I have found it to be quite common and even ‘the norm’ today for kids to not to do any chores, or to complain about the little chores they have to do. Some parents are quick to do everything themselves just to avoid the arguments or the nagging that can take place… but in the long run we must consider what type of adult we are actually rearing while we parent our children.
Children come into this world with a fullness, knowing who they are, open, and being very inclusive and embracing of others. As parents, we are offered the opportunity and responsibility to nurture our children to evolve, to be the ones who guide them as they grow into adults and to be all that they were divinely designed to be in this world – bringing their unique expression in full.
In our home, doing necessary jobs around the home has always been something that we have seen to be a very foundational thing that supports a child’s development. In the beginning, I used to think things like chores helped kids to be responsible, manage their time, learn about the value of money and understand that things in a house don’t just happen. But today I can see that chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so, while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.
Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.
In our home, chores do not have an arduous label attached to them, nor are they communicated in that way. We have all come to see them as one way we can each support one another and consequently, our home environment, to be in the way that we all enjoy… an environment and space that allows our bodies to remain in their natural, surrendered and true way of being. Of course, our coming to feeling this way about chores was a process in itself.
However, it became a choice that made complete sense and was easy to feel when we brought it back to care and love. As parents of this home, it was clear to see and feel the support contributing to, and completing, daily jobs around the home offers children. They become simply one activity where children are able to express their innate quality of working together for the all.
In our home, we all know we enjoy a harmonious space that allows us to simply be: one that is clean and ordered and one that our bodies can surrender and feel at ease in. The way of being, the things we do and the way we do them all adds to holding this supportive space, and it is one that we are all responsible for, including kids. When other children visit and come to play, they too are a part of our family and the way the household works. And from what I have seen, they actually love the consistency, order and care and are more than willing to contribute to the quality of the space they are part of.
Today I hear from parents and kids about how much parents do around the house and how seldom young children are encouraged to contribute (e.g. children not taking responsibility for the space in their room or sorting their own school bag out), and how children don’t participate in the running of the home and activities in their later years, with parents at times feeling undervalued, with little appreciation shown.
By not giving children the opportunities to develop these skills and responsibilities earlier on, we can contribute to creating patterns and attitudes from teenagers that can feel self-centred, with them unappreciatively wanting more from life and others. With a supportive foundation, our teenagers are being offered to be helpful, understanding, appreciative and are able to contribute to life.
Our homes can be an amazing place where we guide our kids before they enter into the big wide world. A world that let’s be honest, desperately needs people who are loving, purposeful, there to be in true service and act in brotherhood.
It is part of parenting to support children to be able to not only understand life, but to be equipped to fully contribute and bring out their inner qualities, such as true love, true care and true responsibility to everything they do, to know who they are and feel confirmed that they are everything before they do anything.
Through each member of the family taking responsibility for jobs around the home I have come to massively appreciate all they offer a child. This is becoming more and more evident too as the years pass. Each of us in our home have things that we specifically do, while also attending to other chores if we see they need to be done to hold the care we have created in our home. We are also well aware of the unique flavour each one of us offers and appreciate each quality. We know the support working as one offers, and the appreciation family members feel from our help.
Today my daughter has a selection of chores that she completes each week, just as my husband and I also have our specific chores that contribute to our home. She also has a ‘job chart’ that she takes full responsibility for managing as she completes her chores. Since we implemented the chores in this way our whole family has grown in responsibility, and it has presented the opportunity for us all to:
- Build a good and true work ethic
- Meet life’s challenges and to work through them
- Understand the value of other people and to be open to asking for help to clarify
- Know that we are capable of doing whatever we choose to do
- Be part of a group working together
- Feel the value in doing our part within the whole
- Understand instructions and complete things
- Build a rhythm and consistency each day
- Develop a sense of responsibility
- Understand the importance that simplicity and repetition offer us in life
- Have the space and time to feel how our flavour supports the whole.
As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible. This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.
We are raising the future and it is our homes and schools that are the training grounds for our children who will one day be the adults sharing themselves with the world, and it is our responsibility to support our children to know themselves in full and letting their natural brotherhood and essence shine through.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology, Graduate Certificate of Early Childhood, Studying Diploma of Counseling, Esoteric Complementary Health Practitioner, Woman, Teacher, Mother, Wife and Friend.
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To Be Truly Heard and To Be Truly Met For Who We Really Are
615 Comments
This blog makes A LOT of sense. I see toys of pretend kitchens and pretend house items, why not let them be with us using the real deal? It’s more fun cleaning with others I find so why not when they are little and naturally willing to join in and work together? I know there’s loads of reasons why not – quicker, faster, cleaner etc. but that doesn’t help the children learn, other than the adults will do it for me so I don’t have to work with them.
We don’t give our children enough chores nor do we make it a natural and everyday part and parcel of family expression. Kids are so much more capable than we give them credit for – they have so much heart and put everything they are into everything they do. Who wouldn’t want to have that yumminess spread around the imprint of the house or to teach their kids the responsibility they have to the all?
When we establish a rhythm to the daily and weekly tasks that everyone shares it is no longer a chore but the turning of a well-oiled wheel.
Appreciation of our essences will always allow others to feel what we have and then we also deepen in the way we appreciate them, which is an appreciative-ness of their essences as appreciation is in the being not the doing. Thus by allowing others to feel their essences in what they are doing adds to them being connected to their essence.
Giving children chores, if consistent and if given in awareness of their complete equality, can support them with learning their responsibility of living within a community – not taking anything for granted and being aware of the integral part they play in life. I am aware that when we don’t do this we are creating a generation who feel entitled, who lack a commitment to life, who expect things to be done for them, a sense of life being all about self, living life on the back foot without any sense of their true power – existing in life on a rocky foundation rather than living it from true steadiness and supporting others with empowerment.
In my experience in British secondary schools students are not generally encouraged to tidy up after themselves. In a number of schools I have worked in, it is senior management or cleaners that go around the campus picking up litter and tidying up. This does not send a message to our children that they need to be responsible for their own messes. This is reflected out in society. A colleague of mine recently went to the Glastonbury festival. I was horrified to find out that hundreds of people choose to leave all their tents, belongings and rubbish behind because they can’t be bothered to deal with them and pack them up. What kind of society are we creating when we are not teaching children the basic 101 in terms of personal responsibility?
Wow!! When we consider the environment we live in, this and other dramatic pictures of the disregard we can accept as our normal needs to change and as you have shared Michelle we do need a to introduce responsibility and consequences to the very young otherwise this scenario will get even worse.
When everyone contributes there is an ease in the home because no-one is ‘bearing the load’.
If we don’t make chores seem boring or hard work children love to help and join in. Making life fun and playful. Who could resist that?
I love how you write that all adults have a responsibility to all children, to reflect a way of living. We don’t have to be parents to do that. Some of the most influential adults around me as a child were not my parents.
‘Our homes are like a training ground for our children.’ So true. Hence teaching responsibility and consequences is so important.
This is so important for us to ponder on and put everything in action that supports a child or young person to be who they truly are ‘in the long run we must consider what type of adult we are actually rearing while we parent our children.’ Even if we are not a parent we have a responsibility to the children and young people we meet and that are in our lives.
Children love to learn and children love challenges and chores if they don’t we need to ask what are we projecting onto them (our own ideals and beliefs around housework and chores because otherwise left alone our little people love to help.
I love this blog, it is so important in fact It would do well to give a copy to all expecting mothers. Imagine our society if we brought all children up to live this way.
Any child who is brought up to be truly responsible will become an adult that contributes fully to society in a way that will inspire others to also live the love they know.
I so agree. Children who don’t have that opportunity when young can find responsibilities in adult life hard to take on board.
As parents we have a responsibility with what we share with our children, ‘ I can see that chores, for kids, provide way more than that and actually, when communicated in a true way allow the grandness and brotherhood that they already come into this world with to remain there naturally so, while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’
Yes I think this point about feeling valuable is a good one because children are often told all the things they are not doing whereas if they are part of contributing from an early age, they see they contribute equally to the support that is offered in the home.
We can shun responsibility now but what are we leaving behind for everyone else to clean up?
Exactly. And if we shun responsibility then what are we reflecting to the younger generation .. that you do not have to be responsible or accountable! So yes we have a huge responsibility … which definitely does not have to feel heavy or a burden! From experience it is actually the opposite in feeling lighter and more joyful.
“As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible” I love this word – “Practical” its so important and actually often missing in our education.
As adults “it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible”, in every area of life, and the best place to start is in the home. And working regularly with families it is easy to tell which children are receiving the most responsible reflections, as from an early age they are already showing that they know what their responsibilities are. We are the ones our children look up to for guidance, and that is our number one job until they are prepared for the world they will eventually step into.
Kids align very quickly. They may have a moan at first because they want to do something else when asked to do something but with loving support they find their own way of doing it. I find it is very important to let go of any expectations of what and how I think something ‘should’ be done as there is always more than one way to do things!
This is so true. “Our homes are like a training ground for our children”, and within this loving training ground they are being prepared for the big wide world, and not simply stumbling into it unprepared when they leave home. Some may feel this is being too regimented and children should be able to enjoy their childhood without demands of having to do things around the home, but to me, there is no reason that the two can’t be naturally integrated. Sweeping the floor can be so much fun when you dance and sing your way through it and wow, will the floor feel amazing afterwards!
We learn such a lot about life from our parents and when they come in from work exhausted, miserable and then want to check out in front of the telly, we kinda follow suit. It’s that reward at the end of the day and then withdrawing from life that sets us up to struggle.
The skewed way we tend to parent children reflects our own view of the simple everyday living tasks being honorous and tiresome – completely missing the alchemy that comes from how we place and angle everything around.
It’s pretty easy to see how doing chores brings to my toddler responsibility and allows her to be herself knowing she is supporting others rather than just playing the role of a child being cared for.
From what I have seen in the world today, there are a lot of “should’s” about how to raise our children, whether this be that they should do chores or that they should not, it can all come down to the same thing – parents being told what to do and very often with out a real conversation with them about what they feel is best for themselves and their family. So no one person has all the answers, there simply is our lives, how we live them and from there everything will be known, learnt and experienced.
Knowing what is needed in our families is learning how we are naturally equal in nature and can live harmoniously.
I love what you say about developing skills at a young age, it so supports a child in life to learn and master self care and responsibility. I
It is so important to lead by example and be true role models for our younger ones. They love getting involved and supporting and feeling their part and how valuable they are. We can so easily be tempted by social media, computers, tv, phone that we don’t build these key fundemental self-loving ways for ourselves and our children.
It is our responsibility as adults to show our children what true responsibility looks like and how this is lived. If we miss out this very important part of raising children, this could potentially affect their evolution as well as their ability to cope with life.
I so agree Chan, that it is “our responsibility as adults to show our children what true responsibility looks like and how this is lived” – to let them know and see that responsibility is not the heavy burden that so many make it out to be. It can actually be very joyful and when lived with this knowing, life can be enjoyed even more – even while doing house-hold chores.
Could it be possible that when or the quicker we see our Siblings as adults and treat them accordingly the sooner they gain the understanding we are all equal and thus the decency and respect becomes our natural way of interacting?
Children watch and observe people all the time. Having a child has shown me that the most natural thing to do is involve her in what I do. Cooking, cleaning, washing – it can all be a part of their day and learning – and in this, she is understanding how these activities are a natural part of life.
There is no greater confirmation from young on but to feel that your contribution counts and everyone is listening and open to what you can offer to the group, no matter how old you are. Self worth issues would be much less, if we would be supported and raised like that.
The moment we teach responsibility in a family from young on, it can actually be fun to take your part in it. It is a great joy to be part of a whole, instead of seeking comfort in individuality, which only serves your own needs and pleasures.
“As adults – all adults – it is our responsibility to offer our kids the most practical guidance and reflection possible. This may sometimes be something our kids don’t like to step up to, but with loving understanding and a holding of consistency from us, they begin to see that it comes from love.” what a great reflection and reminder of what parenting is all truly about.
Brining it back to the core fundamentals of care and love is exactly what we all need young or old, and then from this place we all naturally want to nurture and support our environments in all aspects of our lives.
I love how small children just love to help around the house because they can feel that they belong and are part of a family unit. It is a bit like an ant colony where everyone contributes to make everything work.
Great observation Elizabeth, this is so true. Being a part of everything is very natural for young children. It is not until they develop a sense of individuality that getting them to be involved and be a part of the family can sometimes be a challenge especially if they have not been nurtured to do so from a young age.
I was inspired recently by someone sharing that they had been very firm and clear about getting a 2 year old to clear up a mess that they had made. Although resistant at the time, the child had since taken on more responsibility for taking care of cleaning without any more having to be said. Children do respond well to being given these boundaries, and all too often we treat them with ‘kid gloves’ as we ‘think’ they are too young to have to clear up after themselves. But by offering this kind of reflection at a young age, can only encourage them to be more responsible for themselves and their surroundings as they grow up.
A two year old plays house, which is beautiful and if they can do that they can clearly learn to clear up after them. There is real empowerment in learning to take care of yourself in life.
Two of my grandchildren who come for a meal regularly used to moan and groan about tidying up and helping to wash the dishes, but that didn’t stop them from doing so, albeit reluctantly in the beginning. These days, I have noticed that the moaning has now ceased and that they are so much more open to help out and as a result we are all having a lot of fun being in the kitchen and working together. And before they go, I always express my appreciation for their loving support and my tidy kitchen, followed by big yummy hugs. Responsibility in action.
It is beautiful to watch and support my granddaughter who loves helping, cleaning the table and anything she can and helping mopping the floors and putting things in the bin and the washing machine and dryer etc as she has seen us doing this and enjoys copying and joining in and sharing chores which will be a great support to her in life but also she feels the fun and joy in it which makes all the difference to how we do things in life and the energy we choose and is an example for us all.
“Chores Supporting the Development of Children & Brotherhood” – the lack or absence of this [responsibility] can be seen in the current day workforce given the amount of toxicity and disharmony that exists in workplaces these days.
As a parent of three children I can feel the impact on my health and well being when I drop the ball to support my kids to commit to all areas of their life. Commitment is a responsibility I am deepening in the relationship with self but to deeply appreciate and value my choices to support them is my biggest learning at the moment.
I totally agree – chores are an amazing way for children to feel part of the family, able to contribute and learn that they need to be an active and committed part of life
Children actually love doing chores when they are young, they often just want to do what the adult is doing because they like being a part of everything.
Some of the soundest most self aware children I know are those that are allowed and encouraged to take part in chors.
Being up for helping people out means you’re naturally involved in many different jobs, roles and experiences which otherwise would not be possible!
This article really inspires me to encourage my son to do more chores and to help out more in the home. Thank you for sharing this.
‘By not giving children the opportunities to develop these skills and responsibilities earlier on, we can contribute to creating patterns and attitudes from teenagers that can feel self-centred, with them unappreciatively wanting more from life and others.’ Reading this article makes me realise how important it is for children and parents that children help out in the home. Encouraging this early on so that it becomes a natural part of the day/week feels really supportive.
Love the motivation and joy in children. They makes me see the girl I was, very committed, open, awake and willing to support in whatever was needed at home. I forgot these qualities for so long as they weren’t truly met by others but today I can feel are still in me, that is my natural way of being and I can bring it in to my everyday life in everything I do.
I love that in Japan apparently children need to clean their own school including toilets, this is great as gives the child a clear meaning of responsibility and allows them to find the virtue in all task they complete.
I’ve read that somewhere too – I thought it was a brilliant idea to learn about life and that we are always responsible for our environment and never above any menial task.
An awesome topic to share Johanna. I love going to friend’s houses and seeing their children doing chores, especially when they enjoy it. To teach children responsibility from a young age is a gift, not only for the parents but for the child and also builds a solid foundation to support them throughout life.
It’s so healthy for us to learn to contribute to the world and get super practical super early. I notice in a lot of kids being raised at the moment there is an air of entitlement – that they can do whatever they want. We seem to be as a society steering away from raising kids who will be amazing human beings that know how to work, contribute and respect the world they live in.
Our daughter loves chores, the more we make them part of her routine the greater she feels involved in the family and part of life. It’s certainly something to start to support her with now so that as she grows she feels equal and responsible for the family.
When we see parts of life as chores and others as rewards we set ourselves up to avoid the very things that give us the foundation for living our beauty.
Yeh exactly – it’s not a chore but an essential part of life and what makes everything else work.
We learn so much about life through working together, taking responsibility – and I have noticed this is far more readily accepted in the little ones – before seeing small jobs as chores rather than the opportunity to be together and support one another and enjoy the feeling of completing a job and noticing how your contribution adds to the group. it’s a wonderful way to learn to live together.
I love reading about the practicality of living as a family with each person being equally as important and therefore has equal responsibility.
The moment we´d let go of the picture that kids are “only” kids, the world would change.
What an inspiring blog and super foundation for our young and their future life that seems to be so missing in the world today with a sense of worth and commitment responsibility and love. “Our homes are like a training ground for our children. Participating in the home supports children to have the awareness to know that they are an equal and necessary part to the whole – that their contribution is an integral part for a community to work in the brotherhood we all know innately.”
To be honest in a culture or a world that do not promote children to take responsibility this feels like a void in the body of not knowing what it means. Children in my culture has only one responsibility from the parent and that is to study and get good grades and there is another responsibility they have for themselves and that is to relax and play video games and their phone. This is the picture we are collectively saying yes to and solidifying.
It takes a huge amount of steadiness for a parent to consistently be firm and loving and taking self responsibility to self care to show their amazingness at home or in the world, so that it is important that children also to show their amazingness in helping out around the house. It takes consistent movement to allow this to become familiar and normal.
Absolutely, Adele. To be normal for kids to help around the house takes consistency from parents. It’s an important part of supporting children to be responsible and to be proactive in the looking after themselves and others. When you break it down Adele, ‘Children in my culture has only one responsibility from the parent and that is to study and get good grades and there is another responsibility they have for themselves and that is to relax and play video games and their phone.’ This is a bit of a shocker… and then the real shocker is in realising, that in my culture studying from the vast majority of families isn’t even an expectation! There isn’t much left in the taking responsibility stakes! How are we preparing our children for life?
There is so much being communicated in this blog. It’s not just the true purpose doing chores within the home can offer but that this understanding is communicated. I’ve met many parents who see the value of children doing chores but carry with them the communication that chores are a chore and aren’t enjoyable – chores are there to get over and done with so you can relax and switch off in peace – usually involving screen time of some description.
This is in the same way as most adults go to work to come home and relax and try to forget about work. The stark divide between work and play is something seldom challenged. I have never liked how I would go to work as if I was holding my breath before I could come home and relax. So I’ve been working on being less tense about work and being equally purposeful with how I am at home – so fewer ‘switching off’ moments because I’ve ‘earned it’ or checking out moments because I think I can’t handle life. What’s helping is what you’ve said about appreciating how one is an integral part of life and that there is a lot I do bring to all areas of my life.
Really super as why would we separate our day into compartments as that really feels impossible. Nothing can make us feel better or worse in our day, it’s how we bring ourselves and our presence to whatever we need to meet, and then suddenly everything feels awesome, even if it is the greatest challenge, we have no need to back off. The key is presence.
It’s important to feel and know that we are apart of family and community and that we each have an important role to play in this. The key is appreciating who we are and what we bring is exactly what is needed and then it is about sharing this with everyone. Taking this with us with our chores no matter what age we are.
Yes, What you share here reminds me how important it is to ensure we all know our worth and what we bring to the home.
Indeed Gill, we cannot complain about how our societies are currently like as we are always a contribution to it. We always have to start with ourselves and start to make the change we would like to see in ourselves first. And while we are making these steps, we do become the role models to our children and others that shows that there is another way to approach life, an active way instead of living life from protection.
When we consider that in truth whole our life is a learning, why then should our childhood be any different? But I see to be able to understand this we first have to acknowledge that our life is about learning and that the learning is not only in our school time but from day one we are born until we die.
Today as parent it is the norm to not support our children in becoming responsible persons but instead we allow them to be irresponsible by protecting them in their childhood from the reality that is out there.
Johanna, this article is brilliant. This stands out for me; ‘while also setting them up to be purposeful adults in life, who know that their contribution and quality is valuable.’ Doing chores around the home for kids seems really important after reading your article. My son loves to help with chores and it surprises me how capable he is. When given the opportunity he loves to cook and clean.