Until recently, I had previously only ever felt a man’s true tenderness once in my life; a tenderness where there is no holding back, no protection or guard, just pure love and adoration, for not only themselves but also another.
To experience a man’s true tenderness is nothing short of amazing and exquisite – to feel the absolute joy in them, the expression of and being of gentleness, no holding back from all that they are.
There is a strength within this tenderness, without any hardness.
Observing such a different way of being in the men in and around my life, knowing and feeling there was a tenderness within, but that it was not being lived or expressed, I felt there was a fear that if their tenderness was let out for anyone to see, they would be seen as weak.
Why do we as a society support and allow men to be all that they are not when they are truly beauty-full?
Growing up, we are led to believe that this is just how things are; a given, an ideal so to speak, that we do not question. It becomes a part of us – a consciousness you could say – that boys and girls, men and women are not just separated by gender but also by clothes, colours, hairstyles, career choices, etc.
Nowhere do we allow or support a man to grow up being able to express what he is feeling.
Why should women be the only ones allowed to express, to be gentle and to nurture, while men are supposed to be hard, tough, the one who is always the rock? Is there something here that maybe we have taken for granted?
What if there is more to men than what we allow them to be?
Could it be possible to allow ourselves to feel that men are equally as tender as women, and that perhaps the life they are living is not truly the way they could be living?
Is it possible that underneath that hard, tough exterior is an amazing quality, a feeling of tenderness that is so special it needs to be nurtured, encouraged and supported by us as women so that quality can be expressed?
If you have ever felt the true tenderness of a man, this is a question that does not even need to be asked.
We all deserve to live nothing less than the tenderness that we are, men included.
To suppress and ignore this tenderness is robbing society of a true beauty, unlike any other.
I have experienced a man’s true tenderness in conversation, in passing and simply in their presence. It is truly inspirational and amazing.
To all the men in the world; you shine equally as do we all, let your tenderness be seen and felt… for you are all truly magnificent.
That men now have the opportunity to feel and be this true tenderness has been made possible, and is supported by, the work and livingness of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. I thank you Serge for being the tender and glorious man that you are and that you live and reflect for all to see, feel and be inspired by. For it is this livingness that allows others to also connect to the tenderness they are and bless us all, equally so.
By Nicole Serafin, Australia
259 Comments
Beliefs seems to spread like wildfire, how else do you explain the almost global idea that men are tough, hard, insensitive and not expressive? The recently coined term ‘toxic masculinity’ points towards the realisation that the ideals we place boys and men into is a form of unhealthy constriction and that it doesn’t serve boys, men or communities. Depending on where you are born in the world there is a different flavour for how men are supposed to be instead of letting them be who they naturally are.
The extraordinary touch that is felt by the whole body when we are in the presence of one who is tender and that comes from one who lives consistently from their Inner-Heart and this level of Livingness is possible for everyone.
I agree Nicole, it is absolutely exquisite to be in the presence of a man that is connecting and expressing their true tenderness. In a world that is dominated in force and aggression and the impact that this has to be around the opposite of this and the delicate nature of a tender man is refreshing and very welcomed.
When we let go any protection, there can’t be gender fight, but a deep honouring and enrichment with each other between men and women.
Speaking as a woman who has spent most of her life hiding her tenderness beneath a tough exterior I can feel how this has not only kept me imprisoned in feelings of isolation but also not supported others both men and women to explore their tenderness. The more I have allowed my layers of protection to melt the more I have experienced tenderness from and with others and it is exquisite.
What I find difficult is how much women champion men not being tender but being rough, tough, non expressive etc. This too is exposing and shows how women have denied there own sensitivity too.
” I felt there was a fear that if their tenderness was let out for anyone to see, they would be seen as weak. ”
That is part of it , the other part is that one is rejected . That is why if you see some men with babies or animals they are totally tender and supportive in these instances , there is possibility of rejection.
‘To suppress and ignore this tenderness is robbing society of a true beauty, unlike any other.’ Maybe women are more allowed to let their tenderness out but do we? Both men and women can appreciate this beautiful innate quality more to let it out in full and support each other to become real and open again.
It is exquisite to feel the tenderness of a man who knows and appreciates his own tenderness.
Like reveals like… Tenderness reveals tenderness, letting go of our protection we have the opportunity to see and be seen.
Dropping our guards to reveal the exquisiteness of who we are to our partners, our work colleagues, our family, opens the space for true relationship.
To feel a man expressing his tenderness unhindered is joy to behold and a blessing to receive.
I can feel the beauty of the tenderness you speak of here and how it’s there in each man, each boy and I get glimpses and often more, and it’s truly exquisite. Each has this, so let’s take every opportunity to confirm it when it’s there and support everyone to live their natural way.
Yes let’s support and encourage others to allow their tenderness to be seen and felt and the ripples of this will spread around the world.
There is so much more to men… We are so used to the so-called role models, the hardness, the matcho-ness, the way we are brought up… And yet there is a light to be seen in the eyes of man that can be rekindled so simply so easily.
The more I honour my tenderness the more glorious I feel.
I know for me that my wife has always been the incredible rock, steadiness, consistency, amazing strength, in our relationship… And she just gets better and better. 😉
We really do have these beliefs that men need to be the ‘rock’. Recently, I was reflecting on my life and I realised that as a woman I actually provide a great steadiness to many people in my life. That I am actually the ‘rock’ for many men in my life, not through a hardness but through a consistent, caring and loving way.
That’s true for me too as a woman, it’s actually our love that is the rock and tenderness is a natural part of our love and care.
I was struck by something in your blog. “Why should women be the only ones allowed to express, to be gentle and to nurture, while men are supposed to be hard, tough, the one who is always the rock?” And yet the insane thing is that this is not how women are being. Despite everything that you have written and everything that women see in men, they themselves are hardening up as well. So, is there something at play here? Is it possible that the male and female expression are both mutually equal, mutually supportive and mutually evolutionary? Without men being tender, women are not pulled to their natural tenderness and without women being tender men are too scared to be tender. It’s a daft dog-chase-tail situation and it is thus all of our responsibilities to deeply commit to the truth of what we are and we can no longer hold the other sex hostage, otherwise nothing will change.
True Otto, in essence we share equal qualities of sensitivity. The question as to whether we allow ourselves to express these qualities without protection is up to us…. and yes both the male and female expression are mutually equal, supportive and evolutionary.
” To suppress and ignore this tenderness (of men ) is robbing society of a true beauty, unlike any other.”
This is so true for society only gets a shadow of what a true man is in his essence.
‘To experience a man’s true tenderness is nothing short of amazing and exquisite’- beautiful sharing, and yes when that sensitivity is open to being more, then it is exquisite in us all.
Most men do not want to be tender, sensitive and living in and with their majesty. They resist it. This is outwardly resulting in the world we all complain about and do not like. Whilst we all have an equal responsibility in allowing this to be the bigger point here is why men have collectively accepted that they need to be hard and tough. Why not all get together and say enough is enough and we want to live that gorgeousness again?
If we all let go of the societal expectations and pictures of how men should behave and be and allowed them to simply be themselves and express their tender selves I cannot but wonder of the potential that could be lived by all of us equally and the wonderful shifts that would occur in society itself as a result.
I was brought up to believe that I always had to be strong and tough and that was the only way to survive. I recall Elvis singing about tenderness and me saying yuk! – so conditioned was I that men didn’t do that sort of thing. But lately I have been exploring my tenderness and it has been beautiful.
I grew up with the same ideals as a girl in the 70’s and beyond, I would say that the idea that’s strength equals toughness was pretty pervasive and encouraged across both genders with comments such as ‘don’t be a girl’ said to both boys and girls when any sensitivity was shown.
Re reading his blog, I realise that in the 3 years since the blog was written I have been witnessing a growing number of men choose to start embracing their tenderness and sensitivity in all aspects of their lives.
I love the experience of being around men who are choosing this, so supportive and honouring. It has been a joy witnessing the increase in the openness, intimacy and wisdom shared in their friendships. It is also very inspiring.
Being met by a man who holds the quality of tenderness at heart, feels like being embraced by the arms of Brotherhood. This is what we miss out on when we do not allow men to express and be who they naturally are. The qualities they bring are essential for us to understand the power of tenderness that resides within us all equally is who we are, and through this unifying quality Brotherhood is lived.
Sharing our tenderness and that of another is the most beautiful feeling, one we want to constantly enjoy in our lives. Rembering that it begins with our choice to live in the grace of our love and not with needing another to treat us with tenderness is the step we want to miss.
Great call for women to nurture, encourage and support men to feel safe to express their tenderness and bless us all with the loveliness of their true expression.
Men do not have a large enough reflection that is is OK to be tender. And the trouble is, many women are toughening up to be with men rather than allowing their true sensitivity and vulnerability to shine through. The tenderness men can offer and be in is exquisite and anything less is the world truly missing out.
A gorgeous testimony Nicole to the true nature of men; how beautiful it is to know, feel and share that. What you have shared here is true and I agree whole-heartedly;
“To experience a man’s true tenderness is nothing short of amazing and exquisite – to feel the absolute joy in them, the expression of and being of gentleness, no holding back from all that they are”.
When one man commits to tenderness within himself, and allows his life to reflect this connection , the domino effect is extraordinary
Yes and all the Kings horses could not drag us back to being less tender than the current marker we are at!
So beautiful to see and feel that at last men are able to show their true delicate feelings of tenderness and this is being felt, acknowledged and appreciated by us women.
“There is a strength within this tenderness,” We all have a responsibility to allow men, and all of us, to express and live with tenderness.
Tenderness is such a gorgeous quality to feel in oneself and in another and yet it is something that generally is ridiculed and denigrated in the media and the press. In schools too there seems no regard for tenderness and it is certainly not deemed as being cool. It takes a lot to go against the trend but if we can allow ourselves to feel our tenderness and allow this quality to inform our movements the rewards in our body are huge.
One of the many times I find you often witness true tenderness in a man is when he is around his daughter (though of course it can be a son or anyone else and isn’t always the case) and I recently enjoyed witnessing the little loving expressions of a father and daughter in exactly this way and I could feel that it had a momentum of being the norm for them, it was beautiful.
We have indeed come to accept, in the main, a lack of expression in that true tenderness that we all are, from our essence. In the first 20 years of my adult life the most tender moments occurred around the saddest things like someone dying – but why such rarity when we are love in our very essence and could show that tenderness all the time?