragile, that I wanted to have a super hard body. There was a very hurt child in there that was allowing herself to be dominated by these thoughts as a means of not feeling her preciousness, divine beauty and fragility. So today as I realise some of this is still there, I can accept and nurture myself to a much deeper level. I know I don’t have to be defended, it’s safe to love me deeply and know all of this other stuff is toxic and has no place in the world. I can allow me to be me.
I love exercise now that all the ideals and beliefs I had in it have been discarded, the old no pain no gain attitude never sat very well with me as pain is not something that I willingly subject myself to.
I have had a break from doing exercises after I got sick and my body just doesn’t feel as vital or light as it does when I do exercise so I am definitely going to get back into it again as it really is a truly lovely support for life.
I know that years ago when i used to hold myself restrictive and internally competitive to deal with stress and intensity at work, that to bash, push, squeeze my body through over exerting at the gym would be no issue at all…the harder i pushed, the better. Introducing the element of self-care and gentleness resulted in me not only enjoying work more through loosening the grip and taking myself easy, but it also changed the way i treated my body at the gym too. Because the way or quality we work, is the way we gym and ‘do life’ too – one part does not remedy the other if one happens to be out.. it’s the total or whole quality that requires changing to effect true change.
I have never been one for exercise, but I felt it would support me as I get older. So I started going to a exercise based in the water at my local swimming pool and it is great fun and my body feels so much more alive after the short session. And I actually look forward to my time in the water and with the presenter of this class as she makes exercise so much fun.
” bringing gentleness, tenderness and playfulness into movements ” This is wonderful and reminds me of how children move when allowed to play freely.
Exercise was a big one for me and I must admit at times in the past I didn’t really know what I was there exercising but I knew I needed it. As the article presents if I didn’t get it then I would be moody or frustrated and then push myself even further the next time. Exercise became almost like a punishment thing and I have put myself through hell because of it. I stopped exercising all together for a while to give myself a reset and now I do many of the things I used to but it’s with the full awareness I have now into how it feels. I don’t push weights for PB’s or to gain weight or to be bigger, I more use them to activate and strengthen what is already there. Most people comment and currently I feel in the best shape of my life and yet there is no intense work outs or sand dunes in sight. My “relationship with exercise” is now one that supports me truly and not a thing to do because I need it.
Realising that I don’t need an exercise program but further opportunities to develop a relationship with my body brings a fresh slate to my way of exercise.
True health is an emanation of the love we are, of our connection to our essence, which is magnified through our bodies with our every move. As such when this is lived to the best of our ability, the way we are with ourselves, the way we support and confirm ourselves with exercise and the foods we eat, we naturally emanate vitality, well-being and vibrancy. Our connection to our body and being is what allows us to exercise in a way that builds and maintains our physical strength along with honouring and deepening our connection to our essence, so we can live and magnify through our day, the love we are.
Exercise should lovingly build us up to support our body throughout our days, not harden our bodies into simulating a Ken or Barbie doll.
Re-reading this blog has re-enforced to get back into exercise. I stopped a couple of months ago after an illness and then put other things in the way. It’s definitely a great support for the body all round.
The play we live for so long in which we think we need to protect ourselves with tension in the body which just created that evil Can enter our body. It is love so much there available to align with And express through our body which will keep us in the beauty we are coming from.
What a change that now truly supports the body without an end goal and looks to bring more presence into your day to day activities. This is just gorgeous to read and confirms that exercise can be delivered in a totally different way – in quality first rather than pushing for an end goal.
I was reflecting this morning on how much my relationship with exercise has changed. I used to exercise with a drive to achieve, having done it, get my my body fit and now I realise I would go at it with quite some force. As I have connected to my body more and more to the tenderness and delicateness within me my exercising has changed greatly. I listen to my body to how it feels, how much to do, how to it, when to do it.. and I love the feeling I have afterwards from this.
I’m really enjoying exercising at the moment, before I exercised to stay fit, so it was a doing which was coming from my mind, and it felt like a drudgery something that had to be done a tick box exercise I could say. Now I exercise because my body actually feels better for it and the difference is completely different.
Exercising has been an pending issue along my life. I’ve had strong resistances to practice any kind of exercises. Now I understand that the resistances were not with the exercise in itself, but with feeling my body and claiming myself. Going out of the comfort of not being present is the best choice I have done in these recent years. Gentle exercises support me now to be fit for life, connecting with my physicality and expanding myself beyond/from it.
‘The fact is I was exercising to meet images and to feel I was enough, but not in truth to be healthy. ‘ Great to clock this, as no ‘diet’ truly works. It is simply about listening to our body and also loving ourselves to the hilt.
Recently I started to do some stretches for my hips for only a few minutes a day, and after the second day, I could tell a difference while walking up the hills where I live. What has surprised me is that in only a short time I can feel the benefits, and do not feel pressured to push myself to do more or try to achieve anything.
I guess a lot of people recognise the addiction to their exercise of fitness ritual you are talking about, I would have called it healthy back then although I have felt in my own body how I was pushing and making myself hard to come to the goal I had set for myself. Now I exercise very differently, I feel my body and honour what it is telling me, I still am learning that it is never about how long, how heavy or the repetition but always about the quality we do the exercises in, just as with everything in life.