For a while now I have heard people talk of being in a relationship with themselves and committing to themselves. I liked the sound of it but I had no real understanding of what that actually meant.
This morning while I was sitting on the floor folding my washing, I had a light bulb moment. I suddenly felt what that was.
I work on my relationships with others: I work on my reactions to them, how I speak to them, how I am with them, even how I touch them. But do I do the same to myself? I was a little shocked when I realised it was a big fat “NO”.
I am willing to commit to others, commit to working on my relationship with them, how we are together and work through what comes up. But do I have this same level of commitment with myself? Again… “No.”
For a while I have been saying that I work on my relationship with me, but if I am honest, I place my relationship with myself at the bottom of the pile. I get very little attention. I have fantastic self-care and self-love, which has developed and continues to develop in a beautiful way over the last few years. On a physical level, I have a great level of care for myself that is forever deepening, and I can appreciate many of my innate qualities. But it has stopped somewhere around here. I am not deepening my relationship with myself, or even acknowledging it.
So today, as I sat folding my washing, I began to ponder how it would be if I placed my relationship with me first. I am not above others, but what if I came first? Would I let myself be racy and push myself too hard to get everything done? Would I move my body in a way that was disregarding? Would I stay in emotional reaction when I know how much it hurts my body? Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest? I wouldn’t do these things with others so why am I doing them to myself?
I am far more conscious of how I am in relationship with others, yet somewhere along the way I have lost sight of how I am with myself. Which, if you think about it, is absolutely crazy as I’m with me 24/7. I don’t get a break from me.
And as for making this commitment to myself, it has been quite easy in the past when similar thoughts have come through to say, “Oh, yeah, I’ll look at that later.” But with no commitment, I was easily distracted away from me.
But what if I am the most amazing person, and I want to be around me all of the time? Am I willing to work on my relationship with myself and commit to it so that I can get the joy of being with me all day long?
You bet!
The awareness I have in my life and the changes I have made and continue to make are greatly because of Serge Benhayon, by whom I have been deeply inspired.
By Nikki McKee, Goonellabah
Further Reading:
Commitment to Self – Commitment to Life
Returning to our essence
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
616 Comments
When we appreciate the beauty and magnificence in ourselves we realise that is equally in everyone else.
Relationships have to start with ourselves first because as we learn to fly and hold being present with all we do, then that is a reflection that others get then because we are reflecting a deeper version of ourselves then they to understand that they to can take of and explore the inner-self and sore to a new way of being.
I agree with you Greg a relationship starts with ourselves first it’s a forever deepening into the intelligence that resides within us. But how do we get to this innermost or essence? Well for me it was by being honest with myself and letting go of all the protection I have built around me to try and protect myself from the world. We all carry hurts that keep us in the separation to our inner most and yet it is our inner most, that connection to God that is our relationship with ourselves when this is felt our relationships with everyone changes, as once we reconnect to the love of God it is very natural to express it to everyone else.
Relationships in my life too have so greatly improved and I know much of this is because of the inspiration I have found from Serge Benhayon
Many people do what you describe in this blog, ‘I am far more conscious of how I am in relationship with others, yet somewhere along the way I have lost sight of how I am with myself’, when really all relationships start with the relationship we have with self, so it makes sense to put yourself first.
I can feel why at times it is so uncomfortable to be with me, with myself. It is because it is then that I feel I am not living all of who I am that makes me feel uncomfortable with myself. And because I am 24/7 with me I try to numb this feeling as a way of escape, instead of just to be with it and let more of myself to unfold.
Although we at times think that the outer world is our greatest enemy, it appears to be our thoughts that bring the hard and harsh judgements towards ourselves that hurts the most.
‘How it would it to put myself first?’ Not in a way where I’m above anyone else but where I value myself and my body as an equal part of the whole; an equal to absolutely everyone else.. inspiration to take into today; thank you.
I love this sentence and am so inspired by it “But what if I am the most amazing person, and I want to be around me all of the time? Am I willing to work on my relationship with myself and commit to it so that I can get the joy of being with me all day long?” I am appreciating much more how others enjoy spending time with me, so its definitley time I did the same!
It makes sense that if we are building our relationships that we need to take ourselves into consideration also. Sometimes I feel that we can put ourselves on the back burner and make others more important.
Thank you for the inspiration to celebrate the joy of being with myself.
And that celebration will be never-ending, as I never will be not with myself.
“But what if I am the most amazing person, and I want to be around me all of the time?” When we stop to appreciate this truth we realise that there is an equal quality in everyone else.
What an utterly awesome blog, packed full of inspirations – I am so inspired to get to know me more!
Thank you Nikki – this is wonderfully honest it exposes the deep importance of starting to build a relationship with our very own selves first, for this only cures our roots of loneliness and lack of love and understanding of ourselves in life.
When we don’t isolate joy with a particular activity or a person, and truly enjoy ourselves and who we are, then there doesn’t have to be an on off rollercoaster of life where we go from feeling content to feeling down in the dumps based on what is happening or who is around us.
I loved your blog Nikki, especially this paragraph “But what if I am the most amazing person, and I want to be around me all of the time? Am I willing to work on my relationship with myself and commit to it so that I can get the joy of being with me all day long?” Wow, the joy of being with me all day, now that is something amazing to commit to.
A beautiful reminder that it always starts with ourself. And it makes so much sense, how could it not. –
Great to re-read this blog and the questions posed. I would definitely say that there is, when I sit down with myself with no distractions, a very lovely feeling inside. Now I know this, what I feel is being shown is how much am I committed to living in and with this feeling?
Timely returning to this blog, I’m reminded of a snowball tossed on a slope continuing to grow in size as it rolls across the snow. The question is do we choose to expand love or self abuse?
When we begin to honor the quality of love that we are within, we then begin to discover that a relationship with ourselves is everything, in that we realise that we are everything and this what we are here to live and reflect to all in its absoluteness. Very liberating and empowering through which true purpose is ignited.
When we take someone else for granted they feel the disregard and this is the same for ourselves.
Imagine ignoring someone who spoke to you, someone who hung around but you never gave a second to, imagine considering everyone’s needs before theirs. We would never do this to anyone we know let alone a friend so why do we treat ourselves this way? It shows the crazyily harsh way our spirit carries on every day – thank you Nikki.
Nikki, these are great questions; ‘what if I came first? Would I let myself be racy and push myself too hard to get everything done? Would I move my body in a way that was disregarding? Would I stay in emotional reaction when I know how much it hurts my body? Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest?’. I loved reading this, it makes me aware of how hard I can be on myself and how I simply would not do this with others, I would be much more holding and understanding, I feel like we can be our own worse critics.
We are with ourself 24/7 it makes sense that the relationship we have with ourselves is based on absolute love.
Great little blog Nikki, succinct and a very important point. Without a solid relationship with ourself we have no true foundation to stand on when relating to others.
Self forgetfulness, a common trap for mothers and their children. They lose their sense of self, minimize their own importance and place all their attention on the children. Not only is this self neglect, it is self abuse.
Absolutely and also not the reflection that we would choose to be giving our children if we felt into it.
Great call Nikki and one I can relate to. We can devote a lot of time to other people. listen, be supportive, care for them and yet not be the same with ourselves. True love begins at home and within our own bodies, when we care for this, all other relationships are naturally nurtured.
I do know that too Nikky, easy to go with others in full commitment but in that totally ignore that inner relationship that is at the core of all that I do bring to life and the relationships I am in. So then comes the question, what is then the quality I bring to life? It feels not very respectful, not only to the people I am with but foremost to myself too.
There can be still areas where we are tough on ourselves, acceptance and understanding help us with others so may be still needed with ourselves at times, ‘Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest?’
“I work on my relationships with others: I work on my reactions to them, how I speak to them, how I am with them, even how I touch them. But do I do the same to myself? I was a little shocked when I realised it was a big fat “NO”.” Great realisation to see how you have left yourself out of the picture of your life. Wonderful to welcome yourself back.
I am learning to be much more accepting of myself , that no matter how imperfect I am I can be me. If I need more care, I will give it to myself. If I need support I will ask for it. If I need more rest, I will take it. If I have delayed or took stuff on, I will understand myself. In the love I give back to myself, I would not want to stay in the same place, I feel supported to move along.
“Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest? I wouldn’t do these things with others so why am I doing them to myself?”- Wow, this was a wake-up call for me, for sure, and shows how crazy it is to not honour myself as I naturally do with others. If we can just drop the judgement we have for ourselves and simply look at our mis-takes as a learning platform to grow and move on, then we could be constantly building ourselves up instead of contracting with self-negating thoughts and then having to recover from those emotions.
Being in a relationship with myself has been the key to being able to tell when I am at ease and when I am not. Without that dedication to understanding who I am, I am not able to discern where my attention, focus or energy is most needed and without discerning that I can get pulled in every direction trying to please, achieve and complete! I don’t really support anyone when I am not deepening that relationship with myself, therefore, I have found it is the most unselfish relationship I can have.
That is a good way to describe it Lucy, an unselfish deep and caring relationship with oneself purely for the benefit of us all.
At the risk of sounding egotistical, I will still say that our ability to connect and love another all begins with our relationship with ourselves. I have been in many relationships that failed because the person did not love themselves to actually love another.
I am understanding more and more how important my relationship with self is, and I am loving building and deepening my relationship with myself.