Yesterday when I phoned a close friend in the South Island, I realised that it was not the ‘real me’ talking to her, even though our conversation had been ‘normal’. We have known each other for many years, see each other about twice a year and speak on the phone about once a fortnight.
When I got off the phone I felt really ‘yuk’. She had mentioned during the conversation that she was used to me being ‘bossy’ and that it was okay with her. This added to my yukkiness as it did not feel okay with me.
I know in the past I have been bossy and appeared ‘all knowing’, and that seems to be how some close friends and my family tend to perceive me. In the past this has made me feel important and I guess it has given me some form of recognition, but recently I have been feeling more uncomfortable with it and realise it is not the real me.
So I asked myself, why was it when talking to her yesterday (and probably most other times I talk to her) do I slip into old patterns of conversation?
Why am I afraid to show my close friend the real me?
It is partly about the fear of losing her friendship, as other friendships have dropped off in the last 2-3 years since I have made significant changes in my life. Out of habit I phone her regularly, but this is also about trying to hold onto our friendship as I feel that I could lose her friendship if we don’t have regular contact. I have also noticed that I don’t carefully discern the time I am phoning her – I am often tired, less aware of ‘me’, and find it easy to slip into the gossipy conversation we sometimes have.
As I am writing this I am aware of the huge need I have had over the years to have ‘friends’, and that I have expected these friendships to fill my emptiness.
Although I am developing a connection to and a love for myself, which I have not previously had, I still struggle to express that to others and allow them to feel the real me. It seems to be harder to reflect the real me honestly with family and close friends who have known me a long time, as not only do I slip into old patterns, but they expect me to still be in those patterns!
It feels easier to be the real me with new people in my life who are without these expectations. However, these are all things I am now working on and I feel that I am learning to live differently and generally have a greater awareness of the energy I am in before having a conversation, either at home or at work.
I truly appreciate the workshops, personal healing sessions and the people I have met through Universal Medicine who continue to support me to be the real me so that my reflection can be felt – not only by my close friends and family – but by all with whom I come into contact.
By Anne Hishon, Tauranga, New Zealand
429 Comments
It is true Anne how easily we can slip into our old ways when we are with people we know well. I know I do this and it is like Golnaz says, is because we leave this trail behind us that we seem to pick back up on each time we are with them. I know I have different patterns and behaviours with different people so each trail is different. I have been observing this lately with my family and this has stopped me going into my normal reactions or behaviours and I have noticed that this has changed how we all are with each other.
Your blog is very apt for me especially around family. the other day I had a moment of appreciation. I realised I have been consistently more myself with my mum and no longer fly off the handle at seemingly random triggers. We had a chat about this and she said she felt she didn’t have to be so cautious with me which is lovely.
Your blog has got me reflecting on how I don’t express all of me and this is especially so around certain people. With some people I will shy away from showing my fragility, with others I’ll shy away from showing how competent and powerful I can be. Because I have played it small for so long I cannot expect those who have known me for years to expect anything more from me. Only until I consistently express love and truth may this change. My first step is taking responsibility for the relationships I have which leaves no room for frustration or blame.
Thank you Anne for sharing here. I can relate, and it is great to stop and reflect on this.
Anne I can relate to everything you have written about holding onto friends and falling into old patterns when talking to them. I have to watch myself when it comes to reminiscing about the “good old days” (if they were that great I would still be doing them). At times it is difficult because it feels like the relationships haven’t moved on and are stuck in the past.
I agree with you Anne about the expectations from friends when I now express myself honestly from the real me. I still might “slip into those/my old patterns” too. Recently I felt challenged that I might just do that, when speaking with my friend about the many changes I have made these days. After much feeling into what to do, one answer came: Be love, accept and allow and our following conversation was more honest and true, the friendship has indeed deepened.
Thank you Anne, I also have friends that have issues with me not being the way I was in the past. I now know that I was living a fraction who I truly am, and am still uncovering this, but I now choose to not get caught up in their expectations and the pressure people from my past place on me with their expectations of who they feel I should be. I find now it is easier just to be myself.
Through the inspiration of Universal Medicine it has been great to observe my ill patterns, make different choices to cut the momentum of them and then to watch them fall away leaving the real me behind. As an old pattern leaves, I feel free to focus on others as they come up and with each one noted and cleared there is room to see more and be more of me.
I have changed a lot in the last few years. The way I care for myself and my confidence levels have escalated dramatically. I have noticed that as I have changed, people who are in my life regularly have some times resisted the change in the dynamic of our relationship. I know I some times was upset that they did not appreciate these changes and I choose to either become forceful or hide away, both not being my true state. However as my confidence and connection with myself has continued to grow, I have found that I am much more understanding and gentle with how I communicate with people and this has supported my relationships and meant that I am a lot less imposing. I don’t have a need in the relationship that I once did. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I have experienced that so much in the past Anne – changing how I speak/what I say, or planning out a conversation to sound clever. You’re right, it does feel ‘yukky’
After rereading I can also see why in the past in some situations I would feel less confident but this happened when there were people there who I knew would know I’m being different than when I was with them alone. The lack of confidence was simply showing me I was not being Me!
Anne I love your honesty – this is something I’ve noticed in myself also, that sometimes it’s hardest to be natural around people close to you because I know what they are expecting from me, and that may no longer be how I feel. Beginning to break out of this pattern and openly say no – this is me and this this what I stand for is so liberating. And when I do make that claim I find I don’t even mind how the person reacts. I’m also finding that most of my friendships are not really real, because I haven’t been or shown my real self – which is fascinating but a little sad. It’s definitely time to start to drop all this pretence and start to really let people in!
Hi Anne, thank you for your article. I feel that you have touched on a very important subject about knowing the real ‘me’ and then expressing something different which does not feel right. I experience this a lot and so it was great and felt very supportive to read your words about it.
Thank you Anne sharing your story so openly and honestly
I have recently recognised how I can fall into a certain way of being with family, just because it’s comfortable and familiar. I have also recognised how I expect others to be a certain way so that they don’t rock my comfort boat – this happens especially with family. As I have become more comfortable being myself, I am noticing that others around me are feeling that and it’s beginning to change the dynamics, so that we all can be more ourselves with each other.
Thank you Anne, I can relate to going back to old patterns with old friends, you are correct to say it does not feel good anymore. It’s about breaking those old deep patterns.
Only yesterday I realised that I was at last letting go of my attachments to some old friendships that have caused me to stay in familiar and now uncomfortable patterns. I have realised it is not about cutting those people off, many of them have been loving presences in my life, but just acknowledging the changes in all our lives, and knowing that whenever we may be in contact the true connection is in expressing how we truly feel and who we are. That is my responsibility. In the long gaps in between communicating, whenever I think of others I am now learning to work with the feelings that come up about needing them, and be open to accept them as they are, and then when we do speak or meet again, I can feel there will be a deeper connection.
Having re read this piece it jumps out at me how it is easy to change these patterns. Sometimes a bit of space and or time can be all that you need to help build the confidence within yourself, to know and be all that you know you are. Still others may expect you to be the old you, as it were, but you will have built the strength within yourself to be no way other than that which you truly are.
Really gorgeous and honest blog Anne. You bring an amazing pondering to us all here as it can seem pretty daunting addressing the “emotion” behind old friendships. I can certainly relate as I have started to feel exactly the same awareness of old relationships I have. For me I have learnt that it doesn’t matter what has gone on before so much, as what goes on now. In being aware of how I am feeling before, during and after any correspondence really allows me to as you put “bring all that I am”, so even if it’s an old drinking buddy, or someone I have only just met, the conversations are often typical of close family and I love that. Breaking deep and old habits is really hard especially in these unseen areas but the feeling you get when you show yourself you can do it is out of this world, and I am learning to appreciate that too.
Wow Anne I so relate to what you are saying and have found myself doing this too especially with people I have known for a long time and with family. Accepting I have changed has supported me greatly and just recently I was talking with a family member and the conversation usually leaves me feeling a little flat due to the criticism that comes my way. This could be from a derogatory comment on what I am wearing or what I am doing or really about anything.
From lots of observation over time I came to realise that I had been bracing myself ready for the bombardment on every meeting and even joined in the criticism towards others. Since I have noticed this and taken steps to just be open and not guarded I have found that the person has changed how they are with me. To the point I visited recently and two compliments arrived my way, which was amazing and beautiful to feel. The thing was that I was just being me and allowing whatever was there to be and in doing so it almost gave the other person permission to do the same. My lack of guardedness gave an opening for a flow from the other person to be who they are, for in truth we are not naturally full of criticism but in fact full of love so if one goes for it the other feels safe to do so as well. Awesome.
This is a beautiful observation Beverley. I have so often blamed the way someone else carries on as what makes it hard for me to be the ‘real me’. But when I focus on what is going on with me in the first place: am I bracing myself, am I trying to please, or some other act, and when I have a go at dropping this act I am hiding behind, it gives an opening for the other person to drop whatever they are hiding behind too. BOTH of us have the opportunity to be more real. Awesome.
This is responsibility with a capital R Golnaz. Feeling any tension with people is always such an opportunity to look a little deeper to see what is going on. I am learning to love these experiences as they always show me where there are different choices I can make. Then its totally up to me if or when I make the changes.
Beautiful Beverley, so awesome. I agree, ‘My lack of guardedness gave an opening for a flow from the other person to be who they are, for in truth we are not naturally full of criticism but in fact full of love so if one goes for it the other feels safe to do so as well.’ Love changes everything.
Spot on Beverley…you could have been writing this for me. I have had a pattern of defense & protection and I have definitely noticed how others change when I drop this and just be my sweet self. It’s so true that to change the world all we need to do is change ourselves and then watch everything re-constellate around us.
I love what you have written here Marika. Just being me, allows others to be themselves too. Pretty simple but a long lesson to learn sometimes, when we are looking for anything else and anyone else to confirm us.
Thanks Anne your blog is a great reminder for me that we never stop learning as we go along, if we don’t get it quite right but learn something from it, it’s definitely not a bad thing. I am constantly catching myself slipping a little, or a lot back into old ways with family and old friends or playing down how good I feel as not to get there backs up or appear too full of myself.
I love my old friends but find myself compromising myself at times to maintain their acceptance. There are many old and unhealthy ways that don’t serve me anymore and were the basis for many friendships. More and more I realise that I can be more of me with my old friends and if this is something they reject then that is fine and is a choice they are free to make. But my love for them and for myself remains undimmed.
Well said Bryony, yet another false belief that stops us appreciating and accepting even more love.
Hi Anne, I really understand what you are saying here – it feels SO much easier to be the real you with new people, for absolute sure! I sometimes want to just stop calling certain friends rather than be me… but running away like that would actually still hold me back from being me so I found that’s not the answer! I found that I naturally stopped calling quite as much, which broke the habit of idle gossip, and often would go months without chatting. Then I would only call (or answer calls) when I felt like speaking to them and so was in a good place. This meant I was able to be naturally honest with them and just be me, rather than the times when I didn’t feel like talking to them, but did anyway (not wanting to offend) and end up explaining what the real me is, rather than just being it!
Dear Anne, thank you for bringing this up. It is an important point and has made me reflect on the ‘old trails’ (ref comment by Golnaz) of communication that I still drop into. With this awareness comes the freedom and potential of a fresh approach to relationships with family and friends, so that I can bring more of myself.
Thank you Anne for a blog that so beautifully expresses my experiences of relationships with old friends and family. I can so relate to the huge need for friendship and how I use these friendships to gain an identity and as you say fill an emptiness within. If my friends needed me back then I had a purpose in life and it boosted my sense of self importance and arrogance. I also used it to re-assure myself that I was OK. The same can be said for the way I related to my family and I would wrap them around me as a security blanket to comfort me when the world was seeming to reject me. The difference in the way I relate to new friends has puzzled me for some time and your blog has brought clarity to the different way we relate to those in our lives.
Thank you Anne. Friendships is something I have been reflecting on recently and why sometimes with a close friend I feel like I’m holding back and not being myself, I feel that there can be an un-ease. It’s lovely to read your article and to ponder on what you have written.
Dear Anne, ahh your blog was such a reflection of an old pattern of behaviour and conversation I too have been slowly and steadily working on – learning to communicate and express to people (including close friends and family) and showing them the real me! I can so relate to your experience of being described as ‘bossy’ (not an attribute I was happy to admit in the past!) – I too did this (and sometimes still do…) – not realising it at the time, but now coming to realise that the reason I was bossy and controlling etc. was as a protection against people seeing the real me. Like you, I too gained attention from this type of behaviour and people seemed to accept I was like this, however I now know that’s not really who I am (or was), and that I was afraid (like you) that if I was the ‘real’ me (which at times was/is me feeling sad / hurt / vulnerable etc.) that people wouldn’t like me or would lose respect for me, or simply wouldn’t know how to respond to me. The more I am learning to be the real me with people, and to be open and honest and to express what I really feel and not what I ‘think’ is the right thing, or that others want to hear, the less need I have to behave and express and communicate in ways that are not me… and in fact when I do slip into these behaviours, it feels very obvious much more quickly (as in yuk in my body). For me the big turning point came when I started to have more awareness of my body, and began taking care of myself… The more I took (and continue to take) care of myself, the less I need others to ‘fill the emptiness’ that you describe that I too used to feel. I too have also been inspired by the consistent reflection of Universal Medicine which is always reflecting the real me, even in those times when I myself am not being all of the real me.
What a beautiful response Angela, I can relate to much that you share here. I too behaved in ways to hide the real me, ‘I was afraid (like you) that if I was the ‘real’ me (which at times was/is me feeling sad / hurt / vulnerable etc.) that people wouldn’t like me or would lose respect for me, or simply wouldn’t know how to respond to me. The more I am learning to be the real me with people, and to be open and honest and to express what I really feel and not what I ‘think’ is the right thing, or that others want to hear, the less need I have to behave and express and communicate in ways that are not me’. This feels so liberating and equally the more I am being loving with myself, the less I have need from other people.
Such strength and honesty here Angela – it’s truly inspiring to see women making true and lasting change by committing to being themselves in the most real way. I am reminded that we all crave this realness – so when we bring it, it might make others temporarily uncomfortable but in truth it is highly sought after – even in our older relationships.
I find it crazy how I may not have seen an old school friend for over a year and then can fall back into some unhealthy self sabotage! I had a habit of putting myself down in order for others to feel better. To my friends at school I was the clown the one that was silly and made everyone laugh.
I took this role as I wanted to help but I now realise how harmful playing these roles can be, as I interact every day with people and I observe as all types of roles get played out. What is dangerous is when we start to believe our own lie and it gets meshed into what we think is true for ourselves. By doing this it totally caps us and forever leaves us short of our true potential. Thank you for brining this subject up, such an important area to look at in our lives.
Absolutely Samantha I love how you express that we are capping ourselves and therefore not reaching our true potential by allowing ourselves to slip into these old roles rather than being authentic with whomever we come into contact with however long they have known us and whatever expectations they have of us. I have recently been opening up with my sister and it has allowed for more understanding and support of each other which is beautiful.
Love the way you’ve captured the conundrum we face with those we’ve known a long time when we choose to want to express ourselves differently and particularly when that’s counter to their expectations. How people are invested in us staying the same and how we battle with breaking out of that for fear of rejection or making waves. Great blog. Thanks.
Hi Anne, thank you for your honest blog. I know for me that the more connection and love I have for myself, the more confident I am and therefore the more I can be the real me.
I can definitely relate to what you say about how family and friends tend to expect you to be how you used to be and that it’s hard to reflect something completely different. What an awesome blog!
Thank you Anne for all you share and I have really found the same thing with old patterns and old ways with old friends.
I am finding how beautiful it is now feeling to freely express from the true me and the joy that comes from that, and when I don’t with old patterns how yuck that feels inside. I know I can’t do that anymore.
This all comes from learning to love and appreciate myself and the joy that I treasure from this and want to share with everyone.
This is all thanks to my time with Universal Medicine .
Yes, Anne I completely relate to communicating in the same way with people I’ve known for longer. It’s like it keeps us both stuck as the same script plays out. They know what to ask and say and I respond or react in a way I always do. Now I can feel when this same quality of conversation repeats and after feels yukky as you say. Slowly this is changing as I allow myself to be open equally with everyone, and choose to be with Me, rather than what I think I need. Inspiring read, Thank you!
What a timely read this article was for me tonight, thank you for sharing.
It is easy to slip into old patterns and ways with people we know well. I also love Golnaz’s analogy of leaving trails of old ways behind and to be observant to not walk in old trails but to re-imprint them with the true you.
I agree. The old ingrained patterns are grooves that are so easy to slide into. Just being aware of the trails you leave behind is a great observation and an opportunity to stay true to who you are.
Yes, i find this to be an interesting transitional phase which I find often happens in many of my relationships due to the fact that we are constantly changing and evolving.
Thank you Anne – yes it is true that when we change some people don’t like it or are challenged by it and want us to be the way we were – even though the way we were was not who we truly are! It is of course much more freeing to just be yourself, irrespective of what other people think or expect – yet how easy it is to get caught up in their expectations and also our own unmet needs such that we play along with these old ways and patterns. Great to observe this and see where we are getting caught as you have done.
So true Eunice, others can get challenged when we start to let go of some of our less loving patterns and behaviours as it reflects back to them their own imperfections and responsibility to change – and that sometimes can be uncomfortable to say the least.
So true, how it is easier to be a new version of you, even if it is the true you, with those who have no expectations of you. No wonder there is such a high rate of people relocating or moving out, getting new jobs, etc. when then, we are not obviously held accountable for our actions up until that point when we change our environs. All it is showing us is how far removed we have become from our true selves, and often that is quite painful to deal with.
So, so true. Thank you for this blog which has given me plenty to ponder.
Hi Anne, I have been noticing this as well and your article prompted me to reflect on it some more. I notice that as I evolve and expand, I can more easily be the ‘new’ version of me in new situations and that I more easily fall into old patterns in old familiar situations. This can even be the comfort of my own home! So what is similar between my home and my old relationships? What I realise is that every choice, every action leaves a trail, I may not see it, but I and everyone else none-the-less feel it and get affected by it. When I go into old situations I walk into the old trails that I myself have laid down previously. If those old patterns no longer represent who I have now evolved to, what is required is a more deliberate attention to not walk in the previous trails and to re-imprint the situation with the new me. How awesome. Thank you for your article.
Hi Golnaz, I love the analogy of the trails as that is exactly what it feels like to me as well. Thank you for expanding on this – it has really deepened it even more.
Golnaz this is a beautiful extension of Anne’s blog, and I feel you’ve pinpointed something super important as to why we return to old behaviours. I feel very similarly – that it’s easy to be true to myself in new situations, rather than situations similar to those in the past, which in truth re-appear so that we can re-imprint and change that situation to one that we are true in.
Meg, thank you. When you put it as you have, it is easier to let go of any self judgment if we slip into an old pattern – as you say, they “re-appear so that we can re-imprint and change that situation”, and maybe we won’t get it right first time around, but they will keep appearing, and we can continually re-imprint.
I agree with you Meg. A beautiful extension Golnaz. I, too, can relate very much to slipping into the old patterns out of comfort, security and familiarity, yet it never feels satisfying or fulfilling. However, the more I take ‘deliberate attention’ to express from the ‘real me’ the more my life, and those around me, are enriched.
I agree Jonathan. Choosing to let go of the beliefs in how I should be rather than just being me has had a positive effect on me and has rippled into an even stronger relationship with others.
Meg, I am finding that so true. Over the holiday period I’ve spent time with close relatives and have especially appreciated the many opportunities to re-imprint my way of relating. I’ve been so appreciative of their willingness to relate in new ways to me too and finding after so many years I’m getting to know the real them which is beautiful.
To Golnaz, Anne and Meg thank you for expressing so clearly what it is like to move on with our new found clarity and yet liable to fall back into old patterns the moment we found ourselves in familiar situations.
Golnaz has created an extension of the blog and Monica you have given it a real visual. The trails which snails leave – it creates a picture and reminds me I have a choice as to how I walk on this trail I have already walked!
Yes, gorgeous Meg. And this then opens up the opportunity for us to possibly feel awkward or uncomfortable, to laugh at ourselves and also to enjoy the feeling of walking the new trail, even though it seems less familiar.
Beautiful Kylie, I like that, ‘simply walking our new trail that is unfamiliar’ is fun indeed! Sometimes we need new in order to feel and be aware of the old we have lived. The comfort we at times can get stuck in, is actually very harmful should we never wake up to the fact that we are in comfort – which Universal Medicine so beautifully does.
Thanks Anne and Golnaz. I was just in an old pattern and after reading this blog and comments, have managed to pull myself out of it.
I have realised this too Natalie. Not a coincidence.
Yes Golnaz, I can connect to the analogy of walking into previous trails and just repeating old habits because they are familiar. In these situations I have to remember that I always have a choice and can choose a different way. A wonderful expansion on Anne’s blog.
Golnaz, awesome points you make here. I particularly like the ‘comfort of my own home’ and this is something I can relate to. Thank you for bringing awareness to this.
Beautifully put and so true Golnaz, thank you. ‘What I realise is that every choice, every action leaves a trail, I may not see it, but I and everyone else none-the-less feels it and get affected by it. When I go into old situations I walk into the old trails that I myself have laid down previously. If those old patterns no longer represent who I have now evolved to, what is required is a more deliberate attention to not walk in the previous trails and to re-imprint the situation with the new me.’ Such a great reminder for me, and so pertinent at present, I will take this with me into my day.
A super honest article Anne and I love your trail analogy Golnaz, and as such, we are indeed presented with a choice in every moment to lovingly re- imprint, a beautiful realisation. Thank you both for bringing this to light
Golnaz thats a great analogy and point and something to be aware instead of avoiding those more “difficult” situations which are really just there for us to re-imprint.
Great pointed Golnaz. And it shows how we create an environment (home, friends, workplace. whatever) which is given us security and stability – but not the flexibility and space to evolve. This is like puppets on their strings, we take the benefit of “being held” but also getting the narrowness, the dependence of it.
The narrowness is what causes the tension in the body that all is not well and the opportunity is always offered to either choose to expand or continue to walk the narrowness of what is offered to use in all facets of everyday life.
Golnaz that is an extremely helpful way to look at it. A reminder that we always have to wait for the momentum of our past choices to catch up.
Thank you Anne for highlighting some of the ‘stuff’ that comes up for me when connecting with old friends and family. And I also found it helpful the way that Golnaz has spoken about old trails – a little like a snail is what I can picture. We leave behind these ‘trails’ and I find they can draw me back in to behave in the same ‘old way’. I will pay ‘deliberate attention’ to not walk in these trails and to allow my old friends to share the real me who is unfolding.
I love what you have offered here, Golnaz. It makes so much sense why it’s easier, particularly with close friends/family, to get pulled back into the old pattern that we thought we had beaten ages ago. Thank you.
I agree with Fumiyo and others re what Anne and then Golnaz expanded on so beautifully.
It is those patterns of behaviour so entrenched from the past that still reoccur in our relationships that we have a choice to re inprint or not. Lovely analogy with a snail trail- do we leave a loving, beaming light of joy behind, which is inspiring for others to follow, by being who we truly are, with no “needs” or attachments?
Hi Anne, I can easily relate to all you say about being bossy, the defence and recognition I felt I needed, my relationship with friends and family and wanting to be all things to all people. The more we love ourselves the less we need to receive from others, the letting go of “need”
has been great for me. I so loved your analogy Golnaz of trails, it will be a great reminder for me when I slip back into old patterns which does happen but I love myself through these times now. It is so encouraging that most of us have been there before but we can now see the change in us clearly and feel the benefits of truth and love that we have received from belonging to our family that is Universal Medicine.
It makes sense what you write about the trails we leave, and that the old, long trodden trails need a bit more attention to not trod them again out of comfort. What I have also found is that as long as I want something from the situation I am in, i.e. to be liked, an easy conversation.., I find myself more easily back into old behaviours.
‘What I have also found is that as long as I want something from the situation I am in, i.e. to be liked, an easy conversation.., I find myself more easily back into old behaviours.’ Absolutely, Esther I notice this too. Any investment I have comes back to bite me on the bum, so to speak.
It is indeed about stepping out of old trails. There is momentum in these old trails as they feel really normal, but then if you start feeling into them they feel really yuk and without the power of the real me. After feeling that, which is important to feel that that the normal doesn’t feel right, it still takes commitment to break out of the old trail to get in the new trail, as these trails may have ‘walked’ for centuries.
Golnaz re imprinting the new situation rather then following the old trial. Amazing thank you.
I like this description Golnaz as I can feel how easy it is sometimes to keep repeating something I dont want to be doing anymore and each time I repeat it, it deepens the groove on that trail. ‘Falling into a rut’ says it all.
Dear Anne, I can relate to finding myself falling back into old patterns of relating when I am talking to people who have known me a long time and living up to their ‘expectations’ of what I will say and how I will behave. For me it has been a gradual process of becoming more true to myself and recognising, like you, the times that I am most likely to slip back. Thank you for your sharing of the journey you are on.
Thank you Helen. I love and appreciate your comments.
Anne. I can fully relate to what you say. Making life changes to old ways, needed a lot of work and soul searching, but getting there is a wonderful feeling.
I can also relate to this Helen and Anne…how vulnerable we feel when we first let the mask slip in front of those who have only known us with the mask on and perhaps had no issue with it. To stand there in front of another and allow ourselves, our true selves, to truly be seen can be both terrifying and liberating. By letting more of ourselves (our love and our light) out in this way, we can let more of the other person in because removing the mask creates more space for love to express fully, openly and unashamedly. Not in a gushing or too intense way but in a very humble and simply way that says: “the love in me is the love in you”.
Hi Anne. Thank you for your insightful blog. I could relate to a lot of what you shared. I feel very similar things. But I am now realising that this is a blessing to feel this as I am now feeling what no longer fits the real me. I have become super aware of when this happens now and it is a pull and a choice to evolve in every interaction. Thank you for your beautiful sharing.
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Thank you Anne- Marie. I too love knowing that with every interaction I have the opportunity to express myself in a different way. This is so affirming to know as when I slip back into old patterns as I still do occasionally, I have another opportunity to express differently. With Appreciation, Anne.
Me too Mary – the momentum of arresting some patterns can sometimes be a slow process! However the more I’ve learnt to simply observe the process, still remain honest, and still be committed to working on myself – without judging or bashing myself – the easier this process becomes to integrate these changes into the body.
Gorgeous Anne. Yes patterns in relating can run very deep but there is always the opportunity to make lasting change!
That’s the beauty of every day we have available to us. We can choose again. And we need those days because sometimes those momentums run deep and are a challenge to change. Our friends can be a great support, however sometimes it is best to let go of unloving friendships to make new loving markers with new friends. God has a wnderful way of showing us our new opportunities. They are always flowing to us when we are open to seeing them.
That’s the great part I find Shevon – it’s never too late to be aware of our behaviours, never to late to be honest with ourselves, and never to late to make changes!
Exactly Angela. We only have to reflect back to appreciate all the changes that have already taken place to know that we are more than capable of changing anything that stands between us and our relationship with God.