Fatherhood for me began 22 years ago at the age of 33. Our first child, a beauty-full daughter, was born at home on a Wednesday around 8:30pm. At the time I could feel that this was a divine moment, one that I would never have experienced without choosing to have children.
I clearly remember how completely hopeless I felt when the midwives and nurses left our house – I had never taken care of a baby before in my life. That night I had to change her nappy and I felt how fragile and helpless she was; and I felt my own uncertainty about what to do.
From that night on I also began to identify myself with my new role of ‘father’, but failed to feel what the true meaning of this was for me. Instead, I just did what I felt was expected of me to qualify as a ‘good father’. As our child grew up I tried to form and guide her to suit my ideals of what I felt I needed to make of her.
When I write it like that now I feel how arrogant it was of me, wanting to mould a child to my ideals and beliefs and not let them grow up in their true nature. Is this what we are actually doing when we parent, in contrast to providing a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are?
An interesting set of questions now arises:
Where did these ideals and beliefs about being ‘a good father’ come from?
Is it possible they are provided by society (family and friends, school, TV, magazines, books, health professionals, etc), and that I chose to adopt them to be a ‘good father’? I was not consciously aware of the fact that I was using ideals and beliefs at all, let alone considering that they could have been ‘delivered’ to me.
What did I choose from the package of fatherhood ‘pictures’ which were presented to me?
Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?
Why was I looking for a fatherhood picture in the first place?
Could it be that I was looking for recognition and acceptance for being a good father, instead of trusting the love and wisdom within me to be my guide?
Given all of this, was it then possible that:
Everything in society is set up for me to doubt myself and ‘believe’ what I am told, instead of trusting what I know and feel deep inside?
Although I was not aware of it at the time, in my uncertainty of how to be a father I followed a fatherhood picture, taking on ideals and beliefs like…
- As the parent I have to mould my child to make them ‘valuable for society’. If I do not, the child will be lost to society.
- I will be the provider and carer for everything my children need; I will be always there for them.
- I am the parent, therefore superior to the child, the subordinate.
- I have to support them in all that they do, even if it is something I don’t agree with.
- My children are perfect; my children do not behave badly.
- They must have the same ambitions in life as I have.
- I will be the perfect father for my children, they will not want for anything and I will show that to the world.
- I have to be proud of them.
- My children have to listen to me because I am their father.
- I will have an “I know what is good for you” attitude, and so on.
But this makes me wonder:
If all these fatherhood ideals and beliefs are not me, because I have taken them on from outside of me, what then is the real me and the real father in me?
The answer for me has been to slowly unravel all my fatherhood pictures, to become aware of them and discard them, one by one. Through this discarding of what is not me I am becoming more true, more who I really am – which is much, much more than just being a ‘good father’!
This now reflects in my deepening connection with my children – a connection that is based on a true equalness, and a deep trust in myself and in what I feel.
I would like to thank Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose presentations have inspired me to become a truer father.
By Nico van Haastrecht, father of three, Warnsveld, the Netherlands
Parenting is absolutely rife with ideals and beliefs and I fell for many different forms of them as I raised my children. As you have stated Nico, I didn’t even realise that I was following a set of external rules and measuring myself against some blurry marker of what a good mother looked like. There was never a sense that I was enough and that I had a deep wisdom inside of me to guide me or that if I stepped back from the control factor that my children actually had a lot of wisdom and knowing of their own. I am still unravelling the ideals and beliefs even though my children are adults. It has really shown me just how entrenched lots of patterns have been and it’s no wonder I was so blind to any other way of parenting. Thankfully, there is no time like the present to learn and rebuild the foundations of my relationship with my children.
Indeed Helen, there is no time like the present to rebuild the foundations of the relationships with our children and it is such a beautiful thing to do, to unravel alle the images I held in parenting and being a father. I was not only blind to another way of parenting but also blind for the true beauty they are and the gift that they borough with them. They brought the gift for me to reconnect with my inner most, but I could not see the value of that because of the images I held about being a good father and parenting instead.
there are so many images, or as Nico says, pictures, that are deeply implanted in us, we try to live up to them, we compare ourselves to these images, they have nothing to offer to us except comparison and one of the most important things we can do is to recognize when the images or pictures are running us, and to start to truly let them go.
Indeed Chris, it is important to recognise the moments when we are driven by the images we have allowed into our lives, as non of these images is true to our way of being. When we live from our essence we do not need any image to live up to and there is not any reason to compare to any of them as these images portray mostly to a way of doing and behaving, while it is just about living our essence, and that is a state of being in which no image to live up or compare to is required.
Nico I love that you have shared that parenting is ‘ providing a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are”. I have often felt that this does not only pertain to parenting but to all connections made life. Remembering to just be the GREAT YOU rather than the ‘good you’
I love this nb, and I prefer the GREAT YOU above the ‘good you’ as this latter has never fulfilled me. Being great instead is just what it is and in living that I have the most beautiful experiences in meeting other people, experiences of mutual growth and expansion.
I have come to understand in my 16 years of parenting that me being in the role of a parent does not work, for me or my kids. If I parent as extension of who I am then I feel there is more on offer naturally for my children. When things would go wrong or we would hit a bumpy patch I would reach for the latest book or online article or sign up to parenting workshops, it was distracting myself as much as possible from connecting to what I knew was already true and right for me and my family at the time. I don’t believe I have all the answers at my fingertips but when i get stuck it much more a reflection and an opportunity for me to grow and the kids than the great disaster I would want it to be.
I do understand that too Nicole, I also do not have all the answers at my finger tips, but that is because I do not trust my inner knowing enough, that would give me all the answers to life when I would be fully in connection with it. What I know from experience is the fact that looking outside myself only distracts me from the fact that I already know and have all the answers, and in that I delay myself returning to that and to truly serve my children in providing them with a way of parenting that they deserve as being equal Sons of God.
There are far too many ideals and beliefs to count that fathers, mothers, children, siblings, friends, males and females (just to name a few) have to contend with everyday everywhere we look in society. But underneath all these roles and expectations we feel we need to live up to is the simplicity of ourselves being just who we naturally are just waiting to come alive and be expressed. Great blog Nico.
So true Suse, it is just the simplicity of living from our inner heart, the place that is void of complexity, that will bring us the beauty of building real relationships with each other, relationships that will nurture and support all that are involved in their return to love and the reconnection to their soul. So I decided to stop living all these roles and allow the simplicity of my inner heart to come alive and be my guide in life and I enjoy this so much that I cannot keep the for myself but give it expression everywhere I go.
Thank you for sharing this. It is wonderful and revolutionary what you share here Nico as this understanding can entirely change the quality and style of the way we parent and the relationships we have with our children. It is huge really because despite all the parenting courses and guidance available, no one has said it like this before.
Thank you Joshua, and I must agree when I look around this is not a common way how children are parented in our current societies and therefore it is huge and important to be said. As parenting is laying the fundamental basis for the lives of every human being, how would the world look like if we would parent from our inner knowing instead of from the images that are given to us? There would be more understanding and an unconditional love to each other that naturally will assist us in evolving us back to a life in brother hood, a way of living we are made for and deserve to live.
I was inspired to ponder upon what my ideals and beliefs regarding this may be. Interestingly reading the list of these in the blog I felt that they do not make sense to me but I instantly had the question to ask of myself – compared to what? the answer – my own ideals and beliefs. Very exposing, thank you Nico.
Thank you Michael, it is so easy to say that is not me, but in truth where does that come from. Great that you bring this to the fore as it is important to recognise that we in many ways are lived by our ideals and beliefs instead as being impulsed from our inner most, the way of living we are returning to.
Thank you for exposing so many ideals and beliefs around being a father Nico – many of which relate to mothers too. And these ideals and beliefs don’t change over the decades – they are just different flavours of the same!
This also brings a greater understanding for daughters as well, of why our fathers were the way they were, and takes away the blame and irresponsibility too because as daughters we took on our own ideals and beliefs about how our fathers should be and also how we should be!
So true Paula, if we do not take the responsibility of living to the impulse of our inner heart, we live something that we are not and in doing so we not only hurt ourselves but also everybody we live with. In other words, if I live the true father, my daughter does not have to take on any ideals and beliefs of how I as a father should have lived my life either, and there would not be any reason and ground for any blame towards me from her.
What made you a good father Nico was that your relationship was based on connection first and that you honoured your own inner awareness, and this way of being we can all apply to everything we do.
Thank you Joe, and a great point you bring in, that it is of importance to appreciate and honour our inner awareness and sensitivity as to me these are my guides to live a life of truth, the truth to my inner most from where I am connected with the ancient wisdom. In that connection there is a knowing that is far beyond the knowledge we are fed with in our temporal world. When we restrict ourselves to only live this temporal life and do not consider ourselves to be part of something much bigger and more continuous, we reduce ourselves to a lesser being and can only rely on what we are told how we have to be instead.
Thank you Nico for a great article, we are so run by society and it’s ideals that we rarely think outside the box. I remember from my time raising kids there was a book out on parenting by a Dr, it made sense at the time. But totally off the track as I have come to see parenting in a different light. Equality, respect and trusting that there is a knowing in children and providing the space to allow them to express in full who they truly are.
Thanks Jill, I share the same experience with you that we are equally knowing independent of our age in this life. There is only some more experience with the practicalities of this time of life with the more elderly compared to our young ones. And parenting in the understanding of this makes such a difference to the way I was when I first became father and to how I now can see it. I can now see my children more and more as equal to me and that I can learn from them the same as they can learn from me.
This is such a beautiful way to raise children Nico – to not only see and treat them with equality, but to provide ‘…a loving connection where a child will be met and seen for who they truly are.”
I have found that letting go of the ideals and beliefs I was raised with, and not putting such expectations on my children, has allowed them to unfold and develop an ever deepening relationship with themselves and feeling able to express from their true essence.
Thanks for your inspiring blog Nico.
Thank you Peter. It is a relief both ways Peter, for the children to have the allowance of being themselves and being appreciated for that and for us as parents that we are not responsible for there life, their choices, as that is completely up to them as we are not in the need their succes to be shown of as the result of our parenting.
A most inspiring reply Peter Campbell – how lovely it is that you have also been able to bring true parenting to your own children and have the joy of watching them “develop an ever deepening relationship with themselves and feeling able to express from their true essence”.
Everything in society is set up for me to doubt myself and ‘believe’ what I am told, instead of trusting what I know and feel deep inside? When I read this sentence Nico it reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend the other day. She was telling me that before her son was born her husband said that if the baby was a boy that he will not be kissing the baby and telling him that he loves him as that would be softening him up. However when the baby was born he could not help but shower him in kisses and constantly tell him that he loves him.
That is beautiful Heidi. Our young babies are that much love that we must be really hard and touch to keep that outside of us. It is a great lesson for the husband of your friend, and for all the men equally so, that the images we hold about how to parent a baby boy, we can put aside and just allow our inner feeling to be our guide and shower our young baby boys with kisses and love.
Nico a really great honest blog when fathers or mothers are stuck in the ‘must provide’ role, they miss out on so much, a child loves to spend quality time with their parents. You have raised some great points in your blog, ideals and beliefs stifle who we truly are.
What you say Sally, in fact it truly stifles us in all the grandness that we actually are when we allow images into our lives dictating how to be and behave in life. We have to let go of these and liberate us all form the images that are abundantly provided by the false light that tries to keep control on us. By doing so, the underlaying true nature of us is given the opportunity to surface and we will be able to enjoy the exploration of this new way of living, the living from our truth, that innately lives is us all equally so. No need for pictures anymore as the truth is there for each and everyone of us to be discovered.
Very true Sally. What children cherish the most is quality time with their parents and a deep connection. I have found when they don’t receive this they can often start to seek recognition instead.
I have found the ideals and beliefs I have around parenthood and family in general run very deep, before coming to Universal Medicine I really could get no perspective on this at all, I felt these things so strongly that I could not see another way. As I build a connection to myself I am now finding I can see beyond the deep hooks of these beliefs and I can begin to know what is true parenting and what is not. Your article inspires me to hold this more continually in my awareness, thanks Nico.
Thank you Tim, it is true that the images we hold on parenting and family are quite strong and also held by the family we live in and therefore are enforced in us from many angles. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are able to see that there is another way to live, beyond the created images but impulsed from our innermost where we are connected with the universal knowledge of life and we can connect to whenever we choose to do so.
Thank you Nico, if we allow it, being a father is a fast track to self awareness, because we have a reflection right in front of us every day, from when we wake up to when we go to sleep, and this reflection will always be an opportunity for us to let go of old beliefs and ideals, and to simply be.
So true Chris, and I am thankful to have these reflections in my life as they are that valuable to me and assist me tremendous in my return to what it truly is to live as a father, a men in the world. It is as you say ultimately all that simple, but for that we have to let go of the images we have taken on about how our lives should look like and the reflections of our children are there to support us in this process if we allow ourselves to go there.
Reading this Nico it came to me that, most new experience’s in life are set up to be a big thing, scary, or uncertain which creates many questions of ‘Am I capable?’ and looking outside of ourselves for how we should be dealing with it or acting. I wonder if this is what can get in the way of us connecting to what we naturally feel to do in new situations, like becoming a parent, and asking for help or support if we need to?
So true what you reveal here to me Aimee, that life is set up in a way that new things are big, difficult and scary, instead of accepting these as opportunities of experiences of life and to evolve in who we are, in the knowing that we are well equipped for whatever will come on our life path.
I cannot speak from the point of view of a parent, but as a daughter I have seen the roles that parents take on… sparked by a fear of not being seen to ticking the ‘good’ box and how that projecting these regurgitated ideals and beliefs of how to be a parent can be unintentionally harming in denying a child to grow free from the conformities these beliefs promote. Parents are generally not advised to trust what they feel is true and encourage a child to do the same so are given and take on all the parenting advice they can… and thus not allowing the beauty and knowing of how to be that comes with building and trusting what comes naturally through a loving and deep connection with yourself and your child.
Beautifully said Samantha, because we are not inspired or advised to be just ourselves in any way shape or form in our parenting but do get unintentional advice about how we should parent instead. This then feeds our lack of self worth and the insecurity that comes from it and continuously keeps us away from the possibility that just being ourselves is the key to all our questions in life, as that is never promoted nor lived by the majority of people in our societies.
It is great to have a father talk openly about this and to open up conversations like this so that people can explore what actually feels true for them and then be inspired to live that more than the pictures of what they think they need to be or how they think they need to do things.
That is the important thing Kristy, we have to start the conversation based on how it feels for us and not for how we think about it. It is a matter of feeling into our bodies how much the life we live actually is affecting our bodies. Do we restrict it in its natural movements or do we allow to move it in its natural way corresponding to the actual energy we live with? We have to explore all of this as this is the way to true liberation for each of us, for all of humanity, the liberation of the imprisonment of all the imposed ideals and believes we restrict our lives with.
Thank you Nico,.To let go of the external trappings of ideals and beliefs and allow the knowing of your inner heart to freely express is an absolute gift of gold and for your children a bountiful treasure.
A bountiful treasure it is Barbara, when we are ready to follow the impulses from our heart above the thoughts of our mind by the pictures we have made about how life should look like, this treasure will unfold itself for us. Our body knows and is always prepared to deliver that what is needed in any situation of our life. To trust this connection is so powerful as it will present to us ways in which we can develop true relationships with anyone we meet on an equal basis, as that is the true nature of our essence. We will then have the absolute gifts of gold, the bountiful treasures of life.
We are shown in life reflections all the time that to be ourselves is not enough and that we have to be more. Of course when it comes to parenting, the very thing that asks us to be ourselves and the love we are, we are going to double take and think that the role of being a ‘super dad’ is what the perfect dad is all about when in fact we are already the perfect dad just by being ourselves.
That is just so great what you say here Joshua, nobody truly asks us to be the perfect supper dad, it is only our own perception from the people that are telling us in many ways that we are not good enough, that we have to work hard in order to be a ‘good’ human, and in the case of parenting we have to do our best to be a ‘good’ father or mother. I am so graceful that I have found my way to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have helped me to let go of this striving in my life, and in return I have regained the true me, that is well equipped to do everything what life is asking me to do with with the quality of being simply myself.
Yes Joshua, when we perceive and/or are constantly confirmed in not being enough we are naturally going to take this concept into our parenting – to me the most important job in the world. When we can let go of the notion that we have to be more through doing because we are not enough, and embrace that everything we are is in fact all that is needed it puts a whole new spin on approach and quality of life.
To true Michelle, when I parent from the space of ‘I need to be a better Mum’ or ‘I’m not doing enough’ I get stressed and exhausted and no one gets me. Most of the time this happens when I haven’t been listening to what I need or not been caring for myself. We can’t love another until we first love ourselves is something that is confirmed for me time and time again with parenting and in any relationship.
Brilliant Joshua, very well said. We certainly are already amazing by just being ourselves and from living and expressing from this, everything we do becomes evolutionary, inspirational, easy and flows.
From this trust in yourself Nico and in your honest knowing, your children could not have a better role model, but better still, they have a friendship with one of the most important relationships they’ll have, therefore forming the basis of which they can model all relationships on for the rest of their lives, beautiful.
Thank you Giselle, you bring in a new angle for me to look at, as I have never considered myself as a role model neither, as being a friend for my children I know this is true. The relationships we have with each other in families is more than just the role we play in life and is actually all based on the love we all equally share and want to live with. We can call it a father, a friend, son or daughter, wife or husband, whatever role we have, we meet with each other from our essence, from heart to heart.
It is amazing how much unnecessary pressure we can place on ourselves to present a certain way in any aspect of our lives. The sad part is in this we all miss out on getting to enjoy and know people for who they truly are.
Great to re -visit your article Nico. This sentence struck a cord with me this morning. ‘Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?’ While I do not have children these words can be applied to so many situations and relationships in life. I am feeling how I have hidden and taken on ways of being to avoid the responsibility of bringing the true me to the world. The process of unravelling these pictures is an amazing learning and I love getting to know the true me.
Unraveling all the pictures I held is indeed an amazing learning and it seems to never stop as well. The amazing thing for me in unraveling these pictures is that I become more aware of the true power I carry in me, the absoluteness I can feel in me knows how to deal with any situation that comes to me. I can now see the ridiculousness of taking on these pictures from the outside while there is such a strong connection in me to the all knowing, the all knowing we all can have a connection with if we choose for it.
I agree Nico, the unravelling is constant but the more things unravel, the clearer I feel within myself and my connection with the all. From this, the true confidence keeps on building and I am more willing to claim from this knowing and feel the inner power to live from this place.
Thank you Nico. It so beautiful to realise that what we feel to do as a parent, or daughter, or what ever role we might have in life, is something worth listening to and actually true to do. I am definitely realising this and is very beautiful to feel we do know inside what is true to do in any situation.
Thank you Lieke, we do know what to do or how to behave in any situation we encounter in life. If we allow us to be guided by this inner trustknowing our lives and relationship become so precious and delicate I could have never imagined before.
It is crazy how we play along with the belief of what a successful child is and if they do not fit this then are considered a failure, coming from and perpetuating that who you are is not enough. The pressure of expectation that is imposed is huge not only for the father to achieve this so as not to feel that he has failed but also for the child to achieve this to so as not to let anyone down. And this sadly corrupts the true relationship between a father and a child. What you have shared is so powerful as it breaks down the ‘good father’ ideal that we have developed in society and shown that there is another truer way, that within we are enough and when we connect to this we do know what is needed – ‘This now reflects in my deepening connection with my children – a connection that is based on a true equalness, and a deep trust in myself and in what I feel.’ – so beautifully said Nico, thank you.
It is such a gift Carola, both to our children as to ourselves if we are able to let go of the false ideals and beliefs around parenting and do trust our inner connection to be our guide in everything we do, so also in parenting our children. By doing so we are breaking the existing patterns we have inherited from our parents and put them to a stop as our children will have the other experience, to be accepted, appreciated and honoured in full for who the truly are. This then will be the basis for the future generations to build on and to explore the true depth of what parenting our children in truth entails.
Thank you for sharing Nico showing that letting go of the ideals and beliefs in our parenting makes way to allowing a true and deep connection with our children.
Nico you seem to have had great intentions of nurturing and providing for your family, and even though you have revised what a good Father might look like from a different perspective now. It is a big responsibility to become a Parent and one we are mostly not very well prepared for I guess you could say we learn on the job , but how much more rewarding to have access to the knowledge shared by Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom teachings for Parent and child!
I completely agree with that Roslyn, that having acces to the Ancient Wisdom teaching as being presented by Serge Benhayon is of that a great value. Without these teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I wouldn’t have been able to make the changes in parenting I have now been able to establish.
Thank you Nico, this is a great read. It is amazing to see how ideals and beliefs – the long list of what we think constitutes a good parent – really is much more complicated, than the simple truth of a child being met (with love) from their parent.
Thank you Johanne and I agree with what you say. When I was able to step back and observe how I was parenting I was amazed about the complexity I had build around my fatherhood. Since non of the points of the list ever fulfilled my underlying need for having a true relation with my children I needed another ideal to strive to. So some ideals I dropped of the list because I felt they did not contribute but others where added because the pain of not truly meeting my children was always there and I was in the illusion that acting in a certain way would solve this issue. I am grateful that I have met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have shown me that there is a true way of parenting, the way from the inner-heart that is averse of any complexity but only knows simplicity, simply being me in any situation in life.
It is truly beautiful Annie, to reconnect to the love and wisdom inside, because not only the answers come from there, but also the beautiful and plain questions emerge from this inner knowing in order to clear and deconstruct the ill ways we have chosen to live life in.
Oh Nico, this is a fantastic blog. When I had my first daughter I struggled a lot with what I was supposed to be. I knew what was considered as a good mother in society and what I had seen but I also knew that this was not right for me, but in that I realised that I was not sure exactly what it was that I did feel was right. 16 Years later and I have 2 more little ones and the way that I am parenting them is much different to how I did it the first time round. Much more awareness, acceptance and allowing.
How beautiful that you have experienced both the unaware and aware instances of parenting your little ones. In general we do not have the chance in life to experience this and I sure that this is also a blessing for your 2 little ones.
“Did I look for a certain type of fatherhood picture I was familiar with or did I select some on purpose, because they suited me the best, in order to not be confronted with the responsibility that comes with feeling and making my own choices?” Nick, I like how you asked this question and then brought it back to trusting the innate love and wisdom inside. Thank you.
It is beautiful to read how you have unravelled what being a father means. Fathers offer the love, support and tenderness only a father/father figurer can bring. Girls need their fathers to be tender with them as do our sons. Our world is in quite a state because we have all forgotten what it truly means to be a parent/role model. It is great to see you are unravelling these misconceptions of parenthood, the world strongly needs this.
It is truly important that a man, a father, brings his natural tenderness into his parenting to his children as this quality is urgently needed in our societies. As you say Toni, because we have forgotten what true parenting is and on top of that, that men do not live their natural tenderness anymore, we as society are suffering from this. When I started unravelling my fatherhood patterns I was not aware of what the influence of this act should be, but now, slowly, the impact of parenting to us as parents, our children and to humanity as a whole is slowly revealed to me and it is amazing to see what a power I have by making the choice to reconnect to myself, from which all the natural adjustments to all facets of life will evolve from.
What a beautiful honest sharing.It shows the after effects, when you don´t trust yourself and just behave out of autopilot. Your kids are lucky to have YOU back now- great you are revealing the evil of all these ideal how to be as a father.
Thank you Steffi, it is true that my children are lucky and so am I because I have now a true connection with them too. It is indeed about building trust in oneself through choosing our inner connection as we have all the answers to life available to us through this inner connection.
Beautiful written Nico, I can say the same about being in the mothering role, there are so many roles and should do’s and have to do’s to follow in our heads and I get it that they only exists because the lack of trust into ourselves and all what we naturally know and have access to from our inner heart.
Thank you Monika, an interesting point about trust you raise. To my feeling we have a lack of trust because we have walked away from our inner knowing, the steady and never changing truth that lives inside all of us. By the act of doing so we are on the mercy of what is brought to us form the outside world, that is far from steady, changes by the zeitgeist and always comes with many views, possibilities and fragmented, not as a whole. So choosing to live disconnected from our inner knowing will never gives us a steady and consistent answer to our questions opposed when we consult our inner heart. The answers that will come from there will be steady and consistent, giving us the feeling of trust that is so needed in our nowadays world full of turmoil.
Beautiful Blog. I really enjoyed your honesty. I like how you have presented that the reason we take on the father ideals and develop a picture of what fatherhood should be is because we are not trusting our natural love inside which is what will guide us. It feels true that when we trust our inner spark, that it is love that will be in relationships.
Thank you Harrison, we all have to become truly honest and must trust our inner connection, because if we don’t we remain open for that what is not love to enter our lives.
Some amazing points brought up in this great sharing with us Nico. Thank you.
This is a beautiful blog. A great reminder that all our ideals on how to be parents have one thing in common: They reduce the choices of our children in ways that harm them.
So true Christoph, the current way of parenting is a harming way. Although most people do not have the intention to harm their children, they actually do by imposing a certain way of being on them by the way they parent.
Exactly Nico, we must stop imposing to our kids to be a certain way to fit in the game, true parenting is allowing to speak and work with the love we have inside of us, and encouraging our children that they do have always a choice to live from their love and not from the cover up and functioning fitting in mode.
Unless we really know ourselves and have healed our childhood hurts, it will be very difficult to raise children from anything other then a conceptual basis, which changes according to the flavour of the year, and how we ourselves are dealing with life. Universal Medicine by the very nature of their courses, provides a foundation for all parents to be able to nurture and raise their children so they have the opportunity to be who they truly are.
Thank you Chris for raising this point, if we are not aware, our childhood hurts will guide us in our life, finding the perfect route to not expose the hurts that makes us looking outside for concepts on how to parent our children. Unless we heal the childhood hurts this merry go round will never end and will continue from generation to generation. Thanks to Universal Medicine there are now families raising children that wil be supported to be and stay who they truly are and the merry go round comes to a stop. In what a blessed time do we live and I enjoy being part of it.
Yes Chris, I love this fact that there is a place called Universal Medicine that presents all this amazing wisdom what we all know and have access to from deep within, to come up again as a living way. There is no need for roles and must do’s and have to be’s, only allowing to be who we are from our hearts connection.
Thank you for sharing this insight Nico. It reveals how we can all be influenced by the ideals and beliefs of what it means to be a parent and how we think we have to be seen as being a ‘good’ parent and expect our children to show the world that we have made a good job of it. All that is called for from any of us, whether parent or child is love.
That is exactly where it is all about Mary, it is about love and nothing else.
We often don’t have true role models for parents and so we must cobble together our idea of what a good parent should be. Some of this comes from society but I feel a lot comes in reaction to our hurts, a knee jerk to the way we were parented. It is amazing to start questioning the way we parent and if it is true. Are we invested in how we look as parents and how our kids ‘turn out’ or do we connect with who they are and what support/guidance they need to be all they can be? It is a gradual process of stepping back, observing where we have invested and allowing our natural self to guide us.
A gradual process it is indeed Fiona, stepping back on our tracks and observe where we have invested in any way shape or form in being a good parent or for a specific result to be performed by our children. I also found lately, although I thought that out of reaction I was parenting completely different than my parents have parented me, that how I was parented was still influencing me in how I have raised my children. The way I have been brought up indeed has had a great influence on how I started to parent my children before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. By studying the Way of the Livingness and having healing session with Universal Medicine practitioners I have slowly became more aware of how I was and am in the upbringing of my children and I can now step back in my tracks to eventually find my natural self that will guide me in life.
Parenting becomes a different level when we allow the kids their ability to connect to their inner wisdom of what is true and good for them naturally. This connection is in every child and adult, but kids have this clear connection still without the hurts we adults have taken on. True parenting should be all about encouraging our kids to be with their inner knowing and connection to love and to who they really are – divine beautiful beings.