Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
423 Comments
Children learn from the adults around them and if the adults are all on their phones it communicates to the kids that such is acceptable. Go on any public bus, tube, rail and look at those around you, I reckon over 80% will be staring at a phone/device. Connecting and pulling ourselves off our screens comes first.
Thank you for that gem Johanna, I can see that the way we communicate is part and parcel of their education to grow up and we have a responsibility to model decent and respectful communication.
This is a great question for us to ponder on, ‘what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?’
Johanna, thank you for writing this. It is a really needed debate. I see the effects of technology on children and have observed that there is a lack of being able to truly love and communicate with each other, particularly as children get older. A lot of the conversation seems to be around what games children have played, this is with children as young as 7, sometimes even younger.
I know I am being supported 200% in my life even when it is challenging. I live open as much as possible to what is true for me and when I sense things I am confirmed as I am after reading this blog. Supporting my kids to accept the lack of connection in the world is not easy but it is a necessary part of their journey. Through the learning they become aware of a deeper sense of their knowing who they truly are and learn to accept people and where they are at in the world.
Absolutely, our children are our future, not just that they will be the ones in power when we grow old but way beyond, and they will be the ones to parent the next generation who will parent the next.
Oh my this is so serious, what type of world are we bringing our children into?
Addiction to social media is HUGE and the type of energy that comes with this stuff can be super super super harming.
Why are we not noticing that already mental illness rates and rates of self harm are soaring amongst our young?
I totally agree Sam, just today in the UK news was an announcement about more funding for mental health issues in the young – I hope they really dig deep into all these games and social media things and see the effect they are having.
Absolutely Sam, why has no one put two and two together to realise the connection between addiction to technology and mental health issues rising?
Your blog is a great guide for parents to truly connect to their children (and themselves) to raise and support them to be confident and responsible adults in the future. ‘To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.’ What you’ve shared with these valuable points is so needed in a society that has lost its true way of living all together. It is time to grow up for all of us.
Yes, if we have these conversations with our children, they then learn to value their voice and consider the impact of what is happening in the world. They become engaged citizens.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Yay sooo good to hear, if we don’t parent this way we really need to ask where are we coming from and what harm are we actually causing.
Our little ones have never watched TV and occasionally look at photos and videos of them on our phones. We’ve taken the view that they don’t need them at this age – yes, it can be tough when they’re kicking off and you know you can put them in front of a screen, but it’s like we’re investing in their own well being and ability to manage their feelings.
“In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.”
Super super sad is this, I see this first had when I go into schools to work with children – time will indeed show the horrific harm that this kind of disconnection and checking does on the developing child.
I am so glad I did not grow up under 10 with the amount of screens that kids do now. In my teens and early twenties I was fully into video gaming and soical media and it does destroy relationships and I do not say this flippantly. Screen time is damaging people when we believe we can connect through it to others. Yes we can converse but that meeting of another essence is heavily obscured through a screen.
Yes, we see the image they project rather than who they truly are and although it is still possible to see and hear the frustration or the sadness, they often only feel safe to communicate that online or, more often than not, anonymously. I agree, I can see we are on a worrying trajectory.
With the rise of technology children are being exposed and bombarded from all sides, no wonder a huge percentage of children are experiencing anxiety in their lives, a common complaint from children is that their parents are not there for them, as they are being distracted by technology themselves. What you have set out as a true way to parent is amazing and enormous in the building of a society that honours who we truly are first and foremost, so much needed in society today, for what type of society are we setting up for the future if changes are not made.
Gorgeously shared Johanna. It is all about the quality of our connection, the quality of vibration we are aligning to at any given moment as this is what we reflect and offer to any child we are with. For in truth, whenever any of us as adults are with a child we are parenting, and as such offering an opportunity to meet, support, foster and reflect all that is true of that child’s Soulful essence, so that they can feel, explore and learn to live all of who they are with confidence and connection to their innate wisdom. This is for sure how we live our future as with this way of being with children, we are holding true the vibration of love as the foundation of our livingness as a humanity as such, this livingness will continue to be shared, deepen and evolve through each life lived.
Sometimes what becomes so normal is not normal and I often wonder what is going on if we were to take a step back and observe us all wandering around staring at screens, or being fed stuff – images, emotions, ideas – through the medium of TV and music. We maybe choosing all this but aren’t we a little like puppets following what’s being fed to us?
“Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.”
Not only does a loving ‘No’ support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others but also show’s them the power of responding and activating what you as a parent know and feel to be true.
As a parent myself I am constantly learning the importance of being unwavering in this ‘No’
When i waver its often stems from a need to be liked which leaves things messy and unresolved for everyone.
My best memories from childhood all involve being outside in nature, generally by the sea because we spent so much time by the coast but always outside and never in front of a screen.
‘That means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over’, it can be incredibly tempting to gloss over a consequence, or water it down particularly when we are tired but when we allow children to feel the impact of their choices we also allow them to connect to their fragility and innate preciousness within.
We have turned parenting into a really complicated and fraught job, focussing on the struggles, getting it right or wrong, the guilt and expectation. Could it be that it is simply about living in a way that reflects the joy of responsibility and connecting with children openly, honestly, respectfully and as equal students of life?
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.” If we opened up to the possibility of reincarnation and the fact we come back again and again I am sure many of us would think differently about the way we educate our children.
Very true Sam. With this it seems that there is such resistance to be open to the possibility of re-incarnation because of the self-responsibility that this awareness also calls for.
The way technology is used today is a symptom of an unsaid and widely recognised illness – the illness of separation from ourselves and each other.
Now is definitely the time to review our use of the internet and social media, before we end up with a whole generation of kids who don’t know how to be in human relationship.
I came across a new term recently – ‘persuasive technology’ – to describe how companies are using psychology to influence young people and get them hooked on social media and online gaming. What is the world coming to..?
Johanna, I love what you are sharing here; ‘ I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.’ This feels really simple, I have noticed that if I feel well that everything feels much clearer and easier, if I’m tired I can feel disconnected and am more likely to be in doubt as to what to say or do when it comes to parenting and other areas of my life.
Yes so much is happening and there is a lot bombarding and influencing our teens (and younger children) everyday. I was just sharing with another parent today that like all of us, they are going to have their own experiences of making choices but while they live with us we are going to say no to things that do not support…like going for sleepovers or playing games all night. Even though this is against the norm among friends and other teens it’s important for us to feel what is true and going with it… sometimes easier said then done.
The other day I was talking to a lovely lady in a hair and beauty shop who was telling me she has young girls around 11 years old wanting to shave off the eye brows, a young women herself she told me she couldn’t believe how many young girls come in completely obsessed with how they look.
Much of this is to do with social media and the intense pressure that children are now subjected to.
There is so much in this blog that I feel I am only just scratching the surface, each paragraph could be a discussion point! We have a responsibility for how we parent our children from you, what devices we give them and knowing why we are giving it to them. If we have used it as childcare or a soother, we should not be surprised when they need it to occupy themselves or soothe themselves as a teenager into adult life.
” And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them. ”
This is very important to understand , for the living of irresponsibility will be that which greets us when we will return in re-incarnation.
The safety blanket of phones is a reminder that they are seeking safety outside their home. Could this be a reflection of the levels of responsibility being modelled in the home?
This is a great question to ponder on, what came first, and what feeds the other, ‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’
I left my television behind when I moved into a new home 14 years ago and haven’t looked back. As a child growing up in Europe, we had two tv channels and we watched two programs on the weekend. We moved to the States when I was 13 where television was available 20 hours a day, seven days a week. I can remember the feeling in my body from watching so much television – I felt like the flow in my body was altered, like it had been speeded up and it felt like my body no longer belonged to me. It was the most uncomfortable feeling and I can relate to children these days feeling anxiety in their bodies and not being able to cope. Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.
Well said Brigette, “Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.”, we could replace television with food, substances, video games, social media etc., all affecting our bodies in many ways. When I watch TV I feel awful after, like I’ve been drugged and feel like I’ve been in a time warp….there is nothing innocent about that.
This is an important reflection on the impact of TV on our bodies and nowadays we are talking about 24/7 access to screens. This makes a lot of sense of the increasing occurrence of attention disorders and disquiet in our young people’s bodies.
This is such a relevant blog in the world of not only our children, but of ours as adults as well. What kind of example are we setting for our children if we as the parent can’t put our phone down/drag ourself away from social media long enough to truly connect with our children and those around us? Thank you, Johanna, for raising this most relevant issue and starting a conversation on a subject that is so crucial to the quality of and love in our lives.
I think most of social media is encouraging or inviting us to dis-connect rather than truly connect with others. And I wonder how often people are now distracted with their phone or tablet rather than simply being present and in connection with others who are actually around them…
Last night at dinner a friend was talking about her experience working with kids and how she noticed that when the kids went to the beach they were very uncoordinated in their body because of disconnecting from the body through using excessive technology. When we disconnect from the body we have no anchor any more in which to navigate life.
Johanna this is a much needed conversation as I have been reading the statistics on young children to teenagers and it is grim reading, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicides, bullying, inappropriate sex, mental illness. what on earth is happening to our young people? In a video I watched recently young people were quite openly talking about their anxieties about life and how they felt unable to cope with the pressure, but there doesn’t seem any true support for them and surely this starts with us their parents?
The way life was when I grew up is not the same anymore, through mixing of cultures and the internet and social media the strength of sexism and misogyny is being more and more visible again. Some people fear this but in fact it is a good thing that what was rotting underneath the surface is being brought out into the daylight and stronger stances are needed to be taken.
‘ ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest.’ I love this and even if we put aside all other online distractions just looking at the role TV plays in peoples lives is enormous. And it is so true our whole living space is often centred around the TV instead of all those in the household.