While I was standing in the local tool shop today, I shared with the lovely men working there that I needed help fixing some things in my house. I started talking to the man next to me and he offered to help me. Just two minutes later we were in my house, sharing time and chatting about life while he was drilling holes in my wall to hang a mirror. At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.
I had to go back to the shop to borrow an electric screwdriver and when I got back, I shared with him that his words had stayed with me.
“You know what,” I said, “For me there is no such thing as strangers. I want to be open and be myself with everybody, even if I have just met them. I don’t feel there should be a difference. If there is then I ask myself, and feel, what I am projecting onto that other person that I am not being as open with.”
I pondered on this a little bit more during my day.
Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.
When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us. Do we protect ourselves because we don’t know the other person? For me as a woman, I might hold back with a man that I have never met before and who is in my house, helping me hang up my mirror on the wall.
I chose to not hold back because it felt lovely to have this man in my house. Does this mean that I would invite anybody into my house? No, it doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be honouring of myself. The thing is I felt a connection and trust with the man at the shop from the first moment I met him and therefore I did not see him as a stranger.
For me there is no such thing as strangers, as we are all connected. Everybody is equal, regardless of where we come from, what we do, or the way we look. We are all one and the same within, each one of us, with unique qualities and talents. We all make different choices, yes, and we may live a thousand miles apart, but to me we are all one big family.
Knowing this, with every person I meet I can make the choice to meet them as loved family members or if I do hold back and find myself judging or thinking that I cannot say this or that or be this or that, then I know that I have allowed in the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.
It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.
Now my mirror and paintings are hanging on the wall and it feels wonderful. Not only because they are finally hanging, but also because I was open to connecting and had invited someone into my home who helped me a great deal with something I could never have done on my own.
Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!
Every day I meet new people, chat with somebody on the street, in a shop, in the gym, at work or in the tram, say hello to people in the park, make eye contact, ask the supermarket assistant how she is doing, ask my neighbour for support when needed, give a compliment to somebody or start a conversation. I feel more connected with all those around me, close by and far away.
This blog is inspired by Universal Medicine and all those gorgeous people out there in the world that I meet every day.
By Mariette Reineke, Holland
Further Reading:
The simplicity of true intimacy
Heaven’s Joy – Deep Connection
A Feeling of Connection
827 Comments
The thing is all strangers are friends or family and loved ones to someone else – it can be quite easy to forget the person serving you or in the car next to you is a person just like you – going though stuff and having good and bad days. When we make the time to stop and talk and connect to people it brings that into the foreground- I know when I worked at a cafe, making conversation and connection with customers made them less like drinks on an order, and made us less like machines behind a counter.
Well said Brendan, and sometimes it seems that all we crave is food, entertainment, money or success, but underneath all these cravings, the only thing we truly crave for is connection.
I love this example Richard. When we connect to our essence deep within us we realise we are all one of the same. In that we do all know each other in that we know the original source we all come from.
“I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!”
Yes it is great Mariette; what an absolute joy it is to be out in the world connecting and enjoying meeting up with “strangers”; strangers no more!
Brillant Richard, Its so lovely to feel that familiarity with someone yet it may be the first time that meeting has taken place. It just goes to show, there is something, a common denominator that runs within each and every person. And that common thread surfaces when two people meet and recognise that same quality … Being met with something that is so familiar!
Brillant Richard, Its so lovely to feel that familiarity with someone yet it may be the first time that meeting has taken place. It just goes to show, there is something, a common denominator that runs within each and every person. And that common thread surfaces when two people meet and recognise that same quality … Being met with something that is so familiar!
When we label another as a stranger, we automatically go into a protection and are on guard, not being able to just relax and be ourselves with this person. Funny how we let labels dictate how we are going to feel about another that we don’t even know.
So true Julie, the more we let go of the protection and allow others in we start to truly connect with everyone and feel the joy that comes with this openness.
I imagine for this man to have felt so trusted by you Mariette would have made his day. You had the pleasure of receiving his help and he had the pleasure of offering it. It sounds like a great exchange to me!
It was a great exchange and the beauty is, we have been in touch after that as well. If there is something, I know I can call him if needed. It just feels great to have people in your close neighborhood that you can ask for support, especially when you live on your own. I have a lovely girl living above me and she is also somebody I am close with and I know I can text her or call her, if needed. We even share wifi.
A great point Rachel when we feel total trust we open up more deeply to people and for sure this flows onto our next meeting with another. We share the trust of ourselves and the trusting of each other because we connect to the well that is with-in us. Trust is a very beautiful quality to reflect to each other.
I have recently been taking public transport a whole lot more and it’s been a great learning for me – at first i fell into step with everyone else and ignored the bus driver or the staff at tube stations. But after watching my friend say hello to them one day, I realised how I had been blanking another human, and that to stop for a moment to smile or say hi won’t cost me a thing, but maybe makes those peoples day feel a little better.
Yes the power of a smile and a cheery ‘hello’ makes such a huge difference to someone’s day Rebecca and this is returned twofold as we then get to experience a return of that moment of sharing ourselves with another. And its free 🙂
Thank you Rebecca – the clarity of your comment leaves no room for confusion and brings simplicity back to our interactions with others. As you say ‘it is wise to be discerning while still being open to connecting’ and in this way we let go of judgement and reaction.
When we meet people we know so much about them just by what we have felt. We can put up barriers and pretend that things aren’t known, but everything is known because everything is energy, so the energy passing through you I can also feel.
Is it possible the images we hold around people are the ways we may sort in our minds who is a stranger and who is not? Does someone’s obvious life choices draw us in or repel us based on these images? Preconceived ideas keep us from connecting to the essence of who these people truly are and the possibilities of what we can unfold together – even for a moment. Connection brings treasures beyond any imagined picture.
Images we hold do stand in the way of connection and also intimacy. We tend to place people in boxes where we leave them no room to just be who they truly are. We are not our choices and we are not our behavior. Connection does bring treasures beyond any imagined picture. Beautifully expressed. We don’t need any rainbows with golden pots at the end. The gold is right under our noses every single day.
There are many opportunities for us to connect with ‘strangers’ eg doing shopping, buying petrol, going for a walk etc. It’s a lovely experience to give eye contact to someone and say a simple ‘hi’ or whatever is appropriate at the time. In our world there is way too much isolation, loneliness and avoidance of others, often because they are deemed ‘strangers’, yet we have the possibility of making joyful, simple contact with another human being quite easily. If anyone is in doubt it’s definitely worth the experiment to see for themselves!
‘Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.
‘Great question Mariette. Staying open with people dissolves any preconceived ideas we may have about, age, culture, dress, etc . .. and allows the most simple, stunning and inspirational interactions to occur.
When I connect to people who I don’t know I am aware that there are two things that I am interacting with. Firstly their essence which is the same as mine, and this is where our shared humanity lies. Secondly what I am relating to is the energy and the result of all their choices. The things they choose in life may be different to what I choose, therefore the health of their body, the way they relate, the things they choose to do with their spare time may be different. Any beliefs they have will taint how they see the world and therefore how they see me. All this other ‘stuff’ is around their true essence and will be present in any exchange. It is worthwhile being aware of this and it is wise to be discerning while still being open to connecting.
Connecting with others brings a smile and warm feeling inside us and it is like meeting ourselves and lighting our day. There is no such thing as strangers wether we catch a glimpse in another’s eye or have a conversation with true connection.
Yesterday to took a short walk round the block. I saw an elderly lady with her dog and we smiled and said hello as we walked past each other. I then met her again on my circuit and we both naturally stopped to have a conversation. It was like meeting a friend. These moments of connection with others bring much joy.
To me it is those daily interactions that make my day, the lady in the supermarket, the smile from the passer by on the street, the warm hearted gesture from the bus driver. We are all so amazing and there is nothing better then truly connecting with another.
For me too Samantha, they are my so called cherries on the pie, the reason I get up in the morning and what life is for me about, connecting with people and knowing that life is about people. Always.
I agree Samantha and Mariette, it is the daily connection with others however small, that makes all the difference to one’s day, like ‘cherries on the pie’ and without the calories Mariette!
From these connections felt by our hearts we are full of love and do not need to fill ourselves with treats and snacks, we grow in another way.
The world can sometimes feel like a lonely, isolated place to be. But what you show so beautifully Mariette is that it is this view of life that is alien to our true nature, not one another. If you consider the possibility of re-incarnation how funny it is to imagine, brothers, sisters, mothers and daughters from previous times, meeting like a new species recently discovered. The beautiful thing as your story shows is that the smallest conversation or interaction can illustrate that we are all the same underneath.
Love that you bring in the element of reincarnation Joseph and what is really ‘strange’ in our life situations is that we choose NOT to remember our past lives or the connections we have to those we may only have brief encounters with now. I’m sure everyone has experienced that feeling of a ‘stranger’ feeling like home, easy to talk to and very familiar… a past life connection perhaps.
Amazing Mariette. Having conditions on who we show ourselves to, and who we trust places restricions on us and affects the way we are even with the people we love. When we let more of the world in, we can go to new levels with our openness and capacity to build amazing relationships.
So true Harrison when we let the world in we realise we are in fact no different, and that there is no race, no colour, no religion that can separate us as we are all one – one family.
Absolutely Harrison, and then life is one big relationship. And the beauty is, there is no end point with being open. I am learning every day that I can open up more and more and let people in and show more of myself. So much to explore..
Great point Harrison, I have always had huge trust issues, trusting some people more than others. What I have learned is that trusting others begins with self-trust, which comes from acceptance and loving myself first and foremost. Self-love is key to being open and sharing all of one self.
I love what you have shared here, plus your line “It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone”, if we all took were able to foster this more, each and every one of us, relationships would definitely change, there would be less protection, more openness and ability for people to connect. A much more open and loving society we would surely have.
Indeed Raegan, if we all saw it as a joyful opportunity to learn and expand and not a heavy burden or a chore, as often is the case when we realise this is part of being a responsible fellow human being. As Mariette says “It feels very freeing…”
It is a gorgeous feeling to be greeted by a warm, inviting smile like yours Mariette an invitation to openly communicate equally so and in return share in ways that just feel so joyful and a part of something that feels much grander. That feeling of ‘don’t I know you’ from somewhere! comes to mind.
I just said something similar today to someone I have been working with for an event. We haven’t seen each other that much but I told them that I have this feeling that I’ve known them for a long time and how lovely it feels to be working with them. They said well, I don’t know if that is true that we know each other for a long time. Oh well, I said, I just trust what I feel.
We get taught from very young not to talk to strangers – the whole idea of ‘stranger danger’ was hammered into kids at school and I remember being quite terrified of people I didn’t know. Sure, kids need to be aware of certain behaviours and learn to discern what they feel and read about another. But telling them to ‘shut off’ all strangers is so against what kids naturally want to do – connect!
That’s an important point Rachael, – most kids love to connect as they are still aligned to their true expression. It is so simple when we see it for what it naturally is.
Yes. Brings joy, and changes our day Samantha
Yes, Kids love to connect, and can feel when connection is not there. Their behaviour changes immediately. I have noticed this with my son – the one thing he can’t bear is feeling any disconnection in our relationship and he lets us know in the most beautiful ways.
Thanks for sharing a great point here Rachael Evans. We are taught not to talk to strangers as children but why is it that children tended to ignore this. Could it be that they are still aware that we are all connected and it is natural to want to engage with one another. No coincidence that when a child does this, every adult melts from the inside out!
Yes, when we are really connected and in love, there is no off switch, then we reflect the same quality to everybody. It is so amazing, that we can deepen our relationship with everybody more and more, there is no end.
Great sharing Mariette – you describe beautifully what true connection is about – to have no prejudices, no expectations or whatsoever, just to be open and let the world and other people in. When we do this, life is coming towards us, no need to look for anything. Then love is in the air.
I love what you share Alexander “When we do this, life is coming towards us, no need to look for anything. Then love is in the air.” Being open and staying connected with myself I find what you share absolutely real in my daily life.
Then life is coming towards us, I love that Alexander. And it is true, then everything we need and all those people we have to meet will come to us. I always trust that I exactly come across those people that give me that piece of reflection I need for the day.
Yes indeed Alexander, when we do this, love is given the space to flow….
Great point Alexander,” life is coming towards us”, then it is our responsibility to then be all that we are as it does, letting in all in and letting all of us out.
Beautifully said Alexander
When we truly see another we are met with the reflection of ourselves, as we are all one and the same in essence. From this reflection we can feel the joy of meeting someone in their unique expression knowing they are just another part of the whole we form together.
Wow – What a beautiful comment Carolien! When you put it like that then we have nothing to fear from so called ‘strangers’. They are just people we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet.
I have found that when you approach a person not as a stranger, but as a person or even a friend, even if it is just at the checkout at the supermarket, it completely changes the conversation – no longer is it awkward silence, or small talk for politeness sake, but a genuine conversation about them and their day and their life. Having worked in a coffee shop, the best customers where those willing to have a chat and smile and engage, and not be put off simply because we were strangers – and infact many friendships grew during that time. Perhaps the root of why so many people feel lonely is that they don’t make connection with people enough.
Mariette, this is a great question, ‘Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it’, I have noticed that when Im feeling connected with myself and joyful that I love talking with everyone, whether I know them or not it seems like the most natural thing in the world, I don’t have thoughts that someone is a stranger I simply enjoy connecting with people and feel no difference between them and family and friends, if I am not feeling connected and instead am a little tired and have an unresolved issue for example then I do not have that same connection with people, i keep myself separate and do not have the same joy and ease with people.
I ponder about the people we do know and maybe see each day whether they be at home, work or locations and we refuse to connect to them because of an image we hold.
We hold on to many images and any image just stands in the way of a true connection. Great pondering Rik. Maybe that is why it is so important to meet everybody every day with a whole new fresh approach…true intimacy can only be there when we let go of images.
Beautifully said and a great reminder to take into my day – thank you Rik and Mariette.
Mariette your blog shows that when we are connected with ourselves and present in our body we can feel the connection and we will know who we have before us. In this we do not need the protection and we can show al of who we are to everyone. As you say we may not invite them all into our hoe what we can take the opportunity to truly connect always.
Today I asked one of my neighbours, who is somewhat shy, to help me out with something that was too heavy for me alone in my garden. ON the way from his backyard where I met him to mine we had a simple conversation about an injury he sustained and his job and I realised that this was the perfect setting for us to connect. It made me realise I can ask for support much more often to those around me and that it will support the building of relationships.
Thank you for this gorgeous sharing Mariette, your love for people is deeply felt in it and the joy of sharing yourself with everyone you meet is inspiring and gorgeous to be made part of.
I have always thought it amazing that the people who are my closest friends where once ‘strangers’ and therefor, every person in the world could become my friend, if our paths crossed. When I met someone in a shop or on the street, I can either ignore them because they are strangers, or I can at the very least smile, showing them that there are people in the world willing to be open, if not talk to them, which I love to do, asking people serving me at shops how their days has been, or if i have any questions, asking someone because it opens up a conversation and keeps people connecting.
Children know this golden truth of how much we are all deeply connected. With there innocence there is no judgement or protection there is only love and I got to feel this yesterday with spending time with a gorgeous two year old from a friend.
When I get to be around people who hold no judgement or protection, I can feel myself drop these guards too. This is in truth how we all want to live. It is our responsibility to live this way consistently too to allow another to feel this for themselves.
Isn’t that the most amazing feeling having no guards up. Surprising what a warm welcoming smile and a hello can do in releasing that held tension (in the jaw/shoulders) that holds us back. Perhaps that is what is strange, it makes others feel ‘stranger’ to feel that held tension in another.
It certainly does make life less complicated when we do not have to play so many different roles as we adapt to different levels of intimacy. When intimacy comes from our relationship with ourselves we become more at one with sharing who we are with everyone else equally.
‘When intimacy comes from our relationship with ourselves we become more at one with sharing who we are with everyone else equally’. Spot on Susan Lee.
I recently attended a conference where I didn’t know anyone. I noticed how different I am now in these kind of situations to how I used to be. I used to be so shy I would never open my mouth. Now I speak to everyone with no qualms at all and have lots of fun doing so. In this situation they call it ‘networking’, but to me it is simply connecting to fellow human beings. A glorious opportunity to do the most natural thing in the world.
Me too Rebecca, in the past I did not like that at all but now when I don’t know anybody, I just introduce myself and I love chatting with people. And yes, that is what is called networking but like you share, in the end it is about connecting where there is no end result that you need something from the other, but just being together and sharing a moment.
I recognise this shyness too Rebecca, I too would never open my mouth ( always felt insecure). Now when I go to a conference or where there is a large group of people, there is nothing for me to be insecure about if I am bringing all of me, staying connected with my body and my being, everything unfolds naturally and effortlessly. From the heart, sharing ourselves is natural.
‘Networking’ seems old hat now – perhaps ‘connection’ could replace that term, then until everyone gets used to that way of being the dictionary would clarify this as “A glorious opportunity to do the most natural thing in the world” Communicate – express from the heart. Not a stranger in sight. 🙂
‘I enjoyed what you said about ‘Networking’ Marion. It does seem old hat, distant and cold compared to the feeling of connecting which feels fuller, more alive and open.
I’ve found most of the interactions that I have with people I don’t know always start with me making the first move. It can be very easy to just let people slide by and I just do the task or job that I’m doing. It really is beautiful to take it one step further than just ‘hello’.
It sure is Matthew, and in my experience people respond beautifully to a simple ‘hello’. It’s like we are saying, ‘hey, I can see you!’ It’s so easy to go out our day on auto pilot, going through the functions and being caught up in what we have to do next – I find that saying hello or catching someone’s eye is like a stop moment that brings me back to the bigger picture – that I am part of something WAY bigger then my daily tasks.
I wonder, is it possible that in general we all tend to keep eachother as strangers as a way to protect ourselves from being emotionally hurt by eachother. And if this were the case, then I can see how we do this to eachother at home with family just as much as any one person outside of the home. It is perhaps a question of keeping people out or letting people in, no matter who they are. This does not mean being overly friendly when strict boundaries need to be in place, or allowing any kind of abuse at all what-so-ever. But maybe what it does mean is that there is a way, or a quality of interaction with eachother that we can have that does not involve great shields of protection that only cause further hurts themselves. Maybe there is a way to be with eachother on this planet, no matter who you are or where you come from, that is deeply harmonious.
Yesterday I had a beautiful experience with new people. I played with a 2 years old girl in a travel by plane, we were sharing the joy about our meeting. I was feeling her beauty and playfulness as a reflection of me. I let me be open with her while I was feeling me all the time. My body felt great, open and light. After that I engage with a woman at the train. We didn’t talk anything but we had several eye-contact moments, we smiled to each other. I felt something familiar, like at home travelling in another country. I felt so welcomed and grateful with this sharing.
I’m feel so inspired with the fact that we are a big family. We can connect with everyone from a place of respect, joy and openess. I’ve realized that this only happens when I’m connected with me, appreciating me and taking care of myself first. The level of intimacy with others is a reflection about the level of intimacy that I have with myself. I can’t love everyone if I can’t love to myself first. If I’m having thoughts and judgments about what people look like, if I’m feel insecure, contracted…I can’t share my light with everyone. I feel it is worth to try another way to be in this world with others because the amount of love that we hold within is huge! It’s ridiculous being suspicious and hold back our beauty with others.
‘The level of intimacy with others is a reflection about the level of intimacy that I have with myself’. Everything is always a reflection and a learning always bringing us a new awareness and from there we can chose to deepen our connection with ourselves which naturally deepens our connections with others.
Reading both your comment Jacqueline and that of Inma confirm our innate joy at being connected and that deep within we all hold that knowingness that life can be lived in this way. We are living at a time when this is being confirmed more and more and this is only the beginning of us returning to a way of living that respects and loves each person equally.
“If I’m having thoughts and judgments about what people look like, if I’m feel insecure, contracted…I can’t share my light with everyone. I feel it is worth to try another way to be in this world with others because the amount of love that we hold within is huge! It’s ridiculous being suspicious and hold back our beauty with others.” Wow Inma, beautiful sharing. We seem to think that we can measure the amount of love that we give to others. Yes to one and no to the other. That is not possible. Either we share our light with everybody or we don’t at all.
Linda I agree yet I still have this held ideal that people are strangers if I don’t know them. Perhaps if I let down my guard, allowed myself to be equally open and loving with everyone would I no longer have that lingering thought that people are strangers. I know when I meet someone and am open fully I don’t see them as a stranger. Perhaps in the not too distant future the word stranger might not even exist.