Lately I’ve allowed myself the grace of honesty to take a look at the games I play with people. I’m referring to the unspoken energetic games that play-out in sneaky ways and that I play dumb to. The level of honesty it has taken for me to expose this within myself is quite a feat, and playing dumb and pretending I don’t know what I am doing is still quite strong within me.
How is the game played? It’s hard to describe, but I’ll give it a go… it is when I try to manipulate my interactions with another so that others do not see the real, full and gorgeous me, keeping the other person at bay.
Instead of allowing what is there between us, I try to control the interaction, to limit my level of connection with another, keeping it superficial and dimming the potential that is there between us. I try to direct the way things go, or so I think, not allowing the person to get to know me on a deeper level. This means that what does play-out is not necessarily true.
The effect of all of this is that my connections with people are less than what they could be – I keep myself in separation to others and my interactions lack truth.
I cannot let another in, in full, or really at all, when I am playing a game such as this, and that’s the whole point – to build a wall that supposedly keeps me safe from being hurt but really in-truth, it’s a wall I have built to hide behind. By adding an element of what is not true and loving to the relationship, the connection that I have with others, and even myself, becomes corrupted with complication.
It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards, but mostly because I don’t let others in, keeping myself shut off from love.
I want to let people in, to allow intimacy and to let my love out – but none of this is possible while I am playing these games.
The truth is, I’m tired of these games and through this exhaustion I have realised that I can step out at any time. That is, I started them and so equally, I can finish them. It is a simple choice but one I cannot make unless I am incredibly honest with myself. It is this level of honesty that is new to me, and that Serge Benhayon has inspired me to get to, but I am finding that the more I live it, the more I love it – far more than the games I have played.
By Nikki McKee, company director, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia