Last Christmas I received the most unexpected and miraculous present ever. I was speaking with my Mom, with whom I have had a difficult relationship for many years, particularly the last 3, and I noted a change in me: let me explain a little further.
A few months prior to our Christmas phone call I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda. When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.
So on the aforementioned Christmas day, as we were talking and truly listening deeply to one another in this new way, she shared with me something I never thought I’d hear her say. That she and my step-dad, who both drank 3-4 alcoholic drinks every single day for the past 30+ years, (hard liquor, beer, and wine) had stopped drinking completely – and it was no big deal at all! I was stunned. I was so deeply touched to learn that it was something they chose to do together to improve their health and vitality.
My parents are both losing weight, sleeping better, waking up earlier and have more energy. My Mom is 69 years old and my step-dad is 79. Alcohol has been a part of their daily routine for most of their lives, and now it’s just simply not.
In hearing this most amazing news, I connected with the pain I had felt deep inside for many years upon witnessing how different they both became after having even just one drink. I started weeping tears of joy and relief and humbleness.
The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.
This is so huge in my family, and such an amazing healing for me and my partner and for them – for us all together. In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol. I now feel such deep honor and appreciation for them both in a way that I didn’t allow myself to before, with or without alcohol… The best Christmas present ever!
By Anonymous, USA
501 Comments
When we hold no expectations, no neediness, and no agenda our relationships flourish – bring this stuff back in and they go haywire.
I love these words: “never ever doubt what someone is capable of” – sometimes we can get very tunnel visioned when it comes to what we see, especially when it comes to other people’s choices, but it’s amazing to acknowledge that this moment isn’t forever and we have no idea what is possible or what someone might chose the next moment.
All in our own time.
It is very beautiful to watch people that you love make more self loving choices.
I agree it is very lovely to see anyone making more loving choices – it is also very liberating to be free of the need for others to get it with the understanding that everyone will when they are ready!
The last few Christmas’s have been the best I have ever had. It involved very few presents and just a true joy and celebration of the family and friends who we were with. No indulgence just great true and honest conversations deliciously prepared food and sharing time together.
Many of us have pictures of how we want our parents to be and will not let them off the hook of expectation. We end up being hard on them and having a relationship that is less than loving – a relationship of ‘putting up’ with them. It’s awful to think that we can go our whole lives without truly accepting our parents and understanding why and how they got their own set of beliefs, and in a way waiting for them to change first.
It is interesting that when we hold onto our hurts we do not allow others to change, instead we hold them to how they have been and this can incarcerate them and us into going back into and repeating old patterns. Healing and learning to let go is an important aspect in relationships.
This beautiful and inspiring sharing brings home to me the importance of never giving up on anyone, as we will all evolve in our own timing
Awesome and so cool your mum is making changes that truly support her. When we accept each other for how we are, without expectations, no agenda and no neediness it is felt – this then allows them space to truly heal.
Beautiful, hearing what actually a best Christmas present can bring, as this example reveals.. forget all the expensive material gifts, as they fall short when truth is lived.
‘to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ To know and trust the power of reflection.
One of the greatest things I took from this blog is just how important it is to never give up on anyone, no matter how negative an experience you have had with that person. Because giving up on them is the same as giving up on ourselves and love itself. We should never leave anyone behind like that since they may need our love and understanding even more after giving up on it themselves.
Building a relationship with those that are close to us will bring a shift in the way we see each other when we hold our divine connection.
The power of reflection… speaks louder than words as it is our movements that magnify the vibration of love for all to see and know that this light is the light of our being. The gift of being the love we are is one that brings light to our everyday living, every day.
It is amazing how much things can change when we stop judging other people and allow them to be. I have recently found this with a family member and it is as if I am meeting someone I have not met before, as I learn to see the amazing qualities they have. I know the changes have come from my willingness to change and be more open and express lovingly and with an honesty I had not allowed myself to express before, not just with them but with everyone. Like your family Anon the changes are miraculous seem to come out of the blue, but hugely appreciated.
It is so important that we do not judge another as we see them in front of us as we do not know what has brought them to this place in their lives at this moment in time. As the saying goes ‘do not judge a book by it’s cover’ and if we do we might be missing out of the wonder that lies inside. So, to take the time to look past the ‘cover’ of the person standing in front of us can be the most valuable experience for all.
If you back yourself and live in a way that is consistently effectively improving your health, vitality and wellbeing, and do not hide the celebration in expression what that feels like, others will feel the change and back themselves too.
When people make loving choices that truly come from them loving themselves more – then this supports them to deepen their relationships around them. As is the case with your parents – and that their choice to do something that supports them allows you to have a more supportive relationship.
nothing is more beautiful than sharing the love you are with another.
When someone we love starts to love and honour themselves more it is a real blessing and joy. It is also great to have no judgement and no expectation that people should be any particular way.
The deepening of a relationship really is a true gift. A connection – or reconnection with another is a wonderful thing.
It seems to me that when we make a change on an energetic level – such as accepting another for their choices – a space opens up for them to make a different choice. I have seen it happen too often for this to be a coincidence. Is it possible that if we sit in judgment of another, our ‘position’ in that relationship actually becomes part of the dynamic that fuels the very issue we are in judgment of? Something well worth pondering in my view.
Once we let go of the arrogance that we know what is best for anyone else miracles happen.
Alcohol is an unwanted intruder in so many relationships to the detriment of having open loving interactions. However it never helps to see it as the enemy which is how I viewed it for many years with all the resultant frustration and angry outbursts that only ever provided momentary relief whilst cementing patterns of behaviour even deeper. It is only when we give up the fight that change becomes possible as this offers the other person the possibility of lowering their defences and feeling what is true for them.
It hurts us greatly when someone we love hurts themselves and is not love with themselves or us. Often we don’t ever really stop to feel the full impact of it, but it is there with us and with our interactions with them. Sometimes when the behaviour stops, we get to feel what we have been living with and the impact it’s had.
And imagine if society woke up so much that parents everywhere gave this gift to their children, that they would not hand over to addictive substances, that they would let children see who they truly are every day and every night, that they would choose to be themselves so that children would have the inspiration of transparent parents what a gift.
This is a really beautiful sharing. Everyone really does have the capacity to bring change into their lives, but we do do it in our own timing, whether we are 19 or 79 it matters not and there is no such thing as never too late. For as your parents are experiencing the benefits happen immediately.
It is lovely when we can relate to people without expectations, judgement, needs and agenda – makes a huge difference to them, us, our relationships and well-being. Best Christmas present ever!
One thing that supports with this is to not take things personally and to respect the free-will and timing of others. Nobody in connection to their inner-heart would ever say or do anything harmful so if people are behaving in hurtful or unloving ways then that is because they are already hurt and expressing in disconnection to their true nature.
This is an awesome blog that clearly illustrates we are never too old to change, grow and recommit to living our day to day life in a way that prioritizes our physical health as being vital to our wellbeing.
Wow isn’t it incredible that we can choose to poison ourselves with a substance for most of our lives without ever even allowing ourselves to question whether it is a good idea. I did so for over 40 years and it was only through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon that I started to question my choices. Beautiful to hear about your families new choices.
I can feel what a deep gift that was to you on so many levels. For example, the depth of the conversation you were able to have when your mom shared the love they were bringing to themselves and the potential for further conversations on this level discovering new depths together. It sounds like you were able to connect with each other on a whole different level.
A very poignant sharing. Thank-you Anonymous for all you’ve written here.
It is indeed a great evolutionary point to hold no expectation around our parents and birth families. To not only recognise that each is their own person with their own choices of will as to how they live their lives, but also not need nor demand anything, energetically, from them.
To hold someone in the absoluteness of love, whether they are choosing to hold themselves and/or us in the same or not, is the key. We have so much to learn and appreciate about the dropping of judgement, of need, of expectation, and yes, that which Love truly is (which contains none of the attitudes previously stated).
Beautiful. The best present we can give ourselves and others is to not have something. And this allows love to fill the space.
Wow it is amazing what happens when you allow someone the space and time to feel that life doesn’t need to be such a struggle. The willingness to explore another way of living is not easy and it challenges everything you once did, the fact that it is then easy is just confirmation that it is our perception of change being difficult that often gets in the way.
You describe alcohol as an intruder, I can definitely relate to that, once consumed it seems to stand between two people polluting the connection. Alcohol has become such a normalised crutch in society, it would be easy to lose touch with how great life can feel without it
Thank you Anon for a truly beautiful sharing, to have your parents back after so many years in the fog of alcohol is indeed a miracle worth celebrating, no alcohol needed. I feel your tears of joy.
Anonymous, this is very beautiful and a great life lesson, ‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ thank you for sharing this.