Recently I found myself playing a familiar yet not so comfortable game during the Universal Medicine UK Retreat Celebration Party. Because of the clarity I had gained from attending the Retreat, I was able to quickly and very clearly recognise an old pattern, one that I have been going into for as long as I can remember. This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.
As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.
This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.
Reflecting in this way about this experience I realised:
- Life is not just about me
- Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other
- Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely
- It is a choice to withdraw.
Then I asked myself, “Why do I withdraw?” Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!
The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice. As I looked deeper, the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.
How did I pull myself out of it? Quite simple. As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another. I realised then that I had come back to feeling more of my essence. I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.
Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.
What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings. I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.
My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight, but now I can acknowledge my shyness and work on that connection to myself and my connection with others, remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.
I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game.
By Sandra Henden, Administration Assistant, Norfolk, England
Further Reading:
The Strength and Power of Connection
Do we choose loneliness?
Why and how do we have loneliness in relationships?
649 Comments
I have shied away from those that I thought were more intelligent than I and also if I felt judged by another because of the judgement I have given towards myself. Comparing myself to another whom I may think is intelligent and judgemental keeps me small and contracted however knowing who I am and claiming the power from within eliminating the judgement towards myself and being aware of the games being played I choose me and hold the authority of love and acceptance for self. There is no fitting in; I shine in all my glory.
When we are comparing ourselves to others, or are consumed with jealousy, or are being hard on ourselves, it is a sure sign that we are not being ourselves- we’ve left the room. I can clearly feel this when reading this celebration of everyone’s unique qualities- as you share the fact is that we are equal in God’s eyes. I have heard this many times before, in different forms, but this blog is helping it sink in and be real to me.
Sandra, I love the role of movement in the example that you had- how a shared walk brought you back to yourself. It is just what you needed in that moment and the support was offered to you and you gracefully accepted.
As soon as I find myself trying, then connection is lost. It is a good indicator for me to stop the trying and move more into the being.
I agree Sandra – Serge Benhayon is unwavering in presenting truth with integrity for all to feel if choosing to do so. The old games are soon exposed and a deeper connection with our essence is then possible.
“With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game”.
With being in our innermost connection we have no sense of disconnection and separation from our divine source or from others..
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.
Everyone has their addictions the pattern being shy is one of them. We are addicted to the vibration, so when we start to recognize the vibration, and renounce it, it is more easy to let this addiction go.
It is empowering when we realise that we are responsible for how we behave and for the choices we make, as we then know that we and only we hold the power to change our reality to be one that represents the truth of who we are.
‘What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings.’ I love this, this makes me feel how beautiful and unique we all are and how lovely this is, so rather than compare it feels great to celebrate our unique qaulities and to enjoy being ourselves.
Sandra, this is a great question; ‘Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it? I feel that when I have been withdrawn in the past that it has happened when I doubt myself and compared myself to others and put myself as less than others. Nowadays I hold myself as equal to others and I am starting to really appreciate my natural qualities and so with this there is no need to compare and doubt myself.
A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy for all that comes from this.
A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy that comes from this.
Love is such that if we ‘do do it again’ we get another chance to learn, there are no mistakes only learnings and when we look at it like this it takes the sting and the heaviness out of life.
When people feel lonely they often will enjoin in something they don’t really want to, they may take drink or drugs to suppress these feelings. Far more better to do what you have done Sandra and stop feel what is truly happening, nominate it and then choose to see it differently – what you share with us here is true healing.
Great sharing Sandra and a great goal to fall in love with yourself again. This is where it all begins and sets an amazing foundation stone.
“it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” Holding back and being shy with others is exhausting but being open offers the opportunity to feel the reflection of your light in others.
It is so true, being shy and withdrawn does absolutely nothing for ourselves or for anyone else for that matter. It is a step towards giving up on life and a great one to reverse and ditch.
Great to expose how hiding away is actually to make it all about ourselves. We can in this moment wave the victim flag when in fact it is about being honest with why we shy away from what we truly want to engage with and be part of.
There is a responsibility we hold in offering everyone the opportunity to feel and appreciate what we have to offer. Anything less is playing the game of doubt and the illusion that is sold to us that we are ‘showing off’.