Lately I’ve allowed myself the grace of honesty to take a look at the games I play with people. I’m referring to the unspoken energetic games that play-out in sneaky ways and that I play dumb to. The level of honesty it has taken for me to expose this within myself is quite a feat, and playing dumb and pretending I don’t know what I am doing is still quite strong within me.
How is the game played? It’s hard to describe, but I’ll give it a go… it is when I try to manipulate my interactions with another so that others do not see the real, full and gorgeous me, keeping the other person at bay.
Instead of allowing what is there between us, I try to control the interaction, to limit my level of connection with another, keeping it superficial and dimming the potential that is there between us. I try to direct the way things go, or so I think, not allowing the person to get to know me on a deeper level. This means that what does play-out is not necessarily true.
The effect of all of this is that my connections with people are less than what they could be – I keep myself in separation to others and my interactions lack truth.
I cannot let another in, in full, or really at all, when I am playing a game such as this, and that’s the whole point – to build a wall that supposedly keeps me safe from being hurt but really in-truth, it’s a wall I have built to hide behind. By adding an element of what is not true and loving to the relationship, the connection that I have with others, and even myself, becomes corrupted with complication.
It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards, but mostly because I don’t let others in, keeping myself shut off from love.
I want to let people in, to allow intimacy and to let my love out – but none of this is possible while I am playing these games.
The truth is, I’m tired of these games and through this exhaustion I have realised that I can step out at any time. That is, I started them and so equally, I can finish them. It is a simple choice but one I cannot make unless I am incredibly honest with myself. It is this level of honesty that is new to me, and that Serge Benhayon has inspired me to get to, but I am finding that the more I live it, the more I love it – far more than the games I have played.
By Nikki McKee, company director, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Building intimacy in your relationships
Relationship games – fear of losing love
True Family
702 Comments
This is such a great topic of conversation because most of us are playing games,
I can feel how there is a deeper aspect to hiding behind the wall of protection that I was not aware of until recently. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion (protection) until the hurt or pattern is exposed which is a nonbelief in myself, which is a deeper level of a lack of self worth. Not being worthy enough to be the son of God. But where are these thoughts coming from? If they are not my thoughts whose are they? Is it possible that these thoughts are fed to us so that we stay in the metal constructs of believing them to be true, so that we do not even bother trying to reject the thoughts because we have been conditioned over life times to accept thoughts as our own? We never stopped to consider the possibility that we are being fed lies.
Thanks Nikki, this is a great exposé on how we hold back as a form of manipulation. We can understand the hurt that may have led us to protect ourselves and shut away our essence, but after that we become part of the corruption, so to speak, by adding to the hurt in the world by holding back and calculating our every move with others. We do the best we can in life but at some point a greater honesty needs to be explored in regards to our own behaviours, and how they affect others.
I have been watching an outplay with someone who admits to leading a miserable life, and over the passing of a few days they have been shown a different way they could be with themselves that would make a huge difference to their life going forward. And it has been a fascinating study of human behaviour to see how strong our want of comfort is and what comfort means to each individual. So comfort for this person is that they want to go back to being miserable and negative because it is familiar to them and even though on the one hand they hate their life, they also find it very reassuring and so they will stay with the comfort even though they hate it. I have decided we are very peculiar human-beings because we know we can be and want to live a different way one that is more sustaining but it’s as though something holds us back. What if it doesn’t last? So we stay in the un-comfort of the comfortable because we are afraid to move on and make those changes. There’s no judgement here because I was once in the same dilemma and it is hard to make the first move and to keep saying yes to change which takes us out of our comfort zone into a true way of living.
We play energetic, under the obvious radar games because we want to manipulate & have life be our way.
We all play games, we have different games up our sleeves for different scenarios – to maintain our individuality & cement who we think we are.