Making the time for moments to connect to my body by trusting and expressing from my essence, and taking responsibility for and deepening the connection with my essence, has been quite profound. From this, many beautiful experiences have taken place that will stay in my heart forever.
Following a few supportive sessions with the practitioners at Universal Medicine, I began conversations with my husband around the importance of expressing fully and to keep developing our relationship. We both agreed that on some level we had previously held back from expressing freely with each other and that we didn’t want to do that anymore because we love one another. We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think, so that we could develop the trust to allow a point or conversation to unfold as it needs to, even if we have no real end point initially in sight. We both knew that honest discussions would naturally allow the conversation to unfold for us to get to what felt true, and we agreed that it was totally okay to disagree along the way.
We decided in being open and honest with each other, knowing that we are still unified as a couple and love each other, even though sticky issues could come up and feelings would need to be shared that may make us feel uncomfortable at the time.
The most beautiful part of all of this is that after only a few days of putting this into practice, we were able to speak and share about topics that felt like we were addressing ‘a few elephants in the room’ and the most amazing level of love, support and appreciation was then expressed from both of us towards the other.
I felt an enormous amount of trust: in other people, in an intimate relationship with a man (something that I had not experienced before), in me, in him . . . and that we all have this level of love in us just waiting to be expressed.
This has set a new marker for me, not only in my relationship with my husband, but with the way I relate to others. I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.
Following on from this truer and deeper way we chose to relate to each other, he wrote me the most beautiful letter. Through his letter I got to appreciate the ripple effect that:
- choosing to be living from my essence had on him from the very beginning of our relationship
- the effect I have on all those I encounter in my work, my friends and family and on the street when I am simply my true self, expressing from my essence
- how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love
- being honest, expressing it as it is for us, and expressing at the time it is needed
- how much he sees, feels, hears, observes, appreciates and adores me.
Much has unfolded for me and those around me after this particular experience and I feel:
- a deeper relationship with myself and my husband that I can trust unwaveringly
- a greater level of connection and ease in the way I relate to others
- an appreciation for how open people can be when we are open ourselves
- the astounding ripple effect that relating to others in a true way has
- the unity and an equal-ness between people
- a trust in humanity and the fact that deep down we all want the same thing – Love
- the power of expressing from the heart
- that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.
Through making the choice of developing a deeper relationship with my essence, much has unfolded for me through the amazing experiences and moments I had with my husband when we both stepped up and allowed the connection to our essence to happen.
I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and the support of the Practitioners and Student Body of Universal Medicine.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education, Perth WA
Further Reading:
Learning To Express Our Feelings
Returning To Our Essence
The Truth of Love – Equally for All
Thanks for sharing such a beautiful experience Johanna. Your words makes me appreciate how precious and important our presence is, for us and all people around us. It is ceratinly very unique and life changing having someone who never judge us or impose how we should or shouldn’t be, but hold us deeply for the precious beings we are.
In Truth there is no separation. It is through honest conversations that we come together and find how liberating it is stop the fight and surrender to the greater love is within each and everyone of us.
When I connect with my essence, everything becomes easier, simple and then, expressing myself as I am, not only is possible, but it is a natural and joyful experience to live in.
Me connecting to my essence has a ripple effect on those around me. More often than not these effects are really beautiful to witness as they naturally come from the other person without pressure or force.
Staying within, and re-connecting to our essences is a truest way of expressing and feels amazing as Truth can set us free.
“I felt an enormous amount of trust:” Absolute honesty with ourselves and others means there is nothing to hide.
Inspiring to read this again and be reminded of the value of simply being open and honest with people. This line also stood out for me regarding the intention we can have in conversations with others “how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love.”
I am becoming more comfortable with expressing how I feel about sticky issues or miscommunications. It makes any relationship far clearer, lighter and joyful.
“even though sticky issues could come up and feelings would need to be shared that may make us feel uncomfortable at the time.” Having conversations about something that we feel may be uncomfortable is like taking a pebble out of your shoe and then you walk more confidently and evenly when it is out in the open.
Expressing from who we truly are is powerful, ‘the effect I have on all those I encounter in my work, my friends and family and on the street when I am simply my true self, expressing from my essence’.
What a lovely understanding and appreciation, ‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’
We are indeed equipped to deal with any situation when we connect to our essence.
True Danna we are equipped with all that is presented to us, with our Essence
When we express what and how we actually feel, others can connect to that – and so we offer ourselves the potential for deeper connections and richer relationships. Going for it with our expression is the key to a far deeper and more expansive experience of living life.
Expressing what we actually feel rather than conforming to a template of what we think the other is wanting to hear (but usually aren’t) opens the door to true and real relationships, and the potential for everyone to grow and learn.
This is so inspiring Johanna and has deepened my appreciation for an experience I had this weekend of allowing myself to express from my essence with a friend and how we could both feel the impact of this not just on ourselves but on everyone around us and how now that we have this marker in our bodies we have a responsibility to share this with all.
What a lovely understanding and appreciation, ‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’
Being connected to my essence feels very natural and settling, so much so that if I am looking for or expecting fireworks I miss out on the beauty this connection brings to others.
When we do connect to and express from our essence, our expression is so profoundly different… Our lives can never be the same
That is the key Johanna, staying in connection with our essence and expressing from our inner heart. I have found in my relationship with my husband lately, that there is a space to truly express what we are feeling no matter what, and I am amazed at what is being revealed to be understood and healed with a deeper offering of evolution available.
Holding back and lacing a relationship with pictures of how it should be is pure poison. I either comply and live a lie then explode in frustration or I go the opposite way (without communicating why I am doing what I am doing) and again get frustrated. Me being me in front of another intimately is still a learning curve but I appreciate having the space to learn and drop the expectations.
Connecting and expressing from our essence a much neglected and misunderstood science. If we placed more attention to deepening our relationship with ourselves, much of the world’s problems would be solved.
So true Kehinde as many of the world’s problems are the result of misunderstandings caused by lack of expression. As we deepen our relationship with ourselves this is reflected to others and they are offered the opportunity to explore a different way.
Recently I have been inspired by someone who just allows themselves to express all that they are feeling and in this it is freeing and very beautiful. When I observe them it allows me to feel the next steps that I could go to in myself.
Returning to our essence is the answer for all issues in life, I’ve felt this, experienced it and found myself coming back around to it but have yet to exhuast it. If there’s a problem in life I need to come back to my essence, and read this blog today to remind me! Thank you.
We are only scratching the surface of understanding the harm words do and holding back the words that are there to be spoken is just as impact-full on the body as expressing words without consideration for their ripple effect.
When we don’t express it is like everything builds up and we can find no way out of it, however, when we do express it is like there is space again and we are able to feel ourselves and what is true for us once more.
Sharing our expression is a great way to stay open and in touch with those we love so we can both evolve.
We are equipped to handle any situation when we are deeply connected to our essence. At times I have amazed myself with how I handled certain situations and this was due to the fact that I was connected to my essence and stayed open, honest and loving.
This blog helped me to feel how holding back sharing my feelings fully with my wife out of protection has really been a silly game considering all the amazing benefits to expressing fully as Johanna has described. The times that I have said how I felt even though it was a challenging subject, it has resulted in an evolution and greater understanding of everyone involved. So why not go for it?
What I love experiencing is just how freeing it is to openly express and share the truth I feel with others, to live and express from my essence, and how this allows a deeper connection to love develop for ourselves and with others, along with re-building trust in our relationships.
“…being honest, expressing it as it is for us, and expressing at the time it is needed”- this is so important to me as not only have I noticed that I have held back expressing “as it is for ” in fear of being rejected or misunderstood, but there have been other times where I felt it was not the right time to express what I was feeling, but instead of being patient I said it anyway just for a personal relief to’ get it off my chest’ and it was met with opposition and not accepted, as well as not as healing compared to if I waited for the right time.
Very much appreciated reading this treasure for relationships Johanna. I agree – it is treating yourself in the worth and knowing you are equal with all and also understanding yourself by your hurts knowing the difference between these and your vulnerability of expressing our sensitive you are. Honesty is the best medicine.
It is so exhausting not living our true self, yet if we have masked that true self because we needed a relationship to work then exposing ourselves may lead to losing that love. The brain is wired to fear such an enormous consequence so there are times where we will do and say anything to mask how we really feel to keep the peace. What you have shared here is an example of the joy, the love and the simplicity that comes from letting down those guards and layers of protection. It is worth also mentioning the abundance of energy that comes from letting down the guard too!!!
I had a situation yesterday where I could feel fury and resentment coming at me and instead of staying open I got hurt by it and shut down, this then further perpetuated what the person was in and created a bigger divide between us. I am really learning to say no to abuse but to stay open to the person.
The key to living our true and authentic selves is to express from who we are and not from who we think we should be.
Yes and to practice that as often as possible. It takes time to deconstruct the walls and barricades we have built in order to ensure we do not get hurt – only to find ourselves hurt because no-one ‘gets’ us.
What I have come to realise over the years of being in a relationship for 30 years is how our pictures of what it means to be married can influence the relationship without us even noticing, to the extent that it feels like there is another person or persons present within the relationship. These ideals and beliefs will just play out without being aired unless we make the conscious effort to out them with the intention to see if they are actually true or not.
There is so much to learn with being in relationships, how to communicate and express ourselves is huge, but what I love about this piece is the point you raise about knowing that there is love and a commitment to that love within the relationship that can hold you both together throughout the difficult times.
Imagine if we took away all the distractions/hobbies/avoiding eye contact/dramas/issues/dynamics we have in between relationships, what could we learn then?
We may think at times things are hopeless or all appears lost and while this maybe real at the time at some point this passes and we move on or it may become worse. What is important at these points is to stop and settle ourselves the best we can and look within for an answer or guidance on what is next. I know life may throw up some serious things but from experience these are the points to settle even deeper to bring understanding to what you are faced with. Life is far more then just a physical outplay of things that happen, there is a whole world of the energy behind these things. When we again tap into this energy part things begin to make sense and we expand in all that we do in fact know.
When we start to have an honest conversation with ourselves we can feel the truth and then we can express this truth with others.
When we start to express from who we truly are, it has an extraordinary ripple effect in our life, and on the lives of those around us.
We can get so preoccupied with looking outside of ourselves and ticking the boxes of the roles and societal expectations in the world around us that we forget that our qualities within, our essence conceives a far greater awareness and understanding of life that then allows us build and expand from the inside out.
Our expression in relationships is so important, there have been so many instances where I experienced things could have turned out differently or changed more quickly if I had simply expressed and been straight and truthful about what I felt, had seen or observed. We often only consider our expression in relation to us, but what if our expression could have a massive impact on another’s life?
Recently I have become increasingly aware of how not coming from my essence first and expressing makes life very messy. Comming from my body and how I feel is becoming the only way to be in life that doesn’t create an inner drama/tension/unease/withdrawal. In fact when I am with myself first I then love being with others.
“I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.” A great summation of love from it’s very essence Johanna and one that brings us back to the simplicity of our own connection to self and how that relationship then affects every other. Thank you.
Joanna, this is really helpful; ‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.’ I can feel how there is a tendency to think we should agree in relationships and that we do not want to rock the boat or have any awkward situations and so we can hold back from expressing, I have done this and it doesn’t work and just creates feelings of bitterness and resentment, I feel the truth in what you are sharing that it is important to express whether we agree or disagree.
It is very beautiful to feel from what you have shared that in choosing love we say ‘yes’ to exploring, realising and confirming more of who we are, and say ‘no’ to what gets in the way of us being ourselves. When we say ‘yes’ to love we say ‘yes’ to evolution.
The essence of us all is united in one truth, and when humanity feels this there will be one unified truth
‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ Lovely to feel your appreciation of and connection to your essence and how this supports you in all your relationships and it inspires me to appreciate how re-connecting with my essence has deepened all the relationships I have including with myself.
For me building trust in myself has been key in allowing my expression to expand and to not hold back if I feel there is something I need to say. For too long I have kept quiet out of fear of ‘rocking the boat’ in all my relationships and I am currently living with the physical impact of this lack of expression on my body. As I am starting to let go of the layers of protection that have kept me imprisoned it has been beautiful to feel the many ways I am being supported through this process.
As I express with the intention of making it about love it can be quite revealing the truth exposed which I have chosen not to see. Being open to how a conversation unfolds can bring much clarity and wisdom to support the relationship and beyond.
The beauty of expression can simply mean observation knowing that an opportunity will arise if there is a call to verbally express. Responding with love and not saying anything at all is equally as beautiful as expressing love and appreciation for another.
I don’t live from my essence – but I do know honesty is key in any communication or relationship.
A beautiful inspiring blog, thank you Johanna, that is the key when we make it all about love, in connecting to our divine essence we can learn to trust and be open to share what is going on for us and with this openness and honesty a deeper level of love for each other can be expressed.
‘how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love’… making it about love always brings understanding and seeing the bigger picture around any situation or relationship, and from this space, what needs to be expressed for the other is so much clearer.
Expression allows a greater understanding and therefore I am finding it is easier to observe and not absorb another’s behaviour.
Expressing and claiming that you are equipped to handle any situation when you are connected to your essence is awesome and so true. We are given the biggest gift of all, and it’s extremely sad to see just how often we disregard it, and blatantly pretend it’s not there for the sake of keeping ourselves in misery. Here we have an example of another way.
A very honest and supportive blog offering so much love and understanding to where we can go: the truth about relationships and true love in expression as part of the way we live. Very inspiring and the true ability to express our feelings and share is something we all deeply want for our relationships, if we are honest, as we settle for so much less.
So easy to complicate relationships with hidden agenda’s, secret thoughts etc. I have also had these complications with myself! Underlying ideas and beliefs that run hidden within me, about me, somewhat like a program running in the background on a computer. Developing that loving, accepting and honouring relationship with myself with a willingness to listen, feel and see more of what I withhold even from myself has a large part to play in how I then am with others in any relationship.
Johanna, I too have experienced the ripple effects of expressing from our essence rather than from judgement, hurt, or beliefs. Rather than wait for another to be what we want them to be, or whenever we face separation or tension in a relationship we can choose to be the one who moves first. By simply expressing the love that we all are and being open and continuing to communication with others, without expectations, they begin to reflect the love offered. The focus is always ourselves not anyone else.
I have been observing that which is not true in my relationships. I have felt the frustration, agitation, the lies and falseness in knowing that there is more to my relationships than what I am seeing and living. I have also felt the frustration, agitation, lies and falseness within me from all the choices I have made in choosing to not express love and truth in my relationships. When I take responsibility and make it about me and my livingness then it is impossible to get emotional and blame another.
True Caroline, and I have experienced similar in past relationships. It is very easy when we feel frustrated or let down to look far afield and feel something is wrong ‘out there’. Humility comes with an understanding that we create what is ‘out there’. The focus is always ourselves first.
Isn’t it weird that we allow the elephants to keep walking around the room and do nothing to address them, scared that we might disturb the status quo, or the reaction that its going to bring up in the other person. But these elephants take up the available space, they are constantly treading on our toes and we are always having to go around them… in short they have a huge impact on our lives unless we start to address them, and once the conversation starts they never seem to be quite as big as they were in our imagination.
Thank you for sharing Johanna, you have beautifully demonstrated here that if we truly deepen our relationship with our partner we deepen our relationship with our self and others in the process.
This is great. I have been aware how I am holding back my expression at work and the impact this is having on my body and I have been wanting to change that, and I have been having a rehearsal up in my head that was all about asking others to change and this never felt true. And sure, the other thing I was aware of was how checked out I was most of time. It really is simply about reconnecting back to my essence and in my essence, I never have to plan a conversation or come up with an agenda, I know what to say.
The dedication that we need is to consistently work on our relationships. When I say this we think of counselling, long talks etc but it’s not that. If we have a mark for how we feel, a settled or still feeling and connected like I get with the Gentle Breath Meditation http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/gentle-breath-meditation/what-is-gentle-breath-meditation.html then anytime we feel this disturbed or this connection is lost or not there then we dedicate to returning to our mark or stillness before our next step. This is all done to the best of our ability but this is our dedication, it make take days or hours or minutes to return but the return is the important part. We aren’t done there and upon the return then the pondering of why we left, this may not be a direct question answer like we are used to but more of an unfolding question and answer or in other words a relationship. This is the work we do on relationship and notice it had reflections from other people but it didn’t rely on them being or doing anything for you and yet everything you bring from this way of being comes back to us all.
Inspiring to re-read your post Johanna. “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” Expressing ourselves fully is so important. Miscommunications and difficulties can arise when we don’t do so.
Learning to express what we feel without being afraid to be shut down, rejected, not agreed on etc is huge!
Even though I don’t really understand the words in this blog, I feel what you are saying is about building trust with one another and allowing yourselves to be, to not play any games.
What you have shared really relates to all relationships, I can see how the lack of openness and expression causes problems, it’s like we push the “pause button” on the depths of love and understanding we can share simply from not sharing how we feel.
It is so true Melinda – which is crazy right? As who we are in essence is so ‘out of this world’ gorgeous it doesn’t make sense why we choose to ‘push the “pause button”’, resist letting it out, and sharing ourselves with the world.
What you describe here is enormous as you show how and that it is possible to truly grow together and with that not only deepen your relationship with one but with everyone else.
We often think that we need to overcome things, work through things, conquer things when truly life is about unfolding what we have put in the way of ourselves. Often we think there is an end to something, even slightly which brings about a need to get to somewhere and then rest. Like with expressing, appreciate how it feels but see it as an ongoing cycle that we don’t need to make up for the past or hope it is better in the future we only need stay present and express what we are feeling and then from there do the same again and again and again, no end and always unfolding to the next point.
I love how this article explores the truth, honesty, intimacy and integrity that can be shared between people when one chooses to live from their essence.
We are so much more connected to a commonly held truth than we can ever imagine and when we allow this connection to be in our relationships we create heaven on earth so to say as we start to appreciate one another for all the qualities we bring and enrich the lives of all of us.
“How much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love” – this one is for me. As I was reading this, one particular friendship came to my mind – the one I treasure and feel a potential of deepening, yet there’s a friction I have been sensing in-between, then I could feel how I don’t think there’s enough trust between us to take our expression to the next level like you and your husband did, and I can feel how much I actually hold back in most of my relationships. Your sharing here is very inspiring, Johanna. Thank you.
When we choose to live from our essence our relationships naturally flourish because there is no trying, no neediness, no push, no emotional drama and the list goes on. Living from our essence is the most healing and powerful way to live and this is accessible to us all.
This is such a powerful testimony of how we are constantly offered the opportunity to heal, grow and evolve through our relationships are whenever we are willing to surrender to the truth of our love. Re-buiding trust in expressing our truth with another is what confirms our lightness of being, not only for ourselves but also in all our relationships. Thank you Johanna for sharing and showing us how honesty is the foundation through which love freely flourishes.
Developing absolute trust in relationships allows the truth of all you feel to be expressed.
Heart meltingly beautiful, thankyou Johanna. Very inspiring to read through all you have shared and your deepening trust of yourself and humanity. I particularly liked this point “that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.” as this confirms that it’s more about being true to ourselves and making it about love, learning together and accepting differences, as well as not compromising our true expression. We can feel that we don’t want to upset others so it’s better to not say how we feel, yet by doing so we compromise the most beautiful potential of a true connection with another. Being real and loving is much better than being polite.
In a nutshell as I read this one of the keys to a healthy relationship with another is to express and honour how we feel, how our bodies feel to express in the relationship and not get in the way with the things we want, expect or need the situation to be. To me it feels like a surrender of the small picture that it has to look a certain way or that we have to be a certain way in that relationship and be open to what a relationship could feel like rather than focusing on the visual outplay. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing those experiences. It is a revelation to me quite how much happens when we open up and trust, not expecting anything in return. To have two people doing that with each other has an incredible ripple effect.
‘This has set a new marker for me, not only in my relationship with my husband, but with the way I relate to others. I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ Beautifully expressed and very true Johanna, relationships are everything in life and the more we learn to drop our protection and feel open to express to another the more joy and love we naturally feel.
I love these words, thank you Johanna, “I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”
‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ This is so profound Johanna and it has been my experience that deepening my appreciation of the connection that I have to my essence and trusting in that has immeasurably deepened all my relationships and brought a beautiful simplicity to them.
This weekend I trusted my friends and allowed myself to express a part of me which I do not normally show and it brought a closeness between us all that had been lost over recent years. It made me realise how much I appreciate my friends and how honest communication is so far from ‘normal’ way of being with one another.
That’s beautiful Fiona. Thank you for sharing.
There is a flow and ease and innate understanding of others when we express from our essence and not for our heads which is deeply healing. My body knows exactly what is needed and it feels like the words are simply flowing through me and not from me. It is a way of being that I deeply enjoy and sorely miss when I let the comforts and distractions of the world get in the way.
I loved reading your blog today Johanna, I know the feeling of the elephant in the room, I recently went into reaction about a situation, I stopped and took the time to really feel underneath and express what I was truly feeling, what felt big soon evaporated into a more loving connection.
Its amazing how that happens. The volume of what the problem seems to be just dissipates a soon as we bring expression and honesty to the situation.
Yes this is truly amazing because we can make things bigger than mountains and sometimes they feel like this, but when we nominate this falseness with honesty the energy is outed and has no where to go except dissipate.
A great reminder that being in connection with and trusting our essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that we will ever need. All it takes is to choose to stay with ourselves.
The beauty of expressing in the moment what we feel (or at times a bit later but hey, we are all learning) is that it opens up the conversation and it builds a very deep level of trust. What I am experiencing is that nothing is left behind and in the evening, there are no things ‘hanging’ in the room and then for instance I cannot sleep. When I share what is going on for me in the moment, that moment gets closed and I can move on to the next, with a whole new fresh start.
Beautiful Johanna, I agree when we are connected to our essence we can certainly handle anything in life. We all can connect to our essence and live with love and truth, be open and honest with ourselves and others to allow our relationship to evolve on a deeper level. By expressing how we feel without reaction but with absolute truth is the way to go to develop any relationship. What you’ve shared is deeply inspiring. I have been in a long term relationship for years and I am taking notes from your blog for sure.
I have often felt that ‘the worst’ would happen if I was honest about how I felt with another and have become quite cozy with a lot of elephants as a result. The examples you share here leave me feeling sure that expressing how I really feel from my essence will allow me to truly connect with others. Most importantly I am also reminded that my ability to express truth comes from my connection to myself.
One of the simplest and yet most profound things expressed here is the essential reconnection with our own bodies, and as trite as it may sound, our bodies are where we express from, so this re-connection is essential>
Our bodies are the one thing that are with us for every thought, choice and action – so it makes sense for us to be with our bodies.
“We both agreed that on some level we had previously held back from expressing freely with each other and that we didn’t want to do that anymore because we love one another.” That part often gets forgotten when issues come up in relationships ‘that we love one another’. To keep reminding ourselves to this and feeling the fact that we love the other person is something that I am learning to do and it is beautiful. So often we can give our power away to the issue, making our point and being stubborn, without realising that we are hurting ourselves too by doing this as we do not feel the love for the other but also not the love for ourselves. In fights there is no love, in expressing what comes up for us with the knowing we love each other there is.
Going into reactions doesn’t hold you in a space where you can express from your true self as there is no love in it. No wonder it always feels like a struggle when we go into that as your fighting against love.
I love the list of what has unfolded for you through this process Johanna and I can feel that there is no need for protection when you express like this.
Yes Michael this is so true. When we express from our love/essence, we feel totally supported and complete.
There is great power in expressing from the heart, absolutely Johanna, and even without words, just holding someone with the fullness of your love feels amazing.
Johanna, your blog shows how when we willingly open up to deepening our connection with ourselves and expressing honestly without investment in any outcome, it can have repercussions in all our relationships lifting each way to a new level of intimacy and depth.
What a glorious celebration Johanna – allowing yourself to shine, lights the way for all others to also know and live the love they are.
Lovely blog Johanna, thank you. I too have found that when I choose to express truly what I am feeling and ignore the voice that says “you can’t say that” connections deepen and issues begin to dissolve.
It must be really amazing to share a relationship, and have complete trust in another so that when “things need to be addressed’ it is not so much an issue but something to look at that could make you to a greater level of love. Amazing.
Well said Harrison – the beauty of this is that we all have the opportunity to develop such relationships with those in our lives.
‘It reminds me that life is not a struggle and not supposed to be hard – if it is, it is showing me that Love is needed.’ Beautiful Susan. Thank you for reminding me that whenever I feel it is too much, when I am just about ready to give up, I can choose to bring love to the situation.
Opening up and expressing everything that is there to be expressed is true love, presenting each other with the opportunity to continuously evolve.
True Benkt van Haastrecht, and it is not the warm comfortable love we were conditioned to look for but a love that brings us to the edge of the moment with keen awareness and total commitment and if we are willing to go there it’s ever so energising.
“We all have this level of love in us just waiting to be expressed.” So true Johanna. When we let go of the protection we surround ourselves with, love comes pouring out in a great flood and nothing can stop it. Once we have tasted the power of expression we cannot forget it, there is only one way and it is forward.
It is inspiring to read, that bringing more of you both into the relationship trough expressing all that is needed. It builds a trust and love that is unbreakable.
Johanna you raise many ways to open to a loving relationship, but for me, the one I took note of was the “enormous amount of trust … that we all have this level of love in us just waiting to be expressed.” That there is no picture of outcome or where the conversation will go, except to more trust and intimacy with all.
So true Gill, it does seem so very simple when we realise that changing the relationship with ourselves, does affect all other relationships with others. It is through beginning to feel our own essence that we can live and make choices that are loving and people feel that, notice it and can’t help but be drawn to it.
Beautiful sharing Johanna, I love how you have a deep appreciation for your essence and feel much more equipped in what you can now handle and express. I have always loved honest open communication and when I express from the wisdom of my heart it’s a healing both for myself and the other/s.
Staying with ourselves is the key. If we trust ourselves , we will see that whatever we may meet, we are fully capable of meeting it adequately and whatever we need to know to do so will be given to us. Trust will allow the most amazingly magical moments to unfold.
“Deep down we all want the same thing … love”. When we take this into our day and with all the meetings we have with people, it brings such a deep understanding and compassion. It is such a beautiful feeling that we all want the same thing, even though we might not always show this, but just knowing this as a truth, it deepens every interaction we have with people.
Beautiful sharing Johanna, so bright and real. What a true relationship can do with us is incredible. And when we are being true with ourselves we automatically are more true with others such as husband – profound , absolutely , profound.
When we trust and value ourselves enough to share with another the true magic happens. Also it makes way for clarity and harder for those old patterns to come in that often sabotage and make it about protecting our hurts.
I love how you and your husband are deepening your relationship together. Living from your essence and expressing your truth without any critique or judgement……truly listening to one another. What a difference it would make, in this world if we all connected and expressed like this, with all the relationships in our lives. Thank you for sharing.
I love this Johanna. “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” The key to life is living with a connection to ourselves first then everything else’s opens up from there.
The keyword for me in this article, as I read it today, is appreciation. How simple and grand it is that my essence is always there, ready to serve!
‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ – this is truly a beautiful point Johanna. As when we begin to develop this trust with ourselves we then extend this trust to others, that they also have within them the same wisdom of love to share.
The commitment you made to evolving your relationship through expression and allowing it to deepen and expand like it has was really beautiful to read. I especially loved your last line… for you have found a knowing, through connecting with your essence and choosing to stay with yourself that you can now handle any situation that presents itself, and, considering the epidemic of anxiousness people experience from not feeling equipped to deal with facets of their life, this is truly profound.
If we make our relationships about love and the essence in everybody we will realize that life is simpler than we ever might have imagined.
So true Michael, so true!
Absolutely Michael – the beauty of the simple truth.
I love the choice to ‘just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think.’ I love the choosing to be oneself irrespective of ones preconceptions of how we think the world wants us to be and the daring to accept oneself no matter what.
Whatever the response, a wonderful precedent has been set – an invite to share honestly, to get to know oneself and another more truthfully and not feel like one has to crush a part of ourselves.
We can make so many ripples in our relationships. There are the ripples that wash everyone with beauty, truth and love…and then there are the ripples (or perhaps small tsunamis) we create when we are at odds with the world and/or people. What I am learning is that I can kid myself that I am OK with something and imagine that I can ignore it, rather than dealing with it…but I am making those ripples anyway. It is so important to talk about things, and risk the splashes and not pretend all is well, meanwhile getting drenched.
Johanna, this is a beautiful blog. When I express myself fully, without holding back, it gives another an invitation, to also express their truth in full too.
This is gorgeous thank you Johanna, and shows the power of expressing from our essence, and, ‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ Lovely.
If we dare to express all that we are observing and feeling this is like opening a cupboard full of all known ingredients to let magic unfold. There will be wonders, ease and true connection between people that we never would have deemed possible.
This is really supportive for me to read this morning Johanna, ‘We both knew that honest discussions would naturally allow the conversation to unfold for us to get to what felt true, and we agreed that it was totally okay to disagree along the way.’ I often think that my partner and I need to come to an agreement and this can cause tension if this does not happen, it feels very loving and very allowing that you agreed that it is ok to disagree.
Woo hoo
This is an amazing blog ~ what great process for you both. The essence in which you speak of sounds super powerful and incredible rewarding. To openly speak without fear of judgment or critic is something that many relationships are in fear off. To see you both have such common ground and common purpose to deepen and bring more love to your lives is absolutely incredible and for it to be an ever deepening feeling is just so against the ordinary way of dealing with issues.
Absolutely Gill, being vulnerable, open, honest is the way forward for all relationships.
I too have been opening up and expressing more honestly in my relationships and have felt the depth of my love for my loved ones come from my body; it has been a truly exquisite feeling, one well worth cultivating!
The problem of relationships start when for some reason we do not express from our essence. When that happens, we have no real true anchor to support our being. When we do express from our essence and there is no reaction that stops the conversation, the body fills with a feeling of confidence, solidness, joy. From there, life (or the day) feels different.
I love what you have just said Johanna “it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.” Relationships can be really hard if things are not spoken or shared.
Absolutely Alexandre – the ‘elephant in the room’ as Johanna shared, can get bigger and take up more and more space when it is not communicated. I feel this leaves no room for evolution together while those things are hanging around – to keep life moving there must be understanding, respect and consistent communication.
Thank you Johanna for this blog. The comments it has engendered are awesome. I still have not read them all. There is a lot here that I know is true but am not yet living very steadily nor consistently. It is inspiring to be part of such a wealth of wisdom and love lived.
Love is indeed needed when its hard. thanks for the reminder.
Thank you for sharing this Johanna. It is beautiful when we make the choice for ourselves to connect to, and live from, our essence. It is an extension of that beauty when your husband also chooses this for himself and you have true union working together! From our essence we shine and it is very inspiring to read all the ways this loving choice has and is continuing to bring much to your life and your expression.
Isn’t it interesting that many of us will avoid a moment of awkwardness for a life time of discomfort?
It is so easy to go into reaction when in a relationship with another especially someone close. When in reaction we are not coming from our essence and when this happens it feels really horrible in my body. My husband and I are also working on truth and honesty from within but we are having to free ourselves from some of the old patterns in our relationship. It is gorgeous to feel this connection when it is coming from a place of truth.
It is just beautiful when two people are willing to be so honest with themselves and each other in such a way that a deeper form of love is possible. It’s so easy to go through life in a superficial way that does not acknowledge the subtle yet important messages and feelings that are going on underneath. It is possible to miss so much if we do not take the time to feel and to look.
I would have to agree that it’s amazing “how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love”. I’ve experienced this recently in my new relationship: that we’re expediting our intimacy by choosing to ‘go there’ in all respects to make sure we’re on track and always loving.
That feels so beautiful what you share Olive Hallock, and I can feel the loving care that you are taking in your relationship within your words. Your loving intentions and open sharing will pave the way for a great relationship together with truly loving respect for each other as equals.
So much time is wittled away in reactions and idealistic drama when there is so much love, joy and evolution to be had by speaking our truth and allowing other to do so too. And as you say Oliver Hallock, ‘issues’ are resolved much faster and connections beautifully deepened this way.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This would be great to grow up with an absolute knowing of this as truth for ourselves along with tools that support us to stay with ourselves. Thank yo Johanna for an inspiring sharing.
I love this blog and the power of connecting once again and expressing from our essence is something that each and every one of us craves. To express the love that we are with and for another. And to trust in the expression once again, to not hold back expressing love even if others are not choosing to express their’s – this I feel takes courage and love together.
This is a powerful reality to live – ‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.’ how often do we get caught up in arguments fighting over who is wrong, and here we have a gorgeous sharing of another way to be in relationship. Amazing
It’s sad when that wanting to be right becomes so strong that it can make us lose sight of the fact that it’s actually about love and allowing another (and ourselves) the freedom to express how they’re truly feeling.
Exactly Abby, we can be so busy arguing over who is right or wrong that we can even forget what the original issue was. Making a loving choice to come together from your essence and not worrying about who is right or wrong is going to make for some beautiful and true expression in relationships.
Wonderful sharing and what it brought you by deciding to have an open and honest relationship with your partner, expressing all there is. I have observed myself not saying at times the whole truth, leaving bits out. I just realize I did it this morning as well. What I see is that the conversation flows differently because those so-called not-important-to-share parts are missing. We get in misunderstandings, complications and vagueness and leave things open i.e.this morning plans for the evening. And yet I could feel that he feels I was not fully expressing myself. Gone with the clarity ánd connectedness. What is this silly game? What comes up is that I feel uncomfortable about certain feelings, even the one ‘I don’t know yet, if I want to go to that dinner party’. Ideals kick in like ‘I have to decide now’ or ‘I can’t change my mind once I have said yes’. These are just a few examples. Deep down I feel that it has to do with me (not) allowing myself to express in full, whatever there is in the moment. Thanks for your blog Johanna, great excuse to integrate this in my daily conversations with others.
The last point of this blog: “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself” is such a profound one. I often avoided situations where I was afraid there might be conflict, to the point of completely shutting down when faced with someone who was angry, or trying to placate them in order to keep the peace.
But on the inside I would be an absolute mess of conflict and internal dialogue, because I had not trusted myself to be able to handle the situation. I am still working on letting myself express fully, and I know that there will always be a deeper level from which to express, however, when I do just let it out and don’t hold back what I feel needs to be said, there is so much more respect and honesty in my conversations with people.
Johanna, I love the simplicity of what you have written, ‘We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think, so that we could develop the trust to allow a point or conversation to unfold as it needs to’, it makes me realise that I can get very heady sometimes and think that are things that I can say and things that I cant say, rather than simply saying what I feel. What a great conversation to have with your husband – very inspiring, thank you.
“The power from expressing from my heart”- at present I am in Greece. My Greek is very limited.
But I have found love is a universal language and everywhere I go I am welcomed with open arms.
It is so beautiful to begin with such a loving contract, that whatever happens, agree or disagree, we will love each other and work through it. This means that neither of you will be afraid to speak and expression is given permission to flourish. What a nurturing, healthy environment.
This is beautiful to read Johanna what a great way to start to pull up those ‘elephants in the room’. And in this to really allow the expression of each other to lead the way in the relationship – not getting stuck in old ineffective ways of communicating but sparking new deeper levels of communication that support Love.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This is so key Johanna. It is when we disconnect from our essence that life becomes harder and more complicated. If we stay with ourselves we have a constant marker from which to move through life.
I love this part too Rebecca: the fact that we have all we ever need, in all given circumstances, provided we stay with ourselves – is it seems easy to understand, difficult to exercise, but in reality (regardless of how we view it) remains a simple choice.
It can be easy to think that we should give our partners space or not impose on them with our issues or for other reasons, not express to them. There may be a feeling of them being tired, had a hard day, low energy etc. There is a balance when to share what is going on for oneself and when to ask, what is going on for them. All of this can create a quandary around expression and a measured or calculated way of living, including feeling less than or more than each other in a relationship. But what if we just stay with a deep connection to ourselves and make the relationship first about connecting to our truth? Perhaps then all the uncertainties of when or how to express are taken care of and we express more spontaneously with the trust that what we have to share in a light hearted not so serious way is very much worthwhile. Then, we get to feel in our expression our deep connection to love within ourselves, that there need not be any judgement or disappointment and no limit placed on the next offering. The consistency and persistency of love has its own joyful expression which cannot be held back. It will always find a way, be it a wink, a smile, a hug or tender touch, a comment, joke, story or full blown dialogue! All equally power-full.
Recovering or developing trust is still one of the biggest hurdles in relationships. From the very beginning of meeting someone we are carrying with us our distrust from past hurts – could this be one of the main reasons for so many marriages failing? Awesome Johanna that you and your husband are actively working together on honesty and allowing each other to express whatever you are feeling. It takes practice, and there can be bumps getting over old habits like taking things personally, as I’m sure you’ve discovered. But the beauty of it is the trust builds, and you can really help each other and yourselves on the foundation so built. Great work, team – may you be an inspiration to couples everywhere!
Trust really is a huge hurdle, I agree Dianne. We do hold onto our hurts, look at your partner though the lens of protections and distrust. Your blog Johanna, is just such great example of what can occur when you bring honesty to the table and really work on things together, there feels such a willingness on both your parts to listen and continue to work on your foundation of love.
Thanks Johanna, I loved re-reading this blog and feeling the commitment you have to expressing from your essence. This part stood out for me today “We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think”. This feels like such an honouring way to develop our relationships not needing to get something right but being open to expressing whatever is there.
I love this too Bianca, how different our relationships would be.
I agree, life should not be a struggle. The ripple effect shows how one person can affect everyone.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This statement should be taught to kids in school!! What a different way of growing up we would experience if this was fostered! Then we have ‘all’ the answers inside of us, so therefore it is ‘our’ responsibility to build a body and relationship with that body so we can hear what those answers are. It is so simple in principle, but we complicate so very much.
Now that is a heart warming vision indeed Raegan. Not only do we seem to complicate everything but we do so by turning everything inside out, upside down and back to front. Instead of learning that the answers are inside us we are taught to look outside of us. Instead of learning to treasure our precious bodies as the source of our knowing we are taught to abandon our innate amazing all-knowing nature. Its a bit crazy but it’s great to have role models like Johanna to present how to turn it around.
I love what you have described here Kevin that your essence has awareness and that what needs to be said in any given moment is always there, only if we are connected to that essence.
It is so beautiful what you say Johanna – if we make life about love we can’t lose. For me the following quote will equip me to have the possibility of making everyday amazing when ‘ I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’.
I agree with this sentiment too Susan, we have everything we ever need inside of us, it is only us that step away from our true selves and make life complicated when in reality it is perfectly simple, choose to connect to our essence and be love.
Yes, addressing the elephant in the room always in my experience, leaves more space in the room.
When I place more importance on connecting to my body and how I am feeling, the thing that I am doing kind of fades in importance significantly and I am left in my own lovely essence and able to feel more clearly what the situation is asking for, and love is then, naturally my guiding impulse.
I feel that guiding impulse too. There is also a lot of resistance to staying with that impulse. More often than not, I would be feeling that loveliness then go eat something to dull it. It requires a dedication to the purpose of feeling that loveliness. That purpose can’t come from my need to feel lovely, but from me looking out to humanity, my equal brothers and sisters who are hurting and suffering, and remember that my choices have an effect on them. My purpose is not to save them, but to save myself and in doing so I reflect to humanity that it is possible.
This makes so very visible the reason why there is so much jealousy and mistrust in so many relationships: because we are simply not expressing what we truly feel and therefore the other feels left out or fooled and will react or withdraw.
“We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think, so that we could develop the trust to allow a point or conversation to unfold as it needs to, even if we have no real end point initially in sight”. This is beautiful to read, Johanna, so wonderful that you were able to be so honest with each other, with no holding of any expectation, but being willing for the conversation to unfold. You were each able to listen and hear the other, without the fear that so many of us have when we really are sharing how we feel about something. There was no holding back, and by handling it as you did, you were able to really come to a true understanding of how the other feels. How beautiful that you have brought trust to that degree. No ‘treading on eggshells’ for this couple.
When I read the thread and the blog, it reminds me on responsibility. The moment we take responsibility for ourselves and others, everything can change. There is no such a thing like fate. It is in our hands and our choices, how we live.
Alexander this is true – and I still feel within me the resistance of this truth. That my life is not what I chose for myself, I wanted more than this, but this is not true. I chose a long time ago to be less and now I am choosing to be all of me. So what I am really feeling is the resistance that I still hold in not wanting to be all of who I truly am in the world.
I absolutely find this to be true Alexander: “It is in our hands and our choices, how we live.”
Upon reading your Blog Johanna I began to ponder on what is essence? What is my essence? I feel there is a deeper level to myself that I do not often connect with. So there is another version of me that I put out to the world and I only know myself from the impostor that I live most of the time. Am I trying to be like someone I am inspired by? If I drop the trying and just be me, my essence is just there automatically. I have had people say lovely things about my essence and am usually surprised that others feel it. Then when I describe someone, it is not their habits and behaviours I am talking about, it is their essence, something exquisite particular and fundamental to them, and about them. I like to know people from their essence.
I love this Bernard getting to know people from their essence. This supports us to see behaviours as choices people are making and not who they are.
So Cool Bernard the essence of each of us is alive an well we just need to drop the trying and allow the being to step forward.
It wasn’t until it was brought to my attention by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that most of us do this in so many deeply ingrained and unconscious ways. Once I started unravelling the ways in which I was trying to be someone I wasn’t, to please others or to fit in I discovered a rabbit hole of ‘trying’ behaviours that were unnatural to me, felt terrible in my body and hindered my relationships and life path. The process of reclaiming my natural expression has been beautifully liberating and life-changing. Lee, how to ‘drop the trying’ would be a great workshop!
Holding back our expression in any relationship creates issues and complications that can easily be avoided by honouring what is felt within our bodies no matter how small or simple it is.
I agree Francisco, and holding back our expression can lead to all kinds of problems which can go unresolved for years. And the shame of it is that no one then gets the benefit of the true person underneath and persona that we hide behind by protecting ourselves from feeling our hurts.
I love how my essence has awareness. Often there are moments or more accurately impulses that offer the opportunity to choose and steer me in a certain direction or express something that needs to be said.
When we choose to express freely all that we feel in a situation, there will be no complications but just a clearing lightness, even with seemingly difficult topics.
I am learning that each time I open myself up to the people around me I develop more trust in myself and in them.
This little point Johanna is huge: an appreciation for how open people can be when we are open ourselves, although there are those that are completely closed to any sort of interaction there are others that are very willing to be open if given the opportunity, so its up to us to keep creating the ripples and letting them expand.
I agree Kev. We all have the capacity to make ripples and when lots of people make them, ripples become waves.
A lovely constellation that I am following on from Bern’s comment!
I too am inspired by what you have expressed here Johanna; inspired to express more fully and freely.
What you have shared here Johanna feels so true. I have just recently opened up much more with my partner and have noticed how quickly old patterns that were keeping us apart were dissolved in short order. Those games we played to protect ourselves from getting hurt started to actually look quite silly. It also felt like a huge weight lifted when I was able to share how I felt without worrying so much how it would be received, which was really holding us both back in the past because we would not allow ourselves to learn from each other’s observations.
I just had a moment where I expressed not from my essence but from the reaction of frustration. Expressing from my essence has many facets, like the facets of a diamond but it always feels like it comes from a place where love resides in my body. This delivers the expression in a way that gently holds myself while also holding the other/s I am in expression with. On the other hand expressing from reaction feels like it pulls myself and the other person/s down, leaving us both less than who we are. The world is full of people reacting so we are actually causing ourselves and others to shrink and reduce away from the love that is already inside us just waiting to sparkle in all of it’s glorious ways.
I love how comments on this blog have opened up a deeper understanding like this one from Elizabeth. “Expressing from my essence has many facets, like the facets of a diamond but it always feels like it comes from a place where love resides in my body.” How reassuring is it to know that love resides in the body.
This is so true Susan, we only make life complicated by not speaking our truth in the moment which can lead to resentment and misunderstanding. Having an open heart and speaking truth, with love, opens the gateway to simplicity.
I am loving talking about the “elephants in the room” too Johanna. I actually can’t believe I have just let them stay there for so long. I mean, how could I ignore them? They are huge! I know why they say elephants now too – they take up so much space and make the room feel dense and awkward to move around in. The best thing is that it actually feels light in my body when I nominate them, because they disappear and allow more space for the love in my relationships to flourish.
I am really feeling at the moment, this person inside me that just wants to come out and express what she feels and sees, but who is hidden under the belief that its better to be polite, sweet, be liked and not rock the boat. However with the help of those around me, I begin to understand that there is a way to politely and firmly stand for what is true no matter what, and I defiantly feel its time I let that express far more.
Joanne love what you share “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This is beautiful we are fully equipped to handle any situation when we stay connected to our self. I have noticed the changes in my relationships with my husband, family, friends, colleagues and staff, as I have deepened my connection to my essence. My conversations are open and honest, creating space for others to be the same. Just being connected to our essence supports the environment around us, there is a sense of stillness and truth felt and shared amongst everyone.
‘We both agreed that on some level we had previously held back from expressing freely with each other and that we didn’t want to do that anymore because we love one another.’ I love the truth in this statement Johanna – it is the foundation that must be present in any true relationship and has inspired me to go deeper with my partner. Awesome sharing and reread for me.
This weekend I did a course with Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine during which I connected to, and expressed from my essence for an entire 3 days. I can attest that there is absolutely no better, more beautiful, joyful, loving and practical way to be. It was so awesome just to me and nothing else is at all alluring anymore.
Johanna, it has also been my experience that “much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love”. This not only hold for relationships with in our immediate family but for all encounters we have during the day be they social or business. As you describe, when we come from love, we have a connection with others and things just flow.
Johanna
Thank you for your beautiful and simple blog. I have experienced ‘the astounding ripple effect that relating to others in a true way has’ and it sure is powerful.
My body expands, I feel open and connected and the relationship is held in love and commitment.
So true Johanna. Discovering that this amazing level of love is already there is a big step as it will make us realize that this & much more does not need to be achieved or struggled for. Instead we just have to allow ourselves to uncover it step by step.
“I appreciate being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”
So beautifully expressed and claimed Johanna. What a wonderful and important reminder for myself and others. Very apt for me at this time, so thank you .
One of the important points that has been highlighted here is the willingness to start with being honest. We don’t always get it right in the way we express and it can take some practise, but a commitment to being honest (first with ourselves and then each other) is the first step to truly supporting and developing our relationships.
I can feel tension in my body at the thought of expressing without holding any feelings back… verbal expression has been my weakness , preferring to be doing and making and have that be my expression, but that’s hiding and now I have the honesty to realise this and the trust I also can express fully.
Expressing what we feel should be so simple but we have made it so complicated by wondering what people will think or bringing in scenarios that may happen if we express the truth. We have learnt from young that this can be very uncomfortable and feel hurt from peoples reactions. I love the commitment you made with your husband to start expressing what you both feel and how this has brought a deeper connection to your relationship.
‘It is okay to agree or disagree – …it is more about expressing.’ – I feel it is time to start deepening the relationships I currently have so they can become more loving. While staying in comfort and playing it safe I am not expressing everything I feel. I can feel the harmful emotions in my body whenever I hold back and I know it is fear that is keeping me from saying certain things because the other person might not like what I have to say and I might not say it from the right place. But like you said ‘I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’. Thank you Johanna for sharing.
Johanna I had recently the opportunity to share how I felt about someone. As we shared how we felt with each word spoken I felt a deep confirmation in my body. It is with great appreciation that I’ve been building the trust in myself to express from my essence and how I truly feel.
That is awesome David. Everyday we have opportunities to delve deeper into intimacy with ourselves and another. Valuing and appreciating ourselves and another is such a beautiful and necessary way to evolve a relationship.
Appreciating what we bring to a relationship kills stagnation and replaces it with freshness and joy.
I know if I did not surrender to myself I would not be able to surrender to my partner and then in turn to everyone else I meet. Honouring my tenderness my connection is vital to all my relationships.
I agree Samantha, honouring my tenderness as a man has allowed me to express more what I feel in my body and to enjoy more intimacy in my relationships.
Hi Johanna, love this simple yet powerful blog, i also have felt the freedom that expressing from ones essence truly delivers.
As you say its not about agreeing more about true expressing so we do not bury issues that may arise stronger later down the road, allowing our true expression out is certainly the best medicine.
In returning to this awesome blog this morning the very first sentence “making time for moments to connect to my body” that for me is the key to a better understanding of where we are at in our livingness of life. If we do not stop and feel inside of ourselves the old momentums we can so easily fall back into are just waiting to pop up and take over from our inner connection taking over from our gentleness, and the place of stillness for us to connect too. The possibilities are endless and the results speak for themselves, amazingly so and, for everyone to feel and be a part of that journey with us or not if they so choose. Such a beautiful unfolding and sharing of your journey Johanna, thank you.
Love your ‘hot potato’ analogy Gill.
Upon re-reading your divine blog Johanna I thought (with your permission of course) it would be a gorgeous gift to give to my youngest son and his fiancee who are about to get married in early September. Absolute pearls of wisdom.
My husband and I have committed to expressing more honestly with one another and it has deepened our relationship. When stuff comes up rather than blame the other one we allow space for us to talk about how we feel. It is simple and yet deeply supportive to our relationship. Fundamentality it is about us making space to build a relationship with ourselves first, with out that no other relationship has a foundation to work from.
Beaytiful Johanna what a truly loving sharing .Learning to trust my self and my essence has been my greatest gift to my self ever also . It has allowed me to deepen my trust and love in myself forever onwards in life and with everyone else I know and relationships i am in .Thank you
When starting to really trust another and express freely I realized that the mistrust I had thought I used as a shield to protect myself was in fact not protecting me at all, but making me all the more vulnerable whilst I was constantly at war with everyone including myself. Trust on the other hand is freedom and ease in its simplest form – no protection needed.
Beautifully expressed Michael – ‘Trust on the other hand is freedom and ease in its simplest form – no protection needed.’
You are inspirational Johanna for choosing to live from your essence. Much appreciation to you and all others for that’s how true change will occur in the world, which we all know is very needed.
This blog brings up for me the fact that deep down inside we are all wanting to be loved. It makes me realise we are all precious and that preciousness is a flame forever within us first before bubbling outwards to those we meet.
Beautiful Donna and so true.
The precious flame within us, once connected with, must be shared. 🙂 🙂
This is beautiful Johanna; ‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ And the only way we can feel our essence is when we open up to what we feel in our bodies, it is all there.
And I experience the same as you’ve shared when we choose to make it about love, we can work through what ever is keeping us apart very quickly. Love in the true meaning of the word is magical.
Beautifully said Annelies. “And the only way we can feel our essence is when we open up to what we feel in our bodies,” this is very much my experience. The more I honour what I feel in my body, the more I know who I am and the easier it is to relate to others and the world.
This is lovely Annelies and Lieke, ‘And the only way we can feel our essence is when we open up to what we feel in our bodies, it is all there.’ This is a great reminder, so simple.
Such a gorgeous sharing Johanna, thank you.
Johanna deep down I agree ‘I am actually equipped to handle any situation’. It’s learning to accept that connection to myself that allows me to be all that I am for me and for others in these situations
Kathie this is so great. Acceptance of the connection to self and the knowing of how powerful we truly are in any situation – now this is something to deeply consider.
There can be issues that get in the way of expressing from the essence and that is the hurdle that many of us fall at, and we go into reaction and blame etc. This only adds to the issue. At that moment when we sense something does not feel right, by re-connecting to the essence, we have a foundation to get back to truth and love.
Expressing from the essence to me is smoothing the way to truth. And with that definitely deepening every relationship I have – not only with my partner.
Thank you Johanna for an honest look into expressing in your relationships. I have recently found that i sometimes catch myself expressing more love for the dog than i do for my partner. This was a huge realisation for me and addressed the reasons i was holding back and as you say its a completely freeing experience to know that you can express exactly what comes up at that moment with no fear of hurts or rejection getting in the way.
My relationships with all that i meet throughout my day have now become open and filled with the love they deserve to be and in doing so opens me up for even more to pour in.
Isn’t that true Andrew, animals do not trigger our hurts and so we open up so much more to them, yet there is this great opportunity with people to feel those hurts, let love in and truly heal by letting go of them.
Johanna, expressing from your essence has ‘ripple effected’ my way too. I am feeling even more claimed in speaking my truth now, openly without attachment to being agreed with and without fear of another person’s reaction. There definitely is a great difference between forcing our expressions upon another with a pack of fears behind them, and speaking clearly and confidently with no attachment to the other person ‘getting it’ or agreeing. It’s feels very liberating and expansive. Great blog, thanks for sharing.
That is lovely Susan and very simple, to bring love instead of a microscope of criticism and I am right to the table! How different our lives can be if Love is our purpose and expressing that at all times.
How awesome and superb that last line is! We are always equipped to deal with any obstacle that we have chosen to place in front of us, through our connection to our body and how and what we align to (:
I truly have experienced the ripple effect of living in my essence, bringing a playfulness and love to what I do for work and building great relationships with people. This ripple effect is not always visible or conscious for those around me, it can be quite subtle or something quite large, but I have deepened my awareness in seeing these ripple effects, then apprecitating and claiming that i have indeed played a part in the ripple that has occured. A wonderful feeling.
Great point Susan. Life is not supposed to be a struggle. Thank you for the reminder that all we need is Love! 😉
one of the essences of expressing from essence, so to speak, is addressed in Johanna’s first sentence, in that to do this one must connect with one’s body. This seems such a simple statement, but if humanity really started to, en masse, connect with their body, what would happen to the sales of coffee, alcohol, sugar, and every other stimulant/ poison/relaxant that is used today so that people don’t have to feel their bodies, and the very strong messages that are being sent every moment.
I love the simplicity of what you have presented here: being honest, being open and being OURSELVES. When we commit to being in honest relationships where we can communicate openly about what we are feeling on a foundation of love – so much growth, expansion and such a deeper love continues to develop. It is both amazing and inspiring, Johanna, how developing your relationship with yourself first, then extending that to your husband, resulted in your deepening ,quite spontaneously, with everyone else in your life. That is astounding that all of that arose from the initial impulse to deepen with you.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful experience Johanna it has just allowed me to reflect on my own relationship with my husband and also to ask myself whether I am taking me into my day or someone else?
A beautiful sharing of your amazing wise words Johanna, expressing from you essence is everything.
Thank you Johanna – Our essence is where it is at.
‘ i appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.’
I just had to read these again too Debroah – “i appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.’” – Thank you for reminding me.
This is a great observation Susan, struggle; more love required.
It takes a great deal level of commitment and trust to do what you and husband are doing and a deep level of responsibility to self and the other to not go back into the hurts and speak from reaction. I applaud you both. Being prepared to go to these depths allows for true intimacy, something that we are all seeking but because of the hurts can sometimes be reluctant to be vulnerable and fragile enough to do so. Even though I’m aware of this I can still find myself taking the more cautious but unfulfilling road of thinking that I’m protecting myself by not fully expressing but after reading what you’ve shared I feel inspired to bring more honesty into my relationships. And if I connect to my essence and express from that place then there’s nothing to fear.
Johanna, Sue – its certainly inspiring to see how quickly things can change when we openly express how we feel without holding back in fear of being rejected in someway. Each time a true conversation is had it changes everything and deeps the level of connection not only with the person we are speaking with but I also find with myself.
That is my experience too David; I find the more I trust myself to express the truth of how I am feeling to my partner and trust him to hear it, the deeper our connection becomes. Sometimes I feel a block that is difficult to break through, and we end up in days of not connecting, but as soon as one of us takes the initiative and speaks, then the whole energy of our connection changes and we go deeper.
Such a great learning David to openly express even when you know that you will be rejected for it. Rejection does hurt a little but not expressing the love that is there to be expressed hurts more I find.
Thank you Johanna for sharing how the power of being willing to be open and honest with each other to find truth by creating a safe environment and a deeper connection to each other in your relationship. Beautiful.
I totally agree Janne and Johanna also shares so beautifully that to find truth one first have to to that within oneself.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This sentence is truly inspiring Johanna because of the truth you state. When we appreciate our true essence and choose to stay with ourselves, we do have an unwavering knowing that we can handle any situation. This is not something that I experienced before coming to Universal Medicine and discovering the depth of connection I could develop with myself and the profound changes that would occur in my life.
Rosemary I want to say that I could feel in your expression, the depth of the connection with yourself. It is so beautiful to feel this as I have for myself. Our relationship with ourselves when truly honoured goes so far beyond what we ‘thought’ it possibly could. Thank you for this reminder.
The trust and the confidence that has come from your expressing Johanna, is lovely. And the more trust there is, the greater love and enjoyment of expression… We all win!
It is beautiful that you have so honestly shared this intimate account of the unfolding relationship with your partner Johanna. It is so true that the relationships we cultivate in our own homes are those which we then offer the world – through our work, our friends, our extended family and even the people we interact with daily at the supermarket etc. As you have described, it is so important then to ensure we are communicating our feelings and being honest with each other – expressing who we are through all that we do.
Thank you Johanna this is such an inspiration and beautiful to feel and know happens when we make life truly about love above all else and it is great to be reminded of the simplicity of this. It is easy to get caught up in the complexity and difficulties and bringing it back to feel our essence and connection and inner heart is the way to dissolve all and simply be love.Thank you for your beautiful honest sharing and reflection for us all.
What I love is the absolute willingness to look at everything and to go to those dark corners that are uncomfortable and express it anyway. To have an agreement to be able to say this and that is ok if you don’t agree. Just the openness to be 100% honest with each other and wth yourself. This is super inspiring. That honesty is key for your own relationship with self as you say and when we truly commit to ourselves in this way then we can bring this to all relationships. Expressing it in our unique way is the fun.
Trust is a major key in any relationship, and what I am finding it is a mayor key in the relationship with me. Learning to trust my essence and that it is equipped with all it needs to know. The more trust I have in myself the more I trust my expression is coming from love, the more I feel this the more I want to express.
Yes, I agree Kim- for me too trust is the important factor in learning to express from my true essence. In the past I have held back my expression because of fear of “rocking the boat”, being ridiculed, attacked, judged etc. I needed acceptance and recognition from others to validate that I am OK and enough. But this meant holding myself back, keeping myself small- it feels hurtful to do this now.
I am now learning to trust my essence and know that I am indeed equipped for any situation as long as I am coming from Love, in how I express, and not from reaction or from a need.
Wow thank you Johanna, what you have done is awesome in that you developed the connection to yourself and in doing so were able to go deeper in your relationship. So often we meet a plato in our relationships then stay there for fear of rocking the boat. Your blog shows us by trusting what we feel and being able to express, this inevitably evolves us.
To hear your commitment to ever deepening your relationships is inspiring indeed Johanna and from such a practical place. I am reminded that to keep conversations at the superficial level is just an old pattern of mine to avoid letting people in and getting hurt.
Very inspiring blog, Johanna. I feel exactly the same way and am choosing to express more and speak about the ‘elephant in the room’ too. I can’t say this has gotten the same response as yours all the time but it feels like I am not holding back in the same way and this is what feels true, not some people’s reactions to it.
Johanna, this was a beautiful read. Loved how you and your husband developed a deeper truer relationship by being honest with each other and expressing what you felt from your connection with your essence. True Love. Trusting what I am feeling and expressing this has at times been difficult as I was always caught up in the right and wrong of things. Slowly but surely the deeper the connection I have with myself the simpler it is to just express from my essence where there is no wrong.
It was lovely to read your blog again Johanna and your following sentence has been my experience also. “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” In choosing to stay with myself I am able to handle all situations, but when, for whatever reason I am not, life becomes difficult, this clearly reinforces my commitment to staying present and deepens my appreciation of my true essence, and the ease and flow of life when one chooses true connection with self and God.
I found this blog sobering and very inspiring at the same time Johanna – realising how my relationships have been and feeling the potential of where they can be. The love and trust you both developed by each expressing what is true for you can clearly be felt in your writing…just gorgeous.
“We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think, so that we could develop the trust to allow a point or conversation to unfold as it needs to, even if we have no real end point initially in sight. We both knew that honest discussions would naturally allow the conversation to unfold for us to get to what felt true, and we agreed that it was totally okay to disagree along the way.” How different would our world be if all relationships started with this foundation!
A gorgeous sharing Johanna and testament to the magic that can happen when we are lovingly open and honest with each other…it is no longer about us as an individual and becomes about everyone.
I am really inspired by your sharing Johanna, I really want to make the change you have described but have been very stubborn and more interested in playing games than letting go and being myself in full and sharing that with my partner and everyone. It is time. Thank you for paving the way!
This week I got to feel what it is like when I hold back versus how it feels when I speak from my essence. When I held back my body felt heavy, tight and throat constricted and I felt saddened by the missed opportunity to share how I felt. In contrast, when I spoke from my essence, the words flowed, my voice was clear and my body expanded. There was a beautiful moment, a pause and then it felt like a whole new space had just opened up between us, an opportunity to deepen our connection was there.
Johanna you so delicately and clearly show with real-life, practical examples, how being in connection with and trusting your essence you’ve the means to love and to relate to others in a beautifully intimate way. It’s really is graceful to feel the ripple effects of you choosing that connection with each other.
This morning Johanna I could not get past your first sentence without being inspired to make a comment. By trusting and expressing from my essence has indeed make big changes in my life. Likewise I decided to have open (not holding back) conversations with my husband. After 40 years together it has brought a whole new meaning to the word ‘relationship’ and an unconditional love that is expanding daily. Letting go of the long held ideals /beliefs about how I thought a relationship in marriage should or should not be. I know partly due to observing as a child the dysfunction of my own parents short marriage. But, for me it goes back to trusting – to trust through making choices that are inclusive of others not shutting them out. Yes express but allow a return of expression from another, keeping emotion out. Gradually over time our communication together has just opened up this whole new world of going places(within the relationship) at such a deep profound level. Never before have we shared so much and our relationship is now based on love first, trust and expression in all that we feel. Not holding back. Yes I have the odd ‘blip’ but to recognise this and re-visit that situation we both feel more open to not react but express exactly how we feel. Thank you Johanna now to read the next sentence!
It’s amazing the difference in just being open and honest and not holding anything back can have on a relationship. I was brought up to not share how I feel, so I am still accustoming to sharing this with someone outside of me, but like you say, if you can truly share with someone everything you feel, good or bad, it can transform a relationship.
Being open is contagious. We are giving permission for others to let down their guard and say it as it is, be open, honest and trusting and creating a safe and supportive space to invite expression -This is deeply inspiring.
So true Deborah! Often when I meet people on the road or in the supermarket – random people that don’t know me – they at first feel quite closed and sometimes almost hostile. But when I greet them and at times exchange a couple of sentences, they brighten up, get cheerful and often their playfulness and humour comes out. It is a transformation happening on the spot – a very joyful moment and one of the daily miracles that I do not want to miss out on.
I so agree Deborah and Judith, I have the same experiences. Just by opening up and staying that way others can feel that and it often transforms how they feel in that moment too, it’s lovely to behold and also quite some amazing conversations start to blossom. Yes I would not want to miss out on that either.
Yes that’s wonderfully said – creating a safe and supportive environment so that expression can take place either being received or given, it makes all the difference when the space is created for this to happen.
Learning how to be in loving relationship with ourselves and then taking that into our relationships with others is such a powerful aspect of being able to communicate with others, regardless of how ‘sticky’ the topic may be. The beauty of this is that rather then having set expectations about outcomes which often leads to us getting hurt and retreating when things don’t go to plan, our lack of defensiveness allows us to really see and hear what is going on for the other person. What then comes out of that is lots of opportunity for growth for everyone.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This has been in my awareness lately and I have caught my spirit squirming to get away from challenging conversations. The conversation actually was straight forward really it was the pattern that I go into that’s the uncomfortable part and thus the squirming wanting to run feeling. So yes Johanna I do know I am equipped and I’m choosing to stay with myself. Great confirmation for me!
Good point Lee. We only create issues by holding back from expressing what we truly feel.
As I deepen my relationship with myself I come to understand how a relationship with someone else complements and supports this. How different from enmeshing with someone else out of need and a sense of incompleteness. Super inspiring. Thank you, Johanna.
This is so beautifully and simply expressed Johanna, your essence feels so loving and I can feel the ripple down affect by reading your blog, thank you for sharing.
There is always ‘more’, isn’t there Johanna… this is what I get from your article.
In my relationship with my husband for example, there is also a deep commitment to sharing deeply with each other, and honouring the amazing beings we each are. In such a relationship, nothing is ever ‘static’ – for there is always ‘more’ to be felt, seen and expressed with each other – offering the most amazing ground upon which to continually open to a deeper expression of oneself, whether in regards to expressing on things that there once seemed no language for, or honouring the love that is there to be expressed in full. The foundation lived in this way, offers the opportunity to meet others in kind – to be open, and not dismissive of another. It is all a constant work in progress – yet the most joyful one, full of the richness that such commitment to love, honesty and truth showers us back with in plentitude.
Beautifully written Victoria. I love what you have written ” The foundation lived in this way, offers the opportunity to meet others in kind – to be open, and not dismissive of another.” How we live every day, the foundation we create for ourselves, allows us to take all of us into every situation. The truth, love and honesty are there to be shared.
My goodness, I am finding these blog so powerful this morning. You write such amazing things here within your blog Johanna and I can really feel how much we do not open up and share in life because of what we ‘think’ other people will think. When we connect to our essence all of that melts away because we are connecting to love, and in connecting to love and talking from that place only love is felt. I find your article to be of amazing quality and of amazing content.
What I am reminded of again reading this blog is just how healing it is simply to express from our essence. If we are truly connected to our inner essence and express from there in my experience it is impossible to be judgemental or dishonest or superior or inferior with another person. Considering that most of us have never experienced this from another human being in our lives, and if we are honest we are constantly on guard expecting this at every turn, just imagine how healing this actually is? It allows another to have the space and the freedom to consider dropping their guard and letting another in and who knows what can happen from there?!
This is so beautifully said Andrew: “It allows another to have the space and the freedom to consider dropping their guard and letting another in and who knows what can happen from there?!” To offer the other person the opportunity to be able to freely express all that they are holding back would be such a precious gift, to both in the relationship.
I love your blogs Johanna – thanks for another interesting and thought provoking blog about how we can express from our essence
Very inspiring reading the difference it made to your life and to those around you when you decided to express from your essence. “We decided in being open and honest with each other, knowing that we are still unified as a couple and love each other”. I feel that is key, establishing a foundation in which everyone knows they are fundamentally loved and cherished. Then it is so much easier to bring out and look at all the yucky stuff that gets in the way of our deepening our relationship.
Finding out what my essence was, was a compete life changer. I have so much appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing me what our true essence is. I am learning to build this steadier and expressing from my essence turns everything around both for me and for others.
‘Trusting and expressing from my essence’. My essence is something that I am aware of and sometimes felt but after today at a Woman in Livingness group realised I never have allowed myself to connect and feel my innate essence within on a day to day level, let alone expressing just from that; so after the woman’s group today and your article I am inspired to actually start allowing myself to do this.
Hi Susan, I love your reminder that if life is a struggle then something is amiss, as life is meant to be a joy and not a burden. I am learning too that for life to become that joy requires Love which must come to myself first. I may see it in another and that can provide the inspiration for me that I too can love myself like this, but the responsibility is mine alone to bring that love to myself. This takes the pressure off my relationships as it means I am never seeking another to supply for me that which I am denying myself. And the more I hold that love, the less life can affect me.
The more we express from our essence the easier it is to build trust with another person because when we express from our essence we do not hold back anything and the person gets to know us.
Great point Elizabeth from our innermost we do not hold anything back, yet also do not impose on another. We get to feel how natural trust can be between people, even if we have never met them before.
And it feels so simple and so light when you say it Susan, when there is a struggle or hard it is showing me that Love is needed, not a punishment or more hardness, but Love, simply that.
It shows me the areas where I have not committed or can still put a bit more of my heart, of my wisdom, of my connection. Areas where love is needed, not reaction and trying to avoid responsibility, just more Love. Wow.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” When I choose to stay with myself……so true every complication I have had in my life is because I have not said what I felt and not chosen to stay with me.
Johanna it was really lovely to read your blog as it revealed how by deepening our relationship with self, truly living from our loving essence we are able to connect to all others in a much deeper, truer way. I know when I speak in this way with others it feels like it opens the door for there to be a true connection as I speak with the honesty and truth that is needed. The moment I hold back my expression for fear of how someone will react, a tension builds inside me and I can feel how it not only dishonours what I feel but actually doesn’t allow someone else the opportunity to feel how I truly feel. It is beautiful to read how much speaking and living from your essence has deepened and built the relationships in your life, as you have made it about love first.
From our involvement with Universal Medicine my wife and I have developed, come to understand and appreciate how important it is to be completely honest and truthful to ourselves and each other. This has not always been easy and we are continually discovering deeper levels of honesty and truth. As we do so, so the intimacy not only in our relationship together but all our relationships are deepening and become increasingly relevant and truthful.
Hugely inspiring thank you Johanna! Lack of trust is such a big stumbling block that holds us back from expressing in full and the sad thing is – everyone loses out.
What came to me while reading this blog, is how much, how many of us hold back and don’t express ourselves in relationships. Some of us can spend a life time not telling another how we truly feel. It is lovely to read of your open expression with one another and how this supported all the relationships you have in life.
I agree Samantha and it led me to wonder, perhaps it is the things un-expressed or un-communicated in relationships that actually do far more damage to a relationship than the things actually communicated? Worth pondering…
… and how sad to miss out on the opportunity to truly relate with another- by expressing our feelings – rather than talking about the weather, TV, sport, politics or any other conversation ‘filler’ that is in fact empty of our true feelings.
My (amazingly beautiful) partner and I are deepening our love and understanding with each other all the time. For me, I can feel that my connection my self, my essence, to God ~ to love is the most important relationship that I could ever have and am therefore committed to developing it inward to the best and most that I can. The more depth I bring to my way of living, it reflects outwardly to all of my relationships and I recall from the deepest depth of my Soul that I wouldn’t want it any other way. Thank you for bringing the appreciation of yourself, inspiring me to appreciate all the choices that I make too.
Beautifully said Cherise and I would add that it comes full circle. Just as our commitment and dedication to our relationship with ourselves and with God naturally flows out in all our relationships, that if we commit equally to developing and growing our relationships with others, then it supports the development of our own connection with ourselves and with God. We are designed it seems to reflect to each other exactly what is needed to help each other evolve.
Throughout this comment I could feel the deep love that you have for yourself and other relationships. Thank you gorgeous Cherise your very inspiring.
This is a beautiful reminder Susan. If it is not about openness, letting the other in to see who we are in full and allowing them to be themselves it is definitely not love and creates complication. Love is easy because it’s who we are and therefore what we know to be true unequivocally.
Isn’t it funny how we play this game of putting up ‘barriers’ between ourselves and others, so we can pretend that they aren’t aware of the ‘elephant in the room’… or exactly what we are feeling in any given moment. And then, we worry what will happen when we do actually talk about the elephant, or express how we feel – even though it has already been felt and is known by all!
When we start opening up and expressing like you have described Johanna, we pull down those barriers and stop playing the game of protection, and start making it about love.
It really is funny Kylie and I love how you have expressed about the elephant so simply ~ it brings a lightness to express all that is truly felt.
This brings me back to the joy of openness I felt as a small child and how I knew everything that was happening because I could feel it and had a sense of trust in myself that didn’t waver. It’s critical that we don’t let self doubt play a part in our lives, that we see it for the falsity that it is and Yes, make it only and always about love.
‘make it only and always about love’, I love the simplicity!
Yes, it’s true Cherise. And most of us can relate to that feeling of expressing freely as children. I love that children can say things so assuredly while it is the adults that tend to squirm or feel uncomfortable – exposing the layers of lack of expression and the restrictions we place on ourselves as we grow up to fit into the world and the ‘conditions’ within relationships.
That word doubt Cherise….. is so sabotaging to us. It can make everything seem like such a struggle. But if we TRUST ourselves and connect to the LOVE we are and make LOVE the foundation of everything we do… any situation will flow.
Kylie it is funny to read how you describe exactly what’s going on. It makes it all so senseless and brings me immediately to ‘why would I play such a game’? We are all too previous to be trifled with this way. Going for the truth of what is needed is the way to open up understanding and appreciation of who each person is and honoring us all.
I love this sharing, “I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”
I am beginning to ponder this word ‘essence’ more and your blog helps me to see what is possible if I actually commit to taking it deeper in my everyday life. What does this actually feel like, inside my body? Is it warming, expansive, still? I have spent too much time in my head. Knocking around in empty hallways, however never entering the garden of my soul. May pondering these comments and this blog, take me deeper into my essence more and more each day now.
The layers off defensiveness we can put in front of people is truly amazing, even in those moments we feel like we are being totally open and sharing from our deepest, most intimate place, it seems there is always another level of honesty, intimacy and development. Accepting this can only lead to not needing to be right or having the answer but committing to learning from what comes next.
I love this comment – it gives me such a rich sense of the depth and magnitude of Love – and that it is in relationship that we can endlessly develop. Thank you, Joel.
This is so beautifully inspired and a real light
Accepting and allowing a relationship to evolve is ‘normal’, but many have held onto an old foundation when it’s time to establish a ‘new’. Nothing really ever stays the same, we can’t stop a child from growing into an adult nor can we stop a plant from growing because we like it the way it looks, that would be imposing and controlling. The evidence is all around and is important to appreciate that we are constantly growing towards the light and thus our own evolution requires nurturing, and expression from our essence is essential.
Wise words Matthew, and yes many do cling onto the old foundation when it is time to establish a new foundation out of fear what the new will bring….and is where all the struggle is created. But the bigger picture is as you have so beautifully expressed, nothing ever really stays the same, and it can’t, if we want to deepen and expand the relationship we have with ourselves and all others.
This is great stuff Matthew and Jacqueline. However tempting it might be sometimes to try and control things and to keep things the same it is actually impossible because nothing stands still. There are signs that tell us this is true everywhere including in nature and in the universe. It is especially poignant for me currently as some of my close relationships are going through a lot of change and metamorphosis – uncomfortable growth into something even more beautiful than they were before.
This is such a beautiful and inspiring blog Johanna – thank you. I can feel how letting go of the need to be right and just allowing ourselves to express offers the opportunity for true communication and allows relationships to deepen with love.
If you had have asked me about my essence before I started attending Universal Medicine events, to be honest I would have had no idea what you were talking about. Essence can be a hard word to grasp because it is a feeling. It is a feeling that comes from our body, a fullness, a vitality, where you can say ‘there I am’. Before Universal Medicine became part of my life I hadn’t felt this, I hadn’t felt what it was like to feel really content, calm, steady and yet full of purpose. My emotional ups and downs, tiredness, food choices, way of communicating and much more were all getting in the way of feeling what was laying beneath all of this. It was not until I began to discard these false layers that my essence became tangible again – a feeling that is so strong that now it just cannot be denied.
“I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.” I love this sentence Johanna, it brings relationships back to simplicity and raises the question: Why did we ever need counseling?
If we make it about love first, then when conflict or issues come up it is much easier to not react and to resolve the issue easily and quickly. If we let go of the fact that we actually love the person, and suddenly think they are the enemy which happens often or we take it personally then we often indulge in the hurt, separate from ourselves and the person and react and make a big deal about something that could have been avoided in the first place.
So true Mary- Louise Myers- Making relationships about love first is so important. When issues arrive we are less likely to react – personalise it and therefore indulge in the hurt and therefore separate from our true essence and attack the other person from revenge or anger, hate etc. This is not what being love is all about.
Mary-Louise thank you for so clearly pointing out how people often react when issues arise within a relationship. It’s quite crazy how easily it can be to let go of the fact that we love someone and go into them being the enemy – sometimes people can hold grudges for years and completely miss out on a relationship with someone they love dearly. It’s crazy because we always have the option to hold them dearly and resolve an issue from seeing them and ourselves as whole people and not a tiny little speck of dust that isn’t who we are anyways.
Everything begins and ends with me, so if I choose to close down and hold back from expressing, I will get the same in return so it makes sense to let go and share what is going on for me at the time, so as to open it up for another to do likewise.
Beautiful, everything begins and ends with me, so true. What I choose, I get that reflected back.
Johanna thank you. It’s so strange that to express from who we truly are is so foreign to most of us and something that is challenging to say least when the choice is made. Everything in the world is designed to keep us from this natural way of being from when we are born. But the rewards are profound, we are set free and the beautiful thing is it’s an ever deepening continuum.
Thanks Johanna – reading this I can feel how wide open you are and you are right, it’s infectious! This is a very inspiring read – lots to ponder on, thank you from my heart <3 xx
When I read this blog the feeling I get is that I am worth exploring the fact that I am worth being loved – from within me first and then equally from someone else. I can see how I have not lived with this self worth for many years and also how perhaps it is time to move on and begin to truly love.
I love and appreciate your honesty Shami. Your expression is real and truly felt.
“We agreed that it was important that we just express what we are feeling, no matter what the other may think, so that we could develop the trust to allow a point or conversation to unfold as it needs to, even if we have no real end point initially in sight.” How wonderful, Johanna, that you were both able to be at the stage that you could make that agreement. Obviously, you and your husband already had a beautifully open relationship between you when you agreed to take this awesome further step in it.
It is wonderful when two people can take their relationship to the level that you both agreed to do, that you can each express EXACTLY what you feel about something, without the fear of the reaction from the other, but with the other person then being able to share what he/she is feeling about that issue. A great way to bring TRUE understanding between each of you. Leaving each other free to express their feelings and reactions to help build that understanding. This is a win win situation.
Hello Heidi Crowder and I agree and as both you and Johanna Smith shared, “I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’ This is key.” This is the connection first and from there everything else, well it’s just more connection. Thank you Heidi and Johanna.
We all want to love and be loved. Fact.
We are all love. Truth.
When we are in a love relationship, we want this love to be perfect. Ideal.
Ultimately do we choose to express our relationships from truth or from an ideal?
Why does the current definition of Love not include expression? And why have we decided that to be loving within a partner relationship, it means that we have to agree with each other always? To avoid disagreeing with each other, how many of us have held back from expressing? I have done that in so many of my past relationships, but in exchange for holding an illusive “peace” between two people, I have given up the relationship I have with myself. This brings up the important point then that—what does a relationship between two people really mean?
You brought up some really amazing points here Johanna. What if in expression, we all began from a place of trust? A trust that we feel with ourselves and with each other, a trust that feels so deep because we know we come from unity, and it is unity that we wish to express back to.
Connection to one’s presence builds trust and this is the key to express trustfully. I agree Adele.
It is so awesome that being open, honest and expressing freely to each other is addressed as the foundation of love between you and your husband. Very often we make pandering to each other, doing things for each other, being nice, holding back in saying things we really want to say—love—but is it really?
Nothing feels as liberating and powerful than honestly and freely expressing with another, even in situations where expression feels challenging, the commitment to keep on expressing honestly is the best medicine and therapy I have ever experienced—that would no question be my number one date night activity.
Love your comment Adele – very encouraging!
Just love when you say : ” Nothing feels as liberating and powerful than honestly and freely expressing with another, even in situations where expression feels challenging…” It frees us and empowers us tremendously and in return also the other person if they so chose.
Thank you Johanna for an inspirational blog and one that I will return to. I am finding too that when I am in connection with myself and therefore naturally others I can also feel “a trust in humanity and the fact that deep down we all want the same thing – Love” which makes it easier to see past the outer layers of hurt that we can carry and use to keep others out which then stops expression in full.
I have been pondering on this blog and wish to comment on – how do you know that it is your essence you are expressing from? Is this your truth? The only way to find out is to express and not hold it back …
I agree Rik, if I risk speaking what I feel is my truth to my partner I know immediately by his response whether it is or not. I can also hear it in my voice as I speak, and indeed the whole of my body. If I did not risk this and kept quiet, I would never know.
This is just so beautiful Johanna. I love how you shared ‘ I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’ This is key. And I also love the ripple effect. I have noticed this myself with my own children and family.
I agree Heidi, this is a very powerful and purposeful note to end a lovely blog. We have everything we need inside us already, there is nothing we don’t already know. It’s just a matter of trusting ourselves and what we feel.
I love this sentence too Heidi, such a powerful reminder to take into my day: ‘I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’.
Yes indeed, Katie. Comfort is a killer in relationships, and Johanna’s account is super inspiring because she is committed to evolving in her relationship with herself and her partner and is willing to ‘go there’ to uncover every last barrier to true love and harmony.
Thanks for your expression. I have been putting it into practice within my relationship and it is surprising how it works. I noticed it provides an opportunity to have more honest conversations about what is really going on. It immediately deepens the conversation as well. Furthermore it is a great practice to express my feelings in the here and now instead of overriding them. So, I keep on going, although I sometimes still have to gently ask myself to go over a hurdle of uneasiness. It is sometimes tempting to stay in comfort e.g.not expressing. When I don’t express, I share my feelings some time after. I just can’t keep it in my body anymore.
Caroline I love the way you share: “sometimes I still have to gently ask myself to go over a hurdle of uneasiness.”
Thank you for your depth of gentleness I can feel you honor yourself with in these moments. Yes they can be uneasy and the instant response can be to pull away to not feel the uneasiness and avoid the hurdle. But I also know that they are so worth taking because the next hurdle is bigger and the pressure in my body gets more intense if I don’t. And the connection to the person, situation and myself all flourish when I do express how I feel.
Caroline, you absolutely express here what I have been feeling. I have been expressing like this too and it is a new experience for me because for years I have held back my feelings and kept them to myself. This has led to misunderstandings and resentment for everyone concerned and has certainly not been a way to true healing. Now that I am allowing myself to express more fully it creates an open space for more honesty and truth to come in and my body is beginning to let go of some of the long held tension. There has come a time when I longer wish to keep it in too, it hurts my body too much.
Thank you Michelle. Reading your comment has further made me realise that all the times I have not felt equipped to deal with something just simply meant I wasn’t living me in full. A good reminder if anything in the future feels overwhelming or I feel like I can’t handle it. I will simply remember to bring myself back, connect to my heart and live from my full ness.
Beautifully said Susan. “It reminds me that life is not a struggle and not supposed to be hard – if it is, it is showing me that Love is needed.”
Thank you Beverley, this is really timely for me to read as about an hour ago I could feel how I still sometimes ‘think’ life is a struggle for me and not easy. A great reminder to get myself out of the way, let go of control and flow with the love from within.
Vicky, when I view life as ‘ a struggle’ then it becomes one. But when I see it as sometimes ‘a challenge’ bring love to it, allow it to unfold without being rigid and forceful, it becomes so much easier. It is what it is -life- good bits, bad bits all joined together with strands of love and celebrated for the learning it offers.
I love how you expressed this Catherine – “life- good bits, bad bits all joined together with strands of love and celebrated for the learning it offers.” Living in this way makes everything so much simpler and joy-full too.
Struggle is something I unconsciously fall back on when I feel that a potential change is too big or scary. Struggle is like a comfortable, old pair of slippers I get out so I can say ‘its too hard’. I really have to watch this as it feels so real at the time. But as Johanna has shared it really is easy when we commit to building loving expression in a relationship and being honest.
I love how the strengthening and deepening of your relationship with your husband also has a knock on effect with others, which just proves the power of expression and being connected to our essence. If we really look at it, holding back and not expressing truthfully is the most ridiculous thing, although I have to admit I still haven’t mastered it through fear of upsetting people and not being liked. This I realise is untrue if I am expressing from my essence.
I have the same thing Kevin, I hold back my expression in fear of upsetting others, so I would go into niceness, not wanting to ‘rock the boat’. But actually I can not do this any more, because it makes me less as well as the other, as if they can not handle what is clearly there to be expressed.
I know exactly what you’re saying Jacqueline. And how can a person respond from their essence if you are not speaking to it? They feel that you have calibrated in some way, that you are not being you, and then they try to make sense out of that and off we both go spiralling further and further away from ourselves and our truth. Yuk!
Me too Kevin – it is so crazy that we continue to cling to this fear despite our inner knowing that this is not true.
Yes I find that I still hold back because I fear the reaction. Most of the time though, it’s never as bad as I make it out to be in my head. The mind is very good at creating stories to stop ourselves from expressing from our essence.
Kevin I ‘m right there with you. I still have fear of expression and really feel the importance and the craziness in holding back. I know how important my expression is that I’m deeply committed to have a knock on effect to all I encounter.
Beautiful timing for me to read this as I reflect on an interaction – more like altercation, in truth – with another that has left me baffled. So there are some real pearls in here for me – especially ‘how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love’ and the biggie in conflict, ‘expressing it as it is for us, and expressing at the time it is needed’. In my case, no time like the present, so thank you, Johanna for your timely words of wisdom.
Johanna I love when you read the expression of truth, it is exactly what you need to hear at the right time. It’s miraculous and our normal way. My time has come to deepen even more the connection to my essence and to bring it out even more in all that I do. I am looking forward to seeing as you say the rippppple effect of this choice.
And the ripple effect of love is the gift we give everyone around us with every move we make.
It is both amazing and inspiring, Johanna, how developing your relationship with yourself first, then extending that to your husband, then resulted in your deepening quite spontaneously with everyone else in your life. That is astounding that all of that arose from the initial impulse to deepen with you. And the joy and commitment felt from this blog is such a glorious testament to you and to the process you enjoyed. Thank you.
At a Universal Medicine workshop there was a particular exercise that we did that has stood out for me and really changed my life in many ways.
We played with and discovered the difference between what it is like to talk from your head – and to talk from your body – or your inner heart.
How many times do I have a conversation with someone and everything that I have said is really coming from a preconceived idea of what is correct and like I already know what I am going to say because I have developed an ideal, a belief, a way of knowing what is “correct” that I use to define who I am. This seems to work on the outside but then really never lets me be truly in a moment of what is actually going on – and honour what I ACTUALLY feel.
But what would it be like if I did not rely on those things?
If I just stood there and listened and then trust that whatever is there for me to share will be there naturally. That I have all I need to share just by being me and not needing to try and fit any picture.
All of a sudden my work has changed and the conversations I have and relationships around me have opened up to a whole new level because I am not limiting them to a picture of what I am supposed to say in them – instead I can share what I really feel.
Huge.
Really Huge.
It takes a lot to just stand there and listen, without putting all of our own stuff on it and reinterpreting it all, but there is much to be offered and learnt when we do. That we have everything that we will ever need residing within us always is precious, and it is worth remembering that we are enough by just being ourselves.
This is massive Simon! I remember this exercise and felt how difficult it was at first to get out of my head and TRUST my body to do the talking. As the exercise continued the process and my connection strengthened and by the third attempt I was feeling what to say rather than thinking what SHOULD be said. An amazing revelation, thank you for reminding me of this experience.
This is really huge, Simon. To let go of the pre-programmed responses and surrender to the fact that you are enough just being yourself is life changing, and certainly has been for me. I still catch myself at times going into the old mode depending on the situation, but there is a letting go that can take place in those moments and an acknowledgement that by being myself I am representing God – and what is cooler than that?
That is actually VERY COOL, Janet. “by being myself I am representing God”. Sitting here feeling what that means to me, I realise being me comes from my body and feeling the essence of love that is ever present. God is simply love and so connecting with the love in my body and living every moment in expression of this love allows me to represent God.
This is great Simon as what you are describing here is true intimacy in relationship; the ability to trust and open yourself to another.
Your sharing is so inspiring Johanna to see the grow in your relationship with your husband just from committing to be honest and communicate this honesty.
This is really gorgeous to read Johanna, ‘The most beautiful part of all of this is that after only a few days of putting this into practice, we were able to speak and share about topics that felt like we were addressing ‘a few elephants in the room’ and the most amazing level of love, support and appreciation was then expressed from both of us towards the other.’ i find this really supportive to read for my relationships, i have noticed how there can be issues, such as the ‘white elephants’, things that are unresolved and that can affect my relationships and it feels lovely to read how you addressed these with this level of love, support and appreciation for each other, very inspiring!
You cannot really deny your profound wise words Susan ” … it is amazing how much we can let go when it is about Love. It reminds me that life is not a struggle and not supposed to be hard – if it is, it is showing me that Love is needed.” – Love Is or Love Is Not.
So simple and so powerfully said Rik.
I’d also love to share how the detail of expressing from your essence is so unique each time you connect to another. For example when things unfold with my wife and we feel there is something that needs to be expressed, I cannot count on expressing the same thing because it worked last time, we are at a different point, and what needs to be said needs to be honored in the rawness that it is felt. This stops the games; and like Johanna says honest communication takes place where that unified truth can be reached sooner and Love is maintained.
Well said Rick. Beautiful. “I cannot count on expressing the same thing because it worked last time, we are at a different point, and what needs to be said needs to be honored in the rawness that it is felt”
I suppose this means that we are forever expanding and what needs to be said will be different in the next and the next moment.
Lovely to read a blog on essence Johanna Smith. It is absolutely beautiful your a teacher and you can share what it means and how this has changed your relationships. Being a student at a school is one of the first places you learn about working together. All the benefits like being honest will have a greater impact on an objective outcome for all.
I love what I have felt when I have let down the guard and been fully myself with my husband. I think he loves it too because what I feel from him in the realness of these moments is him beginning to trust again because what’s in front of him is genuine and real. It’s like he starts to let his guard down as well. One time when I was sharing with him from my heart something that felt very special and heaven sent I could have sworn he skipped like a little boy into the kitchen. It was a precious moment. Thank you Johanna for the reminder to appreciate these moments.
Expressing from our essence is beautiful and miles apart from expressing in reaction to something or someone. What I have found is that when I express from my essence everyone feels blessed.
What I have found with the ripple affect,is the secondary affect. When we express in love and others feel it and then they pass it on. Its like a light rain on the water in our wake as we pass through.
Beautiful image Steve. Once love has been expressed it continues its course and cannot be stopped.
Thank you Johanna for such an inspiring blog .The gift of expressing form ones true essence cannot be appreciated enough and the sharing of this and connection with ourselves is truly beautiful in every way.It is totally life changing as is everything you offer and share.
I am struck by how much energy I have put into avoiding ‘sticky issues’ in relationships and that many times I have just abandoned the relationship rather than go there. What I am touched by in this article is that with a foundation of love, honesty and open-ness, the ‘sticky issues’ actually become opportunities to develop, deepen and enhance relationships, rather than undermine or destroy. Inspiring indeed and a beautiful invitation to put into practise with every one I see today.
Truly gorgeous blog Johanna thank you for sharing. It truly is awesome the ripple effect that occurs when we trust in our connection to our essence and freely express from there without reservation. The ripple effect is like a seed of love being planted which blossoms for all to see, feel and appreciate, and not only for the one who planted it.
The idea that we don’t have to agree about everything and yet still hold each other in love and respect is something that we lack in humanity. More often than not, we are so invested in our thoughts and opinions that if we disagree, it can cause a rift that may grow into a chasm of separation. In my relationships, I have been learning the importance of coming back to love and that the way forward is always towards a deeper love. It can be very challenging because people are at different stages in their lives and some are more stubborn than others and some prefer drama in their lives so will be inclined to create conflict where there was none. Ultimately, being honest about the relationship and where we are at will help us to determine if there is a point in carrying on or perhaps more truthful to let go. Either way, if it is truth, it is the way forward.
This last sentence, Johanna, delivers something very powerful to us – “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” I keep coming back to it to really let myself feel, that the key to life is in accepting and loving ourselves no matter what, for in that we remain connected to God at all times.
Wow, this is such a beautiful and inspiring blog, thank you, Johanna. Imagine not expressing this way, how poorer life would be.
As you point out: “an appreciation for how open people can be when we are open ourselves”, is amazing. Again, it all starts with and within ourselves, and the more open we are ourselves in our expression, the more open it allows other people to be. Beautiful ripple effect.
Johanna, its amazing what a deeper connection to yourself can unfold in a relationship with another person. Your choice to express and be open with your husband has returned the same openness towards you. Thank you.
I can relate Johanna around taking a risk by expressing from a deeper place. When I do, I learn to trust more what I feel from my innermost and although it may not always be received well or another may react, there is an opportunity for more intimacy and love.
“…the effect I have on all those I encounter in my work, my friends and family and on the street” – a biggie Johanna! 20 years ago, I was given a surprising heads-up about this effect by my partner, who pointed out that I should be careful because everyone in a room was very affected by me and would always end up in the same frame of mind as I was. That was a revelation! I started watching what happened when I got to work in the lab, and sure enough, whatever mental and/or emotional state I was in (even if I went straight to my desk and got to work without speaking), everyone in the lab would calibrate to me within a short while and end up in the same state. I wondered why I seemed to be the ‘mood leader’. I did my best to not come in with any kind of yukky stuff going on. But people evidently could still feel what was going on beneath my surface and were changed by it, even if they were not aware of what was happening (they weren’t). Back then I did not really know how to make the inner changes that would allow others to not pick up and be influenced by my ‘energy’. Now, being a student of Universal Medicine for the last 13 years, I understand what was going on in the lab 2 decades ago. Now I am much more able to be myself inside and out (most of the time), and inspiring others instead of being the ‘mood leader!
This is really interesting, Dianne, how generally as humans we calibrate to the strongest influence in the room, and abandon ourselves and our sense of what is true for us. The term ‘mood leader’ is very apt and yes, it is wonderful to hear of your gradual learning over the years and how you have accepted the responsibility to inspire others with everything you do, say and even think just by simply being yourself.
Yes ‘mood leader’- great term. I notice this in different spaces, including work. The one with the strongest ‘force’ or ‘imposing way’ tends to be the one that the others do calibrate to out of maybe fear, giving power away, not feeling adequate etc perhaps.
Thank God for Universal Medicine teaching about the effects of energy and the way we are.
That is so true, Dianne, the extent to which our energy influences us in ways we might not possibly conceive of. I have recently been practising some WW2 songs from 1942 with a friend – after just 2 rehearsals, a local school, located within 200m of my house, put up a quote from Winston Churchill dated 1942- “Never Give Up.” This was both the date and the energy of the songs we had been rehearsing.I had never previously seen that school quote people on their ‘shout board.’ Hmmmmm…..
‘That it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.’ I love this point because I realised on reading it how often I used to feel it was only okay to agree. To disagree, I thought only created confrontation and disharmony, something I wanted to avoid at all costs. And yet the truth is, it is the lack of expression that is truly disharmonious.
Yes Jane, I too wanted to avoid creating disharmony, so often I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, not expressing at all. I have now come to feel that it is ok to agree or disagree because it is important for me to actually express, but a big thing for me has been to then let go, with no expectation of how my expression “should” be received, the important thing here is to express, not how it will be received. As you state the lack of expression is actually disharmonious to all involved.
I had never considered how harming and disharmonious it was until recently to hold back my expression. Now I really understand the impact physically on my own body and to others to not share what I feel and know to be true.
I agree the lack of expression is disharmonious and also causes a huge uncomfortable silence and tension. Who needs that ?
I have also learnt that I can listen without having to adopt the others point of view but just feel, what feels true and what does not. This had been very freeing for me as I useD to give my power away quite willingly out of feeling less than others and from a lack of self worth.
“Making the time for moments to connect to my body by trusting and expressing from my essence, and taking responsibility for and deepening the connection with my essence, has been quite profound. From this, many beautiful experiences have taken place that will stay in my heart forever”
This beautiful first sentence says it all for me Johanna. I am only just beginning to scratch the surface of expressing my truth, and when I do I feel expanded and the feeling of love grows within me and it opens up relationships to a deeper level. Thank you for expressing your truth for us all to hear.
This blog has such a lovely feel Johanna. It feels like every move you make towards expressing honestly from your essence is like a step forward that parts the waves as you walk. The clearing and healing effect of this is immense.
Thank you Johanna, this is gorgeous. When we choose to deepen our relationships, not letting them stand still and commit to expressing what we feel, it’s amazing. Our relationships keep deepening and unfolding, there is never an end-point which makes the connection and the relationship truly precious.
The ripple effect is simplicity of love from our hearts expressed from our essence. That is pure heaven.
As soon as we express from our essence life becomes so much simpler, there are none of the complications that tend to arise when we hold back from being completely honest. I loved all your bullet points Johanna, but this one stood out for me today “how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love”, this is so true, there is no mulling over or lots of discussions or trying to resolve things and there are no hurts to hold onto or get in the way.
It feels like such a no brainer to excericse full expression in every relationship, yet we spend more time bottling it up and thinking about how we are going to express than just doing it. This is an awesome example of how simple it can be to take your relationship with either your partner or anyone in your life (equally willing to do the same of course) to the next level. Awesome Johanna.
Yes the procrastination or worrying about how it may be taken is harmful because we in this time are holding onto something that needs to come out. Not to mention the more we hold into it the more frustration that can build up because we have not said what needs to be said and has been clearly felt.
“I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”. No text books required. No app required. No new fang-dangled anything. Just you and your connection. Nice one.
This is such a profound truth Sarah. No textbook, no formula, no authority from outside of us is ever able to match this: “being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need”.
It is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing. I really love this point in your blog and can really see how healthy it is to allow each other this space. We do not need to agree with each other or do the same thing, we just have to allow each other to have their own opinion and to be able to express that.
I agree, Rosie: that is huge to be able to allow the initial disagreements to be expressed, contrary to how we often conduct ourselves to suppress this conflict. I love how Johanna shares that from there, there is a natural return from that position to the true Love that all parties have behind this ostensible conflict. That is beautiful.
Spot on Rosie. We all need the space to come to what we need to know, a process of expression with no expectations or pressures. – just an openness to feel safe in saying what we feel. A must in relationships.
Trusting your husband so completely sounds gorgeous and even though this is absolutely normal, it feels like you are paving a new way forward for all relationships and the depths of intimacy we can all go to with our partners, colleagues, family members, friends and so on. You have shown us here that there are no boundaries to love.
Thank you Johanna, its true there is no deeper intimacy than building the connection with my essence, from that platform all relationships deepen, as the way I am with me will reflect how I am with anyone else.
Exactly Giselle, and by remembering this in all interactions, either with one’s self or others, this will be a great way to evaluate exactly where we are at in any given moment,.
Very beautiful Richard. I love your comment, I too am learning to express how I truly feel and learning how to say ‘no’ when things are not supportive for me. It is inspiring reading your comment. Thank you!
This is so awesome Johanna. What you have shared is so beautiful and inspiring. I have also found by expressing with honesty, openness and trust allows relationships to flourish. It is gorgeous to read how both you and your husband appreciate this and is practicing it. Your list of ripple effects, I can relate to them and it is all so true. Thank you for sharing your amazing journey.
What you share is very appreciated Johanna: “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” Appreciation is such an important and empowering foundation to the next thing that is there and requires my attention. With it the task has my full attention and I deeply know I can handle whatever is before me. Without appreciating all I am, I get lost in the doing with my head running the show.
Thanks Johanna. In relationships we need to embrace the good and the bad. And I like what you’ve shared because what you have stated is that our essence always there no matter what, even when addressing the ‘issues’. its amazing what can happen when we let go of what expectations we might have of a situation and say how we feel.
Hiding behind a facade and carefully sharing only what we think the other can handle.
How arrogant and manipulative is that?
And a huge contraction of ourself as well as a belittling of another, presuming what they can handle. True respect is expressing openly.
So gorgeous and confirming to read this post. Through life we tend to spend so much time protecting ourself, strategizing and measuring how much we will open up. And your story so wonderfully shows that when we choose to make it about Love and connect to our essence, magic happens. If we don’t panic and put our foot on the break at the first sign of a disagreement or discomfort, if we choose to stay with Love and with our essence “we find we are actually well equipped to handle any situation” and what unfolds is far more precious than we could ever imagine.
I really appreciate this Golnaz and absolutely the key is to stay there, to feel, to connect and express. Love always wants to work things out together and allow space for expression.
I appreciate this is a relationship that has the will to evolve together.
Very beautiful: “We decided in being open and honest with each other, knowing that we are still unified as a couple and love each other, even though sticky issues could come up and feelings would need to be shared that may make us feel uncomfortable at the time.” I find this in my relationship as well. It is very healing to feel that yes we can talk about sometimes things that make us feel a bit uneasy but that underneath that there is a foundation of loving each other unconditionally. And with that going true little issues is just to get back to that love together. Like you say Johanna, this creates an enormous trust in myself and other people too.
Thank you Johanna. I have been feeling this too today with my connection to my innermost and feeling how much it supports me everyday. It’s a point I know I can come back to, and it’s always right there just waiting for me, no matter what is going on.
Johanna, the connection to our essence is the most loving way we can express. I like the ripple effect from a written letter. Something as ‘old fashioned’ as a letter can mean so much when expressed from a persons essence. Great sharing of what is truly a ripple effect…
Its strange how we will not speak up to avoid confruntation – I know that there have been many times when someone has said or done something I find hurtful and i have stayed quite, rather than trusting my self and expressing how I feel. However recently i have began to speak up, and its an amazing feeling!
This is lovely, Richard – “so many of our perceived issues in life can be transformed by a willingness to talk and share openly about what we truly feel and what is in our hearts.” I have observed for myself that when I abandon taking responsibility for myself and blame the outer, life becomes troublesome in relationship, but when I am connected to what is in my heart I can’t go wrong.
So true Jane, the ripples of our expression travel much further and much wider than we truly appreciate and so too does our lack of expression. How often do we say “I knew it, if only I has said something” when we hear of a situation or event that has gone pear shaped. Learning to honour and express all those little fleeting feelings and thoughts out loud is still very much a learning curve for me and I am realising day by day how important every single one of them are. I love the way these days I do have the confidence to say “I cannot explain why I feel this, but I do” and I am slowly at times, beginning to see and appreciate the real value of that, as what I am feeling fits into a whole sphere of live that I am not always able to know about in that instance. Hindsight is always a great friend in showing us that our feelings can be spot on while our thoughts are not always in tune with the bigger picture.
Its great to hear the magic that unfolds as we begin to express freely and honestly – I have spent years holding back from expressing how I really feel in order to protect those around me or from fear of rejection. I now see how involutionary this cycle is, if i am not being true to myself then why should anyone recipricate, its not pretty but i now see much of the dishonestly in my old friendships.
Me too Lucinda. It’s strange how we say we love someone, but then we are not honest with them and pander to what they want. True love would simply express and let them suck eggs, lovingly of course.
I have also developed an amazing relationship with my husband, we both have been working on expressing our truths in our conversation and if anytime we are not feeling great or there is a difficult conversation to have we both create the space and time to listen to each other. This has really supported us in connecting to our essence and speaking the truth. It has deepened our trust for each other. The more we have been open and honest, the easy it has been to just connect and share.
Hi Johanna, This blog is a show stopper – the way you have shared the transformation in your relationship with your husband which then has flowed out to effect all your relationships is truly beautiful. So many things stood out for me ‘trust in humanity’ ‘the power of expressing from the heart’ ‘and that it is ok to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing’. I will take these into my day. Thank you.
This blog and thread of comments is a great credit to all the men, as well as women, who are recognising how important it is as men, to share the responsibility to express all that they are experiencing in life with their partners. Because of their prescribed roles in society it is all too easy for men to say something like “leave the verbal expression to women, they’re good at that, and I’ll get on with doing what I do”. I feel this is so limiting and perhaps an integral reason why so many relationships end up in separation.
Wow Johanna it’s beautiful and awesome to read this and to know and trust that if we connect to our essence what is required in that moment will be there for us. It’s very inspiring to read this and something well worth practicing! Thank you.
I love the points you have written, it is a tangible way where relationships can be deepened and more can be expressed.
I fell back into an old way yesterday, for only a few seconds, where I held back my expression about something, which I was actually able to feel, and the pressure in my chest was huge until I expressed it.
Wow, what a lesson.
It only takes one to hold the love and the other to feel what they have walked away from. Two people holding the love and the truth is all they will find.
Johanna that was incredible for me to read. I feel inspired to go a little deeper in my relationship and build more trust.
“We both knew that honest discussions would naturally allow the conversation to unfold for us to get to what felt true, and we agreed that it was totally okay to disagree along the way”. This line gave me more insight into trusting that no matter how the discussion starts, that when both are committed to truth then that is what you will find at the end.
A beautifully inspiring blog Johanna, thank you.
Wow Johanna, what a beautiful blog. I feel so inspired by what you have shared with us in this, and although I am working very much on expressing from my essence as much as I know how, without holding back, you have inspired a new level of this for me, and also allowed me to confirm how much has changed in my own life and relationships as a result of choosing to simple express what I am feeling, and let go of needing the other, or others to do anything in response, or to agree with what I am feeling. Building trust in our own feelings and expressing these are so important, and your blog clearly illustrates why. Thank you.
Johanna, I love how you stated: “how open people can be when we are open ourselves.” I have found this to be absolutely true and it has shown me that if a communication is difficult or not flowing it is a great reminder to see if there was any opinion, judgement or holding back on my part. And as you say Susan, it shows where love is needed.
When there is a blockage in a relationship or my communication. I deed to look no further than my body. I will find I have slipped into hardening up across my chest and tightening in my stomach. I find when it gets to this point I have to come back to me and my connection.
beautiful to read and feel Johanna that you both made the choice and dared to go there together. My experience is too that when we are willing to show who we really are, what we feel and experience in every moment and to share that, the most beautiful connections come to be. For me this means to keep actively looking at where I still protect myself or don’t express because of an ideal or belief I have about what I am feeling or how I should be.
This is true for me too- looking at the areas of where I still go into protection and why. And also seeing and feeling what is me and what I have potentially taken on. It is all a learning to expressing what is and feels true.
Wow Johanna, what you have presented is so powerful… if we take the time, and commit to being honest in our relationships, the level of love and depth that can exist in all of our relationships is exponential.
“how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love”. This shone out at me Johanna, and i realised that when we make it about love it means that we are letting go of all our personal little issues that we use as protection, and making it about more than ourselves, but the whole of humanity. The paradox is that then we are expressing from our essence, the real, true centre of our being where we are love.
It’s beautiful what you have written Joanne, the way you are with yourself would have such an impact on the way you are in your relationship. It makes totally sense to me why your husband would write you such a beautiful love letter as well. I have not met you before but by reading your article I am getting the sense that you are a very easy person to love. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I love how you have brought essence and its role in deepening relationships together in this blog from your lived experience Johanna. You know, much has been written by one or two malcontents who blame Universal Medicine for the demise of their relationships. Your article demonstrates the lack of truth in the claims that this organisation is destructive; my husband and I are another couple who have benefitted from what we have learnt there, in much the same way as you describe.
Yes this is so true Victoria. Our relationship has nothing but benefited from the presentations and applications of Universal Medicine. The once hard to talk about things are our everyday chats.
So if I choose to express what I feel, I automatically honor und appreciate my essence, the true me. With this, as Simon said, I establish step by step confidence to express even more and it is an offering for people around me to do this the same. A willingness to speak what you feel is a foundation of any relationship, otherwise we only waste time.
Beautifully said Susan, life should not be a struggle, and if it is, its time to reevaluate your attitude to it – how much do you appreciate the love that is already there, and how can you bring more love.
Ladies, I take great inspiration from your comments and Johanna’s blog and the ease and simplicity in which we CAN live our lives, if and when we choose Love.
And I feel a deep appreciation for all of us who are making these life changing choices and bringing more simplicity and love to life. Thank you to Serge Benhayon for being the first to pave the way and live this possibility as a reflection to us all.
This story just confirms how much love is there if we open to it. I get the sense that it was actually very easy for you and your husband Johanna to open up to a whole new depth of love. And to know this love is endless, only keeps inspiring us to express more love and be open to even more.
Yes Vicky, you are right. When one or both of us choose to go deeper we are supported fully and further confirmed in our love. Even in the small tricky moments we each know we love each other deeply. I am in full appreciation of our constellated relationship and our willingness to evolve together.
I agree Rebecca. We were not born delicious to struggle through life. Life should definitely not be a struggle and if it is then we have something, an opportunity to look at it and make the loving changes.
Johanna I really felt deeply the loving content of your blog, and the potential it has within your expression to assist others to unfold their loving essence also. I love the word you used in your comment above “We were not born ‘delicious’ to struggle through life.” There feels to be such a sweet delicacy in that word ‘delicious’. Thank you.
This is golden on many levels Johanna thank you and Rebecca. After making life a struggle for so long and more recently choosing to be me which is the love that I am, the struggle has dissolved. I love how you have presented that if something is difficult or a struggle we don’t need to make it more so by bashing ourselves up about it , but know it is an opportunity to choose love over the struggle.
We just get so familiar with the struggle that we think it is real! This thread of comments is so lovely, it is a steady and constant reminder that the struggle can stop at any moment we choose. We can lift up our faces to the sunshine and breathe again.
I have also found Johanna that the more I manage to express truth to one person this changes the way I relate to others. It makes perfect sense that this should be the case.
Learning to trust and express my true essence is what I have been doing since I first met Serge Benhayon and this has been the most important foundation in my life and brought an honesty ,joy and love to everything in my life. It is an ever evolving process and thank you Johanna for this beautiful article and all you share.
This line struck me: “a trust in humanity and the fact that deep down we all want the same thing – Love” This is so true and I agree that it is what many of us are wanting. But really, we want something we already have! Love never leaves; it is us who choose to depart from it. Once that departure is made it is felt as a loss and sets up the endless desperate seeking, a thirst driven by a want, a need… we get so caught up looking everywhere for it but where it actually resides, deep within. Trust is the key that guides us back to a love that never left. Seeing it reflected in others helps us see it in ourselves. Deep down we all know we are made up of the same stuff – love. We just need to express it. Thank you Johanna for sharing your journey back.
Absolutely Liane, Love never leaves! We have to create a way of living that is avoiding love at all possible angles to not feel the depth and grandness of the love that we are! FACT. And it is exhausting and it sucks.
This is indeed true Susan, where there is true love, openness and honesty, there is no need for trying, and our relationships and our expression within them just naturally unfold.
This is great to read Johanna, ‘I began conversations with my husband around the importance of expressing fully and to keep developing our relationship’, I have noticed that relationships often get stuck and that there is no real importance put onto developing and evolving relationships. My partner and I have recently talked about being more honest with each other and calling out behaviours or ways of speaking with each that don’t feel loving, sometimes we react to each other, but it feels great that we are communicating more how we feel and allowing things to develop rather than stay the same.
It is absolutely so supportive. We have recently began to specifically make time in the morning and evening to connect, check in and express openly each day and it had had a huge and wondrous effect for us. We call these our ‘date times’. Something so simple has brought so much.
Thank Johanna for sharing this great blog , yes it is truly another world we live in when we make our relationships all about love.
I totally agree Paul. When I have an issue with another or I feel hurt and want to react or lash out at the person for hurting me, before I do that If I make the choice to choose love first something happens and the sting is gone and I see the learning of the issue or see the hurt for where it truly is. I can then let it go easier and then connect again with the person.
Thank you Johanna Smith for reminding me of the power of speaking from our essence. It is so true that when we start to speak from our essence it does not matter if we agree or disagree with each other but that in truth it is about meeting each other in essence, one aspect of love communicating to another aspect of love providing us the opportunity to evolve, to heal the disconnected way we have lived for to long. The power of this is huge and as you show us Johanna, it is not only our relationship that evolves, but the love also permeates in all other aspect of our lives since love cannot be put in a box but will naturally expand itself to wherever it can.
Marriage guidance councillors would be without a job if all relationships were based on expressing from our true essence. ‘The power of expressing from the heart’ creates a beautiful openness and flow in relationships – keeping those channels open and not allowing for those ‘awkward silences’ (holding back) when a temporary closure of communication steps in and unsettles the status quo. This is something I have done in the past, held back from expressing in fear of hurting another’s feelings – up goes the ‘guard’ and of course this is felt big time and they reflect the same back to me. Thank you Johanna a beautiful sharing with us all.
I can relate to a lot of what you have talked about in your blog, Johanna. In my experience the key for me which helped me is about connecting to my essence. Then the truthful me is able to be expressed without imposing or demanding. This then freed me to be true and allowed my words to be heard and gives the opportunity and inspiration for others to do the same.
The way you set up this level of openness and honesty with your husband is very inspiring and beautiful; I especially love the fact that it is open ended and without a fixed agenda or predetermined outcome in mind, a way to proceed that can be applied to a lot of areas in life.
This is true Gabrielle. I am noticing that the depth and intimacy and openness I go to with my husband is then there as a marker for me to go to in other relationships with others. It is like what is not at that level gets highlighted to me for me to then pay attention to bringing that same level of care to those areas. This is a beautiful support and design for us to be held in and with.
The honesty and simplicity you have presented here offers so much to all of our relationships – not just our intimate partners. I have observed that my relationship with myself, my essence, is absolutely key to the quality of my other relationships – if I am ‘off’ then my relationships wobble too, and when I bring all of who I am, I feel anything is possible and it is easy to express myself, especially on those more awkward conversations that need to happen. The quality of my relationships starts with my connection to me.
“I have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself” – it’s that confidence that comes when I am connected to myself, willing to feel the truth of what is happening for me right now and not holding back from expressing it. These are words to live by… which I haven’t till now. The blog is a great reminder.
When I’m connected to my essence I have so much more capacity to allow another in to be open and not react to people or situations. When I appreciate and honor who I am, what is going on around me doesn’t impact on me as much or knock me off balance.
Inspiring blog. I have experienced the same. By opening up the conversation with my partner to speak up feelings which arise between us or just within ourselves gives space for a deepening. In a way an allowance for all there is. For me that has made it lighter. It is now not difficult anymore e.g.even if it feels a bit difficult, we say it anyway. And the joyful part is: as soon as it is spoken out loud, it looses its weight, becomes light and the connection between me and him feels deeper.
Johanna this is beautiful. You express so well how it can be when we commit to expressing and communicating with love and honesty in our relationships. Thank you.
What a fantastic account of the consequences of committing to honesty and expression.
I love what you “express” here Johanna about the way in which when our communication develops within one relationship so does it for all others, I have very much so found this to be the case, when I express, communicate and be open with one I can feel relationships with everyone else so too deepen.
Love this, and know that it applies first to my relationship with me. The more honest, responsible and committed I am with me, the more I naturally hold others in esteem.
Very beautiful Johanna, thanks for sharing, I feel the beauty of trusting our essence in relationship with others. And how this affects every relationship you have.
I have also experienced with my husband how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love. Sometimes it takes a little while to get to that point but we are getting better at not staying in the combat zone and defending our hurts but stepping back and saying what is at play here. It is phenomenal how quickly things can shift.
Yes, deep down we all want Love – so true and that’s what’s holding me back because first comes the feeling of rejection and that stops so much. More and more when I get that feeling that I’m being rejected I stop and feel to see if that’s truly the case – and then I realise that it isn’t and is just that what’s being expressed is an openness and honesty that I’m not yet open to. Time to take stock and open up. Love the letter.
Expressing is such an important topic. I love how you brought in it is ok to disagree. It is also ok to not know how to ‘solve’ something you disagree about. But expressing about it, really saying what you feel inside about it, is fundamental for any relationship. Also for the relationship with yourself.
That’s so true Monika, if we make all our relationships about connection first and not being who’s right or wrong we would live a very different world — very gorgeous for all.
That is a profound last sentence revelation. That is teaching us that it is possible to sustain our inner-strenght no matter what the situation, although we need to re-learn this ourselves. Very beautiful, thank you.
Johanna, I too have learnt that expression is everything. In the past I have held back from expressing in full for fear of the repercussions, yet in that I am holding back truth and effectively lying to all around me. What I am learning to do now is see each moment as an opportunity and with that the pressure is lifted and all I see is an opportunity for love and truth for all.
Jenny, that’s a beautiful way to approach every situation. I felt a sense of space reading your comment. A reminder that we are all students and every situation is an opportunity to learn.
I love how you realised the ripple effect of how just expressing from your essence and choosing love made such a huge difference in life. “how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love” when I read that and then continued reading for me that’s what it came down to – making it about love. Fantastic blog.
Knowing who we really are from the depth of our body will bring a stillness and openness that allows us to hold ourselves and others truly in love – no judgement, no jealousy, nothing to be achieved. Just being, inspiring and letting others be.
Beautifully said Michael, living the love that we are, nothing more, nothing less. By being love we allow energy to flow instead of holding it captive. Being love allows energy to flow in another, and not hold them captive.
Spot on Michael, which is why nurturing the relationship with ourselves is so important and precious. We come to know ourselves deeply and cherish our essence that we then express in all that we do… and from there, nurturing all our other relationships with the same tender quality can be easy, for it is what we do with ourselves first.
Stunning Comment Michael – the way forth for all.
A beautiful and inspiring blog thank you Johanna. Being all of us in our essence and expressing what we feel in every situation is the way forward as you clearly show in this post.
Great sharing Johanna, and what resonated deeply with me was your final statement: “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This is something I will practice to be aware of in all my daily interactions, with myself and others.
Wow Johanna Your blog sounds like Heaven on Earth to me and for us 🙂 I love to read it. I will do so again and again. I feel the truth…love and deep appreciation and yeah so much trust theunweavering one that You write about. Amazing thank You so much for sharing this with us..thanks to both of You. With love Nadine
What a beautiful gift you have given yourself, your husband and everyone in the ripple effect of you committing to express from your essence. I am especially inspired by your closing paragraph – ‘ I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.’ Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you Joanna for this deeply inspiring blog and true testament of love and expression in your honesty and commitment to this.It brings a knowing and beauty to us all in relationship with ourselves and hence with all others.
I love all you say and share and it allows for a deeper trust with myself and my essence.
I really enjoy re-reading your article Johanna, this stood out for me this time, ‘I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.’ This is very beautiful and i have found this to be true, if I go into self-doubt or get stressed then things are very hard and don’t flow, but if I stay with me, with my gentleness and my sensitivity, then I know that whatever comes along I will be able to handle.
It is amazing that the moment of the intention to change the way you do business, so to speak, ie the way you communicate with you husband, then everything changes without you having to try. That inner, personal decision is the catalyst for the outer, for what’s expressed and communicated to change too. How beautiful and so uncomplicated. Thank you for being an inspirational power couple Johanna and your husband!”
Yes Johanna – by the years living together as a couple the ‘elephants in the room’ can become quite heavy and so dense that we can hardly see each other. Worth to clear up and have an open and free view (heart) again to my counterpart. Let the elephants free…
I can relate to this, Sandra, and understand how relationships break down if things get in the way so that we cannot truly see each other. It requires commitment and honesty to finally expose the elephants for what they are and find a new way of being together.
And how important it is to not mix up the elephants with the partner or the relationship. That can happen so quickly – thereby the elephants are the ones who standing between a lovely lived relationship.
Wow Johanna – imagine if love films were based on the relationship you have with your husband? No pining, no loss and drama, no emotional love or lust – just pure connection, pure appreciation and a deep holding that is the true meaning of the word love. What a profound relationship you have developed with your partner, yourself and others, beautifully confirmed by what comes back to you.
A true love story.
A true love story…when shall we start writing the script Hannah? I am on board! (or a TV series…)
This is such a beautiful reflection for other couples Johanna. I feel that distance is created with my husband when I do not connect from my essence and fill up gaps with superficial conversation. Thank you for making me more aware of the power and the healing which occurs when I am truly connecting to my family and those people I am meeting every day.
Johanna, thank you for your sharing. It is very confirming, how you started to express and communicate more honestly with your partner and what a ripple effect this has to the world around you.
Expressing how we feel with one another is so powerful as your blog clearly demonstrates. It breaks down that whole thing that a lot of people have that they are the only ones who feel a certain way or that something is only happening to them or that they are alone.
Yes Elizabeth it takes from the construct its all about me to one of us.
A very beautiful sharing about trust and expression Johanna; two very important words needed for the growing of any relationship. It was truly inspiring to read how your relationship has blossomed and grown since making the choice to express all that is needing to be expressed. And I can feel how you both choosing to work together towards a deeper level of relationship has already touched those around you and that it will continue to do so. I just love the ripple effect!
I love the ripple effects you noticed Johanna, they are like magic moments I feel. I saw a ripple effect yesterday with not holding back expressing to a woman I’ve only met twice just how amazing she is, her commitment to work and how it feels when she is there. The beautiful thing was, that she knew it for herself and said how much she needed to hear that right now.
Your commitment to being honest and sharing with your partner and him vice versa is very inspiring and is gorgeous to feel – thank you.
A beautiful piece of writing, thank you. Johanna. What stood out for me this morning was the word ‘trust’, more so in the power of dispensing with mistrust, which I feel ever more acutely as an epidemic amongst us these days. I am, for now, just sitting with the extraordinary transformations that would take place if we set aside our mistrust; expressed outwardly towards each other, organisations, governments, other cultures and countries, but that is actually first and foremost our own lack of trust in ourselves.
Yes Matilda building trust with ourselves is the key to unlocking the patterns of mistrust that are so prevalent in all levels of society and this would indeed bring about ‘extraordinary transformations’. This really opens up for me the incredible ripple effect of just one person choosing to change their behaviour.
To me Johanna your article has described a way that relationships can evolve in an ongoing way. Always once a point of honesty and openness between people is reached, there is another deeper point that can be explored. So if we are not almost constantly prepared to see this and understanding that there is no resting place of being right or wrong in a relationship, then we are not living from the fullness of our essence, which always calling us to expand.
Thank you Johanna, this is very beautiful, you bring such a simplicity to it, that connecting to our essence and making it about love is the ingredient for relating and relationship with another. As you say it starts with our relationship with ourselves, connecting and trusting our essence…our essence is full of wisdom and knowing that supports us if we allow it so…We then have the openness and strength to be with what is also uncomfortable and things that can come up for us when we share in such honesty with another, especially our partners. Trust is such a delicate and beautiful quality to experience in relationships and as we build, it deepens and we become more and more who we are.
Trusting my own essence is the key for me as I then find I can trust the relationships around me as I know I am solid within myself. I do not always trust myself and have recently experienced a period of time when I didn’t trust myself at all. My foundation was very wobbly and I witnessed the ripple effects of this in relationships around me.
I agree Sally. These two are directly related. Thank you for such a sharing.
Thank-you Johanna for writing on expression. Reading that by developing your trust and expression with your partner has had a going forward effect with being able to relate more lovingly and honestly with everyone else, has exposed to me that I have used living on my own and not having someone to develop my expression with, as an excuse to measure how much I am willing to express and the restricting effects that has on deepening my relationships with others. ‘Ouch’
I was touched by the ripple effect on relationship with your husband and others when you chose to to live from your essence. Something we can all learn from.
Yes it is amazing. And as we deepen and continue to express we feel even more of each other to appreciate, plus we can each bring a greater level of understanding to our expression, communication and conversations.
What a gorgeous read Johanna, very lovely to hear how much and how quickly and easily the shifts took place. Expressing from who we are feels so entirely different in the body hey. For me it’s like it is felt through the whole body and is more full and resonant than if I’m not really there and ‘my head’ (really not me at all) gets to do the talking – which feels thin, distant, heady and definitely not warm or holding, of me or anyone else – I’m with Sara Harris on this: “I know now what it feels like to express from the love that I am and anything less actually hurts … a lot!”
Absolutely Kate… It’s incredible how different the body feels just from a change in expression!
Thank you Johanna, a beautiful testament of your commitment to yourself and the extension of this with your partner and all others.
Those ‘elephants in the room’ topics don’t go away do they Johanna…and left unaddressed, they taint all our other interactions with the person involved. It’s like opening up the flood gates when they are addressed so that expression and communication can flow freely between the people involved.
What you have presented highlights to me that by making that very personal commitment of staying with my essence, how the World then opens up, my capacity to relate to others and to really let them in becomes easy.
That yes, I can unwaiveringly know that I am equipped to handle whatever life brings and in fact life will respond in magical ways I had not anticipated. That I can be FREE, not needing any particular food or drink to bolster me through the day and thus I can be more available to life. This is a true revelation to me.
Very deeply beautiful Johanna. I love what you have shared. As I also am loving learning how the true power of love magically unfolds. How when we choose to commit to our love first within ourselves, we are able to see with the wisdom of our hearts eyes, and love and truth then becomes the focus in all our interactions and in all that we do.
This is a gorgeous sharing Johanna. It’s a wonderful example of how when we commit to being more loving with ourselves and with just one other person, it has the ripple effect with all others too.
WOW Johanna what an inspiring presentation this is.
The wisdom of the ageless wisdom is able to be lived incrementally, piece by piece drops in as we are ready and able to receive it.
Then is the task of living it, practicing each and every moment, each new day.
I have recently been contemplating my essence, what it is and how to live it in all that I do. Initially I was overwhelmed by the responsibility and struck by how easy it is to connect to – and then to lose in the very next moment, as an old an familiar way of being comes in.
I am in awe of the power of living in my essence and feel a true sense of joy that I have not for a long time, that this is my experience, my relationship with God, moment to moment and has nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of me.
I too can feel how easy it is to connect, and then the next moment disconnect. What I’m finding is that while the connection is easy, it takes commitment to each moment, and then the next etc. to build up that connection. Even focussing for 10 minutes on that connection can have me wandering off in all sorts of different directions…!
So beautifully expressed Emma. Thank you for sharing – it was like reading gold.
Lovely blog Johanna, I am totally with you. “I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”
Yes and it is all within and just waiting to be expressed and lived inside and out – how good is it to have this knowing and remembering it and accessing it in daily life.
Victoria a lovely line to highlight, it certainly says everything and is my experience as well. The more I connect and trust my essence then express from this the more I feel equipped to deal with whatever comes up. Simply expressing how I truly feel about something has a very profound effect.
What I hear in your words is how we settle for a kind of ‘togetherness’ that we get when we agree. Yet this is missing the fact that we are all truly together already. When I speak and share with others from this understanding everything changes. Because I am not grasping for something ‘I need’ but simply sharing more of me. Thank you Johanna.
This is lovely to read .. maybe your turn to write a love letter to your husband? Trust is so important in all relationships. I recently did a relationship workshop with young women and that is what one of them really got from it.. how important it is to trust the other person, or to trust in relationships generally. Also it is knowing that in true love there is no emotion. It is great to have the openness you are experiencing, I know the benefit of this as when I used to live with a good friend we did a similar thing (no elephants in the room but talk about them with love). Thank you for sharing your unfolding experience.
Yes Vicky he received an amazing letter the next day. We do have a gorgeous relationship with where we express our love in many different way such as with cute surprise lunchbox notes.
Beautifully expressed Johanna, what you share here supports us all to develop true relationships with everyone. You highlight some great points for expressing from our essence and the flow on effect to others – a lovely reminder for us all.
Johanna your blog has so much to ponder on. This particular line stood out for me – “I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” When I have not stayed connected with myself, I can feel that I cant cope with certain situations. As you share, and my experience has also been, that the opposite is true if we remain connected.
It is true, there is so much wisdom and resourcefulness that comes from that place of connection and there is also so much that we do to convince ourselves otherwise.
I too have discovered that, as I deepen my relationship with myself and allow myself to express from being just me, all my relationships and interactions with people, whether family or not, have opened up as they too have been allowed to be just them.
Yes and isn’t this such an awesome feeling too. To allow ourselves to express from our true self, what a difference this makes in interaction with others and then seeing them unfold into more openness themselves.
Thank you Johanna, in particular, your words…” that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing”… resonated with me. I too have discovered, that when speaking from your essence, there is no emotional tone or expectation of wanting another to ‘get it’.. which enables communication between people to be that such clearer. Your blog shows the everyday detail of being inspired by Universal Medicine.
This is a gorgeous blog Johanna – thank you for sharing your experiences, it is so uncommon to find that level of trust in a relationship, or even in yourself.
I completely agree Susan. The hardship is definitely there to reflect that things are complicated and that simplicity and love need to be brought in. What a blessing that we continually have reflections to either confirm the love we are and are living or to show us a correction or adjustment of some kind is needed.
This is also very much the feeling and learning I took from your blog Joanna. I have very much avoided confrontation as it always felt a bit yuck and sticky and I always felt a huge tension in my body bracing myself for something that I needed to say or share. I have absolutely complicated honest communication so it is so lovely to read how seamless and simple communication is when we connect to our essence and share what comes up, without an outcome or agenda attached.
Great sharing Johanna and I totally agree with the thread how when we make it hard and difficult a re-adjusting and choosing the simplicity of Love is required. Anne-Marie I agree with what you echo from Johanna about the not seeking an outcome or solution but just allowing what ever it is the space to be what it is. This way of living is the complete opposite to what I am used to. All expectations on others slide away and we can connect super easily.
Well said Natalie and a great point in what you have shared. It was never meant to be difficult so connecting and making it about love are the two main healing ingredients.
It can feel tricky when we complicate it. I understand. I try to just feel what is my body telling me and how are things sitting with me in my body and then communicate from there whether I can logically explain something or not. People feel truth and I have discovered that keeping it simpe is best.
So messy and complicated. I have been really aware of how I complicate things. Simplicity is the key and committing to that is what makes it work. Gorgeous to read this today.
Yet as I know all that you have shared is true what continues to surprise me is how difficult I find it to just say how I am feeling, without anything other than expressing myself. I am significantly better than I was for example the other day on different calls to people I simply shared that our conversation felt weird, and that was ok, then we talked some more they shared they were preoccupied with something, in the past I would not have said anything and would have personalised the weird feeling I was getting and made it about me having done something wrong! No wonder I was exhausted.
I love the simplicity of this Johanna, I have the same experience, when I feel easy in my body and express from their it is true, when I over think it, come from my head, my body is tense with this strain and what I say comes out all wrong. Our body is our teacher of truth, when we deny its messages to us it is a dangerous path to take.
When I feel into the energy in my body that is asking to be expressed, it is simply about allowing it out. In contrast, when I am in my head and try to say something, it often comes out complicated gobbledegook.
What you say about tension in the body is so true Anne-Marie, I sometimes feel it the other way too, expecting confrontation from someone where there is none. This shows me that I am not in my fullness, in denial of something deeply held, that I need to work on and get back to simple, honest, communication.
Your sharing Catherine also reminds me of the importance of just taking each new moment and meeting as a brand new slate. How ridiculous is it for us to take a hardened way from past unpleasant experiences to new moments? This on its own can taint the next new moment and interaction.
Yes focussing on the moment at hand and our bodies is absolute key! I agree totally. Agendas can be very destroying.
Susan and Johanna – the point you make here is absolutely life-changing – if we are prepared to let go of our attachment to and investment in life being hard, a struggle, a series of obstacles to overcome. Time and time again I have realised that when things become overly complicated and life loses its “flow” it is time to sit back and take stock, to simplify and bring in a whole lotta love, rather than continue to push through.
Well put Hannah sometimes this is exactly what we need.
After spending most of my time distracted on make believe problems and struggles I have had really similar changes in my life too Amina. I have consciously chosen to be more connected to my essence as Johanna described and especially in my relationship with my partner. This has supported us both to be super open and honest with each other which I have not had with a man before. Im learning how important it is to really listen and give ourselves the space to disagree which gives us the freedom to be ourselves with each other and I love how our love is deepening naturally.
For me I know this is forever deepening. Just this week I have been presented with the opportunities to open up more and allow myself to be vulnerable and allow my husband to see and feel this level of vulnerability that I had not shown or shared before and to be honest I didn’t even realise I was hardening to protect. This is part of the simplicity of just expressing and sharing what we feel without perfection or protection or expectation.
The sentence that stands out for me is, “I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need”. Why are we always looking outside ourselves for answers and solution when we already have every tool to love inside? Beautiful blog, Johanna.
Great post, Johanna. I too learned that how I am in my relationship with my husband affects all my relationships and that if the foundation is not true love, then there is always protection and struggle. I love how you say “that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.” And not making it about right and wrong, but always about love. Thank you for sharing.
This absolutely resonates with me Rachel. To express in full and not make it about right and wrong is love and I am in training to relearn this.
Being open and honest makes so much sense, Johanna life may be a bit more confronting but it does not spin a web of complications and confusion that can happen when we hold back from saying what we really feel.
In recent times I have been really able to appreciate how important expression is in its many forms and how much it hurts my body when I hold back. And how amazing and expansive my body becomes when I do express in full.
When I am with myself, in connection to my essence, I know everything. This is the most beautiful freedom that we are not feathered to any ideals or beliefs about life but instead a sense of space that allows our natural expression to just be and beautifully allows those around us to feel they too can just be.
You’re right Cherise, “When I am with myself, in connection to my essence, I know everything.” Yet at the same time, I know nothing as well. It’s like it just leaves you to be. In the fullness of who you are needing nothing more to be you.
This is so beautiful and interesting at the same time. It illiminates the mind and brings such a strength to our ‘presence’.
This is really encouraging to read Johanna as often I can hold back from expressing something in case it cases disagreement or conflict or there’s an uncomfortable feeling in the air, but one very important point in your writing is about expressing from our essence. When we express from the point of love nothing is insurmountable. Thank you for the loving reminder.
The benefits of staying connected to our essence and communicating openly in this way with each are so gorgeous that it makes me wonder why so few of us do it!
I have been wondering why it is so hard to express openly when it is the most natural thing for us and does feel so gorgeous. Even when others do react, it is still gorgeous as it is real.
A great question Nicola. I would have if I was taught from young. Maybe it is more about why this is not part of every child’s upbringing and education.
For this to be apart of education would change everything, for children would first Learn how to connect to themselves as a initial development then do what’s needed in the world.
‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.’ I love this, it is the expressing in the first place that matters not the outcome.
Not expressing creates a cold and damp silence that is actually very loud and uncomfortable. I would prefer someone to express and then if apologies for the quality it comes out need need to be worked through then so be it- but the not expressing at all feels far more damaging. And sometimes if we have been shutdown from young we need some time to feel how normal expressing love actually is. It can take time to practically develop our reconnection.
Johanna, this is a beautiful blog, I loved reading about what unfolded when you both chose to express in full and what is so lovely is that everyone around you benefits.
Deep appreciation for your article Johanna, this is so beautiful to read, what a difference to the racing divorce rates.
Wow, love is really that simple – giving yourself persmission to express and giving the other permission to express (without going into reaction) and what is clear this lays a beautiful foundation of trust; trusting yourself , trusting others, trusting in the grandness that life is that gives us a nudge when we are ready to go deeper, to be more intimate with self and all others.
I love to read this today Johanna…. thank you for sharing.
This is so beautiful Johanna. I am sure 99.9% of most relationship issues (in any relationship) are down to basically not expressing in full what we truly feel and not letting the other in to truly understand where they may be coming from. I have found the more I work on both of these things the more I evolve in all areas of my life as I understand more about myself.
This is beautiful to read Johanna and very timely for me. I’ve been feeling lately that I need to be more open and honest in how I communicate with my partner, yet I realise that I’ve been putting this off for fear of what the outcome may be. Reading about your experience is an inspiration and a super reminder that the fear is just a self made obstacle, keeping both my partner and I stuck in old patterns which only actually serve to stop our relationship from going to a much greater/deeper level of love. As you so beautifully share, when we do take the time to feel our essence and speak from there we can all benefit hugely.
That we are equipped to handle any situation when we stay with ourselves, I love that last sentence, so inspiring and true. And it builds so much confidence. Then in fact we don’t have to take a trip into the future like we tend to do so often and get anxious and nervous. We can just chose to stay in the moment and deal with whatever comes.
Thank you Johanna. Through Universal Medicine I too have learned so much about expression and communication. I know now what it feels like to express from the love that I am and anything less actually hurts … a lot!
I too Sara have learnt how vital the importance of expression and communication is from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I can feel the old ‘bystander’ and the holding back is slowly dismantling as I explore what it means to speak up and to express how i feel from the simplicity of my body.
Thank you Johanna – I love the simplicity of what you have presented here: being honest, being open and being OURSELVES. When we commit to being in honest relationships where we can communicate openly about what we are feeling on a foundation of love – so much growth, expansion and such a deeper love continues to develop.
I agree Simone. A definite emphasis on the word SIMPLE, as being honest and expressing what we feel in no way has to be complicated or a hard thing to do. It is an undeniable fact that we ALL notice and observe things happening around us, and in ourselves, and to voice those things may seem small and pointless but is actually incredibly powerful!
Thank you Johanna for sharing such an important topic. Many suffer from mild to severe forms of anxiety due to their fear of expression. We learn from an early age to make nice, hold back and not say it how it is as a result we bottle up a lot of what we are feeling and lose the ability to just express how it is, leading to an increase in anxiety and a fear of expression. Thanks for sharing how simple it is to break this cycle and support true expression.
Thank you Johanna for your blog about expressing from your essence and thank you Caroline for expanding on this. I am working with it day to day, expressing without holding back, without fear, without thinking too much about it. I am encouraging my children to do the same and I can see how this is not easy for them either, they need time, as do I, to practice expressing again, from truth, without expectations, without judgment. The impact my commitment to expressing truth has on me, my relationships and my life is beyond anything I could have imagined. It is a coming home and it allows me to connect to deeper levels of truth each day.
So true Caroline, those early messages we get that it is not safe or not acceptable to express can set us up to forever be alert for the signs of safety and acceptability that have been imposed by others; like we are owned by others views and beliefs! We then do not allow our own ‘bud’ of expression to unfold and bloom. I can forget that my expression is a unique and necessary part of the whole and it is only me who can allow bring this through.
This is very true Caroline. I know well the feeling and effects of holding back from expressing what we feel. I’ve recently broken out of this cycle and the sense of freedom and joy i felt when I did was breathtaking. At last Ive claimed my true voice.
Yes agree Caroline, I’ve found a fear of expressing can lead to saying nothing/minimal, or the opposite and saying too much, overcompensating, to even sounding verbose. Both are opposite scales of subversion of one’s expression. Learning to say or express it as it is requires a deep level of self-love towards self-acceptance, where we feel a sense of true worth and value.
So true Caroline and I can definitely relate to anxiety due to a fear of expression. In some areas of life I’ve had no problems expressing and because of that I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t have a problem with expressing. But in some areas of life I do have a fear of expressing. Holding back became so normal and I am slowly unravelling at least one lifetime of holding back.
Hello Caroline Raphael and I agree with how “We learn from an early age to make nice, hold back and not say it how it is as a result we bottle up a lot of what we are feeling and lose the ability to just express how it is” and equally do we simply learn to disconnect from ourselves and how we are feeling. For me the “anxiety and a fear of expression” are a program we have played to complicate what we are actually feeling, while I say they feel real, I can’t say they feel true. I can see the deeper the connection and the dedication to that with everything the simpler things become and the more you are able to say the truth of what you are feeling. We have possibly run a program of disconnection for so long that it becomes almost second nature and as you said it has started from young. I feel the more deeper the connection you continually build the freer we become. It all started from the Gentle Breath Meditation.
https://www.universalmedicine.com.au/services/free-audio-library/gentle-breath-meditation
When I read ”that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing” it confirms me, deepening this truth within me. I have struggled with confrontation in the past and still do at times but this sentence knocks confrontation on the head because it is about expressing and not the confrontation! Keep writing Johanna… I love your blogs and find them deeply inspiring.
Beautiful Johanna and a very timely blog. There is much that stood out for me. This is so true ”being honest, expressing it as it is for us, and expressing at the time it is needed”. Very often I override what is there to be expressed or communicated in my relationship with my husband. At the time I can feel myself doing it because of my lack of self-worth… is there time, is it worth the hassle, disagreement when everything seems to be going well etc. but recently I have begun to trust even the small and simple things that may arise, not knowing at the time as to why I am saying them, learning to be consistent with this and seeing the importance of expressing in the moment.
Agreeing or disagreeing is not the point, that is so true. It’s about expressing in the first place!
Yes but I loved how they created a ‘safe’ space to do that – that equally they held their love for each other were unified as a couple and from that foundation allowed themselves to agree or disagree. Quite often we don’t (and I know I have done this) disagree because we are nervous to disrupt the relationship but if the foundation is there, then you can do that.
Dispensing with the need to be right or wrong: this has and continues to transform my relationship with myself, others and life, when I have, for so long, lived with a fervour to be the one who had the last word, was ‘right’ and proved so. Right and wrong/agreeing or disagreeing are superficial and ugly distractions from connecting to one another in truth.
Short, sharp and to the point Felix – that’s exactly it and I love how you put it so simply.
I love this blog Johanna. I am still working out what it means to express from my essence. Reading your blog I can feel that it is natural for expression to be true, simple, sensitive, loving and playful.
What you write touches my heart Leonne: ‘… I can feel that it is natural for expression to be true, simple, sensitive, loving and playful.’
Dear Johanna, what a beautiful sharing of how you make your relationship about evolution; deciding to talk openly about everything, with the understanding that you can dis-agree. This is very encouraging and inspiring to read, as so many relationships seem to be more of an arrangement rather than a loving, growing and evolving relationship. Thank you for sharing how simple it is to grow closer, rather than further and further apart.
In my 20s (a long time ago) I was in a seriously stressful and painful relationship. Even then, whenever we managed to communicate long enough so we could get to some truth we always found that at the end there was love. At the starting point it usually felt completely different but once we could express our hurts and anger and accumulated resentment it also often became clear why we did what we did and the other could understand.
Expressing and communicating really works. Expressing and communicating with love just knocks your socks off.
True expression is the key to making any relationship work. It is amazing that we can look to spend the rest of our lives with someone and yet we still don’t let them fully in, choosing instead to remain guarded, in permanent anticipation of those very rare moments when we truly get hurt.
It is a strange irony that we don’t want to let love in lest we get hurt yet not letting love in, and subsequently not letting it out either, is a far worse pain than the pain we fear feeling and hence shield ourselves from. And so we wall ourselves in, elaborately fortified in our relationships with each other, holding love at arms length and seemingly blind to the fact that true love is the best and only ‘defense’, but it requires total surrender…and therein lies the fear.
Hello Liane Mandalis and yes I agree. We are more responsible at times then we may want to feel and we are “seemingly blind to the fact that true love is the best and only ‘defense’, but it requires total surrender…and therein lies the fear.” So the fear is a secondary feeling if you like and only comes if there is no true ‘surrender’ to the feeling or the love. I feel we ‘allow’ the fear as you say from not staying with the feeling or the love. In truth there is no fear, only the thought of it.
I couldn’t imagine spending a lifetime in a relationship where I have to keep up a guard, and not express my true self to another person. Well Said Adam! I know I would always want to be true in a relationship, and right from the start!
I agree Adam, isn’t it weird that we can dive head first into relationships before we even know if we can actually express to one another, be open and communicate, sometimes we don’t even know if we actually enjoy conversation with another before we go into a relationship!
What a beautiful blog about not holding back your true expression. I like the focus you set on expressing and connecting from and to your essence- a great reminder to connect deeper in daily life to who we deeply are. Thank you !
Yes me to, ‘…expressing and connection from and to your essence…’ this is coming from who we really are, rather than what we think we are, as I’m expressing more from connection, I’m actually at times amazed at the wisdom and understandings that come out of my mouth….that is within me, that is me!
I love this point too Steffi because if you are expressing from your essence it’s like you are guaranteed to go deeper in your relationship rather then expressing outburst of opinions just to prove yourself. This true expression from your essence would allow the space to connect deeper between the two of you. How gorgeous!!
Johanna whilst reading your story I got a really strong sense of a common language shared by all. Our essence, love, openness, vulnerability are all part of an innate universal language that we all speak and when one person speaks this language regardless of their native tongue we all recogniose it as our language too.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This is beautiful. Trusting my expression is a development. When I let myself be vulnerable and express the truth from the love in my heart I can feel my solidness in it. It melts away my barriers of protection and self-destructive thoughts and I am left to feel clarity, freedom and openness.
It’s great to read what you share Johanna. It was this morning that I could feel a deeper awareness of the importance of trusting my inner knowing and expressing from that. Then I get to read your blog… life is full of magic moments when we trust.
Johanna it’s really inspiring to read the simplicity of making a true commitment, and how much of a profound effect that has on everything. Not just one section of your life. I feel it’s really really important to express how your feeling to another – even if you agree or disagree. As long as you both have an understanding and love for eachother and yourselves. it takes courage I recon, but leads to amazingness and confidence and content with yourself.
Love is the key- and one we all have.
This is gorgeous Johanna. Making the commitment to express truth no matter what in a relationship can be super powerful, and as evidenced by you and your partner when you both commit it’s super confirming and super joyful. And I love how you can see that being this way allows you to handle anything! No need to ever get overwhelmed or stressed, if you apply the same appreciation and understanding you can take things step by step and bring all that you are to all that you do.
Thank you Johanna for sharing such a beautiful unfolding and deepening in your relationship with your husband, which then had positive ripple effects on others, when you both choose to express from your essence.
Johanna this is such a great blog. It’s great because of the level of discomfort that this had brought up in me. What I love about what you have shared is the very simple approach and manner in which you and your husband have committed to your relationship and your expressions within. I can feel that I have not made the same level of commitment myself, but I am deeply inspired by the simple steps you have shared. I can feel how appreciating the tiniest details to are super important here too, as often I know for me I think things have not changed one I oater, but the truth is often in the detail rather a bigger goal or ideal I may hold.
Expressing really is everything which is something I am learning. As someone who has always been guarded and untrusting of others is it quite a change to say what I feel and express what is happening for me. Yet in doing so I can feel how much I am able to change all my relationships and set my life up in a completely different way. Expressing I have found takes practice but it gets easier the more I am willing to do so. Expressing appreciation as your husband has done it a great thing to do, if we have feelings then I know now it is always better to share them, and then others benefit too, as you shared Johanna.
Thank you very much Johanna for your beautiful, inspiring sharing. What you present here is so simple and so profound. Trusting and expressing from my essence is something of a work in progress for me, and I am reminded that it’s just a simple, conscious choice to connect – that’s all it takes.
I can relate Fumiyo. I notice that the more moments I give myself to deeply be with my essence, then I seem to naturally be more present and aware in my day to day activities- there is a level of awareness and presence that becomes the norm, then it is that that we deepen. And naturally trusting and expressing from my essence becomes more familiar.
Gorgeous blog Johanna, reiterating for me the value in expressing openly with others (and not just those near and dear to us either). There is nothing more powerful that the whole of who we are.
Beautifully put Helen; ‘the whole of who we are’…brought to every little bit.
Beautiful Johanna, yes it is all about expressing without wanting to be right. There is no wrong or right, there is the expression which gives space for both to feel truth and connection. And agree or disagree is for me not such a thing anymore, it is not personal so I won’t have to react. Just see where each of us is at and accept that without judging.
Thank you, Johanna, this is beautiful. I love your confidence in the unwavering knowing that you can handle any situation because your connection to your essence is so strong – very inspiring and powerful.
This is absolutely inspiring and I know what Johanna is referring to – the deep feeling that I am enough as I am in any situation.
Johanna thanks for sharing the importance of sharing from what we feel in our hearts and inner essence. A take away line for me was that people don’t have agree or disagree as its about being willing to express no matter what.
Yes Sharon, this is a very important part isn’t it – to share no matter what, even if we don’t agree with what is shared. It is the sharing that matters, that what needs to be expressed.
It’s absolutely a level of honesty and respect that we are honouring ourself and others around us with. Plus it makes life real, truthful and practical- without the pretending.
Yes Sharon this is also my take away line. It is all about how a accept myself and not to allow myself to dismiss what I was feeling.
There is so much to celebrate in reading your article Johanna. This sentence stood out for me ‘I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.’ How beautiful and expansive you are showing love is.
This is a gorgeous sentence, I agree Jane. For me in reflection this sentence also points out to me that if am having any struggles with relating to others then it is also showing me that perhaps I need to be with the love of my essence a little more or in deeper connection with myself. We are not perfect but it sure is beautiful how no matter the situation that we are always being reflected a learning.
A truly beautiful blog Johanne. It’s inspirational to read the deeper connection you and your husband achieved from being more open and honest with each other. As we deepen the connection with our essence and expressing truthfully from our heart, so to does our connection with those around us deepen.
What a beautiful expression of trusting your essence Joanne and all you have shared from there is very loving and inspiring thank you . Making the choice to develop a deeper relationship with ones essence and hence with every relationship is well worth it in every way as you show. This love in expression is something we all crave for and know and are innately inside and you have shared the key for us all – ” I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.”so true and so beautiful.
Thank you Johanna – This is an inspiring read and I know and have experienced that when I live in this way it means I also “…. appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” However I am also learning that I used to think that I had to be able to trust another first but actually it is about having trust in myself and accepting that everything I need to express is already there and has a value whether it is agreed with or not.
This is a beautiful blog Johanna. I can really feel that by opening up on both sides and allowing the expression of each of you it has allowed the relationship to develop more care and trust. It’s also beautiful to feel how this has supported you in every other relationship. To feel the impact of the difference when we speak from our essence, or not from our essence is enormous.
I agree Rachel. Expressing from our essence is huge different to any other and when we allow this we give possibility to deepen and expand our relationships.
Johanna your sharing of expressing from your essence and the ripple effect this has is so powerful. It’s inspired me this morning to look at my relationships and how I am with people, the commitment to love and the opening up to a true meeting someone is something that we all crave for. As your shared its there waiting for us to make the choice and the ripple effect is the natural result. It’s also great how you shared that its based on a known foundation of love and that with honest discussions its ok to disagree along the way as in that unfolds the truth.
Thank you for sharing Johanna, I can relate to what you mean about sometimes it being hard to simply and fully say everything you are feeling to your partner. But like you have also found communication in full is essential for a true relationship to flourish otherwise the things we sweep under the carpet, leave a tension and soon build up and trip us over.
Well said James! if things are left unsaid then really the foundation you are both standing on is like a rug with everything underneath it.. it’s not going to be long before both or the two of you fall… OR you both learn to live with the discomfort until that becomes your comfort and that is not truly loving..
Thank you, Johanna, that is very inspiring or actually encouraging, as I often feel quite uncomfortable expressing all that I feel in expectation of some conflict or disagreement. Your sentence “we agreed that it was totally okay to disagree along the way” is a real eye and door opener as it takes away the necessity to avoid disagreement. Not expressing is such a contraction in the body and being, constricting myself to less than I am. Taking negative expectations out of the equation opens space to actually looking forward expressing and see whatever happens thereafter.
I love the commitment you and your husband have made to express whatever needs to be expressed, knowing it comes from a foundation of loving each other Johanna. All too often in relationships there can be a holding back of what needs to be said out of fear of being left – I know this is something I have felt and occasionally still do. How freeing to get to the point where we value our relationship with ourselves first and foremost, so the connection to our essence is not abandoned out of fear of a reaction to what we have to say. In making this so we are in fact deeply honouring ourselves and all others equally for when we hold back in expressing, we are denying the other a chance to evolve.
Yes Lucy, relationships are about evolution.
Beautiful sharing Lucy. It feels all encompassing. I love what you say here ‘ . How freeing to get to the point where we value our relationship with ourselves first and foremost, so the connection to our essence is not abandoned out of fear of a reaction to what we have to say’ how freeing indeed to value ourselves first and foremost knowing that our relationship to ourselves is what affects every other relationship, so to build this foundation is of the greatest value. Learning to trust this is a beautiful learning.
Beautiful point Lucy – ironic that we hold back expressing for fear of being hurt or hurting another yet this lack of expression is the very thing that harms relationships.
I loved reading this article Johanna, what particularly stands out for me is ‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing.’ My partner and i have started expressing more with each other recently, what I realised is that i was expecting us to agree, or rather I was expecting him to agree with me because i felt that i was right, this caused tension between us, whereas it feels very freeing to read what you say about it being ok to disagree, so simple but very supportive thank you.
Oh, Johanna, I found your blog to deeply inspiring and beautiful to read. You really capture the essence of our divine essence when you express so profoundly the deepening of your relationship with your husband, and that when your relationship has a foundation of love, honesty and openness can be expressed in a way that brings greater depth and sustainability to that relationship. By feeling, connecting and being love we can maintain our wonderment of how truly magnificent life can be.
Thank you Johanna for sharing this beautiful deepening with your essence and how communicating from it changes “everything”. I very much appreciate to read about all your experiences and awareness, as I am able to relate to it and feeling inspired, because much more is to be developed here for me. Through expressing more from my essence with my partner and also with friends, I am experiencing a deepening of trust into the connection and feel the power of “calling the elephants out”. As you beautifully have written, it is the trust that the essence holds all the tools we will ever need.
The trust and feeling safe is very important. When this deepens within any kind of relationship, I can feel how I open up more and share indeed also those lovely elephants that can stand in the way of going deeper in the relationship. Sometimes it helps me to say ok, what I am going to say now I feel a bit uncomfortable about but here we go….it keeps it light.
Thank you Stefanie, this is inspiring. Trust in in our connection and our essence.
A beautiful sharing Johanna. Sharing from a true expression in our relationships is so powerful and so very supportive. With my husband we have been choosing more readily to express even the so-called ‘little things’ as these left unsaid cause a disturbance in the flow of our relationship that is both unpleasant and unnecessary. As we are learning to express more openly with each other we are finding that we are naturally deepening the love in the relationship. So beautiful to explore and we are always learning as we go.
From reading this blog and the comments, it is clear to see that the ‘little things’ that often go unsaid are not in fact little at all, but impact a lot on people’s relationships
Absolutely Jessica. I agree. It is the little things that add together or eventually snowball to be something quite huge- which then becomes very sticky to deal with and unpack. Hear hear to speaking truth and expressing about all the little things.
Thank you Johanna for sharing a very personal area of your life and showing us all that there is a simple and truly effective way to deepen our relationships when we trust ourselves and open up to express from our essence. It is truly remarkable that we can discuss the ‘elephants’ that inhabit our lives in a truly honest and loving way, without judgement or reaction, if we are prepared as you say to stay with the ‘sticky moments’ and feel the discomfort that arises. So often I have wanted to escape the discomfort but am learning, little by little that feeling the awkward and painful bits is much easier if I can also stay connected to my essence. The trust that arises from this is immense, the realisation that we all want the same thing, Love and that when one person tenaciously adheres to it, it can change the entire dynamics of a conversation and situation. Awesome!
I agree Rowena. It is a game changer. Also as you say staying with the sticky moments are important- I notice that they allow me to further feel the dynamic or effects of that which needs to be discussed.
To feel my essence tangibly within me is at once a miracle and also very normal. It’s only a miracle because we live in a world that educates people to live in disconnection to it. Normal because once it is felt tangibly within, it confirms that there is no one else I could actually be. Expressing from it allows another the space to be where they are at. It’s naturally compassionate and understanding, but it is no way a push over. It is powerful and lives for the truth to prevail.
What a beautiful and honest blog. What I realised reading this is that it is easy to fear disagreement as a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or to make it about right and wrong in relationships, but really it is about expressing as honestly as we can all the time from the heart and trusting that whatever happens next will be building and developing the relationship to be more love which as you say Johanna is deep down what we all really want.
This is beautiful Andrew and something so natural but rarely seen in the world. Imagine children being brought up knowing and being ok to disagree with other kids or adults or have them disagree with them but that it doesn’t change one iota how they truly feel about one another? I know of many children growing up knowing this and expressing in this way. Living like this feels like a breath of fresh air and a freedom in the body.
Yes I agree Andrew, I too have come from the belief that disagreement was a bad thing, correlating it to meaning that I am not loved if someone disagrees with me. What a relief to discover that when we express honestly from the heart and listen properly to the one other, disagreements can actually enrich my life and deepen my love for another and myself. It is as Johanna says what we are all looking for, a greater dept of intimacy in our lives achieved by honestly and lovingly sharing ourselves.
The comments from this blog are so refreshing. I find that if there is a sniff that I and another will disagree with each other, I either back off or become hard and defensive. What I feel here in your comments, Andrew, Aimee and Rowena is that it’s more important to share honestly, than worrying about any outcome.
It’s a great thing to realise Andrew that disagreeing does not need to be unpleasant. There is a loving way to express and nothing is more important than that love. When we make it about being true or things feeling true or not then it takes the battle away from being right against wrong.
Hello Andrew Mooney and I agree about “it is easy to fear disagreement as a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or to make it about right and wrong in relationships”. What if the feeling of this though isn’t true. So for example, in a moment you feel something then you feel a person will disagree or in the past xyz has happened so don’t share it like this etc. Haven’t we merely already stepped beyond the first feeling into something else? If we can say that “developing the relationship to be more love which as you say Johanna is deep down what we all really want.” Then if it’s equally what we all really want then where does the feeling of a “disagreement” come from and is it true or is it something bought in as a complication over the simple feeling that was felt. For me it is about connecting and so anytime I ‘think’ about how to share or if this will happen, for me I have already stepped out of connection and the feeling. This allows ‘anything’ to come in and so if we dedicate ourselves to the connection of how we are feeling at any point no matter what and who we are sharing things with then this leaves no room for anything else. I feel we bring in the disagreement or right wrong or how it will be received regardless of what has happened in the past, these things can’t be true if deep down we all really want to be more love. No matter what is said or how things are received from connection you will always brings the ‘answer’, the understanding, the love and the next part from there. Thank you Andrew.
Thank you Johanna, this is a great testimonial that being all of us and expressing what we feel is the way forward. I love the point you make ‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing’, which takes the judgement of right and wrong out of the equation and allows us to simply listen to the other and understand where she/he is coming from.
It is ok to disagree but in my experience it usually means that there is more to see and it is worth looking deeper. Sometimes it may not be the right time to look deeper but in my experience it can be very beneficial to take another look whenever that is possible.
This is so true Esther, whenever we disagree it is not about judging who is right and who is wrong but to come to a deeper understanding of the situation together by truly listening and understanding each other.
This is very beautiful, Johanna. As I read this I could feel my heart opening and a deeper awareness of where I hold back in relationships. I feel the sharing of your openness has opened a door and I feel lighter. Thank you.
Thank you Johanna for sharing this. What I am learning is that by going with what I feel, even if it feels ugly, sticky or unpleasant in some moments, the more I choose to keep feeling what I am feeling and let it out there is a lightness at the end. Bottling things up makes them build and fester and emotions start to cloud everything in life to the point where I have believed that to say how I feel would be the worst earth shattering event ever when actually it isn’t. The unpleasantries are just showing me where I have chosen to bottle up my feelings in the past. When I actually do say how I feel it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off me.
I find this too Leigh.. Sometimes I’ll hold back from saying something because of how gross or messy it feels, or because I know it will make a certain person react badly, but actually once I say it it’s nowhere near as bad – actually as you say it feels like a weight has been lifted off – and the other person sometimes listens and understands what I’m saying.
I also can relate to feeing this lightness when I express Leigh and contrastingly the heaviness when I don’t.
I totally agree Leigh Matson by holding back you are not releasing your potential. I have found the more I have expressed my truth in relation to the situation, it does not matter what comes out but how it does, just as long it is from my feelings, and not any of the distraction of how you think it to be from past experiences or reactions or hurts.
Hello Leigh Matson, if life is all about connection, a connection simply to yourself and what you are feeling in any moment? Then whether you are feeling “unpleasantries, sticky” etc haven’t you just lost connection? For me if I am feeling something but then straight away after I am wondering how it will be received or something else other than the actual feeling then I have simply stepped away from connecting to what I am feeling. If we can speak about what we are feeling and then feel a “lightness at the other end” which is true for me, then anything that ‘comes in’ after that initial feeling before it is express isn’t true, it’s something else. For me as I said it all comes from connection and the dedication to that.
I completely get what you mean here Raymond, everything gets unpleasant the moment I hold back or ignore a feeling I get in favour of thoughts, criticisms, judgements, assumptions or basing the moment in front of me on a previous experience that was not so pleasant. In the past like many I wasn’t taught how to hold onto my connection with me regardless of what is happening around me. But more and more now I am starting to take notice of those moments, even though now I reckon there are deeper levels of this I have only now just started to question, when I do hold back a feeling and it is getting to the point where it is simply not worth it for I feel much worse having held it all and focusing on the unpleasantness is not the answer either! it only keeps it hanging around.
This has got me wondering now, if in the one instance I can choose to connect then in the next split second think about something else, songs, work etc – was the choice to connect a true and genuine choice in the first place or does it come coloured by those judgements, beliefs, hurts from previous times? Something I feel is worth looking at more. Thank you Raymond and Johanna.
Creating time and space to express in full no matter how silly the topic might be allows for more understanding and intimacy in any relationship, and this is something worth appreciating,
Thank you.
I agree Francisco… having more open discussions and not capping a relationship would really support an on-going deepening of intimacy. I love when relationships are this way, it’s inspiring.
And it always pleasingly surprised me just how much can be spoken about and in how much detail, the more I explore this.
It’s one of the things I love about my relationship with my wife is I can be totally me and express my deepest intimate feelings all the time. I love to trust and go for it. Express everything I want say and all that I am feeling. This builds trust in me and breaks down all the different ideas I grew up in that was seen to be the right and wrong. There is nothing more right than to be me.
I loved your comment that you are finding the more open you are, how open other people will be. I keep finding that too. If you are open and at ease, other people feel safe to be open with you. We can’t all be waiting for someone else to jump. I was also inspired by you finding that it’s ok to disagree. Growing up I never witnessed arguments but saw a lot of burying under the carpet. I believed it was not The done thing to disagree. It’s lovely to know the expressing is what is important and what can flow on from that.
Such a true point Fiona. If we all wait for someone else then we will all, forever be waiting and no one would ever express from their essence.
Joanne this was exactly what I needed to read this morning, especially these words ‘I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’. This is key for me as I am about to take on a new role at work. Thank you.
Once again Johanna you’ve come up with a beauty! I’m learning more and more on a daily basis how important expressing is and how much it hurts us when we don’t. Relationships will never advance without expressing truthfully from our essence. Thanks for sharing this blog as it is such a good reminder not to stagnate and take it up a notch.
I agree. Expressing the truth of what we are feeling is a part of claiming and living who we are. It confirms what we have felt in our bodies and expressing it allows us to deepen our sense of feeling and awareness. It’s not about being right all of the time but learning from our expressions as well as those of others.
Thank you Kevin !
Expressing my from essence is light, fun and playful. When I start to get serious (which I can quite a bit!) I realise that I am no longer communicating or expressing from my essence. When expressing from my essence, life becomes simple, it flows and the connection with others feels beautiful. Thanks Johanna for sharing and reminding me that trusting and living from my essence is the key to a joyful and not so serious life.
And what is really valuable is learning to come back expressing from our essence when we are in reaction. Being in a relationship brings up a lot of reactions and learning how to come back to expressing from our essence quickly is a beautiful skill.
This is a great point your make Christoph. I often find it tricky that when I am in reaction to come back to expressing from my essence opposed to expressing from the hurt. I find that connecting with my body is a really useful tool, to come back to feeling my body and my breath, reconnect and then express.
Thank you Christoph for this valuable command. I agree and with doing so our lives are more joyful and easy . . . .
I can completely relate Donna to not making life serious and making expression playful and light. This is also a learning and unfolding I am working with.
It’s such an automatic switch from light and playful to heavy seriousness expression when we are in reaction or defending a belief we are particularly attached and identified with. Its like there is no time to stop and ponder if, ‘well I think I’ll swap to serious mode now’, it just happens. To know this as a pattern indicative of loosing connection with openly expressing from our heart, is a gem. It is not to say that light and playful cannot express profound and serious topics, it means that the heaviness can be used as a marker to stop, reconnect and start again. That way we develop our connection and ability to gently and non-imposingly express truth.
Thank you Johanna. What you share here shows me that when we trust ourselves to be open and honest and express from our essence there is no misunderstanding and our true feelings are shared. By building our confidence in openly sharing what we feel we can develop a deeper understand of ourselves and of another who is equally able to express freely without judgement of ‘getting it wrong’ or ‘saying the wrong thing’; building a true relationship.
And we also allow others to feel the beautiful support of, and what it feels like to hear and feel someone expressing honestly – a reflection of another way and that it is safe.
It is true, expression and communication is very important in a relationship. Even if it is not true at all what we might have felt, it is great to express and talk about it and then get it out of the way. For example why someone does a particular thing when I do not understand why it is needed. I noticed I often know why people do certain things but a lot of the time the intention of the other person was totally different. Communicating is in this instances deeply supportive of the relationship.
Spot on Lieke, sometimes because we don’t necessarily agree with the way we are feeling tell ourselves it is wrong then so often we can talk ourselves into playing the issue down and not expressing about it and hence it just dwells undealt with
I agree Lieke. Communicating what is happening stops the mind games or the interpretations of what we think is happening. As you say a persons intention could be totally different to what we thought.
Lack of True Communication and misunderstanding are two of the main aspects of relationships I feel that stop many couples from truly expressing all the love that could otherwise be there
Yes Lieke, I sometimes have my own interpretation of why people do certain things, because of my beliefs. Through communication I have often found I have been totally wrong and the persons motives were well meaning. Misinterpretation can cause so much complication and misunderstanding.
Thanks Johanna. Expressing from our essence is what makes all relationships work. As you have discovered sometimes disagreeing is even welcomed because it opens up to what is actually going on in the relationships and nothing is hidden. This type of relationship is one I wish to be in.
I have a beautiful relationship with my house mate. Whist I am not perfect in expressing from my essence, I have committed to expressing. Nothing gets hidden in our relationship. If there is something there, it is felt so strongly we can’t go more than a few hours without talking about it. We have set a foundation that simply cannot allow elephants in the room. The spaciousness and freedom with in our relationship is amazing. From this relationship I have been able to take this to my other relationships.
True Harrison- expressing from our essence is what makes relationships work. Not hiding builds trust and disagreeing is ok. Many of us have experienced disagreeing in our up bringing to mean aggressiveness or force but it diednt have to be that way. We can share lovingly yet disagree.
Yes, those are the types of relationship I also choose Harrison, where I am expressing all from my essence. This is still a work in progress, in the meantime, ‘ I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself’, as Johanna shared.
I bet it feels amazing to not have elephants taking up all that space anymore! Thanks for sharing, I love all your bullet points too, the benefits to you both, and all around you, are gold.
Agreed Jeannette, there would be much more freedom of movement without those ‘elephants’ anymore!
The elephants now actually feel like big discomforts that if they are not expressed the tension is quite palpable – there is no place for the elephants, especially because of the fact that they serve no purpose and hold love back.
Haha great point Jeanette…! it’s great to put playful practicalities into articles like this to give a silly image… love it Johanna.
Relationships aren’t easy in my experience. However what can we say is easy in life?
Turning on the TV?
Microwaveable dinner?
Surfing the Internet?
Many things aren’t easy but when love is applied they are straight forward its just about developing a relationship with the tension we have with love.
I agree, Luke. Relationships aren’t easy for me either, but that magic ingredient called Love, for oneself and then another, is essential in order to reveal the lingering needs and attachments, and be able to let go into a truer sense of what relationships can be.
And perhaps Luke. That tension is there at times for us to look at something and to bring more love to relationships.
I love this Johanna. Tension often generates fear, of complications , honesty, discomfort and causes defensiveness. As you say it can be an opening for clearer more honest communication, acknowledging that all is not well. Exploring what’s at play is the key, with love., not blaming, avoiding or denying.
I like what you have said Luke… your comment has a different flavour to it and I really enjoyed it.
I also agree with you Janet…
Relationships aren’t easy for me, I find they are a real art and I am enjoying finding my way with them and learning to express in them more and learning what works and what doesn’t.
I love what you have shared Luke and Janet. I have come to appreciate those in relationship and certainly humbled by observing the love between couples. I have not had loving relationships this life time but can feel how much more loving I am with myself now than in the past. I find the more I keep connecting to my essence the more open I am to being in loving relationships – for me being open, tender and loving is the key.
Luke that’s a little gem – “developing a relationship with the tension we have with Love” – there something for me to ponder on as I have identified the tension, now to build a relationship with Love.
This account of the trust and loving connection that you have brought to yourself, your husband and everyone in your life is deeply felt Johanna. I love what you wrote about knowing that you are equipped to handle any situation when you choose to stay with yourself. Thank you.
Yes exactly Bernadette, I love that part too – it really stood out for me.
The understanding I came to reading your blog Johanna is that we are not taught how to deal with issues. Our parents don’t know, so we are raised in an atmosphere of overt aggression and fighting, or worse still the nice polite family that “never have a disagreement”, although everyone is simmering and seething from the accumulation of hurts that they have never expressed.
Who or what teaches us how to conduct a loving conversation in regard to a disagreement?? We are sold a fantasy of “living happily ever after” i.e. happy couples don’t fight…we look at our families and we see nothing but conflict and everywhere else we look is the same.
I love the way that Universal Medicine has changed my relationships and the way I am in them, forever. I have learned to speak to people in a way that is very straight and clear…no longer silent in the face of hurts, or sulky or apologetic. And I do not back down when people are aggressive or rude. After all, they just do not know that issues can be resolved in a way that is firm and very loving.
Thank you Rachel and Johanna – just what I need to hear right now. Trusting that it is OK to speak even if those that will hear me may disagree seems like jumping in at the deep end right now, because I have spent so many years calculating what I can and will say, but I know that I must just do it, and be prepared to make mistakes along the way, because holding back ii just not working, not at all. There is absolutely no harmony in always trying to reach an outwardly expressed, if very shaky consensus. It is exhausting.
The more we express, the less we need to say. Once it is clear that we will not hold back and express and communicate the truth, the other feels this and quite often little or nothing need actually be said. It is quite beautiful.
Absolutely Rachel, before English, Maths, Geography and grammar are taught we should be taught about energy first, including expression in all relationships. Before knowing and meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I held back in expression, lacked confidence in myself, blamed others and did not take responsibility for my part in relationships and played the victim! Now most of that has gone, sometimes I still hold back but am healing this more and more but my relationships and openess with others has changed 10 fold.
This is a very true point you share Rachel. We are not taught this and the fact is that aggressiveness does not even need to be in disagreements. I have learned and am appreciative of Universal Medicine, the Benhayon family and Serge Benhayon for reflecting this truth.
And fir us who now know this truth, it is our responsibility to bring that, through the way we are to others.
Not backing down when people are rude or aggressive is something I yet have to develop and learn more; it can be easy to go into fear of what might be coming next and that then stops me from coming from my essence.
I can relate to this Gabriele, I have many a time in the past chosen to contract and feel small when there is rudeness or aggression coming towards me. But I am starting to realise that this is the purpose of that energy, to make me feel scared or weak or less, to intimate me. But the truth is that holding myself firmly in times such as these, and with my heart still open, is the key to calling this out in others. I too am yet to master this, but have started to observe and understand it, so mastery comes next.
Gabriele I am too learning how to be me when people are rude or aggressive. I grew up with rudeness and aggression and I tried a lot to stopp it until I gave up and become silent and sad instead. Now I could feel that with this giving up I gave up to love myself and that was very sad and painful to feel. Now I am changing and I have to admit that is a great joy. There is still work in progress but I am committed to stay open and in contact with people when they are aggressive or rude and allow myself to feel what ever is there to feel and to allow myself to get an understanding for me and for them.
Great point Rachel. It is very true that as children and growing up into an adult we are not taught how to deal with issues or how to deal with life in general. Everywhere we look – in our families, at school, in the outside world etc. there is disharmony and fighting, yet our teachers do not mention or talk about it, nor do our parents or other siblings. We grow up observing it, thinking we are the only ones who can feel what’s going on, and when it’s our turn to step out into the world we know nothing but that disharmony so our relationships are founded on it. Growing up with the teachings of Universal Medicine has helped me embrace the awareness of what’s happening around me, and I am blessed with people I can talk to about what I see and how to deal with it so that the relationships in my life can be loving, and I can reflect this way of being to others.
Yes Susie, it is a blessing to have grown up with that reflection and to now be able to offer that to others. This world needs reflections that show relationships do not need to be dramatic and combative but that love is equally honest, has integrity, joy, playfulness. It is who we are and where we come from, so why fight it?!
I spent a lifetime, perhaps more, of sweeping things under the carpet and was taught that as long as the exterior looked ok we needn’t really address much else. My goodness did this build up an enormous amount of resentment through so much being unexpressed. The seething and simmering could be felt a mile off! It’s so true what you say Rachel, we are simply not taught how to express in a loving way, even when things are not all rosie and lovely. Universal Medicine is bringing this teaching and what’s more, it is actually our natural way that we are simply re-learning.
Hear Hear, absolutely agree with you 100% – thank you Rachel.
Amazing how the conversations on these blogs present the choices we have – and that we in fact have a choice since being offered this reflection by all who are associated with Universal Medicine.
Thank you Johanna for such an honest, open and profound sharing as you trusted and expressed your essence. Being willing to open ourselves up by being fragile and tender with each other develops into such a strength of purpose in our true connection to love and truth.
I am also learning that trusting the fragility in all relationships- to let myself stay with my body and truly feel situations allows me to stay in the rawness and express from there. I am finding that when I simply express from that lovely fragility, rawness and my body that others just automatically feel the truth of what is being shared.
Well said Susan.. I also admire the trust I feel that Johanna has in herself to be expressing how she feels – it’s an amazing quality to have!
Totally Susan,
To allow ourselves to be open and honest and tender and to express from our essences is our true power and strength.
I love what you have shared here, Johanna. A wonderful journey you have had with your husband since you put into practice your agreement to express what you each were feeling, no matter what the other might feel about it. What a change it obviously brought about in your relationship, how open you have obviously been with each other. I especially love this line – “I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” Yes, the key is to stay connected to that wonderful essence that we all have within.
It’s pretty cool to know that we already have everything we need. Funny how we make life so complicated when it’s very simple, really.
Thank you Beverley. And the more we are honest and open, I am realising the more this continues, a refining process happens and more is presented for us to be open and honest about. A continuing unfolding!
It is such a subtle refining process Johanna where I experience the expression comes more and more from a connection to my body first rather than my head.
“I appreciate my essence and have an unwavering knowing that I am actually equipped to handle any situation when I choose to stay with myself.” This is lovely, presence is vital in everything and at all times.
I’m not sure why it is, but we often tip toe around the “elephant in the room” with those that are our nearest and dearest, when the opposite could be true – because the time we’ve spent together could afford us greater intimacy and openness in expression. There are so many rules and pictures in relationships that the simplicity of being open and honest can get swept to the side in favour of meeting needs or being polite. It’s great to read your story and be inspired by the changes you’ve made, it’s given me insight into where I can bring greater expression into my relationships.
Yes you are right Melinda. We do tend to ‘tip toe’ around the elephant in the room, especially with our nearest and dearest. I had never thought of it that specifically. When I ask why that is, the first thing that comes to me is that perhaps of the false belief/thought we may carry because we love that person and they play a big role in our life, then we need to avoid disturbance so we don’t lose them; but this of course is completely wrong, as the truth is- if love is there, then no matter what comes up and needs to be shared will be supported from that love, and as you say Melinda, the intimacy will have been able to deepen.
It is a great question you pose here and one that many relationships would benefit from pondering on.
Thanks Johanna, Avoiding disturbance for fear of losing someone close is something I can relate to. One relationship comes to mind, communication has broken down, there’s a tension and residue that holds both of us back. Your blog helped me reflect more on this again and prompted me not to give up (an old pattern) or blame, but look within to see what is getting in my way. And as Melinda shared through love it’s possible to come to a deeper level of intimacy.
An incredible insightful blog Johanna and it gives me the feeling that we are all able to quickly work on anything that we feel uncomfortable about if we are coming from a place of love first. Sometimes it is really revealing to discuss situations but what I am learning, and what your blog shows so amazingly is the beautiful nature of being able to share and discuss and learn to be more open without any fear of what the other will ‘think’ ~ this only works if the foundation of love is there and expressing from this place …
Either way, the beautiful thing is that the expression from our essence is continually creating a loving foundation even if it is not presently there. The foundation has to start somewhere.
Yes, if we are feeling uncomfortable about something, that is usually a sign that we would benefit from finding out why we uncomfortable about it, especially the true reason.
Thank you, Johanna for sharing this, it is inspiring to feel how your relationship has deepened through your willingness to express from your essence, and the acceptance of knowing ‘that it is okay to agree or disagree – that it is more about expressing’.
And just simply recognising and letting go of all the unnecessary stuff that gets in the way has been so supportive.
So true Johanna how all that stuff we have lived with gets in the way of love and once dropped we feel the loving support we are held in.
I am just reflecting and realising how many years I thought I was living and being what I thought was me but now that I have made the space and take the time to connect and be with myself and express from my depth I can see that for many years I was acting, thinking and moving from the ideals and beliefs I was living. It sure us great to drop all that stuff as you say Paul and feel the love we are held in.
Yes Carmel it is OK to agree or disagree – and to refer to Johanna’s words “how much can be worked through quickly when we choose to make it about love”. When this intention is there before we speak, nothing harmful can be expressed.
There is so much that is not expressed in relationships that act as a wedge in not allowing a relationship to evolve and deepen. Getting these out of the way, no matter what they are, expressing them and dealing with them sets up the path of a very powerful and supportive relationship. Thank you Johanna for showing the power that is waiting to be felt.
This wedge feeling is true Matthew. I find it is always something that reflects a learning to be had and it is easy for it to pass as we choose evolving behaviours and even perhaps see the unloving behaviours as simply devolving behaviours. Nothing is as deep as the love we each hold in our essence. I find the more I connect to that in me and see that in others then the path forward even for the tricky conversations to be shared become very loving and very clear, especially when I stay with my body.
I understand that wedge feeling you both speak about Johanna and Matthew. It can complicate expression and shut others out. I can see how not expressing in full with a layer of protection does not support anyone. The commitment you share in dealing with problems from your essence and building trust with your partner so that you freely express what is there to be shared is beautiful.
Yes indeed Rachel, and this is how trust and love is built in relationships.
Johanna it’s beautiful to read how connecting to ones essence allows us to pass through these wedges. Sometimes I’ve seen these wedges on the horizon so I’ve parked up and not dared approach. The more I’m connecting to the fact that there is nothing wrong with me the more open I am to looking at what they are presenting me to learn and heal from. They are great opportunities to develop connection with myself and others more deeply.
‘Nothing is as deep as the love we each hold in our essence.’ This is so beautiful Johanna.
Yes, don’t let the wedge or the initial fear get you. A long time ago I got through the wedge by saying that nothing is more important than the truth. Today I feel it is that nothing is more important than being and expressing love – both together and then the truth gets expressed and we both have a choice what we do nest.
I agree Christoph, being truthful is the basis of intimate sharing and I know with my husband when there are secrets there is a wedge between us which is more like a wall than a wedge!
Great point Christophe. And the truth is that truth without love is not really truth if it hasn’t been delivered in harmony. But when we connect with love, be the love we are and express from that love then the truth of what we share is always felt from others.
I can completely agree Matthew I can relate to times when it is through expressing honesty in a relationship that whatever the issue maybe can beginto clear, almost instantly!
Often we can be afraid to express the truth for how it may be received. But in reality it is the non-expression that does the most harm.
That is so true Nikki, it is not expressing that does the harm.
I had never realized until quite recently how much witholding my expression of my essence has hardened my body and causes all sorts of other impact on my body.
Beautiful Matthew, I can see this certainly in my own relationships. How not expressing something when it comes up, whatever the reason may be, adds to a tension that then quite often the next meeting or conversation is loaded with what was not expressed previously. Having this awareness is enough to inspire me to really start opening up and expressing in all my relationships. Thank you.
So true Matthew, the shame of it is that the wedges can start off quite small, but because we don’t discuss them they are allowed to gain momentum and weight, often ending up in big arguments because they were not dealt with at the time. Learning to tackle the wedges lovingly so, expressing our feelings, respecting one another’s view points truly builds the much needed respect and appreciation in a relationship, supporting it to grow in strength and intimacy. The more I learn to respect all of my feelings and honour them, I am finding it easier to honour and respect my husband’s feelings and so what may have been a touchy subject in the past can now be openly and lovingly discussed, often with lots of humour too. It is the true power of the connection Johanna has so beautifully shared with us, a connection that supports us to be forever evolving ourselves in all we do.
Johanna, I love what you have shared here – and I will take this inspiration into my morning – thankyou! I think people need sunglasses when you are around – you shine so bright.
“I appreciate how being in connection with and trusting my essence holds all the tools to love and to relating to others that I will ever need.”
Cute comment Debra- thank you.
You are gorgeous!
Honest and refreshing post Johanna on not only developing, but deepening the mutual expression within partnerships, and the effect that this has equally on all other relations. So key. Love the it’s “ok to disagree” aspect as so many of us shy away from disagreeing due to fear of any potential confrontation being ‘returned’ from the other party’s reaction to our disagreement/expressing. We prefer to keep the peace and not speak up, and yet the restriction in doing so creates a vacuum of discontent that does not expand the relationship. When we continue to express, the freeness this allows is palpable and in time we come to learn and finesse the great beauty of our expression, to the joy of all.
Love the expression here Zofia that lack of expression reacts a ‘vacuum of discontent’. Once we express we lease our selves and harmony is restored within. I too love the refreshing way in which you have made expression in relationships a priority and the only way to deepen our connection with ourselves and others.
Absolutely and I also feel the freeness that knowing no matter if my husband and I disagree there is a deep love and trust joining us two together. It is refreshing to know that this level of honesty and trust can be there and what I am appreciating most is that I get to build and feel that with him but actually the way we are in our relationship actually supports is in how we are in all of our relationships. We are each other’s best support and also conformation that this can exist in all relationships should we choose to be with the love and wisdom of our essence.
It’s so beautiful to read how possible it is to disagree with someone without it harming the relationship. That it’s no big deal when there is a foundation of love and respect being communicated.
It is beautiful to feel the depth of trust and deep love between yourself and your partner expressed through your writing. This level of trust and honesty can only grow and deepen in us all as we learn to allow this loving space for ourselves and each other to express openly. Thank you for sharing so openly Johanna.
Hi Zofia, yes ‘We prefer to keep the peace and not speak up’ and that’s pretty common in all relationships, whether it be with partner, colleagues or family members. For me the first stage has been observing what I am feeling and then when I express that, it’s been amazing the difference it has made in groups and one to one relationships. Honouring what we feel inside is a great way to start being honest in all our relationships.
This stands out for me too, “that it is ok to agree or disagree – that it is more about expresion”. I can feel the power of this as I tend to go for for the mutual agreement only, to make concessions to how I truly feel about it for the sake of keeping the ‘peace’ in the relationship. Making concessions never feels complete honest and appreciative to myself and as you have so beautifully expressed Zofia, it crates a ‘vacuum of discontent’, that not only does not expand the relationship but through this vacuum also creates a space in me that is not from love.
Nico, ‘making concessions never feels completely honest.’ This is so true, I have always felt the tension in doing this. Now that I have understanding that the action and the tension are intertwined I am finding myself being more honest and open, and I really like the way it feels to do this.
Beautiful Nico. It gives a false feeling of safety to feel the same way about things. It can feel more harmonious to not disagree with others but in the end when there is no truth then what is truly there? We have learned to make concessions, meet each other somewhere in the middle but how can something be right if it is not right for all.
Beautifully said Zofia, learning to express ourselves with grace and consideration when we don’t agree with another person is a real art form but one we can all learn and master. Its so true when we don’t speak up it does create a vacuum that allows for all sorts of discontentment and hurts to fester. It is such a joy to find that when we don’t agree with another or when they don’t agree with us, that we can find a way to respect one another without fighting about it. We truly can find our way back to ‘the great beauty of our expression’ and when we do it certainly does deliver ‘joy for all.’
I love what you have mentioned here Zofia about disagreeing.. I know that there are so many things I don’t say in fear of having a disagreement and hence causing tension between two people but it’s true that netter of us actually grow when I am constantly trying to work out their opinion and hope that I will agree with it. Of course I don’t agree with everyone’s opinion but there are many times I will not share mine as I know there’s is different.
Awesome comment Zofia. Avoiding a ‘disagreement’ has in the past been a downfall in my relationships. Stopping expressing out of a need to agree on things or imposing my views onto the other needing for them to see it my way, rather then to just allow for two people (or more) to feel differently about something, knowing that this is an ongoing development, and that of course, coming from all our different experiences in life, and what we have taken on board from these, there are going to be times when we disagree, not to mention the fact that we are all different, and have different things to offer each other, different strengths and weaknesses, so it is not all going to be the same. As I write this, I can feel the potential to create harmony in our relationships from this understanding.
Absolutely it is okay to disagree .. it is just how you do it that matters.
Yes thats true and it is still love underneath it which matters.
Very true. Without being aware of it there is always the chance that a hint of jealousy, judgment or critique accompanies our words. And we can all feel the true nature of everything that comes our way. Truth can be rejected but attacks, however subtle they might be, can always be felt.
Spot on Zofia.. A lot of people (including myself) sometimes hold back saying things and don’t bring issues up in their relationship to avoid conflict and confrontation. Their commitment to truth ends where their comfort begins, and being this way can be quite destructive as it allows abusive and uncalled for behaviours to continue and often escalate.
Well said Susie, I like how you say “Their commitment to truth ends where their comfort begins” – gosh this is SO true! For so long now silencing my expression – it has felt so crippling. Finally making the choice to express everything where possible, to begin to open up, learn more and more about myself, has been very freeing. I know this is only the beginning and that it is all about constant expression.
And similarly Susie the reverse of what you share: that one’s commitment to truth begins when comfort begins to end, to open up a life of love and expression. And so, when there is no comfort, the expression of love in its purity is what remains making abuse null and void.
Dear Susie,
Ouch.. “Commitment to truth ends where comfort begins.” Yes I can and do feel this is a very true statement and gives me much to ponder on around the times I choose to not speak up when I have felt deeply to do so.
I too have avoided bringing up issues in my relationship to not feel awkward. I love the “it’s okay to disagree” because there is always a pressure that having a awkward and confrontational relationship is bad and going to fail.
I agree with you Zofia “We prefer to keep the peace and not speak up, and yet the restriction in doing so creates a vacuum of discontent that does not expand the relationship”. That relates profoundly to me. I was one to keep the peace and not speak up, afraid to rock the boat, so I trod on eggshells for much of my life. And the very thing that resulted was a discontent with the fact that we did not have a true communication, as you state, a ‘vacuum’. I felt I was not listened to, always blamed the other, but then I did not know how to truly express and communicate from my own essence. That is now very much a work in progress for me, it is beautiful when I express from my true self.
Beautifully shared Beverley and Zofia. Thank you. I find that when the not expressing feeling is there because we don’t want to rock the boat, for me it is a fear when this happens but the question is . . . Fear of what ? And when I connect to the spaciousness and freedom I feel when I express what I feel, the truth is it is far more powerful than any reaction I could possibly be fearing in my mind.
Nailed it Zofia ! In the Joy here of deeply appreciating your full expression. SO — Expressing the deep appreciation of another’s expression is allowing that same feeling in you to be there. Instead of a vacuum of discontent it is an expansion of Love.
Michelle your comment is gold. I had always struggled when I wanted things one way and another wanted something else and a struggle ensued (yes, imagine little toddler stamping their foot on the ground defiantly) with one person or both having to compromise and a little pocket/s of resentment are created. But what you’ve said is amazing. It’s about considering everyone, including oneself and the relationship itself, all equally and all coming to a point of unity. Brilliant!
Indeed Karin and Michelle it is about including ourselves the other and the all, coming to a universal truth.
Yes completely agree with you Amina, it is a balance, and with space we become more conscious and supple almost with our words and expression, what to say, or even if supporting another is indeed to remain silent.
I so love this Zofia. We fear an escalating situation of angst and disagreement, so we stay mute..or nice…or very agreeable when no part of us wants to be nice or agreeable. We fear saying it wrong we stay mute….building frustration….but gosh are we nice! On it goes.
How lovely when let go and just start saying things. That is where the finessing takes place. Getting it wrong and learning. Is that not how we remember to play again?
When we start to express it is like learning to walk. Once in a while we fall flat on our face but it shouldn’t discourage us to try again. The fear of making mistakes and wanting to look good is killing.
Thank you Johanna, for expressing the true joy of relating to others from our essence. The ripple effect is indeed felt when I relate to others with the respect and equalness that we all are in our inner hearts. I am continually surprised when I do not avoid the difficult subjects but share what I have felt with my partner instead of trying to manipulate situations to get what I want.
The wisdom, truth and love in expression that our essence holds- I know is like a continually flowing river. However, the real key for me is just stopping, connecting to and most of all trusting. A lesson and journey I am sure many of us have.
There is a real vulnerability and openness that comes with expressing from our essence all that we are feeling. In the past, I was extremely uncomfortable with being vulnerable with others, I had felt I would be leaving myself open for the slaughter so to speak, but I am starting to feel the real strength in this vulnerability – a beauty beyond words.
Dear Anna,
I am also finding the same by feeling my vulnerability I am finding communicating with others is a delight as I am open and ready to share myself in full.
Yes Anna, the fear of being hurt in the past kept me closed off both to myself and others, but like yourself I am also finding there is a beautiful freedom and strength in being open to life, in other words allowing myself to be vulnerable.
Recently a friend told me an experience from his younger years, where he tried to calm down a man on the street who in fury was bunching his wife. My colleague went with his fists up to protect himself and to interfere in the brutal scenario but quickly understood that he had no chance to help in this way without getting ‘slaughtered’. So he put his fists (his guard) down and asked if he can help the man. The man did not attack him again but had the chance to connect to himself again. My friend speaking from his essence without any guard or prejudices helped the situation to normalise again.
Thats an excellent example of the power of expressing from essence, thanks Sonja
I too get surprised when I share what I am truly feeling. I expect a reaction or that maybe someone will get upset with me, but my experience to date has been that even if they do react or get upset, it opens the door for deeper more honest communication with the other person, and I feel a greater sense of well-being because I am not holding anything back.
what I have been struck by is by holding back we create the mistrust, I often hold back but much less than ever before and my turning point was when I was in a meeting with a group and I felt the group was at a certain point of harmony and then the week later a couple of people shared what they had felt which was very different, I felt like I could no longer trust them. It was a real eye opener as at the time I held back saying what I felt especially if it was against the crowd all the time. But the damage it was doing was horrific! Even knowing this and having felt it, and practising by saying what I feel I still fall into the trap of ‘its just me who feels this, don’t rock the boat, don’t make a fuss’ and its just not the way forward. Trust comes from being who we are with all that entails.
I can really relate with this Vanessa, in not saying anything for fear of being stupid, or thinking who am I to speak up when everyone else is clearly happy .. even though I am feeling they are not happy! I thought I was getting a bit better with this but at a recent meeting discovered I am still hesitant of speaking out even if it is with family. I guess the thing is is to just go ahead and say it anyway (with love) and the learning then comes from there. What I have learnt is if we do not express the truth that we feel at the time then it really harms our bodies and others, but after not speaking truth for such a long time it seems like a bit of a battle to wake us from the long sleep we have been in.
Debra the same for me, I often hold back sharing or saying how I feel in trepidation of an expected reaction. Your comment made me consider how in that I both judge the other person, anticipate what may happen but that when I do truly express how I feel the sense of truth breaks through and provides a foundation stronger than any reaction. The other person can feel the truth and the connection we have and whilst in the same way I react sometimes that does not change the fact it feels true to both of us.
I too can relate to not openly sharing what I am feeling David for fear of a reaction or rejection from another. The more that I do however, I am pleasantly surprised that others feel more connected and trusting of me.
Yes! I agree, greater depths can be reached! I have been surprised at how much I expect and preempt people’s reactions and behaviours and continuously I am proven wrong:)! It’s great so I can stop changing but just bringing all of me and Claim
It.
Yes Debra, that has been my experience too, for me it’s also remembering to be love when I speak, not in any reaction however hidden, and with no expectations from the other person.
Me too Debra, when I simply say what I am feeling, the truth is felt, and in my experience this truth brings about a stop. A moment that then brings in a humbleness, an accepting, this then allows for much more clearer discussion.