A beautiful Sunday summer’s morning in Australia… blue skies, cool breezes and the sounds of cicadas and kookaburras fill the air. My partner and I discuss how to spend our day and feel that it is time for our sixteen-month-old to have his first haircut.
Our son came into this world with the finest of short blonde hair and over the months it grew slowly. Today the hair on his crown is thin, straight and requires little attention as it takes its flow in the same direction each day, circling his crown and following suit are those hairs that lead to the front. However, the rear strands of hair and those around his ears grew quickly; they would curl when wet and fly sideways in the breeze and regardless of how absolutely adorable and cute they were, they began to get in the way and we felt they’d be causing some discomfort when they’d get caught in his neck fold during the hot summer nights and days.
So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.
We both felt the immediate change as his little locks hit the floor like feathers from the sky above. What we noticed was that there was no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.
Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be. For months now I have felt deep within me that he is not at all a baby anymore and that I would be disrespecting him to treat him as one. Of course, he requires us as adults to support and care for him in every way and I don’t ever dismiss this importance.
But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.
If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.
His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential or take seriously the responsibility we have to continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are.
Supporting our son to cut his hair for the first time has been healing for all of us; a sign of the next transitional period of life that we are indeed all ready for and offering us a moment to let go of the ways we have all been with each other in our family unit, that are now finalised and complete. Our son is walking and talking these days and with his beautiful ‘new do’ to boot, he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.
Published with permission of my partner.
By Cherise Holt, 34, Nurse and Mother, Brisbane Australia
Further Reading:
True Relationship with Self
Staying Vulnerable
What is we gave children the space to develop at their own pace?
200 Comments
“most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time”
The opportunities that will come from this principal will be endless and miraculous.
We can learn so much from children, their natural expression and joyful love for life is infectious, I know when ever I spend time with young children I come away feeling so much more in touch with the natural magic of life. Children live this magic – it is for us to be inspired by this and to take this inspiration and to reconnect to our magic within.
‘…he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.’ Wow, this is very beautiful. It shows us what happens when we give children the space to be who they truly are. Yes, when they are not themselves it’s important we step in and guide but when they are kingly let them lead!
Totally revolutionising how to raise a child as a family unit – sensing, feeling what’s next and then actioning it without hesitation. Awesome.
‘We both felt the immediate change as his little locks hit the floor like feathers from the sky above. What we noticed was that there was no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due;’ Every time I get my hair cut I feel lighter and it is interesting to observe a change in my face also – my eyes become brighter. I noticed this in my son also when he had his hair cut today – this process isn’t just about dealing with hair it is about letting go of the old and what isn’t needed anymore – it paves the way for a fresh foundation.
Who would have thought that a baby’s first hair cut would be so healing for the whole family. This is the way to go, to embrace every milestone full on in the fullness you all are.
Parents who are open to learning from their children will inspire them to learn, growing up is definitely evolutionary for both parents and the child.
I just loved reading this blog, the tenderness and the honouring of your son – truely inspirational.
‘But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’ Agreed I have learnt more from my children than any book or parental advice.
To let go and allow the next stage with such grace is deeply inspiring and I smile each time I read this, for I feel your son is indeed showing us all we can let go and step forward into the new, and there is no need to hold onto to anything that is not part of that.
It is beautiful how you share to not hold back when we feel a next step is needed and I know this is true. It is very beautiful to live in a way that is not attached to how things are because I know the next thing will be equally if not more amazing than the current one.
Thank you Cherise, I love the approach you and your partner took to cutting your son’s hair and it is no surprise that it was super healing for you all.
There is so much beauty in this blog. So much love and tenderness, awareness and understanding. Very touching.
A beautiful relationship shared from your family and the honouring of each other no matter what age we all deserve to be listened to and heard . The harmony and flow feels exquisite together and as precious as the first hair cut.
Whatever the age, a hair cut i find always brings a new or newer lease of life; the discarding to then embrace being palpably felt.
For a lot of parents the first cut is the hardest one of them alll for both girls and boys. Realising and taking responsibility for what energy we do let run even though we know if doesn’t get at all.
Beautiful example of a family working together and sensing things together. So often things in daily life and in busy families is done in isolation, and silos.
I would get really frustrated as a child about my hair if it was cut without being asked, but more when I was four or five. The important thing is giving the child the opportunity to connect with him and making him feel honoured
Absolutely adore the way you approached your child’s first haircut as a family, with you both there “So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.”
I often find it great when I cut my hair especially when I let go of having long hair as that was what I was used to. Change is good and holding on doesn’t feel that great. You may not know it while you are holding on, but if does feel so much better once you have let go.
That’s interesting isn’t it Rosie, we can become attached to the length of our hair, hold an identity by it or identification from it, not just the length, but also the colour, style, waves/curls/straight. There is a sense of letting go/re-fresh/lighten when these changes are made.
I have had this experience with my sons and daughters hair, when to do the first cut and then the second etc, it does feel like there is true moment to make this shift and for them to flourish and move onto the next stage in life. It feels different when the hair is cut, I do it for them myself and it is a lovely experience to be in the kitchen which we call the hairdressers and cut hair with some music playing and hanging out together.
I love the fact that there is always an impulse for us to action. We are never left alone and always prepared for everything.
Beautiful how you are aware of how much you can learn from your son and your relationship with him, without being emotionally needy.
Fiona its so true the amazing things we can learn from our kids that mean we don’t need to also think we own them, they are equal to us and in many ways are far wiser with their choices!
I love how you have given so much importance and awareness to something that could easily have been dismissed or discarded. Honouring such a delicate moment is completely beautiful and allows space for love.
What a beautiful example of letting go, of what could so easily be held on to, all bound with emotion. Your way of doing this was so tender with your son, communicating with him and sensing when he was ready, involving the three of you, leading to a natural flow that allowed you to all move on within yourselves and with each other.
It’s true that of course every child goes through a baby phase, toddler phase, ‘the terrible two’s’, growing taller etc. but throughout this there’s no reason we should treat them with any less love or respect, when we ‘think’ they are less aware or out to cause trouble. For example, babies are actually super observant of what goes on around them and there is no doubt that your son would have noticed the change after his hair cut, and it’s awesome that you and your partner did that as a step to support him in his growth.
This is a great exposé, Cherise, on how attachment can stifle and retard us in relationship. Thanks for sharing your awareness of what we as parents can hold onto, and how you are supporting your little boy to grow and evolve without imposition.
I love the intimacy and exquisity was the focus of first haircut. It was not about a ritual or getting something done. It is also beautiful to feel how you both held him within your sphere of love. This has to be a living example of first haircut in light of the ritual aspect of this event many parts of the world where haircut is about the rituals and not for the child. Thank you for sharing.
This is beautiful – thank you Cherise. It is also a reflection of all that your family live in every area of your life – a gentle, honouring of the natural flow of life in its own perfect timing.
What a beautiful reminder of how we can be emotionally attached to pictures in life rather than embracing the moment and what is offered so naturally.
And to realise how much we can be ‘dependent’ on others for something e.g. a role, recognition, pride, ownership etc. Many would say it is the child who is dependent upon the adult in their early life as they need a roof over their head etc, but it is often the adult who is equally if not more dependent on the child e.g. for recognition or for the role of a parent, mother, father etc.
I have just had my hair cut to day and I can feel how much lighter I feel, so I am sure a child would feel this too if we allow them the space to understand what is happening and are super gentle and caring without imposing our own emotional issues around a child’s first haircut.
‘But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’ Perhaps this is a joy of parenting we are not aware of when we first sign up to it? I certainly wasn’t aware of this when I first became a mother and yet our children are such beautiful reflections for where we are at – the best type of teaching there is as it comes without even trying!
T
One of the biggest myths of parenting is that our children are born blank canvasses onto which we need to stamp our values and beliefs. In fact, instilling our values and beliefs onto our kids is like spray painting all over their beautiful canvasses.
Prophectic and philosophical writing Cherise. Amazing all-round representation of what any event can symbolise and a haircut is a great example. I had a similar event recently. I claimed a different way I wanted to represent myself and claimed it in a haircut. The claiming was it, and the confirmation was I had never had so many compliment me on my haircut.
Letting go of emotion, attachment, tradition, ill beliefs and ideals …… it is always going to be a win win situation when we do this.
Indeed it is, I’ve noticed a huge difference in myself when I am embracing simplicity and letting go of attachments.
So so important not to get locked into that binding relationship, of need and dependency as it serves no one and can only leave a big empty whole at the end. Love that you are paying attention to that now, and this seeming small decision will support you ongoingly.
I agree Simon, not only do ‘binding relationships, of need and dependency serve no one as they leave ‘big empty holes’ but they start with big empty holes as well.
This really is a beautiful blog and brings home the fact that as parents we are there as guides and not to hold on to various stages in our children live so as not to stunt their development in any shape or form. They grow up so quickly and with each new stage there is so much to learn especially if we haven’t done it before.