We live in a world where thanks to Internet and social media almost everybody seems to be electronically connected – one can even get in contact with their grandmother in a ‘lost’ village in India. Amazing, right?!
It is great to know that keeping in contact with loved ones is no longer a costly hurdle; a quick text to see how your cousin in Jamaica is doing, a lengthy call with your childhood friend in Greece, or even a romantic relationship between Australia and America, purely based on those late night, early morning Facetime/Viber/Skype…. calls.
How beautiful is it to be able to connect with just a click of a button?!
Looking at social media and the Internet through these lenses makes it seem like a blessing.
However, are we actually using social media to strengthen our connection with the world?
Or are we using social media for exactly the opposite of its intent – to disconnect?
Imagine how many street poles have been hurt by careless humans who aren’t watching their steps while on their phones? However, and on a serious note, have we really opened up our eyes to see how our misuse of social media is devastating millions?
In our offline world we seem to be more and more disconnected from our families, close relatives and friends. Many more people are experiencing the deep feeling of loneliness and depression, not to mention aggression, violence and cyber abuse, all of which are shooting through the roof and causing increased suicide rates. What is even more shocking is that we are by and large simply sitting back and accepting everything that is going on.
When for instance, was the last time you saw an abusive comment and either reported it or stepped in to express your feelings about it? Or have you ever?
We have made sexting and sending nudes so common that it has become ‘normal’ and those who don’t do it are then ‘old fashioned’, ‘stush’, or just plain ‘boring’.
But what are we actually getting out of these ‘exciting’ behaviours? You know, the cheeky text at work, or naughty selfie from the gym changing rooms? Is it just an innocent game or could it possibly be another way to get the attention we so desire, to fill an emptiness inside?
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being intimate with another, in fact, it can be very beautiful! However, in a world where just about every other person, so to speak, has a naked picture on their phone of another person, how intimate are we truly?
Do we even know what intimacy is?
How confident would you be to stand completely 100% transparent (naked, figuratively speaking), without any protection at all – no walls, no guard, no holding back – in front of that person to whom you sent a nude? Why aren’t we making transparency the social norm?
Why aren’t we teaching our children that intimacy is not a sexual act? That intimacy is all about letting another person see you in full, without any protection, the mask/hurts you hide behind and your need to hold back.
Or is that too difficult for us to acknowledge, let alone make it something we talk about and pass down?
Maybe if we are more honest offline with ourselves and others too, we can indeed use social media and the Internet the way they are intended as an extended platform to continue to deepen our connections, friendships, relationships with those close to us and those who may not be . . . yet.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Technology: Are you Connected?
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Anti-social behaviour
728 Comments
When you are with someone and having a conversation you feel their presence whereas a message on a hand-held device puts a distance between you.
Being intimate and appreciation go hand in hand and when we are appreciative energetically (understanding we are all divine in essence) it is coming from the lived Joy we are in and thus are naturally transparent in all we do and does not this level of responsibility naturally feel True in our bodies and thus bring a deeper level of understanding our divine relationship with God? This brings a whole new normal to our existence and purpose to our life that sees social media in a True light to deepen all our relationships.
More and more I find social media, when used to disconnect, to feel draining and I even feel spaced out after using it. Cutting it out completely never works but acknowledging how it makes me feel is the way to make changes that stick.
Absolutely Leigh, understanding what we are doing and nominating when we feel less than our Essences / Soul-full-ness keeps us evolving.
This is a great topic to discuss, the cigarette used to be our best friend we took them everywhere with us. Now it’s the mobile phone and for some people it has become an addiction just in the same way cigarettes became addictive both addictions have a negative impact on our bodies.
The internet could have been used for a power for true good, yet most of what is on there is horrendous, lies, porn, gossip…. not to mention the dark web and every thing that gets put through there.
It is scary times when we go about our day not really realising what a force of evil that runs through much of what is on line.
Great topic, as each generation has its Achilles heal and that the latest techno society is now more in the open about it so it is no longer isolated behind closed doors like it was in Pompeii, and being open at last is showing us when we come to our senses the ridiculous-ness of it all and thus we can start to Truly heal and then everyone we connect to gets a blessing.
The intent of Social Media can be such an amazing opportunity for the whole world. People can become educated about other nations, about other customs – how things are done differently. We can become more aware of the suffering of other countries & therefore more understanding. Yet, what is happening is that we are becoming less tolerant, less understanding – we use the fake news spilled by the media to judge other nations and feel okay in our righteousness for the country we are born in. What a shame, what a waste.
Yesterday I walked by a skate park where there was a lot of teenagers instead of playing on the thing all of them had there heads down looking at their phone.
“Social” media is defiantly not that social.
‘Do we even know what intimacy is? ‘ mmmm great question. Well I guess the way to teach our younger generation is not by words but by actually living this transparency standing with them with no protection, holding back or being on guard then they actually get to FEEL another way. It always starts with ourselves first and how are we living that is how true change happens ✨
The pull to be on the phone at every opportunity is quite strong as you can see on the London underground in the mornings. No one wants to connect and it has become an acceptable thing to do. It makes me wonder how many people met on the tube in the days gone by and started dating; nowadays they do it all over apps and it’s so cold and impersonal.
A much needed topic to discuss about indeed. I find particularly poignant is the responsibility we ALL have to speak up about abuse. We all see, feel and know of it. Most of us tend to do anything we can to avoid it and this is where the ignorance starts…
If we use a device, activity or another person to bring us a sense of connection it will never work. Connecting to ourselves first is required before we connect to others. Anything else is abusive I am learning.
We grow up guarded and then want to protect our children against the world and how it can hurt us. But what we are actually doing is retarding them to live in a way that goes against our natural expression of being open-hearted.
It is so easy to feel or say that it is something that is outside of us, that it is ‘the social media’ ‘the telephone’ or ‘the computers’. We often speak as if we are a slave to these machines and in a way we are but we forget that these machines have no power over us and that it is still, as always the operator that controls the use. We can change our use of internet and social media easily if we truly wanted to, so maybe the real question is why do we use it as we do?
As with everything in life it is not the systems or machines we sue but what we do with them. The internet is a weak substitute for the interconnectedness we have as human beings. If we are in this interconnectedness the internet will be used to evolve and support humanity, when we are not in this interconnectedness it will be abused in many ways and to an extend we could previously not imagine.
It is true we can create an online persona of someone we want to be instead of presenting ourselves warts and all. Is this because we judge others and fear that we will be judged or is it lack of acceptance of ourselves and feeling that we are not good enough.
Or is it both of what you mention here in your comment Julie, and maybe even more at play?
If we were to teach our children that intimacy was not a sexual act and that intimacy was actually a natural part of life and a natural part of expression we would have far less incidents of loneliness and mental health problems.
There is nothing more amazing than looking into the eyes of another or having a totally open and transparent and intimate conversation where nothing is held back – social media just can’t match that and it certainly can’t replace what we are missing so badly from our lives.
I was in a lunch room yesterday at one of my sites and everyone was in there was connected to one thing only and that was their phones, it was very quiet and it made me wonder that a few years back there would have probably been the buzz of conversation and real connection going on. We need to use social media as the great tool it is but not get sucked in and consumed by it at the expense of everything else.
When connecting with someone is reduced to a ‘click’ this reduces the connection to keeping yourself in separation and isolation.
It is a great opportunity to avoid connection with ourselves as in a click no one is asking you to connect with them. So much more then avoiding the outside connections are we not avoiding the disconnection in ourselves?
This really is a huge problem of our time, so many children growing up disconnected from real life.
I sometimes hesitate responding to negative comments as I dont want to bring the other writer more attention and fuel it further. However if we do not speak out against the destructive use of the internet we condone it and allow it to fester and grow.
We think we are connected when we can boast about how many likes we get on our Facebook page, but what is our communication like with those in our daily lives, who we live with from day to day. We are so caught up in social media trying to fill the emptiness we feel inside from lack of true loving connection, one that brings with it an honesty and intimacy that we all long for in sharing with another.
Probably no accident here that the word ‘screen’ means a ‘protective barrier’, considering we use these devices to hide behind instead of allowing ourselves to be fully transparent with the world.
Yes intimacy has become a word reserved for closest friends or ‘intimate’ partners, yet what is offered here, and I have experienced with some of my friends, is that you can choose to live that way with everyone without it being sexual in any way. In fact, the intimacy is the honesty we so desperately crave and miss in relationships in general.
When we see something that doesn’t feel right, even if we don’t understand why it doesn’t feel right, do we speak up? My sense and experience is that we don’t. Yet what is the outplay of many people seeing things and not speaking up? Well, I would hazard a guess that it is the world we see today. In our own small way, we contributed to what we see by not speaking up about the small things in our lives that let things go and had a ripple effect on a bigger scale.
This is a great question; ‘are we using social media for exactly the opposite of its intent – to disconnect? ‘ From what I observe I would say yes we use it to disconnect. I observe that as a population we spend we a lot of time on our phones rather than connecting with each other. Waiting at bus stops, waiting in cues in the past may have been time to chat to people, it seems to now a be a time to look at our phones instead.
It is so true that we have distorted what it means to be intimate and transparent, exposing how we have disconnected from living from our joy-full essence.
There is no way that social media is used for intimacy – quite the opposite. If I consider someone’s facebook page this is always going to be a presentation of the good life. Our favourite moments shared for all to see which gives a picture of who we want to be, rather than anything true, balanced etc. And when we are ‘friends’ we think we know each other better. The flip side is the messaging and the awful language and abuse that is so normal and commonplace. This seeps out into the offline world and its truly disgusting to feel / hear it.
It is a great cause for concern when you see teenagers sitting in a row each transfixed to the small screen in front of their nose with no interaction with those sitting next to them.
Contact or connection – there is in fact a vast difference between the two, yet we seem to think and champion that we are more connected these days, as such advancing as a civilisation as a result of technology. Yet let’s be honest are we really? Are we freer from wars, slavery, abuse, suicide, segregation religious or otherwise and we could go on? Are we in connection to each other in the true sense of the word where we are uniting, joining, coming together in a unified way to discuss and work on a way we can live with greater harmony in our lives that supports us all to live who we are? And yes technology has the potential to be a platform to offer this possibility but we need to live this for ourselves first otherwise it becomes yet another avenue where we can exercise our choice to escape, abuse and disregard the opportunity to connect to the love we are, and share this quality with others.
I did some work on the weekend with a young guy and each time we got in the van his phone would come out and he was lost in it, there was no interaction, I asked him a few questions which he answered, but he wouldn’t engage in conversation as his phone was far more important. I wondered how young people of today can have any true connection with such a distraction keeping them from it.
Lovely put that if we are more honest offline with ourselves and others too, we can indeed use social media to continue to deepen our connections, friendships, relationships with those close to us and those who may not be . . . I will take that with me even more consciously in my off- and online communications. Because indeed that is a very loving way of using social media – it should be the only way as it would bring a big change to how the way it is used now with all its negative side-effects.
I love what you wrote about intimacy. This is what is missing online. To have it all or be all of you online you need to have it offline. You sum it up well — “Maybe if we are more honest offline with ourselves and others too, we can indeed use social media and the Internet the way they are intended as an extended platform to continue to deepen our connections, friendships, relationships with those close to us and those who may not be . . . yet.”
“When for instance, was the last time you saw an abusive comment and either reported it or stepped in to express your feelings about it?” – To me, this comment says it all, because as long as we all stand by and never challenge what is expressed by others as being harmful, hurtful and unloving, then in essence we are actually supporting this behaviour by default by allowing it to occur as if it is the norm that it should never ever be.
We have the technology to not allow certain comments to be made on any media site but they are not used because we have this belief in so called ‘free speech’ but what we have now is ‘hate speech’ because it seems to me that people can hide behind a false name or tag line and say what ever they want with no repercussions. But put that person in front of the other person where all the hate is being directed and I bet they wouldn’t be able to repeat what they have written on line. Is it possible that if people sit at their computers for long periods of time out sending out such hate mail that they actually develop a psychosis a withdrawing from life without realising this is what they are doing? ? I just ask the question because who in their ‘right’ mind would want to write in such a way?
Transparency is so simple, really just being ourselves, but how many of us feel absolutely alien when we go out into our world feeling loving, tender, graceful and joyful? How quickly do we feel the stern looks, jealously, judgement and even disapproval from others? It takes some very deep loving choices to be made within to hold our transparency in today’s world. But a way of living that absolutely needs to be seen, as there is too little of it and if we are going to in any way change the world we live in, very needed.
Whether we use social media or not, many feel the loneliness that is described here. We get caught in the belief that we are lonley because we have few friends or feel apart from family, but in my experience loneliness is something I feel when I have lost connection from myself.
A great question to ponder, are we using social media to connect in truth, or to disconnect?
I honestly am not sure if society as a whole sees the obvious connection between the loneliness and sky rocketing health stats that teens frequently encounter and how we as a society use social media and gaming. It may take several articles such as this to be published before the connection is fully seen for what it is.
Yes this is the honesty that is not being shared by the masses as we have been bombarded by the safety of the home life and the hidden comfort factors that give us the impression of connections that is far from the truth we all can return to living.
Social Media does not replace spending time and connecting with someone in person in my opinion, and this seems to back what I feel, ‘Many more people are experiencing the deep feeling of loneliness and depression, not to mention aggression, violence and cyber abuse, all of which are shooting through the roof and causing increased suicide rates.’
I can totally relate to this, when I am not connecting with the people I live with I can feel that I go into seeking relief from the tension and emptiness of this by going onto social media. It can be addictive, posting things and feeding of the likes you get to feel the emptiness. I can also feel I have gone onto social media and posted things to prove to an ex that I am doing okay, it was a reaction to justify my worth and this just feeds the emptiness.
I wonder what life would be like if we had no internet for a day, no social media, no google, no WhatsApp, I’m not sure how I would feel! I would say the way I use my phone mirrors how I’m feeling that day, if I feel super connected, committed and amazing then it’s an accessory to that, but if I’m feeling a little off or a little lost then it becomes a means to seek something and a distraction from what I’m feeling – so it’s totally down to me!
“…. are we using social media for exactly the opposite of its intent – to disconnect?” A great point. One sees people – families and friends – in close physical connection, at tables in restaurants, on park benches etc yet most are on their mobile phones, not connecting with those close by. Is this to escape intimacy?
The distraction needs to become more extreme so that people don´t feel where there are at. Actually everything is communicating in this world that something needs to change and that our path as humanity is in the wrong direction. To avoid feeling this, you gotta invent new exciting ways to keep being hooked into a distraction or checked out mode. When this will hit it’s limit in the extremes, is dependent on how fast humanity wants to look at their movements and choices.
That is such a revealing statement Joseph, that thanks to the internet we have the biggest mirror the world has ever seen at our fingertips. It shows us how all the irresponsible behaviours of human beings are magnified there on the World Wide Web, because they are still lived in the reality of our home and local communities. How can we learn from this huge exposure? It certainly brings attention to the ills and rots of our society. But it is no use trying to change it by all the old means which no longer work. Each of us taking responsibility for becoming aware of our own behaviours and their effects and making new choices based on integrity and love is where it starts to change.
We seem to make internet the most important thing next to water or electricity supply. Connection has become so important that we even lose money from not being on the internet for a certain period where sales or work could have been done. We also, thanks to the internet, have the largest brothel the world have ever seen at the ease of our finger tips. One must certainly question the quality of our connect when the internet is no more than just a tool.
Our internet and modern day communication technology might be excellent but do we really appreciate that connection or do we take it for granted and/or as you say, ‘are we using it to disconnect’.
The internet got and gets totally misused . Me personally I would prefer to get back to old school more. Connecting through electronic mail and news, homepages with a purpose that is needed for society in general – yes. But everything else is just exhausting and totally filled with nervous tension. Plus it asks you always to look out, searching in the outside, getting satisfied from the outside instead of focussing on your inside.
Perhaps we need a licence to be on social media? To be on the internet?
That would be a great idea, if we could limit the access anyhow, people would possibly get more aware of what they are doing and that it needs certain requirements to go online.
Is it beautiful to feel that the limitations of our physical connectivity are becoming less and less through the advance of technology offering us platforms through which we can communicate and interact more extensively with the world. But you have highlighted and clocked so well, how we are not truly advancing or evolving as a humanity and if we are honest we are using technology to only advance the comfort, the escape and the distraction we are seeking (and the loveless behaviors that follow) so as to avoid accepting responsibility for the loneliness or emptiness we are feeling. You nailed it here in saying… ‘Maybe if we are more honest offline with ourselves and others too..’ – as the quality of our connections, our relationships be it online or offline, are a direct reflection of the relationship we hold for ourselves, is it loving or is it abusive, and as such the quality we are offering to the world.
Great contribution here Carola. For many it might seem that they are more in of the world or connected to people, because they are friends with them on Facebook or chatting on Instagram. Yes, there is exchange, but non comparable to truly meeting someone and looking in each others eyes. Because you are actually the whole day busy in answering messages or watching other peoples threats and posts, you believe you are connected. What a perfect created illusion, as true connection does not know a switch off or on button.
“I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by everyone is welcome.” Let’s pay attention to the way we live rather than what is on offer over our phones or internet.
Yes, it seems to be a general trend of escaping from what we feel through social media and a general protection from intimacy by placing ourselves behind our phones. It’s very clear and relevant, so why not reflecting on this and coming back to true connection?
Abuse on social media is rampant in todays society. It can be a tool for connection with others but, first and foremost, it is up to us to stay truly connected – no body else can do it for us.
Perhaps it is the case that when technology is used for confirming the connections we have with each other, then it can be a part of what grows us as a human race in to more understanding about ourselves and each other. But when it is used just to tick the boxes of a purely functional life that is lacking in true human connection, then technology can only serve to confirm that – the isolation and the separation from each other which does not lead to understanding but to judgment, hate and ultimately deep suffering. So it is not the technology that is causing the roubles or the strife, but rather the life lived all around and out of it which it merely confirms. So the quest perhaps is, what life do we want to confirm each time the device is turned on? What life do we want to share all across the world?
We can just teach our children true intimacy if we live that ourselves.
This we avoid as we also feel our hurts when we truly open up to each other and also don’t know how it will be.
Normally we control life.
True intimacy starts to be intimate with ourselves again. To give ourselves a voice from within and feel what is there and honor that.
Social media cannot take the place of the true connection and interaction between people without losing the appreciation of quality of this.
Whether we use social media in connection or in disconnection comes from how we are with ourselves. So social media is an amazing reflection to show us how the world’s relationship is with themselves and where we are all heading. Even though social media can be used to truly deepen connection, the majority of the world is showing us we actually do not have much of a relationship or intimacy with us. It is awesome to know this because we then know that to change anything globally, the answer is to allow mankind to feel their own love.
The change that technology has brought about has been really fast and the results totally unpredictable – the world has completely changed from how it was just 30 years ago and the change hasn’t stopped or even slowed, it is snowballing as technological advances get increasingly sophisticated and hit as a virtual reality, genetically modified future of consequences that we cannot even begin to fathom.
Nothing is better than spending time with a person in real-time, social media and online communication can never replace old school real-life get togethers, where you’re face to face with someone. A like or a comment on Facebook is such a poor substitute when it comes to being able to look someone in the eyes, or tell them how amazing they are to their face.
Travelling on public transport most days for work I see a high level of disconnection with most people heavily involved with their phones. I love observing the activity and always choose to simply sit with myself and admire the people and the view out the window and many times I also find one other person on the train to have a chat with too. When we are connected to ourselves it’s amazing the connections we can have on a daily basis.
Could it be that as parents we are looking for decency and respect and have no idea where to find it so our children have to get anything other than what they are seeking, which is Love from true intimacy? If we were all living with respect and decency towards one-another then maybe we reconnect to the Love we all are? So then it is highly likely that we are all seeking the same thing from different quarters! With all the tools in the world if we are not seeking the-truth and align our energy to that-truth we will be distracted away from being truth-full, which is shared equally when we re-connect to our Soul.
We have lost the art of getting together and talking honestly about what is going on for us in our work, with friends, at home with family, and make the excuse that we don’t have time to do this in our busy lives, and we are wanting to keep our cards close to our chest so that on the outside we look like we are travelling ok. But the cost of doing this is basically making us sick.
It can be easy to get hooked into social media. I notice myself that when I am looking at emails and I click some links before I know it I have gone way of tangent and off track from what I intended to be doing.
Yes, and the energy that comes with these sides is absolutely affecting. That´s why I started watching myself when exactly I choose to go on social media- maybe I felt too awesome ?!. Since I am very focussed on feeling my body and its presence it actually hurts going on these sides for too long and in general. Only looking up these sites with a purpose avoids affecting me from the imposing energy.
A lady recently shared with me that she loves Social Media as it is so engaging and alleviates boredom in her day, with hours spent reading gossip or personal facts about others. Living life through others on these platforms is totally withdrawing from any true intimacy or even social contact.
Waiting at a printing shop yesterday to collect some posters I noticed how the line to collect items was increasing and everyone had to wait for some time. The instant move to engage with phones rather than stop to connect to others was prevalent. It was interesting to note how that space was provided to just sit with ourselves or engage in a conversation with another and how quickly we can use social media platforms to prevent this from happening yet craving it through a phone.
To Truly reconnect with ourselves and others honouring all we feel and share is so beautiful and brings the greatest joy for it is what we all know and are in our oneness . The internet and social media can be used lovingly with this and offers amazing opportunities or it can be used to deeply harm and disconnect ourselves from reality and as always there is a choice and we have a responsibility with this. A great sharing.
So many of us young people live under the illusion that the amount of followers we have, the amount of parties we go to etc. are fun, bring exciting stories in our lives, but I question how honest are we with ourselves if when we look in the mirror we pick ourselves apart? We hate the way we look, we hate the way we do things, or we simply want to change our lives and “better ourselves”?
Having been a late comer to social media I can agree “the Internet the way they are intended as an extended platform to continue to deepen our connections , friendships , relationships ” this seem to be happening at a very low level and as you say ” another way to get the attention we so desire , to fill an emptiness inside ” seem to be the most popular use of this computer age of communication , and thats what it is , a computer communicating with a computer .
And this computer age is trying to make us humans like computer , cold , with no heart , or intimacy . Thank you
This is a great question – “Why aren’t we making transparency the social norm? ” The less we hide the freer we are to just be ourselves in life.
It is so true, there is the illusion of a feeling of intimacy which is warping our understanding of relationships and puts people at risk.
It is upsetting to hear that very young women and men are putting themselves in serious danger through their innocence and ignorance. There is a great need for education around the use of social media BEFORE these devices are used and parents are the first in line to educate their children in this regard.
I’m sitting on the tube in London as I write this and I am surrounded by others all looking at their phones or the newspaper. Theres this very strange dynamic in these situations where the very thing we crave most – love and intimacy – we actively and determinedly avoid. Why don’t we just chat to our neighbour on the bus or train? Could it be that we fear rejection more so we seek relief from the fake intimacy that social media offers?
The chat to another on public transport is a thing of the past or if practiced in this day and age, we can often get a sidewards glance or be ignored. The craving to be met by another is obviously being masked by the distraction of the screen. A buffer zone or a window with blinds we like to control the worlds access from.
Social Media now affects all of us, like it or not! Smartphones did not exist 17 years ago! Has there ever been an evolutional change in our history that has happened is this short of time? How long will it take to return to connections, friendships and relationships face to face or are they lost to history?