Just last week I shared an email conversation with a friend in which, amongst other things, I asked how they were, and in return they did the same. Normally part of me would say I am amazing, which I am, but I would never really be completely honest or truth-full. I would say a version of what I was feeling but hold back from sharing in full, or say what I thought I should be saying, what another wanted to hear, or feel that I had to be a certain way – in other words, I found it difficult just being me.
But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was, how my body was feeling, and not what my head was telling me I should feel. To my lovely surprise I wasn’t feeling flat or down, yes I was feeling physically tired, but with this I felt amazing, joyful and so lovely and delicate.
So rather than simply replying that I’m great or amazing, I thought, you know what, I am going to be completely honest and share in full how I’m really feeling. In doing so, this then allowed for me to open up to share how I was really feeling about everything else too, with no need for it – or myself – to be a certain way, and no need to worry about what another may think or say: it felt amazing! My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.
The reply that came back simply confirmed that true blessings do happen every single day; it made me smile a huge heartfelt smile from inside out. My friend shared how it felt great to hear me talk about how I really am in full without hiding or holding back on what I really felt, and from that they opened up and shared in full how they were really feeling too.
It was simply beautiful just being me, and goes to show the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.
Inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
by Gyl Rae, Student and Waitress, Scotland
This was a great blog to read Gyl because I asked myself how was I feeling … a bit flat was the immediate response but when I stopped to feel deeper I could feel a steadiness and a flatness that life is now a flat line not up and down based on emotions or stresses of the day. And although this may sound weird its actually a lovely way to live as I am not governed by my emotions, overwhelm or stress. As my life used to be so up and down it felt like being on a roller coaster I thank Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for all the support I have been given to deepen my livingness so that life has evened out.
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“My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.” It’s such a common thing to go into giving a rote answer and not pause to truly connect to ourselves and really say how we feel. Thanks for the inspiration Gyl to connect and express, and to let go of any trying and to just be myself.
Being open and honest opens us to deepen our relationship with everyone and then we can assuredly appreciate our most divine essences as we bring a forever deepening relationship with being honest.
When we are open and honest with ourselves we inspire others to equally be aware of how they are truly feeling.
I’m recently exploring being more spontaneous and transparent in my relationships and what I’m finding is that this is an invitation for others to be that as well… and it feels like a very freeing, expanding and real connection with them. Just being myself as I am at each moment. This is just amazing… and at the same time, the most natural and available thing we can do when relating with everyone.
We show each other how to be in life. Mostly non-verbally but energetically communicating that it’s ok to be raw and real and true or everything that is not the true us.
It is a very loving thing to give ourselves moments during the day to be honest with how we are feeling. We are so used to overriding what we feel that we even try to convince ourselves that everything is great and we have become masters at pretending.
It is never ever worth lying to ourselves. Ever. And I mean never ever. The harm and delayment of our evolution that results is never worth it. Ever.
The magic in being open is that it allows us and others to be truly transparent about where we are at which is an awesome confirmation and celebration for all.
Being completely honest always starts with self, when we are honest with ourself, how we truly feel, then we can share this with others.
The foundation of true expression is honesty and this is a great place to start.
The more we get real and honest about how we’ve been living our lives, the richer and more expansive life feels. Not being honest with ourselves about our own choices makes it near-impossible to move forward, because it means we’re not willing to see or take full responsibility for our choices and their consequences – and if we’re not willing to do that, there’s no learning, because we’re stuck in the arrogance of thinking we’re ‘right’ and don’t need to change.
I like what you share here Bryony, if we are not honest with ourselves, the choices we make and the consequences of these then we stay stuck in the same old patterns, ‘it means we’re not willing to see or take full responsibility for our choices and their consequences – and if we’re not willing to do that, there’s no learning, because we’re stuck in the arrogance of thinking we’re ‘right’ and don’t need to change.’
And being honest allows us to express and grow. When we or another choses to remain stuck it really stands out and becomes a drain.
It’s like we had to relearn how to be honest… To express with that deep commitment to truth
It’s amazing what doors open when we start to be completely honest.
Expressing how we feel is revitalising and rejuvenating, and as I write this now, I feel that is because our bodies light up when we connect to another on an energetic level. When we hold back, settle for surface, polite and nice conversations, it feels incredibly draining and numbing, because it’s like we’re using an enormous amount of force to either block the connection that we so naturally, effortlessly feel, with others, or to not feel the lack of connection. This lack of connection happens not because we are not all naturally connected, because we are, but because of all of the layers, like protection, not wanting to feel vulnerable etc, that we put over the top of that natural connection.
Just being able to stop is an enormous boon… I had privilege of teaching at a supposedly very rough high school recently… Hundred and 50 kids ranging from years 7 to 12, were able to be all of them, in stillness… It was amazing feeling. one of the teachers commented that it felt so normal!
I realise that I am more okay to share when I am not doing well with others but when I am doing well I hold this back because I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable. I am learning that this just caps myself and also robs others of an important reflection.
Recognising this pattern too and my discomfort with how others may react if I share how amazing I am feeling.
‘My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.’ And there is nothing else our body wants more expressing of what lives inside.
When we are honest with ourselves we are not trying to fool anyone and this allows everyone else to do the same.
The more we surrender to honesty and being ourselves we then often give others the permission to feel the same through our actions and words. What a gift to the world and a marker of our global responsibility.
It is so gorgeous to just be ourselves and most people really enjoy it too as it gives them permission to be their gorgeous selves. Makes it even crazier how often we are not ourselves and how exhausting and silly it is to try and be anyone else!!!
Holding back our true reflection is never going to serve us or anyone else, so let all we are be in all we do so the love we are is fully expressed.
‘I would say a version of what I was feeling but hold back from sharing in full, or say what I thought I should be saying, what another wanted to hear, or feel that I had to be a certain way – in other words, I found it difficult just being me.’ Reading this sentence explains the complexity we go into when we all don’t share the truth of who we are. We have build a complete society build around this, how exhausting to feel.
The deliverance of being all that we are is a gift to the world, through which inspiration is offered as we reflect the light of who we all are in essence, that which we are here to live.
Seems like a great recipe for relationships you have shared here Gyl. The funny thing about not expressing how we feel in full detail is that we are afraid to expose some weakness or failure but the reality is everyone else is experiencing the same feelings!
For so many people, simply knowing how they truly feel is a very big step.
So very true Chris, and it is very supportive and inspiring for us when we see in others that feeling, honoring and expressing our truth, is actually very natural and liberating for us.
This evening when my husband and I were walking together, I could feel a contentment in myself and it felt awesome to share and feel that my whole day was one of letting go of control and instead let my day unfold, very simple and it opened me up to be more of who I am.
When we express how we truly are, it opens up conversational pathways that for most people, are never walked down.
Thank you Gyl. I very much feel how I choose to be distracted more than to express how I feel. I blame the distraction to not express how I feel when I choose to leave myself first. Choosing to leave myself is not appreciating how much love I feel, and have not expressed.
So often we put up a fascade of how we are, even to ourselves, we don’t often stop enough to clock how we are really feeling about things, so when someone does ask, sometimes we may not even be fully aware ourselves. I know when people first started asking me how I felt, I didn’t know as I had denied my own feelings for so long.
When I connect with my body and not what my head thinks is going on it can be a lovely surprise. It can also be a moment to clock how I’ve let myself bring in anxiety because I wasn’t connected with myself. The key for me is to stay with my body and trust it’s ability to restore harmony.
Allowing people to truly see you by being honest, invites others in to do the same and seems to result in more intimacy naturally. Obviously, it does not mean we spill our guts to everyone we meet but it does mean we move in a way that is honest with everyone we meet. If we are feeling cheeky, make a joke, if your feeling sensitive, move with extra care. When I say move, this movement might be the way that you are typing or the way we you are standing or speaking on the phones, honesty is not always words, it can be action and stillness too.
Yes, honesty to me is not something I do, but the way I am with myself: am I listening to what I need, to what’s needed, or overriding it and going with ideas and pictures of what I think or have already decided is needed, without connecting first?
Thanks to Universal Medicine I feel so much more at ease in being honest with what I am feeling. It allows conversations to be far richer and deeper rather than flitting around the surface of “I am fine thank, you?” Or moaning or talking about the weather.
Yay to not holding back Gyl and in this allowing others to express where they really are as well. Thus we all get to feel what is true – we are all feeling it anyway but most of the time not receiving that confirmation which leaves an unsettlement in the body and the contraction of holding back from expressing what is true for us in that moment.
To be ourselves, is actually the most beautiful gift that we can give to anyone, including ourselves.
Yes, I’ve loved receiving the absolute truth from another because I instantly feel safe to be the same, to also share how I feel and not be concerned about judgement etc. It makes perfect sense that we bounce off each other, but the quality we are bouncing off or reflecting is what makes all the difference. Do we hold back, which is basically telling the other person that they better not be all of them either or it will create conflict, or do we let others in and be all of who we are, therefore inspiring the other to do the same? I’ve been playing with this one for some time…and I can see what works best, very clearly.
It’s amazing how if we are really honest it gives another person permission to be honest too – and vice versa.
We come from truth and being honest and truthful is who we are and expressing this way allows us to be who we are.
When we hold ourselves back from simply being ourselves it is literally like living with a hand brake on.
Honesty is definitely the best policy and not only does it offer transparency and intimacy to ourselves but when we share it this way it allows other’s the same opportunity. Being open and honest really does change the dynamic of all our relationships for the better and our bodies love it too.
It was great to come back and read this blog again, and to stop and appreciate that the open, honest and expressive we are the more we allow the space for others to be the same. Over the last year as I have worked on my own openness in expression I have seen the ripple effects with the people around.
We are all deeply sensitive beings. When someone is open and honest with us or if they are guarded and want us to back off we can feel it. Nothing as gorgeous as someone in front of us that is willing to be open transparent and share what they feel with honesty, as it invites us to also be open, connect and be honest with ourselves as well as with them.
Shirley-Anne it may be more so that it’s we ourselves who are not comfortable to be real and transparent with others regardless of whether another may be open or not.
You nailed it Gyl when you said we feel we have to be a certain way, to say what we think others expect to hear instead of being ourselves and honestly sharing the whole picture. We hold pictures about how we expect ourselves to be instead of simply being real. I’m not sure when we all decided the real version of ourselves was not enough, but that’s what’s going on in life. To simply be ourselves is now something we have to learn through practise, it doesn’t make sense does it?
Interesting that sometimes to the question “How are you the reply comes back ‘ Do you really want to know?’ AS if it is only permissible to be well and doing fine and anything less is not what the other person wants to hear and thus not recommended to share.
“goes to show the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.” yes it only takes for us to make that first step and that opens up others to do the same.
Beautiful Gyl, the simplicity of power is found in open, honesty and truth. With these as our foundation we are enormously powerful and the joy is we don’t even have to ‘do’ anything, just tune in, be where we are and choose the next step.
Absolutely when we are open, honest, truthful we are transparent too, everything just flows through us, the joy and power, there is no trying.
This is a golden sharing Gyl – for in every word the Joy can be felt, in allowing yourself to be and bring all of you to another.
Magic can indeed occur in our relationships when we give our all.
Honesty with ourselves and expressing this honestly with another opens the door for them to respond with with equal honesty.
This is something I do my best to practice as often as I can. There are days when I definitely hold back and just respond with ‘good’, to avoid talking about how I actually feel. this usually happens if I create a story about believing the other person will not be interested in what I have to say, or if I’ve felt that the person is asking me how I am just as a default greeting, and at that point I usually am dismissive and feel that that person doesn’t deserve me to be myself in full. This latter feeling is what perpetuates the empty ‘how are you’. If I took the time to actually answer the question truthfully every time I was asked that, I bet it would help people consider whether they actually want to know how I am or not in future, allowing them the opportunity to be more real and honest with themselves. Being who we are and not holding back is a win win with everyone involved. Can take some lifelong practice though, but life is practice, so may as well incorporate it.
A beautiful sharing Gyl, it is so automatic when someone asks ‘how are you’ to reply with a ‘well thank you’, I often did this as I felt the person wasn’t really interested in really knowing, or myself interested in really knowing. These days as I lovingly learn to connect to my body more and allow what it is feeling to be okay, I can now more honestly express what I am feeling and it is so beautiful when this allows another to then honestly express also.
I love this part about knowing that you are amazing, and yes your body can feel tired but essentially you are still you and you are amazing. This gives rise to the fact that we are beings inside bodies, and the beings we are, are stupendous by their light – as is exemplified by you in this blog.
We think it is easy to reply to someone with a stock answer or generality but we are doing a disservice not only to ourselves but to the other person too. And this easy is putting yet another layer on top of all the others that are hiding the truth of who we are. Allowing space to share how we are truly feeling then allows for healing and a deeper level of relationship.
You know what I am still working on this, and that’s not a bad thing. I feel we can often give ourselves a hard time for everything we are not doing, instead of appreciating everything we are and are already doing. For me it’s never ending in being more honest, open and truthful in my expressing – it might not always go down too well, but I cannot control how another responds and maybe someone reacting isn’t such a bad thing. I do know it’s worse to hold back and not say what you really feel.
When we lead the way to a deeper level we offer another a safe platform to surrender to.
I used to be one who answered ‘I’m fine’ when asked how I was, all the while feeling my long suffering body grumbling, ‘no I’m not’. But now that I have come to realise how much denying how I am feeling impacts on my precious body I choose to answer honestly. It takes people aback at times but then you can see them realising that they have been offered the opportunity to share exactly how they feel and you can almost hear their body take a great big sigh of relief.
Same here Ingrid, I would never truly share how I was and after that there was a time I thought I was honest but it was more a sharing of what I wanted to believe was the truth, a story from my head. Nowadays there is an openness that comes from my body and I am sure my body has taken a big sigh of relief too.
So often we wear a mask and don’t really let others know how we are feeling. It is cool that you opened up in this way that then allowed another to do the same.
it does sound so simple doesn’t it ? just being ourselves… And yet this seems to be so much in our way and so many concepts and old paradigms… What we need is a bridge literally back to ourselves, and this is what the ancient wisdom brings us
Yes it is weird how much effort we put into being and expressing what we are not (which is exhausting) when there is so much magic and joy in simply being and expressing who we truly are.
Honesty is the gate-way to truth, and in truth we are all connected and equal to the same source – Love.
“It was simply beautiful just being me, and goes to show the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.” This is magical to read Gyl in the freedom and joy can be felt of this honesty and a great reflection thank you .
Just saying that we are amazing, good or anything in that line, can also serve as wall of protection. To not show our vulnerability, how we are truly doing. Lovely but tired, for example.
It is great to share truly how we are feeling even if in that moment we are not great or fine…as you say Gyl it does allow room for another to be equally open and frank too.
So often we don’t notice or really stop to listen how another is feeling and also people like you say, hold back how they are feeling. I was recently observing a group of children and while adults came along and spoke with them- they didn’t fully stop and connect with them and go deeper- they just allowed the surface level conversations and you could see the kids wanted and needed more.
Awesome Gyl. Expressing in full is great to do and to receive. If we don’t it can be easily felt and it may feel like we do not like the other person even though we did not express to ‘not bother them’. Such a silly game!
It can feel like at times that it’s hard to just come out and say how you feel about something and not make it personal, but I can see that it’s not about the actual scenario as such, but about feeling the tension/discomfort, calling it out and coming back to the body and feeling what is true. This allows the space to feel how amazing you actually were before the situation happened, so nothing has changed within you, just outside of you, and expressing in that moment is part of you simply honouring you.
It is so lovely to connect and express make me wonder why we don’t always share in that way. It does not even need to be a long speech or anything – just a willingness to be open and who we truly are because really how can we be anyone else!
Thank you Gyl, very inspiring to read of your simple interaction, and of how healing it was for you both. I have had a lot of tension in my body for some time so I’m going to focus on whether I am truly being and expressing me and see if it’s related. I’m sure it is!
It is in the ‘stop’ moments where we do have the possibility, the potential, and the opportunity to feel where we actually are at, the thing is , is one willing to actually stop, because then, one will start to feel where one actually is !!
Great question Chris “is one willing to actually stop,because then, one will start to feel where one actually is” and will have to start taking responsibility.
I know what it feels like when someone is honest and expressing openly, I tend to stop and take the conversation to heart and I feel the responsibility to respond openly and honestly in return. In that it deepens the appreciation for myself as I have been trusted, and that in turn connects me with the Wisdom within.
I love this blog Gyl as it offers such a gorgeous reflection of how being honest truly does free us up so we can simply be ourselves.
It is awesome that when we choose to share from the heart this is then reflected back to us because it allows the other person to express fully as well.
Expressing how you really feel offers a greater opportunity of clearing whatever it is that’s making you feel unwell
Honesty , true honesty is something that can be so alien that it really should be presented at schools and universities…. Honesty 101 the foundation of your life.
It is a pretty simple word… Honesty, and yet it’s like it has become polluted, because honesty itself has become a rare commodity as so much… from the head office in the country down to Naplan tests in the kindergarten seems to be founded upon manipulation rather then true connection.
Honesty is like a clear well of pure water, that refreshes up deeply when we partake of it.
Lovely great and light blog Gyl. Loved to read it again. Your livingness in expressing in full is clearly felt, which inspires me to do the same: express in full. And how joyful that is!
When we are expressing in full, we expand which feels great. We are just as the Universe that never stop expressing in full and never stops expanding.
I agree Gyl, honesty would have to be the fundamental basic of any relationship
I love the truth of when someone answers “how are you” in honesty. I have found if I am the second person to answer and I answer truthfully, the first person is inspired to change their initial “good” response. It is a way to open up, let another in and increase intimacy.
How often do we hold back from sharing with others how we are truly feeling and in the process deny ourselves the opportunity to be honest? The beautiful example you share Gyl of what happened when you did express with honesty, was not only a healing for you but for the other person.
“I’m fine” is such a conversation stopper as it doesn’t say anything about how you are truly feeling and closes the door on others from feeling and expressing how they are. It shuts down our awareness to developing an honest conversation with ourselves and others.
It is so beautiful that you chose to be so honest and open, and in response, you received equally back from another what you had expressed out. This is true communication and a far cry from polite society and shallow chit chat that does not scratch the surface or allow people to heal and grow.
Expressing in full is clearly very good medicine Gyl, thanks for the lovely reminder.
What is amazing is the fact then when I allow myself to express in full I give the other this same opportunity as well, and that is the part I really love, when the other then gives back to me the love they feel within unrestricted by their mind that can keep us restricted in predetermined ideals and beliefs.
How am I really feeling is a great question to just come back to yourself especially when self-doubt creeps in or we feel a little anxious. Just to ask ourselves the simple question allows space to feel it, call it and clear it…..
Love your blog Gly, this is timely for me as I found myself going back into the old pattern of hiding, just saying a few words but not opening up to reveal what is truly going on for me, I am gradually coming out and when I do express all of me and we share this together it becomes so freeing, joyful, and intimate.
I feel expressing honesty is the first step to intimacy
Beautifully said and very true Gyl, when we don’t hold back from expressing truth everyone gets to feel supported to express in full as well – a win/win for everyone.
It is true Gyl that when we open up and truly share how we feel, that it opens the conversation up to the absolute truth of where we are at. This then allows the other person to connect to their truth as well and deepens the sharing between the two.
Expressing how we truly feel is hugely powerful. I have found that there are times when I have not been as aware of how my body is feeling, usually because of being too much with my thoughts rather than feelings, or because I am deliberately overriding what my body is telling me as I know I’m acting in disregard of it. In these situation Universal Medicine healing modalities or the gentle breath meditation are so supportive in reconnecting to the feeling deep within ourselves and to be able to listen to what our bodies are telling us once again.
When I just let myself be there is a feeling of openness and ease within me. The moment that I bring in anything else I can feel the imposition and the tension this creates. It is such a moment to moment choice to observe and learn about all that I am feeling.
I have experienced this too Gyl, when I open up, be honest and lovingly share how I feel with someone this inspires them to do the same. I love these moments when we choose to be open and honest, I learn so much from them and cherish them because it feels so natural and loving.
Honesty is the best policy as the truth is revealed in time anyway
Yeah I am learning how we can put impositions onto others and that when we express how we feel without any agendas it allows another to be also and creates the space for them to express.
Just the title alone of your blog Gyl made me breathe easier. It is more difficult and harmful than we realise to keep a lid on how we are truly feeling. It is also quite an insidious practice to calibrate our expression to some ideal or other that we assume another person would prefer, or that will protect us from imagined reactions. However as you so beautifully share, this is quite an illusionary habit and honesty is what frees us in every way.
The great thing about being honest is that you don’t have to put time, effort or consideration into positioning what you’re going to say. It’s just pure truth expressed. And remarkably, when delivered with due respect and dignity for all, it’s a contagious phenomenon, with people more likely to express their own truth right back.
To express ourselves in full regardless of any reactions we may receive is healing and supportive for everyone because this offers an opportunity to be honest and truthful with our expression. It is incredible how much we actually impact on ourselves and others from our every expression, it can be deeply inspiring and healing or toxic or harmful, the responsibility is always ours what we choose to express. Your blog gives us an inspiring example of how powerful it is when we express in our fullness.
It is a delicate balance, to express truthfully without reservation of what another will think of me, and also to feel what it is that the other may need to hear, and not just express what it is I want to say. This is equally something I have been learning.
The simplicity of this blog is very beautiful Gyl – a simple message yet so useful in deepening the intimacy in our relationship with our self and subsequently with others. I will hold this with me as I go about my day today, gently checking in on how I am feeling at various stages. I feel this will greatly support the level of intimacy I can then offer loved ones around me.
What a joy it is when we open up and let people in; what a joy it is when we open up to ourselves connecting to our inner love and wisdom. When we honestly share ourselves it creates a space for another to do the same (or not!)
An inspiring sharing Gyl; thank you.
Opening up and letting people experience the all of you can seem like a daunting prospect, with many questions like – will they reject me, will they laugh, will they still like me…. but all of that is just mind talk and none of it is true. because essentially everyone wants everyone to be themselves because it is the most beautiful thing in the world – you.
Honesty is the most precious of qualities, it lays a foundation in our lives upon which we can build a life of evolution, not devolution.
From the very first time I read this blog I was inspired to daily ask myself “How am I feeling” and the joy and lightness of not holding back or hiding the truth is just as you share Gyl ‘beautiful’. To then take this out into the world is a great reflection for another to return that honesty -if they so choose.
Hi Gyl, when I speak honestly about how I am feeling and don’t hold back, I am finding that everything about my interaction with the other person deepens and that the space within me expands. It is beautiful when I bring all of me to where ever I am and experience what comes back to me is the same. Thanks for sharing
I feel being honest and open allows the deepening of a relationship and it also saves so much time and energy
I really love this. Being completely honest and just being me – this has to happen with me first.
As I was reading I paused for a moment and asked myself “how am I really feeling?”. It was really powerful as I feel my chest area expand and a lovely sense of light flowed through me. I would have missed this if I hadn’t been inspired through your blog to give myself a moment to stop and listen to what my body had to tell me. Awesome – thanks Gyl :).
For many people simply expressing how they actually feel is an enormous step, and yet once embarked upon, we can all discover how reconnecting and healing the process of simple expression is.
I did just that this morning Gyl, I asked myself, “how am I really feeling”, as I realised that I had been running with what my head was telling me and not fully connected. When I stopped and gave myself this grace, it was like the simplest choice to make but also very confirming of the energy that was not supporting me to be me. Great to claim myself back and choose love.
It is great to just stop and ask oneself “how am I really feeling?””, some days feeling full of joy and vitality and others a little flat. This is great to feel as it allows me to reflect on my day and how I have been living up to that moment. Allows me to make a different choice to support my day.
Reading this sharing from you Gyl is a constant inspiration. Just in the simplicity of asking myself as you did “How am I feeling today” can be a complete game changer of how my day flows. Particularly in how I express to others and how it opens up a whole new opportunity for them to be able to express and share with me. Awesome.
When we communicate with honesty and openness it allows the connection to deepen
Thank you Gyl for a beautiful blog, I am inspired to be more open and share what I am really feeling, which starts with actually really knowing what I am feeling in my body and not just my head talking.
Recently inspired by this article and others I have read on Everyday Livingness I have been sharing with others how I feel. It is amazing now, how heavy it feels to keep these things inside. The more I share the easier it seems to be to ‘go there’ and move past any sense of trepidation, so thank you Gyl for capturing your experience. How would it be for us to live in a world where everyone shared with this honestly?
The honesty in simply speaking the truth about yourself Gly, really is true medicine, no holding back and no measuring.
Expressing how we feel from our bodies allows us the opportunity to create more intimacy in our relationships, we all want more of it and the benefits are endless.
People always have difficulty being themselves… it is rare to find someone who is truly “in” their body and show it without arrogance or rancor, and restoring this re-connection with ourselves is what Universal Medicine excels at.. and it is a priceless gift for us all.
When we share our true feelings with others they in turn are given the opportunity to open up to us and to themselves. The beauty of being connected to our inner most is that it is a reflection for others to follow. In this way we are pulling ourselves and others towards the light. Viewed in this way it is our responsibility to always be truthful in our expression.
Thank you Gyl for this beautiful inspiration, I feel I have been holding back a lot in writing to people, just conveying that what I thought I needed to convey. But not truly sharing what I feel or what is going on for me, not being true to myself and others, it is quite shocking actually. I am holding a picture of how it needs to be and am writing that, not what I am truly feel to say..
Exactly Gyl, when we offer the fullness of who we are – the person or persons we are with are pulled up to do the same. Holding back stunts humanity. A gorgeous healing for both you and your friend and naturally includes all of us.
Yes I had an experience yesterday when someone who is usually very abrasive just melted before me and became quite gentle as I shared with her on an intimate level.
Honesty is an extraordinary quality, it cannot be brought or purchased, it is a currency that stays with us however for our whole lives. It is so precious, and if we can engender just this in our children it is a great foundation for the rest of their lives.
That’s so true Chris james, honesty is an extraordinary quality, and truly lovely to hear from others. There is a mother at our centre that is so totally honest and some find that a little too much, but for me, I love it as she is not holding back, and you feel that in that realness from her, you too can be just as honest. It’s like your given the way forward to simply be yourself as she so beautifully is.
This is such a beautiful and simply exquisite sharing Gyl. To feel another sharing (and being really honest) in full with no holding back does give the listener a choice to also embrace their own unique way of expressing their truth. What a gift to allow another to do this and, the joy that we feel, with no holding back expressing in our fullness of who we truly are. A beautiful foundation to base all our friendships/relationships on.
Gyl thanks for writing a great blog that has supported me to become more honest in being myself. The layers of trust and hurt that still sit within begin to shift when we focus less on what we “think we should be” and ‘Just be who we are.
What you chose in conversation Gyl feels like it allowed everything to flow. You illustrate how if we’re not open and expressing what is there – we are are resisting truth. In this way, its like we create many dams in the river of life. Then we are damned to live disconnected to the true rhythm of love.
So beautifully said Gyl, I often have the same experience. If I allow myself to speak honestly in the moment, those that I am with are right there with me, sharing their inner most too. It is an easy and gorgeous way to be with people.
It is amazing how restrictive societal norms of polite society are when people just automatically say in response to ‘how are you?’ – I’m fine or okay, whether it is true or not. What you have shared is a great example of the depth and beauty that can come from being honest and truly expressing what you feel and in that, allowing another to do the same. This to me is true communication of how we should be with each other.
Yes and all it really takes is for us to drop into a deeper place within ourselves as we respond – not let the old polite ways rule us. Allowing ourselves the space, care and love to bring this honesty to the world is a blessing to all we meet .
I agree Samantha, and what I have noticed recently is how actually revolting it feels in the body to answer a question with anything other than the truth. It doesn’t have to be a full explanation to ‘how are you?’ but just not answering in rote, confirming the small talk that we have become accustomed to. I notice if I offer more of myself, the response is mostly that the other person opens up.
To be truly honest in how I am sharing with another is a gorgeous reflection to take into my day today. Thank you Gyl.
Being really honest with myself and making a stop to be able to feel how I am, does bring the true answer to the question, only then it can be felt. Sometimes when I get asked this question; how are you- I take a short break to check into the body to feel what to say. This was a bit confronting sometimes to take this space for me. It is getting more normal as more often I do that.
Taking the opportunity to express how we really feel is sometimes like push starting a car with a flat battery, it takes a bit to get it going , but you can find that once you start, it feels so good you just want to keep going.
Ha, such a great way to describe it Chris, it is so true too. A battery recharge is all that’s needed…
I agree chris james, once we give ourselves permission to express truth we feel the expansion and space in our bodies and it is a lovely reflection for others to feel and be themselves.
Honesty is a quality that we all appreciate and deep down inside truly want when sharing. And when we begin to be honest with ourselves and share honestly with each other we begin to re-build trust and confidence in expressing who we naturally are. I love what you say here – ‘My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.’ – as our bodies are always an amazing marker of truth-fullness.
Your blog Gyl shows us the responsibility we all hold in being our true selves as this allows another the same opportunity to show their true colours. This way we develop trust and truthfulness, which expands a relationship to one of love.
I noted in re-reading this blog today how important it is to be open to another person, as I felt you were Gyl before sharing how you were truly feeling. From that openness a meeting occurs and there is a natural urge there to express. This is not needing to ‘vent’ anything or looking for recognition or acceptance from another. In being open it is as much allowing the other person or people to express as allowing it for oneself and it importantly means one might express for both or all – meaning that the space allowed a connection with those present for something important to be shared and such expression resonates freely between people. I have frequently witnessed this at Universal Medicine presentations, even in a large group of people, where I felt very much personally being talked to, not talked at.
Gorgeous Gyl. I can feel to loving openness from what you shared and it does feel amazing. It really actually is beautifully simple to be ourselves in full and in doings so liberates us from all the made up versions we can pull on the create a picture we think will fit, yet never actually does, as nothing comes close to who we truly are and expressing from there.
This is true Giselle. It is simple to show the world our true selves but we have learnt to complicate our lives by wearing the different masks and by living something we are not. Why choose complication over simplicity to live our lives.
Great blog Gyl, I love the no holding back. I have recently started to let go of dimming myself in these situations.
If at work someone would say you look great today I would dim it by saying “really Ok thanks” But now I say “I Know, Thank you”
It feels great to accept when some one comments or asks you how you are and to fire with both barrels how amazing life can be.
When asked “How are you?” it is so easy to just reply with a non-committal “I’m fine”, but now I pause and consider how I honestly feel and share this; and in sharing I am being honest with myself and the person I am connecting to. I am also learning that, when I ask someone “How are you?” I am really listening to what they share and this deepens our relationship.
Gyl, this will be an inspiration for me today. I can feel how I have been holding back part of my expression and not going to that deeper level. I’m so looking forward to bringing this deeper level with me today – and I have a feeling my body will thank me for it too! It’s amazing to feel how our bodies actually respond to expressing all of who we are, and how we feel when we do not. Expression is definitely a form of medicine for me!
The fact that people do appreciate it when we open up and become honest, reflects the truth Serge Benhayon has been stating for years now in Universal Medicine workshops. That is, we deep down have a very genuine, caring and truthful nature and feel it each time someone expresses from that nature. Even though we are not encouraged to live that way, for example in our education system, it does not destroy the possibility of reopening up to these true qualities. It just means reconnecting to that aspect of us – our innermost.
I have been noticing the different responses I get when I ask someone how they are. When I am feeling someone, in the sense of observing what I am sensing from a person and then ask them how they are feeling, the answer I get is so much more real and honest. I am being shown that the more I am genuinely asking this question the more people are willing to honestly share.
From now on that is exactly how I will be asking people how they are. Great way to deepen relationships.
That is so very true. I f we ask questions like that from the pattern what we should say or ask it will come back to us on the same level. If we deepen it reflects back to us.
Great that you opened up and shared how you are truly feeling when asked Gyl. Wouldn’t it be different to speak with truth rather than go into empty pleasantness. Using dialogue in truth, as to not be left wondering do they want the truth or ” I’m good” dismissing response. And when asked, be truthful and open enough with your answer back.
Mostly I give a shorthand version of how I am, except with dear friends or family. If I accept myself and how I am feeling it is much easier to share; always, the more I am open and sharing and accepting of myself the more others are open with me. What follows is a deepening of the relationship and a wonderful warmth in my heart.
Thank you Gyl for sharing these insightful, inspiring words, to open up and express to another without having a hand on the escape exit allows another to reciprocate as they do not feel anxiousness or protection but an openness to be.
Reading your words Gyl I’m smiling a huge heartfelt smile from inside out too. What a gift we miss out on when we obscure the truth.
So true Joseph, being true and sharing truth is a gift for all.
Great blog Gyl, so many times when people ask me how I am, I automatically say great thanks. Even when I say that I know that this is not how I always are feeling but go into the thought that they don’t really want to know how I am, they don’t really care how I am but they just ask that question because that it what we say when we greet people. I love how you have shared how the relationship deepens when we bring all of ourselves in truth to the conversation. We can be of great support for each other if we let down the barriers and share how we are really feeling.
Yes I observe that too with people, when I am honest and let people see what is going on with me, at this moment the others join in and speak more from what is really going on and most of the time it is something very interesting to share and to learn from another. All this we would miss out on, if we play nice and safe.
When I read your article just now I realized that I do share a lot with others but definitely still hold back, give people the short version or try to sell that I am doing well. Thank you for your article Gyl.
I’m always taken aback by how much energy I pour into worrying about how I might sound or look if I am completely honest with someone. This worry comes from experience of my honesty often not being well received and then a hurt that comes from that, which never feels nice. I am learning to understand, that my truth is my truth and nobody has to like it, and the more I open up, the more of an opportunity I give to the other person to also not hold back. The more I express exactly how I feel, the less expectations I will have and the less need I will have for validation because it’s ok to just be me.
Gyl what you are sharing reminds me about how often we use the throwaway phrase- “I am fine” when asked how we are. It is a real conversation stopper and I feel we use it as we don’t want to go any deeper in the sharing than that. It is polite and allows us to quickly get on with our day. I think I will cut this phrase from my vocabulary!
Re-reading this blog, I realise there is more for me to deepen here, allowing more honesty, firstly with myself. Expressing how I am can still sometimes feel exposing, but at the same time it is so freeing and makes me feel lighter. Thank you Gyl for this inspiration here.
Reading your comment Ariana makes me appreciate the importance of accepting myself and moment in life in full not trying to avoid possible hurts and rejections.
I find that when people ask each other how they are, it’s as though there is this unspoken rule to say ‘fine thanks’ and also I’m asking but I do not expect you to reply other than ‘fine thanks’ or ‘ok thanks’. It’s very much an exchange on a functional level, without any expectation of actually truly saying how we feel to each other.
It’s so refreshing to read that you are taking the time to express how you feel and that others are inspired to do the same.
Friendships can go to a whole new level when we open up and go deeper, I have a closer relationship with friends and family and discussions have become less surface conversations and are more honest and real since I have developed a more honest and real relationship with myself … It’s lovely to experience that level of intimacy and connection from just being open and less guarded and protected.
Awesome blog Gyl, ‘How are you?’ is such a common question but how many times do we reply without much awareness of how we really feel and holding back our expression. I have done this so many times, finding myself go into automatic response of ‘I am good, thanks’. And then moving onto the next thing. It feels very disconnected and false with this automatic response. Your blog inspires me to express in full what I am truly feeling and to stay open to allow people in. It is a lovely way to connect with people when we are willing to let them in and by staying connected with ourselves.
Thanks Gyl. There is often a real cloak of unspoken words in a conversation. It is as if we can’t be completely honest and so are guarded when we talk. The choice is really ours to make as you so beautifully expressed in your blog, if we lead with truth and honesty, it gives others that opportunity to be the same. At the end of the day, it’s our natural way to be, the protection is the part that drains us.
Reading this lovely article today made me smile – and one that certainly gave a little nudge to not hold back from expressing how I truly feel when asked that very question.
Gyl, as you write – “…..sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too,” – I am experiencing this too. I find myself at times a little tentative still, yet getting much more confident in expressing where I am at, and it surely does open the door for others to do the same. Great blog, thank you.
Really lovely Sharing Gyl. I’m beginning to accept that the more I just be me in situations than i fel really good, flowing and open like you’ve described. It’s like it doesn’t matter what I say but the whole point is connection first and then everything that is expressed has a quality of amazing love and it’s really funny ( hilarious in my case) haha
That’s lovely and very funny Harrison, I too can be hilarious when I am open and share myself honestly, especially when I don’t hold back what I have been feeling.
Your blog made me realise how often I automatically reply ‘fine’ or something similar when asked how I am. Your experience not only shows how empowering it is to fully express, but also the beautiful opportunity it gives to those we are with to feel and express something different.
True inspiration to stop hiding and start fully expressing or first asking myself what it is actually to be truly me. I feel into that now. Thank You for sharing. With love Nadine
With getting more honest with myself, about how I truly feel, I open up to others because there is nothing to hide anymore.
Beautiful Annelies. Thank you.
‘no need to worry about what another may think or say’ – that is so freeing. Being able to be you and have that solidness that your not constantly worried about what other people think. Lovely to hear about.
I am so guilty of worrying too much about what other people may think. The part that you’ve highlighted is great. Like you said when we choose not to do that, I agree is very freeing. I am now learning to just be myself and not to let my thoughts get in the way of truly expressing and sharing who I am. Gyl’s blog inspires me to always stay open, be myself and connect with people.
Yes Emily there can be a real claiming of what I feel and who I truly am, when I express what I have felt in full and don’t worry or hold back because it may differ from other’s experiences or opinions.
Being honest with ourselves really supports us to really feel how we are feeling and when expressed to another, this then gives permission and a choice for another to feel and express in the same honesty they received.
I absolutely loved re-reading this Gyl. What a beautiful reminder of how healing it is for all when we let people in and share in full who we are and what we feel. A beautiful confirmation for me to read and feel this morning – thank you.
Just so simple but very powerful!
Thanks Gyl for this blog- this is exactly what we are asked to be, nothing more or less than truly who we are and expressing what we are feeling from this space. I always see an opening with people when I do not hold myself back and show me and speak just how it comes from my inner self. It is a truly simple and enjoyable way of living, and not imposing for people but an invite to join in as well.
I remember one course I did with Chris James (www.chrisjames.net) and in one exercise we were sitting in small groups of four and had the opportunity to share how we really felt with no pressure to deliver anything special. I found myself feeling how absolute perfect I felt without even noticing it. It was almost as if I wasn’t allowing myself to be aware of it until then. Sort of an old program running in my mind keeping me from really opening up and feeling all of who I truly am for no reason what so ever. Like an angel forgetting he’s an angel and suddenly realising that he is and the whole world just opens up.
Such gold you offer here Gyl, so awesome to simply express how we truly feel, like you say it allows others to open up and truly express how they are feeling too.
Saying “I am fine” when asked “How are you?,” is a standard reply that does not really say anything and does not open up the conversation. I know when I am feeling great I don’t always say this, and if I do I then try and dull it down thinking can I really feel great, rather than just accepting I feel amazing and expressing it. Appreciation is the key and something I am living more and more.
It seems important to go deeper with this question as you have Gyl of what it means to simply be me. In establishing a foundation of presence and awareness of myself in a consistent way in many moments in each day, it seems that the significance of simply being me flowing into how I live and how I relate to others is becoming imbued with a grace and power that is very natural and normal, even though not chosen for most of my life. To be able to move beyond the momentum and hurt of not choosing this and instead to just get on with being me, seems to be what is making it feel very natural and normal.
Great blog Gyl. I have this tendency to say that I feel amazing or don’t feel amazing at all, but when I am honest I can feel amazing and that there is sense of e.g.. anxiousness, stress, sadness. Expressing that way brings so much more truth to our conversations. It gets more real.
Gyl I love how it feels reading: ‘your loving appreciation of being you and with that the shared opening the flowed between you both’. A living lesson for the ages, thank you.
Thank you Gyl… I am fortunate enough to be meeting regularly with a group of men who are actually saying how they are feeling. It is a wonderful feeling just to be in this group, and to feel the kinship, the companionship, the connection, or one could say the energy that grows simply from this sharing of how we are feeling.
Hi Gyl, Simply being ourselves gives another the freedom to be themselves how beautiful is that and why do we make life any other way?
Gyl so true what you reveal in your blog. I must admit I thought that I would bore someone if I told the truth of how I felt in the moment of their asking. I am also learning the great value in actually being fully present with myself and sharing how I feel when asked , that then opens up the conversation and allows the other person to share honestly as well. Thank you.
It’s funny how, when we are asked how we are feeling, we focus on the aches and pains or indulge in the negatives of what we haven’t done and rarely use words like,”I’m feeling really tender today”. We often express just what’s on the surface, or as you say, what we THINK we should say, but there’s a deeper level of feeling we can choose to be more honest about and that we can express.
That’s so true Carmel, I often gloss over and don’t go into detail of appreciating what is actually working or going well in my life and look for the problems or issues that need fixing. The more I let go of my fixation to fix problems and appreciate the loveliness of my being in the moment, there is more space and joy and what needs responding to naturally appears.
Spot on Ariana,’ Being me regardless of what happens around me or at me. Not faltering no matter how many people react or reject me, for I will not reject the truth of who I am’. Powerful and just awesome.
I have always found it difficult in the past to, just be me, but what I am finding is the more I allow my self to express what needs to be expressed on the moment, this then has a positive impact on the next moment and the next as I give myself permission to express in each and every moment.
I have been feeling for a while the superficialness of that question and reply generally when people just ask and answer as an exchange. But when truly asking and truly answering, a door is opened to share. It is terrible the way our everyday interactions and relationships have come to be so empty. People feel alone, stuck in their ‘stuff’
and that no one really cares.
Every interaction has the potential to be real if we just open up and be real, be ourselves.
Since attending Universal Medicine courses and healing sessions I have discovered I love people and love connecting to them. Therefore when people ask me how I am, I see it as an opening and an opportunity to connect to and share with another person – which is rather lovely. I have discovered just as you described how open and ready to share most other people are when I take the first step
In reading this blog this morning, It reflected back to me a new awareness of connecting with myself and really acknowledging how I am feeling, allowing a rawness and openness to everything there to feel and simply be with it and move forward in the day from it. I wouldn’t have known how to describe what I was feeling to anyone and do it justice – so much going on inside, so much coming through me and it did feel amazing to just to observe it.
As I read this it reminded me of how often we give the automatic ‘polite’ reply without ever really considering the question which pretty much makes that whole interaction pointless and distant.
What I have found is that when I am vulnerable and share from that place of vulnerability, there is an openess and expansion that comes with the sharing. When I drop my guard and be totally honest, it then allows another to drop theirs and be completely open and honest as well.
I feel you have described beautifully Donna the “Gateway to true Intimacy” bring it on more I say……..
Yes it is so good to express without hesitation what we feel to express. I often hold back after feeling to reply in a certain way because I go and think about what people may think of it. But it really impacts on how I feel when I hold things inside instead of expressing it. When I hold back I get a numb feeling in my body, when I express what I feel to express I feel an opening up, a spaciousness and a lot of joy. Not really a choice what to go with hey!
Gyl it’s such an important topic that you have raised because we are interacting with people all of the time. So the question is who is saying what to whom ? We can choose to not be ourselves and say what we feel should be said to someone who then reflects back to us who they are not or we can express the truth from who we truly are knowing that this could possibly inspire another to reply as who they truly are.
Gyl your blog was a true blessing in itself. Thank you for sharing such honesty and openess with us all.
Thankyou Gyl. Its amazing how there is always this yearning to really express ourselves. And when we do it is just so amazing. Others are thankful that we did, because then they can too. It really breaks down barriers in the world, and allows people to connect. Often I have thoughts that I won’t express how I’m really feeling because it might be a bit much for the other person, they might think I’m crazy for saying so much. But I’ve definitely noticed that when we open up and share ourselves with another, it releases a lot of tension and we can really connect with one another.
There is such a difference Gyl in really expressing from my body how I feel, and saying I feel great, trying to convince myself that I do, or convince others. In this simple blog you have really got to the heart of an important point about how sharing joy and the true feeling of wellbeing with another, starts with our own acknowledgement, not feeling we need to hide it, and actually offering others the opportunity to enjoy the whole of us. Thank you.
Gyl,
Yay!
I am delighted that I came back to your blog this morning Gyl, as I am learning that if I am anything but honest these days I can feel it instantly in my body, and it feels horrible. When I am asked the question “how are you’, I often find myself going into a quick check, before I open my mouth, of what is acceptable to share with this person. There is the old feeling of “do they really want to hear how I am truly feeling?”. These days, because I know that if I am not honest my body will speak very loudly, I know that my reply needs to be truth-full, but without any attachment to their response. Thank you for sharing how lovely and freeing it was to allow yourself to express the truth of how you were feeling, a great marker for future “how are you feeling’ questions.
Smiling as I return to re-read this beautiful blog. Holding back and expressing how we truly feel when asked the question ‘How are you’? I’ve noticed that this only holds back the person asking the question in the first place to express in return, open and honestly. Thank you Gyl.
I am so enjoying my expression at the moment that I am actually looking forward to express. I am also more and more really saying how I feel, without being afraid to get rejected or to think for the other what they might think of me. Yesterday I sent a text that I was missing somebody and that I would love to be with that person in that moment. I noticed that I had this belief around ‘missing somebody’ and that this was wrong. It felt so freeing to share this and to break through that belief and really allow myself to feel this. What I notice is that after expressing something, it just leaves your body and whatever was there, is gone. The new moment is there and so we move from one moment to the other. How gorgeous life is, once we really express.
Very beautiful Gyl thank you. I have experienced when I am open, honest and not holding back my friends are more relaxed and are also more comfortable to also be the same. It feels so awesome when this kind of connection between friends and families are practiced to truly connect and express in full how we feel.
I agree Chan, our connection with ourselves brings us closer with everyone.
That’s so well expressed Leonne. It feels strange spending time suppressing how we really feel. When I first moved to Australia I found it strange that the standard reply to ‘how are you?’ is ‘good thanks!’, as if everything was upbeat and just dandy. It almost feels a compulsory answer and each time I hear it I can feel the suppression in each person’s expression. And sometimes the person asking the question hopes for that answer – not wishing for the responsibility should it be anything other than that. I am feeling now my development in my response to be far more honest and connected to how I really do feel – as it certainly does feel a poison and dishonouring to myself to simply provide a standard response which is completely disconnected to how I really feel.
Thank you Gyl, great expression of joy and confirmation of the importance in expressing this to allow the real-us to be thoroughly enjoyed and deeply appreciated.
A beautiful reminder Gyl that being us in full supports others to do the same.
This blog shows how strange it is that we spend so much time and energy hiding what we really feel, even from ourselves. Thank you Gyl.
This is so true Leonne, no wonder so many people are exhausted. It feels very draining to go against our natural way of being. When I express how I truly feel, I feel energised. When I hold back how I feel it’s extremely exhausting.
When we are freely able to smile from the inside out, this feels to me like life is complete, and everyone around us enjoys a similar sense of completion. Thanks Gyl for your lovely expression.
I agree Jennifer, smiling from the inside out is divine! When I express myself this way I feel like a big ball of sunshine and it flows through to everyone around me. Even better, it feels natural.
Such is the importance of not holding back even if one is sharing truth but not the WHOLE of what was the truth at that moment it was shared.
This is a beautiful sharing Gyl of how powerful when we express ourselves in full. At first this can feel raw and vulnerable, as most of us have not been encouraged from young to express all of who we are without reservation — because our parents didn’t have this either when they were young. So it takes a willingness and commitment and a bit of patience but it is absolutely worth it, and with the support of Universal Medicine and the amazing esoteric practitioners I’m finding it easier and easier to just be all of me and express that with people around me. It’s the biggest coming home present one could ever wish for.
Thank you Gyl for sharing how blessings occur when we express in full. I am very aware of how I often give a measured response which ultimately serves no-one and leaves everyone lesser for it.
True and wise words Andrew. We leave another lesser when we are not honestly sharing what we really feel and what is going on in our life. We show understanding and care when we really listen. This is something beautiful we can share with another.
Gyl, I can feel the loveliness that you choose to live in the words you write. By being open we give another the space to do the same. We definitely need more of this in the world, thank you!
Yes I totally agree Kate. I know I can contribute by choosing to express in full how I feel in a loving way and not to be afraid of other people’s reactions or take it personally. To be honest, loving and open consistently is key to building true relationships.
Gyl I loved the simplicity of what you have shared about being willing to be honest. I too have found this the only way to develop deeply open and loving relationships.
honesty brings a humbleness
Thank you Gyl. I have found that when I really open up and truly express in full to others I receive the same back. When I hold back and limit my expression I receive the same in return. The first allows everyone to grow and is so much fun. The last is limiting in every way and does nothing to grow relationships.
On re-reading this awesome blog today Gyl I am reminded of how I can still go into needing to present the perfect picture. This is such a trap and stops me from being truly open with people and simply feeling what is going on for me. It is interesting how we can try to avoid feeling instead of accepting and bringing understanding to what we feel and making a choice from this space.
Thanks Gyl. It is really simple what you’re sharing but also I feel it would be life changing in practice. I often hold back how I’m feeling or give the answer I think another would like to hear. We don’t want to dump our stuff on people but it does allow a beautiful connection with another when we connect to how we actually feel and be honest (and discerning) rather than just say “okay” “good”.
Beautiful sharing Gyl Rae. What I got from your blog is that when we hold back in our expression that this puts a lock on our body that so naturally needs to express what is felt inside.
While I can see that it feels awful to hold back in expression and by doing that I also put a lock on the expression of others, I am sometimes still doing that dependant on the mood I choose to be in. This means to me that I have a say in if I express in full or not, and that I use it because I do not want to receive the full expression of the other.
Thank you Gyl, a very helpful reminder just in time for the easter brunch with my family.
Such a simple question and yet so difficult for most of us to answer it honestly. Most of the time I see myself saying ‘Fine’ and if it is more, I start talking about what I am doing. I will take your example Gyl with me in my days and truly connect to me, my body and feel what is there to be expressed. Lovely try out.
A great reminder Gyl that the more we just be ourselves, with no pretence, how this allows others too to be themselves. This creates an openess and a warmth in sharing that feels true.
I like this point you make about how being honest and open allows another to be honest and open too, if they choose it of course.
Thank you Gyl this beautiful reminder to not hold back expressing my glory in full. It is a blessing not only for those who receive it but also for me when I allow the fullness of my light and love to shine through. I am learning more every day how beautiful it feels when I let people in.
Isn’t it beautiful when we allow people into our heart, and what can happen then is delicate and amazing – a true divine connection with anyone, when we allow to show ourselves.
Thank you Gyl. I am reminded by what you have written here the importance of speaking my truth so it allows another to speak their truth.
People, especially our friends really do want to know how we are. We have just become a bit uncomfortable about stopping for a moment and really feeling so that we can express everything we feel. As one person shifts out of the auto-pilot replies, the other will also have the chance to expand on how they feel too. Everyone wins!
Hi Fiona, I’ve been noticing and stopping the auto-pilot replies recently. It allows the conversation to open up for more honesty.
Gyl, thank you for such a beautiful blog, I agree with what you have shared. I also notice the more I express openly and honesty how this inspires others to also feel safe to express how they feel as well.
I do like this blog Gyl. Coming back to it and re-reading has made me appreciate that I am still improving in my expression when it comes to communicating with people truthfully. It has been a good check in since last time and there is always room for improvement but at least I’m not standing still.
I love rereading this blog as it continues to show me the importance of being real and honest with everyone one I meet. When I am true to me I notice that others are more open in their discussion of how they are feeling too.
Thank you Gyl for starting this conversation. When I just give a dismissive ‘fine’ when sharing how I am feeling it now acts like a stop moment as it shows me that I have not given myself the space to feel how I am. If I ask this question of someone else I appreciate hearing the truth so it builds a relationship if I am honest and share what I too am feeling.
Your blog is so inspiring Gyl. I chose it…or it chose me because there is a difficult conversation to be had with a friend. I feel anxious about it, and rather than doing what I usually do, which is to going into a mental frenzy preparing myself, I am just going to feel my body…my greatest guide and the most source of loving intelligence.
Thank you for supporting me with your words, even though you live so far away, and this was written a little time ago..
Honesty and love are always applicable in life!
Thank you for sharing this Rachel. It is so easy to be inspired to make conversations more honest and remember to do it when someone says ‘how are you’ or when there is a general chat. But when those difficult conversations arise I seem to forget about everything previously looked at – I go straight into my head, mental frenzy and strategising. Honesty, feeling our body, staying open and love is indeed the way to go – in all situations..
Gyl, this shows that by honouring our true feelings of how we are really feeling, it can open a conversation up and then there is no pretence, or needing to play roles, and we can allow ourselves to just be ourselves, what a relief!
A huge relief Sandra, that can actually be physically felt, it’s like carrying a heavy bag then choosing to let it go, and feeling much lighter.
Indeed Gyl, sharing how I truly feel is magnificent! And it’s far better then just the same ol’ casual reply, with no expression and not really opening up to the other person. I find this far more amazing than having a normal and regular conversation, I would rather be weird and express what I really feel. And it’s weird at first but I enjoy that!
I agree Harrison, to express ourselves is so much more fun. It brings a light to my day instead of a dread and staleness that can come in when I stop expressing my playfulness and amazingness.
A beautiful blog to return to – old habits do try and sneak in at times, the one where you reply “I’m fine” or” I’m well thank you”, the latter I use often which is a response when I do not give myself enough time to really feel and connect to my body. It is so freeing to express from ‘all of me’ and this blog serves as a gentle reminder, so thank you Gyl.
This is very true Gyl. When I read a blog from someone who does not edit anything about themselves, and authentically expresses how things are for them, I find that very healing. It encourages all of us to drop our guard and just be real. The blessing is definitely both ways. Thanks for sharing.
I couldn’t agree more Melinda, sometimes I think is it okay to say I feel this way, but the truth is we have to be honest and open with ourselves first – if not we can end up playing a game pretending everything is okay.
This is so true Gyl – by being open we allow others to be more open and this in turn gives a freedom we don’t always feel otherwise. Thank you for the reminder today to take ‘open’ me everywhere.
Thank you Gyl. People are so used to hiding behind the shields and masks, at work and even at home, that we start to think that the mask is us. When someone puts aside the old so-called protection and expresses from their inner selves, it really does open it up for everyone. It means there is one less person playing the game of deception that everyone is playing, saying no, this is me. How liberating.
I love this line Chris “saying no, this is me’ – very liberating indeed.
Your joyfulness is felt in this blog, Gyl and it is a great reminder of how loving it is to express truth. Thank you.
Simple and gorgeous blog, so lovely to read.
Once we reach the point where we will be completely honest and express the truth in full, we create an incredible space for others to do the same. This is an amazing power everybody has, we just have to allow ourselves to live it.
How wonderful to truly connect with our bodies and reply from there when the question pops up. The question we ask each other so often that it has become an automatic pilot. The question we don’t expext a true answer on anymore. The question which is not anymore asked with sincerity. So yes, let’s respond this question with a true reflection of how we feel. And let’s ask it also with true sincerity and interest how the other truly is. It takes two to tango, so together this will become a lovely dance.
I will take this image with me Caroline this is beautiful – dancing with another. Talking and sharing about everything that is important at the moment was not coming easy for me in the past, I did not want to take someones time to listen to me. Today I know that is so important to openly share what I do feel and this brings me a lot of reflections from others.
Such a simple blog, but one with oodles of wisdom and joy. To realise that holding back from my true expression, not only harms me, but also the person I am with, was a life changing one. I now choose to express with honesty, and like you, have experienced the joy of the other person as my expression offers them the opportunity to say what they really want to say; such a beautiful moment that offers healing for both of us.
Lovely to re-read this blog again and the reminder; that all I need to do, ‘is just be me’.
Thanks for sharing this Gyl, its true that many of us hold back sharing ourselves in full, and from my experience there are several reasons why we choose to do this, but for me the big one is self judgment or on the other side of it, the need to be accepted by others and avoid feeling rejected. Your blog serves to remind us that if we simply express, accepting ourselves in full then what comes from this is irrelevant. So long as we are not holding back our truthful selves.
Just beautiful Gyl. I too share and open up to how I’m feeling to my friends and partner. By doing this my whole body responds with ease. In the past I would hold back on telling people how I really felt and it was just like skimming over the real feeling I had in my body. Since being part of Universal Medicine and the teaching of Serge Benhayon, my truth of feeling into my body has changed my life. I don’t get it right all the time but it’s way better then how I used to express on my everyday day feeling.
I loved re-reading your blog Gyl, it is great to have the reminder of the impact we have when we are honest with someone. When I look back on my life I can see how I have rarely been honest with myself or anyone else, always holding back from really expressing what I really wanted to say, measuring how much or how little I was going to say. Changing how I express has made a huge difference, I am no longer constantly assessing, measuring and wondering if I should or shouldn’t say something. It is a constant learning everyday to change they way I have held back for so long.
Beautifully written, Gyl. Allowing myself to express what I am feeling, without needing to be right, or worrying how I was going to be perceived, has completely changed my life. In the past I would always withdraw from others, and this would make me come across as someone who was shy or awkward and didn’t know what to say. With the support of Michael Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine, I worked on developing expressing who I am with no holding back. This lead to a profound change in my relationship with myself and my ability to let other people in. Today I enjoy an abundance of loving and true relationships in my life, that was never possible when I was playing the protection game.
Gyl, this is such a lovely account of expression in full emanation. Your beautiful words allow me to feel the awesome potential of what is waiting for us if we let our guard down and just simply express as to how we are actually feeling, in truth. Very lovely.
I agree Natasha. It is lovely when we let others in and truly express and connect.
Gyl, I imagined myself doing the same thing as you, telling others how I truly felt in full. At first I felt fear, fear that what I said would make them feel uncomfortable in some way. I then went past the fear and felt into it. I then could feel the expansion you wrote about. This felt real and far more loving to myself and the recipient. I could feel how this gave room for myself and the other to grow and how not sharing capped us both.
Once I asked myself: What is the difference between being honest and being truthful? I found for myself it is exactly what you did, Gyl. To be honest is sharing a part of the truth, to be truthful is sharing it in full.
Thanks Gyl, You have given me cause to reflect on how often I say that I am “ok” or even “awesome” when someone asks me how I am instead of checking in with myself and then expressing the truth of how I am feeling in full. I have always assumed that people didn’t really want to know the whole truth, but if they ask me “How are you?”, I will give them a complete and honest answer to their question to honour the interest they are taking.
Connection is all that we want and crave in life- your blog reminds us how easy it is to get in contact with another person by just being truthful. And for me it doesn´t have to be many words- the moment you get asked you can show your vulnerable side and BAM the connection is offered and there.
It’s amazing how it is such a cultural norm for us to come back with a stock standard answer when someone asks how we are going. I have only recently started to be more open when asked this question and I can now see after reading your blog Gyl that I can be more open still. Lovely to contemplate …. Thank you Gyl.
The simplicity of sharing in an honest way appears to be easy, why wouldn’t we tell someone what’s really going on?
But there are so many hurts we are trying to protect and keep hidden that we keep things superficial, on the surface when people ask how we are.
When we take what feels like a risk and open up and share what’s really going on in our life’s, life becomes richer and has a depth and amazingness, that had we not gone there and played it safe, we never would have felt. Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience.
This is beautiful Gyl and such a real sharing of the joy and conformation we feel when coming from complete honesty and just being oneself. It is amazing what an opening up and loving comes from speaking like this and what comes back also. Thank you Gyl I am loving and learning this too.
I have shied away from ‘being completely honest’ for much of my life. I was certain that if I was, I would be ‘found out’ and it would open up something I could not control or deal with.
Sadly, this holding back has resulted in my not allowing people to see the real me.
You have shown courage Gyl and propelled me to embrace ” the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be truth-full “
Simply lovely Gyl, someone once said to me that when we say that throwaway line “I’m fine” what we really mean is “I’m F.I.N.E” – Freaked out, Insecure, Nervous and Exhausted.” Haha.
How true that has been for me in the past, a brittle niceness to keep all on an even keel, and people at a distance too. So beautiful to let go of that and speak from our connectedness to our bodies, when I am confident in that the difference is amazing, there is no holding back with either party.
“So beautiful to let go of that and speak from our connectedness to our bodies, when I am confident in that the difference is amazing, there is no holding back with either party.” So well expressed Jeanette thank you. It makes such an amazing difference when you simply speak how you truly feel & it’s as though the other person feels they have approval to do the same or they stop & really look at you and you can see them connecting to how they are feeling in that moment. And even though their response may only be a smile, in that moment they made the re-connection to themselves and that’s awesome.
Thank you Gyl it is amazing how much we can hold back. Being true full first with ourselves and then with others is an amazing way to be and just creates more magic more honesty and joy in any interaction we may have “It was simply beautiful just being me, and goes to show the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.”
Gyl, to express openly and observe how others then feel it is also okay for them to be honest, can delight and surprise me.
What I have noticed is the look on the person’s face behind the supermarket check out. When they ask you “how are you today”? I tell them honestly how I am feeling, it stops them in their tracks. Because they are so used to hearing “I’m fine or I’m okay”. But I don’t answer that way. I tell them the truth. Then you find, that they to do start to open up to you as well…true connection between the two of us.
I have found this for myself too Susan. The more open I am the more open people are with me. It is really lovely.
I too have recently embraced honesty – it”s rather transformative. When I express honestly how I feel, with out dumping or expecting anything in response, I feel open, lighter and have a sense of my own fragility and can hold myself close in this in the most lovely way. The more I do this for self the stronger I feel in myself to be myself and let others be themselves too.
When we are with ourselves and connected to how we’re feeling, it’s much easier to express this clearly and honestly to others. And when we do this, we give others permission to do the same.
Thank you for your honest expression Gyl, we hold so much back from sharing what is truly felt. In holding back we are not letting others in.
I agree Natalie, holding back our expression is like measuring how much we let another in so the relationship is based on us protecting or hurts and not of true intimacy with another.
Beautiful to see how just being me has a ripple effect.
It is so important to give permission to ourselves to be ourselves in full. What a great reminder. Thank you Gyl for writing this.
Simple but true, if we express openly to another it allows them the freedom to feel that they can express openly back to us, and then the connection can be honest and lovely and not just a polite formal exchange.
Honesty is so under-rated.
Ha Ha Shannon, I loved your under-rated comment, it copped such a punch. It reminds me of how simple and open honesty can be when we neither hold back by minimising or exaggerating what is going on for us.
If we are honest with ourselves in all we do in this life, we can pass that honesty on to all others.
There’s a lot in what you say here Gyl. It’s about honesty, but also just taking the time to truly connect, both with yourself and with others. And then there is also putting yourself out there with no expectation, sometimes I have found that sharing how I really am isn’t always received fully or responded to, and that is okay too. Thanks for your sharing Gyl, I love the image and feeling I get when I read about you living on the Scottish coast with the sky, the moon, the birds and the people.
Thank you Gyl, great blog. A standard reply of ‘I’m fine’, tends to keep ourselves and others at bay. Having conversations with others is a great way to bring a stop and check-in moment when someone does ask ‘How are you?’ and opportunity to not hide, and express honesty. It certainly takes the relationship with self and another to a deeper level.
Yes Johanne, and it can be with anyone. I had that conversation with one of the young men who work in a greengrocers I frequently shop at, and as we greeted each other he asked me how I was feeling, I had just come back from a lovely beach walk and felt really great and said so. He then fully opened up what he was feeling and why, and that he was not gonna do that again for a very long time as his body let him know what it felt like. It was a lovely conversation to have, and we both felt for a moment connected on a much more personal level than ever before.
Truly beautiful. Expressing how you feel while you are lovingly connected to yourself is a gift all around.
Gyl this is so fundamental yet we have come so far from being able to say how we really are.
I know I hear alarm bells when my repeated response becomes “fine” as it sounds, this is too often my coping word.
Not to say that my response must be indulgently about me – simply a stop, a check point of what is really going on – this willingness to be honest can be so refreshing, so well received in a world thats become evermore removed from this simple connection.
So very true … “It is OK to be open and honest”. I for one didn’t know that being brought up in the era where children were scene and not heard ~ you can’t say that because that will hurt their feelings ~ you still have to do that even if you don’t want to ~ you still have to go even if you don’t want to ~ all because it may or may not offend another person. What a gift it has been to be able to truly express how I feel its been so healing not just for me but for everyone as they too get the reflection of speaking how and what they truly feel lovingly so. No longer do I keep people at arms length no longer do I live with a false appearance resenting myself and others for my not speaking how I feel. What an amazing difference “The Way of The Livingness” has made not just in my life but with everyone I meet. There is such harmony and a sense of oneness in speaking how you truly feel.
Gorgeous and playful read Gyl and a great reminder how this openness and connection with another happens by first having this willingness to be open and honest with ourself – Thank you!
So true Julie, honesty comes with self first. I find that if I am honest with myself in my expression, it allows others’ to do the same, and there is no more game playing, and that just feels so natural.
There is a true magic in being open and truthful, I am learning this every day and it is much less tiring.
For me there has been a hesitancy to being totally open about how I feel because then I may appear that I do not have it all together. This façade has kept people at arms length and has been reflected back to me. Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience here. It is OK to be open and honest.
Thank you Gyl, when we allow ourselves to just surrender and to honesty feel what we are feeling life becomes so much more simple. When we stop the internal fight within ourselves that says we should feel and be a certain way and instead just accept ourselves and how we are in that moment it totally allows the opportunity for healing.- How awesome is that!
Gyl this has been something I’ve thought of often and have played with to feel others reaction. What I’ve found is I need to make sure that I’m speaking from truth and not a place of need. A place of need being a place where I’m wanting some recognition or confirmation to hold me in a certain way. The other thing I discovered is it’s much easier to express when I’m feeling joyful as I know the other is willing to receive this joy, as opposed to speaking the truth even if it’s not so joyful and feeling their reaction of perhaps wanting to fix it or not wanting to hear the truth. I can feel there is a lot in it for me to discover on this subject and the way I express my truth and what I belief I used to hold me back.
Being this open with a friend is a much nicer way to relate to each other than saying ‘good’ thanks and look what it opened up between you both a deeper sharing of your lives.
Yes indeed Sally, how can relationships go deeper in intimacy if we are are operating from the superficial of “Good” or “Terrible”.
I love reading this blog again. I have noticed how beautiful it is to truly be open. Lately I have been sharing very openly what is going on in my life, also with people I have met only once, and the response is just heartwarming. Also just asking for support and telling people what you need, the response has been wonderful. I have noticed that the more I open up and just share without pretending, trying to make things look better than they are or covering up things, it brings so much intimacy. And it feels very freeing….
Thank you Gyl for this heartfelt sharing of how, when we open up to others and don’t hold back anything, inspire others to do the same. Love only knows love and honesty brings honesty.
What a beautiful sharing Gyl thank you so much, it is so lovely to feel your joy in expressing yourself in full, and is infectious and I feel the joy in myself also as I read it. The more I am learning to express myself and all I have to say instead of holding this back, the more I feel I love myself and others also, and it is amazing and refreshing simply being me.
Thanks for this Gyl reading your blog again makes me realise all the times I cover over truth with nice, and how much nice is not so nice.
True Kevin, I also cover up truth with nice and this is not nice at all. It keeps other people and myself in a place where you can’t grow, learn nor evolve. Nice is not so nice, it is only a place of comfort.
Kev I couldn’t agree more, I was amazed to feel the nice I used to cover up the power and truth, sometimes it still sneaks in.
I love the feeling in my body when I’m completely honest with another and I know that they feel this to.
Gyl,
I enjoyed reading this simply powerful blog!
And loved that you have responded (in full) to so many of the comments!
Thank You for sharing You!
An inspirational blog for me as well. For long I have put on a – as I call it – golden blanket – from which I expressed towards friends, family and people in general. The golden blanket was: Willem is doing fine and does not want to feel where things feel uncomfortable, sad, hard, angry, tired etc. I put this blanket on in my youth to cover up all the uglyness and ‘difficult feelings’ I could not handle at that time. And the blanket became thicker when I left my home at 18 saying to myself: ‘Now it is time for me, I want to have fun’. Excluding everything that was not ‘fun’.
So I was ‘fun’ with everyone. But not real, what was really going on in my body and in my life? Thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have put this ‘golden blanket’ off and have chosen to become more real about where I am towards myself and to express that in relationships. I had many relationships with many people, but they were never deepening because I did not really chose to as instead I put the ‘golden blanket’ on. Now by expressing where I am truly at and how I truly feel my relations are deepening. Just by being real and honest.
Lovely honest sharing Willem, and now your golden blanket is off, the real you can shine, and taking the real you to all your relationships, we all benefit.
What you have shared here Gyl is so true – “…..sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.” Since reading your blog last year I was so inspired by this, that at times when I feel like not engaging with a person when they ask ‘how are you?’, I recall this and stop and share how I truly am… not all the time, but I have also experienced so much magic, when I’m honest with someone. Like sharing that I’m tired or not feeling well because I ate something or did something I usually wouldn’t or how vital and great I’m feeling, has allowed others to also stop and share how their bodies are feeling. I so love connecting in this way.
It really is an awesome moment when we allow ourselves to trust and feel safe to express exactly how we feel and then be met by someone else expressing how they truly feel. Everyone involved lights up.
Hi Gyl – So beautifully and simply expressed but you have me pondering on where this pattern originates in our own history….. where we choose to not express the truth about how we feel or what’s really going on. What came to mind was when my own children asked me when they were little “are you alright Mum” or “whats wrong Mummy, why are you crying” and I would reply “Yes, I’m fine” or “I’m ok darling”. Or they fell over and I would give them a hug and say “You’ll be alright – it’s just a scratch”. Perhaps like me they were learning from those responses to dismiss their true feelings, put on a ‘brave face’ and keep’ soldiering on’. Never really encouraged to be ourselves and express how we really feel. Perhaps if we did, this pattern might never have existed and we would naturally express our true feelings.
Thank you Gyl. Reading your article was confirmation for me today as I shared a conversation with a friend I haven’t seen for quite some time. It was a loving, real and such an honest conversation on where we were both at. We supported and truly listened to each other, without any sympathy and just simply enjoyed the company of each other.
Jen that sounds very supportive. Instead of trying to show things are fine or talking about all the issues and problems going on, what I get a sense of from your sharing is you just said it how it was, without needing anything as a result. I feel we often miss out on enjoying the other persons company, but one of the keys is just to be real and honest and in that we get to enjoy both ourself and the other person.
Gyl so true what being really honest can do- it opens up a whole can of butterflies! (Worms aren’t really appropriate for this connotation I don’t think) I have been thinking about my automatic responses to the ‘how are you’ greetings I get at work. Often it’s a quick yea good thanks and that’s it. It’s kinda flat, and everyone knows when it’s an automatic response. I always think about the question after I’ve answered it to Suss out if I am good or if it was a completely auto response and I’m not good at all…your blog has given me the idea to take some time and check myself out before I answer it, not just take it as a fleeting moment but make it a moment of realness. So not to give an automatic response but something felt. Thanks Gyl.
The more I honour the process of sharing truthfully by simply expanding on what I am feeling, in any given scenario, the more I am met with true appreciation by the other for me not holding back – not holding the both of us back!
Honesty is refreshing. It opens the door to allow expression and everyone feels freer when given the opportunity to express how they are feeling. Even if we are not feeling great, when someone asks “how are you” and actually means it, you feel met, honoured and cared for – even if it’s with someone you don’t know so well. Magic it is Gyl.
Yes! So true Robyn and Jo. When we are expressing openly, we and others feel the freedom and it allows for an open conversation. It is so simple yet very powerful.
I know from my own experience that when I have openly expressed on how I felt or in any conversation, the conversations have gone to much deeper levels as opposed to when I’ve expressed with some hesitation or holding back.
I couldn’t agree more Jo, I love honesty, ( and truth ) and always encourage those around me to be honest too. This is something I notice at school, that kids are often scared to be honest and say how they really feel.
It is beautiful when we allow ourselves to be just us, it feels so powerful. I am experiencing how much this has a positive impact on not just myself but everyone else.
I agree Robyn it feels amazing, I can actually feel space in and around my body, it’s like I have let go of carrying around all these invisible heavy shopping bags. There is literally a freedom and lightness in my body.
It is beautiful how you highlight the difference between answering from your head or instead feeling how your body feels and answering the question from there. There is a powerful difference that does have a huge impact on our individual well being and how we communicate and share with others.
So powerful Samantha, and very very clear – I often find my head tells me negative stuff when my body actually feels the complete opposite. I just have to stop and listen to what I feel on the inside.
What I am experiencing is that asking ‘How are you?’ often gets responded by what the person did. This blog is a beautiful example of embracing this simple question fully, allowing the person to be wherever they happen to be. Gorgeous.
Gyl, awesome to read your open and honest account this morning. I could feel my body letting go and opening up. Your words inspired me too. No wonder your friend came back as she did. Wow the power of expression is magic.
Love it Gyl, thank you. so many times I will hear people saying they are’ fine’ or ‘ great thanks’ and every part of me knows that that is not really the case. How lovely for the relationship to go deeper in expressing how we really are feeling.
I love it Heidi as you can have so much fun with it, simply by being honest it can blow people away. (In the sense they do not expect to hear what they do)
I love re reading this blog, every time I have, I have felt that I have been able to express myself honestly with a friend. Thanks for reminding me Gyl how great this feels.
Simple, powerful and inspiring Gyl. What I can feel is the important role of expressing all of who we are in deepening our relationships, both with ourselves and others. That honesty of how we are truly feeling starts with ourselves, and then we can share openly with others. When we do that’s when miracle happen. I’ve realised I can clearly feel in my body when I have held something back. I had a great example at work yesterday – I shared the lift with a lady and felt to tell her she looked great in her green dress. She was standing behind me and I didn’t. I was aware of a subtle change in my body. Later that day i met her again and so I shared the compliment with her and as I did my whole body expanded, tingling all over, and we shared a brief but full moment of connection. Glorious.
Hi Gyl- It is so easy to say to someone when asked that “I’m fine” but I’ve just realised how this just cuts the conversation and can indeed put up a barrier. I’ve noticed that I can be selective about who I am honestly expressing to -only the people who I think are going to be responsive! That feels like self protection and not allowing others to truly feel me! Thank you for making me more aware of this.
Sharing honestly goes a long way for everyone involved, it requires a certain level of self-awareness and builds trust in all our relationships.
Years ago when working as a checkout chick (and loving it) I would go through patches of simply auto replying “I’m good thanks” when each customer would ask how I am. In these times I felt robotic, so as a bit of a challenge – I would try to actually answer people as genuinely as I could and observe when I didn’t. Sometimes I would say the same words as a reply, but it would feel genuine, and other times it was fake. My days at work were always more interesting when I paid more attention to connecting with me and the customers. I learnt so much about people in that time and slowly built relationships with regular customers. Equally it was so refreshing when customers where honest back to me, and this would give rise to many enjoyable moments throughout my day.
Great blog Gyl!
“Expression is everything”- Serge Benhayon
I remember when I was growing up and my parents, relatives would discuss how they felt and talked about life issues, but what they said and how I felt it come across in body language was very different. I had to read between the lines to understand what they meant. It was as if they weren’t allowed to express openly how they felt because of other people’s reaction and beliefs. This I feel only separates us, not brings us closer, more intimate in the relationship.
Yes Loretta, speaking openly how we really are brings the opportunity to go deep into a good quality conversation which we all want underneath.
Thank you Gyl for this lovely simple blog- isn ‘t it amazing what grand effects it has, when we communicate from an open und vulnerable space. Absolutely fascinating how people respond- great inspiration to go deeper with saying how I am to others .
Great blog Gyl. I have been noticing for me how easy it is to just say I am fine- without bringing the truth into my reply and thus giving others the opportunity to express honestly as well.
It is very touching that you can express how grand you are with absolute honesty and your friend totally honours that (I suspect because they know the truth of what you said). I wonder what women’s magazines would look like without the continual promotion of ideals and competition to and between women, We are all actually amazing – its just a matter of choosing to connect with that.
Growing up I was always puzzled by something that I had always observed with people. That often what came out of peoples mouths and what I felt a person was actually saying were 2 different things…it was like hearing 2 different conversations…one coming out of the mouth in words and the other conversation that I would read in energy behind the words being expressed. Since my understanding about energy (that everything is energy (Einstein) & everything is because of energy – Serge Benhayon), it all started to make sense. As we often say the words we want others to hear, but we cannot truly hide how we feel when it is read from the perspective of energy. So relating this all back to this blog…we may as well just express the truth because the truth cannot be hidden.
Gyl I love this blog and that when we give ourselves permission to simply express how we feel we give permission for others to do this too. This is such a beautiful and honouring way to be in relationships and develop closeness and real connection with people.
Bianca this is so true the more honest that I am with myself and all my relationships the more loving and open they become, its so beautiful.
Lovely blog Gyl, I also find that the more open I am and honest with where I am at, with myself as well as with others, the more other people around me start to open up too. And I find the more I let me come out, the more joy there is around me as well, thank you for sharing.
When they ask in the supermarket or shop ” and how are you today?” without really looking, I used to reply in the same manner, “good, thank you and how are you?” without really looking.
Now I can respond honestly and truly with presents and joy, same words almost, but there is a connection, even if just for a second.
I love this blog and felt to read it again as it helped me realise how important it is to continue to be honest with my friends about my feelings. I have noticed in the past week the incredible support that they will bring you when you allow this to happen and how honest they are in their sharing.
Your story makes me think about what I do when asked how are you? I decide what I am willing to share, how interested is this person really in how I am. All this goes through my mind and I think I then forget to even really feel how I am once I work through all those steps. A good reminder to just share me all the time, thank you Gyl.
Thankyou Gyl for the gentle reminder in regards to expressing how we truly feel in full. I sometimes struggle with this as I don’t want to be seen as being weird or strange. But the simple truth is, if I don’t share in full then it doesn’t allow others to do the same. No more holding back.
I concur Gyl, there is no feeling more amazing than not holding back the expression of who we truly are, that always put a smile in my face no matter what is going on, thank you for sharing the truth of this in such a simple and joy filled way.
Thank you Gill, I can truly feel how being more honest about how I feel and sharing this with another is opening up for a deeper connection.
What a beautifully simple blog Gyl about being truly honest with oneself. I started back at school today as I am a teacher and usually I have a lot of panic about the pressures of my to do list, running through my veins. However, today, although it was a very busy day and I was challenged in many areas, in particular bully energy, I was able to stay more connected with myself. I felt that simple gentle, quietness inside for most of my day. I too felt surprised. Having read this blog I realise I was under the impression that I had a difficult day, as per usual, at work. However having read your blog and been inspired to be more honest with how I really feel, I have come to a truer realisation. Thank you Gyl for sharing as it has offered me a gift of healing about myself.
So simple and so beautiful Gyl. When I am honest and when I express freely, my body loves me! If I hold this back, I feel tension and unease… which is very uncomfortable. Letting someone in is a beautiful gift for both and is the foundation of a true relationship. Thank you Gyl
I love how you stopped to ask yourself first, it’s so nice to check in with yourself and then you feel much more confident in how you really are, from there the rest is easy 🙂
Such a simply written blog, Gyl, yet actually saying so very much!
How much do we truly miss out on, in our own expression, that of others, and the potential for true depth of inter-relating, by remaining hidden in pleasantries? Pleasantries that can conveniently mask how we truly are, and that can actually be used to hide behind? It’s all about the ‘how’ we say what we say, isn’t it?
I make a point of truly meaning all that I say, even if it is a simple answer of ‘great’ to the question of ‘how are you?’ Letting people in to all that we are, and the honesty of where we are (simply) at is so deeply honouring, and refreshing!
What you have shared here Gyl, could change the world!
If I had a dollar for every time in my life that when I was asked how I was and I’d reply “good thanks” but actually felt anything but, I’d be a very wealthy woman!
It’s a question asked millions of time a day and how often is an honest answer given? For that matter, how often is it an honest question, does the person asking even want an honest answer.
As I go about my day today I’m going to check in with how I’m feeling before I answer, and before I ask.
If we all used this simple opportunity to be truthful with each other, who knows where it could lead? Truthful politicians maybe………….
This is an amazing topic you open up here Gyl. It is so freeing to express what I truly feel and not what I think I should be saying, or what someone wants to hear. It does open up so many beautiful conversations with people if I am expressing what I feel, it is like it then is suddenly more about people not so much about what we all have to do in our busy life.
Thank you Gyl for the opportunity to feel the truth in what you say. Recently I really did open up to someone about how I was feeling and was a little surprised at the depth of understanding that was offered in response. It was a great point of clarity for me, that it matters how I truly am feeling, not just for me and to be kept to myself, it really matters to people I’m in relationship with.
That’s beautiful Gyl, how honouring is it for us to really stop and express how we truly feel – and when we open up and don’t hold back, it also allows another to open up as well.
Melissa it makes such a difference and allows more space when I do stop and share how I actually feel vs the response that is “safe”. I’ve felt a few times recently where the other person really wants to have a deeper conversation and I may feel like I’ve got other things to do – yet what is more important? In each case building a deeper relationship with the person I am with certainly wins.
Very inspirational sharing Gil! I don’t always give myself the space to share how I feel in full and hold myself back for various reasons. What I am realizing after reading your blog is that it often has to do with not really honouring and appreciating myself and thinking I cannot take up someone’s time with my personal stuff. But that it is about finding a balance between self-indulgence and simply sharing a few words as a celebration of me and then moving on.
When I read the part about your friends reply Gyl, it was like my whole body smiled. How awesome it is when we share the real us, and others have permission to be this way too? This blog feels so simple and so it should because being honest is our natural way.
So true Joseph, that when we give permission to ourselves, it automatically inspires others to do the same.
Love this Joseph being honest is our natural way – hooray!
Thank you Gyl. A beautiful blog, thank you for being so honest in the simplicity of simply saying how you truly feel.
Yes, it is quite something to fully accept oneself and let go of all the pretends – and very inspirational to get such a reflection by a friend. Thanks Gyl.
So so true Ariana – there is a HUGE real need to be real about how we live. Because what is being presented in the world is not what is truly going on.
Gyl this is a great blog and so simple in how we all play the game of not allowing ourselves to speak freely with others when we are feeling upset, uncomfortable, worried and all the other feelings that come with living our lives.
How can we build an honest relationship with others when we can’t speak honestly about ourselves?
Great question nb. And great blog Gyl. Our experiences in life then become full of lies as we lack honesty with what is true for us. A bit like we are always putting on a mask or having to make something up
Thank you Gyl, for this blog which is so beautiful because of its simplicity. It is that simple, express what is present. What I found out for myself is that when you truthfully express what is there for you it is never offensive. Like you so beautifully write it, it creates openness, not only for yourself but for others too. What a great gift in any relationship.
I know I can still hold back, but as I allow my natural expression more and more it is so beautiful to feel how simple it can be. In the past I have held a belief that I need to ‘be’ something, and therefore my expression has always been an act or a performance. By dropping this facade and just allowing myself to be me without the front it is beautiful to experience the freedom of this and how actually effortless it is. Thank you for your blog Gyl, it is a reminder that honesty and transparency is a gorgeous and much needed way of relating.
What a delightfully simple message. Be open and people will then feel they have permission to be open back. I have seen this in action myself and the results still astound me every time. The hardest of people melt before your very eyes when they feel they have permission to just be themselves, permission you grant them by simply being yourself with them fully in that moment. A simple solution to some of life’s more complex issues perhaps?
Beautiful blog Gyl. Holding back hurts us. There’s so much beauty to be shared in true connection, I am allowing myself to be more open and it’s very rewarding all round.
Lovely blog Gyl. It can be so easy to go into automatic and give the same old response when asked how we are, ‘fine’, ‘good thanks’, ‘okay’. It is a bit like the ole ‘have a nice day’ where there is no true connection at all and it feels pretty empty. It makes such a difference when we meet each other and there is a moment of true connection between you. I cherish those moments.
its amazing what 3 simple words ‘how are you’ can release so much
Prof. Phil especially when the words are spoken from our hearts and our ears are open to hearing what ever is to be spoken.
Gyl, I always enjoy reading what you share and this is one I can so relate too. I am being more open now with all my expressions not only others but firstly with myself which has made such a huge difference with my interactions and conversations with others not to mention the connections that have been made. It’s been such a beautiful and most rewarding journey one if which I shall continue to allow to flourish in its fullness.
What an amazing experience for you Gyl Rae.
For me it is such a miracle to experience that if I open up and let others see how I really am and speak out without holding back, that this is an invitation for them to do the same. How magical these moments are.
Lovely blog Gyl. Its amazing when we start to be honest, and take the time to connect to how we truly feel, it seems to give people permission to do the same, to be themselves. Its a great ‘Stop’ when someone asks you ‘how are you’, the knee jerk reaction is to say ‘ok’, but that’s just a cop out, when someone asks me that question, I now take time to consider how I really feel before answering, if nothing else, that’s being honest with myself.
Absolutely Sandra, I feel being honest with ourselves is the way to go. if we are not honest with ourselves can we truly be honest and open with anyone else?
For me it is a huge learning, every day, to truly express in what and how I feel. For so long, I have not done this, and doing it now and making a commitment in opening up and sharing how I feel, is truly amazing. It is beautiful to explore that with certain people, I feel far more relaxed to share how I truly feel, than with others. What this tells about me, is that with the people I don’t feel comfortable with, I have this image of them, and with that image, I always keep them small. I don’t give them the opportunity to let them be and that they are just as willing to be open as I am. I love opening up to the people that I feel safe with so to speak, but my challenge is to do this with everybody. Learning everyday, step by step.
Reading this blog is like medicine for my soul Gyl – thank you. My body dropped deeply with the simple wisdom that you share – and reminded me that all that is needed in any given moment is for me to be completely real, completely honest and just be me…. What a gift this is to ourselves and to the all that we are in relationship with.
Absolutely Stevie, I love what you share ” all that is needed in any given moment is for me to be completely real, completely honest and just be me” – so true. And I can just feel the heaviness and exhaustion we carry around trying everything apart from being ourselves, it’s almost like dragging around all these invisible heavy laden shopping bags and then wondering why we are so tired and drained.
Gyl. The way you write and express yourself is so inspirational. Reading your blog has been a real eye opener for me.
I agree Monica, it’s almost like we go so far, then go “woaw okay I don’t want to feel anymore, or what happens if I keep expressing all that is there to be shared” – but as you say it is amazing to allow ourselves the space and time, with no pressure to connect, go deeper and simply allow ourselves all there is to feel and share.
Dear Gill, I feel you’ve hit the nail on the head – honesty has to start with ourselves. When we allow honesty in expression be it with ourselves or others it opens up a door for connection , truth and change.
Thank you Susan.
A gorgeous blog Gyl, that so clearly expresses the joy I too can feel when I let go of all my preconceptions. The other day I was given an opportunity to connect with two men who I have known for a very long time – and yet not truly known in a deeper sense as I have always held back from speaking from my heart. This particular day I changed friendships of over forty years by just being the whole of me and speaking from my heart. Both exchanges were so beautiful and meaningful as they contained the whole of me and not just the edited version.
As you so beautifully expressed ‘My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.’
Gyl – I love coming back to this blog and feeling more deeply how I hold myself in my daily communications. I can really feel the difference if I’m in a rush or in a mood if I just say ‘I’m fine’ and how dismissive it feels closing down any connection to the person in front of me, It feels so horrible. I’m aware of dumping on others but what I’ve found lately is sometimes it’s just so gorgeous to not justify my feelings so if I’m asked I can express the truth without going into a long story. 9 out of 10 times by me expressing how I really feel completely clears that feeling for me because I’m not holding on to it any more – so simple and so beautiful.
I’m so with you on that one Fiona, it does feel awful when we dismiss or do not honour the person we are with or even ourselves by not allowing our self the time and space to feel, be honest and express in full. I have also been aware of times when I do not listen in full to another, it may be that I am distracted, thinking about stuff or trying to be nice (ouch). And it all feels awful for everybody involved. What I am working on is taking my time to stop and speak what and when I really feel to, rather than rushing in, and being completely present with people in full.
It is such a great reminder, I agree Fiona. To feel more deeply how I am in my daily life, how I communicate, the tone I use and how I speak to people. I know I too am super aware of not dumping on people, to work through stuff that is mine, not to justify and keep it simple.
I love that it can start with the smallest of things. ‘How are you’ is something we can be asked all day everyday – and to be honest with this feels like a huge step forward to support me being more honest with everything else. It doesn’t feel like I need to tell someone I don’t know well all my troubles, but I can be honest with how I am in that moment.
I agree Hannah, the simple “How are you” can reveal so much.
‘How are you?’ can be used as a moment to actually stop and honestly ask myself and assess where I am and how I feel. We get asked this question so many times a day, the opportunity to keep track of how we are is huge. I appreciate being able to take this as a possibility and apply it to my day. Thank you.
I agree Leigh, as simple as it is, it is an amazing opportunity to really stop and feel how we are, as we can, I know I do at times, either get caught up in stuff so I don’t know how I really feel, or go into an old pattern of listening to my thoughts, assuming I am not that great or putting myself down – when in truth I feel amazing.
It is gorgeous. I had many sharing about the “How do you manage the ´How are you?´question?” in the last days. It is funtastic how this creates true relationship, honesty and connection, sometimes even intimacy. Great experience.
Absolutely Michael, it does offer an amazing opportunity to have a true relationship and a beautiful offering of honesty and intimacy for all.
I also have moments that i answer the how are you going question with fine or i am doing well, but that i just answer it without really feeling into it. Sometimes i just want to answer quickly because i don’t want to get into a whole conversation but this actually does not feel right. Nor to me, nor the other. In any given moment i can answer how i truly feel, no matter who is in front of me and also when i have little time.
Hi Gyl your blog has made me realise that often I don’t ask myself ‘how am I?’ and then allow myself to feel and answer that question honestly. Its only when others ask me that that I sometimes stop to consider. I know I will often respond with the automatic ‘fine thanks.’ Sometimes when I’m feeling great I hold back from sharing that. When ever I hold back I’m realising there is something in me that thinks what I share wont be well received. A great blog to reflect on. It brings up many questions about how I express and why I am not totally honest about how I am with myself and others all of the time.
Hi Debra, I know how you feel, and never hold back from sharing how great you feel.
Awesome to read this article and is something that I can constantly be reminded of… Letting go of what should be said or how the other will react to what you say and just saying how you feel – Love It.
So true Natalie, it is that simple. I find when I express in all honesty what or how I feel, my body and head feel so much lighter and clear, whereas if I hold back the truth of sharing what is there to be said, it’s like a constant record being playing round and round in my head, and my body feels drained and tired. I know which I would rather have and I’m sure the people around me too 🙂
I am constantly being inspired these days by more and more people that are willing to get down to truth. The more people that do this the more it will grow. I still struggle a bit with not wanting to hurt anyones feelings or rocking the boat but I am a lot better than I used to be.
Wow, I have just entered the blog and have only read maybe half of the comments. What an inspiration! Thank you all and thank you, Gyl for setting the impulse. It fits perfectly to the typical christmas communication. These days I did some phone calls to my family and I noticed how much I hold back and played my repertoire, my soundtrack … jingling the bells of niceness. My next song now is the one of truth, connecting to me and my truth, connecting to my sister or brother and expressing in full. Thanks to you.
Michael, i can so relate to what you write, how you play your soundtrack, your repertoire, just being nice. I do that as well, just having a chat, and with that, not really expressing my truth because i feel that with that certain family member i can not do that. Or i am afraid of reactions. It’s like changing colors, but why not be the same color with everybody i wonder? I am learning about expression every day and i can feel how important it is to express all of me and to not hold back.
I agree totally that opening up in full allows for a deeper experience of life and connection to others, and we feel much more ourselves without having to hide, dilute or trying to be a certain way. It is like the fresh air.
Absolutely Julia, what struck a chord with me was your comment about not having to hide. I wonder how many of us feel this or have felt this way, that we calibrate and monitor our expression and what we share, when really all we want to do is say how we really feel. And yes it is like opening a door and taking a breath of fresh.
Just last week I was having some challenging days because of a personal issue which I knew I could not hide at work. On one of those days a work colleague who I had not seen for quite a while asked me how I was. In that moment I couldn’t pretend that I was not struggling that day and I couldn’t put on a ‘happy face’. I knew that he would feel the truth anyway, so in a most professional but honest way I responded with the truth – ‘that I was dealing with something personal outside of work and excuse me if I wasn’t my normal bubbly self’. He was very understanding, but what was lovely about the interaction was that this was a true moment of connection and an understanding that things happen in life to us all…something very universal. It was also a celebration for me as normally I would be the first to be seen to ‘having it altogether’ in public. It was a lovely honest moment and a confirmation that its ok to just be me…and its ok to not always have it altogether.
Love that Marika!
Simply beautiful Gyl the sharing, freedom and joy of simply being honest and communicating this comes across so lovingly from your blog. A joy to read and ponder on and take into my life with more appreciation of this.
Thank you.
Thank you Tricia, you are right there is such freedom and joy in expressing with absolute honesty in how and what we feel. Sometimes I don’t always get this right in how I express but this is all a learning too. I just know when something doesn’t feel right or there is something there to be shared – it is much better to express with honesty than try and calculate it from my head, as it doesn’t come out right and I’m still left with the feeling of something being unexpressed in my body. It’s like I keep playing it out in my head, but when I share with honesty it’s just there, to learn and grow from, or simply just to be felt and there is nothing left behind, apart from more space in my body and a feeling of lightness, joy and freedom.
“that true blessings do happen every single day” just beautiful, they sure do, in so many small and simple ways.
I couldn’t agree more Michele, true blessings do happen every single day in the most magical ways.
I agree Monica, it is an interesting thing that we often think we are being honest, when we express a part or a version of what we feel because it is not an outright lie, but it is not the complete truth either… so ultimately not truthful or completely honest. This does not feel great in my body to do this and I am still learning to let people in and not hold back when expressing.
I am with you both, Andrew and Monica on this one. I am aware just how often I will express part of a truth, but not the whole of it or go deeper with what I felt. Your blog Gyl, is a good reminder to go deeper and not end at a convenient truth.
I agree Ariana, to be open about how we are feeling offers the space for honest interaction with others, supporting us all.
This is a great reminder to clock myself when I say I am fine, when I know I am not and feeling a little low. It really is catching those moments when I get myself into an old pattern, observing that and then re-connecting back to my true self, as it’s really just about expressing what I am feeling and I feel lighter straight away.
Totally agree Amita; ‘it is always ‘just about expressing what I am feeling’. Can you imagine how if everyone expressed what they were feeling all of the time in a loving and respectful way, how this would impact and improve all our relationships whether it be family, friend or colleague?
That’s great sharing Amita and feel I can be more honest on how I am feeling no matter what is going on, as you say it does make such a difference.
I agree Amita – it feels like we are brushing ourselves off and there is an element of disdain in it for me when I don’t truly honour how I feel and honestly express that without turning another into a dumping ground. Expressing truthfully seems to go hand in hand with how I feel about and treat myself and thus, each expression is also a great marker for my most intimate relationship, the relationship with me.
So true.
How are you? is such a beautiful question. The common answer though is often I am fine or okay. Gyl, you bring in a wonderful reminder that this question is a great opportunity to connect with ourselves ánd each other. I also find that answering the question as it is by truely checking in with myself, my body, the answer comes by itself. I don’t need to think about it, it just comes via my body. And yes, so much easier and less exhausting.
Beautifully expressed Caroline.
On re-reading this I am reminded of times of being asked this question and coming up blank, as if I had no idea how I actually am in that very moment. If I come up blank and have no idea how I am then where did I go to not know how I am?
Saying and sharing how we really feel opens great honesty in all our relationships and invites another to express honestly too. So beautiful to have this as a foundation.
Gyl. Being up front, open and honest , no holding back, the joy you will bring not only to yourself, but to all others.
It sounds so easy Mike, and it is great when we are natural and honest and do, express it, but so often for me those old tendencies to hide away come up if I don’t know the person too well. I do find though, that when I stop and feel how I am before I answer, then it does indeed open up a deeper connection with the other person.
Love this comment Mike.
It is true, learning to be honest and express from love, is the way to go. It feels so empowering for myself as I express and also for those who I express with. None of those stinky secrets or resentments hanging around, clarity, freshness and lightness is what is occurring more.
“True blessings happen every single day” is something so important to remember, and great that you expressed it, Gyl. I find it is very valuable to my sense of worth and well-being to review the day and remember those often small moments which have been filled with light and love. They can so easily become buried in the prevailing thoughts about ‘where I went wrong’. It is often surprising to find out how many light filled moments there were. A great way to go to sleep.
Wow Gyl, this shows how much we can inspire others by something as simple as saying exactly how we feel without holding back. I can feel now more clearly when I am holding back the whole truth, and it drains me in the long run to do so. Everyone can feel when another person is doing that anyway.
Every time I look at this article and see that beautiful header photograph it reminds of the beauty we all are. Thank you.
I’m beginning to feel this too Sue, that it is ‘much less exhausting!.’ just being my natural self consistently and not putting on a show or making an effort to be what I think the other person wants me to be – so much more simple and lovely and I now get to really enjoy people and not be in my head wondering what they think about me and if they like me.
Great blog Gyl, on pondering on it somewhat I came to realise that I have suppressed how I had truly felt for so long, basically being too nice or calibrating what I said so getting to the point of saying what I truly mean is a working progress. It feels great to express properly and not hold back and this is something I am constantly working at.
I know this pattern so well Kevin, ‘that I have suppressed how I truly felt for so long, basically being too nice or calibrating what I said so getting to the point of saying what I truly mean is a working progress”. I am working on this every day; to express what is there to express and not hold back an expression that is meant for the other, which means they miss out too!
Yes, I agree Kevin. I too am constantly working at expressing what I feel and to not hold back. At times it can be quite challenging as I am breaking a pattern that has been with me for decades but I know that by holding back I am hurting not only myself but others too. Being ‘nice’ doesn’t really help anyone as it removes the opportunity to allow the real ‘me’ to come through.
Me too Kevin and it does feel great to allow ourselves to express properly without holding back!
As I wrote that I sensed a laziness in me about why I have held back in expressing, but in digging deeper I felt that to be a cover for a lack of self-worth…
Almost an Eyore (donkey in whinnie the pooh) type ‘poor me’ feeling!
Now that made me laugh, because I know that is not who I am…so, to continue to hold back seems as ridiculous as dressing up in a donkey suit!
It isn’t who or how we were designed to be!
Hi Gyl. I’ve been experimenting with this and am finding it so much more freeing to just say how i’m feeling without the dressing it up to sound any different than how it actually is.
Exactly Natalie, it just makes so much sense.
Thank you Gyl for this inspiring sharing of honesty and openess with others and all it brings.
I too am finding such a joy and aliveness in giving people time to express what they really want to say by opening the way and being honest myself. I am finding a new level and depth in conversations I have always wanted and I know there is more to come and how joyful and expansive it feels and brings a lovely feeling of contentment.
What a lovely and timely reminder simply to ask ourselves: “how am I really feeling”, and then giving ourselves the space to really feel what is there to feel and express, which allows another to do the same. Beautiful in its simplicity… Thank you Gyl for sharing.
Your comment made me smile Sue, just the joy that’s felt in allowing you to be you.
I love the simplicity of what’s been shared and it is so true that this honesty and openness with others is down to our own relationship with self and the choice we make to let all be seen or cover over. Thank you Gyl for an inspiring read!
Dear Gill, I understand what you have experienced too, it is beautiful when we allow the understanding to say something is not true, allowing ourselves permission to connect and go deeper with what we really feel, and finding underneath the surface the gold and the truth.
I love this blog Gyl. It has brought up so much for me. How important it is to be open and honest with ourselves first, without judgment and critique but with understanding and compassion. To not measure a conversation or taylor it to how you think the other person may want it to be but to be truthful and honest and unashamed about how you feel that day – just to express from your deepest being how you truly feel. It’s such a simple blog but has such a huge impact and brings a whole new quality to communication.
Thank you Fiona, I am feeling more and more simplicity is the key.
I sometimes surprise myself when I take time to really feel how I am when I realise that I actually do feel pretty lovely. I’m also realising how important it is for me to appreciate that about myself and to be open about it with others. Oh and to really enjoy it too, I feel lovely because I take great care of myself, yippee
That automated response of “I’m fine” or “Its all good” is such a waste. It does not say or express anything of what I am feeling, and is a wasted opportunity to both stop momentarily and feel what is going on inside, as well as communicate at a deeper level than the usual superficial one.
And the response is always a mirror of what I put out. When I take that opportunity to go deeper, the other person can feel it, and they then have the permission, encouragement or example they need to go deeper themselves. The conversation opens up to something with so much more potential.
Hi Simon, the word that really stands out for me is potential, it simply feels amazing, there is so much potential available to us all every single moment.
Beautiful blog Gyl. It’s interesting how we just seem to trundle along on auto pilot, saying what’s expected and not really feeling or expressing what we really want to say. It’s an on going learning and commitment to myself to take a moment to stop and feel what or how I’m truly feeling rather than censor it for someone. The difference I feel when I do allow myself the space to do this is gorgeous, and it’s lovely to feel how people respond differently too.
Commitment is exactly what it is, simply to ourselves first, and thus allowing that for all others. It’s in all the little things not only in taking a moment to feel, but in all we say and do and even think.
Loving this blog and comments, I have found that during the day at work, I can go from having a very frank open conversation with one person to later not fully expressing with another with the same openness and then afterwards feeling the effect in my body.
I can feel that at times it is the tone used and I react to that, all of which happens within a split second and then other times I catch it sooner and I can breath gently and respond differently.
It is amazing Julie, what it is we have to learn from all this, why are we more open with some more than others, and what is it that our bodies are sharing with us, offering us an amazing moment to grow.
Very inspiring what you write. This has been the focus of the week, to be truely honest with myself, to start with. I noticed this requires a deeper connection with my body and feel what is truely going on. I too could feel a level of tiredness which I did not feel during the day. In fact I nominated to myself it was something I did feel, but not wanted to feel in full. When I came home this evening, I laid down and truely felt, my body revealed the tiredness but also the hardness in my arms. The wonderful thing of feeling and being honest about it, is it provides an opportunity to let go. With your blog you inspire me to also extend this honesty to people around me. Thanks!
We often fight what we feel, when the most beautiful and nurturing choice we can make is allow ourselves to go deeper, to feel what’s underneath, to take our time, to allow, to give ourselves permission, an opportunity to connect and express or simply feel.
Hi Caroline, your comment has inspired me to look at how honest I really am towards myself and to surrender to those feelings that arise, rather than resisting because I am afraid to go deeper. And I agree with you, the wonderful thing of feeling and being honest with yourself does provide an opportunity to let go and then choose differently.
Hi Caroline, I had a similar experience when I came home from work the other day. I was feeling very tired, but because I had had a short working day and didn’t do much, I said to myself you don’t need a nap. It was almost as if I felt I had not done enough work that day to deserve it. Luckily I quickly put that thought out of my head and had a well needed rest for about an hour. An example of me fighting what I felt, but then finally giving myself permission to let go.
Gyl, this is a great little read – It particularly reminds me of when those little magical moments happen in my days. Just tiny little moments that make me smile, much like yours above. I’m really starting to appreciate more of the small wonders in daily life rather than deliberately blinding myself to them using issues.
This is a lovely reflection of how one person being open and honest with the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of you expressing in full allowed the other person to openly respond to you. I know that when I am open with another, or another is open with me it allows us to have an intimate and meaningful exchange that feels complete and very confirming of our relationship – even when it is with someone we don’t really know very well or have only just met, the same applies.
Where I’ve found I hold back expression is in meetings at work, especially where someone speaks with confidence – I may get a small feeling about something but not express it, it is only afterwards I remember what I felt and that it could have been important. On one occasion I went back to the person organising the meeting and expressed what I felt and it appeared she had felt the same way too, and something was able to be changed as a result. I realise that mulling over a meeting is draining my energy because it is taking me out of the present time into the past, so it makes sense to express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives. I am learning to truly appreciate even the smallest feeling, and to pay attention to what it is telling me. I can then choose to express it or not.
Carmel, I so love what you share, “I realise that mulling over a meeting is draining my energy because it is taking me out of the present time into the past, so it makes sense to express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives.” I am really experiencing this just now, how when I leave things unexpressed, no matter how big or small, and that may not just be through spoken word, I go round and round in my head, or stuff will keep coming back up, and it is absolutely draining, and most definitely keeps me out of the present moment. It just feels so amazing to read “express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives”. it just makes me think how often do we live in the past and not the present. Perfect reminder, thank you
I totally agree Carmel and Gyl. If I let feelings go unexpressed it feels awful and does take me out of the present moment simply because I am then thinking about what I could have said or should still say. It is much more simple and authentic to express in the moment as we feel things. This is such a work in progress for me, as I don’t often manage to find the words or even acknowledge the feeling until it’s too late. Definitely a growing edge here!
Every time I don’t express what I feel, it stays with me, like glue. I get thoughts about it. This is also very much a work in progress for me, especially with people close to me, that I have known for a long time, like family. This week I have been opening up though a lot and it is truly amazing, the response I get. Especially when I share openly how I feel when I meet people in the morning at work, their faces just light up. Bringing honesty and sharing yourself from that place, people love it. And they open up as well.
What I am feeling after reading your blog again Gyl, and the comments from others is how we are all one, I can relate to and learn from everyone else’s words and experiences. This feels so confirming and supportive. Spending time reading and asking myself “”How do I feel?” The answer is I feel connected to everyone here, and that feels so warm and lovely.
I love what you share here, Carmel about not expressing a small feeling and how draining on your energy that is. I have the same experience. I sometimes don’t say anything, because I don’t want to make it about me, but in doing that I don’t honor myself and my feelings and I influence the other(s) who can feel there is something unsaid. And actually that is not respectful to others either.
Well said Carmel – its so easy to let those little feelings pass, and yet they can be so important when shared.
It is so wonderful to show a little honesty in your conversation with someone. It totally opens up the encounter to new level. It allows me to be more honest, about how i am feeling and to go deeper.
I so agree Ken, it’s amazing when another is honest with us, and even more so when we are honest with ourselves, it does open up meetings, relationships with ourself or others to a whole new level.
I agree Gyl. I have found moments, especially with people that I am close to, when I allow myself to fully express, how I am feeling or what kind of day I had – wether that be good or bad, I always get the sense that I have received a moment of grace.
More and more each day I am stopping to connect to how I am feeling, it sure makes such a difference. I am able to bring that moment back to my body and feel what’s going on, that’s when truly I get to understand myself and my feelings. I know before I used to always be in a autopilot mode just doing what I need to do regardless of how I was feeling, to later just get caught up being exhausted, frustrated and tired as my body was giving up.
Isn’t it funny sometimes this sense of “auto-pilot”…its as if we would rather just deflect the question with a generic “fine thanks” rather than check in with ourselves to see how we truly felt…I often see the question being asked as my invitation to go “hang on a second how am I actually feeling?” Sometimes pondering on why I am being asked…is it that I am being given this opportunity to actually reflect on how I am. Interesting. Then on the flip side of this I have also been involved in conversations where people have said “i don’t even need to ask, I know that you are feeling great by just looking at you”…now that again is a real indication that actually people (and ourselves) do actually know how we are feeling before we even get to the talking part. I know it is said a lot in the comments above and throughout the blog, but that being honest with ourselves is so vital as essentially we can’t hide how we are truly feeling…even if we think we can then those around us will feel us first before we even open our mouths.
Great to re-read your article Gyl, It makes me aware that I go into an autopilot response when asked how I am, it’s almost as if I don’t want to waste someones time taking the time to really feel how I am and answer truthfully, so it’s lovely to read how you ‘stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was,’, this is inspiring, thank you.
I have been feeling that this week too Rebecca, it’s amazing, thank you for sharing.
Rebecca you have conveyed a similar experience for me too. And upon considering this it helped me understand that in my case, it was the lack of value for myself that took me into ‘auto pilot’.
Awesome blog Gyl. I also love the simplicity of your words, it’s like a confirmation of your blog. My experience is there can’t be a real connection with others if I don’t express honestly how I am. With me holding back any part of myself, the connection is incomplete from the start. It can also be a way to deny to myself how I am really feeling, because I don’t like the feeling. Or I don’t want to feel the responsibility of my choices in how I am feeling. So big thank you for your blog.
Thank you Monika, I so agree.
Monika, loved reading your comment just now as it was most helpful as the pieces just seemed to fit together for me, especially; “there can’t be a real connection with others if I don’t express honestly how I am. With me holding back any part of myself, the connection is incomplete from the start”. I can also feel too how I don’t want to feel at times the responsibility of my choices!
Gyl. A wonderful blog, and thank you for sharing it.. If we can be open to expressing our feelings, then it will open our hearts, to being the true people we all are.
Gyl, your blogs are always inspiring to the way we can simply live.
Thank you Mike, and yes it will open our hearts to each other
Absolutely Amina, we are all incredibly lovely and amazing beings when we are simply being us. Makes me stop, let out a little sigh ( I can feel the pressure we place on ourselves and others to be a certain way) and smile, because I know it’s so true.
Coming back to this article has confirmed for me the importance of being really honest with myself. Even down to minute detail. For example, I nearly threw out a cute little jacket I own. I was going to throw it out because I don’t wear it as there has always been something about it not quite right. Trying it on again with a friend on the weekend, I looked at it in the mirror again and could feel that I liked the feel of it, the cut and colour of it but just didn’t like the big button at the top. Seeing and admitting that then allowed me to see that all I have to do is change the button. I’m doing that today and looking forward to wearing it again. For me this is such a great analogy for life, just being honest about the details and not judging it or ourselves for being right or wrong or good or bad. Just simply, what is.
Absolutely Michelle, it is not only being honest with about how we are feeling, but everything. And yep throw judgment out the window, great reminder.
Great point, Michelle and beautiful analogy, the spice is in the detail!
Oh, I can so relate to that. I TRY so much to be perfect, by action, look or even feeling. It is not about right or wrong as you said, Michelle. It is about feeling me and being aligned to that. Check in now, I say to myself… more and more.
A gorgeous blog and a delight to read! Thank you Gyl for sharing your lightness and love of life with all. It was a great reminder for me to engage with the whole of me and not just one little part that may be is not feeling so good.
And what a gorgeous reminder for me this morning Sue, from you too, thank you.
I have noticed how conversations can deepen and reach a new level of intimacy with another when we open up and say how we are really feeling rather than the ‘fine’ or ‘good’ one word answers. It does feel great to share and express with others. Thank you for sharing.
This is so lovely and really inspiring to be honest when we are speaking with friends or anyone and how it invites them to do the same. Something which we don’t normally do in England most of us talk about the weather and not what’s really going on or how we are feeling ; )
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Vicky, ha ha I think that’s the world over, but I feel when people do talk about the weather, they actually really do want to connect and share, but they just aren’t sure how and where to start, so the weather’s a safe place.
Love your Blog Gyl thank you for sharing. Being completly honest by just saying what you feel is so simple and lovely to feel both for oneself and others and brings the truth we can all feel and know.
A great learning and it takes out all the complication and agony of communicating from the mind and what it says or should say and what others will think….
The way forward for us all to relearn from the simplicity of early childhood and the joy of this in communication.
Thank you Tricia, and yes it does take out the complications, and exhaustion of expressing from our heads. Life is so much more simpler, joyful and fun when we express from the truth and our hearts.
Hi Gyl and everyone,
great to read all comments and the blog. I often experienced that I wanted to say more than I was saying, but didn’t want to feel uncomfortable or make the other person uncomfortable, so we both stayed in the pattern of exchanging pleasantries. Now I am more honest and besides expressing how I am doing, I also express how I feel being with the other person. Sometimes I feel insecure or I have fear. I share that without accusing the other person, but for opening up more and letting the other person in. To share the impact we have on each other, creates intimacy, even though it can be a bit scary to express. Such joy to break the walls!
Dear Simone, thank you for sharing. I know what you mean about how we are feeling with that fear, insecurity or vulnerability etc and yep by calling this out be it to ourselves or others, just like, ” hey you know what I feel a bit fragile, vulnerable, a little tension expressing this” allows for a much deeper level of intimacy and honesty. And it does feel like it’s breaking down barriers and walls, be in in ourselves or between us and another person.
You raise a great point here Simone. I like the idea of sharing with the other person if you are feeling uncomfortable. This is not something I had ever considered before. It’s honest and probably opens the door to a deeper level of sharing because the other person has most likely already felt you are uncomfortable.
Hi Gyl, a wonderful account of honesty. Too often we hide behind responses like “I’m fine” when we and the other both know full well that we are far from fine, which serves nobody. Thank you for sharing in full honesty.
Thank you Simon, I have to admit I love being honest, I’m still learning each and everyday with this one, to be open and honest with myself and all equally so. And yep saying “I’m fine” doesn’t help or serve anyone, when I do this myself my whole body is like agghhh inside, as I can feel I’m not really, there is so much more there to be shared. But with this I feel it definitely has to start with us, and understanding why someone may not feel to open up, and by just holding them in love, and with no expectation or notion for them to give us anything back, just allowing ourselves to be who we are an express in full, and with this they may or may not feel to open up share, and that’s cool.
Love your blog Gyl. I’ve had a similar experience too recently with a friend of mine, who I’ve held back from a lot in the past (we are very very close but I don’t share anything near to the whole truth of how I am), and after being totally honest with how I felt, how I was going etc. she thanked me for being so truthful and it actually initiated a very deep conversation where we discussed things we had never really talked about before. It was amazing to see her open up like she did, and I felt how incredibly powerful honesty is.
Thank you Susie, that’s awesome I so love what you share, it’s amazing when we just say, ‘Okay I’m going to be honest, and truthful and share who and how I really am’, I have discovered that it’s amazing what can happen from here.
I have felt this too; I had held back from my friend in sharing how I really felt and had noticed something kept coming up. As soon as I opened up and was honest, it was amazing. While the response was not as I expected, it allowed us both to connect much deeper than we had before; there was a real openness and closeness felt between us both.
I love this blog and keep re-reading it. It touches on something so fundamental to life. We all live for relationships and what hurts us most is when we are not having the loving and close relationships we want or when there are problems in relationships. But what if all these relationship issues could simply be dissolved by not holding back and expressing exactly how we feel all the time without any guardedness or protection?
Andrew I absolutely agree with you 100%. And yes to issues ( that aren’t really issues ) by holding, expressing and sharing with absolute honesty from our hearts, and a big hug doesn’t go a miss too 🙂
Great point well made Andrew. Until we learn to open ourselves up in full, not hold back, we are forever keeping others at bay. A self-perpetuating circle, where we feed the relationship and encourage it to grow, but not in the way we truly want. Madness.
I related to this blog so much. I often find myself go into autopilot when people ask me how I am instead of actually feeling how I truly am but, from doing this we are holding others back from equally expressing how they actually are. Truly inspiring, thank you Gyl
Thank you Anna for sharing
‘My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.’ What a beautiful feeling to appreciate.
Absolutely Carmel, I could feel this the other day and even this morning, how often when I feel things i can go into giving myself a hard time, which comes from my head, but when I feel or am reminded to feel the loveliness that I am, all that pressure, hardness and those thoughts just go, leaving me feeling how lovely I am, and how much I want to honour and take care of myself, and with that I just feel that same equal love for everyone else. There is no reaction, drama, comparison, etc, just an allowing and acceptance of where I and other people are at. And I listen to my body so much more.
“But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?”
I love this little whisper from heaven. A great opportunity to open up to the wonders of this life and the people who live here.
“But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?”
It is so magical when we really take this moment for ourselves and really connect instead of falling into default answers. It opens us up and allows us to fully be ourselves.
Such truth in these words Gyl! Can you imagine if being honest and open in communication was encouraged from young- what a different place the world would be!
Absolutely Sam, I’m having fun with that at school.
and nobody truly wants that!
Gyl – there certainly is a magic in being open and honest. I know I don’t do this often enough, and when I do – I feel exactly as you did here – that I can be totally myself.
Reading this is a reminder to keep choosing that more and more, and commit to bringing more truth into my life.
Absolutely Hannah that made me smile, there is most definitely a magic without a doubt. I am feeling this morning how it all starts with us, the more we are honest and open with ourselves, lovingly so, with no harshness, judgement or critique, the most simple and ease-y this is to live and present to the world.
Gyl I love your blog. Whenever I am honest with another this really opens up the possibility of them being honest in reply and so reaffirms for me a trust in humanity, the world and myself. thank you for such a beautiful reminder.
Thank you Karen, and yes to all you share. Especially that trust in people and humanity.
I can so relate to this Karin
What shines through your blog is just how liberating it is to present the true you to the outside world and, in so doing how that gives others the opportunity to do the same. And if they don’t, well you’re still there, being you . You haven’t compromised You, or subjugated You. You’re the authentic You. Love it.
Hi Cathy, I love the word you have used to describe how it feels “liberating’ this is so true, it’s as if we can actually feel all these shackles that have bound us and held us back being broken and let go of, allow us to be far more free.
And yes, I very much feel and am working on what you also share and that is letting go of any need for another to respond or be a certain way with me, knowing that I am enough in simply being me. That we don’t have to perform, do tricks, or be a certain way for anyone, the most loving and healing way to be is by simply being ourselves. And in that there is no draining, exhaustion or being hurt, we can walk away without feeling attached to an outcome or situation, being true to ourselves and continuing to care deeply about one another.
Me too Gill, I find having all these beautiful and inspiring comments coming into my email box everyday an absolute blessing and an amazing reminder, I even found myself this afternoon asking myself, now how am I really feeling and you know what the loveliest thing about what I could feel was the word that came up was tenderness, and with that I felt so much more in my body and much more present and appreciative of myself, and all around me … and I’ve been feeling super tender since.
Love that line “best edited version of myself”…
Lovely to share this with you Gyl. It’s wonderful how these most everyday interactive moments are opportunities for us to be honest with ourselves and then honest with others. A work in progress here … but who would not want “My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.”
Beautifully simple and a timely reminder for me of those moments I slide into ‘ automatic pilot ‘ using a reply I think isn’t going to rock any boats! Thank you Gyl for an inspiring article
Thank you Jacky
Thank you Jacky, isn’t it amazing to have this awareness and be able to feel this in our body when we do slip into auto pilot, and how alien it feels, the biggest boat it rocks is the one inside us.
Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience. This is something we all encounter on a daily basis when someone asks how we are. Usually if someone asks me, I would give the standard “I’m fine, how are you” response, which is polite and socially acceptable. Your blog has inspired me to explore a more honest way of feeling and relating, without going into a long story of woe, or not, as the case may be. This is all part of expression being everything, and also not having to be perfect.
I love this simple sharing Gyl confirming what I always felt that honesty and truth is the only way.
Absolutely Lorraine, with love Gyl
I love this Gyl. Gorgeously simple. I have been experiencing this a lot lately. I have been very open recently with friends and acquaintances about what is going on for me. Showing my vulnerability and delicateness in a given situation has allowed others to feel theirs. It’s been a really beautiful experience. It’s been amazing for me in growing trust in my expression and that when it comes from the heart it is rarely rebuffed. Thank you for your gorgeous expression.
Thank you Elizabeth, I felt it was also a blessing for me to hear those words that morning “how are you” as it made me stop and really ask how do I really feel.
Absolutely Sue, go for it and share in full 🙂
Thank you Gill.
Hi Gyl, This made me stop and think about two things, of the times I have not been open and what reflection I get from that and the times I or others have been very open and the contrast in the flow which comes from that. The two are poles apart – thanks for the inspiration.
I have really enjoyed reading your blog Gyl. As I am expressing more fully and being really honest my body feels so expanded and I agree totally with your last paragraph
“…..the magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too”.
Thank you Stephanie, it is so true, and it’s amazing when we bring that honesty and openness to all that we say and do, be it with ourselves or others. I too am super aware when I don’t express in full, or hold back that it feels so awkward in my body, I’m carrying around all this unexpressed stuff, that keeps holding me back, I keep playing it out again and again in my head or waiting for the next opportunity to meet the person or share how I really feel. But when I choose to be completely open with no need or wanting anything back, there is automatically a space and an openness that can be felt, by both myself and this person or people, which allows them the space to feel and express if they so want to.
Thank you for sharing this very inspiring blog Gyl. Saying ‘fine’ or ‘Ok’ when asked how I was used to be my normal response but these days I have found that by being more open when asked, it allows another to be more open as well, and is interesting to see the different response I get.
That’s cool Tim, it’s great to feel the different responses we get, I love it! Well in truth i love connecting with people, and if I’m honest since that’s what this is all about, often I feel it breaks a veil so to speak or a mask that person is hiding behind, their face lights up as they can feel someone genuinely is meeting them and asking them, ‘no really how are you?’ Not just a politeness or nicety, but with a real want to connect and care.
Thanks Gyl, this is a timely reminder to recognise when I am holding back, to then open up and express in full, and feel the ” true magic, openness and beauty ” we all are.
So true Wendy, it’s amazing to feel and express, and to feel this with people, not only ourselves.
Beautiful Gyl thank you for sharing with such an infectious joy and love so beautiful to read .I agree and feel everything you share when opening up and expressing honestly in full it feels so lovely in my body when i do also and allows an intimacy with another and sharing too. This is beautiful and very expansive as is being with nature and by the sea.
I have always felt uncomfortable when asked ‘How are you?’ Surely the person does not really want to know how I am feeling, they are just making a polite greeting. The reply ‘I’m fine’ is a hindrance to further conversation as this is not an honest response to the question. I often do not even take the time to ask myself ‘How am I?’ so that I cannot honestly answer the question. This blog is a reminder to choose to ask myself ‘How are you?’ So that I can learn to make an honest reply to myself and others.
Well said Mary and I agree how often do I ask myself ‘How are you?’ if I don’t know how can I be honest.
Thank you Monica, I love simplicity, though I’m no master at it yet 🙂 and it’s so true life is and can be so simple, I can feel the absolute joy in that through every cell in my body. In all honesty I feel it’s what we crave and know on a much deeper level, that all this complication and holding back we create is so not true nor how we know we can be and are meant to live naturally.
You make it so simple Gyl. Once you can be completely honest and truth-full with yourself, people you meet get to feel the real you and feel free to do the same.
Thank you Steve. What I am loving through all these comments is the fact that the word ‘Simplicty and Simple” keep coming up. And you are right it really is that simple, it makes me ask the question why do we make life so complicated, and what purpose does it serve?
It is great to read that it is indeed so ‘simple’ and it makes me ponder on why I make my response to such a simple question like ‘how are you’ so complicated, rather than just saying the truth of how I am.
Exactly Rebecca, what I find and have found is that those moments of complications do not feel true, that there is something else going on, for if I know, and have felt that life is and can be so simple and in that so joyful and amazing, then what is it or why am I trying to complicate things which end up with me in my head, creating drama and stressing out …. mmm could it be to keep me out my body, feeling the truth, stopping life from flowing and being oh so simple and full of joy, and enjoying me, people and life?
This is a lovely blog Gyl and totally expresses your lovely playful side I feel. I have found it more important now more than ever to break down the barrier of “pleasantries” as verbal communication becomes less and less. More and more people are communicating via simplified social platforms so why waste time lying when you get the chance to actually talk to someone? Your blog here relates to the finest element of that, the simple response to how am I feeling call.
I had an interesting experience this weekend actually where answering honestly saw me directly receive the support and understanding of others…my other choice was to bury how I was feeling and lie, gosh am I glad I didnt.
Hi Phil, Thank you. I do love my playful side 🙂 That’s the thing so often, I know for one I can be, we are worried about how our honesty may be taken or not, but just allowing ourselves to express without worry or fear, and the knowing that we are already more than enough, that we don’t have to please people or be a certain way, allows for so much freedom for all, more than we know, and with that may just come what is needed in that moment, and that could be support and understanding of others as you so share.
I’ve noticed a lot how people respond to “How are you?” with “Not Bad” – it really doesn’t offer a full honest account of what’s actually going on. I find that getting more honest with how I answer that question actually opens the other person up to be more honest too, which I find quite magical.
It sure is so much more simpler and satisfying to just be open and honest for all concerned!
Bang on Vanesssa! Simplicity is definitely the key, and super satisfying too, plus we don’t spend all this time and energy going round and round in circles trying to say what we really want to say but in a million other words – it’s always best to be honest in the first place 🙂
Those words “How are you” are so significant, and that moment is often tricky and embarrassing. It seems we have become so polite and lacking in self respect that we gloss over it and make do, yet know inside ourselves that we have not expressed the truth, and it feels like a meaningless and empty exchange. You have shown us a beautiful and loving way to break that habitually accepted behaviour, Gyl, and begin to make a true connection with everyone we meet.
Joan I feel you make a great point in how we have become ‘polite’ in our answers instead of being honest and sharing the truth, what I am learning is politeness doesn’t serve anyone.
I so agree Ariana, now is not the time for holding back on who we are, how we feel. It doesn’t serve humanity, it never has.
Awesome and power-full words Catherine and so very true!
…. and that’s the thing it’s not about us – life is about people
Well said Arianna, I agree with you, Gyl and Catherine – by being open and expressing how we are really feeling it gives people the opportunity to open and express or at least take a moment to feel how they are – rather than the standard I’m fine thanks that everyone seems to mutter to each each other!
That’s it exactly – to express who we are and just live it without even thinking about it will support being who we are in daily life.
This has been a recent and on-going topic for myself, allowing myself to feel and trust that I can just say how I actually feel without my head trying to construct the best act I can for another. By acting how I think I should present myself I in fact DON’T present myself to another, I only meet them with a face or a personality I have deemed is acceptable by the world and it won’t be rejected. By doing this I reject myself as a being that can meet another without being colored or altered. When I do honestly open up with how I feel in that moment I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first.
That made me smile a HUGE smile Leigh, I love it and so very true … “I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first.”
This is huge, the more we love, deeply care and honour ourselves and what we feel, the less we seek or need that from another, and in that we allow ourselves and all others to simply be, how freeing is that, for everyone! And how awesome is it to not hold back.
So true. When we have built a foundation of love for ourselves it is only natural to want to share this with another. Holding back this opportunity stop others feeling the depth of love we all have within.
‘I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first’ – I love that Leigh, it brings light to the responsibility we hold over our own feelings – i.e. rejection isn’t something that we are affected BY, it’s something we can CHOOSE to affect us.
Susie this is absolute gold, “rejection isn’t something that we are affected BY, it’s something we can CHOOSE to affect us.” This just makes so much sense. I have allowed myself to be affected by rejection many times in my life, and when I read this today it was like a light going on, it’s my choice, either I can leave me and let this affect me, or I can stay with myself and realise it is a choice. When I do, I do not feel less or empty but there’s still a fullness, a joy and a knowing that it actually isn’t me they are rejecting at all.
So true Susie. If I’ve stayed true with myself and someone doesn’t like what I’ve said or done I have the choice to remain connected to me, I can simply let them be and feel fine.
Such a lovely gentle reminder for us all Gyl – just to pause for a moment after being asked “how are you” and not rushing in with a quick response – giving ourselves the time to gently truly feel.
Exactly Marion, it’s allowing that “pause and moment” – even throughout our day, whether we are interacting with others or simply ourselves, to really stop and feel.
So simple yet so effective. The ability first and foremost to be honest and aware about how you are truly feeling, followed through by your own expression of this with another. As you have described the results of this are beautiful. Not only have you allowed yourself to be all that you are in that moment, but you have opened the door to another too.
That’s what was and is so beautiful about it Jenny, through these interactions, connections and reflections, it allows for us all so much more.
Like others, I have been experimenting with these daily greeting moments, so I can be more true in them. I enjoy it when I am able to treat them as an opportunity to connect to the other person, and by making it less about the words, I get more of a feeling of them, even if it is a brief exchange.
I love this Janet “making it about an opportunity to connect to the other person and by making it less about the words” allows for a deeper feeling of another and who they really are, so true – I am going to experiment with this. I have often noticed with some I may feel to speak more than is actually needed, maybe just to fill a gap, rather than feel.
Thank you for your beautiful blog Gyl which has inspired me to explore being more honest with how I am in a given moment. When I have been able to do this it is lovely how this opens up the conversation and how connected I feel to the other person but so often I allow my head to edit what I say and don’t allow myself that opportunity for true connection. It is lovely that you are writing about an email conversation and demonstrates that we have many more opportunities every day than we imagine to be truly honest.
Thank you Helen, I know what you mean by the head editing, I am learning so clearly to call that out, as in simply nope that’s from my head, not my body or my heart, be it in emails, conversations, feelings, thoughts or writing comments on blogs 🙂 – it’s all a learning.
We have so much to share with the world that opens up so many opportunities for ourselves, but more impotently others to connect, share and reflect, what we have to express and bring is so important. I had am awesome conversation with a beautiful couple a few weeks ago, and they shared “no body else can bring what you bring” so I feel hey, what I have to say is so worth sharing and being heard.
Dear Ariana I feel you’ve made such a great point “it’s also very real”. I know within myself I have often not been very real about how or what I was feeling or where i was really at, and this only masks the truth further and keeps us on what can be a merry go round of thinking we are okay. I’m not saying it has to be all woe me my life’s awful, because for me that is not true, my life is amazing, but I feel it’s super important that we as a society start to be very real about how we truly feel, how we choose to live, what’s going on in our own life, but also that of all others. And then we can really start to make the choices that will change not only our life, but that of all others.
Gyl I absolutely agree, when I open up and let someone in and honestly tell them how I feel, there is an intimacy and a feeling of closeness, that is just not there, when I just say ‘great’ or ‘i’m ok’. I have noticed that my response to the question ‘how are you?’ is always about my willingness or unwillingness to let someone in and share everything I feel.
A great point, Meg – I find that conversation isn’t determined solely by the openness of the other person to share how they’re feeling, it’s also gotta come from me too. Open conversation is a two way street – you both have to be willing to go there, or both will get sold short on an opportunity to be honest.
Great point Cheryl – ‘Open conversation is a two way street – you both have to be willing to go there, or both will get sold short on an opportunity to be honest.’
I love that Meg “that my response to the question ‘how are you?’ is always about my willingness or unwillingness to let someone in and share everything I feel”. It’s so true, I have been feeling this at work recently as in what’s going on that i am avoiding or unwilling to be as open with this person as with another – gorgeous observation, thank you Meg for sharing.
Thank you Meg I had never thought of it like that but it is very true, if I am in a hurry or don’t really want to say much I can feel myself close off and I can feel this stops the flow of anything else that may come from the question. It does not mean I have to say exactly what is going on in my life, just meeting them with my whole body and being totally present when asked, opens up the conversation.
Alison you make such a great point here, ” if I am in a hurry or don’t really want to say much I can feel myself close off and I can feel this stops the flow of anything else that may come “. I don’t even feel this just relates to the questions but so much more. I know for sure when I am in a hurry I shut down to the world, because I’m so caught up in what’s to be done, that this stops the flow of life than can be found in being present and simplicity.
So true what you say Meg, to really listen to someone and also to share how we really feel is inviting to a super connection and to experience the feeling of oneness. It is beautiful to talk about all this and writing our experiences with this blogs.
I so agree Gyl. I just shared with a beautiful friend yesterday what was going on for me right now. Before I would have felt to hide part of what I felt or be somewhat ashamed that I didn’t feel super. Now, and I was a bit surprised, I felt to actually let another see me just as I was, without the mask. Work in progress of course but a very pleasant relief for me to not hold that protection and so freeing. Thanks for sharing Gyl!
Thank you for sharing Matts, absolutely gorgeous 🙂
Thank you Gyl. I agree, it is so important to be honest with ourselves about how or what we feel. I have found that by letting people in to see the real me, conversations then naturally occur which feel open and truthful.
Absolutely Shami I agree with all that you share – plus there is nothing better I feel than someone being honest and truthful, even if it may not be what you want to hear. It makes everything more real, and does definitely allow for conversations that feel much more real and open.
Beautiful Gyl, thank you for such a light hearted explanation of how to really and truly share ourselves and what happens when we do. Taking a moment to stop, feel and share how we are is a real gift. So often we will brush off what is truly going on for us, but to take the time to feel and share is so beautiful, as we can not only look at our choices that have led to this feeling, but also offer others a moment of honesty and true connection. We are all so gorgeous, precious and fascinating, its so lovely when we can be so open.
Thank you Rowena and yes I find people are so gorgeous, precious and amazing and so worth taking the time to stop, connect and be with 🙂
This is such a great topic Gyl, it has always felt wrong to say “Ok thanks”, when someone asks me how I am – especially when I do not feel ok, but at the same time in that moment I do not really want to go into why I am not oK. Double edged sword.
I can see how it would give someone else the opportunity to feel how they are, if I take the time to say how I am really feeling.
Thank you Julie, I absolutely understand what you mean, that being able to open up and say “hey you know what I’m not okay” but without dumping our stuff on another at the same time. Sometimes I have felt to not share at all, as i did recently with a friend, as I knew something was up but didn’t feel clear enough with it to not dump my stuff, so held off for a while until I was able to be super honest, without any emotion or woe, and just say ‘hey sorry I’ve not been in touch this is why…’ And sometimes I just start to share and be super aware, or try to be, when or if I start going into any story or emotion with it, and call it out.
Yes, that is a tricky one, to share honestly with what is going on for us, but at the same time not dumping any of that on others.
Thanks Gyl great topic. Expressing how we are truly feelings, is not only great for us, but it gives the opportunity and inspiration to those we express to, to also do the same if they choose.
Absolutely Kev – that’s the best part! 🙂
I sometimes am honest and open about how I am feeling, but all too often I revert back to the nice, what I think people want to hear response. I feel inspired to express how I am truly feeling more and see how others respond.
Hi Natalie, I get you with this, it feels awful when we do the nice because we know its so not true. Some people respond more openly and some people don’t – and that’s cool, we all have a choice. What I am learning and it’s amazing to be aware of, is letting go of the need or expectation I may have for a certain reply and not taking it personally too.
True, Gyl, I’ve been noticing this too. And I particularly liked when you said ” letting go of the need or expectation I may have for a certain reply and not taking it personally”, I’m definitely learning that one!
It’s so true Natalie, I am feeling more and more everyday when I have a need or expectation then I’m not really with myself or that person, nor honouring or feeling true love for either of us, and as soon as I let go of that, all I can feel is an absolutely love for them, no matter what they choose, I also feel it creates much more space, theres an openness, and understanding, and it may sound funny but actually a physically felt pressure lifted from my body and around me. Now if that’s what i feel what must my need or expectation be doing to the other person.
Letting it go and not taking it personally.. I find that if ever I want someone else to express in a certain way, that says so much more about me than it does about them: an opportunity to reflect: what is it about what they’re saying, or the way they’re saying it, that is making me feel uncomfortable? Often it’s because I can feel a ‘right or wrong’ judgment behind it – i.e. the other person thinks I’m wrong, and that they’re right, and I want to correct them.. but why is this? Because it’s me that’s still holding on to right and wrong and making things ‘fair’ instead of letting things go, and accepting myself, first – with no conditions that the other needs to accept me.
Lovely, Gyl, you have shown us how the normal, expected greetings we offer each other can be turned into something meaningful. I’ve been playing with ‘being honest’ in my replies, but they are still laced with some judgment that limits what I say so as not to bore, offend, invoke sympathy or whatever. I say things like ‘A bit tired but ok’ as if to be honest but reassuring, when in truth I’m exhausted but don’t want to engage with the likely “Oh dear, why’s that?” scenario, because there isn’t time to go into all of it. As I greet several colleagues on my way through the warehouse, it gets tricky. The standard greeting locally is usually ‘Hello, you alright?’ to which the expected answer is ‘yep, you?’ and they say ‘Yep’ and we go our way, each satisfied the niceties have been completed and all is right with the world. But is it true?
I love your reply Carmel, the last bit about, “The standard greeting locally is usually ‘Hello, you alright?’ to which the expected answer is ‘yep, you?’ and they say ‘Yep’ and we go our way, each satisfied the niceties have been completed and all is right with the world. But is it true?” That was the standard treating in all the circles i used to run with. On entering the pub this was the exact treating and response with everyone you knew. The true response from me should have been, “If I was alright do you think I’d be coming in hear to drink ten pints?
This is a great comment Carmel, I can really relate to what you have written, ‘I’ve been playing with ‘being honest’ in my replies, but they are still laced with some judgment that limits what I say so as not to bore, offend, invoke sympathy or whatever. I say things like ‘A bit tired but ok’ as if to be honest but reassuring, when in truth I’m exhausted but don’t want to engage with the likely “Oh dear, why’s that?” scenario, because there isn’t time to go into all of it.’ This has been my experience too of trying to be honest but only being partially honest in my replies, definitely something to ponder on.
Have fun ‘playing’ with it Carmel – I find sometimes, as shared with someone else in another comment, being cheeky and playful with my replies to ‘how are you?’ works wonders too.
I can relate to what you are saying Carmel as it is sometimes just easier to say Yep, ok! But is it true? No, not really. Maybe we can find another way as we pass through places such as the warehouse. A simple smile perhaps? I have found actions speak louder than words sometimes if we can’t speak the simplicity of truth in those circumstances. Great blog Gyl.
Thank you Carmel for sharing, I have been playing and am super aware when I am not being honest or hold back what I really feel to share, and you can physically feel it in your body. Sometimes I just nominate it as a learning and say okay next time I am going to be more open, honest and true, sometimes though I find myself feeling an impulse to go back and playfully say “hey that’s not true I actually feel …… today”
Love it Gyl – everything falls into place when we speak the truth
Thank you Jessica, yes so very true. It’s amazing when we just allow ourselves to be honest and open up, sometimes it can feel a bit daunting at first if we are so used to holding our feelings back, but boy oh boy, it is amazing when we do so, and not only for ourselves but all others, as this allows them to then connect, express and share from their one truth. Too many people hold back, I know I did for one, and it’s so not worth it, it hurts us and others and can be felt in our bodies, like we’re physically holding onto all this stuff, it fees much more amazing, free, and creates so much space and joy to express how we really are feeling.
I have found that opening to deeper levels of honesty in myself, has allowed for true intimacy and a deeper level of sharing, which feels like more spaciousness and freedom in my interactions.
I agree Elaine, and in my body and life in general too
It is amazing how we have gotten to the point that even with friends we measure how we express and don’t say how we really feel. What was lovely to read was how being open actually took the relationship to another level, thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Rebecca, I often find it’s with those closest to me that I hold back more, or limit my expression, it could be that I have expectations of how our relationship ‘should be’ or I want it to be, therefore needs may be in the way, maybe it is to be liked, or what I feel is not to expose stuff, keeping things comfortable, it could be for fear of loosing them in some form or way, what happens if I speak my truth and it rocks the boat so to speak, or I stand out …. all crazy and complicated games we play, and we are actually playing the reduction game – holding them back, holding back love and what another or ourselves may truly need to hear.
Its sad that we have let our friendships get to this level of convenient truths instead of being the total blessing that each can bring to the other.
Gyl. Thank you for your sharing. When we feel open and honest with ourselves, that radiates through to others.
I have gone through the process of not loving myself, and it’ an awful feeling. Show the world just how awesome you really are.
Absolutely Mike, so true.
You are an example in action Mike. Showing the world how awesome you are, everyone benefits. I agree that when we do not love ourselves, it feels awful. As Gyl says, keep it simple!
Gyl Rae,
I appreciate your sharing of what being yourself and being honest and open looks like, feels like and the magic effect it has on others.
All my life I have come up against falseness’s/protections in people instead of getting to share genuine moments of truth and see the beauty in each other…now I understand that I can break out of that cycle and in doing so give others permission to just be themselves too.
I feel this happen when I am open-like-a-child with someone/just me. I have felt such responses from people as the precedence for being REAL has been set. It’s as if they are saying “wow, you trust me and love me enough to just be yourself with no pretenses…than I can do that too”.
I love that Jo “I can break out of that cycle and in doing so give others permission to just be themselves too.” that’s the thing it’s not just about us, in our openness and honesty we allow others to be the same.
I also so love what you share about people feeling “wow you trust me and love me enough to open up and be yourself with no pretences” this feels so awesome and amazing, I have been on the receiving end of this and it’s as if my whole body sighs and says “wow it’s okay to just be me” – so freeing and feels amazing.
But then could we ask, where and why has this whole holding back and feeling we have to be a certain way or do a certain thing to be accepted come from, when did we stop feeling that it was more than enough simply being us and expressing how we feel without holding back or worrying. Something in your reply I feel hints at the answer …. ‘open like a child/just me”.
I love what you share and can only confirm – nothing better than saying openly how we are truly feeling and getting that truth and openness back as well. Thank you Gyl.
Thank you Esther, I love being honest too, sometimes I don’t always get it right in what is really there to express and what i really feel to share, but it’s all a learning, Then I can feel, ‘wait a minute that wasn’t true’ or ‘there is more to share’, and also there is no such thing as being perfect. I am letting go of the want or need to be right and just say hey this is how or what I am feeling. And I love how this actually opens up, gives permission and allows for more to be felt and shared, not only with myself but all others. So often when people say ‘hi how are you’, I share with them how I really am feeling, often to their surprise 🙂 it’s great as we can be quite fun and playful with it, I don’t hold back if I’m feeling amazing I will share it, as I will if I am feeling delicate, cheeky, playful or tired, but I am always very mindful to not dump my stuff as in oh, my day’s been awful, this happened, that happened. I feel it’s absolutely okay to share but I have learnt and am still learning to do so not with emotion. Sometimes I feel, ‘okay I need to sit with the day or whatever’s happened’ for a while and let it go, before I can share how I am feeling from detachment rather than fuelled by emotion.
Hi Gyl, lovely to read, that it is that simple to be truthful to your feelings – just connect to our body, feel and express without any formality or restriction what is there to be felt. We all can do it, and by sharing our feelings in this way, we give other people the opportunity to do the same. How simple can it be?
Exactly Nico, Super Simple is the key – I love simplicity
Gyl it is amazing how being completely honest with ourselves and others, opens up the conversation and allows the other person to be honest and open too. The feeling in my body is more expansive and confirming. I know if I go into my head and just say “fine thank you” which can be my usual response to “how are you”, I can feel how constricting these words are in my body, and it does not allow the other person to open up.
Absolutely Alison, I love it, sometimes I hold back and think oh no maybe I shouldn’t say this, but even tonight at work I was blown away as I shared something I wouldn’t normally with another staff member at work, which then opened up for her to share something similar which she had experienced, and I could feel a shift in our relationship.
And yes these word’s “I’m fine” or similar are so constricting it’s like your whole body is being bound and there’s a multitude of word and expression just waiting there absolutely wanting to be shared and come out. I even find at times when people ask how I am I have held back my joy or how amazing I feel, and maybe say “I’m great” then I can feel in my body that’s not true, that’s not what i really wanted to express, so I say “you know what that’s not true, I’m feeling amazing”.
Very inspiring Gyl and something I’m going to explore. I often cover over sharing how I am really feeling with a short answer that is not very descriptive of the truth. I also notice I find myself diverting the attention to how I’m feeling being something I’m doing, which does not feel great. With reading your blog, I love the openness, starting by asking myself “how am I really feeling”, can bring to the whole day.
Absolutely David, I still get caught up in doing, sometimes as soon as I wake up and I’m in the list in my head, then I stop and say wait a minute okay, how am I actually feeling today before I get up, rather than what do I have to do today. Makes such a huge difference and everything very much more real. As soon as I am honest there is a felt difference in my body, it’s as if I drop out of my head and into the present moment and reality. And what I also find too is that when i allow myself this honesty, nothing less and the truth that comes from it I am far less hard and critical on myself and therefor on others. I become much more open to everyone including me.
I’ve experienced that too recently, with being honest about something suddenly all the pressure to be something or be someone or act someway drops off and I am left to feel that’s me and that’s ok. Then I start to appreciate that and the need to be more in that case dissolves. It’s like unlocking a prison I was not aware I was in until I unlocked it.
This is great to read Gyl -‘“how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was, how my body was feeling, and not what my head was telling me I should feel.’ I feel inspired to do the same, to allow myself to really feel what’s going on in my body and to express this honestly rather than just saying “I’m fine”, I can feel how I have standard responses and these aren’t actually based on the truth of how I’m really feeling.
Absolutely Rebecca, sometimes I have fun with it and am super playful, as in when someones asks me I’m like “well I’m a little playful, feeling very delicate, tender, oh and sexy too, a wee bit tired but absolutely divine, lovely, sweet, actually I’m feeling pretty amazing” or even “25% playful, 5% tired, 30% joy, 30% powerful, 10% awesome” and sometimes I’m super honest as in sharing how I feel in my body and just call it out, “I feel amazing, but I’m really aware that my arms feel tired, my shoulders feel a bit tight, I feel really open… etc etc. Ha ha can you imagine the car shares to work 🙂
Lovely to hear how such a simple expression about how we truly feel can make such a difference. How many times are we asked ‘how we feel’, and how often do we really answer?
So true Laura and Andrew. How often do we put on a brave face, or mask instead of being in the simplicity of truth as we reply. Recently I have had conversations with friends that have reached a depth of understanding way beyond the usual polite chat as I dipped my toes into the water and expressed honestly and lovingly how I was feeling at the time. Great blog Gyl.
So true Laura, and with no judgement of others, I am really beginning to feel and observe this, when someone says ‘I’m fine’ and I can feel and know they don’t mean it, that there’s much more to be expressed, great reflection and learning for myself also.
I love the simplicity of what you have written here Gyl. So often I have also found myself being or expressing as what I would call my ‘best edited version of myself’. I have recently realised that it can appear to be difficult to just say what I feel in the moment, as the second guessing of what the other might think comes in very automatically. However, it is not really difficult but simple to just express how I am in each moment and the deeper level of connection that I have already experienced in my relationships with this, little dipping a toe into this, has been a great sign to continue working on this. The benefits to me and all those around me could be huge!
Love what you say about your best edited version of yourself Andrew – a common theme I’m sure!
Thank you Andrew, I love what you share, so true.
Definitely, Andrew. It’s a funny thing we do when we choose to complicate things for ourselves by not speaking honestly about what we are feeling, even in just being asked a simple “how are you?” It seems to bring up a massive pre-trained, response that rolls right off my tongue and out of my mouth before I even realise I’ve said it. It takes actual effort to break by stopping and asking myself “how do I really feel?” and then letting go of what I think the other person might think about what I say. What a rigmarole!
I thought I knew what honesty was years ago but have begun recently, as you have expressed ‘little dipping a toe into this,’ and the benefits to all definitely are huge. Great blog.
As I read your comment Andrew I cannot help but wonder how many conversations people actually share with each other that are based on their ‘best edited version’ of what they think others want to hear rather than the truth of what they feel.
Lovely, Gyl. A great reminder of the joy in just being ourselves.
Absolutely Janet
So true Janet. An amazingly inspirational blog and timely reminder indeed.
I have recently gained this awareness too Gyl and not holding back is really healing for everyone – life flows so much more when we express.
I agree Rachel, sometimes I, if I’m honest have found it a bit scary, as in the truth that I’ve held back and not expressed how I really feel for so long, but the absolutely marked and felt huge difference in my body when choosing to express cannot be ignored, spacious, openness and freedom all the way, sure beats unease, tension, anxiousness and contraction of holding back, and also that reoccurring playing it out over and over again in my head. It’s as if when we express we actually create more space in our body, life and all around us for life to flow and give ourselves permission and allowing to keep deepening and expressing further.
Thanks Gyl. I am currently struggling with speaking honestly from my heart, judging myself that by doing so is just making it only about myself. There’s such a fine line I feel and currently I am working on feeling the balance of being truthful from a loving place, sharing my own experiences as a way to support another, and not making the communication only relevant to me.
This is beautiful Gyl, thank you. So often we can fall into the nicety of responding to a question without really feeling the truth, almost like we respond on auto-pilot and have certain responses for certain questions. You have presented the amazingness and freedom of sharing exactly how/who we are and the honouring this offers us and everybody else. It honours us by expressing honesty and honours others because they hear the truth of us and not a lie. Awesome.
Thank you Beverley 🙂
It’s so true I am super aware of it no, be it with myself or other people, when the auto pilot kicks in. When I feel this with me, I either re-address and re-imprint it actually saying to another, ‘that’s not true … I feel amazing today” or simply seeing it as a learning when I walk away and nominate it to myself, with no judgement or critic just an okay I didn’t fully engage with that person, or open up, or held back etc – what was going on there. It’s amazing.
And what’s also amazing is expressing when we do feel joyful and amazing as I feel as a society we don’t often allow ourselves to feel that, it’s almost as if there has to be a woe or issue, and that it’s not okay to feel joy and express that. And what else I often notice is that when I do share how I really feel it so often breaks, so to speak an ice, in general I find people aren’t used to other people being so open and honest with them, I love it as you can feel and see them saying cool I can be me and share how I really feel too, as there’s such a gorgeous connection that comes with that, we are all the same.
Beautiful Gyl, such a simple example of how powerful it is to be completely honest with ourselves and others.
Thank you Rebecca
I just read your blog and it was such a healing to read it. Yes, it is just amazing to be honest and open with everybody and i am learning that big time at the moment. True intimacy….what i have discovered is that i am open with certain people and that i am holding back with others. Then i measure what i say because of fear of reaction, resistance or judging. When i do that, i don’t really let that person in and show them the real me. I am going to take your blog into my day and make this my commitment: today i am going to be open and honest with all those beautiful people that i will meet. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Mariette, I absolutely know what you mean, it’s as if we have a different face for different people depending on what we think they may feel or how they may or may not react, even expectations or as you say it may even be something within ourselves. I love to be aware of this and say ‘wow okay what’s going on here’, when I feel I can’t be as open, and I can actually feel a tension and my body physically pulling back or shutting down.
yes i can so relate to that tension. Whenever that pops up and i feel it in my body, it is like a loving signal of my body telling me that there is no need to change or to harden my body…i just take a lovely gentle breath and stay with my body. There is nothing to do or to be, just be me. Yihaa!
It’s true Ariana, through experience when I hold myself in hardness, judgement or critique, then without even realising it I am holding all others in exactly the same. It’s only as I open and allow myself to love and appreciate who I am and all that I bring, can i then let go of this need for the world or people to be a certain way, and with this the hardness, barriers and protection drops and all there is left is love and an openness and willingness to simply connect.
I love what you say Mariette about how we can share a measured version of what we are feeling and calibrate this to who we are speaking to. So in many ways different people are actually getting a different version or parts of you instead of the fullness of you equally, imperfections and all. It’s quite fascinating really so I must ask the question why does anyone feel to do this? Why do we shy from the truth of what we feel so often?
There is such a joy in being honest. My body always feels at ease when I am. Like you I am inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, as before coming across Universal Medicine, I hardly ever expressed honestly and always kept my true feelings buried and didn’t share them. I can now see the harm and distance this created in my relationships, as we never get to open up to people (and get to know ourselves) without honesty.
Very true Shevon, when we hide how we are truly feeling, then how can we ever expect to have intimacy in a relationship? I know for myself that the more I have been willing to open up and share, the more open, honest and beautiful my relationships have become. The Universal Medicine presentations in all their differing forms have encouraged me to live honestly – a truly graceful gift in my life and one that I appreciate daily.
Rowena, I just absolutely love your replies and expression, I can feel the truth in all you share, and I can also feel how beautiful and graceful you are. And yes I absolutely agree that the presentations by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are an absolute gift … a daily appreciation and inspiration to live life more lovingly, honestly and truthfully. Thank you
absolutely Shevon, I am smiling at knowing that. And yes it’s so true holding back, does create so much harm in our bodies and relationships with people, How many times have I walked away or put down the phone etc and felt oh I wish I’d said that, had that feeling there was something more to express, or knowingly not said how we really feel. I’m learning when I feel this in my body, that something is there to be shared, that it feels so much better for all to express rather than hold back, for what I have come to realise each and everyday is that what I have to share is important and there the heard, I am learning more and more that by expressing my truth it not only supports me, but also the fact that there may be something in for someone else to hear – just as I have found when I am listening to someone else, or even reading all these comments on the blogs, it’s like wow, I’m going through that just know, what an amazing reminder, or even something that makes me go ‘ouch’ I so needed to hear that – I feel with every expression shared from my heart and not my head there is always something there to learn. Ha ha even in saying that I learn when I express from my head or my hurts, I know they are not true and there’s something else going on.
I was the same Shevon. I was full of self-doubt and lacked true communication skills so for me to express honestly was more akin to getting blood out of a stone. The presentations by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have really helped me to come out of my shell and have given me the confidence to now express honestly in any situation.
A smile of recognition as I read your reply Tim. Self doubt and lack of true communication, getting blood out of a stone, yes, I have had those delay tactics too. The presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have shown me there is another way, one where I can be confident in my expression and be honest in everything I do, it is a life changing experience. Inspiring blog Gyl.
I wonder why we make life so complicated? It is lovely to read how you just speaking the truth about how you felt with no drama allowed your friend to open up and share how they too were really feeling. I can feel the deepening of your relationship with your friend. Thank you for the inspiration.
Hi Mary, this is a question I so often ask, I feel with myself I complicate things as it creates drama, and therefor I can go into the stress of it and my head which in turns takes me away from that knowing and feeling from my body and the absolute joy and simplicity in being me and in life. It also makes me shut down, contract, feel small and no huge, light and super bright.
Then what I ask when I am confronted with it at work, even on websites, or relationships, or just day to day stuff is why is everything made so complicated in life … is this a set up and game being played by something much bigger than us … and my feeling and answer is yes.
If things, just as they are with ourselves, are complicated then there is something else at play, for I and we all know deep down that life is and can be naturally super simple, full of joy, ease and flow, and in this we are left to know and feel who we naturally are, as there is nothing stopping us from feeling, deeply re-connecting and being with our bodies, it also opens up for much deeper connections and relationships with everyone else.
But ……. throw a spanner in the works – complication, it can, if we ( as I am learning) re-act to it, knock everything out, then in comes the drama, the stress and possibly even overwhelm. So could it simply be a game to stop us from knowing the power, stillness and amazingness we all are….
This is inspiring and very timely, Gyl. I woke up this morning and have been having an honest look at how I am really feeling, not how I want to feel, or think that I should be feeling. How amazing to open up my inbox to find this lovely reminder waiting for me! Magic!
I LOVE how Magic happens 🙂
This is a perfect reminder for me of the importance and potential of every single communication with another. But actually what also strikes me is that the starting point in this simple exchange is the initial commitment to being totally open and honest with yourself – not just over-riding with autopilot. This choice is one that we have every and any time of the day, irrespective of whether you are communicating with another. I know for myself that I often don’t do it though. I often over-ride these opportunities, so I greatly appreciate the inspiration of this article. Thank you.
This is a great point Otto, the starting point being our openness and honesty with ourselves, before any interaction with another person. A great reminder for me to.
Yes this is true! Before we can be honest with another we have to be honest with ourselves first. It ‘s very easy to override what we feel and ignore what is there because we don’t want to deal with it.
Overriding what we feel is a fascinating phenomenon. It’s like ignoring the big white elephant in the room when we know it’s there, its obvious and yet we work so hard to pretend we haven’t even seen it. Crazy!
Thank you Otto, and yes it does start with ourselves and being honest and truthful in how we feel and where we are at, and yep it’s a choice in every moment of the day, in all we do, not just when we are with people.
it’s interesting as i even find commenting on blogs etc, is no different, as in I can say what I think needs to be said or I can stop and feel with truth and honesty what I feel and what is there to be truly expressed, and not hold back for worry of what others may think etc, it’s all an amazing learning.
Yes Gyl, it definitely starts with ourselves first, I find it so important to be totally open and honest with myself at all times, how I am feeling, where my body is at, and honouring that whatever it may be. It is an amazing learning.
Very true Lorraine…as you write this I am reminded again of the inspiration of this article. But the question comes up of why are we not honest in the first place? What is it that has taught us to disregard how we feel, and not be honest about that as we communicate and express outwardly. When as children did we learn that crying needed to be replaced by talking to help our parents know what we wanted and then this was replaced by silence as we learnt to fit in with what society wanted…
A great comment Otto. Yes we have this opportunity every day and a responsibility with every communication we have and even the communication we have with ourselves too.
That is so true – the way we communicate with every single person is so important, and our ability to be honest and open begins first with our decision to be honest to ourselves. I’ve often noticed that when someone asks me ‘how are you?’ and I say ‘I’m great’, that moment really reveals to me whether or not I am actually being honest to myself or not. Sometimes I have to stop and say wow that just sounded like a lie, and it very much reveals my dishonesty to myself in that moment.
Thank you Gyl for this article, Otto for deepening the understanding about the commitment to being honest with ourself, and Matilda and Vanessa for talking about acceptance, appreciation and tenderness. These points make complete sense.
With acceptance and tenderness I tend to be more able to be honest with myself and when I am also appreciating, the quality of the honesty that comes out is confirming and inspiring for myself as well as inspiring for others. And a gorgeous possibility and space opens up.
Hi Otto, I can really relate to this as well, reading your comment I could feel how much I hold back from what I want to say. I have felt how good it feels within my body when I am open, honest and express all I want to say to another …for me this is work in progress to be able to express like this all of the time. I can still feel or think what I have to say is silly or feel how I want to go in protection mode within my body so not to get hurt, but these lessons and choosing to see and feel this are well worth it if the end result is openess and honesty all of the time.
That’s beautful Otto and such an inspiring reminder for me – thank you for sharing,
So true Otto. The key to being open with others is to start by being totally honest with ourselves. This is something I’m going to make a focus for myself over the next few days.
Yes Otto, it does start with our relationship with ourselves; actually allowing myself to feel how I truly feel. The more we do that, and then express from that, the more we trust what we feel and this will carry over into all our relationships.
When I am completely honest and truthful it is amazing what happens. For when I express that way my heart opens and I let others in and the magic happens. Answering the question, ‘How are you?’ seems such a small question but answered in the way you did, Gyl, it becomes something so much more.
Thank you Gyl, for sharing the magical-ness of closing the gap between how we think things should be (the automatic, habitual and/or polite responses), and the way things truly are. In being honest about how I really am, I can begin to develop acceptance and appreciation – tenderly holding myself in every interaction.
Absolutely Matilda, it is an honouring and appreciation of ourselves in being honest, instead of overriding how we feel. I love how this also allows a reflection for another to be this way too, if they so choose. It all becomes much more real and less escapist.
I agree, and it also develops more real relationships, ones developed though honesty and support, with a trust that there will be no judgement when something is said.
tenderness is key I am finding.
Vanessa I love this, it made me laugh as just moments before I read this comment, I had felt to ask myself how am I really feeling as I could feel I wasn’t quite me, and as I asked myself this, the word that came up was tenderness… then I read this comment. And since feeling this tenderness and honouring it, I have felt nothing but tender and delicate all day. What I have also noticed is that allowing and feeling this tenderness asks me to slow down, let go of rushing and also honouring everything else I feel.
It is interesting to observe that when we generally ask each other, “how are you?” we say, “I’m good thank you”, or “I’m fine thanks”, even if we aren’t. You have highlighted that we don’t need to be a certain way, and no need to worry about what another may think or say, just by saying how it is frees others up to do the same.
Perhaps the key here is to be truthful about how we are feeling but not judge ourselves in the process. Therefore anything we say about how we are is ok and will be received by another person in the same way.
Rebecca that is beautifully said. I often find myself allowing and understanding others much more than myself, if I’m prepared to give others that grace, why is it so difficult to allow that same grace for myself?
So true Rachel, can you feel the release in just allowing ourselves this, that we don’t have to be okay or fine or any way apart from simply being ourselves, such a huge weight I feel is lifted in this.
Thank you Gyl for sharing. I have also experienced, that it is a blessing for myself and the other person to simply allow myself to feel and express what i feel without holding back, and that this is actually our natural way to be with another.
I feel that’s what it’s all about Janina, “simply allowing”
Thank you Gyl, the freedom that comes with honesty feels so lovely in what you share. It feels so nautral and simple, making me ask why honesty isn’t how I always communicate.
That’s exactly what it is Sandra, the feeling of freedom in both our body and life.
Yes I agree and with everyone we connect to, and coming from that freedom and honesty makes life so much more simple and joyful.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story Gyl, so simple and yet so powerful. I know when I’ve been asked how I am, and I haven’t been great, I’ll just be polite and say I’m ok, as I thought the other person didn’t want to hear my tales of woe. How beautiful and freeing it is when we can and do express openly and honestly – to me it feels like a burden or pressure is released – and I get back to feeling my natural self instantly.
Absolutely Frank, and I feel there is a huge difference in stopping connection and sharing how we really feel, rather than as I have before, just kind of dumped my day on other people, there are two very different ways to go about it, and it doesn’t mean we have to hold back in any way, just be more aware of how and what we are expressing and the energy / way in which we are doing so.
Recently I found I was being less open with someone as I was trying to deal with all this stuff I was feeling, but as you say I didn’t want to feel like I was dumping all my woe, I felt I had to put on a face of yeah I’m great, eveythings amazing, when really on the inside I was feeling all this other stuff. Eventually I just said hey you know what this is how I really feel and what’s been going on, and in that honesty it allowed for a much deeper and real connection with myself and the other person, I could feel I let let them in. Whereas before in holding back, and playing the “i’m fine”, created a barrier or layer of protection around myself and between us, where it was just about niceties, and not really the truth. It’s amazing that one little word, or a few sentences being honest can create so much freedom and space, in many ways, from our bodies, our connection, our relationships and even all around us. And yes definitely a marked difference, I felt myself again, it was almost like my whole body let out a sigh, as if it had been in contraction, in holding and not breathing out.
Thanks, Gyl. Playing the “I’m fine” game, as you say, stunts us as there is no opportunity to learn and grow. Having a layer of protection must be one of the greatest illusions that we as humans resort to, as we harden, shut down and therefore are no longer able to feel what’s really going on. I am learning to be more open and vulnerable too these days, but there is a strength in it because I am being me.
I love what you share here Janet, vulnerability and strength are not two words we would often put together, but it is so true there is an absolute strength in allowing ourselves to just be us, to be open and vunerable because we are being true.
I love reading your comments Janet and Gyl. It’s funny I am still trying to get my head around vulnerability and strength going hand in hand when actually it’s a matter of my inner heart. When I connect to me, I feel the two go together hand in hand even if my mind continues to struggle.
Every time I come back to my body and am open and honest with another, even if initially I feel vulnerable about expressing honestly, by connecting to what is really going on I actually connect to an inner strength. But if I am in conversation trying to protect myself, I know I am saying to the other person it’s not ok to be open with me and then we don’t get to connect. But when we are open with each other and give ourselves the opportunity to connect I feel there is great strength (and joy) in connection.
True Gyl, and when we are building facades and protective walls we have to put a lot of effort into sustaining that falseness – which is a very draining and unsustainable way to live.. Surrendering to our true self, allows our real strength and power to be unveiled.
Thank you Janet, your comment has helped me to see more clearly the relationship between the layers of protection we humans don and the limiting of our ability to feel what is really going on.
Yes Janet I too am learning to be more open and sharing my vulnerabilities. I feel such an expansion when I do too.
And it makes our relations very true and real which gives it the opportunity to deepen Every day since the foundation is love.
To be considerate of others and polite was my motto. I was known for being ‘considerate’ and this was one of the labels I applied to myself. I’m slowly realising that this was just another way to avoid connection and commitment in any relationship. It was a barrier that I erected between me and others to protect myself. Thank you Gyl for showing us that being open and vulnerable is so much more enjoyable and encompassing of life.
Wow, what you say about being considerate strikes a chord in me. I have done that too and I am just realising what a cop out that has been as there have been times others have needed and wanted to express and I have held back from asking questions, supposedly out of ‘consideration’ but more perhaps out of fear of not being equipped to deal with it. Not allowing space to connect essentially. A light bulb moment. Thank you.
I agree Jeanette. Its very interesting why any of us would ever shy away from sharing the truth of how we are really feeling as when we share with others how and what we are really feeling it gives them the opportunity to do the same which in turn allows our conversations to be so much more real, honest and evolving for all.
This is so true, it is like a politeness to say everything is fine instead of what is really going on, in either fear of being judged or not wanting another to think less of you because in that moment you are not feeling that great. Or if you are in the UK you can just talk about the weather : )
As Karin said in an earlier comment, it is really refreshing and open when you are honest with another about what is going on for you, and a great opportunity for the other person to learn something if they need to.
I so agree, Frank – I am always at a loss when I am not feeling absolutely great and how to then express that so it doesn’t sound outright bad (which it is isn’t) or whingey and sullen. It feels like it is about making the space to truly express how I really feel. A very inspiring contribution by both you and Gyl, thank you.
Thank you Frank and Gabriele, for addressing this point. I get aware that I very often do not want to express to someone if I feel bad in any way. This means I don’t want to accept it in the first point for me. With this I am not completely connected to me and do not allow my body to show me why. So how can I connect fully to another person? We do not need to make a whole story, but just openly saying how we truly feel is very honoring to oneself and in the same way to the other. It builds trust and intimacy and allows the other person to do the same.
Hi Gyl, as I read your blog just now I could feel myself drop and completely honor the simplicity of what you are sharing with all of us. A big thank you from me.
Awesome Thank you Leigh
I agree Leigh, simplicity and truthfulness together work really well.
Simplicity is how the soul likes it
What a very beautiful blog Gyl. I love the simplicity of it – how the magic of taking a moment to feel how you really are, and being honest about it, really works. There is a power in this simple awareness that goes way beyond anything we can ever ‘think up’. As you say, your friend was then inspired to open up and express how they were really feeling too. The possibility of ever-deepening and loving relationship is truly here for us now!
Thank you Lyndy, it is amazing and so cool that with such simplicity we can come back to how we ‘really’ are. More often than not the thoughts we have about ourself are not true in relation to what our body is actually feeling and saying. As Serge Benhayon presents “our body is the marker of all truth.” and boy oh boy do I agree with that!
Totally true – what we think is not who we are or how we truly feel, the mind can be a master critic and by checking in to feel how we feel, like Lyndy shared, there is a magic that can’t be thought up.
Thank you, Gyl, for the timeless blog. Sometimes we need a reminder. Today I got an e-mail from a friend asking how am I and I didn’t answer straight away. I need to feel how I am instead of giving just “I am fine”. I agree with you-when we are open and honest, people around us feel it and respond the same way. It is really beautiful to communicate like this and making it normal.
This is so great to remember and to understand Gyl, that our thoughts about ourself are not always true in relation to what we feel within, and/or what our body is telling us. Every time we are asked “how are you?” is an opportunity to connect more deeply with ourselves.
A gorgeously delightful blog Gyl! I too have found that the more I am honest with where I’m at – and however I’m feeling – it allows this same opportunity for another to share how they are truly feeling also – I’ve found it’s a beautifully expansive way to develop relationships and open up a deeper connection with others. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Angela, it is a beautiful way to be not only with ourselves but all others too, and yes it allows for much deeper levels of connections, I feel with ourselves too.
Your blog really made me look at how I am with friends, especially on the phone. When I am just being me, with nothing else going on, I know instantly when they say ‘I am ok’, if they are not, and will gently check with them again if it feels appropriate. This gives us both an opportunity to open up to each other. Sharing our problems and feelings provides mutual support and makes it all so much clearer. If I am distracted we both lose out.
I agree Angela and Gyl, just yesterday I had a conversation with a long term friend of mine, where we both honestly shared how we were feeling with where we are in our lives and it was such a real conversation that we both agreed we could feel the healing benefits afterwards. This is bringing us much closer.
Beautifully Shevon – when 2 people really meet each other, what a joy. Thanks for sharing.
I agree Shevon, listening to someone with openness and a genuine interest in how the other is feeling can be very healing. And in this day and age it is very refreshing to find someone who is prepared to listen and not want to make it all about them. People are drawn to people who are naturally open, could this be telling us that this is what we are yearning for, to be heard?
Yes I agree. I’m finding being more honest about where i’m at and sharing this also gives them permission and opportunity to open up. I feel it’s because, in being honest, I have allowed myself a level of acceptance and am offering this to another as I share.
Well said, Karin. I am discovering that being honest and taking responsibility for my part opens up relationships to a new level of trust and intimacy.
Being honest with friends and colleagues, in my full expression, does allow them to reciprocate. To be vulnerable and tender with another person has given me permission to share, to open up, to be truly who I am. By giving trust I am receiving trust.
I find that if I allow myself to feel my own vulnerability and the more tender I am with myself, then I am naturally more tender with another.
You are so spot on there Janet… “opens up relationships to a new level of trust and intimacy”, this is beautiful because I feel that many of us are missing this level of intimacy with another, and how simple it could be if we open up more to each other.
Janet I couldn’t agree more. Being honest with ourselves and real with how we are feeling allows others to feel that openness too. Thats where the trust grows and deepens into intimacy.
Angela, I too have noticed this, the more open and honest I am with people the more open and honest they are with me. My relationships with staff, family and friends has opened up a different level of trust, this giving everyone the space to truly speak their truth without feeling they are going to be judged.
Very inspiring to give oneself and others the opportunity to connect with honesty and no fear of judgement. how refreshing!
Amita I have found the same thing, especially with strangers. I come across a lot of customers, working in retail – I find if I am not putting on any sort of act or pretending to be something I’m not, It’s not the people around me that change, it’s me – I see everything differently, which is really quite amazing to experience.
Beautiful Amita, the trust people have in their relationship with you is the foundation of an ever developing intimacy we all crave.
Beautifully put Katinka and so true. I love what you’ve written here.
That is so true, it does come down to trust. When people trust us then true intimacy begins . Trust comes from truth, with true foundation. I am coming to understand this more and more in our business.
Beautiful Amita, trust opens the way for deeper intimacy and connection.. and I am learning it begins with us being fully open, honest, not protected or hard, and through this consistency can allow another to learn trust again.
Love what you say Amita “When people trust us then true intimacy begins “-
This is a very important factor in connecting deeper in relationships .
For me also it’s trusting that when I speak from truth and honesty -it is enough, and learning to let my guard down.
And if the other person reacts from this – that is their issue to deal with.
Love what your experience has been Amita – certainly it shows that relationships with others, with everything, can change based on how we are first.
Amita I feel you have hit a big one here and it is that listening to be and allowing them the space to talk or just be themselves without judging them, sometimes even before they speak. This is something I am working on. But what I also realise is this judgement can often come from me first, in the sense of self judgement and critique then that’s how I am with other people, and boy that hurts and feels awful. And often I can feel the judgement or not allowing people the space to just be, comes from my own protection as in I don’t want to get hurt here so at times I can feel my body harden or go onto protection before I even see them, or I jump in first or dismiss, not fully engaged in the conversation and that feels awful for everyone involved too.
Amita I agree – I have had the same experience and I would like to add that there is so much more joy in all my relationship as well . . .
It is inspiring to read these comments and feel how different life can be when we are willing to be open and transparent about how we are feeling and how we live.
Honesty and openness without judgement, expression at it’s best!
I am currently experiencing the fact that I often apologise for how I truly feel, and try and adjust that to keep the peace. With all of that going on in my head, how on earth could I concentrate on anyone else and having an open relationship? It’s amazing to be so aware of that.
Yes Phil I too am becoming aware that I do try to keep the peace. But recently, speaking with some friends I noticed that I veered the conversation to a more truthful way of expressing and hold and behold they opened up as well leaving behind the mundane talk we usually share.
This is lovely Patricia, just this evening I had that conversation about doing just that, how to bring a conversation from the mundane to a more connected way of expression so all can evolve within it.
Honesty without judgement, what a great combination. Acknowledge and move on to the next moment and make different choices.
It is amazing to be aware. Imagine, that way of thinking could run a person’s whole life without them being aware of it, so it’s great Phil that you are aware. I know when I get caught up in what other people will think of me it really stops me from understanding let alone expressing what I feel.
Yes Angela, and what I felt as I was reading Gyl’s post is how sadly unusual for people to be completely honest. As we bring back honesty and truthfulness into our conversations, we break down our self-protective defences and invite others to do the same. The truth is absolutely empowering.
Yes, and isn’t this what we all crave, to be completely ourselves with others… however, we are the ones that cap this by not expressing.
How different our relationships would be if based on our commitment to express in this way.
Very true Kylie. The more I am myself, the less I am invested in the recognition of what others think of me. The habits I have fallen into – to please, be nice, be liked start to fall away and I am left with just what is there to be expressed.
I found that too Angela, just the other day I met up with a dear friend of mine and through just being me and honestly sharing where I was at, so much more opened up for both of us. Thank you Gyl for your lovely expression
I found the same Angela , the more I open up and share from within, the more people feel the opportunity for themselves too. It is lovely to interact in this way as relationships expand and become much deeper.
I agree Angela – it’s a very simple thing to actually be present when someone is expressing how it is that they are feeling in that moment, meeting them honestly.
This I feel is a far cry from what once was my experience where the question itself as to ‘how are you’ or ‘howyrgoin’ was not coming from a place of truly caring or wanting to know or feel how the other actually was truly faring, but more from a visual acknowledgement that they can see that you are there – perhaps even holding them up from attending to what they see as their important piece of business which is up and over there somewhere. How truly beautiful it is to take time in presence and meet someone and listen to them fully.
And it makes our relations very true and real which gives it the opportunity to deepen every day since the foundation is love.