Recently I found myself playing a familiar yet not so comfortable game during the Universal Medicine UK Retreat Celebration Party. Because of the clarity I had gained from attending the Retreat, I was able to quickly and very clearly recognise an old pattern, one that I have been going into for as long as I can remember. This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.
As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.
This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.
Reflecting in this way about this experience I realised:
- Life is not just about me
- Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other
- Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely
- It is a choice to withdraw.
Then I asked myself, “Why do I withdraw?” Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!
The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice. As I looked deeper, the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.
How did I pull myself out of it? Quite simple. As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another. I realised then that I had come back to feeling more of my essence. I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.
Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.
What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings. I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.
My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight, but now I can acknowledge my shyness and work on that connection to myself and my connection with others, remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.
I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game.
By Sandra Henden, Administration Assistant, Norfolk, England
Further Reading:
The Strength and Power of Connection
Do we choose loneliness?
Why and how do we have loneliness in relationships?
613 Comments
Let’s not shy away from the natural beauty that we are.
What an amazing realisation to have ‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.’ and not only allowing yourself to feel this but for your next step to pull yourself out of it and I also love that in order to pull yourself out of it you connected with others. Very cool.
Thank you Ariana, may I add to deepen the understanding of energetic responsibility, or being who we are is an energetic responsibility of understanding that we are more than physical and are starting to live from our connection to our divine essences and the world has completely bastardised responsibility to make it about the physical self and understanding this level of being responsible is a game changer.
Understanding how to appreciate who we are and thus also seeing the same quality in others is a stepping stone on our return to Sacredness, which is the appreciation of everything, so we appreciating we are more than physical and this is True energetic appreciativeness and in doing so we are confirming with authority who we all are. So to feel complete after a retreat brings a quality we can live, regardless of time and thus the energetic package that has been delivered to us by your Souls has to be completed.
But completion is not based on time. Then completion is not a quality or task but an energy or package of our lived quality.
Great to expose this Sandra. Its a familiar pattern for me too, and I can still get caught by it. But more and more I remind my self that that is not me, and simply step out of that space and back into myself. It only takes a moment when we remember that our purpose here is to shine for others to see and be inspired by, and not keep ourselves hidden in the shadows.
When we are connected to our essence then others naturally feel drawn to connect with us also.
I have shied away from those that I thought were more intelligent than I and also if I felt judged by another because of the judgement I have given towards myself. Comparing myself to another whom I may think is intelligent and judgemental keeps me small and contracted however knowing who I am and claiming the power from within eliminating the judgement towards myself and being aware of the games being played I choose me and hold the authority of love and acceptance for self. There is no fitting in; I shine in all my glory.
When we are comparing ourselves to others, or are consumed with jealousy, or are being hard on ourselves, it is a sure sign that we are not being ourselves- we’ve left the room. I can clearly feel this when reading this celebration of everyone’s unique qualities- as you share the fact is that we are equal in God’s eyes. I have heard this many times before, in different forms, but this blog is helping it sink in and be real to me.
Sandra, I love the role of movement in the example that you had- how a shared walk brought you back to yourself. It is just what you needed in that moment and the support was offered to you and you gracefully accepted.
As soon as I find myself trying, then connection is lost. It is a good indicator for me to stop the trying and move more into the being.
I agree Sandra – Serge Benhayon is unwavering in presenting truth with integrity for all to feel if choosing to do so. The old games are soon exposed and a deeper connection with our essence is then possible.
“With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game”.
With being in our innermost connection we have no sense of disconnection and separation from our divine source or from others..
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.
Everyone has their addictions the pattern being shy is one of them. We are addicted to the vibration, so when we start to recognize the vibration, and renounce it, it is more easy to let this addiction go.