Last Christmas I received the most unexpected and miraculous present ever. I was speaking with my Mom, with whom I have had a difficult relationship for many years, particularly the last 3, and I noted a change in me: let me explain a little further.
A few months prior to our Christmas phone call I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda. When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.
So on the aforementioned Christmas day, as we were talking and truly listening deeply to one another in this new way, she shared with me something I never thought I’d hear her say. That she and my step-dad, who both drank 3-4 alcoholic drinks every single day for the past 30+ years, (hard liquor, beer, and wine) had stopped drinking completely – and it was no big deal at all! I was stunned. I was so deeply touched to learn that it was something they chose to do together to improve their health and vitality.
My parents are both losing weight, sleeping better, waking up earlier and have more energy. My Mom is 69 years old and my step-dad is 79. Alcohol has been a part of their daily routine for most of their lives, and now it’s just simply not.
In hearing this most amazing news, I connected with the pain I had felt deep inside for many years upon witnessing how different they both became after having even just one drink. I started weeping tears of joy and relief and humbleness.
The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.
This is so huge in my family, and such an amazing healing for me and my partner and for them – for us all together. In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol. I now feel such deep honor and appreciation for them both in a way that I didn’t allow myself to before, with or without alcohol… The best Christmas present ever!
By Anonymous, USA
This really reminds me of when I drop conditions, needs, expectations and/or judgement it totally blows me away when the other is no longer weighted down by what I am putting on them (the needs etc).
What you have highlighted in your blog anonymous is that we can never judge another person for the way they are choosing to live because we do not know the history of this life or their past live choices. And what I am beginning to understand is that if we hold back love for another we are holding back love for everyone.
You’ve highlighted how beneficial and loving offering people space is for the onlooker, because it can feel devastating seeing the choices people make, particularly if we are unable to feel our natural love for each other.
The power of True reflection should never be underestimated as everyone can feel the quality that is presented.
And reflection is a lasting impression, no matter when people choose to be inspired by it.
Without expectations there’s no pressure to do the changes that we all need to do at some point, as there is acceptance and no judgement about the rhythm each of us has to make their own choices.
A great lesson in loving each other no matter what their choices – as God loves all of us.
Learning to listen to our bodies we would never drink and when we start to understand how much we loose control of our connection then alcohol will becomes a thing of the past just like witch hunts.
Reading this today makes me realise how often I am tempted to give up on someone- not necessarily completely but concerning some aspect of their lives. I am constantly reminding myself to open to more love and hold the other in love and gradually my total acceptance is allowing me more expression, offering the other to come to a deeper level of honesty if they so choose.
Yes Elaine the temptation to give up always seems to be my thoughts that are floating around in the background that can take hold and lead me away from that situation that needs greater love and understanding. Some people are carrying such deep hurts that it is extremely difficult for them to let go as the hurts have become who they are, so that to let go would be to step into a void of uncharted waters. Some people have such ingrained hurts that they cannot let go and to protect their hurts they will attack and ridicule in order to defend what they cannot let go off. These people need huge amounts of love and understanding.
This is really beautiful to accept where someone is at and not have the need for them to be different; ‘When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way.’ This feels very freeing for both of you.
It truly is the best present ever when someone returns to themself.
Even those who reject a person for changing will be blessed by their return.
It’s really beautiful what can happen when we get our hurts, reactions, needs and expectations out of the picture.
This is really great to realise and be honest about; ‘I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda.’ I can feel how judgement gets in the way of us connecting with each other and having loving, true relationships.
Judgement of ourselves and others is a corrosive poison that harms so many relationships and thank you for sharing the miracles that can happen when we let go of trying to control others and give them the dignity to make their own choices.
Anonymous, it is really beautiful and inspiring to read this; ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of.’ How amazing it would be if we all lived this way – not judging each other and instead holding each other in love and knowing each others potential.
People need to do things in their own way and in their own time, that is how true and lasting change can occur.
To never stop connecting and loving.. allowing space and not imposing our pictures of how we think things should be is the greatest gift and loving thing we can do for ourselves and all our relationships.
It is amazing how so much changes when we just love and are love, lovely to read your sharing, ‘I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda. When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.’
What a valuable lesson this is indeed Anonymous, “…to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” As you so rightly say, we never know what someone is capable of and equally will never know the reasons why they started a certain behaviour in the first place, so to just accept each other for who they are and their individual choices is the most loving thing we can do.
When we hold no expectations, no neediness, and no agenda our relationships flourish – bring this stuff back in and they go haywire.
I love these words: “never ever doubt what someone is capable of” – sometimes we can get very tunnel visioned when it comes to what we see, especially when it comes to other people’s choices, but it’s amazing to acknowledge that this moment isn’t forever and we have no idea what is possible or what someone might chose the next moment.
All in our own time.
It is very beautiful to watch people that you love make more self loving choices.
I agree it is very lovely to see anyone making more loving choices – it is also very liberating to be free of the need for others to get it with the understanding that everyone will when they are ready!
The last few Christmas’s have been the best I have ever had. It involved very few presents and just a true joy and celebration of the family and friends who we were with. No indulgence just great true and honest conversations deliciously prepared food and sharing time together.
This is so unlike the usual over indulgence in food and alcohol, giving and receiving of often unwanted gifts, and all the rest that constitutes Christmas for so many of us. This time has become much more simple for me over the years too – we really do not need to buy into the pressure and hype even though it is all around us we can do it differently and reap the benefits of little or no stress and much joy and celebration with loved ones.
Many of us have pictures of how we want our parents to be and will not let them off the hook of expectation. We end up being hard on them and having a relationship that is less than loving – a relationship of ‘putting up’ with them. It’s awful to think that we can go our whole lives without truly accepting our parents and understanding why and how they got their own set of beliefs, and in a way waiting for them to change first.
We place these expectations on family instead of accepting them and the situation, we are here to be love, not to judge, ‘to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’
It is interesting that when we hold onto our hurts we do not allow others to change, instead we hold them to how they have been and this can incarcerate them and us into going back into and repeating old patterns. Healing and learning to let go is an important aspect in relationships.
Awesome and so cool your mum is making changes that truly support her. When we accept each other for how we are, without expectations, no agenda and no neediness it is felt – this then allows them space to truly heal.
Beautiful, hearing what actually a best Christmas present can bring, as this example reveals.. forget all the expensive material gifts, as they fall short when truth is lived.
‘to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ To know and trust the power of reflection.
One of the greatest things I took from this blog is just how important it is to never give up on anyone, no matter how negative an experience you have had with that person. Because giving up on them is the same as giving up on ourselves and love itself. We should never leave anyone behind like that since they may need our love and understanding even more after giving up on it themselves.
Building a relationship with those that are close to us will bring a shift in the way we see each other when we hold our divine connection.
The power of reflection… speaks louder than words as it is our movements that magnify the vibration of love for all to see and know that this light is the light of our being. The gift of being the love we are is one that brings light to our everyday living, every day.
It is so important that we do not judge another as we see them in front of us as we do not know what has brought them to this place in their lives at this moment in time. As the saying goes ‘do not judge a book by it’s cover’ and if we do we might be missing out of the wonder that lies inside. So, to take the time to look past the ‘cover’ of the person standing in front of us can be the most valuable experience for all.
If you back yourself and live in a way that is consistently effectively improving your health, vitality and wellbeing, and do not hide the celebration in expression what that feels like, others will feel the change and back themselves too.
When people make loving choices that truly come from them loving themselves more – then this supports them to deepen their relationships around them. As is the case with your parents – and that their choice to do something that supports them allows you to have a more supportive relationship.
nothing is more beautiful than sharing the love you are with another.
When someone we love starts to love and honour themselves more it is a real blessing and joy. It is also great to have no judgement and no expectation that people should be any particular way.
Once we let go of the arrogance that we know what is best for anyone else miracles happen.
Alcohol is an unwanted intruder in so many relationships to the detriment of having open loving interactions. However it never helps to see it as the enemy which is how I viewed it for many years with all the resultant frustration and angry outbursts that only ever provided momentary relief whilst cementing patterns of behaviour even deeper. It is only when we give up the fight that change becomes possible as this offers the other person the possibility of lowering their defences and feeling what is true for them.
It hurts us greatly when someone we love hurts themselves and is not love with themselves or us. Often we don’t ever really stop to feel the full impact of it, but it is there with us and with our interactions with them. Sometimes when the behaviour stops, we get to feel what we have been living with and the impact it’s had.
And imagine if society woke up so much that parents everywhere gave this gift to their children, that they would not hand over to addictive substances, that they would let children see who they truly are every day and every night, that they would choose to be themselves so that children would have the inspiration of transparent parents what a gift.
This is a really beautiful sharing. Everyone really does have the capacity to bring change into their lives, but we do do it in our own timing, whether we are 19 or 79 it matters not and there is no such thing as never too late. For as your parents are experiencing the benefits happen immediately.
It is lovely when we can relate to people without expectations, judgement, needs and agenda – makes a huge difference to them, us, our relationships and well-being. Best Christmas present ever!
One thing that supports with this is to not take things personally and to respect the free-will and timing of others. Nobody in connection to their inner-heart would ever say or do anything harmful so if people are behaving in hurtful or unloving ways then that is because they are already hurt and expressing in disconnection to their true nature.
This is an awesome blog that clearly illustrates we are never too old to change, grow and recommit to living our day to day life in a way that prioritizes our physical health as being vital to our wellbeing.
I can feel what a deep gift that was to you on so many levels. For example, the depth of the conversation you were able to have when your mom shared the love they were bringing to themselves and the potential for further conversations on this level discovering new depths together. It sounds like you were able to connect with each other on a whole different level.
A very poignant sharing. Thank-you Anonymous for all you’ve written here.
It is indeed a great evolutionary point to hold no expectation around our parents and birth families. To not only recognise that each is their own person with their own choices of will as to how they live their lives, but also not need nor demand anything, energetically, from them.
To hold someone in the absoluteness of love, whether they are choosing to hold themselves and/or us in the same or not, is the key. We have so much to learn and appreciate about the dropping of judgement, of need, of expectation, and yes, that which Love truly is (which contains none of the attitudes previously stated).
Beautiful. The best present we can give ourselves and others is to not have something. And this allows love to fill the space.
Wow it is amazing what happens when you allow someone the space and time to feel that life doesn’t need to be such a struggle. The willingness to explore another way of living is not easy and it challenges everything you once did, the fact that it is then easy is just confirmation that it is our perception of change being difficult that often gets in the way.
You describe alcohol as an intruder, I can definitely relate to that, once consumed it seems to stand between two people polluting the connection. Alcohol has become such a normalised crutch in society, it would be easy to lose touch with how great life can feel without it
Thank you Anon for a truly beautiful sharing, to have your parents back after so many years in the fog of alcohol is indeed a miracle worth celebrating, no alcohol needed. I feel your tears of joy.
Anonymous, this is very beautiful and a great life lesson, ‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ thank you for sharing this.
Alcohol the intruder… What a graphic and simple description of something that invades so many billions of people’s lives…a Destructive presence that is literally invited in like some science-fiction horror movie, into people’s homes, always taking its toll.
Alcohol is an ugly intruder and yet so many people see it as their friend.
Humility is a balm that heals so much, costs so little, seems so inaccessible to many and yet is there for all.
How lovely and it strikes me how your mother was always there underneath the alcohol and whatever was taking her over even during those difficult years. So as we all are always still there in essence there is equally always the opportunity to let go off those intruders as you call them that we have chosen and let in.
Great to read this morning, especially how we can hold others in a picture that they will never change or cannot change, and in particular wanting something from them, and then being resentful if they do not deliver. Many of our pictures are not met or do not play out the way we want, but isn’t it far more healthy to examine if our pictures are true than to blame another.
When we expect change from others it means we are attached to an outcome. My experience of being attached is that I put pressure on a person or situation to be a certain way for me. Its all very self centered and never really in my control, so I set myself up for disappointment. Allowing people to be exactly where they are at is a very loving thing to do. I know, because it feels exactly like that when I am in the presence of people who do that with me.
It is amazing when we make true changes in ourselves how this can inspire others to break out of long held patterns and to be inspired to make changes that they too know will support themselves.
“The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” Wise words Anonymous and ones we can all learn from. We never know how much someone can change, by us staying true to who we are and presenting ourselves with love.
This is such a powerful reminder to never give up on someone whatever their choices. I had the pleasure of speaking to a member of my extended family on Christmas Day who has, in the last 18 months, chosen to not only give up alcohol but also smoking. The change in their voice and manner was so clear and I could feel myself letting go of the remaining judgement and resentment I had held against them for the impact their choices have had on my life. Acceptance is truly the best gift ever, not just of others but also ourselves.
What a true gift you received Anonymous.. It just shows the power we have when we don’t allow judgement criticism or frustration to get in the way of building true relationships.
When we stop focusing on what people (and ourselves) do or do not do or want them to do or how we want/need them/ourselves to be that’s when there is space for change and healing to occur. To see such unfold without effort is an amazing gift to behold.
I love how this clearly shows that judgement has no place in living a true life. We can never box someone to their previous choices, more can we push them to change. Pretty much as we can not hold ourselves to ransom for our past choices, nor can we stop our evolution. To limit our movement towards evolution is not ok, so how can it be ok to do that to another.
Christmas, Its that time of year again where many people indulge more then ever in alcohol chocolates and puddings. I love what you share here about never giving up on anyone, when we live our truth others are always watching.
“When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.” Having no expectations truly transforms the potential of every relationship.
Letting go of our judgements, however subtle and hidden we think they maybe, and just being love with another regardless, is in my experience the only true way to be with others, ‘a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ Beautiful.
Great story about the power in being consistent in connecting with someone regardless of who they are and what they are doing or have done. As is shown you just never know the impact this may have within some peoples lives and as you can see some people make life changing decisions for themselves without an instruction but simply from being connected to and appreciated for who they are. I have seen this many times as well in people and while it can’t be directly attributed to someone or something in particular the fact that there is a loving connection that places the person above all else gives them a consistent opportunity to make a choice on what they actually want to do for themselves and as you can see it’s never to late or no mountain is to steep to climb.
It’s to not hold back in any situation we are in, regardless of where and the choice of people around us, just be ourselves … That can be quite a reflection especially when we let people be and accept their choices.
what an extraordinary gift to receive… Just imagine if this spread around the world, and if parents everywhere gave the children this gift, that of living in an alcohol free house… Imagine how the world change and evolve immediately
That’s incredible. The gift really was the realisation that we should never give up, because the truth is, when we do, it’s just a sign that we have had an investment in something not turning out the way we want it to…but things/people have their own timeline, own process of how and when they will do whatever needs to be done.
A beautiful present to themselves and to everyone they meet; a present gift wrapped with love.
This is great to hear, how you not giving up allowed you to build a true relationship and gave them a space to make more loving choices for themselves. Your reflection would have played a big part in the choices they have been making to self care for themselves more.
“… to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” This is a great reminder to have, to not waiver form one’s truth no matter what.
A stunning example of how inspiration works through them feeling the power and reflection of the loving choices you have made for yourself and the difference this has made to your life… something they can’t but want for themselves. An amazing gift for them and for your relationship.
It is interesting to note how the writer has shared the levels judgement that creep in when we build expectations of how we want relationships with others to be. How often do we stop to feel the effects of the same judgements when they are made towards us? There is a huge responsibility in creating images and beliefs that often drive us away from developing true relationships when we stop to ponder on the subject.
it really is a miracle when this happens… And if people are just brave enough to try it, then it can be such a revelation… An alcohol free celebration
Beautiful Beautiful.. The best gift ever – and the greatest testimony that we can not judge or hold anything at randsom to someone – as they have their way , their life , their choices – which are different than mine. And is costing a lot of energy and investment! So both side win – if understanding is brought to place.
Amazing relationships are the best present ever… EVER!! Nothing in the world, no present, no thing, no event, no building or gift or anything compares to a true, loving and evolving relationship with someone.
This is beautiful and very healing to read and to be reminded to never give up on anyone or to judge their behaviours, the more we appreciate the qualities everyone brings we provide an opportunity for them to make a different choice.
This sharing brought a tear to my eyes as I know it is so easy for us to judge others for where they are at. Great changes can come about through choices we make in our own time.
Its very powerful what you have shared, accepting and appreciating people is the key. I watched this great u-tube video with this man that goes around New York with a hug T-shirt on, his focus is on hugging Police and appreciating them and what they are doing for the city, we can all inspire each other like this and Christmas time is a great place to start!
I like the points that have been nominated in this article, especially not judging others for their choices and expressing love to all equally
This is amazing news! And gosh what an important message this has for us all – how judgement, blame, resentment (regret) have simply no function other than harm, separation and dispair. So how beautiful to feel the pain of that and let it go.. A true evolution for you all. This is what we can do and life like all of the time – every single day. So lets start to take this example (blog) as an example for our daily practise in life. Thank you so much for sharing.
What a gorgeous sharing – this is true gift to the whole family!
Great advice to never judge another on their behaviour as each one of us has the potential and the possibility to choose to make different choices for ourselves that are more self-loving and also benefit those around us too. You’re right – this is a humbling realisation when it lands and reflects back to us our own projections of arrogance and blame that we too readily foist on others.
I have seen so many incredible transformations in people recently that I know through my lived experience not to judge another. There are people close to me that I have judged who are now displaying the most beautiful qualities that we as human beings possess, these people are my every day living reminders to never ever judge another because there is a living way within that is common to us all.
A great lesson on how lives can be turned around so quickly, can so easily, so profoundly, and how these changes can affect everyone.
To continue to hold another in their essence no matter their choices and behaviour is an essential life skill to learn. And to release the need to judge, them or our selves for it is one and the same. Judgement comes from allowing beliefs, images and ideas to feed us thoughts rather than simply feeling another in their essence. This is especially important with family as there has often been a long history of ill-behaviour that we have to wade through and find our way with; first accepting responsibility for our own behaviour and then accepting the other exactly as they are without trying to change them.
Thank you Emma. I really appreciate your comment. I feel the same way. How you have expressed this so simply . “Judgement comes from allowing beliefs, images and ideas to feed us thoughts rather than simply feeling another in their essence. ” is spot on…..and if we can’t feel them in their essence can we feel ourselves in our essence ?
It is true, the greatest gifts come through connection and are not based on how much they cost. It is good to remember this at Christmas time and make it about connection first and foremost within any ritual that is chosen.
Wow I feel the humbleness and it’s truly inspirational what you are sharing here. I love this part:”The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.”
Thank you again for this wonderful article. I often feel back to this blog and remember the importance of never giving up on someone.
Being open brings the most beautiful heartfelt connection and allows for so much healing – this is beautiful, thank you for sharing
When we know ourselves, we can actually start to be ourselves, and then we can start to be ourselves in our relationships, and then we start to live in a whole new world.
I love this anonymous never to give up on anyone is extremely important and something we do not do enough of.
In society in general there are millions of people we give up on daily and cast a blind eye too – the homeless, the drug addict, the prostitute and yet we rarely get reminded that these brothers are equally too love. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a more understanding society? We are a way off yet but one day we shall eventually get it right!
This is so beautiful to re read again Anonymous, I have family members that drink and some who are going through the process of stopping, it has caused me so much pain during the years to see how even one drink changes them, I am learning over the last couple of years to accept them as they are, and love them where they are, knowing that miracles do happen.
Yes Jill, I too am learning that part of the miracle is me accepting what another chooses to do. Over the years I have come to realise how imposing it is when I judge another on their own choices. Another thing I’ve noticed is if I have an investment in them getting it, I’m not coming from pure love, they feel it and they then become doubly resistant- hence I can then make the situation much worse!
In your words: ” a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” Wow! Anonymous it has been a while since last I read your beautiful sharing, a very timely one as it relates so well with a situation I’m working with at present – thank you.
Now this is what I call a true Christmas present; one that changes lives in a loving and healing way. In fact it would be a wonderful present on any day of the year and something to be celebrated.
It is beautiful to read how your parents are now taking responsibility for the way they are living and making different choices in order to support themselves.
I have just finished reading this blog of Christmas Day and am appreciating the message that this great piece of writing brings. It is so easy to judge, make fun of or not agree with how people live their lives but when we go about sharing that there is no room to build love and understanding which is the key ingredient for all and the best Christmas gift you can ever receive.
This blog shows when we give ourselves and others space to do whatever they want to do with no judgement but also without being sympathetic for what they are going through, there is an equality amongst each other that allows the connection and love to be felt. We should never give up on anyone as we are all Sons of God.
It’s pretty miraculous when we let go of expectations. I’m constantly realising how much of a prison cell it is to always expect that people and situations should turn out a certain way. Of course, it’s impossible to let go of this pattern if one has not eased up on themselves first. I know I place a huge amount of pressure on myself to be a certain way, and because of that, I place an expectation on others to be a certain way, and most of the time I don’t even realise it!
The key to releasing those shackles appears to be quite simple. Give yourself and others a break. A little lesson for me today.
“…no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda.” That’s what gives us freedom to love.
As you said, Anonymous, “When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way” it opened up a new way of connecting between you two and for your Mum it shifted off great weight of your expectations.
I also like that you decided never give up on anyone.
This is absolutely beautiful to read because this blog is celebrating how much joy their is by not only seeing another come more into themselves and live more of who they truly are, but also appreciating the joy of seeing them do it in their own time at their own pace.
how amazing… To actually be able to let go of resentments and hurts have been lodged there for many many years… If this is possible then it is possible for our whole lives to be reconfigured, and this is what the world needs to hear now… That we can actually let go of what has been held and hurt us, and truly start to heal
Lovely point Chris. That if this is possible for one person, then naturally it’s for everyone to clear their hurts and live in a very different way, one choice at a time.
Hear Hear Chris James stepping back to love and letting go of the fear that holds us, very beautiful and very necessary if we want to truly evolve.
This was so beautiful to read Anonymous, it brought tears to my eyes, to never give up on anyone, to love them for who they truly are, without judgement, blame or guilt. What a wonderful Christmas for your family.
Thanks anonymous it just goes to show its never to late to discard unhealthy lifestyle choices.
‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ Thank you anonymous this was good to hear this morning. I know how true it is and how by deepening the connection with myself I deepen the connection with all others.
To be consistently love in all facets of life brings honesty to every connection in life and that is a pretty cool way to be.
You can feel how deeply your experience has touched you and I love the simplicity of what you share from your Christmas gift…never give up on anyone. Very wise words. Sometimes we don’t see things that others see so clearly and it is through love and people not giving up that we support each other. It is very possible to let someone go, to live their own life and make their own choices, the point is you love them either way.
It is truly a revelation once, having started to heal our own hurts, how we can have relationships again with people we thought it would be possible to relate to.
When we hold another in love, we hold them in All that they truly are. When we choose to be a constant reflection of love we invite others to connect this same love for themselves, with which they too can then share with others. This is the beautiful inspirational gift that love is, of endless giving and receiving.
A beautiful blog about reconnecting back with family without judgement. Without judgement there is no expectation.
Wonderful to read and I can confirm this what you are writing. Once I stopped my expectations towards my mother, we were able to meet each other, to have great conversations, we both opened up, it was just lovely to spend time with each other. There was so much joy between us, I just loved it. What I learned was, that expectations don’t allow me, to meet another person. Awesome lesson.
Great realisation Alexander, now when I meet with someone and I feel something coming up I check in with me first to see what are my expectations, and once I am able to acknowledge and drop them the relationship with that person is allowed to flourish and expand rather then confine it to my own preconceived ideas of how I think they/ we should be.
Gosh, I can really feel your appreciation for your parents Anonymous. It sounds like a real miracle for them to make that choice after such a long time daily tradition. And what an amazing reflection for you and all of us. Learning to not judge others for their choices is a work in progress for me. I still do it every single day, but I realise that everytime I judge another, I’m really just judging myself for the many choices I’m not so proud of. Acceptance and appreciation – two tools that we all need to practice as much as possible. Great story!
I sometimes find it difficult to accept family members exactly as they choose to be. This is because I have experienced moments when they are making self-loving choices, so when they are not, I expect them to be more, to be who they potentially are, to always make self-loving choices. However, this is not allowing free will, and expectations feel awful for the person experiencing the pressure and judgement, and awful for me. Having expectations of others is a sure way to experience disappointment in the long run. What I have also discovered is that I have these same expectations of myself. When I am less than I know I can be, I am really hard on myself. This does not give me (or anyone else) space to make more loving and responsible choices but leaves me feeling worse. The bottom line is that there is no love in expectations and in judgement. I love what you share that when you don’t have an expectation of others and they do make a self-loving choice, this can be celebrated by all. Relationships can be built rather than destroyed.
Expectations and judgements feel very much like attachments and outcomes I have had, especially with family where I have had an attachment to wanting them to make more loving choices for themselves and not stay in misery. What is so beautiful about this blog is it teaches us to let go of all of this and instead to just be open and love with others allowing them to be where they are at. It also shows if we make self-loving choices with no attachment or expectation for another to do the same it may just inspire them to make loving changes naturally in their own time.
“not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” – such a powerful insight and reminder for me at the moment…to apply not just to others but myself as well.
True Joel. Also a good one for me to keep in mind for myself that I deserve no less than any other and am worth the same.
It’s extraordinary the damage that alcohol can cause in relationships, the effect sometimes not truly comprehended until the alcohol is gone and the shocking comparison undeniable. It is beautiful that you have learnt and now been confirmed in never giving up on anyone… for their essence is always there calling them back and at some point they will hear it.
There used to be a lot of anger in my family when alcohol was part of the diet!
It is truly amazing to feel how when we connect to love and meet another with this love, how our relationships naturally deepen with appreciation and acceptance. Thank you for sharing how healing it truly is for all when we commit to love first.
A great reflection that anything is possible, and how freeing it is to just be ourselves with everyone, without investment or expectation.
Wow, old patterns don’t necessarily have to die hard.
That’s a great point Abby. We associate everything with struggle. I certainly do. But, what if it were a choice, followed by more loving choices to help support the big choice? Not to play it down and suggest that it’s super easy, because after years and years of living a certain way, there is a bit of work to be done, but the choice is a simple one.
What a gorgeous present. It is important to never presume that another is beyond change. We are all fluid in our responses and our growth and the only place we can make these decisions is now. Life is full of delicious moments and something that gives me great joy is that each moment is an opportunity to know myself and others in a deeper way and appreciate this.
What a great lesson anonymous in accepting people for where they’re at and allowing them to come around (or not) in their own time. It’s lovely to read about the choices your parents are making for themselves.
I feel very blessed when I read your blog anonymous. I had the same experience with my mother – before my mother died last year, when we met the last time – I was able the first time in my life, just to accept her how she is without any expectations and judgements. We had such a great day together and appreciated each other. Awesome.
How wonderful this was to read, to feel what your parents have been changing in their lives and to feel what that brought up for you, how incredibly healing for all. Thank you anonymous for sharing.
A christmas present to enjoy every day for the rest of your lives. Not only that of your parents choice to be more loving with themselves, but also for that it exposed for you a hurt that you’d for so long held unto that could now let go of.
Thank you anonymous for your blog. I am learning to let people be, love them without reservations, letting go of expectations. With family or partners I find it the hardest as the expectations and investments seem to be bigger. It is a big learning to love others even if their behaviour is damaging and hurtful towards themselves and in cases towards me as well.
This is a heart-warming article. When people make a choice to feel that the choices they are making are harming them and make changes to the way they live then the ripple effect spreads wide and far and brings love and people together.
Not giving up on anyone and letting them make their own choices in their own time resonates deeply with me; I have found it easy in the past to be impatient, demanding even and load my expectations onto others and myself. I do know that life doesn’t work like that at all, as we are ready when we are ready and not a second earlier – and now I am looking forward to extending this understanding and love to myself and others even more.
What a glorious Christmas present. When you write, “a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”, I find reading it very humbling. Thank you for sharing.
I love this comment, thank you Simone – the feeling of not being imposed upon is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world.
Its so wonderful as I realise that I don’t have to tell anybody anything and that just by being and feeling what I am feeling and express there is not much more to do. Definitely learning not to impose on people before there is a true asking.
This is a wonderful blog in more ways than one. Not only does it show amazing benefits to giving away alcohol with health and well being improving, it also shares how lovely our relationships can be when we just let go of needing the other person to be anything. Just letting them be where they are at and allowing them the space to find things on their own.I love this, thank you.
A beautiful sharing Anonymous – thank you. Its amazing how much our needs, expectations and agenda’s can tarnish our relationships, and not allow us to truly see the person standing right before us.
It is only when we are willing to let go of our judgments and accept ourselves and others that we can truly connect to one another.
Well said Paula. Acceptance and Allowing are key for connection.
Acceptance and allowance lead to embracing. How beautiful will it be when we’re all able to embrace each other.
Really beautiful to read about turning around a strained relationship and what huge consequences in can have in such as short time. Definitely a healing all round and is a great inspiration to everyone.
What a great blog, it is such a simple story and got me wondering why I enjoyed reading of this so much. I could feel in it how powerful the simple choice to stop drinking alcohol is, I know this having done so myself and how much better I felt, how much clearer and more energised. Alcohol is an ‘intruder’, what a great explanation, it takes away what is real and replaces it with actions that are not who we are, whether that is one drink or many. There is something truly empowering and heartwarming when I read of someone choosing of their own accord to stop drinking, as there is when we make any lifestyle choice that supports our wellbeing.
This is just downright beautiful.
THANKYOU for sharing!
A beautiful sharing with us all Anonymous thank you -Very appropriate (no coincidence) that I read this blog today – I’d taken for granted my relationship with an elderly family member and it was showing in how we spoke to each other and the lack of response in return. Then I realised I was not really giving my fullest attention and as you share “communicating and truly listening deeply to one another” – having eye contact was also important and what we shared was so heart warming. Such a turnaround.
How beautiful Anonymous it is when we start to truly listen to other people, judgement free. When I give people this grace to be, I too have found that what happens is they come to loving choices for themselves. It seems its so much easier for us all when we express and share free from need.
I like that Joseph “It seems it’s so much easier for us all when we express and share free from need.”
I feel so touched that you shared that with the world. Anyone who has lost a parent to alcohol would understand what you say on a very deep level.
It hurts when someone whom we love dearly chooses alcohol over him/herself and the others. Yet, as we use that hurt as the basis for a non existent relationship, in truth we give up on the other person. How beautiful is life offering an opportunity to realise this and to re-imprint the relationship!!
This is so so beautiful to read again. And the truth you have shared is a gift. When we judge, blame or doubt someone we essentially are separating from our love and our love towards another. And so I love what you say here -‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’- what a beautiful way this is for us all to live.
This is huge and a brilliant example of a miracle! Your blog is a great reminder to me to never give up on anyone and to also never doubt the inspiration and reflection I can have on others just by living simply and honouring my body.
Your blog made me humble too Anonymous. Lately I have felt that I had the idea that I gave other people the space to make their own choices but underneath there was a kind of giving up, an indifference to the other person which definitely did not came from Love. Your blog is a powerful statement to never stop connecting, never judge or blame but to love another no matter what.
Annelies I do relate to your comment. I think myself magnanimous in I’m allowing others to be. Deep down however I think it is their choice, indeed a bad choice, and I’m in effect judging them, showing much arrogance and lack of love. This blog proves miracles do happen.
Thank you Anonymous, great sharing of the importance of holding another in love no matter what, this does not mean that we approve the actions or behaviours that they are choosing it simply means having a willingness to understand them of the reasons that they choose to do something and to know that we all have our own time in getting there without any judgements or investments of how it happens.
Thank you Anonymous for the present you shared with us all. It is a good reminder that we are far more than meet the eyes.
Thanks Anonymous… miracles can happen and indeed do so often , indeed the magic of God is continually reflecting back to us such grace and beauty and revelation continually, and all we need to do is to let go and truly see.
So true Chris, it seems an endless capacity to truly see and let go – so much grace and beauty to behold.
Thank you for such a beautiful and tender moment. What you shared has allowed me to look again at my family relationships and where judgement can get in the way of fully embracing them. I can begin this day anew – and how amazing is that – to continually have an opportunity to re-visit our relationships and redefine them.
Beautiful Susan, we can indeed begin every day anew and make new choices. When we change something within us, the whole relationship changes. We don’t have to wait for the other, we just commit to ourselves and with that commitment, we meet others. Then miracles happen every day.
Accepting people for who they are, whatever their choice is, has not been easy for me. Especially with my family, I have been guilty of imposing and controlling. If I judge and react, they feel it and we all lose out. Thank you, Anonymous, for reminding us never to give up on anyone, and keep loving regardless of what their choices might be.
What was lovely to read was how simply and easily your mother and father stopped drinking. No fuss, no issues, no going back and forth…Just a simple decision and it is done. I enjoyed reading this to confirm that the process of letting go need not be complicated or hard.
An absolutely amazing story, and has touched something in me, of how hard and judgemental I can be of my family and friends and the choices they make. And how that Judgement keeps me closed and separate from others, and holds them in that certain behaviour. Rather than staying open and loving, and reflecting another possible way of being. Thank you for your deeply touching blog.
This is so touching and amazing, and what I got from reading this, was that love – LOVES.
Your post shows the power we can arrive at through understanding and then accepting people/family as they are and just allowing them to be. That it creates space. And that through this, and whatever their choice, we continue to be love and not in reaction, repulsion or sympathy, switch off that love. For it’s this love that inspires another to then choose it as evidenced by your parent’s choice regarding alcohol. Without the drama. This is love. This is just great.
The line that really stood out to me was the one that described how we hold back from loving and accepting others exactly as they are. I reckon most of the world is holding each other to ransom by holding back our love until people behave in a way we want them to. How different would things be if we simply chose to not hold back love ?
This is a huge occurrence for someone to witness – their parents giving up this really devastatingly harming substance, alcohol. I can picture the amazing shifts that would occur, not just to health but to opening up to a loving way of being. Just as the writer was in joy for her parents, I also feel a joy for all touched by this wonderful choice.
What a beautiful and tender sharing, thank you. It reminded me how important it is to bring understanding to my relationships and to watch out for any judgement creeping in or expectation for the person to act in a certain way.
Wow this is amazing and really highlights for me that we can still carry around our own packages of hurt to deal with the agony we have felt which can affect our relationships – until we get super honest about this then there is always a cap on how that relationship can be. Stopping the alcohol is a gift for everyone in the family for it shows that people being themselves without are real, loving and living – it’s not needed.
This is nothing short of a miracle Anonymous, thank you for sharing.
Dear Anonymous you get really the best Christmas present ever and this present unwrap itself!!!! How amazing it that . . .
This is a very inspiring article. It is very easy to be in judgement of others and think they will never change. Well, I have made a lot of changes to the way I live having been inspired by others who have loved and accepted me just how I am, so I can now accept that others may equally be inspired by the choices I am making.
It is amazing really, when we realise that the limitations that we experience in relationships come from the limitations that we hold within ourselves – that when we need a person to be a certain way to fulfill a certain need within us and so we will react to the choices they make when we don’t get what we want or need from the relationship. This has been a huge lesson for me. As I now have begun to build a relationship of love within myself, and I am aware that when I react it feels like I have given up a part of myself, that loving and understanding part. What you have shared is a beautiful reminder – thank you – of how important it is to be a consistent reflection of love from my connection to love.
“how important it is to be a consistent reflection of love ” I couldn’t agree more, an absolute joyful responsibility.
Letting go of expectations in relationships is a big one – and really highlights what our own ‘needs’ might be from that person. Letting go of our own needs and just allowing that person to be, express and support them all the while to be the fullness of who they are – without imposition – is such a beautiful quality of relationship to have. Being a student of The Way of the Livingness is so supportive in developing this true quality of relationship, and is something I will forever be working on to deepen.
I agree Amelia, letting go of expectations and needs in relationships is huge. Something I am learning, I am always amazed each day how this is unfolding, in the sense of wow I now realise I had a need for this person to be like this with me because ……. and with that I understand where my hurts come from, and the fact they are not true, yes I feel them, but they have actually come from me imposing my need or expectation onto another person to bring me something I was not willing to bring myself, be it love, intimacy, appreciation etc. So very imposing. To be in relationship be it with family, friends, partners without this need or expectations feels amazing – so joyful and freeing and I actually open up more and want to be with this person. A great learning for me, and yes being a student of The Way of the Livingness and being continually inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is amazing.
As I was reading this blog I kept appreciating how imposing it is to have expectations on other people to be as you want them to be and how you want them to be with you…to fill your needs and I really relate to both of your comments. Thank you for sharing, it really adds to the blog.
Truly beautiful to read. I can feel how alcohol changes people so much and how painful it is too see that. I can totally understand how amazing it is to have your parents make such a loving choice for themselves.
On rereading your blog I was once again reminded of who we all equally are by your words “to never underestimate what someone is capable of” it is so easy to write someone of as hopeless just because we do not want to feel our own investment in them or the pain to see them living something less than we know them to be. I am learning that true love respects someone completely and meets them first and foremost for who they are, the love and divinity that is in us all equally.
This blog states a really important point for us all. That judgement simply separates and keeps us from embracing our humanness and the innate love we all hold. In my younger days I was very harsh and unforgiving at times to some of my loved ones expecting them to be all that I needed them to be for me to be Ok. I now see how ridiculous that is and am working on letting go of judgement as there are so many deep and beautiful connections to be made beyond that place.
“a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”. What a powerful and inspirational statement demonstrated by what you have shared. Thank you.
What an awesome reminder never to give up on anyone, for us not to judge and just allow people to be without imposing upon them what or how we would like them to be. Indeed a beautiful Christmas present.
I agree Donna, to feel these words ‘to never give up on anyone ever ‘ feels amazing.
Truly beautiful sharing Anonymous. Never ever judge another and their choices for we are all equal. That is true love. Thank you.
That is true love.
We’re all the equal ness of God, it’s just that we have lost ourselves in the illusion of separation.
This is a great sharing anonymous, how truly wonderful that your mum and step dad just stopped drinking like that. A modern day miracle
I loved you sharing your very personal Christmas present with us all Anonymous. I also wept for joy with you.
It certainly is a fact that we cannot give up on or judge another and as you so beautifully expressed we are . . . “to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”.
This renewed appreciation of your parents is a great present at any time of the year!
“Holding myself back” these words clearly have shown me again how easily it is to get caught in this ideal and belief, when in fact I am holding myself back from loving people with total acceptance. Thank you
As many have said here this is such a healing blog. Full acceptance and love is so healing and this blog is a testament to that.
It is especially difficult to see family members living less than who they truly are. However this can bring up something in ourselves that we may need to attend to as well. When this is realised there is a beautiful gift for both.
‘I wonder if we all need someone to reflect this unconditional acceptance and love back to us at some point in our lives’. So true Richard, to be fully accepted and loved, just for being you, can be incredibly healing.
This truly does go to show how our loving lifestyle choices do flow out as love felt by others.
This gives a feeling of how it can be to love and accept unconditionally. And to allow the soul to impulse one’s way forward, and not our imposing ways. Beautiful.
Thanks so much for such a healing blog. I can relate to where I used to hold myself back with one member of my family in relation to alcohol. Now I just accept and love them as they are – a beautiful, caring and sensitive person.
This is a gem. There is much within us all, waiting to come out. Never do we know when we will allow ourselves to make choices that support this unfoldment, so as you have clearly shown….to hold another to this is nothing but judgement, and can hold us all back.
This is a beautiful example of how healing the decisions we make for ourselves can be for others. This blog reminds me that we are all connected and what one person does effects another. A very simple principle for us to remember to live by.
This is so true Robyn, a gift in that we are all responsible for what we bring and that quality we want to connect to people in. Something very worth remembering and living by. .
I have feel your joy and release in this – its so very beautiful for all involved
What an amazing and unexpected Christmas present for you and your family. I can understand your tears. And it’s a present that feels like it’s expanding along with the changes in your mother’s and your step dad’s well being. I also feel that the realisation; “to not give up on anyone ever” was definitely a very big extra gift for you.
Thank you for this gorgeous sharing Anonymous, I love these words:
“never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”
and it starts with me 🙂
Perfect words at the perfect time thank you Shelley.
Yes, this is goosebumps stuff. We are all much more aware than we realise and we are much more powerful role models than we realise. Nice.
Thank you for your post about your mother. It has reminded me to step away from judgement as I step into caring more for my parents in their aging years.
It is amazing that we can all sniff judgement and expectation from others a mile away and it can smell so bad that even if the other person is speaking the truth we fight them and don’t listen because the smell of judgement, criticism or expectation, based on need, from them is so strong, that this is all we focus on. How amazing is it then when we can just communicate without all of this in the way and just allow another person to be?
What a wonderful article, thank you. I too have had a difficult relationship with my Mum, but after a healing session with Natalie where it was brought to my attention that the reason that I had chosen my Mum this life, and the reflection that I received from her was what I needed in order to return to being a true woman again in this world. After hearing this I then appreciated my Mum like never before and then I too didn’t need her to change and could accept her just the way she is. This reduced an enormous amount of strain that I had put on our relationship, I didn’t need her to change for me. Today my relationship with my Mum is more loving than ever before.
It is so easy to jump to judgement or think better of ourselves then others based on our choices. But I am realising that this form of arrogance is actually keeping people out and not allowing them to be where they are in their personal unfoldment. Everyone is the same inside and we all are looking for love, if I or anyone judge, blame or contract they may not find it, but if I keep myself open, seeing them for who they are without reacting to their choices, they have a reflection of love in every moment which will support them in changing their lives if and when ready.
Surely the best Christmas present is to meet your people & really connect with them on a truly deeper level. I love your honesty in your sharing.
To meet or to see people for who they are, it is the most beautiful thing in the world. In the past I used to want some people to be different in some of the qualities they have & then I was not fully accepting who they were. I am now learning to let go of that need or expectation on how people are to be. Now there is no picture I hold on how people are to be, as to me they are just beautiful in who they are & what they bring. I am able to cherish our interactions and conversations without any judgement.
“…to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” This is beautiful – it is the pathway for true magic because we make the choice to never disconnect from or stop seeing the angel that lives inside each of us. I agree, move over Santa, the best Christmas present ever! Thank you for sharing the joy.
What a beautiful healing for all involved.
As I read this blog I really connected to the expectations I have of people in my life… And felt them start to melt away. Amazing, thank you for sharing such a profound blog,
Such a beautiful reminder, thank you.
So much love expressed in this very short blog. It just shows how much we love, even when we judge someone for doing something that isn’t loving of themselves because we love so much it hurts! Yet so much more powerful when we can feel it all and accept, let go and keep loving.
Your experience is a loving lesson to us all that if we express love and truth and are not needy for others to be a certain way then they are free to make their own choices. Thank you for sharing this blog.
This insightful blog is a reminder for me to not judge others but to accept the choices being made even if they seem harmful. The reflection of our livingness is the biggest gift we can give another.
In a nutshell Anne!
Totally Anne the power of our Livingness, thank you for the reminder.
Your comment really sums ups the blog, totally agree Anne
A beautiful lesson shared, we each have free will and are responsible for that free will and how we choose to use it – that includes judging another, being open to connect with the truth of another – their essence – wow how would the world look if this stuff was taught in schools and homes.
Beautiful… It’s great that your parents decided to stop drinking and the letting go you were able to do is even more beautiful.
Gosh you topped my Christmas present.
There are such beautiful insights shared here – understanding, accepting and allowing others the freedom to make their choices without judgement. It is a moment to eat humble pie when I realise the judgement I have been holding others in as if I know the timing of their evolution and what is better for them. Serge Benhayon has touched on this topic on several occasions, as I sit with this blog and my own experience it seems obvious that this is basic respect for another and essential before there can be harmony between people. Yet judgement can be sneaky – often coming in the guise of wanting things to be my version of better or different on another’s behalf –especially partners and family
This experience is absolutely brilliant to share with world, so insightful and supportive “The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” To not go in to judgement and always be open to the possibility of change is liberating for all involved. In fact it allows more space for change to occur…
What an amazing Christmas present! that’s amazing. I love how you have shared to never give up on someone… it’s so true, anyone, any day could surprise you because all it takes is for them to choose a different way.
It actually makes me realise myself that I should never give up on myself, allow myself to be and make loving choices and I will continue to grow and be a gift for myself and others.
Ariel I love how you bring it back to the relationship we have with ourselves. Understanding others can sometimes be easier than understanding ourselves!
“It actually makes me realise myself that I should never give up on myself” So true until I had read this I had not thought about me in this equation yet it is so relevant!
That is huge, to have drunk alcohol for so long and then to just give it up without a struggle. Clearly your Mum and step-dad had connected to something truer within themselves to be able to do that as no amount of thinking you should give something up ever really works.
This story touched me deeply, it is so easy to write people off and see them as incapable of, or unwilling to change.
I believe that we all have the potential in us to change and become the loving beings we all are at heart, but too often my automatic assessment of someone might be that they won’t change. So I guess I am yet to truly know that we all do indeed have the potential to change to a loving way of being. Your story has made this point very poignantly for me, thank you. It also shows me how by the limiting attitudes we hold of others may serve to hold them in that limitation, perhaps it was no coincidence that after you had decided to no longer hold out any need or expectation of how your mother “should” be, that she then made such a huge shift.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience and for reminding me to “never stop connecting, no matter what a person chooses”.
It is so easy to condemn a certain choice or to react to it, but what I have experienced during the last months is that every time I feel a reaction or the wish to distance myself from someone, there is always something deep inside me that wants to be looked at and healed. It may hurt to see it so clearly in the mirror, therefore reacting as a form of running away from it is easy. But I have come to see it as a gift – even if sometimes the truth in it comes to me hidden behind emotions and reactions of another person.
Your sharing let´s me feel how much sadness and giving up I have accumulated about people dear to me being stuck in an unloving behaviour, seeing them in their routine and feeling powerless to make them change or understand, and then keeping up with how it is. Not that it is about changing others, but simply the pain it causes to see someone unhappy, being unloving and harming with themselves. I found that when I deepen my love, hold them in love no matter what, let them just be not needing them to be different, that love is much much grander than the pain – and as they can feel being loved they are naturally more open to be themselves and sometimes presenting the most unexpected changes.
Woao, what an amazing choice and a true blessing for you and your family! We are so powerful in who we are and what we reflect! It is great to read these kind of stories as a confirmation. As I tend to forget how important my love and presence on this planet is.
What a truly beautiful sharing thank you. It shows how by living more lovingly ourselves it really does make a difference and is inspiring to family, friends and those around us. We all really would love to be more caring and loving for ourself as this is what we are all looking for, and when we see it in another, wow it lights up the way for us. This can be chosen or resisted, the choice is ours.
We all know how awful it feels when someone puts us in a pigeon hole or holds us to ransom for things we have done in the past. We tell ourselves we do this to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Yet it actually keeps us all stuck in the past and unable to move forward in another way. When we feel we are the victim of abuse it is easy to judge, even feel superior or justified to keep doing this. But we all have an equal role to play in relationships and without love nothing will change. It is beautiful to hear the ripple effect of you choosing to be open and non-judgmental in your family.
‘ In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol.’ This is so inspiring about how we always have the choice to let go of resentment etc in every moment and then we allow ourselves the opportunity to truly connect with another which is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous. What a wonderful loving feeling when family come back into the fold.
The wisdom presented here is profound. I must say in honesty that I feel I have only just begun to live this wisdom of never, ever giving up on anyone and truly accepting people as they are in full. I can already feel the tremendous healing in this is for all.
A beautiful sharing Anonymous, it can be amazing how different it feels to just let go and allow others to be who they are with no judgement. I know that my relationships have changed since I let go of needing those close to me to be a certain way.
Anonymous. Great that you now have connected again with your parents, and able to accept what they have been through, and share the love you all have for each other.
Beautiful. Thank you Anonymous. The true humility that comes through this blog is amazing. The words, ‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes’ are a wondrous Christmas present.
How can we possibly remind another of who they truly are if we’re not being who we truly are? When we judge another we are being who we’re not which in turn solidifies who they are not. A lose lose situation.
It’s amazing what can happen when the way we approach things change. Not pressuring people to be a certain way is the best in the world and much appreciated. To know that people can change a habit after so long is great too
What a powerful and tender message for us all, thank you Anonymous for sharing your experiences and heartfelt love.
What a truly amazing gift you have given to yourself.
To not give up on anyone ever, no matter what, and just keep open and connecting. Beautiful words to appreciate and live by, thank you for the reminder.
Jeanette thank you for highlighting this, and it is a reminder for me also, and today I will reconnect to a few that I had given up on. Powerful words indeed.
I love this story – thank you. I have my mother staying with us for 12 weeks and 10 weeks into her stay I can say that we have never got along better. Just before she came I committed to love her like I have never loved her before. This did not mean being a walk over or pandering to her – it simply meant to not hold judgement and hurt around her which I have carried for years and has made for a very difficult relationship. I could only let my hurt and judgement go when I came to the understanding that I had created that hurt – in reaction to her not meeting me in love. When I deeply felt that she couldn’t meet me for the love that I was when I was young because of the way that she had been parented and her own hurts – I realised that I could bring what it was that I was wanting – love! In this choice I broke the cycle of parenting from hurt therefore meeting my own children with love so that they are confirmed for who they truly are. Wow – life certainly is a choice.
Just beautiful Sarah! I can feel the love here and the casting out of all that the hurt/judgment cul de sac brings in our relationships. Just brilliant that you have broken this cycle.
I find that in my relationships I am, in some degree almost daily , doing exactly what you have described with your mother – being constantly aware of any slight tangent that takes me away from love and dropping any judgement, and outing any hurt left – anything that may cause me to retract my love from that person, and thus from my own heart. Wow it is a powerful liberation to free ourselves of the ties that bind and come into true love.
How beautiful Anonymous, the living testimony of your love for your parents in accepting them and from this allowing them to feel and choose themselves, thank you.
I discovered this year that in accepting myself and being myself at Christmas it was very easy to accept others and thoroughly enjoy my time with them.
I loved this blog, it shows how quickly a dynamic can vanish when someone drops all expectations of another. It’s transformational and I have seen it happen in my own life. I recently held back from a friend as I felt she wasn’t being the friend I thought she could be. As a result of my expectations, we lost contact for several months, this being a friend I have had for over 20 years. Once I reflected on how my holding expectations and judgements against her was holding both of us back from having a truly free and loving relationship, I simply picked up the phone and called her. We have spoken more in the past few weeks than we have in a year and I put it down to just loving her as the precious friend she is and having no expectations of her. It has been a very valuable lesson for me in just letting go and letting people be. The funny thing is when I do this, people become the friend/partner/family member/colleague I always knew they could be but they are being it in freedom of my expectations and of their own choosing which is so much more powerful and healing for both of us than living within the artificially constructed dynamic of before.
Thank you, I deeply appreciate that you have made this about connecting and understanding where others are at and to keep accepting and loving them for who they are.
“To not give up on anyone ever, to never judge or blame another, never doubt what someone is capable of, to never stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” Thank-you for this article, it is a great reminder which, I can relate to myself.
What an amazing and inspiring present! Fantastic.
I can feel how important it is to let go of the hurt we carry.
I love this blog and feeling the shifts that have occurred within the family since your parents gave up drinking. How great for you all to deepen your love and understanding – a true gift indeed.
This is a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing your story. Particularly ..”to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes…” This resonates so much to me.
Wow, thank you for sharing, I also have had a difficult relationship with my Mum and have recently been feeling to contact her again. I have been concerned as to whether I can hold myself around her. I have recognized in the past that I have also been holding on to an expectation of how she should be. It is so freeing for her and me to let go of those expectations.
It is torture to be at a family or work event where everyone is drinking and I am not… but not for the reasons people might think. It is not torture because I want to drink too, but torture to see people I love and care about disappear in front of my very eyes. There is no point in being there with them – they become a shadowed version of themselves which in no way reflects the true person they are. It is torture and I agree, what a blessing to have people you love present there with you.
This was just such a joy to read and so simple. Yet in practice can be very very hard, as we do place expectations on others, we have our hurts and protections that surface, making that acceptance of where others are at at times very challenging. To hear that you were focusing on you and what your rhythms are not expecting anyone or anything to change around you, yet it has. Such an inspiration to live by, always look at yourself and your choices no matter what, everyone else then has the space to unfold for them in their own time.
This is a lovely article and just shows that with love anything is possible if we keep ourselves open and do not limit what can happen. It particularly spoke to me when you said we must never give up on people, but stay loving and connected with them no matter what their choices. Thank you for the reminder.
‘ to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’
I love this! It is so true. Thank you for the reminder.
Absolutely Laura – these are some of the best words ever written. What love and understanding, leading to a whole new way of living and relating. Thank you!
When you love someone so much it’s hard not to have expectations of them deep down – I know I try not to impose on people and judge how they are living but I find myself too invested in fixing them, which I realise it is for me just as much for them – your story helps me bring myself back to how important it is in letting people just be who they are and have their own journey.
Thank you Anonymous, your blog is a gift to me also. My unfolding experience is that the more we deeply and truly love, care for and respect ourselves without judgement or criticism and the more we allow this to shine from us the more we offer and allow those around us to do the same. Yes, love heals all, never,never, never give up!
I am deeply moved by reading your words of wisdom Barbara. I can feel how strongly and committedly you are confirming the healing love within that sees the truth of never ever giving up – and that proclaims the love we are that is the love we all share. Hold it, be it, and we all eventually get it. It works like magic.
Something that I have come to observe over the years is that we tend to give up when something has hurt us and we feel there is nothing we can do about it. The fact that you stayed loving and open with your family even though you could feel they were hurting themselves and hence obviously bringing up a hurt in you, you stayed committed to loving them and from that love they did not feel judgement or criticism which gave them space to choose for themselves what felt right for them. Amazing testimony to the power of love.
Wow indeed – what you have shared is a miracle…from accepting yourself and then your Mom for who she is and not imposing on her she was free to choose what she could feel in you all along…love. This is such a powerful story as now all who are connected to your Mom and Dad will be touched… iIt is amazing how a spark can ignite into a glowing fire, I am inspired.
So true Helen. When we see others as who they are in reaction, we are not seeing them as equal and so treat them as such.
It’a amazing that the parents quit after so long. It’s obvious that they were truly supported to do this because they were inspired by someone else who was making loving choices for themselves also. So the best way we can support our family is to support ourselves.
Absolutely Danielle, this blog is such a beautiful sharing of how we support everybody else by making loving choices for ourselves and not by judging and correcting constantly peoples behaviors around us.
I absolutely loved reading your blog and receiving a true healing through your sharing. I deeply thank you for reminding me/us to never give up on anyone and to keep expressing from love. The miracles happen from there as you have beautifully shown in your blog and they happen in their own time when one is ready. Thank you Anonymous.
I love the last blue coloured paragraph- the way in life to be in true brotherhood. Beautiful expressed. Thank you.
Thank you Anonymous. You have reminded me of which direction I need to continue in to find the relationship I have been searching for with my mother.
A beautiful reminder to relate to everyone as the amazing person they are, particularly if they are not expressing it in their actions and how they live. Because if we judge, or see them as simply what they are showing, are we not adding to keeping them there? By always remaining open to someone’s potential to be more, we provide support for them to hold their greatness for themselves.
What a great in-sight into how we ‘run’ and control relationships with those around us.
It has been interesting for me to observe that I have found it quite easy to connect with and share deeply with strangers, but more challenging with family, people that I see regularly. It is with these people that I feel more vulnerable, so I am more guarded, always making it about them and how they would need to be before we can have a deeper and more honest conversation.
Fortunately, as I have gained a greater understanding and appreciation of myself, I am slowly being able to be more open with those I am close to, and the amazing thing that I have discovered is, that they are nearly always ready and willing to be more honest with me.
This is exactly what I needed to read, your article helps me realise that I can be really judgmental of peoples choices and give up on them, ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ This is very beautiful, thank you.
Yes Rebecca, these words are life-changing. I too felt deeply touched by hearing this (yet again!)
This is the whole key to true relationship – relationship that is real love, very respectful, equal, wise, and healing. All else separates us so that we cannot move forward together. Thank you again Anonymous – amazing blog.
This is really cool. So simple and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
The lesson for me is if we can avoid judgment of others we can avoid judging ourselves harshly as well and embrace who we are in all its facets. Reconnecting with others is the best Christmas present.
Just goes to show that we should never limit people to the sum of their experience. We are all capable of great and profound change as long as the choice is our own.
Beautifully put Helen. This is true compassion.
That is so so awesome! Thank you for reminding me that it doesn’t ever ever help to judge another, as easy as it is to do. I find myself judging people all the time, and whilst I know it’s just not right, I know it’s because I’m constantly giving myself a hard time too. This blog has really reminded me to never give up on anyone, to just let them be wherever they are, because it’s their journey, not mine to dictate!
A beautiful reminder that there is a beautiful pristine being inside every one of us, and even those who have harmed themselves for many years can make a single different choice that changes their lives forever.
Thank-you ‘anonymous’. What a truly beautiful sharing and healing experience, and one that has come from the depth of your heart.
I’ve spent many years reflecting upon and letting go the judgements I have held towards my parents. At times it hasn’t been easy to hold them in the depth of love that you describe, yet I’ve always known that to lovingly support myself to let go of anything that’s been in the way of such a deep and true love, is really the ‘only way’.
Holding onto any resentment only hurts ourselves, doesn’t it… It’s quite mind-boggling just how deeply we can place expectations (such as not to drink alcohol) on our parents, and place these expectations more heavily upon them than others – revealing the needs that WE want met, and not at all respecting that another’s choices are completely their own to make.
Not drinking alcohol, as an example, is a completely sensible and natural choice for me today, for I am acutely aware of the harm it does… yet I once partook (and quite heavily for a time) of it myself – so who am I to judge? I had to be ready within me to acknowledge its harm and also realise it was no longer something I needed to numb me out (even for short periods of time) in my daily life.
We all have our own distractions, our ‘numbing methods’, our so-called ‘vices’… and until we come to a deep inner resolve about what leads us to them, we are not truly ready to give them up – for are they not really a symptom of something deeper going on?
The more ‘personally challenging’ part is when we ourselves have let something go that we know isn’t truly supportive for us, and we see people we love still harming themselves. How strongly we may ‘need them to get it’ right then and there! And how great the deeper opportunity for learning and truly loving another that is offered, when we truly allow the other person to choose for themselves, and respect that in full.
I can relate to every word you have written Victoria. You describe exactly all the mistakes I have made. It is indeed all about respecting another person’s choices and stopping expecting them to behave the way you would like them to. Love is not a coercer, but a joy and a stillness and harmony that we all share. We eventually learn to live and let live.
I love your words Lyndy, love is not a coercer but a joy and a stillness and harmony that we all share. How easy it is to fall prey to wanting someone you love to make better (to you) choices but as Victoria says, so beautifully, that is the moment to accept the possibility to truly love by respecting in full the other’s choices.
Hey! I like your blog. Setting a good example is the best way of educating children. Perhaps setting the right example is the best way of educating parents too.
Your blog is awesome, how “the substitute” and the distraction could be let go of so easily, through experiencing the true connection! And really I love to feel the warmth and strength of your loving, not-judging attitude that you offer to your parents and therefore to the world!
Thank you for such a beautiful blog, such a great reminder to never give up on anyone, to judge their situation or to turn away because they are not moving in the direction or at the speed we would have them move. God works in mysterious ways and we never know when or how a change in the life of a loved one may come about.
Unconditional love, we all want it but are we prepared to be it?
Whats lovely here is that you have started to stop judging your parents for their actions. It is very easy to hold things against each other, but this blog shows that by choosing to let go of our pre-conceptions or judgements, and allowing more love in, it can be a healing for everyone.
Whats lovely here is that you have started to stop judging your parents for their actions. It is very easy to hold things against each other, but this blog shows that by choosing to let go of our pre-conceptions or judgements, and allowing more love in, it can be a healing for everyone.
This is so beautiful. I can feel the huge love you have for your parents and the joy in you knowing that they have chosen to care for themselves, That’s a big decision to make and a hard one when that has been your life for so long. i know you are writing about your parents, but I also feel joy in hearing their story. After all we natural care for people. Thankyou for sharing
A great sharing from someone who has experienced alcohol as a daily intruder to family togetherness. What came to my mind from the title of the article is how Christmas, a time to celebrate coming together has become a time to get drunk for many. How did this come to be and why is it that any public holiday for that matter has become an excuse to overindulge in alcohol.
Thank you, you have highlighted for me just how powerful the gift of love truly is when coupled with true responsibility.
This blog is just so beautiful and so revealing!
Your words: ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes’ are so so TRUE. What more can you say. If we were consistently this way our relationships would be transformed.
And how incredible that at the age of 69 and 79 your mother and step-dad gave up alcohol just like that – and that it was no big deal, no drama. That is truly a cause for a celebration at Christmas.
Your words about resentment and blame, have reminded me of the past when people close to me used to get drunk and I would struggle with utterly losing my respect for them, seeing them act in a juvenile way. I would resent having to see them this way. Now, I am learning to understand, and to still connect to and know the true aspect of the person that lies underneath the behaviour brought on through alcohol – without judgment.
How beautiful – I can feel what a wonderful gift this has been be for you. Alcohol is an intruder, as you say, and it gets in the way of people truly connecting with each other.
I can relate to a parent giving up alcohol after many years and discovering that there is a totally different person to the one I knew or thought I knew. Your blog has given me more appreciation for having those latter years with my parent alcohol free.
So amazing to appreciate the changes we can make in our lives that make such a huge different to everyone. Thank you for sharing this precious gift.
This is a beautiful story of how we can all change and make choices for ourselves at any time of our life which really can change our lives our relationships and bring a healthy way of living. With the reflection from others we can make these choices for ourselves when we see this simply and it can bring a great joy to all . What a beautiful present and miracle for you thank you for sharing.
The wisdom and truth in the words, ‘a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes,’ is a loving present for all of humanity for every day.
In my experience, we each live life as best we can based on our current level of acceptance and understanding of what life and connection with ourself and other people is. I know that understanding and giving everyone the grace to live life the way they choose is definitely the way to go, however, this is not what happens when I react to what I am feeling or seeing. These are the pitfall moments I need to look out for both in my relationship with myself and with others, because once I am aware I have reacted, I know it’s not true or loving for anyone. This is such a great warning system once one becomes aware of what it is there to bring your attention to.
As this blog so beautifully shows, what really goes on behind the scenes, when a seemingly ‘miracle’ happens, is the magic ingredient in the mix of true, deep and abiding LOVE being lived as best each person chooses to. That’s a present I feel most people would enjoy receiving every day of the year!
I love what you have written Judith. I was very moved by the wisdom and the truth in the words you refer to. I can feel the grace present when I simply remain “connecting and loving no matter what choices the other makes”, but often I do not and reduce the expression of my love.
On reflection I can see the fact that I sometimes do remain loving, means that when I am reacting, it is NOT because of the other person, it is something to do with me. It is showing me an issue within me that needs healing. “not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes” is a great prompt.
“As this blog so beautifully shows, what really goes on behind the scenes, when a seemingly ‘miracle’ happens, is the magic ingredient in the mix of true, deep and abiding LOVE being lived as best each person chooses to. That’s a present I feel most people would enjoy receiving every day of the year!” ~ beautifully expressed Judy, thank you.
I love this Susan it made me smile, because I could feel the truth of your words ” change is possible”.
How wonderful is it to just decide to give up drinking after all of those years and it not be a big deal.
Yes I agree Julie, and it’s especially powerful for someone else to observe that person effortlessly give up something that they know has been such a large part of their life, it can be really quit inspirational to see.
It’s so true that it’s painful to watch someone you love change so dramatically after a few sips of the ‘Intruder’ but a timely reminder also to continually hold the person lovingly without judging or without requiring them to change for you to feel OK. No expectation, just continuing to be you and allowing them to be them. For me, that’s the most loving way to support.
This truly is a good news story to take into the next cycle round the sun.
Yes Kevin! This is the kind of thing that should make front-page headlines. How amazing would journalism be if it were based upon building truth and not undermining it.
For many years I’ve been uncomfortable at parties and other events in which substances are being used to change the mood. I generally would arrive early so I could interact with people before ‘the intruders’ arrived. Then I would leave early when I felt that I could no longer communicate with people in the love and clarity that I enjoy. I realized also that my own judgement was in the way – it bothered me to see people I love harming themselves and seemingly not concerned about the effects on other people either. I would feel tense and frustrated that they were doing it and seeming not to want to change. Even if I said nothing, the judgement was stewing away inside me, and I didn’t enjoy that either. It’s taken years (and is still an ongoing process) for me to increase my understanding and learn to drop the judgment of others’ choices, loving them and letting them be and do things in their own time, while continuing to honour myself and my own wellbeing in my choices.
Yes Richard I can relate to all you have said. I too have experienced both side of the coin.
I can relate to having some wonderful conversations with my mother as she got closer to her death but at times there was also judgement and expectation, I would say from both of us about each other. But by taking the time to give her the opportunity to talk about her life and explain some of her behaviours and decisions, it helped me to see her differently and understand her more. Thank you for sharing.
Incredible Julie; by allowing her space to talk openly and honestly about her life, you were able to see your mother differently and get rid of previous judgement though understanding.
From my own experience, trying to make people change or telling them my way is better than their way never develops positively. By accepting the choices people are making I’ve managed to deepen my love for them.
Yes, I also felt the deep love that was there when the author talked about accepting her mother completely, without expectations and what that did for their relationship. That was very touching.
I could really feel the power of your words Anonymous in regards to never, ever giving up on people. I could also feel how by you opening up to your parents and connecting with them, perhaps by you showing them that love it inspired them to let go of alcohol that was probably used to numb the pain of disconnection in the first place. I have allowed myself to judge people and put them into little boxes or categories like “Oh, that guy is really a mess, etc. , etc.” without really feeling first that inside we are all equally beautiful, pristine, and simply Love, and the outside behaviour is just a mask anyways. Your blog has inspired me to look at people in a fresh way, especially family members.
Well said, Michael. This blog inspires openness and a willingness to feel the person and what is going on for them rather than automatically going into the head and judging them. I have certainly ‘categorised’ people in the past, and can now see that I did not connect to the essence in others because at the time I was disconnected to myself.
When things go wrong within family life, never close the door on any relationship, so that people can come back through, when they are ready to return to what they truly are.
Beautiful blog that shows us that we innately know what is good for us, we only have to choose for this truth and nothing else. It is really a great joy that your parents have made this choice, that they have abandoned the alcohol that withheld them from having a joyful and vital life for many years. This is a great example: that we never must give up on people, that in truth we are all equal and the same. It is only a matter of appreciating each other and accepting where people are. When we don’t do that we tend to have a judgement and make ourselves less or more than the other and than there is no equality anymore.
“It is only a matter of appreciating each other and accepting where people are. When we don’t do that we tend to have a judgement and make ourselves less or more than the other and than there is no equality anymore.” So very true Nico we are all the same, and loved equally by God, I know I am so much more open and loving with people when I let go of a need or judgement and just be myself.
This quote really resonated with me “A few months prior to our Christmas phone call I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda.” In some relationships it really can take alot of honesty to be aware that we hold expectations and agendas on them without accepting people for who they are. Choosing this honesty is deeply freeing and opens up the potential for relationships to develop rather than be stagnant.
oh yes, those hidden agenda’s and expectations, sounds very familiar. It takes a lot of honesty indeed to admit to myself that within any given relationship, i have expectations in wanting the other person to be different or to make other choices in life (or both…). Work in progress for me…..
The word ‘intruder’ really popped out for me when I read, ‘In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol.’ I found myself considering how much money people spend on security for their homes – fences to keep people out and then security bars or screens, alarms etc to keep dedicated ‘intruders’ out, yet don’t see what this intruder named ‘Alcohol’ costs them in their lives and relationships.
Your words, ‘I connected with the pain I had felt deep inside for many years upon witnessing how different they both became after having even just one drink,’ show alcohol has an effect on people – almost like the Invisible Man (TV show from ages ago) enters the home and takes over your loved ones so much that they aren’t their usual selves. How super awesome to read your parents have realised what they were doing when choosing to drink alcohol and now no longer put the welcome mat out for this ‘intruder’.
Wow what a brilliant comment Judith!
The word ‘Intruder’ comes into play on so many levels in this incredible blog. There are all the ways you have so insight-fully pointed to, and there is also the ‘Intruder’ who is the one who would have before judged the parents, resented their behaviour and blamed them for drinking – thus the writer (and many of us who have done the same) are also playing the role of intruder. How healing is the grace of simply loving and letting others be.
I love your comment Lyndy, ‘How healing is the grace of simply loving and letting others be’ – this blog is a great reminder of how we shut out others whenever we go into any sort of emotional state or expectation or ideal – I shut my father out for years because of his alcohol use, because it hurt- as a result I hurt everyone in the family including myself as I shut out love.
I feel the same Gyl. This really is a great blog; quite short but very profound.
I just wanted to say how much I love reading this blog and all the comments that have followed, every time I read the words “to not give up on anyone ever” my heart just melts and I feel so much love for people.
I echo this Gyl, my heart also melts and fills with compassion when I read: ‘to not give up on anyone ever’. It is a great reminder that people have free will and as everyone is different and have walked many different paths in life, some need more time and space, and that we are all equal in the love that we hold inside.
Yes because I am sure we all know how devastating it has felt when someone has given up on us. Do we wish to perpetuate that or live another way?
Wow what a great blog!! I re-read it several times: “The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”.
This is very healing to stop this way of behaviour you have well described and to focus on loving everybody (familiy, work colleagues ….) no matter what choices someone makes. Thank you Anonymous!
What I felt when I was walking this morning and this blog popped into my head, was the fact that when I judge others or hold expectations of how they are or should be, I am doing the same with myself. So the more loving and understanding I am with all, the more loving and understanding I am with myself.
I agree Gyl. Also I have discovered it works the other way around too. The times when I am not being understanding and loving towards myself and being very critical or hard on myself, are usually the times when I am most hard and judgemental and critical of others. It strikes me that it is impossible to love someone without conditions or expectations if we don’t learn to be the same with ourselves first.
Really beautifully said, Gyl. We so often hold others as more important than ourselves or vice versa, instead of holding ourselves as an equal part of the all.
What a beautiful sharing showing the true power of reflection and also understanding . This allows an appreciation of everyone and everything .The difference of living with out alcohol is enormous and the health benefits are amazing and when this is seen and realised and can be related to it is life changing and a real gift also.
Thank you Anonomous for this lovely blog.
‘I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda.’ I feel very inspired reading this anonymous, this is great for me to read as I feel that I have been holding myself back accepting and loving my mother just as she is, I will ponder on this, thank you.
A beautiful sharing thank you. I agree, with what you share and what is the common consensus in the comments, ‘ a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’
This is awesome, and reminds me of how over the years I am touched by Serge Benhayon and his family, in how patient they are in allowing us to come back to the Love we naturally are. I know personally I have lapsed at times with my Livingness, have gone back in to some old patterns, maybe still held onto some comfort, yet the Benhayon family love, allow, accept, never ever judge, simply continue to hold me in the awesomeness they know I naturally am. I have been touched beyond words for this. This is how they are with all students, and so inspire us to be likewise with everyone we meet.
Thank you for sharing. What is so lovely about this post – is it shows the importance of simply living our own way, reflecting that and not imposing or having expectations of how others should live. You are right when you say we should never give up on people – humanity needs quite the opposite. Just a simple reflection can be very powerful.
Everyone has a choice at each moment. How lovely to read that your mom chose more love for herself 🙂
Thank you for sharing this – it is amazing how people can choose to change in their own time and without our saying anything critical or judgmental. We can inspire people by the way we live and open up to seeing them as the beautiful beings that we all are.
I agree Carmel, I have witnessed this around me. The more I let go of my expectations and judgements the more this happened, magical.
This is very true Carmel, and it may be the case Anonymous that the way that you live has inspired your Mom and Dad to make their self-loving choice.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again Carmel, where family or friends whom I assumed would always be a certain way and felt myself judge their choices… but once I’ve let that go and love them and myself for who we are, they have made big changes. And I’ve felt what a waste of energy that was being so invested or judging another.
It is so right we should never give up on another, everyone is capable of so much and if they are making choices that we wouldn’t for ourselves, then no matter. The love we offer another should never be a contract with catches and stipulations. I often feel how much I can change myself by others being non-judgemental, just steady and non-imposing and can see and feel how much more strongly that would allow me to make changes. So why then would I not offer the same to another.
This is a great Christmas present for us all, thank you Anonymous.”To not give up on anyone ever and to never judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”
Alcohol ‘the intruder’… well said.
Yes I know children who have described that if feels like the parents turn into monsters when they drink. They weren’t heavy drinkers or violent parents but what we would call social drinkers, I feel we under estimate what drinking does to us and how it changes us because it challenges what is considered normal too much.
Well said – I hadn’t considered alcohol an ‘intruder’ until I read this blog, but the word actually describes what happens when you drink very well – I no longer felt myself – it had intruded. I also love your comment Vanessa about underestimating the effect of us drinking on children – I agree, the effect of alcohol both on ourselves and those around us is not fully seen.
To let people just be and enjoy them the way they are without wanting to change them is a true gift: I too long struggled with my mother and had lots of disagreements with her but one day made the decision to not just see her from the perspective I seemed to had always looked at her but to see the whole of her. And lo and behold what a difference that made. I really enjoy spending time with her, talking on the phone or just talking about her and every time I seem to discover more about her. Beautiful.
Esther I love what you have shared “To let people just be and enjoy them the way they are without wanting to change them is a true gift:” – I could feel from your words how true this is, one of the most beautiful and greatest gifts of all.
‘To let people just be and enjoy them the way they are without wanting to change them is a true gift’ – Absolutely Esther. I have found that when I do this, both I and the other person become much more relaxed, and the quality of time spent together is amazing! Neither one of us is trying to achieve an outcome, nor putting on an act… We are simply being us, and allowing the other person to be themselves too.
So lovely to read this the day after Christmas, that it is possible for people to make BIG changes. It’s amazing how when we finally open up and accept wherever a person may be at, they in turn feel safe enough to make those changes. I love how you describe the change you felt when your parents let go of alcohol, that finally the sadness of missing a true connection with them has been released and healed. It’s very inspiring and reconfirms my commitment to never, ever give up on my ability to bring my own love to any relationship, and hence in turn not giving up on the ability of another to do the same. Thank you for this wonderful blog timed so perfectly.
What I got from this is the importance of getting ourselves out of the way, including judgement and blame, when connecting with another person. Then they are allowed to simply be who they are which in turn provides a healing for everyone. Beautiful.
So true Vicky.
Yes, that is a true gift. I have been struggling with raciness in my body, it has affected my sleep and food and general well being. All my life i have been good at fixing things so i went about “fixing” my raciness. Serge Benhayon has supported me in understanding that i do not need to “do” anything, just be myself, a hard concept to understand. Your story has helped me understand that i need to accept my self, just as i am, no judgement, then allow the changes to happen. Thank you.
Dear Ken I love what you have shared, not to judge ourselves. As soon as I read those words I can’t help but feel love.
Top blog Anonymous. Its amazing to hear how your mum and step dad have given up their alcohol and made it look effortless. This is a great reminder to always allow people to make their own choices with no judgement on our part and to never give up on someone however strong the urge is to just walk away.
Yes Tim, I know I have turned my back on people and judged them because of the behaviour they were choosing. I am realising I can still love and stay without condoning that behaviour. Walking away is like giving up. This is a great lesson and indeed a super Christmas present for us all. Thanks for this eye opening blog anonymous.
I too have judged people at times, and this can come from a picture in my head of how I want things or people to be, instead of being open to the moment and holding the other person in absolute understanding and love, and also letting go of feeling responsible for the choices they make or the need to make them be a different way.
I agree Debra, realising that we always have the option to love the person, as none of us are our behaviour
Thank you for sharing this it is deeply touching and a great reminder to never give up on anyone. It is also amazing confirmation that change is always possible. Hugely humbling. Thank you.
This is beautiful wisdom ‘a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ It’s so easy to sometimes think that someone or something will never change, yet it’s always always possible. What you have presented is definitely a great way to live life.
Thank you for sharing: ‘not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ By developing and allowing understanding of others choices it is so much easier to not judge or react and allow them to be who they are instead of wanting them to be a certain way.
This is a fabulous sharing and gift for us all. The healing of our hurts can come in the most unexpected ways sometimes and this is a wonderful example of how letting go of our expectations and judgement of others can benefit all. Thank you
I love what you have written Heather, it made me smile, so true.
What a beautiful gift for Christmas and the wonderful thing is that you didn’t have to do a thing except connect more deeply with your mother without judgement or expectation. A truly magical moment and one we can all learn from.
It’s true that sometimes we write people off and judge them as we believe they will never change. This blog proves how powerful inspiration and reflection can be if we don’t judge and just keep on living what we feel is a more loving and truthful way to live for us, without expectation or need for anyone else to join us.
Andrew I so agree with you, I know I have, and that’s simply not love. When I chose to connect to feeling the truth, and to never give up on anyone or any relationship, it is amazing what can happen and change. Also when we let go of the need or expectation for a person or people to be a certain way there is so much more room for love and accepting them as they are, which opens the door for true relationships and friendships to evolve.
This is a really great blog showing a great example of how by ‘letting people off the hook’ so to speak, we open the way for a more honest and open relationship.
Anonymous, thank you for sharing your love you have built with your parents, thank you for the reminder how powerful unconditional love is and how we don’t need to lose ourselves in expectations because love does its work.
Kerstin that’s a great point that as soon as we have those expectations of others we are lost ourselves. So simple.
Anonymous, this is the true power and simplicity of love you share in this very inspiring and beautiful blog. A lovely christmas present I am really enjoying with you!
This is awesome, it is crazy that we can do something for 30 plus years and not see the harm yet given a true reflection we have the opportunity to take stock and see just how much it really effects our relationships and health.
Thank you for sharing your best Christmas present ever which is so touching. What you write about not ever giving up on someone whatever their current choices is so inspiring and humbling. I can sometimes be so arrogant about what I think someone else should be doing in their life and your blog is a brilliant reminder to allow others the grace to come to their own decisions at the time that is best for them.
This is something I have learnt too, to never ever give up on anyone, and never right them off, everyone is always just a single choice away from making life changing decisions.
Wow this was such a huge present for me, thank you – I have had difficult relationships and often have felt too hurt to connect at all – choosing to distance myself to protect myself. Having learned over time that this level of control does nothing to support the truth of our connections, I too have started to let go of expectation and demanding it should be this way or that. To read this blog was like a blessing showing the way without perfection to completely letting another in and in that, allowing them the space and grace to choose what is loving or not for them.
It reminds me of the way that we can talk ourselves into things, allowing the constant critic to shape and plan our days and ways of beings with others if we allow it to take a little… and then I am reminded of how God talks with us – without expectation or demand – ever presenting the space and pure Love that we know him to be. Amazing when I stop to consider this in reference to my relationships with others how things shift immediately to accommodate whatever is there to be dealt with and looked at.
Thanks, Michelle. That is what I love about when we let go of something for real – things change quite dramatically but at the same time it is not a big fuss. It’s like things just naturally correct themselves back to a truer way of being.
What a beautiful and wise sharing! I love how you wrote:
‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’
So true and important: accepting and understanding the choices another makes in their lives is the foundation for an equal relationship.
Absolutely Monika, as I read your words I could see how by doing all this stuff, be it judgement, blame or trying to help, is a way of undermining each other, making one less or more, when in truth and fact we are all one and the same. When we let go of needing things to be a certain way or judging anothers choices, there is only room left for love and equality.
A beautiful gift certainly worth waiting for and appreciation for you for the inspiration of the choice.
Thank you Michelle that sums up how I felt reading it as well – so simple and no big deal – yet life changing.
I agree with all that you have said. This is such an inspiring blog on so many levels.
I too have no doubt that your deepening relationship with your mother has supported their no longer drinking alcohol. It shows me anything is possible, giving up things, or rather returning to being more loving with ourselves (myself,) doesn’t have to be arduous! Awesome!
You have called out alcohol for what it truly is; a mischievous intruder. It is amazing what can occur when the intrusion is stopped, thank you Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous. What a wonderful gift, connecting with your mother again, in love and harmony.
This is beautiful confirmation for me as I continue to develop my ability to accept family and friends without judgment or sympathy…
You say, seeing the huge change your mom made brought you humbleness and showed you
“…to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.”
I don’t have to “give up” on anyone! …But I do need to let go of having things the way I want (need) them to be. That is not in my power nor is it my place to change anyone but me!
Accepting another’s choices allows me to be able to love and connect to them wherever they are at.
I am relieved to find a way to keep loving even if someone is not choosing to be very loving to themselves. I have always felt somehow responsible for ‘helping’ people but I see now that I don’t need to take on their choices, in fact doing so is interfering with their process!
Live and let live…and Love all the while. A beautiful gift to go visit family for Christmas with today.
Jo I absolutely love what you have shared, these two points really resonated with me last night and again this morning, they made me smile as I know I have been part of these. It felt a relief and release to read them, as in I don’t have to change the world or be responsible for other peoples choices, just my own. “I do need to let go of having things the way I want (need) them to be. That is not in my power nor is it my place to change anyone but me!” and “I have always felt somehow responsible for ‘helping’ people”, an ouch with that one, and I can also feel by trying to help other people, it’s just a way of avoiding dealing with my stuff or creating some sort of drama.
I agree too, have done the ‘want to help’ bit big time. Knowing that all I have to do is just be me, it releases so much of one type of energy and creates space for a very different type and the change which then can facilitate.
Gyl, I know this only too well: “I have always felt somehow responsible for ‘helping’ people”, an ouch with that one, and I can also feel by trying to help others, it’s just a way of avoiding dealing with my stuff or creating some sort of drama. How utterly draining was this behavior, I feel a tonne lighter having shed this sack of potatoes…!
Jo your sharing deeply resonates with me. Since childhood I have taken on the role of making things ok for people or feeling responsible to fix situations and people. I now feel the arrogance of this as who am I to decide what is right for another. Its a big ouch for me but letting go of this need to control is allowing more tenderness and understanding in my life. As you say ‘live and let live …. And love all the while.’
“The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” This is relevant for all lives from young to old, but especially now I am old I realise how important it is to let go of all the judgement I have held against family and friends, and open my heart and allow myself to receive them as they are. This year I have been growing deeper in my relationships with family, because I have let go of so much judgement. This change is felt within myself and by my family too, another Christmas gift, as with your parents, Anonymous.
Beautiful – what an amazing change ! Enjoy your new found connection with your parents, while they enjoy their new found vitality.
It is amazing to feel people as their essence instead of focusing on our issues with them. I did not allow this with my father and on his passing I was devastated to feel how I had made a focus of issues instead of just accepting and feeling his very sweet tender essence. My choice my learning. It is deeply inspiring to hear the changes your parents have bought about and also how deeply affected most of us are by things we take as normal, i.e. drinking. it is so common place to drink around children now at their kids parties, it certainly wasn’t like that as I was growing up.
I love this article – to drop our expectations of others and then wwoooooow who knows what is possible. LOVE IT.
It’s so true Natalie, I can’t help but smile a huge smile reading your words. When we drop those expectations of others who knows what might happen …. that’s when the magic really starts as there is nothing getting in the way.
“My parents are both losing weight, sleeping better, waking up earlier and have more energy. My Mom is 69 years old and my step-dad is 79. Alcohol has been a part of their daily routine for most of their lives, and now it’s just simply not” – this is totally miraculous, and shows that no matter what age, it is always possible to choose things that support your health, and choose to change your relationships
That is amazing and I couldn’t of read this at a better time, a message to say just come out of your shell and be love, for and towards yourself and others. Best Christmas present indeed! Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your awesome Christmas present, Anonymous. I know I would much rather get understanding and true connection with another person over a pair of socks, any year!
This is such a beautiful sharing and best present ever ! such a testment to how we can all change and choose a more healthy life when inspired by others lovingly.
What an awesome story. So great to be able to share it, and so healing for all who read it. Lovely. You are so right about not blaming or assuming and when we stop and look around there are so many similar miracles to this happening everyday.
A great reminder Phill, miracles that happen all around us – all the time. We just need to open our eyes (and hearts) to see them.
David, that made me smile, as it’s so true.
This is just so beautiful. I know from personal experience how it works the other way as well. My mother hardly ever drank but I was addicted so that when I visited I could feel myself slipping away from her with every glass of whiskey that I drank as the alcohol took effect – and it was awful and I knew it and couldn’t stop myself. Only in the latter days of her life had I stopped the alcohol and so was able to truly connect to her and spend an evening truly sharing. But it’s only now that I can feel the pain she must have felt as you did with your Mum – something I’d buried until reading your story.
Wow Michael, what an honest and open comment showing just how willing we can be to take responsibility for ourselves. Thank you
Thank you for sharing this with us all. Letting go of another but yet loving them completely is the greatest gift we can give anyone, as it allows them the space to come to what is right for them without judgement. I am witnessing the beauty of this, but also have been treated this way myself. Then all one can feel is another’s love and in that we are less likely to keep fighting. Perhaps by letting go of what you wanted from your Mom supported your parents to feel Love and gave them the space they needed to make a healthy decision for themselves.
This is gorgeous Shevon: “letting go of another but yet loving them completely is the greatest gift we can give anyone, as it allows them the space to come to what is right for them without judgement”.
This is truly lovely in the way that you had already accepted your Mom as she was before she made the decision to stop drinking. Yes a huge learning for us all not to give up on anyone, or blame and judge anyone – ever.
Absolutely Rebecca, if we give up on someone do we not also give up on ourselves at some level?
I love this comment Judy, this feels so true.
Judy, I feel we do give up on ourselves somewhere for us to give up on others.
“.. to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes” What a powerful and inspirational blog, thank you for sharing this. I have given up on people, judging them for their choices and thinking that certain things would never change. More and more i am learning the huge impact it has on my relationships if i make the choice to let people be, to let them make their choices and to bring understanding into the relationship. Understanding is a biggie and i am learning about it every day. Having a deep understanding for all those wonderful people around me allows me to stay open, love them fully and to realize that i am not responsible for their choices and how they live. I just have to connect and love, that’s my job, so to speak….
I agree Mariette, understanding is a biggie because understanding brings allowing and acceptance of people and their choices and where they are at which allows us to stay open and love them any way. I love how you make it super simple; ‘I just have to connect and love, that’s my job…
I agree Mariette, understanding is a biggie for me too, ‘Having a deep understanding for all those wonderful people around me allows me to stay open, love them fully and to realize that i am not responsible for their choices and how they live. I just have to connect and love, that’s my job, so to speak…’ Beautifully, beautifully expressed.
Great point Mariette, just connecting and loving and not taking on another person’s choice or judging them for the way they choose to live, is the job. I too have judged others and been very critical, but have come to realise that that behaviour actually does even more harm. Learning to focus on myself and my own livingness has created space for me to let go of all my expectations and allow people their own choices. It has made me much more enjoyable company and enabled me to love my family with an open heart.
A beautiful and touching blog and itself a ‘Christmas Present’! It was truly healing to hear you speak of the way you approached your mother without judgement and with acceptance and how this opened up your relationship.
It is so healing when we begin this process of letting go of the past and our hurts which are so attached to any association with that person. I know that I blamed my mother for my choices in life, and once I began to open up to the idea that maybe I was part of this insidious cycle of blame and hurt it allowed me to see my mother as she truly was – a really gorgeous woman who was so full of life and love and tenderness that was truly her when we allowed ourselves the time to really meet one another.
My mother has now been dead for seven years and I am so grateful to have had that opportunity to heal our relationship before she died. I can now fully appreciate all that she was as a woman.
Dear Anonymous, this is an amazing sharing. I love the part about the lesson to never give up on anyone nor judge anyone, a big lesson of humbleness indeed.
Gorgeous to read this article and so refreshing to learn that it is indeed possible to change the ‘habits of a lifetime’ . I love this sentence ….’In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol’….
What a gift to share with us on Christmas Day. The joy in this blog is palpable and the commitment to accepting others as they are, is a reminder to me that true love has no judgement.
‘True love has no judgement,’ – beautifully said and a key to everything I and everyone else could ever wish to experience in life, both with ourselves and in our relationships with each other.
Yes very true Judith, it is what we all long for, a moment when we are completely loved just for who we are and all the judgements and criticisms fall away. What a glorious gift to give one another and what an art to live everyday.
So true Judy. A timely reminder as families gather together over the Christmas festivities to never judge or give up on anyone. Miracles do happen as has been shared in this touching blog.
Absolutely Judy. Love has no judgment. I am feeling this more and more everyday. Just Love.
What a beautiful sharing and an amazing turn around for your parents, very inspiring never to give up on anyone as change is possible at anytime.
“The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” I am learning this lesson too! It has been very easy for me to judge others and to give up and say that they will never change, but you have shown through your blog just what is possible. To keep the connection and love even if the choice another is making wouldn’t be your choice and to allow others in their own time to make choices that are right for them.
This is such a powerful message you bring anonymous , that no matter what others choices have been, no matter their behaviors because of those choices, that people have huge potential for change… thus your beautiful lesson: ‘not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone make’. Awesome.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing your experience with us. It is very inspiring to read how your parents have given up drinking after all of those years and you got to feel the impact of their drinking.
What we have walked away from is always patiently waiting for us to return…no mater how long it takes to return to our true self.
Great point Steve, we can never walk away from life since it is waiting for us to show us that life is about love, that asks us to have true relations, that helps us to make true choices, that helps us in our way of return to whom we truly are.
Yes Nico, we cannot escape the lessons that life keeps on offering us, we will always be brought back to the opportunity to choose Love, again and again until it becomes our only choice and we find our path home and realise who we truly are.
Very true Nico. Life comes to us if we keep saying yes to more love. The situations, the people, the experiences that can come our way offer us such an opportunity to evolve and return to who we are. Or if we prefer the struggle we can resist, deny and dismiss all that the universe has coordinated to support us in our return.
What you have said here Vicky is deeply beautiful. The universal support that is forever holding us is immense and energetically precise, operating from an intelligence way beyond anything conceivable to the linear mind all based on the law of love.
Similarly I grew up in a household where a few drinks each day were entirely normal. Just recently a member of the family was taken seriously ill, and while they have recovered, they have taken the opportunity to reduce the amount they are drinking (as well as giving up smoking after nearly 50 years)… its also made quite a difference to our relationship.
What I particularly liked about the blog was the encouragement and reminder never to give up on people, to stop any judgement or blame that I am putting out. Its only by staying in a relationship that I can offer a reflection, and perhaps witness and enjoy the changes that come to pass as we naturally unfold.
I am finding this out also Simon. The more I stay open in my relationships, hold steady and offer a reflection of another way of living but without having the agenda to try and convert/convince someone else to change, the freer everyone is to make their own choices. This isn’t always easy but the more I am working on it, the more natural it is becoming.
Thank you Anonymous this is such a powerful article. The power of love never ceases to inspire and how glorious a present indeed to hear that both your parents made a decision for themselves to oust “the intruder named Alcohol”. It is quite amazing that when we relinquish alcohol our health blossoms and we feel great, which is true evidence of just how harmful it is, even one drink.
A beautiful sharing of your experience. Thank you.
This is such an amazing article anonymous, I loved reading, ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ This is very inspiring for me, as I know that there are people that I have given up on and have been judgmental of and your article really supports me to feel this, thank you.
Wow, that is so beautiful. Such a powerful lesson and reminder to us all to never give up on anyone.
This blog, anonymous is not only an amazingly powerful reminder never to give up on anyone but also a huge reminder that it does not matter how long ago a hurt is, it is possible “to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame” if one is only open and willing.
I love your comment Jonathan, and what I also love is every time I read “never give up on anyone’ as it is so true.
I love what you and this blog has shared Jonathan is a great reminder to never give up on anyone, ever. Couple that with our openness that no matter how ancient and familiar our resentments, hurts are, and our need to blame is, it is always possible to let them go if we so choose. As we all realise this fact the world we have created that is dysfunctional and loveless in so many ways will change.
This is truly beautiful and very inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
This is lovely. A confirmation that when we heal ourselves, it’s possible to heal and transform relationships with others. Yours is a great testimony of the importance of accepting people as they are, which I have found comes from my own self acceptance.
Dear Anonymous, it is such a beautiful present reading your comment on christmas morning ! Alcohol is indeed such an intruder and poisons conversations, behaviours and relationships. I have noticed it so many times, when, at a dinner party, I am sitting next to a person who drinks, it is impossible to connect to them after 1 glass of whine – the person “disappears”.
This truly is a stupendous Christmas present and one graciously accepted. Nice one anonymous!
What a great sharing and a testament also to the changes you have made in yourself. It is incredible then how this changes our relationship with others particularly family where we can hold the most hurts.”..to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”. Beautiful – thank you Anonymous.
Julie I couldn’t agree more, ” to not give up on anyone ever” . I am realising more and more, and honouring the fact of never giving up on a relationship and it feels amazing, no matter who it is, the choices they make, but to always hold them in understanding and love.
It is so nice to be able to connect with people when there is no alcohol interfering, that is so true…
I have this experience too Alexandre, it is totally different when you are able to connect to people and especially family when there is no alcohol interfering. Conversations are much more real and honest, and the possibility is there to deepen the relationship further.
Jaqmcfadden I so love your comment and what you have shared especially “it is totally different when you are able to connect to people and especially family when there is no alcohol interfering. ” it just made me smile because I know this to be true and it feels amazing.
Gyl, you made me smile reading your comment, it does feel amazing and you feel amazing…
I agree, alcohol is such an interference and disruption, not only to the relationship, but to the people themselves. It is a disruption to your soul, your thought processes and the way that you feel.
Dear Anonymous, what you have shared is awesome. It shows the power and beauty of the true human heart, and as you say, is a heads-up to drop all our judgements of everyone else based on their choices, no matter how we feel about them. What a wonderful future we are all bringing to ourselves together as one Humanity.
Dianne what you say really struck out at me “the power and beauty of the true human heart” , it’s so easily forgotten the power of our heart. It is about just allowing our hearts to be open and letting go of judgements. Then the magic will take place, by allowing others to make their own choices in what ever they do.
Dianne what you say really struck out at me” the power and beauty of the true human heart” , it’s so easily forgotten the power of our heart. It is about just allowing our hearts to be open and letting go of judgements. Then the magic will take place, by allowing others to make their own choices in what ever they do.
How beautifully expressed Dianne, ‘the power and beauty of the true human heart’.
I love what you say about this allowing you the realisation to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes. This is a beautiful reminder as Christmas day and family get-togethers approach, thank you.
Yes it is revelatory how much our judgement of other people gets in the way of an open relationship.
Death and chronic illness are other great examples of this. How we drop all the other ‘stuff’ the hurts and past occurrences and just allow ourselves to be the very simple loving people that we naturally are.
That’s a great point Michelle, we are willing to let go of all those issues we make such a big deal about as soon as we get a big wake up call with illness, accidents or realise that we might lose someone, which just goes to show that we are capable of being this way, and that we are choosing not to.
I agree, Laura. This gives us an opportunity to be honest about what we are still holding onto that gets in the way of true relationship. It is a shame that sometimes it takes a big wake up call to bring out the love that has been there all along. This is something for us all to deeply consider in our own lives, so as not to leave things unresolved until disaster strikes.
All so true Michelle, Laura and Janet. We have the ability to see who we really are at any time and not keep the hurts so close that they block this out. When all I see are my hurts then I act like I need to constantly protect myself. It only takes an instant to be the loving person I am naturally and see that in others.’
Isn’t it a case of taking relationships for granted when everything appears to be going well, and when disaster strikes we feel guilty that we weren’t more loving or understanding in the first place.
Ohhhh yes, the whole story of I will only love/accept you if you are like the picture I have in my mind of how I would like/need you to be. It is such a receipe for resentment and lack of honesty in relationships.
Absolutely spot on Joel, we all have these pictures in our minds of how we would like a relationship to be, and also a picture of how we think WE should behave in a relationship too in living up to someone else’s expectations. Having these pictures in our heads causes stress when our wishes and hidden agendas are not fulfilled. Why do we find it so difficult in relationships to be honest and remain true to ourselves, it’s like you say ‘a recipe for disaster’ that always ends in resentment.
What you share is so true Michelle, judgement cripples the potential growth of any relationship immediately.
What a great lesson you have offered us here “to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”. How amazing and light would all relationships be if we held true to this. Thank you for sharing your story.
This is such a powerful reminder – one I certainly needed after returning from my last family Christmas gathering – I did feel like giving up on almost everyone and to see it is my own judgement at play is sobering- “to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”- these words are gold. Thankyou.
This is beautiful, Anonymous, and a great lesson for all of us – to never give up on someone and honour that each and every one of us has the potential to turn our lives around if we open up to love again. And also what a difference it makes when we let go of our hurts and judgements of each other.
Yes this is so true. People often blow my socks off with how unexpectedly amazing they can be.
Yes I agree Karin people can be so wise and amazing in the most unexpected ways or situations – its awesome.
Yes Janet, I can feel for myself how giving up anyone holds me and another from what we all yearn for ~ to be loved and to love which opens the door for honesty and letting go and letting more love in! I loved the point you make here.
Bernadette, I just wanted to reflect on those two words “giving up” and it feels to me like a deep well of regret, disappointment and sadness lurking in there. I remember hearing from a very wise man a while back that if one reflects/emanates an expression of ‘giving up on someone’, or ‘dismissiveness’ that portrayal may also hold the same harmful energy as the one does who is choosing drug abuse or alcoholism as an expression.
So true Bernadette, and what I have realised over the years is that I have invested in people getting things or doing things the way I feel best instead of loving them just the way they are. When I am invested in an outcome I get disappointed if it doesn’t go my way and then give up on them. What an awful way to live!
Through Universal Medicine I have found that me living a loving life and sharing that with others is what counts – not them getting it.
I agree Janet, every one of us has the potential to turn our lives around if we choose. For me, it has been a revelation that I need not give up on myself, saying no to the doubts that creep in, that try to keep me from realising my own potential is a choice, and a choice that everyone can make. Letting go of the judgements towards myself allows me to love others without judgement.
Anonymous, this is a wonderful Christmas message, to let go of all of our expectations of our family. I have had the experience of people close to me who, over a period of some months, having each individually and separately (and for different reasons, somewhat related to health) just comment as an aside to me that they no longer drink. Yes, it was a gift to me who in this case had not made any remarks to them regarding their drinking, but they still had their own realisation of what drink was doing to them. Now I realise what a gift that was and the lesson I have received in me not giving up on anyone but just to let go of any trying to help anyone and be ME all the time and just be loving.
This blog is probably the best Christmas present ever. Thank you so much anonymous for sharing, I cried so many tears reading this as I felt the hurt, sadness, judgement, expectations and needs I hold around people, family especially, to be a certain way instead of accepting them as they are. As I write that I can’t help but smile and laugh and feel so much love. It’s made me realise how controlling and judgmental I can be with people or situations because I have not been willing to open up to them. I also felt to share, I too have had that experience of meeting someone close to me without the impact of alcohol and there was such a humbleness and gentleness in that moment and them, I could feel who they really were and it was such a blessing.
What a lovely comment Gyl, I can relate to what you say, realising that I too have been judgemental with my family and have had expectations of them, and then holding back my love because MY needs have not been met. Beginning to let go of expectations and judgements of my family has allowed them to just be themselves, and not feel judged, and released me from trying to be something that I am not, and this feels liberating and allows for a stronger foundation of love in my relationships with my family.
it is such a blessing to be able to let that go!
Beautifully shared Mary – I can totally relate to everything you have expressed.
What a great blog – what I could really relate to and especially appreciate, was the beautiful reminder to always keep connecting to people regardless of their choices. It doesn’t mean that all behaviours are acceptable and / or that there aren’t consequences to our choices, however the true essence of people and who they are never changes, and this is what is so important to connect to – all year round, and not only at Christmas.
Great comment Angela. Our behaviour can change, our true essence never does,
I agree Angela – and so many people say they love the holiday spirit and the friendly festivities that go on – but if we enjoy it so much why do we not keep it up all year round?
You have a good point there Rebecca. We have so many festivities nowadays, always something to ‘look forward’ to or ‘plan for’. And once the festivities are over people go back to their normal routine and often feel flat. Could it be that we are connecting to an event on the outside of us and not to our essence on the inside? If this were true, then we wouldn’t need the stimulation and excitement of an ‘event’, and every day would be a joy to live, just for the sake of it.
Angela what a beautiful comment. It’s so important to connect to people and see beyond their choices. For me this can be tricky at times if I do not like seeing certain choices reflected back to me . But, in dealing with this, I remember to connect to my essence so as to heal whatever is getting in the way.
I completely agree Angela
Perfectly said Angela – sums up everything I felt whilst reading this gorgeous blog and could not have expressed if better myself! Thank you.
I agree Angela its all about people and connection all year round.
Exactly Paul, what if we were to use Christmas as an opportunity to deepen our connections with people even further, and then continue to develop that throughout the year – now that would be a gift that keeps on giving 😉