For a while now I have heard people talk of being in a relationship with themselves and committing to themselves. I liked the sound of it but I had no real understanding of what that actually meant.
This morning while I was sitting on the floor folding my washing, I had a light bulb moment. I suddenly felt what that was.
I work on my relationships with others: I work on my reactions to them, how I speak to them, how I am with them, even how I touch them. But do I do the same to myself? I was a little shocked when I realised it was a big fat “NO”.
I am willing to commit to others, commit to working on my relationship with them, how we are together and work through what comes up. But do I have this same level of commitment with myself? Again… “No.”
For a while I have been saying that I work on my relationship with me, but if I am honest, I place my relationship with myself at the bottom of the pile. I get very little attention. I have fantastic self-care and self-love, which has developed and continues to develop in a beautiful way over the last few years. On a physical level, I have a great level of care for myself that is forever deepening, and I can appreciate many of my innate qualities. But it has stopped somewhere around here. I am not deepening my relationship with myself, or even acknowledging it.
So today, as I sat folding my washing, I began to ponder how it would be if I placed my relationship with me first. I am not above others, but what if I came first? Would I let myself be racy and push myself too hard to get everything done? Would I move my body in a way that was disregarding? Would I stay in emotional reaction when I know how much it hurts my body? Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest? I wouldn’t do these things with others so why am I doing them to myself?
I am far more conscious of how I am in relationship with others, yet somewhere along the way I have lost sight of how I am with myself. Which, if you think about it, is absolutely crazy as I’m with me 24/7. I don’t get a break from me.
And as for making this commitment to myself, it has been quite easy in the past when similar thoughts have come through to say, “Oh, yeah, I’ll look at that later.” But with no commitment, I was easily distracted away from me.
But what if I am the most amazing person, and I want to be around me all of the time? Am I willing to work on my relationship with myself and commit to it so that I can get the joy of being with me all day long?
You bet!
The awareness I have in my life and the changes I have made and continue to make are greatly because of Serge Benhayon, by whom I have been deeply inspired.
By Nikki McKee, Goonellabah
Further Reading:
Commitment to Self – Commitment to Life
Returning to our essence
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
639 Comments
A beautiful reminder that it always starts with ourself. And it makes so much sense, how could it not. –
Great to re-read this blog and the questions posed. I would definitely say that there is, when I sit down with myself with no distractions, a very lovely feeling inside. Now I know this, what I feel is being shown is how much am I committed to living in and with this feeling?
Timely returning to this blog, I’m reminded of a snowball tossed on a slope continuing to grow in size as it rolls across the snow. The question is do we choose to expand love or self abuse?
The idea that if we truly committed to a relationship with ourselves we wouldn’t beat ourselves up, eat foods that do not support us … it makes sense and yet reading this list I can feel how my relationship with myself is not always given that clarity and focus, I too have great self care, and yet there is more, I wouldn’t stuff my friend’s face with cake (not literally of course), but I can do that to myself. So you remind me Nikki to tangibly come back to me and how I treat me in the understanding that I’m part of a wider whole and we’re all needed as part of this whole, starting with our relationship with ourselves.
When we begin to honor the quality of love that we are within, we then begin to discover that a relationship with ourselves is everything, in that we realise that we are everything and this what we are here to live and reflect to all in its absoluteness. Very liberating and empowering through which true purpose is ignited.
When we take someone else for granted they feel the disregard and this is the same for ourselves.
Imagine ignoring someone who spoke to you, someone who hung around but you never gave a second to, imagine considering everyone’s needs before theirs. We would never do this to anyone we know let alone a friend so why do we treat ourselves this way? It shows the crazyily harsh way our spirit carries on every day – thank you Nikki.
Nikki, these are great questions; ‘what if I came first? Would I let myself be racy and push myself too hard to get everything done? Would I move my body in a way that was disregarding? Would I stay in emotional reaction when I know how much it hurts my body? Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest?’. I loved reading this, it makes me aware of how hard I can be on myself and how I simply would not do this with others, I would be much more holding and understanding, I feel like we can be our own worse critics.
We are with ourself 24/7 it makes sense that the relationship we have with ourselves is based on absolute love.
Great little blog Nikki, succinct and a very important point. Without a solid relationship with ourself we have no true foundation to stand on when relating to others.
Self forgetfulness, a common trap for mothers and their children. They lose their sense of self, minimize their own importance and place all their attention on the children. Not only is this self neglect, it is self abuse.
Great call Nikki and one I can relate to. We can devote a lot of time to other people. listen, be supportive, care for them and yet not be the same with ourselves. True love begins at home and within our own bodies, when we care for this, all other relationships are naturally nurtured.
I do know that too Nikky, easy to go with others in full commitment but in that totally ignore that inner relationship that is at the core of all that I do bring to life and the relationships I am in. So then comes the question, what is then the quality I bring to life? It feels not very respectful, not only to the people I am with but foremost to myself too.
There can be still areas where we are tough on ourselves, acceptance and understanding help us with others so may be still needed with ourselves at times, ‘Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest?’
“I work on my relationships with others: I work on my reactions to them, how I speak to them, how I am with them, even how I touch them. But do I do the same to myself? I was a little shocked when I realised it was a big fat “NO”.” Great realisation to see how you have left yourself out of the picture of your life. Wonderful to welcome yourself back.
I am learning to be much more accepting of myself , that no matter how imperfect I am I can be me. If I need more care, I will give it to myself. If I need support I will ask for it. If I need more rest, I will take it. If I have delayed or took stuff on, I will understand myself. In the love I give back to myself, I would not want to stay in the same place, I feel supported to move along.
“Would I give myself a hard time for saying something wrong or acting in the way that wasn’t the greatest? I wouldn’t do these things with others so why am I doing them to myself?”- Wow, this was a wake-up call for me, for sure, and shows how crazy it is to not honour myself as I naturally do with others. If we can just drop the judgement we have for ourselves and simply look at our mis-takes as a learning platform to grow and move on, then we could be constantly building ourselves up instead of contracting with self-negating thoughts and then having to recover from those emotions.
I love this Nikki, bringing it back very simply and practically to how we are with us … and being asked how we deal with others really shines a light on how we are with us. I work on how I am with others, but with myself less so, reading this reminds me to include me in there too.
Being in a relationship with myself has been the key to being able to tell when I am at ease and when I am not. Without that dedication to understanding who I am, I am not able to discern where my attention, focus or energy is most needed and without discerning that I can get pulled in every direction trying to please, achieve and complete! I don’t really support anyone when I am not deepening that relationship with myself, therefore, I have found it is the most unselfish relationship I can have.
That is a good way to describe it Lucy, an unselfish deep and caring relationship with oneself purely for the benefit of us all.
At the risk of sounding egotistical, I will still say that our ability to connect and love another all begins with our relationship with ourselves. I have been in many relationships that failed because the person did not love themselves to actually love another.
I am understanding more and more how important my relationship with self is, and I am loving building and deepening my relationship with myself.
I love this blog as so often we can get caught up in building relationships with others yet the core and quality of how these are expressed all comes back to how we are with ourselves. Date nights with me are on the cards for 2018!
Great to be reminded of the fact that a relationship with myself supersedes self care and self love. From reading the blog I get more awareness on how I have placed relationship with others before my own as well. In fact my relationship with myself is much better when with others which is showing me that there is more love to be expressed who I am with myself.
Thank you Nikki, the read today felt quite confronting but in a welcome way. I can see I have more self care and self honouring to live if I’m honest because what I allow for myself is not what I would allow for others. What I accept for myself is not what I would accept for a child, so there is definitely more love to live. It’s a bit of a foreign concept in the world to have a relationship to ourselves – do we know who we are and do we want to spend each moment with ourselves?
This gives me a fresh perspective for how I can approach my day, opening up more and choosing love for myself in each moment. I can feel how currently I am in an emotional reaction to a situation and wanting to blame others for it, yet when I drop and surrender to what you are presenting I can feel how that leads to a fight and tension in my body and is not what I truly want and so I can just drop it.
It is incredible how relationships work, because how we are with ourselves is reflected in our relationships with others. This is also an ultimate loving reminder of how taking responsibility works.
“What is a Relationship with Myself?” – the more and more i relate with myself the more i realise that self-relationship is all about the moves or way i am being with my body in how i move it. Because when my walk and movement is done in connection, in presence and with poise (as simple as feeling the soles of my feet touch the ground and stepping off again) .. then through the spaciousness i get to know and to understand another part of me I wasn’t aware of before.
There are so many factors to consider when it comes to what can get in and affect our relationship with ourselves. But the answer is always very very simple. Are we willing to openly and utterly accept who we are in full and the true qualities we bring no matter what others may think of us be being ourselves? The answer for me has not always been a yes as much as I would like it to be, but even in this posture we must give ourselves understanding and love no matter what.
How I am with myself affects all my relationships with others, they will only get reflected the part of that which I choose to live; so this asks me to build a true relationship with me and my body, accepting and appreciating who I am and the steps I’ll take to constantly deepen and love myself. A beautiful work in progress.
Yes, I think the level of true loving care we give to ourselves definitely comes from how appreciative we are of ourselves and others as they go hand in hand.
Nikki, this is a beautiful prod this morning as I consider how I deepen my relationship with me. I can often skirt over it and not allow the time and space that it requires. Your questions are so on point, and have me seriously considering what do I put myself through to live up to an outside demand or ideal? And would i do that to another? I know I don’t want to, but the truth is if I do it to myself then I am willing to allow that for others, and while politeness in many cases means I may not do that, it’s still there and can come out at any time, so whatever I do to myself has a direct impact on all others. So I feel the micro pull to support me and the macro pull to support the all, and having real commitment in my relationship to me is the foundation of all of this.
“I work on my relationships with others: I work on my reactions to them, how I speak to them, how I am with them, even how I touch them. But do I do the same to myself? I was a little shocked when I realised it was a big fat “NO”.” This is a real ouch for most of us to realise in our lives.
It’s supportive to ask ourselves these questions, as they hold the potential to bring more love into our lives. So often we would never speak to another they way we speak to ourselves in our mind, we are taught to take care of others but not of ourselves, and it can be quite confronting to realise the lack of care, respect and love we hold ourselves in. However there is a richness of self love waiting to be lived if we are willing to go there.
The truth is that our beauty is as deep as the universe. The relationship that we have with ourself is always going to feel like we have just scratched the surface. Our relationships with others are reflections of our relationship with ourselves. Every tiny deepening has to be appreciated and celebrated as we return to the true glory we are.
How sensitive this ME is, and how much it needs it needs to be loved to truly flourish, is something I am learning and discovering day after day. Things I would call a normall half a year ago, like writing a proposal without feeling my body, which stores the ME, harms this relationship with me.
Willem that is very true, we are sensitive beings and we register everything that is not loving immediately. We have all made a loveless life very normal, however it’s definitely not our nature to be this way. Thank you for another comment that’s been very inspiring and heartfelt to read.
Loved re-reading your contribution Nikki. We seek the joy in life we want in relationships outside ourselves, a relationship with a partner, people, food, work, sports, watching television etc. But everything we seek we can find in a relationship with ourselves. But just like any other relationship the relationship with ME needs attention and building. And indeed what you say, if ME is the most beautiful gem I could imagine, carrying all the Love, Harmony, Joy and Playfulness I could desire, wouldn’t I work very hard (in a good way) in having a relationship with me? You bet.
That’s gorgeous Willem, thank you, a beautiful truth we can all be inspired by.