While I was standing in the local tool shop today, I shared with the lovely men working there that I needed help fixing some things in my house. I started talking to the man next to me and he offered to help me. Just two minutes later we were in my house, sharing time and chatting about life while he was drilling holes in my wall to hang a mirror. At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.
I had to go back to the shop to borrow an electric screwdriver and when I got back, I shared with him that his words had stayed with me.
“You know what,” I said, “For me there is no such thing as strangers. I want to be open and be myself with everybody, even if I have just met them. I don’t feel there should be a difference. If there is then I ask myself, and feel, what I am projecting onto that other person that I am not being as open with.”
I pondered on this a little bit more during my day.
Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.
When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us. Do we protect ourselves because we don’t know the other person? For me as a woman, I might hold back with a man that I have never met before and who is in my house, helping me hang up my mirror on the wall.
I chose to not hold back because it felt lovely to have this man in my house. Does this mean that I would invite anybody into my house? No, it doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be honouring of myself. The thing is I felt a connection and trust with the man at the shop from the first moment I met him and therefore I did not see him as a stranger.
For me there is no such thing as strangers, as we are all connected. Everybody is equal, regardless of where we come from, what we do, or the way we look. We are all one and the same within, each one of us, with unique qualities and talents. We all make different choices, yes, and we may live a thousand miles apart, but to me we are all one big family.
Knowing this, with every person I meet I can make the choice to meet them as loved family members or if I do hold back and find myself judging or thinking that I cannot say this or that or be this or that, then I know that I have allowed in the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.
It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.
Now my mirror and paintings are hanging on the wall and it feels wonderful. Not only because they are finally hanging, but also because I was open to connecting and had invited someone into my home who helped me a great deal with something I could never have done on my own.
Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!
Every day I meet new people, chat with somebody on the street, in a shop, in the gym, at work or in the tram, say hello to people in the park, make eye contact, ask the supermarket assistant how she is doing, ask my neighbour for support when needed, give a compliment to somebody or start a conversation. I feel more connected with all those around me, close by and far away.
This blog is inspired by Universal Medicine and all those gorgeous people out there in the world that I meet every day.
By Mariette Reineke, Holland
Further Reading:
The simplicity of true intimacy
Heaven’s Joy – Deep Connection
A Feeling of Connection
827 Comments
It is interesting how we bring all our past hurts and betrayals to strangers. So if we have had our trust broken by a few people in the past we can quite often hold many others to ransom for this by not being open with them. We really get to miss out then on people who are open and wanting to connect with us and those moments of joy, warmth and intimacy.
Very true Jenny, we miss out a lot, every day, because of our past hurts. When we hold on to these hurts. we cannot open up to new people we meet. That is why it is so important to deal with our hurts and to realize that we are not our hurts.
When we connect with others, we enjoin. There is more than 1+1=2 happening it is more than any sum or 5 or 500 depended on what is needed in this connection for the two of us or all of humanity to benefit. We all need everyone for every one of us has their unique point of view and when we connect in larger groups, we have the opportunity to to see from all angles and brings completeness. When we connect to others a door is opened with an opportunity to discover.
Absolutely agree with that Steve. Now it’s an opportunity to go out and discover us together expressing from our true essence. Every one of us is so important to bring this completeness and we truly need of this union in the middle of this world of separation.
“It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.”
Indeed Mariette the freedom that is allowed by dropping our self created guards or judgements is hugely confirming, for when we put connection over our self created guards, our individuality we are given permission to be ourselves.
Reading this blog again I just realise how separating the word or thought stranger is in our lives. It is someone we do not know but it holds also a thought of you cannot trust this person and that is not true. That is the part that holds us, if we so choose, from loving everybody equally and being ourselves with everyone, instead as it is now, we often only are ourselves with the people we trust and know.
I really love this blog because it reminds me that with Mariette out in the world, meeting people and just being herself, there is so much inspiration to be experienced simply by living and connecting with people.
You are right Mariette there are no strangers, just people we haven’t met yet and most people if given a chance will respond even without knowing consciously that we are all the same underneath. When I read this for the first time I was full of suspicion with a massive guard up that comes from living in a big city, but you are right if it feels right, it usually is and if you can trust how you feel there is no reason not to invite a complete stranger into the house.
Gorgeous Mariette, such a beautiful illustration of the magic that can occur when we let another in… and blowing sky high the idea that we have to ‘get to know someone first’ before we can a) trust them (especially into our home) and b) let them in and share as we would a close friend.
That is a very deep belief Jenny, that we can only trust somebody if we know them for a certain amount of time. Same with loving people……you can only love somebody if you know him/her for a certain amount of time, but I am experiencing that this is not true, as I actually love people right now whom have I just met.
The term ‘stranger’ doesn’t just apply to someone unknown, or someone we have only just met – but we can keep people around us as strangers for years – never daring to open up and let them in.
I love this Mariette. The very notion of a ‘stranger’ is very strange. Why do we decide that someone is foreign, not to be trusted, and to be kept at a distance until such time that we deem them ‘familiar’ or a friend? We miss out on so much by keeping people out in this way, and, we miss out on seeing and feeling the beauty that is there from the instant we choose to connect.
I love this blog Mariette. To consider that anyone we meet could be a potential friend is amazing. I used to be very shy around people I didn’t know, but as I learn to connect to myself more deeply, I am appreciating that as I open up there are so many opportunities in my day to have beautiful interactions with people I haven’t met before. When we close ourselves off to people we are closing ourselves off to so many possible opportunities.
We have “estranged” from each other and forgot about that we are all parts of a whole and only together we are feeling our true belonging. There is no true equalness in individualization.
To be open to people means to live life from the potential we all have and from the knowing that we are all equal and divine in origin. We have made life about selective relationships with selective people determined by blood, kinship, taste and lifestyle. Through Universal Medicine I met people from all walks of life and I was inspired to step out of my lifestyle bubble and understand and live what true equality is.
Children have an innate, inbuilt sense of being able to know who they can trust, who is ok to hug and who is best stayed away from. Actually we all have this ability even as adults, but as we grow up we tend to tune this down. Hence when we teach children to ‘not talk to strangers, or not go with strangers’ we are asking them to override their own senses of what and who is safe. Essentially most cases of assault and abuse come through those we know and not so much from ‘strangers’. So in effect this is not very reassuring when we teach our young to ‘not talk to strangers’. Mariette, what I love about your blog is that you talk about having and holding an openness with all that allows this true connection, but at the same time it does not mean you let everyone into your home for it is so important to discern what energy is governing another.
Mariette the concept of strangers is such a common one, yet I’ve also had many situations where I meet someone and they don’t feel like strangers. What I was reflecting on yesterday was when someone shared how they felt like they’d known us like family, something that was felt after a couple of hours. It shows the more we open up with people the more the concept of strangers goes away and if we are open when we first meet someone, no-one is a stranger.
Me too, sometimes you meet somebody and instantly it feels like you have known that person for a long time. For me it is a great practice to see in my everyday life if I am the same with everybody. And when I am not, to just stop for a moment and feel why not. Life is about relationships, that is for sure something I am realizing more and more, every single day.
In my daily work I literally see hundreds of people every day. It has been such a rich experience opening myself more to people I have never met before as well as those I have – in a 1 minute or 10 minute interaction across the desk – even in silence. Intimacy is a way of moving, being with someone, it is beautiful to experience and is felt by all.
This young man and I occasionally get to the station at the same time, early in the morning. He has a friendly face so one day I said good morning. He beamed with a huge smile and asked how was my day? We both made each other’s day and since then I never failed to acknowledge him when we meet. We travel in opposite directions but just the sight of him reassures me that the day will be just great.
What a lovely comment, it feels like a love story you are sharing with us. It shows that we can connect with anybody and that just in that connection, the deep love we all are and feel for each other is deeply felt.
Mariette this false idea I lived once as well: “. . . the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.” For me it was also freeing to drop this as it opens up my heart and trust and I have to admit that to live like this is is so much more joyfuller.
Has the word stranger been used so that the connotations of a strange person mean we act in a certain way? Why is it we treat some people one way, and others a different way? We are all human, all seeking connection. Yes we have to discern energy and there are certain people that I would not let into my home. But what is important is the openness with which I meet people and not having separate categories for who gets what treatment.
This is beautifully inspiring Mariette. At a recent Universal Medicine Retreat we explored intimacy and we looked at some of the things we had built up around intimacy – and I mean the kind of intimacy we can have with everyone – an openness and willingness to let people in. One of the big things for me was that I always thought intimacy took time to build. But this is not true. We can allow intimacy with anyone, at anytime – as you have so beautifully shared.
The word “stranger” certainly feels distant and has connotations of fear with it. When we are open we have the opportunity to connect with some gorgeous people who are reflecting us back to us in this connection. Of course there must be discernment in some situations but for the most part most of us just want to be met at some level and the results can be so gorgeous as was with your connection, Marietta.
This blog is gorgeous to read and feel Mariette, I love how you are connecting more and more, ‘Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!’
I used to be very wary of people, always having ‘my radar’ on alert, measuring up situations and people by whether it was safe to express in any way or better to keep quiet and not upset anyone around me. This is no longer the truth in my experience – as I have built a deeper relationship to not be a stranger to myself, so too have relationships with others changed dramatically and it does not feel like there are strangers ‘out there’ any more. It is great to now be able to walk into a room feeling graceful and confident in myself with no need of walking in tentatively as previously , as the room was full of people (strangers) I did not know. A massive change to accept, appreciate and connect myself with others as an equal, knowing we are all more than enough just simply being all that we are.
Beautiful what you share, ‘to not be a stranger to yourself’. When we are no longer a stranger to ourselves and become our own best friend, then this is what we bring to everybody we meet.
Simply connecting with others, especially strangers, is so beautiful and an enlightening part of our lives and really does help us to feel that we are all connected to each other and that we are all one. A very worthwhile true blog that makes one smile as we know this to be true.
Why is it we are raised to think that people we don’t know are strangers and therefore potentially dangerous. Slowly over time we become disempwered to decide for ourselves who feels ok and who does n’t and close down to those we don’t ‘know’. However would it not make more sense to stay open to everybody and then discern and decide for ourselves who feels strange or not? Statistics show that more harm comes from family, friends and or those we know than from a ‘stranger’. Thank you Mariette for a heart opening sharing.
Mariette, a joy to re-visit this blog and read it again fully today. A true marker in the change that can be brought to discard various levels of self-protection that we hold to keep us separate from people, thus feeling isolated and even lonely. I rarely feel daunted by meeting people these days because of the deeper connection with in myself that the Universal Medicine presentations have inspired.
Great blog to debunk the whole notion of people are strangers if you are only just meeting them. We all have had experiences when there is an immediate connection with someone, you’ve just met….. plus let us not forget that in our very own families, ( blood families), sometimes it is the case, that family members are strangers to each other, choosing to have no contact for many, many years, such is the hurt and the mistrust as family members close off to one another.
I love this story. I feel so open and life feels like a wonderful place to be when we live as if there is no stranger.
It also reminded me of the ill advice we give to children. “Don’t talk to strangers” It should be “Don’t talk to people that feel strange.”
Beautifully summed up this blog Sandra; There are no strangers simply hearts that are open or not.
Yesterday I had a wonderful connection with a customer who came to the store to buy a ‘thank you present’.
She explained how a total stranger offered her such kindness and support when her car broke down. Included was a little but powerful detail that the stranger didn’t quite fit this person’s usual image of who she may usually have turned to for assistance. However she let all that go and allowed what was there to open up between them and she was truly blessed by the experience. There are no strangers simply hearts that are open or not.
Measuring how much we allow someone to see of us is very constricting on the body. We are naturally love and we naturally know brotherhood so anything less will hurt us. There is such a joy in connecting to people who ever they are, everyone has something to offer, a reflection to learn from.
Same here Richard, after reading this blog I could also feel how much more open I was and how easy it is to connect to others, to make a small comment to another and start a conversation. It becomes natural to let others in.
This blog is an invitation for me to let go my protection. I’m also learning to let people in, and you make it easy, Mariette. Thank you for inspiring me with your experience!
To come closer with each other is not primarily a physical process. It depends on how close I allow myself to be with me. That’s how much I care for me first and foremost.
Very true Felix, it is not primarily about the physical process. I can feel very close, connected and intimate with people while they are very far away from me. It does not matter. We can be in one room or in different countries, this does not say anything about the level of connection.
Excellent point Felix. I have noticed a definite correlation between the times I feel more distant or disconnected from family, friends, etc. and the times that I was not truly taking care and nurturing myself. Also, when I have been excessively in my head about something and worrying, I don’t feel to connect with others as openly. Conversely, when I opened my heart and let people see the real me without fear, I have experienced amazing connections with all sorts of people I hadn’t previously known, as if we knew each other forever.
Reading your blog again Mariette, I realise how reserved I have been with some people. What are they going to want? Will they ask me for more than I want to give? Probably the biggest hurdle for me has been the fact that I do not want to have to say when someone has crossed the line. In the past I would have put up with behaviours that I didn’t want because I didn’t want to say anything. Therefore I try to choose people who understand what I want without me saying anything. How confusing is that? What a crazy burden to carry when the simple thing would be to speak up. I had no idea I was so reserved. So the huge thing for me today is to connect with people in a very honest way and to not shrink away from being absolutely truthful. It will be an interesting project.
‘It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.’ A beautiful way to live life Mariette, when we remain open to everyone no matter who they are there is always an opportunity for us to grow and evolve.
It seems to me to be a bit lazy or lacking confidence that we have forgotten or discount or devalue our ability to feel and read energy when it comes to our daily life and relationships. Maybe it is easier to just not talk to strangers and walk around guarded and protected to everyone rather than actually feeling what is really going on and energetically assessing each and every encounter with another human being? We have the capacity to be able to read each other and know whether someone feels safe or not in an instant. Kids do it all the time, so why have we forgotten how to do it as adults?
There was a big thing when I was growing up around about ‘don’t talk to strangers’ which was driven by some well publicised cases of children being abducted or abused by people they did not know. However the statistics tell us that abuse in families is much more likely to come from someone known to the person than a stranger. And yet this notion of ‘stranger danger’ has hung around, effecting the potential quality of relationships we could have or discover with each other as one human family. Of course we need to stay aware and feel how someone is and if they intend us harm or not, but to right off most of humanity just because they are not known to us seems to me extreme and harmful in itself.
This great blog makes me ponder what does it actually mean to ‘know’ someone? We say that strangers are people we do not know and we also use the expression of knowing someone well. We usually base this on how much time we have spent with the person but perhaps this is not quite right? Perhaps we can ‘know’ someone instantly if we are open to them and they are open to us and we connect with each other and see each other for who we really are.
I have found in my life that it is possible to have an instant connection with someone I have only just met as if I have known them for many years, and also found it is possible to know someone for years and not feel connected to them.
I have this too Andrew, there are some family members I have very little connection too, while with others who are not blood related I can feel more connected with them.
It is so lovely to feel you with ‘all those gorgeous people out there in the world’ that you meet every day. While reading your blog it was as if I walked next to you and you know I felt inspired by the joy and openness you share with humanity. Thank you Mariette.