I never knew what a true relationship was until I met Serge Benhayon and saw how he was with his family and everyone he came in contact with. I observed this deeply from afar – almost wishing that I could be part of something so beautiful. I remember thinking at the time, “Wow, that’s love in its fullest form.”
What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.
The way the family members would come together and eat – the way they moved towards each other and the way they cared so deeply for each other – was so beautiful. There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving. It was the love I had always wanted from my own family and the love that everyone seeks.
In the beginning I thought that love was reserved for others and not for me and that I could not be a part of that love. I also wanted to be part of Serge’s family – failing to see that I had my own family around me, and not only my direct family members but also my friends, work colleagues, flatmate and even the people I met casually on a day to day basis.
I remember sitting with an elderly lady at a bus stop one day and she was telling me she felt lonely. My reply was that you are never alone – there is always someone there, we just need to be open to everyone and treat each and every one of us with the absolute care and respect that we all deserve.
Even within my own direct family I have two Mums because one of my Mum’s best friends is a widow with no family and I have always included her in every family gathering and treated her the same as I would my own Mother; to me she is family – she’s part of my life and hence she is someone I value and care for.
Recently I discovered that I had feelings for a friend of mine I’ve known for quite some time but always dismissed because I never felt it would work on a practical level, given he lives on the other side of the world. I’ve always felt a connection to him but because of the logistics, I held back from expressing my feelings or developing the relationship further.
Since expressing my love for this man it has allowed me to express my love for others more freely, to be more open and honest with how I feel about all the people in my life. To see people for who they are and to appreciate the qualities they bring to me and to everyone else – sometimes when they can’t see it themselves.
So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times. It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.
So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us – our own family members. The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.
This blog was inspired after many years of knowing, observing and learning with Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and his family members, who are a great example for developing and expanding our own family and how we are within that family to develop love for all.
By Fiona Shuttleworth, Sales Assistant, Brighton, East Sussex, UK
Further Reading:
Serge Benhayon
Letting People In – True Love for All
Seeking Connection and True Relationships
764 Comments
“What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel? ” – in one word Fiona – joyful
I love what you share about your journey with relationships Fiona. I am slowly coming to realise that the most important relationship is with ourselves as this will be the foundation for all our other relationships to develop from.
These are such wise words Fiona. “The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” Just imagine if we had this wisdom shared with us as children, how different life would be, not just for us, but for all those we come into contact with in every part of our day; the ripples of love would be never ending.
Serge Benhayon’s family is there to serve as an inspiration of what true family can be like. And that is also part of their purpose in living that way. They know they are being observed, 24/7.
This is so true we are ‘never alone – there is always someone there’.
Agree Vicky and how wonderful is that. Feeling the togetherness, deeply supported, loved and met for who we really are is a blessing to be lived and enjoyed.
“to me she is family – she’s part of my life and hence she is someone I value and care for” when we value and care for all as a family member of humanity love will know no bounds.
I love this blog and how you describe “a movement of love”. Your blog itself feels like a movement of love makes one wonder why we would possibly live any other way?
We grow ourselves by connecting to who we are.
Even though it is not said in this article, intimacy is the word that seems to flow throughout your writing. With an openness to learning and exploring what true intimacy is.
When love moves how beautiful this feels…..and this can be our new normal!
Love and our relationship with our evolving Livingness is the lesson in life that is well worth the journey and all the learnings that will return us to our essence are a blessing. So each step taken in the Love that we can all reconnect to is the path that we all must take on our return to re-connect to our inner-heart, essence and or Esoteric as we evolve.
A movement of love indeed, when we do not measure how much we let out of ourselves to different people.
I agree true love is seen in the movement towards each other and in the settlement and transparency people have with each other.
“There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other” I really noticed this as well and how we take this form of humour as normal and loving. The seeds of self-doubt it lays in the body ready to germinate at any point needs constant ‘weeding’ and what we use to pretend it wasn’t heard is often a dysfunctional coping mechanism.
This is great Lucy, Love has as a constant understanding of what is True in life and is devoid of any self-cretic, so being Loving needs to be nourished and nurtured other-wise we end up in a state of being, which is weeding out the dysfunctional coping mechanism.
Being alert and aware to the energy that is being delivered in our interaction with others we can begin to discern what is true – what is coming through them as being of a divine nature or not and whether we are reacting or responding. In order to read what is truly going on we need to be connected, present with and in our bodies. Feeling from the body we know what is happening.
“So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times” this is so beautiful, this beholding love that asks nothing of the other but to love them with equality, for who they truly are.
I love how you describe the feeling of a true relationship as a ‘movement of love’ and all our movements can express love with everyone we meet.
I was also deeply inspired and confirmed when I met Serge Benhayon and his family for the first time. For a long time I had felt there was something missing in my relationships and I could feel in the reflection the Benhayon family offered that that was what I had been missing. From there it is easy to ‘want that too and be part of it’ but to not realize that we can develop this ourselves. Of course we can’t be with Serge or any of his family all the time and we don’t need to because what they offer is a different way and they don’t hold anything back of how to start it for ourselves and all people we know.
You’ve hit the nail on the head, Fiona, when you write about appreciating others as this I feel is often lacking in our relationships. Not only does appreciation work wonders for ourselves but it changes the relationships we have with family, friends and work colleagues.
Thank you Fiona, for it shares the truth of when we allow our love to be expressed in the way it comes – we build a relationship with ourselves first, which goes out into the world with all our other relationships. That to me is the magic of when you connect to who you are.
“So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other…” – Too often we tend to focus on the qualities that we or another person does not normally express or something that we feel is a negative trait. But I can feel that what Fiona is offering here is a different approach, where if we nurture and appreciate those attributes that we feel are loving and true, then that person and ourselves can see that is our natural way and build upon that foundation, rather than focusing on the negative and then only seeing the reflection of that back to us (which nobody wants anyways).
Comparing our family to another and ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ thing has us not appreciating those that we have around us and the power we have in bringing a quality of decency, respect and love to them as our gift to the family.
That ‘greener grass’ definitely has the power to nudge us away from what is right in front of us, and in what is in front of us there is always something to appreciate. We seem to spend so much time wanting what others have that we totally miss the wonderful gifts that those around us have to offer.
Serge Benhayon has role modelled what a true relationship is ever since I have known him, he is showing the whole world what it is by living it himself.
‘It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.’ – so often we crave to be treated like that, to want to be in a relationship so that we can get that – but if we make that our priority, instead of developing it for ourselves, then what happens if and when the other person has a bad day or leaves us? The most solid, loving foundation we can give to ourselves – and from there, with each other – is when we start treating ourselves with that deep nurturing, love and care, and above all, building that consistency and trust in ourselves.
Yes when we develop a truly loving relationship with ourselves then we have an awesome foundation for all our other relationships and the reflection of this is super powerful.
“We are never alone” so very true Fiona. Yesterday I was buying something from a garage and I got speaking to the lady who served me she told me how she was still grieving for her husband who died a year ago, I told her the same thing in that we are never alone and that true love never dies.We are so much mored loved and supported then we could ever imagine.
It is true we are never alone and are not only surrounded by an unfathomable amount of love but have it forever passing through us. For many this is not their experience at all and these words would be unrelatable as it once would have been for me – but now I know them to be true and one day everyone will.
I love what you have shared here Fiona and how every relationship offers us the potential to heal, inspire, confirm and deepen the love we are as such to evolve. How incredible that every day this is what is available for us to explore, that we are held by a great love that is always calling us to return to.
‘every relationship offers us the potential to heal, inspire, confirm and deepen the love we are as such to evolve’ yes it is not just partner relationships which offer this, but every relationship. We really do have the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves in every moment, we really are held in love.
A beautiful reminder that we are able to bring all of us to everyone, this is an actually joy-full practise, for it asks you to be you, as open as you can be and willing to connect from an eternity (our endless love).
“So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times” So well said Fiona this is beautiful when we see it like this it is a win win for everyone.
So often we look for the ‘grass is greener’ over there but in doing so we miss the gold that is in front of us. I have constellated an amazing family and friends around me, however, when I am in my stuff, I don’t value this, instead I look to ‘what could be better’ and can feel in this it is an abuse of myself and everyone in my life.
There’s that funny old saying ‘all roads lead to Rome’ – truly it should be that all connections lead us home. For pursuing one at the exclusion of others will never work but just take us down a dead end street. Every relationship is here to encourage us to raise the bar with everyone we meet. Thank you Fiona.
“The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” Beautifully said Fiona and this is one of the reasons why being a member of the student community of Universal Medicine is to be part of a family that is learning to deepen an appreciation, value and love of the wider family of humanity.
It’s very very significant just how the Benhayon family lives. How they live is impacting the world. Through our interactions with them this is carrying over into our families and true love and thus family is being felt. It’s the ultimate responsibility in evolution and responding to being continually pulled up to more love in firmness and commitment to the what is next. True family is treating all in this same manner not just the blood relatives.
“There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving.”
This way of interacting in family is what we all know is possible – this is why the snide remarks, digs and disrespectful jokes hurt so deeply.
“Wow, that’s love in its fullest form.” yes and what a blessing it is to have Serge Benhayon and his family living this, showing us a true way to be with each other.
Yes Fiona, it is very beautiful to observe, ‘What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.’
If this is love and this is a true relationship, could anything less simply be abuse?
I love this Fiona, your absolute understanding of what love is ‘ loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves’ and to know that each relationship we have affects all relationships and of course it all starts with our relationship with us.
This is beautiful, Fiona.. that love is respect, fun, decency and something you can trust, and that it develops equally with all others, as we develop that love within ourselves. Building trust and consistency starts with our own bodies: do we honour what we feel and do what it says, or drag it around behind us, never listening and always compromising ourselves? Learning to listen to the body and not the mind, and to discern the difference between the two, is a beautiful work in progress and fun to experiment with, because the body doesn’t judge. It just shows us our choices and their consequences.
The essence of love has not a thought or idea, it emanates, spreads out from deep with in and it meets that same essence in another, it give rise to a way of communicating that comes from this connection. No amount of positive thinking comes even close to allowing our love to emanate.