I recently spent some time watching my 18 year old son compete in a football tournament and have since been reflecting on, and appreciating, the changes in my attachment to sport, and to competition in general.
I grew up in a family in which most of my siblings were involved in sport in some way and the competitive nature of the games that we had between ourselves was considered quite normal and healthy. We were all very passionate about sport, and in particular the national rugby team, which was often the source of intense debate / arguments about team selections or the result of a recent game.
I had grown up with this attitude to sport and competition and I carried it on with my own children. I can remember encouraging many playful, fun times together with my sons to turn into competitive battles. Kicking a ball in the back yard, shooting some baskets with the basketball, playing handball and even going for a walk together and finding a stone to kick along the path would all inevitably end up becoming competitive.
As I have said, this behaviour felt ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ and was seen by those around me, and society in general, as a healthy, fun way to connect and build relationships with others. I was strongly influenced by the images I saw in the media and the way sports stars were held up as role models.
I was introduced to Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom, as presented by Serge Benhayon, about 9 years ago. Since then I have learnt to reconnect to the tender loving man that I naturally am and feel more able to claim these qualities in my everyday livingness, and by doing so reflect something different to those around me.
These changes have been gradual and are ongoing, but the increased awareness has allowed me to feel the enormous impact sport has on me and on those playing it.
I have become more deeply aware of:
- Being pulled into the emotion of the game and the increased anxiety I feel in my body as a result.
- The energy of the supporters when attending games and how this often changes during the course of the game depending on how their team is performing.
- How physical sport can be (even ‘non-contact’ sport), and just how abusive players are being to their bodies and to each other.
- The emptiness I can feel in many of the players and how sport is used to fill this void. Even after winning a big game players can still feel empty and lonely with no sense of joy to be felt.
- How beneath the tough persona created by many of the men who play contact sports just how gentle they truly are, and how this persona is created in order to fit the image of how a ‘real’ sportsman should be.
- The extent to which I allowed discussing sport to become a means of connecting to other men. I settled for the safe, superficial conversations about sport and work as a way of ‘fitting in’ and as a way of avoiding expressing to others how I was truly feeling.
I found that how I expressed with other men influenced how I expressed with family and friends. I realise now that expressing in this way prevented me from experiencing the joy that can come from allowing others to feel the tender loving man I am in my expression and feeling the connection with them evolve as a result.
There were over 300 gorgeous young men attending this football tournament with a huge amount of time and effort involved in organising and running it, and while it may have been seen by some as successful, the failure in my opinion was the lost opportunity for these young men to truly connect to one another. I felt this connection was distorted or destroyed by competition.
By Peter Campbell (55), Support Worker, Tauranga, New Zealand
Further Reading:
Sports Competition – the Pursuit of (Feelings of) Emptiness
My Turnaround from Competitive Running to Connection with Me
Competitive sports: the pursuit of emptiness
610 Comments
Sport forms such a massive part of the daily news. In fact one third of it is just about sport! Feels massive to consider the impact of this particularly when all we see are the end results of the games but never the quality of the lives the sportsmen are living, not to mention their fans and the true impact losing and winning is having on them personally.
It is true that we champion sport and the trophies that come with it, whilst turning a blind eye to the quality of the lives of those in the limelight. I get a sense that it is also a bottomless pit in terms of ever reaching a point of acceptance and satisfaction with achievements… for each one won, there is the next to strive for.
The belief that sports is good for us is so ingrained within our society, maybe because it has been with us for many generations. History shows how brutal and cruel competition has been in the past and we may have a lesser version of the gladiators in Rome, and we may not fight to the death, but isn’t it still the same thing. Anytime man fights against each other, be it a football team, Olympics or kindergarten school sporting events, it only serves to feed the separation, and the them and us.
Peter, great article, at my local school I have observed this to be true, ‘How physical sport can be (even ‘non-contact’ sport), and just how abusive players are being to their bodies and to each other.’ During and after sport I do not see fun or connections or playfulness, I see seriousness, competition, arguments, players hurting themselves and each other and after the game there is a feeling of separation between players and teams rather than any joy or connection. I have observed that when children are young before the idea of competition is there that children can be joyful and connected kicking a ball around and to each other and that it is playing ‘a proper match’ and when competition comes in that this changes and stops being fun.
I grew up living, playing, breathing, rugby and it wasn’t really till I left the country of my birth that I realised very quickly that the rest of the world were not so obsessed with this sport. The strange thing is when I look back I used to play so I would fit in and have connection with others but the connection was never true. Man’s need to compete with each other runs deep as if it is not a contact sport, it’s who’s got the biggest house, most money, fastest car or the best lifestyle. It’s not until we acknowledge this and get beneath it that we are truly able to find the true gentleness and tenderness that lies there, so we can make real connections with each other. I know we shouldn’t have regrets but I do regret the time I spent playing and training because I did actually have better things I could have been doing.
Sport is championed so highly as ‘healthy competition’. How can ANY competition be healthy when it pits human being against human being. It makes no sense at all, and totally goes against true team work and brotherhood.
This is a great realisation – ” … how I expressed with other men influenced how I expressed with family and friends. ” I have noticed that too and how I am with my friends is no different as to how I am with my now grown children or other family members – in the past it was very much from a point of view that I had to be something other than what I was and now it is just the way I am in connection and reflection with myself. Dynamics have changed a lot and it feels much more real than ever before.
” I can remember encouraging many playful, fun times together with my sons to turn into competitive battles.” The divideness and separation of competition is far more harming than we think and gets magnified out in the world by coming together with this intent. Where is the joy of connection with ourselves and each other purely from this that is the foundation of a true way of living for us all to be claimed.
instead of uniting us, in the way that we think, in truth, sport only serves to separate us as groups and as individuals…it even separates us from ourselves as we lose connection to our innate sensitivity and tenderness when in thee drive to win.
The destruction of our true tenderness and oneness can be deeply seen in sport and the competition of it all both in our own homes out to the world at large and as a whole humanity and the way we are currently living so far from the love we really are. True joy and a healthy life style in our loving connection to each other is a real way of living and can change sport and our relationships and life in a very amazing way as a society and the knowing of this is a great start as is shared here so beautifully.
It is almost overwhelming to consider the number of missed opportunities there are, for men to connect ,because of the distortion of being together in competition and sporting conflict… thank you for your insight, sensitivity and willingness to explore this, Peter.
There is a lot of anxiety and tension around sport – but we create it to be so when we make it about competition. Kicking a ball around with a friend can be a lovely thing to do as a child. As an adult I enjoy swimming laps of the pool. But when competition enters the mix, all the joy is instantly taken away. Society has a focus on competition and there is the belief that it is healthy. I disagree – I think joy is far more healthy than pitting yourself against others.
I can remember also the anxiety and tension I felt as a child and young adult in my body when I played competitive sport – the aggression and cheating/’dirty play’ on the sporting field between the competitors and the aggression, pressure and polarisation from the shouting and cheering of the crowds. It never felt quite right to me even though I used to ignore it or over-ride these feelings and was actually very good at many sports and always played them very fairly. So it is so great to have started this conversation on questioning the real effects on something that is held up generally as a healthy thing to do.
” I was strongly influenced by the images I saw in the media and the way sports stars were held up as role models.” – And then we see these role models behaving in ways that police gets involved, court cases happen, misconduct in public and even on the sports field too – just showing how the media does not show what is true.
I agree Peter – so much time is spent on organising tournaments, creating competitions, awards ceremonies, training camps all to propagate the illusion of the sporting culture – and yet the reality of this is it leaves so many boys and men further out of touch with themselves and therefore prey to the emptiness and all that accompanies it
For centuries men and women have been in competition with each other and it is heralded as a great thing, but like you have rightly stated Peter it has the downside of feeling empty, win or loose, and the reality is there are no winners when we compete against another.
Sport is so championed in our society, especially for kids to get involved at a young age, in order to become a ‘team player’ also to connect with each other. But what you are so correctly sharing here Peter is that there is actually very little connection when people get together to play sport. It looks all good on the outside, but it actually still leaves people very empty, hence the need for so much alcohol at such events.
The seeming camaraderie that takes place in sporting teams, that attracts so many men and boys is in fact robbing them of the true connection they could otherwise realise with all – tribal mentality and pitting one against another is so far from our true nature yet is offered with those seductive allures of a kinship and belonging – ensuring another generation lost in the devastation of separation from themselves and all they truly belong to. A no-win situation all around.
Competition is not just reserved for sport. We can find it everywhere. In the work place, between friends, in all our relationships, even with strangers on the street. It is something that has been so inbuilt and we are so conditioned by it. It is evil in the way that it holds us apart from each other. Competition is the opposite of unity. If we want union we can’t be in competition. We have a long way to go.
It is very strong to hear a man write about sport in this way. I feel we are so nearly lost to the distraction and allure of sport that every voice of reason is gold.
Being a soccer kid growing up I am well aware of the energy that is involved around that sport and when going past a footy field the energy is quite distinctive and so easily recognised by me. From the loving connection I have today this was a feeling that had everything to do with disconnection and nothing to do with connecting to the tender loving man I have become.
For more about connection go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=CONNECTION
I personally haven’t played a sport, and I have played a few in my time where the need to be tough and hard is not present. Even to go into the competition side of things you have to bring a wall of defence and separation to the other team. I remember in Volleyball being at the net and syncing out the other girls the amount of disrespect in the way I looked at them also it had an enormous effect on how how I felt about myself. Once I grew up I started to pull away from sport as I really didn’t like how it made me feel and the separation that I caused with another.
Just imagine…. If everyone felt their true nature , there would simply be …. No sport… how simple, and yet how profound.
I was asked by a friend yesterday why I don’t play netball anymore. I responded by saying that somewhere along the line I became more gentle in myself and could no longer tolerate the unnecessary pushing and shoving and aggression that I once very much ‘enjoyed’ and encouraged. As I started to take better care of myself, slowly old ways of being, and what I accepted started to change. It’s very interested how hard we are brought up to be. It doesn’t actually work, if anything it makes life even more challenging.
I have witnessed the joy of young boys when outside kicking a ball around to each other. It’s about nothing more than kicking a ball. I’ve also watched how this leads to wanting to play soccer only to have the joy taken away and replaced with pushing the body and the desire to win. We take something so simple and playful and convert it into something that lacks the lightness and joy it originated from.
‘As I have said, this behaviour felt ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ and was seen by those around me, and society in general, as a healthy, fun way to connect and build relationships with others.’ Amazing isn’t it , as sport causes so many injuries and even deaths – not to mention the violence between supporters.
Each year there are bigger and bigger sporting events, they happen all over the world from our playgrounds to our national playing fields, each time, each “game” we end up with upset, loss and seperation. Sport is championed as getting together and being part of something. But are we not missing the simple fact we are all part of everything and being part of the one is far more than trying to be part of a part of the one without appreciating in the one there can be no parts.
Competition is not too far from conflict and from the same source.
Yes as it is a ‘fighting for’ event – so no true connection possible in competition to win.
A brilliant article and your last paragraph totally lands it. It will be an amazing time when we wake up to the division, disharmony and conflict that sport creates.
The problem with competition is that it is promoted as healthy and normal… but there is no harmony, equality or true brotherhood in life when there is always a winner and a loser.
Competition is such an insidious emotion that infiltrates many areas of our lives… once you start looking at an obvious area like sport, you start to see how many other areas it plays out in your life too.
Yes competition is rife in society and sport is just one aspect of it.
From where I live on match days you can sometimes hear the football cries and cheers which I have to say often reminds me of the barbaric days of the gladiators.
Fabulous observation Peter, and it is not only the connection with each other that competition takes out it is also the connection with self.
When we are in comparison – like we have to be in competitive sport – we have already fully disconnected from who we are and of course from others too. So who is truly taking part then in competitive sport?
Case in point – when a football/soccer player in South America gets murdered because he missed a goal opportunity, then we know something is deeply amiss in the game of sport – and that there is something far greater going on that we are being willing puppets to unless we open up to see clearly the truth of what is at play.
I too have found the aggression at sporting matches I have attended to be quite alarming – not just the men but the women too – or see the whole crowd get swept up in a mass of emotion either euphoria or devastation or jungle survival competitiveness/crush the opposition mentality. What if this was far more harming to us than we currently know, and that there is far more going on than an afternoons entertainment at the football.
This is a ‘what if’ that we would do well to consider – I am sure that if we were honest we would have to admit that we know that team sports and competition are not just about banter and light-hearted rivalry, but are the seeds of so much disparity and conflict.
This blog is great as it makes me aware of how normal I have found sport and competition around me, I would not like to partake but would not question it really. Yet now observing around me when there is a big soccer game on in the stadium nearby I see a lot of aggression, alcohol use, loud music, loud people, smoke fireworks are being lit with big bangs that make the dogs and children scared and after the game is over they leave a lot of garbage. This all together does not look like it is bringing harmony to all around and true connection. So this can’t be true love.
Growing up in the U.K. The centre piece of every weekend was sport, whether it was soccer, cricket, rugby didn’t seem to matter, watching it was what captured me. I eventually moved away from watching sport, as like you say Peter I felt the harshness of the competition. But today as I read your words, I can see I absolutely have been living still with the same tough competitiveness, that tries to be better than everyone else. All this is, is just a barrier to not feel hurt and keep the love that’s there for us with everyone else, out. This way of being is certainly a game where we all loose out.
Recently I saw the inscription inside a nineteenth century book, it said the book was a prize for “callisthenics”. It is not a word often used these days, but I remembered it from my childhood as we had one subject at school called callisthenics that for us meant gymnastics. But looking it up in the dictionary its meaning is far more subtle and gentle, — grace of movement. How much more beneficial learning to simply enjoy all the movements of our bodies and make them as daily exercise instead of pushing our bodies into damaging competitive sports.
It is this competition that breeds comparison and jealousy, poisoning those on both ends of the spectrum.
And not just in sport but in so many other areas in life showing itself in comparison and the striving to be better, prettier, more intelligent, smarter than others and the list goes on – all for acknowledgement….
I have had the privilege of being around the men who have connected with there tenderness and it is absolutely beautiful to see them being who they naturally are. Any sport does not allow this connection, it is based on the complete opposite.
Peter, I have observed this, ‘How physical sport can be (even ‘non-contact’ sport), and just how abusive players are being to their bodies and to each other.’ I notice in my local school how even the young children can be pushy and rude and not caring with each other when they are playing sport, it all seems to be about winning and loosing and individually doing well. I notice how disconnected the children feel after a game of say football and that if there is a different, more team building creative activity instead that day, I notice how they work together and have fun and that the hardness and pushing is not there in the way it is with sport, the children feel connected after the creative activity and there are no winners and losers.
So often we hear that competition is a healthy or good thing and if you subscribe to a ‘dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest’ kind of world then this would be true, but is that really how we are as human beings? Are we really just animals competing with each other for food, mates and space on this planet or are we more than this? I would say I have had many moments in my life when I have felt a depth of love and connection and even divinity that feels way grander and fuller than mere security and survival.
Competition in sport, and all that is encouraged in the name of sport is also feeding the competitiveness in the office, in schools or even within relationships. Competition divides, harms and destroys any potential harmony between people, so how can it be championed on the sporting field?
Upon reflection, competing in sport activities has dropped away as an important part of my life the more I have dropped the need to belong to a part of a group and experience the stimulation of competition. So much so when I went to join a friend playing golf I lost interest in scoring after hitting a couple of balls, as I could not just see the point. I find much more value these days in connecting with others and enjoying the natural playfulness of life.
To stand on the side and be able see how sport and competition are actually not coming close to real joy means you have sensed and allowed true joy and love in your life which is very beautiful.
Life is constantly changing – it is important for us to reflect on our relationships with things and notice these changes as this develops compassion and understanding for ourselves and hence others – such as you have shared here.
When your in a team you feel like you are uniting and that the team is like and extension of your family. You have a strong common interest at heart, but this is the illusion because even thou this group you are in is connected and have a one common interest to win it is at the expense of the opposition. That you will do wha ever it takes to win and this usually involves a massive separation to the opposition.
Really enjoyed reading this article and reflecting on the role competition plays out in my life. I feel it is a protection from the percieved hurts that come our way when choosing to hold ourselves fragile. With this we dissallow true connection to take place.
Very interesting what you share here. Take a snapshot of a sports game: lots of people participating and watching. But it is also a group of Amazing people coming together. Where it could be about relationships and connection, we make it about competition, emotion, thrills and games. Funny how we’ve turned a coming together of people into to something that is very far from harmonious. Perhaps there is a message in here that there could be a more loving way to be with each other.
It takes a lot of reflection to see through what sport supposedly offers, and even then it can often still hold an allure of sorts. For the truth is it offers such a relief from the mundaneness of an otherwise ordinary life, that we are willing to put up with the evils of competition, the abuse, the physical injuries, the violence, the belittling of another etc etc. All that is tolerated for the supposed “good” it brings into ones’ life. And so, the truth is, sport is here to stay for a very long time, and as an institution, it will never lose its grip on society simply by being exposed for its destructive tendencies, otherwise it would have fallen by the wayside a long time ago – if corruption was any marker by which to judge its longevity. The truth is sport will only lose its grip when people start to reconnect to the glory and simplicity of their own being – when a chance meeting with a butterfly offers not just a momentary point of re-connection, but a deep confirmation of just how wonderful life is. Then, and only then, will sport, like many distractions that seek to keep us occupied, disappear, by virtue of the fact that there that there will no longer be any demand for its services. But that time is a long, long way away.
During the summer months I would swim at the pool a couple of mornings a week. I loved it. I loved the grace with which I would move through the water and how my body felt. It was pure joy swimming up and down the pool. One morning I happened to be there when some teenagers had squad training. They were told how to swim, how fast to swim and what to swim. The movement in the pool of the water was quite different. I clocked one of the teenagers watching how I swam – for pure enjoyment. There was quite a contrast to how we were swimming.
It got me pondering on what happens when we show talent in an area. We are then encouraged to be good at it, to be competitive and be better than others. To show this might and muscle of our talent. But why? Can we not be good at something and simply enjoy it? What if these teenagers were good at swimming and chose to go to the pool and swim because they liked to – not because they were good at swimming and there was a desire to compete, either their own desire or the desire of others.
Competitiveness does many things and one of them is take the fun out things!
Well said, Nikki. I have observed this in school too… when a child shows talent for something we push them to excel – ‘to be the best’ – rather than simply letting them enjoy their skills alongside others and theirs.
Great point Matilda – why on earth do we push then? Makes no sense right? The film ‘Shine’ comes to mind … showing very clearly what happens when pushed …
I have noticed how my movements completely change if I ever allow that competitive streak drop back in – my whole body tenses and my posture changes even if it is a simple game of cards. It is great to catch these now rare moments and bring it back to connecting to my body once again.
Violence and cheating in sport is now commonplace if not deemed acceptable. Surely this indicates where we end up when we choose to embrace competition over connection. Could we also see competitiveness in our workplaces and parliaments and even war as phenomenon further along the same spectrum of competition?
“Could we also see competitiveness in our workplaces and parliaments and even war as phenomenon further along the same spectrum of competition?” – Absolutely, I am sure – the need to be ‘better, bigger, wealthier, more influential ‘ etc etc – just continues this insidious game…
Your point Peter about a missed opportunity for the young men to connect is very poignant Peter – as is all you have expressed. Every day, all around the world, this same opportunity is being missed by millions. How it would turn things around if it wasn’t.
What a beautiful sharing Peter, that you have chosen to connect to what feels right for you, what is innately in all men, and all of us. That you still choose to go along and have the ability to stay with yourself and then reflect to all those other men who are still caught up in that comparison and competition.
Competition actually hurts us and we all feel it to the bone. There are no winners in the game we have made sport to be, it is only ever played in the energy of ‘out for the kill’ – no matter how you dress it up.
I really appreciate this opportunity to get behind the scenes of sport and competition, and the way you talk about it, Peter, makes so much sense of what I feel when I have taken part in any competitive sports – the world says this is great team building and I feel pitted against fellow humans – desperate and sad actually.
Sport has a good image. It is healthy on many levels, we are told. Yet, sports is always based on a desire to win, to demonstrate we are better than others. As such is a human activity that confirms that there are those who are more and those that are less and that others deserve to be where they are. And this is the main problem. It is all false.
I can so relate to what you’ve shared Peter, I used to play tennis and loved it socially, but once it was competitive I would feel anxious. I avoided it whenever possible and just played for the love of it. Competition is not healthy and nor is it natural for us… the body shows that very clearly.
Doing sport for the love of it, in connection with self and others is so very different to doing competitive sport with the whole intent to win …
Union is a natural expression of us as humanity, why then doing sports in a way where we try to compete each other?
Interesting perspective peter. looking at the comradarie of sport as a way to avoid having a deeper connection. indeed it has been my experience.
I absolutely love that now I am not involved in sport and competition, as when I was, I never really had the killer instinct to be a winner but I also didn’t like losing. I far prefer connecting with people in a non competitive way.
When you watch the little ones as they start to play sports you can see how it changes who they are. You’re told to harden up and commit to the game and in this we shutdown our sensitivity and confirm the separateness that we have created within ourselves which naturally is there in the sport and with everyone around us.
I find it interesting to observe how sports is mostly about competing another. It seems to be fun and the roughness seem to confirm strength when in truth there can be felt a serious battle between those who compete each other forcing their bodies into movements, which are not enjoyable at all.
It made a big difference in my life when I decided not to compete but to be co-operative and supportive, not in a stupid way but my first choice would not be to compete. Life is so much easier this way and it is a lot more fun – the few highlights of ‘winning’ don’t make up for the tension and for everything else associated with competing.
What strikes me most about this blog is how we have come to accept a huge array of sports in our lives without really stepping back to see what it is that we are encouraging our kids and one another to do. When one regards the injuries incurred from many of these sports, rugby being a classic, why are we so happily condoning activities that can leave people deeply injured and or scarred for life? Have we lost sight of what truly matters, such as ensuring that we look after our bodies so that they can provide us with a long, healthy, vital life, and engaging in activities that bring communities together in an exponential manner rather than pitching them against each other for the transient excitement of winning a match.
Sport is probably one of drugs humanity is using most to not feel what is gong on their lives, to not feel how somebody is doing. Bread and games, the Romans used to say: two things to keep people pacified and tranquil. And they were right.
This is such an interesting article because it asks us to look at the lack of connection we have to each other at an event where we think we are very connected because we have a common goal or interest. The choice to connect goes far deeper than that and is one of the most healing opportunities that is fully within our grasp.
Yes it is an interesting point and right on the mark too: “to look at the lack of connection we have to each other at an event where we think we are very connected because we have a common goal or interest.”
Sport like all other forms of entertainment and television are selling a way of life, they are showing a way of being and appealing to our desires, which is to have life a certain way, but that might not necessarily mean that way is true.
Things are so heavily marketed and promoted particularly in sport that what people perceive and the benefits seem to dismiss some of the not so pleasant consequences. We need to question some of these practices more deeply.
I have recently noticed if a young person stops sport because he no longer feels like doing it (like football) it can be seen that something is wrong with him!!! We need to make it about who the person is and accept them as they are 150% regardless of what they do. With this they will then have a sense of worth and value to build from. It seems currently our main focus is on what people do and how this fits into our ‘picture’ beliefs and ideals of what we ‘like’. All very insidious because it comes down to what we ‘want’ and from this no or very little true love, appreciation or acceptance of either ourselves or others can flourish.
Yes, it takes courage to stop doing something everybody else is doing. It is worth it to be able to do that.
Yes and not only in sport either. To let go of something that others are doing, be it in the types of food or beverages we choose to eat or drink, or social events or sports we choose to play, it is truly something to really ponder upon and find what is driving it and how are we doing without it. Sharing with others from our heart why we choose to not do something anymore without making it ‘wrong’, offers them also an opportunity to reflect for themselves.
If there are images for what a ‘real sportsman’ should look and act like, then are we not all deeply responsible for the way that sport affects our bodies and thus society and the adults who live in it, unaware of their beauty and their divine light?
I too have found that the emotional wellbeing of a sports fan is directly tied to the fortunes of their favoured team- this is concerning as they are giving all their energy and sense of wellbeing to the variances of an aggressive, tension packed sport. This is not ideal to say the least that they give so much energy to this, and allow it to control their state of being.
We used to go on family holidays growing up with a few other families. Sometimes there were over 20 kids. I have fond memories of these times. When we were at the beach we would have running races where most people (even parents) participated. My father would let everyone run the first race, then would tailor the start positions of everyone to make it a ‘fair’ match. This was a beautiful gesture that did bring us more together and made the racing much more fun, however there was always somebody who lost, and you could feel that no one enjoyed being the loser so to speak. As much as we can say sport brings people together we can not deny that the purpose of competition is to separate us from one another.
Looking back at sport and competition I can see that for some there is an addictive element in winning, whether as a participant or a spectator.
An uncomfortable point to raise, Michael: our addiction to the endorphin ‘fix’ in winning, whether we are aware of crushing another or not.
Yes it plays both ways doesn’t it? Often the spectators are so involved in just that aspect of winning – and if there was no win, the energy becomes quite disturbing ( as if it wasn’t that already) …
When we win we get a very short lived fizzing sensation in the body, a bit like a firework, spectacular one minute and gone the next.
If we promote aggression and competition on the sporting field what does that do to the spectators. I have seen rational people sledging and abusing from the sidelines turn into aggressors with a pack mentality. If you think this is acceptable behaviour look at this study on domestic violence by spectators.
Sport-related domestic violence – St Andrews Research Repository
And if you think this only applies to elite sports go to an under 11 football match and see that the verbal abuse starts early, and is ingrained in the culture, and it cannot be contained to the sporting field, it always spills out to everyday life.
I am so glad you are aware of how sport affects you- I too know the energy that we can be subjected to, it is often unquestioned and in fact embraced as being ‘manly’ or ‘aussie’. Lets not keep promoting this as healthy. Peter you were prepared to be aware of how you were impacted, this is awesome, and so it shows us the potential so many other men have to not be drawn in or blind to the impact of sport on their bodies forever.
The time has come around for football season, it’s as if there is an endless supply of the next round of entertainment and it’s the same old same old but just different year. I would question whether we would truly enjoy such games if we weren’t brought up and told they are normal and good, or see everyone else playing it.
Beautiful tender and a joy to read the truth about competitive sport and the gentleness and tenderness we all are underneath which this does not allow to be seen or lived. Hence we are going about living the opposite of who we are in this so called normal way of living and communicating that is not true. A real revelation and claiming.
It is amazing how pretty much everywhere you go sport, especially football is talked about. I can recount countless examples of travelling and always being asked which football team do I support, it was like an ice breaker a seeming way to connect with another yet if an opposing team was mentioned it would create divisiveness. Which sums it up there is the feeling of being in a group or a team but not together united with everyone amd so feels like we are settling for a feeling a togetherness which is far from the truth of what we can when we simply open up to everyone.
Totally agree Peter. Football and other sports are being sold, held, seen, championed as an activity where people come together and spend time, bond. It’s also seen as a way to bring people together as in other nationalities but the illusion is that it doesn’t bring us what we truly want, and that is true togetherness,. It brings us being together but because it’s focused on competition it will forever work as a divider even if we think otherwise.
Thank you Peter for this loving and eyeopening blog.
I have come to feel that sport and war are on the same continuum. I recently watched an MMA fight with my son and the ferocity with which the men fought with their fists and feet was no less intense than a fight in a battle.
Just as we now see how barbaric the ‘games’ of old were we will one day look back on competitive sport to see that it came from the same ill.
The new awareness that you have gained is absolute gold, what makes it truly powerful is that you don’t hold back reflecting it to the world.
Whilst we champion sport as team building it is powerful, inspiring and beautiful to expose the fact that it actually tears us further apart and, in this case particularly, how it buries in men their natural tenderness and yearning to connect.
Yes, and it is the same with boys – it is quite something to see six year olds playing rugby league and to then see how much they hardened by age 10 from playing.
I was recently shown a picture of a world class sports team a few seconds before they ran on the field – there were quite a few different body types but there was something about them that made them all look very similar – an almost identical facial expression that went well beyond concentration.
It’s interesting that in our society, both competition and drinking alcohol are seen as core aspects of ‘being social’ or ‘building relationships’ with others… neither of which have anything to do with building relationships in truth.
I have noticed this as well Peter, people proclaim that competitive team sport builds character and promotes camaraderie but when competing and winning at all costs is the main focus it is inevitable that there is competition within the team and the put downs and sledging changes focus from the other team to within the team. The aggression that has been magnified does not stop as players leave the field. Bitterness, resentment, hurt and hate are ever present, but excepted as normal and never spoken of.
Boys are tender and co-operative by nature but the culture of competition destroys all that. No boy wants to be called a girl so he feels like he has to compete to prove he is tough, it is like everyone is propping up a big lie. That is why there is always that empty feeling you mentioned, we are going against our true nature.
This blows the term “Healthy Competition” right out of the water.
There was a cruelty and hardness about sport and the competition it spawned and so proudly championed as ‘great work,’ that as a kid, I felt was horribly wrong. So I never played any sport at all. But competition was to raise its head in other ways for me to deal with. Comparing ourselves with others comes in different forms and dresses in many styles.
When a person is fully there, then there is no impulse to do sport. The impulse to do sport comes from the feeling of being less than who we truly are.
Competition by its very nature says ‘you and I are separate’ and yet life by its original nature says ‘you and I are One’.
Competition is so endemic in our society, coming from people needing to compare themselves against their fellow humans, always feeling the need to be recognised or to feel themselves superior instead of appreciating that we are all equal. When we truly feel equal there is no need for competition.
It is such a tragedy that any man thinks he has to put on a tough persona to be in the world, so blogs like this are an important contribution to what needs to be a new approach across the board, in honouring men and their true nature.
Just walking into a sporting store we are hit with the energy of sport and competition. It is so important to remain aware of all that we are feeling and not switch off to the most important part of life – everything is energy.
Yep everything is energy and everything is set in motion by one of only two types of energy. One energetic source is always looking to re-unite us and the other that is always seeking to divide us. Everything that exists has been born by one or the other, there can be no in between. And knowing that ALL sport comes from one of those sources then eenie meenie miney mo, it’s not hard to know which it comes from.
What a worthwhile read about sport, men and connection, that breaks the beliefs and ideals around it and the falseness it engenders in us if we take them on as being good.
The joy we have and can share by truly connecting with each other in quality and our being ness is exquisite and this is so spoilt and missed especially in the world of competition and sport when we are disconnected from our true selves and in a toughened ,protective and separate way of being. So called Normal behaviour really is far from the truth of who we are as is the energy of sport.
Some sports are simply abusive, both of ourselves and our competitors. I never found it enjoyable to watch contact sports on TV it felt barbaric. Our bodies are delicate.