Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
378 Comments
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?” This question brings the realisation of responsibility in parenting all children to understand and appreciate connection with each other in person is a world away from the disconnection through a screen.
Children learn from the adults around them and if the adults are all on their phones it communicates to the kids that such is acceptable. Go on any public bus, tube, rail and look at those around you, I reckon over 80% will be staring at a phone/device. Connecting and pulling ourselves off our screens comes first.
Thank you for that gem Johanna, I can see that the way we communicate is part and parcel of their education to grow up and we have a responsibility to model decent and respectful communication.
This is a great question for us to ponder on, ‘what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?’
Johanna, thank you for writing this. It is a really needed debate. I see the effects of technology on children and have observed that there is a lack of being able to truly love and communicate with each other, particularly as children get older. A lot of the conversation seems to be around what games children have played, this is with children as young as 7, sometimes even younger.
I know I am being supported 200% in my life even when it is challenging. I live open as much as possible to what is true for me and when I sense things I am confirmed as I am after reading this blog. Supporting my kids to accept the lack of connection in the world is not easy but it is a necessary part of their journey. Through the learning they become aware of a deeper sense of their knowing who they truly are and learn to accept people and where they are at in the world.
Oh my this is so serious, what type of world are we bringing our children into?
Addiction to social media is HUGE and the type of energy that comes with this stuff can be super super super harming.
Why are we not noticing that already mental illness rates and rates of self harm are soaring amongst our young?
Absolutely Sam, why has no one put two and two together to realise the connection between addiction to technology and mental health issues rising?
Your blog is a great guide for parents to truly connect to their children (and themselves) to raise and support them to be confident and responsible adults in the future. ‘To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.’ What you’ve shared with these valuable points is so needed in a society that has lost its true way of living all together. It is time to grow up for all of us.
Yes, if we have these conversations with our children, they then learn to value their voice and consider the impact of what is happening in the world. They become engaged citizens.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Yay sooo good to hear, if we don’t parent this way we really need to ask where are we coming from and what harm are we actually causing.
Our little ones have never watched TV and occasionally look at photos and videos of them on our phones. We’ve taken the view that they don’t need them at this age – yes, it can be tough when they’re kicking off and you know you can put them in front of a screen, but it’s like we’re investing in their own well being and ability to manage their feelings.
“In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.”
Super super sad is this, I see this first had when I go into schools to work with children – time will indeed show the horrific harm that this kind of disconnection and checking does on the developing child.
I am so glad I did not grow up under 10 with the amount of screens that kids do now. In my teens and early twenties I was fully into video gaming and soical media and it does destroy relationships and I do not say this flippantly. Screen time is damaging people when we believe we can connect through it to others. Yes we can converse but that meeting of another essence is heavily obscured through a screen.
Yes, we see the image they project rather than who they truly are and although it is still possible to see and hear the frustration or the sadness, they often only feel safe to communicate that online or, more often than not, anonymously. I agree, I can see we are on a worrying trajectory.
With the rise of technology children are being exposed and bombarded from all sides, no wonder a huge percentage of children are experiencing anxiety in their lives, a common complaint from children is that their parents are not there for them, as they are being distracted by technology themselves. What you have set out as a true way to parent is amazing and enormous in the building of a society that honours who we truly are first and foremost, so much needed in society today, for what type of society are we setting up for the future if changes are not made.
Gorgeously shared Johanna. It is all about the quality of our connection, the quality of vibration we are aligning to at any given moment as this is what we reflect and offer to any child we are with. For in truth, whenever any of us as adults are with a child we are parenting, and as such offering an opportunity to meet, support, foster and reflect all that is true of that child’s Soulful essence, so that they can feel, explore and learn to live all of who they are with confidence and connection to their innate wisdom. This is for sure how we live our future as with this way of being with children, we are holding true the vibration of love as the foundation of our livingness as a humanity as such, this livingness will continue to be shared, deepen and evolve through each life lived.
Sometimes what becomes so normal is not normal and I often wonder what is going on if we were to take a step back and observe us all wandering around staring at screens, or being fed stuff – images, emotions, ideas – through the medium of TV and music. We maybe choosing all this but aren’t we a little like puppets following what’s being fed to us?
“Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.”
Not only does a loving ‘No’ support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others but also show’s them the power of responding and activating what you as a parent know and feel to be true.
As a parent myself I am constantly learning the importance of being unwavering in this ‘No’
When i waver its often stems from a need to be liked which leaves things messy and unresolved for everyone.
My best memories from childhood all involve being outside in nature, generally by the sea because we spent so much time by the coast but always outside and never in front of a screen.
‘That means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over’, it can be incredibly tempting to gloss over a consequence, or water it down particularly when we are tired but when we allow children to feel the impact of their choices we also allow them to connect to their fragility and innate preciousness within.
We have turned parenting into a really complicated and fraught job, focussing on the struggles, getting it right or wrong, the guilt and expectation. Could it be that it is simply about living in a way that reflects the joy of responsibility and connecting with children openly, honestly, respectfully and as equal students of life?
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.” If we opened up to the possibility of reincarnation and the fact we come back again and again I am sure many of us would think differently about the way we educate our children.
Very true Sam. With this it seems that there is such resistance to be open to the possibility of re-incarnation because of the self-responsibility that this awareness also calls for.
The way technology is used today is a symptom of an unsaid and widely recognised illness – the illness of separation from ourselves and each other.
Now is definitely the time to review our use of the internet and social media, before we end up with a whole generation of kids who don’t know how to be in human relationship.
I came across a new term recently – ‘persuasive technology’ – to describe how companies are using psychology to influence young people and get them hooked on social media and online gaming. What is the world coming to..?
Johanna, I love what you are sharing here; ‘ I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.’ This feels really simple, I have noticed that if I feel well that everything feels much clearer and easier, if I’m tired I can feel disconnected and am more likely to be in doubt as to what to say or do when it comes to parenting and other areas of my life.
Yes so much is happening and there is a lot bombarding and influencing our teens (and younger children) everyday. I was just sharing with another parent today that like all of us, they are going to have their own experiences of making choices but while they live with us we are going to say no to things that do not support…like going for sleepovers or playing games all night. Even though this is against the norm among friends and other teens it’s important for us to feel what is true and going with it… sometimes easier said then done.
The other day I was talking to a lovely lady in a hair and beauty shop who was telling me she has young girls around 11 years old wanting to shave off the eye brows, a young women herself she told me she couldn’t believe how many young girls come in completely obsessed with how they look.
Much of this is to do with social media and the intense pressure that children are now subjected to.
There is so much in this blog that I feel I am only just scratching the surface, each paragraph could be a discussion point! We have a responsibility for how we parent our children from you, what devices we give them and knowing why we are giving it to them. If we have used it as childcare or a soother, we should not be surprised when they need it to occupy themselves or soothe themselves as a teenager into adult life.
” And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them. ”
This is very important to understand , for the living of irresponsibility will be that which greets us when we will return in re-incarnation.
The safety blanket of phones is a reminder that they are seeking safety outside their home. Could this be a reflection of the levels of responsibility being modelled in the home?
This is a great question to ponder on, what came first, and what feeds the other, ‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’
I left my television behind when I moved into a new home 14 years ago and haven’t looked back. As a child growing up in Europe, we had two tv channels and we watched two programs on the weekend. We moved to the States when I was 13 where television was available 20 hours a day, seven days a week. I can remember the feeling in my body from watching so much television – I felt like the flow in my body was altered, like it had been speeded up and it felt like my body no longer belonged to me. It was the most uncomfortable feeling and I can relate to children these days feeling anxiety in their bodies and not being able to cope. Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.
Well said Brigette, “Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.”, we could replace television with food, substances, video games, social media etc., all affecting our bodies in many ways. When I watch TV I feel awful after, like I’ve been drugged and feel like I’ve been in a time warp….there is nothing innocent about that.
This is an important reflection on the impact of TV on our bodies and nowadays we are talking about 24/7 access to screens. This makes a lot of sense of the increasing occurrence of attention disorders and disquiet in our young people’s bodies.
This is such a relevant blog in the world of not only our children, but of ours as adults as well. What kind of example are we setting for our children if we as the parent can’t put our phone down/drag ourself away from social media long enough to truly connect with our children and those around us? Thank you, Johanna, for raising this most relevant issue and starting a conversation on a subject that is so crucial to the quality of and love in our lives.
Last night at dinner a friend was talking about her experience working with kids and how she noticed that when the kids went to the beach they were very uncoordinated in their body because of disconnecting from the body through using excessive technology. When we disconnect from the body we have no anchor any more in which to navigate life.
Johanna this is a much needed conversation as I have been reading the statistics on young children to teenagers and it is grim reading, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicides, bullying, inappropriate sex, mental illness. what on earth is happening to our young people? In a video I watched recently young people were quite openly talking about their anxieties about life and how they felt unable to cope with the pressure, but there doesn’t seem any true support for them and surely this starts with us their parents?
The way life was when I grew up is not the same anymore, through mixing of cultures and the internet and social media the strength of sexism and misogyny is being more and more visible again. Some people fear this but in fact it is a good thing that what was rotting underneath the surface is being brought out into the daylight and stronger stances are needed to be taken.
‘ ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest.’ I love this and even if we put aside all other online distractions just looking at the role TV plays in peoples lives is enormous. And it is so true our whole living space is often centred around the TV instead of all those in the household.
Yes it is great to consider that the children that are now raised with all the technology and social media are going to be the future adults that will lead our society. Until now we have never had this level of disconnection between kids and this much violence, bullying and porn, etc available before. And we should not be ignorant to this fact but bring true connection as in human to human and also on the internet everywhere we go. That is our own responsibility.
Goodness you have given me so much to consider in this blog. So much of what we share with our children is about connection and what that feels like in our bodies, we get a dopamine hit from it and that feeling is addictive to the brain. So we are going to see where we get the best ‘hit’ and nurture that. If we get approval and connection from social media, or we have used social media to medicate not getting connection from those closest to us then our social media becomes vitally important to our wellbeing.
I’d say no matter what the age we can all benefit from the life lessons in the second bullet pointed list you’ve shared Johanna. Reading them today was a welcome reminder for myself.
If the internet was a place with no ounce of abuse, technology would probably not have the impact it does today on so many. Although we may not see or interact directly with abuse, hate or dishonouring content in anyway online, it does not mean we are left free from the harm the energy of the internet has. Would you be ok with your child sitting next door to a criminal or sexual abuser and not be aware of it? This is exactly what happens on the internet only it is behind a screen physically remote from the harm. Talking and opening a child up to expressing what they feel is super duper important
I agree, children crave being met and connected to, ‘We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know that true connection’.
Such an interesting article. Even my 18 month old I can see how she already knows what a phone is and wants to go to it because I use it. So it has been a reflection for us to put the phone away and connect with her so she does not search for another type of connection.
It is the ultimate irony of social media that this platform is all about connection, meanwhile separating us from the day to day and everything that is outside of the smartphone or computer.
Very true Johanna, we do have all the answers from within. I have to remind myself sometimes of this truth when I find myself challenged raising children but when I come back to myself choosing responsibility for the choices I have made I am steady knowing that whatever comes my way I can handle. It is not about perfection or having regrets about what I should or should not have done but to see myself as a student learning, growing, making mistakes along the way without judgement as part of my unfolding; a path to welcome and embrace in every moment to the best of my ability.
With every year we go round and around the sun, it’s like with each pass the issues and things that we do that aren’t love get magnified, highlighted and turned up. Every new generation seems to inherit a landscape that’s more intense and more geared than ever before to knock their light out. But what if this intensity wasn’t to do with ‘technological advances’ but more with our resistance to evolution? If this is the case then we should know that the world has a way of correcting us so, we eventually start to look at and embody the real reason we are here. God thankfully doesn’t need an app for that. Thank you Johanna.
“To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.” – Perhaps this is one of the most difficult things for parents to do for their children these days, as I have witnessed more and more parents reverting to using an iPad or cell phone to practically raise there children and not take the time to connect with them and teach basic relationship skills that Johanna has described here extensively. On a recent visit with my family, a nephew of mine was given an iPad to watch movies while eating. When I attempted to put it away so we could sit and be with each other while eating, he immediately went into a complete meltdown temper tantrum as if he was physically addicted to having the screen in front of him. This was really disturbing to me because it really hit home the extent to which this issue is truly damaging to our youth and adults alike. It’s time that we looked more honestly at its effects and adopted the methods that Johanna has laid out to reconnect with our youth and support them in truth.
Love and only love is what truly changes anything. No pictures of how it can be done. But love in each and every moment without expectations of what would or would not happen will be the only true change.
Love the no pictures comment Adele. If we fixate on how we used to parent in the past, it’s never going to keep pace with the changing world that we live in and our kids are growing up in. We simply have to feel what is the right thing to do for them in any given situation.
It makes sense that kids are obsessed with these devices because there are not many people there who are really willing to connect with them so kids turn to the alternative. I have seen kids raised without this, where connection is the focus in the homes and it has been amazing to see the stark contrast. These kids are alive, have a sense of fun, can engage with others, are interested in other people, can sit at the dinner table and join conversations etc. On the other hand where connection is not there and devices are in its place, with these kids there is a haziness, there is not a spark in the eyes, these kids are more irritable, more prone to meltdowns, are not that interested in others and rarely take their eyes off the screen, at dinner time the screen is close to hand.
Yes, sadly I have experienced the same and been responsible for not picking that up sooner as well. Now it is a case of undoing the damage of not being engaged enough to see it creep in because I, for one, want young people to be able to engage, connect, feel the aliveness in themselves and not in a device. We have to feel that difference in ourselves first though…
Having a TV in our homes is actually a constant opening to the outside world. As my home is a place to rest and to repose, which is absolutely connecting with my body to then be able to be very solid out in this world, a TV is not supportive for me. The constant distraction with any kind of multimedia puts your body under constant nervous tension. Humanity gets actually constantly trained and hooked into looking outside instead of the inside.
It’s amazing how naturally from such a young age we are making life about people, and life is experienced by what people are like to us and what they do – but then we begin to feed children a secondary existence through mediums like television, radio, and even education which makes us relate to life through pictures and mental contracts rather than the full impulse of our being which is so natural as a child.
True Harrison! The innocence of a child gets poisoned by the vibrations of the multimedia industry. It is an insidious way to infiltrate beliefs and pictures through actual moving pictures. For example- the “good” fables that shall entertain kids do already tell them false love stories, that adults may still pursue wanting to be fulfilled one day.
The other day I read that 46% of parents didn’t know how to put parental controls on their children’s phones, and while I was looking for a photo of children using their phones in images, within one scroll onto the next page of images I came across full blown porn.
How we interact with technology and the quality that we live in is what we model to children. In particular how we use entertainment as a means to seek relief from life and its tensions.
It’s a great point you make here Johanna; our children will grow up to be the next teacher, doctor, office worker, but what quality of life are they to look forward to.
Interestingly, in the past month a few of the ex top managers of Facebook have come forward to share their concern about what social media is doing to children’s brains, and to recommend very careful usage of the many digital platforms.
Kids don’t need protection, they need education (true education) and discipline.
True Michael – and confirmation of the wisdom they already have, they would teach us things If we let them.
I really like your theory of the ‘uninvited guest’; we often complain that there isn’t enough time in the day to spend with family or work on our relationships, talk through things and ‘hang out’, but what if we added up all the time spent with our television friend? By this measure for a lot of people our greatest relationship is with this guest!
Absolutely Susie. And I totally agree – time to work on relationships and hang out/talk through things is so important, and we have forgotten that quality time can be spent in all of life activities together like cooking, walking, driving, getting ready for work etc – Buying into the allure of Television has made ‘normal life’ seem like a chore and boring and hence why we seek rewards.
My children are young, some of their friends have technology to hand daily, they do not, our choice is to limit it. However I have access to it and I am very aware that I am a role model and setting the example concerning screen time and responsible use. Something we parents do have, the power to deliver and monitor our relationship with technology.
It is now considered quite normal for parents to be out with their children, completely ignoring them, apart from admonishing them occasionally, whilst the parents are in lengthy conversations on their mobile phones. There is a look in the eyes of the majority of these children which is so far away from their natural exuberance and joy – as if a heavy curtain has been pulled across their heart to not show the pain felt in not being met in full for the beautiful beings that they are.
What are we fostering for future generations?
When i was growing up, the best pacifier you could get was a dummy, because it was sucked on in the mouth, it was great for keeping children quiet and occupied – compare that to what we have now in the form of technology baby sitters with children able to use an iPad before they can walk and we can see how quickly things have escalated. Parents who do not know how to handle the intensity of raising children will find the escape goat of technology very tempting and in many ways it is – when your list of things to do it growing, and you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and you know sticking the kids in front of the TV or iPad will give you guaranteed time to get stuff done, it seems like a no brainer? But we are not considering the impact on the children and that they need to truly be raised and connected with, not taught that checking out is the answer in life
Thank you for your great sharing Johanna. I feel the truth of what you share here. We are indeed creating through our children the world we will return to.
‘I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.’ The set-up of the computer, tablets and games is now a thousand-fold more intrusive than the TV used to be. For now, they are in our lives big time and being aware of the impact is great support to lessen the intensity.
The Internet itself is not bad, but it is how we have allowed it to be used that is causing the issues.
Great expansion on this point Gill. Very true.
Yes I agree, Johanna. The internet can be a great resource for all of us, so long as we do not use it to fill the void of not having true connection in our lives.
Technology is the new shiny toy that just keeps getting better by the day for what it can do for us We now have IOT the Internet of things. Now even old dumb things can be connected to the internet! There are driverless electric cars. There is a robot that can jump and do flips like an acrobat without falling over. When we replace ourselves, what will we have left to do? May we have to start talking to each other face to face again?
And the thing is, the inexorable progress of Artificial Intelligence, the so called next step, means that our communication and connection will be essential for us to retain our true nature.
Children now often have access through their phones to some absolutely horrendous material, we as adults have not created a safe space for them on line and as a result we will see mental health statistics rise amongst many children.
I was discussing with a fellow parent last night about how parenting teenagers requires a very different kind of focus, and how important it is to keep the flow of conversation open and transparent. I have a very mature 11year old who having started secondary school feels very like a teenager. What I value in our relationship is our equality and how i talk to him to about how i’ve messed up or how vulnerable i might be feeling and i see that this allows him to feel that he can share safely without judgment or criticism.
Beautiful Lucinda. I recently took my daughter’s phone off her for good. She is only 8 nearly 9 so it’s no big deal but she was cross and saying everyone else has phones, but I shared that I felt I had made a mistake giving her it, that I knew a lot more about the harm it does to the brain etc and I wouldn’t give her drugs just because everyone else was and she has been really good about it.
There is nothing like a deep and rich conversation or interaction with people/others, where you are truly sharing in an open and engaging way about everyday events and life, be it about issues, or just enjoying the moment with everyone. You just can’t get that from a computer screen or tv. You may get the feel good, satisfy my pictures or ideals kind of buzz but that is short lived and you’re left with the emptiness you started with before that.
This is such an important topic, and I agree that the use of digital technologies needs to be reviewed with the younger generations, but also for ourselves.
This is a great point Janet for what we need to understand is that we as adults created the world our children are living in. Are we willing to change our own habits and needs for the benefit of our children?
As you say Johanna, ‘all children grow up’. And someday we will come back to be guided by them, so it would be a good exercise revising these questions… How are we guiding them today? What role models we are for them today? We are constantly spreading in their lives with the reflection of our life, with what we promote, with what we allow, … Everything we consume leaves an imprint that will reside forever in them. Are we aware enough of that? Are we promoting what supports or alienates them? We as adults have much to say, and I know it’s not easy, as the external stimulation is huge. But just taking care of ourselves, putting some limits to the exposure to technology, offering to them a reflection of love and respect, would be a great marker for them to feel, know and come back to themselves.
Social media is totally changing the landscape of our lives, and is there for having a major impact on our children and how they grow up – we can’t leave it to our schools to education and raise our children. The internet does offer us a lot of opportunities, if we can emphasise the importance of truly communicating
Absolute we cannot expect our schools to educate our children about good social media habits. The buck well and truly stops with us adults collectively. Even if you don’t have your own kids how you are out in the world influences our young. Do we sit on public transport connected to purpose open to the world around us or are we checked out and taken into the latest scroll that took our fancy. I often wonder what sense of the world our toddlers are making. I don’t think it takes a genius to work out the impact is mostly negative.
The games young children play have a lot of emphasis on having phone on them, it is as though they see us adults with ours every day and so think it is an essential part of life. I agree we all need to be technologically aware, but I also can see that we need to understand how we are with technology and how honest we are with the habits we have around it. It serves a purpose, but do we use it to check out, to make false relationships and numb ourselves, well then there is another issue.
To me it feels like this is just a continuation of living life through distraction. First we had one television and then we had one for the children or for each of the children, then we had a computer and then one for each person in the home and the same with mobile phones etc. now we have all the technology at our fingertips no matter whether we are at home or away from home. Is it all an avoidance to not communicate or truly express with each other? It makes me wonder how advanced humanity truly is when we give our lives and our children’s over to relying on technology to fulfil us and how does this truly serve humanity. I appreciate your points of what true parenting and teaching can be Johanna and feel how vital they are for us to relate and support our children in these ways. “To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body.”
Everything in the macro situation is a reflection of what is in the micro situation. Children are much more in their fullness when parents are also living that, and therefore parents are respected and children are equally respected in opening up conversations such as the above. This is the foundation towards any true change.
I recently watched a clip from a comedian about iPads being these amazing things to shut children up – while in a way funny, more so for me it was a painfully true account of how much we are currently giving over the raising of our children to technology
Anything we watch on a screen can be such a distraction when we allow ourselves to get caught in the virtual reality at the expense of the reality of our daily practical lives and responsibilities.
I really love your blog- every teacher should read this- this is true education!…. Children need true role models. Lets start being one.
This article is a road map for any parent. Connection, being aware of our children and innately aware of their being-ness, and when they loose connection with themselves in the harrows of every day life is the only thing we need to focus on as parents. Keeping in our mind that the only thing that matters is that our children grow up in todays world knowing who they are.
The technological age is something so different in our lives to before and parenting with this is very important for children to know real connection and love . This is our responsibility as adults to show this and live it for ourselves also.
Social media and use of technology reduces quality of connection… it does not enhance it. The amount, of hours that we as adults spend on our devices is something like 10 hours a day and for children approx. 6 hours… that’s a whole lot of communication time lost interacting with others.
I agree with the teacher who said that the TV was an uninvited guest into the home, and unfortunately that guest can be demanding with how much attention it gets. It doesn’t bear to dwell on how many hours are spent wasted and numbing ourselves per week, and we talk about the effects of class A drugs, surely the TV should be at the top of this list.
The Soul, not ‘the screen’, is the true parent. Too often we hand our children over to technology without first laying a solid foundation of love, care, connection and truth which serves to guide them as they navigate their way through life.
I agree that these days the computer games console or the tablet or smart phone has become the ‘disruptive guest’ into homes the same as TV was and still is. However what this blog illustrates is that this guest is not exactly uninvited as we do have a choice to allow these things to dominate our homes or not.
I manage large groups of people and often staff are sick or not able to get to work and replacing someone last minute becomes imperative that I solve the issue and that requires phone use and computer use. When I call my daughter to account about spending too much time on her phone, I feel this smugness that comes as a “like you can talk, you are in your phone all the time”
I am trying to educate her that, yes, I am on my phone a bit but it carries a necessary purpose but to her,she argues that her conversations are equally important and purposeful.
It is a whole new social world they are living in; the same things go on as when I was young but they are on different platforms. It is very interesting to observe all of this. My daughter in not allowed on certain platforms, such as Musically, Facebook or Snap chat due to a feeling my husband and I have about them. I am not claiming to have the answers but I am trying to figure out my own boundaries with my phone use, in order to become more of a positive role model for my daughter.
How often, is it said that one of the most expensive items we will ever have is children and doesn’t even come with instructions? What if your list Johanna, on the parenting and teaching from our inner-wisdom, was issued with every new child in their care an well-being?
Every thing is always a reflection of our connection to the all or our disconnection, where have we have reinterpreted or separated in order to reinforce our individualism.
Most of us get messed up because we have not been truly met by our parents or adults in general, so in these times when parents find it so much easier to allow their kids so much screen time, we are looking at having some pretty messed adults in the future unless we have a massive turn around and return to truly connecting with our kids instead of fobbing them off with the telly or iPad.
It is so great to be discussing our concerns about the impact of the digital age, as there are measures we can take now to encourage the younger generations look up from their iPhones and connect to themselves, each other and the beauty of life around them. In an experiment I read about where young people were taken on a residential trip steeped in nature and without technology, they protested for the first day and then thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’ – it’s the chicken and the egg question, it’s both, one feeds the other. Now more than ever, it’s up to each and every one of us to live and reflect the power and beauty in true connection with each other.
The grandness of what is offered here is enormous and something much needed to be brought to our attention and to see the bigger picture and our responsibility wth it. A brilliant sharing bringing so much wisdom and insight to our children our lives and our future in the world today and where this is all heading if we do not recognise what is happening and offer true connection with our children and each other.
So this is an invitation (aka urgent call) for us all to take responsibility for the way we behave online, setting standards that are inspiring for our young people as they navigate their way through the ever changing pressures of online life.
I feel how much children want to be listened to and how much we miss out on this communication in the fast paced distracted world we are currently living. Learning alongside children is very humbling when I can be honest about those moments I do not give them my full care and attention.
To me, this is one of the most pressing challenges we face as parents, teachers and anybody for that matter. As long as we continue thinking that we can just give our children a video screen to act as a surrogate parent so we can have our ‘free space’ we are destined to create multiple generations of kids that become adults who have no idea how to connect truly to themselves and everyone else. This will inevitably lead to many different mental illnesses due to the lack of connection and self-care skills that should have been fostered early in their lives.
This is so much about connection and founding that as a known in our children before they make their own choices because then they will set a standard that will support themselves and others for future generations. Hopefully one I can come back into!!
“this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child.” This sort of gets lost in the needs and do’s of parenting and growing up yet when I read it I could feel the joy of pockets of my own childhood and how good those times felt in my body. Thank you for this reminder and I thank my upbringing and the reflections I had around me for those pockets that have held me so strongly as an adult now.
Johanna what you wrote regarding the statement about the breakdown in homes due to the television being introduced was a very accurate prediction. I was not born in a time that didn’t involve a television being part of the main family area. But the prediction from this man made me wonder if families used to interact more in the evening before televisions were introduced because I know it is now very common for family’s to sit together in zombie state in front of the television of an evening rather than interact and connect…. so I can only imagine how much more disconnection will occur in the technology age children start having kids.
I don’t feel the internet is a safe environment for children, I was listening to a mother describing to me the rules she had set down for her son to go onto a site where there are lots of children playing a particular game. He wasn’t allowed to put his real name or age or where he lived etc. They put these rules in place because of the fear of internet grooming where someone can say they are 8 years old and it may not be the case in reality. ‘Social grooming’ I’m told takes place on these sites.They didn’t really want him to play this particular game but relented under pressure because all his school friends were playing it and he didn’t want to be left out. Surely there needs to be much more policing of these systems, so that if a child wants to go onto these sites to play they can without fear, but it seems to me that currently we lack the will power to clean them up.
Good call Johanna, it is our responsibility as adults to reflect to our children a true way of being, one that is based on connection to self for everything in life flows with the natural rhythms of the universe when we live life form our bodies and not our brains.