Recently I expressed these words in a letter to my three grown children as their mother and friend, after I completed Level 2 Esoteric Healing course with one son and then Level 3 Esoteric Healing Course by myself. It felt like a wonderful opportunity to heal childhood hurts at the source. I now feel to share this letter to express publicly the awesome healing that is possible for all of us if we choose it.
A Letter To My Children …
I feel that I did not reflect lovingly to any of you, my three children, how to BE in your fullness, allowing your soul to connect to you as you lived and did things every day.
I was very good at doing things with you and for you; and also for many other people and or worthy causes as well. My focus on ‘doing things’ that I gave you unfortunately came with an energy that was full of my un-cleared hurts and needs as I tried to be the perfect mum and friend; to be the best person as a Christian, doing my bit to change the world; to make the world a better place.
In recent years I have found and chosen a new way of living. I have done much soul searching and work on myself to remove layers and layers of hurts and issues that had formed me as a person throughout my life. I had chosen to take on board many influences from:
- my own parents
- catholic church doctrines
- society’s attitudes
- cultural influences.
There were also many other attitudes and ideals that I chose to adopt from many other external sources from the time I was a little girl – who then grew to be an adult and a mature woman. Many of these influences were strongly filtered to be considered appropriate for me to believe in and follow in my decisions in how I lived my life.
Now I know that I have had the truth inside me all along.
No one told me that; yet I also chose not to feel that for myself either. It has taken me quite some time to develop my awareness again of how I actually feel about everything and have always been able to feel, but how I have often disregarded what I was feeling in favour of what I was thinking or what others were telling me to think.
I feel to say that by firstly having self-care, self-nurturing, and self-loving rhythms in my day as to what I eat and drink, how I sleep, talk, move, dress etc. has reawakened my awareness of the truths I know within me and always have. This is my way of getting clarity with my living choices from now on. My four beautiful grandchildren reflect this truth to me from their souls.
I am sorry that I did not reflect this way of living to you when you were little and even sooner than just recently. However, I know that I was always seeking what I can feel now.
I want to renounce my past ways of mothering and claim my new ways of being a mum and now a grandmother in my fullness.
It is not about being perfect and then feeling guilty when I slip up. Those days are gone. It is about living gently in stillness and bringing a loving presence to every moment of every day.
Sometimes I can do that and sometimes I fall back into old patterns of rush, anxiety, busy doings, frustration, judgement, comparison, feeling self-worth issues of not being good enough etc. etc. However, when that happens, I now feel it and renounce it. I let it go. I then trust that if I truly self-nurture and lovingly reflect on my daily rhythm of living I will reconnect to my loveliness within, which is my amazing self – my soul. It is an evolving way of living that never feels comfortable for very long as my soul has a constant way of inviting me to step up to another level of awareness. How awesome is that!
In this way of living I am still able to be very busy at what I choose to be involved in. In fact, it is my way of choosing to serve humanity. That is still my focus as I feel it has always been. However, it is now lived so very differently from before.
I feel that my sharing this with you in writing will resonate with you as I have sometimes expressed some of this to you in many conversations as well. It is not meant to impose a way of life on you. It is simply expressing my truth to you as I have always tried to do as your mother and friend, but it is also now to clear any past influences from me on you that were not from my fullness in my innermost or my soul . . . I feel you will feel the difference.
I hope that you can feel the loving support I am offering you now that comes no longer laced with my hurts and issues or layers of attitudes, values and ideals. I hope that you feel this release of my ‘energy’ on you as you make your own choices about your way of living.
You are amazing people. I feel your awareness and loveliness. You mean the world to me. Be gentle with yourselves. Don’t cap your joy. Your loving reflection is awesome.