Fatherhood for me began 22 years ago at the age of 33. Our first child, a beauty-full daughter, was born at home on a Wednesday around 8:30pm. At the time I could feel that this was a divine moment, one that I would never have experienced without choosing to have children.
I clearly remember how completely hopeless I felt when the midwives and nurses left our house – I had never taken care of a baby before in my life. That night I had to change her nappy and I felt how fragile and helpless she was; and I felt my own uncertainty about what to do.
From that night on I also began to identify myself with my new role of ‘father’, but failed to feel what the true meaning of this was for me. Instead, I just did what I felt was expected of me to qualify as a ‘good father’. As our child grew up I tried to form and guide her to suit my ideals of what I felt I needed to make of her.
When I write it like that now I feel how arrogant it was of me, wanting to mould a child to my ideals and beliefs and not let them grow up in their true nature. Is this what we are actually doing when we parent, in contrast to providing a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are?
An interesting set of questions now arises:
Where did these ideals and beliefs about being ‘a good father’ come from?
Is it possible they are provided by society (family and friends, school, TV, magazines, books, health professionals, etc), and that I chose to adopt them to be a ‘good father’? I was not consciously aware of the fact that I was using ideals and beliefs at all, let alone considering that they could have been ‘delivered’ to me.
What did I choose from the package of fatherhood ‘pictures’ which were presented to me?
Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?
Why was I looking for a fatherhood picture in the first place?
Could it be that I was looking for recognition and acceptance for being a good father, instead of trusting the love and wisdom within me to be my guide?
Given all of this, was it then possible that:
Everything in society is set up for me to doubt myself and ‘believe’ what I am told, instead of trusting what I know and feel deep inside?
Although I was not aware of it at the time, in my uncertainty of how to be a father I followed a fatherhood picture, taking on ideals and beliefs like…
- As the parent I have to mould my child to make them ‘valuable for society’. If I do not, the child will be lost to society.
- I will be the provider and carer for everything my children need; I will be always there for them.
- I am the parent, therefore superior to the child, the subordinate.
- I have to support them in all that they do, even if it is something I don’t agree with.
- My children are perfect; my children do not behave badly.
- They must have the same ambitions in life as I have.
- I will be the perfect father for my children, they will not want for anything and I will show that to the world.
- I have to be proud of them.
- My children have to listen to me because I am their father.
- I will have an “I know what is good for you” attitude, and so on.
But this makes me wonder:
If all these fatherhood ideals and beliefs are not me, because I have taken them on from outside of me, what then is the real me and the real father in me?
The answer for me has been to slowly unravel all my fatherhood pictures, to become aware of them and discard them, one by one. Through this discarding of what is not me I am becoming more true, more who I really am – which is much, much more than just being a ‘good father’!
This now reflects in my deepening connection with my children – a connection that is based on a true equalness, and a deep trust in myself and in what I feel.
I would like to thank Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose presentations have inspired me to become a truer father.
By Nico van Haastrecht, father of three, Warnsveld, the Netherlands
403 Comments
I have reacted soundly to society imposing on me what it thinks is true. I used to question it from everything that the doctor said to the food that was supposedly good for me but worse I reacted more to those that believed in it all. I lacked understanding and would feel very confused. I knew there was another way, an empowering way which Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presents that supports me to connect to that knowingness within which has always been there and is forever deepening and expanding. We all know what is true; we just need to simply let go of that which is not true.
Great sharing Caroline. When we are solid in what we know and feel we can observe the choices made by others without reacting to them.
All these packages and pictures of who to be, it seems like we walk around not knowing we are a sponge, taking on board all or some of what is around us. We don’t get taught that we take things on from our environment and yet this is exactly what we do. We take on the energy that is around us unless we are taught and supported to know that 1. This is happening and 2. How to not be a sponge. A quote I remember from Serge Benhayon is “Be like a fish in the sea and not get wet” – and it’s the teachings of Universal Medicine that allow us to learn to seal the holes and discover that whats inside us can lead life, rather than outside influences coming in and moving us.
Well, that’s pretty cool. And also a great example of it never being too late to come back to yourself.
It is so true… It really is never too late to actually turn within and reconnect… And until our last breath… That potential will always be there.
It is fascinating how we mould our children to take on the same ideals and beliefs we have accumulated over our lifetime, and then get bent out of shape when they do their own thing or act out of their own beliefs that clash with ours. We often see this as the generation gap, and the separation between the ages takes a hold but what I have come to discover is that there is no need for this gap or conflict to occur, as it is all based on our pictures of how we think life should be and what we want.
Thank you for sharing Nico , so lovely , its so important for parents to learn that they do not own ” their ” children.
Being run by ideals and beliefs stops us from connecting more deeply to what is needed; we go into solutions and fixing things rather than taking a moment and making it about love.
So true when we are caught in the doing of ideals and beliefs then we lose our ability to connect to what feels true in any situation.
After reading your blog Nico, I cannot but wonder how many of our ideals and beliefs shadow and haunt us in regard to us considering we are good enough according to those shadows expectations, and not the potential of who we are.
I am quite fascinated by the roles we take on as parents as I am finding they are a total abdication of the true responsibility we are given through the blessing of having a child to raise. Connection and love are all we will ever need, yet because we have less trust in that relationship and the power of the boundaries and learning that can come from that way of living we go to the doing and the roles as a form of control because it feels safer.
Nico, it is beautiful that you have come to this awareness of the impositions we as parent or carers for children can impose on them due to what we are carrying that is not true to who we are. Our job as adults is simply to get ourselves out of the way and allow the child to express what is innately in them to express so that they do not end up a mere puppet of the system we have fallen ‘victim’ to (by our own choosing). This does not mean that we raise anarchists, but more so support, nurture and allow children to express the truth of who they are so in turn our way of living can be restored to be an accurate reflection of this truth and this beauty.
It is not uncommon for parenting to take the form of guiding a child into the mould the parents expect the child to fit. It’s hideous and the expectation of a parent leave little room for a child to grow into who they truely are.
Every ideal or belief that exists in this world is absent of the one true thing that confirms us the most – love. As children, this is all we need first and foremost, to be confirmed for who we are in essence. This is what we all want, and failing to receive it is why we spend the rest of our lives in search for it through societies pale versions of what love is – recognition, acceptance, approval, attention. Love is our greatest guide, and our connection to love within ourselves first is what allows us to be confident in who we are, and to be with another in love. With this quality, we offer true role modelling to the world, to our children to our friend and family and all we are connected to as we offer a way of being that confirms who we all are. Thank you Nico for sharing this valuable revelation of the power of true love, and how our connection to our love is the greatest teacher for us all to learn to be who we are.
For me it was very healing to care for my father at the end of his life as we both let go of the father and daughter roles and connected on a deeper level. Thank you Nico for being so honest about your journey with this and I can feel how my father was constrained by the expectations he put on himself within his parenting role which caused many problems between us when I was growing up. We complicate it so much when all that is required is simply to connect to the other person and feel what is needed in that moment.
It’s great to expose the many ideals and beliefs we get caught up in when we become parents. I was certainly anxious about getting it ‘right’ whilst not being clear about what that looked like! Feeling that how my daughter was reflected on me I put pressure on us both to present a picture of how well we were coping especially as I became a single parent when my daughter was still a toddler. Allowing our children the gift of being themselves is so beautiful and from this I have learnt immeasurably more than when I was imposing my fear-based way that was so restrictive for both of us.
When we understand that fathering is an energy or vibration we express from our body we will realise that you don’t actually need children to be a father.
We need to talk about these ‘unsaid rules and ways’ more. There is far more passed onto us that we are often aware of. Far more than just in our education at school or at home per se. Often what is passed down are ways of being, which we see, feel, hear and witness another living like and think this is how life is to be lived and this is what is normal. As a son, growing up and seeing how my father raised me, there is so much now that I can say makes me reflect that I am living like my father! But this is simply because I am choosing to live the same choices he made when raising me.
Thank you Nico for a great sharing, I can say as a parent way back when my children were young it was mostly about control and obedience and the parent knows best, absolutely no honouring of the love that children are and the wisdom they bring with them, and definitely no equality, this was how parenting was when connected to our ideals and beliefs long ago of how we should be. So much to let go of in connecting to the truth of who we all are as divine sons of God at whatever age we are, treating all with honour, respect and equality.
A blog (or book) could be written on each point you’ve raised here Nico. To highlight just one: “My children have to listen to me because I am their father.”
How empowering it is for a child when they are not taught to ‘obey’ simply by virtue of their role in a family (or indeed any situation), but to honour what is true first and foremost, and develop and nurture their relationship with the truth that they know within in the process…
Phew, the control and dominion we have not only allowed, but fostered…
When we control, or at least try to control another human being – no matter their age, we dis-empower them. Our role is to raise aware independent adults, if we try to control everything they do say and think then we take away their ability to be discerning and therefore they are left at the mercy of being caught in the influence of what is around them.
What a great unravelling Nico, and something to honour deeply. We are steeped in such expectations in the roles we play in families – mother, father, daughter, son, husband, wife… often at the detriment of what could be a relationship of true potential, where each has the opportunity to learn and grow, inspired without reservation from the other, and yes, actually holding the other as equal and seeing him or her in their own true light (not as our own ‘product’ if you will).
And so, the breaking down what has held us back from the true love possible between us is essential, that we may extend our knowing of all that relationships can be way beyond our families, into our work relationships, societally and more. The exploration of that which hasn’t worked is essential in this dismantling and unravelling, as you say Nico… Thank-you so much for sharing here.
Indeed Victoria, there is a lot to dismantle in relationships as I shared in above blog in respect with my relationship with my children as an example. In choosing to be not aware of the false beliefs and ideals behind our intentions we continue to build up that what we now or anytime have to dismantle in order to be able to live once again that what already lives within each and every one of us. A divinity that is so much more than we ever could have dreamt of, so what is holding us from this dismantling while the outcome will give us amazing loving and simple lives.
Perhaps true parenting includes allowing our very young children to teach us how to live with love and joy in all we do.
I can agree on that Mary, we are asked by our children to start living in a different way, as from their birth they are an emanation of love, nothing more but also nothing less, only love and that is what they bring with them and abundantly share with us all the time. It is up to us as a parent to surrender to this offering and submit ourselves to another way of living, based on the commonly shared love we all come from and constantly are connected to and our children do remind us of.
This is a deeply toching blog Nico, as I have experienced this transformation to fatherhood without ideals from close up as your son. It is beautiful what kind of relationships grow from this release of pictures, a relationship that is honest and without perfection where we learn to evolve together in the life we have chosen to live together learning each other so much.
It is so great you chose to share your experience Nico. I feel this ‘not knowing’ or fear of failure is very common with men, who compare themselves unfavourably to women and think that they somehow lack a parenting gene. Today it is clearer than ever to me that we are all born natural masters, mentors, mothers and fathers, and it’s only the things that have told us we are ‘dumb’ that we let get in the way. With an open heart and willingness to be truthful we have all we need.
Parenting is so much more than what I thought it was when I became a father in this life. As I have described above, there where many ideals and beliefs that at that moment of time formed me in being with my children and in fact kept both my children and myself lesser in our expression. I do now understand that there is a relationship to be built in which we can prosper and evolve instead of to form one another to a certain image, that in fact, although everything from the outside would look ‘good’ and ‘nice’, is not prosperous and evolving at all.
We have so many beliefs and ideas about parenting so it is great to read something about parenting that is supportive and can assist with the mistruths that we have taken on regarding parenting.
Hey Nico, great article. Already three years old and I just found it. Very true that we live from pictures, beliefs and ideals when it comes to being a father, One of them is that a father is only a father to his own ” flesh and blood’ . That is also an illusion, can I say, not being father of ‘ flesh and blood’ to any child, but feeling a true father more and more to many children that are not physically mine.
When and why did we ever started to think we know more than our children. Every child comes with his or her own innate wisdom and can teach us as much (or more) as we can teach them.
‘The answer for me has been to slowly unravel all my fatherhood pictures, to become aware of them and discard them, one by one. ‘ I love this for it is true of any role we take on that is made up of these pictures and we can do this unravelling slowly but surely till they are all gone, for if we stay with it they will be for sure.
Wow, those ideals and beliefs feel really draining to take on, how great you saw through them and discarded them and so allowed the true you to be present.
This is an interesting reflection of how we also “father”, “mother” and attempt to control ourselves – often running our lives on ideals and beliefs instead of allowing ourselves to connect to our all-knowing source and live from that wisdom. We cannot bring to others what we have not given to ourselves.
We take on so many ideals, beliefs and pictures from society of how to be ‘a good parent’, which can then be discarded as we trust our own wisdom and feelings. “Through this discarding of what is not me I am becoming more true, more who I really am – which is much, much more than just being a ‘good father’! Beautiful Nico.
Parenting is learning that we learn from each other and that we all have an equal part to play within the family.
The deepening connection you now share with your children having consciously unravelled the pictures you held of fatherhood, is a beautiful confirmation that they are not true nor needed to be a father.
‘Everything in society is set up for me to doubt myself and ‘believe’ what I am told, instead of trusting what I know and feel deep inside?’ So true Nico, I can relate to what you share here, the biggest key for me has been to develop the relationship with myself first and deeply appreciate who I am and then all my relationships naturally have a different quality – a more true and loving connection.
Thank you Nico and being a father is no different to any other relationship. The more you deepen the relationship with how you are feeling the more other ‘things’ no longer seem to fit. So as with any relationship how things are feeling to you needs to be constantly adjusted and refined as things are always changing. How are the children doing, how are your relationships around you, how are you feeling, are the same things coming up again and again. We put ‘parenting’ and ‘fatherhood’ at the front of many things and I am not saying they’re not important but how we are in those is the most important thing, the quality we are bringing all of the time. I love being a father, not from what it gives me or what I give it but because of what the relationship allows me to see, what it reflects to me all of the time. I just need to be ready to look and listen.
A brilliant article, exposing head-on the fact that the prevailing images and pictures we hold about parenting in fact serve to create self-doubt and not-good-enough in us, when in fact all we need to do is trust our own inner knowing of what to do and how to be. Just be ourselves and let our children be themselves. Love what you say about equalness too, because those pictures are steeped in role supremacy and positional power – a tried and tested recipe in how to suppress the natural joy and expression of a growing mini-adult.
There are SO many concepts that we have taken on about parenting…. And its no wonder really … I mean , how can we really parent someone if we don’t know ourselves… we can’t help but just pass on belief systems.
“Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?” Great question Nico! The same can be asked of mothers, daughters, brother, sisters, sons, friends, lovers, husbands, wives, colleagues, artists, doctors, housewives, shop assistants…every role we take on . They all come with a picture, and image attached, one that we have chosen from those on offer from society as a whole. As you have brilliantly exposed, we chose the bits of the picture that we feel most comfortable with, that don’t rock our boat, which means we can claim we are just ‘doing what needs to be done’, when our irresponsibility (which not rocking the boat is because in that we choose not to speak up when it’s needed) is called into question.
Parenthood comes with so many beliefs and ideal and what that looks like. There is nowhere in the unwritten manual that asks us to hold this new life and support it to unfold in a nest that is made of love and equality. I would not have known what this meant when I had my children and I went into learned behavior’s modeled on the way I was raised. This is a great read for those finding their way and are open to feeling what is true.
Reading this today really brought up some past ideals and beliefs that I had around motherhood. Self doubt was huge as I ventured into being a mother. I sat for a while with your question Nico “Where did these ideals and beliefs of being a ‘good father’ come from”? As with motherhood to do the so called ‘right thing’ feels now very imposing and not listening or overruling that inner wisdom that flows so naturally when around babies/young children feels now like the very cause of my huge self-doubt and anxiousness that took over a lot of the time.
It is indeed no surprise that we become anxious and doubtful if we are not connected with ourselves. And as you say Marion, we do know from that inner wisdom when we are around babies and young children exactly how we have to be but we have never been told that fact. The opposite happens, we are told from many angles what we should or not should do. But thanks to Serge Benhayon I have become aware of this fact, as he was the one that told me this, I do now know that I have a choice to either connect to my inner heart that gives me strength and self-confidence, or to listen to the outer images, that in truth only make me doubtful and anxious instead.
Awesome blog Nico, I have young children too and as a mothers I can recognise that these roles, ideals and beliefs you’ve listed are not dissimilar to the ones I held in relation to parenting. I am also learning to let them go and parent from being deeply connected to myself first and what is then needed will naturally present itself. I am inspired to parent from my natural delicate and loving way and not from outside influences but trusting what I feel is true.
Awesome Chan, we are so beautiful when we allow ourselves just to be in everything that we are and anything that we do, not influenced by images or pictures provided to us, but completely with ourselves. Parenting from there is a complete new dimension and allows our children to be themselves as well connected to the source of love and with that they will become aware of the fact that there is a responsibility to living a human life and that is to maintain and grow this inner connection and quality for as long as you live.
I can feel that the fragility and vulnerability that you felt after the midwife left was also a reflection of how as men we generally do not live this enough ourselves. I have felt the same around babies in the past too and it feels like an invitation to go deeper and embrace more of that in our livingness
Thank you for this observations Joshua, and you are spot on. Babies do invite us to be more of ourselves and part of that is to be vulnerable and fragile, which is not a commonly accepted and imaged quality of a man, of which the more accepted quality is to be rough and tough instead. But this does not take away the fact that we men are equally tender, vulnerable and fragile to women and the image of being rough and tough is now exposed to me as being a false one as actually I do not feel anything of that in me, not one ounce of it.
I keep coming back to your blog Nico, every time I do it seems to reveal more of the roles, images and perceptions I hold towards fatherhood and towards being a man. You are absolutely correct in saying that these perceptions are unconsciously imposed on us and even the mention of these words brings up all sorts of connotations and ideals we hold around them.
Great comment Joshua, beautiful sharing of your experience around babies. It is very beautiful to observe how most women and men are able to naturally be tender, gentle, fragile, vulnerable and delicate when handling babies especially when they allow themselves to feel that they are the same too. I have also witnessed some people become very nervous around babies, it seems they become awkward or afraid to touch or hold them, which was interesting to observe. I agree babies certainly invite us to be delicate, fragile and vulnerable, and for some people this may be a bit confronting so they tend to avoid this incredible connection.
Parenting is absolutely rife with ideals and beliefs and I fell for many different forms of them as I raised my children. As you have stated Nico, I didn’t even realise that I was following a set of external rules and measuring myself against some blurry marker of what a good mother looked like. There was never a sense that I was enough and that I had a deep wisdom inside of me to guide me or that if I stepped back from the control factor that my children actually had a lot of wisdom and knowing of their own. I am still unravelling the ideals and beliefs even though my children are adults. It has really shown me just how entrenched lots of patterns have been and it’s no wonder I was so blind to any other way of parenting. Thankfully, there is no time like the present to learn and rebuild the foundations of my relationship with my children.
Indeed Helen, there is no time like the present to rebuild the foundations of the relationships with our children and it is such a beautiful thing to do, to unravel alle the images I held in parenting and being a father. I was not only blind to another way of parenting but also blind for the true beauty they are and the gift that they borough with them. They brought the gift for me to reconnect with my inner most, but I could not see the value of that because of the images I held about being a good father and parenting instead.
there are so many images, or as Nico says, pictures, that are deeply implanted in us, we try to live up to them, we compare ourselves to these images, they have nothing to offer to us except comparison and one of the most important things we can do is to recognize when the images or pictures are running us, and to start to truly let them go.
Indeed Chris, it is important to recognise the moments when we are driven by the images we have allowed into our lives, as non of these images is true to our way of being. When we live from our essence we do not need any image to live up to and there is not any reason to compare to any of them as these images portray mostly to a way of doing and behaving, while it is just about living our essence, and that is a state of being in which no image to live up or compare to is required.
Nico I love that you have shared that parenting is ‘ providing a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are”. I have often felt that this does not only pertain to parenting but to all connections made life. Remembering to just be the GREAT YOU rather than the ‘good you’
I love this nb, and I prefer the GREAT YOU above the ‘good you’ as this latter has never fulfilled me. Being great instead is just what it is and in living that I have the most beautiful experiences in meeting other people, experiences of mutual growth and expansion.
I have come to understand in my 16 years of parenting that me being in the role of a parent does not work, for me or my kids. If I parent as extension of who I am then I feel there is more on offer naturally for my children. When things would go wrong or we would hit a bumpy patch I would reach for the latest book or online article or sign up to parenting workshops, it was distracting myself as much as possible from connecting to what I knew was already true and right for me and my family at the time. I don’t believe I have all the answers at my fingertips but when i get stuck it much more a reflection and an opportunity for me to grow and the kids than the great disaster I would want it to be.
I do understand that too Nicole, I also do not have all the answers at my finger tips, but that is because I do not trust my inner knowing enough, that would give me all the answers to life when I would be fully in connection with it. What I know from experience is the fact that looking outside myself only distracts me from the fact that I already know and have all the answers, and in that I delay myself returning to that and to truly serve my children in providing them with a way of parenting that they deserve as being equal Sons of God.
There are far too many ideals and beliefs to count that fathers, mothers, children, siblings, friends, males and females (just to name a few) have to contend with everyday everywhere we look in society. But underneath all these roles and expectations we feel we need to live up to is the simplicity of ourselves being just who we naturally are just waiting to come alive and be expressed. Great blog Nico.
So true Suse, it is just the simplicity of living from our inner heart, the place that is void of complexity, that will bring us the beauty of building real relationships with each other, relationships that will nurture and support all that are involved in their return to love and the reconnection to their soul. So I decided to stop living all these roles and allow the simplicity of my inner heart to come alive and be my guide in life and I enjoy this so much that I cannot keep the for myself but give it expression everywhere I go.
Thank you for sharing this. It is wonderful and revolutionary what you share here Nico as this understanding can entirely change the quality and style of the way we parent and the relationships we have with our children. It is huge really because despite all the parenting courses and guidance available, no one has said it like this before.
Thank you Joshua, and I must agree when I look around this is not a common way how children are parented in our current societies and therefore it is huge and important to be said. As parenting is laying the fundamental basis for the lives of every human being, how would the world look like if we would parent from our inner knowing instead of from the images that are given to us? There would be more understanding and an unconditional love to each other that naturally will assist us in evolving us back to a life in brother hood, a way of living we are made for and deserve to live.
I was inspired to ponder upon what my ideals and beliefs regarding this may be. Interestingly reading the list of these in the blog I felt that they do not make sense to me but I instantly had the question to ask of myself – compared to what? the answer – my own ideals and beliefs. Very exposing, thank you Nico.
Thank you Michael, it is so easy to say that is not me, but in truth where does that come from. Great that you bring this to the fore as it is important to recognise that we in many ways are lived by our ideals and beliefs instead as being impulsed from our inner most, the way of living we are returning to.
Thank you for exposing so many ideals and beliefs around being a father Nico – many of which relate to mothers too. And these ideals and beliefs don’t change over the decades – they are just different flavours of the same!
This also brings a greater understanding for daughters as well, of why our fathers were the way they were, and takes away the blame and irresponsibility too because as daughters we took on our own ideals and beliefs about how our fathers should be and also how we should be!
So true Paula, if we do not take the responsibility of living to the impulse of our inner heart, we live something that we are not and in doing so we not only hurt ourselves but also everybody we live with. In other words, if I live the true father, my daughter does not have to take on any ideals and beliefs of how I as a father should have lived my life either, and there would not be any reason and ground for any blame towards me from her.
What made you a good father Nico was that your relationship was based on connection first and that you honoured your own inner awareness, and this way of being we can all apply to everything we do.
Thank you Joe, and a great point you bring in, that it is of importance to appreciate and honour our inner awareness and sensitivity as to me these are my guides to live a life of truth, the truth to my inner most from where I am connected with the ancient wisdom. In that connection there is a knowing that is far beyond the knowledge we are fed with in our temporal world. When we restrict ourselves to only live this temporal life and do not consider ourselves to be part of something much bigger and more continuous, we reduce ourselves to a lesser being and can only rely on what we are told how we have to be instead.
Thank you Nico for a great article, we are so run by society and it’s ideals that we rarely think outside the box. I remember from my time raising kids there was a book out on parenting by a Dr, it made sense at the time. But totally off the track as I have come to see parenting in a different light. Equality, respect and trusting that there is a knowing in children and providing the space to allow them to express in full who they truly are.
Thanks Jill, I share the same experience with you that we are equally knowing independent of our age in this life. There is only some more experience with the practicalities of this time of life with the more elderly compared to our young ones. And parenting in the understanding of this makes such a difference to the way I was when I first became father and to how I now can see it. I can now see my children more and more as equal to me and that I can learn from them the same as they can learn from me.
This is such a beautiful way to raise children Nico – to not only see and treat them with equality, but to provide ‘…a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are.”
I have found that letting go of the ideals and beliefs I was raised with, and not putting such expectations on my children, has allowed them to unfold and develop an ever deepening relationship with themselves and feeling able to express from their true essence.
Thanks for your inspiring blog Nico.
Thank you Peter. It is a relief both ways Peter, for the children to have the allowance of being themselves and being appreciated for that and for us as parents that we are not responsible for there life, their choices, as that is completely up to them as we are not in the need their succes to be shown of as the result of our parenting.
A most inspiring reply Peter Campbell – how lovely it is that you have also been able to bring true parenting to your own children and have the joy of watching them “develop an ever deepening relationship with themselves and feeling able to express from their true essence”.
Everything in society is set up for me to doubt myself and ‘believe’ what I am told, instead of trusting what I know and feel deep inside? When I read this sentence Nico it reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend the other day. She was telling me that before her son was born her husband said that if the baby was a boy that he will not be kissing the baby and telling him that he loves him as that would be softening him up. However when the baby was born he could not help but shower him in kisses and constantly tell him that he loves him.
That is beautiful Heidi. Our young babies are that much love that we must be really hard and touch to keep that outside of us. It is a great lesson for the husband of your friend, and for all the men equally so, that the images we hold about how to parent a baby boy, we can put aside and just allow our inner feeling to be our guide and shower our young baby boys with kisses and love.
Nico a really great honest blog when fathers or mothers are stuck in the ‘must provide’ role, they miss out on so much, a child loves to spend quality time with their parents. You have raised some great points in your blog, ideals and beliefs stifle who we truly are.
What you say Sally, in fact it truly stifles us in all the grandness that we actually are when we allow images into our lives dictating how to be and behave in life. We have to let go of these and liberate us all form the images that are abundantly provided by the false light that tries to keep control on us. By doing so, the underlaying true nature of us is given the opportunity to surface and we will be able to enjoy the exploration of this new way of living, the living from our truth, that innately lives is us all equally so. No need for pictures anymore as the truth is there for each and everyone of us to be discovered.
Very true Sally. What children cherish the most is quality time with their parents and a deep connection. I have found when they don’t receive this they can often start to seek recognition instead.
I have found the ideals and beliefs I have around parenthood and family in general run very deep, before coming to Universal Medicine I really could get no perspective on this at all, I felt these things so strongly that I could not see another way. As I build a connection to myself I am now finding I can see beyond the deep hooks of these beliefs and I can begin to know what is true parenting and what is not. Your article inspires me to hold this more continually in my awareness, thanks Nico.
Thank you Tim, it is true that the images we hold on parenting and family are quite strong and also held by the family we live in and therefore are enforced in us from many angles. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are able to see that there is another way to live, beyond the created images but impulsed from our innermost where we are connected with the universal knowledge of life and we can connect to whenever we choose to do so.
Thank you Nico, if we allow it, being a father is a fast track to self awareness, because we have a reflection right in front of us every day, from when we wake up to when we go to sleep, and this reflection will always be an opportunity for us to let go of old beliefs and ideals, and to simply be.
So true Chris, and I am thankful to have these reflections in my life as they are that valuable to me and assist me tremendous in my return to what it truly is to live as a father, a men in the world. It is as you say ultimately all that simple, but for that we have to let go of the images we have taken on about how our lives should look like and the reflections of our children are there to support us in this process if we allow ourselves to go there.
Reading this Nico it came to me that, most new experience’s in life are set up to be a big thing, scary, or uncertain which creates many questions of ‘Am I capable?’ and looking outside of ourselves for how we should be dealing with it or acting. I wonder if this is what can get in the way of us connecting to what we naturally feel to do in new situations, like becoming a parent, and asking for help or support if we need to?
So true what you reveal here to me Aimee, that life is set up in a way that new things are big, difficult and scary, instead of accepting these as opportunities of experiences of life and to evolve in who we are, in the knowing that we are well equipped for whatever will come on our life path.
I cannot speak from the point of view of a parent, but as a daughter I have seen the roles that parents take on… sparked by a fear of not being seen to ticking the ‘good’ box and how that projecting these regurgitated ideals and beliefs of how to be a parent can be unintentionally harming in denying a child to grow free from the conformities these beliefs promote. Parents are generally not advised to trust what they feel is true and encourage a child to do the same so are given and take on all the parenting advice they can… and thus not allowing the beauty and knowing of how to be that comes with building and trusting what comes naturally through a loving and deep connection with yourself and your child.
Beautifully said Samantha, because we are not inspired or advised to be just ourselves in any way shape or form in our parenting but do get unintentional advice about how we should parent instead. This then feeds our lack of self worth and the insecurity that comes from it and continuously keeps us away from the possibility that just being ourselves is the key to all our questions in life, as that is never promoted nor lived by the majority of people in our societies.
It is great to have a father talk openly about this and to open up conversations like this so that people can explore what actually feels true for them and then be inspired to live that more than the pictures of what they think they need to be or how they think they need to do things.
That is the important thing Kristy, we have to start the conversation based on how it feels for us and not for how we think about it. It is a matter of feeling into our bodies how much the life we live actually is affecting our bodies. Do we restrict it in its natural movements or do we allow to move it in its natural way corresponding to the actual energy we live with? We have to explore all of this as this is the way to true liberation for each of us, for all of humanity, the liberation of the imprisonment of all the imposed ideals and believes we restrict our lives with.
Thank you Nico,.To let go of the external trappings of ideals and beliefs and allow the knowing of your inner heart to freely express is an absolute gift of gold and for your children a bountiful treasure.
A bountiful treasure it is Barbara, when we are ready to follow the impulses from our heart above the thoughts of our mind by the pictures we have made about how life should look like, this treasure will unfold itself for us. Our body knows and is always prepared to deliver that what is needed in any situation of our life. To trust this connection is so powerful as it will present to us ways in which we can develop true relationships with anyone we meet on an equal basis, as that is the true nature of our essence. We will then have the absolute gifts of gold, the bountiful treasures of life.
We are shown in life reflections all the time that to be ourselves is not enough and that we have to be more. Of course when it comes to parenting, the very thing that asks us to be ourselves and the love we are, we are going to double take and think that the role of being a ‘super dad’ is what the perfect dad is all about when in fact we are already the perfect dad just by being ourselves.
That is just so great what you say here Joshua, nobody truly asks us to be the perfect supper dad, it is only our own perception from the people that are telling us in many ways that we are not good enough, that we have to work hard in order to be a ‘good’ human, and in the case of parenting we have to do our best to be a ‘good’ father or mother. I am so graceful that I have found my way to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have helped me to let go of this striving in my life, and in return I have regained the true me, that is well equipped to do everything what life is asking me to do with with the quality of being simply myself.
Yes Joshua, when we perceive and/or are constantly confirmed in not being enough we are naturally going to take this concept into our parenting – to me the most important job in the world. When we can let go of the notion that we have to be more through doing because we are not enough, and embrace that everything we are is in fact all that is needed it puts a whole new spin on approach and quality of life.
To true Michelle, when I parent from the space of ‘I need to be a better Mum’ or ‘I’m not doing enough’ I get stressed and exhausted and no one gets me. Most of the time this happens when I haven’t been listening to what I need or not been caring for myself. We can’t love another until we first love ourselves is something that is confirmed for me time and time again with parenting and in any relationship.
Brilliant Joshua, very well said. We certainly are already amazing by just being ourselves and from living and expressing from this, everything we do becomes evolutionary, inspirational, easy and flows.
From this trust in yourself Nico and in your honest knowing, your children could not have a better role model, but better still, they have a friendship with one of the most important relationships they’ll have, therefore forming the basis of which they can model all relationships on for the rest of their lives, beautiful.
Thank you Giselle, you bring in a new angle for me to look at, as I have never considered myself as a role model neither, as being a friend for my children I know this is true. The relationships we have with each other in families is more than just the role we play in life and is actually all based on the love we all equally share and want to live with. We can call it a father, a friend, son or daughter, wife or husband, whatever role we have, we meet with each other from our essence, from heart to heart.
It is amazing how much unnecessary pressure we can place on ourselves to present a certain way in any aspect of our lives. The sad part is in this we all miss out on getting to enjoy and know people for who they truly are.
Great to re -visit your article Nico. This sentence struck a cord with me this morning. ‘Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?’ While I do not have children these words can be applied to so many situations and relationships in life. I am feeling how I have hidden and taken on ways of being to avoid the responsibility of bringing the true me to the world. The process of unravelling these pictures is an amazing learning and I love getting to know the true me.
Unraveling all the pictures I held is indeed an amazing learning and it seems to never stop as well. The amazing thing for me in unraveling these pictures is that I become more aware of the true power I carry in me, the absoluteness I can feel in me knows how to deal with any situation that comes to me. I can now see the ridiculousness of taking on these pictures from the outside while there is such a strong connection in me to the all knowing, the all knowing we all can have a connection with if we choose for it.
I agree Nico, the unravelling is constant but the more things unravel, the clearer I feel within myself and my connection with the all. From this, the true confidence keeps on building and I am more willing to claim from this knowing and feel the inner power to live from this place.
Thank you Nico. It so beautiful to realise that what we feel to do as a parent, or daughter, or what ever role we might have in life, is something worth listening to and actually true to do. I am definitely realising this and is very beautiful to feel we do know inside what is true to do in any situation.
Thank you Lieke, we do know what to do or how to behave in any situation we encounter in life. If we allow us to be guided by this inner trustknowing our lives and relationship become so precious and delicate I could have never imagined before.
It is crazy how we play along with the belief of what a successful child is and if they do not fit this then are considered a failure, coming from and perpetuating that who you are is not enough. The pressure of expectation that is imposed is huge not only for the father to achieve this so as not to feel that he has failed but also for the child to achieve this to so as not to let anyone down. And this sadly corrupts the true relationship between a father and a child. What you have shared is so powerful as it breaks down the ‘good father’ ideal that we have developed in society and shown that there is another truer way, that within we are enough and when we connect to this we do know what is needed – ‘This now reflects in my deepening connection with my children – a connection that is based on a true equalness, and a deep trust in myself and in what I feel.’ – so beautifully said Nico, thank you.
It is such a gift Carola, both to our children as to ourselves if we are able to let go of the false ideals and beliefs around parenting and do trust our inner connection to be our guide in everything we do, so also in parenting our children. By doing so we are breaking the existing patterns we have inherited from our parents and put them to a stop as our children will have the other experience, to be accepted, appreciated and honoured in full for who the truly are. This then will be the basis for the future generations to build on and to explore the true depth of what parenting our children in truth entails.
Thank you for sharing Nico showing that letting go of the ideals and beliefs in our parenting makes way to allowing a true and deep connection with our children.
Nico you seem to have had great intentions of nurturing and providing for your family, and even though you have revised what a good Father might look like from a different perspective now. It is a big responsibility to become a Parent and one we are mostly not very well prepared for I guess you could say we learn on the job , but how much more rewarding to have access to the knowledge shared by Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom teachings for Parent and child!
I completely agree with that Roslyn, that having acces to the Ancient Wisdom teaching as being presented by Serge Benhayon is of that a great value. Without these teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I wouldn’t have been able to make the changes in parenting I have now been able to establish.
Thank you Nico, this is a great read. It is amazing to see how ideals and beliefs – the long list of what we think constitutes a good parent – really is much more complicated, than the simple truth of a child being met (with love) from their parent.
Thank you Johanne and I agree with what you say. When I was able to step back and observe how I was parenting I was amazed about the complexity I had build around my fatherhood. Since non of the points of the list ever fulfilled my underlying need for having a true relation with my children I needed another ideal to strive to. So some ideals I dropped of the list because I felt they did not contribute but others where added because the pain of not truly meeting my children was always there and I was in the illusion that acting in a certain way would solve this issue. I am grateful that I have met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have shown me that there is a true way of parenting, the way from the inner-heart that is averse of any complexity but only knows simplicity, simply being me in any situation in life.
It is truly beautiful Annie, to reconnect to the love and wisdom inside, because not only the answers come from there, but also the beautiful and plain questions emerge from this inner knowing in order to clear and deconstruct the ill ways we have chosen to live life in.
Oh Nico, this is a fantastic blog. When I had my first daughter I struggled a lot with what I was supposed to be. I knew what was considered as a good mother in society and what I had seen but I also knew that this was not right for me, but in that I realised that I was not sure exactly what it was that I did feel was right. 16 Years later and I have 2 more little ones and the way that I am parenting them is much different to how I did it the first time round. Much more awareness, acceptance and allowing.
How beautiful that you have experienced both the unaware and aware instances of parenting your little ones. In general we do not have the chance in life to experience this and I sure that this is also a blessing for your 2 little ones.
“Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?” Nick, I like how you asked this question and then brought it back to trusting the innate love and wisdom inside. Thank you.
It is beautiful to read how you have unravelled what being a father means. Fathers offer the love, support and tenderness only a father/father figurer can bring. Girls need their fathers to be tender with them as do our sons. Our world is in quite a state because we have all forgotten what it truly means to be a parent/role model. It is great to see you are unravelling these misconceptions of parenthood, the world strongly needs this.
It is truly important that a man, a father, brings his natural tenderness into his parenting to his children as this quality is urgently needed in our societies. As you say Toni, because we have forgotten what true parenting is and on top of that, that men do not live their natural tenderness anymore, we as society are suffering from this. When I started unravelling my fatherhood patterns I was not aware of what the influence of this act should be, but now, slowly, the impact of parenting to us as parents, our children and to humanity as a whole is slowly revealed to me and it is amazing to see what a power I have by making the choice to reconnect to myself, from which all the natural adjustments to all facets of life will evolve from.
What a beautiful honest sharing.It shows the after effects, when you don´t trust yourself and just behave out of autopilot. Your kids are lucky to have YOU back now- great you are revealing the evil of all these ideal how to be as a father.
Thank you Steffi, it is true that my children are lucky and so am I because I have now a true connection with them too. It is indeed about building trust in oneself through choosing our inner connection as we have all the answers to life available to us through this inner connection.
Beautiful written Nico, I can say the same about being in the mothering role, there are so many roles and should do’s and have to do’s to follow in our heads and I get it that they only exists because the lack of trust into ourselves and all what we naturally know and have access to from our inner heart.
Thank you Monika, an interesting point about trust you raise. To my feeling we have a lack of trust because we have walked away from our inner knowing, the steady and never changing truth that lives inside all of us. By the act of doing so we are on the mercy of what is brought to us form the outside world, that is far from steady, changes by the zeitgeist and always comes with many views, possibilities and fragmented, not as a whole. So choosing to live disconnected from our inner knowing will never gives us a steady and consistent answer to our questions opposed when we consult our inner heart. The answers that will come from there will be steady and consistent, giving us the feeling of trust that is so needed in our nowadays world full of turmoil.
Beautiful Blog. I really enjoyed your honesty. I like how you have presented that the reason we take on the father ideals and develop a picture of what fatherhood should be is because we are not trusting our natural love inside which is what will guide us. It feels true that when we trust our inner spark, that it is love that will be in relationships.
Thank you Harrison, we all have to become truly honest and must trust our inner connection, because if we don’t we remain open for that what is not love to enter our lives.
Some amazing points brought up in this great sharing with us Nico. Thank you.
This is a beautiful blog. A great reminder that all our ideals on how to be parents have one thing in common: They reduce the choices of our children in ways that harm them.
So true Christoph, the current way of parenting is a harming way. Although most people do not have the intention to harm their children, they actually do by imposing a certain way of being on them by the way they parent.
Exactly Nico, we must stop imposing to our kids to be a certain way to fit in the game, true parenting is allowing to speak and work with the love we have inside of us, and encouraging our children that they do have always a choice to live from their love and not from the cover up and functioning fitting in mode.
Unless we really know ourselves and have healed our childhood hurts, it will be very difficult to raise children from anything other then a conceptual basis, which changes according to the flavour of the year, and how we ourselves are dealing with life. Universal Medicine by the very nature of their courses, provides a foundation for all parents to be able to nurture and raise their children so they have the opportunity to be who they truly are.
Thank you Chris for raising this point, if we are not aware, our childhood hurts will guide us in our life, finding the perfect route to not expose the hurts that makes us looking outside for concepts on how to parent our children. Unless we heal the childhood hurts this merry go round will never end and will continue from generation to generation. Thanks to Universal Medicine there are now families raising children that wil be supported to be and stay who they truly are and the merry go round comes to a stop. In what a blessed time do we live and I enjoy being part of it.
Yes Chris, I love this fact that there is a place called Universal Medicine that presents all this amazing wisdom what we all know and have access to from deep within, to come up again as a living way. There is no need for roles and must do’s and have to be’s, only allowing to be who we are from our hearts connection.
Thank you for sharing this insight Nico. It reveals how we can all be influenced by the ideals and beliefs of what it means to be a parent and how we think we have to be seen as being a ‘good’ parent and expect our children to show the world that we have made a good job of it. All that is called for from any of us, whether parent or child is love.
That is exactly where it is all about Mary, it is about love and nothing else.
We often don’t have true role models for parents and so we must cobble together our idea of what a good parent should be. Some of this comes from society but I feel a lot comes in reaction to our hurts, a knee jerk to the way we were parented. It is amazing to start questioning the way we parent and if it is true. Are we invested in how we look as parents and how our kids ‘turn out’ or do we connect with who they are and what support/guidance they need to be all they can be? It is a gradual process of stepping back, observing where we have invested and allowing our natural self to guide us.
A gradual process it is indeed Fiona, stepping back on our tracks and observe where we have invested in any way shape or form in being a good parent or for a specific result to be performed by our children. I also found lately, although I thought that out of reaction I was parenting completely different than my parents have parented me, that how I was parented was still influencing me in how I have raised my children. The way I have been brought up indeed has had a great influence on how I started to parent my children before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. By studying the Way of the Livingness and having healing session with Universal Medicine practitioners I have slowly became more aware of how I was and am in the upbringing of my children and I can now step back in my tracks to eventually find my natural self that will guide me in life.
Parenting becomes a different level when we allow the kids their ability to connect to their inner wisdom of what is true and good for them naturally. This connection is in every child and adult, but kids have this clear connection still without the hurts we adults have taken on. True parenting should be all about encouraging our kids to be with their inner knowing and connection to love and to who they really are – divine beautiful beings.
The good father picture is a tricky one. It is not just what we present to our kids; it is also how we judge and assess them. We cannot help to present what we think is our fathering face to them, whatever it is. The problem is that in a sense we feel that ‘moulding’ the kids to it is the way. We expect them to behave in a specific way and we judge them accordingly. We are not raising a kid but creating a mini-me. This is what we enjoy. These ideals and behaviours harm our kids though, and force them to reduce themselves and to acquire a specific way of being so they can be accepted.
Thank you Eduardo to bring in the judgement part. I can feel the frustration and anger I have carried to my parents because I was not allowed to be myself but instead had to fulfil their needs and because of the fact that I was constantly judged on the aspects of life that were important for them.
I am now aware that my parents did not know any better in that time and I do not blame them for this in any way shape or form, but the evil in this is that I have also done this to my children because of my growing up and, if I do not stop and undo this way of parenting in this life, it will continue in the next generations.
I fully agree Kylie, healing of the ideals is needed to free ourselves from these and sharing how we experience and feel about them is a great way to heal ourselves. We are so much more than the ideals want us to believe. We are innately fathers, mothers for all our children as we know from our inner most what is needed at any moment of our lives. Why have we chosen to stray away from this knowing, creating a life of struggle and lack of self worth? It does not make sense to me compared to the joy I do now experience in life after letting go ideals I had about manny aspects of life.
Thank you Nico so beautiful to read, as a mother of 2 beautiful children I have had to breakdown the ideals I hold in mothering, to read this about fatherhood is truly healing.
Being a true father is that much simpler than I could ever imagine at the moment I started to develop myself in one when my daughter was born. I now know I am naturally a father for my own but also for any other children. Being a father is naturally there when it is needed and I do not require an example for that from outside in the form of any picture, ideal or belief.
I agree Nico, and I would also say that you don’t even have to be a father yourself to be fathering. I don’t have children myself but find that I have a very natural way with them.
Nico thank you for sharing your journey of letting go of your fathering pictures and your return to what it means to be a true father.
Parenting certainly comes laced with many ideals and beleifs and thank you Nico for your sharing from a fathers perspective. It certainly shows how something seemingly good can be grossly tainted to the contrary. Its great to call out these seeming good ideals as being limiting and even harming, taking us away from the truth and love we could truly share if we were without them.
I can now say that I have put away a lot of parenting Ideals and beliefs and my relation with my children has changed immensely. For instance I do not feel responsible for them anymore but instead I feel where I can support them in making loving choices in there lives that are truthful and sustainable. I have a more camaraderie relation with them then ever before and also more fun with and appreciation for each other.
Nico your article has the ability to dismantle the false beliefs that grip oh so tightly around parenting. With these beliefs gripping our children it’s easy to see how they succumb to the distortion that such beliefs impose on them and then like sausage meat they get spat out into society. When they in turn become parents they either parent the same way or rebel and choose a set of beliefs that are opposite to their parents. Either way they are not parenting from the wisdom within.
That is exactly what I did Alexis Steward, I rebelled against the way I was parented but what was so astonishing to me was the fact that although I was thinking I did it completely different than my parents, factually I was not and continued doing the same from the patterns I held in my body of which I was unaware of.
Thanks for sharing Nico. No doubt we all have ideals when it comes to raising children. I like how you divulged that we tend to mould our children to suit the way we think they should be. This would get carried down from generation to generation as we tend to go off of what we have seen from parenting and how we have been parented. It’s great to begin to out what we carry in regards to parenting.
It is great when we can observe what we are doing and start to out what we carry in parenting. By doing so we will stop the ill momentum of how we are parenting nowadays and give us the opportunity to start to parent from the heart instead of from the given ideals.
Thanks Nico for highlighting these ‘roles’ we take on to be what is called a ‘good’ father. They really are not the tender loving and caring being, relating to another beautifully tender living and caring one, albeit one being an adult and one a child. In truth, there is so much reflected back to us about how to be, from our children and so much we can learn. Yet there is also so much we can offer, by way of supporting our children to learn about the world and how to not take on and rise well above all the impositions put on us to take on roles, be it as a teenager, adult, mother or father.
Indeed we as parents have the opportunity to teach our children how to live a life based on what we feel inside and not on what we are told to be so they do not have to repeat the way of life our current society is showing to be te norm. This is what I would call true parenting.
As you say Jennifer Swallow, although it is quite a job to undo all the behaviours and patterns we have developed based on our taken on false ideals and beliefs. It is worth making an effort for it since it is such a blessing for all people involved when we start to make these changes and choose to live our lives based on what impulses us from the innermost. We not only allow ourselves to get free from the imprisonment but we also set free all people we have imposed our ideals and beliefs upon. We have to step out and deconstruct this creation and begin to live a life in brotherhood instead.
“…wanting to mould a child to my ideals and beliefs and not let them grow up in their true nature.” This is a big ouch for me, Nico – I am starting to realise the extent and insidiousness of the ideals and beliefs I carry and have started picking them off as I notice them, but it’s a big job, hey? Really supportive to read this blog as a mother, but also as a sister, friend, daughter etc. too. Thank you.
Love it Nico, nothing really prepares us for fatherhood, you sort of pick it up as you go along. For me there has always been a fear of stuffing it up. Questions like, am I firm enough spring to mind. Our kids are just little adults and a lot of choices they make can’t be imposed upon, so just being there with love and support and being a true role model without the ideals and beliefs is a good start.
I can confirm Kevin McHardy, by just being there with all who I am, being a role model to the best of my ability is already making a great difference to the way the relationship with my children has changed.
Thanks Nico! It’s forever mind boggling how much energy we pour into being everything we are not. Your story makes complete and utter sense and every single parent, mother or father, should read it and feel into the fact that we have all been played like puppets to conform, albeit to a society we are responsible for creating, but therefore have the power to change.
I completely agree with you Elodie Darkish, we have the power to change. Imagine if we all stop with putting energy into what we are not, how much more energy we would have to enjoy more vitality in our bodies and into all the relationships we have.
A great blog Nico. It has allowed me to cast my mind back to when I became a father and how I carried out that role. In just describing it as a role I have identified how I fathered. Being in the role of a father is not it. Being me and allowing me to be just who I am, naturally a father, is how it should be. Nothing else required.
That simple life actually is Brian Piper, but when I look around and from our experience it is not naturally there for most of us men until we choose to find our way back to our inner heart, to connect through our bodies to the ageless wisdom our bodies are part of.
Hi Nico,
Your comment ‘I am the parent, therefore superior to the child, the subordinate’ confirmed what I had realised in recent times: that I was a little stuck on this even though my children are very capable, young adults. To see and regard our children as equals I feel is a huge step for parents. Thank you for your great article.
It is such a blessing we provide to our children, ourselves and to humanity when we stop parenting our children form being the superior parent but instead regard them as equal to us as the basis to parent from.
It’s quite something how much our unconscious ideals and beliefs rule what we do, its amazing Nico to stop and examine these, and gradually let them go.
By doing this we are changing things moving forward for future generations, if we don’t do this we simply repeat the same old ‘rotten ways’, as our previous generations did.
It is amazing what we offer to humanity when we choose to live from our inner most and let go of our ideals and beliefs. We then break the vicious cycle life is used to contained in and open up for another way of living, a way of living that will restore living our lives based on love and love only.
While I do not have children I can relate to the situation of when we haven’t chosen to listen to our own feelings and are surrounded by a seemingly vast array of pictures it’s like were do we start? who do we listen to if one says this and another says that, do we stick with what we know (how others have acted around us) or pick pictures that seem to ‘have it all’ – work hard, get money, have material wealth and life will be ok, find that ‘special someone’ and life will be good, dress, speak, act a certain way to be accepted by others who are also doing the same. The world is jam packed full of pictures telling us to fit ourselves into certain pictures because if we don’t then we are not part of the picture and thus not part of the world – but how can that be when we can’t stop being a part of the world? We can’t float off into space thanks to gravity so technically we are all in the picture already without having to even try to be something to get somewhere. Thank you for this reminder Nico that just being ourselves is enough 🙂
Thank you Leigh Matson, so simple it actually is, just being ourselves is enough. We need a guide in life and as long as we not choose to live from our inner most we need these pictures. And when we look around and see that vast array of pictures this shows us that many people have lost their true guide in life and are looking for ways to get a commonly shared purpose to their lives.
This is beautiful Nico. What a gift you share of letting go of ideals and beliefs and what society demands allowing a deepening connection with your children and everyone . This reflects the true loving way of being we all naturally are. The support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is an amazing gift and what we are all really searching for in ourselves if the truth be known.Thank you, I really enjoyed reading this. Inspirational.
I agree Tricia Nicholson that what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present to humanity is a gift and a blessing for all of us and I appreciate it like that. Through the presentations, courses and healing sessions I received, I have been able to build a true and loving connection with myself and everyone I meet and I now know that this is the way to go for all of us and that this will free us from the false beliefs about life we have taken on.
It is great what you have presented here Nico. We often slip into these roles without ever questioning why things are the way they are presented, and often it is at the expense of what we know is actually true.
I agree with you Adam, often we actually know that we bagatelle the truth while we choose to accept what society is presenting to us as the way to be in certain circumstances. Therefore it is so important that we offer another way of living to humanity, a way of living that is lived from the innermost and that will serve as a reflection for other people to look at and to provide them acces to another choice for them to consider.
Adam this is a great point. To turn roles and ideals on their head and come from our true instincts first. Then our thinking is clear and on the mark. Also a big thank you to Universal Medicine who ‘think’ outside the square and offer questions to challenge society’s ideals and beliefs.
As you say Simon Voysee, Universal Medicine has been a great support for me too. They helped me enormously to become aware of and to discard the taken on ideals and beliefs that withhold me from being true to myself and to all people around me. And looking back to my own up-growing this was horrible too, but I can also see, that my parents did not know any better and were living a loving life to the best of their abilities. It is now by us making the choices to stop this reduced way of living and stop the momentum of this by making our lives about living the love that lives within us all equally so.