Last Christmas I received the most unexpected and miraculous present ever. I was speaking with my Mom, with whom I have had a difficult relationship for many years, particularly the last 3, and I noted a change in me: let me explain a little further.
A few months prior to our Christmas phone call I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda. When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.
So on the aforementioned Christmas day, as we were talking and truly listening deeply to one another in this new way, she shared with me something I never thought I’d hear her say. That she and my step-dad, who both drank 3-4 alcoholic drinks every single day for the past 30+ years, (hard liquor, beer, and wine) had stopped drinking completely – and it was no big deal at all! I was stunned. I was so deeply touched to learn that it was something they chose to do together to improve their health and vitality.
My parents are both losing weight, sleeping better, waking up earlier and have more energy. My Mom is 69 years old and my step-dad is 79. Alcohol has been a part of their daily routine for most of their lives, and now it’s just simply not.
In hearing this most amazing news, I connected with the pain I had felt deep inside for many years upon witnessing how different they both became after having even just one drink. I started weeping tears of joy and relief and humbleness.
The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.
This is so huge in my family, and such an amazing healing for me and my partner and for them – for us all together. In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol. I now feel such deep honor and appreciation for them both in a way that I didn’t allow myself to before, with or without alcohol… The best Christmas present ever!
By Anonymous, USA
529 Comments
This really reminds me of when I drop conditions, needs, expectations and/or judgement it totally blows me away when the other is no longer weighted down by what I am putting on them (the needs etc).
What you have highlighted in your blog anonymous is that we can never judge another person for the way they are choosing to live because we do not know the history of this life or their past live choices. And what I am beginning to understand is that if we hold back love for another we are holding back love for everyone.
You’ve highlighted how beneficial and loving offering people space is for the onlooker, because it can feel devastating seeing the choices people make, particularly if we are unable to feel our natural love for each other.
The power of True reflection should never be underestimated as everyone can feel the quality that is presented.
And reflection is a lasting impression, no matter when people choose to be inspired by it.
Without expectations there’s no pressure to do the changes that we all need to do at some point, as there is acceptance and no judgement about the rhythm each of us has to make their own choices.
A great lesson in loving each other no matter what their choices – as God loves all of us.
Learning to listen to our bodies we would never drink and when we start to understand how much we loose control of our connection then alcohol will becomes a thing of the past just like witch hunts.
Reading this today makes me realise how often I am tempted to give up on someone- not necessarily completely but concerning some aspect of their lives. I am constantly reminding myself to open to more love and hold the other in love and gradually my total acceptance is allowing me more expression, offering the other to come to a deeper level of honesty if they so choose.
Yes Elaine the temptation to give up always seems to be my thoughts that are floating around in the background that can take hold and lead me away from that situation that needs greater love and understanding. Some people are carrying such deep hurts that it is extremely difficult for them to let go as the hurts have become who they are, so that to let go would be to step into a void of uncharted waters. Some people have such ingrained hurts that they cannot let go and to protect their hurts they will attack and ridicule in order to defend what they cannot let go off. These people need huge amounts of love and understanding.
This is really beautiful to accept where someone is at and not have the need for them to be different; ‘When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way.’ This feels very freeing for both of you.
It truly is the best present ever when someone returns to themself.
Even those who reject a person for changing will be blessed by their return.
It’s really beautiful what can happen when we get our hurts, reactions, needs and expectations out of the picture.
This is really great to realise and be honest about; ‘I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda.’ I can feel how judgement gets in the way of us connecting with each other and having loving, true relationships.
Judgement of ourselves and others is a corrosive poison that harms so many relationships and thank you for sharing the miracles that can happen when we let go of trying to control others and give them the dignity to make their own choices.
Anonymous, it is really beautiful and inspiring to read this; ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of.’ How amazing it would be if we all lived this way – not judging each other and instead holding each other in love and knowing each others potential.
People need to do things in their own way and in their own time, that is how true and lasting change can occur.