I am a single woman and have been for most of my life, except for brief periods. My younger years were fraught with men hitting on me and this became the norm for me; I had no idea of how to just be with men.
I felt as though men viewed me based on my physical appearance only. I played up to this, only perpetuating the treatment I received. In fact, if I am honest, I can say that I wanted that kind of attention from men. It felt good (or so I thought) and I based a lot of my self-worth on the fact that I had plenty of attention from men.
I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them. All of this was done on an energetic level, without anything physical taking place. It has taken huge amounts of honesty to realise that this was what I had been doing.
During this time I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in. The way I was engaging with men didn’t allow for any real connection to develop. I was rarely myself with a man and I was playing a not-so-nice energetic game – it didn’t leave much of an opening for any kind of true relationship.
At some point I began to tire of this game and it started to feel pretty yuck to me. Of course at this stage I blamed it all on men. I was sick of being treated and only seen as a sexual object. I dealt with this by shutting myself off from men and thinking that they were revolting in the most part. The only males I would interact with would be friends’ partners and clients: I considered them ‘safe’ but even then I kept them at arm’s length and did not really trust them.
Fast forward to the present day and I have stopped playing this game. I am more aware of the energy that I am responsible for and more aware of what I am projecting towards men. Once I changed the way I behaved around men, how I was as a woman with men, and I clearly no longer wanted to be seen or objectified for my looks and sexuality, men no longer treated me that way. If they did, it simply didn’t go far.
This led to the next step – I no longer have huge amounts of sexual energy thrown at me. This may sound strange, but I had to adjust to this and my self-worth went under the microscope.
I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.
No wonder men treat women this way, if this is what women are expecting and wanting. Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.
I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.
I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.
Men can be their gorgeous tender selves around me, as I am no longer playing a sneaky energetic game. I’m discovering friendships with men and that is something that was not possible before. Learning to just be with men and be myself is all fairly new to me. I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now. It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.
Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.
The changes in how I am as a woman have been inspired by the presentations and teachings of Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Making a relationship about true love
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Learning To Love Women And Men
620 Comments
When we honour and respect ourselves this is the reflection we offer to others.
What a waste of time it is to understand who we are when if we were taught from young to connect to our essences then we naturally bring a depth to every relationship that allows us to evolve.
Greg I agree if we lived in a world where we were supported to live from our essence then the depth and quality we could bring to all relationships would be immense, beyond words and this would completely change our world because there would be no hurts. Currently we have the complete opposite we have a way of living that is built on hurts and rejection and to me the byproduct of all this is abuse. We live in an abusive society why do we allow this?
Energetic responsibility for everything, so our awareness of how still we can be, then share this amazing quality of stillness so we can relate to all others in the most Loving ways.
In order for me to be myself with men I had to deepen my connection to myself and let go of the layers of protection that kept me isolated for so long. Allowing this to unfold has been a revelation and also a joy and proves that there is no need for games when we are true to ourselves.
Learning new ways of being takes time, so it’s important to be patient and accepting of ourselves, ‘ I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now.’
We cannot demand nor expect respectful and decent relationships if that is not the foundation of our own self-relationship first.
By being totally honest with yourself now you can see what games were at play in your life, ‘I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them.’ With awareness we can make new loving choices.
It is amazing how much we can sense when we meet someone, for example, do we approach each other with hardness and protection, a need to be liked, have an agenda or do we have an openness, approach with equality and love? I find when I meet someone with an openness, they tend to be more open with me too.
I struggled with relationships with men for many years. In fact, looking back I can see that the reason for the struggle was that I had no idea who I actually was, with this confusion obviously flowing on out to whoever I was with; they didn’t know who I was either. What a difference the choice to get to know yourself makes, not just to you but to everyone you are with.
So true Ingrid, I have found the same for me too. The more I feel comfortable and at ease with myself the more comfortable and at ease I am with others. By deepening my love for myself this has a flow-on effect in all my relationships and it is very beautiful to witness these changes and how they enrich my life more and more every day.
When we meet men and women as equals and are open to friendship this is the foundation for a relationship to blossom.
When we meet others with love, the love within us expands because love is not to be held onto but shared with all to make space for more love to come through us to be expressed.
The games we play in relationships fuelled from our need for attention, acceptance and as a distraction from our lack of self-worth is actually an abuse to the love we already are, and the love that is there for us to explore, deepen and evolve back to together. We have a responsibility as to what quality we bring or offer to any relationship; is it one of honouring the love we are or not?
When we don’t allow someone the space to be themselves we will never change the way we are with each other. We can only see someone for who they are when we let go of our idea, image, hurt, etc that pollute our view and also has an effect on how we see and treat ourselves. Space for another means we first have to feel the space within our own bodies.
When we call out the games and energy at play, it really does shift things. Such is the case here – but our role in this is to not see the individual here – and to not go into self-doubt as this then feeds the same energy of attraction.
There really is no difference between men and women, neither want to be hurt and both want to be accepted and loved for who they are. As such, and without the education that we are to find that relationship with ourselves before we find it with anyone else, we play absurd games. There comes a moment though, as you have experienced, when we meet someone who will no longer play that game but who also inspires a more true way and it is at that point we have an opportunity to unpeel and heal to be that inspiration and reminder for others.
Like you wrote what happens to men and women is actually based on ‘supply and demand’: each of the parties actually get what they want. And when one or the other shifts that to being open to connection and is willing to look at their part in the game things can change.
This is so true, both men and women need to take responsibility for how we view and treat each other for it is time we all stopped playing the silly games we play and all moved forward in an open transparent way.
This is so true Kev because at the end of the day we all miss out on the opportunity to feel the depth of who we are in truth. I now know many gorgeous guys who are letting their guard down these days and it feels a privilege to have the opportunity to feel that as a woman. Otherwise, we can go through life believing a false image of what men are and not trusting each other.
Being open, honest and transparent with each other makes so much sense, and is a basis for building a loving relationship.
In the past I have always blocked men and never been open to them, now I have men coming into my life who are very gorgeous and loving, it takes some adjusting for me to get used to being around them. To learn to let go of how it has been in the past and fully accept how it is now.
Love how honest this is – and also how confirming it is. Not that I’ve ever had men take great interest in me – I had a fiesty exterior- I now don’t have any which I have put down to being older but what I’m realising is that I approach people on a connection level so there is little room to go to for anything else. I can also relate to feeling worthless but then realised the energy of being lusted after and objectified just felt yuck so why would I want that?
‘Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.’
I have experiences the other side of this dynamic explained by Anon. above, where I had treated girls I met at University with a lot of respect and honouring of them, but was sometimes rejected in favour of another guy who treated that girl horribly and disrespectfully, as if the girl did not feel like she deserved someone who would truly connect and honour her based on a lack of self-worth.
It is only when we are willing to let go of the games that we play for recognition whilst being unwilling to give ourselves the attention that we crave that we can start to build true relationships with others and expose the sexual energy that pollutes so many exchanges and is so damaging for society.
Those ‘games we play for recognition’ are so damaging but absolutely rife in society. It just goes to show that most of us, for whatever reason, have never been met for who we truly are and instead go looking for the attention we are craving in every other direction except within ourselves. For it is when we turn our search within and begin to develop a relationship with the wonderful being we are that we begin to heal the emptiness that drives those games.
Thank you for exposing the games that women play whilst blaming men for reacting to the sexual energy that is being given out. I was brought up to believe that ‘men can’t be trusted’ which meant that I often shut down when around men and actually didn’t trust myself to feel what was true and what didn’t feel right. Recently I have been opening up to others and without the hurts that I have nursed and protected for so long coming between us I am now exploring more honest and loving relationships with both men and women. Having frequently retreated to my isolated cave whenever life got intense I am enjoying exploring being part of life and just being with men without expectations and pictures of how it should be.
I appreciate your honesty in this, to share that you used this attention to ‘get off on’ and feel better about yourself and then when this wasn’t there to have to build worth in yourself- a great lesson indeed. It is admirable when people speak with this level of openess as we can all learn from it.
I have played this same game completely oblivious to the fact that I was hooking men with sexual energy and acting surprised when it was thrown back at me in ways I didn’t like. I blamed men for this and never considered the part I played in what went on. This does not absolve men from the often revolting way they interact with women but it goes a long way to explaining why so many relationships between men and women are strained. I see men in a whole new light now and feel more love and mutual respect with men than ever before.
I find it very interesting how I have a picture of how a woman needs to be for me and, similar to Anonymous, I have already rejected them dampening any possibility of a potential. The picture dismantles the responsibility of holding and deepening the connection with being intimate and tender with myself first. So, there comes a time where you have to love yourself first so true love can be developed and expanded.
I like the way through the simplicity of accepting not to be treated this way no more it brought you to the acceptance of more of the truth of you as a woman. This is the power of acceptance and allowing where you should be to manifest.
Recognition and acceptance from the outside never works, we have to bring it back to loving and valuing ourselves, ‘I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.’
“to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” A discovery that offers us the opportunity to equally be who we naturally are.
How many women complain or react or generally find it unpleasant to have conversations with men that come with a sexual under or overtone? I know I have many a time. And how many of them have the honesty to say “In some ways I have asked for/wanted that attention” for whatever her reasons may be. The self reflection being offered here is huge.
The fact is we are all so super tender, delicate, sweet and deeply sensitive beings and when we feel that this natural essence is not the accepted way of the majority we play all kinds of silly games to hide and protect ourselves. All the while the entire world misses out of experiencing the emanation of our light.
Relationships of quality with others will always be founded on the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
“Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.” This really resonates with me, and although I feel this far less than ever before, I have been more aware of it recently as I approach my 50s and am a mature elder women in society. I’ve been noticing how the way I’ve been thinking about myself due to the beliefs I’ve taken on about women of my age and older, I’ve been wanting to feel attractive to men. It’s a subtle game but one that is incredibly controlling and manipulative. It takes me out of my beautiful divine essence into the realm of physicality and attraction – from the deep to the superficial where energy just circulates round and round and nothing can evolve.
It is beautiful to feel how when we are with our selves, love, honor and appreciate who we are we have no need to incite attraction or seek attention, as instead we are open to simply meet another with equal respect and the love of truly connecting.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” Beautiful to read how you turned your old power play around. However it takes two to play the game. When we feel full inside ourselves we have no need to seek attention from outside.
Any game playing between men and women is just avoiding being open to the true connection that is always available.
Love your direct and matter of fact delivery of this Heather. And you’re spot on of course!
This is a great blog to realise that these things that play out between men and women always are an interaction between the man and woman, never something that is to blame on any gender. Also that making a change is possible for both genders and not to be expected from any single one in particular.
It is true we can feel in great detail where another person is at and so do others and how they approach us can be a detailed reflection of what we put out, whether conscious or unconscious. This is a beautiful blog.
You stopped the game of needing the attention from men. Great! And I stopped the game of needing that attention from women, of needing that energy to feel great. I can feel great because I have worked on building that connection to me and deepen the love in me. So love can meet love, instead emptiness meeting emptiness.
The only way to truly stop playing ‘games’ is to heal the hurts that cripple us
I love the honesty of your blog anonymous and the equal responsibility it asks of us. Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. In truth we all simply want to be seen and met for who we are, image free.
The games that happen in relationships only exist because we accept anything less than true love, even though it is love that makes the relationships the most gorgeous and deeply joyful and evolving experiences they can be.
It is so true, we don’t need to wait, we can both be the change we want to see in society and our behaviour towards each other. Getting our self-esteem from inside rather than outside ourselves will help this process enormously.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” This is so true Anonymous, and it is a big responsability to be aware of.
To indulge in any recognition from the outside is simply an an excuse to delay evolution. Calling sexual energy out for what it is knowing it is not them but an energy passing through them and understanding why I chose to create situations where there was sexual energy coming towards me and allowing it to enter my body is supporting me greatly in letting go of the need for attention from men in my life.
Attraction, then rejection, and then blame is a sexual game often played by women with men, the game of looking outside of oneself for one’s own self worth. To learn to take responsibility for our own choices is the first step to reclaiming who we are, and in that claiming we need not go outside for our worth for we can feel and connect to it within. Time to see men for who they truly are, deeply tender and sensitive beings.
It will be a great day when men and women stop playing all their silly games and just get on with being the true beautiful people we all are and we do all have a role to play in making this happen. We certainly still have a long way to go in a lot of areas though.
I like your comment Kevin, haha it’s true… why not just be the true beautiful beings we are without the theatrics. It is great to expose the games we have played.
What you shared about allowing men the space to share their tender, sensitive nature stood out to me. So often the conversations around the mistreatment of women comes from the woman being a victim of the man, but what if the way we as women are with men that is unloving denatures them that then act out what we don’t like in the world? The so-called ‘gender war’ is not us vs them it’s a co-conspired arrangement to avoid calling each other to the beauty that we innately are.
Great blog showing how true change comes from within and it is how we feel and express from the love that we have for ourselves that enables us to live more solidly in the world
Yes, it shows how others treat us quite differently the moment we change or even the moment we treat ourselves differently. This is a great opportunity for us.
We can all tell when someone is ‘putting it on’ so others can tell when we too are not being our true selves. When we drop the charade and be who we naturally are with everyone, men, women and children, then they too can respond by being who they are with no protection or pretence.
Your blog is so honest and that is very refreshing. It is true, the way we choose to be with others and what we accept governs what we get back from them as well. So it is important to ask and claim what we want to come to us and not accept anything less.
‘Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.’ And I would add we all have a role to play in how society views and treats men. Men are just like women not living who they truly are, we all need to become honest about the roles we have played and how we demanded from each other to change instead of building a loving relationship with ourselves which is the foundation of any relationship we have in the world.
Beautifully said Annelies: “Men are just like women not living who they truly are” thus it is pointless to point a finger to the one gender who is ‘wrong’ or to blame. If we would like a change we have to start with ourselves.
Coming back to the original meaning of relationships and so our relationships with men equally to women brings out such big important point – that we are equal. And we can say we have made it all but not that. So to hear you share about the original meaning I can also sense in my life and around me what is and has been going on in all of our relationships; lack of union. Union in ourselves and together. When you share this about playing games in the past, we can equally say that maybe a lot if not all people recognize themselves in this game in one way or the other.. and that by becoming aware of this game we play, we can sense the love we lack (are missing). And so our path of return is set.. Thank you Anonymous.
In the past I was not open to men at all, I was very guarded almost scared of men or being rejected by them. I have been shifting this through having amazing men in my life who I deeply trust and who are very tender. This is teaching me to see that underneath certain behaviours all men have these qualities and I am more able to see this now.
The more women claim their delicate, tender, sweet, nurturing, fragile, loving nature the more men can be their tender, caring selves. The more the men be their tender and caring selves the more women can surrender to their innate qualities. we support each other when we live true to ourselves.
Yes I love this May-Louise – no needs on either side, just our gorgeous selves.
So beautifully true, just being ourselves is the most precious thing we can be and allows the other to do the same. If we play games we attract the same also.
Anonymous this is a seriously honest blog and so needed to be talked about and bring to our awareness. That we all play a part in how we are treated both men and women – the energetic games we play and then blame each other. But underneath it all its a game of protection, a protection from going into the waters of love, because it seems we connect love and hurt as the one and same which is far from it. Love does not hurt, when we move away from love that hurts.
this says it all and I love this statement
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change”
‘I am more aware of the energy that I am responsible for and more aware of what I am projecting towards men…’, Anonymous writes. I wonder if our energetic reactions and dynamics can be carried over from one lifetime to the next (assuming we take on board the possibility of reincarnation)? If so, this could explain on the one hand why unwanted and abusive attitudes and behaviours can be seen in the very young, and on the other, the fact that very young children can be abused themselves. The cycle of ‘victim’ or ‘perpetrator’ is simply carried forward to be perpetuated until the individual is able to break it for themselves.
We are never not a part of the situations we seemingly ‘find ourselves in’ or ‘just happen’ to us, as the subtle dynamic Anonymous played out in her dealings with men illustrates for us here.
“I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.” When I read this part, I had a real stop moment of appreciating myself and the changes I’ve made and also that there are men I know who have also made changes. It has been a gradual process and now is how it is, so at times taken for granted, but it is worth remembering how I used to be and appreciating what I now bring. Thank you.
This sneaky energetic game is a consequence that happens when awareness is put to back ground, and so we are left at the mercy and the whim of energetic intentions that may not actually be our own. Seeing how this plays out between us as men and as women is enough to bring the whole world to a stop, but it doesn’t. Mainly I guess because we each have our own journey to make in becoming more aware of the games we each can play and the consequences of them.
Yes, too many investments and agreements that would fall apart before we are ready. Being responsible and accountable for what we are ‘putting out’ in the world is a bigger contribution to change than we are often ready to appreciate.
This is a great line ‘Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women.’ Very true many women complain about the abuse and disrespectful behaviour of men yet do little to stop it. Becoming responsible and calling out abuse in any form is what is needed to bring true healing to how women are treated in society, to love and appreciate who we are is key to starting this process.
How we are with people is a direct reflection of what is going on for us. Blame is a great way to realise that a disconnection has happened from our true and loving selves well before the issue or situation occurs.
When we stop playing games with ourselves and start living the fullness of who we are – the games and issues we have with others, be it men or women or friends and partners, also drop away. We are given the clarity we need to read situations and respond with truth rather then the lies or old behaviours.
Brilliant blog that I am sure many women and men can relate to .. I certainly can, especially the energetic games being played out … so incidious and yuk. Reflecting on this I can now see how this actually confirms how we bring unresolved hurts and issues, particularly re relationships, from past lives into the next one. When I was younger many times I would wonder why I was behaving why I was and I couldn’t find (er … or didn’t want to see!) the true reason for this. A lot has been healed for me now with great thanks to the teachings, presentations, courses and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine ✨
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” This is an inspiring fact to experience…I can relate how disconnected I was with men and how many games I used to attract them in the past to get the recognition and to prove my worth. Today I’m starting to connect with them without any imposition or judgment, just observing where I am at and naturally be all of me with them. This is not about being perfect but to take the full responsibility to choose a true foundation of love in my relationships. I feel there is much more to connect and to share openly with men and women to nominate and to let go all that blocks the true connection between us.
Spot on we both men and women have the power to change old ingrained beliefs and ideals that we have about each other and ourselves. When we bring it back to ourselves and how we feel and look at our part in the dysfunctional way that we live with each other then we start to see our responsibility that is needed in this for it to change. Breaking down all the pictures that we have of each other and of ourselves creates space for us to be who we are and enjoy this with each other.
Oh the silly games both men and women play when all we really, truly need is love and true connection. As a man I feel sometimes I get judged by some women as being a man, just the same as every other man that they may have had bad experiences with. Being able to feel the true intentions behind someone is a good tool so everyone is not placed under the same umbrella.
You are very right about both men and women having a responsibility to be the change we want to see, it is irresponsible to continue blaming others for where we find ourselves. To do this the personal responsibility for what we are giving out energetically has to be considered.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. ” this is so true it is about all of us men and women taking responsibility in how we are with ourselves and each other. It is through this the energetic integrity is felt.
Thank you Anonymous for a very honest sharing, the game is often played by both male and female, it is interesting how we put out, what we don’t want to come back. Once the game is seen and felt for what it is, a true choice comes, a choice to claim the loveliness we truly are in all ways and share this with both male and female alike.
“During this time I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in.” I can very much relate to this, not particular on the subject of male attention but other parts of life. I thought that was just the way life was. Realising that how we are in life does create the life that comes back to us is huge and glorious too as it gives the ultimate freedom to choose.
The quality we live in is so huge. You describe here how you wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes now but it is in celebration of you and not to get attention from men. This is a huge shift and shows there is always going to be 2 ways of doing things, it either supports us or it does not. Throwing ourselves at men to get attention, although a very common practice, means we lose ourselves in the process. To totally expose this and stay true to what we feel is very admirable and I can see how much of a difference this brings to the male/female relationship.
Yes Hannah. A big amount of honesty is needed to expose all these games towards men. But how freeing it is when we look that there is another way to being with them, just honouring and appreciating first the beautiful and amazing women we are. Then we can share with them in full without any imposition, pictures or expectations.
This certainly puts a new perspective of catcalling etc. Not to say that it is acceptable for men to treat women as sex objects (clearly it is not) but it is important to see that we all have a part to play in the way things are. There is a set up running for both men and women – how lovely to read an article that acknowledges this rather than encouraging a taking of sides.
I have noticed that its not longer about relationships with a particular sex but relationships with all that deserve equal attention and a willingness to foster understanding, love and willingness to let go of any protection.
Anonymous this is a very important and powerful blog you’ve written. These games you describe are age-old really and are the responsibility of both men and women equally I agree. I can very much relate to what you’ve shared, playing a very similar game for many years, to the detriment of all relationships with men in particular. Understanding that I got this attention because I WANTED IT, was key… yes men can choose not to play the game, to see through it, and plenty do, but if not for the need, the hooking energy is not at play.
Putting on clothes that we feel support us and not because of our need for attention from another is so beautiful and empowering. This is changing for me too placing importance on how comfortable my clothes and shoes are instead of what they look like. Applying make up too is also changing in that when I apply make up I do it because I enjoy being with myself in this way; it feels very different to applying it in order to seek attention from another.
I love what you have shared in your blog Anonymous; yes we all need to take responsibility for the energy we emanate and the choices we make.
We can only change our own behaviour in a relationship not coerce or control another to change. Powerful lessons for us all, thank you.
Thank you anonymous for your pure and honest sharing. I can relate to much of what you write about. I had no clue how to build a true relationship with a man. I still have much to learn but I feel an openness to support myself lovingly every step of the way.
What a great turnaround of your relationship with men. ‘I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.’
As babies we are so pure and connected to what is. As we grow up, the dis-connection to ourselves is one of the first things that is imposed upon us. In one degree or another the adult world cannot handle this reflection or the responsibility of it. So through reflection and behaviours we grow not as soul-full people, but be gauged by the limitations of illusions. In the many individual and varying degrees that it plays out.
the games we play…
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women” This is so true we have often got caught up in blaming one another which does nothing but makes matters worse.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition”. Lately I am so much enjoying the tenderness in the men I meet. Even though some of them are really doing their best to hide it, I just look over their wall of protection and connect to what is truly there. If we look beyond the hurt and protection, there is pure gold and somebody there who just like me wants to be met.
Its fascinating to consider that how we hold and carry ourselves affects the behaviour of others towards us, this carries way beyond men and women into every relationship we have. I know for sure that having not valued myself in the past that others have chosen to do likewise and also the opposite can happen where if you have self assuredness someone may wish to try and strike this down. Through all these experiences the only consistency we an offer I feel is to be ourselves and not shape or mould ourselves to fit in with another person or society’s ideals.
In particular I loved this part, “Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.”, equality from the start.
Great blog with such honesty, Anonymous! Thank you for your sharing. As women, I feel it is quite a common thing to fall into the behaviours such as the manipulation and game playing that goes on between men and women. There is a huge trend of objectification of women and sexualisation of women, rather than being seen for who we are and the respect, care and adoration that we deserve to give ourselves, as well as receive from those around us. The key in what you have shared is the responsibility that we all hold in allowing this relationship to change. We all have the power to stop playing the games and bring back a true way of relating with men – when this happens is up to us. As you have shared, this can be a process of accepting things, seeing things differently and having to work on our own self worth etc – but beautiful things come to those who genuinely work on themselves.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women”-
So true. When we start to appreciate ourselves more and live in a way that honours who we are, we are then more likely to treat others with respect, honesty and be more open hearted.
So true Loretta, and we can also be a true reflection for other women in the world if we honour ourselves in this way.
Huge topic Anonymous and I understand why you withheld your name – the truth is we all play this game being either a man or a woman. It goes to show how much we know about each other energetically. I am a man but I know how to be for a women. Being a man and concentrating how to be for a women for me was like shooting yourself in the foot. Most relationships are based on fulfilling where we are not being that for ourself. If I focused on building my relationship with myself then it compliments any love I receive back from a women. You are then faced with the opposite sex loving you and not needing you as Anonymous reflects on. Relationships are really beautiful and the foundation of life. I appreciate any opportunity I can to nurture, care and love me for who I am for that is the love I am will receive.
Great article Anonymous, thank you. I can relate in part to the game you describe for I have played it in the past too. You are correct when you say both men and women have a role to play in the projection sexual energy towards women. This strikes me as interesting in light of another social phenomenon – sexual violence towards women. Are there roles both men and women play in this scenario too; an extent to which women invite it into their lives, unable to claim their true power? Whilst sexual violence towards women can never be condoned, it might not be a one-way street either. This might not be a popular view, but it is worth considering.
Victoria, what you say can be very hard for some to hear, as it asks us as women to really question the way we are with men and the way we are with ourselves as women. To be in a relationship where there is any kind of violence or any kind of disrespect for that matter (even raising our voices or giving the ‘stink eye’ to someone, or shutting them out by not talking to them), shows me that there is a degree of this that we have to first accept, for otherwise we would walk away from it and never look back. So what is it that we accept and what is it that we get from such relationships? Could it be that we accept a false lack of self worth that then leads to accepting violence and disrespect? And could it be, like anonymous presented in the blog above, that this can be because as women we crave attention because we don’t take the time to love ourselves or take responsibility for the powerful beings that we really are? When you really consider things, it is crazy to see what we allow in our lives – all the while, we are actually powerful enough to change things completely.
Hello Victoria and I agree. We need to step lightly into this subject but at the same time what you are saying is my experience. We are all responsible for our actions, thoughts and movements. Saying one side should change without bringing equal awareness to another just doesn’t make sense. No one truly asks for violence but at the same time there maybe behaviours that walk you into the street without you even seeing them.
Thank you for your honesty. It is very refreshing.
Men have a responsibility to be true to themselves as women do. The more we let down the guards and let each other in instead of playing the conquering games… the closer we will become to understanding the delicateness we both have within. It just starts with one.
A decade or so ago we heard ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ – that we are both very different creatures – and for a while I bought into that. But it never felt totally true and today I struggle to see much difference between men and women at all aside from the obvious physical characteristics. What I do see is that both men and women have developed stereotypical behaviours and personas that keep us in the illusion of difference and separation. As you say here Kathryn each is as delicate as the other – just as we were when we were babies, before socialisation and the momentums of our previous lives kick in.
Over the time I was in a long term relationship, the conversations that were had with other women that were married was a kind of us and them scenario, and only appreciating their partners when they were able to give them something or be good for something. And I hate to admit it, but I would enjoin them if I wanted to be a part of the conversation. All we were really doing is diverting the focus away from looking at the choices we were making in our lives that we didn’t want to address.
And perpetuating stereotypes about the way men and women relate and how they are in the world…. fostering separation.
“I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.” Enjoying what you wear never needs to be about any one else if you enjoy wearing it we all get to feel the enjoyment. If on the other hand clothes are worn to attract attention it feels completely different , there is a feeling of intensity from the need to be seen and liked and there is no enjoyment felt.
That’s a great observation Alison, there is an intensity in the attention seeking scenario. Women can definitely use clothes and looks to hook others in and I can see how apt the word ‘hooker’ when considered in this light. In truth, many of us would have to say we too have been hookers, even if not literally so.
Thanks for the honest blog anonymous, awesome to read about the realisation you have come to
What an interesting topic, and something that plays out in nearly all interactions..this energetic play of games, that unless we are being truly honest with ourselves, we do not even realise we are playing. What you have shown is that the energetic law of attraction works this way too. Surely this is what we should be taught at school to help us and support us to understand what energy we are choosing and putting out there in each moment?