I read an article recently where the writer spoke about how as teens, he and his mates viewed and judged women; either as a possible sexual conquest, or, on the other hand, as not being attractive enough to warrant their sexual attention, and so looked upon these women as not good enough and someone to tease. Therefore, in my experience, for many people, both men and women, sexual energy is being used as a way of connecting to a person – or a way of putting a person down.
From what he wrote I know that this writer no longer looks at women in this way. I can feel in his writing that he now sees us women for the beautiful and powerful people we truly are. He is now simply seeing us as people, not someone to look down upon, or think that we are in any way less than men. This is truly inspiring. Reading what he exposed about how this sexual energy was for him, has opened a wound of my own.
Sexual Tension: My Relationship with Men
You see, as a teenager I enjoyed male company, but I always felt that there was an element of sexual tension in any interaction and relationship with men; therefore I felt that I could not actually deepen any friendships with men, as to me that meant that you had to ‘go there’ (sexually) with them.
Now it would be easy to say that the sexual energy and tension was all coming from the males in my life, but it wasn’t. I can remember actively encouraging this attention from the males that I was interested in. And I can also remember ‘feeling good’ if they showed a sexual interest in me. However, I always ran a mile straight after feeling this. But what about in my relationships with men when I felt this attention from a male that I wasn’t interested in? Then it felt dirty, sleazy, imposing and made me feel in some way inferior. To be honest, I also felt this way even when I felt this sexual energy coming from a man I was interested in.
So I sat with this for a while and asked the question: why did I actively seek this attention? What is it about me that actually let this sexual energy into my body?
Sexual Imposition: Not Feeling Good Enough
The awareness that has come to me is that I didn’t feel I was good enough. I was looking for some sort of marker that I was good enough and yet the kicker… every time that I felt this type of attention for a split second I felt “yeah, I am good enough”, only to then have that energy inside of me making me feel dirty, sleazy and slutty, to then have myself believe that this is what I was (dirty, sleazy, slutty). It dropped me to a further depth in the belief that I was not good enough.
Wow!… as I write this I am beginning to realise just how much this has affected me in the way I have lived my life.
I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male. It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.
I now take full responsibility for the sexual imposition that I placed on the men as well… because it was an imposition to actively seek sexual attention from them. I can now also see where this energy has played out with my female friends; how it has fostered competition and comparison in my interaction with women.
Taking Full Responsibility and Choosing Love
It is very humbling to watch this sexual energy play out in everyday life and to take full responsibility for having played into it. It is also very empowering to now be able to feel it, nominate it, and to choose to not be a part of it.
Now, as I reclaim the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself. I can now feel an equality and I no longer feel inferior to men. As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.
If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and my choice to change the way I was living.
By Leigh Strack, Eungella, QLD
This blog originated as a comment inspired by the blog: To Be a True Man: My Journey of Choices, Responsibility & Freedom
895 Comments
That ‘not good enough’ affliction keeps us away from the natural beauty of who we are.
The phrase ‘It takes two to tango’ is apt here. It’s never one sided and both people play a part and are responsible for what happens in a relationship. But blaming the other or self doesn’t heal the situation. If I understand why I played the part I have/do then there’s a greater willingness to change and be responsible if my contribution is not loving.
Great sharing Leigh and it resonates strongly with me on many levels. To be aware of that energy and to call it out for what it is and that it actually comes back to the lack of appreciation for ourselves is a great reminder to keep building our own self-love and worth, because then we have some thing that it truly worth sharing with another.
Bringing our love to every situation and everyone gives us a simple purpose, ‘As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.’
In my experience, trying to connect with men from sexual energy, has actually separated me from them, because there was a need behind that energy, that is, the need of recognition and false adoration, the need of external approval of my own values, … all of this using men as the ‘confirmators’ of my beauty. This is not love at all and so, there can’t be any encounter at all.
Since some time now, I have been dealing with all of this, healing the childhood hurts that led me to give my power away to men. This has been a deep process in which I’m re-empowering myself again whilst taking responsibilty in whatever creation I participated with men. Lot of stuff emerged to honestly be seen and healed and now I can say that it’s worth to let go of those old patterns. There is nothing to yearn in the sexual tension that comes from separation (with oneself and others). On the contrary, there is so much to truly share with others (men and women) from the intimacy we daily build in our life. Then we are able to freely and truly connect with them and this is really enriching for everyone.
Sexual energy is very isolating as there can be no true equality when we are caught in this negative game but when we open ourselves to love then healing happens and all our relationships deepen.
Whilst there is great harm from sexual energy there is far greater harm from not appreciating, loving and adoring you in all the grandness and beauty you truly are.
Every time we expose that “not good enough energy” and instead claim our love and power we inspire others to do the same, and lets face there is enough “not good energy” in the world, so many people world wide do not celebrate, love and accept themselves.
If we are to evolve as human beings this simply has to change.
I agree, this has to be exposed and healed, I come across the ‘not good enough energy’ frequently with students in schools, ‘Every time we expose that “not good enough energy” and instead claim our love and power we inspire others to do the same, and lets face it there is enough “not good energy” in the world.’
There is an unspoken conversation occurring all the time with men and women, men and men, women and women and we bring in sexual energy. I know it can be habit, but it really does not support our true connection, it muddies the water in reality and gets us playing games not being who we really are.
What I am noticing more and more is that the more delicate and tender I am with men the more their tenderness comes out. It is beautiful to experience.
This is beautiful Elizabeth, and an encouragement for us to be more tender and delicate with ourselves.
It is interesting how we can all sense what is sexual tension from an early age, simply because it is an imposition upon our bodies – bodies that know what is in harmony with them and what is not. The key though is to continue to be honest about this as we grow in to adults – which is a challenge when sex becomes a way to seek intimacy and affection.
Thank you Leigh for telling the untold other side of the story when it comes to the sexual energy game that can go on between men and women. As a man I have certainly felt this pressure from women and other men to go into sexual energy and have even had my manhood or sexuality questioned when I did not want to engage or join in with it (because I have always sensed it did not feel right or respectful to project sexual energy in this way, even though I definitely joined in with it sometimes). So it is great to explore this topic in more detail and open up the conversation more so that we can bring more understanding to it to support both men and women.
Thank you for your honesty Andrew and it feels like both men and women can get caught in conforming to current societal norms of what is expected and if they hold true to themselves then the reactions they face can be challenging as others feel uncomfortable in being exposed for their lovelessness.
We can look at life on the surface or feel it’s energetic quality and tried essence. Sexual energy is just one example in how we fetishise one element to get high. It’s just a mind trip compared to the depth of divinity we can feel when we are truly open to life.
Sexual energy was very much existent in my life, and I’m still aware of how much it is around and yet to be fully free of it having any grab in my mind. Sexual energy is not honouring the true beauty of a woman — it does not last hence, the continuous looking and seeking of other women with the same intent. Making love is the ability to not hold back anything that you know is love in expression whether that be in the simplicity of the words of cherishing another or moving with grace knowing others can feel you.
Yes Leigh this is beautifully nominated and shared with us, a deeper insight we get by sharing as this is what is going on for a lot of us.. it brings us back to our own authority and it brings back our equalness.
Often we don’t explore how sexual energy from women plays out too and how women can equally use men, like you have described, to feel a need in them. I know that I have done this in the past and there has been an energy of using in it.
I also used sexual energy to attract men and get recognition.
It took me to this relation with my current partner to become aware that before I was never really able to love my ex partners. Even I loved them in my heart I couldn’t bring it out in the way love should have its flow. Since I study with Universal Medicine I started to re discover the love within, to re-connect and to bring it out to the world.
Sexual energy is a quality where we settle for physicality, an animal like desire forgetting all our true multi-dimensional power. Willfully we ignore half of who we truly are and try to make life all about the remains. Forgetting we are divine is seriously bad for our health/life. Thank you Leigh.
We can load interactions without choosing to be aware of this fact. It is a relationship with our bodies that tells us how at ease we are in interactions and therefore this is the most important relationship to develop first and foremost.
I understand this sense of sexual tension with men, and it is amazingly freedom inspiring to view this as merely a want or a need for connection, rather than an imposing force – which of course it is – but underneath it all is also a person who knows that they are worth having a valuable and loving connection with. And in my experience, this helps to melt away the tension and to settle the situation, with both of us feeling met for who we are, with no need for anything else to happen.
Beautiful Leigh, how to deal with sexual energy and what it actually is – is revealed. The opening in your case is shown and given as a perfect example. For us to now walk in the awareness of that and choose differently, coming from a worth, our within.
Thank you Leigh for your very open and honest sharing which bring home to me the importance of choosing self-love and self honouring, otherwise we can be at the mercy of aligning to a lower vibrational energy which can entice us onto a wayward track.
True love does not include need. It is great how honest and open you looked into your part, as without checking in how we constellate ourselves, our hurts we carry can never truly be healed.
So true, we get affected by the energy coming from another only when we have allowed the beliefs, ideals and desires of another into our body, but once we have we are sitting ducks for what they bring, with no true suppprt to respond as our body is full of the same energy.
So every day and how we live is so important, this steady loving consistency is the only true suppprt to be able to read and respond to the energy that comes our way.
Through what you have so honestly shared you present just how valuable it is do develop a loving and honouring relationship with ourselves, as when this is missing we are at the mercy of the mind games that play us, having us think we need to seek attention outside of ourselves by whatever means. Yet our body will always indicate what we are choosing and if these choices are honouring who we are within. For at the end of the day the love we are within is the quality of energy that represents who we are, one that supersedes anything else this world could offer.
Appreciation of that love, once felt, by choosing it over and over again brings about a true shift in how we think and feel about ourselves.
” The awareness that has come to me is that I didn’t feel I was good enough. I was looking for some sort of marker that I was good enough ”
Its quite amazing how even abuse, sexual energy in this case can be seen as confirmation of some form of worthiness
I can really relate to the want to protect myself away from men recently, but that belief that I have to protect myself assumes that attack is always going to occur when that’s not actually true. And when I am open and not holding myself back theres never a need for protection.
There are only complications on the outside and in relationship to others, when we have left ourselves. It can be a tiny reaction we still carry in our body that causes a more closed down heart than usual or a protective manner. For me it was important to trace these tiny changes in me, before it acted out in relation to another with a harshness or more distanced, protected behaviour. Sometimes it needs the interaction with another, that I realise: Ups, something is wrong, I need to stop. Because the other open-hearted state is so strong by now in my life it does stick out pretty obvious, when something is boiling in me, which is cool and can be looked at immediately.