I am a single woman and have been for most of my life, except for brief periods. My younger years were fraught with men hitting on me and this became the norm for me; I had no idea of how to just be with men.
I felt as though men viewed me based on my physical appearance only. I played up to this, only perpetuating the treatment I received. In fact, if I am honest, I can say that I wanted that kind of attention from men. It felt good (or so I thought) and I based a lot of my self-worth on the fact that I had plenty of attention from men.
I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them. All of this was done on an energetic level, without anything physical taking place. It has taken huge amounts of honesty to realise that this was what I had been doing.
During this time I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in. The way I was engaging with men didn’t allow for any real connection to develop. I was rarely myself with a man and I was playing a not-so-nice energetic game – it didn’t leave much of an opening for any kind of true relationship.
At some point I began to tire of this game and it started to feel pretty yuck to me. Of course at this stage I blamed it all on men. I was sick of being treated and only seen as a sexual object. I dealt with this by shutting myself off from men and thinking that they were revolting in the most part. The only males I would interact with would be friends’ partners and clients: I considered them ‘safe’ but even then I kept them at arm’s length and did not really trust them.
Fast forward to the present day and I have stopped playing this game. I am more aware of the energy that I am responsible for and more aware of what I am projecting towards men. Once I changed the way I behaved around men, how I was as a woman with men, and I clearly no longer wanted to be seen or objectified for my looks and sexuality, men no longer treated me that way. If they did, it simply didn’t go far.
This led to the next step – I no longer have huge amounts of sexual energy thrown at me. This may sound strange, but I had to adjust to this and my self-worth went under the microscope.
I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.
No wonder men treat women this way, if this is what women are expecting and wanting. Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.
I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.
I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.
Men can be their gorgeous tender selves around me, as I am no longer playing a sneaky energetic game. I’m discovering friendships with men and that is something that was not possible before. Learning to just be with men and be myself is all fairly new to me. I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now. It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.
Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.
The changes in how I am as a woman have been inspired by the presentations and teachings of Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Making a relationship about true love
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Learning To Love Women And Men
646 Comments
Learning new ways of being takes time, so it’s important to be patient and accepting of ourselves, ‘ I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now.’
We cannot demand nor expect respectful and decent relationships if that is not the foundation of our own self-relationship first.
By being totally honest with yourself now you can see what games were at play in your life, ‘I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them.’ With awareness we can make new loving choices.
It is amazing how much we can sense when we meet someone, for example, do we approach each other with hardness and protection, a need to be liked, have an agenda or do we have an openness, approach with equality and love? I find when I meet someone with an openness, they tend to be more open with me too.
I struggled with relationships with men for many years. In fact, looking back I can see that the reason for the struggle was that I had no idea who I actually was, with this confusion obviously flowing on out to whoever I was with; they didn’t know who I was either. What a difference the choice to get to know yourself makes, not just to you but to everyone you are with.
So true Ingrid, I have found the same for me too. The more I feel comfortable and at ease with myself the more comfortable and at ease I am with others. By deepening my love for myself this has a flow-on effect in all my relationships and it is very beautiful to witness these changes and how they enrich my life more and more every day.
When we meet men and women as equals and are open to friendship this is the foundation for a relationship to blossom.
When we meet others with love, the love within us expands because love is not to be held onto but shared with all to make space for more love to come through us to be expressed.
Women being their true selves around men allows the space for a more intimate, loving and true connections to develop.
The games we play in relationships fuelled from our need for attention, acceptance and as a distraction from our lack of self-worth is actually an abuse to the love we already are, and the love that is there for us to explore, deepen and evolve back to together. We have a responsibility as to what quality we bring or offer to any relationship; is it one of honouring the love we are or not?
When we don’t allow someone the space to be themselves we will never change the way we are with each other. We can only see someone for who they are when we let go of our idea, image, hurt, etc that pollute our view and also has an effect on how we see and treat ourselves. Space for another means we first have to feel the space within our own bodies.
When we call out the games and energy at play, it really does shift things. Such is the case here – but our role in this is to not see the individual here – and to not go into self-doubt as this then feeds the same energy of attraction.
We loose so much when we treat the opposite sex as an other and fail to see and understand who we both are, delicate fragile, tender and love at our core (Each of us are), and to drop those games and just be us is huge, for it opens the space for a genuine connection with all around us, and that is worth it.
There really is no difference between men and women, neither want to be hurt and both want to be accepted and loved for who they are. As such, and without the education that we are to find that relationship with ourselves before we find it with anyone else, we play absurd games. There comes a moment though, as you have experienced, when we meet someone who will no longer play that game but who also inspires a more true way and it is at that point we have an opportunity to unpeel and heal to be that inspiration and reminder for others.
Like you wrote what happens to men and women is actually based on ‘supply and demand’: each of the parties actually get what they want. And when one or the other shifts that to being open to connection and is willing to look at their part in the game things can change.
This is so true, both men and women need to take responsibility for how we view and treat each other for it is time we all stopped playing the silly games we play and all moved forward in an open transparent way.
This is so true Kev because at the end of the day we all miss out on the opportunity to feel the depth of who we are in truth. I now know many gorgeous guys who are letting their guard down these days and it feels a privilege to have the opportunity to feel that as a woman. Otherwise, we can go through life believing a false image of what men are and not trusting each other.
Being open, honest and transparent with each other makes so much sense, and is a basis for building a loving relationship.