It went something like this:
Having applied for an amazing sounding job that seemed to have my name written all over it, I was invited for a telephone interview. This first interview was with one of the company’s Directors, Dave*, and I aced it. We had an instant rapport and the more we talked, the more we seemed to agree that the job appeared to be tailor made for me and I for it.
I was invited for a second and final interview a month later with Dave, the other two Directors, and the woman who would be my immediate boss and who had made the arrangements for my interviews. I was asked to make two presentations during this upcoming interview and had spent most of my spare time in the lead up to it researching the company, the competition and the Directors.
As well, I took the three days prior to the interview off work in order to focus my attention on thoroughly knowing the subject at hand and being prepared. During my research there was one blog in particular I came across written by the Managing Director that unsettled me a bit, but everything else looked so good I dismissed the unsettled feeling and instead chose to focus on the rapport I had built with Dave, the Director I’d had my telephone interview with.
The final interview was in London: it was summertime and the day ended up being one of the hottest of the year. My train journey up to London was pleasant and went smoothly despite the heat. I had found a sleeveless dress to wear that fit me like a glove and was all business. I was walking in my power and could feel that everyone around me could feel it too.
I had trouble finding the meeting place but as I’d allowed for an extra hour this unexpected delay didn’t faze me. In the end I had to ring Dave to ask for guidance as even the people I’d asked in the area didn’t seem to know where this meeting place was. Dave ended up informing me that he’d had a last-minute change of plans and wouldn’t be at the interview after all. As I was speaking on the phone with Dave, a stranger overheard me and said he knew the meeting place and could show me where it was. I graciously accepted his offer, ended the call with Dave and was escorted to a very inconspicuous door around a corner not 20 feet away that had no markings on it whatsoever. I thanked the friendly stranger, rang the bell and was buzzed in.
The entry took me down a flight of stairs where a receptionist greeted me and walked me down a further two flights of stairs – it was dark and elegant but I couldn’t shake the feeling of being led down into the underbelly of the city itself.
Here I met the team who would be interviewing me. Upon shaking hands with each of them, I had a sudden feeling come over me that the decision had already been taken not to offer me the job. As with the blog that had unsettled me previously, I chose to temporarily set this sudden feeling aside. There were no more pleasantries and we went straight into the interview. Curiously, all three kept their laptops open with the MD leaving the sound on and as emails came in with a ‘ding’ he would loudly start typing away in what I presumed was a reply.
I was asked to begin with my presentations, and as I was organising myself the woman who had arranged the interviews started asking what felt to me like loaded questions about my work history. The undertone to her line of questioning puzzled me and not until the MD started his inquisition into my reasons for leaving various jobs and repudiating my reasons did I figure out what the undertone was: rather than interviewing me, it felt like they were trying to find justification for their decision to not offer me the job.
As I registered this feeling I hesitated and before I knew it I was asking if they wanted me to continue. The reply was yes please do, however the feeling in me was so strong by now that although I started again, I stopped once more and said I wasn’t so sure I should continue. At this, the Director sitting next to me who had remained silent throughout said without judgement, “It’s not really happening is it?” I turned to him, agreed and said “No, it’s not.”
This time, instead of dismissing what I was feeling I paused, surrendered, and went with it. I let my body guide me as I observed the powerhouse that I am in action. I didn’t scuttle out of there with my tail between my legs like I might have done in the past: I took a moment, had a sip of water (I remember this movement so vividly!) then gathered my things in still silence. When I stood the Director next to me also stood, offered me his hand and thanked me for coming. I thanked him for his honesty.
As I walked around the table and shook hands with the MD and the woman who would have been my boss, I felt completely at one with the utter beauty of the stillness that had descended.
It was almost as if I was watching the scene of a movie where the underdog suddenly but surely steps in to claim their true power with the understanding that the bullying they were subjected to could only happen because they were allowing it to happen.
Walking back up those three flights of stairs, the woman who emerged from the underbelly of the city of London on that brilliant summer’s day was a different woman to the one who had descended down into it not 20 minutes before. Stunned by the bright sunlight that welcomed me back as I opened the door to the outside world, I felt in one split second how the brightness of my own light had similarly stunned the interview team I’d left behind and how it had cemented for them their decision to not offer me the job.
As I found my way back to the train station I felt a small part of me wanting to go into the drama of feeling rejected and a failure – how could it all have gone so horribly wrong when moments before it had seemed so perfectly right?
Choosing not to go with that old familiar script, I started to comprehend the magnitude of what had been taking place and although I was in the hustle and bustle of busy London, the world around me remained very still. I had squarely faced the interview from hell and hadn’t budged an inch. I had refused to entertain and enjoin the energy that was trying to take me out. Much as it tried, it could not find the open door it was looking for. In ending the interview as the same powerhouse who had walked into that meeting room, I was putting them and all the world on notice that this powerhouse is not only here to stay, but ready to ramp it up. I may wobble, it may take me 20ish minutes to say no to an imposing energy, but say no to it I will.
My detailed understanding of this unfolding did not all come to me during the 20 minutes I sat through this interview; it was a gradual unfolding that happened over the next few days as I reflected on the deeper meaning of what had taken place. Instead, what was very clear to me during the interview was that there was something much greater at play than was meeting the eye – of this I was sure. It was one of those moments where my understanding as a whole was beyond what I could comprehend at the time, however the surrendering I allowed in my body was all it took for the unfolding to take place – I was simply called upon to be in the moment and nowhere else. My body was showing me how to hold myself in the world whilst reading a challenging situation and, in getting myself out of the way, allowing for a response from my full body intelligence of clarity, truth and honouring that encompassed all involved.
*Not his real name.
By B.E.
Further Reading:
Whole Body Intelligence – it Lives within us All
Whole Body Intelligence
Whole Body Intelligence – Choices Between the Body & Mind
126 Comments
The beauty of surrendering to one’s inner stillness and magnificence is truly transcending. I could feel a wave of stillness , calmness and composure, ripple through my body while reading this. Amazing.
What a great reflection non-imposing-Love brings to the table and everywhere we go this way of living provides the open door for us to be able to hold ourselves in more and more situation and not go into reactions.
Heaven’s always there to add it’s input, there is no situation ever where Heaven is not there. We are never left high and dry to fend for ourselves even though that is often how we feel.
Basically I hear you are saying don’t attach to pictures we have of what is the correct outcome and instead surrender to the plan that holds us unconditionally.
Life flows so much when we walk claimed and as a result we deepen the love in our bodies.
Really and truly everything that happens to us is an opportunity.
I really enjoyed reading this. I’ve had a few interviews where I’ve walked in and felt the answer was already a no. The last one of these I felt how much I buckled. I saw how my words were distorted into something I’d not fashioned. I have understanding, for the old habit of reducing myself for fear of people being unsettled and lashing out at me. After the fact, it was a great learning to feel how loving it is to be me and stay settled, to not be phased by others’ discomfort and to feel this discomfort offers them a choice to connect to something more.
Karin I know what you mean recently I was at a spa that I use 3-4 times a year the owners of the spa have just completed a huge re-modeling of the place. And now everywhere you walk there is piped spiritual new age music. Gone are steam rooms that were quiet and relaxing. I felt very unsettled and spoke to the receptionist to ask why they had decided to introduce such music but I was stumbling over my words I held back from what I truly wanted to say which was I could feel a change in management the whole place had dropped in the level of hygiene standards and it was now about recouping the investment and nothing to do with the people who wanted to use the spa as a form of relaxation. The music was very subtle in that it was disturbing to the body but no one seemed to notice, it’s as though there is a deliberate intention that people should be prevented to use the relaxing space to connect to something more in themselves.
“rather than interviewing me, it felt like they were trying to find justification for their decision to not offer me the job.” I feel like we can all recognise situations when we have been in a similar situation when we know someone has already made their mind up about you and are justifying their reasons for not liking you, this is super imposing, and its about making stories in the mind rather then feeling with the heart.
When we are open to the lessons and learnings that any situation brings we see and take the magic of life that is on offer.
Life is so wonderful, we go to one thing expecting a certain outcome when the gift and real learning may be in something completely different.
Great observation that your body was telling you in many ways that this job couldn’t handle the light you were offering.
I’ve been invited to an informal interview for a volunteer role. Curious to see how I’m looking forward to meet the team without any anxiety at all. So what is the difference between this and an formal interview for a paid job? There is no investment in being accepted or hired. I’ll simply present myself and have an conversation with the team. Perhaps we need to treat all interviews in the same way – with no investment in outcome, we can just be ourselves in all our fullness.
Having worked in ‘Selection Interviewing’ with companies for years and trained managers and candidates, I know the pitfalls and tensions carried by both interviewers and interviewees. To walk into an interview room without an expectation of ‘getting the job’ sets us free to be bring all of us to the table and be in the moment. These qualities apply equally to interviewers who often have a picture of the ‘ideal candidate’ often modelled on themselves and are dismissive of those who don’t fit the bill. Instead interviewers can be open, allow an interview to unfold and simply respond to each person in front of them in a way that supports them to be themselves.
I do so love this article. The grace with which you walked that day is an ongoing inspiration. And I love the prompt to remember that we do not have to do anything, simply be as present as we can be in our bodies, willing to do what ever is called for.
I love this as basically you are saying that people can reject us because we bring so much light and whats amazing about this is that it gives us an opportunity to still shine and to not self doubt but to read it and to say hay no matter what I am still amazing.
Of course you are amazing it stands to reason and they were not rejecting you but the light you brought to the company. The light that you are was exposing the rot in themselves and the company, so they went into self preservation mode. It feels to me you were meant to go to the interview just to re-imprint the energy, we must never under estimate the power of the stars which is what we bring wherever we go.
A beautiful example of how we all know to the detail what is going on but make the choice to either brush it aside or stay aware and respond to it. I know both well and the learning is to feel as you did BE a sense of settlement within ourselves that allows for this observation and from that feeling what is our true response.
There’s two games being played constantly. One, which is the truth and underpins the whole of life and the other, which is a lie and is almost constantly veneered over the top of life. Most of the time we’re all choosing to keep the lie alive but we can all feel the truth underneath it.
I love that you have offered up the word settlement, Carolien. Settlement is something I am exploring a lot at the moment and it is fascinating to see how quickly I can both steady myself and feel settlement as well as how quickly something can happen that I let unsettle me.
Yes Carolien, without this sense of settlement, we’re in drive and unable to be the observer. Once caught in this web and blocked from seeing fully, we cannot express or respond from a from place of truth.
There is so much for us to learn from what you share about this interview, and it is something we forget whenever we apply for a job; that is, that an interview is a two-way process. You are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you and what you shared here was that you knew it wasn’t right for you and by nominating it you left empowered and not downtrodden.
Acknowledging how we feel about a situation is so important. It can save us from having to walk down a dead end and go back again once more signs make it obvious it wasn’t true in the first place. Or worse get lost in the woods and not know it thinking it’s all hunky dory.
It is great when we cut the rubbish that surrounds all of us all the time. Our expression of the truth brings light to where darkness resides.
I’m loving this, Steve: ‘Our expression of the truth brings light to where darkness resides.’ I am learning to honour my ability to express the truth and to appreciate how doing so is bringing light to where darkness resides.