I have found it to be quite common and even ‘the norm’ today for kids to not to do any chores, or to complain about the little chores they have to do. Some parents are quick to do everything themselves just to avoid the arguments or the nagging that can take place… but in the long run we must consider what type of adult we are actually rearing while we parent our children.
Children come into this world with a fullness, knowing who they are, open, and being very inclusive and embracing of others. As parents, we are offered the opportunity and responsibility to nurture our children to evolve, to be the ones who guide them as they grow into adults and to be all that they were divinely designed to be in this world – bringing their unique expression in full.
In our home, doing necessary jobs around the home has always been something that we have seen to be a very foundational thing that supports a child’s development. In the beginning, I used to think things like chores helped kids to be responsible, manage their time, learn about the value of money and understand that things in a house don’t just happen. But today I can see that chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so, while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.
Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.
In our home, chores do not have an arduous label attached to them, nor are they communicated in that way. We have all come to see them as one way we can each support one another and consequently, our home environment, to be in the way that we all enjoy… an environment and space that allows our bodies to remain in their natural, surrendered and true way of being. Of course, our coming to feeling this way about chores was a process in itself.
However, it became a choice that made complete sense and was easy to feel when we brought it back to care and love. As parents of this home, it was clear to see and feel the support contributing to, and completing, daily jobs around the home offers children. They become simply one activity where children are able to express their innate quality of working together for the all.
In our home, we all know we enjoy a harmonious space that allows us to simply be: one that is clean and ordered and one that our bodies can surrender and feel at ease in. The way of being, the things we do and the way we do them all adds to holding this supportive space, and it is one that we are all responsible for, including kids. When other children visit and come to play, they too are a part of our family and the way the household works. And from what I have seen, they actually love the consistency, order and care and are more than willing to contribute to the quality of the space they are part of.
Today I hear from parents and kids about how much parents do around the house and how seldom young children are encouraged to contribute (e.g. children not taking responsibility for the space in their room or sorting their own school bag out), and how children don’t participate in the running of the home and activities in their later years, with parents at times feeling undervalued, with little appreciation shown.
By not giving children the opportunities to develop these skills and responsibilities earlier on, we can contribute to creating patterns and attitudes from teenagers that can feel self-centred, with them unappreciatively wanting more from life and others. With a supportive foundation, our teenagers are being offered to be helpful, understanding, appreciative and are able to contribute to life.
Our homes can be an amazing place where we guide our kids before they enter into the big wide world. A world that let’s be honest, desperately needs people who are loving, purposeful, there to be in true service and act in brotherhood.
It is part of parenting to support children to be able to not only understand life, but to be equipped to fully contribute and bring out their inner qualities, such as true love, true care and true responsibility to everything they do, to know who they are and feel confirmed that they are everything before they do anything.
Through each member of the family taking responsibility for jobs around the home I have come to massively appreciate all they offer a child. This is becoming more and more evident too as the years pass. Each of us in our home have things that we specifically do, while also attending to other chores if we see they need to be done to hold the care we have created in our home. We are also well aware of the unique flavour each one of us offers and appreciate each quality. We know the support working as one offers, and the appreciation family members feel from our help.
Today my daughter has a selection of chores that she completes each week, just as my husband and I also have our specific chores that contribute to our home. She also has a ‘job chart’ that she takes full responsibility for managing as she completes her chores. Since we implemented the chores in this way our whole family has grown in responsibility, and it has presented the opportunity for us all to:
- Build a good and true work ethic
- Meet life’s challenges and to work through them
- Understand the value of other people and to be open to asking for help to clarify
- Know that we are capable of doing whatever we choose to do
- Be part of a group working together
- Feel the value in doing our part within the whole
- Understand instructions and complete things
- Build a rhythm and consistency each day
- Develop a sense of responsibility
- Understand the importance that simplicity and repetition offer us in life
- Have the space and time to feel how our flavour supports the whole.
As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible. This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.
We are raising the future and it is our homes and schools that are the training grounds for our children who will one day be the adults sharing themselves with the world, and it is our responsibility to support our children to know themselves in full and letting their natural brotherhood and essence shine through.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology, Graduate Certificate of Early Childhood, Studying Diploma of Counseling, Esoteric Complementary Health Practitioner, Woman, Teacher, Mother, Wife and Friend.
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To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are
This blog makes A LOT of sense. I see toys of pretend kitchens and pretend house items, why not let them be with us using the real deal? It’s more fun cleaning with others I find so why not when they are little and naturally willing to join in and work together? I know there’s loads of reasons why not – quicker, faster, cleaner etc. but that doesn’t help the children learn, other than the adults will do it for me so I don’t have to work with them.
When we establish a rhythm to the daily and weekly tasks that everyone shares it is no longer a chore but the turning of a well-oiled wheel.
Wow!! When we consider the environment we live in, this and other dramatic pictures of the disregard we can accept as our normal needs to change and as you have shared Michelle we do need a to introduce responsibility and consequences to the very young otherwise this scenario will get even worse.
Appreciation of our essences will always allow others to feel what we have and then we also deepen in the way we appreciate them, which is an appreciative-ness of their essences as appreciation is in the being not the doing. Thus by allowing others to feel their essences in what they are doing adds to them being connected to their essence.
When everyone contributes there is an ease in the home because no-one is ‘bearing the load’.
If we don’t make chores seem boring or hard work children love to help and join in. Making life fun and playful. Who could resist that?
I love how you write that all adults have a responsibility to all children, to reflect a way of living. We don’t have to be parents to do that. Some of the most influential adults around me as a child were not my parents.
‘Our homes are like a training ground for our children.’ So true. Hence teaching responsibility and consequences is so important.
This is so important for us to ponder on and put everything in action that supports a child or young person to be who they truly are ‘in the long run we must consider what type of adult we are actually rearing while we parent our children.’ Even if we are not a parent we have a responsibility to the children and young people we meet and that are in our lives.
Children love to learn and children love challenges and chores if they don’t we need to ask what are we projecting onto them (our own ideals and beliefs around housework and chores because otherwise left alone our little people love to help.
I love this blog, it is so important in fact It would do well to give a copy to all expecting mothers. Imagine our society if we brought all children up to live this way.
Any child who is brought up to be truly responsible will become an adult that contributes fully to society in a way that will inspire others to also live the love they know.
I so agree. Children who don’t have that opportunity when young can find responsibilities in adult life hard to take on board.
As parents we have a responsibility with what we share with our children, ‘ I can see that chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so, while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’
Yes I think this point about feeling valuable is a good one because children are often told all the things they are not doing whereas if they are part of contributing from an early age, they see they contribute equally to the support that is offered in the home.
We can shun responsibility now but what are we leaving behind for everyone else to clean up?
Exactly. And if we shun responsibility then what are we reflecting to the younger generation .. that you do not have to be responsible or accountable! So yes we have a huge responsibility … which definitely does not have to feel heavy or a burden! From experience it is actually the opposite in feeling lighter and more joyful.
“As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible” I love this word – “Practical” its so important and actually often missing in our education.
As adults “it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible”, in every area of life, and the best place to start is in the home. And working regularly with families it is easy to tell which children are receiving the most responsible reflections, as from an early age they are already showing that they know what their responsibilities are. We are the ones our children look up to for guidance, and that is our number one job until they are prepared for the world they will eventually step into.
Kids align very quickly. They may have a moan at first because they want to do something else when asked to do something but with loving support they find their own way of doing it. I find it is very important to let go of any expectations of what and how I think something ‘should’ be done as there is always more than one way to do things!
This is so true. “Our homes are like a training ground for our children”, and within this loving training ground they are being prepared for the big wide world, and not simply stumbling into it unprepared when they leave home. Some may feel this is being too regimented and children should be able to enjoy their childhood without demands of having to do things around the home, but to me, there is no reason that the two can’t be naturally integrated. Sweeping the floor can be so much fun when you dance and sing your way through it and wow, will the floor feel amazing afterwards!
We learn such a lot about life from our parents and when they come in from work exhausted, miserable and then want to check out in front of the telly, we kinda follow suit. It’s that reward at the end of the day and then withdrawing from life that sets us up to struggle.
The skewed way we tend to parent children reflects our own view of the simple everyday living tasks being honorous and tiresome – completely missing the alchemy that comes from how we place and angle everything around.
It’s pretty easy to see how doing chores brings to my toddler responsibility and allows her to be herself knowing she is supporting others rather than just playing the role of a child being cared for.
From what I have seen in the world today, there are a lot of “should’s” about how to raise our children, whether this be that they should do chores or that they should not, it can all come down to the same thing – parents being told what to do and very often with out a real conversation with them about what they feel is best for themselves and their family. So no one person has all the answers, there simply is our lives, how we live them and from there everything will be known, learnt and experienced.
Knowing what is needed in our families is learning how we are naturally equal in nature and can live harmoniously.
I love what you say about developing skills at a young age, it so supports a child in life to learn and master self care and responsibility. I
It is so important to lead by example and be true role models for our younger ones. They love getting involved and supporting and feeling their part and how valuable they are. We can so easily be tempted by social media, computers, tv, phone that we don’t build these key fundemental self-loving ways for ourselves and our children.
It is our responsibility as adults to show our children what true responsibility looks like and how this is lived. If we miss out this very important part of raising children, this could potentially affect their evolution as well as their ability to cope with life.
I so agree Chan, that it is “our responsibility as adults to show our children what true responsibility looks like and how this is lived” – to let them know and see that responsibility is not the heavy burden that so many make it out to be. It can actually be very joyful and when lived with this knowing, life can be enjoyed even more – even while doing house-hold chores.
Could it be possible that when or the quicker we see our Siblings as adults and treat them accordingly the sooner they gain the understanding we are all equal and thus the decency and respect becomes our natural way of interacting?
Children watch and observe people all the time. Having a child has shown me that the most natural thing to do is involve her in what I do. Cooking, cleaning, washing – it can all be a part of their day and learning – and in this, she is understanding how these activities are a natural part of life.
There is no greater confirmation from young on but to feel that your contribution counts and everyone is listening and open to what you can offer to the group, no matter how old you are. Self worth issues would be much less, if we would be supported and raised like that.
The moment we teach responsibility in a family from young on, it can actually be fun to take your part in it. It is a great joy to be part of a whole, instead of seeking comfort in individuality, which only serves your own needs and pleasures.
“As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible. This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.” what a great reflection and reminder of what parenting is all truly about.
Brining it back to the core fundamentals of care and love is exactly what we all need young or old, and then from this place we all naturally want to nurture and support our environments in all aspects of our lives.
I love how small children just love to help around the house because they can feel that they belong and are part of a family unit. It is a bit like an ant colony where everyone contributes to make everything work.
Great observation Elizabeth, this is so true. Being a part of everything is very natural for young children. It is not until they develop a sense of individuality that getting them to be involved and be a part of the family can sometimes be a challenge especially if they have not been nurtured to do so from a young age.
I was inspired recently by someone sharing that they had been very firm and clear about getting a 2 year old to clear up a mess that they had made. Although resistant at the time, the child had since taken on more responsibility for taking care of cleaning without any more having to be said. Children do respond well to being given these boundaries, and all too often we treat them with ‘kid gloves’ as we ‘think’ they are too young to have to clear up after themselves. But by offering this kind of reflection at a young age, can only encourage them to be more responsible for themselves and their surroundings as they grow up.
A two year old plays house, which is beautiful and if they can do that they can clearly learn to clear up after them. There is real empowerment in learning to take care of yourself in life.
Two of my grandchildren who come for a meal regularly used to moan and groan about tidying up and helping to wash the dishes, but that didn’t stop them from doing so, albeit reluctantly in the beginning. These days, I have noticed that the moaning has now ceased and that they are so much more open to help out and as a result we are all having a lot of fun being in the kitchen and working together. And before they go, I always express my appreciation for their loving support and my tidy kitchen, followed by big yummy hugs. Responsibility in action.
It is beautiful to watch and support my granddaughter who loves helping, cleaning the table and anything she can and helping mopping the floors and putting things in the bin and the washing machine and dryer etc as she has seen us doing this and enjoys copying and joining in and sharing chores which will be a great support to her in life but also she feels the fun and joy in it which makes all the difference to how we do things in life and the energy we choose and is an example for us all.
“Chores Supporting the Development of Children & Brotherhood” – the lack or absence of this [responsibility] can be seen in the current day workforce given the amount of toxicity and disharmony that exists in workplaces these days.
As a parent of three children I can feel the impact on my health and well being when I drop the ball to support my kids to commit to all areas of their life. Commitment is a responsibility I am deepening in the relationship with self but to deeply appreciate and value my choices to support them is my biggest learning at the moment.
I totally agree – chores are an amazing way for children to feel part of the family, able to contribute and learn that they need to be an active and committed part of life
Children actually love doing chores when they are young, they often just want to do what the adult is doing because they like being a part of everything.
Some of the soundest most self aware children I know are those that are allowed and encouraged to take part in chors.
Being up for helping people out means you’re naturally involved in many different jobs, roles and experiences which otherwise would not be possible!
This article really inspires me to encourage my son to do more chores and to help out more in the home. Thank you for sharing this.
‘By not giving children the opportunities to develop these skills and responsibilities earlier on, we can contribute to creating patterns and attitudes from teenagers that can feel self-centred, with them unappreciatively wanting more from life and others.’ Reading this article makes me realise how important it is for children and parents that children help out in the home. Encouraging this early on so that it becomes a natural part of the day/week feels really supportive.
Love the motivation and joy in children. They makes me see the girl I was, very committed, open, awake and willing to support in whatever was needed at home. I forgot these qualities for so long as they weren’t truly met by others but today I can feel are still in me, that is my natural way of being and I can bring it in to my everyday life in everything I do.
I love that in Japan apparently children need to clean their own school including toilets, this is great as gives the child a clear meaning of responsibility and allows them to find the virtue in all task they complete.
I’ve read that somewhere too – I thought it was a brilliant idea to learn about life and that we are always responsible for our environment and never above any menial task.
An awesome topic to share Johanna. I love going to friend’s houses and seeing their children doing chores, especially when they enjoy it. To teach children responsibility from a young age is a gift, not only for the parents but for the child and also builds a solid foundation to support them throughout life.
It’s so healthy for us to learn to contribute to the world and get super practical super early. I notice in a lot of kids being raised at the moment there is an air of entitlement – that they can do whatever they want. We seem to be as a society steering away from raising kids who will be amazing human beings that know how to work, contribute and respect the world they live in.
Our daughter loves chores, the more we make them part of her routine the greater she feels involved in the family and part of life. It’s certainly something to start to support her with now so that as she grows she feels equal and responsible for the family.
When we see parts of life as chores and others as rewards we set ourselves up to avoid the very things that give us the foundation for living our beauty.
Yeh exactly – it’s not a chore but an essential part of life and what makes everything else work.
We learn so much about life through working together, taking responsibility – and I have noticed this is far more readily accepted in the little ones – before seeing small jobs as chores rather than the opportunity to be together and support one another and enjoy the feeling of completing a job and noticing how your contribution adds to the group. it’s a wonderful way to learn to live together.
I love reading about the practicality of living as a family with each person being equally as important and therefore has equal responsibility.
The moment we´d let go of the picture that kids are “only” kids, the world would change.
What an inspiring blog and super foundation for our young and their future life that seems to be so missing in the world today with a sense of worth and commitment responsibility and love. “Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.”
To be honest in a culture or a world that do not promote children to take responsibility this feels like a void in the body of not knowing what it means. Children in my culture has only one responsibility from the parent and that is to study and get good grades and there is another responsibility they have for themselves and that is to relax and play video games and their phone. This is the picture we are collectively saying yes to and solidifying.
It takes a huge amount of steadiness for a parent to consistently be firm and loving and taking self responsibility to self care to show their amazingness at home or in the world, so that it is important that children also to show their amazingness in helping out around the house. It takes consistent movement to allow this to become familiar and normal.
Absolutely, Adele. To be normal for kids to help around the house takes consistency from parents. It’s an important part of supporting children to be responsible and to be proactive in the looking after themselves and others. When you break it down Adele, ‘Children in my culture has only one responsibility from the parent and that is to study and get good grades and there is another responsibility they have for themselves and that is to relax and play video games and their phone.’ This is a bit of a shocker… and then the real shocker is in realising, that in my culture studying from the vast majority of families isn’t even an expectation! There isn’t much left in the taking responsibility stakes! How are we preparing our children for life?
There is so much being communicated in this blog. It’s not just the true purpose doing chores within the home can offer but that this understanding is communicated. I’ve met many parents who see the value of children doing chores but carry with them the communication that chores are a chore and aren’t enjoyable – chores are there to get over and done with so you can relax and switch off in peace – usually involving screen time of some description.
This is in the same way as most adults go to work to come home and relax and try to forget about work. The stark divide between work and play is something seldom challenged. I have never liked how I would go to work as if I was holding my breath before I could come home and relax. So I’ve been working on being less tense about work and being equally purposeful with how I am at home – so fewer ‘switching off’ moments because I’ve ‘earned it’ or checking out moments because I think I can’t handle life. What’s helping is what you’ve said about appreciating how one is an integral part of life and that there is a lot I do bring to all areas of my life.
Really super as why would we separate our day into compartments as that really feels impossible. Nothing can make us feel better or worse in our day, it’s how we bring ourselves and our presence to whatever we need to meet, and then suddenly everything feels awesome, even if it is the greatest challenge, we have no need to back off. The key is presence.
It’s important to feel and know that we are apart of family and community and that we each have an important role to play in this. The key is appreciating who we are and what we bring is exactly what is needed and then it is about sharing this with everyone. Taking this with us with our chores no matter what age we are.
Yes, What you share here reminds me how important it is to ensure we all know our worth and what we bring to the home.
Indeed Gill, we cannot complain about how our societies are currently like as we are always a contribution to it. We always have to start with ourselves and start to make the change we would like to see in ourselves first. And while we are making these steps, we do become the role models to our children and others that shows that there is another way to approach life, an active way instead of living life from protection.
When we consider that in truth whole our life is a learning, why then should our childhood be any different? But I see to be able to understand this we first have to acknowledge that our life is about learning and that the learning is not only in our school time but from day one we are born until we die.
Today as parent it is the norm to not support our children in becoming responsible persons but instead we allow them to be irresponsible by protecting them in their childhood from the reality that is out there.
Johanna, this article is brilliant. This stands out for me; ‘while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ Doing chores around the home for kids seems really important after reading your article. My son loves to help with chores and it surprises me how capable he is. When given the opportunity he loves to cook and clean.
Beautiful and very powerful Johanna. What you basically say is that by raising children this way, we raise the adults that later in life will work and contribute to society the same responsible way.
I definitely see my child’s confidence in life grow the more responsibility she has around the house, I also get to feel her amazing quality when she prepares our breakfast which is amazing and an opportunity to learn from her.
How we approach life is a huge template for our children – we can pass on resentment and struggle or we can show them how chores and cleaning feeds us back love and care
Wow that’s a stopper for me as I am not a great role model! Time to step it up and enjoy cleaning!
I have a 2yr old and have just fixed birth again. And the last few days have really shown me the importance of having a purpose for my toddler. When she helps get things or clean or put dishes away – she can feel her part in supporting the whole. This shows so clearly how it is not about getting kids to just watch tv or play with toys to give us a break – but rather to be involved and part of life and what is going on.
That’s such an important aspect to it HM purpose and inclusion in the family life so they feel their importance to the whole. Why would that be classed as a chore?? You can see this is another word that has been bastardised by us wanting to have our merry way with our fleeting desires rather than the living lasting love of brotherhood.
How are we supposed to know the rules of engagement if we are not encouraged to join in on family life at an early age? Being included in household chores, however young, nurtures our natural sense of brotherhood and community.
We choose to not always be aware of the fact that we all are raising the future, that it isour responsibility too to raise the next generation with true values, having responsibility and purpose in life, to contribute to brotherhood and love. When we do not have kids ourselves or they are already grown up we tend to turn a blind eye or blame the parents for how kids behave themselves but we are all together in this.
Agreed Annelies, its every child and every person that we reflect a way of living to that they can be inspired by and grow from. There is no such things as too late and there is no such things as just two parents, we are all parents and we all have a life long responsibility in how we live and reflect to others including how we raise the next generation to be amazing beings they are.
I meet a lot of young people and see how they live. How they keep their home environment is such a reflection of how they are with themselves and others. It’s so beautiful to come across people who have looked after their place from an appreciation of themselves and in this, provide for themselves a caring and nurturing environment that supports them.
“I have found it to be quite common and even ‘the norm’ today for kids to not to do any chores, or to complain about the little chores they have to do” – yes, and not only this, but also that when the kids do chores, most of them do so only for an exchange of more/extra pocket money – which teaches the barter system of condition and rule. Not healthy as a later adult especially when it comes to ways of relating and relationships with others. Chores are a level of responsibility and whether one gets paid for it or not, it is to fall in love with this [responsibility] aspect of our lives, if not we are but stuck in the mud of comfort.
What a great confirmation of what parenting is truly about “It is part of parenting to support children to be able to not only understand life, but to be equipped to fully contribute and bring out their inner qualities, such as true love, true care and true responsibility to everything they do, to know who they are and feel confirmed that they are everything before they do anything.”
Our daughter is such a joy to watch as she takes part in the family chores and equally helps set this up together, she loves it, we love it.
I am reading a book for uni at the moment about childhood neglect, and the points you make here, Johanna, are the absolute antithesis, in teaching children how to know who they are, to value themselves and what they can contribute to the world.
Our whole society is based on the idea of work as a chore, when instead if you truly connect to purpose and serving humanity – all you feel is joy. This is an ideal that’s still leaving me.
That consistency is key Johanna as I know from my experience when I have been shown this I start to trust what that person is reflecting.
When my daughter was a toddler she was never so happy as when I gave her a little chore. In fact I don’t think she saw them as chores at all, just something that felt natural and she did them without question and with a willingness that felt so innocent. It definitely felt natural for me to ask her to do little chores around the house when she was small but as she grew older I found myself taking over and doing them myself to keep the peace and make MYSELF feel useful. Strange creatures aren’t we?
It is so important to instil in children the joy of contributing around the house with chores they can do.
I just love re-visiting the list of benefits, Johanna, of working together as a family to support one another and learn the true meaning of responsibility. To me, this is the absolute bedrock of true education, and it would be great to hear more from you on this matter.
It takes consistency, commitment, loving detachment and a level of vitality to parent in a way that allows children to step up and take responsibility in the household. This way of parenting creates a very solid foundation for the kids who are the future of our society.
When the bigger picture is at hand it always makes sense as to the responsibility we each hold in the quality of how we live our lives, and how it has a great impact on all of us. Understanding that how we are at home affects everyone in our household and that chores are our contribution to supporting the harmony of the house. Understanding and feeling how our contribution uphold the integrity of the house so it can hold us and support our evolution as a family, allows us to experience first-hand the joy of responsibility how natural it is to live it.
We all have a responsibility to inspire and support the next generation regardless of whether we have biological children ourselves.
I love this; ‘ They become simply one activity where children are able to express their innate quality of working together for the all.’
Johanna, what you are sharing here about the importance of children doing chores feels very true; ‘while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ I went camping with my partner and son at the weekend and was amazed at what my son is capable of, he loved having the job of pegging the tent down, putting guide ropes out and generally being part of a working team – contributing what he could to make up our temporary home. it was very beautiful to see and feel how much he enjoyed the purpose of team work and he felt an equal part of the team.
I love this blog and see so much in the doing of chores as a way of teaching children the practical application of what brotherhood is all about.
Today I was reflecting on my childhood. I remember doing a lot of chores. We lived in a huge house and garden – so hours of cleaning which included cleaning the brass, mowing the very large lawns and weeding very big flower beds that took days. I remember it feeling arduous and hard and no fun because the only focus was on getting the task done and going beyond what felt loving in order to get the job done. There wasn’t a sense of doing this together but just a fear of my mum having a breakdown if we didn’t.
Chores were a solitary affair and though I learnt the value of contributing there was an emptiness I realise I’ve taken into how I look after my house. Reading this blog I can see that , though I live alone, my doing up my house or simply washing the dishes is a communal affair because it’s the order and foundation from which I am with out in the world with.
The same stress my mum had about keeping the house in order was one based on it’s all down to her (which included us, her children) I have also had. But now I’m getting however little in comparison to how much I’d like to get done, is all a part of a bigger whole and a beautiful contribution when done in connection.
We as adults could do with remembering the sacredness, joy and potential beauty of every act. For too long we have been caught in a prioritisation trap.
I bought my daughter a new mop yesterday and her face lit up, since then she has been asking me when she can use her new mop. She loves helping around the house, she sees me and wants to be a part of the that no different to learning anything else.
Reading this inspires me to include my son in everyday chores, as all of the benefits that you have written about Johanna completely make sense. I observe that with teenagers often there is an attitude of not taking responsibility and not appreciating the home and parents and not contributing to the whole and so it feels great to start early and allow our children to appreciate, contribute and take responsibility.
I love what you are sharing in this article, reading it I can feel the importance of children doing chores around the house and how supportive this is for them as they grow up; ‘With a supportive foundation, our teenagers are being offered to be helpful, understanding, appreciative and are able to contribute to life.’
I so love the photo chosen for this blog. Children can teach us a lot about the tenderness and the full presence with which they carry out the activities they partake in.
Children in Japan help to clean their school and think nothing of it and as I work for a Japanese estate agents I can say that we very rarely come across a Japanese home which hasn’t been kept to a high standard throughout the duration of their rental agreement. It then makes sense that the landlords want the Japanese to rent from them because they respect and look after the home as if it were their own.
We are so misled by the words chores, house keeping, house work, to feel like dealing with what needs to be done is a bind, a slog and something to dread doing rather than something that is going to create space which is a joy to do.
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately. ” I like this – and so true. When we are part of the whole we value others and can feel valued ourselves – young children equally so.
Participating all in aspects of life is what brings a child to know it’s true potential ad purpose – is to work with another in relationship to build quality communities.
I attended a Universal Medicine workshop yesterday and Serge Benhayon presented about everyone “bringing their unique expression in full” and then what they are not able to bring in full, let someone else bring that in full and together we make it fuller together. This can bring a halt to comparison or jealously.
It is indeed a wonderful opportunity for children to know and activate what it is to be part of a community where everyone’s contribution is important and makes for a harmonious family.
Children watch and observe everything. And I’ve noticed how letting something slip early on results in longer-term patterns that are harder to break. For instance, when I had my first child, I thought it was cute she wanted to fall asleep with me. 2yrs on and she still wants to sleep in our bed. I didn’t make that mistake with chores. When I had a baby the very tidy home quickly changed, and either I would get frustrated and keep picking up things myself, or I would have her help. I chose to get her involved and now chores are a normal part of the day. It is a joy to see her take responsibility and know when she needs to support with the house work.
Yes, tidying up is all part of the necessary things we do to keep a home beautiful, regardless of our age. Children do this at school, so why not at home?
I observe again and again how children thrive when they are supported to contribute to the daily running of a home and/or school and that this purpose grows them.
It’s quite common to meet men who have grown up in a household where they have not been expected to do anything, and the household chores have been left to the women of the family or just the mother. How does this set them up for life without the necessary skills to look after themselves and do they then grow up expecting others to do for them.
When we label something ‘a chore’ it becomes a chore. When we all take responsibility for the care of our shared space we appreciate each other and the home we share together.
So true Mary, to see chores as not just ticking boxes, there is a way to imprint our home that brings a quality and care that is always feeding us back.
I definitely agree that how we communicate with our children about chores around the house depends a lot on our own relationship with chores and how we view them ourselves and this makes a big difference to how children respond when they are asked to help out around the home.
“Children come into this world with a fullness, knowing who they are, open, and being very inclusive and embracing of others.” The importance and responsibility we have as parents and adults to nurture this is deeply rewarding for all in our lives, our homes and life in the world and chores are a great learning and important part of this as our foundation to commitment to life.
This is great. It comes from a foundation that First parents, mothers and fathers letting go of the ideals and beliefs of a parent and of a child. So we can just be people and truly See and live our responsibility as such.
The equality, empowerment and the opportunity to embrace true responsibility in such a relationship is exquisite. A perfect foundation, and support for children and adults equally.
The word chore still has a kind of oh no kind of feel to it, like when something is a real chore or when something is hard or laborious to do but if theses so called chores are part of our everyday rhythms there is simply not a problem.
Children naturally want to help out from a young age, they enjoy being a part of the household, it takes time and consistency to build a responsible cohesive working environment at home where each member feels how important what it is they are contributing to the whole order of the household.
What you have shared is great Johanna, and may I add that children understand so much and when we are in The Livingness of what we are asking of them then they will respond but if it comes across as a demand because I told you so then the child can feel the difference.
I love the list of opportunities you’ve shared that are offered through supporting with chores, such as to “build a rhythm and consistency each day”. All of these things are so valuable to develop at a young age.
It is silly that the cliché ideal of quality time with children is playing with them or reading them bedtime stories. How come we have ended up excluding real everyday life from the possible candidates for establishing such a quality? The same for the trend of thinking we are supporting our children in their development by getting them to memorise things and tick boxes, whilst there is nothing more significant and fundamental than supporting them to live a confident, responsible and dedicated relationship with life.
The greatest thing we can bring to our relationships with our children is the truth of energy. Embrace and talk about this and it gives you a shared truth to understand life by. Then discussions about difficult situations can be a revelation not a chore.
Johanna, reading this makes me realise how important and supportive chores are for children; ‘They become simply one activity where children are able to express their innate quality of working together for the all.’
I have also noticed that it is not common these days for kids to help out as an equal member of the family. The cycle seems to be that the kids complain and avoid the task, and parents get frustrated and then end up doing it themselves as its quicker and easier. This is a real concern for the level of responsibility these kids will have in their own homes as adults and also in their workplaces.
The enjoyment and participation little children have in being helpful around the house and being part of everything is very beautiful to see and appreciate all it shows us and we can learn from and if this is encouraged and appreciated what a different way we would see life as we grow up with the commitment and importance of being part of the chores of everyday life joyfully.
An understanding that one person’s chores supports the whole, and likewise brings you all together into a harmonious living space is super valuable, a foundation that we can build our relationship with the world on.
Give a group of children chores or a task to complete together and there is something truly magical.
Give a child purpose and responsibility and they come alive.
Children crave purpose and responsibility as it holds them in equalness and a sense of value and worth.
It’s such a great reminder, and sometimes it could seem easier for a parent to ‘just do it’. But like in the work environment, if the boss or supervisor decides he wants to do every job so he/she knows the job is done ‘right’, who would get exhausted and who would be deprived of the learning opportunity, and to deliver their part? Even if children might object at times, in truth they can feel that their input is needed as well and they can also feel the satisfaction that comes with it, which ultimately builds their sense of self and their confidence; now that’s profound and utterly needed.
I felt completely unequipped to manage life when I left home as my parents had often done all the ironing, washing, cleaning and cooking. I helped out for sure but only on some jobs such as mowing the lawns or getting the fire wood in for the fire. I can see there is definite value in ensuring there is variety and evolution in our chores too!
Yeah I had a similar experience Joshua and I can see how important it is to support and educate children while they are still at home to take care of themselves fully and also to take care of others and the world at large.
It is interesting that young children do want to help around the house, showing that there is a natural propensity to want to join in and do what adults do. The thing that can diminish this impulse is the way that adults respond to it.
To deny a child the opportunity to help out when the willingness is there, is to deny that child an appreciation of who they are and also an opportunity for them to evolve. It is deeply dishonouring.
To me it is gold what is shared in this blog, to parent children in such a way that they do not have to let go that caring, tender and delicate quality of brotherhood that is so needed in our nowadays societies. Our societies would become so much more supportive and in honour of who we are from nature. Caring, tender and delicate beings that need to work together in harmony as one to learn that we all are connected and that living and working as such is the only way to get us out of the misery we have created life to be.
I remember as a parent to easily do the household chores on my own instead of allowing my children to help and support. If I was allowed to do it over again in this life I would definitely do it differently as I can now see what a gift that would be, not only to my children but to myself as well.
It feels very settling to know children are being raised to know their contribution to the home, to the community and to society is of great importance and value. For all the children and young people I meet who are communicating their signs of distress, the value they bring to the world hasn’t been seen or nurtured and it shows in how disregarding of themselves and the world around they can be; and also in the sense of entitlement they have.
I am noticing the sense of entitlement is greater when they have been honoured for who they are and what they bring the least. This makes sense to me. What I hear many are saying is, ‘I am owed being honoured, so give me all there is in the form of money, of excitement, of excess if that’s the best you can offer.’ Many aren’t afraid of taking anything there is, extreme behaviours, drugs, material items etc, for themselves when actually nothing can substitute them seeing the worth in themselves.
Doing chores is not a chore, but more taking care of the space around us so we can all flourish in our surroundings. And so why wouldn’t children want to contribute to that, for it is ultimately a loving activity.
Definitely – totally depends on how we approach things. Is a chore a bad thing, hard work, a pain… or is it part of a ritual, something that becomes sacred and we miss it when it is not there?
It is not always the easy path to hold your ground as a parent and not back down on asking all members of the family to support the house that we live in and there can sometimes be resistance to this but boy oh boy it is worth it for it teaches our children probably one of the greatest lessons of life that really prepares them for adult life out in the world. That what we do and how we do it effects everyone else and ultimately the world we all have to live in.
I fully agree with you Andrew, the lessons that we learn in childhood we take with us for the rest of our life as they are the basis we unconsciously always will return to when we face situations in adult life.
The more we support children and make it safe for them to simply be themselves, the more we get to see our natural qualities and the fact that it is innate in us to collaborate with, respect, support and love one another.
I agree our homes are ‘training grounds’ for our children so what habits and ways of life are they learning, we inform and reflect something all the time to our children, so what is the quality? It is a bitter pill to swallow to realise it really is that simple, you cannot tell a child to do something better, more healthy, less self harming that you do, but if you are choosing things that do not support, they are watching everything and do not be surprised if you suddenly see your sweet teenager getting drunk, smoking, checking out on TV, eating junk food, not looking after themselves, not cleaning up after themselves with care, being anxious, aggressive at age 13 when any of these habits or behaviours could have been observed in the home for a very long time.
Responsibility comes with life, not a job.
The way society is setup with both parents working and life being ‘busy’ can become an excuse for not taking the time to bring guidance and inclusion of children into the tasks associated with running a home. When my children were little the focus was on earning money and so the chores in most cases got done and the experience prepared them well for the world and adulthood that came. What I love about this blog is the element of awareness that sharing the tasks/chores can hold a quality that further deepens the loving foundations of a home and the deep valuing of each person within that home, it takes it beyond ‘just getting the chores done for the money’. This has taken ‘chores’ for children and all family members to another level.
What a beautiful understanding of the training ground our homes are for children to participate in the world their communities and the learning of true brotherhood. Children from a very young age naturally love to be part of everything and being given responsibility and this brings such a natural way of being and so different from the checking out and irresponsibility that other wise occurs.
I agree, we deny a beautiful resource when we do not engage our children in the home with how it works and their part in supporting its flow. I notice my children can be resistant at times, but this is apparent in all of us, but generally we are all wiling to support and enhance the quality of our home and understand the significance of this and how it impacts on life.
I can feel the natural sense of order that I knew as a young child, understanding how things are and the interconnectedness of everything. Then came the confusion as the world we live in does not reflect this. We have acted out of order with this natural order and it is a great place to start, in all our interactions with children, to honour this innate wisdom about our natural connection.
“Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole” What you speak about here should be common place the very unfortunate fact is this type of up brining is too rare.
Learning to set boundaries for our-self so we do not interfere with another evolution should be a true way street named consistency or maybe boundary road, which would be streets ahead if we were consistent!
If we understand that being in service for one another, for the greater whole we are part of, it is our natural way of being and you can say we are designed to do that. It will evolve us in our expression of how to work together, but too to understand that we do need all contributions to make life work. But in our current society we have lost this understanding and have made work and doing any service to others a burden.
Our homes should not be any different than the other world where work needs to be done and where the contribution of everybody matters, is valued and appreciated. It is just our natural way of being and when we re-introduce this way of living, to live in service for one another once again, we are able to shift mountains, and possibly to build the pyramids of this times that will resurrect us from the depths we have fallen into.
Oh please lets have this blog handed out to every parent when they come to pick up their child from nursery! Every parent needs to know the benefits of raising a child who joyfully and willing does their chores.
If our homes are our training ground for children, then what exactly are we training them for? With TV, computer and electronic devises constantly on the go, dinner not usually shared as a family at the table, dysfunction and fighting the norm what quality will the next generation of children then take into life as adults?
A child is not something that needs to be built up, rather they need guidance to be all that they are and expand that.
I like this Michael. Stopping for a moment and considering what our role is in the raising of children… absolutely not blank canvases upon which we need to lay a structure for life… children, like all of us, need the support to live their innate qualities, bringing their natural strengths to the fore as part of the community we are.
Reading this I get more of a sense of the incredible responsibility and opportunity it is to parent children, and how this isn’t limited to mothers/fathers, but all of us: all of us have a responsibility to live in a way where we reflect what it is to be loving, honest and real with ourselves, and one another.
I just loved being given the responsibility of the jobs around the house, not always but most of the time. I cold feel how I was a part of the family unit and that by doing a job I was bringing an equal part onto the family unit. When I chose not to it was obvious and I felt like I was isolating myself from everyone.
Laziness and ‘rather do nothing’ attitude is so common – our greatest dream seems to be to have extended time off life. But what if it’s simply because we’ve got something fundamental wrong in the way that we live? It could just be a pointer to show there’s a depth of Love we resist.
As life is essentially all about work, learning how to do the everyday chores teaches us from a young age many skills that serve us so well later on in life, one of them being team work.
Childhood is an awesome training ground for the training ground that is life. I would love to have gathered a rich range of skills when I was younger by being involved in the day to day responsibilities of running a home, being in a family, having deadlines and a daily rhythm to work.
‘support our children to know themselves in full and letting their natural brotherhood and essence shine through.’ – Living who they/we truly are, what a difference that would make, not only for the child but the effect it would have for everyone and the impact on our societies.
That makes sense Shirley-Ann, if we have grown up with no-go areas as a child we would most likely either carry out the same towards others in our adult lives or feel the impact when we visit a home that has these ‘rules’.
‘Our homes are like a training ground for our children.’ such a great opportunity to allow children to connect to their responsibility to contribute in service.
Asking a child or anyone to do something gives them a sense of purpose and responsibility and it is something most of us love. We feel a sense of being included and part of what is going on. It also teaches us that nothing is mundane and everything is equally as important and contributes to the whole.
“Our homes are like a training ground for our children. ” Indeed they are. Including our children in every aspect of life supports them to grow up knowing that who they are is all that is needed in life to truly support them with whatever they do.
By giving the opportunity as you say Johanna to the young to live in a way that is being responsible for their surroundings and supporting everyone in that space then it does have an impact on their lives. When we enjoy each other’s unique approach and embrace that the quality we are then living with is determined by our choices.
When we are present with ourselves and confirming of children they love to get involved with chores around the house. If we nag and ask children to do chores from a reaction it’s a different story.
Supporting children to help around the home is instilling them with a sense of responsibility which then becomes the norm as they grow up. Contributing to what is needed becomes second nature and something they will naturally do and not see as a chore that has to get done.
My body just melts when I relate to everyone in the family ensuring the home is harmonious and allowing of our bodies to be in a surrendered state. It makes so much sense if everyone contributes to the order and space in the home
Chores aren’t a chore to me anymore. They are the activity of caring for myself, including the home I live in. Why wouldn’t we teach our children that?
How true, in effect when we are doing the chores for the children instead of asking them to contribute and do their part, we are robbing them of learning to care for themselves.
If chores are done in a way of honouring the people living in the home, children learn that they too can be apart of this & then chose to want to do chores. They can feel it is contributing to building a true foundation of love in the home, even though they may not be able to express this verbally.
It is an invitation to be a valuable part of the team and to know the significant place we each have in life.
I so enjoy doing my chores so why deny children that enjoyment as well.
Life feels less compartmentalised and hence more flowing when we begin to honour the parts in between like simple chores around the house as equally valuable and meaningful to our life as a whole.
Indeed Lucinda, life cannot be compartmentalised as it reduces us to a lesser way of being in which we are not valued and appreciated for who we are and what we bring from our essence regardless of the environment we are in.
“As parents, we are offered the opportunity and responsibility to nurture our children to evolve, to be the ones who guide them as they grow into adults and to be all that they were divinely designed to be in this world – bringing their unique expression in full.”
As I read these words Johanna I can sense how the interference of investments and emotional needs complicate this opportunity to learn and practice the simple power of divine reflection.
I often see chores as a nuisance myself but it is just the thought of it but once I am doing them and involved, I actually enjoy doing them and this is the same for kids often they may complain about having to do them at first but once they have started it does make them feel involved in the family and they can enjoy them as well.
As parents it is our responsibility to know our children and to give them opportunities where these natural abilities are put to use, the home is a playground to be their true self before going out to society.
Yes, the implied teaching is that we are less when we do housework.
Chores also allow the child to express love to its parents and family.
I just saw a Facebook post about this topic today. Apparently, the percentage of parents who get their kids to do chores is really low. However they have found that kids respond really well to having responsibilities and being treated as an equal member of the family unit – as we would all want to be treated.
Beautiful! It’s so lovely to be able to fully appreciate and enjoy our everyday tasks. Otherwise they seem like a burden.
We are here to learn how to live with each other, so there is no better training ground for this than our family home. This alone brings a whole new dimension to family life when we live it in the understanding that how we live together forms the quality of the societies we all want to have.
‘As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible. This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.’ – This is so beautifully said Johanna – consistency is key. When we stay steady we foster trust.
‘setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ – Brilliantly said, if this was how all kids were parented, we would no longer see people facing self-worth issues.
The chores that our children do are one of the most supportive things, the more that is built into their rythm and the fact they see they are an equal contributor to the home and the greater purpose they have in life.
Chores don’t need to be arduous or that one thing we don’t look forward to. It is our way of being with chores that is also reflected to our children so when we ourselves don’t like them and express this so how can our children like them? It is important to live how we want our children to live and chores are part of this. Personally I love my chores, they are part of my weekly rhythm and they offer me consistency, because what ever is going on in my life the chores still need to be done and don’t change, and keep the house clean and clear.
The foundations and opportunities we can give a child from the start at home are amazing, if we encourage their natural spontaneity to help and be in brotherhood then we are raising our child to have a steady ethic which will be with them for life blessing all those around them.
This morning I heard so much joy and singing coming from the kitchen as my daughter was left to get her own breakfast, clear the table and wash up. Who said chores were boring?
Ahhhh beautiful Fiona! How gorgeous.
So true Shirley Ann, great confirmation of our choices and what joyful lives we lead no matter what we are doing.
If we were to bring children up like you are suggesting then doing things around the home would be a natural part of their life and it would not even be seen as ‘needing to do their chores’ it would just be what they did.
How simple would that be – everyone just getting on with whatever needs to be done.
When you do not let your children be involved in household chores, you deprive them of learning about life, from experiencing it.
When you experience something, you get a level of wisdom you cannot get any other way.
We are all so focused on our children achieving well in maths, English and academia but what’s that worth without a foundation of values, life tools to equip us to handle being out in the world.
I have definitely also noticed a pattern in parenting in society today of children being cushioned from work and their responsibilities. It is like we have decided that the best parenting is giving our children everything they want and not asking them to contribute anything. This was not always the case as in the past out of necessity children were usually more involved in supporting the household functioning. But what kind of people are we raising here if we parent like this? Will they be able to commit to any kind of employment or project when they are adults? We seem to be witnessing a trend of unemployable youth and could this way of parenting have anything to do with it?
‘all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible’. As adults we are the role models for our children and they learn by observation and through our reflection. We are all responsible in this whether we have children or not, as everything we do affects the whole.
I love that you’ve included brotherhood in the purpose of chores, as they can certainly support a child to develop a sense of responsibility and community, two qualities which are so important in life and make an enormous difference to our relationship to people.
When I was young there was the initial ‘oh do I have to’ or ‘ she’s not doing it’ but once I got past that and into the job or house chore I actually really enjoyed it. This has then stayed with me and I absolutely love working and being with others with a purpose.
When we get to share our work-load with anyone we get a chance to get them to express openly about how they feel and in do so they learn to be open and honest.
The thing is when we view the things that need doing around the house as chores we can quickly bring in resentment and an attitude of defiance. How many of us have had children that refused to keep their bedrooms tidy? Or we were one of those children who rebelled when it came to contributing towards the household. There is nothing wrong with having children help out as soon as they are able and yet we have created entitlement with the way we bring children up.
I agree, Fiona, and since it is something innate in us, it is something we are actually looking to be invited back to, even though we may not be aware of this!
I still trip over the word ‘chores’, associating it with something burdensome and to be avoided. In my daily life I absolutely love the daily chores I do… I love the rhythm, order and impact of them… so what is it that I still carry that has me flinch at the word ‘chores’? How is it that we turn a love for responsibility, which is very innate in children, into something to master avoiding?
Me too Matilda..I don’t like the word chores either as for me it is a very loaded word. Chore and a bore are words very closely related for me! We don’t even use the word in our family but instead just say there are jobs that need to be done to support the whole home and household.
Childrne love to help around the house or in the garden. I remeber doing it myself, and how keen my own children were to help with certain things. But what is most supportive is to allow them to make mistakes and to not get impatient or frustrated with them as this only leads to discontent. A word of encouragement and appreciation is what supports them to continue and eventually assume responsibility for the part they have to play in family life.
I love re-visiting this blog, Johanna, as it feels to me like this is the way of the future, where parents support their children to value who they are and what they bring to life from day one.
Responsibilities are no longer a chore when we bring this back to feeling the quality and care that we offer ourselves and others in return.
I agree and would love to explore our association with the word ‘chore’ since, if it is an aspect of responsibility then it too is a word to hear as an inspiration and foundation for living well.
It is never too soon to learn that in the end we must all work together and be equally responsible for what it is that is to be done.
When I have children, discipline will be a big part of their upbringing. Consequences are very real and bubble-wrapping children does nothing for their understanding of this.
If only we knew how important those early years are maybe we would do more to support our little ones, encouraging them to help around the house, its such an empowerment for a little person to feel their responsibility in the world.
Forget mainstream education if we get this right we will have a whole host of children who become adults with a zest and purpose for serving their very best in life. – what a fantastic society we will have then.
“A world that let’s be honest, desperately needs people who are loving, purposeful, there to be in true service and act in brotherhood.” The world is crying out for this and the home is definitely a great place to start – what a foundation it can offer.
When we do not allow children to be a part of household chores it makes them feel that they are not capable. Children love to get involved and enjoy doing jobs that include them as part of the family.
We teach what we believe and impart what we know.
I was recently away on holiday and was beautiful to see how the people loved to clean the rooms, cook and drive for you. It was their lively hood and they did the jobs with love.
And we feel it all… accepting this heightens our understanding of the part we all play in the quality of the world.
Beautiful Alison, like you say the key is to nurture the children in a true and loving way, by also being reflections in their lives. This in turn inspires them too.
As I was growing up, I was encouranged to support my parents around the house, from cleaning, to cooking, ironing my own cloths, help dad decorate and fix things. I also got a saturday job from age 13 which I loved. All this prepared me for the years to come.
“Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.” This goes the same for the elderly people in the Aged Care homes, they need to be encouraged to participate in daily chores like making their bed and taking their washing out to skips thus knowing that we are both responsible for their care.
It is always important to hold the adult children need to become, which is not career based but responsibility based. Chores give children confidence in there abilities and this will aid in their self esteem. It is no coincidence that children are also much more anxious than at any other time.
In my house, if you even complain about doing jobs around the house there are consequences. Life is life and there are things that need to be done.
My father had set jobs we had to complete on weekends before we where able to play or even go out. He stuck by his rules and as long as we followed them we could spend the rest of days playing.
I remember as a child being the one who ran errands for my mother and neighbours and loving the responsibility of this, not for reward but simply the joy of being asked and contributing where needed. In this way I got to know local shop-keepers, learned how to shop for items, handle money and complete what was asked of me.
It is inspiring to hear, Johanna, how you and your family have made a commitment to living in ‘an environment and space that allows our bodies to remain in their natural, surrendered and true way of being.’ Very beautiful…
Seeing the importance and support all round in the home for us all in the simplicity and foundation of daily chores and what this brings us in life is an amazing gift and one I am beginning to appreciate more and more. It raises responsibility from a young age and a love of the simplicity of daily care and for oneself also and the brotherhood and integrity in the world we are all part of.
Bringing the understanding and love make all the difference to the importance of chores around the house. It really is about bring this to oneself and sharing it with our children.
Johanna, reading your article I can really feel how supportive chores are for children; ‘In our home, doing necessary jobs around the home has always been something that we have seen to be a very foundational thing that supports a child’s development.’ So the chores are supportive for all and I have found with my son that he really loves this responsibility and knowing that he is capable of helping with things that he had not realised, like making us all breakfast.
I can really see how not laying the foundation of chores means we have teenagers who do not see the value of themselves as vital parts of the fabric of the family. We are all needed and knowing what we do helps the team – well I can see how seeing the consequence of our contribution and purpose in life would be really important life skills to learn.
Coming to see how chores are a loving way of supporting each other in our environment is so beautiful. I can feel this extended into work, into school. There’s no it’s not fair I have to do more than another, or their job is easier or they get to get more for it. It’s a breaking down of all these barriers and prejudices that certain jobs are more important and carry more weight. It’s seeing how we are all here to do our bit in unity with everyone else, knowing that each ‘bit’ contributes to the whole equally and isn’t a separate entity, nothing ever is even when we try to make it so to be recognised.
I was encouraged to work from very young on the farm. What I do appreciate is that I also had a couple of jobs at age fourteen that were in a cafe and shop which very much supported me both financially and socially. I was born in 1970 and the women very much looked after the home on the family farm while the men did the work outside. There was very little encouragement to help within the home especially if you were a boy but this did change for me as I grew older.
It is in the way I ask my children as to whether they respond or not with enthusiasm. If I demand and control and think of nothing but myself then I will be up against a defiance but usually if I come from a place of joy and play in brotherhood which I had not thought of before, my kids are more than obliging to co-operate. It is a holding that what is done is not for me but for everyone that lives and enters our home – true brotherhood.
I love this Caroline! Children know and I’m sure that if they’re only ever approached with control then that’s when they want to get something in return. This makes sense to me. If I do things because I think I have to, I want a treat or a reward at the end because it’s been doing things from control or resentment feels horrible and I want to be made up to in some way.
Writing this I’m seeing how amazing it’s been that I’ve been given jobs that once I’d have done in resentment and resistance but, because I’ve taken the time to feel what I could bring by doing them, I’ve felt the joy of being purposeful by bringing meaning and brotherhood through tasks I would have once considered menial. What’s lovely is that I’m seeing that I don’t need to be met by the person/organisation asking me to do x,y,z -though there are hurts still present to heal I can feel them as I write this – as knowing what I’m bringing is enough!
Caroline, I agree with you about it being in ‘the way that we ask others to help’ that is crucial. I have found this, not only with my son but with my work colleagues. Invariably what I have found is that when there is a need in me then this causes me to go into control and that then is felt as a force and lo and behold is more often than not, met with force coming back at me.
I really enjoy seeing the joy in small children when they do chores. It is like you have given them the best gift in the world, and in truth you have.
Equally Elizabeth, I love to be in the presence of a practitioner whether nurse of carer and feel their joy when working with others. It is felt in their movements and expression. Nothing ever too much, a willingness and inner stillness aligned with the true purpose.
It’s very true. They often sing away without a care in the world. There is nothing else they have to do other than what they are doing. It’s a beautiful reflection for adults.
I too love it, I often see kids within our family wanting to do chores and wanting to help, it is really beautiful in the innocence they ask and the joy they experience and reflect.
We all respond to practical guidance and reflection, both as children and adults, and so it feels that it is our responsibility to offer to our children and to everyone else a practical reflection for life, a loving understanding and a holding of consistency that reflects a true and responsible loving life.
One of the huge benefits of children being included in the livingness of adult life is that it brings commitment to life and to what needs to be done.
‘Our homes are like a training ground for our children.’ and therein lies responsibility for parents and for anyone sharing a home with children.
I have made the transition (the learning is ongoing) from doing everything in the home and then feeling exhausted and resentful about this, to offering up the opportunities and learning to others in the house to play their part and be in relationship with what is needed… this makes for true teamwork.
I remember one job I had was to cut the lawns once a week at the weekends – I used to enjoy doing it and remember looking at them afterward and feeling the quality of the contribution I had brought to our home.
One of my chores was to sweep the stairs, I use to take my time and use a dustpan and brush, with attention to detail sweep each step, at the end of 20-25 steps, I would feel a deep sense of joy. The stairs felt and looked amazing.
I remember when I first left home and had to take responsibility for my own home. It was hard work. I had to teach myself or live in a sty. I was one of them children that kicked up such a great fuss about chores that my mum never bothered to persist, but instead chose to do herself and complain about it. I can see how we can bring more love and support to our kids if we hold steady in what responsibility is in our homes. Teaching harmony within a home is an incredibly loving act to offer our children.
I find it a huge benefit when I stick to my cleaning routine, not just for myself but everyone (as sometimes I clean others homes as well) I constant refreshing of the environment we live in.
I can attest as a father of (nearly) a three year old, there is a great desire and purpose to help. So for me I see my responsibility as nurturing this as he grows older.
“Many hands make light work.” Love the layers of meaning to this expression.
Great observation Otto – more profound than at first it seems.
Absolutely Nick and also important not to be governed by society norms. I have found over and over that my kids are more than capable and willing of completing tasks that some might consider too young for them. In fact, they love it – feeling that step-up and embracing the responsibility.
Beautiful Nick, I can feel you are an amazing father and your approach will indeed inspire many people in your life to grow as well.
Nick at that age they are so keen too help, it is from this age we should nurture them and allow the to support and keep working with them as they grow older.
It is very confirming to read this way of parenting. As we raise our child, we take her with us when we travel, and she helps work wherever we are in the world. She loves being part of our lives and not seeing her and toys as a separate thing. When she is working with us, she is joyfull. When she is left to play she doesn’t feel part of the whole family. So toys are quickly fading from our home, because she simply does not have a connection with them in the same way she does with people.
Wow, amazing observation HM. This confirms that from day one, we love connecting with people, it doesn’t matter how old we are and it seems that nothing beats connecting with people.
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole”
This is such an important discussion for families world wide; what i see is that if children are not participating with the home chores they begin to loose touch with the value of their home and in turn their own self worth. The power of returning to a home/bedroom, a safe space that can hold and support them through their early years cannot be understated. Giving a child the same chores as an adult is a blessed offering for them to understand and appreciate their equal worth in the home and amongst the family. Acquiring these skills at an early age then becomes second nature, an in built awareness of how to support themselves into adulthood – undoubtedly this is the GOLD that we can role model as parents/guardians.
We really are setting our kids up for a fall if we don’t get them doing chores, imagine their first job if they have never had to do any, they would be looking around for someone to do their job for them.
Ha ha Kev, love your sense of humour but as funny as it is, it is very true. It would be very difficult for our young generation to hold a job if they are not used to taking responsibility and keen to learn.
Lately I have found it a very nice feeling to do chores as I can make my movements more and more harmonious and enjoy the process.
When my daughter was small I always loved to invite her to do the daily tasks together.
Washing the dishes, vacuuming, doing the washing.
She loved to help out. It was also a way to honor her wisdom, that she is a very wise being with just at that time a small body.
I have so enjoyed reading this again, there is a wealth of wisdom here about everything from maintaining a supportive space to working together with true love and care. Replacing the idea of a chore being a burden to being a supportive way to care for ourselves and our loved ones is a great step towards changing how we approach day to day tasks.
“Chores Supporting the Development of Children & Brotherhood” I love the combination of the title and the photo.
I have heard the justification that “oh but they will create such a mess” or something of the like as a reason to avoid allocating the required attention to letting children be involved in activities. Yet here we have a great description of the immense value for including this as part of the life-education support we offer our young.
Golnaz, I work with intellectually disabled and the excuse that they’re going to make too much mess when given the responsibility of doing things for themselves is one that is also used in my profession. The other excuse that comes up all the time, is it’s just quicker to do it ourselves. Both of these excuses also come up with kids and so what it highlights to me is the fact that it’s not just a straight decision that we make to allow another to be more independent, the decision is tied up in our own issues and beliefs. Having said that isn’t everything?
If they never try then it will be a mess and slower if they ever get a chance. How many new skills can anyone say they mastered perfectly with absolute speed and accuracy? Those excuses don’t make sense.
Setting standards and involving all the family in taking responsibility for the household provide great foundational experiences that support young ones throughout their lives.
How else do we raise responsible adults if we do not show our children how valuable their contribution to the household is?
We have to come to the understanding that we as a family are together to learn to be true family, to learn that we together have to grow and evolve and in all this learning we cannot leave one another out. So also all the household chores and jobs around the house are the ways to learn together and have our equal contribution to.
It is just a matter of decency and respect to allow our children to participate in the household chores and job around the house. As mostly it is the adult that is not seeing the importance and the learning the child will get from this and that it is their natural tendency that they want to help.
We seem to have come to a place over time where parents are scared to say no to their children, and want to allow them to have everything they want without discerning what the consequences of this might be. But children need to learn that they are a part of a greater whole and that life does not revolve around them. They have their place in this which is very important. This is the importance we need to make them aware of, not the encouragement of self-importance.
Kudos to you and your family. Honestly this is a very ideal and responsible situation for a family that many may not have the foundation towards. In my experience parents really have to honor our self worth and responsibility and first and never hold back our communication and connection with our children. This part I feel is the greatest challenge for many families in my culture—never is it impossible but it takes magnitudes more to break through what has been solidified in non-communication in families as normal. Nothing though is impossible with love, but unspeakable volumes of patience and care starting from parents with themselves is essential to reflect this towards their parents as well as to their children.
I love how doing the practicalities of life with quality and knowing they are way more than the functional ends they meet, is so life affirming, joyful, purposeful and fun!
Yes, they are fun and can be done with love, confirming us as well.
This is very gorgeous; ‘Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole.’ Since reading this article I have been inspired to talk to my son about chores. He was very keen to do chores and it has been amazing how capable he is. I can feel that this has given him confidence in himself and his abilities and he actually loves to do chores in the home, particularly cooking us breakfast.
Imagine we would learn the daily chores to be child’s play, I mean literally, instead of thinking children need to play whatever kind of games or be entertained by what we consider to be childlike activities they would get to know the daily chores just the same as being a natural playful thing to do. How different would they relate to life and life´s duties?!
They would shine brightly and become reflections for all.
There’s nothing more crippling for a child than it’s own parents .
Indeed Alexis, and it is a pattern that continuously will be repeated, as these parents were parented in the same way. This pattern will continue until we start to understand that this is not the way and that we have to parent children and not to pander to them as in that we do not prepare them to become fully independent people that know who they are and what contribution to society they can provide.
‘Our homes are like a training ground for our children.’ – So true. When someone is being cushioned throughout their childhood, how can we expect them to be equipped with what is needed later in life?
If we allow our boys to bring their dirty washing home to be done by us, once they’ve moved out then we’re responsible for setting them up to expect that whoever they end up living with or marrying will do all the household chores for them. We have to look at the part we play in shaping our kids beliefs.
I remember as a child longing for my parents to give me chores, as I just loved helping out. It brings a great sense of belonging to a family unit and contributing to it.
Children are here to learn to be with people, to work together, to support one another, to play their part and this includes learning that there is magic in the details of life, understanding that every step taken with love and responsibility whether everyone is looking or no one ‘so called’ noticed is worth while. I parent with an awareness that I am a guardian not the owner or panderer of my children, I am here to support them to be self empowered and so every day they have tasks as I do, to support the household, the household is a place to learn to work together and anything learnt here will definitely support them as they step out and live as adults in the world.
Yes, it is is an important part of a child’s development and growing sense of self to participate in group activities, learning how to express themselves and how work with others.
We all want to feel included and valued in our world and what better way to support a child to know this than enable them to fully join in with family life. Assuming responsibility is very innate, teaching us how to at an early age supports us to commit to life, people and our selves, build our confidence within and firmly connects us to our inherent path of Evolution.
I love what you mentioned about your household being an example for other families and your children’s friends of somewhere they can be inspired by responsibility and equality between the kids and the adults. This is certainly something we can all build and develop, a home, workplace or relationship that inspires others and supports people to learn and grow.
And when we send our kids out into the world, how ready are they? What qualities will they carry out and share with others…
Boundaries have to always be set and these have to be consistent then if there is an intrusion past that boundary there always has to be a consequence and we are all subject to this and the earlier we learn this important lesson in life the better we are in all our relationships.
The results of a lack of understanding of responsibility in our young people is not hard to find in society – how we bring children up in this world is instrumental to either making a change in this or just continuing to repeat the same patterns of ill behaviour.
Chores kept me on the straight and narrow, and gave me a platform where getting a job and enjoying work was second nature.
Your list of bullet points that describe the opportunities that opened up (you could call them ‘life lessons’) from doing chores in that way as a whole family, reads as any school or group would be proud of. Such tools and understanding of how to be in life, fully contributing and engaged is a very strong example of how children can naturally grow up as responsible and compassionate adults.
I have found that consistency is the major requirement in getting kids to do chores, for if they know there is the slightest out clause they will try and take it. Sometimes it is tempting to just do the chores yourself because it will just be easier but the irresponsibility in this is far reaching. I now love all the chores I had to do as a child as they really did set me up for life as did getting summer jobs in the school holidays.
Without commitment to teaching chores we are choosing to treat one another with less than we all deserve.
A great point, its through these chores that we really get to know purpose, commitment and to be part of the family equally with each other. Take away chores at home and what does life become?
In some African cultures, you will find the other extreme, children running homes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing laundry, chopping fire wood in a way that exploits, not supports. Yes the children learn about responsibility, but more so they learn they are less, living and serving in homes that are not their own. This is non other than slave labour: children placed in privileged households and in return for paid for education, work long hours from a very young age.
The foundations of true equality begin in families. In other words, how do parents parent children? Do they see them as equal and worthy as themselves, or less? Having taught ‘Equality’ for years, I now discover that even before we go out to see what society does to us, let’s look inwards and honestly about how we relate to each other in our own homes.
This is a profound point Kehinde. The foundations of responsibility and true brotherhood are learned at home. What example do we offer as the key adults in our children’s lives and what behaviour do we help them ingrain which they will carry into the rest of life?
Maybe that is why some children have difficulties in behaving, both at home and in school, because they haven’t been given the space and responsibility to ignite the purpose within them.
Where does our dislike of chores originate? Could it have been from having to do them for the wrong reasons, with treats and rewards being the stick and carrot? Whereas when it builds responsibility, that adds and aids all it supports everyone.
So true Steve, and may I add that when we also have boundaries we soon learn that we have to be responsible otherwise we eventually will get the consequences.
From those that don’t insist that their children help with various jobs in the house, I have heard them say things like “children should be allowed to be children”. In my opinion, this is crazy! Children love being given responsibility and being made to feel like they are part of the big picture, the machine, the whole process…they love being treated like adults…and they love feeling that sense of completion and job-satisfaction. Quite apart from any of that and irrespective of whether they like it or not, there is a whole other angle to it, which is very simple – you live in this house, therefore you contribute to its upkeep and maintenance…..I see so many parents (and I used to be one of these) who put their children above all else and thus run themselves ragged doing everything for them. The very best parenting that we can do is to look after ourselves…and an integral part of this is getting support…and who better to get support from than some eager young workers!
Yes, Otto, what are we reflecting to children if we say to them, ok, you live here but you don’t have to help out or look after the place? Responsibility is important to model from an early age.
Love this Otto – ‘you live in this house, therefore you contribute to its upkeep and maintenance’ and in doing so we can learn that in truth we all live in one house and we all have a responsibility in how we do so and that our actions whether responsible or otherwise actually affect everyone else.
“Some parents are quick to do everything themselves just to avoid the arguments or the nagging that can take place… but in the long run we must consider what type of adult we are actually rearing while we parent our children” – agree Johanna, and the thing is, is that many parents consider what you share here as being loving, or loving, adoring their kids so much to always clean up after them, though the real caring, and true loving is responsibility not the action. Action without responsibility is irresponsibility in action.
Zofia thats so true, the more we introduce chores and responsiblity the greater our kids feel in themselves.
Many parents do things for their kids because of their own needs. Both Mums and Dads who lack a sense of their own fullness can look to feel a substitute for that fullness by doing things for their kids. It’s something that I have recognised in myself over the years.
A great point – if we are truly honest, do we often do things for our kids ( and others) out of selfishness and the need to feel better about ourselves?
Not teaching kids the importance of committing to and completing these simple daily tasks is extremely irresponsible and is setting them up to really struggle with supporting themselves in life.
I agree as well.l And wonder when will we truly deeply start to realise this and change how we live/are? As currently when I look at our younger generation I wonder what the future for countries will be!
I appreciate the training ground of the home for children. All the possibilities and responsibilities that can happen here, thank you for the reminder.
Having to baby sit three dogs for the last week has been a time of relearning the boundaries for us all and how to express lovingly true discipline so that we can all learn from that expression has been a joy, which is felt from the dogs.
I remember helping around the house and loving doing the jobs…. not always but most of the time. I could feel that how supportive it was not only for the home but also everyone in it. I certainly could feel how destructive it was when I did it in resistance, that wasn’t fun for anyone.
What an absolutely beautiful sharing of children and the quality of our homes and the support this offers us all being part of it with responsibility, harmony and brotherhood as an integral part of our lives from young. A very valued and inspirational sharing.
Yes it is a really important skill to share early on so we lay a supportive foundation for teenage years.
I love the photograph that accompanies this article, the child is simply focused on the task in hand, not looking at anybody wanting praise or acknowledgement, focused and committed, a great learning for adults too.
I absolutely love the feeling of how you describe the space in your home; the way each person, family member or guest, is able to contribute to it and how this means you all equally enjoy too the fruits of the harmony being steadily built and curated together. “In our home, we all know we enjoy a harmonious space that allows us to simply be: one that is clean and ordered and one that our bodies can surrender and feel at ease in. The way of being, the things we do and the way we do them all adds to holding this supportive space, and it is one that we are all responsible for, including kids. When other children visit and come to play, they too are a part of our family and the way the household works. And from what I have seen, they actually love the consistency, order and care and are more than willing to contribute to the quality of the space they are part of.”
I adore the transformation of the burdensome feeling about chores to really enjoying whatever tasks are needed to be done. How cool to not impose the former on children.
Exactly. Who wants to do chores??? No-one. So no wonder children resist. But if they are presented in the joyous truth of what they actually are – then any child will jump at them.
I love re-visiting your words of wisdom here Johanna – ‘We are raising the future and it is our homes and schools that are the training grounds for our children who will one day be the adults sharing themselves with the world’. Humanity needs to go back to basics, re-establishing true relationships and a sense of responsibility in the home.
What I love about any true conversation around parenting is that it is totally relevant to all us adults as well; and I don’t mean us adults as parents to children, what I mean is that we all also need to be re-parenting ourselves. So when I read blogs like this I see it from two angles; me as a parent to my children…and also me as a parent to myself, because there is a huge amount that I need to re-learn or learn in a different way from the way that I was brought up. The double-gold of all of this!
There are a lot of unhelpful norms and attitudes about kids and doing chores these days. A lot of kids only seem to do chores that they get pocket money for. Can we be surprised that we have a generation who are entitled and expect to be paid before they will lift a finger. Speaking to tradesmen, it is almost impossible to find an apprentice who wants to work, who can turn up on time and be dedicated to their work.
It is a big issue Fiona that does indeed start at home with the example they are shown from young, being confirmed in their little bodies that this is a very natural and harmonious way to live with one another, the outside-self-centered-only-for-money attitude will not stand so much of a chance.
When we look at raising children as raising our future it brings a whole new perspective and responsibility to the role of parenting.
It is very inspiring to be reminded that responsibility is a natural quality and that it is something we can develop in very practical ways or something we can let atrophy if not used.
Chores are a way to express love and their usefulness need not distract from that.
‘Since we implemented the chores in this way our whole family has grown in responsibility’ This is wonderful. We lead by example and inspiration and though I don’t have children of my own what I do is clocked by everyone. As soon as we let standards slip that opens the flood gates to accepting a lower standard that’s not good. But I’ve also got to watch myself for reaction or judgement! So when I pick up a piece of litter it’s done with a knowing that this is clearing the place for greater harmony of us living together and showing we are worth caring about.
Johanna this is a stunning blog, thank you. So many gems here – I’m really blown away by the oft-ignored but obvious truth that we are raising the future and therefore they deserve to be allowed to take responsibility and learn to work as a team, as one, in brotherhood. When given this opportunity, young children absolutely love it. They are always wanting to help you with whatever it is you are doing – nothing is a chore to them, everything is fun. So by denying them the opportunity to join in it seems to me that parents are creating a role for themselves where they feel indispensable and needed, and in doing so are squashing the natural joie de vivre of their children. The very same children who will become adults as a result split life up into fun bits, work bits and chores.
Chores can be fun when it is us doing them. Usually we are busy with our minds but our bodies can enjoy the movement and at the end we can enjoy the loving imprint we have left behind.
I can confirm this as my relationship with certain every day household activities changes from burdensome to something I really enjoy… emptying the dishwasher was the ‘worst job in the world’ for me as a child and I am re-writing that script when I come to do it now, appreciating the order and completion on offer.
‘This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.’ this is fundamental – for children to understand the true reason for things to be done and not to see it as a punishment.
Being part of the daily home activities is being part of life. We all have something to contribute and our presence is always needed. When we parent with this knowing, we allow children to grow responsibly in their environment, offering to them the opportunity of discovering and sharing their values and presence. This in itself it’s a huge appreciation for what they bring and can be a confirmation of who they are in their unfolding at home collaboration.
These are the basic skills for life that cannot be valued enough, supporting us in our homes, our work and relationships at any age. This is true education…
They are basic, yet you can refine them more and more and more – perhaps even without end.
Today I had an opportunity to do everything myself and be frustrated and resentful or to make another choice and created piles of things that had accumulated over a couple of days in the general area of the house at the bottom of the step and for those they belonged to take up and sort out. I just stated it as matter of fact and the piles disappeared. So easy when you give up wanting to be a martyr!
I love how children naturally want to join and participate. This blog reminds me of helping some friends get ready for a party and I loved working with the kids to prepare and decorate the garden. Working together this way brings us back to the simple joy of working together, enjoying some space together and having some fun.
When children are given responsibility for something in a loving way, such as household chores, there is a joy in wanting to be a part of something that is for everyone and to be able to equally contribute to the whole.
Yes because that is all of our natural way to be and express
Children really shine when they are treated as an equal… because they feel included in the whole and valued for what they bring – we all shine when we feel this.
Children love purpose. They only find tasks mundane if we model that to them.
Of course. This makes total sense and wakes me up to the responsibility I have to live, move, walk and talk in a way that inspires purpose rather than weighs it down.
A chore is only a chore if we do not connect with the purpose of why we do what we do. For when true purpose is there we move with ease to get done what needs to be done in the space given for us to do it.
It is sometimes tempting to take the easy option as a parent in the moment and not pull our children up to be the responsible universal beings that they already are, but every time we back down or back out of this we are in fact telling them not to bother and handing them over to a life of smallness inner discontent.
Absolutely Andrew and we can only do any of this if we are willing to live the whole of ourselves in all the power and responsibility that entails. It really is live as I do and most importantly be.
I recall my first 2 jobs when I was every so excited that I had the opportunity and the excuse to mix and interact with all sorts of people, I could work together with others and be a useful member of a team, and on top of that I got paid too! I was bewildered by the number of people who made a point of jumping in to change my outlook to one of a disgruntled victim. I am not surprised that so many people have such a relationship with work when it is actively circulated by so many of us. It is the same with randomly deciding that children ought not do anything, although when our natural unadulterated tendency from young is to be a responsible member within whatever group we find ourselves in.
I have been around quite a few children lately who appear to have no, or a very few chores they are responsible for. And I can also see that playing out in their behaviours including, expecting to have everything done for them, not offering to help in any way and in some cases a blatant disregard for the effort that is going into supporting them. When a child comes to understand they are an important part of a family unit, whatever shape that takes, and being responsible for helping out in certain ways, they naturally take that understanding out with them into their lives and into the lives of others. It is never too soon to teach a child about responsibility
Or re-learn it if we have forgotten it as adults! I love the point you have raised here about entitlement vs. engagement.
It makes perfect sense that children early on in their lives are encouraged to make a contribution in the home so that they grow up knowing they can.
A profound and beautiful exploration of true family and responsibilities parents have to prepare children to contribute to not just take from life.
Another example of one of the many cycles we are part of – the absolute balance and harmony of giving and receiving… two qualities that cannot develop without one another.
Super inspiring: the quality of family life foundational to quality of societal life. We all know this already, but you take it to another level by introducing ripple effects on the world around us when we give children from early years responsibilities in the home and instils in them the value of working cooperatively with others.
Love the picture of the little boy fully attuned to his assigned task.
Adore this photo of this little person, very focussed on the task at hand, totally with themselves, content and assured. This is what we are supporting by offering children ways to stay connected by confirming that what they are doing is part of the greater whole.
The insights from this blog are phenomenal. The way we live in our homes will have a direct effect in how we approach life as in ‘By not giving children the opportunities to develop these skills and responsibilities earlier on, we can contribute to creating patterns and attitudes from teenagers that can feel self-centred, with them unappreciatively wanting more from life and others.’ I had not seen it so clearly this way until I read this blog.
IT SAYS IT ALL: ‘(…)’I can see that chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so’
I agree committing to our daily tasks around the home is about far more than just keeping a living space neat and tidy. Yes there is a practicality to take care of but there is also much more going on in terms of learning how what we do and the quality we do it in effects everything and everyone around us.
Johanna, this blog is not only foundational, but also universal as it applies not only for children, but for all ages. Also, it applies for our homes but also for offices, companies, buildings, communities.
So true Priscila – I have always found that young children are usually very willing and enjoy helping and having jobs to do – perhaps we could all learn more from them in our attitudes at work and in society.
I so agree with you Fiona, when we share this with children they truly connect and understand.
So true Richard… children love equality – they naturally live it and absolutely shine when treated equally by an adult.
An awesome sharing Johanna… I can confirm all you write here. My son was also given responsibility for jobs around the home including preparing and cooking meals from a young age. In his mid-teens he expressed how appreciative he was of this as he saw some of his peers struggle to simply crack a raw egg open, or make a salad.
I am so thankful for the basis my up bring has given me to be able to not just function but enjoy my life, from keeping my room a space that is supportive of my sleep, to working hard and not shying from responsibility – and house hold chores and commitments are a big part of this, learning first in the home how to commit and be part of the family then translates to other parts of life.
As a child I was not asked to contribute except tidy my room, and there was no sense in our house of shared responsibility. I have found this to be a great hindrance to my development as a whole person and it has taken about 70 years to come to a place of enjoying and sharing a well ordered and harmonious home with my partner and whoever comes to stay.
I have just spent the most amazing hour in a house with a young man of almost 5 years old – he was not interested in my name, only to know how everything worked and what their purpose was. He then wanted to help with everything I did with various appliances to serve another. about 35 minutes lates, he suddenly asked my name and expressed it a few times until he could say it. What gems these children are – filled with a natural curiosity about life and loving working with someone with the chores!
I have noticed children naturally want to be involved in exactly what the adults are engaged in. So often this results in the exclamation “don’t touch that”. We could instead honour and support this natural pull to be a responsible part of the whole.
I so agree, Children always want to be involved, it is the parents that have pushed them away and not allowed. But if we change this we can allow the children to have more understanding and appreciation from a younger age.
Children and teenagers love to be involved with what is going on in the home. I remember loving that feeling when the whole family got invovled in something that needed doing. It was always an opportunity to come together, support each other and have fun while we were doing it. When we are included in this way that does not come with a demand or an expectation, there is a willingness that is otherwise not present.
I agree, children love to be an equal part of the family and not side lined and called small, inexperienced etc, they take the responsibility when offered the space to do so.
Yes I so I agree Samantha, children love to be an equal part of the family, no matter how young they are. They so quickly take on the responsibility when offered the space.
Our children support the house, we are all family and we all have a part to play to support every day life. They are young so the task are representative of their age and physical ability, but they are growing up aware that their part matters and they have something to offer the whole. While honouring ourselves is vital, it is also so important to be aware that it is not just about ourselves is a very important aspect of life to understand.
I love what is shared here about the home being a training ground for children and how they work together in the community. Everything has a bigger purpose that we can connect too.
The home is just a small part of that bigger training ground out there in the world. How are we going to prepare our kids.. what will they reflect out to humanity?
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole” As kids we love joining in and many of our games are based on doing chores in the home. How else are we to learn how life works, how relationships work and what our role in it all is, if we are not naturally introduced to this as a child?
Sometimes we almost discourage children from trying to help because they might do something wrong and yet what do we set them up for in doing this?
I so agree, we truly set them up and we don’t even give them a chance, its crazy.
I have noticed how much children and people, including myself, love being given something to do. We are here to work and so the more responsibility we are given the more opportunity we have to embrace our true nature. It also feels very inclusive. Just like going around to a friends for dinner and bringing a dish, some food, or helping out whether it be preparing, laying the table, washing up etc.. actually brings a unity rather than thinking I am the guest and should just sit back. Although that is nice to do at times as well! 🙂
Johanna, this article has really supported me to ask my son for more support in the house and I have also been inspired to make cleaning and tidying enjoyable for both of us. Thank you for the inspiration.
I love what you’ve shared Gill, and this happens in my family. My children love it when they are included in conversations and with what is happening, but if they are not, they will speak up about it. When I was growing up, it was certainly not like that, because children are often seen as less and not equal to adults. It is time to change this old belief that does not support our children in any way.
I find children and in fact anyone would thrive when we express our deepest appreciation towards them. For children, when they receive any form of appreciation, it confirms them and this is an important ingredient to support them to flourish and grow.
I so agree, when we share our appreciation with children, they truly do flourish and grow.
The way we are raised to approach house hold chores has an important impact on our work ethic, our approach to taking care of ourselves and our space and so much more.
Rebecca that is so true, the more we are raised to be part of the family, to take responsibility the more purpose we naturally feel and have as we grow up.
I wonder how much of the problem people experience with children and young persons comes down to the inability by us adults to express the values and honour the process from our own lived experience. Because from my experience when young people can sense a truth, value and purpose in something, they tend to be there, ready and willing.
Yes, by engaging young children in joint activities and responsibilities they are being supported to explore what they are naturally good at, which gives them constant opportunities to know themselves and appreciate what they bring.
And engaging children jointly supports and encourages inclusiveness – true brotherhood.
I have seen the effects on kids that are not made/encouraged to do chores and although it is not the end of the world it certainly makes a difference. How else do we learn commitment if not shown in practical ways?
“Chores Supporting the Development of Children & Brotherhood” – this makes me think of the times where many parents, especially more so mothers, endlessly tidy up after their kids and right up into the their late teenage years because they say they adore and love their kids so much they don’t mind doing it. So the kids get out of doing any chores and the mother ends up exhausted and tired with no time for herself. Having read your post Johanna, it is super clear that this type of love, is not love because love is something that expands and vitalises a child/person through developing them along the (self) responsibility route. We can see and say that anything that does not support this quality is severely detrimental and handicapping not just to the healthiness of those involved, but also the larger community, society, workforce and economy.
When I got to Uni (age 18) I’d never learnt to cook or do my own washing or other general important life skills and life became a shock for me because I had to learn fast. Not only is it enriching for children to learn essential life skills and contribute to the household, I would say it’s vital for raising a successful and committed human being.
World wide teachers are having more and more of a hard time – the level of respect for peers and teachers has drastically reduced over the last ten years – this is an exact result of not having loving boundaries and respect at home.
Samantha that is so true, we have to start with loving boundaries and respect at home for it to then be reflected in schools.
Have you ever seen children cleaning a car with a big sponge, they love it whatever their age, splashing water everywhere and enjoying themselves. It beats any computer game in my book.
Children love to be part of family life joining in with what needs to be done, it is part of what sets them up with life skills and purpose which is sadly so lacking in children growing up today.
I found that when it wasn’t made about having to do something but about taking care of myself and the house and the space i lived in, it became less of a chore and more of a activity that payed me back in space and support
In work there is an apparent expectation that people expect more and more as an external reward for their work instead of the intrinsic levels of fulfillment which are possible from doing anything in service. This can be seen to start with children who, when they do do chores are paid for them rather than simply doing them from the joy of responsibility and service.
What you describe here I have found the most important part in the lives of our children, to allow them to be part of life in all its daily chores and necessities, but not as a must but by supporting them in their natural expression of all that they bring to life. We underestimate how much young children want to participate in life.
One other thing this approach also contributes to is that the children will know themselves as worthy contributors to society from a young age. This is a “worth” the education system loves to have monopoly on, to make the children feel somehow worthy citizens when they learn things and as they advance themselves through school. But that type of worth and confidence many fall for I do not feel is a true version at all. The true one would be the one being fostered in homes like Johanna’s, the author of the article. Children growing up in homes like this will not fall for the lure of feeling “complete” just because they go to school but see it as a complement to help them on their way as to what they want to contribute to in society.
The word ‘chores’ seems to have mostly negative connotations even though chores are one of the best ways to look after ourselves and those we live with. Doing them is also a lot of fun, especially if our work is very different.
I love this, it gives the children room to feel how they are not “just” a child but a contributor to and part of something greater.
Yes giving them responsibility allows them to feel the equalness and how they are a contributor and part of something greater.
I have a 2yr old who doesn’t have much of an interest in toys. Drawing is about as far as it goes. She loves, however, helping me around the house. Using a cleaning cloth, being part of everyday activity. What if we raised children to understand that cleaning up is normal, that is part of life and actually not a chore at all?
Being with you and your child and seeing how they want to help to clean was such fun and so often we do not want children to help feeling that they make more mess and we just want to get on with the ‘cleaning’ but cleaning with children brings in other dimensions one of these is that whatever task we are doing if we bring a sense of fun to it then it can never become a drudge.
If children are not encouraged to do chores around the house they do not develop any sense of responsibility and when as adults they live with others, whether it be a group of friends or one partner, they do not naturally contribute their share of the chores in the shared house and that can lead to unrest and unhappy relationships.
This is such a great supportive blog Johanna. I have been contemplating a lot of what you have touched on within my home, and looking at ways to bring more responsibility, love, brotherhood and care in it. I’ve been feeling how it’s a form of abuse to not teach my kids responsibility. It’s a way to disable them from being able to be all they are in the world.
As a child I was not educated in this way. I was not included in the day to day running of the house, or given chores to do to contribute. As a result my mother was always tired, exhausted and frustrated from doing everything on here own, and I developed a sense of entitlement that all these things would be done for me. Embarrassing to admit, but true. It does nothing for anyone to work in isolation without communicating to enable everyone to work together. We all have our bit to do. Why would anyone be discluded?
I love that sentence:
“Our homes are like a training ground for our children.”
There is no emotional attachment like mothers and families normally have towards their children.
Raising a child is about equipping a child to be truly self-confident and aware in todays world. Not to best serve personal needs of the mother or father etc..
Nor for the mother and father to serve and indulge their children. Well said.
It can be a challenge to consider no emotional attachment when raising our children. We huge investments and need, as parents, to fulfil the ideal picture of this role that we can’t see how this impacts the upbringing and developing independence of our kids.
Johanna, what you are sharing here feels really important; ‘With a supportive foundation, our teenagers are being offered to be helpful, understanding, appreciative and are able to contribute to life.’ This makes me realise that it is supportive for children to learn to work as part of a team and to contribute to the care of the home and that doing everything for them is not supportive for them in the long run.
Who would have thought it, the home is the cradle of true group work.
I didn’t know it at the time but my mum’s way of ensuring her children contributed to the running of our home, set us up for life. She assigned tasks for my two brothers and I to do around the house and garden. For example we had a rota for washing, drying and putting away dishes after meals. We were taught how to clean and lay the coal fire – I took turns to do so at weekends, it never seemed a chore, we never complained, we loved being shown how to do things and asked to help out each child treated equally, though some roles were assigned by gender. I helped mum with house chores, my brothers helped dad with other tasks. It’s the way we did things and things got done without fuss.
The tough bit is when you look at your children’s attitude to chores and realise you didn’t lay the foundation that supported them to be responsible and accountable adults. Chores allow a young person to value their contribution to show they are equal contributors.
Children should be prepared for adult life, not dropped in it at the age of 18 or when they go to uni.
We can never underestimate how we role model to our children – when we treat the house work as a part of life, as contributing back to the home and as a team activity rather than falling to just the mum or the adults, children see it not as a chore to rebel against but as just and interactive as play
I absolutely love this blog for the understanding it brings and the way it holds children as equal and no less because of their age.
I can remember that as children we all had our chores to do around the house and the carrot that was dangled was our weekly pocket money. If we wanted pocket money we had to earn it. A lot of the time we ran errands for our parents and neighbour’s with no reward in sight you just did what you were told to do. I grew up knowing about responsibility and the consequences of not being responsible on a temporal level and now know that responsibility is much more that what is on the surface level of life.
Children are more than capable of helping around the house if we give them the opportunity. Often we as adults go into the ‘haven’t got time’ mode of thinking which is setting the child up for later life.
I’ve seen parents run themselves ragged managing their home while children sit idle or play with mobile devices. There can be consequences when this gets out of hand and ill-health is one of them. Ideals and beliefs prevent many women from asking for help and sharing household chores with children and partners. The drive is to do everything themselves. Time to drop this mantle and consider the benefits of group work for all, parents, children and community.
After reading this article, I feel the irresponsibility of not denying children the opportunity to participate in the running of the home as equals. It dis-empowers them, creates an us and them and doesn’t prepare them to be equal contributors in life.
It is very irresponsible as a parent not to give our kids chores and teach them the importance of them. As a child I had many chores but didn’t see the value of them until years after.
Seeing the ‘boring’ things as items to be avoided, sets up a pattern that runs our whole life – and stops us questioning whether the tasks are really that bad or could it be the energy we choose to do them in?
It is all about responsibility. The best way to understand responsibility is to see the consequences of irresponsibility.
It is a way of truly learning how to be in this world.
We are born with a natural sense of responsibility, but if everything is done for us we lose it.
Imagine a world where we all took responsibility for all our thoughts and actions? Would we need laws, police, justice system?
Nothing more gorgeous than seeing the focus, dedication and tenderness with which young children apply themselves to tasks at hand. We could all learn a thing or two from them.
Yes Golnaz, it is. Children love to be given tasks and a role in the home and it’s part of their development.
That is so true – we as adults get so often taken by function and time. When a child fulfills a task you see someone operating in space and a very focussed quality. We as adults do of course have different responsibilities than a child- the key is though to not get caught into quantity but quality. Children are a great reminder for that.
Doing things together, working on things together is pure joy. We all love to experience the harmony, so why would we exclude our children or guest or housemates from that?
It is about what is needed at any particular time in living together. Not what role you play in a family and needs to be fulfilled for the sake of it.
It is an amazing feeling if a family runs with chores in a flow all together. It is more than connection you feel then- it is one unifying.
Perhaps the fact that things such as chores have faded out of family life somewhat contributes to why the idea of being in service is now limited to specific professions, jobs and religious activities as opposed to us all, all of the time.
Ah yes, another example of changing the general word away from the original meaning of it, which in actual fact to me feels very akin to brotherhood and by no means an ‘us’ and ‘them’ service.
Could it be that all these young beings bring is already in them and as a custodian for there life this time around we show them True-Love with the ‘boundaries’ that will allow decency and respect to a normal way of living?
So by connecting with a young being who is still an age old spirit and sharing that all they need is Loving-Discipline that can be reflected through the custodians and asking what being in an ill energy feels like in the body in comparison to the divine connect they have this life where all they want to do is be loving in all they do!
What an amazing sharing and way of truly living and growing up in our families and community that changes everything. It brings true responsibility love and brotherhood to our lives from young honouring all we are in the everyday details supporting the whole we are part of. This way of parenting is very beautiful to feel and be part of.
It is because as parents and as a society we have many pictures of how someone should be and in special how to behave and move in our communities to be a valuable and respected member of it that make us to separate of ourselves. Although these images are false and do take us away from who we truly are, this is still for the majority how we parent and educate our children to adulthood. But what is presented in this blog is for me ground breaking as it give a simple means to break this endless cycle of repetitive behaviour that moves on from generation to generation. Simply to let children participate in the household chores while we do not interfere with their unique development, they will naturally bring the qualities they are born with into their lives and into our homes and later into the many places where they will work.
There have been many times as a parent when I have been tempted to back down when my children complain or resist helping out at home but I know that if I did that I would be setting them up for a life as an adult that will not support them or the wider community they will live in.
Yes, we have to consider what we are setting them up for and if, in our parenting and our normal at home, are we setting them up for a sense of community living or setting them up to expect things to happen for them in life?
Children thrive on being included and appreciated for their uniqueness and all they bring, and if nurtured in a supportive and cohesive environment they will naturally respond and take responsibility for their part in bringing harmony to the home.
Rosemary we find this with our daughter, its what keeps her as part of the family and not separate to all that goes on. It’s working each day with her as an equal that is showing to be key.
Isn’t it amazing when you have the opportunity to live differently than to how you got raised and see the benefits for the child and for everyone?! It feels so loving to include children like that, as not allowing participation only creates separation. Even though you think you are doing someone a favour, by not asking them, it is actually hurtful.
Great point Elizabeth, and I feel we as a society have been slacking off on this because I am seeing a growing rate of irresponsible behaviours from children, teenagers and adults. This is rising globally, it is not just in certain parts of the world but this is happening everywhere. It is alarming to witness the raise in irresponsible behaviours but this is simply showing us that something is not working. I also agree with you, that it comes back to our willingness to embrace responsibility and to teach our children about responsibility from a young age through reflection, inspiration and not through control.
It is becoming more and more common that children are less and less interested in different things, like playing outside with their friends, helping out with chores and spending time with their family, etc. because they have become addicted to computer games or their technology device. How can we reverse this trend? I feel by supporting our young children to be part of life and to be part of the family is very important and I feel it is also important to consistently keep doing this for as long as possible. Also, I wonder, is technology being used to raise our children? Because if we are, we are potentially losing connection with our children while they checkout on technology and where does this then lead them?
The way that you describe the path that a child takes in to adulthood and the role of the parent in this reminds me of how the sun shines on a flower, supporting it to grow exactly how it should and in complete unison with the whole of nature itself.
If we don’t do anything at home, that is not a blessing but closer to a curse as none of our physical expression is part of our home.
I am just wondering how many people can say in their home they know and enjoy a harmonious space? ‘In our home, we all know we enjoy a harmonious space that allows us to simply be: one that is clean and ordered and one that our bodies can surrender and feel at ease in.’ I mean truly harmonious? Great blog that I feel is deeply needed.
Bringing out all that we are in the constellation of our household and appreciating the unique but equal quality each one offers, such a powerful support in living this way together as a family, dedicated time to do what is needed knowing that the chosen quality in every moment, in every practicality matters and helps us to evolve.
IT all starts with allowing them to stay themselves which asks us as parents, teachers And others who are with Children to go out of any roles how to be with our young wise people.
Growing up is the training ground for life – it is what develops our understanding of the world and our standards that then act as a blue print for everything else in life
Could it be that all these young beings bring is already in them and as a custodian for there life this time around we show them True-Love with the ‘boundaries’ that will allow decency and respect to a normal way of living?
‘Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole’ it is easy for mothers to take on the role of ‘mothering’ which in some cases is more like ‘martyr’. Doing everything builds resentment and is not harmonious in the home. Everybody doing their part is important.
I have shared with different people the option to make housework a team effort. To make for example a board of chores that everyone has to take part in. In that way everyone cares responsibly for the whole and they learn to be responsible and even to ‘trade’ chores if that works better for them. At first this is often met with resistance but without fail all those I have talked with found the children/teenagers actually got to really like it, communication in the family improved, mothers became less burdened and therefor less reactive and all got along much better.
Yes, and it is fun and empowering for the child as well.
ha ha laughed at your first para because that can so equally apply to our partners and relationships even with ourselves!!!
… although it is not really funny at all but just as irresponsible to let others get away with not contributing as it is to not contribute.
Thank you, Johanna, for sharing this model of true community, as this level of responsibility and integrity that you live together in your home with your children, is what they will take out into the world in all of their relationships and their working life.
Sure Janet, this model that Johanna is presenting gives children a foundation that will be there for the rest of their life as the the minimum standard to live by, a minimum level that possibly even will be set to higher standards because of the understanding of purpose and responsibility they have be grown up with.
Well said, Nico. By learning to collaborate and value what each of us brings, we are going to be constantly expanding more love and joy together as well.
Beautifully expressed Janet and I agree. Our world is a better place thanks to families like Johanna’s, who are living true community and responsibility at home, and therefore will enrich the rest of the world with the quality and love they live in.
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.” This is so important, how often do we take this away from our children and then wonder how on earth did we get such unresponsive irresponsible teenagers or young adults?
Forget School education – if we get these basics right then our children have the foundation they need to grow up to be healthy, happy and of great value to society.
School work would come easily if this foundation was put in place.
The quality of how I’ve seen some kids set the table, fold clothes, tidy away and pack has blown me away. Their precision is out of this world when you give them the opportunity to explore new responsibilities and express themselves.
Not doing chores and putting them off creates a tension in the body. It also creates a lethargy. By not allowing or supporting our kids to do chores we are simply encouraging them to foster a lack of commitment to life and increasing their withdrawal from life.
There is also that understanding that together we make the whole and when we are driven by our agenda nothing is able to support the ALL.
I have known many adults that when they were small and asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, very few achieved their desires. Many became something others wanted them to be. What about the children that will be the next; doctor, lawyer, fireman, painter, plumber or farmer because that is what generations of the family have been? We are all here to bring something to the world, what happens when we are placed in the wrong job?
When we understand chores as simply being another way to express our innate qualities it challenges any thoughts of it being arduous.
Totally it actually becomes fun and something I want to do, I NEVER thought I would feel like that about cleaning or jobs around the house, it’s pretty miraculous!
Johanna, this is a really great point about what chores offer children; ‘setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ I have observed with my son that if he helps make dinner then he feels confirmed in his ability to contribute and that what he has to offer is equally as important as my partner and I.
The word chore seems to invoke a feeling of unpleasantness, something is a chore, not fun to do, so we really should change the word to duties or something else because most of our so called chores are not unpleasant at all, if done in the right energy they are an enjoyable experience.
I also felt that the word chore does not carry the joy and harmony of everyone contributing their part.
So true Kevin, and “work” also can fit in the same boat; with the Latin roots of “work’ giving us; ‘work, labor; produce, take pains; be troubled/sick/oppressed, be in distress;’ This is providing a platform that allows us not to be in service to our divine blessing, simply because the root essence and true sense of so many words have been changed from there true meaning. With the true essence of language coming from the energetic meaning, then we get a true feeling for the intent of words.
I do too Jane, it’s gorgeous! When parents do too much for their children, as in taking over things that they can and are most capable of doing, they stunt the natural development of the child. To me, it’s like tying one hand behind their back and asking them to keep growing and evolving without it.
Yes, it is how we ask children to help and not so much what we are asking them to do, children love the responsilbity of doing things for themselves and when this is taken away from them they instantly feel less and not like the equal part within the family unit that they are.
At my daughters school each child has a job to do each week. One child is the assistant teacher, another is in charge of making sure all the pencils on the desks have been sharpened, another is to organise all the homework books. It’s so lovely observing how much each child loves to take responsibility for their part of the whole.
Life is about brotherhood and being of service, we don’t need to do anything to prove that we care but when we feel love in our heart – purpose is naturally there.
From this statement it is clear we do not need to educate our children to be responsible. If anything most of us could do with stopping ourselves from treating them as if they are incapable of responding in brotherhood and simply support them along the way.
Beautifully expressed Joseph, what you’ve shared made me realise that the key is to get ourselves out of the way when it comes to parenting because our children naturally know brotherhood and they naturally are able to move and express who they are with grace and purpose. It is when we interfere that their expression and natural abilities gets stunted and squashed.
Thank you for writing this well thought out blog. It touches many things that we can all see are just not working in society. Working in a school or in my case a uni, you get to see the lack of care and responsibility people have these days for shared spaces and equipment. I feel its vital to start young with kids, creating an environment that allows them to feel how vital brotherhood in activity is for a healthy society. I feel we adults need to change first. We often approach what needs to be done at home as an unpleasant chore (and this translates into work as well). This role model sets ‘chores’ up to be seen as undesirable for our kids. The things kids can learn from working as an equal part of a household will set them up for a purposeful and meaningful life.
These simple chores, the ability to work together, take care and support one another are the preschool every human being needs or responds to – and in fact knows from little. My experience is that young children LOVE to help out, to share tasks together and feel the responsibility you know they are fully capable of (as do they).
I agree Fiona – we can often focus on how children need to change, without first role modelling that change to them.
Couldn’t agree with you more we set it up to be a problem , rather than a joy.
If we raise our children like this, knowing these values of equal contribution, quality, etc.. then our work places of the future will be a dream to work in.
We really would change everything in a generation it shows the amazing possibilities of responsible parenting.
That is true — the childhood is a preparation of their whole lives now and thereafter. How great when actually children are being taken into the daily chores and commitments not from a demand but a loving responsibility for they have to know what is going on our world. It is not supportive to hold them blind until they are 18 and then suspect them to go well in the world where there is so much lovelessness.
Johanna, I have found this article really inspiring. As a result of reading it I have been firmer about my son tidying up. I have been keeping it lighthearted and fun and helping with things he finds difficult. This has been an enjoyable process for both of us.
It is all about authorizing children to be who they are and express their full potential while learning the practicalities of everyday life. In order to do so we need to feel authorized as adults/parents, thereby being a role model in claiming who we are.
Discipline is so very necessary, as is consequences for actions.
I do love reading this. Having a nurturing space to learn how your unique contribution to the whole is invaluable. Children can develop a profound sense of who they are in the bigger picture. They get to know they are never separate from community but an essential contributionary agent. This is all something I am learning as an adult, just how beautifully powerful we are.
I watched at soccer practice how tidying up at the end was simply part of it all. The kids had had fun, they were very much together and with a respect for each other and the coach and so tidying up so everyone could go home was simply what was done.
I am currently studying developmental psychology, and the principles shared here feel essential to the raising of any child.
That sounds fascinating Janet, I wonder how much responsibility we take when raising children and do we really appreciate that our children will be our future so they are worth supporting to be equipped for later life not with academia but with the necessary life skills to flourish in life.
I have witnessed how there is a tendency for many parents to push their children to be competitive and strive for being better than everyone else. I also see a mutual game played out where parents take on responsibility and accountability for their children’s life way more than is needed and way past the stage where it is helpful.
Children seem to love to be involved with the day to day tasks of life alongside the rest of the family yet we seem to fob them off onto TV, games and gadgets from young. Is it just that we are too lazy or just do not take a moment to appreciate the significance of patiently and lovingly supporting them deepen such responsible, contributing and empowered qualities within them?
It is so true that children have a natural inclination to help which is often stifled by parents because it appears quicker to do things themselves but the long-term harm is now becoming apparent in a generation of young adults who are ill prepared for life and lacking in purpose. I love how you acknowledge all the benefits of encouraging children to take responsibility for their environment which includes actively participating in a variety of jobs/chores as a supportive training ground for life.
Sharing the ‘chores’ is truly beneficial, however, I feel it is so different when we do not judge them as a chore as that immediately implies something unpleasant and a drag. Rather to understand them without judgment as necessary aspects of life that enrich and compliment our life.
“they are an equal and necessary part to the whole” – Well said Johanna, this is very true. Within the family there is no one who is more or less important in the make up of the whole, and supporting kids to understand this also helps them to discover what it IS that they bring to the family, and further in their school, with their friends and in the community.
Yes, it gives the children a lot of confidence.
It makes sense that if children learn to take responsibility at a young age for the necessary things like tidying up and contributing to the household they then benefit in every aspect of their lives. We are setting them up when we don’t let them take part in the activities.
It makes sense to educate children in this way. They are part of the whole and part of the family – why separate them by doing everything for them. This only stunts their growth and awareness. By including them we give them so much.
Its great that the process of doing chores is about the whole family of which your daughter is an equal part as there is truly valuable learning in this of working in brotherhood.
The chores I had as a kid would probably freak most kids out these days, that is if you could drag their attention away from their iPads. I used to get up early and help on the farm before school and then do the same after. I sometimes thought I was hard done by at the time but it really did set me up for life knowing how to work right from the start.
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately” – yes, because without this [brotherhood] we are lost as a society. No wonder the world is the way it is, experiencing mass dysfunction through not raising ourselves in the quality your blog of responsibility details Johanna. What starts at home sets the world.
One thing that strikes me today in reading this blog is the line “an environment and space that allows our bodies to remain in their natural, surrendered and true way of being”. That to me is so important, to have a surrendered body that is obedient to the source of the love of God that it is connected to. In our current society we do not have that space anymore that honours this connection. It is more the opposite, there are many ways and forces to distract you from this connection instead.
By not letting children to participate in the household chores and keep them away from this might be at the source of the high level of disengagement people are showing in the workplaces nowadays.
“We are raising the future and it is our homes and schools that are the training grounds for our children who will one day be the adults sharing themselves with the world . . . ” It seems to me that most parents have forgotten this very important fact. Thank you Johanna to put your finger on this point.
In my family growing up we all had specific weekly tasks to complete, some more enjoyable than others. I use to like cleaning the pool 🙂 It makes a difference when we are encouraged to take responsibility, for everyone in a family unit adds to the quality we all live with.
It is important everyone knows that their contribution is of value and adds to the overall harmony we set in our homes and in life. Learning this from young supports us to appreciate our roles in life and the difference each one of us makes.
Indeed Victoria, to me it feels as a great support in learning that we are a valuable part of our our society so that gives a steadiness that we bring instead of trying to fit in and and to adjust to what is asked of you in which you have to let go great parts of yourself, so too your value of self.
Victoria indeed it does, that value that we all bring is key when we understand the value is not in what we do but in the care and love that we do what we do in.
‘…chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so, while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ I love this and see how amazing it is in action, and also how devastating it is when it hasn’t been there. I use the word devastating and it is. Young people disillusioned about their contribution to the world (and all the associated behaviours this engenders with the underlying issues never really resolving as they mature); parents at their wit’s end trying to get young people to care. Families arguing and breaking down even, unable to understand or relate to each other.
It would be great if we all saw the importance of this in giving children and young people cleaning jobs to do and the values that this brings. Currently I am seeing the complete opposite more and more in that young people are not taught responsibility, especially the importance of cleaning,
Oh please lets have this blog shared high and low world wide, what you bring here Johanna needs to be our norm if we don’t do this and bring these values into our home life then we are setting our children up to fail and fail they will if no true loving discipline is involved.
So true, Samantha. If we do not support children to learn these simple but foundational values, they have no context within which to explore their strengths and find their purpose in life.
What an inspiring reflection of a true role model you offer to all parents and children, Johanna. Not bothering to include children into household chores leads to restless and resistant teenagers.
Couldn’t be clearer that this is the way forward. It’s really key to not think of the tasks as a chore but rather as a loving supportive activity.
I remember leaving home having never learnt to cook properly as I had always depended on my father to do it for me. Likewise with washing and ironing of clothes. It was completely new to me and if I had been given the space and also said yes to it to do these for myself I would have probably had a different experience.
I’m meeting a lot of families whose culture is to have very designated roles within the household. The female is solely in charge of cleaning, cooking: running the house. I’m noticing for many families these responsibilities are not deemed as any less but that men do not do them, they have other roles to fulfill. But it’s got me to consider if such defined roles are made inflexible it leaves little room for collaboration, stepping in when needed or even the joy of working together. Each activity will have its own opportunity for a person to express their qualities within. This understanding of oneself will be missed if not undertaken and developed within a loving home environment.
Leaving home without certain skills maybe no more serious than surviving on baked beans on toast or turning all your clothes pink. But I’ve heard many western men say they save their washing for their mother to do when they return home years after they have left and then expect their partner to take over when they have one. This expectation to be looked after as if we cannot employ our skills, is like we have not equipped people to be responsive to what the world around them is calling for. A constant learning of what a person can contribute from a young age builds a community that is vital and responsive.
That is worth writing about Joshua. It is our responsibility both ways as a parent not to assume it is our role to do all the washing, ironing cooking etc and as a young person realising we are an equal part of a workable family unit and that means doing our part.
This is a great blog and raises an important subject which goes some way to show why some young people are growing up without a true sense of responsibility.
As a child I had a certain area of the house that was my responsibility to clean and I don’t remember ever questioning it. But these days many kids expect to be paid to do chores. In our house we had a cleaning lady but the kids were responsible for keeping their own rooms tidy and clearing up after meals.
I loved ordering and cleaning up when I was young with many times not being asked to. Mum was ecstatic and said she would reward me when she saw and felt the task I gave myself. I was not really looking for any reward as it felt great. As I grew older I became very irresponsible and disregarding of my body and therefore not so caring of where I lived. I was still very ordered however I alway put off cleaning until, I moved in with my wife at that time. We got into a routine of cleaning once a week. It was not for long and gave us a clean feeling home. This taught me a deeper commitment to life and constructed a rhythm that supported me immensely in my home. To this date I clean my home and have “… an environment and space that allows our bodies to remain in their natural, surrendered and true way of being.” My home is sacred and cleaning it holds this energy.
My son loves doing chores – so much so that the word chore isn’t really in our vocabulary. They are simply things that need to be done and are hugely supportive. We can see all of life as a chore or we can enjoy each step along the way.
The reflection we offer is often ‘I am so busy’ and actually all these things in the house are ‘chores’, things I have to do but not like so much. What foundation we offer by that to our children who naturally want to help and love doing these practical things?
From a very young age children naturally love helping, this could be nurtured and developed where children can feel that they are an important part of the family, contributing to the whole. It takes time and consistency to teach children to be responsible, and sometimes rather than take the time parents rather do it themselves robbing the children of much needed development.
Ask a primary school child to help tidy the classroom and give them a ‘special’ job to do and they love it. It really is a natural impulse to support others, to want to organise and arrange our environment in a more harmonious way.
I agree. Often it is in the presenting of the task at hand. If we ourselves resent doing it kids pick up on that and they don’t want to do it either. But when left alone and without stuff getting in the way, I’ve observed that people want to support each other – it is natural for us.
Rachel the chores at home are some of the things that our daughter absolutely loves, they allow her to be part of our home, part of life,
I love the responsibility and the love offered here. This needs to be the basis for everyone in their early life, otherwise they start out at a disadvantage.
We’ve made doing the basics a dirty thing, and made time for us the goal. When will we see that seeking relief is just harming and hurting everyone? Doing what’s needed supports Love to grow.
Beautifully captured Jospeh, it’s not time off we need but really committing to every day ordinary life. I have started to make this shift and it does feel very different.
Appreciating the basics establishes a foundation that is not only solid it is one of spaciousness and love.
Educating and instilling responsibility in childhood leads to responsibility in adulthood and everything that goes with that living. It’s as simple as that. What is before lays the foundation of what is to come.
This is amazing, thank you for sharing, Johanna. The list of benefits for the whole family by committing to supporting each other like this in the home is such an amazing foundation for your children and true education for life.
In Japan, the children clean their school which makes sense because they learn how to work together and can take responsibility for themselves and their environment.
All of my children have flown the nest but, in my growing up, it was about doing chores for your weekly allowance. These were to prepare us for life. There has become an “I want” generation that has caused them, with our hand, to become work and responsibility shy.
Johanna, I had not considered this very beautiful aspect of chores before; ‘chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so.’
My daughter as soon as she could talk would say “I help?” and she would love getting stuck in to help but as she got a bit older was less keen and often needs a bit of encouragement. I agree chores are very necessary for our kids learning to cope with what life will bring us as well as for them to be part of what brings flow and order to our abodes.
I found at the age where kids want to help is often when we don’t find it so helpful. It’s easier to do it ourselves and often we do. I know I sure did when my son was little. Kids want to be a part of it all and do what everyone is doing. But we muddy the process by not letting them help, treating them as separate and therefore creating a separation – kids do this and adults do that.
Though I don’t have children myself I found this article very interesting to read, as I consider myself to be a father to children that are not my ‘blood’ children. It is indeed the responsibility of adults to raise kids in a way that they can be valuable adults who easily flow through the challenges of life. For myself I can still see the effects in not having be raised in such a way, with regards to for e.g. money. I never had to do any jobs outside of the home, as I got given so many chores where I could make money inside our home. I did the job for the money, not because I felt it was my responsibility.
“Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.” If my parents would have explained me more about brotherhood I am sure I would have done all my scores with more joy and care when I was young. Therefore I very much appreciate it to support children in their natural way to participate in the home – this should be a normal thing to be offered by all parents.
I find it interesting how some children step up easily to taking responsibility for themselves and within the home while others resist yet regardless their reaction or response we are there to support them through being consistent, patient, understanding and holding them in the love that they are from the love that we are.
Brilliant blog Johanna, I love everything you’ve shared. Children actually enjoy and love having responsibilities and I notice they are always keen to help. But sometimes we can easily crush their enthusiasm and natural pull to be a part of everything when we allow control or seeking perfection to get in the way of supporting our children to learn and grow.
Indeed the word chores has taken on the meaning of tasks that can be boring or a burden, rather than a natural way to contribute to the harmonious working of our families and communities.
It’s a word that is heavily laden. I personally don’t like the word chore for all that is conjures up. I don’t want to see the cleaning of my home as a burden – it is something that is fabulous.
Yes true, with beautifying, ordering and cleaning we are creating space where harmony can be and flow. The environment we live in both inner and outer has an affect on our clarity and all of life.
As parents, guardians, babysitters, relatives or anyone looking after a child, we can be disillusioned by thinking that ‘taking responsibility’ of the child equals doing everything in regards to their care including tidying up after them, keeping their belongings in order and so forth. But what if part of our true responsibility was to show them how they can support themselves in this way, and actually help them to understand the purpose of taking responsibility themselves, and that this was part of life, and something to embrace?
I love what you offer here around responsibility Susie. Our responsibility is to support our kids to bring their all in life and contribute in full. If we pander to them and slave over them in their childhood we are not being responsible parents, guardians etc.
I know someone who is 23 and his mum still does his washing and he doesn’t know how to cook! I agree being brought up to do chores around the home teaches us to respect and look after the space and care for the environment we live in also teaching us to make it about the all (not just about ourselves). I used to love doing the Saturday or Sunday chores around the house .. cleaning the bathroom, doing the hoovering and dusting and polishing and getting a bit of pocket money for this. In Japan I love their work ethics where I have seen videos posted on social media of school children all cleaning the school together and prepping lunch, making it and serving it together. We should have that in this country. … in every country!
I see kids carrying out tasks as the basis of responsibility. My toddler loves being involved in hanging washing or cleaning up a mess. It is showing her that cleaning is a natural part of everyday activity, and not a chore as such.
My toddler was the same and would get in the kitchen with me a cook up a storm. I can’t say I am having the same experience now that she is a teenager but all I keep doing is setting the standards.
“As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible.”
I was walking into a shopping centre the other day, and three young teens were sitting on a bench, all with their phone in hand and it struck me, we as adults are failing our children. We are not offering them the true reflection of being committed, engaged, open, vital members of our community. We are checking out and our kids are doing the same.
Totally, the kids are doing what we have showed them to do. We are all role models.
I couldn’t agree more Sarah, children learn through reflection and not preaching. Children see everything, in my case my children speak up: my son asked me yesterday ‘why are children given consequences yet adults don’t get any consequence for their behaviours?’ He felt this was not fair! He even suggested that he would set consequences with me when he felt something wasn’t right! We can learn so much from our kids when we are willing to be open and listen/hear what they have to say.
Yes. It is us that get in the way of their future by not fulfilling our responsibility to guide and nurture them in all aspects of real life and to bring their fullness to all they do.
Super point Jane. I love what you share here – when we are rejecting being with ourself then everything can feel like a chore. Nurturing the being with in and letting that be in full glory in all activities is key.
And if this was a nurtured way in all children by all adults as they grew up – I am sure that we would not have the lost ness or given up teens and young adults that we see in today’s society. It is a real shame to see and feel this in a young person, or any person when there is actually a wealth of gold of its own particular flavour residing within each one of us to be shared with the whole.
Thank you Richard. I do very strongly feel that parenting and teaching do go hand in hand. In the classroom I do a lot of parenting.
I can see that introducing a child to the necessary household chores and their responsibilities at a very early age sets them up so well for their later years. It will give them a sense of their part in the family, not as someone who gets everything done for them but as an integral part of the family, where everyone has responsibilities. As far as I am concerned it is never too early to introduce a child to their part in the bigger picture, whether it be their family or their world.
So true Ingrid, beautifully expressed. Children love it when we support them to be part of the bigger picture and this is deeply confirming and evolving for them and for us all. This blog, your comment and the other comments are very supportive for anyone to read. When I look around, I can see that our society is struggling with raising children to be responsible, vibrant, joyful and healthy.
There are things in life that simply need to be done and that is the way it goes. Kids can be a part of that from the onset and then that is their normal. If we take away these things and then re-introduce them later, no wonder they seem like a burden.
I feel the same Ingrid. The earlier children get to participate and contribute the better. Little kids always want to help out and play helping out games with each other. This shows is that they naturally understand that it is part of what we do and who we are as a whole.
Any work, from household chores, voluntary or paid, feeds us back so much. Through work we learn about discipline, working together with others, relationships and commitment: bringing our all to each task no matter how big or small, and regardless of the level of importance that we’ve designated to it. We get to learn that everything matters.
And all of these types of work through working with and for people support us to let go more and more of the ‘self- all about me’ mentality and attitude that is prevalant in young teens and young adults today. When we do not foster the part of a person that does want to naturally contribute to the whole we are hindering them and holding them back for later in life.
Super great and practical blog Johanna. The fundamental error in parenting being exposed, namely that kids are kids and not the adults in small bodies with lots of wisdom from the lives they have already have lived.
True Willem.
Our homes and schools are indeed training centers on all aspects of life where a lot happens where we are not enough aware of. It is amazing to see how all small children have the natural impulse to help and clean and how often we stop them, because this takes too much time or doesn’t suit our schedule. By stopping them we don’t appreciate them in who they are, we stop their sense of brotherhood and self-worth. So yes to working together in a household and all doing what is needed to be done and contributing.
I agree Monika, we don’t appreciate our children and each other enough. What stops us from supporting children to truly learn and grow needs to be looked at and exposed, and this blog is brilliant for this and the comments from everyone’s sharing.
Kids contributing also helps them understand what is involved in a task and gives them a level of appreciation. When we don’t foster our kids to contribute they can grow up with a lack of appreciation and that they take things for granted.
Appreciating the level of work involved and the satisfaction of completing a task is worth sharing with our children, when young. As you say Johanna if we don’t, it can be easy for them to take things for granted and We then complain about this and get stressed when our children refuse to support around the house.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. We can’t tell children how to live and what to do by ideals and beliefs. If there is a way of being we would like to see in our children, we have to live that first. We are the role models.
I love what you have shared her Joanna and can feel how empowering this is for children, supporting them in relationships and real life situations.
What is the big deal with chores? Why make them something ‘that has to be done’ that is arduous and something we’d rather not do? No task is greater or lesser than any other when you are bringing your true you to it so I can feel your approach to chores in your house Johanna is also teaching everyone that every task we do is just as important as each other.
I Love watching children play. They love pretending to work, cook, clean and even when they are not pretending they are wanting to help. We can learn so much from them, from the way that they are as they go about what they’re doing. They don’t dislike anything, they enjoy it all. This is what we need to encourage, the natural capacity to participate and share the work.
Housework and cleaning up after ourselves has been labelled with such a negative picture and is seen by some as a punishment, and yet it offers us so much. Changing the words and the energy when we are cleaning our homes can create a tangible supportive space. Once again it’s how we look at things which lace the activity with dread instead of joy.
Giving a child the space to contribute to the running of their home is honouring of the child.
Developing a relationship with cleaning with ourselves is key otherwise if we find it a ‘drag’ then how will anyone else or a child be inspired to help out?
Chores shouldn’t be set up as difficult, extra or any different to getting dressed in the morning – when we make caring for ourselves and our space as just a part of life, no different to going out to the park or having dinner. We show children that life can be a platform of vitality and joy, rather than only contained to parts we like and then resenting all other areas.
It has never made sense to me how in some ways we totally pander to our kids and in other ways we don’t support them at all – I know mothers with teenage children, and they still wake them up, still have to coax them to do anything, still make them their lunch, still chivvy them through life and yet at the same time don’t truly support them in developing into themselves. We need to support children from a young age to be who they are and part of that is understanding commitment and responsibility, learning to look after themselves, not so as parents we can step back and leave children to raise themselves, but because they are part of the family, and those skills will be a huge support as they grow up. It was normal in my upbringing to make my own lunch, get myself up and dressed and to the bus for school without any input from my mum, and yet she was 100% there for me to grow and develop and work through issues.
Those teenagers that have been ‘mothered’ (or smothered) and kept away from developing self-responsibility later on become the adults that haven’t got the confidence to be out in the world.
And then the cycle continues.
I recall being quite young and making my breakfast and lunch for school, making my bed, cleaning my room, doing my own washing and it was something that just happened. No encouragement required. I’m really pleased that Mum and Dad left me to my own devices, within a close eye on me no doubt.
Exactly what you bring here Rebecca – the not making sense part about some teens still needing to be spoon fed – was the very seed and impulses this blog to be written. It feels super important to call these ill and unsupportive ways of being especially when our natural and true way is to be purposeful and work as one.
“Understand the importance that simplicity and repetition offer us in life”
The support offered by our rhythms cannot be underestimated, I have learnt this absolutely for myself but also observe how a simple choice for one of my children to wash their face and style their hair each morning changes their whole posture, as does their commitment to making breakfast each week – through these simply daily repetitions they get offered a greater sense of purpose, through understanding the might of caring for ourselves & the equality a family has in supporting one another no matter their age.
I remember as a child wanting to help my mother in the kitchen but always being blown of as of course i would not be fast and possibly a little messy. I always felt rejected by this as I had this natural feeling of doing things together in the house. Parents may think they are giving children space to play, or not to ‘worry’ about these things until they get older but in fact we are crushing the natural expression of the child and creating teenagers without any sense of responsibility or putting in their part of the household.
I can remember feeling the same Carolien. I can now see that many parents do not let their children help with chores either because they do not want to relinquish control or because they have ideals about what parents ‘should’ do.
What you describe is so common. When young children who actually naturally want to be involved are shooed away. Then when the habit is well and truly set for avoiding participation and leaving everything to others, we can’t really claim to be surprised.
This is a gorgeous way to spend time together – in the kitchen preparing something as a family.
I totally agree Carolien, I see parents who feel they are allowing their children to be “children” with the idea there is plenty of time for them to grow up and take responsibility later without realising how they are stunting their childs innate ability and natural desire to express their love and brotherhood, and creates teenagers/adults with little sense of themselves, their uniqueness or any sense of belonging.
So many good points here. Why wouldn’t we want to raise our children in this way? It makes no sense to not prepare them for their lives ahead in the big world. I can understand that as parents it is easier to step in and do things to avoid the confrontations or resistance, but this is ultimately where the growth and evolution lies – in our communicate and collaboration with each other. This is how we build relationships.
I loved reading this, Johanna, as I can feel how supportive it is for children to be held in the consistency of this reflection, that they have a valuable and responsible role to play as part of the family to commit to and bring their all.
The way this article brings forward the importance of all working together to maintain a quality in the home is beautiful. It opens up for all to appreciate how a space cared for in this way feels. This is parenting with quality, care and deep love for children, parenting that will support our children to grow into adults that hold a standard of quality the we really need in our world today.
What we contribute to the world around us is such an enriching and vital part of life and I agree it’s super important we learn early that we not only have so much to bring but also that we have actually have a responsibility to bring it.
By giving and allowing children responsibility appropriately from as an earliest age as possible establishes within them a relationship of confidence with responsibility, which then enables and empowers them to be responsible with assuredness for themselves in adulthood. In doing so we, as parents, are fulfilling our role as guardians for the development.
Great point Jonathan and no wonder that so many have such a crisis of lack of self-confidence if they have never been supported to establish this relationship with responsibility and themselves.
The home is the kindergarten for life.
I love your statement that our children need to “feel confirmed that they are everything before they do anything”. Doing chores is then an absolute joy and brings the family closer together with every day that passes.
It’s interesting to consider that as adults we tend to ‘do stuff’ for children because we are quicker and its easier to get the job done whilst avoiding the protests and possible argument. Yet, we complain when our children become teenagers that they do nothing around the house to support. It’s a setup of our own making.
Fantastic blog Johanna, and being in Recruitment/Careers supporting people to find jobs, change direction, find that the education in the home you share here also establishes as a foundation the education and style of later work, one’s profession and work ethic too. With a responsible childhood we garner a responsible employee/workforce through such leadership.
I completely agree as a parent that it is a good thing to have all family members contributing to the care and order of the home that they live in. What I have discovered as a parent is that my own relationship with chores or the daily so called mundane tasks that need to be completed is also crucial so that the example that I am showing my children about the home is more than just words.
Johanna, I love what you are sharing in this article. I really like the job chart and this inspires me to introduce something like this into my home. I can feel then that the jobs are clear. I have noticed in my family that when we do all work together and complete jobs around the home that this feels supportive, fun and makes the house feel light and ordered. When it is just me doing the jobs this feels very different and the flow and ease is not there and it instead can feel overwhelming to get everything tidy and clean.
Growing up I was often asked to do chores but never really made to so most of the time did not! And then there became a resentment towards doing – what do I get out of it? The same goes with cleaning my room – it would get messy but if I left it; my mum would nag me but then clean it anyway so I had no reason to. It has taken me a long time and I can still see the lack of responsibility coming in with regards to cleaning as rather than it being something I do automatically it is more something I do because I have to do it and so can easily put it off. Learning consequences for me is one the keys and the earlier we learn them the less resistance we will have.
“allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so” Yes children do always want to help when they are really young and it is great to ponder on the fact that they might be not as supporting of the household later because they have been always discouraged in the early years to participate as they were not really helpful in our eyes.
Work for any of us, regardless of whether we are young or old, is a true gift of life. It provides a feedback of our worth and contribution to the world and is a far cry from how most people view work as a chore. The word chore says it all!
I agree with all you have presented here for us to consider Johanna. We have a responsibility as parents to raise our children to be responsible for their part in the greater whole of which they are an equal part. If we do not fulfill our responsibility, it follows that neither will they and so it comes to be that we live in a world of our own creation whereby the vast majority are not taking responsibility for themselves and their part in the greater picture, hence why there is so much disharmony, disregard, aggression, abuse and violence amongst us. This may seem a big leap but if we can get it right in our homes then it stands we can get it right in the world because what we live will be carried with us. Therefore, no move is too small or insignificant if we are wanting to live more harmoniously on a global scale.
Thank you Johanna, I hadn’t looked at chores this way for children or adults, lots to learn from your article and it all makes good common sense.
We as parents find ourselves doing everything for our children ending up feeling a resentment in the body but we need to ask ourselves ‘why do we invest and move in such a way that not only dishonours ourselves but dishonours our children too?’’ ‘What makes us behave in the way we do?’
I can see where I believed it was my responsibility as the mother to take care of the chores in the house of my children. Once they were older more responsibility and support around the house was asked from them. My husband and I have always equally done the chores together but now that our sons are teenagers I can see how doing a lot for them when they were young has not supported them. It’s helpful to read this blog as it offers a different way of approaching this.
Wow Johanna, the timing of this blog being published today was quite amazing, as I was literally having an almost identical conversation with my daughter about the value of doing household chores and your blog magically appeared on the Everyday Livingness site I had up on my computer! There are no accidents, and I love how you brought in the concept of our homes being a microcosm and training ground for the whole of the world, and how creating a consistent structured foundation of daily chores has far-reaching benefits for both children and adults when we work on them together equally.” – In our home, we all know we enjoy a harmonious space that allows us to simply be: one that is clean and ordered and one that our bodies can surrender and feel at ease in.” – This statement rings true for me as well, as when the house is getting cluttered, I feel really restless and tend to not sleep as well, for sure.
I know what you mean Michael, when the house is disjointed and cluttered there is a heaviness and I notice how much more we checkout in it. Whereas when the house is organised everything flows more, there is a lightness and more focus and connection together.
We go into ‘googooo gaga’ when all the time the kids are the wise ones. The sooner we realise they’ve been here before and have come to support us all – the simpler it is to help guide them.