Just last week I shared an email conversation with a friend in which, amongst other things, I asked how they were, and in return they did the same. Normally part of me would say I am amazing, which I am, but I would never really be completely honest or truth-full. I would say a version of what I was feeling but hold back from sharing in full, or say what I thought I should be saying, what another wanted to hear, or feel that I had to be a certain way – in other words, I found it difficult just being me.
But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was, how my body was feeling, and not what my head was telling me I should feel. To my lovely surprise I wasn’t feeling flat or down, yes I was feeling physically tired, but with this I felt amazing, joyful and so lovely and delicate.
So rather than simply replying that I’m great or amazing, I thought, you know what, I am going to be completely honest and share in full how I’m really feeling. In doing so, this then allowed for me to open up to share how I was really feeling about everything else too, with no need for it – or myself – to be a certain way, and no need to worry about what another may think or say: it felt amazing! My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.
The reply that came back simply confirmed that true blessings do happen every single day; it made me smile a huge heartfelt smile from inside out. My friend shared how it felt great to hear me talk about how I really am in full without hiding or holding back on what I really felt, and from that they opened up and shared in full how they were really feeling too.
It was simply beautiful just being me, and goes to show the true magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too.
Inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
by Gyl Rae, Student and Waitress, Scotland
767 Comments
Beautiful blog Gyl. It’s interesting how we just seem to trundle along on auto pilot, saying what’s expected and not really feeling or expressing what we really want to say. It’s an on going learning and commitment to myself to take a moment to stop and feel what or how I’m truly feeling rather than censor it for someone. The difference I feel when I do allow myself the space to do this is gorgeous, and it’s lovely to feel how people respond differently too.
Commitment is exactly what it is, simply to ourselves first, and thus allowing that for all others. It’s in all the little things not only in taking a moment to feel, but in all we say and do and even think.
Loving this blog and comments, I have found that during the day at work, I can go from having a very frank open conversation with one person to later not fully expressing with another with the same openness and then afterwards feeling the effect in my body.
I can feel that at times it is the tone used and I react to that, all of which happens within a split second and then other times I catch it sooner and I can breath gently and respond differently.
It is amazing Julie, what it is we have to learn from all this, why are we more open with some more than others, and what is it that our bodies are sharing with us, offering us an amazing moment to grow.
Very inspiring what you write. This has been the focus of the week, to be truely honest with myself, to start with. I noticed this requires a deeper connection with my body and feel what is truely going on. I too could feel a level of tiredness which I did not feel during the day. In fact I nominated to myself it was something I did feel, but not wanted to feel in full. When I came home this evening, I laid down and truely felt, my body revealed the tiredness but also the hardness in my arms. The wonderful thing of feeling and being honest about it, is it provides an opportunity to let go. With your blog you inspire me to also extend this honesty to people around me. Thanks!
We often fight what we feel, when the most beautiful and nurturing choice we can make is allow ourselves to go deeper, to feel what’s underneath, to take our time, to allow, to give ourselves permission, an opportunity to connect and express or simply feel.
Hi Caroline, your comment has inspired me to look at how honest I really am towards myself and to surrender to those feelings that arise, rather than resisting because I am afraid to go deeper. And I agree with you, the wonderful thing of feeling and being honest with yourself does provide an opportunity to let go and then choose differently.
Hi Caroline, I had a similar experience when I came home from work the other day. I was feeling very tired, but because I had had a short working day and didn’t do much, I said to myself you don’t need a nap. It was almost as if I felt I had not done enough work that day to deserve it. Luckily I quickly put that thought out of my head and had a well needed rest for about an hour. An example of me fighting what I felt, but then finally giving myself permission to let go.
Gyl, this is a great little read – It particularly reminds me of when those little magical moments happen in my days. Just tiny little moments that make me smile, much like yours above. I’m really starting to appreciate more of the small wonders in daily life rather than deliberately blinding myself to them using issues.
This is a lovely reflection of how one person being open and honest with the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of you expressing in full allowed the other person to openly respond to you. I know that when I am open with another, or another is open with me it allows us to have an intimate and meaningful exchange that feels complete and very confirming of our relationship – even when it is with someone we don’t really know very well or have only just met, the same applies.
Where I’ve found I hold back expression is in meetings at work, especially where someone speaks with confidence – I may get a small feeling about something but not express it, it is only afterwards I remember what I felt and that it could have been important. On one occasion I went back to the person organising the meeting and expressed what I felt and it appeared she had felt the same way too, and something was able to be changed as a result. I realise that mulling over a meeting is draining my energy because it is taking me out of the present time into the past, so it makes sense to express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives. I am learning to truly appreciate even the smallest feeling, and to pay attention to what it is telling me. I can then choose to express it or not.
Carmel, I so love what you share, “I realise that mulling over a meeting is draining my energy because it is taking me out of the present time into the past, so it makes sense to express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives.” I am really experiencing this just now, how when I leave things unexpressed, no matter how big or small, and that may not just be through spoken word, I go round and round in my head, or stuff will keep coming back up, and it is absolutely draining, and most definitely keeps me out of the present moment. It just feels so amazing to read “express as feelings arise, so that everything is complete there and then and we can get on with our lives”. it just makes me think how often do we live in the past and not the present. Perfect reminder, thank you
I totally agree Carmel and Gyl. If I let feelings go unexpressed it feels awful and does take me out of the present moment simply because I am then thinking about what I could have said or should still say. It is much more simple and authentic to express in the moment as we feel things. This is such a work in progress for me, as I don’t often manage to find the words or even acknowledge the feeling until it’s too late. Definitely a growing edge here!
Every time I don’t express what I feel, it stays with me, like glue. I get thoughts about it. This is also very much a work in progress for me, especially with people close to me, that I have known for a long time, like family. This week I have been opening up though a lot and it is truly amazing, the response I get. Especially when I share openly how I feel when I meet people in the morning at work, their faces just light up. Bringing honesty and sharing yourself from that place, people love it. And they open up as well.
What I am feeling after reading your blog again Gyl, and the comments from others is how we are all one, I can relate to and learn from everyone else’s words and experiences. This feels so confirming and supportive. Spending time reading and asking myself “”How do I feel?” The answer is I feel connected to everyone here, and that feels so warm and lovely.
I love what you share here, Carmel about not expressing a small feeling and how draining on your energy that is. I have the same experience. I sometimes don’t say anything, because I don’t want to make it about me, but in doing that I don’t honor myself and my feelings and I influence the other(s) who can feel there is something unsaid. And actually that is not respectful to others either.
Well said Carmel – its so easy to let those little feelings pass, and yet they can be so important when shared.
It is so wonderful to show a little honesty in your conversation with someone. It totally opens up the encounter to new level. It allows me to be more honest, about how i am feeling and to go deeper.
I so agree Ken, it’s amazing when another is honest with us, and even more so when we are honest with ourselves, it does open up meetings, relationships with ourself or others to a whole new level.
I agree Gyl. I have found moments, especially with people that I am close to, when I allow myself to fully express, how I am feeling or what kind of day I had – wether that be good or bad, I always get the sense that I have received a moment of grace.
More and more each day I am stopping to connect to how I am feeling, it sure makes such a difference. I am able to bring that moment back to my body and feel what’s going on, that’s when truly I get to understand myself and my feelings. I know before I used to always be in a autopilot mode just doing what I need to do regardless of how I was feeling, to later just get caught up being exhausted, frustrated and tired as my body was giving up.
Isn’t it funny sometimes this sense of “auto-pilot”…its as if we would rather just deflect the question with a generic “fine thanks” rather than check in with ourselves to see how we truly felt…I often see the question being asked as my invitation to go “hang on a second how am I actually feeling?” Sometimes pondering on why I am being asked…is it that I am being given this opportunity to actually reflect on how I am. Interesting. Then on the flip side of this I have also been involved in conversations where people have said “i don’t even need to ask, I know that you are feeling great by just looking at you”…now that again is a real indication that actually people (and ourselves) do actually know how we are feeling before we even get to the talking part. I know it is said a lot in the comments above and throughout the blog, but that being honest with ourselves is so vital as essentially we can’t hide how we are truly feeling…even if we think we can then those around us will feel us first before we even open our mouths.
Great to re-read your article Gyl, It makes me aware that I go into an autopilot response when asked how I am, it’s almost as if I don’t want to waste someones time taking the time to really feel how I am and answer truthfully, so it’s lovely to read how you ‘stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was,’, this is inspiring, thank you.
I have been feeling that this week too Rebecca, it’s amazing, thank you for sharing.
Rebecca you have conveyed a similar experience for me too. And upon considering this it helped me understand that in my case, it was the lack of value for myself that took me into ‘auto pilot’.
I have found that when I am honest about what is going on for me it gives others permission to do the same. The more we can do this the more we will be able to break down the barriers we create by being nice, polite or responding in ways that we feel is appropriate for others to hear. Let’s hear it for expressing the truth of what is really going on, whether it be amazing or not!
Awesome blog Gyl. I also love the simplicity of your words, it’s like a confirmation of your blog. My experience is there can’t be a real connection with others if I don’t express honestly how I am. With me holding back any part of myself, the connection is incomplete from the start. It can also be a way to deny to myself how I am really feeling, because I don’t like the feeling. Or I don’t want to feel the responsibility of my choices in how I am feeling. So big thank you for your blog.
Thank you Monika, I so agree.
Monika, loved reading your comment just now as it was most helpful as the pieces just seemed to fit together for me, especially; “there can’t be a real connection with others if I don’t express honestly how I am. With me holding back any part of myself, the connection is incomplete from the start”. I can also feel too how I don’t want to feel at times the responsibility of my choices!
Gyl. A wonderful blog, and thank you for sharing it.. If we can be open to expressing our feelings, then it will open our hearts, to being the true people we all are.
Gyl, your blogs are always inspiring to the way we can simply live.
Thank you Mike, and yes it will open our hearts to each other
Coming back to this article has confirmed for me the importance of being really honest with myself. Even down to minute detail. For example, I nearly threw out a cute little jacket I own. I was going to throw it out because I don’t wear it as there has always been something about it not quite right. Trying it on again with a friend on the weekend, I looked at it in the mirror again and could feel that I liked the feel of it, the cut and colour of it but just didn’t like the big button at the top. Seeing and admitting that then allowed me to see that all I have to do is change the button. I’m doing that today and looking forward to wearing it again. For me this is such a great analogy for life, just being honest about the details and not judging it or ourselves for being right or wrong or good or bad. Just simply, what is.
Absolutely Michelle, it is not only being honest with about how we are feeling, but everything. And yep throw judgment out the window, great reminder.
Great point, Michelle and beautiful analogy, the spice is in the detail!
Oh, I can so relate to that. I TRY so much to be perfect, by action, look or even feeling. It is not about right or wrong as you said, Michelle. It is about feeling me and being aligned to that. Check in now, I say to myself… more and more.
A gorgeous blog and a delight to read! Thank you Gyl for sharing your lightness and love of life with all. It was a great reminder for me to engage with the whole of me and not just one little part that may be is not feeling so good.
And what a gorgeous reminder for me this morning Sue, from you too, thank you.
Hi Gyl, this is a very inspiring article and way to live, it is very true what you say and how holding back what we truly feel can be quite harmful for us and for others we interact with. Being yourself is what we all need to be without any form of ideal or belief on what that looks like. And from what I have experienced we are all genuinely lovely human beings when we are just being ourselves.
Absolutely Amina, we are all incredibly lovely and amazing beings when we are simply being us. Makes me stop, let out a little sigh ( I can feel the pressure we place on ourselves and others to be a certain way) and smile, because I know it’s so true.
I have noticed how conversations can deepen and reach a new level of intimacy with another when we open up and say how we are really feeling rather than the ‘fine’ or ‘good’ one word answers. It does feel great to share and express with others. Thank you for sharing.
This is so lovely and really inspiring to be honest when we are speaking with friends or anyone and how it invites them to do the same. Something which we don’t normally do in England most of us talk about the weather and not what’s really going on or how we are feeling ; )
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Vicky, ha ha I think that’s the world over, but I feel when people do talk about the weather, they actually really do want to connect and share, but they just aren’t sure how and where to start, so the weather’s a safe place.
Love your Blog Gyl thank you for sharing. Being completly honest by just saying what you feel is so simple and lovely to feel both for oneself and others and brings the truth we can all feel and know.
A great learning and it takes out all the complication and agony of communicating from the mind and what it says or should say and what others will think….
The way forward for us all to relearn from the simplicity of early childhood and the joy of this in communication.
Thank you Tricia, and yes it does take out the complications, and exhaustion of expressing from our heads. Life is so much more simpler, joyful and fun when we express from the truth and our hearts.
Hi Gyl and everyone,
great to read all comments and the blog. I often experienced that I wanted to say more than I was saying, but didn’t want to feel uncomfortable or make the other person uncomfortable, so we both stayed in the pattern of exchanging pleasantries. Now I am more honest and besides expressing how I am doing, I also express how I feel being with the other person. Sometimes I feel insecure or I have fear. I share that without accusing the other person, but for opening up more and letting the other person in. To share the impact we have on each other, creates intimacy, even though it can be a bit scary to express. Such joy to break the walls!
Dear Simone, thank you for sharing. I know what you mean about how we are feeling with that fear, insecurity or vulnerability etc and yep by calling this out be it to ourselves or others, just like, ” hey you know what I feel a bit fragile, vulnerable, a little tension expressing this” allows for a much deeper level of intimacy and honesty. And it does feel like it’s breaking down barriers and walls, be in in ourselves or between us and another person.
You raise a great point here Simone. I like the idea of sharing with the other person if you are feeling uncomfortable. This is not something I had ever considered before. It’s honest and probably opens the door to a deeper level of sharing because the other person has most likely already felt you are uncomfortable.
This is very true Ariana as truly connecting with people is what is now missing in this world, we have got so distracted with what we think we should be doing that we no longer feel and respond instead we just think and react. It is a joy to read such a refreshing way of living life.
Hi Gyl, a wonderful account of honesty. Too often we hide behind responses like “I’m fine” when we and the other both know full well that we are far from fine, which serves nobody. Thank you for sharing in full honesty.
Thank you Simon, I have to admit I love being honest, I’m still learning each and everyday with this one, to be open and honest with myself and all equally so. And yep saying “I’m fine” doesn’t help or serve anyone, when I do this myself my whole body is like agghhh inside, as I can feel I’m not really, there is so much more there to be shared. But with this I feel it definitely has to start with us, and understanding why someone may not feel to open up, and by just holding them in love, and with no expectation or notion for them to give us anything back, just allowing ourselves to be who we are an express in full, and with this they may or may not feel to open up share, and that’s cool.
Love your blog Gyl. I’ve had a similar experience too recently with a friend of mine, who I’ve held back from a lot in the past (we are very very close but I don’t share anything near to the whole truth of how I am), and after being totally honest with how I felt, how I was going etc. she thanked me for being so truthful and it actually initiated a very deep conversation where we discussed things we had never really talked about before. It was amazing to see her open up like she did, and I felt how incredibly powerful honesty is.
Thank you Susie, that’s awesome I so love what you share, it’s amazing when we just say, ‘Okay I’m going to be honest, and truthful and share who and how I really am’, I have discovered that it’s amazing what can happen from here.
I have felt this too; I had held back from my friend in sharing how I really felt and had noticed something kept coming up. As soon as I opened up and was honest, it was amazing. While the response was not as I expected, it allowed us both to connect much deeper than we had before; there was a real openness and closeness felt between us both.
I love this blog and keep re-reading it. It touches on something so fundamental to life. We all live for relationships and what hurts us most is when we are not having the loving and close relationships we want or when there are problems in relationships. But what if all these relationship issues could simply be dissolved by not holding back and expressing exactly how we feel all the time without any guardedness or protection?
Andrew I absolutely agree with you 100%. And yes to issues ( that aren’t really issues ) by holding, expressing and sharing with absolute honesty from our hearts, and a big hug doesn’t go a miss too 🙂
Great point well made Andrew. Until we learn to open ourselves up in full, not hold back, we are forever keeping others at bay. A self-perpetuating circle, where we feed the relationship and encourage it to grow, but not in the way we truly want. Madness.
I related to this blog so much. I often find myself go into autopilot when people ask me how I am instead of actually feeling how I truly am but, from doing this we are holding others back from equally expressing how they actually are. Truly inspiring, thank you Gyl
Thank you Anna for sharing
‘My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.’ What a beautiful feeling to appreciate.
Absolutely Carmel, I could feel this the other day and even this morning, how often when I feel things i can go into giving myself a hard time, which comes from my head, but when I feel or am reminded to feel the loveliness that I am, all that pressure, hardness and those thoughts just go, leaving me feeling how lovely I am, and how much I want to honour and take care of myself, and with that I just feel that same equal love for everyone else. There is no reaction, drama, comparison, etc, just an allowing and acceptance of where I and other people are at. And I listen to my body so much more.
“But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?”
I love this little whisper from heaven. A great opportunity to open up to the wonders of this life and the people who live here.
“But there was something this morning that made me stop and ask myself: “how am I really feeling?”
It is so magical when we really take this moment for ourselves and really connect instead of falling into default answers. It opens us up and allows us to fully be ourselves.
Such truth in these words Gyl! Can you imagine if being honest and open in communication was encouraged from young- what a different place the world would be!
Absolutely Sam, I’m having fun with that at school.
and nobody truly wants that!
Gyl – there certainly is a magic in being open and honest. I know I don’t do this often enough, and when I do – I feel exactly as you did here – that I can be totally myself.
Reading this is a reminder to keep choosing that more and more, and commit to bringing more truth into my life.
Absolutely Hannah that made me smile, there is most definitely a magic without a doubt. I am feeling this morning how it all starts with us, the more we are honest and open with ourselves, lovingly so, with no harshness, judgement or critique, the most simple and ease-y this is to live and present to the world.
Gyl I love your blog. Whenever I am honest with another this really opens up the possibility of them being honest in reply and so reaffirms for me a trust in humanity, the world and myself. thank you for such a beautiful reminder.
Thank you Karen, and yes to all you share. Especially that trust in people and humanity.
I can so relate to this Karin
What shines through your blog is just how liberating it is to present the true you to the outside world and, in so doing how that gives others the opportunity to do the same. And if they don’t, well you’re still there, being you . You haven’t compromised You, or subjugated You. You’re the authentic You. Love it.
Hi Cathy, I love the word you have used to describe how it feels “liberating’ this is so true, it’s as if we can actually feel all these shackles that have bound us and held us back being broken and let go of, allow us to be far more free.
And yes, I very much feel and am working on what you also share and that is letting go of any need for another to respond or be a certain way with me, knowing that I am enough in simply being me. That we don’t have to perform, do tricks, or be a certain way for anyone, the most loving and healing way to be is by simply being ourselves. And in that there is no draining, exhaustion or being hurt, we can walk away without feeling attached to an outcome or situation, being true to ourselves and continuing to care deeply about one another.
Me too Gill, I find having all these beautiful and inspiring comments coming into my email box everyday an absolute blessing and an amazing reminder, I even found myself this afternoon asking myself, now how am I really feeling and you know what the loveliest thing about what I could feel was the word that came up was tenderness, and with that I felt so much more in my body and much more present and appreciative of myself, and all around me … and I’ve been feeling super tender since.
Love that line “best edited version of myself”…
Lovely to share this with you Gyl. It’s wonderful how these most everyday interactive moments are opportunities for us to be honest with ourselves and then honest with others. A work in progress here … but who would not want “My body felt gentle, open and loving; there was no effort, tension or thinking, just the simplicity, honesty and loveliness of just being me and expressing in full.”
Beautifully simple and a timely reminder for me of those moments I slide into ‘ automatic pilot ‘ using a reply I think isn’t going to rock any boats! Thank you Gyl for an inspiring article
Thank you Jacky
Thank you Jacky, isn’t it amazing to have this awareness and be able to feel this in our body when we do slip into auto pilot, and how alien it feels, the biggest boat it rocks is the one inside us.
Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience. This is something we all encounter on a daily basis when someone asks how we are. Usually if someone asks me, I would give the standard “I’m fine, how are you” response, which is polite and socially acceptable. Your blog has inspired me to explore a more honest way of feeling and relating, without going into a long story of woe, or not, as the case may be. This is all part of expression being everything, and also not having to be perfect.
I love this simple sharing Gyl confirming what I always felt that honesty and truth is the only way.
Absolutely Lorraine, with love Gyl
I love this Gyl. Gorgeously simple. I have been experiencing this a lot lately. I have been very open recently with friends and acquaintances about what is going on for me. Showing my vulnerability and delicateness in a given situation has allowed others to feel theirs. It’s been a really beautiful experience. It’s been amazing for me in growing trust in my expression and that when it comes from the heart it is rarely rebuffed. Thank you for your gorgeous expression.
Thank you Elizabeth, I felt it was also a blessing for me to hear those words that morning “how are you” as it made me stop and really ask how do I really feel.
Absolutely Sue, go for it and share in full 🙂
Thank you Gill.
Hi Gyl, This made me stop and think about two things, of the times I have not been open and what reflection I get from that and the times I or others have been very open and the contrast in the flow which comes from that. The two are poles apart – thanks for the inspiration.
I have really enjoyed reading your blog Gyl. As I am expressing more fully and being really honest my body feels so expanded and I agree totally with your last paragraph
“…..the magic, beauty and openness that can be found when we choose to be completely honest and truth-full, sharing in full how we really are feeling, and with that it allows others to feel, be open and express how they really are feeling, in full too”.
Thank you Stephanie, it is so true, and it’s amazing when we bring that honesty and openness to all that we say and do, be it with ourselves or others. I too am super aware when I don’t express in full, or hold back that it feels so awkward in my body, I’m carrying around all this unexpressed stuff, that keeps holding me back, I keep playing it out again and again in my head or waiting for the next opportunity to meet the person or share how I really feel. But when I choose to be completely open with no need or wanting anything back, there is automatically a space and an openness that can be felt, by both myself and this person or people, which allows them the space to feel and express if they so want to.
Thank you for sharing this very inspiring blog Gyl. Saying ‘fine’ or ‘Ok’ when asked how I was used to be my normal response but these days I have found that by being more open when asked, it allows another to be more open as well, and is interesting to see the different response I get.
That’s cool Tim, it’s great to feel the different responses we get, I love it! Well in truth i love connecting with people, and if I’m honest since that’s what this is all about, often I feel it breaks a veil so to speak or a mask that person is hiding behind, their face lights up as they can feel someone genuinely is meeting them and asking them, ‘no really how are you?’ Not just a politeness or nicety, but with a real want to connect and care.
Thanks Gyl, this is a timely reminder to recognise when I am holding back, to then open up and express in full, and feel the ” true magic, openness and beauty ” we all are.
So true Wendy, it’s amazing to feel and express, and to feel this with people, not only ourselves.
Beautiful Gyl thank you for sharing with such an infectious joy and love so beautiful to read .I agree and feel everything you share when opening up and expressing honestly in full it feels so lovely in my body when i do also and allows an intimacy with another and sharing too. This is beautiful and very expansive as is being with nature and by the sea.
I have always felt uncomfortable when asked ‘How are you?’ Surely the person does not really want to know how I am feeling, they are just making a polite greeting. The reply ‘I’m fine’ is a hindrance to further conversation as this is not an honest response to the question. I often do not even take the time to ask myself ‘How am I?’ so that I cannot honestly answer the question. This blog is a reminder to choose to ask myself ‘How are you?’ So that I can learn to make an honest reply to myself and others.
Well said Mary and I agree how often do I ask myself ‘How are you?’ if I don’t know how can I be honest.
Thank you Monica, I love simplicity, though I’m no master at it yet 🙂 and it’s so true life is and can be so simple, I can feel the absolute joy in that through every cell in my body. In all honesty I feel it’s what we crave and know on a much deeper level, that all this complication and holding back we create is so not true nor how we know we can be and are meant to live naturally.
You make it so simple Gyl. Once you can be completely honest and truth-full with yourself, people you meet get to feel the real you and feel free to do the same.
Thank you Steve. What I am loving through all these comments is the fact that the word ‘Simplicty and Simple” keep coming up. And you are right it really is that simple, it makes me ask the question why do we make life so complicated, and what purpose does it serve?
It is great to read that it is indeed so ‘simple’ and it makes me ponder on why I make my response to such a simple question like ‘how are you’ so complicated, rather than just saying the truth of how I am.
Exactly Rebecca, what I find and have found is that those moments of complications do not feel true, that there is something else going on, for if I know, and have felt that life is and can be so simple and in that so joyful and amazing, then what is it or why am I trying to complicate things which end up with me in my head, creating drama and stressing out …. mmm could it be to keep me out my body, feeling the truth, stopping life from flowing and being oh so simple and full of joy, and enjoying me, people and life?
This is a lovely blog Gyl and totally expresses your lovely playful side I feel. I have found it more important now more than ever to break down the barrier of “pleasantries” as verbal communication becomes less and less. More and more people are communicating via simplified social platforms so why waste time lying when you get the chance to actually talk to someone? Your blog here relates to the finest element of that, the simple response to how am I feeling call.
I had an interesting experience this weekend actually where answering honestly saw me directly receive the support and understanding of others…my other choice was to bury how I was feeling and lie, gosh am I glad I didnt.
Hi Phil, Thank you. I do love my playful side 🙂 That’s the thing so often, I know for one I can be, we are worried about how our honesty may be taken or not, but just allowing ourselves to express without worry or fear, and the knowing that we are already more than enough, that we don’t have to please people or be a certain way, allows for so much freedom for all, more than we know, and with that may just come what is needed in that moment, and that could be support and understanding of others as you so share.
I’ve noticed a lot how people respond to “How are you?” with “Not Bad” – it really doesn’t offer a full honest account of what’s actually going on. I find that getting more honest with how I answer that question actually opens the other person up to be more honest too, which I find quite magical.
It sure is so much more simpler and satisfying to just be open and honest for all concerned!
Bang on Vanesssa! Simplicity is definitely the key, and super satisfying too, plus we don’t spend all this time and energy going round and round in circles trying to say what we really want to say but in a million other words – it’s always best to be honest in the first place 🙂
Those words “How are you” are so significant, and that moment is often tricky and embarrassing. It seems we have become so polite and lacking in self respect that we gloss over it and make do, yet know inside ourselves that we have not expressed the truth, and it feels like a meaningless and empty exchange. You have shown us a beautiful and loving way to break that habitually accepted behaviour, Gyl, and begin to make a true connection with everyone we meet.
Joan I feel you make a great point in how we have become ‘polite’ in our answers instead of being honest and sharing the truth, what I am learning is politeness doesn’t serve anyone.
I so agree Ariana, now is not the time for holding back on who we are, how we feel. It doesn’t serve humanity, it never has.
Awesome and power-full words Catherine and so very true!
…. and that’s the thing it’s not about us – life is about people
Well said Arianna, I agree with you, Gyl and Catherine – by being open and expressing how we are really feeling it gives people the opportunity to open and express or at least take a moment to feel how they are – rather than the standard I’m fine thanks that everyone seems to mutter to each each other!
Yes I am learning too that when we are open and honest and express what is really going on, it helps others to express in the same way. This permission is so important because as Gyl has said, it is liberating.
That’s it exactly – to express who we are and just live it without even thinking about it will support being who we are in daily life.
This has been a recent and on-going topic for myself, allowing myself to feel and trust that I can just say how I actually feel without my head trying to construct the best act I can for another. By acting how I think I should present myself I in fact DON’T present myself to another, I only meet them with a face or a personality I have deemed is acceptable by the world and it won’t be rejected. By doing this I reject myself as a being that can meet another without being colored or altered. When I do honestly open up with how I feel in that moment I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first.
That made me smile a HUGE smile Leigh, I love it and so very true … “I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first.”
This is huge, the more we love, deeply care and honour ourselves and what we feel, the less we seek or need that from another, and in that we allow ourselves and all others to simply be, how freeing is that, for everyone! And how awesome is it to not hold back.
So true. When we have built a foundation of love for ourselves it is only natural to want to share this with another. Holding back this opportunity stop others feeling the depth of love we all have within.
‘I don’t feel that rejection from another as I have not rejected myself first’ – I love that Leigh, it brings light to the responsibility we hold over our own feelings – i.e. rejection isn’t something that we are affected BY, it’s something we can CHOOSE to affect us.
Susie this is absolute gold, “rejection isn’t something that we are affected BY, it’s something we can CHOOSE to affect us.” This just makes so much sense. I have allowed myself to be affected by rejection many times in my life, and when I read this today it was like a light going on, it’s my choice, either I can leave me and let this affect me, or I can stay with myself and realise it is a choice. When I do, I do not feel less or empty but there’s still a fullness, a joy and a knowing that it actually isn’t me they are rejecting at all.
So true Susie. If I’ve stayed true with myself and someone doesn’t like what I’ve said or done I have the choice to remain connected to me, I can simply let them be and feel fine.
Such a lovely gentle reminder for us all Gyl – just to pause for a moment after being asked “how are you” and not rushing in with a quick response – giving ourselves the time to gently truly feel.
Exactly Marion, it’s allowing that “pause and moment” – even throughout our day, whether we are interacting with others or simply ourselves, to really stop and feel.
So simple yet so effective. The ability first and foremost to be honest and aware about how you are truly feeling, followed through by your own expression of this with another. As you have described the results of this are beautiful. Not only have you allowed yourself to be all that you are in that moment, but you have opened the door to another too.
That’s what was and is so beautiful about it Jenny, through these interactions, connections and reflections, it allows for us all so much more.
Like others, I have been experimenting with these daily greeting moments, so I can be more true in them. I enjoy it when I am able to treat them as an opportunity to connect to the other person, and by making it less about the words, I get more of a feeling of them, even if it is a brief exchange.
I love this Janet “making it about an opportunity to connect to the other person and by making it less about the words” allows for a deeper feeling of another and who they really are, so true – I am going to experiment with this. I have often noticed with some I may feel to speak more than is actually needed, maybe just to fill a gap, rather than feel.
Thank you for your beautiful blog Gyl which has inspired me to explore being more honest with how I am in a given moment. When I have been able to do this it is lovely how this opens up the conversation and how connected I feel to the other person but so often I allow my head to edit what I say and don’t allow myself that opportunity for true connection. It is lovely that you are writing about an email conversation and demonstrates that we have many more opportunities every day than we imagine to be truly honest.
Thank you Helen, I know what you mean by the head editing, I am learning so clearly to call that out, as in simply nope that’s from my head, not my body or my heart, be it in emails, conversations, feelings, thoughts or writing comments on blogs 🙂 – it’s all a learning.
We have so much to share with the world that opens up so many opportunities for ourselves, but more impotently others to connect, share and reflect, what we have to express and bring is so important. I had am awesome conversation with a beautiful couple a few weeks ago, and they shared “no body else can bring what you bring” so I feel hey, what I have to say is so worth sharing and being heard.
Dear Ariana I feel you’ve made such a great point “it’s also very real”. I know within myself I have often not been very real about how or what I was feeling or where i was really at, and this only masks the truth further and keeps us on what can be a merry go round of thinking we are okay. I’m not saying it has to be all woe me my life’s awful, because for me that is not true, my life is amazing, but I feel it’s super important that we as a society start to be very real about how we truly feel, how we choose to live, what’s going on in our own life, but also that of all others. And then we can really start to make the choices that will change not only our life, but that of all others.
Gyl I absolutely agree, when I open up and let someone in and honestly tell them how I feel, there is an intimacy and a feeling of closeness, that is just not there, when I just say ‘great’ or ‘i’m ok’. I have noticed that my response to the question ‘how are you?’ is always about my willingness or unwillingness to let someone in and share everything I feel.
A great point, Meg – I find that conversation isn’t determined solely by the openness of the other person to share how they’re feeling, it’s also gotta come from me too. Open conversation is a two way street – you both have to be willing to go there, or both will get sold short on an opportunity to be honest.
Great point Cheryl – ‘Open conversation is a two way street – you both have to be willing to go there, or both will get sold short on an opportunity to be honest.’
I love that Meg “that my response to the question ‘how are you?’ is always about my willingness or unwillingness to let someone in and share everything I feel”. It’s so true, I have been feeling this at work recently as in what’s going on that i am avoiding or unwilling to be as open with this person as with another – gorgeous observation, thank you Meg for sharing.
Thank you Meg I had never thought of it like that but it is very true, if I am in a hurry or don’t really want to say much I can feel myself close off and I can feel this stops the flow of anything else that may come from the question. It does not mean I have to say exactly what is going on in my life, just meeting them with my whole body and being totally present when asked, opens up the conversation.
Alison you make such a great point here, ” if I am in a hurry or don’t really want to say much I can feel myself close off and I can feel this stops the flow of anything else that may come “. I don’t even feel this just relates to the questions but so much more. I know for sure when I am in a hurry I shut down to the world, because I’m so caught up in what’s to be done, that this stops the flow of life than can be found in being present and simplicity.
So true what you say Meg, to really listen to someone and also to share how we really feel is inviting to a super connection and to experience the feeling of oneness. It is beautiful to talk about all this and writing our experiences with this blogs.
I so agree Gyl. I just shared with a beautiful friend yesterday what was going on for me right now. Before I would have felt to hide part of what I felt or be somewhat ashamed that I didn’t feel super. Now, and I was a bit surprised, I felt to actually let another see me just as I was, without the mask. Work in progress of course but a very pleasant relief for me to not hold that protection and so freeing. Thanks for sharing Gyl!
Thank you for sharing Matts, absolutely gorgeous 🙂
Thank you Gyl. I agree, it is so important to be honest with ourselves about how or what we feel. I have found that by letting people in to see the real me, conversations then naturally occur which feel open and truthful.
Absolutely Shami I agree with all that you share – plus there is nothing better I feel than someone being honest and truthful, even if it may not be what you want to hear. It makes everything more real, and does definitely allow for conversations that feel much more real and open.
Beautiful Gyl, thank you for such a light hearted explanation of how to really and truly share ourselves and what happens when we do. Taking a moment to stop, feel and share how we are is a real gift. So often we will brush off what is truly going on for us, but to take the time to feel and share is so beautiful, as we can not only look at our choices that have led to this feeling, but also offer others a moment of honesty and true connection. We are all so gorgeous, precious and fascinating, its so lovely when we can be so open.
Thank you Rowena and yes I find people are so gorgeous, precious and amazing and so worth taking the time to stop, connect and be with 🙂
This is such a great topic Gyl, it has always felt wrong to say “Ok thanks”, when someone asks me how I am – especially when I do not feel ok, but at the same time in that moment I do not really want to go into why I am not oK. Double edged sword.
I can see how it would give someone else the opportunity to feel how they are, if I take the time to say how I am really feeling.
Thank you Julie, I absolutely understand what you mean, that being able to open up and say “hey you know what I’m not okay” but without dumping our stuff on another at the same time. Sometimes I have felt to not share at all, as i did recently with a friend, as I knew something was up but didn’t feel clear enough with it to not dump my stuff, so held off for a while until I was able to be super honest, without any emotion or woe, and just say ‘hey sorry I’ve not been in touch this is why…’ And sometimes I just start to share and be super aware, or try to be, when or if I start going into any story or emotion with it, and call it out.
Yes, that is a tricky one, to share honestly with what is going on for us, but at the same time not dumping any of that on others.
Thanks Gyl great topic. Expressing how we are truly feelings, is not only great for us, but it gives the opportunity and inspiration to those we express to, to also do the same if they choose.
Absolutely Kev – that’s the best part! 🙂
I sometimes am honest and open about how I am feeling, but all too often I revert back to the nice, what I think people want to hear response. I feel inspired to express how I am truly feeling more and see how others respond.
Hi Natalie, I get you with this, it feels awful when we do the nice because we know its so not true. Some people respond more openly and some people don’t – and that’s cool, we all have a choice. What I am learning and it’s amazing to be aware of, is letting go of the need or expectation I may have for a certain reply and not taking it personally too.
True, Gyl, I’ve been noticing this too. And I particularly liked when you said ” letting go of the need or expectation I may have for a certain reply and not taking it personally”, I’m definitely learning that one!
It’s so true Natalie, I am feeling more and more everyday when I have a need or expectation then I’m not really with myself or that person, nor honouring or feeling true love for either of us, and as soon as I let go of that, all I can feel is an absolutely love for them, no matter what they choose, I also feel it creates much more space, theres an openness, and understanding, and it may sound funny but actually a physically felt pressure lifted from my body and around me. Now if that’s what i feel what must my need or expectation be doing to the other person.
Letting it go and not taking it personally.. I find that if ever I want someone else to express in a certain way, that says so much more about me than it does about them: an opportunity to reflect: what is it about what they’re saying, or the way they’re saying it, that is making me feel uncomfortable? Often it’s because I can feel a ‘right or wrong’ judgment behind it – i.e. the other person thinks I’m wrong, and that they’re right, and I want to correct them.. but why is this? Because it’s me that’s still holding on to right and wrong and making things ‘fair’ instead of letting things go, and accepting myself, first – with no conditions that the other needs to accept me.
Lovely, Gyl, you have shown us how the normal, expected greetings we offer each other can be turned into something meaningful. I’ve been playing with ‘being honest’ in my replies, but they are still laced with some judgment that limits what I say so as not to bore, offend, invoke sympathy or whatever. I say things like ‘A bit tired but ok’ as if to be honest but reassuring, when in truth I’m exhausted but don’t want to engage with the likely “Oh dear, why’s that?” scenario, because there isn’t time to go into all of it. As I greet several colleagues on my way through the warehouse, it gets tricky. The standard greeting locally is usually ‘Hello, you alright?’ to which the expected answer is ‘yep, you?’ and they say ‘Yep’ and we go our way, each satisfied the niceties have been completed and all is right with the world. But is it true?
I love your reply Carmel, the last bit about, “The standard greeting locally is usually ‘Hello, you alright?’ to which the expected answer is ‘yep, you?’ and they say ‘Yep’ and we go our way, each satisfied the niceties have been completed and all is right with the world. But is it true?” That was the standard treating in all the circles i used to run with. On entering the pub this was the exact treating and response with everyone you knew. The true response from me should have been, “If I was alright do you think I’d be coming in hear to drink ten pints?
This is a great comment Carmel, I can really relate to what you have written, ‘I’ve been playing with ‘being honest’ in my replies, but they are still laced with some judgment that limits what I say so as not to bore, offend, invoke sympathy or whatever. I say things like ‘A bit tired but ok’ as if to be honest but reassuring, when in truth I’m exhausted but don’t want to engage with the likely “Oh dear, why’s that?” scenario, because there isn’t time to go into all of it.’ This has been my experience too of trying to be honest but only being partially honest in my replies, definitely something to ponder on.
Have fun ‘playing’ with it Carmel – I find sometimes, as shared with someone else in another comment, being cheeky and playful with my replies to ‘how are you?’ works wonders too.
I can relate to what you are saying Carmel as it is sometimes just easier to say Yep, ok! But is it true? No, not really. Maybe we can find another way as we pass through places such as the warehouse. A simple smile perhaps? I have found actions speak louder than words sometimes if we can’t speak the simplicity of truth in those circumstances. Great blog Gyl.
Thank you Carmel for sharing, I have been playing and am super aware when I am not being honest or hold back what I really feel to share, and you can physically feel it in your body. Sometimes I just nominate it as a learning and say okay next time I am going to be more open, honest and true, sometimes though I find myself feeling an impulse to go back and playfully say “hey that’s not true I actually feel …… today”
Love it Gyl – everything falls into place when we speak the truth
Thank you Jessica, yes so very true. It’s amazing when we just allow ourselves to be honest and open up, sometimes it can feel a bit daunting at first if we are so used to holding our feelings back, but boy oh boy, it is amazing when we do so, and not only for ourselves but all others, as this allows them to then connect, express and share from their one truth. Too many people hold back, I know I did for one, and it’s so not worth it, it hurts us and others and can be felt in our bodies, like we’re physically holding onto all this stuff, it fees much more amazing, free, and creates so much space and joy to express how we really are feeling.
I have found that opening to deeper levels of honesty in myself, has allowed for true intimacy and a deeper level of sharing, which feels like more spaciousness and freedom in my interactions.
I agree Elaine, and in my body and life in general too
It is amazing how we have gotten to the point that even with friends we measure how we express and don’t say how we really feel. What was lovely to read was how being open actually took the relationship to another level, thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Rebecca, I often find it’s with those closest to me that I hold back more, or limit my expression, it could be that I have expectations of how our relationship ‘should be’ or I want it to be, therefore needs may be in the way, maybe it is to be liked, or what I feel is not to expose stuff, keeping things comfortable, it could be for fear of loosing them in some form or way, what happens if I speak my truth and it rocks the boat so to speak, or I stand out …. all crazy and complicated games we play, and we are actually playing the reduction game – holding them back, holding back love and what another or ourselves may truly need to hear.
Its sad that we have let our friendships get to this level of convenient truths instead of being the total blessing that each can bring to the other.
Gyl. Thank you for your sharing. When we feel open and honest with ourselves, that radiates through to others.
I have gone through the process of not loving myself, and it’ an awful feeling. Show the world just how awesome you really are.
Absolutely Mike, so true.
You are an example in action Mike. Showing the world how awesome you are, everyone benefits. I agree that when we do not love ourselves, it feels awful. As Gyl says, keep it simple!
Gyl Rae,
I appreciate your sharing of what being yourself and being honest and open looks like, feels like and the magic effect it has on others.
All my life I have come up against falseness’s/protections in people instead of getting to share genuine moments of truth and see the beauty in each other…now I understand that I can break out of that cycle and in doing so give others permission to just be themselves too.
I feel this happen when I am open-like-a-child with someone/just me. I have felt such responses from people as the precedence for being REAL has been set. It’s as if they are saying “wow, you trust me and love me enough to just be yourself with no pretenses…than I can do that too”.
I love that Jo “I can break out of that cycle and in doing so give others permission to just be themselves too.” that’s the thing it’s not just about us, in our openness and honesty we allow others to be the same.
I also so love what you share about people feeling “wow you trust me and love me enough to open up and be yourself with no pretences” this feels so awesome and amazing, I have been on the receiving end of this and it’s as if my whole body sighs and says “wow it’s okay to just be me” – so freeing and feels amazing.
But then could we ask, where and why has this whole holding back and feeling we have to be a certain way or do a certain thing to be accepted come from, when did we stop feeling that it was more than enough simply being us and expressing how we feel without holding back or worrying. Something in your reply I feel hints at the answer …. ‘open like a child/just me”.
I love what you share and can only confirm – nothing better than saying openly how we are truly feeling and getting that truth and openness back as well. Thank you Gyl.
Thank you Esther, I love being honest too, sometimes I don’t always get it right in what is really there to express and what i really feel to share, but it’s all a learning, Then I can feel, ‘wait a minute that wasn’t true’ or ‘there is more to share’, and also there is no such thing as being perfect. I am letting go of the want or need to be right and just say hey this is how or what I am feeling. And I love how this actually opens up, gives permission and allows for more to be felt and shared, not only with myself but all others. So often when people say ‘hi how are you’, I share with them how I really am feeling, often to their surprise 🙂 it’s great as we can be quite fun and playful with it, I don’t hold back if I’m feeling amazing I will share it, as I will if I am feeling delicate, cheeky, playful or tired, but I am always very mindful to not dump my stuff as in oh, my day’s been awful, this happened, that happened. I feel it’s absolutely okay to share but I have learnt and am still learning to do so not with emotion. Sometimes I feel, ‘okay I need to sit with the day or whatever’s happened’ for a while and let it go, before I can share how I am feeling from detachment rather than fuelled by emotion.
Hi Gyl, lovely to read, that it is that simple to be truthful to your feelings – just connect to our body, feel and express without any formality or restriction what is there to be felt. We all can do it, and by sharing our feelings in this way, we give other people the opportunity to do the same. How simple can it be?
Exactly Nico, Super Simple is the key – I love simplicity
Gyl it is amazing how being completely honest with ourselves and others, opens up the conversation and allows the other person to be honest and open too. The feeling in my body is more expansive and confirming. I know if I go into my head and just say “fine thank you” which can be my usual response to “how are you”, I can feel how constricting these words are in my body, and it does not allow the other person to open up.
Absolutely Alison, I love it, sometimes I hold back and think oh no maybe I shouldn’t say this, but even tonight at work I was blown away as I shared something I wouldn’t normally with another staff member at work, which then opened up for her to share something similar which she had experienced, and I could feel a shift in our relationship.
And yes these word’s “I’m fine” or similar are so constricting it’s like your whole body is being bound and there’s a multitude of word and expression just waiting there absolutely wanting to be shared and come out. I even find at times when people ask how I am I have held back my joy or how amazing I feel, and maybe say “I’m great” then I can feel in my body that’s not true, that’s not what i really wanted to express, so I say “you know what that’s not true, I’m feeling amazing”.
Very inspiring Gyl and something I’m going to explore. I often cover over sharing how I am really feeling with a short answer that is not very descriptive of the truth. I also notice I find myself diverting the attention to how I’m feeling being something I’m doing, which does not feel great. With reading your blog, I love the openness, starting by asking myself “how am I really feeling”, can bring to the whole day.
Absolutely David, I still get caught up in doing, sometimes as soon as I wake up and I’m in the list in my head, then I stop and say wait a minute okay, how am I actually feeling today before I get up, rather than what do I have to do today. Makes such a huge difference and everything very much more real. As soon as I am honest there is a felt difference in my body, it’s as if I drop out of my head and into the present moment and reality. And what I also find too is that when i allow myself this honesty, nothing less and the truth that comes from it I am far less hard and critical on myself and therefor on others. I become much more open to everyone including me.
I’ve experienced that too recently, with being honest about something suddenly all the pressure to be something or be someone or act someway drops off and I am left to feel that’s me and that’s ok. Then I start to appreciate that and the need to be more in that case dissolves. It’s like unlocking a prison I was not aware I was in until I unlocked it.
This is great to read Gyl -‘“how am I really feeling?” This gave me the space to really feel how I was, how my body was feeling, and not what my head was telling me I should feel.’ I feel inspired to do the same, to allow myself to really feel what’s going on in my body and to express this honestly rather than just saying “I’m fine”, I can feel how I have standard responses and these aren’t actually based on the truth of how I’m really feeling.
Absolutely Rebecca, sometimes I have fun with it and am super playful, as in when someones asks me I’m like “well I’m a little playful, feeling very delicate, tender, oh and sexy too, a wee bit tired but absolutely divine, lovely, sweet, actually I’m feeling pretty amazing” or even “25% playful, 5% tired, 30% joy, 30% powerful, 10% awesome” and sometimes I’m super honest as in sharing how I feel in my body and just call it out, “I feel amazing, but I’m really aware that my arms feel tired, my shoulders feel a bit tight, I feel really open… etc etc. Ha ha can you imagine the car shares to work 🙂
Lovely to hear how such a simple expression about how we truly feel can make such a difference. How many times are we asked ‘how we feel’, and how often do we really answer?
So true Laura and Andrew. How often do we put on a brave face, or mask instead of being in the simplicity of truth as we reply. Recently I have had conversations with friends that have reached a depth of understanding way beyond the usual polite chat as I dipped my toes into the water and expressed honestly and lovingly how I was feeling at the time. Great blog Gyl.
So true Laura, and with no judgement of others, I am really beginning to feel and observe this, when someone says ‘I’m fine’ and I can feel and know they don’t mean it, that there’s much more to be expressed, great reflection and learning for myself also.
I love the simplicity of what you have written here Gyl. So often I have also found myself being or expressing as what I would call my ‘best edited version of myself’. I have recently realised that it can appear to be difficult to just say what I feel in the moment, as the second guessing of what the other might think comes in very automatically. However, it is not really difficult but simple to just express how I am in each moment and the deeper level of connection that I have already experienced in my relationships with this, little dipping a toe into this, has been a great sign to continue working on this. The benefits to me and all those around me could be huge!
Love what you say about your best edited version of yourself Andrew – a common theme I’m sure!
Thank you Andrew, I love what you share, so true.
Definitely, Andrew. It’s a funny thing we do when we choose to complicate things for ourselves by not speaking honestly about what we are feeling, even in just being asked a simple “how are you?” It seems to bring up a massive pre-trained, response that rolls right off my tongue and out of my mouth before I even realise I’ve said it. It takes actual effort to break by stopping and asking myself “how do I really feel?” and then letting go of what I think the other person might think about what I say. What a rigmarole!
I thought I knew what honesty was years ago but have begun recently, as you have expressed ‘little dipping a toe into this,’ and the benefits to all definitely are huge. Great blog.
As I read your comment Andrew I cannot help but wonder how many conversations people actually share with each other that are based on their ‘best edited version’ of what they think others want to hear rather than the truth of what they feel.
Lovely, Gyl. A great reminder of the joy in just being ourselves.
Absolutely Janet
So true Janet. An amazingly inspirational blog and timely reminder indeed.
I have recently gained this awareness too Gyl and not holding back is really healing for everyone – life flows so much more when we express.
I agree Rachel, sometimes I, if I’m honest have found it a bit scary, as in the truth that I’ve held back and not expressed how I really feel for so long, but the absolutely marked and felt huge difference in my body when choosing to express cannot be ignored, spacious, openness and freedom all the way, sure beats unease, tension, anxiousness and contraction of holding back, and also that reoccurring playing it out over and over again in my head. It’s as if when we express we actually create more space in our body, life and all around us for life to flow and give ourselves permission and allowing to keep deepening and expressing further.
Thanks Gyl. I am currently struggling with speaking honestly from my heart, judging myself that by doing so is just making it only about myself. There’s such a fine line I feel and currently I am working on feeling the balance of being truthful from a loving place, sharing my own experiences as a way to support another, and not making the communication only relevant to me.
This is beautiful Gyl, thank you. So often we can fall into the nicety of responding to a question without really feeling the truth, almost like we respond on auto-pilot and have certain responses for certain questions. You have presented the amazingness and freedom of sharing exactly how/who we are and the honouring this offers us and everybody else. It honours us by expressing honesty and honours others because they hear the truth of us and not a lie. Awesome.
Thank you Beverley 🙂
It’s so true I am super aware of it no, be it with myself or other people, when the auto pilot kicks in. When I feel this with me, I either re-address and re-imprint it actually saying to another, ‘that’s not true … I feel amazing today” or simply seeing it as a learning when I walk away and nominate it to myself, with no judgement or critic just an okay I didn’t fully engage with that person, or open up, or held back etc – what was going on there. It’s amazing.
And what’s also amazing is expressing when we do feel joyful and amazing as I feel as a society we don’t often allow ourselves to feel that, it’s almost as if there has to be a woe or issue, and that it’s not okay to feel joy and express that. And what else I often notice is that when I do share how I really feel it so often breaks, so to speak an ice, in general I find people aren’t used to other people being so open and honest with them, I love it as you can feel and see them saying cool I can be me and share how I really feel too, as there’s such a gorgeous connection that comes with that, we are all the same.
Beautiful Gyl, such a simple example of how powerful it is to be completely honest with ourselves and others.
Thank you Rebecca
I just read your blog and it was such a healing to read it. Yes, it is just amazing to be honest and open with everybody and i am learning that big time at the moment. True intimacy….what i have discovered is that i am open with certain people and that i am holding back with others. Then i measure what i say because of fear of reaction, resistance or judging. When i do that, i don’t really let that person in and show them the real me. I am going to take your blog into my day and make this my commitment: today i am going to be open and honest with all those beautiful people that i will meet. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Mariette, I absolutely know what you mean, it’s as if we have a different face for different people depending on what we think they may feel or how they may or may not react, even expectations or as you say it may even be something within ourselves. I love to be aware of this and say ‘wow okay what’s going on here’, when I feel I can’t be as open, and I can actually feel a tension and my body physically pulling back or shutting down.
yes i can so relate to that tension. Whenever that pops up and i feel it in my body, it is like a loving signal of my body telling me that there is no need to change or to harden my body…i just take a lovely gentle breath and stay with my body. There is nothing to do or to be, just be me. Yihaa!
It’s true Ariana, through experience when I hold myself in hardness, judgement or critique, then without even realising it I am holding all others in exactly the same. It’s only as I open and allow myself to love and appreciate who I am and all that I bring, can i then let go of this need for the world or people to be a certain way, and with this the hardness, barriers and protection drops and all there is left is love and an openness and willingness to simply connect.
I love what you say Mariette about how we can share a measured version of what we are feeling and calibrate this to who we are speaking to. So in many ways different people are actually getting a different version or parts of you instead of the fullness of you equally, imperfections and all. It’s quite fascinating really so I must ask the question why does anyone feel to do this? Why do we shy from the truth of what we feel so often?
There is such a joy in being honest. My body always feels at ease when I am. Like you I am inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, as before coming across Universal Medicine, I hardly ever expressed honestly and always kept my true feelings buried and didn’t share them. I can now see the harm and distance this created in my relationships, as we never get to open up to people (and get to know ourselves) without honesty.
Very true Shevon, when we hide how we are truly feeling, then how can we ever expect to have intimacy in a relationship? I know for myself that the more I have been willing to open up and share, the more open, honest and beautiful my relationships have become. The Universal Medicine presentations in all their differing forms have encouraged me to live honestly – a truly graceful gift in my life and one that I appreciate daily.
Rowena, I just absolutely love your replies and expression, I can feel the truth in all you share, and I can also feel how beautiful and graceful you are. And yes I absolutely agree that the presentations by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are an absolute gift … a daily appreciation and inspiration to live life more lovingly, honestly and truthfully. Thank you
absolutely Shevon, I am smiling at knowing that. And yes it’s so true holding back, does create so much harm in our bodies and relationships with people, How many times have I walked away or put down the phone etc and felt oh I wish I’d said that, had that feeling there was something more to express, or knowingly not said how we really feel. I’m learning when I feel this in my body, that something is there to be shared, that it feels so much better for all to express rather than hold back, for what I have come to realise each and everyday is that what I have to share is important and there the heard, I am learning more and more that by expressing my truth it not only supports me, but also the fact that there may be something in for someone else to hear – just as I have found when I am listening to someone else, or even reading all these comments on the blogs, it’s like wow, I’m going through that just know, what an amazing reminder, or even something that makes me go ‘ouch’ I so needed to hear that – I feel with every expression shared from my heart and not my head there is always something there to learn. Ha ha even in saying that I learn when I express from my head or my hurts, I know they are not true and there’s something else going on.
I was the same Shevon. I was full of self-doubt and lacked true communication skills so for me to express honestly was more akin to getting blood out of a stone. The presentations by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have really helped me to come out of my shell and have given me the confidence to now express honestly in any situation.
A smile of recognition as I read your reply Tim. Self doubt and lack of true communication, getting blood out of a stone, yes, I have had those delay tactics too. The presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have shown me there is another way, one where I can be confident in my expression and be honest in everything I do, it is a life changing experience. Inspiring blog Gyl.
I wonder why we make life so complicated? It is lovely to read how you just speaking the truth about how you felt with no drama allowed your friend to open up and share how they too were really feeling. I can feel the deepening of your relationship with your friend. Thank you for the inspiration.
Hi Mary, this is a question I so often ask, I feel with myself I complicate things as it creates drama, and therefor I can go into the stress of it and my head which in turns takes me away from that knowing and feeling from my body and the absolute joy and simplicity in being me and in life. It also makes me shut down, contract, feel small and no huge, light and super bright.
Then what I ask when I am confronted with it at work, even on websites, or relationships, or just day to day stuff is why is everything made so complicated in life … is this a set up and game being played by something much bigger than us … and my feeling and answer is yes.
If things, just as they are with ourselves, are complicated then there is something else at play, for I and we all know deep down that life is and can be naturally super simple, full of joy, ease and flow, and in this we are left to know and feel who we naturally are, as there is nothing stopping us from feeling, deeply re-connecting and being with our bodies, it also opens up for much deeper connections and relationships with everyone else.
But ……. throw a spanner in the works – complication, it can, if we ( as I am learning) re-act to it, knock everything out, then in comes the drama, the stress and possibly even overwhelm. So could it simply be a game to stop us from knowing the power, stillness and amazingness we all are….
This is inspiring and very timely, Gyl. I woke up this morning and have been having an honest look at how I am really feeling, not how I want to feel, or think that I should be feeling. How amazing to open up my inbox to find this lovely reminder waiting for me! Magic!
I LOVE how Magic happens 🙂
This is a perfect reminder for me of the importance and potential of every single communication with another. But actually what also strikes me is that the starting point in this simple exchange is the initial commitment to being totally open and honest with yourself – not just over-riding with autopilot. This choice is one that we have every and any time of the day, irrespective of whether you are communicating with another. I know for myself that I often don’t do it though. I often over-ride these opportunities, so I greatly appreciate the inspiration of this article. Thank you.
This is a great point Otto, the starting point being our openness and honesty with ourselves, before any interaction with another person. A great reminder for me to.
Yes this is true! Before we can be honest with another we have to be honest with ourselves first. It ‘s very easy to override what we feel and ignore what is there because we don’t want to deal with it.
Overriding what we feel is a fascinating phenomenon. It’s like ignoring the big white elephant in the room when we know it’s there, its obvious and yet we work so hard to pretend we haven’t even seen it. Crazy!
Very true Priscila, as these little things really build up and support us to be much more clear on what is going on and what is needed.
Thank you Otto, and yes it does start with ourselves and being honest and truthful in how we feel and where we are at, and yep it’s a choice in every moment of the day, in all we do, not just when we are with people.
it’s interesting as i even find commenting on blogs etc, is no different, as in I can say what I think needs to be said or I can stop and feel with truth and honesty what I feel and what is there to be truly expressed, and not hold back for worry of what others may think etc, it’s all an amazing learning.
Yes Gyl, it definitely starts with ourselves first, I find it so important to be totally open and honest with myself at all times, how I am feeling, where my body is at, and honouring that whatever it may be. It is an amazing learning.
Very true Lorraine…as you write this I am reminded again of the inspiration of this article. But the question comes up of why are we not honest in the first place? What is it that has taught us to disregard how we feel, and not be honest about that as we communicate and express outwardly. When as children did we learn that crying needed to be replaced by talking to help our parents know what we wanted and then this was replaced by silence as we learnt to fit in with what society wanted…
A great comment Otto. Yes we have this opportunity every day and a responsibility with every communication we have and even the communication we have with ourselves too.
That is so true – the way we communicate with every single person is so important, and our ability to be honest and open begins first with our decision to be honest to ourselves. I’ve often noticed that when someone asks me ‘how are you?’ and I say ‘I’m great’, that moment really reveals to me whether or not I am actually being honest to myself or not. Sometimes I have to stop and say wow that just sounded like a lie, and it very much reveals my dishonesty to myself in that moment.
Thank you Gyl for this article, Otto for deepening the understanding about the commitment to being honest with ourself, and Matilda and Vanessa for talking about acceptance, appreciation and tenderness. These points make complete sense.
With acceptance and tenderness I tend to be more able to be honest with myself and when I am also appreciating, the quality of the honesty that comes out is confirming and inspiring for myself as well as inspiring for others. And a gorgeous possibility and space opens up.
And this high lights to me Otto how often we don’t trust what we feel, or that we don’t deserve to honour ourselves in full, something I feel both men and women suffer with equally.
Hi Otto, I can really relate to this as well, reading your comment I could feel how much I hold back from what I want to say. I have felt how good it feels within my body when I am open, honest and express all I want to say to another …for me this is work in progress to be able to express like this all of the time. I can still feel or think what I have to say is silly or feel how I want to go in protection mode within my body so not to get hurt, but these lessons and choosing to see and feel this are well worth it if the end result is openess and honesty all of the time.
That’s beautful Otto and such an inspiring reminder for me – thank you for sharing,
So true Otto. The key to being open with others is to start by being totally honest with ourselves. This is something I’m going to make a focus for myself over the next few days.
Yes Otto, it does start with our relationship with ourselves; actually allowing myself to feel how I truly feel. The more we do that, and then express from that, the more we trust what we feel and this will carry over into all our relationships.
When I am completely honest and truthful it is amazing what happens. For when I express that way my heart opens and I let others in and the magic happens. Answering the question, ‘How are you?’ seems such a small question but answered in the way you did, Gyl, it becomes something so much more.
Thank you Gyl, for sharing the magical-ness of closing the gap between how we think things should be (the automatic, habitual and/or polite responses), and the way things truly are. In being honest about how I really am, I can begin to develop acceptance and appreciation – tenderly holding myself in every interaction.
Absolutely Matilda, it is an honouring and appreciation of ourselves in being honest, instead of overriding how we feel. I love how this also allows a reflection for another to be this way too, if they so choose. It all becomes much more real and less escapist.
I agree, and it also develops more real relationships, ones developed though honesty and support, with a trust that there will be no judgement when something is said.
tenderness is key I am finding.
Vanessa I love this, it made me laugh as just moments before I read this comment, I had felt to ask myself how am I really feeling as I could feel I wasn’t quite me, and as I asked myself this, the word that came up was tenderness… then I read this comment. And since feeling this tenderness and honouring it, I have felt nothing but tender and delicate all day. What I have also noticed is that allowing and feeling this tenderness asks me to slow down, let go of rushing and also honouring everything else I feel.
It is interesting to observe that when we generally ask each other, “how are you?” we say, “I’m good thank you”, or “I’m fine thanks”, even if we aren’t. You have highlighted that we don’t need to be a certain way, and no need to worry about what another may think or say, just by saying how it is frees others up to do the same.
Perhaps the key here is to be truthful about how we are feeling but not judge ourselves in the process. Therefore anything we say about how we are is ok and will be received by another person in the same way.
Very true Rebecca and in that we are then able to truly connect with everyone equally.
Rebecca that is beautifully said. I often find myself allowing and understanding others much more than myself, if I’m prepared to give others that grace, why is it so difficult to allow that same grace for myself?
So true Rachel, can you feel the release in just allowing ourselves this, that we don’t have to be okay or fine or any way apart from simply being ourselves, such a huge weight I feel is lifted in this.
Thank you Gyl for sharing. I have also experienced, that it is a blessing for myself and the other person to simply allow myself to feel and express what i feel without holding back, and that this is actually our natural way to be with another.
I feel that’s what it’s all about Janina, “simply allowing”
very true Janina, natural and true.
Thank you Gyl, the freedom that comes with honesty feels so lovely in what you share. It feels so nautral and simple, making me ask why honesty isn’t how I always communicate.
That’s exactly what it is Sandra, the feeling of freedom in both our body and life.
Yes I agree and with everyone we connect to, and coming from that freedom and honesty makes life so much more simple and joyful.
This is a great question Sandra and one for discussion I feel, what is it about life and the way we communicate that stops us from truly expressing what we feel with no holding back. What are we afraid of and what ideals and beliefs are we holding onto that stop us from just being ourselves? Gyl has demonstrated how easy it is and how important it is and this is available to us all.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story Gyl, so simple and yet so powerful. I know when I’ve been asked how I am, and I haven’t been great, I’ll just be polite and say I’m ok, as I thought the other person didn’t want to hear my tales of woe. How beautiful and freeing it is when we can and do express openly and honestly – to me it feels like a burden or pressure is released – and I get back to feeling my natural self instantly.
Absolutely Frank, and I feel there is a huge difference in stopping connection and sharing how we really feel, rather than as I have before, just kind of dumped my day on other people, there are two very different ways to go about it, and it doesn’t mean we have to hold back in any way, just be more aware of how and what we are expressing and the energy / way in which we are doing so.
Recently I found I was being less open with someone as I was trying to deal with all this stuff I was feeling, but as you say I didn’t want to feel like I was dumping all my woe, I felt I had to put on a face of yeah I’m great, eveythings amazing, when really on the inside I was feeling all this other stuff. Eventually I just said hey you know what this is how I really feel and what’s been going on, and in that honesty it allowed for a much deeper and real connection with myself and the other person, I could feel I let let them in. Whereas before in holding back, and playing the “i’m fine”, created a barrier or layer of protection around myself and between us, where it was just about niceties, and not really the truth. It’s amazing that one little word, or a few sentences being honest can create so much freedom and space, in many ways, from our bodies, our connection, our relationships and even all around us. And yes definitely a marked difference, I felt myself again, it was almost like my whole body let out a sigh, as if it had been in contraction, in holding and not breathing out.
Thanks, Gyl. Playing the “I’m fine” game, as you say, stunts us as there is no opportunity to learn and grow. Having a layer of protection must be one of the greatest illusions that we as humans resort to, as we harden, shut down and therefore are no longer able to feel what’s really going on. I am learning to be more open and vulnerable too these days, but there is a strength in it because I am being me.
I love what you share here Janet, vulnerability and strength are not two words we would often put together, but it is so true there is an absolute strength in allowing ourselves to just be us, to be open and vunerable because we are being true.
I love reading your comments Janet and Gyl. It’s funny I am still trying to get my head around vulnerability and strength going hand in hand when actually it’s a matter of my inner heart. When I connect to me, I feel the two go together hand in hand even if my mind continues to struggle.
Every time I come back to my body and am open and honest with another, even if initially I feel vulnerable about expressing honestly, by connecting to what is really going on I actually connect to an inner strength. But if I am in conversation trying to protect myself, I know I am saying to the other person it’s not ok to be open with me and then we don’t get to connect. But when we are open with each other and give ourselves the opportunity to connect I feel there is great strength (and joy) in connection.
True Gyl, and when we are building facades and protective walls we have to put a lot of effort into sustaining that falseness – which is a very draining and unsustainable way to live.. Surrendering to our true self, allows our real strength and power to be unveiled.
Thank you Janet, your comment has helped me to see more clearly the relationship between the layers of protection we humans don and the limiting of our ability to feel what is really going on.
Yes Janet I too am learning to be more open and sharing my vulnerabilities. I feel such an expansion when I do too.
And it makes our relations very true and real which gives it the opportunity to deepen Every day since the foundation is love.
To be considerate of others and polite was my motto. I was known for being ‘considerate’ and this was one of the labels I applied to myself. I’m slowly realising that this was just another way to avoid connection and commitment in any relationship. It was a barrier that I erected between me and others to protect myself. Thank you Gyl for showing us that being open and vulnerable is so much more enjoyable and encompassing of life.
Wow, what you say about being considerate strikes a chord in me. I have done that too and I am just realising what a cop out that has been as there have been times others have needed and wanted to express and I have held back from asking questions, supposedly out of ‘consideration’ but more perhaps out of fear of not being equipped to deal with it. Not allowing space to connect essentially. A light bulb moment. Thank you.
I agree Jeanette. Its very interesting why any of us would ever shy away from sharing the truth of how we are really feeling as when we share with others how and what we are really feeling it gives them the opportunity to do the same which in turn allows our conversations to be so much more real, honest and evolving for all.
This is so true, it is like a politeness to say everything is fine instead of what is really going on, in either fear of being judged or not wanting another to think less of you because in that moment you are not feeling that great. Or if you are in the UK you can just talk about the weather : )
As Karin said in an earlier comment, it is really refreshing and open when you are honest with another about what is going on for you, and a great opportunity for the other person to learn something if they need to.
I so agree, Frank – I am always at a loss when I am not feeling absolutely great and how to then express that so it doesn’t sound outright bad (which it is isn’t) or whingey and sullen. It feels like it is about making the space to truly express how I really feel. A very inspiring contribution by both you and Gyl, thank you.
Thank you Frank and Gabriele, for addressing this point. I get aware that I very often do not want to express to someone if I feel bad in any way. This means I don’t want to accept it in the first point for me. With this I am not completely connected to me and do not allow my body to show me why. So how can I connect fully to another person? We do not need to make a whole story, but just openly saying how we truly feel is very honoring to oneself and in the same way to the other. It builds trust and intimacy and allows the other person to do the same.
Hi Gyl, as I read your blog just now I could feel myself drop and completely honor the simplicity of what you are sharing with all of us. A big thank you from me.
Awesome Thank you Leigh
I agree Leigh, simplicity and truthfulness together work really well.
Simplicity is how the soul likes it
What a very beautiful blog Gyl. I love the simplicity of it – how the magic of taking a moment to feel how you really are, and being honest about it, really works. There is a power in this simple awareness that goes way beyond anything we can ever ‘think up’. As you say, your friend was then inspired to open up and express how they were really feeling too. The possibility of ever-deepening and loving relationship is truly here for us now!
Thank you Lyndy, it is amazing and so cool that with such simplicity we can come back to how we ‘really’ are. More often than not the thoughts we have about ourself are not true in relation to what our body is actually feeling and saying. As Serge Benhayon presents “our body is the marker of all truth.” and boy oh boy do I agree with that!
Totally true – what we think is not who we are or how we truly feel, the mind can be a master critic and by checking in to feel how we feel, like Lyndy shared, there is a magic that can’t be thought up.
Thank you, Gyl, for the timeless blog. Sometimes we need a reminder. Today I got an e-mail from a friend asking how am I and I didn’t answer straight away. I need to feel how I am instead of giving just “I am fine”. I agree with you-when we are open and honest, people around us feel it and respond the same way. It is really beautiful to communicate like this and making it normal.
This is so great to remember and to understand Gyl, that our thoughts about ourself are not always true in relation to what we feel within, and/or what our body is telling us. Every time we are asked “how are you?” is an opportunity to connect more deeply with ourselves.
A gorgeously delightful blog Gyl! I too have found that the more I am honest with where I’m at – and however I’m feeling – it allows this same opportunity for another to share how they are truly feeling also – I’ve found it’s a beautifully expansive way to develop relationships and open up a deeper connection with others. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Angela, it is a beautiful way to be not only with ourselves but all others too, and yes it allows for much deeper levels of connections, I feel with ourselves too.
Your blog really made me look at how I am with friends, especially on the phone. When I am just being me, with nothing else going on, I know instantly when they say ‘I am ok’, if they are not, and will gently check with them again if it feels appropriate. This gives us both an opportunity to open up to each other. Sharing our problems and feelings provides mutual support and makes it all so much clearer. If I am distracted we both lose out.
I agree Angela and Gyl, just yesterday I had a conversation with a long term friend of mine, where we both honestly shared how we were feeling with where we are in our lives and it was such a real conversation that we both agreed we could feel the healing benefits afterwards. This is bringing us much closer.
Beautifully Shevon – when 2 people really meet each other, what a joy. Thanks for sharing.
I agree Shevon, listening to someone with openness and a genuine interest in how the other is feeling can be very healing. And in this day and age it is very refreshing to find someone who is prepared to listen and not want to make it all about them. People are drawn to people who are naturally open, could this be telling us that this is what we are yearning for, to be heard?
Yes I agree. I’m finding being more honest about where i’m at and sharing this also gives them permission and opportunity to open up. I feel it’s because, in being honest, I have allowed myself a level of acceptance and am offering this to another as I share.
Well said, Karin. I am discovering that being honest and taking responsibility for my part opens up relationships to a new level of trust and intimacy.
Being honest with friends and colleagues, in my full expression, does allow them to reciprocate. To be vulnerable and tender with another person has given me permission to share, to open up, to be truly who I am. By giving trust I am receiving trust.
I find that if I allow myself to feel my own vulnerability and the more tender I am with myself, then I am naturally more tender with another.
You are so spot on there Janet… “opens up relationships to a new level of trust and intimacy”, this is beautiful because I feel that many of us are missing this level of intimacy with another, and how simple it could be if we open up more to each other.
Janet I couldn’t agree more. Being honest with ourselves and real with how we are feeling allows others to feel that openness too. Thats where the trust grows and deepens into intimacy.
Angela, I too have noticed this, the more open and honest I am with people the more open and honest they are with me. My relationships with staff, family and friends has opened up a different level of trust, this giving everyone the space to truly speak their truth without feeling they are going to be judged.
Very inspiring to give oneself and others the opportunity to connect with honesty and no fear of judgement. how refreshing!
Amita I have found the same thing, especially with strangers. I come across a lot of customers, working in retail – I find if I am not putting on any sort of act or pretending to be something I’m not, It’s not the people around me that change, it’s me – I see everything differently, which is really quite amazing to experience.
Beautiful Amita, the trust people have in their relationship with you is the foundation of an ever developing intimacy we all crave.
Beautifully put Katinka and so true. I love what you’ve written here.
That is so true, it does come down to trust. When people trust us then true intimacy begins . Trust comes from truth, with true foundation. I am coming to understand this more and more in our business.
Beautiful Amita, trust opens the way for deeper intimacy and connection.. and I am learning it begins with us being fully open, honest, not protected or hard, and through this consistency can allow another to learn trust again.
Love what you say Amita “When people trust us then true intimacy begins “-
This is a very important factor in connecting deeper in relationships .
For me also it’s trusting that when I speak from truth and honesty -it is enough, and learning to let my guard down.
And if the other person reacts from this – that is their issue to deal with.
Love what your experience has been Amita – certainly it shows that relationships with others, with everything, can change based on how we are first.
Amita I feel you have hit a big one here and it is that listening to be and allowing them the space to talk or just be themselves without judging them, sometimes even before they speak. This is something I am working on. But what I also realise is this judgement can often come from me first, in the sense of self judgement and critique then that’s how I am with other people, and boy that hurts and feels awful. And often I can feel the judgement or not allowing people the space to just be, comes from my own protection as in I don’t want to get hurt here so at times I can feel my body harden or go onto protection before I even see them, or I jump in first or dismiss, not fully engaged in the conversation and that feels awful for everyone involved too.
Amita I agree – I have had the same experience and I would like to add that there is so much more joy in all my relationship as well . . .
It is inspiring to read these comments and feel how different life can be when we are willing to be open and transparent about how we are feeling and how we live.
Honesty and openness without judgement, expression at it’s best!
I am currently experiencing the fact that I often apologise for how I truly feel, and try and adjust that to keep the peace. With all of that going on in my head, how on earth could I concentrate on anyone else and having an open relationship? It’s amazing to be so aware of that.
Yes Phil I too am becoming aware that I do try to keep the peace. But recently, speaking with some friends I noticed that I veered the conversation to a more truthful way of expressing and hold and behold they opened up as well leaving behind the mundane talk we usually share.
This is lovely Patricia, just this evening I had that conversation about doing just that, how to bring a conversation from the mundane to a more connected way of expression so all can evolve within it.
Honesty without judgement, what a great combination. Acknowledge and move on to the next moment and make different choices.
It is amazing to be aware. Imagine, that way of thinking could run a person’s whole life without them being aware of it, so it’s great Phil that you are aware. I know when I get caught up in what other people will think of me it really stops me from understanding let alone expressing what I feel.
Yes Angela, and what I felt as I was reading Gyl’s post is how sadly unusual for people to be completely honest. As we bring back honesty and truthfulness into our conversations, we break down our self-protective defences and invite others to do the same. The truth is absolutely empowering.
Yes, and isn’t this what we all crave, to be completely ourselves with others… however, we are the ones that cap this by not expressing.
How different our relationships would be if based on our commitment to express in this way.
Very true Kylie. The more I am myself, the less I am invested in the recognition of what others think of me. The habits I have fallen into – to please, be nice, be liked start to fall away and I am left with just what is there to be expressed.
I found that too Angela, just the other day I met up with a dear friend of mine and through just being me and honestly sharing where I was at, so much more opened up for both of us. Thank you Gyl for your lovely expression
I found the same Angela , the more I open up and share from within, the more people feel the opportunity for themselves too. It is lovely to interact in this way as relationships expand and become much deeper.
I agree Angela – it’s a very simple thing to actually be present when someone is expressing how it is that they are feeling in that moment, meeting them honestly.
This I feel is a far cry from what once was my experience where the question itself as to ‘how are you’ or ‘howyrgoin’ was not coming from a place of truly caring or wanting to know or feel how the other actually was truly faring, but more from a visual acknowledgement that they can see that you are there – perhaps even holding them up from attending to what they see as their important piece of business which is up and over there somewhere. How truly beautiful it is to take time in presence and meet someone and listen to them fully.
And it makes our relations very true and real which gives it the opportunity to deepen every day since the foundation is love.