When I think of engagement rings, many images flood my mind – diamonds, excited women, everlasting love, commitment or entrapment, romantic stories of prince charming sweeping you off your feet, something that seems not quite real, and even other-worldly. From my experience, and witnessing many women going through the engagement process, I see this as an ‘engagement ring consciousness’ as it seems like something that comes from outside ourselves, like something fed to most girls from a very young age. Many girls and then women paint a picture about having a diamond ring on their finger, as this seems to be a societal expectation of what occurs when someone becomes engaged and in some cases, is what makes a woman feel complete.
With my engagement occurring over a year ago, I hadn’t initially considered wearing an engagement ring because there was something about a simple wedding band, the elegance of which felt complete and seemed to be what I was about, what suited me. My partner and I decided early on in our engagement we would wear our wedding bands straight away because that’s what felt natural to us. So a few days after we were engaged we purchased our wedding bands and have worn them since.
A couple of months out from the wedding I started having thoughts that I may be missing out by not having an engagement ring. I discussed this with my fiancé and we decided this was something we could look at in the future. But that decision didn’t stop the thoughts coming in.
What confused me at the time was, what I felt to be true for me was contrary to the thoughts I was having. I did recognise that they were thoughts coming from outside of me, like I was being fed from a well thought out advertising campaign of societal expectations and desires, because they were all ideas that weren’t really from within me, where I was at in my life and what was important to my fiancé and I at that point in time.
Ironically, on my wedding day I wore an exquisitely beautiful pink sapphire and diamond ring borrowed from a friend who owns a top end jewellery store. Its beauty was out of this world! My fiancé picked the ring from a couple of choices his friend suggested after she saw a photo of my wedding dress. I wore this stunning ring as though it were my engagement ring, not giving it another thought as I knew it would be returned soon thereafter.
However, my now husband had other ideas. When he returned the ring, he had decided it was and should be part of our ‘wedding package,’ so he went about purchasing the ring from his friend. When he discussed this impulse he felt with me, I found many reasons why I shouldn’t have the ring. But he honoured the impulse he felt, recognising there was something more on offer here for us than just a glamorous engagement ring.
He surprised me with the ring of the eve of our departure to Vietnam where we would be attending a Universal Medicine retreat and holding a second wedding celebration. He has a beautiful way of surprising me this man, and this surprise was no exception where it touched my heart ever so deeply – it actually seemed to reawaken a place in me, untouched for what seemed like lifetimes. It is difficult to put into words how this felt but I know something old and deeply hidden had been shifted to be healed.
What is interesting here is that the ring is not one that I would have considered, looked out for or necessarily chosen, as such a ring would never have been on my radar. I realise now with all my knowing that I wouldn’t have seen this ring because I wasn’t open to seeing it at that point in my life.
Consequently it was a big step for me to accept and claim this ring into my life. It’s not the ring that takes me there, it’s what the ring symbolises and reflects to me in so many ways, but in particular about me opening my heart to so much more in my life – that I am and can be so much more than I am living and that there is so much more to appreciate in me and accept into my life.
More than anything it reflects to me the multidimensional nature of this universe we live in because it connects me to something ancient, from the stars long ago, but also to what’s available here and now. And the flavour of that reflection brings an exquisite beauty, womanliness, power and wisdom.
What it also shows me is how I capped myself by saying that the wedding band was enough, that simplicity was what I was about. Simplicity is a key for me and keeping things plain and simple allowed me to hide in that, but really I am so much more and am here to reflect so much more.
So the ring consciousness was a smokescreen or a distraction to what was really there for me to see, feel and experience, which was about feeling glorious and allowing myself to stand out.
My experience with the ring consciousness was to fit in with societal expectations, to have a ring because that’s what you do when you get engaged and to distract me from what was true for me. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a ring, but the experience for me was about something else. For me it was about a reflection and connection to an expanded and unlimited reality; an expanded awareness to somewhere out of this world that I know… to space and the stars.
My engagement ring now sits next to my wedding band on my finger, where the wedding band is a beautiful expression and symbol of my husband’s and my commitment to love, each other, and what we are here to bring. And this is the true package or combination of rings for me and I thank my husband for honouring an impulse he felt for us on our wedding day, which allowed a healing for me and us. This has laid down another new footing for us to move forward on in our lives and stands as a reminder that we are all much grander than we know.
The two rings together are symbolic of the healing and reflection that has occurred for both of us, and especially for me in trusting that God or the divine or the universe is right there to support any true movement which I feel and choose to honour. In that it allows me to focus and surrender to a place deep within that is incredibly still, connected to the universe and feels like my true way to live.
Published with permission from my husband.
By Ulrike Paul, Lismore Heights, Australia
Further Reading:
The Ring – Part 1: Our fascination with weddings and rings
Accepting all of you
Ring On My Finger
Reach for the stars
348 Comments
There are so many ideas in the world that we can carry around and not even know we are doing it, until something thankfully comes along to shake it up a little, and then we get to decide are we learning from this or are we doing to react? I have found this occurring a lot concerning the body, what we wear on the body and being a woman, this is something to not brush over, but to explore, cockering our relationship with ourselves and our body.
Great to expose the whole engagement ring consciousness thing as well as how thoughts actually come from outside of us and not within!
Yes it is beautiful to have things that ask us to lift our current ‘normal’ as the quality is way beyond what we accepted as our ‘worth’ before. In my own experience these things ask me to be more delicate and feminine and consider my gorgeousness even more in my movements. So not being open to new things can be at times holding us back from this natural growth.
Gorgeous blog to come back to and feel what’s there for us when we let go of the pictures we hold.
This blog is testament to the fact that When we open our hearts to receive love life delivers all we could ever need and more.
Nothing means nothing does it?! I am forever learning that we are fed thoughts but taking time to understand why the thoughts are there leads to a greater understanding and the thoughts are now not controlling but informing.
‘….it connects me to something ancient, from the stars long ago, but also to what’s available here and now. And the flavour of that reflection brings an exquisite beauty, womanliness, power and wisdom.’ Could it be it re connects you to your sacredness that’s within every woman
I look at your ring and see such delicateness and beauty that reflects how as women we are so much more than we think we are at times.
Thank you I just love reading this blog.. simply because it is so lovely, expansive and full of truth. Thankyou Ulrike, a big inspiration you are and what you share of truth for everybody.
The analogy of a well thought out advertising campaign in relation to the way a consciousness slips into your thoughts is very apt. The more I get to know myself when I am still and present, the easier it is to spot these thoughts that are fed to us constantly. It is very freeing to be able to spot them through the way they make by body harden or tense up and say no to them.
There is something so delicate about this ring and your story and the appreciation that you share here.
It can be very confusing to sort the sold images from a true impulse as advertising, ideals and beliefs come with a lot of force and do such a convincing job.
I find that the consciousness around things, and the pictures and beliefs I hold get in the way of my feeling for myself what the actual truth is.
While reading your blog I have to look to the beautiful ring all the time, very very beautiful.
What a beautiful sharing and unfolding Ulrike, a returning to your glory.
When we do the simplest thing it comes loaded with an energy. Doing a job or driving down a road each thing has a consciousness around it we have built as a humanity. But what you beautifully show Ulrike is that by knowing and being aware of this we can say “I do” and take it on and reimprint everything.
What this highlights Joseph is just how much there is to re-imprint – something definitely worth giving attention to.
Thank you Ulrike, reading this piece again.. makes me realize how much there is to appreciate once we feel the gloriousness we are. You express this and show us that this is actually the ONLY factor that is important: accepting the glory that we are. That sets the rest of everything ON..
Too often Danna we settle for what we are not, but it is lovely to focus on the glory that we are and in that we claim back who we truly are…
I love this response Ulrike. Settling for who we are not in truth – how many of us do this? Time to claim back our true power and not settle for anything less.
Beautiful Ulrike – just because things aren’t true or are pushed on us a certain way doesn’t mean we can bring love and our beauty to them too. And how this happens is through us surrendering to what we feel, and honouring that without paying heed to beliefs and ideals.
Yes Joseph, the saying ‘don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater’ comes to mind! It is important to work out if we can re-imprint and ask ourselves if what we are doing is truly what feels right or if we are simply down the wrong road and the only way to get back is to write it off as a lesson and start afresh with no pre-conceived ideas.
P.S. Your ring is stunning Ulrike, thank you for sharing your expansion with both your wedding dress and ring. It has been beautiful to share and be inspired…..
Your inspiration for an engagement ring and the healing that then followed is a perfect example of how there is no “wrong/right” or “good/bad” there just is true and not true. It was true for you to get the ring you did for the reflection, expansion and healing it has inspired in your life. Just as it may be not true for another not to get a ring as they may have lived a life of extravagance and are being offered a reflection that divinity and beauty are everywhere even in what’s thought of as the mundane. It is a beautiful reminder to read everything and preconceived ideas/beliefs don’t hold up.
So many of us get stuck in the ideals and beliefs around the engagement ring, I know I did. When I got engaged I was so desperate to have the ring that I settled for a ring that was the best of a small selection just so I could get a ring on my finger. At the time I wasn’t aware of what this was actually saying, and what I was accepting, but on reflection, I was settling for less and setting the whole relationship up with this acceptance. No wonder the relationship didn’t last as I was only offering a very small part of me to it.
So beautiful thank you for sharing Ulrike, the reflection of who we are will always be greater than what we want to accept; this is the challenge of evolution.
You highlight so beautifully just how capping it is when we allow ourselves to be run by a consciousness that feeds us ideals and beliefs that we think we need to fit into to be fulfilled. For as you have shared there is so much more for us to explore and appreciate of ourselves, of life and all that is on offer, when we willingly allow ourselves to surrender to our connection to Soul.
Just about everything – no, make that: absolutely everything in today’s world comes with a consciousness and it is only when we dig deeper and unsubscribe from any images, beliefs and ideals attached that we can get to the truth of the matter as it pertains to us in any moment.
So true Gabriele and when one ponders on this fact, we realise to what extent we may be affected by a consciousness of one type or another. Well worth digging more deeply to get to the truth of any matter and how it pertains to us.
Fabulous sharing Ulrike for wedding rings are symbols of a couples love for each other and I have to say, your engagement ring is absolutely exquisite.
I never use rings as I feel uncomfortable with them. This blog is making me ponder on why…
Ulrike, thank you for your sharing – in so many ways I can relate to what you have said in this blog. When I got married and got my rings, I wanted them to be simple and practical knowing that I wanted to wear them every day. And so I opted for simple gold band for the wedding ring and a simple gold band with three tiny little diamonds embedded in the band for my engagement ring. They were very inconspicuous, not glamourous at all, but very simple and beautiful. But years later there was a part of me that also reflected on if I had ‘missed out’ in some way, especially when I saw other people’s engagement rings and this began to put doubts in me. However, it never felt right to go down the track of purchasing a more ‘showy’ (for lack of a better word) ring – aside from the financial aspect. But what you have shared here about hiding behind the simplicity absolutely makes sense and I can relate and I feel there is a part of me that has been scared to let myself be seen, for fear of triggering a reaction from another. So it is symbolic and not about the ring itself, though of course the ring is a beautiful way of supporting our expression as well as confirming this on a day to day basis. Amazing the realizations that we can have upon reading another’s sharing as with your blog! Thank you Ulrike!
Ulrike, what an absolutely gorgeous blog that shares so much of you! I love how you have talked abut the images surrounding engagement rings and how important it is to not get caught up in that and distract ourselves from the true treasure which is what lies within each of us. But I also love how you came around to honouring the beauty within and allowing it out, symbolic of the gorgeous engagement ring you ended up having! Absolutely stunning you are!
By reading your experience with the rings you support me to be very aware of the wider experience we can have with it and to be aware how i can open myself up for magic.
Such a beautiful ring and what is even more beautiful about it is the process and unfoldment that you had coming to accept such a beautiful ring for your worth. So precious and delicate – an amazing reminder of how you are this also.
So beautiful to reread this, it’s very precious and expansive to read.
It is awesome that you didn’t do the traditional thing, and that you actually explored what ring might support the dress and the day, and took a whole different approach to an engagement ring. It sure does seem to be a big thing and a known point of comparison for couples. but this is actually a set up to stop us appreciating that a ring does not determine the quality of a relationship.
What a beautiful honouring Ulrike – and such a gorgeous ring, full of delicateness and beauty, a stunning reflection.
Spot on Jenny – the ring is a reflection of the stunning quality that is Ulrike and also a confirmation of her in her fullness. And yet her beauty and grandness is forever deepening…
Symbols enter our awareness, when we are ready to observe them and ready to read the bigger picture of what they are revealing to us. They are there to support us on our evolutionary path through life by either revealing to us that there is something for us to understand and learn from, or they act as confirmation that we are in fact on the right path.
This shows that symbols are around us reflecting back to us ALL of the time, should we only open our eyes and hearts to receive the messages.
True Elizabeth and Ulrike, and life becomes so much more joy full and we get another opportunity to deeply surrender the moment we do ‘see’ what surrounds us.
Wow this is an amazing unfolding and if this is what reflected back at you when looking at the rings and being reminded that the Universe is with us no matter what with any true movement that we make this is seriously incredible. To surrender to such depths within and know that all is totally covered and how beautiful this really is.