I am amazed when I hear that young teenagers and children, at increasingly younger ages, are feeling a high degree of social pressure to become more involved with alcohol, sex, pornography and ‘sexting’ – from one night stands to binge drinking. However, when I stop to look at our society, the role that our media provides, and the male and female role models that our children and we as adults aspire to, I sense an understanding of how this has become the ‘norm’ – even though it is far from normal behaviour. The way it’s been for me growing up is testimony to this.
My first experience of sex was when I was 16; a lot older than many and perhaps still younger than some. It was with my first boyfriend of six weeks. We had been to a party and had a couple of drinks when we went back to his house. I had planned to spend the night but I didn’t think too much about having sex. I felt unsure if this was what I wanted to do but I seemed to be oblivious that for him it was a definite part of the plan. I recall he sensed my hesitation and the next words from his mouth were “I do love you”.
With the combination of alcohol and the pressure I felt from him, and had placed on myself to be liked, I made the choice to override my uncertainty, have sex and commit to a long-term relationship.
Later, in my mid-twenties and newly single, I began to see a Universal Medicine (UniMed) practitioner. I had regular Chakra-puncture sessions where I was establishing a re-connection with myself – a connection that allowed me to feel more like me and to feel what was right for me. I began to become aware of and sweep away many of the beliefs and ideals that I had accumulated over my life, and arose to see myself more clearly as a beautiful woman. I knew that I was deserving of true love and that I had always held a deeply loving connection with myself.
Over the next year I was looking to meet new friends. Although I never overly enjoyed drinking alcohol I had always believed that I was more fun and could be more of me when I did drink. So many weekends became about going out to clubs, dancing the night away and having fun. The kind of fun that would leave my whole body aching and on a number of occasions suffering from a hangover that could last for days. It was normal to wake up with a headache or nausea, with blisters and bruises from unknown origins, missing belongings, exhaustion, dehydration and a vagueness that repeatedly proclaimed I was never drinking again!
CHOICES…
How intriguing I find it now that I once made choices that would completely disregard my own body and its preciousness – it felt like an arrogance had taken me over, that I would deal with the pain later. I knew that I held a deep and loving connection with myself and what was right for me, but I was overriding my own inner-knowing with the beliefs that I thought were true. You won’t be any fun if you don’t drink, you’re letting others down or you will be boring, you’ll be missing out, everyone does this and you can’t be different… It’s amazing how far away from my own truth I actually was that such talk would work on me but it did, because I was choosing to override and numb what my body was really telling me and what I naturally knew.
With the outings came male attention, and as a single woman it was a new experience for me and I was surprised that men found me attractive. With the support of my practitioner, honesty and a willingness to work through my own issues, I was starting to feel the deep sadness I carried alongside the lack of self-worth that I had supported for far too long. But in an alcohol-fuelled body, in a loud nightclub, any attention from men appeared to be normal and strangely welcomed and once again I overrode what I truly felt – the disconnection to self and then to all others, the deep sadness and disrespect of one’s body and then of others’, and the seemingly normal behaviour that was medicating people (in the name of fun) from feeling their deepest hurts and the emptiness in their lives.
My experiences were proving to me that men would say anything in their attempt to have sex with me… and a few times I did. The deep hurt that I felt within my body afterwards was unbearable and I wondered how on earth I had made such unloving choices. In the moment I would bury my true feelings under guilt and shame but I always knew that I would one day find my understanding.
Men began to contact me via text message for what I thought might result in a date or perhaps a relationship, and I fashioned new ideals and beliefs for myself to explain this. To ‘be liked’ you must be easy going, available and show that you’re different to other women – not controlling or manipulative or emotional, etc. What I know now is there was never any true intention in me for a relationship because I wasn’t truly being me, I was giving my power away to an ideal of who I thought I should be and I invested in my desired outcome – the relationship or ‘love’ from another I thought I had potentially found.
For me, sexting felt no different from a one night-stand and in actual fact, no different to having sex with someone I was in a committed relationship with under the guise of ‘making love’. When the true marker of self-love was not there all I felt was the false excitement and heightened stimulation, the effort in trying to be all the right things to fill another’s fantasies and needs, and the deep emptiness and sadness within myself as I knew not only was there no true connection between us, but that I had overridden my own sacredness as a women through the choices I made to be less than who I was. I could feel that men and women were capable of true love and expression, but as I waited in expectation for another to share who they truly were with me, I was holding my own true self back.
SELF LOVE
At the time I didn’t want to fully feel the loveless behaviour I was choosing, but simultaneously I was still regularly seeing Universal Medicine practitioners and attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon.
I had reconnected to my most powerful tool – self-love – and with this love I could not only feel the truth of the lovely and deeply tender woman that I really am, but that the choices I had made in the past were never really me. There is now no place for hardness towards myself or others, only understanding and compassion for how our choices came to be.
What I have felt is how all women are precious beings. We hold sacredness in our bodies and an innate knowing and connection to what is right for us in every moment. My connection to my inner-heart is gracious and solid and because I know this I will never have to give my power away to a substance that only serves to abuse or numb me from the truth, or override my feelings with adopted ideals or beliefs.
With a true sense of self-worth and self-love, we can provide our children with true role models and present to humanity a way of life that shows we need not succumb to the pressures from outside of us – to have sex when we’re not ready to, or to be involved in sexting, one night stands or using alcohol to fit in – for, as I have come to know, there is a more harmonious and joyful way to live.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Cherise Holt, Nurse, Brisbane
405 Comments
When I was addicted to video gaming I found myself putting up with choices I knew were making me miserable. With support from Universal Medicine practitioners, I found that my connection to myself was what was missing. Even today if I am putting up with something that’s making me miserable or less than the sparkly light I am there requires more connection to myself and there is support around to do so.
It is sad the myriad of ways that we find to disconnect from our true selves and behave in ways that are so far removed from being loving that we physically take days to recover and the mental effects are even longer lasting.
From ‘wanting to be liked’ we do quite horrible things to ourselves and to others. From being needy and imposing to overriding the beauty, power and grandness we feel and have within ourselves by doing things to fit in. The antidote can be found in focusing on strengthening the qualities of truth we have within us.
When we all connect to the tenderness that is offered to us from the universe and make this our standard , there is no way we can override things our body communicates, because anything that doesn’t support that precious and delicate feeling inside stands out like a sour thumb is not on.
I agree with you: ‘ all women are precious beings. We hold sacredness in our bodies and an innate knowing and connection to what is right for us in every moment.’ This is there always, all the time and we can let go of all the layers and protection and surrender back to this intimate relationship with the universe.
Thank you Cherise for sharing your experiences with life before you had built a platform of love for yourself, ‘I overrode what I truly felt – the disconnection to self and then to all others, the deep sadness and disrespect of one’s body and then of others’, and the seemingly normal behaviour that was medicating people (in the name of fun) from feeling their deepest hurts and the emptiness in their lives.’
When we have True Purpose which is Divine-Purpose-Full-Ness in life we are living with Harmony and Joy as our-bed-fellows!
Without self love we can get ourselves into so much trouble, self love is the antidote to many abusive relationship.
In society we need a complete set of new values, values that totally respect the women for the divine and sacred lady she is. Unfortunately we are often not taught self love, self honouring and self resepct as we grow up, education may slightly touch on the subject of respect but goes absolutely nowhere near the level we deserve it to be.
We can deeply numb ourselves when we step over the line (override) that which we were innately feeling. Hence, by going back and feel inside ourselves where we have overridden our feeling, we can start to nominate it and let it truly go and leave old things behind.
Thank you, Cherise, for sharing so honestly about your experiences. Things do seem more extreme now than they did when I was in my twenties during the 80’s, and in fact, make everything we got up to look quite tame in comparison. But at the end of the day, the feelings of not honouring ourselves are the same.
It is as if everyone holds their breath until the weekend, then packs as much in both energetically and ingestionly , until Monday when they take another breath and wait, and the cycle goes on.
It is alarming that the video games, music film clips, types of dolls and magazines available to kids today involve highly sexualised characters or sexual violence- as a society when one such game is made, we should have sat up and questioned what is going on, now we have an influx of these and its considered ‘normal’.
Love this sharing Cherise and can relate to it in so many ways. When we give up on love we will settle for abuse and the consequences can be huge.
Yes, when we give up on love, we allow ‘things’ that are not love to enter in love’s place, ‘ When we give up on love we will settle for abuse and the consequences can be huge.’
When we understand the world energetically we can see that there’s not so much difference between things we like to think are miles apart. We might be shocked to realise the absolute damage that is done when we live far away from our heart. Thank you Cherise.
True, something can look okay on the outside but energetically it can be very very damaging. Evil has many different faces.
‘It was normal to wake up with a headache or nausea, with blisters and bruises from unknown origins, missing belongings, exhaustion, dehydration and a vagueness that repeatedly proclaimed I was never drinking again!’ Yes it was so normal to come home with lost belongings, for my feet that were so sore that I could no longer wear my shoes and so I would have been dancing bare foot and walked home without my shoes on too. Coming home in this sort of a state was celebrated as an achievement, it got recognition of being the ‘party girl’ but the feeling that I was left with within was of deep sadness as I knew it was not what my body wanted. I would simply override that time and again to fit in and not feel what was actually going on.
This is great Cherise, maybe sharing the truth about sex and love from a young age would shed a true light on the current situation, so we can get out of this love-less mess that is happening world-wide.
It now feels so ridiculous to consider how I used to stay up late drinking and partying and using alcohol to feel more at ease, have fun, be relaxed, and ‘confident’. The funny thing is that how can we really be having fun when we are poisoning our bodies with a toxic substance and needing some chemical to actually make us feel OK. Are we not better than this as a race of human beings? The fact that this abuse then leads to other behaviours like sexting and needing to have sex to relieve the stress or emptiness and lack of connection in life is a whole other reason for the insane approach of using alcohol in the first place, as it results in no true healing but an existence further away from what should be our true natural way of living.
Knowing that we are precious, knowing that we are sacred, is a message that has to be delivered to every young person… Roll on the Girl To Woman festival… Its message is sorely needed everywhere.
How sad it is that as a society we have lost touch with our understanding of what love is, and as a result children learn to accept so much less than what love truly is a ‘normal’. Along with this we also feel the loss of love, and as such being ourselves, so that we begin to seek it outside of ourselves or seek to numb the emptiness the we feel through lifestyle choices that deem to give us a false sense of belonging. How empowering it is when we connect to the love we are within as you have shared so beautifully Cherise – ‘I had reconnected to my most powerful tool – self-love and with this love I could not only feel the truth of the lovely and deeply tender woman that I really am, but that the choices I had made in the past were never really me.’ For with this love we are guided to know what truly honors the sacredness of who we are in essence.
” to my most powerful tool – self-love ”
This indeed is a very powerful tool , for as one lives self-love one regains the power they gave away so as to be not loving with one self, therefore one regains their own power.
It isn’t worth submitting our body to something we know isn’t true, we will only be presented with the same choice time and time again until we choose what is true.
This stands out to me, the fact that you would abuse your body – knowing that you could or would deal with the pain of it all later. I can relate to this, and for me it was a kind of belief in my own indestructibility which carried with it a kind of arrogance that I could do what ever I wanted to my body and even though it would speak so loudly about what I was doing, I could still do what ever I wanted. This hugely disregarding and self-destructive way surely is not something to be encouraged or promoted, and yet that is exactly what much of modern culture does.
So many people drinking, taking social drugs, are the foundation for what they feel is the best way to get lots “connected” in life and to have the most fun. We have come so far away from what true joy is, but humanity must and of course eventually will turn around and walk the path of return.
How many can say they will not drink alcohol again or be swayed into having sex no matter how hooking the desire maybe. When you truly feel a strong knowing in your body and do not want to disturb this harmony that continual choice of holding it will be made.
Amongst a group of medical practitioners recently, the conversation around pornography was just ‘normal’ and this was quite confronting for me. When I chose to not engage in the conversation and was the only one who also did not have a compiled list of favourite sex-scenes from movies I was ostracised and told that I needed to get a life – but what sort of life is it really when sex and pornography are your replacement for true intimacy and actual love-making? These days I choose the later and am eternally grateful for the life that I now lead.
Wow Cherise this is shocking how it has invaded workplace conversations and also incredible that viewing others having sex etc is considered ‘having a life’ and so far removed from building a truly loving life which is what I now choose.
Saying yes to what doesn’t feel right, in order to fit in and be liked means that we have sold out to a belief and deserted ourselves.
I was listening to some stats recently and it showed that younger people today were engaging in less sex but more porn. I was surprised by this but then when I pondered on it, it did make sense as I can see how the lack of connection and intimacy in the world can lead to this.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your past and what you have learnt, it is super inspiring Cherise to hear how you brought in self love and a deeper level of respect for yourself, without self love we will always be prone to dropping our integrity and sterling for less then what we know is true.
Isn’t it interesting how quickly uncertainty can be swept away and ignored by hearing the words ‘I love you’. So powerful are these words in fact that they can convince a person to have sex when really they are unsure about it. This therefore has to be one of the strongest ever reason for bringing self-love in to the education systems and in to parenting, so that each and every person has an understanding of their worth and value and thus to know that any uncertainty or caution felt when it comes to sexual relationships is important and needs to be respected.
We are not taught to have basic respect for ourselves at school – or anywhere else, I know if I had kids it would be one of my top priorities to teach them to love, respect and absolutely cherish themselves so that they never felt it necessary to sell out to sexting or one night stands. I think the extremely high level of one night stands and encounters based solely on sexual attraction are a massive indicator that we are not living with a sufficiently high level of self respect on a global scale.
Beautifully said Meg. When I was at school we were taught good and bad, right and wrong in sex education. It was clear that sex was considered bad and we were bad if we wanted it. My classmates and I either reacted and rebelled or toed the line but either way we were all lost. It was all based on judgement and had not an ounce of love in it. True love and love making are missing from the curriculum at great cost to us all.
By looking outside of ourselves for love instead of accepting it comes from within we are quite blatantly accepting a degree of sexualisation as the norm that both cheapens and erodes our sense of self-worth and the very connection to the love we have within that we so crave.
Whilst we can say that sexting or having a ‘one-night’ stand is cheating on our partner (if we have one) it should also be noted that it is in truth cheating on ourselves first because we are accepting abuse and not true love who loves us for the being that is who we truly are.
Its humorous to understand that we are sourced from love , and then we have this illusionary game that we are looking for love , but truly we are avoiding love. Think about it if one gets drunk to what ever degree can they honestly say they are looking for love. Can they honestly say they are socialising.
Until I was presented with the option or possibility of self love, I wouldn’t have thought it could be any different for teenagers and youth – I felt that I didn’t want to participate in the wildness and self abuse that was going on at parties and gatherings but couldn’t make a clear distinction or claimed choice as to what I stand for and what I don’t – and when I felt the first glimpse of love for self from self love I was feet and head full in – there truly is another way.
I had a similar feeling in my teens’… I couldn’t engage with anything around me that pretended to be exciting. There was somehow a pressure to fit in what society offered to me through those established ways of having fun, but internally I didn’t want to fall into it. We need to be very strong to not fall into what we know is not true when we don’t have any reference that confirms what we feel. It’s when we have role models who are being themselves, that we can be inspired to be ourselves too.
I too appreciate your openness and honesty here with us Cherise and can relate to what you share with us. I partied a lot in my 20’s and early 30’s, which included casual sexual encounters. Both the party and the casual sex, always resulted in feeling very below par the next day, and often there was sadness/anger as well, that I had done it again, and at times I wore a hangover like a badge of honour – ‘look at me, I am super fun and crazy’ because I drank too much last night. It was never honouring of my true feelings and the preciousness that I now know we all are.
Children know and observe everything. We can only offer true inspiration to our children by the loving choices we make towards ourselves and others.
It is sad to read that children are getting involved with pornography earlier these days, and the behaviour that would have seemed extreme say ten years ago will seem like kindergarten if this trend continues.
When we lose our sense of connection to ourselves we lose our sense of what is true and what is not and instead succumb to the climate we are surrounded in, regardless if it feels right, honouring or true. It is challenging to honor ourselves when we are surrounded by a society that champions disregard, and even glamourises it. True role models are in short supply hence the importance of our embracing our responsibility to stand up for what is true, to honor ourselves and the love we deserve to live. Not only is this valuable for ourselves but also for all those watching on, looking for real inspiration, so they can see that there is a choice and another way of being that honors our connection to who we are within, our love.
Through the commitment to re-connecting to myself I find myself becoming more aware of truth through the observation of movements in others. Very often what another says can be very different to what is coming from their body eg. an attachment to a substance such as alcohol or to an activity such as sex can bring about lies.
Thank you for sharing Cherise and I love how you say “There is now no place for hardness towards myself or others, only understanding and compassion for how our choices came to be.”
What amazes me is how disrespectful we can be with ourselves and put ourselves into some tricky situations when drunk, and then the following week find ourselves doing something similar again, all to fit in with our friends.
“How intriguing I find it now that I once made choices that would completely disregard my own body and its preciousness” I find it intriguing too how many choices we make that are simply not right for us, and we know this. There are so many reasons and excuses and explanations as to why we make choices that negatively impact our lives, but none of it really makes sense. What would life look like if we only made choices that were true to what we felt, and never disregarded our physical body?
Wow this is so needed for our teenagers lost in this false world who think this is the way forward. Love the honesty in your blog and I can hostly say that I have had countless experiences of the hazy cloud of alcohol days once upon a time and so glad that I no longer wake up with this anymore.
Isn’t it lovely to go to a party where there is no alcohol and you can truely have fun without this drug that gives a falsity of fun and enjoy the following day remembering everything.
I am realising that there are always deepening levels of love to go to within myself. I now wouldn’t accept in a relationship what I previously did but can also see that with a deeper level of love for myself certain issues that are present now would not be there. It is a forever deepening expression.
The world has become so lost in how to get the true love we all deserve and desire. Substitution of sex, and sexual behaviour will never deliver the goods. It is certainly time for us as a society to ask if there is another way, a way of connecting with people not based on their body, but on their being, and following from that the physical act of making love is natural.
Thank you Cherise for a great article, much younger children these days are searching for some form of attention recognition and love, giving over their bodies to be used and abused. Self care and self love are the healing ingredients that people of all ages are looking out of themselves for, once they find that connection their lives will never be the same as you in your life have so beautifully experienced.
There are so many ideals around about when it is the ‘right’ time to have sex for the first time and I feel there is only one true one and that is when it feels absolutely true to yourself in that moment to make love with someone. There is never a reason to do it when it not feels right – what ever our partner says. To be able to stand in that solidly you do need to have love for yourself and an understanding of what true love is and how many ideals there are. I feel making is something to be done only in a loving relationship where expressing love is the norm so this naturally is there as well in the bed room.
That’s so true, most of us enter into relationships without having first that love for ourselves and so we are at best unsteady in the relationship, and never really honouring what we feel or know to be true.
It is truly shocking that children are being placed under incredible pressure at younger and younger ages to engage in increasingly self-harming behaviours and what I am struck by re-reading your blog is the key role played by the consumption of alcohol because without its inhibition-lowering effects so much of this behaviour would not happen. Until we are willing to recognise alcohol for the poison it is and challenge the deeply embedded beliefs that encourage its consumption its damaging effects will continue to escalate.
For many years we have had health warnings on cigarette packets but there is still a collective unwillingness to address the deep harm that alcohol has inflicted on society by our lack of responsibility in addressing this issue.
What you have expressed here Cherise is powerful, true and oh so wise, thank you;
“With a true sense of self-worth and self-love, we can provide our children with true role models and present to humanity a way of life that shows we need not succumb to the pressures from outside of us”.
I agree in full Cherise. We are worth so much more than the diminishment so commonly allowed… And it’s worth living in a way that confirms it so.
Appreciating your openness and honesty here Cherise. Such lessons are so frequently ‘learnt’ as we say, but then, are they truly learnt…? For we so commonly go back to repeat behaviours we know deep down are self-destructive, and that diminish ourselves – often times over and over again…
It takes someone who willing to truly learn and make the call as to what love really is, for a true difference to be made. How absolutely awesome that you have done this, and exposed and offered so much to others in the process.
A lack of self-worth can take us far away from the natural beauty and knowing of who we are.
What a great expose, Cherise, on how we override what we know to be true, to obtain recognition, acceptance and to be liked. As you say it is intriguing as to why we do this? Social, cultural and family pressures indeed have a lot to answer for in what they do to strip a person of self worth, love and acceptance.
Self-love is such a profound and deep foundation for how well-being and out in relation cannot be overrated or overstated
Great and very much needed article Cherise. Thank you. This truth needs to be told. Around relationships, dating, going out, partying, there are so many false ideals and believes what is the normal in this society. The fact that drinking alcohol is the norm is totally crazy if you think of the fact that alcohol is poison and our bodies are clearly indicating after a night of drinking that they do not want this stuff poured in ever again. But I have also gained an understanding for the fact that people drink alcohol: because they miss the feeling of true joy, power, confidence in themselves, they seek it in a substance that simulates these feelings of joy, power and even love. And then it will be taken away. So you will drink again. I know it to be true as I have been there myself.
Responding to the words “I love you” when they are not true is a trap women young and old fall into. That we can give ourselves away so readily on a false premise is testimony to our lack of self-worth and honouring. With a solid sense of self and a developed capacity to read and discern we would not land in situations that compromise us, on any level.
Yes Victoria very true. I, as a man, have also used words to manipulate women to have sex with me. Just to fill my needs, my lack of intimacy in me, that I was craving so much.
The social pressures will continue to crush our youth until the day we nurture their inner qualities to outshine any events that may present.
Thank God that thee are practitioners who are aware enough to help clients break the cycle of alcohol fuelled dysfunction… that is predominantly supported in our society
Thank you Cherise, what you say here is very powerful and shows us the true way to go : “My connection to my inner-heart is gracious and solid and because I know this I will never have to give my power away to a substance that only serves to abuse or numb me from the truth, or override my feelings with adopted ideals or beliefs”. All we need to do is express and come from this connection all of the time and so we will be more aware, knowing and truly empowered by our own essence – that is love.
Substances that make us feel dull, racy or less clear in our own heads cannot be supportive to our whole bodies and certainly don’t help our relationships – those with ourselves and with others. When we are clear to think clearly, to observe life and to feel what is going on for and around us we are far more naturally equipped to deal with anything that comes our way and equally able to build solid relationships built on this clarity and loving way of being.
Cherise – in your blog you mention ‘To ‘be liked’ you must be easy going, available and show that you’re different to other women – not controlling or manipulative or emotional, etc.’ – its funny how i used to think and behave this same way – but it resulted in me being weak and nice to men. Now that I have realised my true strength and solidness as a woman, I find that I am easy going, open, not controlling or manipulative or emotional – but in a completely different way – because I have the foundation of holding myself as the tender and powerful woman I am – and this can be felt by those who meet me. I am stepping away from nice and stepping into true which might be expressed in similar ways but the quality is completely different.
A great way of expressing this, when we are truly in our authority, that is, living fully and unashamedly who we are we are naturally not controlling and definitely not emotional. We bring a truth to ourselves that then makes it simpler to live this around other people too.
It’s interesting you mentioned ‘normal’ and it has had me consider that ‘normal’ is constantly being redefined. It’s like the more we loose connection to the truth of who we are, the further away from self love we become, accepting levels of abuse as ‘normal’. We have lost ourselves to the energy that is dictating ‘normal’, yet the choice is always there to return to our truth, our inner voice that is always there to support us back to self love.
At the base of our ill health as women lies our self-worth or lack thereof, when we bring our focus to this, begin to care for and nurture our bodies and make authoritative choices for what happens to us we build a way of living that that builds our self-worth. From here we can only deepen, our care becomes love and then nurturing as we move deeper still to our sacredness, to connect to this is every woman’s given right and one that we must remind ourselves we always have.
Beautiful blog Cherise, I remember the big pressures around loosing your virginity and wanting it to be special at the same time. Like you I have discovered that it is never the outer that is going to be perfect as long as there is an inner emptiness and lack of love for oneself. It will be all about having the right boyfriend, best sex, best parties etc until we choose to love ourselves and from there naturally have the most beautiful intimate relationships, best making love and celebrations in our living way each day.
Alcohol is now so socially acceptable even though it’s proven to be linked to various forms of cancers and other life threatening illnesses, and linked to serious issues like domestic violence. There is such a happy-go-lucky image attached to drinking and getting drunk but it’s anything but, the realities for the body and for relationships is very damaging. But the attitudes and beliefs about alcohol, and the advertising only have power until we listen to the truth from how our body feels and get honest about what it’s truly doing to us, and self love is a huge part of this process.
Well said Melinda, ‘getting honest’ is very much needed here.. Just recently I have recalled my own family history with alcohol and after witnessing the end of life (due to alcohol related incidents) of two of my relatives, have I wondered how we all stood by and didn’t ask – what is/was going on? When someone is doing really well in life we can find it easy to talk to them about their choices, but when someone is not going so well or is making choices to disregard their own bodies we can stand idle with blinkers on and worse still, wrap it all up as ‘being normal’. Again, honesty is an important place to begin on this topic.
It is an interesting fact that many teenagers want to rebel and be different but at the same time want to conform and fit in with what all their friends are doing. It will be a wonderful day when it becomes normal for everyone to not drink alcohol and to truly respect and honour their body.
It is almost blinding how many of us fall for giving our power away to an ideal or belief of who we think we need to be or how we should act… often without even realising we do it at the expense of knowing and living who we truly are. There is nothing in this world worth attaining if this is the sacrifice.
Yes Samantha, there is nothing worth selling ourselves and our deeply lovely way of being out for and yet we can do this with almost anything when we aren’ t living with an awareness that the love we are actually exists! To reconnect to the love that is possible for oneself and to re-learn what it means to live in honour and cherishing of this essence we are given a great opportunity and new lease on life in so many ways, the doors of truly living are opened up to us and we are able to keep making the choices to not ‘sell-out’ over and over again until we hold our ground with it and it becomes our only solid way. What a learning life brings to us!
Agree Samantha and the key to understand is why have we convinced ourselves attaining it is worth the sacrifice.
Our foundation is the marker of where our choices come from. The work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has been pivotal in sharing that the degree we are willing to go to in honouring ourselves and building a foundation supporting the quality that we say yes and not to in our lives. How great would it be to teach these loving foundations to our young so that they become more confident in the choices they make and express to one another where sexting and any communications that makes others feel less is recognised and spoken about openly. Thank you Cherise Holt for sharing your experience which is no doubt that of many.
Feeling the pressure to have sex when you are young is immense and as you have so correctly pointed out Cherise. That pressure is probably tenfold for teenagers today, with sexting, the internet, social media, all things that weren’t around when I was that age. But I still felt pressured. There was an expectation, a culture almost that you would ‘put out’, or be called awful names. I definitely had sex at an age that I didn’t feel to, yet succumbed for all the reasons you also felt Cherise, to be liked, for attention, to be loved. Choosing based on these reasons left me feeling very empty and feeling none of the things I was seeking in the first place. It wasn’t until I began to build a loving relationship with myself that this actually changed.
I liked how you talked about night clubs and the culture in them, its like as soon as you go to those places you have an invisible sign on you that says ‘I want sex’, everyone is wearing one of these signs. Things are accepted, like sleazy pick up attempts by guys but the girls are no better as the usual response is to giggle and they egg them on as they love the attention, its a totally meat market. How do I know all this you might ask, well lets just say I was one of those girls once upon a time!
I don’t judge anyone, as I was there once but its always beautiful to see woman and men alike come out the other end of that life style, especially with such humbleness and grace that you have Cherise.
Beautifully expressed Cherise, I can relate to overriding what I truly felt to fit in with others, especially drinking alcohol every cell in my body hated it but I continued to drink anyway as it was the ‘norm’. Crazy isn’t it what we do when we lose connection with ourselves, learning to honour myself has been key to deepening the connection with myself and then it is easy to make choices that are truly loving.
What is it that ‘having sex’ brings to a young person to make them want to do it before they are ready? After all, if we take the act of making love out of its social context and look at it from a purely practical and functional point of view, then what is it exactly that we are making such a big deal about? And How has it become so glamourised? The social status that comes with having sex when you are young is massive, this creates a huge pressure on the boys just as much as the girls, both of which are left feeling as if they are somehow inadequate if they do not preform, as if, somehow, a person’s identity can be determined by their sexual prowess.
Thank you Cherise. You beautifully demonstrate how the relationship we have with ourselves dictates the extent to which we will allow ourselves to be influenced by a world thats chief mission seems to be to disconnect us from the sacredness we hold.
When we stop honouring ourselves, no matter how small a choice to do so, we begin a spiral into cloudiness and unclear waters ahead. On the other hand, when we honour who we are and every single thing that supports and feels true for us we are in a space of our own true awareness and clarity. This is not to say that we need to be perfect as we are always learning and uncovering the triggers that we hold which cause us to disempower ourselves, but the more our foundational relationship (with us) is built on a truly supportive way the more simple we recognise anything out-of-sorts that does not fit.