A beautiful Sunday summer’s morning in Australia… blue skies, cool breezes and the sounds of cicadas and kookaburras fill the air. My partner and I discuss how to spend our day and feel that it is time for our sixteen-month-old to have his first haircut.
Our son came into this world with the finest of short blonde hair and over the months it grew slowly. Today the hair on his crown is thin, straight and requires little attention as it takes its flow in the same direction each day, circling his crown and following suit are those hairs that lead to the front. However, the rear strands of hair and those around his ears grew quickly; they would curl when wet and fly sideways in the breeze and regardless of how absolutely adorable and cute they were, they began to get in the way and we felt they’d be causing some discomfort when they’d get caught in his neck fold during the hot summer nights and days.
So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.
We both felt the immediate change as his little locks hit the floor like feathers from the sky above. What we noticed was that there was no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.
Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be. For months now I have felt deep within me that he is not at all a baby anymore and that I would be disrespecting him to treat him as one. Of course, he requires us as adults to support and care for him in every way and I don’t ever dismiss this importance.
But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.
If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.
His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential or take seriously the responsibility we have to continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are.
Supporting our son to cut his hair for the first time has been healing for all of us; a sign of the next transitional period of life that we are indeed all ready for and offering us a moment to let go of the ways we have all been with each other in our family unit, that are now finalised and complete. Our son is walking and talking these days and with his beautiful ‘new do’ to boot, he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.
Published with permission of my partner.
By Cherise Holt, 34, Nurse and Mother, Brisbane Australia
Further Reading:
True Relationship with Self
Staying Vulnerable
What is we gave children the space to develop at their own pace?
335 Comments
Each haircut is a letting go of certain period, so that we can move on to the next. If it is done with love, it can indeed be a support for ourselves and others.
If we have a horrible experience, we tend to blacklist the thing we did as ‘bad’ but forget to account for the energy it was delivered in. So often it’s this that is brutal and what makes us sad.
Beautiful for the parents to realise that they don’t know it all, instead being open to receive the wisdom and teaching that our young children bring to us as an equal part of our evolving together.
I see a lot of children’s haircuts and they feel so harsh like their parents have wilfully dulled down their child’s light. I guess that goes to show there are many things in this world that can be transformed when they are done with love. We don’t need to work out the details just stay true to this quality.
The belief that we know more or are the wiser ones than our youngers is such ingrained belief. Once we do however let go what you share about the evolution and potential for all expands. Such a grander way of living.
How amazing would it be if we treated ourselves with the same level of preciousness as we treat our children?
Great question, and it would be amazing Elizabeth. I too notice that a majority of adults do not treat ourselves with preciousness, tenderness and care like the way we would treat a baby.
It is pretty cool how your son is revolutionising the path forward for you to have the trust in yourself and not get stuck in the past but to embrace what is next and what is true. It is delightful for you and your son to have this openness.
Gill I had the same feeling and with our own daughter we are learning its evolution for us all not teaching her anything but learning together.
Learning true parenting is an amazing gift for all concerned and brings an aliveness, vitality and joy into bringing up children and ourselves in the glory of who we are.
We don’t go there nearly enough. I don’t go there nearly enough, but I have found whenever I do choose to truly open up to the essence of whoever is in front of me, and let myself appreciate the potential for expansion and evolution that exists in the meeting of any two or more people, my response to them completely changes and deepens and I feel immeasurably enriched. I love the fact that your relationship with your son reflected that from early on.
Cherise, this is so gorgeous; ‘If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.’ I can feel that I have had the tendency to hold onto baby teeth and baby pictures and hair and that actually what is really important, rather than being attached to the past, is to allow my son to change and evolve when the time is right for him.
The ideals and beliefs we have gathered about family are immense and the letting them go reveals a true and free way to relate to one another. Children are never less than adults, the ideals we have picked up so we remain less as humanity and not evolutionary on the whole is alarming.
Could in fact parenting not be about us and our needs or desires, but about tuning into what is right for each child and helping them develop their own way and their own knowing of who they are in life?
Meg It could indeed, we find that with our daughter the more we support her to develop into the amazing person she is the greater our role as parents is – or better put we are actually then doing our job as parents instead of imposing what we think will bring her protection in life from the horrific state we see the world is in.
I agree Meg, how common is it that we bring our children up to our own desires and wishes and even if we do not intend to we unconsciously do if we have not resolved our own hurts and needs. This simply shows how parenting starts with ourselves, starts with the love and care we bring to ourselves and the willingness to learn and look at our own hurts. It is a simple equation, the clearer we are within our own the lesser we will impose our unfulfilled desires onto our children.
Brilliant question Meg. This is the best way to parent if we are open to tune into and connect to our children to this level of depth and quality. Also, raising our children to support them with their evolution and not for self-recognition would be a great start.