Recently I did the unthinkable – I put myself, my husband and my two sons on a technology detox! As I packed every device away, I literally had a lump in my throat and felt uneasy about what was to come. It had been building to this point for about two months – after our move to another country. If we felt lonely or had feelings come up that were uncomfortable to feel – like missing family and friends – we resorted to filling ourselves up with Internet, social media, TV, movies and gaming devices. I had found myself going to my iPhone several times in just an hour. The need to connect with people was strong.
I realised that when I was tired, stressed or lonely, I would go and turn the telly on….. ahh, relief…. I could lose myself in a program or movie. Even though I personally didn’t watch much TV, I felt the most desperate when I made the choice to take away the remotes.
Before and After Our Technology Detox
After the initial shock for my sons aged 10 and 11 (which lasted all of 5 minutes), they understood that it was something for us all to experience – what life was like without the distractions of technology. Before the detox, even with time limits they would check out on gaming devices, lack focus, be disorganised and have a fogginess. Once they accepted the fact of the detox, they immediately looked around their rooms and found things they used to play with. They played marbles outside, kicked a soccer ball, played with lego, went to the park and did experiments.
The first morning after beginning our technology detox, I woke up with a smile on my face – I felt an instant freeing feeling. Everyone felt amazing and so did the house – sounds too good to be true? Well it truly was just like that: everyone still had issues with the decision, especially the boys, but it was like this weight had been lifted off us all. Usually I would wake up and reach for my phone beside me to check something, even if it was just the weather! One son would get up and turn on a TV program and the other would join him or play on his iPod. I realised we were all literally hooked into technology in different ways.
How do you know what you are like with something if you don’t have the time without it to feel and see the difference?
We were able to see each other for who we truly are without all the distractions of TV, phones, gaming devices, etc, and hiding behind them.
The boys completed their homework with no pushing, were super organised in their rooms and ready for their day at school. What was very clear to see and feel also was that the fogginess that is usually there was completely gone – our eyes sparkled! We were all left to feel what our bodies wanted to do.
We cooked together and ate as a family, talked about our days and shared our feelings. We went to sleep earlier than usual as we were free to feel how tired we were instead of getting drawn into a TV program at night and going past that time when you really feel to put yourself to bed. During the day I noticed that without the distractions it was easier for me to have a rest and lie down whenever I felt tired.
Nothing was too much trouble or too hard to do. We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didn’t have a heartbeat; our lack of connection to family and society became more apparent. Now if I feel to connect with someone I call them and say ‘hi’.
Since finishing our technology detox, old habits of getting lost in some form of technology still creep in, but with this detox experience allowing us to feel the effect on our bodies of the overuse of technology, we can definitely see and feel the difference and arrest it a lot sooner.
Technology OVERLOAD – Bringing Back Connection
Technology overload and saturation is so prevalent in society, especially with children and teenagers. Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you don’t have the latest inappropriate violent game, you’re left out of the loop. Girls are excluded if they’re not on social media taking photos of themselves. This is in grades 4 and 6!!
What are we saying to others when we are always looking at our phones or computer screens? It can’t be that we are so important that we don’t have time to talk to others. As a result of our technology detox, our family was able to share how it feels when each of us ignores ourselves and each other when we are checked out with technology. I looked around and observed technology overload almost everywhere – friends, family, work colleagues and people out at shopping centres – nobody truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.
Since this experience I have no desire or need to connect to others from behind a screen – or to check my emails continually. All I can say is:
The feeling of freedom to feel and think of what is needed next is so clear since my technology detox.
Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves…
I feel it’s worth taking the time to consider and appreciate that we can still stay connected with ourselves and with each other whilst living in a world of technology.
By Aimee Edmonds, Vancouver
Further Reading:
Does Technology Simplify our Lives?
What’s right with this world?
Anti-Social Behaviour
1,004 Comments
As a whole the world has only really had social media like it is now for the past 10 years. This screen addiction in this form is still in its infancy but the results are already obvious when we look up from the screen and feel the affect it is having on ourselves and others.
Sometimes we don’t know how attached we are to something until we don’t have it.
Modern technology can become very addictive. I find it sad to see people taking the dog for a walk in the countryside but are plugged into earphones and oblivious of the birdsong.
Interesting word technology as it definitely has a purpose when used in a true energy and when we use it correctly so much can be done so simply in a short amount of time.
Technology is a tool that can be very useful but if we allow it to dominate us then it is very harmful.
What an inspiring thing this is. It would be so interesting to introduce it into any family home even for a day, to see how it impacted on the family unit. I dont watch TV or films anymore, and rarely use social media, but I am certainly very reliant on my phone to keep me up to the minute in touch with emails and messages. Very interesting as it wasn’t so long ago I found it hard to understand how anyone could get so hooked to their phone, but I have become hooked myself.
I love what you share re this detox and what it brought for all, what a lovely experiment; this detox would be a great idea for all families world wide to partake in, say ‘a world technology free day’.
Love it Aimee. The body does know what to do when we take away our distractions and I can feel that in myself too. Wallowing in my woes is a choice I can make and just not get anything done in a day but I can just snap out of that and when I let it completely go straight after that be busy with something purposeful and needed.
I know what you mean Lieke, going from feeling down and out to feeling connected and back on track as such. Sometimes it is as simple as asking ourselves ‘why?’ or stopping and feeling what we are getting out of it, then what ever we are using as a distraction is a nonevent.
This would be such a great thing to do once a year just to reset the barometer for ‘normal’. I often do it when I leave the country but rarely consider it at home and in my normal day to day.
Absolutely Lucy. Even leaving the phone at home for a day is like a reset! I find when I am really focused on a particular job I am doing or just being with someone, I don’t even consider reaching for my phone or flicking through social media. It’s all the dis-connect times that feed more dis-connecting with distractions… and we know exactly what to go to.
Technology can if used wisely be used for great good, yet too often technology is used to help distract us from a world we know deep down is not right.
It is interesting that with the constant drive for better internet connectivity around the world what is so often being lost is the human to human connection as well as the connection to your inner self. For me it is when I lose the connection to me that the downward spiral starts and I look for distraction on my phone or laptop rather than using them to facilitate whatever I need to do. I feel sad when I see people engrossed in their phones and not relating to the people around them but I know that I have often been one of those people and that I can now choose to reflect that there is another way to be.
I agree Helen, imagine if we put as much time and attention into reconnecting to ourselves and connecting more deeply with others than we do with getting better Internet. It’s super interesting to see how I write and concerned people get when the power goes out or the Internet connection isn’t working the best. It says a lot of where we place our values.
What a welcome turnaround of the world this would bring, ‘imagine if we put as much time and attention into reconnecting to ourselves and connecting more deeply with others than we do with getting better Internet’.
Thank you Aimee for your sharing, it reminded me of the time back in the 70 ies when my children were young we decided to not have TV in the home, like you we all related to each other so much more, the boys did their hobbies and went to bed early ready for the next school day, eight years on we decided to get a TV, and I will never forget the shock on my youngest sons face and body when he was exposed to what was on the TV. The bombardment with what the young are exposed to today, would have been absolutely shocking back then.
That says a lot Jill… and also maybe a shock of how much the TV got in the way of how you usually related to each other. What I find is that the TV is like a unwanted guest that we have allowed into our homes not realising fully of how it affects us and as you say, the bombardment of energy that comes through.
It is very clear from your experience Aimee that even when well disciplined, it is very very easy to get distracted with technology. The pull of distraction is very strong. A simple example is FaceBook. Who hasn’t said that they go on there to just look at something and end up on there for way longer than originally intended? Technology although useful is a MASSIVE distraction we can all get affected by.
I totally get what your saying Joshua. I find myself scrolling through Facebook and instagram just to see what is going on before I go to bed but every time I feel worse from it, not more connected. There is no connection or clarity in distraction.
Yes, I have every intention of just being on for a specific reason and finding myself down a rabbit hole! I have a deeper commitment to addressing this after reading this blog though! Let’s see how I go.
I recently had a friend share that their child wanted a particular device and they could feel how it was hooking their child in and the further consequences that would happen as a result of that. It was inspiring to here that the parent held what they knew to be true and in this was able to support the child to crack what had a hold over them.
That’s amazing MW, it would be very powerful and supportive for that parent to share with other parents their experience. Parents need to be able to talk openly about how they feel when they see their children hooked by something. As parents many of us tend to keep it close to home, thinking that we are the only ones feeling this way, yet, that is so not true.
That is so true, we rely on on technology to much to communicate with people.
I forgot my phone the other day and I could feel the anxiety of not having it, thinking I was going to miss phone calls or text messages and when I picked it up in my break time, there was nothing I had missed. Just interesting to observe this within myself.
Interesting isn’t it, when we bring honesty to what we are feeling when we reach for or rely on technology of any kind. This week my husband forgot his phone and that was a concern for him with missing work calls but what was interesting is that it also brought stuff up for me. Like, what about if I have to ask him something, or want to talk or find out when he will be coming home etc. all valued questions but within that I could feel a reliance on needing to have that information instead of knowing I was more that okay without knowing.
Technology like money can be used for a real true purpose or can be used for evil and harm.
Absolutely Elizabeth, like these blogs do!
It is great to stop and consider what we go for and choose so many things in our lives. Something I am realising is that we enslave ourselves whenever we disconnect from our inner heart and look outside of us to fill the void.
What a brilliant experiment Aimee. This is an example of true science- making different choices and observing their effects on our bodies and relationships. It helped me feel just how much I have used my phone and computer to check out and not feel something that may be coming up for me to heal. We already have all the tools for true connection with ourselves (like the Gentle Breath Meditation) and others, so it’s great to see that by unplugging once in a while.
Thank you Michael. I agree, we can gauge anything by our bodies as they show us instantly what is true and what is not, even if we choose to not feel it. This week our internet was down for a whole 24 hours and it was interesting to see how each one of us was with it. One family member couldn’t even imagine what to do with themselves, which was awesome because it revealed what has been calling the shots, so to speak. Another member truly needed it to finish work but got creative in working out another way how they would complete. Another felt how tired they were and simply rested and another felt space return again and it was a great reminder to keep checking in when it comes to being on a device of any sort.
Having the space to check in and feel where you and your family were at with their use of devices during the internet outage just goes to show how much we are supported by God in many ways and offered these kinds of opportunities all the time, even though most of the time I feel that we may look at them as an annoyance or hindrance. Nothing happens by accident, does it?
Leaving all our ways of disconnecting from our-true-self behind in any way is always going to end up with us re-connecting to our inner-most-essence thus getting to bed early so we have a deep repose. It is super important to “stay connected with ourselves and with each others” so we can express the love we all are, otherwise we get easily distracted and lost from the truth of our divinety.
Wow – I can’t believe you packed away your phone for a few days – that is super impressive. I do agree that technology tends to dominate our lives and I often wonder what I would do with my time if I didn’t have a computer or phone, my sense is that home life and family life would have more importance to so perhaps an evening experiment is a good place to start 🙂
I know, for most of us it is unheard of! You really get to feel how something affects you when you don’t have it for a while, that’s for sure. It’s like when we let go of something out of our diet once we feel how it bloats us or makes us tired and lethargic etc. it’s connecting with how our body feels before, during and after using technology. And experimenting is an awesome place to start.
There are always markers that reflect to us whether or not we are using something to be more connected to ourselves and others or disconnected. It just takes honesty… not always easy I find but that is all dependent on how I have been with myself during the day. This week, instead of having a tug-of-war with internet usage, we turned off the supply each night as we went off to bed. The reality was that, anyone ‘needing’ it after then, was clearly using it not for connection.
That’s a great idea, the internet and all our devices can totally be used for connection, to connect with another person or seek support and it makes distance non-existant, but at the same time it can be used to foster a lack of connection, like distracting ourselves after the time our body naturally feels to begin winding down.
I saw someone giving a talk (it was on face book and yep I was on a device) on how endorphins and dopamine get released in our brains when we play games or get texts so they are doing the same thing as drugs or having a ciggie or a drink. Hence why they are so addictive, especially with kids. So doing a detox or cutting them out as much as possible is the best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids.
And you can feel the affects of that… it’s like coming out of a trance at times, like where did I go!?
It is beautiful to feel how your lives were instantly enriched with a connection to quality that was there all along, just overlooked, dismissed and not connected to. It is incredible how many of us do this, reach for something outside of ourselves to seek to fulfill or attempt to replace the connection and the honesty we are missing with ourselves and others.
Beautiful Carola, and how instant the outer distraction and seeking falls away once we have re-connected.
I really appreciate that you have clocked that the connections we are searching for are all there, simply buried under patterns of behaviour that have us searching outside of ourselves and our lives.
Amazing writing Aimee. A serious issue you just exposed very simple by committing to a detox. It is also to note how more supportive it is to do a detox with another. I suppose you are never alone because either way all will show through being absolutely honest how you are the next time you are around another.
Totally Rik, doing it with ourselves or another still creates a foundation to then express from and be able to connect from. Are we able to stand and really be with another in full or do we go into our head and start thinking about what we are going to do next or waiting until we can escape again into a phone, online shopping, book or TV?
I think many people should do an experiment with this, I know I get addicted to checking facebook and my emails constantly as there is an anxiety that kicks in when I don’t have access to this. For the past few days I have put myself on a Facebook ban and have not checked it. Its amazing the hooks that they send you to try and draw you back in. I can feel there is a wanting to look and see what is happening but I am much more productive when I don’t.
I know what you mean MW. There are also many hooks for children and teenagers to come back to their gaming on devices and their phones… messages pop up constantly telling them to hurry up because xyz is going to happen if they don’t. What I’ve been asking myself lately is “what else could I be doing with this time” or “what am I avoiding doing by checking this that or the other?”
” Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you don’t have the latest inappropriate violent game, you’re left out of the loop. ” Its quite humourous looking at this for its the parents that create the loop not the children , by buying the games and phones ,then the parents are the ones that complain about the kids. I see kids with games that cost hundred of euros , these games are bought for them by their parents as ” gifts ” .The more kids that are outside the loop the more of a possibility of deconstructing the loop.
I hear you John, from experience it’s also feeling how as parents we can sympathize with our children and believe we don’t want them to ‘miss’ out…. but what are they actually missing out on? Being checked out, feeling drained, not connecting to family and friends, just to name a few.
So many would feel a technology detox to be unthinkable, especially since so many are addicted to it and use it to distract and numb themselves with daily. Thank you Aimee as your article presents some awesome and important points for us all to deeply consider.
Are we addicted to technology, device, social media etc. or are we addicted to the relief, distraction and numbness they offer us? With a detox or just a going without something we can then feel more clearly what we are using them for and get support to bring some understanding to that and to heal.
Technology can be one of the greatest distractions and ways of disconnecting from our body if we allow it to be a check out and an escape from this world.
Certainly Joshua, it’s kind of like the chicken and the egg… could it be that we checkout first and then in that movement go for the device or food etc. that supports further checked outness or do we look for something to checkout with?
For some time now I have not watched the TV or any films and was feeling the benefit of that and then I noticed that the social media thing had crept in and was slowly becoming more important as I could feel the hooking effect of it. Needless to say I am now on a social media detox and looking for more loving ways of using that time.
Isn’t it amazing with how space seems to just open up when something we have been giving all our attention to is taken away or given-up? Then we are left to feel the ‘why’ we have been using it in the first place. I gave up certain foods this week I know cause me great digestive upset and it has been so interesting what my body has been trying to show me but I kept pushing it down by eating this or that… for example how tired I am.
I went out and left my phone at home last week – I had no idea how often I actually checked the time and googled, or checked my emails and texts until I didn’t have it to reach for.
Perhaps the world needs to have a technology detox to have “The feeling of freedom to feel”.
Our need for connection is strong as you have pointed out, it is what we all crave. Yet it is our sense of disconnection to ourselves that ultimately drives us to seek connection in the world surrounding us, or to seek to avoid feeling the sense of emptiness. When we develop a real and honest relationship with our selves we then can bring this realness to the lives we live and the relationships we share. We certainly can experience quality and true connections through our technology, but this quality is firstly determined and founded by the quality of connection we hold for ourselves. Our relationship with technology can be evolutionary if we are bringing awareness to and discerning the quality we are choosing to connect with when we engage technology.
Sometimes I too can find myself constantly checking my phone for new emails, or just for some way of finding out what is going on, what is the latest event, what there is next to do. And I have come to realise that this is a result of my movements, of how I have been with myself, of how much care and love I have been expressing.
This is a great reminder that technology should be used as a tool and not allow it to take control of our lives and keep us in separation from each other.
Using technology to check out is a self-harming choice that I’ve made too many times in my life. And what a waste of my precious time! I’m realizing that my spare time in Internet is the way to loose myself because when I do I’m not feeling my body at all, afterwards I feel not so good. I have a similar sensation when I over-eat for example. It’s like putting in my body a extra stimulation that doesn’t need. By knowing that my true nature is love it’s my responsibility to not accept less in my life. I feel inspired to explore more what guides my choices and allow myself to stop and feel when I need to.
I know what you mean Inma. Checking out on technology or watching a movie or overeating is all the same, disconnecting from ourselves. No wonder then we feel awful and lack focus.
Using technology in a purposeful way is a loving choice that makes me feel open and expanded. When I allow my senses to guide me to see what’s the next that needs to be made I know very well the moment when it’s enough and I need a little rest because I’m feeling my body. By honouring my rhythm I can organize my work time much better and make it based on love like every moment in my life.
Yesterday I started a mobile phone detox as I realized that I was addicted to it. I could check it several times in just half an hour! By making this decission I’m becoming aware what is underneath of my needing to check the phone. Sometimes there is a need of approval, others is a desperate need to connect with others and then I used to start conversations just by my comfort…what is inspiring me is that in this time without my phone I feel more space to choose again how I want to use my devices and for what. I know very well the moments where I’m scrolling down on Facebook just doing nothing else than having a gap between me and my connection with myself. These gaps in my technological spare time feels awful, there is no purpose and afterwards I use to feel the need to eat something to escape from this emptyness, which is like a journey to escape that never ends! Since I made this choice to see what happens without my mobile phone I’ve started to feel more appreciation to myself. I’m remembering these moments in my life where I was completely free and I simply lived in a very playful way. By turning off my phone I’ve ignited a new awareness that allows me to be more honest with myself in my relationship with technology. Thank you Aimee for sharing this experience with your family, it’s an inspiration.
I hear you Inma, I was just feeling the same today about what I use my phone for. At times I find it is no different to having a little treat in your handbag like chocolate, or a security blanket for a toddler, it is used to console or for some stimulation and excitement. But this just keeps adding to the seperation with what is really going on for us. The phone isn’t to blame it’s our need to use it that is important to look into. It’s great to expose this and feel the difference.
Aha! true. It’s not about condemning technology but expose why we use it and for what. Yesterday I turned off the phone but in the evening I needed to eat not because was hungry at all but because I was feeling something uncomfortable. So it’s the moment to observe closer what impulses my daily choices.
The more I connect to myself and others without a screen the difference is becoming more noticable. Videos of people or pictures of landscapes can be beautiful but receiving it from the source, not the screen is far grander.
I agree Leigh, I never thought I would say that TV and movies are so boring compared to the real thing. I mean, I loved nothing more than after a week of work on a Friday getting a movie and takeaway and sitting on the lounge with my family. It really does come down to experimenting and experiencing what life is like without those vices or material things that we take as normal or even a must in our lives, to fully appreciate how many other things our bodies would actually rather choose to do.