The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.
[Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice]
I love these words. They speak to me of the constancy of God’s Love.
There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis.
Through my observations I cannot help but wonder: why do we as a society consistently avoid choosing to express this constancy of love in taking care of our elderly and those in Aged Care facilities?
Speaking regularly with friends who work in Aged Care facilities I find what they share with me deeply disturbing. Although they work in a number of facilities across Australian states, they consistently speak of the same issues:
- Carers working under inordinate time pressures and having to rush breathlessly from patient to patient, without time for a genuinely caring verbal interaction.
- Limited time allocation with each patient in their care so that physical ministrations end up rushed and disregarding of the physical contact taking place.
- Paperwork being complex and onerous and taking valued time away from patient care.
- Carers receiving a low award wage, many without the security of a permanent position. This leads to the carers often devaluing themselves with the net result of low professional and personal self worth and self esteem, with little or no self care taking.
- Frustration with not being able to offer fully the quality of care they can see is needed for their patients.
- ‘End of shift’ exhaustion and, at times, demoralization due to a sense of having accomplished little and not done ‘enough’.
How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?
Most of our elderly have contributed productively to our society in their working life. As they age, their bodies slow down and become fragile and easily hurt. Working in research for the Department of Geriatric Medicine at a teaching hospital in England, I observed how older people are often worried and afraid about the approach of death and the loss of their loved ones. They are witnessing the passing over of all of their friends. Everything about this life is ending for them.
What do we offer our elderly as they navigate their way through the final phase of life? Is it respectful to offer a perfunctory and rushed quality of care that only maintains their deteriorating bodily functions, executed by stressed fellow human beings under incredible workloads and time pressures?
Is this lack of true care what any of us would wish for ourselves or for our immediate family members? Would we want that for our children when they reach this final stage of life?
What type and quality of care would we, as a collective, like to see for our elderly?
Is it not natural for us to want to offer the following:
- Compassion — understanding with an open heart what is going on for our elderly and allocating the time to allow them to express this clearly, in their own words.
- Gentleness – bathing them and ministering to their physical needs with a tenderness of touch that honours their fragility.
- Dignity and Respect — honouring the life they have lived and offering them support and a respectful autonomy as they make their final choices in this life.
This level of care rarely occurs in our Aged Care facilities for the reasons outlined above and also possibly because of our collective attitudes, fears and beliefs about Ageing and Death.
Is it possible that we may have been quite simply ‘too busy’… and that ‘too busy’ has meant that we may not have taken the time to stop and look deeply into the eyes of a fellow human being, to look past the wrinkles, the lines and the deterioration of the physical body and to deeply connect with this person who has shared a life with us, a life that is now waning?
If we stop however and ponder on the needs of our elderly, we would readily understand that we all want compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect throughout our lives and especially as we age and our bodies wind down to pass on.
Would we not all feel that what is required is a new perspective on Aged Care? After all, do we not all want a loving connection with our fellow human beings?
As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings? Is it not our collective responsibility to speak up about this and let our true feelings be known? Would not our systems then need to re-mould themselves to accommodate our communally articulated expectations on what we consider to be a true and new perspective on aged care?
I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Coleen
Further Reading:
Palliative Care Nurse Elizabeth Dolan wins the NSW Health Excellence Award
Death & Dying – A Taboo Topic or a Joyful, Normal Conversation?
662 Comments
I have worked for many years in Aged care facilities, and have experienced the conditions that you write about Coleen, the system definitely need a complete overhaul, but when money and greed are at the forefront then nothing will change, a new model needs to be presented, one that brings quality of care first and foremost along with self care being a part of the regime for the workers.
Jill that’s a great point about money and greed and nothing changes if that remains at the forefront. Also at the forefront is quality of care for everyone – staff residents and families and also the value everyone is held in. Because someone has dementia and is needing to be in an aged care facility how do we treat them as people? We need to undo a great deal so that we rebuild with a solid foundation of care, respect, dignity and decency. So that we not only understand what these qualities are but that embody them to the best of our ability.
I don’t understand the concept of mercy but wholeheartedly agree with the rest of your assessment.
Agreed Gabriele, mercy seemingly comes with pity and we will one day understand we are all responsible for all we are experiencing so that we can learn to addressing our issues so when we re-incarnate we can be clear because we have dealt with our ill ways.
I have heard from those who work in aged care about the physical tolls on their body of having to lift people etc and that there is not sufficient support for them. It is easy to see how hard on the body this would be and why we need more people working together in this area to really bring the quality of care to the elderly.
Recently I saw a video recording of a care home having visitors every Monday from the local children’s’ nursery. Both the children and the elderly loved getting together, and the health improved within the elderly attendees. We need to learn from this – it’s a no-brainer that everyone thrives from having interaction with other people, young and old.
Having a mother who worked in the elderly care industry as a nurse for over 30 years gave me some insight into this area of medicine. From her experience it certainly seemed that the nursing homes she worked at were putting profit above people and not only were they not honouring of the residents, the schedules and workload placed on the nurses created an overload situation that lead to bickering amongst the nurses out of a continued pushing through exhaustion. At least that was her experience, but one that I feel is very common in this field. As Coleen said, all we have to do is put ourselves in the position of the elderly person and how we would want to be treated in order to change this system. But that would mean we also have to look at the fact that we are going to die someday too!
Could it be that the whole care system needs to be looked into and changed? Pre-natal-care, child-care, self-care, aged-care, palliative-care all fit into the same model where someone is dictating the terms and there is no true understanding from ‘go-to-wow.’ So we end up with a push or drive that serves no one and is debilitating for all concerned. If we start with pre-natal-care from being self-caring this would take us on the path of be self-loving before we get to loving-care. Loving-care sets a true bar that is simple to follow as we are all naturally self-nurturing beings and by following simple loving rhythms we would all benefit in every aspect of life.
And we do know, that the way a society treats its elderly as a reflection upon the quality and integrity of that society
The quality we see in our elderly should be seen for the amazing people they are so that they pass-over in full connection to their inner-most essence.
A new perspective in aged care is much needed with a true compassion and understanding for ourselves firstly to be offered to all no matter what our age but espcially in later years to be held with the gentleness, delicacy and sensitivity we are. “As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?” beautiful Coleen .
Absolutely agree Coleen – a new perspective is definitely required for Aged Care. From experience I have seen the effect on older people from well-intentioned-super-busy carers rushing in and rushing out like express trains and banging around in the kitchen to throw some food together for the person to eat – simply another number in the numerous calls to be done within their shift time..
It unsettles the older people deeply and leaves them feeling exhausted and uncared for as well as the carer drained at the end of their day.
The way we connect with others is as important to their wellbeing as any medical care one can receive and plenty of research backs this up. The way we communicate is healing or harming. I know several people working in aged care and the stories they tell me are shocking. I’ve even heard of facilities in which staff are unable to share any human aspects of themselves (such as the type of family they have, the suburb they live etc.) with patients as this is labelled ‘too personal’. Nobody wants to end up in aged care because we all know how horrendous it is despite the best efforts of many dedicated staff. These facilitates are currently being used as money makers rather than offering any true care and it makes them very difficult to live or work in.
Awesome Colleen you are correct in saying a new perspective is needed. Universal Medicine has a very successful Aged Care model that ticks all the boxes. They do because of our loving all involved live – they live holding themselves with dignity, respect, compassionate and gentleness hence a clearer perspective is naturally warranted.
I have also seen recently investors are seeing Aged Care as a very lucrative business taking all the aged funds with the results being for the investors with little quality of care offered. We need to speak out and expose these crooks. We are all accountable to save our world ?
A profound and inspiring article Coleen. In my experience of observing and interacting with various care agencies and hospitals over the past year, the staff are under huge stress with time constraints, lack of staff and sometimes an inability to simply be present with patients – this is very detrimental to the elderly under their care.
As babies we are held precious and tender, as children we teach resilience, teens and 20’s theres the ‘bulletproof’ mentality that reduced that tenderness. Then after a long life of lacking in care for ourselves and others it gets to the point of being alien to that preciousness. Our current aged care stems from a lifetime of stepping away from that preciousness we hold babies in. At any age we are worth caring for and starting early will change how we treat the elderly from an outside perspective and from within as we age.
I have met some very caring and dedicated ladies who work very hard and do demonstrate having their clients best interests at heart, even though the system at times seems to work against them. One of the latest inventions is zero contracted hours – this to me shows lack of appreciation for the carers and the work they choose to do. Let’s face it not everyone would want to do care as a career choice, and with the ageing population, they will be needed more than ever before.
This is a conversation that needs to be brought to our communities, local, state and federal governments. There are some amazing people that work in these homes caring for our loved ones, but they need more support and time to be able to care in the way they really want to, not under pressure to work quickly, but instead to work efficiently, with care and respect. A paradigm of change that is needed.
If we were to value the fact that the quality of energy with which we pass over (‘die’) with determines the quality of energy in which we will be born the next time around, we would not allow such travesty to take place with our elderly. We are unwittingly causing great harm to our future generations by not tending with great care to the previous ones.
So very true, we do a grave disservice to all of humanity by not treating all with the care and respect that is deserving of all, and as our elderly are the ones that are passing sooner (as a general rule) it is imperative that we begin to again value the reality of reincarnation.
“There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access” God is never too busy to love all equally, even if we choose to be too busy to be aware of the constant love that is flowing through us all.
We frequently hear people say that they want to avoid going into a home but the reality is that most will end up in one and yet no-one is addressing the many issues that lead to a lack of true care within them which is ultimately felt by all. It is not just those living in such facilities that are affected by this lack of care – we all are and is this not a reflection of how so many are living outside of homes without care and compassion for themselves and others.
When we have a foundation of self care and appreciation in our society , then every level and every age will be celebrated and nurtured.
I can’t say I’ve ever put the two together but it makes sense to ask if we were to look at a tiny baby and say “The current model of aged care is where I want them to be when they grow up” It doesn’t paint a pretty picture so then why are we accepting it just because it’s an adult? I have recently stepped into the aged care sector and I love it, I enjoy being with the people but the system itself is very anti-human for workers and clients alike.
The word ‘mercy’ does not sit so well with me but the elderly certainly deserve a level of care that they are often not getting; I wonder whether we could use the word ‘love’ in its true meaning in this instance? After all, we all crave and deserve love, to our last breath.
Respect is something you would say is something that needs to be always there in our relationships but in truth it is not. And in the healthcare and here particular in old aged care it is not always there not because we don’t care but because our lives are in a rush, we push ourselves through the day and survive. How can we expect there to be true care for our elderly when we cannot keep up with the pace we are all living in? True care requires space to care and nurture yourself, to respect your rhythm and honour your body and this builds the quality of care we all crave for.
‘True care requires space to care and nurture yourself, to respect your rhythm and honour your body and this builds the quality of care we all crave for.’ I agree with you wholeheartedly Annelies van Haastrecht. Living this way we naturally allow space in all our relations and can bring this sense of grace to the elderly in our care.
‘to look past the wrinkles, the lines and the deterioration of the physical body’ unfortunately most people seem to ignore older people, especially if they appear weak, and count them of little use. Older people often absorb this attitude and think less of themselves and give up on life. The more respect we give to ourselves, the more love and care the more we can mirror this and hold this for the elderly, being open and sharing ourselves and ready to receive all that they too have to share with us.
I agree with what you say, Suse – why do we allocate so little time to care for those who are about to pass on? And why do we so undervalue their carers?
You raised some great points in your blog Coleen about how heavy the workloads are for staff are in nursing homes caring for those in the last stages of their life – ironically when people are at their most vulnerable and requiring specialist care to support their passing with dignity and grace.
Unfortunately, “too busy” has taken away our opportunity to build quality in our relationships, the level of intimacy that most people crave for and that is easily accessible to all if only choose to genuinely connect, care and love ourselves first in order to share with all others.
Having trained as a health care assistant , it is true that working in aged care has mostly become about money making.
Most of the carers have a desire to serve as true carers when they join the profession , but this is not supported and the irony is that with the way carers are treated they will end up at an early stage of their life in a nursing home been “cared” for.
And so the cycle continues.
We all say I never want to end in a nursing home, why not looking at the quality of the care and if we don’t want to end this way, why not looking at our own choices, do we take responsibility for our own health and the way we work or accept the circumstances in which we have to work.
Something has to change with regards to how we treat our elderly and the lack of respect we award them – it hasn’t always been like this, as in times gone by families were closer, and lived within close proximity or in the same house as their ageing parent. It is as if we have handed over the responsibility to someone else – obviously this is not the case with all of our older people, but there is a high level of loneliness which tells us that something is not right.
It’s disgusting our approach to healthcare in all areas, whether it be the General Practice we attend or a public hospital for a specialised appointment or facilities like those mentioned here. Why are we in such a rush that we are negating the very meaning of Health Care. There is nothing healthy about what and how this is all being practised. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but as a result of it not being our every day, those exceptions are often only accessible to those who can afford it, this should not be the case.
You can always evaluate a society on how they treat their aged… we could learn so much from some traditional indigenous groups where true respect for the aged is the pillar of their community
“How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?” A great question Coleen, for anyone in a caring role, be it in a care home for the elderly, in a school or hospital or in a family situation. We can only truly care for another to the level we have loved and cared for ourselves.
Dignity and respect are the very minimum we should offer our elderly. We could also add understanding of their wisdom, learning from their experiences and supporting them to prepare for their passing in the fullness of who they really are.
We can only offer to others what we have first offered to ourselves, learning to live in a self loving and caring way with ourselves, this is the gift that we can bring to others, especially to the elderly who are most vulnerable.
Care of self is such an important part of life, and as we approach the time of passing we many not be able to care for ourselves and so that care coming from another, or a community is a gift that should be blessed on everyone.
You have given me much to consider here Coleen as it is clear this is what we would all want yet how to turn around a large ship that has made profit over people the end goal. We have an ageing population so this consideration should be front and centre of all out thoughts.
We all deserve compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect in the last moments of our life in particular. It ‘should’ be a given, yet in our current society it seems to have fallen on the wayside…there is much work for us to do to bring back a true way of supporting our elderly to prepare for their death.
“I observed how older people are often worried and afraid about the approach of death and the loss of their loved ones. They are witnessing the passing over of all of their friends. Everything about this life is ending for them.” – When we come to this point in our lives, when it is the ‘end’ so to speak of our current physical life, there are moment of ‘accountability’ – do different to the end of a day or the end of a project or the end of year where we are offered an opportunity to look back and feel and see if what we have left behind feels complete. In such times of overview it helps to be supported – supported in accepting our mistakes (or really we should call them ‘learnings’) and also in simply holding steady and knowing that this ‘end’ of the life is only the end of one chapter and the beginning of another – and hence why the quality that we leave this life in is just as important as any other project, end of day or relationship that comes to a completion. It is not about finishing things with perfection, but it is about realising what worked and what did not. And also, every last moment counts and it is about giving it our all, not matter what our past choices are or have been. How amazing is it if we had our elderly homes set up in a way that supports the last months or year of a persons life in this way? After all if we supported this, then this would come back to support us too in preparing for our own last year or months, let alone the preparation for a new generation to come having had a feeling of completeness of the previous life. What a learning for us to take on board no matter what stage in life we are in!
We all deserve care and we all should be valued and should value ourselves. We are all equally important and part of the whole, young or old there should be no difference.
“How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?” As the world seems to speed up and we are asked to perform more tasks in less time, self-care becomes evermore important. If we don’t we will get ground down by systems and end up exhausted and no support to anyone – least of all ourselves.