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Couples, Friendships, Relationships, Self-Relationship 732 Comments on What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?

What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?

By Fiona Shuttleworth · On May 12, 2016 ·Photography by Leonne Sharkey

I never knew what a true relationship was until I met Serge Benhayon and saw how he was with his family and everyone he came in contact with. I observed this deeply from afar – almost wishing that I could be part of something so beautiful. I remember thinking at the time, “Wow, that’s love in its fullest form.”

What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.

The way the family members would come together and eat – the way they moved towards each other and the way they cared so deeply for each other – was so beautiful. There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving. It was the love I had always wanted from my own family and the love that everyone seeks.

In the beginning I thought that love was reserved for others and not for me and that I could not be a part of that love. I also wanted to be part of Serge’s family – failing to see that I had my own family around me, and not only my direct family members but also my friends, work colleagues, flatmate and even the people I met casually on a day to day basis.

I remember sitting with an elderly lady at a bus stop one day and she was telling me she felt lonely. My reply was that you are never alone – there is always someone there, we just need to be open to everyone and treat each and every one of us with the absolute care and respect that we all deserve.

Even within my own direct family I have two Mums because one of my Mum’s best friends is a widow with no family and I have always included her in every family gathering and treated her the same as I would my own Mother; to me she is family – she’s part of my life and hence she is someone I value and care for.

Recently I discovered that I had feelings for a friend of mine I’ve known for quite some time but always dismissed because I never felt it would work on a practical level, given he lives on the other side of the world. I’ve always felt a connection to him but because of the logistics, I held back from expressing my feelings or developing the relationship further.

Since expressing my love for this man it has allowed me to express my love for others more freely, to be more open and honest with how I feel about all the people in my life. To see people for who they are and to appreciate the qualities they bring to me and to everyone else – sometimes when they can’t see it themselves.

So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times. It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.

So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us – our own family members. The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.

This blog was inspired after many years of knowing, observing and learning with Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and his family members, who are a great example for developing and expanding our own family and how we are within that family to develop love for all.

By Fiona Shuttleworth, Sales Assistant, Brighton, East Sussex, UK

Further Reading:
Serge Benhayon
Letting People In – True Love for All
Seeking Connection and True Relationships

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Fiona Shuttleworth

Working in Brighton, UK in one of the most amazing shops in the world and loving every moment - it's hard work but at the same time feels just the most natural thing in the world. I love meeting people from all walks of life along with the feeling of community that comes from a shop environment. It's a lot of fun too.

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732 Comments

  • Melinda Knights says: July 9, 2021 at 12:42 pm

    “ It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves”. Love is very simple when we let go of all impositions onto others like expectations or judgements, and allow them to be – we know this works because to receive that ourselves feels amazing. Considering how much we all want to experience love, and how much there is spoken, written, and sung about it, there is actually very little that is lived or otherwise expressed that truly represents love – interesting!

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: June 27, 2020 at 1:50 pm

    “The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” So true Fiona. The more we are open to love, the deeper the love in all our relationships.

    Reply
  • Mary says: January 25, 2020 at 3:50 pm

    It is interesting Fiona that today I read these words
    “What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.”
    As yesterday someone described to me that they feel that Serge Benhayon walks in a flow it is the flow of the universe this gave me a deeper understanding that we have cut ourselves off from the Universe and left it to the scientists to inform us. But to me they have no understanding of our universe and so have reduced the magnificent and wonder down to something like dry parchment. It’s almost as though there is a conspiracy theory to shut us out from knowing anything about the universe other than the basics of what we are taught. Then along comes Serge Benhayon and walks in a way (a flow) that brings the universe into everyday life for everyone to feel.

    Reply
  • Leigh Matson says: September 18, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    Prior to my involvement in UM I had not come across a true way of relating to others being lived. Now I have seen and felt the difference it helps set standards and question what has been accepted. As well as appreciating how much my relationships have changed with everyone in my life.

    Reply
  • Melinda Knights says: June 19, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    “So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities…” What great words Fiona, having expectations or criticism holds people with such a narrow focus, instead of holding the whole person and loving all of them. We can also then nurture and support people in the areas they are not strong in.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: June 1, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    Thank You Fiona, Love grows within as a forever deepening way of Loving and is an internalisation of the True Sacredness that is our responsibility, our responsibility for everything is Sacredness it could be said.

    Reply
    • Mary says: March 10, 2020 at 5:47 pm

      We are so blessed Greg to live in this time where we have all been given the opportunity to re connect to the love that resides within us and then share this forever deepening love with everyone. I feel this is true sacredness when everyone is held in love.

      Reply
  • Annoymous says: April 9, 2019 at 6:01 am

    Without appreciation relationship will be so stale. Bringing in deep appreciation for another is the foundation for something truly heavenly.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: February 4, 2019 at 2:58 am

    ‘The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.’ This is so simple and from my experience is absolutely true’

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: February 4, 2019 at 2:56 am

    Fiona, I love your description of a true relationship – this is really beautiful; ‘ It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.’

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: January 13, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    Why can’t we all be like this with one another, ‘There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving. ‘

    Reply
  • Simon Williams says: January 10, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    Its a great question that I keep asking myself – how to be love, the same love with everyone at any given point of time. The answer I keep coming back to is that I have a responsibility to make sure that I am in love, and then that offer is available to everyone. When I feel a difference then I know something is up and so how am I holding back or what is going on?

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: December 10, 2018 at 6:15 am

    Fiona, this is really gorgeous; ‘It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times.’ This is super helpful and makes me realise how important it is to hold others in love and not react or judge their behaviours – thank you for the reminder.

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: December 7, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    What a different place the world would be if we were like this with everyone, ‘how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us’.

    Reply
  • Zofia says: November 1, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    “What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel? ” – in one word Fiona – joyful

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: October 21, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    These are such wise words Fiona. “The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” Just imagine if we had this wisdom shared with us as children, how different life would be, not just for us, but for all those we come into contact with in every part of our day; the ripples of love would be never ending.

    Reply
  • Willem Plandsoen says: October 13, 2018 at 5:43 am

    Serge Benhayon’s family is there to serve as an inspiration of what true family can be like. And that is also part of their purpose in living that way. They know they are being observed, 24/7.

    Reply
  • Vicky Cooke says: October 12, 2018 at 7:08 am

    This is so true we are ‘never alone – there is always someone there’.

    Reply
    • Inma Lorente says: October 12, 2018 at 5:25 pm

      Agree Vicky and how wonderful is that. Feeling the togetherness, deeply supported, loved and met for who we really are is a blessing to be lived and enjoyed.

      Reply
  • Mary Adler says: October 7, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    “to me she is family – she’s part of my life and hence she is someone I value and care for” when we value and care for all as a family member of humanity love will know no bounds.

    Reply
  • Nicola Lessing says: September 26, 2018 at 4:29 pm

    I love this blog and how you describe “a movement of love”. Your blog itself feels like a movement of love makes one wonder why we would possibly live any other way?

    Reply
  • Danna Elmalah says: August 30, 2018 at 6:42 am

    We grow ourselves by connecting to who we are.

    Reply
  • Shami says: August 20, 2018 at 5:28 am

    Even though it is not said in this article, intimacy is the word that seems to flow throughout your writing. With an openness to learning and exploring what true intimacy is.

    Reply
  • Elaine Arthey says: August 3, 2018 at 4:16 pm

    When love moves how beautiful this feels…..and this can be our new normal!

    Reply
  • greg Barnes says: August 2, 2018 at 5:41 am

    Love and our relationship with our evolving Livingness is the lesson in life that is well worth the journey and all the learnings that will return us to our essence are a blessing. So each step taken in the Love that we can all reconnect to is the path that we all must take on our return to re-connect to our inner-heart, essence and or Esoteric as we evolve.

    Reply
  • jennym says: July 20, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    A movement of love indeed, when we do not measure how much we let out of ourselves to different people.

    Reply
  • Monika Rietveld says: July 18, 2018 at 5:37 am

    I agree true love is seen in the movement towards each other and in the settlement and transparency people have with each other.

    Reply
  • Lucy Dahill says: July 17, 2018 at 9:17 am

    “There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other” I really noticed this as well and how we take this form of humour as normal and loving. The seeds of self-doubt it lays in the body ready to germinate at any point needs constant ‘weeding’ and what we use to pretend it wasn’t heard is often a dysfunctional coping mechanism.

    Reply
    • greg Barnes says: August 2, 2018 at 5:54 am

      This is great Lucy, Love has as a constant understanding of what is True in life and is devoid of any self-cretic, so being Loving needs to be nourished and nurtured other-wise we end up in a state of being, which is weeding out the dysfunctional coping mechanism.

      Reply
  • Elaine Arthey says: July 11, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Being alert and aware to the energy that is being delivered in our interaction with others we can begin to discern what is true – what is coming through them as being of a divine nature or not and whether we are reacting or responding. In order to read what is truly going on we need to be connected, present with and in our bodies. Feeling from the body we know what is happening.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: June 23, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    “So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times” this is so beautiful, this beholding love that asks nothing of the other but to love them with equality, for who they truly are.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: June 22, 2018 at 4:58 am

    I love how you describe the feeling of a true relationship as a ‘movement of love’ and all our movements can express love with everyone we meet.

    Reply
  • Lieke Campbell says: June 6, 2018 at 12:45 am

    I was also deeply inspired and confirmed when I met Serge Benhayon and his family for the first time. For a long time I had felt there was something missing in my relationships and I could feel in the reflection the Benhayon family offered that that was what I had been missing. From there it is easy to ‘want that too and be part of it’ but to not realize that we can develop this ourselves. Of course we can’t be with Serge or any of his family all the time and we don’t need to because what they offer is a different way and they don’t hold anything back of how to start it for ourselves and all people we know.

    Reply
  • julie says: June 1, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    You’ve hit the nail on the head, Fiona, when you write about appreciating others as this I feel is often lacking in our relationships. Not only does appreciation work wonders for ourselves but it changes the relationships we have with family, friends and work colleagues.

    Reply
    • Lorraine Wellman says: December 7, 2018 at 11:07 pm

      What a different place the world would be if we were like this with everyone, ‘how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us’.

      Reply
    • Lorraine says: December 7, 2018 at 11:11 pm

      Appreciation for ourselves and others makes such a difference in our relationships, ‘ how about we appreciate and value each other’.

      Reply
  • Danna Elmalah says: May 22, 2018 at 5:24 am

    Thank you Fiona, for it shares the truth of when we allow our love to be expressed in the way it comes – we build a relationship with ourselves first, which goes out into the world with all our other relationships. That to me is the magic of when you connect to who you are.

    Reply
  • Michael Goodhart says: May 22, 2018 at 5:11 am

    “So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other…” – Too often we tend to focus on the qualities that we or another person does not normally express or something that we feel is a negative trait. But I can feel that what Fiona is offering here is a different approach, where if we nurture and appreciate those attributes that we feel are loving and true, then that person and ourselves can see that is our natural way and build upon that foundation, rather than focusing on the negative and then only seeing the reflection of that back to us (which nobody wants anyways).

    Reply
  • Leigh Matson says: May 20, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    Comparing our family to another and ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ thing has us not appreciating those that we have around us and the power we have in bringing a quality of decency, respect and love to them as our gift to the family.

    Reply
    • Ingrid Ward says: October 21, 2018 at 3:41 pm

      That ‘greener grass’ definitely has the power to nudge us away from what is right in front of us, and in what is in front of us there is always something to appreciate. We seem to spend so much time wanting what others have that we totally miss the wonderful gifts that those around us have to offer.

      Reply
  • Bryony says: April 27, 2018 at 6:54 am

    ‘It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.’ – so often we crave to be treated like that, to want to be in a relationship so that we can get that – but if we make that our priority, instead of developing it for ourselves, then what happens if and when the other person has a bad day or leaves us? The most solid, loving foundation we can give to ourselves – and from there, with each other – is when we start treating ourselves with that deep nurturing, love and care, and above all, building that consistency and trust in ourselves.

    Reply
    • Helen Elliott says: June 22, 2018 at 5:03 am

      Yes when we develop a truly loving relationship with ourselves then we have an awesome foundation for all our other relationships and the reflection of this is super powerful.

      Reply
  • Sam says: April 19, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    “We are never alone” so very true Fiona. Yesterday I was buying something from a garage and I got speaking to the lady who served me she told me how she was still grieving for her husband who died a year ago, I told her the same thing in that we are never alone and that true love never dies.We are so much mored loved and supported then we could ever imagine.

    Reply
    • Nicola Lessing says: July 30, 2018 at 10:24 am

      It is true we are never alone and are not only surrounded by an unfathomable amount of love but have it forever passing through us. For many this is not their experience at all and these words would be unrelatable as it once would have been for me – but now I know them to be true and one day everyone will.

      Reply
  • Carola Woods says: April 13, 2018 at 4:57 am

    I love what you have shared here Fiona and how every relationship offers us the potential to heal, inspire, confirm and deepen the love we are as such to evolve. How incredible that every day this is what is available for us to explore, that we are held by a great love that is always calling us to return to.

    Reply
    • Simone says: April 18, 2018 at 1:37 pm

      ‘every relationship offers us the potential to heal, inspire, confirm and deepen the love we are as such to evolve’ yes it is not just partner relationships which offer this, but every relationship. We really do have the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves in every moment, we really are held in love.

      Reply
  • Danna Elmalah says: April 8, 2018 at 5:16 am

    A beautiful reminder that we are able to bring all of us to everyone, this is an actually joy-full practise, for it asks you to be you, as open as you can be and willing to connect from an eternity (our endless love).

    Reply
  • Sam says: April 6, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    “So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times” So well said Fiona this is beautiful when we see it like this it is a win win for everyone.

    Reply
  • MW says: March 25, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    So often we look for the ‘grass is greener’ over there but in doing so we miss the gold that is in front of us. I have constellated an amazing family and friends around me, however, when I am in my stuff, I don’t value this, instead I look to ‘what could be better’ and can feel in this it is an abuse of myself and everyone in my life.

    Reply
  • Joseph Barker says: March 24, 2018 at 10:39 am

    There’s that funny old saying ‘all roads lead to Rome’ – truly it should be that all connections lead us home. For pursuing one at the exclusion of others will never work but just take us down a dead end street. Every relationship is here to encourage us to raise the bar with everyone we meet. Thank you Fiona.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: March 15, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    “The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” Beautifully said Fiona and this is one of the reasons why being a member of the student community of Universal Medicine is to be part of a family that is learning to deepen an appreciation, value and love of the wider family of humanity.

    Reply
  • Rik Connors says: February 12, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    It’s very very significant just how the Benhayon family lives. How they live is impacting the world. Through our interactions with them this is carrying over into our families and true love and thus family is being felt. It’s the ultimate responsibility in evolution and responding to being continually pulled up to more love in firmness and commitment to the what is next. True family is treating all in this same manner not just the blood relatives.

    Reply
  • Leigh Strack says: February 10, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    “There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving.”
    This way of interacting in family is what we all know is possible – this is why the snide remarks, digs and disrespectful jokes hurt so deeply.

    Reply
  • Ruth Ketnor says: February 9, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    “Wow, that’s love in its fullest form.” yes and what a blessing it is to have Serge Benhayon and his family living this, showing us a true way to be with each other.

    Reply
  • LorraineJ says: January 25, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Yes Fiona, it is very beautiful to observe, ‘What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.’

    Reply
  • Joshua Campbell says: January 23, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    If this is love and this is a true relationship, could anything less simply be abuse?

    Reply
  • Bryony says: January 7, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    This is beautiful, Fiona.. that love is respect, fun, decency and something you can trust, and that it develops equally with all others, as we develop that love within ourselves. Building trust and consistency starts with our own bodies: do we honour what we feel and do what it says, or drag it around behind us, never listening and always compromising ourselves? Learning to listen to the body and not the mind, and to discern the difference between the two, is a beautiful work in progress and fun to experiment with, because the body doesn’t judge. It just shows us our choices and their consequences.

    Reply
  • Leigh Strack says: January 2, 2018 at 9:06 pm

    The essence of love has not a thought or idea, it emanates, spreads out from deep with in and it meets that same essence in another, it give rise to a way of communicating that comes from this connection. No amount of positive thinking comes even close to allowing our love to emanate.

    Reply
  • Jennifer Smith says: December 23, 2017 at 6:29 pm

    We can have a true relationship with someone for 5 minutes and never see them again or we can share a large part of our life with someone and not even scratch the surface to having a true relationship. I can relate to what you share about your observations of Serge Benhayon and his family. When we choose to not live in a truly loving way, it can almost be overwhelming. But I agree they are so open and the same with everyone they meet only to show us that we can all be the same way in all of our relationships, including with them.

    Reply
    • Simon Williams says: January 10, 2019 at 5:59 pm

      It is a scary thought (and so true) that its possible to live for years with someone and not get to the truth of who we are, and why we are in relationship…. instead choosing a convenient level to settle at. This is what arrangements are made of and those kind of relationships evolve no one.

      Reply
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