Last Christmas I received the most unexpected and miraculous present ever. I was speaking with my Mom, with whom I have had a difficult relationship for many years, particularly the last 3, and I noted a change in me: let me explain a little further.
A few months prior to our Christmas phone call I came to understand how I was holding myself back from accepting and loving my Mom just as she is, with no expectation, no neediness, and no agenda. When I opened up to her without judgment and with true acceptance, not needing her to be a certain way, we had some really great conversations in which we truly connected as we never have before.
So on the aforementioned Christmas day, as we were talking and truly listening deeply to one another in this new way, she shared with me something I never thought I’d hear her say. That she and my step-dad, who both drank 3-4 alcoholic drinks every single day for the past 30+ years, (hard liquor, beer, and wine) had stopped drinking completely – and it was no big deal at all! I was stunned. I was so deeply touched to learn that it was something they chose to do together to improve their health and vitality.
My parents are both losing weight, sleeping better, waking up earlier and have more energy. My Mom is 69 years old and my step-dad is 79. Alcohol has been a part of their daily routine for most of their lives, and now it’s just simply not.
In hearing this most amazing news, I connected with the pain I had felt deep inside for many years upon witnessing how different they both became after having even just one drink. I started weeping tears of joy and relief and humbleness.
The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.
This is so huge in my family, and such an amazing healing for me and my partner and for them – for us all together. In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol. I now feel such deep honor and appreciation for them both in a way that I didn’t allow myself to before, with or without alcohol… The best Christmas present ever!
By Anonymous, USA
This is a huge occurrence for someone to witness – their parents giving up this really devastatingly harming substance, alcohol. I can picture the amazing shifts that would occur, not just to health but to opening up to a loving way of being. Just as the writer was in joy for her parents, I also feel a joy for all touched by this wonderful choice.
What a beautiful and tender sharing, thank you. It reminded me how important it is to bring understanding to my relationships and to watch out for any judgement creeping in or expectation for the person to act in a certain way.
Wow this is amazing and really highlights for me that we can still carry around our own packages of hurt to deal with the agony we have felt which can affect our relationships – until we get super honest about this then there is always a cap on how that relationship can be. Stopping the alcohol is a gift for everyone in the family for it shows that people being themselves without are real, loving and living – it’s not needed.
This is nothing short of a miracle Anonymous, thank you for sharing.
Dear Anonymous you get really the best Christmas present ever and this present unwrap itself!!!! How amazing it that . . .
This is a very inspiring article. It is very easy to be in judgement of others and think they will never change. Well, I have made a lot of changes to the way I live having been inspired by others who have loved and accepted me just how I am, so I can now accept that others may equally be inspired by the choices I am making.
It is amazing really, when we realise that the limitations that we experience in relationships come from the limitations that we hold within ourselves – that when we need a person to be a certain way to fulfill a certain need within us and so we will react to the choices they make when we don’t get what we want or need from the relationship. This has been a huge lesson for me. As I now have begun to build a relationship of love within myself, and I am aware that when I react it feels like I have given up a part of myself, that loving and understanding part. What you have shared is a beautiful reminder – thank you – of how important it is to be a consistent reflection of love from my connection to love.
“how important it is to be a consistent reflection of love ” I couldn’t agree more, an absolute joyful responsibility.
Letting go of expectations in relationships is a big one – and really highlights what our own ‘needs’ might be from that person. Letting go of our own needs and just allowing that person to be, express and support them all the while to be the fullness of who they are – without imposition – is such a beautiful quality of relationship to have. Being a student of The Way of the Livingness is so supportive in developing this true quality of relationship, and is something I will forever be working on to deepen.
I agree Amelia, letting go of expectations and needs in relationships is huge. Something I am learning, I am always amazed each day how this is unfolding, in the sense of wow I now realise I had a need for this person to be like this with me because ……. and with that I understand where my hurts come from, and the fact they are not true, yes I feel them, but they have actually come from me imposing my need or expectation onto another person to bring me something I was not willing to bring myself, be it love, intimacy, appreciation etc. So very imposing. To be in relationship be it with family, friends, partners without this need or expectations feels amazing – so joyful and freeing and I actually open up more and want to be with this person. A great learning for me, and yes being a student of The Way of the Livingness and being continually inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is amazing.
As I was reading this blog I kept appreciating how imposing it is to have expectations on other people to be as you want them to be and how you want them to be with you…to fill your needs and I really relate to both of your comments. Thank you for sharing, it really adds to the blog.
Truly beautiful to read. I can feel how alcohol changes people so much and how painful it is too see that. I can totally understand how amazing it is to have your parents make such a loving choice for themselves.
On rereading your blog I was once again reminded of who we all equally are by your words “to never underestimate what someone is capable of” it is so easy to write someone of as hopeless just because we do not want to feel our own investment in them or the pain to see them living something less than we know them to be. I am learning that true love respects someone completely and meets them first and foremost for who they are, the love and divinity that is in us all equally.
This blog states a really important point for us all. That judgement simply separates and keeps us from embracing our humanness and the innate love we all hold. In my younger days I was very harsh and unforgiving at times to some of my loved ones expecting them to be all that I needed them to be for me to be Ok. I now see how ridiculous that is and am working on letting go of judgement as there are so many deep and beautiful connections to be made beyond that place.
“a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”. What a powerful and inspirational statement demonstrated by what you have shared. Thank you.
What an awesome reminder never to give up on anyone, for us not to judge and just allow people to be without imposing upon them what or how we would like them to be. Indeed a beautiful Christmas present.
I agree Donna, to feel these words ‘to never give up on anyone ever ‘ feels amazing.
Truly beautiful sharing Anonymous. Never ever judge another and their choices for we are all equal. That is true love. Thank you.
That is true love.
We’re all the equal ness of God, it’s just that we have lost ourselves in the illusion of separation.
This is a great sharing anonymous, how truly wonderful that your mum and step dad just stopped drinking like that. A modern day miracle
I loved you sharing your very personal Christmas present with us all Anonymous. I also wept for joy with you.
It certainly is a fact that we cannot give up on or judge another and as you so beautifully expressed we are . . . “to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”.
This renewed appreciation of your parents is a great present at any time of the year!
“Holding myself back” these words clearly have shown me again how easily it is to get caught in this ideal and belief, when in fact I am holding myself back from loving people with total acceptance. Thank you
As many have said here this is such a healing blog. Full acceptance and love is so healing and this blog is a testament to that.
It is especially difficult to see family members living less than who they truly are. However this can bring up something in ourselves that we may need to attend to as well. When this is realised there is a beautiful gift for both.
‘I wonder if we all need someone to reflect this unconditional acceptance and love back to us at some point in our lives’. So true Richard, to be fully accepted and loved, just for being you, can be incredibly healing.
This truly does go to show how our loving lifestyle choices do flow out as love felt by others.
This gives a feeling of how it can be to love and accept unconditionally. And to allow the soul to impulse one’s way forward, and not our imposing ways. Beautiful.
Thanks so much for such a healing blog. I can relate to where I used to hold myself back with one member of my family in relation to alcohol. Now I just accept and love them as they are – a beautiful, caring and sensitive person.
This is a gem. There is much within us all, waiting to come out. Never do we know when we will allow ourselves to make choices that support this unfoldment, so as you have clearly shown….to hold another to this is nothing but judgement, and can hold us all back.
This is a beautiful example of how healing the decisions we make for ourselves can be for others. This blog reminds me that we are all connected and what one person does effects another. A very simple principle for us to remember to live by.
This is so true Robyn, a gift in that we are all responsible for what we bring and that quality we want to connect to people in. Something very worth remembering and living by. .
I have feel your joy and release in this – its so very beautiful for all involved
What an amazing and unexpected Christmas present for you and your family. I can understand your tears. And it’s a present that feels like it’s expanding along with the changes in your mother’s and your step dad’s well being. I also feel that the realisation; “to not give up on anyone ever” was definitely a very big extra gift for you.
Thank you for this gorgeous sharing Anonymous, I love these words:
“never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes”
and it starts with me 🙂
Perfect words at the perfect time thank you Shelley.
Yes, this is goosebumps stuff. We are all much more aware than we realise and we are much more powerful role models than we realise. Nice.
Thank you for your post about your mother. It has reminded me to step away from judgement as I step into caring more for my parents in their aging years.
It is amazing that we can all sniff judgement and expectation from others a mile away and it can smell so bad that even if the other person is speaking the truth we fight them and don’t listen because the smell of judgement, criticism or expectation, based on need, from them is so strong, that this is all we focus on. How amazing is it then when we can just communicate without all of this in the way and just allow another person to be?
What a wonderful article, thank you. I too have had a difficult relationship with my Mum, but after a healing session with Natalie where it was brought to my attention that the reason that I had chosen my Mum this life, and the reflection that I received from her was what I needed in order to return to being a true woman again in this world. After hearing this I then appreciated my Mum like never before and then I too didn’t need her to change and could accept her just the way she is. This reduced an enormous amount of strain that I had put on our relationship, I didn’t need her to change for me. Today my relationship with my Mum is more loving than ever before.
It is so easy to jump to judgement or think better of ourselves then others based on our choices. But I am realising that this form of arrogance is actually keeping people out and not allowing them to be where they are in their personal unfoldment. Everyone is the same inside and we all are looking for love, if I or anyone judge, blame or contract they may not find it, but if I keep myself open, seeing them for who they are without reacting to their choices, they have a reflection of love in every moment which will support them in changing their lives if and when ready.
Surely the best Christmas present is to meet your people & really connect with them on a truly deeper level. I love your honesty in your sharing.
To meet or to see people for who they are, it is the most beautiful thing in the world. In the past I used to want some people to be different in some of the qualities they have & then I was not fully accepting who they were. I am now learning to let go of that need or expectation on how people are to be. Now there is no picture I hold on how people are to be, as to me they are just beautiful in who they are & what they bring. I am able to cherish our interactions and conversations without any judgement.
“…to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” This is beautiful – it is the pathway for true magic because we make the choice to never disconnect from or stop seeing the angel that lives inside each of us. I agree, move over Santa, the best Christmas present ever! Thank you for sharing the joy.
What a beautiful healing for all involved.
As I read this blog I really connected to the expectations I have of people in my life… And felt them start to melt away. Amazing, thank you for sharing such a profound blog,
Such a beautiful reminder, thank you.
So much love expressed in this very short blog. It just shows how much we love, even when we judge someone for doing something that isn’t loving of themselves because we love so much it hurts! Yet so much more powerful when we can feel it all and accept, let go and keep loving.
Your experience is a loving lesson to us all that if we express love and truth and are not needy for others to be a certain way then they are free to make their own choices. Thank you for sharing this blog.
This insightful blog is a reminder for me to not judge others but to accept the choices being made even if they seem harmful. The reflection of our livingness is the biggest gift we can give another.
In a nutshell Anne!
Totally Anne the power of our Livingness, thank you for the reminder.
Your comment really sums ups the blog, totally agree Anne
A beautiful lesson shared, we each have free will and are responsible for that free will and how we choose to use it – that includes judging another, being open to connect with the truth of another – their essence – wow how would the world look if this stuff was taught in schools and homes.
Beautiful… It’s great that your parents decided to stop drinking and the letting go you were able to do is even more beautiful.
Gosh you topped my Christmas present.
There are such beautiful insights shared here – understanding, accepting and allowing others the freedom to make their choices without judgement. It is a moment to eat humble pie when I realise the judgement I have been holding others in as if I know the timing of their evolution and what is better for them. Serge Benhayon has touched on this topic on several occasions, as I sit with this blog and my own experience it seems obvious that this is basic respect for another and essential before there can be harmony between people. Yet judgement can be sneaky – often coming in the guise of wanting things to be my version of better or different on another’s behalf –especially partners and family
This experience is absolutely brilliant to share with world, so insightful and supportive “The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” To not go in to judgement and always be open to the possibility of change is liberating for all involved. In fact it allows more space for change to occur…
What an amazing Christmas present! that’s amazing. I love how you have shared to never give up on someone… it’s so true, anyone, any day could surprise you because all it takes is for them to choose a different way.
It actually makes me realise myself that I should never give up on myself, allow myself to be and make loving choices and I will continue to grow and be a gift for myself and others.
Ariel I love how you bring it back to the relationship we have with ourselves. Understanding others can sometimes be easier than understanding ourselves!
“It actually makes me realise myself that I should never give up on myself” So true until I had read this I had not thought about me in this equation yet it is so relevant!
That is huge, to have drunk alcohol for so long and then to just give it up without a struggle. Clearly your Mum and step-dad had connected to something truer within themselves to be able to do that as no amount of thinking you should give something up ever really works.
This story touched me deeply, it is so easy to write people off and see them as incapable of, or unwilling to change.
I believe that we all have the potential in us to change and become the loving beings we all are at heart, but too often my automatic assessment of someone might be that they won’t change. So I guess I am yet to truly know that we all do indeed have the potential to change to a loving way of being. Your story has made this point very poignantly for me, thank you. It also shows me how by the limiting attitudes we hold of others may serve to hold them in that limitation, perhaps it was no coincidence that after you had decided to no longer hold out any need or expectation of how your mother “should” be, that she then made such a huge shift.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience and for reminding me to “never stop connecting, no matter what a person chooses”.
It is so easy to condemn a certain choice or to react to it, but what I have experienced during the last months is that every time I feel a reaction or the wish to distance myself from someone, there is always something deep inside me that wants to be looked at and healed. It may hurt to see it so clearly in the mirror, therefore reacting as a form of running away from it is easy. But I have come to see it as a gift – even if sometimes the truth in it comes to me hidden behind emotions and reactions of another person.
Your sharing let´s me feel how much sadness and giving up I have accumulated about people dear to me being stuck in an unloving behaviour, seeing them in their routine and feeling powerless to make them change or understand, and then keeping up with how it is. Not that it is about changing others, but simply the pain it causes to see someone unhappy, being unloving and harming with themselves. I found that when I deepen my love, hold them in love no matter what, let them just be not needing them to be different, that love is much much grander than the pain – and as they can feel being loved they are naturally more open to be themselves and sometimes presenting the most unexpected changes.
Woao, what an amazing choice and a true blessing for you and your family! We are so powerful in who we are and what we reflect! It is great to read these kind of stories as a confirmation. As I tend to forget how important my love and presence on this planet is.
What a truly beautiful sharing thank you. It shows how by living more lovingly ourselves it really does make a difference and is inspiring to family, friends and those around us. We all really would love to be more caring and loving for ourself as this is what we are all looking for, and when we see it in another, wow it lights up the way for us. This can be chosen or resisted, the choice is ours.
We all know how awful it feels when someone puts us in a pigeon hole or holds us to ransom for things we have done in the past. We tell ourselves we do this to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Yet it actually keeps us all stuck in the past and unable to move forward in another way. When we feel we are the victim of abuse it is easy to judge, even feel superior or justified to keep doing this. But we all have an equal role to play in relationships and without love nothing will change. It is beautiful to hear the ripple effect of you choosing to be open and non-judgmental in your family.
‘ In one short conversation I was able to let go of years of resentment, hurt, and blame, and truly connect with my Mom again without the intruder named Alcohol.’ This is so inspiring about how we always have the choice to let go of resentment etc in every moment and then we allow ourselves the opportunity to truly connect with another which is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous. What a wonderful loving feeling when family come back into the fold.
The wisdom presented here is profound. I must say in honesty that I feel I have only just begun to live this wisdom of never, ever giving up on anyone and truly accepting people as they are in full. I can already feel the tremendous healing in this is for all.
A beautiful sharing Anonymous, it can be amazing how different it feels to just let go and allow others to be who they are with no judgement. I know that my relationships have changed since I let go of needing those close to me to be a certain way.
Anonymous. Great that you now have connected again with your parents, and able to accept what they have been through, and share the love you all have for each other.
Beautiful. Thank you Anonymous. The true humility that comes through this blog is amazing. The words, ‘to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes’ are a wondrous Christmas present.
How can we possibly remind another of who they truly are if we’re not being who we truly are? When we judge another we are being who we’re not which in turn solidifies who they are not. A lose lose situation.
It’s amazing what can happen when the way we approach things change. Not pressuring people to be a certain way is the best in the world and much appreciated. To know that people can change a habit after so long is great too
What a powerful and tender message for us all, thank you Anonymous for sharing your experiences and heartfelt love.
What a truly amazing gift you have given to yourself.
To not give up on anyone ever, no matter what, and just keep open and connecting. Beautiful words to appreciate and live by, thank you for the reminder.
Jeanette thank you for highlighting this, and it is a reminder for me also, and today I will reconnect to a few that I had given up on. Powerful words indeed.
I love this story – thank you. I have my mother staying with us for 12 weeks and 10 weeks into her stay I can say that we have never got along better. Just before she came I committed to love her like I have never loved her before. This did not mean being a walk over or pandering to her – it simply meant to not hold judgement and hurt around her which I have carried for years and has made for a very difficult relationship. I could only let my hurt and judgement go when I came to the understanding that I had created that hurt – in reaction to her not meeting me in love. When I deeply felt that she couldn’t meet me for the love that I was when I was young because of the way that she had been parented and her own hurts – I realised that I could bring what it was that I was wanting – love! In this choice I broke the cycle of parenting from hurt therefore meeting my own children with love so that they are confirmed for who they truly are. Wow – life certainly is a choice.
Just beautiful Sarah! I can feel the love here and the casting out of all that the hurt/judgment cul de sac brings in our relationships. Just brilliant that you have broken this cycle.
I find that in my relationships I am, in some degree almost daily , doing exactly what you have described with your mother – being constantly aware of any slight tangent that takes me away from love and dropping any judgement, and outing any hurt left – anything that may cause me to retract my love from that person, and thus from my own heart. Wow it is a powerful liberation to free ourselves of the ties that bind and come into true love.
How beautiful Anonymous, the living testimony of your love for your parents in accepting them and from this allowing them to feel and choose themselves, thank you.
I discovered this year that in accepting myself and being myself at Christmas it was very easy to accept others and thoroughly enjoy my time with them.
I loved this blog, it shows how quickly a dynamic can vanish when someone drops all expectations of another. It’s transformational and I have seen it happen in my own life. I recently held back from a friend as I felt she wasn’t being the friend I thought she could be. As a result of my expectations, we lost contact for several months, this being a friend I have had for over 20 years. Once I reflected on how my holding expectations and judgements against her was holding both of us back from having a truly free and loving relationship, I simply picked up the phone and called her. We have spoken more in the past few weeks than we have in a year and I put it down to just loving her as the precious friend she is and having no expectations of her. It has been a very valuable lesson for me in just letting go and letting people be. The funny thing is when I do this, people become the friend/partner/family member/colleague I always knew they could be but they are being it in freedom of my expectations and of their own choosing which is so much more powerful and healing for both of us than living within the artificially constructed dynamic of before.
Thank you, I deeply appreciate that you have made this about connecting and understanding where others are at and to keep accepting and loving them for who they are.
“To not give up on anyone ever, to never judge or blame another, never doubt what someone is capable of, to never stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.” Thank-you for this article, it is a great reminder which, I can relate to myself.
What an amazing and inspiring present! Fantastic.
I can feel how important it is to let go of the hurt we carry.
I love this blog and feeling the shifts that have occurred within the family since your parents gave up drinking. How great for you all to deepen your love and understanding – a true gift indeed.
This is a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing your story. Particularly ..”to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes…” This resonates so much to me.
Wow, thank you for sharing, I also have had a difficult relationship with my Mum and have recently been feeling to contact her again. I have been concerned as to whether I can hold myself around her. I have recognized in the past that I have also been holding on to an expectation of how she should be. It is so freeing for her and me to let go of those expectations.
It is torture to be at a family or work event where everyone is drinking and I am not… but not for the reasons people might think. It is not torture because I want to drink too, but torture to see people I love and care about disappear in front of my very eyes. There is no point in being there with them – they become a shadowed version of themselves which in no way reflects the true person they are. It is torture and I agree, what a blessing to have people you love present there with you.
This was just such a joy to read and so simple. Yet in practice can be very very hard, as we do place expectations on others, we have our hurts and protections that surface, making that acceptance of where others are at at times very challenging. To hear that you were focusing on you and what your rhythms are not expecting anyone or anything to change around you, yet it has. Such an inspiration to live by, always look at yourself and your choices no matter what, everyone else then has the space to unfold for them in their own time.
This is a lovely article and just shows that with love anything is possible if we keep ourselves open and do not limit what can happen. It particularly spoke to me when you said we must never give up on people, but stay loving and connected with them no matter what their choices. Thank you for the reminder.
‘ to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’
I love this! It is so true. Thank you for the reminder.
Absolutely Laura – these are some of the best words ever written. What love and understanding, leading to a whole new way of living and relating. Thank you!
When you love someone so much it’s hard not to have expectations of them deep down – I know I try not to impose on people and judge how they are living but I find myself too invested in fixing them, which I realise it is for me just as much for them – your story helps me bring myself back to how important it is in letting people just be who they are and have their own journey.
Thank you Anonymous, your blog is a gift to me also. My unfolding experience is that the more we deeply and truly love, care for and respect ourselves without judgement or criticism and the more we allow this to shine from us the more we offer and allow those around us to do the same. Yes, love heals all, never,never, never give up!
I am deeply moved by reading your words of wisdom Barbara. I can feel how strongly and committedly you are confirming the healing love within that sees the truth of never ever giving up – and that proclaims the love we are that is the love we all share. Hold it, be it, and we all eventually get it. It works like magic.
Something that I have come to observe over the years is that we tend to give up when something has hurt us and we feel there is nothing we can do about it. The fact that you stayed loving and open with your family even though you could feel they were hurting themselves and hence obviously bringing up a hurt in you, you stayed committed to loving them and from that love they did not feel judgement or criticism which gave them space to choose for themselves what felt right for them. Amazing testimony to the power of love.
Wow indeed – what you have shared is a miracle…from accepting yourself and then your Mom for who she is and not imposing on her she was free to choose what she could feel in you all along…love. This is such a powerful story as now all who are connected to your Mom and Dad will be touched… iIt is amazing how a spark can ignite into a glowing fire, I am inspired.
So true Helen. When we see others as who they are in reaction, we are not seeing them as equal and so treat them as such.
It’a amazing that the parents quit after so long. It’s obvious that they were truly supported to do this because they were inspired by someone else who was making loving choices for themselves also. So the best way we can support our family is to support ourselves.
Absolutely Danielle, this blog is such a beautiful sharing of how we support everybody else by making loving choices for ourselves and not by judging and correcting constantly peoples behaviors around us.
I absolutely loved reading your blog and receiving a true healing through your sharing. I deeply thank you for reminding me/us to never give up on anyone and to keep expressing from love. The miracles happen from there as you have beautifully shown in your blog and they happen in their own time when one is ready. Thank you Anonymous.
I love the last blue coloured paragraph- the way in life to be in true brotherhood. Beautiful expressed. Thank you.
Thank you Anonymous. You have reminded me of which direction I need to continue in to find the relationship I have been searching for with my mother.
A beautiful reminder to relate to everyone as the amazing person they are, particularly if they are not expressing it in their actions and how they live. Because if we judge, or see them as simply what they are showing, are we not adding to keeping them there? By always remaining open to someone’s potential to be more, we provide support for them to hold their greatness for themselves.
What a great in-sight into how we ‘run’ and control relationships with those around us.
It has been interesting for me to observe that I have found it quite easy to connect with and share deeply with strangers, but more challenging with family, people that I see regularly. It is with these people that I feel more vulnerable, so I am more guarded, always making it about them and how they would need to be before we can have a deeper and more honest conversation.
Fortunately, as I have gained a greater understanding and appreciation of myself, I am slowly being able to be more open with those I am close to, and the amazing thing that I have discovered is, that they are nearly always ready and willing to be more honest with me.
This is exactly what I needed to read, your article helps me realise that I can be really judgmental of peoples choices and give up on them, ‘The humbleness was because what my Mom shared was a huge lesson for me to not give up on anyone ever, to never ever judge or blame another, never ever doubt what someone is capable of, to never ever stop connecting and loving no matter what choices someone makes.’ This is very beautiful, thank you.
Yes Rebecca, these words are life-changing. I too felt deeply touched by hearing this (yet again!)
This is the whole key to true relationship – relationship that is real love, very respectful, equal, wise, and healing. All else separates us so that we cannot move forward together. Thank you again Anonymous – amazing blog.
This is really cool. So simple and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
The lesson for me is if we can avoid judgment of others we can avoid judging ourselves harshly as well and embrace who we are in all its facets. Reconnecting with others is the best Christmas present.
Just goes to show that we should never limit people to the sum of their experience. We are all capable of great and profound change as long as the choice is our own.
Beautifully put Helen. This is true compassion.
That is so so awesome! Thank you for reminding me that it doesn’t ever ever help to judge another, as easy as it is to do. I find myself judging people all the time, and whilst I know it’s just not right, I know it’s because I’m constantly giving myself a hard time too. This blog has really reminded me to never give up on anyone, to just let them be wherever they are, because it’s their journey, not mine to dictate!
A beautiful reminder that there is a beautiful pristine being inside every one of us, and even those who have harmed themselves for many years can make a single different choice that changes their lives forever.
Thank-you ‘anonymous’. What a truly beautiful sharing and healing experience, and one that has come from the depth of your heart.
I’ve spent many years reflecting upon and letting go the judgements I have held towards my parents. At times it hasn’t been easy to hold them in the depth of love that you describe, yet I’ve always known that to lovingly support myself to let go of anything that’s been in the way of such a deep and true love, is really the ‘only way’.
Holding onto any resentment only hurts ourselves, doesn’t it… It’s quite mind-boggling just how deeply we can place expectations (such as not to drink alcohol) on our parents, and place these expectations more heavily upon them than others – revealing the needs that WE want met, and not at all respecting that another’s choices are completely their own to make.
Not drinking alcohol, as an example, is a completely sensible and natural choice for me today, for I am acutely aware of the harm it does… yet I once partook (and quite heavily for a time) of it myself – so who am I to judge? I had to be ready within me to acknowledge its harm and also realise it was no longer something I needed to numb me out (even for short periods of time) in my daily life.
We all have our own distractions, our ‘numbing methods’, our so-called ‘vices’… and until we come to a deep inner resolve about what leads us to them, we are not truly ready to give them up – for are they not really a symptom of something deeper going on?
The more ‘personally challenging’ part is when we ourselves have let something go that we know isn’t truly supportive for us, and we see people we love still harming themselves. How strongly we may ‘need them to get it’ right then and there! And how great the deeper opportunity for learning and truly loving another that is offered, when we truly allow the other person to choose for themselves, and respect that in full.
I can relate to every word you have written Victoria. You describe exactly all the mistakes I have made. It is indeed all about respecting another person’s choices and stopping expecting them to behave the way you would like them to. Love is not a coercer, but a joy and a stillness and harmony that we all share. We eventually learn to live and let live.
I love your words Lyndy, love is not a coercer but a joy and a stillness and harmony that we all share. How easy it is to fall prey to wanting someone you love to make better (to you) choices but as Victoria says, so beautifully, that is the moment to accept the possibility to truly love by respecting in full the other’s choices.
Hey! I like your blog. Setting a good example is the best way of educating children. Perhaps setting the right example is the best way of educating parents too.
Your blog is awesome, how “the substitute” and the distraction could be let go of so easily, through experiencing the true connection! And really I love to feel the warmth and strength of your loving, not-judging attitude that you offer to your parents and therefore to the world!
Thank you for such a beautiful blog, such a great reminder to never give up on anyone, to judge their situation or to turn away because they are not moving in the direction or at the speed we would have them move. God works in mysterious ways and we never know when or how a change in the life of a loved one may come about.