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Friendships, Relationships, Self-Relationship 614 Comments on Oops I Did It Again…

Oops I Did It Again…

By Sandra Henden · On December 6, 2016 ·Photography by Leonne Sharkey

Recently I found myself playing a familiar yet not so comfortable game during the Universal Medicine UK Retreat Celebration Party. Because of the clarity I had gained from attending the Retreat, I was able to quickly and very clearly recognise an old pattern, one that I have been going into for as long as I can remember. This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.

As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.

This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.

Reflecting in this way about this experience I realised:

  • Life is not just about me
  • Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other
  • Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely
  • It is a choice to withdraw.

Then I asked myself, “Why do I withdraw?” Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!

The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice. As I looked deeper, the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.

How did I pull myself out of it? Quite simple. As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another. I realised then that I had come back to feeling more of my essence. I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.

Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.

What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings. I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.

My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight, but now I can acknowledge my shyness and work on that connection to myself and my connection with others, remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.

I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.

With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game.

By Sandra Henden, Administration Assistant, Norfolk, England

Further Reading:
The Strength and Power of Connection
Do we choose loneliness?
Why and how do we have loneliness in relationships?

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Sandra Henden

Living in Norwich, UK and loving every minute! Open countryside, woodland walks and a beautiful scenic coastline, what more could a girl ask for. I love everything green, from trees, open fields, broccoli, kale, avocados…. I guess you could say I love the countryside and I love cooking, especially sharing these activities with others! I love the simple things in life, a log fire, frosty mornings, a hearty breakfast and cheeky smiles from my grandson. My aim in life – to fall in love with myself all over again.

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614 Comments

  • Mary Adler says: March 18, 2020 at 4:39 pm

    Let’s not shy away from the natural beauty that we are.

    Reply
  • Vicky Cooke says: November 23, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    What an amazing realisation to have ‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.’ and not only allowing yourself to feel this but for your next step to pull yourself out of it and I also love that in order to pull yourself out of it you connected with others. Very cool.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: June 29, 2019 at 5:18 am

    Thank you Ariana, may I add to deepen the understanding of energetic responsibility, or being who we are is an energetic responsibility of understanding that we are more than physical and are starting to live from our connection to our divine essences and the world has completely bastardised responsibility to make it about the physical self and understanding this level of being responsible is a game changer.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: June 29, 2019 at 5:03 am

    Understanding how to appreciate who we are and thus also seeing the same quality in others is a stepping stone on our return to Sacredness, which is the appreciation of everything, so we appreciating we are more than physical and this is True energetic appreciativeness and in doing so we are confirming with authority who we all are. So to feel complete after a retreat brings a quality we can live, regardless of time and thus the energetic package that has been delivered to us by your Souls has to be completed.
    But completion is not based on time. Then completion is not a quality or task but an energy or package of our lived quality.

    Reply
  • Sandra Vicary says: December 25, 2018 at 1:05 am

    Great to expose this Sandra. Its a familiar pattern for me too, and I can still get caught by it. But more and more I remind my self that that is not me, and simply step out of that space and back into myself. It only takes a moment when we remember that our purpose here is to shine for others to see and be inspired by, and not keep ourselves hidden in the shadows.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: December 18, 2018 at 7:42 am

    When we are connected to our essence then others naturally feel drawn to connect with us also.

    Reply
  • Caroline Francis says: November 19, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    I have shied away from those that I thought were more intelligent than I and also if I felt judged by another because of the judgement I have given towards myself. Comparing myself to another whom I may think is intelligent and judgemental keeps me small and contracted however knowing who I am and claiming the power from within eliminating the judgement towards myself and being aware of the games being played I choose me and hold the authority of love and acceptance for self. There is no fitting in; I shine in all my glory.

    Reply
  • Simone Gibson says: November 12, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    When we are comparing ourselves to others, or are consumed with jealousy, or are being hard on ourselves, it is a sure sign that we are not being ourselves- we’ve left the room. I can clearly feel this when reading this celebration of everyone’s unique qualities- as you share the fact is that we are equal in God’s eyes. I have heard this many times before, in different forms, but this blog is helping it sink in and be real to me.

    Reply
  • Simone Gibson says: November 12, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    Sandra, I love the role of movement in the example that you had- how a shared walk brought you back to yourself. It is just what you needed in that moment and the support was offered to you and you gracefully accepted.

    Reply
  • Sarah Flenley says: November 6, 2018 at 6:41 am

    As soon as I find myself trying, then connection is lost. It is a good indicator for me to stop the trying and move more into the being.

    Reply
  • Stephanie Stevenson says: October 23, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    I agree Sandra – Serge Benhayon is unwavering in presenting truth with integrity for all to feel if choosing to do so. The old games are soon exposed and a deeper connection with our essence is then possible.
    “With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game”.

    Reply
  • Stephanie Stevenson says: October 23, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    With being in our innermost connection we have no sense of disconnection and separation from our divine source or from others..
    “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.

    Reply
  • Willem Plandsoen says: October 21, 2018 at 3:27 am

    Everyone has their addictions the pattern being shy is one of them. We are addicted to the vibration, so when we start to recognize the vibration, and renounce it, it is more easy to let this addiction go.

    Reply
  • Carola Woods says: October 11, 2018 at 5:25 am

    It is empowering when we realise that we are responsible for how we behave and for the choices we make, as we then know that we and only we hold the power to change our reality to be one that represents the truth of who we are.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: September 30, 2018 at 3:31 am

    ‘What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings.’ I love this, this makes me feel how beautiful and unique we all are and how lovely this is, so rather than compare it feels great to celebrate our unique qaulities and to enjoy being ourselves.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: September 30, 2018 at 3:28 am

    Sandra, this is a great question; ‘Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it? I feel that when I have been withdrawn in the past that it has happened when I doubt myself and compared myself to others and put myself as less than others. Nowadays I hold myself as equal to others and I am starting to really appreciate my natural qualities and so with this there is no need to compare and doubt myself.

    Reply
  • Tricia Nicholson says: September 28, 2018 at 5:18 am

    A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy for all that comes from this.

    Reply
  • Tricia Nicholson says: September 28, 2018 at 5:10 am

    A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy that comes from this.

    Reply
  • Sam says: September 14, 2018 at 2:37 am

    Love is such that if we ‘do do it again’ we get another chance to learn, there are no mistakes only learnings and when we look at it like this it takes the sting and the heaviness out of life.

    Reply
  • Sam says: September 11, 2018 at 6:29 am

    When people feel lonely they often will enjoin in something they don’t really want to, they may take drink or drugs to suppress these feelings. Far more better to do what you have done Sandra and stop feel what is truly happening, nominate it and then choose to see it differently – what you share with us here is true healing.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: August 20, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    “it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” Holding back and being shy with others is exhausting but being open offers the opportunity to feel the reflection of your light in others.

    Reply
  • HM says: July 29, 2018 at 6:13 am

    Great to expose how hiding away is actually to make it all about ourselves. We can in this moment wave the victim flag when in fact it is about being honest with why we shy away from what we truly want to engage with and be part of.

    Reply
    • Nattalija says: August 19, 2018 at 9:03 am

      There is a responsibility we hold in offering everyone the opportunity to feel and appreciate what we have to offer. Anything less is playing the game of doubt and the illusion that is sold to us that we are ‘showing off’.

      Reply
  • Elaine Arthey says: July 6, 2018 at 3:51 pm

    When I hold back and don’t allow my full expression after a while I become tired and the lustre that I felt has disappeared. It is as if we need to keep connecting to others to keep alive that freshness. We are part of humanity and when we don’t share and support each other, especially in large gatherings or in group activities we are inhibiting the potential that we are inextricably a part of and although we think we might separate ourselves in truth we cannot.

    Reply
  • Shami says: July 2, 2018 at 7:09 am

    One of the greatest parts of life is making mistakes.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: July 1, 2018 at 6:04 am

    I have played that game through my life too Sandra, holding myself back feeling left out, but now I realise that it was all my own doing keeping myself separated from others, but it was myself that I had separated from in the first place, for there is no sense of separation when we are connected to our selves because in fact we then feel connected to everyone.

    Reply
  • Fiona L says: June 24, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    Feeling yourself retract back into your shell feels horrible once you have felt yourself being warm and open with people. I still have days where this happens, where the protection and isolating myself comes up and it hurts my body to do so, especially across my chest. But I am glad that I get to feel this, as I know how much this isn’t natural for me.

    Reply
  • chris james says: June 17, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    People are playing hide and seek all around the world for their whole lives… How wonderful to break this pattern.

    Reply
  • Lucy Dahill says: June 14, 2018 at 4:17 am

    I really disliked the parties at the retreat till I read your blog and this year – my first retreat in 3 years I was on that dance floor dancing with myself and anyone who fancied joining me. I had no interest in knowing if I was on the beat or looked good, I just felt free in my heart to move my body to the music and not have any attachment to what I looked like. This may seem totally obvious to some of the readers of this blog but to me it was groundbreaking. Thank you for the opportunity to remember that and appreciate it this morning!

    Reply
  • Samantha says: June 10, 2018 at 3:46 pm

    Instead of beating ourselves up when we fall into a negative pattern much better to see them as an awesome opportunity to learn and to heal from.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: June 6, 2018 at 12:57 am

    ‘I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.’ Is it not amazing to feel how we are actually never stuck in some behaviour but always have a choice? The choice to feel we are surrounded by support to come back to the connection with ourselves.

    Reply
  • Hm says: June 3, 2018 at 9:35 am

    When we hide away everyone misses out. We say to the world – it is ok to hide too- rather than reflecting to others that the truth we all want is to be seen for who we are.

    Reply
  • Stephanie Stevesnon says: May 11, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    A deeply inspiring, honest and relatable blog Sandra – Through attending Universal Medicine presentations, I am learning that if I feel isolated or in separation, it is imposed upon myself by choice through falling into an old trap of being disconnected from the innermost essence that is within and equally so in all.

    Reply
  • Danna Elmalah says: May 5, 2018 at 5:04 am

    Sandra Henden, that is beautiful, what a grand reflection of change, and how beautiful to see what you have started to choose..
    A profound quote by you makes it one: ‘I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: April 30, 2018 at 1:38 pm

    “I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone.” When we connect to ourselves we connect with the all so we are never alone when we take that first step to be who we are.

    Reply
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