We have three beautiful daughters, ages 10, 5 and 1. When my husband and I are at work, they are looked after by our parents. We deeply appreciate this while knowing that both parents have a different way of parenting and taking care of the children. We accept this and also, in the years gone by, there were times where we agreed and times where we did not agree on certain things, but we were always grateful that they looked after the children.
We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing.
My youngest daughter always had trouble winding down after a day at my parents- in-law: we noticed that this occurred a couple of times and the intensity of her resisting to winding down went from bad to worse – she would stay awake for hours and scream when put to bed. If we would pick her up out of the bed, she would not settle but insist on playing. The last time it was very severe and I remembered Michael Benhayon talking to me about ‘reading’ the children – this simply means connecting with them and feeling what they are actually communicating, or feeling into what the child is trying to communicate when they are unsettled and see what is going on in them. So I asked myself the question; “What do you read out of this / what do you feel in this? … What is she trying to tell me?”
I could feel there was stress and anxiousness in her body and it seemed as if she felt suffocated. I communicated this to my mother-in-law and she started to think about what she could do to entertain her, like taking her out for a walk etc.
I felt that it was not so much about doing something, but more about how she was when she was with her granddaughter.
I specifically asked her if she enjoyed having her granddaughter around. She answered that she was always very afraid that something might happen to her and therefore she is very tense and restrictive towards her granddaughter. This is what the little girl is picking up on when she is around her grandmother and this is what she was showing us at home.
After discussing this with my mother-in-law, she babysat again at our home. My husband arrived home earlier and, after a little while, our daughter went out into the yard. At that moment my mother-in-law yelled out, “Ooh no, she is going out into the yard!” My husband said, “Just let her go, she is very capable of going outside.”
My mother-in-law literally stood stiff as she watched her crawl out into the yard. Nothing happened, she didn’t fall over and was happily crawling in the yard. My mother-in-law felt a huge tension drop down from her shoulders and felt for the first time that it was okay to trust.
Two days later she told me on the phone how she sat with what had happened and felt that, as a third child out of eight, she was one of the eldest who had to look after her sisters and brother. Every time one of them hurt themselves or started to cry, she would be punished by her parents for not looking after them well enough. This made her extremely tense around little children and when she eventually became a mother herself, she became over protective and even cried when one of her sons came home with a minor injury or something similar. Now she could feel that her childhood experience reflected to her an ingrained belief that she was not able to look after her children in a way that they would not get hurt and that she had somehow failed.
This was huge for her to understand what she had been carrying around for years. Her granddaughter gave her a beautiful gift by exposing this behaviour that was not honouring the loving, caring and responsible woman that she naturally is.
So now with that out of the way, she can develop a true relationship with her granddaughter, which also affects and heals the relationships with her sisters and brother, sons and other two grandchildren.
Letting go of the false belief that she is not capable of looking after little children makes her less tense around them and gives her an understanding that children can fall in the process of exploring what their bodies are capable of. It is still a work in progress, but she can be more relaxed around her granddaughter and enjoy being with her, connecting to a true way of taking care of the children that is already within her. And we immediately experienced the effect this has on our youngest daughter: she is not as tense as she used to be after a day with her grandparents.
For me to experience the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming, and I thank Michael Benhayon for his support and reflection.
By Diana Renfurm – Divorce Mediator, The Netherlands
Published with permission of my mother-in-law.
Further Reading:
Living religion: the magic in my connection
Loving Daily Choices and Healing Hurts
We Are Not Our Hurts
Communication is the key to understanding. A 1 year old with no speech is communicating volumes.
How much of what is given to us is true? Then as children there is always a way of shutting them down because there is no commitment to treat the youth as equals and when we do there are lessons for everyone so we all evolve.
Diana what your story clearly demonstrates is that there is reason behind everything, nothing happens randomly. This highlights for me the interconnectedness and relationship that we have with everything and everyone, all working off each other constantly.
Bringing anything less than Love to a child is felt by them and this can be a great lesson for all, as we can all react when we feel a loveless situation but the Truth is we can all learn to not react to being connected to in a love-less way, as True Love is a rare thing and what you have shared Dianne provides a simple way of how we can all return to Love.
The healing on offer to all the family through the loving exploration of what your youngest daughter was communicating is huge and amazing to feel how many times this could be replicated around the world if we were all open to reading situations and truly sharing with each other.
In the example you share in this blog Diana, it is indeed an opportunity for a healing, very beautiful, ‘We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing.’
What comes across is the understanding you were able to hold the mother-in-law in no judgement at all. Everything is a learning and everyone gains from the experience, especially the mother-in-law who gets to address some of the hurts she has been holding onto for years.
Yes, how you approached your mother-in-law was very beautiful, a curiosity and learning for all, with healing as a bonus.
Beautiful to feel the space that you offered your mother-in-law, with no blame or reaction towards how she was being towards your children – just the understanding for her to feel in her own time and space a deeper hurt she’d been holding on to, and to be able to let it go.
Parenting as with anything in life does not work if we keep it purely based on the physical. There is more to life than just what is physical and therefore reading beyond just what we see with our eyes is super important
Children have so much wisdom to share with us when we are open to listening and reading what their body is showing us.
Thank you Diana Reading this today I can see more clearly how looking after my brothers and other younger boys who were my parent’s friends’ children has had an effect on me. I have also been over protective which has meant that I have gone against what I know is true and pandered to others. This pattern is changing however it is great to see how it can hover in the background and influence the way we are with anyone to a lesser or greater degree.
What a beautiful lesson for you all and the opportunity for your mother-in-law to begin to heal what she had been carrying with her since childhood. It simply goes to show that the hurts and traumas of childhood stay buried within us until they are brought to the surface, often in very painful ways. But you also show it is possible to heal the inner wounds of the past.
It was great that you were able to read the situation and see first hand how the grandmother was reacting, all this allowed for a true healing to take place, one that had effected other family members.
What I love about this is how you and your husband responded to the situation you met with your child. You reflected, observed, read and communicated with your mother with love. Reflecting on her childhood, unlocked an old belief and brought healing to herself and whole family. The power of reading situations cannot be underestimated.
What I love about this is the openess and lack of defence in your mother in law, her willingness to open up and share what is going on for her- I found this very beautiful.
What a beautiful example of how healing our relationships are when we are open to the evolution that is on offer through them, through every constellation we are in. Through what you have shared Diana, you highlight the power on offer for us to heal our hurts with the support of each other, so we can all bring to life and freely live the love that we all innately are.
The way Diana was able to express what she read about her child’s reactions to being with her grandparents indicates just how effective and powerful it is to not hold back how we feel to others, even our immediate family whom we tend to be more ‘polite’ and ‘nice’ to in order to not hurt anyone’s feelings. But as this blog shows, amazing healing can come from a simple sharing of how one feels things to be at any one time.
There are so many hurts that we can cary from our childhood, so many experiences which if we don’t unpick and understand how they impact us will forever haunt us and control our behaviours.
Absolutely Viktoria, and the non-reactivity comes when we understand how we stay reconnected to our Soul-full-essences
Reading other people and situations should be reconnected to as part of our education for its healing properties and ability to unpick situations and bring understanding and a way forward.
Yes, bringing reading others and situations into the education system from day one would be a valuable addition into education.
This is so healing for everyone because it is so awesome that you were open to the fact that your youngest daughter was clearly communicating that something was amiss and that you and your mother-in-law were able to support each other to explore the possibilities and now you are all benefitting from the evolving resolution of all the relationships.
Such simple wisdom but so rarely practiced in our world today. Reinforces the importance of connecting with and understanding our children not from our heads but from our entire body being open to what they are communicating.
The way I know if I got a reading that is true is if I feel expanded in my body.
I appreciate the openness of your mother-in-law! As not everyone would have been ready to look at, what may have caused the anxiety and reflect with an honesty about it. What a lovely constellation, everyone could learn from. Beautiful also that you took her by her hand and not reacted or dismissed her. With true understanding, we can heal our hurts and support each other.
This reflects the power of reading the underlying cause of any behaviour and a willingness to discuss it.
This is a beautiful sharing Diana, and shows the importance of reading, and communicating, and how this can assist in a deep healing.
Thank you Diana, such gorgeous example from your experience with your mother, and how beautiful that it actually allowed healing to take place of the old hurt(pain). Love is always open and offering space for the not love to come out.
What a beautiful healing for your mother-in-law and for many readers. It is amazing how we all can affect each other depending on what is going on for us and what we are choosing to reflect, it can be either healing or harming.
This was such a healing for everyone, including the reader! It showed me how important it is to not react or judge in a situation and simply read what is going on. From there we need to express what we observed, then allow things to unfold naturally.
Offering another the opportunity to let go of hurts and trust is one of our most significant responsibilities on our return back to the soul.
When my children are not themselves I call it out and talk to them about how they are feeling. Sometimes they express immediately what is going on for them and at other times it is down to me to read what is going on from when I first become aware of their behaviour. I find it interesting though as kids do know exactly what is going on… they can hold back because they also know that when they express the truth the response from me may not be what they would like to hear!
Brilliant – this reminds me that life is an ever-unfolding process and every single day and in every single situation we can be learning more and more about life.
So true Marika for if we take everything in life just at face value we may well miss the magic on offer in each and every experience we are blessed with.
We can carry a huge amount of hurts from our past that continue to shadow our present everyday life, but the amazing thing is one experience that addresses and corrects that particular fear or hurt can allow a huge healing and letting go of the old to make way more both understanding and more love.
That’s so true Suse, I was with a group of friends a year or so ago and one of the friends had stern words with me over something and I was unable to stay centred, I just broke down and started to cry. With the help of a friend I delved a little deeper and discovered that the way that I was feeling brought back very similar feelings to how I felt when I was at school when I felt ganged up on and ostracised by the group that I hung out with. Once I had identified this I felt a lightening effect and a clearing in my body as I realised that what had happened with my friend had triggering old feelings of pain from my past that I had been carrying around for all of that time.
Thank you Diana, I have not read this for awhile. It’s really supporting me today to realise how powerful reading is in relationships, and not to assume I understand why someone is like they are, and to consider reading instead of reacting. We each can have our own story we can use based on our hurts to perceive events, instead of reading life exactly as it is.
to observe you do it for yourself but eventually you read for the other, to get out from whatever they called in or were imposed by. Reading connects us to the truth instead of getting drawn into stories.
“Reading connects us to the truth instead of getting drawn into stories’, I agree Stefanie and by understanding what is truly going on we are able to respond accordingly rather than responding to something that is not actually true, which in turn ensures our movements are not going to be true either and so the lie of life continues.
Wow children have such wisdom we really just need to open our hearts and listen.
We’ve all closed our hearts and our bodies down to everyone and as it is our bodies that lead us to truth it means that we no longer have our inbuilt sat navs functioning properly, which is why we’re all careering all over the place and the world is in the chaotic and disturbing mess that it is.
Diana, I really like how you talk about ‘reading’ your children to find out what it is they are truly communicating, I have noticed with my young son that his behaviour can become out of character and that he can get angry or frustrated if he feels hurt by something and that he may not say what is he is upset by initially and so reading the situation and what may be causing the change in behaviour feels important.
It’s amazing the reflections we are constantly surrounded by, especially from the unadulterated presence of children, offering us the opportunity to heal and evolve if we are open to reading what is going on in any situation and willing to be honest about the truth we see. All of which, as you have so beautifully illustrated through sharing this experience, lead only to deepening a loving connection with ourselves and each other as such living with greater truth.
We really do not give children enough credit, simply put their enthusiasm and joy for life makes them natural born healers.
Or worse – we put these qualities down to them being youthful and not actual qualities that we can carry forward with us our whole lives.
Children are a great source of healing as they are often not as bombarded by the ideals and beliefs that flood us as we get older. There is an instant knowing, an openness and a willingness to allow others just to be. What a gift for anyone in a child’s company.
Children can feel what is going on with the people around them. So the old adage of not speaking about things in front of them – so common when I was growing up – really doesn’t apply. Being able to openly and honestly share how we feel gives everyone a congruence. Otherwise children wonder why they feel a certain way about things, yet if the adults are behaving as if that weren’t happening they can feel confused. ‘Honesty is the best policy.’
We carry so much weight of past hurts in our bodies, without knowing it is there. The work of Universal Medicine has been ground breaking in helping people deal with their hurts in a loving a true fashion thus removing them as a rudder in life.
So true Heather – the healing modalities and presentations of Universal Medicine are ‘ground breaking’. It is empowering to realise that we do have a choice in how we live, and liberating to return to live guided by the love that resides within, who we really are.
I love the natural openness and innocence of children. Even though it may not be easy to see in their behaviour, at least they show something is clearly not true and loving. As adults when we feel anxious we tend to hide it under all manner of things so the truth is never exposed.
There is so much buried in our collective unconscious that then influences and shapes society before our very eyes
Reading life is a gift we all hold and when we observe and feel what is truly going on we can learn and understand much more than our minds can think. Using these gifts is a great way to break down old behaviours and issues that may arise to understand why we use them and how we can heal and move through them.
It is so beautiful how healing is reading what is going on and exploring what is the root cause of a situation that happens. As your story shows Diane it is very healing for all included in the process – it gives a feeling of expansion and freedom for all involved.
When we read life, life confirms the knowing inside of us, this is the deepest safety we can feel.
I watch my parents and my parents in law with our 11month old and it is interesting to observe that at first every time she fell that would say ‘oops’ – so we talked about this and how to want needed – how Clare doesn’t know that falling is a bad thing until we say it to her. So they stopped saying it – and it was huge for us all to no longer use that term even though it is so normal. Kids certainly can teach us so much – it is pretty incredible if we are willing to listen.
I often see mothers struggling with their identity and with the stress they feel under, one of my neighbours recently thanked me for reminding her she is a woman first before a mother, she said the words really stayed with her and allowed her to remember there is more to her then ‘just’ a mother.
That’s a big one for mothers Samantha, especially as leading up to the birth there is no idea of all these ideals and beliefs held within the body about what it means to be a mother, and what does that look like. Mothers so often put themselves last in the pecking order of importance, so lovely to read that your neighbour had that conversation with you, and will probably pass it on to her friends and family.
How very true Diana, that every experience is an opportunity for healing and learning. Your example is beautiful in that all involved were open to healing and learning; a divine gift for you all.
Thank you Diana for a great sharing, I loved how you were able to read the situation with your youngest child which led you to speak with your mother-in-law and her openness to understand and heal from what you had offered. Your honesty and openness to go there was beautiful in its offering.
It would be super helpful if parents learnt how to read their children because this then opens the way for truer communications and interactions between parents and children, and children would then get to know, feel and understand that they have an equal say and that what they feel is to be honoured and heard. Then we may not have as many tantrums or upsets with our children because we can truly feel/know what they truly need and support in that.
This blog is so great to come back to again. Being able to approach your mother-in-law about the problem in the first place was very honest. The fact that she was open to understanding what her tension was all about was a beautiful healing for her and the whole family. it is amazing when we are open to reading situations what children can communicate even if they don’t have the words to communicate it.
This is a wonderful sharing Diana, there is much here for us all to learn and appreciate how something can be simply understood by choosing to ‘read’ and ask what is going on. One wise, intuitive question without reaction or emotion can unlock an amazing healing for all.
Diana, thank you for sharing this, it is wonderful that you ‘read’ your daughter and were able to get to the root cause of what was going on for her. I can feel that it is easy with children to only see the behaviors and to tell them off for this without looking deeper at what has triggered this behaviour and what they are sharing with us, how amazing and healing your willingness to look deeper into this has been for all involved.
What a gorgeous reminder that we live in a great sphere of life in whose cycles we are forever given an opportunity to revisit and thus reimprint all that does not match the love we in essence are.
If we stay open to all the learning that is on offer around us everyday, could it be that we would lighten up with life a bit, relinquish the agony of getting things right or wrong and enjoy growing and learning together?
Wow what an amazing healing was on offer here! It’s pretty intense how we can get into patterns of how things should be rather than always looking at what might be needed based on the situation. But as is shared here – kids can teach us so much just by us observing them.
We have these gorgeous wise little gems offering us so much love, if we so choose it we can learn from them and let their love inspire us to evolve.
It is so lovely to feel the transparency between you and your mother-in-law and her willingness to explore her anxiety around your youngest daughter. Children offer us so many amazing healings when we are open to reading what their behaviour is reflecting and this has a huge impact on everyone concerned.
Yes the willingness to learn in all the relationships here was very evident and inspiring.
Being in the presence of children and feeling their honesty and innocence is enough to expose in us behaviours which are based on protection from our hurts and survival which is the opposite of the love that we are.
I love how you see everything as an experience and an opportunity for healing. When you see life like this we can only grow from our every encounter. Beautiful how you gave your mother-in-law an opportunity to let go of her consistent feeling of ‘what if’, and how freeing it was for everyone.
Young children can teach us so much. When I think of the little people in my life I feel very blessed, they totally inspire me with their innocence and quality of expression. There is never a dull moment when a young child is around.
It would serve us all greatly if we were to remember that ‘Little people’ are only little in stature and that who they are and what they bring is both grand and colossal. They literally bring Heaven with them.
It really is amazing to feel that, when we let go of old hurts, images or beliefs that we have carried around for years or maybe lifetimes, can have a big affect on our life and how we live it. Expressing how we feel and letting go of these ways of being can significantly ease the tension and strain on our bodies and allow us to move from more space and flow and heal our past hurts.
it was so inspiring to read that your Mother in-law after all of these years could sense that issue from her childhood and heal. Your blog is great because it shows how sensitive we all are and how everything affects everything, which means the responsibility we all play in everything that goes on is big!
I love how when one person is honest and prepared to go deeper with what is occurring around them that this is hugely supportive for all. There is such a power in just being ourselves and as you say Diane provided a huge opportunity for healing.
What an incredible blessing for your whole family, and it’s amazing you were all able to talk about this so openly. This should be our norm, quite sad really that it’s not, as many families don’t communicate how they are really feeling, for some people this can be a whole lifetime. Living with people you are supposedly closest to but never really truly and deeply trusting and being open, letting them in, and being honest and truthful with them.
When I read this, all I could feel is how important it is to read; as a parent, but actually in all parts of our life. That reading is offering us the freedom to feel what is there, what is the truth of what is going on.. And what blessings that are occurring too. Equally to feel where one is at in their life and to feel what is needed to establish balance and its full healing. It is the order of the universe that supports to heal and clear all momentums (past situations continued in the present) that are not based on love and truth. To get the air out and become real about what is there and who we are. There is no off or on switch. And to realize this and claim that – one becomes aware, that more action is needed. Hence, when we are aware we need to take action on the things we feel and experience. Hence, we can also see that the world has switched off from awareness and so we have made ourselves in a big trouble. Which only awareness, transparency and full openness can help us out from.
I am lucky enough to work with refugee children and wow do they teach me loads, working with children or just being in the presence of children offers us so much opportunity to grow and understand ourselves and others more.
Diana, this is amazing, so many times things like this would go unsaid, not wanting to offend anyone, how wonderful that you read the situation and expressed what you were feeling – what a healing for all involved. it is so important to express ourselves and not hold back and in this we can all learn and evolve, i can feel that there is no need to take things personally, we can simply learn from them – very beautiful!
If we are prepared to be taught, then we can learn so much. Being open to reflections from children is an amazing thing to do and I have had so much shown to me by my three kids and lots of other children – but you have to be very open to it – all too often we can over-ride what is laid in front of us by supposing that we know better, or that it isn’t relevant to us, or that it is something up with the kid…there are a whole plethora of avoidance tactics that we can use. I’ve learnt more about myself through transparent parenting than any other avenue of my life. And for that, I deeply appreciate my kids for what they have shown me, and myself for (some of the times) being prepared to see.
Lovely to re-read this blog, and it is amazing how we can learn from each other and situations by reading what is being communicated without relying on the use of words alone.
We have so much that we can learn from each other – we can learn from children, from other adults, from friends and family…and in turn we too have always something that others can learn from too. This is how beautifully life can be constellated. Hence the key is to simply stay open to learning and open to what others have to reflect to us at all times as well as knowing and appreciating the things we too reflect to others.
Young children have a beautiful way of teaching us to trust who we naturally are.
What an amazing healing for your mother in law, it is so fascinating how much we can hold onto things, it doesn’t matter how many years pass. If we have unfelt hurts that are in our body, they will remain until we have felt and healed from them.
This is such a great example of how so many of us are walking round carrying one or more deeply entrenched behaviours that have stayed with us since childhood, behaviours that it often takes a situation like this before being revealed. I can so relate to taking my childhood experiences into parenting my children and even though at times I was able to identify them, they were still very hard to release, but the freedom in my body once they were gone was life changing.
I love the openess of your mother in law and how she was able to reflect on the situation and not going into getting defensive. This then allowed a much deeper connection between everyone- a very gorgeous sharing.
It’s amazing how fully equipped we all already are to deal with life’s situations. Is it possible we don’t really have as many issues as we think? That perhaps by learning to re-connect and then reading life we can work through anything that presents itself and with ease? It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just as this beautiful example has shown us.
Children are so receptive to whether we are truly opening to listening to them and the truth they have to share. We know this because even as adults we can detect if someone is going to re-act to what we share or be open to it. We may not be registering this but it is an inbuilt mechanism that is being used in every interaction we are in.
Beautiful Diana, this blog is in many many ways HUGE ; it breaks consciousness, it reveals the ideals and believes that are in no way true at all, and how these pains and so actions and behaviors come from pre-existent pains/hurts from the past! How incredible insight to work with and how we are shown everything in life to learn from. Simply incredible.
“This was huge for her to understand what she had been carrying around for years. Her granddaughter gave her a beautiful gift by exposing this behaviour that was not honouring the loving, caring and responsible woman that she naturally is.” This reminds me to see the gift in all who come into our lives. The challenging ones as well as the friendly ones. there are people in my life who reflect this back to me and I struggle at times to have the humility to see the truth of it.
Great blog. Especially considering the question ‘what are others are feeling around me?” Especially if I am nervous, or jealous or uncomfortably out of sorts.
I love how you worked on this together and with that healed the cause of the disturbance. We are so used to avoiding difficult situations and searching for solutions that we do not allow ourselves to see what lays beneath the situation at hand to then be able to address it and ‘solve’ it for good.
It is important to understand that children are not any less then we are as adults, have a free will and responsibility for their lives too and therefore, when not reading the energy, feeling solely responsible for a child’s wellbeing will always devastate us as a parent or caretaker.
Children offer such gems of insight, they are quick to show how they are really feeling and there honesty with life is super inspiring, unfortunately this natural ability and innocence is not nurtured by society in fact it is quite the opposite.
I notice that I don’t always express how I feel with others when they look after our children. I feel because I appreciate the children being looked after I can tend to hold back especialIy when they are in another’s home. I realise I am not being true to myself and compromising which is not love.
Children may lack the words to communicate clearly what they are saying but if we pay attention to their movements, behaviours and bodies, there is much on offer.
There have been many moments where the comments from a child have brought healing for myself. Children bring us the level of understanding that they have of the world where they are not as effected by beliefs and ideas of how we “think’ things should be. It is these powerful moments that often leave me questioning what I have sold out to when a child often exposes the truth in the most loving way.
It is so important to listen to our bodies and inner knowing and we can learn much and be inspired by children in this regard as they are not yet as experienced as adults are in overriding these messages. Our bodies are able to communicate great truth and healing whereas overriding and not listening leads to harm, dis-ease and eventually disease.
On so many angles this is an amazing article to read. I can feel the times when I was looked after by someone who was afraid of making a mess of it, untrusting of their connection with themselves and so too the world around them. This person’s fear was a constant and growing up I couldn’t see the source of the fear but I choose to assume I was missing an obvious threat. I choose to doubt what I felt to be true because no-one else seemed to be paying attention. So I opted to disconnect and choose the nearest thing which was a mental exercise of working out best/worst case scenarios, of playing it safe rather than sorry. I became apprehensive of life and exhausted. I lived in a constant state anxiety, of what ifs that I couldn’t see or prepare for. I had joined the many generations of people leading disconnected, anxiety lead lives based on speculation and fear of emotional or physical hurt.
This habit of fearing life – especially when everything flows – I can now see comes from my choice to disconnect from my inner knowing which knows an anxiety free life (and so much more) is our natural way. This person’s internal fear had nothing to do with factors in the present but all to do with knowing they were choosing to disconnect from their presence, their connection with the flow that gives us all we need. My conscious efforts to tell myself all is well, there is nothing to be afraid of, do not work because tension arises from not quite putting both feet in and taking responsibility for myself. This tension is simply asking me to truly connect, to go deeper and be here. It’s a wonderful thing that tells us we cannot be reckless as irresponsibility affects us all. So, beneath the anxiety I introduce into my body, I can feel the truth – the universal order that can impulse ones every move if we choose it. Then uncertainty and doubt have no place. I’m learning to sink more deeply into my body when feeling anxious rather than go into my head and try to work things out. I’m learning to trust life again and it’s amazing. Thank you for a wonderful article that’s reminded me to understand this more clearly.
Unfortunately, as adults we are very good at imposing on children and seeing them as being less or not knowing anything about life, just because they have small delicate bodies does not mean that they know less or that we have to control them by telling them exactly how they need to be. On the contrary, children offer us such a level of simplicity and equality like no other and so much more about life that we definitely need to start paying more attention and learn from them in very possible way.
We live life carrying past traumas and beliefs that limit the way we express with the world, children are just such a lovely reflection of how we are within ourselves and the more we choose to let go of these layers of hurts the less we impose on children on how they need to be and offer a true opportunity to blossom and reflect the innocence and love that we all are.
This is such a beautiful sharing of how we can grow and learn from one another. I love the openess and honesty of your mother-in-law. She sounds like an amazing woman, to be open to explore what is going on and to be that honest about it- what a blessing for the whole family.
How often do we like to blame others for what’s going on. Most of us have either heard or told negative stories about our ‘in laws’. We love to whinge about our partners parents or family members etc, but how often do we actually bring understanding and compassion to our extended family? This is a wonderful example of what possible when we dig a little deeper and bring love to the situation.
Diana, what you’re offering here is a beautiful example of what’s possible when we check in with people. What transpired from you taking the time to read your daughter and then talk to your mother-in-law is pretty amazing. So much good has come from that.
We see in children what every adult still holds inside which is unconditional love, endless joy and an innocence that is super sweet and sincere. As adults we may have become hardened to life and built layers of protection, children remind us of the truth of our nature.
“I felt that it was not so much about doing something, but more about how she was when she was with her granddaughter.” This is a great reflection, to see how we are can effect another. How we behave or communicate can cause disturbance in another.
Beautifully expressed Diana, learning to read my child and not reacting to her behaviour has been key to deepening the relationship with her. When we read a child, partner, friend, colleague etc or any situation in life it gives us the space to understand and to love and support another free of judgment.
This is so awesome what you have shared about yourself, your mother-in-law and husband. When we are truly open and willing to feel and see what is there that is not harmonious it can be healed; and when we support others in this space without judgement the healing can have a larger ripple effect within the world. Thank you ✨
The more we say yes to love the more we realise that every experience in life is an opportunity for healing and evolution, as absolutely everything whether it is through nature, children or events will reflect something for us that is always asking us to be more of the love that we are.
The reflections we receive from children are truly healing beyond what we can imagine, all that is required for us is to connect with our bodies and be able to read what it is that they are trying to communicate in very moment, simple and powerful way of parenting.
It is amazing how much we are ruled by those things we do not deal with, hurts, we bury them until we are no longer aware of them and yet they influence our daily interactions. Living like this is such a deficit compared to what is possible when we are alive and present fully aware of our choices.
Diana, this is beautiful – you have shared a healing all around. By ‘reading’ your daughter and really getting an understanding of what is happening for her, you have not only supported her with everyday situations, but have taken it that much of a step further by including the healing of the mother in law. It is crazy to realise the things we can carry for years and years – for example with what you shared with your moth in in law – a woman totally capable of caring for children and with such a huge experience and know-how of caring for such a large family and so many children from such a young age (how amazing is that!), but to then holding the trauma of being berated and treated for less when her siblings hurt themselves as a natural part of growing up. But thanks to the opportunity offered between you all, this has been a healing for all of you. How beautiful to feel your appreciation on all levels, and to feel that it was embraced by you all. And so this just represents the beginning for us all – one step towards healing and we get to feel the effects, and so we can keep taking those steps, building more trust in the unfolding.
You raise an important point in looking after babies, toddlers or young children , who cannot vocalise their needs and explain why they are upset, and that is the importance of “reading” the situation.
Working with babies ,as a midwife it is invaluable learning about and understanding the different cries and body language of babies.
How life changing it can be when we truly read what is going on and take the opportunity to share our feelings with others. Sometimes I don’t think that I can read sufficiently a situation and it can be very supportive then to see someone I trust who I can talk to about it. The Benhayon Family and Universal Medicine Practitioners can be hugely helpful at these times.
How beautiful Diana that your expressing openly with your mother-in-law allowed her to feel, release and heal childhood hurts, opening the way for her to feel more of herself and therefore be more for her granddaughter, allowing the space for a deeper loving connection to develop.
This highlights to me that when we come up against some of our behaviours or those of others that it can be supportive to consider and explore where they originate from. It’s not at all to absolve or shirk responsibility for them, but it does allow us the grace to have more understanding and acceptance in supporting ourselves and others.
So true Katie, and grownups do too, we have just found a way to ignore it and than after a while have no idea why there is a tension in our body.
Hi Mary, I think a lot of people can relate to your experience. I understand what you are sharing here and how it is not something commonly lived in most of our society yet, to realize that we are all responsible for all children equally. The question that comes up is, is this indeed about feeling more responsible or trying to control a situation because there is a feeling that there is a certain excepted outcome from the parents?
Your mother-law was blessed by your openness and honesty. It is never beneficial to keep things inside of us, brewing away into this fantasy or that. It is always best to read a situation and start the conversation. Your anecdote is truly inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Jeanette, yes reading a situation gives much clarity and also my mother in law her acceptance of the reflection she got and the willingness to go deeper to feel what was underneath it all.
When we read people or a situation in life we get so much more than if we only see what is happening on a physical level. We literally do a step back and observe what is going on with no judgement and that’s not always easy. It asks from us to not be attached in an emotional way, to come from true love. And that is what I love about your sharing Diana you hold your mother in law and your daughter in love equally and approached the situation from openess which gave you the clarity and honesty to deal with what life presented to you.
A beautiful reminder in exposing the responsibility I have in the quality of energy I am in. I have three children and what I get from reading this blog is that every one of them is a reflection as to where I am at… umm, much to ponder on here.
What a beautiful reflection on healing and how an opportunity to heal old hurts can come in many forms – all we need to do is be open to feeling what is really going on in our body. The power of old hurts and responsibilities to influence our present life is huge and this blog will support others to become more aware of these hidden influences. The choices we make, old patterns and ‘behaviours’ hold us and others back from being who we truly are – loving, open and allowing. Thanks for sharing Diana.
What I love about children is there honesty. There is no pretending, trying to be nice or wearing a mask. They are who they are and I feel this is one of the biggest healings we get from children.
It is so true Diana that every experience has an opportunity for healing; and for learning.
Children are so often a beautiful reflection of honesty and truth when they are encouraged and empowered to express their natural wisdom.
Amazing sharing about the evolution that can occur in relationships and life if we are open to it. We are only a few short moments away from having greater understanding, it requires us to express the love in any given moment, and let it naturally unfold.
It is amazing how it is possible to hold onto something that was so hurtful in our past, and to be held in the reaction to that event for the rest of our lives. But it is also so beautiful when the opportunity arises to let that hurt go, and the opportunity is seized.
What a beautiful sharing Diana. To me it reveals my own tension when I’m around my own daughter, not wanting to make mistakes – which takes away the Joy. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but what I do feel is how I’ve taken on beliefs to take care of her in a certain way, because if something might happen that family/society may be angry with me. I try to live (parent) up to a faultless parenting. I try to live (parent) up to a faultless parenting. Which of course doesn’t exist – and – is taking anyone away from the moment. I can feel the dependency in my body as I’m sharing this which hurts tremendously. Time to make my own choices and take responsibility for not giving my power away. Appreciating me as a lovely man, father and parent is also part of the healing I feel. This feels very Joyful, Light and Honouring.
This is a beautiful blog Diana, inspiring too, the power of honest communication and so much more are captured here.
‘Honest communication’ should be an absolute staple in life but it’s not, lies are our staple. We lie to ourselves and to others so routinely that most of us don’t even register that that is what’s going on. Kids on the other hand don’t lie until they realise that lies are the way of the world and that currently telling the truth doesn’t work.
Thank you Dianne, it is only when we get ourselves out of the way when our evolution and healing starts.
One of the many beautiful things reflected in this blog is the power of reading. Simply stopping, connecting and taking a moment to read or gain a deeper understanding into a situation is usually transformational and healing – wonder why we don’t do it more often!
What beautiful,bridging, healing communication happened within this story. For everyone young and old. This is an incredible way to be with each other. Everyone a valuable and appreciated equally listened from the wisdom that is in all. Especially our children.
Yes, and to be able to do this requires one to not hold back but to express truthfully and honestly as Diane and her mother-in-law do – a beautiful and trusting relationship.
‘We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. ‘ this is such a great realisation. Everyone expressing their feelings is so important. For if expression is suppressed then we end up having a build up that ends up eventually coming out quite vile and/or laying as a poison and tension in the body which makes us ill.
Very true – and in so doing we also hold back another’s opportunity to evolve from the truth that we had felt to express but did not.
Your blog is really beautiful and clear Diana. It reminds me of the importance of reading children’s attitudes. If we are honest and opened to feel the truth of what is happening behind their behaviours, lots of situations would be naturally healed. That’s it.
This blog is so supportive and shows that wherever we are or whatever we are doing, there are many opportunities to free ourselves of past experiences and beliefs that are currently affecting our choices and how we relate to other people.
They do show us how to return to that innocent pure way of being don’t they. I get inspired everyday by those little ones with their grand wisdom of life.
I loved being outside playing when I was a child and I loved the woods also. It far outweighed sitting inside looking at a screen. I remember one time when I was doing just that, being inside watching tv when the sun was pouring its warmth outside and how dull it was sitting inside. Outside I felt free, warm and alive and that to me was so much more fun. Great to feel the difference.
It’s truly amazing when we can be open to change and also allowing other people to share with us things that can help us to grow. It might be easy to go into defence defending our behaviour but when we can see that we are not our behaviours it’s easier to welcome honest influx from other people.
How incredible are children that they can handle so much from us. How resilient is the child who lives with our constant worry and fear and yet can still light up the room with their joy and their play. What is most striking about this, is that we were all that child once, lighting up the room just because we could. So what has changed? Why don’t we light it up anymore? Being an adult is no excuse. Your light is you and it is lovely, no matter who you are.
Such a gorgeous blog to read and super supportive for all parents out there and for those who work with young children. And that children can reflect/communicate so much to us, if we only take the time to ask the questions you did Diana, to read what your daughter was telling you. True parenting.
I also loved that there is not one ounce of judgement in your blog Diana but an absolute holding of everyone in love.
That stood out for me too jane176 which goes to show how common it is to slip into blaming mode or some form of emotional drama when writing and commenting online (at least that is my experience from reading articles on the internet). So reading articles on this site is very freeing and the comments are to me textbook examples of how we should conduct ourselves when we go online and express ourselves.
What a beautiful blog to read this morning – it is a wonderful example of the healing that can take place when we are willing to read situations and express truth.
Diane I love your sharing of what is going on and that”For me to experience the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming,” This is beautiful as it is expressing all we feel in full and this is something I am working on and it takes me back to feeling when I was a small child and the gradual stopping of expressing all I felt also the restrictions of this in my body. From here I am learning to release this.
“to experience the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming,”-
Yes, I find that with babies because they cry as their form of communication it is very important to read the situation, and all parents do it without knowing they are. We can learn so much from reading the body language of a baby.
Wow what a wonderful blog with its simplicity and wisdom. I can feel the healing your grandmother received through the way you dealt with the situation. Connect and read the child’s behaviour. Nothing occurs fo nothing, not only with your child’s behaviour, but also withyour mother-in-law. Leaving our any form of judgement gave soace for a dialogue and healing. Lovely reflection!
I agree Caroline, this blog is full of simplicity and wisdom, and you can feel how much Diana is connected with herself which supports her to connect and read her child’s behaviour. It is inspiring for us all to connect and read all situations in our life for as you say, nothing happens for nothing, and everything happens for a reason.
How beautiful that you were able to feel into what your children were telling you by their behaviours, instead of ignoring them, it opens up the way for everybody to choose a different way of being with each other.
Absolutely Carmel, we are all communicating with each other in every moment, even when we are not saying anything. In understanding this there come a responsibility to ensure that we can communicate truth through everything we do.
This is such a gorgeous sharing Diana, wow. I can feel how held your mother in law has been so beautifully in your understanding and love which allowed her to feel and let go of her own pain. Amazing what space and healing is offered when we devote ourselves to love.
This blog has reflected the power of ‘Images’ in our lives and how they can dictate the choices we make. These ‘Images’, if we do not take the time to checkin with them and where they are coming from, can harm others and ourselves. Images (ideals & beliefs) hold us back from living from the wisdom we hold within. The times I have stopped and felt what is true in many situations has allowed the perfect response to make itself known to me. When we trust what is innately within and live from this life flows and reflects the amazing love we naturally are. Our children and grandchildren are great reflections of this.
Children are a gift in teaching and showing us something about ourselves.
I absolutely agree Johanne, this gets confirmed to me on a daily basis 🙂
Everything is a gift in teaching and showing us something about ourselves.
Children reflect so much to us, for me they are beautiful mirrors that show me where I am at. I love connecting to children and feel the simplicity and innocence they bring. When I am out of sorts, a child will tell you straight away. Not so much with word, but in how they respond to you.
So very true Mariette, children are such a gift for everyone; they reflect the innocence and beauty we all come from.
I agree Mariette and Katerina, children may have little bodies, that sometimes we adults can overlook the wisdom and light they carry.
True Mariette – hard to escape the facts when a child is around.
“We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing.” When we hold back our expression everyone loses out on an opportunity.
It’s so great you were able to nip this one in the bud through perfectly reading the situation so that the healing could take place and also that your daughter won’t continue to be affected. It just shows how something in the past not dealt with can resurface and affect others.
So true Kevin. Healing our hurts is so important for our past and future as well as our present.
The wisdom that children have just by their being, is a gift for the world, a reminder of who we all naturally are and where we have come from – a place of love – that perhaps we may have walked away from, but it is always there for us to return to.
Thank you Diana and Shami, I agree, returning to love is the key to our reading situations. Not that we ever lose the ability to read situations but from love we remember to use the ability to read, which allows others to be who they are without any judgment and then we become the observers of what is at play without taking anything on.
Yes Greg it is important to observe, as soon we absorb we are effected by the energy that is at play and react. And reading from reaction does not allow us to feel what is truly going on.
Beautifully summed up Greg. When we express from love we become the observers of what is at play without taking anything on.
Absolutely Jacqueline, I agree, and observing from love their is a great responsibility to know what or if to express. In certain situations silence is golden!
I love how you’ve expressed this Shami, I feel exactly the same. Children bring us back to the joy and beautiful simplicity we are meant to be living all of the time.
Wow it always amazes me how much wisdom and healing young children bring. These qualities need to be nurtured and adored so they never leave us, this way a child grows up not afraid of the love they bring.
I agree Samantha, if we appreciate this in children and hear and observe what they have to say they will keep expressing.
Dianna this is beautiful to share and read and the beauty of” the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming”, and this is a very real and supportive way of living our lives.
Diana, this is a really beautiful and enjoyable blog to read. You touch on far more than just parenting and what children can reflect to adults. How you related to your mother-in-law and explored what was going on gave me an example of the responsibility we all have towards each other to speak up and not sweep things under the carpet. Even though you did not detail it here, the way the understanding and healing unfolded I get the sense how you approached and explored this with your mother-in-law was from loving and holding her as an equal. Two important ingredients for supporting each other’s evolution.
Only recently one of my grandchildren paid a visit I was trying out a new lounger for the garden – lying in a relaxing pose. Next minute a warm pair of little arms and a body had joined me, no words just a warm embrace. The joy and inner glow in that sharing needed no words. I feel that your mother-in-law will also naturally feel that joy from her beautiful grandchildren and embrace every moment and not let old patterns hold that love back anymore – a beautiful sharing thank you Diana.
Love hearing about your grandchildren Marion, how awesome it is for them to have you as a reflection.
That is beautiful Marion, and yes there are many ways to comunicate without using words.
Diana this is really beautiful to read how your relationship with your mother-in-law is open enough to allow not only a change in how she looks after your children, but the amazing healing that also took place, and the opportunity for deeper healing too.
“Serge changed my outlook on life and encouraged me to participate in the world in a playful and joyful way, inspiring me to come out of my self-created bubble that now, looking back, was like a very isolated prison cell – it felt somewhat safe but wasn’t true at all.” I had a protected childhood though I never saw it as this, but like you J.A it was only when I was able to look back and see that I was living in a bubble of protection and comfort that I started to come out of hiding and truly participate in life. The misery that I used to wake up in the morning with and the drive to overcome this are almost gone and I am really beginning to appreciate and enjoy the changes in my life.
“Her granddaughter gave her a beautiful gift by exposing this behaviour that was not honouring the loving, caring and responsible woman that she naturally is”. A beautiful gift indeed.
This kind of synthesis that Diane relates in this blog of reading, meeting another, understanding , holding oneself and not going into reaction and honest communication and expression is a great example of how we can get through life developing more loving and harmonious relationships with each other. Yes problems arise and will continue to, but the study of experiences like this are the gold that will move humanity forwards in a way like it never has before.
I felt deeply moved by the beauty of the realisation your mother-in-law came to of how she had held such a debilitating belief of herself for so long. But also the way your husband daughter and yourself all played your part in exposing, supporting and honouring her in her true abilities to nurture and care for children, so simple and yet so profound.
I agree Alison the healing the whole family received is because they already had a foundation of love and acceptance. For any family to evolve together true love and acceptance essential.
Same here Alison. Reading this blog gives a familiar feeling of this is what true families are all about. True families support each other to be open and loving in expressing, building trust and communication within the family setting, so that we can feel safe to feel and heal our past hurts that no longer serve us when they pop up.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all supported each other to understand more about ourselves, our behaviours and about life, rather than the current dog eat dog mentality where not only do we not support each other but we will gleefully cut another down and step over them to ‘get ahead’.
I agree Fiona. This is beautiful to read Diana and the more I parent the more I see that whatever particular thing is going on for my children is actually because of something unhealed in me that is being reflected in them. Being open to this has allowed me to heal so much and in turn then connect more with them as I share my own learning, I often wonder at the magic of it all. In so many ways these little wise people just for being themselves, are our greatest teachers.
Thank you Diane, this is a great example of how childhood experiences can still have an effect on a person even when they are at the senior age in life. This is a long time to live with this imposition, and a long time for it to dictate the way a person responds or reacts to life situations. What a great healing it is to realise and understand these patterns, and woeful that different generations are supporting each other in this learning.
I had some tough things to deal with as a child which also gave me the beliefs I had to be there for others, to put others first, and if they weren’t doing well then it was so somehow my fault. I’m still working through this and it puts tremendous stress on the body to feel these things, since they are not a natural part of who I am. Your blog today has given me the loving support to continue looking at my beliefs and behavioural patterns and to understand there is a gentle way forward to heal these.
That is beautiful Melinda, I appreciate you sharing this. Understanding why we’ve created certain patterns and behaviors so that we can let go of it, is truly healing.
Wow Melinda, in reading your comment I have a deeper appreciation of the loving support that is offered by these blogs, and each person who chooses to share their experience – for we all have so much to learn from each other.
This is a valuable lesson – ‘I communicated this to my mother-in-law and she started to think about what she could do to entertain her, like taking her out for a walk etc.’ in that it shows just how our reaction to many of the issues that we experience in life is to go to what we can do to correct it but the real answers lie in how we are and the quality of our being as what happens in life is always a reflection of this.
Love this Michael so true.
Thank you Diana for sharing this with us. What is so valuable in this piece is open and loving communication, that if something goes not so well or smooth – it is openly discussed and so there is space for greater healing. This is what stood out to me in this piece. Never to tell someone that he or she is not right – but purely opening up the conversation about what is underneath – which instantly brings healing to both.
Wisdom is not something acquired through age but rather connection.
“Wisdom is not something acquired through age but rather connection.” – Spot on Adam, wisdom is certainly not acquired by virtue of the sum of our years on the planet or the number of books one has read – connection is definitely where it’s at.
Outdoor swimming pools are always a huge responsibility when there are small children around, especially when adults are busy chatting amongst themselves. I lived in a house with an outdoor pool for 28 years and the worst thing I found when a small child fell in was how silent they were when under the water. It was terrifying. We were quick to rescue the child, but it was always a worry and a stark reminder to stay vigilant.
“Letting go of the false belief that she is not capable of looking after little children” We are taught that we have to be taught and learn how to do things, how to take care of people, what to do in certain situations whereas what I’ve come to understand is it is really about learning to trust what we feel that truly educates us. Its great that through children and families willing to have open conversations that we can heal beliefs that have held us captive for decades if not lifetimes.
Thank you Diana, your blog is truly beautiful. I loved reading the blessing you all received through your expressions and the love between you all that made it possible. Thank you for sharing.
I’m not a mother nor do I have children in my blood family, but I receive a healing and a blessing from children every single day. This can be in school, walking down the street, in the supermarket or driving past in a car.
This is so beautifull Diana there is no blame, judgement, resentment or anxiety with you, instead just an openness and willingness to feel, learn and express a win win situation for all ? Beautifull
I agree Vicky, the love, understanding and gentleness everyone was held in within this situation is a blessing to feel. No fighting, reactions, judgements or blame, just openness and holding everyone equally whilst the purpose reveals itself. This reflects a beautiful way forward for humanity to deal with issues that is healing and supportive for all.
My daughter was very joyful and powerful, full of life, when she was young. Growing older she developed different qualities, but seemed to have reduced her joy. As more as I learn to be in my natural love and stillness again as a mother and reflect this to her, she develops back into her joyfulness. This is beautiful to feel and to see.
I agree, children are true in their expression and when we allow to see this and read their behviour it can be a healing for us.
Diana thank-you for showing a very real example of the value in reading situations.
I am struck by the patience, understanding and lack of judgment you have brought to this situation and in this the space you have allowed for healing.
For me this is a pure example of the fact of energy….to quote Serge Benhayon,
“Therefore, it is far wiser to learn more about it and thus take command over what happens energetically than it is to discount it and continue to be subjects of its ceaseless out-play.”
Yes children who know who they are are not afraid to expose us, and they do this in the most loving of ways.
Wow children offer us so much wisdom, it is really beautiful how you and your family are open to the healing and insight offered by your little one. Our children can be walking gems of wisdom it is a real shame to ignore the gifts of evolution they bring.
Letting go of our beliefs, pictures and expectations is so freeing; what a beautiful story to highlight this Diana.
What a truely divine blessing for your mother-in-law, your daughter and all the family.
The way children communicate and connect to others is such a gift; what an amazing gift your daughter presented to your family. The wonderful thing is that children are offering these gifts in every moment, if only we listen, as you did Diana.
I am appreciating that children have so much to offer us, in terms of honesty, expression and reflection. Sometimes it is easy to see them as young and naive, but the fact is this is not the case at all, and just by observing them we can learn so much. They are communicating to us all of the time, just as we are to them, and it is our choice to see that or not.
I agree, Hannah, kids have extraordinary wisdom – it’s ordinary to them, just special to us because we have forgotten how to be that way.
It is the natural self love and self acceptance we forget. Young children are abundant with self acceptance before they become moulded by societies expectations. It is always beautiful to watch how connected a child is to their body – disconnection with the body is a learnt behaviour, we lose ourselves to fit in and meet the expectations of others.
There is something truly magical about children, their openness and ability to love without question – the way they wave and smile at people, and in most cases where they have not been hurt or abused, are totally trusting. But they are by no means weak or stupid. I know that babies and young children can be very aware of whats going on around them, and very discerning of who they want to hug or hold them, and who they don’t. When we honour this feeling, they are empowered to trust what they feel.
We have much to learn through and from our children – and I find this applies regardless of whether or not they are younger or older. I’m finding that the more I am open to connecting to my daughters (now well into their teens and early 20’s simply by being myself and not with the pressure of trying to prove anything, the more i feel expansion, appreciation and acceptance of our relationship.
Yes, Angela, when we create space for our children to become themselves, they can teach us so much and we can celebrate what they bring to our lives every day rather than feel the pressure of expectations.
What a beautiful article to read and realize how much we can learn from our children at any age and the true healings offered .I am amazed the learnings that are always there from all situations and the relationships we have but especially from parents children and close family . This is not always easy but very revealing and worth opening up and truly listening to everyone and not reacting as there is always much more going on at a deeper level to be revealed.
I love what you present here Diana how we can learn from the young if we surrender and listen to what it is they are actually telling us. What a true healing this was for you all to be able to see the disturbance, read into what it was that is actually being said and then expressing this lovingly as a true offering to look deeper into our choices. I’m sure your mother-in-law feels a lot more relaxed and even is enjoying the time she is now spending with you daughter.
Hi Natalie, That is what she shared with me last week. Now with the tension and anxiousness that she held out of the way, she enjoys looking after the kids and is able to interact more with them than before.
Very inspiring Diana and I recently met your mother-in-law and she is such a gorgeous and beautiful woman. Wonderful to see how you two are getting along and the honesty and openness you have in your relationship.
This is beautiful news about your Mother-in-law Diana. We can sometimes see issues as problems to be solved, yet by understanding that issues are opportunities for healing we can see that it’s not just about removing the discomfort but about restoring a true way of being, which then provides an ongoing healing for all we are in contact with. We can then bring more of ourselves to the world and everyone benefits. Healing is certainly a brotherhood kind of thing! 😉
We are only free of our learnt behaviours (lots of which have come from our childhood) if we choose to be. As in, if we actually stop and assess, spotting and choosing to be aware of patterns that play out triggered by something experienced or told from the past. It has been amazing for me to understand and implement this – both liberating and empowering. No longer an apparent victim of my past but really responsible for my now and the future. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to keep one step ahead of a ‘fear’ only to realise it is pretty insignificant when I actually face it. But the feeling of spaciousness when the grip of that ‘fear’ has gone is so cool and inspires me for the next moment
What a blessing for your mother-in-law, your child, and all involved Diana, that such long-held underlying influence could be addressed – without judgment, and with the deepest understanding and loving support. This is the way for us all to heal, and be with each other in relationships – to read things energetically, and not blame or personalise – offering a deeper understanding as to what is going on for someone.
A common tendency in a situation such as you’ve described with your daughter Diana, would be to try to control the child, assuage the nervous energy (or whatever was making it hard for her to settle), and likely ‘soldier on’, thinking this is just ‘one’s lot’ as a parent, and your child is difficult to settle at times. What you’ve shared shows how simple it can be to look to what may be underlying – to feel and read what may be going on. Even if we don’t get clarity immediately, the willingness to be open to going deeper in this way already shifts us out of such an entrenched way of being, and into a space where there is the potential for truly addressing the situation.
So true Victoria, and Diana’s way of dealing with it shows such respect for the child, to not dismiss it as “just one of those things”, or “just a phase” but to be open to deeply understanding the child and all she was feeling. It’s so powerful when children are not diminished in any way but held equally without any preconcieved notions.
What a gift to your children and your familial relationships Diana, that you choose to read and feel what is going on for your children, rather than react and play out measures that could exacerbate anything going on behaviourally.
This blog really shows the power of acceptance. Not only in the case of the grandmother with her granddaughter but also of the grandparent by their son and daughter which allowed the space for this healing from a child to occur.
Yes, Michael the power of acceptance, understanding and appreciation and how they all allow things to unfold very naturally. As I write I am considering the numbers of times that it is possible and habitual to interfere with this. One comment or interruption can arrest the unfolding, as it were.
Children reflect back to us our chosen behaviours in every way, but we often do not want to see or look at what is being exposed, which is why we often put them down or try to silence them. Diana, you share in your blog just what healing can take place when we are open to receiving signs, signals and messages to what is being communicated.
And what a travesty it is Rachel – for everyone concerned – when the signals and communications are shut down and suppressed, rather than learnt from.
“We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing.” How often do we hold back from expressing what we feel, choosing to pander or sympathise with another. As soon as we do this we are no longer able to see the bigger picture and what is really going on. This is why your experience and sharing is so valuable Diana, it shows that if we lovingly express what we feel there is a healing for everyone.
I know I have held back a lot from expressing or saying what is there to be said in case the other person may react, but then ultimately we all miss out. What I find fascinating is when I do not express what I feel to then I am inundated with thoughts afterwards of I should have said this or that, whereas when I simply say what is there to be said the moment completes and I no longer carry it around with me thinking about it – it is so much simpler and more straight forward.
Your blog Diana is healing for us all. I know many parents who do not allow the grandparents to look after their children because they do not agree on the way they care for them thus the necessary support does not get taken up and both the child and grand parents miss out on the relationship. You are showing that with love and understanding every-one can deepen, develop, heal and win, win situation for all.
I was very fearful of my parents being involved with my children’s upbringing because of the hurt I still carried from my childhood. That just kept us all arrested in the past. What Diana has shared shows us the opportunity to ‘re-write history’, and there is so much healing for everyone in this.
We are not changing history we need it as a truthful record. When reaction subsides we learn from what has hurt us and find more loving ways and thus we evolve, leaving our unloving ways behind because they are history.
This is a great point Mary-Louise, if we make our relationships truly loving and always deepening then everyone can learn from them – definitely a win win situation for all!
It is such a relief when we realize that we can allow our children to explore and make mistakes and have mishaps and that this is all part of their learning and development. We are not responsible for our children’s choices nor is our sense of well-being dependant on how they are getting on in life. Many of us get our sense of worth from how well our children are going. This exposes that we are too invested in our children and are not enough in ourselves as women.
This is huge, Mary-Louise, the transformative power of letting go. I know that I found it really hard to even comprehend, let along implement. What I can say is that it was a total game-changer when I did and some of my best parenting decisions have come out of the realisation that my children are responsible for their choices and relationships. It allows respect and understanding to underpin our lives together.
Great point Mary-Louise how the sense of self worth is gauged on how well your children are doing. Such an illusion and to let this go and allow them to make mistakes, learn and grow is one that many struggle with. We are so caught up in controlling life which gives a false sense of security we also want to control others.
I felt inspired in just the first part of this blog in reading how the children spend time with both sets of parents. When my children were small I never would do this and now in hindsight question why I was so reluctant to accept the support. Which means I can now see clearly that in taking the time to talk through where our parents are coming from in how they are with children how there is a great value to this and a healing that may be possible for all. Thank you Diana for an awesome sharing 😉
What an awesome series of events. Everything is an opportunity for us to learn and grow.
It has touched me, Diana, how open your mother in law was to heal and to learn anew and how you and your husband were giving her the space to heal in taking responsibility for your daughter.
This touched me too Kerstin, it is a confirmation of the loving, consistent relationships that Diana and her husband have already developed with the grandmother that she could allow the deep healing to occur. Truly inspirational.
It has touched me, Diana, how open your mother in law was to heal and to learn anew and how you and your husband were giving her the space to heal. This is lived brotherhood.
What a beautiful healing all round – it goes to show if we express our truth and not hold back – just look what unfolds.
What a blessing for your mother-in law, that you talked with her about what you were observing with your daughter. Goes to show, we think we are doing the right thing by not saying anything but actually by speaking up with the love, and understanding that you did, an enormous healing happened for your mother-in law which will have a ripple effect not only with your immediate family but as well all her family and friends.
So another great tribute to the power of speaking up and that when things are shared with love and understanding we can ‘hear’ big stuff and be open to learn and change.
Understanding definitely changes everything and brings in a much more spherical approach to situations.
This shows just how easily we subconsciously impose what we are feeling on others when we have not understood why we feel as we do toward the situations we encounter in life.
It is incredible how this happens, and we are completely unaware, until another shows us what is truly going on. Sometimes it can feel hard to accept the things we have chosen and the way we have behaved but understanding why gives us a beautiful appreciation and acceptance, and in that an opportunity to heal our own hurts.
Very true and succinctly said. When we do this we create more muck and keep adding layers of what is not true instead of allowing what is true to be there and for that to be what we live with.
Bringing understanding to a situation is a must if we want any healing to take place, by being open and allowing we can expose a behaviour or hurt for what it is and choose to move on.
Exactly Samantha, the understanding definitely brings with it an openness that not only allows healing, but the space for things that do not hold true to be let go of quite simply.
This is a great example Diana of how we can learn from one another if we are open to it, no matter our age. It is all about taking responsibility and being honest with ourselves that everything in life is set up to assist us to evolve back to who we truly are. We are not the ideals and beliefs we have taken on in life, the ideals and beliefs that have been fed to us, all to take and to keep us away from who we truly are. We can let go of these and all moments in life we are confronted with this gives us the opportunity to heal ourselves from the ill momentum that we have brought into ur bodies because of us living in this way.
What I find so cool is that you actually investigated what was going on with your daughter, rather than simply accepting it and living with it – which is what most of us do! It’s amazing what we learn and what’s possible when we simply take the time and care to look into what is going on.
I agree Meg, all it takes is wanting to understand why something is happening rather than simply reacting to the situation. It is something we can take to all areas of our lives.
Absolutely, when it comes to investigating and understanding what is really going on there isn’t a single area of our lives it doesn’t apply to.
This was awesome advice from Michael Benhayon, bringing the power back to you by suggesting you could feel what was going on with your daughter and could work with that. Reading people and situations has been a revelation for me. Not so much because problems or issues can be solved, but because of the deeper trust in myself to know what is going on and that there is a true answer always there through connection with feeling, that the mind alone cannot often grasp.
What a beautiful blog Dianne bringing so much real understanding to what is actually going on in the world and the wisdom offered of our presence being the most important part of parenting and listening to what our children are reflecting to us .Thank you for your Wise words
The title of this article came to me today as I walked behind two grandparents (I presume) and a little girl holding their hands in the middle as they walked her to nursery. The grandparents took great care of her and I’ve no doubt they, quite naturally, felt responsible for her well-being. I’ve no doubt they felt the joy of being with her. She was delightful and I could feel what beautiful healing she was bringing shinning in all her beingness as she held their hands.
As a society, my impression is, we are taught children are mostly blank canvases and become great people through what is given to them by adult caretakers. So a great onus is put on adults to deliver happiness, success, well-adjustedness etc and very little about feeling the great majesty that is bestowed upon us through our children and how to nurture them so they feel open to be who they are.
Diana, it is an awesome healing that you and your daughter were able to bring. I so appreciate how you were able to have that very healing and loving conversation with your mother in law. In my experience, fear is a great relationship destroyer and is compounded by people going into defense so that honest and healing conversation doesn’t happen. For me you are blazing a trail and shining a light.
Beautiful sharing Diana, very inspiring to read how when we open up to another we offer a place for them to go deeper and be supported in the process.
Diana what an amazing awareness and understanding for everyone. The simplicity of asking a couple of question and the depth of information that was shared is a true healing for all. What a blessing that across the generations everyone gets a healing and an anxious cycle is ended.
This is a great example of how important it is to communicate with each other and to not take anything for granted nor having to put up with anything.
Yes, isn’t it! It is so common to not want to go there or delve deeper but when we do look at what is possible.
Your approach of the situation and your communication with your mother in law is groundbreaking Diana. How often do we leave situations how they are and start blaming and being annoyed instead. You show that we simply need the willingness to read what is really going on and start to unravel from there, then no judgement or blaming is in the way but understanding and learning is there for everyone to have.
It is incredible that opening the conversation has paved the way for healing for all on such a great scale. Stepping back and reading the situation gives us all space to see what is actually going on rather than jumping in and forcing the situation in an attempt to change it.
The stepping back and reading part is key. I so often get in there and from within a problem or situation it is much harder to have the clarity to read what is actually going on.
I find the same! If I haven’t stepped back and observed it, I usually find myself totally lost within the problem with no seeming answer. Yet when I step back the answer is almost always simply just there.
So true Susan…when we react or blame it only creates complication and tension – in complete contrast to the simplicity of reading a situation which opens the way for so much healing.
Beautifully said Victoria…’out of the mouths of babes’ comes so much truth.
Everyone is a great reflection for us of how we choose to live, and children especially are open and honest in sharing their feelings and saying whatever is needed at the time – they don’t have the layers of protection and or the facade to hide behind, and therefore ‘out of the mouths of babes’ comes the complete truth. They miss nothing, and see and feel everything …. we would be wise to listen and respect what they offer … as you share so beautifully here Diana.
Diana, yes indeed your daughter did give her grandma a beautiful gift but so did you in your very astute reading of the situation.
I agree Alexis taking the time to ponder and read the situation Diana afforded her mother-in law a healing that will change her life. This blog shows us the power of reading.
Learning to read energy (which is simply choosing to be aware) is one of the greatest gifts that I have received from the Teachings of Universal Medicine. When we read situations it gives us understanding to not take things personally, to see beyond what initially appears on the surface giving us clarity and the opportunity for healing to take place.
Reading children is a top parenting tip and I too remember and feel very grateful for hearing Michael and Serge Benhayon talk about this subject. As you write, reading children simply means “connecting with them and feeling what they are actually communicating”.
What an incredible blog, sharing and healing for your mother in law which has wide healing ripples for all those in her life. Your blog Diana reminded me of the importance to constantly bring understanding to people and cut/observe judgment or other reactions we may go into. We have no idea what people might have gone through. In meeting people from a place of love and a willingness to allow understanding, miracles and great healing happen.
Alexandra I agree whole heartedly agree with what you have shared ‘ Your blog Diana reminded me of the importance to constantly bring understanding to people and cut/observe judgment or other reactions we may go into’. I am working on this by learning to cut myself some slack first. I am becoming increasingly more aware of the correlation between how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. It is our relationship with ourselves that sets everything else in motion and so I am learning not to react harshly to myself, so that I, in turn, can truly accept everyone else exactly as they are.
Beautifully said Alexandra. Understanding is key. We don’t know what has gone on for people in their lives and what they have been through. Bringing understanding allows space for many things to come and for healing.
Flying long haul today we sat behind a 4 month old baby and his mother and it was a joy to see. The baby cried for about 50 seconds for the whole journey and it was a pleasure to observe how the young mother naturally knew what to do to support the baby, there was no panic or frustration when the baby didn’t want to sleep. She was very calm and the baby could feel this and even on the decent you could see the baby was in discomfort around his head and ears as the pressure in the cabin changed but he didn’t cry. To me this showed how much children respond to the calmness and presence of the mother and the sister who was travelling with her to give support.
Thank you for sharing Diana. Reading the situation leads us back to love and understanding is given. How beautiful that in every incident there is love to be found when we choose to connect and seek truth. It’s great how open you all were to receive the healing.
I agree Doug – I have found that the first and most significant step in this is in letting go.
Beautiful Diana. A true testimony to taking the time to truly reconnect with others and read situations.
What I feel is a great lesson expressed in this blog is how if we all have a bit more understanding of each other, it allows the space for someone like Diana’s mother-in-law to come to a deeper understanding of themselves. So by not judging the mother-in-law for her anxiousness about taking care of Diana’s daughter, and at the same time supporting the daughter’s rights to explore her body’s abilities, it created a beautiful situation for the mother-in-law to come to this understanding about herself and let go of much of that tension built up in her body.
Yes, I remember judging my parents-in-law and my own parents for not looking after my children the way that I wanted them to. Instead of reacting in this way I could have easily taken the time to talk to them and find out more about their experience and where they were coming from.
We cannot clearly read the situation if we are in judgement.
A beautiful and practical story confirming that we know so much more than our minds would like us to believe. Our bodies with all our senses are constantly reading energy, this can give us so much information.
The saying that ‘our children are our greatest teachers’ is so true.
Thank you both for sharing your story. It is amazing how things can change when we stand back and allow ourselves to just feel/read what is going on. It is also amazing when we are given the opportunity to express what we have been feeling, often unconsciously for so long. This is a wonderful story of the power of both these things to bring healing in a family. Little kids are such a great reflection for us as they do not mask or change the way they feel.
I like the art of communication that is expressed here. There is this mystery around the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law-relationship, and probably many people stay silent out of fear to hurt or get hurt. Where it is easy to express honestly what is going on without judging the other, as you so lightly describe, Diana.
This blog highlights the fact that no matter what age you are and how much experience you have with bringing up children there is so much to learn form each other. It is a great testimony to the grandparent who was willing to listen for the sake of the children and heal something within yourself also – that way the whole family benefits.
When reading your article Diana, it felt that the yard was a very busy motorway. All your mother in law needed was the confidence to trust that everything was going to be ok.
I agree with you Elizabeth. Diana’s sharing is awesome confirmation of the importance of reading each situation so that we can understand the larger picture. She also shows that by holding another in love and grace each person in the situation can come to greater understanding and much healing can occur.
Absolutely Rachel, ‘She also shows that by holding another in love and grace each person in the situation can come to greater understanding and much healing can occur’, I have felt in my own family the importance of holding each other in love and that talking supportively rather than accusingly is very important. I notice that if I am not loving when I bring something up to resolve there is much reaction. Now I make sure I’m loving and supportive and understanding and raise issues in this way and this feels so much more lovely and helps us work together rather than against each other.
By the sweetness of children we are able to find ourselves again, the children we once were.
Diana what you have shared here is very powerful and offers a great healing by understanding ,listening and truly communicating what is going on. Healing our hurts and living more freely from love and not trying to protect everyone is beautiful and true caring. This is really inspirational thank you.
Diana what an incredible healing experience with parenting, the importance of expressing how we feel or what is going on cannot be understated and your example clearly shows this. I particularly love the fact that it is us as adults that can lace and affect children with behaviours we have that are not, in truth, really ours but picked up along the way. What a great reflection and healing if we are open to what children show us.
Diana your connection to your daughters reaction to the day with your mother in law will be pivotal in your daughters trust of you and thus herself. In reading the situation and the openness you shared you have confirmed to her these feeling she has are to be taken seriously and not just brushed off as a tantrum or tired child as we often do.. What a beautiful confirmation for her and all involved and a point of evolution for all.
Yes, a great example of the power of trusting what we can read from a situation or a person. Also a fantastic confirmation that you’re never too old to unbundle childhood patterns that have been running us for decades.
So true Susan, it feels so healing the way Diana allowed herself to look at this way of approaching the problem from Michael Benhayon’s suggestion, and avoided any conflict or misunderstanding with her mother-in-law. This was putting the well being of the child first in the right way, not an upholding of a right way to do it on either side, but about what the child was feeling and reacting to. The sharing that ensued must have strengthened the relationship between Diana and her mother-in-law as well. We have to give time for such processes to unfold and be patient, but in the end the child will show us the way.
Awesome Diana. Great blog about how children tell us so much. And how reading and listening can bring about an awesome change for many.
Similar to the well-meaning grandmother I have found many areas of my life where I held a strong opinion and then realised that the truth is quite different and in most cases when my understanding increased I noticed that things were far better or more harmonious than I realised. It can be hellish when we limit our vision and our perception, hellish for us when it may in truth be completely different.
Diana, I love how you didn’t make anyone ‘wrong’ in this situation. You read what was there to read and let it all unfold. This is a beautifully healing blog for all.
I loved that too Carmin. If there had been reactions or judgement it would not have ended in such a healing for all. I also loved that they didn’t try to fix anything with solutions or doing. It was merely a shift and releasing of an old belief.
” every experience is an opportunity for healing” with this realised life can be viewed in a completely different way, rather than facing these events with dread, we can welcome the opportunity to learn and evolve, particularly the unpleasant experiences I welcome and celebrated for the revelations they bring and the opportunity to heal.
Brilliant blog Diana, it is so amazing how you, your husband and children assisted your mother in-law to heal instead of reacting to the result of what was happening. You lovingly gave her an opportunity to realise for herself what was causing her to be so tensed and anxious around young children. This is a beautiful learning for us all, to allow others space and time to reflect on their choices and how that impacts on themselves and others. To reflect what trust can do when we embrace it.
When we stand back from our children, looking at the big picture, we can learn so much from the behavior they are displaying. And so often I find as a mother, it comes back to the rhythm that I hold my daughter in, so that she feels safe within that.
I agree Emma. The rhythm of the day and the individual rhythm of the child or anyone really is so important to consider. It makes a huge difference to the flow and support that person feels and needs.
What a beautiful way to look at parenting – bringing it back to your responsibility and acknowledging how your rhythm would naturally affect your daughter too. It feels a super wise way to parent.
Dear Diana,
This is a significant story on a number of levels. The way that you were able to energetically read how your daughter was feeling demonstrates the incredible strength we have in learning to live with our 6th sense, our clairsentience. And then the way that you and your husband were able to present your findings, unemotionally, to your mother-in-law and support her to feel where this behavior had arisen in her, again is such a strength in being able to hold another to arrive at a deeper awareness and empowerment, without emotion or judgement. And ultimately opening up a healing for the whole family and beyond, by bringing to awareness a pattern that was not serving anyone. This blog will be useful to many people as situations such as these are part of normal, everyday families and these skills are well worth putting into practice.
Thanks Diana, this is a really supportive blog, to share what ‘reading’ your children sounds like and looks like makes it something we can all do. What a great support it was for your whole family. There is indeed so much communication happening in every moment that does not need words.
This is so interesting Diana – there are a lot of parents and kids who come through my work place and I think what’s common is either to raise your voice at kids to get them to be sensible if they hurt themselves, or to sympathise and feel bad for letting it happen, as you say. But what you are describing here is a different way, where there is actually more communication between parent and child, even when they are not able to speak yet.
Absolutely Jessica, I can feel the none spoken communication between parents and children and so clearly from the relationship with grandparents in this writing. What a beautiful reflection is offered by children of the communication that goes on between us all, all of the time.
The awesome detail your reading provided her Diana is a gift to all parts, and that is that we are capable of reading our children. We can feel within what it is they are trying to communicate if we connect to ourselves and become still.
Diana, thank you for this gorgeous blog. Healing can be so simple and huge in seemingly little things. By you and your husband not only reading your daughter but being willing to lovingly address this with the grandmother you as a family have provided all the elements for the grandmother to allow herself to heal this old hurt. The power of love and communication.
Such a loving blog Diana, thank you. Bringing love to the family table and allowing hurts to be expressed and cleared. Beautiful!
Thank you for sharing Diana, amazing how your mother in law can heal her relationship with her mother and siblings through the relationship with and the reflection of her granddaughter. It shows the simplicity of life and we can appreciate every seemingly little detail or choice.
Well said Katinka. One less person holding onto their hurts. Via way of reflection from another- gorgeous.
I agree Emily – being able to heal the hurts and remains of past situations in those of the present simply through being open to what is offered is beautiful.
Yes, when we open up to love, anything is possible, and hurts from the past need no longer define who we are.
Yet another testament to the cause of so much stress in one’s life is the result of trauma in childhood that carries through into adulthood. In fact recent studies are likening childhood trauma to PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) experienced by war veterans, and the childhood trauma possible being worse. This trauma is also being perceived as the underlying causes of many adult illnesses and that by healing the trauma it will greatly relieve, if not resolve, the illness.
Well said Susan
Very touched by reading you blog Diana. Many people would have wished to be raised with parents like you who are very aware and observing what is going on with their own children and are therefore able to offer support for their children.
Very true Janina. Diana’s awareness is so supportive to the development of her children. Something that probably most people wish they had had.
It has been said the children are old wise people in a small body. There is much to be learned from our children.
Yes Adult Souls in little growing bodies 🙂
This is wonderful Diana. What a gift you have given your mother-in-law by being willing to question and read what was going on. The love here shown to everyone involved is huge.
What I love about your sharing Diana is how by reading how your daughter was feeling and not going into trying to fix it, you were able to gain much more insight into the overall reasoning behind it. This in turn allowed your mother to see how beliefs and past hurts can hinder moving forward in life without tension and worry. A great learning for all. Thank you.
What a lovely clear story you have shared Diana. Of course these kind of revelations apply to all of us in all aspects of lives and are never ending. Meaning as soon as we deal with one the next point of awareness and evolution is available to us – sometimes many all at once and that can get interesting!
True Nicola, every revelation builds towards the next point.
There are a lot of comments on this blog about ‘reading’ something. What exactly is ‘reading’…? It is where you give yourself space to understand something, not thinking you know the answer but knowing you know, as the truth serves all equally.
I think what is super-important here too is the fact you connected with yourself and expressed what you felt to your mother-in law, which started the chain of healing. This could have been something you avoided for fear of hurting or offending her.
And kudos to your mother-in-law for not reacting to what you presented and taking on board what was needed for all. It’s interesting what can happen when we get self out of the way.
So true Victoria. With self in the way, that could have gone very differently.
Yes very good point Victoria, offending the mother in law is usually a no go zone, but well done to you and your mother in law for seeing this as an opportunity to address the situation your daughter was presenting resulting in a healing all round. Such is the power of reading and expressing from what is presented without being stopped by the beliefs surrounding family relationships and dynamics.
Oh yes! I could relate to this completely, not necessarily through how I might look after a child, but just in terms of other beliefs I have held on to through fear of messing something up.
What a wonderful story Diana! Thank you for sharing the simplicity of the situation. That could have gone on for years, but with the intention to connect to your daughter, and then express your experience to your mother in law, you helped resolve a few situations.
Reading the behaviour of children instead of fighting it sounds so wise. Instead of wanting children to behave and fit into certain patterns I can learn from what they communicate to me! Brilliant – this approach can be used towards any person, situation or hurt.
I felt great sadness reading this blog this morning because I felt how much as a human race we are holding back our true nature because of the mistaken ideals and beliefs we have taken on. And we have all done it and we all carry them. What is inspiring from this blog, is that we all equally have the ability to support each other to remove these and it is best done with love, understanding and a good dose of honesty.
Diana this is a beautiful, beautiful blog. Revealing the absolute sensitivity in people and how we may behave in ways that do harm others but underneath that there is ALWAYS a hurt. How absolutely amazing is it that you have been able to support your mother in law and daughter to both open up. What an incredible healing for the family and the world!
It is a stunning ripple effect just as the picture that accompanies the Everyday Livingness blog illustrates. A drop in the water with many ripples of healing.
The ripples of sincerity, care and respect go far and wide, much further than we have ever imagined.
“underneath that there is ALWAYS a hurt. ” true Shevon. Healing what lies beneath is always a true gift. Awesome that the willingness to express something was amiss was there.
A beautiful blog, Dianne, it really exposes how we can carry childhood hurts on through our lives that develop into a belief, or a fear in other situations. Such as your mother in law’s realisation that she still felt maybe fear of punishment if something happened to her grandchild when she was looking after her. All because she had previously been punished by her parents if her siblings hurt themselves when she was young and put in charge of them. We all carry many hurts from our childhood, how wonderful that your mother in law came to understand why she was so over protective and (in effect) suffocating her granddaughter when she was looking after the little girl.
Diana, this is so beautifull in how you are as a family, in expressing and communicating and giving each other space to feel what is going on. How Awesome is your Mother-in-Law in allowing herself to finally feel, express and heal old ideals and beliefs she had been holding onto. Amazing ✨
Letting go of that need to want to protect ourselves and others we care about from being hurt is huge and so important. For if we don’t, we deny ourselves and others and opportunity to grow, heal and learn. Although we can think that we’re caring about another person by worrying about them, it actually feels suffocating and heavy. To let this go and let others make their own choices is liberating and loving – for them and us.
I enjoyed reading your sharing Diana and how through reading the situation a lovely healing was experienced.
I was the 2nd oldest of ten and would at times be responsible for the younger children and today I can still feel the angst of those experiences. Certainly something for me to feel into and let the healing begin. Thank you Diana, a gift for sure.
It is beautiful how a simple conversation can change the energy that holds us in a pattern. Words and expression… So powerful.
Awesome point Matthew. True words and expression can change the world !
How cool is that – everyone learning.
Diana I love the feeling of letting go from your mother in law when she realized that her fears were not real and are therefore in fact imposed on us. Once we have gone through this step we can really start to heal.
I agree Michael, our fears are not real and to understand this means we are no longer a prisoner of it but free to trust and let our natural ability to look after ourselves and others guide us with the foundation of love instead of fear.
Yes Michael and I really appreciate her willingness to feel into the reflection, it is a joy to feel the change in how she can now allow herself to enjoy the company of her grandchild without the anxiousness.
I loved reading this piece and seeing how everyone learnt something and the healing was for all.
That’s so true Sally and as a reader I am learning from this beautiful sharing too.
I love your blog, Diana, it highlights the fact that there’s always a reason behind children’s reactions. Their behavior does not come from out of the blue, and learning how to read the child and the situation is gold and nothing you can extract from a book. Your story is superimportant and inspirational for each and everyone who interact with children.
Agree Nathalie! So important for people to understand that there is literally a reason for absolutely everything. We don’t need to get bogged down in it all, but simply understanding and appreciatiing that alone helps clear what is going on.
I agree Nathalie this is super important. If children are not being connected to in this way then it will continue another cycle of insensitivity and children growing up not being who they truly are, burying their reactions in order to fit in with the world. This is not the way it should be, the way it should be is what has been described in this blog – Children are read, listened to, understood and communicated with, other wise we will all be missing out on such a greater level of knowing and sensitivity in our lives.
Absolutely Harrison. By making a practice of doing this ‘reading’ you actually get to know your children really well and therefore when they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes!! Very important at times, where in relationship with a toddler or a teenager!!
Children hold immense wisdom, and it is within our power to begin to foster and develop that innate knowing.
And it’s a lesson we can take everywhere with anyone, including ourselves. If a reaction is occurring we can read and respond. It’s like First Aid for the soul.
I absolutely agree Nathalie with all you have said and working in a nursery I often see children being blamed for how they are behaving without considering there are many factors contributing to the behaviour. I find this sharing truly inspirational.
Working with children I can feel how true this Nathalie, ‘it highlights the fact that there’s always a reason behind children’s reactions. Their behavior does not come from out of the blue, and learning how to read the child and the situation is gold’, i can feel that many of the children that are labelled ‘trouble’ or ‘problem children’ are in fact very sweet and that their sometimes angry or violent or disruptive behaviour to me demonstrates that there is stuff going in their lives that they are finding it hard to deal with, their behaviour at school often feels like a cry for help, it feels like they get angry instead of being able to put how they are feeling into words.
Absolutely Nathalie. There is always a reason for every single behaviour. Reading each other is an act of love.
I agree Nathalie, very inspirational and important for all parents, to make a space and listen, not only with their heads but with their hearts and feeling.
I love that we have an inner knowing of what our children need and can know in any situation what is needed. Which I feel works much better than going through hundreds of books to find the solution.
Yes, Lieke, I remember how disempowered I felt as a parent thinking the books knew better than I did, and not trusting myself. We do know exactly what is going on when we stop to feel and look at the whole picture.
Hear hear Lieke, it is very empowering to know we have the answers if we choose to listen to our inner knowing.
Thank you Diana for sharing this experience with us, of how we each and every breath really, there is always an opportunity to learn.
Diana, what a great sharing. Being able to stop and consider what could be causing a particular behaviour is such an empowering tool. By simply exploring you were able to get to the root cause of your daughters agitation and help your mother-in-law to heal a very old pattern of behaviour. When we react, are rushing or numbed out, we often miss these opportunities.
I love reading this as it shows how healing is possible for so many after one simple reflection. The way you approached this is inspirational and offers a completely different way of dealing with the ‘challenges’ our children can bring. Thank you Diana, I will return to read again 🙂
Diana was clearly able to talk with her mother-in-law in a way that was not confrontational or abusive and because of this Diana was able to offer her mother-in-law an opportunity to heal whist being supported by her family. This is gorgeous and shows the depths of love that Diana feels for people.
‘We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing’ Yes it is Diana and daily we’re offered the choice to evolve because of this. Expressing what we feel lovingly is the basis of from which we can all heal. Your family confirms that with right intention, and support everyone learns.
Awesome comment kehinde2012, I love this part you’ve highlighted. I totally agree, I also started to embrace that everything we experience is indeed an opportunity for us to choose to heal or not. When we choose to express everything that we can feel, this gives others an opportunity to choose too. So, every choice we make can contribute to healing or harming. Wow, what an empowering responsibility?
I have also received many a wise word on parenting from Michael Benhayon. Great blog Diana feeling into what our children need is almost a forgotten art but a truly essential tool to develop.
Me too Kevin and it is good to appreciate this here. Michael Benhayon never tells me to do anything I just share what I am not understanding and he gives me an opportunity to understand how to read it from a less attached position. It is very empowering for all of us. Thank you for mentioning this in a comment as it gave me the opportunity to appreciate him some more!
Yes Kevin and all of us understanding this have the responsibility to connect back to, and live this art (which actually is our natural way of being) so that everyone will remember it again.
That certainly is a great healing for your mother in law as that would be something she would carry in her body for the rest of her life and probably into the next one.
Diana this is a beautiful blog. Children are one of our greatest teachers and their natural way and divine wisdom can be a powerful reflection for us all. Thank you for sharing.
Very true Christine – they have not yet had the ‘training’ of what is ‘appropriate’ or not to communicate to another person, so they can be the best teachers as they will give you the whole picture of what is going on
I love this – as adults we learn how to communicate through our own and others protection but children do not have that, they are simply and innocently offering what they feel.
wow – amazing what our children pick up on energetically about our state of being as adults.
Who would have thought honesty was the best medicine… Such a simple example. Thanks Diana.
Yes I agree Joel. Taking the honest approach is very inspirational and something we don’t always do. And yet in this instance Diana has supported everyone in deepening the relationship for them all.
Diana your article is inspiring and opens the possibilities of a true way of parenting. As a grandmother I have on occasion felt I’m in an old pattern of behaviour and your story has given me insight. I love the way you held everyone with deep respect which allowed the space for the healing to occur.
Your mother-in-law’s willingness shows the importance of responsibility to others and that at any age we can heal when we are open and say YES to love, and NO to a hurt – fantastic, and inspiring.
Yes it is true, we all have a choice to be open to the healing as the situation could have gone so differently if there had been judgement about imposing that fear on their children.
Interesting how we automatically go into doing to fix, like when your mother-in-law suggested going for a walk to settle your daughter, instead of reviewing the state or energy we are in during an experience: “I felt that it was not so much about doing something, but more about how she was when she was with her granddaughter” what super and universal counsel you offer here Diana. What makes this all really awesome is just how willing your mother-in-law was to actually be prepared to go there and explore her own ‘state/energy’ for herself, which is huge considering the length of time this pattern was being carried for, and in the process receive such a great healing.
Diana – I love what you have shared here about reading children – it seems like this just offers us so much and opens up the possibility of true communication. How brilliant that you were able to just feel what your daughter was trying to say and therefore support her grandmother to let go of an anxiousness she had been holding onto for such a long time. How often do we let the past impact our future if we have not let it go?
This is a very revealing sharing. Thank you .
“….understanding that children can fall in the process of exploring what their bodies are capable of” – just love this line as it really creates space for both the childminder and the child themselves to explore capability, a great learning in the very first steps of true self-relationship, that so often is absent from ensuing adult life.
What a super and insightful post Diana, a great read about ‘reading’ people in general as well as within family, and how hurts are so often unconsciously projected onto people, and in this how they respond, or rather react to that imposition, and so no wonder there can be such discord. Makes sense. It just goes to show that nothing is not ever felt. And the greater awareness we have over this, the more harmonious our relationships can be.
The idea that we are swimming in our own stuff and it doesn’t affect anyone else, is a large part of the disharmony that is so common in families. Being aware of hurts and allowing them to clear, allows greater understanding and connection (as there aren’t the walls of hurts in the way!) Knowing that everything is felt is very unifying and raises the bar for how we live with each other in a family.
This is a beautiful sharing, Diana, and thank you. Your daughter did give her grandmother a great gift and she was also given a great gift by her daughter-in-law by supporting her to see her granddaughter’s gift. You are very humble in what you share, Diana, and it is very inspiring.
I love what you have shared with us Diana, thank you. It reveals so much that if we take the time to look at what is going on, lovingly talk to the person and come with understanding we can learn so much and support each other to let go of stuff that we may not even known was part of our lives. Gorgeous.
Sarah taking the time to look at what is going on, is absolutely the key to understanding what is actually being communicated beyond the words or behaviour. These are the golden opportunities to deepen our understanding of others and the reflection for our selves brings the richness of true connection and healing.
The more we can observe and accept and allow children to experience and find their way through life, the more they learn and evolve without the interference of us as adults projecting our needs, unresolved hurts and expectations on them. In the knowing that we don’t own our children, but are here to love, support and allow them to have the experiences they need to have, allowing them to make mistakes and learn from them, never judging them, simply understanding and loving them, holding them as equals ( Of course still providing the absolute care and support appropriate to their age).
Until we become aware, and heal our own childhood unresolved hurts and negative experiences, we parent our children from those hurts and experiences. This continues and is passed from generation to generation, it takes courage and commitment to stop theses cycles and re-imprint a way of being and parenting that responds from love as to what is needed, rather than re-acts the old way from our hurts.
What stood out for me reading your blog Diana, was the simple practical way you approached the situation with your youngest daughter not being able to wind down and sleep at night. When we read the behavior’s and energy as something separate from our child, not personalizing it, it makes it much easier read and see what is need in the situation.
I loved the detachment that Diana showed in dealing with this situation. So often parents get tangled up in their children, and are unable to read clearly. What they see is their gorgeous child and lose sight of the energy the child is in.
This was a beautiful blog to read because of the reflection and healing that took place. In my work with parents and babies/children too often it is the parents wanting a quick fix or solution for the child’s behaviour so the focus is on the child being the problem. To have the understanding that children are only reacting to the parent’s or carer’s feelings and behaviour is huge and can be quite exposing for the parent or carer. It was awesome that this grandmother was so open to looking at what part she played in all of this and was able to take this deeper in healing the hurt behind the anxiety.
I agree it is truly inspiring how Diana’s mother in- law was willing to be honest and see her part in her granddaughter’s behaviour which led to a healing for many.
A truly gorgeous sharing showing the power of connection, understanding and honest expression….. Appreciating that everything in life is an opportunity for healing, opens up how you approach life to be founded upon a purpose of evolving ourselves and others in every moment. When approached from that perspective, life produces unwavering miracles like it has here.
Well Said Samantha, ‘life produces unwavering miracles!’
Wow! If everyone could feel this way in life there would be no giving up or checking out. There is purpose and meaning in every moment and every interaction.
Diana, thankyou for sharing your experience. Your reading of your daughter feeling suffocated was incredibly detailed, it’s amazing what we can sense when we simply connect and remain open and willing to see deeper. The healing that has resulted is amazing to read about. It’s great inspiration to trust how we feel and communicate it.
I found it amazing to see the suffocation of the grandparent reflected in the grandchild and even though it was not logical, as there was clearly a huge amount of love between them both, the conversation that followed allowed both to be released from this incarceration.
Diana, your blog shows the power of ‘reading’ and how, by expressing what we feel, a situation can be transformed making love more available to all. It shows too how, if we don’t address an issue, it not only affects our behavior but it has an affect on all those around us. What a wonderful healing for your mother-in-law.
This article is so powerful. As I read it I could feel how we all reflect the truth to each other. Your Mother in Law’s willingness to be honest and let go of her hurts is truly inspiring.
I felt that too Leonne. For Diana’s mother in law to feel the safety of being able to be honest with where her fear came from is a real testament to Diana for giving her the space. Pretty awesome.
Thank you for sharing this real life situation because it is not only the story of receiving a healing through children but how things drummed into us as a child have a lasting effect which restricts our natural flow of life. It is also the story of how the things we find challenging in life can be for reasons we do not consciously fathom, but by embracing life the truth is revealed.
Bernard this is the key to understanding our behaviours, you say ‘drummed into us as a child have a lasting effects which restrict our natural flow’ how pivotal are these decisions based on our experiences as children which pave the way in our future life, such is the power of these decisions we make to protect ourselves, we set them in stone even thought throughout the course of our lives we are offered a myriad of choices we have already decided our parameters. Freedom only comes when we heal these hurts and reveal our true nature and then we can return to the flow.
Diana, what a beautiful experience you have shared with us all here. How great it was that your mother in law was able to clear something that had affected her from when she was a child, being held responsible for anything that happened to her siblings when she was looking after them. Too often, parents put too much responsibility onto an older child in holding them answerable for the little and sometimes larger things that can happen in this circumstance. I can remember as a slightly older daughter often being responsible for a sister about 4 years younger than me. I did not have the authority that a parent had, and of course the sister often would just not do as I said. She would taunt me, all of probably 2-1/2 to 3, and disobey and open the gate to the front yard with her tricycle. And who would get into trouble? Maybe this could be a reason I have not really been keen to take responsibility for care of young grandchildren overnight or for a weekend. Something for me to really look at here.
There is a lot in there Beverley, and I feel it is more than ok for children to learn responsibility early, but if an older child takes responsibility away from the younger child (mothers them) then the younger child does not feel like they have responsibility. Responsibility is great but putting guilt trips on older children, or transferring fears and anxiety onto an older child is setting them up for horrible experiences. There is a lot we can do to prepare our children to be capable of handling more responsibility without throwing them in the deep end.
We all often like to avoid what seem like difficult conversations, but as you have shown it can be an immense healing not to speak about someone as wrong, but to discuss what is happening and let the truth unfold.
It’s all in the approach and how we hold that person in the moment, and I fully agree, when we leave ‘being wrong’ out, true beautiful things can and do happen.
Yes Heather, while reading Diana’s blog it crossed my mind that I would have found the conversation a difficult one to have. There is a way to bring truth without blame and Diana has given an inspiring example.
Beautifully said Heather.
I agree. This post certainly helps me realise that when you don’t judge another and just present your truth about a situation and leave them the space to feel it theirs, then the greater the chance of truth unfolding.
Absolutely Heather, I have found I am beginning to love going into the ‘difficult conversations’ or going places I don’t really know as it opens us up to a level of vulnerability in our communication. Without this we would all still be in the Dark Ages.
Very true Heather, when feel to avoid it actually shows us that we know a great healing on offering.
That is very true Heather. The supposedly difficult conversations have always offered me the greatest healing.
Any person in almost any situation can stop and feel and gain a huge amount of awareness in an instant.
So true Christoph and yet this is something many of us have stopped doing.
So true Christoph, the key is stop and feel!
Thank you Christoph, I just got one reading your comment 🙂
Yes Christoph, it is all there for us.
well said Christoph, we are all capable of feeling what is going on if we but stop and connect to ourselves.
Beautiful reminder Christoph – thank you.
The flow on effect is beautiful – ‘So now with that out of the way, she can develop a true relationship with her granddaughter, which also affects and heals the relationships with her sisters and brother, sons and other two grandchildren.’
yes how awesome is that! Love the ‘snowball’ effect 🙂
It is Jenny, if we surrender to what is offered in front of us in every relationship we heal so much in our other relationships at the same time. Life is that simple.
I picked up on that too Jenny. The situation offered an opportunity for a conversation and for community parenting right from the start. The ‘I wonder what is happening …’ Interesting though that it took for Diana’s husband to come home to see it and to take the responsibility of what might happen in the garden off his mothers shoulders for her to be able to physically breathe and have enough distance for all those memories that held her incarcerated to be released.
I love this too Jenny, I notice the ripple effect with my children.
Not only reading children but everyone is the way as it brings an understanding to what is happening for another and thus the space for healing. Children are very expressive in their bodies and all of us affect the children in our lives.
And what a responsibility we all then hold, so that we can all unfold and offer each other the love we all deserve.
This is a deeply felt sharing Diana with much to be with here. We often focus on the behaviours of children as isolated and not connected to they may be affected by others. Children are very receptive and feeling, often they are not able to articulate or express what is going on for them and thus it becomes expressed through their bodies in behaviours. Therefore READING keeps it very simple and straight to what is really going on that the child is unable to express verbally but are in their bodies, as they get older they can learn to express their feelings wiht the loving support of their parents and others in their lives.
I love your reflection here Karoline, it is so true how children are very receptive and cannot express verbally what goes on in their bodies. So of course, this is being expressed through their bodies. Being able to read them is such a important and lovely tool for both, parent and child.
Our pets also give us an opportunity to heal – they respond to us and how we are. My dogs reflected to me that I when I wasn’t as wound down or settled as I could be at night, they would bark and not settle. Initially, I became cross and frustrated with them until the penny dropped. Once I changed and became more still, they settled and the barking ceased.
I can relate to this Sandra, you should see our dog when I am frustrated or angry – he moves away very quickly and gets very anxious.
Yes, how funny that we consider ourselves the more evolved species yet dump energetically everywhere. Animals and children are more honest about what they are feeling than those of us who have got used to the dumping and or being dumped on, and they give us an opportunity to be responsible for it. A very timely comment Sandra, thank you for the reminder.
I love these doggie stories – I don’t have a dog but a neighbour’s dog barks at me every time I go to my garage – I haven’t yet found a way to be that enables him to be calm about my presence, even though I’ve been living there for five years. He is also reflecting my own territorial tendencies (when people park outside my house).
In truth we are all super sensitive but what I love about kids is they can be so extreme in there responses that they almost accelerate us to change what is not truly us, without judgment or social etiquette, although it doesn’t always feel like it, it is a gift.
Yes Sarah, children can so often be giving us a fast track to understanding what is going on and when perhaps we need to address our behaviours. It is in our interest to look humbly at children’s responses and discern whether the child’s response might be reflecting to us something we need to address. Letting go of the arrogance of I’m an adult I know best opens us up to greater learning and understanding. No one is better than any other and the wisdom that often comes through children is the equal of any adult and worth its weight in gold.
I agree, Sarah, it is a blessing indeed when children call out the truth of what is really going on so we cannot avoid or dismiss it.
What a gift our children are to us, Sarah, that they can show us when we are not truly living ourselves, a constant reflection to us, if we are willing to be open to that. Would that I had known that many years ago, when I was bringing up my now very much grown up sons.
I love that Sarah and it is true, children are not affected by the beliefs and ideals we carry and are therefor very honest and straight forward in their experiences and their expressions. If we as adults honour this and learn to really listen to what they are showing us we can be accelerated in our own unfoldment back to that same way of being as we were as children.
Yes very true, the behaviour lacks any social etiquette sometimes because it is honest, it is true, sometimes that can look pretty ugly when we have worked hard to not see it.
I love this: ‘although it doesn’t always feel like it, it is a gift’! Exposing my discomfort about being ‘outed’ by my kids when I am not being true, respectful, honest etc. But yes, I am grateful for the opportunities to learn – deeply so.
This is gorgeous Diana, if only we were taught to use our natural ability to read people/situations from a young age life would be very different and not the struggle many of us know it to be.
And one day, I am sure that is how we will be living, Kate, brought up from a young age to be truly connected to ourselves, and to be able to read situations constantly. What a wonderful way for us to live, all understanding each other, how much more harmonious life will be then. We who have learned to live The Way of The Livingness will be able to lead the way as role models towards the world eventually learning to live that way.
Wow Diana what an inspiring sharing of the revelation that your family has come to. You have shown how the power of observation can reveal so much, and how important is to express and communicate what we are sensing with each other. This is not a judgement but rather an opportunity to come to an understanding what is holding us back from being our natural loving selves. With this we will discover if we are willing that wherever there is a loveless behaviour there is a hurt or protection running that we have not yet healed. I love you closing statement – ‘For me to experience the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming’ – and so empowering for your whole family as you have shown how when we connect to Love the truth is always revealed.
This beautiful blog really shows how important it is for us to be reading situations constantly, always observing things, so we can come to understand why so many things are happening, especially within our families. Dianne has shown how possible it is for great healings to happen for all within the family when realisations show what is behind so much of our behaviours. A beautiful way to bring a family closer together as they come to understand each other deeply.
‘ … when we connect to Love the truth is always revealed.’ Such wisdom Carola and this is EXACTLY what happens. When we are willing to SEE and stop fighting or trying to make anyone else wrong the Truth IS revealed.
What a beautiful opportunity for healing for your mother-in-law Diana, and it shows how trusting and open she is with you, and how loving and understanding you are with her – all orchestrated by your daughter. It confirms that all we have to do is read each and every situation to know how to respond, rather than react or go into finding solutions.
This is a great observation Sandra. Many parents including myself would have gone into finding ways to fix the daughters unsettled behaviour. A solution may have been found, but the root cause would still be there unaddressed. The power of observing and asking what is behind the behaviour is key to lasting change, and a healing for all involved.
Opportunities abound in the beautiful piece of writing Diana, from your daughter to you, you to your mum, your daughter to your mum, and back again, I love all that was revealed to you all by the simple choice to feel. And in return you all feel all the more free to move. Win’s all around!
What a beautifully wise way of taking care of the situation with true understanding instead of judgement or expectation, supporting everyone involved to prosper.
I agree Alex. We can bring in judgement that does so much harm and puts people’s backs up. I feel how lovingly Diana dealt with this potentially tricky situation, where no one was made to feel lesser or small. It’s also testament to the trusting respectful relationship she must have with her mother-in-law.
And let’s consider for a moment applying this approach to work, international relationships, political decision making – this is something to really aspire to.
Diana thank you for sharing in such precise detail your gorgeous example of what it means to ‘read’. This both inspires and reminds me of the opportunity we have to acknowledge the fact that we can be with what we are feeling at all times, and from there with loving communication, any seeming obstacle can be resolved.
Thank you Diana for sharing this story with us. I could feel how all these little things we hold in our bodies can influence so much in our behaviour that is not even us, so it pays to be super open to look at these things, and also is a blessing to have people in our lives who are able to support us, such as Michael Benhayon with you, and you with your mother in law.
This story goes to show the absolute gold in not holding back sharing what we read. If we hold back, then there is a missed opportunity for healing and evolution.
This blog warms my heart, everyone held in equal consideration and love by you Diane to get to the root cause of the issue. A beautiful healing for so many.
This is great, there are so many opportunities for healing. It is amazing to see what can be healed trough just living our life, and stay open for looking at what happens and what is behind many of our behaviours.
The truth of any situation exists somewhere amongst all our action, reactions, excuses and behaviours, if we are willing to go there and have a good look.
…and what I love about Diana’s blog is that she was willing to go there, and was also willing to ask her mother-in-law to go there. Something that she could have shyed away from and was obviously quite challenging. It is so common in life that we just leave things as they are to continue as they always have been, but it is so worth taking time and effort to take a look and break the pattern.
So true Matthew. And we are given a myriad of opportunities to become aware of what we choose to avoid. When I clock a behaviour of mine I see it repeated throughout my life like 2 mirrors repeating themselves.
Ideals are so unforgiving and keep us locked up, often not realising that we are being controlled by an old pattern years, decades even centuries old.
There is so much to reveal in any situation. All is not what it seems
So true Sarah, and this is why it is so important to “read” the situation or child’s behaviour instead of quickly judging the situation from ideals and beliefs.
Exactly Sarah. On the surface this situation could incite all sorts of blame and reactions, but with this understanding it becomes very clear that this experience presented an amazing opportunity for everyone involved to heal and connect on a whole other level.
This is what I felt also in reading this article how a behaviour that could usually be dismissed and thought of as ‘thats just how it is and what young children do’ led to a healing for many.
Wonderful to read how you bring in true understanding and therefor space for healing. For most people we would not go to this level of honesty and for sure not with in-laws. It just shows the importance of ‘reading’, as you describe and to truly observe a situation. From that observation, we can look at the whole picture and see how everything is energy.
I love the word space Mariette, because not only is it important to lovingly address what needs addressing but it is equally important to give people space for their own unfoldment with what has been brought up.
Very beautiful Diana, it is amazing to feel how we can actually trace and read within our children what is going on, without the verbal communication. Beautiful how you have felt into this and brought this to your mom in law too. And appreciation for the honesty of your mother in law and how she was able to be more herself without the tension of doing something wrong. Beautiful situation of healing.
I agree Danna it is amazing to feel how we can trace what is going on within our children and all with our sense of knowing, of reading energy. This is a quality that we all have as we all feel energy and Diana has shown us how it is possible. As when we connect to love we are able to discern what is not love, through which then we can express what we feel and offer an opportunity for anther to also understand how to return to love for themselves. ‘Beautiful situation of healing’ – absolutely.
“For me to experience the simplicity of connecting and reading what is actually going on was very confirming,..”. It gives you great understanding and inner-confidence by choosing to connect to another and feel what is behind their behaviour. Life is much simpler when all is known.
Such a lovely blog, Diana for it celebrates the ability we have to read and respond to difficult situations rather than react and not bring about any worthwhile change or healing. It just takes a simple shift to seek to understand what’s going on under the behaviours and not to dismiss the wisdom of the children in our lives.
A beautiful story and experience for your family Diana, and everyone who reads along too! We cannot underestimate what children are feeling and need to remember that their only way of communicating the disharmony they feel is sometimes by kicking and screaming about it… something I would still like to do sometimes… ha!
I wish I had known that Rachel, when I was bringing up my very grown up boys, one of mine was good at lying down on the pavement kicking and screaming in the shopping centre near home when he was quite young. I never knew how to handle this one, it was so very embarassing, but now I wonder what he was really trying to tell me. I know then I was a very nervy, stressed mother, trying to rush around and get the shopping out of the way, to get onto the next task of a never ending day. It is no wonder he was reacting to me in this way. It would have been great if I had realised he was trying to let me know something. Looking back, I could imagine that I too would like to have done what he was doing to let off steam.
I agree whole-heartedly. “We noticed that we did not always express what we felt. But what we have recently learned is that every experience is an opportunity for healing”. So true. Every expression reveals more if that expression is everything that you are. I held back all my life! It makes sense that this sensitive feeling man needs to express! It always is a healing for me to express my feelings. Holding back can actually make me very sick.
I love how you looked to the causes of your child’s behaviours, rather than condemning them as unacceptable. Your connection with yourself allowed such an insightful and truly supportive connection with both your daughter and your Mother, bringing grace to all participants. This grace-full gesture allowed such a beautiful healing for all.
I noticed this too Coleen. This blog reveals the difference between approaching a situation from reaction (judgement, anger, condemnation etc) or the simplicity of sharing honestly in a caring and loving manner with a willingness to understand and support all involved.
Such a great point Coleen. We see this happening all too often, that we want to modify a child’s behaviour or deem it unacceptable without paying attention as to why the behaviour is presenting itself. What you say here is beautifully expressed and highlights the way forward in how we can parent our children with love and understanding – ‘Your connection with yourself allowed such an insightful and truly supportive connection with both your daughter and your Mother, bringing grace to all participants. This grace-full gesture allowed such a beautiful healing for all.’
Absolutely Coleen – instead of condemning children for their behaviour and telling them off without explanation, it’s important we look at why they’re behaving in that way and teach them to express their feelings, read people and situations and what to do with those feelings, as in how to then stay with themselves and not ‘lose it’.
Understanding why we (or others) do what we do is the key to dissolving the tension we would otherwise feel in our bodies. This tension exists as a marker to help us go deeper in our connection with ourselves, each other and the world in which we live. Because everything in our universe is designed to pull back to harmony, the tension we feel is a sign that something is ‘out of place’. By reading what is truly going on, we become more aware of the discord without becoming a part of it and as such we help to reinstate the natural flow of life. The awareness your mother in law was able to come to Diana, is a beautiful example of this truth, thankyou for sharing.
Beautifully expressed Liane, I love your deep acceptance of what is and your knowing that “everything in our universe is designed to pull back to harmony”. If we can accept tension as a marker that “something is ‘out of place’”, instead of ignoring or resisting it or “becoming a part of it” , we can then address the issue and “reinstate the natural flow of life”.
Love this Liane – ‘By reading what is truly going on, we become more aware of the discord without becoming a part of it and as such we help to reinstate the natural flow of life.’ – this is key. When we read a situation or a tension we are able to see with the eyes of truth, which leads us to understanding why this situation has come to be, as you have brilliant said. We then are able to respond with love through which other have the opportunity to also understand what is going on in their own time the through grace of Love.
Recognising that we are designed to be in harmony… and appreciating that we feel the tension when something is not in line with this, is such a gift for it reminds us to connect deeper and ‘reinstate the flow’ and through this heal whatever disharmony stands in the way.
Liane; your comment is a great way to sum up Diana’s example. I especially liked this: “By reading what is truly going on, we become more aware of the discord without becoming a part of it and as such we help to reinstate the natural flow of life.”
Absolutely Marika. The fact is, people when they are in their heart and being themselves wouldn’t cause disharmony, unease or hurt another or themselves. So when we see poor behaviours, we can pause, read and bring understanding knowing that something has to be going on for them.
This is such a great sharing and very confirming of the learning and reflection children offer us. This paragraph stood out for me ‘Now she could feel that her childhood experience reflected to her an ingrained belief that she was not able to look after her children in a way that they would not get hurt and that she had somehow failed.’ It is huge and totally amazing. What a blessing that has taken place. All of us carry these false beliefs from certain childhood experiences on one way or another – yet look at how simply it was exposed and healed.
I love how this shows that we are never too old to address and heal what beliefs hold us in hurts… for when recognised and expressed, they can unravel and allow for our behaviours to no longer be tainted by them, freeing us to be more of who we are.
I loved reading about you reading your child Diane and expressing what you felt. How great for all concerned to have that degree of awareness and honesty shared and the healing that came of it.
Thank you Diana for sharing your openness to reading what your daughter was presenting and sharing that with your family and the opportunity that that has given everyone to heal. So often a child is perceived as the ‘problem’ when the adults do not want or choose to see what is really going on. Your lack of judgement allowed your mother in law to express and release her damaging perception of herself and her parenting skills and has deepened the whole family’s connections.
I know from my own experiences that un-dealt with hurts and traumas from the past easily can be picked up by children and communication like these that you share Diana is key to coming back to harmony, something the children are masters at.
Yes Matts, children are great mirrors for us and I know if I am even slightly off-balance this will affect the children’s behaviour. If they are playing up it is worth looking at what we adults are doing or not doing to see if that is what is affecting them.
That is the next step in looking into why there is so much unrest with the children in school these days. It’s not that they are necessarily mischievous on purpose, it’s them communicating that something doesn’t feel right to them.
I’m reminded of my folks, and how easy it is to recognise their gorgeous essence and also read the experiences and hurts that still play out from time to time in situations. There is an opportunity to do this with ourselves, our kids, our siblings, parents, friends, colleagues… the list is endless, and the opportunity to heal always present.
Absolutely Lovely Simon. This sure is a great way to live. Understanding is giving us the keys to keep evolving
What a beautiful example, Diana, of the learning opportunities we constantly have with one another. I love hearing about the willingness of your mother-in-law to reflect on why she was responding the way she was, and how you held the space with an openness so that the truth could be revealed.
It’s amazing how things can untangle and become clear if we read situations rather than react to them. Thank you for sharing the power of communicating and looking at the big picture of relationships – blame, judgement and reactions make things so much more complicated than they need be!
Totally and what is refreshing about this story is that nobody is making themselves a victim. Often as a parent it is easy to fall into the trap of ‘why me’, and loose sight of what is truly being communicated.
Reading what is going on in life is as important as reading text. It shows us the windows to the world.
I agree Susie – its amazing how things interconnect – how something someone said made someone react and do something that then effects someone else etc – like a chain reaction, it takes one person willing to stop and read what might be doing on further up the chain to untangle it
What a delightful sharing of the power of reading without judgement or blame. This to me is a true example of expressing what is observed and felt with layering it with our interpretation. As a result your mother-in law was open to exploring how her own fears and anxieties my be placed onto another.
Well said Jenny, I feel this is a super important part of how we deliver a reading of any situation. As a true reading is an observation and carries no judgement.
Absolutely… there is so much imposition in judgment or blame for it is tainted with interpretations… without the blessing of understanding that comes from reading the situation, the healing for all involved would not have come to light.
It is great to be able to feel and understand what we are carrying around in our bodies from earlier life situations and experiences. Diana, how you identified this behaviour in your mother in law and then helping her to identify it herself is so loving and honouring for her and for you. This is what relationships are all about and the course the effect it had on your daughter was pretty instant after that. This is magical!
“So now with that out of the way, she can develop a true relationship with her granddaughter, which also affects and heals the relationships with her sisters and brother, sons and other two grandchildren.” Isn’t this awesome! Not only does one person get a healing, but everyone one around her does as well. That is the beauty of true healing, it is never just for one person as everyone around benefits as well.
So true Eleanor – a healing for one is never just for them – everyone benefits because that one person is not the same as they were prior to the healing, and therefore, how they are in the world has changed. So beautiful and so natural.
The ripple effect of healing is truly incredible and a great reminder of the power of choosing in each moment to not hold back and express what is felt… for it allows what is there to be healed, to be lovingly addressed, and ultimately benefits many and not just one as that person steps out into the world without a part of them holding them back.
Diana I love your blog. It’s one of understanding and not an ounce of blame. How wonderful that you lovingly supported your mother in law to express her history that she was so very obvious still living and through that expression heal the past and move forward in how she will now be with her grandchildren. What a blessing to to be able to really understand what is going on for her, it allowed for a very clear reading of the situation.
Being curious about why something is happening, and bringing that understanding rather than reactions can be seemingly miraculous, or possibly this is actually a new normal.
I agree Jennifer. It is all to easy to blame someone when things are not harmonious. This blog shows how important it is to bring understanding to each other. The relationship Diana shares with her in laws is very beautiful.
Being able to read a situation and bring understanding into what is really going on for a person, allows us to drop judgement and reaction that might be brought up in ourselves. And when we are doing this we are holding that person in love, which is another perfect opportunity for healing to take place.
Your beautiful blog brought tears to my eyes Diana. It feels so healing that you were able to approach your mother-in-law in a way that allowed you to heal the situation and offered her the opportunity to build a deeper and more loving relationship with you, her grandchildren and her own siblings. It feels so expansive when we find the answers to riddles that have kept us locked up for so long and allow us the freedom to express the love that we are.
And without Diana reading the situation as she did the whole scenario could have turned out very differently.
This blog is a great example of how through every situation in life there is an opportunity for evolution or healing to take place.
Amazing sharing Diana – I’ve been able to nominate quite a few past lived ways of my own by reading this today. Being around so many gorgeous children with my volunteer work and within my own family has been a large healing process also. This sharing I feel is also very confirming of why as children and adults we gravitate to some people more than others. Energetically ‘we know’. We are all knowing of what’s happening within us and around us – it is how we respond or go into reaction that makes a huge difference. Thank you Diana.
What a lovely story. Thank you Diana. What struck me was the level of communication and honesty you have with your mother-in-law. How great to be able to discuss these kinds of things with her! I know that in a lot of families, mine included, sometimes sensitive topics can be avoided so that people do not have to feel discomfortable of needs to be said, and then the issue gets swept under the carpet, but lingers on for what can be years. It is clear that through communicating everything that needs to be said, such healing can occur, and relationships can deepen, despite the temporary discomfort.
I love how you stayed open and willing to look at all possibilities Diana, rather than reacting and blaming as can be the case. Standing back and observing and reading the situation is a valuable lesson for us all and stops unnecessary and complicated reactions that can a rise if we don’t express what we know to be true.
Ye a great point Alison. Observation, awareness, understanding, . . .and then we all grow. Love it.
When we start observing what is going on in life the world becomes alive, and the potential for learning and developing multiply.
This is so true Alison as nothing ever comes from blaming as blame is only ever a way of shirking responsibility. It is our responsibility to observe and read every situation as everything is telling us something all of the time. Nothing ever just happens randomly.
Diana, this is so interesting to read, it is amazing how we carry these ideas and beliefs from our childhood and how they play out as adults, how wonderful that your mother in law was open to seeing this belief she held and was able to change this behaviour, it is easy to react and get defensive when something like this is presented to us rather than feeling the blessing and oppurtunity to change.
A beautiful post Diana. “I felt that it was not so much about doing something, but more about how she was when she was with her granddaughter.” It is about how we are, not what we do; the quality we bring to every relationship that is so important.
A great sharing Diana, I have experienced something similar recently where I work with early years children, there is many times where the child has to be allowed to explore its environment, there has to be an assessment if the play area is safe but also a willingness to allow them to explore and learn through movement and doing. I could see how someone looking after a child would feel this responsibility and be tense. But perhaps it is far worse to wrap a child in cotton wool as then what do they learn.
I love your sharing Diana. You show the power of reading a situation and bringing that truth to others, (in this case with your mother-in-law) and how this then offers opportunity to grow awareness and bring healing; a truly gorgeous story.
We can carry unhealed hurts for many many years and be governed by them while at the same time claim the respect for our lived experience. The truth is that when you live around an esoteric student, the likelihood of the issue coming up for healing somehow is an important one.
In my own experience, children are like having big mirrors around everywhere. They are constantly reflecting back to us how we are living ourselves and the impact of our choices.
I agree, Andrew, children are constantly reflecting the way we live and the effect of the choices we have made. A great gift for all of us to learn and to evolve.
Totally agree Andrew. I am a mother of 3 and they are a constant reflection. Actually, as I am writing this I realise all children are, whether we have birthed them or not, they bring such a powerful refection for us of where we are at.
That’s so true Andrew, I work with children and there are times that they look at you in a way that seems to say, I can read you like a book, and they certainly are great reflectors.
Yes Matilda, how lovely is that – it is never too late. So no excuses for us.
The mirrors children show us can be points for our own healing, if we are humble enough to accept the wisdom in front of us.
Also a reflection of how we align, e.g. children aligning to their parents, and then play out (reflecting) what we are receiving – highlights the responsibility we have not only for ourselves but also the effects on everyone else.
I have had this experience too Andrew. I feel it is because children are still in touch with their innate sensitivity and they are very honest. I love the way children often simply express what they feel.
O my gosh I could say a million things that my kids have taught me about life. They have taught me at least as much about love and life if not more than I have taught them about the world.
What you share is lovely – so often the way children are is simply a communication of something going on for them – I know that from my own experience, it can be very clear and easy to feel what is going on with a child even through they have no words because they do communicate even at very young ages. Rather than getting upset that they are getting upset, or angry or frustrated, giving them the space and actually feeling into why they are struggling to sleep or why they don’t want to eat, makes the child feel listened to and its feelings acknowledged.
Totally agree Rebecca, children are communicating in so many ways. These days parents definitely don’t go there with their children, and don’t really get to understand what is going on. I see a lot of parents just try and give a solution so there can be ‘peace and quiet’ without actually getting closer with the child or having to stop whatever crazy momentum they are in.
I have had very close contact with two of my grandchildren from the day they were born and the life lessons and healing I have had from them have been endless. I have certainly learned that they are not just little kids but see them as wise adults in little bodies who know only to be honest and tell it like it is, and even if their honesty is hard to swallow at times I have found that to be humble and to accept the healing that is being offered is simply magical.
Amazing blog to read Diana. It shows how to not just accept things when they are not working as ‘it is just the way things are’ but to look deeper and see if there is a reason for it happening that way. Even if it may be bringing things up for the people involved, like your mother-in-law, it is worth doing so as it can be so healing for all involved. I find this very inspiring.
Thank you Diana. This shows clearly the importance of communication and sharing with your mother-in-law what was going on so that together you could reveal the underlying cause and effect and heal a long held suffocating anxiety in her. As our son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child later this year this blog will support us as we will be sharing in the care their child. There will be plenty to read in us and the parents as the child moves through each chapter in life.
Thank you for this sharing. It’s beautiful how children reflect so much and when we stop to feel and listen, the answers are all their in front of us. It feels like a great healing for you all. i have seen this in our families too, I will be sharing this blog with my sisters
An inspiring and very accessible article which firstly proves without a doubt that it is never too late to heal and also that we are not the hapless victims of our past experiences, but able, if we are willing, to unravel the impulses behind our behaviours and gain ever more understanding and mastery of ourselves in life.
Love this Matilda staying open to the possibility that we do not have to remain victims of our past experiences is huge and incredibly healing. As is shown in the blog we can affect so many people when we don’t heal issues that have influenced and affected our lives.
Diana this is a beautiful sharing of how reading a situation from the behaviour of your daughter was able to bring a deeper understanding of the cause of the changes that were so evident after being with her grandmother. Wow! What a profound healing for her grandmother from events from her own childhood also reflected in your daughter being less tense now. A big thank you to your mother-in-law for giving her permission to share this blog-
This is an amazing story of observation/compassion leading a way to understanding, therefore healing. I can easily imagine the exact opposite scenario of people going into reaction when they see a situation as a ‘problem’ and blaming each other, and possibly end up not talking to each other. What strikes me is how honest and open your mother-in-law was in responding to your question and I got to feel the beautiful, solid foundation you have built in your relationship as a family. Thank you for sharing, Diana.
Fumiyo you have summed it up beautifully. Diana’s choice to read the situation rather than to react, allowed for expansion, whereas had she reacted that would have lead to everybody contracting. Unfortunately as most people tend to react rather than read a situation, we are forever closing opportunities down. We really do limit ourselves constantly.
Your simple family sharing shows how the sensitivity we have can become locked in by fear, and how this in turn, passes on to to all around, old and young alike. Talk about vicious circles! But the gorgeous thing here Diana is you also show how by simply honouring what we feel and expressing we can equally help unlock others from the grip of anxiety. Powerful.
You break down a situation most would find hard to deal with and seek a remedy or a cure with simplicity of understanding what is being communicated through this behaviour. We don’t have to be professional psychologists to understand what another is communicating. Simply feeling and connecting with what they are communicating is all that is required.
Yes I remember when my first child was born and buying loads of books on parenting and child development etc with the intention of being a good parent. Then I soon realised that although helpful to know this information was not as valuable as my own observation and reading of my children energetically. I was thrilled to discover that I could actually feel what every little cry or sound meant when our children were babies. Of course this can apply to adults too. Verbal communication can be a bit distracting sometimes but it is very valuable to always read the energy in any encounter or meeting with another person, and it is something anyone can simply learn how to do.
We probably just re-learn what we knew as children before words and intellect distracted us away from reading our environment.
Exactly Joshua. And in this sharing the ‘reading’ of the children from the connection that was there was the staring point to this beautiful and honest healing.
I agree Joshua; a commitment to understanding brings love to the situation and allows the understanding to come. It is simple and it works every time.
‘Simply feeling and connecting with what they are communicating is all that is required.’ Spot on Joshua.
I absolutely agree Joshua. Everyone feels things, and has the power to read exactly what’s going on in every situation – we certainly don’t have to be professional psychologists to understand this, nor do we have to be professional psychologists to express what we observe and support others to not behave from their reactions and hurts.
When I was first presented that I could ‘read’ each situation with my children, I ironically went into not feeling good enough and that I couldn’t do it! But just trusting that I do have the ability alongside gaining an understanding that if I can’t feel it then maybe it is because I don’t want to feel what is really going on, has been helpful. Now, I can appreciate I am deepening that trust in myself and I am reading more and more about what is truly going on for my children.
This is true for me too Gina and it’s a beautiful unfolding and relearning. The more I read, the more I feel others ability to read and the greater my understanding is that children are in fact reading us all the time and knowing exactly what is going on. Something to keep us responsible and truly loving as a way to continue to honour their beauty. And for those that choose to not understand that this is going on, control can come in.
This is such a profound awareness what you share in your comment: ‘The more I read, the more I feel others ability to read and the greater my understanding is that children are in fact reading us all the time and knowing exactly what is going on.’ We all naturally have the ability to read each other equally. And knowing this we cannot deny the wisdom of children and how this wisdom has been and still is within all of us equally from the start.
I can relate to this. I used to get very frustrated over not being able to decode what my daughter was communicating to me and I would feel like a failure as a mother. Now I am trusting myself I can feel what is going on for others and I use this in all different kind of situations. It does require me to be without judgements, otherwise I can’t do a ‘reading’.
What was shared with you by Michael Benhayon is incredible. Often when a child engages in unwanted or unusual behaviours we can tend to just blame the child. To go beyond this and be open to becoming aware to factors which may have led to the child’s behaviours, that is to ‘read’ the situation is absolute gold. Imagine how supportive that must feel for a child and how much love they feel held in.
Certainly it is refreshing to look beyond the direct consequence in front of us, and look deeper at the why?
Pure gold and something one can use as a support everyday.
Yes Johanna08.smith I agree, it is something we can use as a support every day with everyone.
Diana, what you have shared here is so beautiful! the healing that has been experienced by everyone involved shows that life is all about exposing the ill beliefs and hardness or tensions that we have carried and how possible it is to drop them as the old baggage that they are! I just love the openness your mother-in-law embraced in learning for herself and reflecting upon her own life experiences, it could be easy to tell someone to ‘stop reacting’ or ‘you don’t have to worry’ but these conversations lack the readings that you have so exquisitely shared are apart of our daily and natural way of interacting with our children and in fact, all people. Thank you.
This is an important point you raise here Cherise, the understanding that Diana has brought to this situation through her reading and observation allows for the root cause of the anxiety to be addressed and healed.
Being over protective reveals our own insecurities and places unnecessary constraints on the person we are responsible for. I agree with you Michelle ‘over caring is not caring at all’.
Hear hear Cherise! To feel the openness from another who is willing to take an honest look at the ‘old baggage’ and be prepared to discard all that no longer serves, is beautifully inspiring.
We all seem to carry so much baggage from the past, and all it does it hold us back. There is here presented an opportunity to dispense with the past through observation and understanding, and live free of those shackles.
Yes Heather, it is great to use every opportunity to drop another bag and lighten the load. This blog gives us a great living example of this.
And so the true effect of healing.. There is no better medicine than to truly be open hearted to mankind.. We can learn so much from each other. More then is realized. We are the savers ourselves – yet we have amazing guides that help us along the way – if we allow them. Beautiful.
Learning that what looks like caring actually can cause more harm than good is a huge lesson for all of us. It seems that when we over-care we can cause as much harm as when we are not caring enough.
Good point Christoph. The key to ‘right measure’ is knowing what energy we are aligned to. If it is love, then the perfect measure will be known and thus expressed. If it is not love, then we run the risk of being carried to the extremes, which as you say, amount to the same thing.
Over-care is also about one-self, making sure your own hurts don’t get triggered and not so much about what is really caring for the other.
Yes so true Monika, if we focus on another that lets us off the hook to deeply focus on our selves. If we put others first all of the time, then we really don’t have ‘time’ to deal with my our own stuff; what a ‘convenient’ way out this could provide ….
When what we call care comes from a fear, worry or insecurity it will not seek more than protection and safety, but never can it care to support another to prosper.
Great point Christoph, over-care is actually not nurturing at all but something else entirely.
I agree Kate and Michelle, being over protective or fearful and anxious stunts a child learning from life and from their choices.
Being over protective reveals our own insecurities and places unnecessary constraints on the person we are responsible for. I agree with you Michelle ‘over caring is not caring at all’.
What an amazing contribution about the fact that our children reflect to us what is going on for them. No book can solve these kinds of puzzles but being open to what is communicated and then willing to share it works miracles.
This blog will support parents as much if not much more than any book, simply from the understanding that was shared.
Hear hear – so true and so clearly expressed.
Such is the magic of children and the medicine with which we all can access when we choose to observe and honour our feelings – Love it!
Observing in honesty and staying open to whatever may be revealed, our way forward is clear to see. And all the support we need is there for us..
So true Jenny and so very simple.
Openness and willingness are key factor in all interactions and communications, so much can be resolved and learnt when we are able to embrace this way of being.
What a beautiful reminder of how and if we can observe a situation and look at the bigger picture of what maybe happening with behaviours. As all is energy that energy we all feel communicates with everyone, a child not knowing the difference between these energies can easily absorb something and thereby create a behaviour that isn’t their true being. This is when we need to be vigilant and read the energy and thereby assist with healing for so many people. Thank you Diana
Certainly it is a great lesson in taking responsibility for what we are bringing to any interaction, even if it is a generous act, the truth of how we are feeling is always reflected in each interaction.
Diana reading our children does bring parenting to a responsibility that parenting books have never taught, but it is what builds true connection between people. The connection you have lived with yourself and therefore offering as a reflection to your children and in-laws is an invitation for true change to happen, a world where there is connection is on its way back to a naturalness and harmony that we know.
I love this Adele, to live with this connection (within ourselves and with each other) is revelatory to the world today and yet so profoundly natural to all of us. Without connection we are not taking responsibility for ourselves nor claiming our ability to read energy (with black and white absoluteness!) in every situation and relationship that presents. We deeply need to claim our natural ability to parent based on our relationship and ability to parent ourselves!
Yes Adele and as a result of becoming aware of how my issues and hurts can impact on my relationship with my children and all those around me, and then dealing with those issues, deeper connections and truer relationships have been formed. Dealing with our issues is integral in bringing harmony into the world
‘Dealing with our issues is integral in bringing harmony into the world’ Yes Gina and offering this reflection to others to step up and take responsibility for theirs allows for deepening connections and understanding between everyone.
Yes so true Gina, I have found that too the more I deal with past hurts and issues, the more true my relationships and interactions with others become, and the reflections for all of us are just beautiful in their expression too.
Beautifully said Adele. When we make the choice to connect with ourselves, we are actually making the choice to reconnect back to others and the All that we all are.
I find it very powerful how you are sharing what you understand and your awareness of dealing with hurts with your extended family.
Me too. This article opens so many doors if we are willing to explore our own patterns of behaviour and accept that we are super aware of things that are going on around us all of the time.
It’s that awareness that we really need to acknowledge, that we have it and that we know and feel it and then to stay authentic and let it be expressed in a way that is healing and supportive of all.
I agree Suzanne – it is extremely powerful to share and uncover hurts with those close to us…. and even those not so close! I loved the openness that Diana possesses and how there was no accusations or judgment being dished out, but a willingness to see beyond the behaviour and learn what was behind it.
Thank you Suzanne and Matilda, the power of sharing this way deepens for me with letting people in and living more of me in the world.
Working with our hurts, and putting them to bed is so incredibly freeing, so much so it should be shared with our family and friends.
I love how you went into more detail when you had trouble with finding out why your daughter wasn’t settling once home from the grandparents. This could have very easily been ignored. It shows how we shouldn’t expect any misdemeanors but look closer what is taking place.
Everything is worth looking into.
If we don’t want to see what is truly going on when our children have changed and acting in a way that is not how they naturally are, we will make it all about them and that they are bad or naughty. Especially if we don’t want to rock the boat or speak up. We clearly know the difference when we are willing to be honest with our own behaviours, as Diana committed to with her family. There was many times when my children were young that I skirted around what was affecting them because I didn’t want to make myself or others feel uncomfortable.
I so relate to this Aimee, especially when others were around… It is awesome of Diana to share a different way and letting us see how beautiful things can resolve.
Yes Karina, and Diana shows how simple and supportive it can be to all involved when we don’t hold back from addressing what is there.
Back to ‘not holding back’ and expressing in full lovingly and truthfully, sometimes still easier said than done, yet the ‘done’ does happen a lot more these days 🙂
I can so relate to what you are sharing here Aimee, we seem to spend a lot of time thinking about whether we can say that to someone or not and in what way to say it, so they can handle it, etc. a lot of misunderstanding happens because we are trying to manipulate the outcome of a situation and do not honestly share what we feel.
Gosh yes Judith, once we start manipulating our expression it’s like digging a hole… and as you say misunderstandings abound thereafter.
I can also relate to that Aimee with my oldest, apologising for her behaviour when it would make someone else feel uncomfortable. This was before I learned the truth about behaviours, reflections and reactions through Universal Medicine presentations.
Yes there is always more to see when we look deeper.
Indeed everything is worth looking into for all is an opportunity to go deeper and live from who we truly rather than a place of protection from our anxieties and fear.
Everything is everything, and nothing is nothing
Yes this is fabulous. Many would not have enquiries or wanted to go further for out of fear of rocking the boat. However with the questions came the answers and the understanding and the healing.
I agree Johanna, this is what I loved too. How each person was able to consider what was going on and be open to sharing this and in that everyone gets the support they need.
It is easy to judge a book or in this instance a situation by the cover, but to explore the content by reading and understanding it opens unexpected dimensions and ways to deal with it.
There is so much judgement in the world, and we use that judgement to guide us on our next decision, perhaps whether to say something to a loved one or not, when really the guidance was flawed from the judgement in the first place.
So true Heather, it’s a great way to control the world we live in. The result though is that we remain cut off from what is truly going on.
I agree Heather there is a belief to not say too much because it could come across as judgemental or blaming. But as Diana’s example shows when we simply talk about things and address what we observe we help each other to heal and evolve.
Yes so true Heather. I’ve often hidden behind a cloud of judgement -e.g. this person won’t be able to handle what I’ve got to say, better not say this because they’ll react etc. I was basically avoiding intimacy and responsibility. Truly connecting and coming from a shared knowing meant a new foundation we had an opportunity to forever develop. This scared me – what if I couldn’t live up to it in the future. But it’s actually very lovely and a natural impulse in us all to connect and build on these connections.
All revealing the intensity of judgement we place upon ourselves… When it’s so readily projected outward, the quality in which we hold ourselves is most definitely exposed.
There is great wisdom, acceptance and freedom offered in this blog – not just in situations relating to children, but in regards to any relationship we may have in our lives…
Beautiful Luke, everything is an opportunity to look deeper and discover more about each other and ourselves.
Totally agree Luke, this could have been ignored but was acted on. And what an amazing ripple effect this has made.
I so agree Luke and as that little girl grows up, and her parents take notice when something isn’t quite right, she will feel met and that there are people who care about her feelings – its very confirming
Yes Luke, everything is worth looking into. It can be so easy to ignore what is going on, but by being an observer, asking the question and giving ourselves time to connect to the situation we can be clear on the way forward and create understanding. When we become emotionally tangled and embroiled in a situation it becomes impossible to see the wood for the trees and can’t offer clarity to anyone least of all ourselves.
What a stunning example of holding others with love and bringing understanding to a situation. It was so beautiful to read and feel the enormous amount of healing this offered everyone involved Diana, you speaking up, reading your daughter and sharing that with your Mother-in-law. I remember when my children were toddlers and feeling awful if one of them hurt themselves in my care, and I would feel so bad when others would see their bruise or scratched knee, like I had something to do with it. Looking back all the anxiousness and drama that I lived in trying to have everything perfect, would have had an affect on them as well. Thank you for sharing!
I had the same experience of being anxious when my children were little (26 years ago) and I found that my need for perfection increased the more I felt unable to cope with being a mother or the belief about being a bad mother. I always felt ill-equipt for the job and that miraculously others new naturally what to do in difficult circumstances. It makes sense to me now that some of the behaviours they were demonstrating would have been in reaction to how we were coping ourselves.
Thanks for sharing Aimee and Julie, for me it was the same 11 years ago when our first daughter came into our lives. There was an anxiousness of, what happens when I don’t get this mothering thing right? But even in this time there was an inner knowing that it was not about the ideals and believes on how to guide children through life but about connecting and that it was a two way street supporting and reflecting each other. Deepening my connection with this inner knowing through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, parenting for me became different with my second daughter and third. But what I discovered in this particular situation is that I do not doubt that the way I live and parent now has a healing effect on the times where I made choices out of doubt or pandering with our first and second daughter in the past.
Thank you Diana, there is so much to learn and heal through living and growing together. For me letting go (a work in progress) of the beliefs and ideals that can come with such a laden consciousness with parenting has helped me trust and see what is true and what is not. When I go into pandering now I see it as a reflection of where I am pandering to aspects of myself that I’m not being responsible for.
Diana, this is a terrific blog and shows the reflection we can have with children and what they are naturally connected with. I too recently experienced something similar in a far different setting with a customer in a cafe and their child. I had an amazing conversation with the parent but I felt the infant too was party to the sharing we had as adults as we both took turns nursing the infant during the conversation. Children can certainly light the way if we just allow them and allow ourselves to understand them. Great blog thank you
What I love from reading this blog is that applies to so many things. Children are great reflectors. No arguments there. But so are many aspects of life.
The beautiful thing about children is that they are so uncomplicated…adults take a greater degree of surrender to see through the complexities.
Even so we can read all the time and master ourselves in life.
Kids live a simple life, they express exactly how they feel almost all the time, and aren’t interested in complications. What a great way to live!
It is like adults are programmed to go for complication, while children still naturally choose the direct way.
The question here arises – when does that programming actually start? And why does it start? Makes no sense especially when we all see, observe and feel the natural beingness of children.
This is beautiful Diana, and very confirming of how, when we choose to express what we are feeling without judgement or criticism, everyone benefits. What a wonderful example you have shared with us, and beautiful to feel the deepening of your realtionship with your mother-in-law as a result of your daughters reflection to you.
Exactly what I felt Sandra, the openess in which Diana has shared what she felt with her mother in law has given the opportunity to deepen and heal relationships. And it gives us a glimpse of the ripple effect expression can have.
It also lets us see what is possible when we are lovingly in relationship with others without judgment, just reflecting, awesome.
I love the ripple effects that these expressions can have – they are just awesome and so amazing to watch at times.
Yes, I felt that too Sandra, the relationship between Diana and her mother can only be strengthened by the honesty of confronting what was at play. It would have been very easy to ignore what was going no and just accept things as they were, but in that there is no resolution and no healing for anyone and the child would still have been upset and not able to rest deeply.
Thank you Sandra, yes my experience with saying yes to deepen and be open in one area or relationship, you create a ripple effect to all other areas and relationships.
It’s also amazing that children offer us such clear reflections of how we are, they don’t hold back in expressing what they feel and it is beautiful that you honoured this in your daughter. You so beautifully held the space for your child to express, followed your feeling to read the situation and as such offered your whole family a true opportunity for healing.
We can learn so much from our children, what a blessing this is, when we allow them to express what they feel and honour that. It was wonderful that Diane read the situation with her daughter, and truthfully discussed it with her mother in law, with the result of a healing all round for the family. How great that Diane had the open relationship with her mother in law to be able to discuss it so truthfully.
Yes, giving our children and everyone else the space to express what is true for them gives a healing and an expansion to them and us.
Yes, space is a healing in itself. How often do we impose upon this with our ‘need’ for things to be a certain way.
Yes, know all about that ‘need’ and at times it was quite hard to accept it was there, but once accepted all the easier then to let go.
Brilliant Diana, and what a support and true healing for your whole family. I love the fact when we begin to feel into what is going on, really taking the time to connect to our role in things that there is an opportunity to reassess and change our behaviours. It was wonderful to read how your mother-in-law did this and to see the knock on effect for your whole family. Reading situations in this way is so powerful and shows quite clearly how we are within ourselves effects everything such a powerful learning and something that offers us all a new way of looking at and living life. Love it!
A very powerful story about how to deal with an ‘unwanted behaviour’ in a way that is firstly truly revealing of its root cause and then very healing for all involved, especially for the grandparent who has been willing to go there and gain some deep insights into past and buried hurts.
Yes it is tempting with children to simply correct the ‘unwanted’ or ‘inconvenient’ behaviour with children without reading what is behind the behaviour. Sure sometimes kids need discipline and correction but I have found if I stay open to considering that there must be a bigger picture going on, it is much more healing for everyone and kids feel truly met, connected to and listened to, not just told off.
Yes, as you say, sometimes kids need discipline and correction, but all I have learned over the past 9 years or so, since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending presentations with Universal Medicine, has changed my attitude to parenting so greatly. I always felt so responsible and unsure of myself in bringing up my children, constantly wanting to be seen to be doing everything right, it was such a tension-ridden time for me, even though I loved them both dearly. If I had known and understood what I do now, what a more loving and understanding mother they would have had, not putting all those expectations on myself, but feeling into what was needed, and reading my children’s actions and reactions and communicating fully with them. But no point in beating myself up about it, but treating it as a learning and a healing for me to now understand this.
Beverley I can relate to what you have shared, and know that I have chosen more often than not to go to reaction rather than take the responsible route and take the time to deepen my parenting.
This is deeply beautiful to read Beverley. I would love to see a whole blog by you on this topic… For what you’ve shared is such common experience. I have not had children, but most certainly have felt this with those I care about – a stress and tension around feeling that ‘I’ should be able to make a difference in making another’s life better, or moreso, free from harm. Thing is, another’s life is not for us to determine and we disempower ourselves and those in our sphere if we take on that which is not our responsibility in the first place.
This is true for more than just kids. Often we react to each other’s behaviours without stopping to consider what is going on for each other. This level of support and care is needed for all.
Absolutely Kristy. This changes everything – in all relationships.
Well said Andrew, we often only want to stop the unwanted or bad behavior of the child, seeing it as a disruption and inconvenience. Yes the bad behavior needs to be stopped, but if we bring understanding, insight and discussion into why its happening the whole family gets more awareness, which allows the opportunity for healing for all, and for the family to grow and evolve.
‘I have found if I stay open to considering that there must be a bigger picture going on it is much more healing for everyone’ Allowing the bigger picture to present itself we get to feel how we are all connected and how everything and everyone affects everything else and everybody else. Beautiful then how we can let the healing be done for us as we hold all equal.
Such a wonderful example of someone who is prepared to look at their own fears and hurts and take the opportunity to truly face and heal them. Very inspirational.
Yes Gabriele, reading another does get to the truth and release the cause for whoever is responsible for that choice away from love to truth then can be restored once again.
True family group healing work shared in this blog.
The willingness to go there is the key and to see feel and accept that which created the behaviour or belief. True healing then can start as we let go of that which does not serve any longer.
Yes love it too, Jade and a big thank you, Diana. I am inspired to be an open book myself (as in, easy to read) whilst also knowing and enjoying the fact that I can read really well too!
That’s what stood out for me as well while reading this, when we feel into a situation the understanding and healing that occurs around us for others and ourselves is massive.
So true Leigh, we do ourselves and others a huge disservice when we play down or ignore our ability to read a situation as we miss out on the opportunity for understanding and healing.
By reading a situation we empower others rather than bring them down, it takes the all into account and is evolving for everyone.
Hear hear – well expressed Kate, so it is!
I agree Jade, to develop our ability to read into situations and through that understand them more deeply changes everything – we can let go of reaction, blame, judgment, control, etc. all these emotions that do not serve anyone.
Well said Jade. When we read a situation rather than react to it this has a huge knock on effect on those around us. When an issue arises we are usually so quick to justify it, cover it up, ‘solve it’ without resolving it, or ignore it, so when someone actually takes responsibility and reads what’s going on rather than reacting it’s very inspiring. I know for me when issues come up in relationships it’s easy to go into judgement or begin arguing or bickering, so if someone were to say ‘No lets look at this properly’ it would be a breath of fresh air!
It’s a great place to be at, isn’t it Susie, when we can put what’s going on, ‘on the table’ so to speak – and look at it without personalising any of it at all… Recognising that all is in fact ‘energy’ – and all can be read, i.e. whatever is at play deeply understood, offering the opportunity for true growth for all concerned.
Meanwhile, when we are not at this place, we can still do our best to depersonalise and not blame ourselves or others – to learn from the situation, and keep our hearts open to this learning. There is great responsibility in the whole process.
Yes, the more deeply we read what is happening, the more encompassing our response is, giving the other a much clearer choice whether to harm or heal from that moment onwards and making it much easier for the other to choose to heal – and for ourselves, too.
Simply amazing! Every behaviour that we have that makes things ‘go wrong’ is simply to avoid being hurt or feeling hurt. What an amazing understanding to have. This totally releases us from all judgement and we can start to see the truth of why we behave/react the way we do. I was left with my jaw dropped, such an amazing blog!
Exactly Harrison! It’s not only every behaviour that we already have that keeps us in protection, but also the thoughts or ideals and beliefs we have around ‘getting it wrong’ which can leave us feeling tense and anxious and wondering if we’ll be judged – by ourselves or others – if we don’t ‘get it right’. This often restricts our ability to really feel what’s right in our body, in preference to intellectualising what we ‘should’ do. Many of these processes I’ve found can can take a while to work on, but awareness about having the behaviour in the first place and being honest is the best start!
Awesome points Angela and Harrison. This sense of ‘getting it wrong’ sets us up for perfection and not being good enough. To release this tension and huge pressure is an absolute life changer. To start with the foundation that we are good enough, and trust in the learning along the way has and is supporting me enormously.
Gina I love the foundation of being good enough. For years I lived in the quick sands of ‘got to get better and then I’ll be ok’ which is an impossible foundation – anything I felt was an achievement quickly sunk beneath the sand. No appreciation could build. So I allowed myself to feel the truth of the I am good enough and have decided this is a true foundation. Feels like early days but each appreciation is me simply discovering more of my amazingness. And each mistake is me learning.
Each appreciation is me discovering more of my amazingness, and each mistake is me learning. So simple and yet so profound Karin.
Coming from a point of forever learning breaks the cycle of perfection. A game changer indeed. Thank you Gina.
This is such a great exploration of the levels of anxiousness we can harbour! Firstly, we fear the ‘what ifs’ – but what if ‘they fall’, what if ‘this happens whilst someone is in my care’??? What if ‘this exposes I’m not enough’, that ‘I’ve failed’…?
We are corseted by such fears, anxiousness and anxiety – held back from living life in full and trusting ourselves, others and ‘the process’. Fact is, we simply cannot be in control of it all. Stuff happens – some of it may seem ‘bad’, ‘ill-fated’ or whatever, but it never occurs by random ‘accident’ – there is always a momentum or series of events and choices that leads to something we may deem to be an ‘accident’, and therein we are offered a tremendous opportunity for learning, growth and true healing, should we wish to take it.
Wow, reading these comments has really just exposed what I have been doing to myself in the last few weeks. I have noticed a higher level of anxiety in myself, and so much of it was because of wanting to get everything done the ‘right’ way, and constantly doubting myself and wanting that unachievable perfection. Great reflection guys! Having more awareness of this will help me call out this pattern I am so familiar with which is essentially getting in the way of me being me.
I can so relate to your words here Eleanor about getting in the way of me being me, as I too did this last week at work. When I realized what I was choosing and just let go, the next couple of days were truly lovely. It’s so much more enjoyable when we can trust in ourselves and what we bring in that way.
Yes, when we find a new pattern it is great to watch it. Over time we become more and more aware of the pattern and then we know how not to act under the pattern. Once we repeat the ‘not acting’ on the pattern a number of times, the pattern is gone for good. We then sometimes remember, ah yes, wasn’t there a pattern?
This is my experience also Christoph. There needn’t be any self-condemnation or judgement in the process – awareness of what’s going on is the key to our learning, and our ability to ‘not act’ in a way we know doesn’t serve us (or anyone else for that matter). 🙂
Yes agreed Angela, the pressure of perfectionism and getting it right can be crippling, and often comes from a picture or ideal of how we should be, that we place upon ourselves then project that others want us that way, which they then become to expect of us. All of this is a way we avoid our power and innate wisdom we have within.
Yes Angela it is a work in progress uncovering the idea’s and beliefs we have around so many things! What I love is that if we are willing once they are unveiled and seen this seems to release our bodies to live in a way that gives opportunity to no longer be imprisoned by the self imposed prisons of protection.
Awesome comment Angela. Really helps me be more aware of how distressing trying to get things ‘right’ is. And it has physical repercussions – tenseness, hardening up, stress etc which block what our body is really capable of communicating with us. Quite ironic really – by our trying to get something ‘right’ we cannot hear what our body is saying is right. Seems very sensible to drop focusing on what we think others may say about us and listen to what our bodies feel is true because it is our bodies that are connected to all that surrounds us, not our minds.
Absolutely Angela, when we are caught up in right and wrong we can be sure as day that what we considered right one day will soon be wrong and visa versa as judgment always sways. Whereas if the focus is on what feels true regardless of popular opinion or what we think should happen we are in another ball game altogether.
I could feel that too Harrison. The understanding releases any judgement we may have. How important is reading everything – rather than judging? Different outcome for all involved.
Yes Jennifer, the important distinction between ‘reading’ a situation and ‘judging’ it can be life-changing. A great reminder to pause if I feel judgement or frustration creeping in to my relationships with children.
Yes, instead of judging we could be ‘reading’ the situation and bringing healing to it. This feels evolutionary, where judgement feels like a never ending merry-go-round only ever going around in the one spot.
Jennifer, how true is your statement…’how important is reading everything – rather than judging?’ it seems to me that we instantly cross into the judgment lane when challenged by difficult situations. By standing, back, observing, taking stock and reading what is happening can transform not only the difficulty itself but relationships also.
So true Jennifer, judgment is a roadblock to understanding whereas reading a person in a situation treats them as an equal, and with that love, understanding and healing is facilitated.
Beautifully said Bernard and it is only through allowing ourselves to observe a situation rather than get involved that we have the space to read it.
Great expression Bernard, the distinction between the two ways of being are so clear and and image of the roadblock really drives it home.
There is something beautiful in the blog about the fact that there is no blame going on, but by exposing what was at play the Grandmother then took the opportunity to learn something about herself, and took the opportunity to heal a lifelong hurt.
I agree Simon they all felt as one all a part of healing each other and evolving.
Yes it is very inspirational to feel unfolding rather than blame and accusation!
Yes, I love the way Diana did the reading of/feeling into what her daughter was trying to communicate and how open she asked her mother in law the questions. No blame, no judgement allowed the rest to unfold and a huge healing to take place.
Great point Simon, agreed. The growth that was made by the palpable care that is within these three generations of Diana’s family, to get underneath first appearances to the heart of it, is so very inspiring.
A healing for the whole family from one situation of Diana’s daughter not sleeping. Just this week at work, 3 people have shared how their young children are not settling or are settling then waking during the night. This awareness of connecting with their children and reading them would benefit every single parent.
Absolutely Sandra, we spend a lot of our time pretending we don’t know how to read situations and our family, friends, colleagues etc we keep ourselves blind by choice as we falsely are so afraid of being attacked for being wrong etc that we chose life’s of ignorance looking to experts for how to manage our children’s behaviours. When all along we do know what is going on. The games we play!
Yes Simon, a gorgeous healing and learning for all.
I agree Simon, how wonderful that the grandparent was willing to listen and not resent or take it as a criticism, but rather come to the realisation of why she was being so nervous and anxious and how that led to dealing with and letting go of a deeply held past hurt. This is truly a healing for all involved.
The healing described is beautiful indeed. It would have been so easy to go into blame and or removing the child from the grandmother’s care. What a loss that would have been.
I agree Anne – so beautiful what unfolds when we do not go into reaction.
Beautiful Simon. I was delighted to hear that this opportunity for healing was taken, as I know sometimes it is not chosen.
I agree Simon. There is a huge learning for all and an appreciation of how everyone heals when we stop to read and understand what lessons are reflected from children and their behaviours.
Great point you are highlighting here Simon, this ‘no blame’ and ‘no judgment’ environment is what offers the space for true healing.
It is so liberating when we can step away from blame and judging others, as this sort of behaviour always then waits for admissions of ‘guilt’ and apologies or explanations. And even when they do come these things still do not make a fundamental difference, as the hurt within is still not truly healed.
And what an awesome opportunity too – it is so good to read that there was an openness to the learning received and therefore healing could take place. A truly beautfull blog indeed.
So true, Simon, and it such a gorgeous example of not becoming involved in the situation, endeavouring to find right and wrong, but instead ‘stepping back’ and allowing the truth to unfold without judgment or blame.
I can’t help but wonder how our world – and human relations would be – if we all lived by such deep wisdom… Meanwhile, we are offered endless opportunities for learning, and reconnecting to such depth in our everyday lives…
Often the fear of being perceived to be blaming someone stops us just asking what’s going on.. what a shame it is to miss such an opportunity for growing and understanding each other.
And when we approach everything as an opportunity to learn, rather than trying to be ‘right’ in all situations, we open ourselves up to a healing as our way of being. However, in needing to be right, we become defensive, we can shut down and try to justify ourselves – all of which avoids the healing that is on offer.
Gorgeous Kylie! When not trying to be ‘right’ we open up indeed to healing as a way of life, and learning.
Yes Simon, I loved just how open the grandmother was at looking at her part in this and have to conclude that this was possible as she was approached with the reading of the situation rather than a blame born of judgment.
This blog offers such a different relationship to ‘problems’. Focus on the thing itself (in this case a little girl who cannot wind down and sleep) and we never get to the understanding. Read the whole situation and the root of the problem becomes very clear. We can drop the judgements. Understanding and healing are at hand.
Yes, it is two very different versions of life.
One – to only see the problem or the seeming situation at hand.
Two – to be willing to feel deeper and understand what is really at play.
We are forever given the opportunity to choose either option one; or two and respond accordingly.
And what a relief to be free of all judgment when we can see the truth of why we behave/react the way we do, Harrison. And the greatest judgment against us usually comes from ourselves! We are the sternest judge in most situations, we put such high expectations on ourselves.
Agreed Beverley. In re-reading this blog and the comments here, I can feel a dismantling of expectation and rigidity – levels of just how bound we have been by harboured fears of ‘what could go wrong’… Pointing the way to the deeper healing available to us all in our own healing, for we are all influenced by events of the past (some not even in conscious memory), where we’ve been hurt ourselves, or those we care about have been harmed. These are deep threads to let go indeed…
I love the honesty of the grand mother- it was very gorgeous what she shared. You can really feel the love she has for the kids.
I agree Kristy, deeply beautiful for the mother-in-law to surrender and express her observations and feelings. I can feel how deeply she loves each of her children and grandchildren also. This story allows this to be felt and seen, and brings much understanding to patterns and behaviours I have observed within myself and others around young children (particularly fear of not wanting them to be hurt/harmed) without judgement and an openness to learn and unfold.
Thank you Harrison and yes it is, with an approach of truly wanting to understand what is going on, people open up, because it is not a matter of right or wrong, but just to see the truth of what lies beneath the behavior or reaction.
Yes so true, to see and understand what truly lies beneath any behaviour or reactions and bringing that up to be expressed makes such a difference in all interactions with people.
Harrison you have totally nailed it – “Every behaviour that we have that makes things ‘go wrong’ is simply to avoid being hurt or feeling hurt.” When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and actually connect to the hurt, the behaviour can simply drop away.
Diana this is a sharing that I can relate to as I look after my Grandchildren quite often and one on a regular day each week. There is a sense of anxiety at times around looking after the child and seeing that no harm comes to them whilst in your care, and handing them back to their Parents in one piece! But I have learnt to let go of this fear, as well by knowing I am doing my best in a loving way to make our day together enjoyable for both of us in a safe environment, but as you said accidents can happen when the child is learning to explore their environment. It can be a beautiful experience for all and a healing too.
You mean as parents, grandparents, children we do not need to be perfect! What an important revelation for the entire world. Our greatest responsibility is to express ourselves and that being the loveliness and awareness of who we truly are and with grace know that the more we are aware of and the more readings we allow, the more responsibility we have to not hold back from anyone.
I can relate to what you have shared Roslyn about a fear of taking care of my own children or others and not wanting them to get hurt. I understand more that my responsibility is to stay present with myself, not trying to live ahead or in the past! But in the moment with me in my body and from here I trust I am lovingly doing the best that I can.
I laughed at your first sentence Cherise – what an incredibly liberating and life changing realisation this is, and how if realised by all would make relationships between the different generations of families so much more open and enjoyable. Letting go of the trying to be perfect is the heaviest and most welcome weight to let go of and leaves us the delicious freedom to be ourselves and do the best we can with what we have, lovingly so.
Ingrid I love the idea of letting go the weight of trying to be perfect and giving ourselves the the delicious freedom to be ourselves with children. I see how I have fallen into the pattern of trying to get it right with the grandchildren at times, which is really just a compensation for the feeling that I did not get it right with my children. It’s much more important to simply enjoy the connection and offer my own flavour of wisdom.
Gosh Anne, this is a great point of discussion that needs to be opened up, I imagine many parents hold themselves to ransom feeling that they didn’t get it right with their kids. It would be great to have more people share their experiences of this and learn to let this go.
Anne, this concept of ‘getting it right’ restricts our natural spontaneity and as you say “It’s much more important to simply enjoy the connection and offer my own flavour of wisdom.” It’s the connection that matters. When we are trying to ‘get it right’ we disconnect from ourselves and so any connection with others impossible.
I love that Anne – “it’s much more important to simply enjoy the connection and offer my own flavour of wisdom.” Very wise realisation and one that will speak to many I am sure.
This is gorgeous Anne “It’s much more important to simply enjoy the connection and offer my own flavour of wisdom.” Allowing ourselves the space to be playful and enjoy our connections offers us much joy and not one ounce of perfection in sight. Thank you.
It is so interesting how we fall for ‘trying to get it right’ – right based on what is something we need to ask ourselves. In any relationship and the one starting with ourselves it is important to allow space to be able to feel who we are and let this be is fundamental. So it is crucial to let go of any ideals and beliefs that may impede on this.
Mary I love little children for how they are in relationship with themselves and others. They are generally very open and really look at you and engage in full with no compromise. As far as falling down, babies can teach us a lot about learning and being ok with falling down and then getting back up again, they do this so much and never go into shame which is the killer for being open.
Every child wants to be met and confirmed by who you naturally are, rather than clouded by a consciousness of expectations and external ideals of what parenting should look like.
So true Lucinda. And that extends to all situations. When we try and live up to something, we bring a packaged up version of ourselves – of who we think we should be, or how we think we should act etc… But when we are just ourselves, the whole world relaxes because there are not trying to read 2 situations – who you are and who you are trying to be and also it gives them permission to be themselves as well.
Absolutely Lucinda, This is true and they remind s of that everyday.
Yes this is true. I find that keeping it really simple by remembering every child just wants to be met, seen and heard has supported me with making truer connection with children.
Agreed Cherise and Ingrid – the need to be perfect is totally debilitating. It is interesting we have such a word as perfect when in fact there can be no such thing. Something can be perfect in a moment, or perfectly imperfect, yet when we live to a set of ideals or beliefs of what perfection should be, we are set to fail as the marker and expectations of what is perfect will always change.
Yes so true, and perfection has its own trap in-built, as nothing will ever be perfect anyway and to strive for something that is not attainable will always lead to the belief that one may still not be ‘good enough’. That alone in it’s energetic expression will hinder naturally flowing authentic and caring connections.
Yes Cherise’s first sentence brought a chuckle to me too. Adding to this, perhaps if we took this pressure off ourselves and didn’t pretend as such to our kids that we were perfect then our kids would then grow up knowing it’s ok to not get everything perfect and that we learn perfectly from mistakes etc.
Yes, Ingrid – I can feel the weight held in my body of needing to be perfect as a parent when my children were young, and even as a midwife- the need to control how parents are with their child, to ensure their baby is safe, whilst in my care.
However, when I give myself permission to just be me and hold a loving space to allow the parents to interact with their baby from their own inner knowing, everything flows.
Well said Susan the control is blinding and further more the protection if wanting to control stops us from truly feeling what is happening, including those magical moments.
Indeed Cherise it is so important to feel that our presence and care is enough, then we are usually able to respond with what life brings more easily.
Jenny, this is beautifully expressed. It is rarely what we do, but ‘our presence and care’ can make a huge difference in our relationships with others.
Our presence I have found is foundational in the care we provide. I know when I am fully present and with my body then my daughter, my family and our household are naturally supported from the way they then reflect back to me.
We are, already everything – why have we fallen for not knowing that this is perfectly enough ?
What you share here is gorgeous Cherise and a inspiring lesson for all parents. Rather than read the thousands of parenting books out there they could just read your comment here to have a much deeper understanding of what true parenting looks like.
Oh Kate, I so remember the parenting books I consumed when my children were young. Most are outdated by now which goes to show that there is no substitute for simply connecting with the child and supporting their development.
Yes, the best advice I give to first time mums in the role of a midwife is the importance of reading your baby’s cues and learning to connect to them from love, not from the need to get it right or control.
Love it Anne, nothing is more simple than connecting with your child and supporting their development.
I love what you share here Loretta. If we connected to them in love there would be no need for parenting books at all.
We can learn so much from our children if we just meet them for who they are allow them to be all that they are.
I love your sharing, Cherise, “our greatest responsibility is to express ourselves and that being the loveliness and awareness of who we truly are and with grace know that the more we are aware of and the more readings we allow, the more responsibility we have to not hold back from anyone.” How true that is, and how wonderful that Diana was able to read her daughter, and approach her mother in law openly and truthfully and help her discover something that had been holding her back since her experience as a child being held responsible for her siblings. A wonderful healing experience for the family in effect.
Cherise, reading this statement makes me realise how we commonly think we do have to be perfect, ‘You mean as parents, grandparents, children we do not need to be perfect!’ I can feel how this creates a lot of tension and how if we make a mistake we are very hard on ourselves and yet we are learning too, as a parent of a young child i have learnt so much, I am now honest with my son about this, I apologise if I make a mistake and say ‘im learning too’ and i sometimes say ‘i don’t know’, or i ask him for help or ask how he feels about something, this makes our relationship much more equal, rather than me thinking that as the adult i have to know everything, that I am right and that i cannot make mistakes.
Yes Rebecca, it’s important that we be honest and and not pretend we know everything and that we treat our children as equals by recognising that they too are divine and all-knowing but also being prepared from our own inner wisdom to offer them loving guidance so they feel a sense of security and do not feel the burden of having to make decisions about things that their life experience has not yet prepared them for. So it’s a fine balance between allowing them space but also offering them firm boundaries so they can then learn to take responsibility for their choices.
Beautifully said Rebecca, giving ourselves permission to learn and develop alongside our children is so key and confirms the wisdom that is innately within us all.
We can learn from them, they can learn from us and we can learn side by side together. Being open to no set picture or expectation is key.
Rebecca I love what you share here, to be able to let go of all the massive expectations to be a ‘perfect’ parent and meet your child in that equalness, that you are both learning together and both have a wisdom within that can guide you is super special and the foundation of true family relationships.
Hahaha. Yes, there is no perfection needed, Cherise. We just need to be ourselves and that is enough. As parents we are learning just as much as our children. We may have more experience this time around but we need to stay open to what our children, in fact all children, offer us by way of healing. My two have given me so much there is simply too much to share here. In short, they have shown me in their own ways where I need to focus my attention on my own development, as well as where they need the most support. It really is a two way street.
And this in truth is the beauty of ALL relationships Robyn, thank you for sharing this:
‘In short, they have shown me in their own ways where I need to focus my attention on my own development, as well as where they need the most support. It really is a two way street’ I LOVE THIS.
Yes Shevon and Robyn, this sums up parenting and how appreciation builds a foundation and confirms the love and beauty of the various expressions of the whole that we truly are!
How amazing if this truth was shared with us all from when we were young. How simple and different would the entire world be.
Yes Katerina, and the great thing is that it is never too late to life this truth in the world today.
Very true Katerina, and the amazing thing is the young have the truth to share, still so beautifully connected to themselves and hence their inner knowings, yet, we as adults, who have lost our connections proceed to tell them how it is and how it needs to be based on our fears and hurts. A ridiculous cycle that requires breaking.
Cherise I love what you say about it being our responsibility to be with oneself.
Mostly in a work capacity I have looked after children many times, some in groups, some with learning disabilities, sometimes with other support workers etc and there is always underlying safety aspects to be aware of. But I learnt it was exhausting and no fun constantly looking out for possible dangers and constantly being in my mind figuring out possible doomsday scenarios. Instead, being and trusting allows one to read the situation and intervene accordingly. It’s also so beautiful to share the space with those one is looking after and in that connection there isn’t conflict, and if there is, I know I am there ready for them should they decide to reconnect.
This is a very wise, valuable and beautiful sharing Cherise – yes we do not need to be perfect as parents, carers (we are actually set for failure if perfection is our aim). Our responsibility is indeed to stay present with ourselves, connected to our children – no need to live ahead or hang on to the past. I love the fact that my young daughter (she is 6) very much knows that perfection is NOT necessary nor healthy – just be you, offer your best, respect yourself and others, enjoy the process and learn the lessons.
I love this sentence Cherise, “You mean as parents, grandparents, children we do not need to be perfect! ”
How liberating this is not only to realise but also to accept that life is not about being perfect, and as you say a very important revelation for all of humanity. When we let go of perfection, there is room for so much more of who we truly are.
Sandra this is very liberating indeed and very real. No matter who you are there is always room to learn from something and to let go of having to do something perfect takes all the pressure in the world of our shoulders. I know I walk around tall and stronger not having these expectations on myself and for others. Letting each person be who they are and learning at different stages in their lives is true Love. All the conformed ideals of what a certain role should be is not real or realistic, be it the mother, father, sister, teacher – the list goes on but really each one of those is a person on their own path.
Yes exactly as the the role playing can stop and we can just be and evolve in the process.
Very true. No real learning can take place when we focus on playing a role.
Gold Cherise! Staying with these words and embodying their truth is the path to true freedom. For me it is a moment by moment commitment and it does not take much to contract with anxiety or self criticism. Knowing the power, truth and liberation of staying present without perfection makes my contractions and anxiety far less debilitating and they become a choice rather than an affliction.
What is that I did not do when I was a small child? I was pretty reckless. I had a few accidents but nothing major. And the accidents were never a consequence of doing something reckless at the moment but more of living in an energy of neglect. In great part this was due to the fact that I spent most of my day on my own. My parents’ presence in my daily life was not really felt. What I find interesting is the fact that given that I know how close was I from more things happening to me, I became very self-conscious of this. In the weeks my kids are with me, I do not fear anything can happen to my kids in great part because of the way I hold them.
It is a beautifull thing when we learn from what we have had in our lives and change this in order to give more and be more love to another in order to support them in being all who they are. Many times I have heard the opposite where abusers in domestic voilence had the same thing in their life and just carried on and repeated the pattern. We all have the power to change and turn things around within us it is just a matter of the choice we make and the support we have in order to make the change.
That is a great point you raise here as we have to be aware of the energy the child is in, because that energy determines how it moves and with this how caring it is with its body. And we as parents have the responsibility to hold them in an energy that supports them to be present with themselves. I know small children that do self-harming moves when they don’t get what they want and it is very important to understand that they are not randomly moving and probably hurting themselves, but that no matter how little they are they know very well whats going on.
Indeed Rachel as Diana has confirmed, if we all were to gift ourselves with the power of discernment we would quickly see that there is no such thing as an accident, bad luck or flukes – all is a reflection of what we have called in and hence are responsible for.
That is such a great point Rachel to be able to support every child whether it is one that is being abusive to oneself or not – to reflect that Love that we are and call them to be responsible in what they choose is a great foundation for all of humanity.
Beautifully said Eduardo – ” I do not fear anything can happen to my kids in great part because of the way I hold them.” Such trust and love is just awesome to bring to the children and what great reflection for them to grow up with.
Beautiful Roslyn. Watching other peoples kids can bring on a wanting it to be all ok and safe for them feeling. This also shows just how much we love and care for them too. It’s great that you have let go of this fear.
Taking care of other people’s children can feel like being in a no-win situation. Anything can go wrong. It requires trust in ourselves to do this and not to go overboard with being protective.
Good point Johanna- it does show underneath the anxiety how much love and care there actually is.
Yes we want it all to be ok and safe, but we have to look at why and how we provide this safety. Is it through control and about their physical safety only or do we really discern the energy we expose kids to and are willing to provide them with love and care? Often we are very much concerned about their physical safety, which off course is important, but it will never be a true loving environment if we do not discern energy and safety is specifically needed if we are void of love.
Very good point you raise here Rachel, true love and care is not control and attachment.
Beautifully shared Johanna, based from that fear was a love, just shows that no matter how great the love, if connection comes second the damage that can be done.
Roslyn I can also relate to Diana’s blog too. At the other end of the spectrum in my work I have duty of care for over aged clients, some of whom run the risk of falling and injuring themselves. I too want to take care of them but also experienced anxiety and felt responsible when they fell. Working together with myself, (own beliefs about perfection and control) and client (teaching them to care for their own safety) helped to make our days together more enjoyable.
I like how you have applied it to the opposite of what Diana described – it most definitely does not just apply to young children
I agree Jessica, and that is awesome Kehinde as we can apply what Diana has shared to all aspects of our lifes. So often our bodies tense up or go into protection mode for ourselves or another because of a past experience we are still holding onto. The more we can let go of these and see each new situation as a new one, without lacing it with any hurt or picture of how it should or could be, the more we will be open to what is on offer in that moment. The more I do this the more life flows for me.
Well said James. We impose our own fears and past trauma, experiences onto others – leaving us in an anxious state, that will be felt by another, as Diana’s story exemplifies. And there need be no judgement of this, but rather, if we are wiling, there is the opportunity for ‘what is on offer in that moment’ as you’ve shared – the opportunity to heal, deepen our understanding, and respond from a responsible place that is not laden by events from the past.
Very much agree, and when we accept that we live in a world of energy and that we are nothing more than vessels of the energy we choose to be in then we can see that the protection is a behavior that is applied when we run already by the energy of abuse. We try to protect, or we are anxious about the lacking protection when we have accepted the energy that makes us act individually and not in accordance with the all.
Caring for others, whether it be children, or adults… is a great lesson in responsibility isn’t it. Understanding our responsibility, our part, whilst also learning to observe and not take things on is key.
Very much agree Kylie it is about responsibility and sometimes it feels that instead of responsibility we choose protection. But protection is just a “cheap replacement” for being responsible, which is being love.
Yes Rachel an absolute sell out to what Responsibility is and boy oh boy does it feel different when you choose to be responsible. It has become our default mechanism to go into protection when we are in life all the while leaving ourselves completely left behind. Making the choice to be all of us and not leaving anything being is being absolute in our responsibility.
Kylie you are completely wise and very loving, thank you for such a precious sharing. Two words, if lived, that can literally change the world, ‘responsibility’ and ‘observation’. What a powerful combo.
Responsibility and Observation – truly an awesome combination in our daily lives and one that can bring such deep insights and healings too.
Yes. So true. When we are responsible for ourself the rest takes place perfectly.
It is a real fear that most of us carry, at the back of our minds the what ifs. I remember Serge Benhayon presenting many times that life never presents more than what you can deal with, all our anxiety is the belief that we cannot and have to constantly be on the alert to what is next controlling everything and everyone! Exhausting! It is no wonder that exhaustion is a major health issue today, we live in fear of the future by trying to control every moment. It is great to nominate the large and small ways we do this and move to living free of this way of living.
Thanks Vanessa, I needed that reminder that life never presents itself with more than we can deal with. It stops the overwhelm and allows you to get on with it.
I absolutely agree with the wisdom you are sharing here Michelle.
Me too Diana and Michelle – it is my experience as well with my children, to receive and ‘clock’ the learning and what it was all about. Sometimes not so easy but once understood, they move on.
Beautifully said Michelle, and I totally agree with your words of wisdom. Having said that, we often are more in fear of a child coming to harm in our care that is not our own as we know what our own children are capable of doing but another’s children may present quite different challenges. For example I never worried about my children poking things in power point sockets or drinking anything poisonous as this was not their thing. We lived high on a headland when the girls were little and they never ventured to the edge to look over but I can remember a couple of young boys came to visit, fortunately with parents in tow, who did things our girls would never dream of doing, in fact even they were shocked. It was a tense visit I can tell you and I never put my hand up to babysit those boys!
That is a great point Kathleen – about the ‘unkown’ behavioural factors that can step up in such a situation. I remember when I was a kid, when neighbours’ children came over and went pretty much straight to any ‘cupboard under a sink’ they could find – kitchen, laundry… And straight to the bottles of poisonous stuff. It was pretty wild – the kids were around 7 or 8, and seemed intent on crossing every line they actually knew they shouldn’t cross. This was quickly observed and put a stop to, but still very, very disturbing.
Whilst we can still observe such tendencies very quickly, I simply can’t imagine there is a way to be on top of ‘every possibility’… it’s just not possible. We act as responsibly as we can, but can’t bash ourselves if the wilfulness of another is determined to self-harm and create havoc.
Absolutely agree here we cannot control what another has chosen to create in their life, we just can observe it and stop self-harming behavior in kids when we are around, supporting them to feel the energy of neglect they have chosen to be in and not just controlling their abusive behavior. And as you well said Kathleen also put clear limits of taking responsibility for kids who are constantly choosing self-harming behavior.
I agree Roslyn – there is nothing more we can offer a child than a safe environment in which to explore who they are.
‘ there is nothing more we can offer a child than a safe environment in which to explore who they are. Beautifully expressed Rebecca.
Michelle this is so beautiful to read. Such wisdom brings great harmony.
Often, when some family members take on the others responsibilities the family gets unbalanced. Those children who are not entrusted with making mistakes and being lovingly asked to reflect upon their choices, in more extreme cases, I’ve seen them giving up on themselves to the point of depression, anxiety and a refusal to make any kind of choice, even seemingly inconsequential, in an attempt to avoid responsibility of any kind.
Though the intention is to protect the child this ‘protection’ leaves the child ill-equipped to deal with the everyday. Learning from mistakes is a way to get to know who we are, that we can be in this world and develop our awareness. Learning from our mistakes is how we build trust in ourselves to be there for ourselves lovingly.
Michelle I love what you share here, it has relevance for adults as well, especially aged clients. When over anxious for a person’s safety, can be restrictive and the other person feels this. It is possible to step back and allow them to be free, independent and explore their world whilst accepting that a fall might be part of this. What is more important is how we respond to a fall: support, talk about what happened and move on.
There’s a deep level of anxiousness addressed here in the sharings of this comment thread. How strong it is in our societies, to see a fall or accident as something to be ‘avoided at all costs’. Sure, we can all act as sensibly and responsibly as we can, but what’s underlying here is our perception that any such incident is a ‘bad’ thing – and we don’t want ‘bad things’ to happen to people we care about.
Yet such incidents are a part of life, and a part of our learning – they can offer us tremendous opportunity for growth and reflection. I love what you’ve shared here Kehinde, about the way we can all respond, “support, talk about what happened and move on”. If our every step forward was marred by the ‘trip ups’ we’ve made in the past, then our steps would be haltering and hindered indeed.
Yes how we respond is key. How we are and hold our selves, allowing ourselves to be the observer and then respond as needed.
“It is important through loving discussion and awareness they also start to clock why they needed that correction in the first place…” – yes absolutely. Great wisdom
Great words of wisdom from personal experience, Michelle. Providing the space for each of us to make and be responsible for our own choices definitely creates a supportive learning ground for relationship.
This is great to acknowledge Michelle and really important we share this wisdom with our children. As parents it is all too easy to ‘over protect’ our kids in fear that they may get hurt by doing something a bit beyond their capability. But this is how children, and we as adults learn. It is from our own experience (within reason) that we understand life and the risks involved, and from here we are able to learn and make choices based on that experience. If as children we are always protected and the experiences never happen, there is nothing to refer to.
What you’ve shared here Michelle deserves to be a blog in its own right. “…if we didn’t let them fall sometimes through their choices our kids wouldn’t develop through experience.” We are offered such an amazing opportunity to learn – all of us, whether adult or child – from life, with endless truths presented to us, over and over and over again. We needn’t take on each others’ issues and learning, but the greatest learning, is the quality of love and understanding that we hold others in, knowing when to be there, to ‘shepherd’ and offer a guiding hand, and when to stand back and allow someone the grace of their own chosen experience and learning.
I love what you are sharing here Victoria, ‘We needn’t take on each others’ issues and learning, but the greatest learning, is the quality of love and understanding that we hold others in, knowing when to be there, to ‘shepherd’ and offer a guiding hand, and when to stand back and allow someone the grace of their own chosen experience and learning.’
At times a fine line to tread isn’t it – “… knowing when to be there, to ‘shepherd’ and offer a guiding hand, and when to stand back and allow someone the grace of their own chosen experience and learning.’ ” The more we practise this and observe the underlying issues and causes, the more we can discern when to help and when to allow for experiencing and learning through choices made.
You have given me a moment to ponder and appreciate how amazing our bodies are Michelle, that they offer this correction, this opportunity to read the source of our choices and with a sore ankle, a grazed knee, a bumped head, consistently calls us back to who we naturally are.
Yes everything is a reflection and if we are open to the messages we can support ourselves immensely.
There is a duty of care and there is a responsibility to let go.