A beautiful Sunday summer’s morning in Australia… blue skies, cool breezes and the sounds of cicadas and kookaburras fill the air. My partner and I discuss how to spend our day and feel that it is time for our sixteen-month-old to have his first haircut.
Our son came into this world with the finest of short blonde hair and over the months it grew slowly. Today the hair on his crown is thin, straight and requires little attention as it takes its flow in the same direction each day, circling his crown and following suit are those hairs that lead to the front. However, the rear strands of hair and those around his ears grew quickly; they would curl when wet and fly sideways in the breeze and regardless of how absolutely adorable and cute they were, they began to get in the way and we felt they’d be causing some discomfort when they’d get caught in his neck fold during the hot summer nights and days.
So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.
We both felt the immediate change as his little locks hit the floor like feathers from the sky above. What we noticed was that there was no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.
Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be. For months now I have felt deep within me that he is not at all a baby anymore and that I would be disrespecting him to treat him as one. Of course, he requires us as adults to support and care for him in every way and I don’t ever dismiss this importance.
But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.
If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.
His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential or take seriously the responsibility we have to continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are.
Supporting our son to cut his hair for the first time has been healing for all of us; a sign of the next transitional period of life that we are indeed all ready for and offering us a moment to let go of the ways we have all been with each other in our family unit, that are now finalised and complete. Our son is walking and talking these days and with his beautiful ‘new do’ to boot, he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.
Published with permission of my partner.
By Cherise Holt, 34, Nurse and Mother, Brisbane Australia
True Relationship with Self
What is we gave children the space to develop at their own pace?
What’s even more amazing than appreciating a beautiful baby boy, is loving a beautiful boy as an equal who is already everything a man should be in this world; tender, sensitive and joyful.
This opens up all others areas where we as parents may hang onto children as being ‘ours’ and not the souls they are supporting them in being true to who they are in expression from young.
Nothing ever stays the same, it is always moving… and asking us to move with what is next. It can be really revealing to feel where our attachments lie and the resistance to going with that movement.
I agree there is a great reflection being shown here.
And I would add, Gil, that our role is to prepare them for the world to reflect the truth and not getting sucked in by creation. Raising our children to become potential world leaders that live in a way that offers a new way of understanding and reflection for humanity, as it urgently needs more true role models on this planet.
The moment we want to hold onto any moment we are disconnected to the natural expansion of the universe, that only offers but evolution and change through expansion.
That is a great point. In an ever expanding Universe focusing on one point and trying to make it last forever is a futile effort, it is simply showing that we are choosing to be out of sync with the magnificence that is at play.
How many other ways do we “lock on” emotionally to aspects of our children’s development. It is an ever developing opportunity to raise our children without imposing our unresolved emotional needs upon them.
Very cute to read how simple letting go can be. We have a 2yr old and she recently went through the same thing – getting her hair cut that would actually support her hair to grow more evenly. A very simple process that responded to what the body needed at the time.
I have noticed that when I do not impose expectations or needs on others in my life and give them the space to change, grow, develop in their own way I feel closer to others.
I am starting to realise more and more how holding onto things, particularly ‘sentimental’ things is so debilitating. There is a freedom in letting this go.
Freedom to letting go of any sentimental things, and allow the space for new.
We know when to let go of in order to let the next step come to us, it is so simple when we get out of the way and not hold on to images we may have. It is about embracing simplicity and responsibility, in this case in parenting.
It is beautiful how you were able to honour your son and know he was ready to move to the next phase in his life, not holding onto any emotions. It is just beautiful to feel your sharing.
As a parent, there are a lot of emotional attachments which we engage in, and at some level, it will translate to the child that there is something wrong with them because the parent does not want to accept the evolution of the child. As an example, my mother (since deceased) used to tell us often that she loved us as babies and then something would change and she wouldn’t feel the same. It’s not great to hear that at any age but at least she was honest about it.
Everything done in life in a loving energy is healing and thank God for that, so in the same breath also thank God for Serge Benhayon for re-introducing true healing and healing in truth.
I agree thank God for Serge Benhayon who has re-introduced true healing again.
Being honest about our attachments to, and investment in, things means we then have a real choice to let go and letting go is a great parenting skill.
This is great Matilda, and may I add to what you have shared, that parenting can also be a true way for ourself first, so that being consistent with setting boundaries is a great evolutionary step.
I agree, honesty is a brilliant first step, from there we can begin to see that our attachments and investments may have a much greater effect on other people, in this case our children, than we could ever imagine.
We don’t realise how much of our attachments and investments may effect other people.
The more we let go as parents, the more our children can feel all that is offered in surrender.
‘fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me’ I have learnt a lot from from Universal Medicine about the effects that our emotions have on people. The effects of a mother’s emotional needs on her son can last a lifetime and hinder that person from being able to relate with people. It is very refreshing and inspiring to read about your relationship with your son and the space that is given to both of you within it, without the constriction and imposition of emotions.
Yes any needy relationship cripples those in it, effecting not just that relationship but interactions with others also.
‘But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’ It is stunning and beautiful to feel the equality between you and your son. It is a challenge for society which is structured upon children being the recipient of the knowledge, experience and wisdom of adults.
The haircut could be symbolic of any change that our child is ready for that we don’t want to accept as they grow up. when we as parents are attached in any way to something about our kids or what they give us in the current dynamics with them, we can get in their way and retard their growth. This could be things like breast feeding for longer than what the child wants because we like the closeness with the child or believe it helps them sleep, when really they are ready to stop and move on.
The learnings we get from our children and grandchildren is enormous if we are open to this and something to really treasure from all children in the world and the gift they offer us with love and this responsibility is felt here beautifully
Beautiful, it allows our children to be who they are and explore life without being caught in ideals and beliefs, pleasing others.
What a beautiful example of acceptance of the next movement and cycle in life and how our emotional attachments do not serve anyone.
I’ve often heard parents say they wish their child/children could stay at a certain age and not get any older – i.e. less cute and adorable. I know it’s said in appreciation for the age their child is but I feel it’s feeding an nostalgia for something that will pass. I see this in myself recently – a missing of what could have been or even a part of me that was lost at a certain age. This completely negates the appreciation of who I am today, a lack of appreciation I see in society too – that certain ages are better than others.
I hear a regret in older people who regret not appreciating themselves and life more when they were younger because now that has past – the irony being they could be appreciating themselves now. I’m getting so much from the wonderful reflections of people living the wonderful qualities that each age brings. There are no ages that are better or worse when we embrace where we are at, especially when we consider the law of re-incarnation.
This feels like a really important observation… our inability or unwillingness to appreciate the present moment, either reminiscing or wishing ahead, and how this makes us ignorant of the magic at the end of our noses.
Doug agreed, it changes our relationship with our kids into evolution not smothering or abuse.
A beautiful embracing of the evolution needed in our growing up and years in life for us all in connection and flow with each other and the importance of nothing coming from control ,needs and expectations only love.
The feeling of cutting hair or having our hair cut as being an opportunity to let go and take the next step is strong. As parents we have to be aware that we can hold back our children if we try to hold on when they are ready to move on.
Great what you share Michael, hair cut being an opportunity to let go, as parents we need to make sure we don’t hold our children back when they are ready for the next move.
Sometimes we have to let go of our own needs and expectations as parents to connect with what is really best for our children. Do we hold our children in a place that we need them to be for us? Or do we go with our natural sense of what is best for our child’s growth and evolution?
It is beautiful to appreciate and embrace the next level of development in life.
A beautiful analogy for us to ponder on. How well are we parenting ourselves, what are we still hanging on to and know we’ve outgrown?
And we could ask this question not only of our beliefs and attachments, but also whilst standing in front of our clothes cupboard, kitchen drawers, book shelves…
I love the simplicity of this blog. It shows opportunities to learn are offered to us in everyday activities and how powerful this is when we’re open to receive.
I am running a series of parent workshops, and this blog has really inspired me to bring greater awareness to the ways we impose upon our children by having pictures or ideals around what we expect our children to be, rather than allowing their innate wisdom to emerge and inform who they are to be.
I love the honouring in this blog. Honouring of your son, of yourselves and of the process that you went through which could have been so easily ignored. Just beautiful.
It is a beautiful honouring for all involved, so simply shared.
Not resisting what is next with emotions and drama is deeply supportive. When things in life are complicated, it is often a sign that we are resisting love and evolution. It is awesome to be aware of how this can play out and be open and honest about our choices and what energy we say yes to.
It is great to take a moment often, as in the example offered by this blog, to assess the ideals and beliefs which might be hindering the glorious opportunity in each moment for every one of us to grow, deepen and evolve.
It can be an emotional time for parents at various stages when they realise their child is growing up. I really appreciate what you have shared about not hanging onto things the way they were out of a need. This holds back the child and parent and entangles them instead of allowing everyone to be free to be themselves.
Mile stones can either be an opportunity for appreciation or a moment we try and cling to and make it fit a picture rather than allowing it to be just as it is
The key is to appreciate every moment in life and thank you for reminding us of this Rebecca. It is such a magic ingredient in life because without appreciation we can get very stuck and weighed down by missing the magic of what we have been gifted.
Beautiful Chan, appreciate every moment, don’t need to hold on to any or have them fit into pictures. The more we appreciate the more moments we experience and it keeps just flowing.
Me too. And continue to do so. One of the big ones has been humility which has allowed me to make mistakes, stay open to learning and apply more and more understanding as we navigate the way.
A beautiful and very simple insight into the wisdom of letting go, allowing things to change and the next to present itself… super cool. Thank you, Cherise.
Letting go allows space for the next, its that simple and beautiful.
We are here as parents to raise children that can live in the mud without being affected. Not children that are there to satisfy a need we have for affection or anything else.
It is extremely liberating to be able to see clearly, and to define, to know, and to release, where our pictures and attachments are in all aspects of our lives.
‘…no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.’ being responsive to what is felt in such a moment means that we can act on what is truly required like this rather than react to what we feel and impose our own needs on the situation.