Lately I’ve allowed myself the grace of honesty to take a look at the games I play with people. I’m referring to the unspoken energetic games that play-out in sneaky ways and that I play dumb to. The level of honesty it has taken for me to expose this within myself is quite a feat, and playing dumb and pretending I don’t know what I am doing is still quite strong within me.
How is the game played? It’s hard to describe, but I’ll give it a go… it is when I try to manipulate my interactions with another so that others do not see the real, full and gorgeous me, keeping the other person at bay.
Instead of allowing what is there between us, I try to control the interaction, to limit my level of connection with another, keeping it superficial and dimming the potential that is there between us. I try to direct the way things go, or so I think, not allowing the person to get to know me on a deeper level. This means that what does play-out is not necessarily true.
The effect of all of this is that my connections with people are less than what they could be – I keep myself in separation to others and my interactions lack truth.
I cannot let another in, in full, or really at all, when I am playing a game such as this, and that’s the whole point – to build a wall that supposedly keeps me safe from being hurt but really in-truth, it’s a wall I have built to hide behind. By adding an element of what is not true and loving to the relationship, the connection that I have with others, and even myself, becomes corrupted with complication.
It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards, but mostly because I don’t let others in, keeping myself shut off from love.
I want to let people in, to allow intimacy and to let my love out – but none of this is possible while I am playing these games.
The truth is, I’m tired of these games and through this exhaustion I have realised that I can step out at any time. That is, I started them and so equally, I can finish them. It is a simple choice but one I cannot make unless I am incredibly honest with myself. It is this level of honesty that is new to me, and that Serge Benhayon has inspired me to get to, but I am finding that the more I live it, the more I love it – far more than the games I have played.
By Nikki McKee, company director, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Building intimacy in your relationships
Relationship games – fear of losing love
True Family
665 Comments
A great question. We know truth, but do we live it?
This is such a great topic of conversation because most of us are playing games,
I can feel how there is a deeper aspect to hiding behind the wall of protection that I was not aware of until recently. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion (protection) until the hurt or pattern is exposed which is a nonbelief in myself, which is a deeper level of a lack of self worth. Not being worthy enough to be the son of God. But where are these thoughts coming from? If they are not my thoughts whose are they? Is it possible that these thoughts are fed to us so that we stay in the metal constructs of believing them to be true, so that we do not even bother trying to reject the thoughts because we have been conditioned over life times to accept thoughts as our own? We never stopped to consider the possibility that we are being fed lies.
Thanks Nikki, this is a great exposé on how we hold back as a form of manipulation. We can understand the hurt that may have led us to protect ourselves and shut away our essence, but after that we become part of the corruption, so to speak, by adding to the hurt in the world by holding back and calculating our every move with others. We do the best we can in life but at some point a greater honesty needs to be explored in regards to our own behaviours, and how they affect others.
I have been watching an outplay with someone who admits to leading a miserable life, and over the passing of a few days they have been shown a different way they could be with themselves that would make a huge difference to their life going forward. And it has been a fascinating study of human behaviour to see how strong our want of comfort is and what comfort means to each individual. So comfort for this person is that they want to go back to being miserable and negative because it is familiar to them and even though on the one hand they hate their life, they also find it very reassuring and so they will stay with the comfort even though they hate it. I have decided we are very peculiar human-beings because we know we can be and want to live a different way one that is more sustaining but it’s as though something holds us back. What if it doesn’t last? So we stay in the un-comfort of the comfortable because we are afraid to move on and make those changes. There’s no judgement here because I was once in the same dilemma and it is hard to make the first move and to keep saying yes to change which takes us out of our comfort zone into a true way of living.
We play energetic, under the obvious radar games because we want to manipulate & have life be our way.
We all play games, we have different games up our sleeves for different scenarios – to maintain our individuality & cement who we think we are.
I have found the more loving and content with myself I am the less likely I am to play silly harmful games, when feeling insecure then the games begin – they may be very subtable but they are there all the same.
Moral of the story is to work on self love and self acceptance.
I agree with what you are saying and with self love and acceptance there is always more to discover. Sometime we plateau and this is okay before we take the next dive to discover more of ourselves.
The games we play are so intrinsically tied to the way we are as children and remembering when we would pick a dandelion flower and play she loves me she loves me not, what affect has this had on our way of Understanding Love? Love Only Love is a non-transferable or refundable expression of who we are and is innately equal within everyone so we Love all equally from our essences. So patterns as described above is one of many simple childhood games of chance that need our attention so we can heal and let go so we can return to our Essences of Love Only Love, LOL!!
“I want to let people in, to allow intimacy and to let my love out – but none of this is possible while I am playing these games.” So true Nikki. Learning to become more open and transparent is enabling me to clock when I start to play these games – and make new choices.
Nikki, there is so much in this article to ponder on, thank you for sharing.
Nikki, this is super interesting and I love that it stops us blaming others and instead allows us to take responsibility; ‘It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards, but mostly because I don’t let others in, keeping myself shut off from love.’
Are we prepared to observe our life, and be honest about everything, including our relationship with self has to be honest? ‘I am incredibly honest with myself. It is this level of honesty that is new to me, and that Serge Benhayon has inspired me to get to, but I am finding that the more I live it, the more I love it – far more than the games I have played.’
Nikki, its great to be honest about this and rather than blame others for not loving us, to actually look at whether we are open or in protection from past hurts and so not allowing love in.
Every expectation I have on another to carry out what is my standard way of being I ask to be hurt; it is therefore me that chooses to get hurt and not another hurting me through me expecting another to behave in a way that I think they should behave… I do not have a right to control another to live their life.
But if everything is energy Caroline then it’s the energy that is coming through the other person that hurts and it is unseen because we have lost our ability to see the unseen world that is all around us. We blame the physicality that is in front of us rather than admit that actually it’s the energy coming through them. There is a level of comfort that we have all fallen into because we do not want to read life, because if we did we would have to take responsibility for our part in it.
It’s so incredibly easy to play games, I catch myself frequently in that I’m measuring or gauging what I should say or do, or how much to go for something with someone, it’s all calculated in our minds rather than led from our hearts and what is truly right for us, the other person and that situation.
We have created many ways to keep ourselves hidden and not allow people to truly see who we are but this causes much pain and misery, so it is really not worth it to hide who we are.
I agree, it is time to let our love out, and to let love in, and say no to the games, ‘I want to let people in, to allow intimacy and to let my love out – but none of this is possible while I am playing these games.’
When we play games with each other our interactions are not authentic, in the sense they lack the genuine quality of who we truly are.
‘It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself’ – the same is true I feel for any emotion- we get angry, annoyed, anxious or sad, but it’s not the other person who ‘makes us’ feel like this, but how we choose to respond to a person or situation. It might not feel like a choice because often it’s so automatic and we’re all human, but we can look at why we got triggered and allowed in an energy that isn’t us into our bodies. We all feel stuff, of course, and can then choose to stay in it, or feel it and let it go.
It is only in honesty and openness in our relationships (with ourselves and others) that we really grow or learn. And I am more and more aware of how mad it is to avoid or resist this in any way.
It is pretty crazy to avoid being who we are and hide our gorgeous essence. By being open and honest this will support us to be more ourselves and more confident to let the world see who we are.
We say so much with no words…our movements can cause major disharmony and harm, and we can fool ourselves that we are in control of life when we play around with other people…but in truth we are the puppet. Anything that is not sincere and truthful, is chosen from reaction and that is being lead by our hurts, holding people at arms length, not our Love. I know because I may have walked this path of playing games and it goes nowhere, but pain, choosing honesty and responsibility, well that makes for meaningful relationships.
Exposing the lies we live is simple but getting to understand why we are so addicted to them is a different story. Could it be the recognition we get from the lies is an addiction that comes from being previously performing for eons so we have had life-time of lies that seem normal and thus the addiction?
In order to construct a well-equipped fortress, one must know exactly what it is they are trying to keep out. This ‘master architect’ that lives within us all is none other than the human spirit – a fragment of light that has separated from a far grander body of light that is our Soul, the place where our true self resides. The journey of the spirit back to the love it has fragmented from is one that requires absolute honesty, bucket loads of humility as well as a willingness to take responsibility for the steps we have taken that have walked us away from such majesty.
The games I have played all my life to keep others at a distance have led to me feeling isolated and unsupported and it has been incredible to discover that the key to turning this around is in my own hands. As I explore the honesty required to do this it has been revealing to see where I am still resistant to building intimacy with another by being truly transparent.
I agree with everything you say, Helen. And realise on an ongoing basis that the more open and transparent I am, the richer and more amazing all my relationships are… it feels like an endless well of potential and learning.
“Lately, I’ve allowed myself the grace of honesty to take a look at the games I play with people. I’m referring to the unspoken energetic games that play-out in sneaky ways and that I play dumb to.” – yes the energetic game is the biggest form of communication and which precedes all else, and yet we favour the written or spoken form of communication the most because of its audibility and visualness. We are doing ourselves the greatest disservice in correspondence [communication] when we don’t consider the energy factor first.
Oh how we can create mass confusion and negativity, really crazy that we do this when we are made of love and truly want love, shows us there is much more to play than we want to admit.
Learning to live the love we are offers the opportunity to feel the equal love in another.
‘The more I live it, the more I love it’. Thank you, Nikki. Being honest about the wall of protection being a cold and separate place to be and that breaking it down, or coming out from behind it, brings us literally into the warmth and potential of true relationships and all the learning and growing that is on offer.
Hurt is a mere chess piece on the game of irresponsibility we play. It blinds us from not only the manipulation we play but also if not more significantly the granderness of who we truly are.
Feeling hurt or fear of being hurt can stops us from expressing who we are. So, once we start healing our hurts we discover that our hurts are not who we are and we do not have to be owned by them.
The power of observation is huge, we have an ability to connect and read the instance of what is going on and why. We can become aware of how we move and what effect it has on our body.. The more we connect to our body and our stillness (our still place within, our inner-heart), the more we are able to see and observe what is going on. We need to detach from the raciness that goes on in and around to actually start feeling what is going on, then our observation starts.
I experience since I started to be more honest I get more awareness and insights of where I play games that are not loving at all, the manipulation, the hiding, the delay in being the love that I am and can connect to when I choose to no longer fool myself and others.
The more I deepen my honesty with myself the more I realise how we are all so so good at playing the game of being small that we have convinced ourselves that this is all there is when there is in truth so much more.
This is something I have been aware of more and more it is like any subtle energy regarding playing any sort of game just has no room anymore. Pretty cool.
Loving the honesty that you bring here Nikki. Exposing the self-protective games is deeply healing and rather than keeping ourselves firmly locked away from love and in separation from others, it is possible to live with joy, emanating from the glorious essence we are in truth.
We may attract attention to ourselves and get others to engage when we play games, but it will never satisfy the true intimacy that we are craving.
It is so true Nikki, as this has also been my experience, that the more honesty we are willing to live for ourselves the more we deepen a true relationship and connection with love and as such naturally bring this openness to all the relationships we share with others. And in all honesty, it feels amazing and so much more real when we are open in this way of being with ourselves and others, as we then are open to learning and exploring the joy of evolving and how we can live with greater love in our lives.
I noticed sometime ago a game I was playing to keep myself hidden, when asked how was I ? I would answer in a mono syllable like good or fine then ask immediately how were they – I found asking questions would keep me safe and hidden while they were answering, it worked especially well with people who loved talking about themselves. As I am coming to realise what I have to say matters I am stepping up to becoming more responsible in sharing what I am feeling, learning to be more honest with myself and then others.
Yes I too have hidden in this way many times but am learning to value that my contribution also matters and it is to the detriment of all when I hold back.
If there is no truth in our interactions then we are not in true relationships, and will not ever really be satisfied or fulfilled in them, because they lack or are empty of us, who in essence are love.
We all play endless games, endless pictures… Imagine a world where we were just clear and true in our expression.
We keep thinking we are winning when our body shows these games we indulge in come at a ghastly toll.
Great sharing Nikki. It is very very very important we are absolutely honest with ourselves about what we are choosing and playing ball with in life. Otherwise we foul ourselves and end up living a lie.
Leaning to trust another through intimacy can be as overwhelming as we are so conditioned to prevent ourselves from being hurt but in the long run we remain in the cycle that allows no reflection for another.
Isn’t it interesting how coldly calculating a person can be in their attempts to keep people away and thus to keep love out. And this shows to me how there must be such a huge depth and well of love there to be expressed for so much force to be used as an opposition to what is already such a natural expression – the open exchange of loving intentions.
Getting honest about the games we play is like fresh air it brings us clarity and space to open up to what is true and valuable.
Many years ago I had a friend who prided herself on playing ‘mind games’ with our flatmates who were all males. I never actually saw the point of it as it just upset the guys. Until I read this blog, I never saw it as a way to keep people out but what I do know is that the behaviour does cause mistrust.
A beautiful honesty and exposure Nikki, of what happens in a lot of our relationships that would serve us all well to take on board, as when we do as you have shared, not only is it liberating for us, freeing us from protection, but in that it allows us to truly deepen our relationships in true intimacy, bringing us all together unified by the love we really are.
All of our behaviours are communicating something to others, and underneath at some level, we do know why and what the behaviour hopes to achieve. Being honest is the first step.
Games do not add up to the incredible depth of endless love that we are.
The games we play in relationships are anything but fun. We attempt to play the game as a protection and end up causing harm to ourselves and others.
No wonder we love sport – we worship and idolise the ‘great’ game players, who can defeat the odds and bend the rules to out perform everybody. But when we do this we totally miss the fact that these games deeply hurt our body and everyone else. And the same is certainly true of the games we play in our every day life where we pretend to not know the truth. Thank you Nikki.
“dimming the potential” the potential is always there and we just have to allow the light of who we are to shine through.
Game playing is so “normal’ in our society that when we meet someone who doesn’t play we are usually at first suspicious as if we can’t work out why. Time for us to drop the facade and instead simply and joyfully be who we are.
Working in a corporate role it is clear there are games going on every day. More time seems to be spent on the games, or politics as they are politely called than actually working. There is on offer now a different way of working together, one that is based on the fact that we are all together in this, and from there everything can change.
Heather I have also noticed these political maneuvers being made all the time in companies and as you correctly state so much time is wasted playing these games that can stop everyone moving forward and growing the business which is what everyone wants to do, or why are we there?
The games we can play unfortunately can be seen in all aspects of public life from our celebrities to our politicians – rare is it that we find true transparent role models.
Sam we do have many role models now that live transparently, and they provide an inspiration for all of us that it is possible that we can move forward and evolve back to our soul as they are doing. They walk the steps ahead of us to show the way.
These games are the hallmark of our spirit. It will try anything to get attention or a reward. In our essence all we truly want is togetherness, simplicity and love.
Yes and one spirit may try and hook in another spirit so we need to be very awake and very very honest. Sometimes it can feel difficult to find the words to express but holding ourselves in love and respect and humility we can usually find a way.
Joseph, great that you have called out the spirit that we all have which is behind all the games that are played. When we talk about our spirit which dominates us most people would say they don’t have one when in fact we do. It is one of the great lies because while the spirit hides it still runs the show of life and we are just puppets to its whims. To me there is a mastery of life and that is to master our spirit so that it is not wayward and rejoins the soul which it separated from to create a false reality we now call life.
Keeping people ‘at bay’ seems to be what we all do, and yet, if you meet any child they are clearly not doing this – so what happened? Why is being an adult synonymous with also being guarded and shut-off from experiencing the love of those around you? My understanding is that it is due to the hurts we experience and this makes us shut down. So then my question would be, if this is the case – then why do we adults allow this self perpetuating cycle to continue generation after generation – surely there comes a point when really we all need say enough is enough?
Shami, I have just been talking to a friend who’s husband is guarded and has slowly shut himself off from life including my friend, so that sometimes she said it’s like walking around on egg shells so as not to disturb the so called ‘peace’. This is not peace at all just someone dictating the rules of the relationship. They are both in their 70’s and instead of enjoying life and each others company they are cut from each other. I fee this is what happens when we do not deal with the hurts that we have that may have started in our childhood and we have carried them unresolved and the consequences of this kind of life is as you say keeping people ‘at bay’. So even though there are two people living together there is such a chasm between them they have become incredibly lonely.
Honesty is like a fresh new inspiration in my everyday and the opportunities to refine and deepen it are endless. I agree, Nikki, it is very beautiful to be living more and more without the complication, exhaustion and subterfuge of games.
I love the opening line: I’ve allowed myself the grace of honesty”. Honesty is very healing and leads to truth which is absolute.
If you’re aware there is a known choice to be made, i.e. the more I Live the Love I Am, the more the responsibility there is with my connection to me and others.
Nikki, it is great to expose the games we play with ourselves and others, reading this makes me more aware of the effect that these games have on our relationships, at the moment I am working on being more honest and open with people rather than just pretending everything is ok and there being a brick wall between us, dropping the protection and allowing others to see my vulnerability and fragility feels very lovely and allows me to simply be me and for there to be a more true connection with others.
Rebecca I agree with you about dropping the protection so that we can give ourselves the opportunity to express what is there to be said. I’m actually finding that I don’t have to say a great deal, there is no need to have the conversation filler I’m settled enough in my body now not to say something just for the sake of saying it, or to massage someones ego so that they like me.
We basically betray ourselves when we do play games of not being true with ourselves and others.. Nothing is more damaging than that – simply because, we are so much more than all these games.
It is a betrayl that we walk around with. It hurts as it is self-betrayl and we know in truth where we are from.
Nikki you have touched on something here I feel, because I can feel the hurt of the self betrayal, this allows the negative thoughts to drip free into my consciousness that I will never be enough. This consciousness keeps all of us from claiming who we are in truth. Currently we believe this negative consciousness over the consciousness of our soul but there will come a time when we will fully understand the extent of the games being played out that keep us away from our truth.
It is a betrayal that we walk around with. It hurts as it is self-betrayal and we know in truth where we are from.
I get a sense that we learn to play these games at a very early age from the example of those who are closest to us, as they learned to play them from watching those around them; and so, the cycle goes on and on. There are all sorts of games, but to me, behind them is the need to control which is sometimes manifested in a subtle way that is hard to identify. But whatever degree of games that we play they are all exhausting, they are all destructive and they all hold us stuck in the past.
Ingrid there is a need to control life when actually we have no control at all. We have all been fed the lie that we have some sort of control of life via security, when we do not feel secure we feel the fear of the lack of control so it seems to me that we are fed more fear and having a society in fear gives the establishment more control over us because we will do anything not to feel the fear. So then we are easily manipulated which is what is playing out at the moment in life.
Rather than showing others how gorgeous I am (and reminding them of how gorgeous they are) I have chosen to be nice and good. As I write this I can’t say I’ve felt the full extent of this, but with honesty I can make my steps to uncovering it in full.
Letting go of the game playing and the walls of protection that keep us separate makes sense, so we can start to connect with all with love and truth.
It is amazing how often we do not simply express what is there to be said and instead try to accommodate other people – which is playing games with them. After all we all deserve love and so fluctuating how much love we present to each person is judging them and is not love at all. Its fascinating how complicated we make life to be!
Yes, James we calculate what can be said, we play the game of being ‘nice’. If we play the nice games then we want the other person to like us and not hurt us, because we are being ‘nice’ to them.
We can play games with ourselves without even realising what is going on. We can take a thought and turn it into a reality, but is this really a truth? Are we playing games? If we stay connected to the body and feel and listen to our true impulses and step forward from there, there is no room for games. The difference is that we need to be willing to know the difference and choose the truth rather than the false reality.
Very true Rebecca, there is a big difference but as you say 1st it starts with being honest and truthful with ourselves as to what we are choosing and not settling for less than the truth we know.
Understanding that no one can hurt me, I can only hurt myself was a huge realization for me.
It helped me take more responsibility for what is going on around me, and understand that my reaction to a situation is what determines its effect on me.
Nikki, this is really important; ‘It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards’, I can feel that it is very common in society for us to blame each other and think that it is the other person that has hurt us rather than us taking responsibility for how we are choosing to be. I realised this recently when I was going into reaction about someone else’s behaviour, I became aware that in the reaction and because of the expectations that I had, I was hurting myself and provoking more of the behaviour in the other person.
I am tired of this game that many people play. Is this why I do not speak much?
As a child I now realize that I felt the same but instead I thought there was something wrong with me.
I am now 66 and am committed to true conversations. Our world desperately need them.
My partner and I have started a group that revolves around real conversations.
It is amazing the conversations we are having, People are craving for truth and a venue to speak it.
Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for starting the conversation.
I feel that Humanity was so lost before Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine started this conversation and many of us are still clawing our way back into a former awareness that we gave up centuries ago. You have realised Ken that the words that we use are so damaging they are like lethal weapons we use to crush ourselves and each other. The words are fed to us by our thoughts which we do not own but are fed to us from a consciousness that we have yet to fully appreciate exists and controls our every thought and movement, we are completely owned by this consciousness. I now know this because of the conversations Serge Benhayon has with the world, Serge Benhayon, I have deiced loves us all so much he is prepared to expose the rot we all live in, having exposed the rot it is then up to us as individuals what we do with these revelations and teachings.
Ken I can relate to this
‘My partner and I have started a group that revolves around real conversations.
It is amazing the conversations we are having,People are craving for truth and a venue to speak it.’
I went for a meal recently with friends and we discussed many topics. It was such a lovely conversation to be part of because everyone was allowed to express themselves and there was the opportunity to go deeper with the topic being discussed so that we were all left with a feeling of expansion in our bodies which was actually delightful to feel. Rather than getting up from the table and feeling what was that all about? which leaves a sense of frustration because everyone was being nice and the feeling of nice is quite a sick feeling in my body now.
This is so true, and is great when people understand it, ‘It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself – and I do this either by having expectations on another person to be a certain way and then I get hurt when they do not perform to my standards’. This understanding really helps to heal our hurts and let them go.
I can so relate to this, I am becoming aware of how much I constantly look for how someone may reject me and I react to this before it has even happened, I brace myself and then I actually create it but it looks like I have been rejected by the other.
Games are what we feel is running our current world. The games that keep us in protection and playing safely from our end. Any moves that are made are scrutinised, compared and judged when we all seek understanding and openness.
As a collective we have allowed these games to become the norm in our way of living, all so that we are not pulled up when we are irresponsible and hence not pulled to be more love in how we are with each other. I would say allowing the games to run in our lives collectively has great detriment on the quality of our collective way of living.
Honesty…..so truly liberating. And particularly so when our intention is to open our eyes and hearts to the purity of our inner most love and wisdom and the truth of who we truly are, and offer ourselves understanding for the falsities that the world would have us think ourselves to be.
It’s fascinating isn’t it when there so much joy to be felt and shared from truly relating with one another, but instead so much energy goes into avoiding this treasure that is in essence so simple, doesn’t cost a thing (except our perceived sense of control) and is equally available to us all – all of the time.
“By adding an element of what is not true and loving to the relationship, the connection that I have with others, and even myself, becomes corrupted with complication.” I love this line especially the part of adding elements because that is exactly how it feels. At the start of a relationship it is always pure and amazing but then we start to add things. Like today I noticed I saw someone in a certain way for a long time but never questioned my judgement of the other person in that particular situation. Being truly myself I would never mind the situation and the person in that way and that shows me how aware we have to be of our thoughts and things we are adding to a relationship that are not true at all.
Relationships always start out fresh, but often we don’t even allow that as before we even meet the person we bring our baggage with us. Clarity can become muddy quite quickly when we add stuff that doesn’t belong.
Nikki When we start to impose on our current relationships, stuff that has hurt us in past relationships it’s like the death knell, unless both parties are prepared to be open with each other and talk through situations as they arise.
The scary thing is, it isn’t until someone shines a light on our game that we even realise we have been keeping it up for so long and that it’s actually been hard work to play it. That’s what I’ve found anyway. We create a story that we think is normal until we realise we have written a fictitious and draining tale, that hasn’t really worked for us.
I know this game well Nikki, I have played this for most of my life keeping relationships at a certain level. But this way of controlling and holding back love hurts and it is exhausting. Since I have been more aware of this, I am choosing to let go and allow the love to flow more and more.
If we play games with just one other person it is going to affect all our relationships so it is worth getting clear on all counts.
And the games that people play permeate every part of all our lives… And until we have collectively a lodestone of what truth actually use, these ‘ games” will continue at great expense.
I too can relate to your sharing Nikki, especially not letting people get to know me! At first I hid behind the “shy” label that was put on me as a child (I realise I allowed this ). But I am conscious of what I do now and how that impacts me and others and the relationships that I have or could have.
It’s not so hard for people to admit that they might use tricks, tactics or methodologies to control life. But to see that these are often actually at play to hide how gorgeous we are, well that’s pretty much unheard of. It begs the question, what if we’re not in this mess because of our horrible habits but because we are completely freaked out at our divinity? Thank you Nikki for what you have shared and opened up here.
“The effect of all of this is that my connections with people are less than what they could be – I keep myself in separation to others and my interactions lack truth.” Looking openly and honestly at how we play the game of life invites us to be more real – and to be true in our interactions. We are all amazing beings, yet walk around hiding this fact. Definitely a game we all play. In the UK people will say ‘you’re up yourself’ if you shine. Is this because they have hidden the fact they too could shine?
The world is the mess it is in today because of all the games we have all played and continue to play. But the honesty you speak of Nikki is key to unravelling these distractions and diversions to come back to what life is really about, our quality of relationship with ourselves and others equally.
Recently I felt myself go into protection. I then had a dream that I was in a box and that I thought I was trapped. But the box was not very high and all I had to do was step out. When someone in the dream pointed that out I tried to convince them otherwise but I was totally exposed as it really was quit a simple choice – to step out or stay in. I felt how much sometimes we want to stay in the box.
Thank you Nikki for sharing so honestly your experience, I can relate to playing small, keep hidden so I am not seen , only allowing a certain amount out, this is being in control of the situation a way of protection so we do not get hurt.
Emotions have got a lot to answer for when it comes to love as they take us on a merry trip down some rather rocky roads and back. Thankfully the most amazing thing about us is that we have our own inner wise counsel at our very fingertips and just need to start appreciating ourselves and who we are more and everything in our lives starts to change.
Years ago I read a self-care book because the title was intriguing, ‘how to get someone to do something for you’. Basically, the premise was, what is in it for them? You are, in all intents bribing them. The self-care was really about caring for your self in a greedy unloving way at the cost of all others. There appears to be no need for a book like that today, for it has become the norm for so many. There can never be any honesty when deception is involved.
It’s a life changing revelation when we see that we are the ones that have created our own ill, so too is the revelation that we are the ones that can cease these same ills.
Thank you Nikki, great to read this today and be reminded to keep returning to letting people in, and to let me out in full for all.
To not let another in or not share ourselves in full is to have measured relationships where we are trying to control the relationships in order to not get hurt.
Just in this first paragraph Nikki, you offer a great opportunity for us to realise just how liberating it is when we embrace honesty in full. As when we are not honest with ourselves we are in fact living a lie, we are not being real and living less than who we are, as such our relationships are not founded on the truth or the love that are the qualities that truly represent who we are.
If we seek to control our lived way, we will never express truth for to do so, we are in disconnection to ourselves and to the Universal whole.
We should always remember and be honest about that we play games to hide and that we are the ones that started these games, it may be years and years ago but we brought them to life but like you say Nikki we can make the simple choice to finish them and to start to express that which lives within, the truth of who we are.
Nikki, I realised that in my relationships I too have played games and held myself back from living and expressing the full me, I had built walls that are now starting to come down and I can feel a warmth in my relationships rather than a protection and coldness.
Those games are in fact prisons we create to have a false feeling of safety. Letting down that protection simply makes us free
Well said Amparo. Relationships lived through cages does not allow us to explore in full the love that there is to discover, where it is in-truth, that true liberation is found.
‘It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself ‘ love the responsibility of this and the honesty in your blog Nikki, thank you.
Thank you Nikki, this short simple article has generated a huge response and it is so inspiring to read the comments. Playing games that keep us all less, obviously keeps us from living our lives in full and enjoying life in full so bringing our awareness to this with a willingness to change can change everything.
“It is impossible for another to hurt me, I can only hurt myself…” If this were introduced to children from an early age, it would seriously change the way we relate to each other as we grew up. To have an understanding and acceptance that no one can hurt us except for ourselves, brings a willingness to look at the choices we have made to get us to that point, and then to potentially address our patterns and behaviours. And what a massive shift this could bring to the way all of humanity relates to one another.
Such a deeply exposing and brave blog to share Nikki. Exposing the measured way we can chose to interact with people instead of letting them in in full. We think we are protecting ourselves but we are only feeding the same energy, crazy.